HOW DO WE EXPLAIN DEATH TO OUR AUTISTIC SON? | AUTISM FAMILY VLOG
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- Subscribe 👉 bit.ly/subKevin...
Join 👉bit.ly/JoinKevi...
Merch 👉 bit.ly/Differen...
First time here? 👉 bit.ly/NewToKev...
On today's autism family vlog: we're dealing with the aftermath of Anna's mum passing away yesterday, which means another night in Nottingham as there's so much to sort out before we can go home. Andy still doesn't understand what has happened, and we're really struggling to find a way to explain it to him - and in the meantime, he expects to be able to do all of the normal things he enjoys doing when we come to Nottingham.
Support the channel on Patreon: / lollujo
Help support the channel whilst raising autism awareness - check out our new merchandise store: teespring.com/...
Where I buy most of my shirts: /qwertee
Want to know what equipment I use to make my videos? My full equipment list is here: kit.com/lollujo
LET'S CONNECT!
--
-- / lollujo
-- / lollujo
-- younow.com/lollujo
-- / lollujo
-- / lollujofm
-- / throughandyseyes
-- / lollujofm
-- / maturegamerpodcast
Our Amazon Wishlists:
-- Kev's wishlist: tinyurl.com/kev...
-- Anna's wishlist: amzn.eu/7XkAgMn
-- Lucy's wishlist: amzn.eu/8i4JE3i
-- Andy's wishlist: amzn.eu/6TZnxK9
-- Amy's wishlist: amzn.eu/c48xX6P
-- Dave's wishlist: amzn.eu/dx9JeKk
My PO Box:
Kevin Chapman, PO Box 1388, Peterborough, PE1 9US, UK
Music by DJ Quads: / aka-dj-quads
DISCLAIMER: This video and description contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links, I’ll receive a small commission. This helps support the channel and allows us to continue to make videos like this. Thank you for the support!
There is a book that you can buy called “ I have a question about death” and it is specifically designed for children with autism. I don’t know how helpful it would be but it might be worth looking into
.
.
No apologies for not having fun vlogs for a bit. We all understand. Extra hugs to Anna.
Jaime Reynolds who died?
T3 Snipe Anna's mom passed away.
If Andy has had any toys or electronics that were broken and couldn’t be repaired, you can use that as a comparison. It’s best to use something he already understands and has experienced. I hope that helps. We’ve had to explain the concept to our 14 year old on the spectrum at a younger age.
Becky Bailey That is a great idea. It saves the sadness for the parents too.
Good idea
Thank you for this comment!
Anna Im so sorry for your loss. Just remember the good times and the happy times. Your mom is always watching and protecting you, Kev Andy and all the family...
Exploring With Cam remembering the happy and sad times makes it worse :(
It reminds me I'll never have those times again
We are all behind you Kev we are your second family, we all love you, Anna and your beautiful children. xx
my sentiments exactly liv, lovely words
There's a book called "I have a question about death" I would definitely recommend. My thoughts are with you and the family in what must be a tough time for you, you're dealing with this tragedy exceptionally well. ❤❤
Have to say Andy has been a super star in these last vlogs. Given the huge changes in schedule, would have thought Andy would not be coping with the disruption in his daily routine. Having watched the vlogs for the past year its great to see how much more resilient to different situations.
Hopefully following such tragic news, you and Anna can take heart from Andys progress.
Andrew Hickman fair play to you
There is an episode of Sesame Street that explains death
I agree that explains it so well!
Kian HD ruclips.net/video/9NjFbz6vGU8/видео.html
What’s Sesame Street?
I found a more clear video here ruclips.net/video/T4CKuSRYrcQ/видео.html
Lift channel 256 omg dude are u for real u actually don't know what sesame Street is
This is a daily vlog of your life, and sometimes life is hard, completely get it, no need to apologise, hope you guys are ok ❤️
so sorry to hear your news. Andy's glorious innocence is probably a good distraction for Anna but as you say it is hard for you two to convey to him what has actually happened. you are very thoughtful and considerate as to how to approach the whole subject and I do hope all goes well. love and sympathy to you all
Annie Hamshaw-Thomas I love how there are a crap ton of full stops except for the very end
BTW:it gives me OCD
You do not have to apologize for the videos, do what makes you guys feel ok even if its just for a few minutes. Once again my condolences to the whole family!!!!! May confort come to Anna and her brothers in any way!!! You will be in my prayers!!!
You guys are amazing, I don't normally comment, but I love watching your vlogs. Take time off if you need it, or keep vlogging if it helps, we'll keep watching. May all your arrangements go smoothly at this difficult time. Thinking of you. xx
I’m personally more high-functioning than Andy but, Sesame Street help me learn about death.
Andy dancing to the clocks music and trying to get his mum to dance was beautiful it made me cry .
Love you all so much Andy is so sweet and hope your get all the things sorted was an absolute nightmare when my grandma died was quite simalar to what happened to your mama, sending you all my love x
Sorry for your loss I haven’t been watching your videos in awhile a long while been so busy the last month but glad I decided to come watch your vlog Andy is getting so big and more better than he was he’s cAme a long way,we are all here for you all and hope every thing goes well with Andy
At my work I used to tell a boy he lost is father about death, we were completly honest to him. Just expect to the funeral about the feelings, what he can explain and pictures.
QTDiamonD confusing
And also I’m glad that you feel like you can still make amazing content even if it is sad love you all and hope your all ok xx
Sending love thru x as for explaining things to Andy it is hard, my eldest is autistic and been thru 2 funerals. First he was only 2 so didn't know what was going on, second we had to sit him down and explain that she was very poorly and unfortunately we she got too poorly to live any more. He still asked questions and we had to be very matter of fact when he asked to go see nana that wasn't going to happen any more, but nana died nana gone! Broke our hearts every time, and took about 6 months for him to stop asking to see her but then he was repeating nana dead nana gone for a while, we learnt to 'ignore' it.
I know what you’re going through as I am autistic aswell. When my nana died 3 years ago my dad said the following words to me “son, nana isn’t in any pain anymore. She has moved to heaven with granny and grandpa” and I understood the message. My thoughts and prayers are to you and your family
Hi Kevin I’ve been watching for a while I wish everyone much love .
I would 100% understand you not vlogging at the moment but for some reason it makes us as viewers get to understand your channel better .
Your and Anna’s bravery and sheer passion to keep going is inspiring .
I have hemo dialysis 4 days a week and I really enjoy learning and watching your vlogs so I just wanted to say Thankyou .
From Abi 💕
So much respect
I have left a message under Shannon with a way that my friend who has a austic son and how she got through this problem with him. I don't know if it might be to much for Andy but it just helped her son to understand. I hope that you soon find a way that Andy can understand. Please take care and God bless you all lot's of love from me kelli xxxxxx
I know you said you don't feel Andy could handle the funeral and obviously you know best. But I do think explaining the funeral to him is important. I feel he needs to know his grandma will be going into a box and be buried in the ground and won't ever come back. I know this might seem harsh but I think its important he is told exactly what is happening if he isn't going to see it.
cat woman I agree. I always say that you cannot protect kids from these things forever.
I do think you’re right on what your saying and obviously we would understand that because we don’t have autistism but Andy does and he may not understand as he did say
Funeral directors are very good and may be able to with a good way to explain to Andy as they do it daily just a thought
sorry for the late comments but I don't finish my late shift til 8pm so come home and watch the vlog as soon as I am settled I am not ashamed to admit yesterday had me crying and feels like I have lost one of my own you guys have become a second family to me and here for you if you ever need me and im sure that goes for everyone else associated with this channel too. going to send a special message now to my fellow subscribers of this wonderful channel you guys are awesome and together we can be strong for anna and kev and short stay and the rest of the gang as they get through this tough time
Kev the way you all handling this difficult period is amazing and you are all showing amazing strength. It makes me proud to be one of your Patreons. The thoughts of me and my family are with you at this difficult time.
We all understand that if you want to Vlog all not I for one will still be here when you are ready.
Also Kev the strength you are showing I think you could nail the Alfreton job but to you all stay strong and you will all come out the other side stronger.
you are a true hero filming in such a hard time please tell anna she is the stuff heros are made of
Take all the time you all need we will all still support you when you come back to making videos, hope you find something to let Andy understand about that horrible thing called death, love you all
Did Andy used to go to the clock with Mammar? I know it's unlikely but it's a nice thought that perhaps he wanted to go there for that reason.
Gemma Mills that’s a nice thought
it could well be something that reminds him of mammar everything seems so matter of fact to him he may well understand but could be finding it hard to show emotion so could be doing things he did with mammar as a way of showing he understands
I had the same thought about the clock. Mostly because when I was younger I was drawn to things I had done with my granda when I was told he had died. Didn't know I was autistic then but thankfully my family are quite blunt so I eventually understood properly
Can the funeral be organised for when Andy is in school? Not ideal but it doesn't mean drastic change in his routine- by way of explaining, I work with an autistic child, and it took us a while to get him to understand death, I honestly can't remember what it was that got him to understand, apart from repetition and not going to the house the person used to live in
It's summer
Clarence school isn't over for another 2 weeks in England
The issue is that Nottingham is two hours away from home, so we’d have a very small window of time to work with
Kevin Chapman ah fair enough
@@kevinchapmanvlog actually I know how it feels to lose my mum she died back in April in a hospital cause she was really sick
Sending you all lots of love at this difficult time ❤️❤️
Everytime Kev spoke and Andy repected it i laughed
Andy is such a hoot! Especially in times like these! Getting you all to dance was pretty cute! As always, stay strong. I understand about the situation about still vlogging everyday, you gotta do what you gotta do, Kevin! I hope Anna is doing alright too. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
At 8:48 did anyone else see Andy eat the lotion?!
Katie ya
Hugs to family! Can I tell you that your an awesome support! Thank you! Please take care of each other. Prayers too family! Thank Andy for taking us to clock ! It’s wonderful. I can see a joy in Andy!
Thinking of you guys , I still loved this vlog because this is real life and it’s an eye opener on showing us how you grieve and deal with Andy along the way
And I also thought about how we all feel when our loved ones die. It is not just kids and not just autistic kids that keep asking for loved ones long after they are dead. My friend died 14 years ago. When I drive through his town, I still turn my head to the bench where he used to sit. I know he is not going to be there, but I still look. A friend whose sister died young said that he started missing her even more after 6 months had passed and he kept thinking it is her, when he heard the doors open. We just keep quite about the ways we keep thinking of loved ones, Andy might keep asking aloud once in a while. It is just natural. Even if we know someone has died, we still miss them, "see them" on the street.
Tell Andy that his grandma has died and the charger is broken. Then give him a hug and tell him she’s never coming back x
When my grandad past away me and my sisters were 9,6,4 and we bought a book called badgers Parting gifts and this helped us all come to terms with it a bit more. Hope this helps and once again sorry for your loss xx
Im sorry for your loss. I work with autism and what we do in this situation is make a social story..... so if you have a pic of her in a hospital.... put a pic of her well first, and explain this is when she was ok....then a pic in hospital to say this is when she was poorly and then make a pic of the sky and say that they have gone to live in the sky.
What i also done with my daughter who is autistic but high functioning is say that her bampy went to live on the moon cause he was poorly..... she waves to the moon every night xx
I lost my mum when I was 12 and I struggled to accept the news. I didn’t accept the news straight away. I attended the funeral and found it easier to accept she had gone. My foster mum told me simply that she had gone but I knew that she was ill from the beginning and was informed just earlier that week that she was in hospital and she was ill
good luck with explaining it to andy and my heart goes to anna and the rest of the family ❤️
I have an a son with autism. When my mum died I thought he would be devastated, but no. I have worked with people with autism for 30 years and it's amazing how they cope with death. It's as though they think well that episode is over, put it in a box and get rid of it. I explained the nana was poorly so she went to heaven where she would be better, but it was to far to come and visit. He accepted it and he has never mentioned her again in the 36 years since she died
Hugs to Anna take your time off with vlogs if need be take care of Anna Andy and yourself. Praying you all find a way to explain to Andy what's happened.
Tips for Andy to help understand this:
1. You and Anna sit down with Andy and try to explain death to him and maybe use ideas other people have suggested
2. Maybe go to the library or a book shop and see if their is anything you can use to help get it across to Andy this situation.
3. Try maybe finding some youtube videos that explain what this means so he knows..
Hope this helps
Nods. I remember lots of waiting around. My sister's death was in Wales, her family was in Yorkshire. As for Andy, probably best to think about how you will handle people telling him mammar is in heaven, especially considering if this contradicts your own beliefs. Is it better to tell him nobody knows, or..? Sorry, I'm giving you more questions this time, instead of answers. I'm glad you're still blogging, because it means I know what's going on, so I stand more chance of being able to give you useful advice or support, but if you need to take a break, do it. The money will work itself out, it always does. Maybe a just giving page is in order. X
Sorry for your loss mate , really enjoying the content you produce
Hi Kevin my mums a special ed teacher so she may have some potentially helpful resources on death as she works on that a lot if that's useful?
My mum recommends "lets talk about when someone dies" by molly potter
Apparently it's a good starting point also a social story is good she says you and Andys school could work together on one if you don't know how to write one and you if you read it to Andy regularly then it should help him understand
I second this!!
I third this
Thanks, I’ll check it out
My brother is autistic and is 20 now. Most of the time my mum was single as he was growing up so she found it difficult. Usually from what I remember, my mum either said they had gone to live in the clouds or they transformed into an animal. My mum loves butterflies so we say my nan is the butterflies we always see around. He deals with it well. Whenever it's raining he says ' Naughty nanny making it rain!' 😂 It's takes a while but hopefully Andy takes it ok. Not needed apologizing for the vlogs. It's completely understandable for the time being. Send my remorse to Anna 👍
Got to love their modern language I hope Andy Will understand somehow
Gone to heaven for 30 years
When my grandparents died we described it to my sister as 'up in the stars' where she cant visit but they will always be there looking down and wont come down. That worked for us but i dont know if that helps you :) sending positive thoughts.
Oh now that sucks. Don't worry about no fun vlogs. Sending hugs and love to all of you.
We Understand We Support you and love You Regardless what the vlog is about that's why we're here.
stop apologizing always family first peace and love..
I love Nottingham. They used to film the Pink Windmill show with Rod & Emu there
You are a very strong dad and family and hope everything is going to go your way
Unfortunately I don't have a specific suggestion for you but obviously, it's going to have to be something that's matter of fact and not subjective. Broken and can't be fixed seems like a good route to try and go down. I think you all did extremely well today given the circumstances.
So sad. My daughter passed away on 1/26/19 and her brother doesn't understand either, I consulted with the Autism Society of America and printed out some information at the library that they sent me. I hope I can explain it to him. He is 21 and nonverbal with ASD. I was also told Social Stories may work.
Hey Kev. Just seen this (end of August), didn’t realise what you have all gone through. My sympathies to you all. Take care mate.
Hi Kevin I'm a big fan only just found out you live in Peterborough aha I live in spalding right next to it , keep up the good work !
Omg that clock I've been there like 100 times lol love the vids
I hope you are able to get things done tomorrow, and you are able to explain to Andy about death. I was wondering if the clock was something he remembered him and Anna's mum doing when he was younger.
Love goes out to you all...to say angels have took her to heaven this what happens to people when they get really poorly but you might have to keep saying a few times for him to understand it might take a while for him to understand
Sorry for you loss, I've only just came across your channel and we live in the same city! Nice to see some videos of my city :) Peterborough is okay I guess ahah
Kevin, Anna please don’t apologise for not having happy vlogs we don’t expect happy vlogs when something this sad has happened I really do think Andy will start to understand my thoughts and prayers go out to yous 😢😢😢
There’s an entire Sesame Street episode where Elmo deals with his uncles death and he deals with it like he will se his uncle next week (like Andy) it explains through Elmo’s families eyes on how to explain it to him
Just remembered another thing that makes explaining death to any kid more difficult. If they have seen video games or have played any video games, the term - life ends up being something you have multiple of. You die and then you restart the game and you are alive again. A study with neurotypical kids showed that many believe people have multiple lives in real life. So that is another very important thing - explaining to kids that they have just one life here. Makes them a bit more careful as to risks they take as well. Our distant relative died and then I had there conversations with my boys (also autistic). Both of them asked what happens after people die. And one asked - will I respawn (Minecraft influence)? And I shared my beliefs that not here but who knows, I do believe we do respawn somewhere, but no one is really sure about that. Then they thought that people die in chronological order - by age, and I had to explain that - yes, mostly old people die, but there can be accidents when there is no order. A year ago a kid got lost in the woods near our town and died and we used that as an example to explain why it is important to not go away alone, how to ask for help if lost etc. We also tried to make death something not horrible - it is sad when people die, but it is the way things happen.
Been there with my son as I have 3 sons all together it was easier then I thought but we talked about the good times he cryied but as I’ve had him with me all the time it was easier home schooling. It’s still painful but my son understood which shocked me
Pictures that show 😵 this and other pictures that look like something is not moving and things. This worked for my autistic child.
Keep your head up, we are all here for you
I'm sorry to hear your loved one passed on
Looks like you are doing great and I hope Anna is alright stay strong guys and I hope Andy will understand 😊
If you type ' how to explain death to an autistic child ' Into Amazon lots of books come up, I recommend ' I miss you ' and ' I have a question about death ' have you tried talking to him and putting it like when his iPad broke/ died, or a toy that had to go in the bin because it was broken, hope everything is ok lysm
There's a book called "When Dinosaurs Die" written by the guy who did the Arthur book series, I got it when I was a little kid and it was helpful
Could you use an object to explain it to him, rather than just saying it out loud? Like if he understands that his camera dies, but that it can be charged to make it work again - could you use an old camera that no longer works to explain that not everything can be charged to make it work again. If that makes sense?
Charlotte might confuse him tho
Keep strong kev and anna still dont now how i can help just be there when it hit him
Were here for u kev and anna
Love ur second family
hope you are all ok. hugs and best wishes for everyone x
My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time keep strong x
8:56 andy’s beeps are so cute 😂💗
I can’t think of any help,for you with Andy, But I’ve been watching your blogs for months, you and all your family are totally super, and where as Ideally you would have ttime off, Like my dad said when his brother died, you can’t stop your life, and the person you lost wouldn’t expect you to
I’m new to your channel, and I have a younger sister who also has autism but it’s not at severe. But my mum struggled to explain it to her as my grandma was passing away due to her loosing her fight to cancer, so my mum had a look on amazon and there’s a book, it’s for children which might be best for Andy. And it’s called I miss you by Pat Thomas. There is a variety of books if you type in children books about death then it can help explain. Hopefully this works because it helped with us now my little sister knows that even thought grandma isn’t with her physically she is in the stars watching over her x
Have you tried explaining that she has gone away and wont be back for a very long time? Hope you find the info you need to help Andy understand. Stay strong all of you and God Bless
Harsh period. I follow you from the other channel, but I know there's a person behind the FM player. All bests to you and your wonderful family.
Praying for your family Hugs too Anna and pray for Andy
am so sorry to hear for the lost my througtht are with u hun and the family
Kevin and Anna. A good resource would be CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE GRIEVING TEEN. tHE BOOK IS CLEAR AND EASY TO UNDERSTAND. ALSO, YOUR LOCAL VICAR IS A GOOD STARTING POINT, AND IT DOES NOT MATTER WHERE YOU ARE PEOPLE OF FAITH OR NOT.
JOHN FROM CANADA.
My son isnt Autistic, but he is 6 and the first funeral he went to was my husbands aunt, his dads sister, he was 3 i think and last year my cousins granddad passed away and thats when we explained to him that when someone or something dies, it doesnt come back and you dont get to see them anymore. He wont be going to my Grandparents funerals, but thats another matter. Anyway, we explained it to him and let him ask questions about it after explaining. It took a bit for him to understand, but he understood when his fish and our crabs died.
It is the hardest thing to do, to explain death to an autistic child. Luckily my son had some understanding of death but we still found it difficult to explain it to him. I hope you can find a way that Andy can understand it.
That's in Victoria centre the clock. Near the Disney shop.
No need to apologise. Also I live in Nottingham I hope you like it here.
Nice New Day t-shirt , RIP Anna’s mother , 🙏🏻
Sorry for your loss
Could you use his and Anna's move to your current home as a comparative to her moving to Heaven? Then explain that heaven is closed, like when the church doors are locked so he won't be able to visit for a very very long time. Maybe you could find a beautiful place like a garden or something with a locked gate to show him that its locked and you can't visit. Hope this helps.
Cai Linton this could be like maybe too confusing for him, telling him the proper fact may be a better idea
Max B Vlogs The first part, depending on your beliefs, is true. The going to the gate, yes, might be a bad idea...could also be a good idea. I just thought that if they can use ideas that he already understands, to compare it to for him, that he might start to get the idea. They did say that they might use the "broken" thing, because he understands broken. Which isn't a true thing.
Either way it's up to Kev and Anna to decide what to try and then up to trial and error to find it what will work. I'm just giving them food for thought and possibly something to try.
Its very hard for a child to see a funeral I think its best to wait until he's ready. I saw 3 funerals as chield and can't forget those moments, totally not fun. Some people are very emotional🙈👀
Maybe broken and couldn’t be fixed would be a good route
Just try to say that she’s moved to a magical world
My dad's Mum ( my nan) died 18 days ago and her funeral was yesterday the 6th of August and me my cousin's and auntie uncle sis and mum were all crying she died of pneumonia she was only 72 but she was in pain for two years
You could explain to him that there are no chargers for people. It's like if your electronics die and you can't recharge them.
I have autism my self and what I have learned everyone is different and for a child I would say they are sleeping because honestly I don't no what emotional to show also what comes with autism which sucks is change and it's gonna be a change and honestly he won't accept it because it's a change so he will find it hard to adapt
Sorry for your loss Anna x