I’ve been binging this podcast for a few weeks now, and I can’t even believe how many of these calls include a church protecting an abuser. Wow. Just disgusting.
A church is a system, like government, Country Clubs, the YMCA, etc. . Systems will always protect the system first, individuals second. It is sad, but not really surprising. In this case, if she reports this to police, I think the FBI handles it, she is making a report that she cannot prove, which is unfortunate. I should re-listen to the beginning, to understand the ages of both of them at the time. But back to churches, the one case with which I am familiar, they wanted to council the man who was 29 . The mother of the 11 year old just went straight to the police after that meeting.
The night before I was testifying against the man who had sexually abused me in childhood for six years, I had a best friend call to confide in me that he BIL was watching porn with the young grandkids, was alcoholic and had threatened his own family with guns. I told her what she was legally expected to do and she wouldn't. I was asked to keep secret was she told me and I refused. I called Emergency Police Reporting and told them everything. They showed up at his house guns drawn. He was charged and jailed. I cancelled that friendship.
It's not about valuing forgiveness too much, they straight up do not care. They'll let anyone hurt children in the most disgusting ways if arresting them would harm the church's image.
Well, it's a church, where there is a FREQUENT failure to hold male predators accountable even *within* that church setting, let *alone* allowing "the world" to be involved, and it's in Tennessee, a state that has been going out of its way the past few months to prove that it doesn't, institutionally, believe in democracy, self-determination, individual rights, Black people having power, the right to assemble, freedom of speech, parental rights to make medical decisions for their children, doctor's expertise to make medically-informed decisions for patients (if they are people who can get pregnant).... So I've got to say that I'm not surprised that a church counselor (or "counselor"--no idea if they were legit) would have (IF they were told that information) kept that information quiet, NOR would I be surprised if TN had a short statute of limitations. I'm SUPER surprised that Texas would fire people for not reporting child pornography; standing up for women, women's rights, women's autonomy, women leaders...hasn't really been on brand for Texas either.
Even if she shares the details with her daughter, it's totally her daughter's choice whether or not to reach out. There's nothing the mother can say or do to stop her. In fact, trying to deter her daughter might make her even more intentional in contacting him, not unless the mother makes that report.
@@texan903 well if the daughter is a minor the mother dies have control on whether she has contact with her dad or not. And she should report it it’s irresponsible not to. It’s putting others in potential danger.
@@texan903 Her daughter is 15. She should not be anywhere near a man with her father's proclivities. If she chooses to make contact with him once she reaches the age of maturity, no one can stop her, but for now, her mother is responsible for protecting her from a known predator.
I have watched three episodes of Dr Delony regarding sex offenders. The constant thing is that the failure in reporting these crimes. It insane. You cannot think of only your child but everyone's elses children as well. Why would you protect sex offender even if they're are family members.
some of these things, upon research, people find answers that indicate that there is nothing to report- believe me, I have been trying to figure out if my ex husband has done something that is actually reportable. There needs to be a good source for outlining what is and isn't reportable.
Why don't more people understand/accept that looking at porn (even adult porn) deliberately WITH children is itself a form of sexually abusing that child?
Something is fishy. She found it 20 years ago proceeds to have a kid with him 5 years later and they never went to court but he’s only allowed to contact by mail.
1 million %%!!!! Not only that she called all chipper then it turned to i thought she was gonna hang up...no court, just a mediator...I can guarantee she will NOT report it!!!
I get the feeling she may have meant that they were married 20 years ago, the marriage lasted 5 years. She divorced him and found the pornography a few months after he left. However, I still find it odd that she didn't bring it up during the divorce and custody proceedings, at least to ensure the child's safety
In many jurisdictions minor abuse has no statute of limitations. It is likely there is no 20 year old evidence, if he has continued his ways there may unfortunately be new evidence.
In any authoritarian culture. It transcends religions. It happens often in Islam and Judaism and I am not familiar with the major Eastern religions, but I am sure they have the same "secrets" going on.
@@shells500tutubo It most definitely happens in Hinduism and Buddhism, too, and is not related to religion as such as it is to the androcentric nature of most human cultures.
@@Joe-iq1bu Of Course atheists do it too. The point being made here is that religious power structures cover it up. These are large, organizations with people in positions of power who don't take action when they know something is going on.
This woman has way too many excuses for turning a blind eye to WHAT SHE KNEW WAS HAPPENING. She isn't going to report anything. She isn't going to tell the authorities "I've known about this for years." She decided long ago that it wasn't her problem and is only bringing it up now because she thinks she might kinda sorta maybe want to protect her daughter should she find the criminal who is her ex-husband. No respect for this woman at all.
Churches need to separate salvation and healing sinners from secular justice. Yes there's overlap and being a criminal doesn't mean the church abandons someone, but neither should they abandon the responsibility to the community.
spiritual salvation also does not mean avoiding consequence??? If anything, it's accepting the consequences of your actions and showing remorse by understanding that you deserve the secular punishment being given. If someone is truly remorseful and seeking repentance, they should turn themselves in and do everything in their power to never be around children again. They should accept every consequence without hesitation, not try to hide it!
Rom 13:4 For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil... This is probably the more appropriate verse, meaning Christians are fully subject to secular law.
I agree she shut down after he said, there are laws that could put you in jail for not reporting it. After she heard that fact, I think she was just like well I’m not gonna report it because it happened so long ago and I’m not gonna risk my freedom.
Trust me, he would be reported and stripped of his duties etc. even if you’re caught of cheating on your spouse you are no longer able to preach because how can you tell others to do something you don’t practice
Have faith in a teenager. They can be fragile, going through a lot and rebellious but they can surprise you with how mature they are. She may understand completely.
It also helps when the child/teen knows that their parent(s) trust them completely to do the right thing. My mother had fairly strict rules for me growing up, but she was also very approachable, open and honest about every possible topic, honestly answered every question I had when I asked it no matter what, and was the person I trusted and respected most. A big part of that, was that I knew that she also trusted and respected me as a person. Because of that mutual respect and trust, I trusted MYSELF, because she taught me that I was trustworthy and demonstrated what trust looked like. That was HUGE. I never wanted to disappoint her or myself, or break her trust or disrespect her rules. She made sure I understood WHY she made certain rules, rather than just enforcing them “because I said so.” As a teen, I was very selective with who I chose to befriend and hand out with, and wanted people around me that had my same values. Because of that, there were only a few times where uncomfortable situations came up, where others wanted to do something I knew wasn’t right, and I removed myself from those situations and immediately contacted my mother, instead of just going along with it for the sake of rebelling. Not once did I ever rebel, out of respect for both my mother and myself. And she was always there, no matter the time, to pick me up from uncomfortable situations without judgement. I saw peers have a very different experience though. It was clear that their parents didn’t trust them, and those kids were well aware of that, and so they didn’t even bother trusting themselves. They felt they were doomed to make bad choices and be a disappointment, so that’s what they did, and their parents never truly trusted them to do differently. Kids pick up on that from a very young age. You can’t just set rules without taking the time to explain why they are important, you can’t demand respect without also demonstrating respect for your child as a human being (obviously within reason), and you can’t expect them to follow guidance and rules if they know you don’t trust them to make responsible choices and just expect that they will do the wrong thing behind your back regardless. All of that sends a very clear message to that child/teen, and it’s not a good one. Children and teens know and understand far more than most parents give them credit for. They are also capable of far more than parents realize. But they need to know they can be trusted, and they need to FULLY understand why rules exist. Not just “because I said so.” They need the full picture, and they need to know they can trust themselves to make responsible choices with or without a parent present. When you treat them like they are incapable of that (or make them feel that way even if it’s no explicitly said out loud), or that they will “just do it anyway,” it’s foolish to expect otherwise.
She should have reported him. He could have hurt more kids in that time. But, she was in a hard position and psychology makes you act to minimize your own discomfort, not to maximize your wellbeing. She messed up, but a lot of people would in this situation. That’s why it’s so important to teach people how to handle this kind of situation so that they know how to act if they find themselves in it. Hopefully the ex-husband hasn’t hurt any other kids, but even so, he probably has and he should probably go to prison.
Ugh this makes me so sick! And so relatable! This lady needs to be honest with her daughter. My ex, my 15 year old daughters bio dad, just got out of prison for child porn and is a registered sex offender- the second time caught. The first time, years and years ago when we were married, I found it on his computer and reported him to the military (he was active duty). He was counciled but I'm not sure if he was charged at the time. He told me I "helped him beat the issue" by reporting him. My daughter didn't grow up around him and knows he just got out of prison. She knows he is a threat to her and her siblings. Honesty has been the best policy!
As someone who has a child that has never met his birth father, she needs to be open about the reality. She needs to set up counselling for her daughter and the mother needs to be honest to her daughter.
I'm confused: her daughter is 15 but she discovered child pornography in her then husband's computer 20 years ago. If that chronology is even roughly correct, she went ahead and conceived a child with a man she knew was into child pornography. Whom she never reported. And today she's a licensed foster parent. Very disturbing.
“For the kids caught up in that stuff” is enough. That is plenty. Also, contact your own lawyer before making this report. To be sure that “I know I should have said something at the time, but…” might not protect you from at least investigation over your knowledge.
She knew what to do but she didn’t want to because the church might’ve looked down on her, and YES, I can say that because the church knew it and sat on it too. She knew to divorce a predator for the sake of her own child, but didn’t report him for the sake of other children. It’s unfortunate but a tinge bit happy this has been eating her up for 20 years because who knows how his addiction could’ve progressed in the past two decades.
I don't think any number of excuses could justify not reporting this to the police. He could have hurt more children since this because it was never reported. This is pure insanity. I'm struggling getting through this call.
This man may have been allowed to abuse children for the last 15 years; he has shown that he doesn't care to change and was never reported. Common sense is no longer common.
This is part of why I'm not religious. Sure, I have a lot of the same values but my life will *never* be built upon shame and my children will *never* be taught to be ashamed of themselves. As a Southerner, religion is often ridiculous and hypocritical.
I am so disgusted by most of the religious situations/people who come on this show to ask John what to do. How they have gone to their church. How they have gone to their church , how their church has counselled them to stay quiet. How they have all sat on seriously terrible situations that continued to hurt children only because they stayed quiet. I opted out of religious anything decades ago.. it all seems like games for predators.
Why are you blaming the church? You don’t even know if she told them she literally backtracked right away. She is the one who needs to report it. I guarantee she didn’t even tell them.
@@TruthHurts922 you only reach out once or twice before you come to realize no one is coming to keep you safe. So you keep quiet , bide your time , and get out as soon as you can.
It's almost like the fog of trauma, youth/inexperience, and religious indoctrination may have paralyzed her back then. She grew, matured, and extended her heart and home.
I guess even if she's got no evidence at this point, it starts a 'paper trail' and maybe if he's been in recent trouble, it would give the police another direction to look.
This is where zero accountability goes wrong. He was a great guy until she got pregnant? How is that the case if he’s dating a teen during your pregnancy? Watching pron is not the same as what he was doing fool
Uhhhh it was CHILD PORN. That’s absolutely just as bad. You do realize that children have to be abused to make that garbage, right? And men who consume it create a profitable market that material, which fuels the abuse. Of course it’s just as bad. 🙄
Wait…he can’t by law visit her but she never reported anything? She’s a selfish 🐖 who put everyone else’s kids at risk so she didn’t look bad to other people. Our sins will seek us out.
I've been with my partner for over ten years and let me tell you. Id call the cops instantly if I ever found anything like that on his computer. There would be no consulting him. I would call the cops and then pack my bags that day. Love over. Your obligation is to protect children not your soulmate.
Yes this lady should have called the cops. BUT let me tell you secondary vicimization is a very real and brutal thing that society does to the families of sex offenders. Im speaking from experience as I reported my at the time spouse. As a result almost everyone who found out or finds out now turns away from me and my children. My children get isolated by teachers and daycare workers when they find out and the proceed to lie about them. Ive been let go from jobs and turned down for jobs because someone learned of his crime. People wisper all the time. Oh and Cps investigates you and constantly tries taking your children. Infact i was told by CPS, within 72 hours of turning him in, that if I cried or mourned the loss of my marriage, husband, the events that took place, ect that that is a sign of me showing empathy towards him and they would take my kids claiming i would go back to him. Periodically cps comes around knocking on my door as the case will never actually be closed despite what it says on paper. This is just the surface of what secondary victims and victims face for doing the right thing and turning sex offenders in when its their spouse.
I don't understand the cruelty of daycare workers and teachers who would isolate your children once they learned about their father. P.S. It sounds like you live in a small community. It would probably have been much better for you and the children if you'd moved to another town or even another state.
You were in your 20's but it doesnt take a genius to know that's not right. The amount of damage hes done this whole time because no one said anything!!
It's the same (and worse, actually) in Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism. And the last doesn't even involve belief in a deity. It has to do with androcentric cultures, as most human cultures are.
This woman is guilty of covering for a child predator. Nobody knows this guy is a danger to children because she refused to protect children everywhere by reporting and making it known. She should be in jail. Dr John was way too lenient on her.
If anyone has any links to something similar I'm very interested. Dealing with trying to explain to my 10 year old she will never know her bio father who was a convicted sex offender. (against me)...
I thought my country was very religious, but we don't go to "counseling" with priests as much as you do. We go for comfort. I really dont think it is the best place for counseling.
How does she know for sure the porn was actually preteen girls? It could've been women that looked younger than they really were? She should've reported it 20yrs ago.
She is only worried about it now that the daughter wants contact. I think it's more of a control issue. There are gaps in the story that the father can fill in that the mother doesn't want out there. Remember always two sides of the story.
She needs to tell her child so she doesn't go looking for her father on her own. And go with proof you told the church. Teens know when you arent telling the truth she can either find out from her mother or when her father shows her
Ignorance isn’t a defense but there has to be intent too. It’s been so long, they probably can’t help or do anything about it from that incident but it’s a tip that could be used if he’s still participating in those types of activities.
30 years ago you couldn't even find any books or info on what to do in these situations. Also, if this woman reports now the ex-husband may take revenge on her and her daughter. I would recommend she find an experienced therapist for her and her daughter to lay out the facts that are known about this type of criminal behavior.
I think the advice to report him now is dangerous. She wasn't very specific about what she saw, so it could have been as simple as the word teen being in a video title. If that's the case, it probably was mid to early-20s actresses (which for some strange reason get marketed as teens).
@@DoomSlayersNephew7270 In the context of the situation, where this guy has looked at underage content, it's part of a larger pattern of concerning behavior. 18 is legal, sure, but they're still a teen and probably don't look much different than they did at 16. A 20 year old dating an 18 year old isn't suspicious, but a grown, married man seeing an 18 year old absolutely is.
@@Jane_1994 you’re absolutely right. Context is everything, but I don’t agree with using that fact against him. I think looking at “you know what” should be enough to put this creep away 👍
That don't sound right. Only can contact her in writing! He is a sex offender but never been convicted. He not on sex offender list. Something not right here. It sounds like she might had made a deal with him, if he stayed away from their daughter; she wouldn't turn him in.. I would love to hear his side of the story.
Wow. Simply wow. Surely in 20 years you’d have had plenty time to mull this over and seek advice from others - are you telling me this is the first time anyone has said to report it? I shudder to think what that guy has been up to in this time.
It's never too late to do what is right. The burden of proof is on those whose job it is to protect and serve. Our job as a witness is to always, always report harm or even potential harm of a child.
I'm sorry she messed up not reporting this. He can just deny it now. Im sure what ever evidence he has is long gone. God knows if he has committed more crimes since. She will have to shoulder some of that responsibility
How you don't know that what he's doing is worthy of calling he police and getting rid of him? And you allowed your daughter to have a relationship with him?! Even 20 years ago that would have won you a 'stupid choice awards'!
didnt hear proof to label as ex offender hes on registry then yes but she never reportrd it makes u wonder why now tho playing both sides n shes responsible too
AND....if you know of a church that has protected a SO or abuser of any kind, CONFRONT and REPORT the church! Write it in their google reviews. The church has the right to know!
I re-listened i don't think she knew where it was CP or not...just look like younger girls. Why question is why isn't he allowed to see the daughter and why he's labeled as a sex offered.
I’ve been binging this podcast for a few weeks now, and I can’t even believe how many of these calls include a church protecting an abuser. Wow. Just disgusting.
That’s probably why he banged his head at the table as soon as she said “church”
I thought the Catholic Church was bad.
A church is a system, like government, Country Clubs, the YMCA, etc. . Systems will always protect the system first, individuals second. It is sad, but not really surprising. In this case, if she reports this to police, I think the FBI handles it, she is making a report that she cannot prove, which is unfortunate. I should re-listen to the beginning, to understand the ages of both of them at the time. But back to churches, the one case with which I am familiar, they wanted to council the man who was 29 . The mother of the 11 year old just went straight to the police after that meeting.
So. Many. And so many church leaders are the actual abusers.
Cause churches are pedo rings. Either defending or protecting one haven't heard of a church yet that's like yeah didn't see that coming
The night before I was testifying against the man who had sexually abused me in childhood for six years, I had a best friend call to confide in me that he BIL was watching porn with the young grandkids, was alcoholic and had threatened his own family with guns. I told her what she was legally expected to do and she wouldn't. I was asked to keep secret was she told me and I refused. I called Emergency Police Reporting and told them everything. They showed up at his house guns drawn. He was charged and jailed. I cancelled that friendship.
Good on you!!!!
Well done you!🥰
You're the only adult out there doing the right thing. Thank you!!!
Thank you for doing that and sharing!
🙏 thank you
These churches letting the abuse slide is a hot mess. Grace is not about hiding criminal behavior. Tell the authorities.
that a huge problem with churches they try to not hold people against their past which is good and bad because they don't often report people.
Purity culture breeds creeps
@@bobberry1463 They shouldn't when it come to any type of abuse.
@@summerdowlig sadly it true though they focus to much on forgiving than helping.
It's not about valuing forgiveness too much, they straight up do not care. They'll let anyone hurt children in the most disgusting ways if arresting them would harm the church's image.
If the church “therapist” didn’t report this to the authorities then they were NOT a real therapist. What the FORK!
What the FORK!
I’ve listened to at least five of these podcasts today wherein the church covered it up. I’m disgusted
Well, it's a church, where there is a FREQUENT failure to hold male predators accountable even *within* that church setting, let *alone* allowing "the world" to be involved, and it's in Tennessee, a state that has been going out of its way the past few months to prove that it doesn't, institutionally, believe in democracy, self-determination, individual rights, Black people having power, the right to assemble, freedom of speech, parental rights to make medical decisions for their children, doctor's expertise to make medically-informed decisions for patients (if they are people who can get pregnant)....
So I've got to say that I'm not surprised that a church counselor (or "counselor"--no idea if they were legit) would have (IF they were told that information) kept that information quiet, NOR would I be surprised if TN had a short statute of limitations.
I'm SUPER surprised that Texas would fire people for not reporting child pornography; standing up for women, women's rights, women's autonomy, women leaders...hasn't really been on brand for Texas either.
@@InTheNameOfLife1 ...but are you *surprised*?
Exactly…mandated reporter.
She needs to keep her daughter away from him and tell her the truth about him
Even if she shares the details with her daughter, it's totally her daughter's choice whether or not to reach out. There's nothing the mother can say or do to stop her. In fact, trying to deter her daughter might make her even more intentional in contacting him, not unless the mother makes that report.
@@texan903 well if the daughter is a minor the mother dies have control on whether she has contact with her dad or not. And she should report it it’s irresponsible not to. It’s putting others in potential danger.
@@texan903 Her daughter is 15. She should not be anywhere near a man with her father's proclivities. If she chooses to make contact with him once she reaches the age of maturity, no one can stop her, but for now, her mother is responsible for protecting her from a known predator.
She knows how to chose em
I have watched three episodes of Dr Delony regarding sex offenders. The constant thing is that the failure in reporting these crimes. It insane. You cannot think of only your child but everyone's elses children as well. Why would you protect sex offender even if they're are family members.
Because for a lot of people it`s more convenient to look the other way and not rock the boat.
some of these things, upon research, people find answers that indicate that there is nothing to report- believe me, I have been trying to figure out if my ex husband has done something that is actually reportable. There needs to be a good source for outlining what is and isn't reportable.
@@deeh5126It's all reportable. You won't ever get in trouble for reporting.
Cognitive dissonance and denial. They don't wanna believe someone they know is disgusting filth so they don't do anything.
Why don't more people understand/accept that looking at porn (even adult porn) deliberately WITH children is itself a form of sexually abusing that child?
She’s an idiot and frankly in a lot of trouble . She never should have called in
This was a horrifying call. I had chills and found my self hoping with all my heart that the dad never made contact with her daughter.
Something is fishy. She found it 20 years ago proceeds to have a kid with him 5 years later and they never went to court but he’s only allowed to contact by mail.
1 million %%!!!! Not only that she called all chipper then it turned to i thought she was gonna hang up...no court, just a mediator...I can guarantee she will NOT report it!!!
@@jodywatts2103 - the change in her voice said it all!
She said she was pregnant why it all happened
Saying "20 years" may have just been a round about way of saying it. It may not have been exactly 20 years ago that it happened.
I get the feeling she may have meant that they were married 20 years ago, the marriage lasted 5 years. She divorced him and found the pornography a few months after he left. However, I still find it odd that she didn't bring it up during the divorce and custody proceedings, at least to ensure the child's safety
I wouldn't call the cops without consulting an attorney first. You absolutely don't want to report something that can implicate you.
thats the path she chose im afraid
Statue of limitations is a thing in most states too. Likely nothing can happen.
@@firefly9838 agreed but I would think it could serve as a “tip” because the ex husband is likely still participating in illegal activities.
@@DontAtMe2k24
EXACTLY!!!!
Because he got away with it when she didn’t report it!!!
In many jurisdictions minor abuse has no statute of limitations. It is likely there is no 20 year old evidence, if he has continued his ways there may unfortunately be new evidence.
I wish there were updates on these stories.
Agreed!
Yes! He should do a show with updates.
We would all be sorely disappointed. You and I both know this woman did absolutely nothing about this.
@@dewilew2137 Exactly because after he said that she could go to jail. She pretty much just shut down after that fact.
Something ive learned from this show is how far the normalising and protection of predators goes in christian culture.
In any authoritarian culture. It transcends religions. It happens often in Islam and Judaism and I am not familiar with the major Eastern religions, but I am sure they have the same "secrets" going on.
@@shells500tutubo It most definitely happens in Hinduism and Buddhism, too, and is not related to religion as such as it is to the androcentric nature of most human cultures.
@@shells500tutubo you think atheists don’t do this just as frequently? 😂
@@Joe-iq1buNo, I don't. There wouldnt be any "church" to cover up their a$$es 🤷♀️
@@Joe-iq1bu Of Course atheists do it too. The point being made here is that religious power structures cover it up. These are large, organizations with people in positions of power who don't take action when they know something is going on.
If he was doing this twenty years ago he might be doing it now, it’s up for police to investigate
How many other children or teens has this person had contact with. Reporting him not only protects your child, it helps protect all children.
I listen to all these while working from home.
Yeah, my thoughts went to the same thing. Then I hoped that she's self employed!
I always listen while I’m getting ready for work and putting my makeup on
Ok?
@@texasgina me too!
Haha this is me. Just discovered this recently and binging the hell out of it!
This woman has way too many excuses for turning a blind eye to WHAT SHE KNEW WAS HAPPENING. She isn't going to report anything. She isn't going to tell the authorities "I've known about this for years." She decided long ago that it wasn't her problem and is only bringing it up now because she thinks she might kinda sorta maybe want to protect her daughter should she find the criminal who is her ex-husband. No respect for this woman at all.
Agreed: she is a terrible mother
Churches need to separate salvation and healing sinners from secular justice. Yes there's overlap and being a criminal doesn't mean the church abandons someone, but neither should they abandon the responsibility to the community.
spiritual salvation also does not mean avoiding consequence??? If anything, it's accepting the consequences of your actions and showing remorse by understanding that you deserve the secular punishment being given. If someone is truly remorseful and seeking repentance, they should turn themselves in and do everything in their power to never be around children again. They should accept every consequence without hesitation, not try to hide it!
Their messiah outright said to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's. You can respect and follow secular law without compromising your soul.
And healing and forgiveness is for the truly repentant. They cheapen it and enable evildoing by giving it out undeservedly.
Rom 13:4 For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil...
This is probably the more appropriate verse, meaning Christians are fully subject to secular law.
I highly doubt she ever reported it after this call. She should be ashamed of herself.
I agree she shut down after he said, there are laws that could put you in jail for not reporting it. After she heard that fact, I think she was just like well I’m not gonna report it because it happened so long ago and I’m not gonna risk my freedom.
I thought the same thing.
Very ashamed. I don't understand women like that.
Absolutely tell her the truth, give details. No emotions, but judgment is appropriate.
At my church he would’ve been reported ASAP
@NIkki-ox1ej... The issue is -- would he have been reported 20 years ago?
I suspect not.
Sure. That’s what you think.
Trust me, he would be reported and stripped of his duties etc. even if you’re caught of cheating on your spouse you are no longer able to preach because how can you tell others to do something you don’t practice
Have faith in a teenager. They can be fragile, going through a lot and rebellious but they can surprise you with how mature they are. She may understand completely.
Yeah I’d just let the daughter listen to this call and I think it would help shed light on the whole situation
It also helps when the child/teen knows that their parent(s) trust them completely to do the right thing. My mother had fairly strict rules for me growing up, but she was also very approachable, open and honest about every possible topic, honestly answered every question I had when I asked it no matter what, and was the person I trusted and respected most. A big part of that, was that I knew that she also trusted and respected me as a person.
Because of that mutual respect and trust, I trusted MYSELF, because she taught me that I was trustworthy and demonstrated what trust looked like. That was HUGE. I never wanted to disappoint her or myself, or break her trust or disrespect her rules. She made sure I understood WHY she made certain rules, rather than just enforcing them “because I said so.”
As a teen, I was very selective with who I chose to befriend and hand out with, and wanted people around me that had my same values. Because of that, there were only a few times where uncomfortable situations came up, where others wanted to do something I knew wasn’t right, and I removed myself from those situations and immediately contacted my mother, instead of just going along with it for the sake of rebelling. Not once did I ever rebel, out of respect for both my mother and myself. And she was always there, no matter the time, to pick me up from uncomfortable situations without judgement.
I saw peers have a very different experience though. It was clear that their parents didn’t trust them, and those kids were well aware of that, and so they didn’t even bother trusting themselves. They felt they were doomed to make bad choices and be a disappointment, so that’s what they did, and their parents never truly trusted them to do differently.
Kids pick up on that from a very young age. You can’t just set rules without taking the time to explain why they are important, you can’t demand respect without also demonstrating respect for your child as a human being (obviously within reason), and you can’t expect them to follow guidance and rules if they know you don’t trust them to make responsible choices and just expect that they will do the wrong thing behind your back regardless. All of that sends a very clear message to that child/teen, and it’s not a good one.
Children and teens know and understand far more than most parents give them credit for. They are also capable of far more than parents realize. But they need to know they can be trusted, and they need to FULLY understand why rules exist. Not just “because I said so.” They need the full picture, and they need to know they can trust themselves to make responsible choices with or without a parent present. When you treat them like they are incapable of that (or make them feel that way even if it’s no explicitly said out loud), or that they will “just do it anyway,” it’s foolish to expect otherwise.
As a former teen not even 4 years ago, I can tell you she's not. Coming from my experiences as well as my classmates. We are super naive and gullible.
@el676... I was a teenager.
Only a fool would have trusted me.
Teenagers have not changed. (Honestly? They are so much more foolish now.)
@Torischannel1... And nothing has changed. ☺️
Teenagers have not changed. 😄
Oh please. She knew it was illegal. She was trying to protect her husband.
She should have reported him. He could have hurt more kids in that time. But, she was in a hard position and psychology makes you act to minimize your own discomfort, not to maximize your wellbeing.
She messed up, but a lot of people would in this situation. That’s why it’s so important to teach people how to handle this kind of situation so that they know how to act if they find themselves in it.
Hopefully the ex-husband hasn’t hurt any other kids, but even so, he probably has and he should probably go to prison.
I can almost guarantee he is still watching that filth.
Thank you for the message, John. Call today protect our kids!❤
Reporting a crime 20 years later is a waste of resources. They can't charge him anymore in many states. Congrats lady.
Did you not listen to what he said. Many states have lifted the statute of limitations for these cases in recent years.
Also, the report can serve as a tip off. The guy should be investigated.
Ugh this makes me so sick! And so relatable! This lady needs to be honest with her daughter. My ex, my 15 year old daughters bio dad, just got out of prison for child porn and is a registered sex offender- the second time caught. The first time, years and years ago when we were married, I found it on his computer and reported him to the military (he was active duty). He was counciled but I'm not sure if he was charged at the time. He told me I "helped him beat the issue" by reporting him. My daughter didn't grow up around him and knows he just got out of prison. She knows he is a threat to her and her siblings. Honesty has been the best policy!
He was seeing an 18 year old when married and she was pregnant. FFS. Are people this stupid?
Abhorrent!
This woman is absolutely infuriating. Shame on her. Full of excuses. She should be in jail.
Cry more
I thought the same thing.
She IS infuriating, but that's too harsh.
As someone who has a child that has never met his birth father, she needs to be open about the reality. She needs to set up counselling for her daughter and the mother needs to be honest to her daughter.
I'm confused: her daughter is 15 but she discovered child pornography in her then husband's computer 20 years ago. If that chronology is even roughly correct, she went ahead and conceived a child with a man she knew was into child pornography. Whom she never reported. And today she's a licensed foster parent.
Very disturbing.
You need to tell kids the truth before they go behind your back and seek out their dangerous family. Tell kids the truth.
“For the kids caught up in that stuff” is enough. That is plenty.
Also, contact your own lawyer before making this report. To be sure that “I know I should have said something at the time, but…” might not protect you from at least investigation over your knowledge.
"Lynn" has failed A LOT of women by not reporting this evil person.
Children
If the goal is to protect the daughter then tellig her the truth is imperative, wtf
Poor John just whipping out at the word church counselor.
Not his first rodeo.
She knew what to do but she didn’t want to because the church might’ve looked down on her, and YES, I can say that because the church knew it and sat on it too.
She knew to divorce a predator for the sake of her own child, but didn’t report him for the sake of other children. It’s unfortunate but a tinge bit happy this has been eating her up for 20 years because who knows how his addiction could’ve progressed in the past two decades.
I don't think any number of excuses could justify not reporting this to the police. He could have hurt more children since this because it was never reported. This is pure insanity. I'm struggling getting through this call.
I'm so, so confused!! She hasn't spoken to him in 20 years, but they have a 15yo daughter together? Wat, did they have silent sex?
This man may have been allowed to abuse children for the last 15 years; he has shown that he doesn't care to change and was never reported. Common sense is no longer common.
This is part of why I'm not religious. Sure, I have a lot of the same values but my life will *never* be built upon shame and my children will *never* be taught to be ashamed of themselves.
As a Southerner, religion is often ridiculous and hypocritical.
Gosh, this is awful. Is there a way to follow up and make sure she actually reported it???
Thank you 🙏
I am so disgusted by most of the religious situations/people who come on this show to ask John what to do. How they have gone to their church. How they have gone to their church , how their church has counselled them to stay quiet. How they have all sat on seriously terrible situations that continued to hurt children only because they stayed quiet. I opted out of religious anything decades ago.. it all seems like games for predators.
Why are you blaming the church? You don’t even know if she told them she literally backtracked right away. She is the one who needs to report it. I guarantee she didn’t even tell them.
@@TruthHurts922 you only reach out once or twice before you come to realize no one is coming to keep you safe. So you keep quiet , bide your time , and get out as soon as you can.
It's disgusting how many women have shielded abusers of children and sleep at night and think its not evil
Holy sheet. How is this woman a foster parent. 😮
It's almost like the fog of trauma, youth/inexperience, and religious indoctrination may have paralyzed her back then. She grew, matured, and extended her heart and home.
I guess even if she's got no evidence at this point, it starts a 'paper trail' and maybe if he's been in recent trouble, it would give the police another direction to look.
Why do people go to church for help? Those people aren’t for life’s problems,, they just happen to be religious.
This is where zero accountability goes wrong. He was a great guy until she got pregnant? How is that the case if he’s dating a teen during your pregnancy? Watching pron is not the same as what he was doing fool
Uhhhh it was CHILD PORN. That’s absolutely just as bad. You do realize that children have to be abused to make that garbage, right? And men who consume it create a profitable market that material, which fuels the abuse. Of course it’s just as bad. 🙄
Wait…he can’t by law visit her but she never reported anything? She’s a selfish 🐖 who put everyone else’s kids at risk so she didn’t look bad to other people. Our sins will seek us out.
I've been with my partner for over ten years and let me tell you. Id call the cops instantly if I ever found anything like that on his computer. There would be no consulting him. I would call the cops and then pack my bags that day. Love over. Your obligation is to protect children not your soulmate.
this is why you make the report b/c you never know down the line
Applying todays standards to a pregnant woman 20 years ago is silly.
Yes this lady should have called the cops. BUT let me tell you secondary vicimization is a very real and brutal thing that society does to the families of sex offenders. Im speaking from experience as I reported my at the time spouse. As a result almost everyone who found out or finds out now turns away from me and my children. My children get isolated by teachers and daycare workers when they find out and the proceed to lie about them. Ive been let go from jobs and turned down for jobs because someone learned of his crime. People wisper all the time. Oh and Cps investigates you and constantly tries taking your children. Infact i was told by CPS, within 72 hours of turning him in, that if I cried or mourned the loss of my marriage, husband, the events that took place, ect that that is a sign of me showing empathy towards him and they would take my kids claiming i would go back to him. Periodically cps comes around knocking on my door as the case will never actually be closed despite what it says on paper. This is just the surface of what secondary victims and victims face for doing the right thing and turning sex offenders in when its their spouse.
I don't understand the cruelty of daycare workers and teachers who would isolate your children once they learned about their father.
P.S. It sounds like you live in a small community. It would probably have been much better for you and the children if you'd moved to another town or even another state.
How about just tell the daughter the truth?
No statute of limitations in Tennessee on child sex crimes.
I really, really wish that people who need therapy WOULD STOP TURNING TO THEIR CHURCH FOR HELP!!!!!!!!! They do not have the training to help.
Great advice, John!
You were in your 20's but it doesnt take a genius to know that's not right. The amount of damage hes done this whole time because no one said anything!!
There is one common denominator here every molestation episode involves a Christian church. People just be hiding behind a Bible. Freaking gross.
It's the same (and worse, actually) in Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism. And the last doesn't even involve belief in a deity. It has to do with androcentric cultures, as most human cultures are.
This woman is guilty of covering for a child predator. Nobody knows this guy is a danger to children because she refused to protect children everywhere by reporting and making it known. She should be in jail. Dr John was way too lenient on her.
If anyone has any links to something similar I'm very interested. Dealing with trying to explain to my 10 year old she will never know her bio father who was a convicted sex offender. (against me)...
Tell her the truth. Calmly, honestly.
I thought my country was very religious, but we don't go to "counseling" with priests as much as you do. We go for comfort. I really dont think it is the best place for counseling.
How does she know for sure the porn was actually preteen girls? It could've been women that looked younger than they really were? She should've reported it 20yrs ago.
She is only worried about it now that the daughter wants contact. I think it's more of a control issue. There are gaps in the story that the father can fill in that the mother doesn't want out there. Remember always two sides of the story.
In my opinion cowards go to the church to handle such vile acts and heroes go to the police. Why is this so difficult for people.
A counselor in church? Wow!
She needs to tell her child so she doesn't go looking for her father on her own. And go with proof you told the church. Teens know when you arent telling the truth she can either find out from her mother or when her father shows her
Ignorance isn’t a defense but there has to be intent too.
It’s been so long, they probably can’t help or do anything about it from that incident but it’s a tip that could be used if he’s still participating in those types of activities.
Bet she still hasnt reported it
30 years ago you couldn't even find any books or info on what to do in these situations. Also, if this woman reports now the ex-husband may take revenge on her and her daughter. I would recommend she find an experienced therapist for her and her daughter to lay out the facts that are known about this type of criminal behavior.
I would’ve loved if Dr. Deloney explained why the mom should not just explain her brutally honest account of why the relationship ended with the dad.
This is unfortunate.
I think the advice to report him now is dangerous. She wasn't very specific about what she saw, so it could have been as simple as the word teen being in a video title. If that's the case, it probably was mid to early-20s actresses (which for some strange reason get marketed as teens).
He dated an 18 year old as a grown man.
@@Jane_1994 that’s of age 🤷♂️
@@DoomSlayersNephew7270
In the context of the situation, where this guy has looked at underage content, it's part of a larger pattern of concerning behavior. 18 is legal, sure, but they're still a teen and probably don't look much different than they did at 16. A 20 year old dating an 18 year old isn't suspicious, but a grown, married man seeing an 18 year old absolutely is.
@@Jane_1994 you’re absolutely right. Context is everything, but I don’t agree with using that fact against him. I think looking at “you know what” should be enough to put this creep away 👍
she literally said pre-teen.
That don't sound right. Only can contact her in writing! He is a sex offender but never been convicted. He not on sex offender list. Something not right here. It sounds like she might had made a deal with him, if he stayed away from their daughter; she wouldn't turn him in.. I would love to hear his side of the story.
I see what he's saying,unsafe dad can flip this on mom and use daughter for bad things. She needs to make that phone call.
Scary call. God lord. I am just wondering if she called and if so, what happened?
Wow. Simply wow. Surely in 20 years you’d have had plenty time to mull this over and seek advice from others - are you telling me this is the first time anyone has said to report it? I shudder to think what that guy has been up to in this time.
i think its too late to report something from 20 years ago there is no proof but if he was like that then he probably hasnt changed
The police will investigate him. If he is changed fine, but I doubt he has changed and has probably gotten worse.
It's never too late to do what is right. The burden of proof is on those whose job it is to protect and serve. Our job as a witness is to always, always report harm or even potential harm of a child.
@@daramichels947 yea true
Not too late if anything, I feel for the victims as people like this rarely change.
It's not too late to stop what he is doing now
What the hell type of church do these people attend?
Why can’t you just tell her the truth. Omg. And not reporting it. Wtf. ???! No
Oh am I the first comment. Well the video just started. I hope everyone involved is safe.
A foster mom? 😮
I'm sorry she messed up not reporting this. He can just deny it now. Im sure what ever evidence he has is long gone. God knows if he has committed more crimes since. She will have to shoulder some of that responsibility
I’m a teller. I will TELL EVERYONE EVERYTHING!! Tell everyone what he is,
Worst woman and mother ever award
John wanting her to report a church that may not have even known about it is weird.
How you don't know that what he's doing is worthy of calling he police and getting rid of him? And you allowed your daughter to have a relationship with him?! Even 20 years ago that would have won you a 'stupid choice awards'!
didnt hear proof to label as ex offender hes on registry then yes but she never reportrd it makes u wonder why now tho playing both sides n shes responsible too
AND....if you know of a church that has protected a SO or abuser of any kind, CONFRONT and REPORT the church! Write it in their google reviews. The church has the right to know!
Sounds like the dad didn't trust himself with his daughter
I have the same situation
Hope you're okay. This happened with my ex partner it was the darkest time of my life. Hope you have left.
I re-listened i don't think she knew where it was CP or not...just look like younger girls. Why question is why isn't he allowed to see the daughter and why he's labeled as a sex offered.
I enjoy the horse noises 😁👏
licensed foster parent?!
Part of the problem.
Watching 2 years later
Preserve the good image of the church. This is the first imperative.
I honestly don’t believe this lady something just doesn’t sit right.
jesus, these callers are idiotic.
A therapist through church!?!?? Wtf
The question is what would Jesus do? Jesus would absolutely report it.
Yes. Without a question.