Fraudsters Ripped Off The PPP | The 100% True Story Of T****'s Hole-In-One

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  • Опубликовано: 31 мар 2022
  • Stephen rips into the extraordinary jerks who stole money from the Paycheck Protection Program during the pandemic, and congratulates the former president on his totally-believable accomplishment on a Florida golf course. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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Комментарии • 1,8 тыс.

  • @lauramartin7883
    @lauramartin7883 2 года назад +974

    I love that Colbert has kept his word about never speaking 45's name again. And I love all the creative euphemism-stand-in names he uses to refer to him.

    • @MaryAnnNytowl
      @MaryAnnNytowl 2 года назад +66

      He asked for the euphemisms from people on Twitter. A whole lot of us sent him them. He's not reused any that I am aware of, either!

    • @jstnxprsn
      @jstnxprsn 2 года назад +54

      Yet, he still hasn't used mine. The Orange Power Danger.

    • @HLPiepgrass
      @HLPiepgrass 2 года назад +52

      What about”Vladdy is my daddy?”

    • @maureenahutchinson
      @maureenahutchinson 2 года назад +2

      Yawn

    • @islgrl292
      @islgrl292 2 года назад +7

      @@HLPiepgrass LOL! No, that’s too true!

  • @penguinista
    @penguinista 2 года назад +2089

    I hope that kid gets paid a lot for reading the former president's statements. He does a great job of conveying the emotional essence.

    • @tjcombo9328
      @tjcombo9328 2 года назад +75

      god i know ....i'll start a go fund me grift right out of mara lie go lmao !!!! man that kids has drumpf spot on !

    • @audreymuzingo933
      @audreymuzingo933 2 года назад +40

      It's a grown woman obviously.

    • @irinas5554
      @irinas5554 2 года назад

      He sounds like this kid ruclips.net/video/rz5TGN7eUcM/видео.html

    • @hestiathena4917
      @hestiathena4917 2 года назад +100

      @@audreymuzingo933 Most likely the case, but hard to be sure, really... There are lots of talented voice actresses who can do little boy voices, of course, but it's not unheard-of to find a good child voice actor these days. Either way, whoever is doing that voice has the spoiled, snot-nosed tone down _good._

    • @TVC15ohoh
      @TVC15ohoh 2 года назад

      @@audreymuzingo933 No, not obviously, and who gives a fuck anyway?

  • @72carguy
    @72carguy 2 года назад +81

    Having that child read those statements is absolute gold!! Whoever thought of that idea and whoever this kid is…brilliant!

    • @runnergo1398
      @runnergo1398 2 года назад +2

      If you haven't seen it yet, you should watch the Sassy Justice videos. Especially the one where Jared Kushner is a child.

  • @dap9387
    @dap9387 2 года назад +10

    The PPP money we got saved our company's butt! It allowed us to pay our employees for 5 days of work a week when we only had 3 days of work. It also paid for their health insurance and our rent. We might not have made it without that help. SHAME on the people who used it in Fraudulent ways!

    • @deesfreespirityoga4945
      @deesfreespirityoga4945 2 года назад

      PPP helped my small business. So sad the fraudulent people jumped on it too.

  • @Opus313
    @Opus313 2 года назад +704

    Donnie tells his golf story with all the glee of a toddler making a number 2!

    • @s.d.c5513
      @s.d.c5513 2 года назад

      "Dooty calls " 🚽
      - The crooked twice impeached, one term anti-American, Russian funded Putin-huggin ex-potus

    • @cc1k435
      @cc1k435 2 года назад +49

      Don't say "number 2" unless you want him to drone on for 20 minutes about how toilets don't flush like they used to...

    • @tylerkochman1007
      @tylerkochman1007 2 года назад +26

      And he makes a lot of those too. He’s full of it, after all

    • @TreeCutterDoug
      @TreeCutterDoug 2 года назад +12

      😆😂🤣😂😆

    • @Dao128
      @Dao128 2 года назад +33

      I dunno about that, the toddler would be infinitely more mature, intelligent... and articulate.

  • @KaptainKKD
    @KaptainKKD 2 года назад +264

    The kid really got talent. The emphasis on the "I" in those statements are so believable.

    • @SamuraiFoochs
      @SamuraiFoochs 2 года назад +7

      @@audreymuzingo933 You're not necessarily wrong, but you're definitely not as assuredly right as you seem to think you are. Haley Joel Osment was about that age in The Sixth Sense and sounded almost exactly like that.

    • @audreymuzingo933
      @audreymuzingo933 2 года назад +3

      @@SamuraiFoochs It's Jen Sypra, the show announcer and also has done lots of voiceover including for Cartoon President.

    • @chonqmonk
      @chonqmonk 2 года назад +3

      @@audreymuzingo933 source plz

    • @KaptainKKD
      @KaptainKKD 2 года назад +1

      @@audreymuzingo933 Oh I didn't know. That's still amazing talent too. I'm a big fan of Nancy Cartwright who does the voice for Bart Simpson lol

    • @audreymuzingo933
      @audreymuzingo933 2 года назад +2

      @@chonqmonk 1. My ears (how do you not hear it?)
      2. Logic (Stephen and other late nite shows have had children reading Trump tweets and other things but they usually have the kid right on the stage, introduce them by name, etc. and don't you find it weird when he just says "a seven year old boy"???)
      3. Google (this was last night, I don't remember which website I saw it on, and don't care if you believe me).

  • @renejean2523
    @renejean2523 2 года назад +90

    As a keen follower of golf, I must say how disappointed I am to hear that Ernie Els is playing golf with Donald Trump in 2022. I always thought Ernie has been so classy throughout his career and gave the impression that he was a decent human being. It's kinda sad when someone you've admired turns out to be morally questionable and pathetic.

    • @marieroberts5458
      @marieroberts5458 2 года назад

      Thing is tho, was he playing with these people? Were any of them even there? He had been caught fabricating many events where the others supposedly involved called him out later to set the record straight. He has mistaken people for others too. And I wouldn't put it past him to ask (demand) to be included in someone else's foursome.

    • @heatherm2140
      @heatherm2140 2 года назад +10

      It's also possible Lumpty Dumpty was lying about that, too....

    • @maikutsukino4743
      @maikutsukino4743 2 года назад +2

      Amen, Brother.

    • @jimodonnelly7762
      @jimodonnelly7762 2 года назад +3

      That's assuming Trump was (LOL) telling the TRUTH!

    • @rogermuller5824
      @rogermuller5824 2 года назад +3

      I don't know about you, but I've never played golf in a group of 5. Or seen anyone else doing that...

  • @carlosspeicywiener7018
    @carlosspeicywiener7018 2 года назад +27

    "I hate people who brag..."
    Then proceeds to brag about literally everything he can.

  • @hannahpumpkins4359
    @hannahpumpkins4359 2 года назад +272

    Trump has NPD. My parents were diagnosed with it as well. They have the emotional maturity of a 4 year-old. It's all, "ME ME ME ME ME ME MINE ME I I I I ME I I ME ME MINE" and yes, they have to be the hero of every story they tell- oh the lies, my gosh the constant lies - the cheating, stealing, exaggeration, etc. When I was around 8 I got some money for Christmas and asked my mom to hold it for me. A few weeks later I wanted it because I decided I was going to get a skateboard- she was like, "you never gave me any money to hold for you". Turns out she used it for herself. She did this to my dad too, and his money. My dad did this to my mom and her money. Constant drama, 24/7. When Trump got elected, I was like, "holy crap, America, you have no idea what you just did; Trump will take everything and then sell what's left of the country to the highest bidder".

    • @blessedveteran
      @blessedveteran 2 года назад +27

      You are correct, he is an Overt Narcissist. Without any doubt.

    • @SeansModelBuilds
      @SeansModelBuilds 2 года назад +7

      Funny you should say that. Last night my mother called me, and , Jokingly, Asked if I could support them now that I am debt free. I said: "No, live off Dad's pension: and his inheritance from his parents."

    • @marvinmartion1178
      @marvinmartion1178 2 года назад

      The entire gop is made of children!

    • @SuperAwesomeMovies
      @SuperAwesomeMovies 2 года назад +1

      It's telling that Trump constantly cheated and lied about his golf games, and now he puts out this massive presser for a hole-in-one, something he claims to have done routinely.

    • @korlilkatana7653
      @korlilkatana7653 2 года назад +4

      I think I was married to someone NPD many years ago. Best thing that ever happened in my life was that she became an ex

  • @pop5678eye
    @pop5678eye 2 года назад +133

    Please, please have T****** spend the rest of his life on a golf course bragging about it and do nothing else! That's what I would call a win-win!

    • @sharibigay4712
      @sharibigay4712 2 года назад

      Only if he's convicted and playing at a club fed. Cause even if he's ever charged and convicted you know cause he's white and supposedly wealthy he won't go to a real prison. Which is where he really belongs. Hell him and his abeters would fit right in at GITMO.

    • @Bunkerdwarfputin
      @Bunkerdwarfputin 2 года назад +8

      6 feet under would be a true win.
      Fact.

    • @MaryAnnNytowl
      @MaryAnnNytowl 2 года назад +3

      @@Bunkerdwarfputin

    • @virginiaf.5764
      @virginiaf.5764 2 года назад +17

      Yeah, if the golf course was in a prison yard. That's the win-win.

    • @ToniGlick
      @ToniGlick 2 года назад

      Only if his golf outfit is an orange jumpsuit and the course has walls around it.

  • @nobodyknows3180
    @nobodyknows3180 2 года назад +45

    "speaking of slow moving foul smelling beasts..... the former president" totally savage!!! 🤣😂🤣

    • @traceytracey5258
      @traceytracey5258 2 года назад

      Sunny Isles Beach Police Department Sides With Russian Spy Over American Citizen

  • @merlapittman5034
    @merlapittman5034 2 года назад +40

    I've said it before and I'll say it again - comparing T****'s emotional maturity to a 7 year old is insulting to all 7 year olds. However, the kid doing the voice over is great!

    • @rohananya
      @rohananya 2 года назад +1

      Very observant Merle. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 xx

  • @polishrocker93
    @polishrocker93 2 года назад +475

    “I hate people who brag”
    Proof positive that the former guy hates himself

    • @MaryAnnNytowl
      @MaryAnnNytowl 2 года назад +11

      👏🏿👏🏻👏🏽👏🏻👏👏🏽👏🏿👏🏽👏👏🏼👏🏾👏🏿

    • @Markle2k
      @Markle2k 2 года назад +2

      @@MaryAnnNytowl OP has 69 upvotes (nice), so I give mine to you.

    • @zesty9815
      @zesty9815 2 года назад +6

      _"I'm much more humble than you would understand. I never brag. I call it truthful hyperbole."_

    • @littleman6950
      @littleman6950 2 года назад

      @darknightoftroy Please.
      If the GOP takes back congress in the midterms, may the next coup attempt succeed. They're taking steps to make sure they can never lose it again by vote.

    • @randalldavis3251
      @randalldavis3251 2 года назад +2

      Remember how to interpret trumpspeak.Everything is opposite of what he says,ergo he loves people who brag.

  • @id10t98
    @id10t98 2 года назад +471

    Government: "PPP ripoffs were largest fraud in history!"
    Wall Street Bankers: "Cool! They forgot about 2008 already!"

    • @MaryAnnNytowl
      @MaryAnnNytowl 2 года назад +18

      Yeah, we haven't, though. 🤨

    • @DgurlSunshine
      @DgurlSunshine 2 года назад +2

      🛎

    • @DgurlSunshine
      @DgurlSunshine 2 года назад

      THEY STILL SPENDING FOR THIS SCAMDEMIC

    • @DgurlSunshine
      @DgurlSunshine 2 года назад

      I WILL LAUGH WHEN THE BIDEN CRIME FAMILY MEETS THE TRUMP & CLINTON & BUSH CRIME FAMILIES IN THE GUANTANAMO CUBA PRISON.

    • @Emmaxson
      @Emmaxson 2 года назад +2

      Hilarious. Isn't it?

  • @MKPiatkowski
    @MKPiatkowski 2 года назад +2

    I remember how the first round of PPP fell short because larger companies ended up commandeering huge chunks of it, so round two needed to segment. These people must have sent falsified tax docs because you needed to submit these to show that you paid payroll before the pandemic it. Sad that so much of this money didn't make it to the people who needed it.

  • @Author_Alyssa_Taylor
    @Author_Alyssa_Taylor 2 года назад +8

    That re-read by the kid at the end was flat out brilliant! Good on him! Put it on his resume that this kid is a fantastic talent!

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage 2 года назад +98

    I'd bet the mortgage that Donnie didn't buy the clubhouse a round, as is the tradition when you get a hole-in-one.

    • @MaryAnnNytowl
      @MaryAnnNytowl 2 года назад +7

      LOL, I'd wager you're correct, too!

    • @davidlundquist1979
      @davidlundquist1979 2 года назад +6

      Wait a minute... the tradition for doing something very difficult in an already-expensive sport is having to pony up MORE of your money? I'm glad I've always stuck to miniature golf.

    • @diazinth
      @diazinth 2 года назад +5

      @@davidlundquist1979 the reward for showing off your skill/luck, is being able to show off your wealth. Makes sense ;)

    • @fredherfst8148
      @fredherfst8148 2 года назад +3

      He ordered the drinks but didn't pay

  • @janyceparks8326
    @janyceparks8326 2 года назад +552

    "Speaking of foul smelling slow moving beasts, the former president....." best yet Stephen!

    • @garyrosie9475
      @garyrosie9475 2 года назад +1

      Yeah, cause you know Obiden is stinky and slow.

    • @joanfrellburg4901
      @joanfrellburg4901 2 года назад

      foul smelling slow moving twice impeached and even twice unpopular beasts

    • @lwherndon
      @lwherndon 2 года назад +10

      @@garyrosie9475 ooh that’s the way to hit back

    • @Junksaint
      @Junksaint 2 года назад +18

      @@garyrosie9475 he actually has a healthy diet and showers so try again. Did you flush government documents and your sanity down the toilet too?

    • @JesusRamirez03
      @JesusRamirez03 2 года назад +16

      @@garyrosie9475 cry harder 😉

  • @MichaelBristow137
    @MichaelBristow137 2 года назад +51

    I still have a hard time that the US ever elected such a shallow, inept, grifter...

    • @ericminch
      @ericminch 2 года назад +6

      Exactly. It's so easy to think it's over now and all we need to do is keep kicking him. But that ignores the tens of millions who would still vote for him.

  • @KingGrio
    @KingGrio 2 года назад +21

    I think it's not nice of Steven to say that kid has the same level of maturity as Trump. That kid is obviously a level headed, talented voice actor, while Trump still wets the bed.

  • @connorcobb5122
    @connorcobb5122 2 года назад +86

    Love the 7 years old impression of Trump and all the nick names for him you have.

    • @MaryAnnNytowl
      @MaryAnnNytowl 2 года назад +7

      The nicknames came from when he asked us to send him things on Twitter that he could call TFG rather than simply using T**** in print and something like "the president" before 20 Jan, 2021, and "the former president" after that time. We sent him a huge number of names to call TFG (many of them much more witty than mine were!), and hes been using them ever since! I don't think he's ever repeated one, yet, either - that's how many we sent him. 😄😄😄😄

  • @user-pt1cz4ot1e
    @user-pt1cz4ot1e 2 года назад +180

    “Legally in Florida, meth is a vegetable.”
    Facts.

    • @Echo81Rumple83
      @Echo81Rumple83 2 года назад +4

      So is weed, but at least it doesn't outright kill you if you overdose.

    • @tarawilliams6732
      @tarawilliams6732 2 года назад +4

      Lol I live in Daytona Beach fl and he's right.... zombies up all night and begging all day

    • @loriwbahadur
      @loriwbahadur 2 года назад

      @@Echo81Rumple83 It will if you feed enough to your smaller pets, like my neighbors did to one of their cats they never got fixed.

    • @lynnebucher6537
      @lynnebucher6537 2 года назад +3

      As a Florida resident, I had to laugh at that one. Meth might as well be a vegetable.

    • @user-pt1cz4ot1e
      @user-pt1cz4ot1e 2 года назад +2

      @@tarawilliams6732 we used to go to Daytona all the time. You’re not lying.

  • @brianleslie1632
    @brianleslie1632 2 года назад +150

    “Speaking of slow-moving, foul-smelling beasts, the former president” BEST SEGUE EVER!! 😂🤣

  • @morganqorishchi8181
    @morganqorishchi8181 2 года назад +2

    That kid has a future ahead of him as a voice actor. He really nails the mood and intonation of the message well.

  • @stephaniecornwell8766
    @stephaniecornwell8766 2 года назад +100

    That kid was waaaay too kind in his delivery of that idiotic statement

    • @s.d.c5513
      @s.d.c5513 2 года назад

      Give him credit. It's hard to vocalize that level of stupid

    • @DustyJones1997BGCL
      @DustyJones1997BGCL 2 года назад +6

      I agree

    • @Confucius_Says...
      @Confucius_Says... 2 года назад +5

      Probably because the kid was wayyyy more emotionally mature...

  • @divine1052
    @divine1052 2 года назад +331

    The little guy pronounces words better than tRump 😆 & is an excellent reader!

    • @nonyabizness.original
      @nonyabizness.original 2 года назад +2

      it's a woman doing the voice.

    • @pefo1674
      @pefo1674 2 года назад

      Anyone would...
      Hell, even Greta Thunberg speaks and understands English better than #45 Cheato for cryin´ out loud...
      Though it IS a really low bar though...
      Mouse high ?

    • @sophierobinson2738
      @sophierobinson2738 2 года назад +3

      @@nonyabizness.original not. jealous, much?

    • @raygunsforronnie847
      @raygunsforronnie847 2 года назад

      @@sophierobinson2738 It's common for female voice actors to portray child voices.

    • @bigfootdogwood7464
      @bigfootdogwood7464 2 года назад

      Yea I was thinking the same thing and what he could do for Biden's poll numbers

  • @lesd1051
    @lesd1051 2 года назад +76

    THAT was hilarious. Colbert's writers deserve a huge raise - that series of jokes smacked the ball out of the park (with a slight W/SW wind at 5 MPH) and it went "Clang" into my ears. Loved it!!!!

    • @eric2500
      @eric2500 2 года назад +1

      *CLANNNNNNGGGGG!*

    • @kelliebrown8643
      @kelliebrown8643 2 года назад +1

      😆👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🤣

  • @nicklindsay3418
    @nicklindsay3418 2 года назад +2

    That was brilliant. Even not stoned I would laughed my ass off. I heard Dumps voice saying exactly what that kid said. Hilarious

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage 2 года назад +113

    If you've ever seen an adult male roo flexing, you'll know why Vlad bombed them. He can't stand that they look so much buffer shirtless than he ever will.

    • @victoriabaker4400
      @victoriabaker4400 2 года назад +6

      I figured he was trying to do more attacks on civilian morale. Little did he know. But that's being demonstrated on the regular right now.

    • @rdoodoo2021
      @rdoodoo2021 2 года назад +1

      He is such a psychopath. Who bombs a damn zoo? Seriously.

  • @Droemar
    @Droemar 2 года назад +918

    You gotta love that when people fleece the government for millions in PPP loans it's "smart", but when poor people do the same thing it's "shameful."

    • @jpdemer5
      @jpdemer5 2 года назад +32

      "They won't catch me until later" is a pretty f'n stupid rationale for any crime.

    • @tammyforbes2101
      @tammyforbes2101 2 года назад

      Yea they borrow $250k in your name then loan you $5k of it and charge you $10k in fines and taxes paying it back and we are the criminals?

    • @Alucard0715
      @Alucard0715 2 года назад +19

      So the poor aren't people? Or did you mean to say "rich people"?

    • @Taijifufu
      @Taijifufu 2 года назад +50

      @@Alucard0715 the people who fleeced the government for millions in PPP loans would probably put it like that.

    • @devinnall2284
      @devinnall2284 2 года назад

      That's basically how it works in America. You steal a thousand dollars and you're a criminal, steal a million dollars and you're business savvy.

  • @matbroomfield
    @matbroomfield 2 года назад +12

    If that was an actual 7 year old reading that, he deserves an award for that performance!

  • @dennismoon6693
    @dennismoon6693 2 года назад +13

    "I don't like people who brag" - the man who puts out a statement announcing a hole-in-one.

  • @DoctorProph3t
    @DoctorProph3t 2 года назад +128

    On behalf of all aussies thank you for saving our foreign marsupial citizens.

    • @peaceloveharmony7213
      @peaceloveharmony7213 2 года назад +3

      Those precious little guys! I got choked up and teary eyed. Also,
      I love how you described them.

  • @ceceliawight7059
    @ceceliawight7059 2 года назад +137

    They forgave PPP loans but are not forgiving student loans?

    • @petepierre6458
      @petepierre6458 2 года назад

      The biggest fraud was 45.

    • @TreeCutterDoug
      @TreeCutterDoug 2 года назад +17

      This country is so effed.

    • @MatrixDownload5150
      @MatrixDownload5150 2 года назад +5

      I had $14000 when this started and by the time they actually get to giving student loan forgiveness to me there won’t be anything to forgive!

    • @Echo81Rumple83
      @Echo81Rumple83 2 года назад +10

      Priorities, man. Boy, do they lack any, alongside with any human decency.

    • @goblinwisdom
      @goblinwisdom 2 года назад

      Uk has same problem, our conservative government are disgusting gaslighting grifters. They bought from donors and friends businesses useless ppe for hundreds of millions, they used 36 billion on a uk bespoke track a trace that doesn't work, but Germany spent under 1 billion on the eu designed one, which works.
      Also uk's chancellor's wife has 460million invested in Russian businesses( that is taking 30 days to begin sanctions on...) the chancellor ( the richest mp in the house) has just done nothing to mitigate the largest drop in quality of life since the 1950s ( when we still has rationing) weep for the uk were fucked.

  • @vercoda9997
    @vercoda9997 2 года назад +50

    Fun fact: My elderly dad here in Ireland has 9 hole in ones (now a long retired Garda/cop and former Captain of Everything, he's an annoyingly, fastidiously honest man, and the very definition of good sportsmanship), but I've never heard him brag about any of them as Trump did with this claimed single hole in one, which seems as credible as Trump claiming he'd scored 19 hole in ones that day, before going on to single-handedly play some ice hockey against Canada's national team, who he roundly trounced.

    • @letmetryscience4535
      @letmetryscience4535 2 года назад +5

      His admiration for Kim Jong Un is making more and more sense

    • @mip4422
      @mip4422 2 года назад

      how do you know about all nine of those hole in ones if he never bragged about them?

    • @vercoda9997
      @vercoda9997 2 года назад

      @@mip4422 You get awarded official certificates here, as well as (on occasion) potentially collecting a trophy/award for same. Dad also has photos of being congratulated at official golf club events for some of them. It's one thing if a club honours or marks such a rare achievement, let alone so many, but another if the individual brags about them - dad is also a quiet, modest, no-fuss kind of guy, the polar opposite of self-aggrandising Trump.

  • @katescarratt4267
    @katescarratt4267 2 года назад +6

    "The boy who cried Golf"! Write that book, Stephen. I'll bet there's plenty of material.

  • @scottmwilhelms2437
    @scottmwilhelms2437 2 года назад +81

    While I appreciate honesty, inconsequential lies would be preferable to those that assault the fabric of civilized society.
    While I pray one day he'll rant from the jailhouse for now the clubhouse will do just please America don't let him in the White House again. 🙏

  • @jillkehoe9656
    @jillkehoe9656 2 года назад +183

    Best April fools day ever! Just what I needed! My therapists’; Jimmy, Jimmy, Stephen, Trevor, Seth, John, and James helped me make it through another day!!

  • @InspiredScience
    @InspiredScience 2 года назад +21

    For the record, Trump's 181-yard with 5-Iron claim, is implausible on many levels. 181 yards is about the distance of a five-iron hit by a zero-handicap golfer (which, of course, Trump is nowhere near) -- the physics don't make sense. In addition, a golfer has to pick their club based on their experience and the desired distance. Unless it's simply his "big hands" narcissism, it would be comical to think Trump would choose a 5-Iron for a 181-yard shot. Something ... Somewhere ... Isn't adding up (no surprise).

  • @calvinbright3054
    @calvinbright3054 2 года назад +24

    When you're a pathological liar and notorious cheat at golf, no one will believe you made a hole-in-one without a Golden Retriever's help fetching your ball from the pond and dropping it in the hole for you.

    • @jie-yingphua7028
      @jie-yingphua7028 2 года назад +2

      Surely there has to be a video of a Goldie dog doing that somewhere, and that would be FAR more adorable to watch too!

  • @thomasd4738
    @thomasd4738 2 года назад +58

    That 7-year-old voice actor has some damn good comic timing!

    • @ChozoSR388
      @ChozoSR388 2 года назад +12

      Not to mention, fantastic inflection. Most adults I know can't put that much personality into something they read aloud.

    • @L-Anded
      @L-Anded 2 года назад +10

      Give that kid a raise! He's great.

    • @Mister_Listener
      @Mister_Listener 2 года назад

      I’s guess that an acting coach (adult) coached him when he was on mic, and then it was edited together. A 7 year old cant do that sarcasm. Can he? Lol.

    • @jacquelineleitch7050
      @jacquelineleitch7050 2 года назад +3

      Kids who haven't been interfered with can do much.

    • @audreymuzingo933
      @audreymuzingo933 2 года назад +1

      I can't believe how many people think it's an actual male child as opposed to an adult woman.

  • @knick5032
    @knick5032 2 года назад +90

    I thought the funniest line was gonna be: "just ducktape it to the monkey" I was happy it only got funnier from there! 😅🤣😂

    • @paulrandig
      @paulrandig 2 года назад +3

      I was waiting for, "it's a bit slow, even for a turtle. Oh no... it's potato."

    • @knick5032
      @knick5032 2 года назад +2

      @Paul Randig damn...I completely forgot about the nightly potato reference.

    • @LadyWhinesalot
      @LadyWhinesalot 2 года назад

      @gelas lawas stop spamming for clicks

  • @thexalon
    @thexalon 2 года назад +9

    Hearing the Mini Coup-er describe his "hole-in-one", it almost sounded like he thought the goal of the game was to put his 5-iron in the hole, not the ball.

  • @jamiewomack
    @jamiewomack 2 года назад +2

    That kid's delivery and timing are PRICELESS! He should be part of your regular staff, especially for readings from Dolt 45!

  • @TreeCutterDoug
    @TreeCutterDoug 2 года назад +254

    Totally true, real story, everyone's talking about, the bigliest, most amazing shot they've ever seen in the history of ever: a shithole-in-one.

    • @whitebirchtarot
      @whitebirchtarot 2 года назад +8

      Oh, that’s great! You should be a writer on Colbert’s show. 😁

    • @TreeCutterDoug
      @TreeCutterDoug 2 года назад +19

      @@whitebirchtarot Nuthin' but the kind of word salad you'd expect from Mango Mussolini. I'm no where NEAR talented enough to write for these guys... They have been absolutely killin' it this week.

    • @joeparks614
      @joeparks614 2 года назад +14

      He didn’t see the ball go in the hole yet at 181 yards he heard the thunk🤔🤡

    • @leenacw6844
      @leenacw6844 2 года назад +2

      😂

    • @joseville
      @joseville 2 года назад

      The biggest a hole in one.

  • @julsjewels3185
    @julsjewels3185 2 года назад +707

    You never fail to bring a laugh when the world is falling apart. That is when we need a laugh the most

    • @WarblesOnALot
      @WarblesOnALot 2 года назад

      @Armed baby
      G'day,
      You sound like an
      EFIL-ist.
      Look up Gary Mosher, at inmendham Channel ; you will fit right in.
      ;-p
      Ciao !

    • @MaryAnnNytowl
      @MaryAnnNytowl 2 года назад

      @Armed baby what the _~bleeping bleepety bleep~_ is WRONG with you? Keep your apocalypse porn to yourselves, weirdos!

    • @teresathayn5170
      @teresathayn5170 2 года назад +18

      Speak for yourself! With every scary thing going on I'm more determined to LIVE my life to the fullest!! Just started my dream job!! I love everyone and am working and voting for the best outcome for us all!! ;)

    • @Marshall_Stacks
      @Marshall_Stacks 2 года назад +11

      @Armed baby You could just deal with your own situation and save the rest of us from your posts going forward....

    • @Marijuanifornia
      @Marijuanifornia 2 года назад +5

      I want to fight the leader of the Proud Boys.

  • @calinasagilitypartner4444
    @calinasagilitypartner4444 2 года назад +2

    "I'm a very modest individual." Sorry, Mr. Colbert, but that line was the funniest of the monologue!

  • @liamnehren1054
    @liamnehren1054 2 года назад +3

    The funniest part: the seven year old was definitely speaking faster than trump and more clearly than trump ever could

  • @Sayitlikitiz101
    @Sayitlikitiz101 2 года назад +5

    "Speaking of slow-moving foul-smelling beast!" 😁😂🤣

  • @EcEryda
    @EcEryda 2 года назад +15

    Man, wtf is the point in bombing a freaking zoo! How cruel do you have to be to make that your target...

    • @Red-rl1xx
      @Red-rl1xx 2 года назад +4

      Yeah! Really! So glad that worker saved those animals!

    • @michaeleager4635
      @michaeleager4635 2 года назад +2

      Forgotten about maternity and psychiatric hospitals already?

    • @EcEryda
      @EcEryda 2 года назад

      @@michaeleager4635 What? Dont be stupid

  • @catherinereynolds9644
    @catherinereynolds9644 2 года назад +5

    So funny. Yet, when I come to a troll comment, always surprised. Thank you, Steven, for all the laughter, when it is so need☮️💜

  • @ZchibizroxZ
    @ZchibizroxZ 2 года назад +1

    Every new statement that gets put out, the delivery gets better & better. Bless that kid, whoever thought of this gag is a genius.

  • @HunnyBunz1138
    @HunnyBunz1138 2 года назад +115

    Steven Colberts monologues give me life

  • @bilateralrope8643
    @bilateralrope8643 2 года назад +15

    The clank makes me think that something metallic was involved. Possibly also magnets to make the ball go into the hole.

    • @danielgehring7437
      @danielgehring7437 2 года назад +3

      I'm guessing a secret service agent with a slingshot and a really good eye.

    • @Kimberly-dt4ko
      @Kimberly-dt4ko 2 года назад +1

      His golf spikes when he tapped it in with his toes.

  • @tarawilliams6732
    @tarawilliams6732 2 года назад +6

    Man I am truly grateful for this show, I have my alarm ⏰ set just in case I fall asleep. This man is like a drug I can't get enough 😂 love him with all of my heart

  • @bsusak09
    @bsusak09 2 года назад +13

    Literally the way Trump talks about his hole in one is EXACTLY the same way Kim Jong-Un talks about himself. It's identical.

    • @Deckzwabber
      @Deckzwabber 2 года назад

      They may have had the same teacher

  • @studio1954thereflections
    @studio1954thereflections 2 года назад +9

    Great show ...best wishes from Ontario Canada🇨🇦❤️🇨🇦

  • @boomxmilizexpathacks9440
    @boomxmilizexpathacks9440 2 года назад +7

    Pandemic plus loose critters...
    Twelve Monkeys!

  • @rebeccahenderson7761
    @rebeccahenderson7761 2 года назад +15

    "Except for Bill Barr, who had a minor stroke." If only!
    Colbert & his writers are pure genius.

  • @chromeorihara1949
    @chromeorihara1949 2 года назад +2

    I burst out laughing at the "minor stroke" part. This monologue was comedy gold.

  • @pantherboy9536
    @pantherboy9536 2 года назад +11

    I'd bet that all of his golf buddies had to sign a NDA.

  • @rohitr9400
    @rohitr9400 2 года назад +986

    Trump calling himself modest. Now I've seen everything.

    • @Foolish188
      @Foolish188 2 года назад +40

      April Fool!

    • @MrPhotodoc
      @MrPhotodoc 2 года назад +9

      Unfortunately we ain't seen nothing yet.

    • @divine1052
      @divine1052 2 года назад +6

      😂🤣

    • @stevewebber707
      @stevewebber707 2 года назад +41

      We haven't seen #45 behind bars yet.
      I'm hoping we get to see everything though.

    • @quicktrip602
      @quicktrip602 2 года назад +14

      Very Modest*

  • @StephBer1
    @StephBer1 2 года назад +3

    Thanks to the guy for savings the kangaroos and wallabies. Poor babies must have been so scared.
    ❤️ Australia

  • @Pecisk
    @Pecisk 2 года назад +5

    That kid's rendition of Trump's quote got me in stiches. Thank you team :D

  • @nigelsenchez
    @nigelsenchez 2 года назад +10

    I highly doubt Trumpet would use the word whereupon.

  • @hvt45
    @hvt45 2 года назад +5

    Give that 7 years old a raise.

  • @expatannie6958
    @expatannie6958 2 года назад +2

    "So, speaking of slow moving, foul smelling beasts ... the former president..." What a segue, Stephen's writers are really the best!

  • @zulmavillalba6137
    @zulmavillalba6137 2 года назад +2

    That kid is amazing! Love it ❤❤❤❤

  • @lavonnereschke5488
    @lavonnereschke5488 2 года назад +58

    Your humor fills me with laughter. Love it and need it. Lavonne

  • @lizziie8
    @lizziie8 2 года назад +14

    That 7 yr old kid is super talented. Had me crackin' up!

    • @audreymuzingo933
      @audreymuzingo933 2 года назад

      adult woman, not a little boy.

    • @lizziie8
      @lizziie8 2 года назад +1

      Sounds like a little kid. How do you know it is not?

    • @SamuraiFoochs
      @SamuraiFoochs 2 года назад +2

      @@lizziie8 She's posting it under almost every comment talking about that for some reason. One of those weird, pathological I HAVE TO BE RIGHT RUclips comment things people do instead of, y'know, letting a funny thing be funny.

    • @lizziie8
      @lizziie8 2 года назад

      @@SamuraiFoochs Thanks for letting me know!

  • @SilentKnight43
    @SilentKnight43 2 года назад +1

    The young gaffer doin' the T**** dialogue was perfect! lmao

  • @denise7024HM
    @denise7024HM 2 года назад

    Oh my gosh, that little boy was awesome. BRAVO! 👏👏👏

  • @paulabrown6840
    @paulabrown6840 2 года назад +25

    Hilarious! 😂
    I think the boy reading the other Big Lie letter is the “apparently boy” 👏🏼

  • @HyperactiveNeuron
    @HyperactiveNeuron 2 года назад +4

    Slow moving, foul smelling beasts LMFAO! That's up there with Mango Musculi 🤣

  • @MrCsifan55
    @MrCsifan55 2 года назад +2

    That child deserves an award. 🤣🤣😂

  • @MrGksarathy
    @MrGksarathy 2 года назад +2

    I'll say this. Getting rid of means testing will actually reduce fraud, because determining who's more "deserving" of aid is a fool's errand anyway.

  • @drnancysjohnson3844
    @drnancysjohnson3844 2 года назад +42

    I second penguinista’s comments.As I was laughing as I listened to “The Kid”, I kept thinking, “I hope they’re paying him a lot & he’s a lot smarter at age 7 than Trump ever was or ever will be. Thanks for making my day!!

    • @LadyWhinesalot
      @LadyWhinesalot 2 года назад

      @gelas lawas stop spamming for clicks

  • @SRowntree
    @SRowntree 2 года назад +10

    That kid deserves an Emmy

  • @at0micbunnygirl
    @at0micbunnygirl 2 года назад +8

    Omg, Stephen, you had me in stitches! Funniest monologue in a while. I nearly lost my breath laughing so hard. 👏👏👏🤣🤣🤣

  • @BobWeaver3000
    @BobWeaver3000 2 года назад +3

    i hadn't laughed all day, until the kid read the hole in one fable!!! lol

  • @TimmyB1867
    @TimmyB1867 2 года назад +9

    even read by a kid I can't stand the former toddler in chief

  • @jstnxprsn
    @jstnxprsn 2 года назад +9

    Anybody believe TFG actually wrote a story which used the word, "whereupon"?
    Yeah, me neither.

  • @kendallstark4302
    @kendallstark4302 2 года назад +9

    Goddamn, that has to be THE greatest monologue Stephen and his writers have come out with in a while. And please, that kid deserves *major* props.

  • @25daysAmonth
    @25daysAmonth 2 года назад +3

    If the academy takes away Will Smith's Oscar, I know of a seven year old kid that deserves it🏆

  • @DustyJones1997BGCL
    @DustyJones1997BGCL 2 года назад +7

    Love that 7 year old boy impression of the former guy he is so cute 🥺🥰

  • @alansmitheejr.
    @alansmitheejr. 2 года назад +21

    He may have got a hole in one at golf, but he struggled to do it successfully with Stormy.

  • @birbluv9595
    @birbluv9595 2 года назад

    The golf segment is pure gold! 100% gold, no strokes.

  • @bwell6941
    @bwell6941 2 года назад +2

    ….”and i don’t like people who brag”😂😂

  • @MatrixDownload5150
    @MatrixDownload5150 2 года назад +15

    I have been paying my student loan during the pandemic and by the time they get around to student loan forgiveness I suspect that I won’t owe anything!

  • @jayluck8047
    @jayluck8047 2 года назад +5

    3:39 “I KNEW IT!!! Kangaroos are just posturing! They can get along in small enclosures without engaging in the sport of fisticuffs while still maintaining their ridiculously cute yet punchable demeanour!!!!

  • @jcoopes5604
    @jcoopes5604 2 года назад +2

    FYI: it’s primary season, register and vote 🗳! We cannot let them get control! Let’s ditch Mitch and minions for all they stand for/on!

  • @kmay860
    @kmay860 2 года назад +2

    OMG.. The best segway "speaking of slow moving foul smelling beasts"! Halarious!

  • @11cabadger
    @11cabadger 2 года назад +41

    This wasn't a rock'em-sock'em monologue but I enjoyed it immensely. (Those marsupials in a bus were so darn cute.) Thanks, Stephen (and 7-year-old boy)❣️

    • @allisonjames2923
      @allisonjames2923 2 года назад +5

      So frickin evil that people bomb a zoo FFS 🤬

    • @11cabadger
      @11cabadger 2 года назад +3

      @@allisonjames2923 love your hedgehog, Allison❣️

    • @pefo1674
      @pefo1674 2 года назад

      @@allisonjames2923 They´re Russians (Putin) so why expect anything else ?

    • @allisonjames2923
      @allisonjames2923 2 года назад

      @@11cabadger They’re the cutest aren’t they? Wish I could actually have a hedgie friend but we have echidnas in my country instead. They’re super cute too but very big & shy

    • @allisonjames2923
      @allisonjames2923 2 года назад

      @@pefo1674 Putin yes. I’m sure he tortures small animals for breakfast entertainment after poisoning his latest rival or person who p’s him off. But most Russians are just ordinary people & like animals too. Even the ones forced to be or who choose to be soldiers. It’s bad enough making war on civilian shelters, but I guess then they use the excuse that the civilians are fighting back. But animals? That’s just plain evil!

  • @fatgila2317
    @fatgila2317 2 года назад +169

    Outstanding monologue Stephen! The Trump golf bit about his "hole in one" .... LMAO!!! Trump is such a looser!

    • @mailasun
      @mailasun 2 года назад

      *loser. “Loose” means “not tight”.

    • @BD-uw1kq
      @BD-uw1kq 2 года назад

      If he was any looser, he'd fall out of his own a$$, don't you think?

    • @calvinbright3054
      @calvinbright3054 2 года назад +3

      Well, you can be sure none of his cult know about it because his "news release" was more than 280 characters. "I don't like to brag but I'm the bestest and most magnificent at cheating, lying, bankruptcy, fraud, treason, and whining in the whole wide world. No one can cheat at golf better than me. I'm the bigliest cheater at golf ever! Just ask my caddy, when gets back from retrieving my ball from the pond."

  • @bianca-sg8zq
    @bianca-sg8zq 2 года назад

    Give that kid an Emmy right now!! That was hilarious!!🤣😂😂🎬

  • @albe7292
    @albe7292 2 года назад +1

    another amazing suit and tie combo

  • @normalhuman1805
    @normalhuman1805 2 года назад +30

    The ruthless censoring of Cult45 never fails to make me laugh.

    • @TreeCutterDoug
      @TreeCutterDoug 2 года назад +7

      I noticed long before he made note of it, and I am forever grateful. The call out for alternative, more accurate names, has paid out in spades!

  • @theurbanshaman
    @theurbanshaman 2 года назад +15

    PPP didn't trickle down, despite it's name.

  • @zaroffhound
    @zaroffhound 2 года назад +1

    That kid with the presidential voice...there's a distinct 1980's overripe nuance to his surge of enthusiasm. Spot on.

  • @AlwaysANemesis
    @AlwaysANemesis 2 года назад +1

    Whatever you're paying that kid for his readings, it will never be enough.