As a child I felt sorry for the crayons I wasn't using so often. I've always felt like there must be a balance and have always been for perfect justice.
Another thing mentioned by Emily... is at work I've been approached by a staff member who has asked if I'm ok, because I appear to be very stressed, and my response was 'oh, do I?' This has happened many times in different scenarios, & I just thought others were very perceptive (after I've questioned my own emotional state)! This is the first time I've been able to relate to somebody else! Thank you!
I'm sooo glad I found this! Ella is a fantastic host and this video covers a host of topics I never even considered - I used to feel guilty for using one colouring pen more than the other ones, or whether my soft toys were getting the same amount of affection. Maybe one step further: I used to feel sorry for leaves that had fallen from trees and hide them under my pillow to make them feel better/more loved! My mum used to find loads of leaves under my pillow when she was cleaning. I think autistic people can be incredibly empathetic. It's one of the most frustrating myths about us for sure! And YES to music as a stimming aid - if I'm alone listening to music, I pace and stim like crazy. Sends me to my happy place :)
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
As a Autistic adult as I've gotten older my stims have only gotten bigger 🥰 Because the demands in life have got so much higher, the older I get it seems my emotions even become much more intense 💗 .. So has the stress in life increased so therefore I express myself in bigger stimming, like I actually do hand- clap. I clap my hands quite hard together, mostly during euphoria and excitement 😃 ..... The emotion I feel internally gets that heightened that I end up clapping my hands together multiple times in a row 🥰 I also have being known to vocal stim a fair- bit, ever since a young age I've always loved singing.. Whereas, when really upbeat and happy music plays I'll sing and dance a lot in my euphoric state 😁♡♡ I tend to showcase that side my real authentic self at home and at work. Because I work in supported employment around.... Others work- colleagues, whom are like- minded or are a another kind of neurodivergent human/ have other invisible differences ☺️ This was so wonderful thanks so much for sharing your insights, said with love and kindness 🥰♡♡ xo
Hi guys, I really love these videos you're collaborating on, they're so helpful! As a 57 Yr old diagnosed adhd last November initially from asd assessment in the May (looking into 2nd opinion as I don't conform, & only have a few asd traits apparently), I find them really relatable! I totally get the "oh, now you're making it all about you", when attempting to offer empathy. I find social situations quite difficult, in that I'm unable to walk into a social gathering unless I'm with somebody, I have never been, for instance, able to walk into a pub/bar/party alone, even when been invited... I used to wait outside my local club for somebody to come outside and I would send them back in to get my friend if they didn't arrive with me. Sometimes I'd be waiting long periods of time before mobile phones were a thing. 🤦♀️
I feel your frustration. I often find it difficult to relate properly with people. It seems like as you mentioned, that if someone is venting about something and I talk about something similar that I’ve dealt with, that they feel like I’m trying to shift focus to myself. I’m only trying to relate though and don’t actually like the attention on myself.
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
Another directly on point discussion with loads and loads of specific helpful details, experiences, and strategies. The shared experiences along with the differences provides permission for difference as well possible ways of coping. The groups collection of knowledge, different ages, experiences, provides such a rich collection of awareness and permission it is almost overwhelming (in the best way). It is very difficult to articulate the power of this video and the other video in this format. It has real effective impact. Thank you!
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
Oh my goodness, the empathy towards inanimate objects! I have to cycle through all of my mugs because it doesn’t feel right to keep picking the same one - the others will feel neglected
I hugely identify with your asking your husband "What's wrong, what's wrong??" For me it's part hyper empathy, part not understanding emotions and when/how people feel them, and part hypervigilance from the good ol' traumatic upbringing. I try to wait until my husband offers his feelings (or that there's even anything wrong), and/or I'll say "Tell me about your day." He appreciates that I care, but even more he appreciates the opportunity to share his opinions and whatnot in whatever way he wants. Then a phrase I've learned from group therapy is "How I can support you," which is so simple and yet so hard to remember when trying to support somebody in the moment 😕 The suggestion to use music to help feel less awkward about physically obvious stimming is a good idea, and thank you! Learning to unmask after almost 40 years of masking/trying to mask is complicated and confusing. I so appreciate videos like this! Listening to other autistic women talk about their experiences, and being able to hear perspectives about coping mechanisms from a non-autistic mental health professional who seems to have **actually worked at trying to understand autism,** is just...fantastic 💕
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
Totally relate to the empathy with teddies!!! I used to have a register for my toys so they all had fairness in the number of nights I took them to bed.
The definition of empathy is to understand and share the feelings of others. According to Aspergers expert Tony Atwood ,the one thing AS people just cannot do is to put themselves in another persons shoes,which surely is what someone has to do to qualify to having empathy. Someone is wrong. In my limited NT experience of interactions with an AS person,where I’d have expected empathetic responses ,I got mechanical reactions that felt like they had been learned from a book,or a blank look. The emotional information I was conveying didn’t seem to register that it was painful for me.
I have question, no worries if no one can answer. A little bit of explaining: I’m very empathetic and like Ella said, when someone else in the room has something up I can tell easily especially if I know them well. Because I feel so intensely what others feel, when someone comes to me for help it’s tiring, and I’ve actually started crying from hearing someone else tell me something that was hard for them. This means that in the past I’ve found it extremely difficult to say no to many conversations surrounding a friends mental health for example because I know I’m good at saying the right things. (By many times I mean multiple times a week for at least an hour each time for a few years. I was too young to know how much this would damage me.)This means I’ve been used in the past, without getting anything from that “friend” in return. Do you have any advice on how to separate myself from other peoples emotions? I am working on setting boundaries for my future relationships, but I struggle with the guilt. Thank you so much, and really no worries if no one can answer! :)))
Hey, I relate to you. I've too been approached by some of my friends in many instances. And you are very correct with the fact that it affects us as if we are the ones experiencing the emotions. The only viable solution here is to reduce the frequency of talking to this friend about their issues. But now since the damage is done, you need to rewrite your way of emotional responses. I think a good way can be watching really funny movies or movies with "happy ending". The key is to be really engaged when you do this. As engaged as you were when listening to your friends problems. See if it works for you. Good luck!
This is really informative and helpful. Do you have any information on feeling an emotion but not being able to express it or expressing it the opposite? Eg, feeling really sad but it comes out as laughter/smiling as you feel awkward crying or showing sadness. Also emotion building up unseen by others then resulting in emotional reaction
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
It's a great video. I love hearing from Hannah and Emily. I feel that all that those two gave great feedback and I take it on board. Good luck to them both and good luck to you too. Also I contribute to a group that Emily helps run on twitter and she's a wonderful person. I'm so proud of her
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
Do you think it is sufficiently respectful to redirect a child to 'pick a different stim' if the one they're using seems too disruptive to others who share their space? (I'm an undiagnosed probably-ASD mom, who is trying to balance the needs of a sensory seeker and sensory avoider in addition to meeting my own needs. It's really hard. I'm trying not to let the ablist messages I grew up with overshadow respectful care, but honestly sometimes their stimming IS too much. What's best practice? Does anyone have a good social script for this or tools for helping people understand and accept that others have needs too?
I know we're not 'supposed' to think this way but I struggle with most people IRL because everyone seems emotionally uneducated. I have dang ol' alexithymia constantly and how is it that it seems like ME of all people is picking up on emotional realities that I can see 3 or 4 allistics all seemingly miss while they beat up on that week's whipping boy, during the designated work gossiping time, who has violated some unspoken social rule or looked less sexually attractive than the NTs require of everyone for the baseline standard of *gasp* leaving your own house.
As a child I felt sorry for the crayons I wasn't using so often. I've always felt like there must be a balance and have always been for perfect justice.
Empathy in ASD seems to one of those traits that can be elevated or diminished, similar to the differences in sensory processing.
Empathy towards objects: if I accidentally bash my guitar into something, I find myself saying “ow” as if I’d stubbed my toe.
Another thing mentioned by Emily... is at work I've been approached by a staff member who has asked if I'm ok, because I appear to be very stressed, and my response was 'oh, do I?' This has happened many times in different scenarios, & I just thought others were very perceptive (after I've questioned my own emotional state)!
This is the first time I've been able to relate to somebody else! Thank you!
I'm sooo glad I found this! Ella is a fantastic host and this video covers a host of topics I never even considered - I used to feel guilty for using one colouring pen more than the other ones, or whether my soft toys were getting the same amount of affection.
Maybe one step further: I used to feel sorry for leaves that had fallen from trees and hide them under my pillow to make them feel better/more loved! My mum used to find loads of leaves under my pillow when she was cleaning. I think autistic people can be incredibly empathetic. It's one of the most frustrating myths about us for sure!
And YES to music as a stimming aid - if I'm alone listening to music, I pace and stim like crazy. Sends me to my happy place :)
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
As a Autistic adult as I've gotten older my stims have only gotten bigger 🥰 Because the demands in life have got so much higher, the older I get it seems my emotions even become much more intense 💗 ..
So has the stress in life increased so therefore I express myself in bigger stimming, like I actually do hand- clap. I clap my hands quite hard together, mostly during euphoria and excitement 😃 .....
The emotion I feel internally gets that heightened that I end up clapping my hands together multiple times in a row 🥰 I also have being known to vocal stim a fair- bit, ever since a young age I've always loved singing..
Whereas, when really upbeat and happy music plays I'll sing and dance a lot in my euphoric state 😁♡♡ I tend to showcase that side my real authentic self at home and at work. Because I work in supported employment around....
Others work- colleagues, whom are like- minded or are a another kind of neurodivergent human/ have other invisible differences ☺️ This was so wonderful thanks so much for sharing your insights, said with love and kindness 🥰♡♡ xo
Hi guys, I really love these videos you're collaborating on, they're so helpful! As a 57 Yr old diagnosed adhd last November initially from asd assessment in the May (looking into 2nd opinion as I don't conform, & only have a few asd traits apparently), I find them really relatable! I totally get the "oh, now you're making it all about you", when attempting to offer empathy.
I find social situations quite difficult, in that I'm unable to walk into a social gathering unless I'm with somebody, I have never been, for instance, able to walk into a pub/bar/party alone, even when been invited... I used to wait outside my local club for somebody to come outside and I would send them back in to get my friend if they didn't arrive with me. Sometimes I'd be waiting long periods of time before mobile phones were a thing. 🤦♀️
I feel your frustration. I often find it difficult to relate properly with people. It seems like as you mentioned, that if someone is venting about something and I talk about something similar that I’ve dealt with, that they feel like I’m trying to shift focus to myself. I’m only trying to relate though and don’t actually like the attention on myself.
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
Another directly on point discussion with loads and loads of specific helpful details, experiences, and strategies. The shared experiences along with the differences provides permission for difference as well possible ways of coping. The groups collection of knowledge, different ages, experiences, provides such a rich collection of awareness and permission it is almost overwhelming (in the best way). It is very difficult to articulate the power of this video and the other video in this format. It has real effective impact. Thank you!
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
Oh my goodness, the empathy towards inanimate objects! I have to cycle through all of my mugs because it doesn’t feel right to keep picking the same one - the others will feel neglected
I hugely identify with your asking your husband "What's wrong, what's wrong??" For me it's part hyper empathy, part not understanding emotions and when/how people feel them, and part hypervigilance from the good ol' traumatic upbringing. I try to wait until my husband offers his feelings (or that there's even anything wrong), and/or I'll say "Tell me about your day." He appreciates that I care, but even more he appreciates the opportunity to share his opinions and whatnot in whatever way he wants. Then a phrase I've learned from group therapy is "How I can support you," which is so simple and yet so hard to remember when trying to support somebody in the moment 😕
The suggestion to use music to help feel less awkward about physically obvious stimming is a good idea, and thank you! Learning to unmask after almost 40 years of masking/trying to mask is complicated and confusing.
I so appreciate videos like this! Listening to other autistic women talk about their experiences, and being able to hear perspectives about coping mechanisms from a non-autistic mental health professional who seems to have **actually worked at trying to understand autism,** is just...fantastic 💕
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
Totally relate to the empathy with teddies!!! I used to have a register for my toys so they all had fairness in the number of nights I took them to bed.
Really good info. Thanks x
The definition of empathy is to understand and share the feelings of others.
According to Aspergers expert Tony Atwood ,the one thing AS people just cannot do is to put themselves in another persons shoes,which surely is what someone has to do to qualify to having empathy.
Someone is wrong.
In my limited NT experience of interactions with an AS person,where I’d have expected empathetic responses ,I got mechanical reactions that felt like they had been learned from a book,or a blank look.
The emotional information I was conveying didn’t seem to register that it was painful for me.
I have question, no worries if no one can answer.
A little bit of explaining: I’m very empathetic and like Ella said, when someone else in the room has something up I can tell easily especially if I know them well. Because I feel so intensely what others feel, when someone comes to me for help it’s tiring, and I’ve actually started crying from hearing someone else tell me something that was hard for them. This means that in the past I’ve found it extremely difficult to say no to many conversations surrounding a friends mental health for example because I know I’m good at saying the right things. (By many times I mean multiple times a week for at least an hour each time for a few years. I was too young to know how much this would damage me.)This means I’ve been used in the past, without getting anything from that “friend” in return.
Do you have any advice on how to separate myself from other peoples emotions?
I am working on setting boundaries for my future relationships, but I struggle with the guilt.
Thank you so much, and really no worries if no one can answer! :)))
Hey, I relate to you. I've too been approached by some of my friends in many instances. And you are very correct with the fact that it affects us as if we are the ones experiencing the emotions.
The only viable solution here is to reduce the frequency of talking to this friend about their issues. But now since the damage is done, you need to rewrite your way of emotional responses. I think a good way can be watching really funny movies or movies with "happy ending". The key is to be really engaged when you do this. As engaged as you were when listening to your friends problems. See if it works for you. Good luck!
This is really informative and helpful. Do you have any information on feeling an emotion but not being able to express it or expressing it the opposite? Eg, feeling really sad but it comes out as laughter/smiling as you feel awkward crying or showing sadness. Also emotion building up unseen by others then resulting in emotional reaction
This is such valuable content to those of us on the spectrum. Thanks guys! 💙💙💙
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
It's a great video. I love hearing from Hannah and Emily. I feel that all that those two gave great feedback and I take it on board. Good luck to them both and good luck to you too. Also I contribute to a group that Emily helps run on twitter and she's a wonderful person. I'm so proud of her
I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids than any therapy. Thanks
Wow...are these feelings just for ASD?
Masking takes a huge amount of social awareness & self-control. Stimming seems performative for some.
Do you think it is sufficiently respectful to redirect a child to 'pick a different stim' if the one they're using seems too disruptive to others who share their space? (I'm an undiagnosed probably-ASD mom, who is trying to balance the needs of a sensory seeker and sensory avoider in addition to meeting my own needs. It's really hard. I'm trying not to let the ablist messages I grew up with overshadow respectful care, but honestly sometimes their stimming IS too much. What's best practice? Does anyone have a good social script for this or tools for helping people understand and accept that others have needs too?
Oh my goodness this is excellent.
I know we're not 'supposed' to think this way but I struggle with most people IRL because everyone seems emotionally uneducated. I have dang ol' alexithymia constantly and how is it that it seems like ME of all people is picking up on emotional realities that I can see 3 or 4 allistics all seemingly miss while they beat up on that week's whipping boy, during the designated work gossiping time, who has violated some unspoken social rule or looked less sexually attractive than the NTs require of everyone for the baseline standard of *gasp* leaving your own house.
I can’t get rid of my daughter’s plush animals and dolls, because I’m so attached to them.