AVOIDANTS WHO MAKE YOU THE VILLAIN
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
- Some avoidant attachers will breakup a perfectly good situationship or relationship out of their fears of intimacy and commitment. Worse, they may blame or behave in ways that make their former partner believe that it was their fault when they never had anything to do with the breakup.
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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.
These people can cause their partner to have ptsd, or even worse, off themselves.
They mess with your brain in several different ways.
You will never be the same.
Agree 100%. Four years, final chance at having children, he was completely devoted until... he got so triggered he got violent. Like a fool I kept forgiving and believing the remorse. Then he dumped me, all problems my fault apparently, I've no hope of understanding. Blocked me when I asked for the several thousands in shared household finances in my name, and to destroy our frozen embryos. Not something I'll get over.
@@rebecca_stone6 months together and my last chance to have children and he pressured me to have an abortion when I accidentally got pregnant and wanted to wait 1 more year to try. Dumped me two weeks later and blocked me on everything and had his mom block me after telling me I was toxic and sick. It’s been 3.5 months and I’m still blocked. My friends see he is busy and enjoying his life. Absolutely disgusting. I was just diagnosed with PTSD and tried to off myself a couple times.
@@rebecca_stonedid he ever reach back out to you or did he just block you everywhere?
Yes they seem to pass their disorders on to you. I was apologizing to her, for HER BEHAVIOR. No matter how much I jumped through hoops, it was never enough. My signs of love, and good faith gestures were thrown back in my face. I'm in day 45 of NC now, after a previous 4 month round of NC. I'm resigned to the fact that she's going to be a very lonely old woman, as no guy will put up with the crap I did for two years.
@@PB-md3nt I’m sorry to hear that 😞 were you the one to have to break no contact after 4 months?
It was an utter catastrophy. He had multiple short term relationships. I had just come out of a 27 year marriage. I missed a river of red flags not noticing that he was always the victim. Fast forward 8 years, i could no longer recognize myself as i acted out the projections of rage, contempt and shame, his and also my own subconscious trauma. I barely got out alive. I looked like a crazy person and of course like the cause of all our problems. Its been 7 years since i left...im still not fully recovered. 😢
Meditation and mindfulness helped me a lot. I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, that began it. I now do a lot of The Work of Byron Katie. It's free online and, for those who are open to it, it is miraculous in my experience. You can turn it all around, that's been my experience.
This happened to me and it was the most traumatizing thing ever. I spent months trying to understand what happened and what changed and what did I do wrong and if me trying get a conversation was stupid or that I don't have self respect.
I'm finally in a place where I can confidently say that I did nothing wrong and my reaction to their behaviour is 100% normal and reasonable.
This is exactly what happened to me. He gave me his coat of guilt, shame and unworthiness which never did belong to me. He's blocked me on everything and has left the blame on me. I've tried to reach out to him; via my friend's phone and going round to his house (on one occasion only) in the naive hope to seek closure. This was completely fruitless. He's made it clear he doesn't want any further dealings with me. I am devastated.
Don't be. You will find someone more worthy of you.
❤
sounds like what I've been through as well. Rest easy knowing that we aren't the problem here. She did many of the same things to me as what he's done to you. I'm sure you missed many of the red flags with him, as I did with her as well. Did he tell you that he was always the victim in previous relationships?
Yep then like mine when you do all that after they block you they'll say this is why I csnt be with you. I travelled to Australia from the uk refused to give me 5 mins. Brutal.... all infront of the neighbours. Didn't even wanna date this guy. My life was good. Ends up leaving me homeless.
I wound up with 200/110 blood pressure then in the ER for a week -
Run when you see the flags
Same here with the bp
holy shit. It always shocks me how the mental stress from these relationships can result in actually life threatening illness. Its no joke. I was almost unable to function mentally for a good few weeks and felt like i lost everything dear to me in my life. When we care so much for somebody, we get anxious when the person is drifting away from us. The anxiety they put you through is crippling.
These people have personality disorders - why stay at all just to cycle hot and cold. Our problem was not closing the door the first time they showed us who they are.
this is exactly what happened to me. She was pedal to the metal and then got overwhelmed that we were going too fast and discarded me. Then I see her profile where she states that she doesn't want to go so fast, seemingly blaming me. I was following her lead. I told her to look in the mirror. I doubt she will. These people are hazardous.
They're infants emotionally. All one can do is move on and recognize the same traits in others at the start and quickly exit.
I guess, they are masters of blameshifting, whole time she is "been busy", and silent treatment but she had a time to write on one forum about politics with random people. After all i got excuses that her uncle is sick and she can't speak with me xd and finally i was discarded. Im bad guy - nothing new in this sick story. Thanks for videos.
People prioritize whats importsnt to them. Their partner isnt important to them, theyve mentally checked out. So theyd rather wrote on forums than talk to you.
@@rupertperiwinkle4477 That"s true. Thank you for your comment.
@@haihai5293 Welcome :)
Yeah.. he said he broke up with me because 'I wanted to marry him, move in and take over everything'
(One hour after he was planning our retirement togehter and 'would love me always')
I have said and written the exact opposite; that it's too fast, I can't see myself remarrying, and would prefer a relationship in separte households.
The lengths they go to...
NC and healing
Happened to me exactly like this
Ken, I like all the videos you made and would like to book a session with you. But I've been in the waiting list for more than one month, is that normal?
This has happened to me, can you please give suggestions on how to heal
He would avoid me after getting close, always a push pull. I told him I would get a restraining order if you doesn't leave me alone for good. We broke up a dozens of times, he would make new numbers to get me to answer. I would be guilted back in just for him to get me attached and then go mia for days. Just torture, my worst relationship I've ever been in.
Happened to me :( then "this is why i cant be with you" like what
There's zero chance that an avoidant would say any of the things you said in the beginning.
Oh they definitely will if they're fearful avoidant. Been there, lived that.
@@ra2530 okay not sure about that one. I'm dismissive avoidant and would just say SEE YA. lol
@@ChaiLatte13Fair enough. Dismissive and Fearful are both avoidant but Fearful is also Anxious so they run hot and cold. Very confusing on the receiving end til I learned about this stuff. At least you're consistent as a Dismissive haha
@@ra2530 😂🤭 Thanks for that laugh. haha