I would like to work on needed doctoring. The representation of the people act 83. Mental Health act 83. I've got the full spectrum, and an enduring devotion to survive.
This is what my mother had done to me all my life. So many people complimented me saying "you are always so calm and calculated" when in reality I'm just afraid to ever react emotionally in any situation because it would just make things worse.
Me, too. I didn’t even realize it until I was in my 60s and had to start caring for my husband who had sudden onset Lewy body dementia and I realized that I had wasted most of our marriage because I didn’t know how to be intimate with anyone. I literally shut myself down physically and emotionally. Now I’m filled with regret because he was such a lovely person and he’s gone. He died. They say that people do the best they can, but when I look back at some of the people who hurt me when I was a child, it’s hard to believe that. I just wanted you to know that somebody else out there gets it. I’m still afraid of emotional situations. They literally make me sick to my stomach. Take care of yourself. 💕💕
@@whitebirchtarot I'm so sorry for your loss. It's crazy to see how wounds from our childhood can affect us our whole life. It's exactly how you say, trying to express how I feel gives me a strong pain in my stomach sometimes. I like to think it's our mind trying to protect us from further damage. It does help to hear the life experience of someone like me. I'm glad you found a good husband, I don't know if I'll ever trust someone enough to get married.
My family did that to me.. growing up.. treated me abusively. When I reacted as a child I was labeled emotional, over reactional, etc. Just like this. I see this every day in society.
Yes, one of my deepest traumas is that my emotional sensitivity makes me a terrifying person who is inherently upsetting to those around me and therefore worthy of neglect if I ever express that sensitivity. We are so so sick as a society.
That's exactly it...society is destroying the part of humans that make us humans. It's heartbreaking to see the hell people will put others through. There is no longer compassion, empathy, respect or morals....society is teaching the humans to have no connection, honesty, loyalty or morals. "I'll do what I want, when I want...all that matters is me" it's terrifying and way too acceptable.
It’s taken me 45 years to realise I’m not over-sensitive. It took someone else to point it out to me; ‘Are you? Or have you just always been told you are?’ Amazing how impactful the power of suggestion can be. Insensitive people make others the problem so the problem goes away.
Happy to hear you figured that out. Similarly, it took me 30-something years to realize that in one particular area, I wasn't the problem, everyone else in my family was the problem.
@@lightworker2956 thank you, and everyone else. It was genuinely a revelation! I came to understand I’m _appropriately_ sensitive - and I’d bet that’s the same for many others too. I’m chronically ill and homeless and friends are fundraising to try to get me safe. I fell ill when I was 14. Those who instilled this belief into me consider it my problem. You’d think I’d have twigged sooner!
Wow. I felt this viscerally. I LITERALLY had a "spiritual leader" cheat on me, break up my family, then judge me for being "angry and unwilling to forgive" within days of him being found out. The saddest part is, many in his community agreed with him. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I got the divorce, but I never got to fully express my anger and pain. It was my problem. He was/is evolved and felt sorry for me. 🙄 I'm still healing from that trip into madness. Thank you for saying what NOBODY said to me then.
It's awful that happened to you. That's not okay. Yeah, I've had another, though not as bad, case where a spiritual teacher was clearly wrong, however most of their community sided with them anyway. Apparently people do tend to get blinded by status or want the comfort of siding with the established status quo. Sending you love.
@@lightworker2956 Thank you so much. I'm sorry you had to go through that as well. May we be wiser, but not discouraged by what we experienced. Be blessed.😌🙏🏽
@@sharonraquel2669 I relate to your story so much. I was abused all my life too. Still struggling to heal. Victim blaming and other gaslighting are the most hurtful form of abuse there is. Forgiveness ONLY heals, when is consensual. Forced forgives is emotional violence. You did nothing wrong they did.
My brain was shattered too from my "nice guy" husband cheating on me and using me for everything I had. I feel you and your pain. I'm trying to believe that getting a divorce is the correct thing. It's so hard because I'm now a puddle of a human and love the man that's emotionally torturing me.
I heard that term but isnt it kindof an impossibility, and a misleading term? Like calling self defense resulting in a death "reactive murder". If you say abuse that implies your an abuser, which is about power and control. If your acting in self defense its not about power and control its about stopping the abuse and setting things straight, self defense.
I related to the first example. Recently broke off a 5 year relationship because I was doing everything for myself, tracking my sleep, food, mood, exercise, and period symptoms. I found clarity and realized the person I was with was constantly betraying me, triggering my need to be obsessive about constantly recovering. So I ask for my needs to be met, and he suddenly can’t acknowledge his actions or show any accountability. So I leave. But now my whole schedule/routine/life is disrupted, only causing me more shock and pain… I cry and ache. And it seems like everyone is expecting me to move on quickly despite how my nerves are shot.
Give yourself credit for the bravery it took to leave. That same strength will get you through the mourning period and the restructuring of your life. There will be an end to how painful it all is. You gave this relationship 5 years and that is a long time. I wish I had been able to get the knowledge by year 5. It took me 9. There are so many people that spend 15, 20 even longer in abusive, toxic relationships mostly because the understanding and information simply isnt available to them. We are lucky to be living at a time when we can get on RUclips and hear the messages like Teal and others are putting out there. We get to be part of an awakening. I wish you all the best in your recovery and the new life you get to make for yourself. 💛🧡❤
You deserve to let yourself be you, at your own pace, with your own needs for rest and fun. No more tracking. No more self discipline. Express your needs, even to yourself. I mean it. When you are gentle to you, someone else will be good to you as well. ❤
Wow, you finally listened to your angels + guides who were constantly beside you. They can only intervene if you evoke them. What a brave decision you made to walk away. Of course it hurts. Codependency caused by this 2-faced partner, as betrayal, injustice, rejection, humiliation and abandonnement weaken you. Now trust yourself. Seek a support group. Get help. Focus on your new found strength. Remain no contact. This strength will only grow. And deepen. In continuing to pray, to establish your life as you envisage it to be, believe me, you will have a lot on your hands + mind. And better people will come your way. Kudos to you for posting your experience. Take care ❤
I couldn't finish watching this as this has been my life for 51 years put on my by the people closest to me who were supposed to love and protect me. I'm now just finding the clarity and strength to move on with love for myself. Thank u for sharing this
51 years here for me too. Glad to hear um not alone in this. Not that I thought I was one in being treated this way but alone in recognizing how sick it is.
This happened to me. Had to cut family off and block numbers. You gotta take it as a lesson and rise above it. Most of the time they just want to bring you down to their level of low vibration. You gotta distance yourself from that energy. Every experience is a learning opportunity. People show their true colours. Don't take things so personal just because other people want to project their insecurities on you. Just be the observer, learn from it and move on. Focus on your own well-being.
Screw that i am going to take it personally don't come with your bs & try to project it on to me ill make you regret picking me. Find someone else to project you bs on to.
This was incredibly timely. I woke up this morning from a repetitive nightmare about how I keep telling my family members that they are being callous to my needs and they show no response or empathy. This dream has been going on for years, but lately it's escalated to the point, where I start hysterically screaming and crying at them. I become incapable of repressing my distress despite whatever punishments, some very severe, they start throwing at me. By the end of the dream, I'm trying to check myself into a mental hospital, just to get some kind of support and to escape from this situation. I definitely needed to watch this video this morning to help integrate that nightmare. Thank you. 🥰
Big hugs and I have this kind of family. They actually want you to feel like that. Mine took me to the mental hospital at 12 years old. Now, they are all still crazy, having grown about 2%, they still actively try to push my buttons. I miss them at times, but I just couldn't be available for that anymore. Give yourself a hug, you are strong!
It’s so confusing though. Because narcisstic people ‘are allowed emotional reaction’ the abuser is always entitled to react or emote whatever way they want. Also abusers often ‘perform emotions’ or act indignant and wounded, they steal the reactions the victim should have - while simultaneously shaming the victim for having any reaction at all. This brings the whole thing to another more damaging level. We are not entitled to be angry for what they are doing to us - then they stomp around angrily for some made-up slight against them & we have to support them in that. So difficult to recover from.
@Theon Zaphiri Leon this is a dangerous trite philosophy that I see parroted everywhere. There was a mural painted recently of a Russian and Ukrainian soldier hugging as a symbol of ‘peace’ - there was an outcry over the insensitivity of this mural because it gave a ‘false equivalency’ between the abuser and the target of the abuse, the victim. The abused are constantly being told to be more understanding of their abusers. THAT really is sick. You can’t forgive people who are not sorry and are actually enjoying abusing others and plan to continue to do so..
@@TheSapphireLeo And I think you have hit the crux of the problem with this line of reasoning. It addresses everyone else as responsible. But then from their point of view, doesn't that make me responsible? It's designed to make people feel better and get past their accountability by blaming others for what is ultimately under our control.
This is finally being said! Even in the consciousness community the message that your life situation and how you react is YOUR choice. Horrific abuse is denying people their feelings
That's not denying people their feelings at all. Your feelings are likely very real. But what you are ignoring, or likely don't want to hear, is that your reaction IS you choice. And more often that not, your feelings are the result of choices you have made as well, and you can make efforts to change how you feel in response to things that occur.
The phrase that hit me the most was that the societal expectation is to not react or react emotionally numb. That is to react like a robot or like a total exhausted depressed person, isn't it? Ugh.
@@carosonne9998 people truly don’t act the way they used to, do they? It’s too bad. I wonder if it’s because everyone’s always looking down at their phone?
None of Teal's video touched me as much as this one, because I have suffered from that to the extreme. I can see clearly this ridiculous expectation set as a normal society standard. I have named it so often, feeling unheard and alone. Teal, you are a treasure.
A year a go I used to have a cat And she was the main source of connection and affection for me I was 16 And one night my Mom found that the cat did her business on the bed and she got really mad The next day I woke up ...she threw my cat in to a pit and neither could she get out nor could I help her And I was so mad and stormed out of the house and I was crying the whole day and when I went back my dad saw me and guess what he did....he yelled at me for being disrespectful to my mom and that what ever she does she's always right cuz she's my mother..... It hurt so much Since then I never saw my parents the same way
I'm speechless, my parents weren't the best either, I hope you're doing well, you're strong....and one day you'll be rewarded for it...be patient. best regards 💚
@@rokasdobrovolskis Yes, and they were talking about a bystander, say, person 3 reacting and judging person 2 by only seeing their raw emotional reaction to person 1's disrespect, without having the full picture of what has happened or is happening behind the scenes. So, it's definitely about that.
It's horrofying to realize how many times i did it to myself and took the blame for my reacticity in toxic relationships, and of course as a child with my parents.
I learned this when I was five and my dad would be screaming at me about the divorce from my mom and then would yell at me if I started crying 👍 He would straight up act like I was doing something to him. It's to the point where his family backed it up. My grandmother wouldn't allow me to come and visit her until I "fixed what was going on with my dad". I was 7 at that point. For my own life, well into my adulthood, my dad and his family saw me as a problem, especially when I tried to bring any of this up because I wanted to resolve issues. I eventually stopped talking to all of them
There are those who are so blinded by ego that, until they can overcome that controlling force, there is nothing that will change in them. I think you did the right thing, not for only yourself but, for your family as well. I hope you’ve since been able to heal. ❤
what the actual ..?! how can people be serious about a kid destroying a marriage and deflecting everthing onto it?! I'm seriously shocked to read this!
@@violakarl6900 to be specific, I wasn't "blamed" for the divorce. I just got screamed at, *about* it a lot. But when you're a little kid, that makes it feel like it's all your fault, especially when hearing the parents fighting about you. Grandpa (dad's dad) also ignored me for a year after the divorce. Wouldn't say hello/hugs/acknowledgement/nothing. So yeah I basically felt like my existence was a burden or an unwanted intrusion, and that something about me must be very bad. Like I shouldn't be here. Sorry I'm here guys! Yes, people like this exist and treat kids like this all the time. This is the absolutely fucked up world we live in 🤷😬
That last sentence in the original comment here was a big wave of relief washing over me. I'm so glad you stopped talking to them, you deserve so much better! It's such a strong decision to make to stay away from them. I'm so sorry you had to go through this terrible sh*t and I wish you very loving and peaceful healing. 🙏🏼💚
@@gill426 thanks. It's a journey. Ten years in on this attempt to reprogram how I think and what I believe and still seems like there is so much further to go. Nice to know I'm not alone, also sad that so many of us have had to go through such social/relationship nightmares. I'm very grateful for Teal's channel. She is so good at unpacking all this stuff and making it very clear and concise with her soft demeanor in the videos. Really good presentation for talking about things that are hard to talk about 💓
Great video. This emotional abuse is BRUTAL. I’ve Been through this so much myself, even recently. They always gaslight you to be the monster for reacting to their emotional abuse. There’s only so much humans can withstand emotionally. The new age movement bypassing this and forcing toxic positivity and numbness is so damaging and toxic. We can choose to respond in better ways, however forcing ourselves to be completely non reactive, numb and suppress emotions, anger especially, is dangerous. That stress will kill you from the inside out, I made a video on this myself, about sacred anger and how important it is to release it.
So sorry for your pain. It happened to me as well, until I made an ultimatum as an adult. And had to keep making it, even if only to myself by refusing to internalize and coldly using the exit I always arranged in advance. Protect your internal reality.
Hello, I´m Jana from Czech Republic, I´m living close to Prague. And I want to thank you for this video and for the fact that you are here with us, Teal 🥰 I´m grateful. THANK YOU.
So much validation that my reaction to the smear campaign and people denying what went on and orchestrated behind the scenes was proof that I was the abuser, it is truly sick. When I asked questions I was told their not playing my sick game. Fucken hell! This one video has taken away so much of my own self doubt.
I am Janet in my current relationship and was Dillon growing up, even going to a correction center myself. These examples being so on point to my situation had my jaw on the floor.
Thank you Teal. The timing and synchronicity of this video couldn't have been more perfect. I so needed this and this totally reaffirms what I am dealing with. It is a very sick game and we must remove these kind of people out of our lives. They are TOXIC. Thank you for speaking on it. Much love. Namaste ~Alessandra
I also feel that this is very much a cultural issue. American culture (especially Anglo-American culture) values keeping up appearances and not expressing unpleasant emotions to such an extent that it becomes harmful. Other cultures do not instill a fear of expressing "negative" emotions.
Thank you so much for narrating and describing every. Single. Relationship. I have ever had with another person, romantic or otherwise. I don't think I have ever had a significant interaction with anyone that didn't transpire in that way
Look at your comment - is it possible, even remotely, that you may have some issues that may create this situation? Unless you really think every single person you have been in a relationship was bad somehow.
When she finished her first sentence I was like oh god this is what is happening to me all the time, being scapegoated in my family as a child and even in my adult life. This pattern is insanely sick. Narcissists are doing this all the time with empaths and basically with everyone. People are so ignorant of this pattern that even if I explain it to them they don't understand it's so common and normal. They are not realising how disfunctional the whole society is. I had to leave certain people, even family members because of this pattern. And the craziest part is they blamed me and made me the bad person for leaving them, even though they were the one abusing me all the time. Thank you for making this video. This is something that all people should know especially in the spiritual field. I can't even count how many times a spiritual person or a teacher played this sick game with me...
Finally realized (at 54!) that this is what has been happening to me with my family. Eldest daughter expectation’s put on me and when I stopped organizing everything for everyone else I’m difficult. It’s laughable, but I finally saw through the manipulation. This video showed up just when I needed the validation. Thank you 🙏
I really appreciate you taking the time to make this video. It’s funny bc the people who did these things to me would not likely watch this video and think back to when they pushed me and pushed me until I stood up for myself and then threw THAT in my face to justify and solidify their accusations that I was the bad guy to begin with. Even saying “vilifying the victim” was grounds for them leaving me…but it does make me feel a little better about standing up for myself even though the end result was me being alone for the next 5 years going on 8.
My own therapists are guilty of the this- making my reactivity the issue and not the psychological torture chamber I had been living in with my ex who behaved similarly to the one described here.
OOOh my Goddess Teal, this is so true. I see it all the time, even more in "spiritual" communities... people trying to make us believe that we are not enough "spiritual", loving or what so ever if we react !! thanks for the recalibration !!! Love it !
Teal, you make more sense to me than anyone else in society. Emotional Dark Ages is exactly the term! I was always the "problem" when reacting to an emotionally detached spouse. Needless to say, we are now divorced. And I have no desire to talk to this person again. And will keep my eyes open to emotionally detached people in the future, that try to make me the problem.
I've been working on getting better at not minimizing other peoples feelings to situations. Kinda mind blowing how often I do it without even realizing it!
I’ve had this happen to me many times. It’s a scary place to be in and makes you feel absolutely hopeless. This video really hit me hard. Thanks for sharing this as it is a subject that is swept under the rug in our society. I’m permanently scared from the things people did to me and the things that people didn’t do when I needed someone to stand up for me.
This was great Teal. Not only did my family do this to me but authority figures like teachers, clergy, corporate management, and the military which was one big farce where all I did was replace one dysfunctional family with another. Lavender looks good on you too. XO :)
This popped up exactly after I read my family posting online about giving up on me. Honestly my entire childhood and now my adulthood I have been called crazy, dramatic, mental, and emotional. A lot of times feeling crazy because when someone hurts you badly but act like your wrong for being hurt by it and showing emotions after finding out. I was the scape goat for my entire family and always have been. I finally walked away and now I’m crazy for that too. So much pain my entire life has been because this exact situation played over and over. Thank u for speaking and posting about this. I would agree very dangerous game for anyone that is treated by others this way. Im happy and healthy and know I’m safer alone, than surrounded by others even family/ that do this. Thank You!
Great video! I see that often in school as a teacher. The emotional and vivid boy or girl is being provocated, teased at or bullied. When this boy gets aggressive because of the violation of his boundaries, he is being punished for that basically healthy reaction. I have been told by several boys that this happens to them on a regular basis. So... what do they learn? That they are too aggressive, not good enough, perhaps they would need ADHD medication and so on.
I think I've adapted to society and have numbed out lots of my emotions because I'm seen as the "issue" when I'm emotional. I almost said I don't relate because it feels natural to control my emotions. I still feel them, but they don't just spill out. While it does come with benefits that give me a healthy amount of control in certain situations, there are times where my emotions come out because I'm human after all. I'm seen as "unstable" in those moments because it's unusual, and even I start to think I'm crazy. This reenforces more self control, starting a cycle. If I were to just express my emotions naturally, it would not be socially acceptable in society, especially as a man.
Personally I think there is nothing more attractive than a Man who can freely express his emotions. Just because some repressed people told you it was wrong to do so, doesn’t mean they were right! It just suited them to repress you, so they didn’t have to deal with the responsibilities of having a child. It was their lack, not any fault of yours. Be free, be YOU. 💗
I have been numb and non-reactive the first 25 years of my life. I was understanding and wouldn't get triggered or angry. I forgave easily even when cheated on. After being long enough in relationships with narcissists have changed that and now I am overly reactive and have to learn to dial down my nervous system to a normal level. That is what passivity get me into. Not helpful at all
The dylan and his mom example happen to me with some detail variance, was moved into a condo with mold poisoning the result of a fight (where you guessed it i wasn't playing along with abuse, being self sufficient etc), after the mold specialist confirmed there was mold present that's only in buildings with a water problem, she managed to gaslight me into believing i was just imagining things, fast forward a year or so i'm horribly ill and suicidal (mycotoxicity effects are terrifying) she called a facility and had me hauled off claiming i was a scizophrenic paranoid having delusions and that i have an anger issue, after a few days the doctors there were all unanimous that i didn't belong there and i was released, i'm writing the next chapters of my life right now and she isn't present in them.
So basically when married, I wasn't allowed to have emotions of any kind. If I was happy I was made fun of and ridiculed.( example: Liking a song and dancing around etc). If I was sad or cried , I was told I was over reacting ( example: missing my father who passed away.) If I was angry I was told I was out of control ( example: the neighbors dog coming on our property to take a poop ,so we could step in it going to the car) He wanted a robot. Emotional slave. It took me many years but got out .
Could not be a more needed video. Dreamt last night that I was being cheated on in front of my own eyes. I flew into a rage, and everyone in the dream made me the problem for how angry I was. Wow. I’m being scapegoated by others and myself! Thank you, Teal 🙏🏻
This has happened to me in every relationship including family my whole life when I finally do break Free of it and completely independent and living alone I won't let anyone close enough again to hurt me like that I've had enough of relationships
Best of luck on your way out of toxic relationships and reconnecting with your true self! Hopefully you can find someone who can be trustworthy, respectful and loving when you are ready for it. May you find blessings and guidance on your path :)
@@Gemmarose9012 I did :) That's why I wrote: "Hopefully you can find someone who can be trustworthy, respectful and loving WHEN YOU ARE READY FOR IT." I believe people need some solitude at certain points in their lives, but I don't believe anyone would really wish to remain devoid of realtionships and love for all of their life, we are social creatures after all. I didn't even indicate it has to be a romantic partnership. Each and every one of our close relationships should be ultimately built on a foundation of trust, respect and love - friendships and family bonds alike.
@@Seamannon I read what you wrote. She may not ever be ready and want to remain in solitude and that is perfectly okay. It may not be okay for you, but it’s not about YOU which was my original point.
@@Gemmarose9012 Why do you claim solitude is something I am not OK with? And why do you assume I'm making anything here about me? How did you get to those conclusions, when you read my previous comments? What are your points based on exactly? I feel like you are building up some strawman here.
I've been watching these films for the first couple of years. I find them informative. The sad thing is that +teal swan describes the politicians in office. The fact is, the sickest game is psychological warfare done by every politician against the taxpayer. I'm thankful I made the way I am. If it weren't for me being thick skinned (Thank God,) I'd be angry all the time. One of my security blankets is Russian chess. I know the government is a game, I know the media is a game, so, why not celebrate Guy Fawkes Day by offering consequence?
This VIDEO IS MY birthday gift to cherish forever. Thank you Teal. May this video spread far and wide throughout the GLOBE AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU EVEN MORE. THANK YOU AGAIN.
Totally agree. I have seen this play out in children and convicts. Ignoring the stressor cause and singularly blaming the person who is freaking out, kind of cheaply discounts everyone else from being a contributor to the moment. Dr Ross Greene “Lives in the balance” has a whole series of works that address the stressors, so the problem individual can heal and move forward, and really we all spend more time fixing root problems and less time focusing on the “freak out behavior”.
This has been happening to me!! I had to leave my job because of it. Then was uninvited to the Christmas party that I was going to go to to say goodbye to all the people who weren’t involved in/aware of the events that lead to me leaving. I had a non-reactive plan in place & felt good about it. I was uninvited by the person I actually thought understood me. I was extremely vulnerable with her which makes it hurt even more. That happened just this week & I’m still raw 😢 Very fitting video for me this week! Amazing as always Teal! 🙏🏻❤️
Of all the social wisdom uploaded by Teal Swan to You Tube, I deem this to be one of the best selections. I have seen this happen over and over again. i suffered it over and over again as a child and occasionally as an adult. Teal did not mention it, but this same sort of thing happens on a macro basis in society too. One social identity inflicts X upon another. The other reacts by doing Y. Then the victims of Y scream "DISCRIMINATION!" or "REVERSE DISCRIMINATION!" or "HATE SPEECH!" or some other accusation at the perpetrators of Y. I have just now thought of the perfect solution. We all need to just stop it.
I love that you always speak to what’s really going on and address the truth…. regardless of the impact. You confront all of those issues & problems the rest of us either don’t know how to talk about, or don’t have the courage, experience or confidence to assert ourselves and stand up for how we TRULY feel. Thanks, Teal. You did not miss your calling! XOXO
This. This couldn't speak to me more. I too am spiritual, but that does not mean I will be manipulated to believe (a situation you described to a T) something that feels so unbelievably wrong and painful is just me. It's too strong inside of me to believe I shouldn't trust my own reality. Even after hearing things about you, I doubted because I feel too strongly another way to believe in something that doesn't make any part of me react. How we feel and how we react are very primal
I have been the victim of this type of abuse from my mother and from my ex. Thanks for putting it so clearly. Anger is a form of protection to injustice and is not to be labeled as 100% bad.
I really want to send this to an abuser, but I know he would watch it as if he were the victim. Responsibility is important, communicating expectations is important. I have heard a lot that it is our own expectations of others that hurt us, but what if they agree to those expectations?
Ok, what happens if someone reacts to something that literally didn't happen? My most recent ex flipped out over an employee laughing too long at a joke for her comfort and blew it into a huge thing when there wasn't and still isn't anything there. In the beginning I was dismissive of her feelings because I don't know how to deal with things that have no basis in reality as far as I can tell. After awhile I started being more sensitive to her feelings on the matter. At the same time it was like, 0-1000 and how do you deal with situations like that? I don't want to invalidate her and at the same time, I don't have any tools available to me to validate nonsense.
True!!! Many people do exactly that! They cause mayhem knowingly then lie about it and dump their responsibility on others. Very toxic and very isolating for victims. Thank you Teal 🌹😀
I would never deplete someone's feelings to nothing. It's just as important for me to try to innerstand (listen) to how I made someone feel even if it was unintentional. It shows me how others perceive me. It helps me to see my rough edges ☺️ but also gives me a chance to let them know it wasn't ill intended.
@@blakebunch4485I agree we, as humans, do that but I also feel that judgement is needed for introspection & gut instincts. I think being judgmental has grown a stigma around it. Judgement should come from the gut & not so much the head. Whether it be used on ourselves or others it shouldn't be used as a negative source. It's helpful & It's for the bearer to contemplate their thoughts, not to be overly judgemental on ones self or others bc that's the opposite of growth but we must look at our own emotional & mental processes in order to grow into a balanced, intentional direction & that takes judgement so we must use it.
Right on. Judgement isn't just needed it's necessary. Qualitative distinctions give you direction, something to aim at. Qualitative distinctions are simply saying this is better than that and that's a judgement and I may be wrong in what I choose to aim at. Could very well be! But as far as I'm concerned it's better to have an aim than not otherwise I'm going through life aimlessly. It's very unlikely that I'll stumble across what I want in life without taking aim and even then what I want could be wrong but having some general direction could increase the chances of getting what would be good for me and that'd be better than what I might think I want.... I'm on my phone and that last sentence seems to have run on and on. Could you just look over me not going back and fixing it... 😉
Thank you for talking about this, Teal. I’m recognizing I’ve been treated this way by my parents my entire life… And it’s one of the major reasons for the deep shame inside of me… It’s an incredibly cruel tactic
“What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you. You are always a slave to what you’re not aware of. When you’re aware of it, you’re free from it. It’s there, but you’re not affected by it. You’re not controlled by it; you’re not enslaved by it. That’s the difference.” ― Anthony de Mello
I love this video. I wish I could actually talk about this with someone. Whenever I try to explain to someone the things I've learnt thanks to teal, I realize that they don't open themselves to even consider the idea, and it doesn't go anywhere. I want to make friends who share the same thoughts, I'd like to talk to someone else than myself so badly. Yet I haven't found any German folks like that... 😔
Thank you for this video. This explains well what I have been going thru for the past 12 years. I’ve had to be my own source of emotional support entirely within this abusive extended family dynamic. They have collectively decided that I am oversensitive towards the mistreatment and disregard they have blatantly displayed over the years. It’s as though they got cheap thrills playing poke the tiger with me, although they assumed I was a little cat. Even after forgiving them (with and without apologies) they continued to send micro-aggressions my way as punishment for calling their problematic behavior out. It became way too crazy making for me that I chose to distance. I can only comfortably go gray rock for so long before it interferes with my emotional health. This video was helpful. 🙏🏻💕🕊
Thank you so much. I needed this video today. I find myself constantly in situations where I say something over and over and over again and after a certain point raise my voice. Than immediately getting shamed for doing so.
lost my twin flame to a trauma bond :( we got together too early :( she went dark on me. apparently i as the reactive one, she had the power. we abused each other in very seemingly mild ways, with the best of intention .. on our good days it was like finding water in a desert .. insanely good. i miss it so much. i miss that version of her .. so badly.
So true! This happened to me by my Ex. The jabs, the lurs, the betrayals. I got angry and felt at the time ( and still do) that my anger was justified. However, I did react with anger in the form of a raised voice and arguing. This started happening all the time. I was shamed by him and my children for my anger. My “emotions’ seen as inappropriate . In hindsight I now see that this was a way for him to turn my kids against me and I fell into It. I can see it do cleanly now. He pushes (and is do innocent), I finally react and he can then use this as an example of my bad behavior rather than his own. This video is spot on! Thank you.
This hits so hard because that's what my sister does to me and she thinks she is right most of the time. It's really hurting because if I stay any longer in this relationship I will welcome abuse just for the sake of connection.. but thank you Teal Swan for saying this...at least you will tell the truth
I am very grateful for this video. Thank you Teal 🙏🏿 I had such an experience where I realised I was being made wrong for reacting. The insidious abuse by this person had been going on for several years. I am now focused on telling myself I did nothing to deserve the emotional hurt, I know in time I will feel differently because I’m getting healthier not more dysfunctional.
Caroline Laronda - I'm hearing you and been MGTOW ( Men Going Their Own Way ) the last 25 years; - as a result, I'm over relationships period - with people in general. My story is so bad it would make grown men cry. It's all part of humanitie's broken software programming - deliberately built into us by our divine Creator.
You are not only beautiful, but so wise and well spoken. I have, and continue to learn so much from your videos. Many thanks for sharing your deep wisdom!
This is spot on. I swear Ms. Swan is a genius of sorts. She is a conduit of higher awareness and she is gifted in her ability to articulate and convey what flows from her heart through her mind. I wish I knew more people who would care enough to listen to this woman. I have been this reactive person - I have been scapegoated, gaslighted and abused - mainly by the “not doing” anything of a partner. I only hope that I have not damaged my own children in being an emotionally unpredictable parent. I pray that any shred of awareness on my part can mitigate any damage I have done. I love my children and just don’t know if my behaviors caused harm. 😢
Thank you so much for addressing this serious issue! I've had this kind of treatment since childhood. My dad would hold me down and let my sister hit me in the face and then when I would get angry and cry, he would say, " Oh, come on now...we were just playing." It did not feel like play to me. I married a man who would emotionally abuse me and then punish me for "Raising my voice" at him after he had been goading and gaslighting me or giving me the silent treatment for days on end. I've had sixty years of this kind of treatment and was taught that good girls don't react. No more!!!! It's way past time for this abuse to end!!! I very much appreciate you for bringing this out in the open and I pray people will see it and start learning what to do about it, because this is extremely destructive for everybody involved.
We are responsible for how we treat each other, reacting to actual injustice is a consequence. These are the same people who think they can do no wrong and take no responsibility for their actions or inactions. In short, predators.
This really feels relevant to the issue I'm having with my parents right now. I can only do so much about my situation but I'm trying to find support in the areas I have power in. It's definitely been rough though. This made me feel more understanding of the reactions I've been having lately. Thank you.
I was with a guy who did that for 8 years pretending that he is the good one and I’m the one who is bad. Finally he left me and although i’m in pain I already can see that it’s the best that he could do for me.
This is sooooooo on point. I seriously cant believe how much I'm able to identify with this video. It's like you just put the entire past 3 years of my life into context. Reactive abuse is real.....
I thought I was the only one aware of this. I talk about this a lot with my therapist. I have been neglected and abused so much through life, and somehow, I’m responsible for healing my emotions? Somehow, I’m responsible for repairing the emotional damage? And if I can’t, it’s somehow my own fault and failure to not be able to emotionally regulate and be stoic in the face of abuse?! Unacceptable. We should not be asked to be calm when being abused, then punished even more when we don’t or can’t stay calm.
Oops... I have a hard time telling my mom when she is hurting me because she always makes me the problem that I am hurt. I'll bring up an old problem when I feel ready, but if it attacks her idea of herself too much we just end up in another argument. So, we just end up hurting each other over and over and over... Or, I become quiet and vent my frustrations when I am not around her. And, I tell her partial truths instead of the full truth. So, she hurts me and I just go along with it because I don't want to hurt her by pointing it out. I so badly want to have my own place so I don't have to live with her.
This pattern is literally like "Humm my boundarie is that you can't defend yourself against my abuse. So I can attack you all day long and you're gonna shut up and be a good punching bag or you're just crossing my boundarie and this is abuse!"
I had a therapist who was like that. Come to think of it, at least two or three were similar to that actually. 🤔 Thanks for putting this experience into words.
@@gill426 so sorry you had to go through that... the best trick you can play on them is to get super clear about what is hurting you in that situation. If it turns out to be something they're doing, it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong it's dangerous for you to stay close to that person at least for now. If they won't take your reaction seriously at least you can take your own reaction seriously and act for yourself
@@Samuel96889 Thank you for your friendly words, is nice to know that one is not alone. And yeah I did that, pulled myself out of the situation after it got continuously more abusive. No accountability on the other person's end though. The amount of abuse that happens in therapies is quite high. I'm still clawing and healing my way out of that. Best wishes to you too! 🙏🏼🌱
You are a true gift within this world for anyone willing to notice you and listen,your ability to see truth and your intelligence in the placement of how it all fits together grounds me in astonishment and in total captivation.
Oh my Teal, this is the biggest thing I've noticed throughout my whole life! Was so excited to see someone else see this and express it so clearly. This made me feel not so alone. Thank you. 🥰
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Being made fun of and then being told to “chill out” and “we’re just joking” has made me angrier than any other thing ever
Immature people behave like that. Not friends.
That's so annoying, lol.
This one upsets me too! Sometimes it’s reassurance that they weren’t doing it spitefully but most times feels like a gaslight.
I would like to work on needed doctoring. The representation of the people act 83. Mental Health act 83.
I've got the full spectrum, and an enduring devotion to survive.
Yes I hate it too. It’s a hard boundary for me
This is what my mother had done to me all my life. So many people complimented me saying "you are always so calm and calculated" when in reality I'm just afraid to ever react emotionally in any situation because it would just make things worse.
Me, too. I didn’t even realize it until I was in my 60s and had to start caring for my husband who had sudden onset Lewy body dementia and I realized that I had wasted most of our marriage because I didn’t know how to be intimate with anyone. I literally shut myself down physically and emotionally. Now I’m filled with regret because he was such a lovely person and he’s gone. He died. They say that people do the best they can, but when I look back at some of the people who hurt me when I was a child, it’s hard to believe that. I just wanted you to know that somebody else out there gets it. I’m still afraid of emotional situations. They literally make me sick to my stomach. Take care of yourself. 💕💕
@@whitebirchtarot I'm so sorry for your loss. It's crazy to see how wounds from our childhood can affect us our whole life. It's exactly how you say, trying to express how I feel gives me a strong pain in my stomach sometimes. I like to think it's our mind trying to protect us from further damage. It does help to hear the life experience of someone like me. I'm glad you found a good husband, I don't know if I'll ever trust someone enough to get married.
Oh i feel you, you are not alone in being that way
@@Man.Of.CuIture I didn’t think I would either, but fate had other plans. Who knows, maybe the universe will surprise you! I was surprised. And lucky!
@@love_dove_ i’m sorry you feel that way also. I love your name!
My family did that to me.. growing up.. treated me abusively. When I reacted as a child I was labeled emotional, over reactional, etc. Just like this. I see this every day in society.
Same: respect to you
Same here..
Yes, I see it each time Britney Spear vents. In the comment area
Same
I understand. My parents did everything they could to see me as evil
Yes, one of my deepest traumas is that my emotional sensitivity makes me a terrifying person who is inherently upsetting to those around me and therefore worthy of neglect if I ever express that sensitivity. We are so so sick as a society.
Oh my god yes….!
That's exactly it...society is destroying the part of humans that make us humans. It's heartbreaking to see the hell people will put others through. There is no longer compassion, empathy, respect or morals....society is teaching the humans to have no connection, honesty, loyalty or morals. "I'll do what I want, when I want...all that matters is me" it's terrifying and way too acceptable.
I feel this deeply
It’s taken me 45 years to realise I’m not over-sensitive. It took someone else to point it out to me; ‘Are you? Or have you just always been told you are?’
Amazing how impactful the power of suggestion can be. Insensitive people make others the problem so the problem goes away.
I had a therapist tell me I was too sensitive.
I've been told I was over sensitive ALL my life and that I was always going to feel like people have let me down if I didn't "thicken" my skin.
@@kathleenmann4045 nooooo!!!
Happy to hear you figured that out.
Similarly, it took me 30-something years to realize that in one particular area, I wasn't the problem, everyone else in my family was the problem.
@@lightworker2956 thank you, and everyone else. It was genuinely a revelation! I came to understand I’m _appropriately_ sensitive - and I’d bet that’s the same for many others too.
I’m chronically ill and homeless and friends are fundraising to try to get me safe. I fell ill when I was 14. Those who instilled this belief into me consider it my problem. You’d think I’d have twigged sooner!
Wow. I felt this viscerally. I LITERALLY had a "spiritual leader" cheat on me, break up my family, then judge me for being "angry and unwilling to forgive" within days of him being found out. The saddest part is, many in his community agreed with him. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I got the divorce, but I never got to fully express my anger and pain. It was my problem. He was/is evolved and felt sorry for me. 🙄
I'm still healing from that trip into madness. Thank you for saying what NOBODY said to me then.
It's awful that happened to you. That's not okay.
Yeah, I've had another, though not as bad, case where a spiritual teacher was clearly wrong, however most of their community sided with them anyway. Apparently people do tend to get blinded by status or want the comfort of siding with the established status quo. Sending you love.
@@lightworker2956 Thank you so much. I'm sorry you had to go through that as well. May we be wiser, but not discouraged by what we experienced. Be blessed.😌🙏🏽
@@sharonraquel2669 I relate to your story so much. I was abused all my life too. Still struggling to heal. Victim blaming and other gaslighting are the most hurtful form of abuse there is.
Forgiveness ONLY heals, when is consensual. Forced forgives is emotional violence. You did nothing wrong they did.
Wow I FELT that 😵💫 Glad you’re finally out of the madness ❤️
My brain was shattered too from my "nice guy" husband cheating on me and using me for everything I had. I feel you and your pain. I'm trying to believe that getting a divorce is the correct thing. It's so hard because I'm now a puddle of a human and love the man that's emotionally torturing me.
and this is whats known as "reactive abuse" thank you for speaking out as always teal
I heard that term but isnt it kindof an impossibility, and a misleading term? Like calling self defense resulting in a death "reactive murder". If you say abuse that implies your an abuser, which is about power and control. If your acting in self defense its not about power and control its about stopping the abuse and setting things straight, self defense.
@evonne, no they mean YOU are reacting to the abuse you’ve received, not that you are the abuser in anyway. That’s my understanding anyway 😊
Exactly beautiful soul 💯 ✨️🙏😁
I related to the first example. Recently broke off a 5 year relationship because I was doing everything for myself, tracking my sleep, food, mood, exercise, and period symptoms. I found clarity and realized the person I was with was constantly betraying me, triggering my need to be obsessive about constantly recovering. So I ask for my needs to be met, and he suddenly can’t acknowledge his actions or show any accountability. So I leave. But now my whole schedule/routine/life is disrupted, only causing me more shock and pain… I cry and ache. And it seems like everyone is expecting me to move on quickly despite how my nerves are shot.
It will take time. Take your time. Hang in there. This rat got nothing on you. You will be surprised at seeing your own strength
Give yourself credit for the bravery it took to leave. That same strength will get you through the mourning period and the restructuring of your life. There will be an end to how painful it all is.
You gave this relationship 5 years and that is a long time. I wish I had been able to get the knowledge by year 5. It took me 9. There are so many people that spend 15, 20 even longer in abusive, toxic relationships mostly because the understanding and information simply isnt available to them. We are lucky to be living at a time when we can get on RUclips and hear the messages like Teal and others are putting out there. We get to be part of an awakening.
I wish you all the best in your recovery and the new life you get to make for yourself. 💛🧡❤
You deserve to let yourself be you, at your own pace, with your own needs for rest and fun. No more tracking. No more self discipline. Express your needs, even to yourself. I mean it. When you are gentle to you, someone else will be good to you as well. ❤
Wow, you finally listened to your angels + guides who were constantly beside you. They can only intervene if you evoke them.
What a brave decision you made to walk away.
Of course it hurts. Codependency caused by this 2-faced partner, as betrayal, injustice, rejection, humiliation and abandonnement weaken you.
Now trust yourself.
Seek a support group.
Get help.
Focus on your new found strength.
Remain no contact.
This strength will only grow. And deepen.
In continuing to pray, to establish your life as you envisage it to be, believe me, you will have a lot on your hands + mind.
And better people will come your way.
Kudos to you for posting your experience.
Take care ❤
I couldn't finish watching this as this has been my life for 51 years put on my by the people closest to me who were supposed to love and protect me. I'm now just finding the clarity and strength to move on with love for myself. Thank u for sharing this
Its tough but its a learning experience and you are getting stronger from this as well. You'll be fine :)
@@HBC26 life is tough but, you'll be fine.
We are not our experiences, we use more energy to keep them suppressed.
Indeed we are not, we are waaay beyond that
51 years here for me too. Glad to hear um not alone in this. Not that I thought I was one in being treated this way but alone in recognizing how sick it is.
This happened to me. Had to cut family off and block numbers. You gotta take it as a lesson and rise above it. Most of the time they just want to bring you down to their level of low vibration. You gotta distance yourself from that energy. Every experience is a learning opportunity. People show their true colours. Don't take things so personal just because other people want to project their insecurities on you. Just be the observer, learn from it and move on. Focus on your own well-being.
You know what makes me reactive? That word. Lesson. If I hear that word used in the context of spiritually ever again I think I'm gonna punch someone.
Screw that i am going to take it personally don't come with your bs & try to project it on to me ill make you regret picking me. Find someone else to project you bs on to.
Thank you. What you shared makes a lot of sense.❤
Loved Teal’s imitation of the gaslighter, and the “accent” and speech pattern she used. 😂
Imitator ...
❤
That's not acting.
It was sending me 😂
Does damage. Tell it Teal. ❤
This was incredibly timely. I woke up this morning from a repetitive nightmare about how I keep telling my family members that they are being callous to my needs and they show no response or empathy. This dream has been going on for years, but lately it's escalated to the point, where I start hysterically screaming and crying at them. I become incapable of repressing my distress despite whatever punishments, some very severe, they start throwing at me. By the end of the dream, I'm trying to check myself into a mental hospital, just to get some kind of support and to escape from this situation. I definitely needed to watch this video this morning to help integrate that nightmare. Thank you. 🥰
Big hugs and I have this kind of family. They actually want you to feel like that. Mine took me to the mental hospital at 12 years old. Now, they are all still crazy, having grown about 2%, they still actively try to push my buttons. I miss them at times, but I just couldn't be available for that anymore. Give yourself a hug, you are strong!
@@NFTeve Thanks so much for the love and understanding! I send that hug back to you. I imagine you are pretty strong too after all you've experienced.
All the best to you! May self love be at the other end of the tunnel!
@@gracehunter7808 Sending good vibes your way.
It’s so confusing though. Because narcisstic people ‘are allowed emotional reaction’ the abuser is always entitled to react or emote whatever way they want.
Also abusers often ‘perform emotions’ or act indignant and wounded, they steal the reactions the victim should have - while simultaneously shaming the victim for having any reaction at all.
This brings the whole thing to another more damaging level.
We are not entitled to be angry for what they are doing to us - then they stomp around angrily for some made-up slight against them & we have to support them in that.
So difficult to recover from.
So true, thanks for articulating that.
But what if these are just more hurt people wanting to be loved and if ab*use just begets ab*se and/or retaliation?
@Theon Zaphiri Leon this is a dangerous trite philosophy that I see parroted everywhere. There was a mural painted recently of a Russian and Ukrainian soldier hugging as a symbol of ‘peace’ - there was an outcry over the insensitivity of this mural because it gave a ‘false equivalency’ between the abuser and the target of the abuse, the victim.
The abused are constantly being told to be more understanding of their abusers. THAT really is sick.
You can’t forgive people who are not sorry and are actually enjoying abusing others and plan to continue to do so..
@@TheSapphireLeo And I think you have hit the crux of the problem with this line of reasoning. It addresses everyone else as responsible. But then from their point of view, doesn't that make me responsible? It's designed to make people feel better and get past their accountability by blaming others for what is ultimately under our control.
This is finally being said! Even in the consciousness community the message that your life situation and how you react is YOUR choice. Horrific abuse is denying people their feelings
That's not denying people their feelings at all. Your feelings are likely very real. But what you are ignoring, or likely don't want to hear, is that your reaction IS you choice. And more often that not, your feelings are the result of choices you have made as well, and you can make efforts to change how you feel in response to things that occur.
The phrase that hit me the most was that the societal expectation is to not react or react emotionally numb. That is to react like a robot or like a total exhausted depressed person, isn't it?
Ugh.
No wonder everyone around me seems like a robot. They kind of are. Yuck! Scary. 💕
the low expression of the age of Aquarius (emotional detachment)
@@ElinasAlchemy Ah, yes, that makes perfect sense. We’ve gained technology, but lost our deep connections with each other.
That's exactly what struck me the most, too!!
@@carosonne9998 people truly don’t act the way they used to, do they? It’s too bad. I wonder if it’s because everyone’s always looking down at their phone?
None of Teal's video touched me as much as this one, because I have suffered from that to the extreme. I can see clearly this ridiculous expectation set as a normal society standard. I have named it so often, feeling unheard and alone. Teal, you are a treasure.
*Thanks for watching*
*For consultation and enlightenment telegram me, via the above username ☝️*
Same here. This video if Teal, by far, has struck the chord of my heart the hardest.
A year a go I used to have a cat
And she was the main source of connection and affection for me
I was 16
And one night my Mom found that the cat did her business on the bed and she got really mad
The next day I woke up ...she threw my cat in to a pit and neither could she get out nor could I help her
And I was so mad and stormed out of the house and I was crying the whole day and when I went back my dad saw me and guess what he did....he yelled at me for being disrespectful to my mom and that what ever she does she's always right cuz she's my mother.....
It hurt so much
Since then I never saw my parents the same way
Isn't it beautiful that your love for the cat was so true it was able to cut through everything and change your view? I appreciate your heart ❤
Heartbreaking... Do you have any other family members who do care about your feelings, so that you can stand strong for yourself in the face of this?🤗
I completey relate to your story .
I'm speechless, my parents weren't the best either, I hope you're doing well, you're strong....and one day you'll be rewarded for it...be patient. best regards 💚
What happened to the cat???
Nobody helped it?! 😟
Teal is awesome at revealing the obvious that's unobvious, and delivering the message in such an understandable way.
Love this woman!
Never judge people for what you see. You don't know what that person may be going through.
It's not about that. It's about person's 1 reaction to person's 2 reaction to person's 1 disrespect.
@@rokasdobrovolskis Yes, and they were talking about a bystander, say, person 3 reacting and judging person 2 by only seeing their raw emotional reaction to person 1's disrespect, without having the full picture of what has happened or is happening behind the scenes. So, it's definitely about that.
@@Baalaaxa Oh my mistake! You are right. In the eyes of bystander a situation could be seen completely distorted than what it actually is.
It's horrofying to realize how many times i did it to myself and took the blame for my reacticity in toxic relationships, and of course as a child with my parents.
*Thanks for watching*
*For consultation and enlightenment telegram me, via the above username ☝️*
u might be falling into bad relationships due to the abuse ur parents have done to u.abusive people know how to find wounded people they can use.
I learned this when I was five and my dad would be screaming at me about the divorce from my mom and then would yell at me if I started crying 👍
He would straight up act like I was doing something to him. It's to the point where his family backed it up. My grandmother wouldn't allow me to come and visit her until I "fixed what was going on with my dad". I was 7 at that point.
For my own life, well into my adulthood, my dad and his family saw me as a problem, especially when I tried to bring any of this up because I wanted to resolve issues. I eventually stopped talking to all of them
There are those who are so blinded by ego that, until they can overcome that controlling force, there is nothing that will change in them. I think you did the right thing, not for only yourself but, for your family as well. I hope you’ve since been able to heal. ❤
what the actual ..?! how can people be serious about a kid destroying a marriage and deflecting everthing onto it?! I'm seriously shocked to read this!
@@violakarl6900 to be specific, I wasn't "blamed" for the divorce. I just got screamed at, *about* it a lot. But when you're a little kid, that makes it feel like it's all your fault, especially when hearing the parents fighting about you. Grandpa (dad's dad) also ignored me for a year after the divorce. Wouldn't say hello/hugs/acknowledgement/nothing. So yeah I basically felt like my existence was a burden or an unwanted intrusion, and that something about me must be very bad. Like I shouldn't be here. Sorry I'm here guys!
Yes, people like this exist and treat kids like this all the time. This is the absolutely fucked up world we live in 🤷😬
That last sentence in the original comment here was a big wave of relief washing over me. I'm so glad you stopped talking to them, you deserve so much better! It's such a strong decision to make to stay away from them. I'm so sorry you had to go through this terrible sh*t and I wish you very loving and peaceful healing. 🙏🏼💚
@@gill426 thanks. It's a journey. Ten years in on this attempt to reprogram how I think and what I believe and still seems like there is so much further to go. Nice to know I'm not alone, also sad that so many of us have had to go through such social/relationship nightmares. I'm very grateful for Teal's channel. She is so good at unpacking all this stuff and making it very clear and concise with her soft demeanor in the videos. Really good presentation for talking about things that are hard to talk about 💓
Thank u Teal. I am 37yrs and exhausted. Getting mad now but that is a progress from feeling numb and trying to run faster to become better…
Great video. This emotional abuse is BRUTAL. I’ve Been through this so much myself, even recently. They always gaslight you to be the monster for reacting to their emotional abuse. There’s only so much humans can withstand emotionally. The new age movement bypassing this and forcing toxic positivity and numbness is so damaging and toxic. We can choose to respond in better ways, however forcing ourselves to be completely non reactive, numb and suppress emotions, anger especially, is dangerous. That stress will kill you from the inside out, I made a video on this myself, about sacred anger and how important it is to release it.
Thanks for the validation. I'm one of those kids who was sent away as a child for being reactive to abuse.
P.s. suws of the Carolinas and Logan River academy. 16 years old. Taken by transporters. Hired by my family.
This is what was expected of me in my home of origin. Didn't matter what my siblings did, if I was involved I was to blame.
So sorry for your pain. It happened to me as well, until I made an ultimatum as an adult. And had to keep making it, even if only to myself by refusing to internalize and coldly using the exit I always arranged in advance. Protect your internal reality.
Major problem all my life!!! Thank you
Hello, I´m Jana from Czech Republic, I´m living close to Prague. And I want to thank you for this video and for the fact that you are here with us, Teal 🥰 I´m grateful. THANK YOU.
So much validation that my reaction to the smear campaign and people denying what went on and orchestrated behind the scenes was proof that I was the abuser, it is truly sick. When I asked questions I was told their not playing my sick game. Fucken hell! This one video has taken away so much of my own self doubt.
Thank you for this video. Humanity should pay attention to you right now ❤
I am Janet in my current relationship and was Dillon growing up, even going to a correction center myself. These examples being so on point to my situation had my jaw on the floor.
Let me pick that up for u darling
Thank you Teal. The timing and synchronicity of this video couldn't have been more perfect. I so needed this and this totally reaffirms what I am dealing with. It is a very sick game and we must remove these kind of people out of our lives. They are TOXIC. Thank you for speaking on it. Much love. Namaste ~Alessandra
I also feel that this is very much a cultural issue. American culture (especially Anglo-American culture) values keeping up appearances and not expressing unpleasant emotions to such an extent that it becomes harmful. Other cultures do not instill a fear of expressing "negative" emotions.
Actually, we are one of the most straightforward. There are many more cultures that focus on saving face even more.
Thank you so much for narrating and describing every. Single. Relationship. I have ever had with another person, romantic or otherwise.
I don't think I have ever had a significant interaction with anyone that didn't transpire in that way
Look at your comment - is it possible, even remotely, that you may have some issues that may create this situation? Unless you really think every single person you have been in a relationship was bad somehow.
When she finished her first sentence I was like oh god this is what is happening to me all the time, being scapegoated in my family as a child and even in my adult life. This pattern is insanely sick. Narcissists are doing this all the time with empaths and basically with everyone. People are so ignorant of this pattern that even if I explain it to them they don't understand it's so common and normal. They are not realising how disfunctional the whole society is. I had to leave certain people, even family members because of this pattern. And the craziest part is they blamed me and made me the bad person for leaving them, even though they were the one abusing me all the time.
Thank you for making this video. This is something that all people should know especially in the spiritual field. I can't even count how many times a spiritual person or a teacher played this sick game with me...
Not okay that you're treated that way. Sending love.
Finally realized (at 54!) that this is what has been happening to me with my family. Eldest daughter expectation’s put on me and when I stopped organizing everything for everyone else I’m difficult. It’s laughable, but I finally saw through the manipulation. This video showed up just when I needed the validation. Thank you 🙏
I really appreciate you taking the time to make this video. It’s funny bc the people who did these things to me would not likely watch this video and think back to when they pushed me and pushed me until I stood up for myself and then threw THAT in my face to justify and solidify their accusations that I was the bad guy to begin with. Even saying “vilifying the victim” was grounds for them leaving me…but it does make me feel a little better about standing up for myself even though the end result was me being alone for the next 5 years going on 8.
My own therapists are guilty of the this- making my reactivity the issue and not the psychological torture chamber I had been living in with my ex who behaved similarly to the one described here.
OOOh my Goddess Teal, this is so true. I see it all the time, even more in "spiritual" communities... people trying to make us believe that we are not enough "spiritual", loving or what so ever if we react !! thanks for the recalibration !!! Love it !
*Thanks for watching*
*For consultation and enlightenment telegram me, via the above username ☝️*
Teal, you make more sense to me than anyone else in society. Emotional Dark Ages is exactly the term! I was always the "problem" when reacting to an emotionally detached spouse. Needless to say, we are now divorced. And I have no desire to talk to this person again. And will keep my eyes open to emotionally detached people in the future, that try to make me the problem.
I've been working on getting better at not minimizing other peoples feelings to situations. Kinda mind blowing how often I do it without even realizing it!
Hi
I’ve had this happen to me many times. It’s a scary place to be in and makes you feel absolutely hopeless. This video really hit me hard. Thanks for sharing this as it is a subject that is swept under the rug in our society. I’m permanently scared from the things people did to me and the things that people didn’t do when I needed someone to stand up for me.
This was great Teal. Not only did my family do this to me but authority figures like teachers, clergy, corporate management, and the military which was one big farce where all I did was replace one dysfunctional family with another. Lavender looks good on you too. XO :)
This popped up exactly after I read my family posting online about giving up on me. Honestly my entire childhood and now my adulthood I have been called crazy, dramatic, mental, and emotional. A lot of times feeling crazy because when someone hurts you badly but act like your wrong for being hurt by it and showing emotions after finding out. I was the scape goat for my entire family and always have been. I finally walked away and now I’m crazy for that too. So much pain my entire life has been because this exact situation played over and over. Thank u for speaking and posting about this. I would agree very dangerous game for anyone that is treated by others this way. Im happy and healthy and know I’m safer alone, than surrounded by others even family/ that do this.
Thank You!
Great video! I see that often in school as a teacher. The emotional and vivid boy or girl is being provocated, teased at or bullied. When this boy gets aggressive because of the violation of his boundaries, he is being punished for that basically healthy reaction. I have been told by several boys that this happens to them on a regular basis. So... what do they learn? That they are too aggressive, not good enough, perhaps they would need ADHD medication and so on.
I work with kids too and I see this often as well. Great observation and something that needs to be aware of and handled differently.
I think I've adapted to society and have numbed out lots of my emotions because I'm seen as the "issue" when I'm emotional. I almost said I don't relate because it feels natural to control my emotions. I still feel them, but they don't just spill out. While it does come with benefits that give me a healthy amount of control in certain situations, there are times where my emotions come out because I'm human after all. I'm seen as "unstable" in those moments because it's unusual, and even I start to think I'm crazy. This reenforces more self control, starting a cycle.
If I were to just express my emotions naturally, it would not be socially acceptable in society, especially as a man.
I can relate to your situation completely and I can only imagine that it would be even worse if I were a man. Take care.
Be sure to release your emotions in private. Stuffing them and holding them will make you unwell.
Personally I think there is nothing more attractive than a Man who can freely express his emotions. Just because some repressed people told you it was wrong to do so, doesn’t mean they were right! It just suited them to repress you, so they didn’t have to deal with the responsibilities of having a child. It was their lack, not any fault of yours. Be free, be YOU. 💗
Just tell everyone you're Italian. We specialize in Emoting and talking with our hands!
@@lyndelo3174 That’s a great idea!
Thank you!
I have been numb and non-reactive the first 25 years of my life. I was understanding and wouldn't get triggered or angry. I forgave easily even when cheated on. After being long enough in relationships with narcissists have changed that and now I am overly reactive and have to learn to dial down my nervous system to a normal level. That is what passivity get me into. Not helpful at all
The dylan and his mom example happen to me with some detail variance, was moved into a condo with mold poisoning the result of a fight (where you guessed it i wasn't playing along with abuse, being self sufficient etc), after the mold specialist confirmed there was mold present that's only in buildings with a water problem, she managed to gaslight me into believing i was just imagining things, fast forward a year or so i'm horribly ill and suicidal (mycotoxicity effects are terrifying) she called a facility and had me hauled off claiming i was a scizophrenic paranoid having delusions and that i have an anger issue, after a few days the doctors there were all unanimous that i didn't belong there and i was released, i'm writing the next chapters of my life right now and she isn't present in them.
Teal, a lot of people in the conscious community exhibit the abusive behaviours you’ve just spoken about. Glad you’re educating on this. ❤
So basically when married, I wasn't allowed to have emotions of any kind.
If I was happy I was made fun of and ridiculed.( example: Liking a song and dancing around etc).
If I was sad or cried , I was told I was over reacting ( example: missing my father who passed away.)
If I was angry I was told I was out of control ( example: the neighbors dog coming on our property to take a poop ,so we could step in it going to the car)
He wanted a robot. Emotional slave.
It took me many years but got out .
Could not be a more needed video. Dreamt last night that I was being cheated on in front of my own eyes. I flew into a rage, and everyone in the dream made me the problem for how angry I was. Wow. I’m being scapegoated by others and myself! Thank you, Teal 🙏🏻
It was a dream, or was it. Can't Imagine feeling scapegoated from dreaming.
This was done to me, still is. It is SO NICE to hear I’m NOT the crazy, emotional one…
This has happened to me in every relationship including family my whole life when I finally do break Free of it and completely independent and living alone I won't let anyone close enough again to hurt me like that I've had enough of relationships
Best of luck on your way out of toxic relationships and reconnecting with your true self! Hopefully you can find someone who can be trustworthy, respectful and loving when you are ready for it. May you find blessings and guidance on your path :)
@@Seamannon I do believe she said she has no desire for a relationship. Honor that.
@@Gemmarose9012 I did :)
That's why I wrote:
"Hopefully you can find someone who can be trustworthy, respectful and loving WHEN YOU ARE READY FOR IT."
I believe people need some solitude at certain points in their lives, but I don't believe anyone would really wish to remain devoid of realtionships and love for all of their life, we are social creatures after all.
I didn't even indicate it has to be a romantic partnership. Each and every one of our close relationships should be ultimately built on a foundation of trust, respect and love - friendships and family bonds alike.
@@Seamannon I read what you wrote. She may not ever be ready and want to remain in solitude and that is perfectly okay. It may not be okay for you, but it’s not about YOU which was my original point.
@@Gemmarose9012 Why do you claim solitude is something I am not OK with?
And why do you assume I'm making anything here about me?
How did you get to those conclusions, when you read my previous comments?
What are your points based on exactly?
I feel like you are building up some strawman here.
There is a such thing as over reacting, I reallyyyyyyyy hope people are able to use discernment to know their own boundaries and respect others!
☮️☮️
totally agree!!!
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/the-sickest-game-you-can-play-r528/
Wish I was with you non stop 🥺so lonely teal so lonely 😭!
My name is Theo ✔️thank you for your efforts towards us all. I'll never forget you...alive or dead.
Thank you
I've been watching these films for the first couple of years. I find them informative. The sad thing is that +teal swan describes the politicians in office. The fact is, the sickest game is psychological warfare done by every politician against the taxpayer. I'm thankful I made the way I am. If it weren't for me being thick skinned (Thank God,) I'd be angry all the time. One of my security blankets is Russian chess. I know the government is a game, I know the media is a game, so, why not celebrate Guy Fawkes Day by offering consequence?
This VIDEO IS MY birthday gift to cherish forever. Thank you Teal. May this video spread far and wide throughout the GLOBE AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU EVEN MORE. THANK YOU AGAIN.
Totally agree. I have seen this play out in children and convicts. Ignoring the stressor cause and singularly blaming the person who is freaking out, kind of cheaply discounts everyone else from being a contributor to the moment.
Dr Ross Greene “Lives in the balance” has a whole series of works that address the stressors, so the problem individual can heal and move forward, and really we all spend more time fixing root problems and less time focusing on the “freak out behavior”.
Just incredible. Thank you, Teal. You're spot on. ❤
This has been happening to me!! I had to leave my job because of it. Then was uninvited to the Christmas party that I was going to go to to say goodbye to all the people who weren’t involved in/aware of the events that lead to me leaving. I had a non-reactive plan in place & felt good about it. I was uninvited by the person I actually thought understood me. I was extremely vulnerable with her which makes it hurt even more. That happened just this week & I’m still raw 😢 Very fitting video for me this week!
Amazing as always Teal! 🙏🏻❤️
Is it possible the person actually did understand you and felt it better that you did not go through with that?
I like how you give multiple examples across different types of relationships and genders; mother/son, husband/wife, etc.
Of all the social wisdom uploaded by Teal Swan to You Tube, I deem this to be one of the best selections. I have seen this happen over and over again. i suffered it over and over again as a child and occasionally as an adult. Teal did not mention it, but this same sort of thing happens on a macro basis in society too. One social identity inflicts X upon another. The other reacts by doing Y. Then the victims of Y scream "DISCRIMINATION!" or "REVERSE DISCRIMINATION!" or "HATE SPEECH!" or some other accusation at the perpetrators of Y. I have just now thought of the perfect solution. We all need to just stop it.
I love that you always speak to what’s really going on and address the truth…. regardless of the impact. You confront all of those issues & problems the rest of us either don’t know how to talk about, or don’t have the courage, experience or confidence to assert ourselves and stand up for how we TRULY feel. Thanks, Teal. You did not miss your calling! XOXO
This. This couldn't speak to me more. I too am spiritual, but that does not mean I will be manipulated to believe (a situation you described to a T) something that feels so unbelievably wrong and painful is just me. It's too strong inside of me to believe I shouldn't trust my own reality. Even after hearing things about you, I doubted because I feel too strongly another way to believe in something that doesn't make any part of me react. How we feel and how we react are very primal
I have been the victim of this type of abuse from my mother and from my ex. Thanks for putting it so clearly. Anger is a form of protection to injustice and is not to be labeled as 100% bad.
I really want to send this to an abuser, but I know he would watch it as if he were the victim. Responsibility is important, communicating expectations is important. I have heard a lot that it is our own expectations of others that hurt us, but what if they agree to those expectations?
Ok, what happens if someone reacts to something that literally didn't happen? My most recent ex flipped out over an employee laughing too long at a joke for her comfort and blew it into a huge thing when there wasn't and still isn't anything there. In the beginning I was dismissive of her feelings because I don't know how to deal with things that have no basis in reality as far as I can tell. After awhile I started being more sensitive to her feelings on the matter. At the same time it was like, 0-1000 and how do you deal with situations like that? I don't want to invalidate her and at the same time, I don't have any tools available to me to validate nonsense.
True!!! Many people do exactly that! They cause mayhem knowingly then lie about it and dump their responsibility on others. Very toxic and very isolating for victims. Thank you Teal 🌹😀
“Telling me I hurt you, hurts my feelings.”
Aggggghhhhhh
I would never deplete someone's feelings to nothing. It's just as important for me to try to innerstand (listen) to how I made someone feel even if it was unintentional. It shows me how others perceive me. It helps me to see my rough edges ☺️ but also gives me a chance to let them know it wasn't ill intended.
People (myself incl) tend to judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions.
@@blakebunch4485I agree we, as humans, do that but I also feel that judgement is needed for introspection & gut instincts. I think being judgmental has grown a stigma around it.
Judgement should come from the gut & not so much the head. Whether it be used on ourselves or others it shouldn't be used as a negative source.
It's helpful & It's for the bearer to contemplate their thoughts, not to be overly judgemental on ones self or others bc that's the opposite of growth but we must look at our own emotional & mental processes in order to grow into a balanced, intentional direction & that takes judgement so we must use it.
Right on. Judgement isn't just needed it's necessary. Qualitative distinctions give you direction, something to aim at. Qualitative distinctions are simply saying this is better than that and that's a judgement and I may be wrong in what I choose to aim at. Could very well be! But as far as I'm concerned it's better to have an aim than not otherwise I'm going through life aimlessly. It's very unlikely that I'll stumble across what I want in life without taking aim and even then what I want could be wrong but having some general direction could increase the chances of getting what would be good for me and that'd be better than what I might think I want.... I'm on my phone and that last sentence seems to have run on and on. Could you just look over me not going back and fixing it... 😉
@@blakebunch4485 😆 I totally kept up with that run on sentence 😉 & completely agree!
Thank you for talking about this, Teal. I’m recognizing I’ve been treated this way by my parents my entire life… And it’s one of the major reasons for the deep shame inside of me… It’s an incredibly cruel tactic
“What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you. You are always a slave to what you’re not aware of. When you’re aware of it, you’re free from it. It’s there, but you’re not affected by it. You’re not controlled by it; you’re not enslaved by it. That’s the difference.”
― Anthony de Mello
Perfect timing, so aware of this pattern. Thank you for shining your light on these insidious acts of control.
🌌
I love this video.
I wish I could actually talk about this with someone. Whenever I try to explain to someone the things I've learnt thanks to teal, I realize that they don't open themselves to even consider the idea, and it doesn't go anywhere. I want to make friends who share the same thoughts, I'd like to talk to someone else than myself so badly. Yet I haven't found any German folks like that... 😔
💓same
Hiii
Thank you for this video. This explains well what I have been going thru for the past 12 years. I’ve had to be my own source of emotional support entirely within this abusive extended family dynamic. They have collectively decided that I am oversensitive towards the mistreatment and disregard they have blatantly displayed over the years. It’s as though they got cheap thrills playing poke the tiger with me, although they assumed I was a little cat. Even after forgiving them (with and without apologies) they continued to send micro-aggressions my way as punishment for calling their problematic behavior out. It became way too crazy making for me that I chose to distance. I can only comfortably go gray rock for so long before it interferes with my emotional health. This video was helpful. 🙏🏻💕🕊
Thank you so much.
I needed this video today.
I find myself constantly in situations where I say something over and over and over again and after a certain point raise my voice. Than immediately getting shamed for doing so.
lost my twin flame to a trauma bond :( we got together too early :( she went dark on me. apparently i as the reactive one, she had the power. we abused each other in very seemingly mild ways, with the best of intention .. on our good days it was like finding water in a desert .. insanely good. i miss it so much. i miss that version of her .. so badly.
So true! This happened to me by my Ex. The jabs, the lurs, the betrayals. I got angry and felt at the time ( and still do) that my anger was justified. However, I did react with anger in the form of a raised voice and arguing. This started happening all the time. I was shamed by him and my children for my anger. My “emotions’ seen as inappropriate . In hindsight I now see that this was a way for him to turn my kids against me and I fell into
It. I can see it do cleanly now. He pushes (and is do innocent), I finally react and he can then use this as an example of my bad behavior rather than his own. This video is spot on! Thank you.
This hits so hard because that's what my sister does to me and she thinks she is right most of the time. It's really hurting because if I stay any longer in this relationship I will welcome abuse just for the sake of connection.. but thank you Teal Swan for saying this...at least you will tell the truth
Have you thought she might feel the same about you? That she is feeling hurt by your actions/reactions to her?
@@RichardChappell1 yes I have thought that and brought it up. But can you be in a friendship with someone that makes everything you do wrong?
I am very grateful for this video.
Thank you Teal 🙏🏿
I had such an experience where I realised I was being made wrong for reacting. The insidious abuse by this person had been going on for several years. I am now focused on telling myself I did nothing to deserve the emotional hurt, I know in time I will feel differently because I’m getting healthier not more dysfunctional.
This is exactly what I just went through and what I just experienced recently in my relationship and why I’m no longer in my relationship.
Caroline Laronda - I'm hearing you and been MGTOW ( Men Going Their Own Way ) the last 25 years; - as a result, I'm over relationships period - with people in general. My story is so bad it would make grown men cry.
It's all part of humanitie's broken software programming - deliberately built into us by our divine Creator.
You are not only beautiful, but so wise and well spoken. I have, and continue to learn so much from your videos. Many thanks for sharing your deep wisdom!
This is spot on. I swear Ms. Swan is a genius of sorts. She is a conduit of higher awareness and she is gifted in her ability to articulate and convey what flows from her heart through her mind. I wish I knew more people who would care enough to listen to this woman. I have been this reactive person - I have been scapegoated, gaslighted and abused - mainly by the “not doing” anything of a partner. I only hope that I have not damaged my own children in being an emotionally unpredictable parent. I pray that any shred of awareness on my part can mitigate any damage I have done. I love my children and just don’t know if my behaviors caused harm. 😢
Thank you so much for addressing this serious issue! I've had this kind of treatment since childhood. My dad would hold me down and let my sister hit me in the face and then when I would get angry and cry, he would say, " Oh, come on now...we were just playing." It did not feel like play to me. I married a man who would emotionally abuse me and then punish me for "Raising my voice" at him after he had been goading and gaslighting me or giving me the silent treatment for days on end. I've had sixty years of this kind of treatment and was taught that good girls don't react. No more!!!! It's way past time for this abuse to end!!! I very much appreciate you for bringing this out in the open and I pray people will see it and start learning what to do about it, because this is extremely destructive for everybody involved.
I love how Teal slips in some examples from her own life without saying it's about her😂 well done
Yeah, her third example of the man trying to one-up the spiritual teacher just screams "this is from Teal's own life" to me.
We are responsible for how we treat each other, reacting to actual injustice is a consequence. These are the same people who think they can do no wrong and take no responsibility for their actions or inactions. In short, predators.
This really feels relevant to the issue I'm having with my parents right now. I can only do so much about my situation but I'm trying to find support in the areas I have power in. It's definitely been rough though. This made me feel more understanding of the reactions I've been having lately. Thank you.
*Thanks for watching*
*For consultation and enlightenment telegram me,.via the above username ☝️*
Thank you Teal for bringing to light the very real struggle in relationships that is often characterized by gaslighting.
Betrayal is the core of all evil, if you ask me.
I was with a guy who did that for 8 years pretending that he is the good one and I’m the one who is bad. Finally he left me and although i’m in pain I already can see that it’s the best that he could do for me.
My entire life is me being on the receiving end of this.
This is sooooooo on point. I seriously cant believe how much I'm able to identify with this video. It's like you just put the entire past 3 years of my life into context.
Reactive abuse is real.....
I thought I was the only one aware of this. I talk about this a lot with my therapist. I have been neglected and abused so much through life, and somehow, I’m responsible for healing my emotions? Somehow, I’m responsible for repairing the emotional damage? And if I can’t, it’s somehow my own fault and failure to not be able to emotionally regulate and be stoic in the face of abuse?! Unacceptable. We should not be asked to be calm when being abused, then punished even more when we don’t or can’t stay calm.
*Thanks for watching*
*For consultation and enlightenment telegram me via the above username ☝️*
You just described my marriage and relationship with my mom. Scary accurate! I'm so glad I'm scheduled for therapy tomorrow.
Oops... I have a hard time telling my mom when she is hurting me because she always makes me the problem that I am hurt. I'll bring up an old problem when I feel ready, but if it attacks her idea of herself too much we just end up in another argument. So, we just end up hurting each other over and over and over...
Or, I become quiet and vent my frustrations when I am not around her. And, I tell her partial truths instead of the full truth. So, she hurts me and I just go along with it because I don't want to hurt her by pointing it out. I so badly want to have my own place so I don't have to live with her.
I had a toxic mother like this. I cut her out of my life 11 years ago and never felt better. I wish I did it sooner. You can only try so much
Most days you are the only reassurance in this life that I'm not crazy🙏
This pattern is literally like "Humm my boundarie is that you can't defend yourself against my abuse. So I can attack you all day long and you're gonna shut up and be a good punching bag or you're just crossing my boundarie and this is abuse!"
I had a therapist who was like that. Come to think of it, at least two or three were similar to that actually. 🤔
Thanks for putting this experience into words.
@@gill426 so sorry you had to go through that... the best trick you can play on them is to get super clear about what is hurting you in that situation. If it turns out to be something they're doing, it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong it's dangerous for you to stay close to that person at least for now. If they won't take your reaction seriously at least you can take your own reaction seriously and act for yourself
@@Samuel96889 Thank you for your friendly words, is nice to know that one is not alone.
And yeah I did that, pulled myself out of the situation after it got continuously more abusive. No accountability on the other person's end though. The amount of abuse that happens in therapies is quite high. I'm still clawing and healing my way out of that.
Best wishes to you too! 🙏🏼🌱
@@gill426 I'm not surprised unfortunately I hope you can make peace with your past and surround yourself with good people who care about you❤
You are a true gift within this world for anyone willing to notice you and listen,your ability to see truth and your intelligence in the placement of how it all fits together grounds me in astonishment and in total captivation.
Thank you Teal for talking about this 🌎
This is such an emotional topic! Much love for taking this stand and speaking out about it, and the amazing work you do in general. You are amazing!
Oh my Teal, this is the biggest thing I've noticed throughout my whole life! Was so excited to see someone else see this and express it so clearly. This made me feel not so alone. Thank you. 🥰