Before my mother died, she was having a conversation about her life and regrets etc. She said with all sincerity that her biggest regret was not wearing her 'good clothes' every day. In the months before she died, she wore a chunky, glitzy rhinestone necklace every single day, that had previously sat 'in a safe place' in her drawer for almost 60 years. This small act made her last days so much happier.
I live in Ukraine and now we have a brutal war in our homes for four month already. Being able to wake up in the morning is already a miracle and because every day could be the last one. So, when I have a chance to go out with my friends I wear my things I usually wear on vacation because there might be no tomorrow for me. And me alive wants to enjoy wearing pretty clothes. And that's good you don't have a war hitting you with harsh reality, but life goes on until it stops. And NOW and TODAY is the only moment we are alive. So use it with love to yourself and the world 💕
Olha, my heart has been broken for Ukrainians' suffering during this terrible war. May God keep you safe and may the end of this devastating destruction and oppression be forthcoming. Many of us in the USA are praying for you and asking our government to send more and more assistance to your country to help end this war.
The hopes and desires of freedom from this terror go out to you Olha and all the people of Ukraine!!! No person with good sense would have ever taken these actions. Please know that SO many want this horror to end for you and all of the people in your country. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
My mother-in-law taught me this concept 40 years ago. She said that beautiful things were meant to be admired, used and enjoyed. If you have to keep in put away to protect it, then you really don't need it. Get out that dress, use the good china and light the candle - celebrate today for the present that it really is.
My daughter has both my mom's "good China" and a set from her husband's grandmother - both pulled it out for holiday meals, and so do we. It's always fun to see those pieces between times as well, when the "daily" dishes are in the dishwasher, and we need plates for dessert, "special" or not! That said, yep, I have stuff that's ready to be pulled out or passed on! 💖
i just bought a new handbag faux leather and have yet to change handbags. do not know what is stopping me. the new one looks to new to use i guess. lol
I had a friend who dined every night with his partner using the good china, the crystal, and candlelight. He died in an accident when he was 36. I am so glad he used "the best of everything" and did not save it for a special occasion
That’s why I love the idea of minimalism so much. Don’t spend time and money on mediocre things. Choose the best, have little and enjoy using the best every day. I don’t have a lot. I just have what makes me happy
I’m 65 now and am in the slow process of ridding myself of “things”. I want to reach the point where I only have things that I need/use or simply enjoy. I do burn my candles, I buy and use pretty disposable napkins, I no longer buy clothes/shoes/jewelry for a life I don’t even have. I am well on the way to not keeping things just because it was given to me by a friend or loved one. I can now get rid of those things so someone else can love them. I’ve finally truly accepted that my son does not want my stuff when I die…..he’s been telling me this for years 😅😅. With only the work I’ve done over the past few years, I feel more at ease and calmer. ✌️✌️☺️
I bought this overpriced candle because it smelled like my boyfriend who passed away. It is even his favorite color. It sat on my shelf for two years. A few days ago I took the wrapping off. I decided to light it for the first time yesterday. I came upon this video today. Thank you for the confirmation.
@Melina Trevino, that is so beautiful. The speaker really focused on talking about the candle! A sign that your Love is watching over you. I pray that your heart is healing.
What this talk made me think about is less tangible things - like my talents and what I spend my time on. Why am I waiting to pursue a skill or hobby, or read all the books I have piled up? Why am I waiting to let myself shine through, to dance in front of people or be silly? I should live in abundance, do all of the things I want to do, and not waste my life not being myself- aka being someone else.
What a beautiful response! Yes, we are here to pursue our deepest dreams, to explore, experiment and do what brings us joy! Be the unique divine spark of love you are.
I was wearing my best makeup and favorite earrings yesterday, after watching this vídeo. I’m a stay at home mother and I have nowhere to go, but when my husband arrived he said I looked beautiful and sure I did feel beautiful. :) thank you for this beautiful message.
When I was a little girl my mom read me a Dear Abby letter sent in by a widow. She had kept her china and crystal put up. She fussed at her husband to take off his shoes and not lean his hair against the unholstery lest he make a spot. She kept the house immaculate and her good things in perfect condition, saved for special guests. Her husband was killed and she realized that he was the most special guest of all. She wished she'd served his meals on pretty plates, let him put his feet on the couch and let him enjoy everything his hard work had provided. That stuck with me and I enjoy spoiling the people I love every day. The woman who wrote that letter is probably gone now but her message lives on
Thank you so much for sharing. It was really touching and hopefully transformative of how I will be on my future. 💖🙏 Thank you and may you be blessed for it. Amen. 💖🙏
Last year,my 7 yr. old granddaughter got a new Halloween custom three weeks early. She wore that custom everyday before Halloween and enjoyed every minute she did. She taught me a lesson, to celebrate each day to the fullest. Thank you for this wonderful message.
My kids too! They - in February this year - randomly decided to put on something special for our event. They appeared dressed as a dinosaur and Spider-Man. I shrugged my shoulders and said “let’s go!” 🤣
I am watching this for the third time and have to say it is perhaps the very best talk I have ever listened to. At 78 with a house full of stuff, I am finally wearing all those clothes and using all those things that were "too good". Thank you!
Great! And you may also start getting rid of 80% of those things, giving them to people that need them and will gladly use them. And you'll feel so happy!
This talk made me think of my 5 year old. She likes to wear/use her special stuff “because it makes me extra happy” (her words). I tend to keep my special stuff in my closet. I should be like her more.🤔
My father passed away suddenly a week after mothers day. This video struck me in ways that I thought were healed up. Please, everyone. Don't waste your life.
Thought she was a bit theatrical at first, didn't expect it to hit me this hard. She's right, my house has become a shrine for things that never will happen.
She's sending a great message and even though I personally don't like her way of speaking, you can tell she has a great talent for it. I think her whole talk was studied and rehearsed word by word.
Uh i thought very shortly it's too exagerated and then I thought it's so wonderful like somebody playing a role in Disneyland. Beautifully done and beautiful story. :)
This is a powerful message with different meanings. Not letting your candle wax could even be not giving excuses for the unused talent or ability because you think you are not enough yet. Amazing! Thanks for this TED talk
Yes, good point! I've met many people who keep their ideas/creativity/talent to themselves, as if they'll run out. But I feel confident in saying-as a lifelong artist who has made thousands of things and wants to make thousands more-no one ever runs out of creativity, talent or ideas. Exploring and enjoying your capabilities begets even more possibilities.
I did that one time, instead of buying a t shirt I bought a shirt that I always felt good when I wore... but still didn't wear much, and I wish I'd worn it more. I donated it or lost it when I moved. The moral of this story is to go shopping when you're a little bit high (it's legal now here in Canada) and... ok maybe that's not a very good moral at all.
My grandmother gave me 5 paintings and my grandfather argued that they were too expensive to give me to which she said, "I rather have these paintings hung in her room than in my attic rotting."
My mother taught me to "save the good stuff for special occasions". One day about a year ago I decided to heck with that. I have a necklace that I had made from my mother's wedding ring when I got married and I hardly ever wore it. It was just sitting in my jewelry box. I decided to take it out and now I wear it every day and I love seeing it on my neck. It reminds me of my mother and it is so beautiful. It makes me feel good. Excellent talk Gillian Dunn. Well done! . ❤️
I bought a ton of clothes when I was with my ex so I could wear on date nights. He hated going anywhere other than to his parents house, and I never got to wear the clothes I bought. Needless to say, he’s gone, I take myself on dates, and I get to wear my clothes 😊
Good for you! And I hope that you feel WONDERFUL wearing those clothes. You probably look fantastic in those outfits, because you most likely spent a lot of time poring over each piece, to make sure you would really shine (and I am sure that you do!) THAT is the reason we should buy clothes -- because we know we look and feel really good about ourselves and our choices.
I watched this one before, and between that day & today I have sold my house, my car, and given away all of my THINGS except enough that fit into 2 large suitcases and moved to a different country across the ocean, married the Love of my Life, and am determined to lii Live here & Be Happy and FREE! 💙💛💞
This was so refreshing, I really appreciate watching everyday people reflecting on their mindsets rather than RUclipsrs / self-help gurus doing these talks. Nothing to sell, just pure insight from the perspective of someone that is relatable. She did a great job.
When late Erma Bombeck knew her cancer was terminal, she wrote a list of regrets. One of them was "I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage." Thanks for reminding me, it's great advice
I actually have a pink candle sculpted like a rose, and avoided lighting it for many years. It became very dusty sitting on the shelf just being pretty and when I finally did light it the decades of dust burned and smelled terrible.
This made me feel emotional...my husband passed away the beginning of 2019 at 28. Life is too short to wait to dress up or do something you've always wanted to do. I'm 31 and this is the greatest lesson I have ever learned.
Sorry for your loss, but you still very young...move forward...life keeps going... don't let the candle melt in your closet. My best wishes!! Child of God
I am a retired CERN after working in a busy trauma ER in the southside of Chicago for decades. We dealt with life and death issues every single day. So this speech coming from a fellow ER RN is absolute wisdom loaded. She has all the credibility to make this topic front and center on TED. Have you watched an injured young child dying in front of you from domestic abuse despite all your efforts to save him/her? That thought can rearrange your priorities to the basics of living life today as if its your last day without the frills reserved for tomorrow.
🥺deep… I can’t imagine how it’s impacted your psyche to experience that. rip to that precious young child and I hope you find peace. Thank you for sharing.
I have been a paediatric nurse, and yes, I have held an 8 year old boy in my arms as he died from cancer. 😪 I have held babies in my arms and poured love on them who were dying, and unable to be cared for by their parents 😪 I have nursed many people dying too young of various causes. 💖 I have also seen many triumphs! 😊 I am now a stage 4 cancer survivor, and every day is a gift. I love using my best things! 🥰
I re-watch this every so often. All year (2020) I purged my home. Every cabinet, closet, drawer, etc. Sold all the clothes I don't need/wear even if I loved them and yes, it was hard to let certain things go. I feel happier and lighter and funny enough, now that I have half my wardrobe, I feel like I have MORE to wear. This all feels good!
I love all the positive comments on this video--it's such a change from what one normally finds on RUclips! My grandfather was always of the same mindset. He believed every day was a special occasion, and so I inherited a collection of chipped crystal and tarnished silver, but I didn't mind. I saw some gorgeous earrings while on a trip to Greece, but they were too expensive. Still, I couldn't stop thinking about them, even when my tour moved on, and actually found a way to go back to that island and get them. But I have I worn them? No. They're "too nice" for every day. That stops now. (One of the things I teach is public speaking, and Gillian was perfect. No fillers, no looking down or at the ceiling, no hesitation, using pauses for impact, no distracting gestures or movements. One of the reasons it seems unnatural is it's flawless, and very few people can pull that off.)
My mom told me once about a story she had heard about how there was a woman who had a dress for a special occasion. She had it for years and never wore it. Then she only ended up wearing it once. At her funeral. That struck me so deeply I still remember it to this day. I'm not sure where she heard it from but the message is still clear. Enjoy what you have when you have it, because you never know when it will be gone or you won't be around to enjoy it.
My mom told me too. A woman save her money very tightly..she never dressed up or had treat herself well. And... The money goes to second wife ..because she passed away too soon. We never know when our time is up. So enjoy and be the best
This talk was so inspiring!! I used to be more bold and confident in my younger years, now I tend to dress in accordance with the style of the people I work with, my group of friends or guys I date because I don’t like feeling “out of place”, not realizing it is my right to look and feel good about myself and for myself exclusively.
Absolutely... I second you... I had been doing the same and over the years something started dying inside me... Couple months ago I gathered myself up and reinvented myself... This talk just boosted me up big time.
Ana C wear your style! Whatever you love. That’s what makes you unique!! I’ve always wanted to be taller (I’m 4’11) I used to always wear very high heels. I hurt my back so now I wear much lower heels or even flats. And I wear my really nice lower heels whenever I want & really enjoy them. 😉
Gina Miller Absolutely! I too, put my body under a lot of pain and pressure, or putting layers of makeup every morning. Now I feel more free and beautiful with a comfortable, yet beautiful everyday look that is sustainable and shows my true essence!
It's crazy how true this was for me!!! Today I wore a cute outfit and necklace to work that I'd been saving for when I go out with friends...I felt more cool, confident and I even made a new friend! Definitely applying this in my life
I learned this the hard way when I had a terrible house fire and lost all the special china and glassware and things I had been saving. Now I go by the motto "Things are meant to be used." Every day is special, so use the special things everyday.
I've also had this "wait for better times" mentality with my body. For example, "I'll use my good skincare once I lose enough weight". "I'll stop tobacco/nicotine when my physical disabilities become cured". "I'll start back up on my art when my whole house is perfectly organized". I've been holding myself back. I don't deserve less now just because I'm not "where I want to be in life". These things I hold back on, if anything, won't be wasted but instead, at least somewhat enjoyed in the present, and in a way, help me on my path to other changes I'm striving towards.
She has a very developed and distinct articulation style as if she's been speaking for a long time. Glad she didn't keep it in the closet and conveyed a powerful message.
I love this talk and the comments. I love how some people find joy in wearing their comfortable, casual clothes and they are inspired to get rid of their nice clothes because they just never feel comfortable in them. I love how other people are inspired to wear their nice clothes more often because it's what makes them feel like themselves. We are all unique and we should celebrate that with the items that we buy and surround ourselves with!
And that's one reason why people don't wear 80 percent of their wardrobe. It doesn't feel good. Pay more attention to fabric content. Close your eyes when you try something on. Does it FEEL good?
Thank u for this comment. I'm the type who enjoys wearing out there, luxury clothes and I've been trying to enforce this on my mother. Keep telling her that if she dresses beautifully she will feel beautiful, but alas she likes dressing casual and I only now realize this so thank u!
I thought this would go more towards "stop buying stuff you don't feel comfortable with and that you never wear!", But I also enjoy the message "Just wear them!". Only by doing that you have the chance of becoming that person you once dreamed you could be. Or maybe you discover you're already a good enough person and that's not the dream you should be focusing on, and you through that stuff away!
When my Grandmother passed, we found several items in her closet with tags on them. Things she was saving for "good". After that, I utilize all the things I think are special because each day I am alive is special.
I found a vintage bag recently and said I would only carry it when it was a special occasion, until my friend said to take it when I shop for groceries. I haven’t put it down since! I love this.
My mom and her friends used to have "all dressed up and no where to go" parties when they were in their early 20s in the 70s and the pictures are FABULOUS!
My mom wears all her nice things all the time . She dresses up whenever she goes out, even to go to the grocery store or just to have dinner at our house.
@@fleurdavril1465 my mother did the same. Not French or Italian, but old school. Teachers talked about her and thought she was an heiress living a slum-like life due to being in love with my "workman" father. She really only had 3 outfits but wore them with confidence, which is free.
Lung Cancer taught me how to clean all the closets in our home, get outside and do what others never thought of...with most of my left lung gone AND, I never smoked. Thanks for working as a ER Nurse and giving this remarkable speech! Ia grateful to you! Linda
Wow I am so sorry you went through that but I'm glad your still here. You hear alot now of no smoking lung cancer. Our environments are getting so full of chemicals I know we will see more. Peace to you.
After listening to your delightful talk I went immediately to the display cabinet and took out my late mother-in-law's beautiful Bristol green sherry glasses and for the first time poured myself a glass of sherry in one, not into one of the usual charity shop ones. It not only looks beautiful but the rim is smooth in a way that feels soft. It has made me so happy!
I really haven’t felt like I wasn’t enough in myself…..I just really, really liked pretty stuff. And if one of something was good, that more was better! I declutter and lean toward a more minimalist lifestyle now to save my son from having to deal with decades of useless-to-him things.
I recently got into the habit of wearing my best shoes and my favorite clothes on a daily basis. It's such a nice feeling, stepping out looking great. Why save it? What am I saving it for? Is feeling like I look good something I'm supposed to be rationing? No way! So now all my clothes are my favorites and all my shoes are good ones. (I saved a few mediocre things for yardwork) The rest got hauled off to charity.
Just watched a video about minimalism, this makes me know how to start, get rid of everything except for the 'too nice items' and BOOM you are the person you thought you didn't deserve to be.
I live in a hut with a solar panel and a rain capture water tank . In the middle of primary rainforest . I have one drawer for my clothes and half of it is for bedding. I could live in a mansion and have a fancy car and an expensive watch. Just more stuff to maintain, pay taxes on, worry about and fill space in my life. I am 66. I have been learning these lessons fir a long time . I am living my dream right now. I teach sustainable living . Not everyone will choose to live like me, nor a problem. I just want people to see how small changes add up to a huge change in the quality of our lives. Great message ! Thank you ❤️
Thank you, Gillian Dunn, for reminding me of what a man said, who was born in 1923. "Yesterday is a cancelled check. Today is cash on the line. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Hank Stram That's why right now is so important. It's all we really have. Yet, we forget, and need this brilliant lady to remind us.
just a suggestion: increase the playback speed for any speech focused video u find slow and if you're a fast English reader, switch on the captions... and you'll be done in half the time
I was listening to this as I looked for parking at work, I found a parking spot by the time it almost ended, then I looked at the car parked in front of me and the plates are YLO 47, I work at a high school and teens are very creative, perhaps that spells YOLO 4Ever and rubbed out of space? I don't know, but I will take this as a sign!
Excellent talk and level of confidence. I will always remember this.."don't let your candle melt in your closet..live in the present" my new mantra for every single item I've been piling up at home
Great message and great reminder to avoid the "someday" trap. Make decisions based on today, rather than staying focused in the past or the future. Boy, that's a challenge but I'm working on it. Life happens whether you are present or not. My dad passed a few weeks ago and it is strikingly clear, when at someone's bedside during their final days, that life is so much richer with being present and making memories with the people you care about.
I wasn't sold on her speaking style at first, but this was such a great message, and reading through the comments has ever so slightly restored my 1:00 AM faith in humanity. Thank you for putting this into the world.
When my mother died, clearing out her closet she had tons of clothes with tags on. Saving them for a special occasion. That occasion never came. I swore from that day I would wear all my best jewelery, watches that I'd usually keep for a special night out. I also use all my candles, and get rid of anything that doesn't light me up.... Haven't mastered the notebooks yet tho, 🎊🎊🎊😊
Too afraid to paint because my empty canvases and tubes of paint have so much potential, it’s almost better to keep them wrapped up and stored away in a closet. But every once in a while when i have the random days where I follow the urge to take them out and paint, I love it so much and think “why don’t I do this more often?”
Sarah Levine I’m an artist and my grandmother gave me tubes of old oil paint that I use whenever I make paintings as a way to honor her memory. If you don’t want to use them you can sell them or donate them. If you can’t bear to part with them, just do your best and make a painting that you’re proud of because you tried.
@@cecilyerker Excited to let you know that I recently just picked up my paint again and impressed myself with an image of my boyfriend's dog on a snowy hike. Just gotta keep painting :)
@@saram2533 That is amazing. I wondered where my inspiration to paint was, i buy hobby supplies but never make time for the hobby. This is "my" melting candle.. and I always have an excuse of other things I need to do so this Ted talk made me think I need to just do it but painting has to come from within and I just don't have the urge... because I am not relaxed at this point in life. I need to change current life to enable relaxation to be able to sit down and pant. If I dont make the change it will not happen on its own. Thanks for that comment.
These concepts are so simple yet need to reinforced in our minds every single time we purchase something. Living simply is the way to happiness. Spending time with people, going on adventures in nature, loving on our family and friends, these are the most important things in life.
Wonderful talk! We let our nice things *oppress us* by taking up our space but giving us no joy. Get those items out! Don’t let them control you-you control them!! ❤️
I have no words, this message really punched me in the face... We adults, sometimes we're forgetting the basics of life, but it's quite simple, enjoy the moment and nurture it... As what I've learned from her, don't wait for the special time for something, you yourself should make it happen, and make it count into your life.
After 19 years in an abusive marriage things got so bad I had to leave. My ex insisted we sell the house, though I would be the custodial parent of our four wonderful children. He informed me he wanted certain things that were his and he came to the house during our absence and took them. When we returned, our son's furniture was gone, our queen size bed and dresser and mattress, oriental carpet, and china hutch were gone. My four children looked at me shocked and dismayed. "Where will I sleep?" my son asked. "Where will we sit?" This was the couch where I read to them every night. My son's room was the biggest shock. Gone was the single bed, dresser, side table and comfortable chair where I used to sit and sing to him at night. It was literally empty except the clothes in his closet. All the shelves in the house were gone. When a home inspector came to the house I had placed my china from my first marriage, which amounted to 5 sets of china and some water and wine goblets, a crystal bowl and vase, into an old cabinet my sister gave me. The inspector tried to move it away from the wall, for whatever reason and a leg came off, tumbling the china, vases, goblets, and bowls out. When I returned home after the inspection I found a full box of broken crystal in the middle of the room. I've never been a things person, but now I realize that these things we receive, live with, secret away, use, don't use all hold memories. When we lose these things we feel keenly the loss of something intangible. Usually we feel regret that we didn't live life more fully while we could. We watched through the window, we let them watch TV while we cooked and cleaned up. We rested while they played. They are 18 and up now. I raised them alone from the time my youngest was 7. I quickly wrestled up a bed for my son. The cabinet that held miscellaneous dining room stuff, seasonal stuff and candles was promptly emptied and became my son's dresser. I've been so lucky to have the kids. I have so few valuable things. We have been in poverty since the divorce. But I have felt very very grateful that my children love me. Remember it's not just stuff that we say we will attend to later, or spend time with later...I have always told my children, "People first not things." They are close to each other, my three daughters and one son. While they appreciate they have grown up mostly without, they knew I did my best to provide. When I get a hug or a kiss on the cheek I tell them, "That's the good stuff." or, "That's the best thing to happen to me all day!" Remember, don't let the candle melt, but even more always say "I love you." and don't forget the hugs.
Your husband "gained" a lot of "stuff" to be spiteful, but he lost the respect of his family. Furniture can be replaced, but his reputation and dishonor are permanently diminished. You win.
@@HelloDecember525 Thank you for sharing. Your mindset on life is very inspiring, especially the one "People first, not things" sounds wonderful in a world where things are often treated as more important than the open, warm and loving person they could have been instead. Loving and deep relationships with mutual trust is one of the most precious things you can achieve in life. I wish you and your children a wonderful life with much strength for all the difficulties life brings along with again and again. All the best, a stranger from the internet :)
I'm feeling a little bit called out here, with all the notebooks sitting around that will never be finished or even started. They're too good to scribble in.
I hadn't even considered the notebooks. I totally thought that I don't have anything I don't use regularly. I just want my nice notebooks to stay nice. Or to only have extremely organized thoughts in them. I almost wrote in my only empty one today but was like, nahhh.
Start scribbling :) waste the first page on doodles. No excuse left. Then start writing down your most precious memories. Pick one and carry it with you every day 🌹
I call that "blank paper fear" Haha. I know how you feel. I have gone so far as to use mostly lined paper for artwork I find not "perfect" enough for blank paper. Looking back, a lot of those I wish were on blank paper because I did put a lot effort into those beautiful works.
Hands down this video was sincerely one of the most inspiring splendid TED motivational talks I have ever heard. The speaker was dynamic and fun with such a powerful message. As one might guess, I am going to pull out my candle innerwardly and let my light shine, thanks again SO much!! I think Gillian should be on a motivational speaking tour as it is evident that she brings so much confident calm and motivation to her patients as well as family and friends- so now it is time for her to motivate others!
Excellent presentation! So true. Love the story about a young child that wanted to learn to paint. Grandma bought quality oil paints as a gift. Parents thought paint was too nice for child to use so bought her a cheap set. Of course these did not work well and child lost interest in learning to paint. The expensive oils dried up and were never used. Use it or lose it!!
Just what I needed. I’m purging my closet and my house. I can’t stand it anymore. None of these “things” make me happy. I’m hitting the reset button! And I might just have to have a dinner party too. 🌸
I wear and love my clothes! Come to my home I use my best things for all my guests... Great advice!!! Live!!! Great advice from a nurse, I survived 14 surgery’s! Thanks for the reminder!❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sometimes it’s not about using something, it’s about appreciating its beauty & knowing it’s there for you to admire. Looking at it & admiring it & thinking how lucky I am to have it. It’s also about the memories & who gave me an item & preserving it for years to come.
Just went and changed out of my track pants and put on the funky trousers that have been unworn in the cupboard for the last 18 months. Feel better already. Great talk! Thanks!
I put this into practice with the "formal" dinnerware my mom convinced me I needed to put on my wedding registry. Though I wish I hadn't listened because even at the time I knew that I would never use it, I did pick something that I continue to love 10 years later. When I was downsizing my possessions, I though "these plates bring me such joy and I NEVER use them. Why?" So I donated my "normal" set of dishes that I didn't like as much and now I get to use pretty plates every day. I think challenging these notions that have been handed down to us is really important. Great talk.
Yesterday my friend said, you’re the only Person I’ve seen all day that has on a skirt and high heels. I Looked around and everyone was in yoga pants, sweats pajama type pants and jeans. We should wear our nice things.
I get such comments all the time too. I am always dressing up; every day of my life. Don't even like looking sloppy when indoors. Life is too short y'all; let's wear all our nice clothes! 😊😍
I had this realization when I cared for my dying father and I realized how short life is. All that she’s said I’ve done it. And how much little things can really make us happy in life.
successful people don't become that way overnight.most people you see as a glance-wealth, a great career, purpose-is the result of hard work and hustle over time. I pray that anyone who reads this will be successful in life..
I urge everyone to start somewhere now no matter how small, this is literally the time for that, forget material things, don't get tempted,i became more better the moment i realized this.
Not letting my candle to melt in my closet anymore. This is an eyeopening talk that inspire me! It's a simple reminder of stop being consumptive and treasuring the things we own now , use it for today and not tomorrow.
The progression of this thought is pouring the good on others lavishly. Like the phrase, give the roses while they're living. When you stand by a casket, you'll be glad you did. Profound.
I wear my fancy clothes around the house when I need to improve my mood. One of the best things I started doing because how I dress for my Netflix or my dinner is my buisness. Such a great antidepressant to feel pampered. :)
As an intorert, I can truly say that I relate to this; as I am always, waiting for the right time before doing something in my life. The 'clothes and candle kept in the boxes' reflects our ideas, goals and skills that have been kept due to some excuses laid into our heads to always wait for the right moment. And little did we know, those skills, goals, and ideas we have in mind will eventually be forgotten. If we always wait for that right moment to come, when is it going to be? that's why I also am trying to iply the quote "Do it when you're not ready". The message of this talk really hits hard on me:)
Gillian, thank you so much for doing this talk and sharing your message! What a refreshing perspective and delightful delivery - you are a gifted speaker, storyteller, and nurse. I watched your talk today, which is now two years into the global COVID-19 pandemic and the ideas and stories you shared had a remarkable effect on my reflections on how life has changed throughout these times of quarantine and supply chain delays. Throughout my journey through the pandemic I have often reflected on how grateful I am for all that I have in my life - my health and family are at the top of the list. I have used more of my things than ever before because the world and I finally slowed enough to be more attentive and appreciative of what was right in front of me. It has been transformational. I embrace your invitation to notice, appreciate, and USE what I have on a deeper level because I deserve it and have the opportunity to delight in it…and explore how this helps me explore feeling I am enough just as I am. All of my stuff has been welcomed into my life by purchasing and accepting them as gifts. With the benefit of your inspiring talk - I will continue to use and delight in what I have and continue to shift my mindset to having and using my things and how I am in control of my life and making it count. I will invite others to do the same. Thank you, Gillian!
I love this Ted Talk! I have a lot of nice clothes and shoes waiting for me to wear but I always end up wearing the same outfits and shoes because they feel save and comfortable. I'm a shy person and don't really like all the extra attention on me when I dress up. When I fix my hair really nice or wear something different, I get all this attention that makes me feel very uncomfortable. People are just being nice but I feel all these eyes on me and sometimes people ask what the occasion is or even ask if it's my birthday 🙈 But instead of trying to avoid this attention, I should continue to wear the things I like so much and just enjoy it without letting the attention get in the way. Enjoy what you can while you can, message taken! Great speaker, great message! 💯
@Dianne Daniels Thank you for your kind words 🙏 I have been taking your great advice in practise (small steps, but I'm working on it). Bless your kind and loving spirit 🙏💜
Building self confidence could help coping with others' comments. Why care about other peoples' thoughts anyway? We should not spend our precious time on guessing other peoples' judgement... After all it's just clothes😎
Major relate. I never wanted that kind of attention so never did makeup or wore fancy clothes. Whenever I did, everyone used to say, oh wow what's today and I would get get shy. I have started to be more confident now.
Years ago my mother visited an auntie of hers and was alarmed that she was living in a cold house and her sweaters were like rags. She bought her a beautiful, thick wool sweater to keep her warm. When she went back on another visit she found her still dressed in rags and the sweater she'd bought carefully wrapped and stored in a drawer. She asked why her auntie wasn't wearing the sweater she bought for her and she replied 'Oh it's far too beautiful to wear every day. I'm saving it for a special occasion'. After her aunties death, my mum found the sweater, still wrapped in the drawer. It had never been worn.
Thank you for sharing your story, Sue. I recently was told a story from a personal stylist. She said we have to buy our clothes not thinking of special occasions. She shared she knew someone, like a friend of a friend if hers, who would always be nicely dressed. When she was asked, she said she would wear her clothes because “What if I die tomorrow?” Thing is she did pass away young :(
Same here. I bought my elderly precious Auntie a beautifully embroidered bed jacket. She was ill and was spending her last days at home. After she passed my cousin gave me the bed jacket with the tags on.
I realized something. I watched this 2 years ago and started using my good wedding china. It was delightful, and it felt so special, and we've done it regularly. I just watched this again... I *hate* using my wedding china! It's bulky, it's hard to clean, and deciding when an event is "special enough" leaves me with stress and doubts. I love my everyday china. I can dress it up and down, it's beautiful, it's durable, and I'm at ease with it. ...Like myself. *I* don't need to set out a different version of *me* for special occasions. I'm getting rid of that baggage. Thank you.
"I am the Candle that will not melt today . I am the Stiletto that will dance on the street . I am the fine China that will break at a happy Greek wedding ( Opah ) I am the the nice suit that a boy will wear to a bar mitzvah . I am the present .
Me too. I recall buying a beautiful yellow dress and a scale to match. It waited 5 yrs for that special day. When I went for it, it was faded and didn't fit...
I think we like the items we collect, but when we get home and back into our usual routines, we're too shy to stand out against the mundanity. This is a very inspiring message that I try to apply to my own life! Stand out, be brave! Love yourself!!!!!
@Clifton Willard I'm sorry about your plight my friend but i was once in your shoes before i was recommended to Mrs Catherina Moore and that's how i passed My USMLE Steps exam
I only studied a lot when i went for the first time last year but the second time was so easy, all thanks to my aunt who introduced me to Mrs Catherina Moore am really grateful
Wow. I was only thinking I’m the only one she help pass nclex too.I really Don’t know how she work this out but Mrs Catherina is obviously the best, i studied her questions and answers just in 5 days and I passed, the materials she provided was exactly the questions I saw on my test day. Thanks to my friend who recommended me to her because she pass through her on her first attempt.
Before my mother died, she was having a conversation about her life and regrets etc. She said with all sincerity that her biggest regret was not wearing her 'good clothes' every day. In the months before she died, she wore a chunky, glitzy rhinestone necklace every single day, that had previously sat 'in a safe place' in her drawer for almost 60 years. This small act made her last days so much happier.
Glad your Mother left you with this memory. After my Mom passed I found many gifts she felt were too precious to use. Wish she had put her self first.
Damn
🥺
❤
Same hppnd with my mom
She only saved money for us. For our good future
I live in Ukraine and now we have a brutal war in our homes for four month already. Being able to wake up in the morning is already a miracle and because every day could be the last one.
So, when I have a chance to go out with my friends I wear my things I usually wear on vacation because there might be no tomorrow for me. And me alive wants to enjoy wearing pretty clothes.
And that's good you don't have a war hitting you with harsh reality, but life goes on until it stops. And NOW and TODAY is the only moment we are alive. So use it with love to yourself and the world 💕
We are hoping for peace for you every day. Sending you love from Raleigh, North Carolina, USA.
@@DebbieCarraway-NCState thank you❤🩹
Heartfelt Prayers for peace for Ukraine and all oppressed. May you have peace in your heart, mind, family community and may the world be at peace.
Olha, my heart has been broken for Ukrainians' suffering during this terrible war. May God keep you safe and may the end of this devastating destruction and oppression be forthcoming. Many of us in the USA are praying for you and asking our government to send more and more assistance to your country to help end this war.
The hopes and desires of freedom from this terror go out to you Olha and all the people of Ukraine!!! No person with good sense would have ever taken these actions. Please know that SO many want this horror to end for you and all of the people in your country. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
My mother-in-law taught me this concept 40 years ago. She said that beautiful things were meant to be admired, used and enjoyed. If you have to keep in put away to protect it, then you really don't need it. Get out that dress, use the good china and light the candle - celebrate today for the present that it really is.
My daughter has both my mom's "good China" and a set from her husband's grandmother - both pulled it out for holiday meals, and so do we. It's always fun to see those pieces between times as well, when the "daily" dishes are in the dishwasher, and we need plates for dessert, "special" or not! That said, yep, I have stuff that's ready to be pulled out or passed on! 💖
i just bought a new handbag faux leather and have yet to change handbags. do not know what is stopping me. the new one looks to new to use i guess. lol
Irma Bombeck said the same thing in a hilarious column back in the 70s or 80s.
@@ebriggs3498 She's one of my all-time heroes!
So true!
I had a friend who dined every night with his partner using the good china, the crystal, and candlelight. He died in an accident when he was 36. I am so glad he used "the best of everything" and did not save it for a special occasion
Wow, this is a powerful reminder Pamela. So good he chose to live fully when he had the chance. Blessings.
Thank you for this lesson!
That’s why I love the idea of minimalism so much. Don’t spend time and money on mediocre things. Choose the best, have little and enjoy using the best every day. I don’t have a lot. I just have what makes me happy
Way to go!
I applaud you!
I’m 65 now and am in the slow process of ridding myself of “things”. I want to reach the point where I only have things that I need/use or simply enjoy. I do burn my candles, I buy and use pretty disposable napkins, I no longer buy clothes/shoes/jewelry for a life I don’t even have. I am well on the way to not keeping things just because it was given to me by a friend or loved one. I can now get rid of those things so someone else can love them. I’ve finally truly accepted that my son does not want my stuff when I die…..he’s been telling me this for years 😅😅. With only the work I’ve done over the past few years, I feel more at ease and calmer. ✌️✌️☺️
I bought this overpriced candle because it smelled like my boyfriend who passed away. It is even his favorite color. It sat on my shelf for two years. A few days ago I took the wrapping off. I decided to light it for the first time yesterday. I came upon this video today. Thank you for the confirmation.
@Melina Trevino, that is so beautiful. The speaker really focused on talking about the candle! A sign that your Love is watching over you. I pray that your heart is healing.
❤
💝💝💝
💕💕🙏
beautiful synchronicity
What this talk made me think about is less tangible things - like my talents and what I spend my time on. Why am I waiting to pursue a skill or hobby, or read all the books I have piled up? Why am I waiting to let myself shine through, to dance in front of people or be silly? I should live in abundance, do all of the things I want to do, and not waste my life not being myself- aka being someone else.
So true ... Wanna do the same :)
Absolutely!
@Sally This is a far better interpretation of that talk than the talk itself. Completely agree. x
What a beautiful response! Yes, we are here to pursue our deepest dreams, to explore, experiment and do what brings us joy! Be the unique divine spark of love you are.
Rings my bell too!!
I was wearing my best makeup and favorite earrings yesterday, after watching this vídeo. I’m a stay at home mother and I have nowhere to go, but when my husband arrived he said I looked beautiful and sure I did feel beautiful. :) thank you for this beautiful message.
Oh!! So very nice 👍 your husband noticed how beautiful you are ♥️💕♥️
Keep doing that! He will appreciate it and so will you!
YAY, Francisca! 👏👏👏🌹😊
aw, that's awesome! do it as often as you want! we used to 'play dressup' as kids without actually going anywhere outside, so why do we stop?
Your comment has made me so happy 🧡 Thank you. Enjoy feeling good
When I was a little girl my mom read me a Dear Abby letter sent in by a widow. She had kept her china and crystal put up. She fussed at her husband to take off his shoes and not lean his hair against the unholstery lest he make a spot. She kept the house immaculate and her good things in perfect condition, saved for special guests. Her husband was killed and she realized that he was the most special guest of all. She wished she'd served his meals on pretty plates, let him put his feet on the couch and let him enjoy everything his hard work had provided. That stuck with me and I enjoy spoiling the people I love every day. The woman who wrote that letter is probably gone now but her message lives on
Thank you so much for sharing. It was really touching and hopefully transformative of how I will be on my future. 💖🙏 Thank you and may you be blessed for it. Amen. 💖🙏
What a powerful story. Thank you for that reminder ...
“The reasons to stockpile stuff are based on two mindsets: I am not enough, and I don’t have enough.” That hit me hard for sure.
"I have enough. I am enough". Great affirmation
My bestie use to say, "I am enough, I have enough, I do enough"
Usman Riaz true
If you like this, you may want to check Brene Brown talks (she has books too). I was amazed by her speeches and her book "Daring Greatly"
- nusechkin Thank you for the recommendation. It’s funny you mentioned it, I was actually about to buy her book one of these days.
Uh, there's a clear problem with that saying..
Last year,my 7 yr. old granddaughter got a new Halloween custom three weeks early. She wore that custom everyday before Halloween and enjoyed every minute she did. She taught me a lesson, to celebrate each day to the fullest. Thank you for this wonderful message.
My kids too! They - in February this year - randomly decided to put on something special for our event. They appeared dressed as a dinosaur and Spider-Man. I shrugged my shoulders and said “let’s go!” 🤣
I am watching this for the third time and have to say it is perhaps the very best talk I have ever listened to. At 78 with a house full of stuff, I am finally wearing all those clothes and using all those things that were "too good". Thank you!
Good for you! :)
Yes I used to tell my friends this but I have not been exercising it lately. I am going to now and just purge my house.
Great! And you may also start getting rid of 80% of those things, giving them to people that need them and will gladly use them. And you'll feel so happy!
💝🙏
That's so beautiful. 💖
A symbolic message, do not hide your life away while waiting for a better time.
This talk made me think of my 5 year old. She likes to wear/use her special stuff “because it makes me extra happy” (her words). I tend to keep my special stuff in my closet. I should be like her more.🤔
From the “mouths of babes” as the Bible says
Kids have more insight than we give them credit for
Kids teach us so much! Let's listen to our inner child more often (and clap our hands too :-))
Yes you should hehe
Learning this from my little girl too
ditto with my kid. i have figured out i like pajamas d best.. :D
I always set the table and use "the good stuff". My mother's home was bombed in WW2 and she has used all the good things ever since.
The first time I think a bomb can do good things too, though rarely. 😜
Wow thank you for sharing. What a life lesson. Thank you, it really hit me! 💖💖
My father passed away suddenly a week after mothers day. This video struck me in ways that I thought were healed up. Please, everyone. Don't waste your life.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Stephanie! :'(
So very sorry for you.
🙏
So sorry for your loss. My Mother was stolen from us suddenly,by the big corrupt pharma. Don't take your loving parents for granted.
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Thought she was a bit theatrical at first, didn't expect it to hit me this hard. She's right, my house has become a shrine for things that never will happen.
ditto.
I love the party idea!!! Great message.
She's sending a great message and even though I personally don't like her way of speaking, you can tell she has a great talent for it. I think her whole talk was studied and rehearsed word by word.
@@stridery was thinking of the same thing!
Uh i thought very shortly it's too exagerated and then I thought it's so wonderful like somebody playing a role in Disneyland. Beautifully done and beautiful story. :)
This is a powerful message with different meanings. Not letting your candle wax could even be not giving excuses for the unused talent or ability because you think you are not enough yet. Amazing! Thanks for this TED talk
Yes, good point! I've met many people who keep their ideas/creativity/talent to themselves, as if they'll run out. But I feel confident in saying-as a lifelong artist who has made thousands of things and wants to make thousands more-no one ever runs out of creativity, talent or ideas. Exploring and enjoying your capabilities begets even more possibilities.
Great talk, great nurse!
❤️
That’s a beautiful thought
Just when I was thinking I couldn't really relate to this talk😅...
Yeah, I've DEFINITELY been doing THAT
thanks for making that connection!
"When you put excuses on hold the other side of that is Joy." HOW TRUE!
Yup this is true. Gave away 90% of my stuff and my life couldn't be better. QUIT shopping. Best thing I ever did.
Awesome!! 👏
🥰🙏
I gave out a lot too! Shopping just pieces I know I need for A REASON! Feels much better
kauigirl808 it’s so liberating! ❤️
I miss my days of living out of my suitcase. That was the most liberating lol.
My friend and I identified that sometimes we buy clothes for the life we wish we had, rather than the one we have 🤣
I did that one time, instead of buying a t shirt I bought a shirt that I always felt good when I wore... but still didn't wear much, and I wish I'd worn it more. I donated it or lost it when I moved. The moral of this story is to go shopping when you're a little bit high (it's legal now here in Canada) and... ok maybe that's not a very good moral at all.
So true....
Actually, it hit hard.
Shopping for my aspirational lifestyle 🤦♀️
That's why I have clothes 4 sizes down. Sigh
My Grandma always used the good china for any meal not at the kitchen table. "I'm not saving it for [my grandfather's] second wife," was her mantra.
@Rebecca Moroz I love this story, and grandma's quote! Smart lady.
ahah that’s so witty
AHAHA, that's awesome.
Love this!
Excellent!
My grandmother gave me 5 paintings and my grandfather argued that they were too expensive to give me to which she said, "I rather have these paintings hung in her room than in my attic rotting."
I gave my sister an art piece that was expensive because it was not on my wall and knew she wanted it for a while.
This talk is timeless. I am glad to be reminded to enjoy the present and stop waiting for that big moment.
My mother taught me to "save the good stuff for special occasions". One day about a year ago I decided to heck with that. I have a necklace that I had made from my mother's wedding ring when I got married and I hardly ever wore it. It was just sitting in my jewelry box. I decided to take it out and now I wear it every day and I love seeing it on my neck. It reminds me of my mother and it is so beautiful. It makes me feel good. Excellent talk Gillian Dunn. Well done! . ❤️
Yes. That's why, ever since my near-death experience, my motto is now "I have all that I need."
you should do a vid of it and post a link!
What happened?
I bought a ton of clothes when I was with my ex so I could wear on date nights. He hated going anywhere other than to his parents house, and I never got to wear the clothes I bought. Needless to say, he’s gone, I take myself on dates, and I get to wear my clothes 😊
Good for you! And I hope that you feel WONDERFUL wearing those clothes. You probably look fantastic in those outfits, because you most likely spent a lot of time poring over each piece, to make sure you would really shine (and I am sure that you do!) THAT is the reason we should buy clothes -- because we know we look and feel really good about ourselves and our choices.
Fabulous!
Good for you girl!
We do this as women!! We buy for our fantasies and shop for our dreams.
Alone? I never see woman going out alone.
I watched this one before, and between that day & today I have sold my house, my car, and given away all of my THINGS except enough that fit into 2 large suitcases and moved to a different country across the ocean, married the Love of my Life, and am determined to lii Live here & Be Happy and FREE! 💙💛💞
This was so refreshing, I really appreciate watching everyday people reflecting on their mindsets rather than RUclipsrs / self-help gurus doing these talks. Nothing to sell, just pure insight from the perspective of someone that is relatable. She did a great job.
Yes! This! 😊 💖 🙆🏻♀️ 🌿 👍🏾
Excellent observation and I agree.
"When you put excuses on hold, the other side of that is joy, confidence and freedom."
I wish that were true for me. Maybe one day.
Realness
When late Erma Bombeck knew her cancer was terminal, she wrote a list of regrets. One of them was "I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage." Thanks for reminding me, it's great advice
Such good advice!
I didn’t know Erma Bombeck had passed from cancer. I wager she was still a beacon of humorous hope even in the end.
I actually have a pink candle sculpted like a rose, and avoided lighting it for many years. It became very dusty sitting on the shelf just being pretty and when I finally did light it the decades of dust burned and smelled terrible.
I thought about her right before I scrolled to your comment.
At that point in her life ,she also said,” I don’t buy brown bananas.”
This made me feel emotional...my husband passed away the beginning of 2019 at 28. Life is too short to wait to dress up or do something you've always wanted to do. I'm 31 and this is the greatest lesson I have ever learned.
Child Of Light -- What a beautiful response. It brought tears to my eyes. Bless you.
I'm so sorry. Blessings to you .
Sorry for your loss dear. I pray your hearts healed a little since you wrote this.
Praying for you during this difficult season 🙏🏼
Sorry for your loss, but you still very young...move forward...life keeps going... don't let the candle melt in your closet. My best wishes!! Child of God
I am a retired CERN after working in a busy trauma ER in the southside of Chicago for decades. We dealt with life and death issues every single day. So this speech coming from a fellow ER RN is absolute wisdom loaded. She has all the credibility to make this topic front and center on TED. Have you watched an injured young child dying in front of you from domestic abuse despite all your efforts to save him/her? That thought can rearrange your priorities to the basics of living life today as if its your last day without the frills reserved for tomorrow.
There should be more likes for this comment, and for the video.
🥺deep… I can’t imagine how it’s impacted your psyche to experience that. rip to that precious young child and I hope you find peace. Thank you for sharing.
I have been a paediatric nurse, and yes, I have held an 8 year old boy in my arms as he died from cancer. 😪
I have held babies in my arms and poured love on them who were dying, and unable to be cared for by their parents 😪
I have nursed many people dying too young of various causes. 💖
I have also seen many triumphs! 😊
I am now a stage 4 cancer survivor, and every day is a gift.
I love using my best things! 🥰
❤️
Thank you for your care and work all those years. Not every person can or should be a nurse. You made a difference in a lot of lives. ♥️
I re-watch this every so often. All year (2020) I purged my home. Every cabinet, closet, drawer, etc. Sold all the clothes I don't need/wear even if I loved them and yes, it was hard to let certain things go. I feel happier and lighter and funny enough, now that I have half my wardrobe, I feel like I have MORE to wear. This all feels good!
I love all the positive comments on this video--it's such a change from what one normally finds on RUclips! My grandfather was always of the same mindset. He believed every day was a special occasion, and so I inherited a collection of chipped crystal and tarnished silver, but I didn't mind.
I saw some gorgeous earrings while on a trip to Greece, but they were too expensive. Still, I couldn't stop thinking about them, even when my tour moved on, and actually found a way to go back to that island and get them. But I have I worn them? No. They're "too nice" for every day. That stops now.
(One of the things I teach is public speaking, and Gillian was perfect. No fillers, no looking down or at the ceiling, no hesitation, using pauses for impact, no distracting gestures or movements. One of the reasons it seems unnatural is it's flawless, and very few people can pull that off.)
I wondered how she could remember what she had to say.
My mom told me once about a story she had heard about how there was a woman who had a dress for a special occasion. She had it for years and never wore it. Then she only ended up wearing it once. At her funeral. That struck me so deeply I still remember it to this day. I'm not sure where she heard it from but the message is still clear. Enjoy what you have when you have it, because you never know when it will be gone or you won't be around to enjoy it.
This hits me deeply. Thank you so much for sharing!
@@MilouAT hope it inspires you 🥰
My mom told me too. A woman save her money very tightly..she never dressed up or had treat herself well. And... The money goes to second wife ..because she passed away too soon. We never know when our time is up. So enjoy and be the best
@@sparkdorable yep exactly! Enjoy things while you can. ✨️
This talk was so inspiring!! I used to be more bold and confident in my younger years, now I tend to dress in accordance with the style of the people I work with, my group of friends or guys I date because I don’t like feeling “out of place”, not realizing it is my right to look and feel good about myself and for myself exclusively.
Absolutely... I second you... I had been doing the same and over the years something started dying inside me... Couple months ago I gathered myself up and reinvented myself... This talk just boosted me up big time.
Absolutely!
Ana C wear your style! Whatever you love. That’s what makes you unique!! I’ve always wanted to be taller (I’m 4’11) I used to always wear very high heels. I hurt my back so now I wear much lower heels or even flats. And I wear my really nice lower heels whenever I want & really enjoy them. 😉
It is definitely your right to feel and look good. Don't dim your light to accommodate anyone. May you shine brightly!
Gina Miller Absolutely! I too, put my body under a lot of pain and pressure, or putting layers of makeup every morning. Now I feel more free and beautiful with a comfortable, yet beautiful everyday look that is sustainable and shows my true essence!
It's crazy how true this was for me!!!
Today I wore a cute outfit and necklace to work that I'd been saving for when I go out with friends...I felt more cool, confident and I even made a new friend!
Definitely applying this in my life
I learned this the hard way when I had a terrible house fire and lost all the special china and glassware and things I had been saving. Now I go by the motto "Things are meant to be used." Every day is special, so use the special things everyday.
So use your special day everyday :-)))
Exactly! Another day is a great excuse to enjoy the day and the good things around us. Always!
I've also had this "wait for better times" mentality with my body. For example, "I'll use my good skincare once I lose enough weight". "I'll stop tobacco/nicotine when my physical disabilities become cured". "I'll start back up on my art when my whole house is perfectly organized". I've been holding myself back. I don't deserve less now just because I'm not "where I want to be in life". These things I hold back on, if anything, won't be wasted but instead, at least somewhat enjoyed in the present, and in a way, help me on my path to other changes I'm striving towards.
you understood everything
Yas, girl! Let's do this! 🤗
Ugh I can totally relate... you must be a perfectionist procrastinator like me🤦🏽♀️
You will not get to where you want to be in your life if you don't start today.
Thank you 😊 I needed this
She has a very developed and distinct articulation style as if she's been speaking for a long time. Glad she didn't keep it in the closet and conveyed a powerful message.
I love this talk and the comments. I love how some people find joy in wearing their comfortable, casual clothes and they are inspired to get rid of their nice clothes because they just never feel comfortable in them. I love how other people are inspired to wear their nice clothes more often because it's what makes them feel like themselves. We are all unique and we should celebrate that with the items that we buy and surround ourselves with!
Mira Cordell yes! You said it well!
And that's one reason why people don't wear 80 percent of their wardrobe. It doesn't feel good. Pay more attention to fabric content. Close your eyes when you try something on. Does it FEEL good?
exactly,me too.There's room for everybody's way.
Thank u for this comment. I'm the type who enjoys wearing out there, luxury clothes and I've been trying to enforce this on my mother. Keep telling her that if she dresses beautifully she will feel beautiful, but alas she likes dressing casual and I only now realize this so thank u!
I thought this would go more towards "stop buying stuff you don't feel comfortable with and that you never wear!", But I also enjoy the message "Just wear them!". Only by doing that you have the chance of becoming that person you once dreamed you could be. Or maybe you discover you're already a good enough person and that's not the dream you should be focusing on, and you through that stuff away!
When my Grandmother passed, we found several items in her closet with tags on them. Things she was saving for "good". After that, I utilize all the things I think are special because each day I am alive is special.
I found a vintage bag recently and said I would only carry it when it was a special occasion, until my friend said to take it when I shop for groceries. I haven’t put it down since! I love this.
That’s just awesome. That’s how it is meant to be.
"wear the dress you never have a reason to wear" is an awesome idea for a party theme
You're so right!
Ikr :-D
😁😁😁😁 lol.
I would wear my wedding dress 😁
My mom and her friends used to have "all dressed up and no where to go" parties when they were in their early 20s in the 70s and the pictures are FABULOUS!
My mom wears all her nice things all the time . She dresses up whenever she goes out, even to go to the grocery store or just to have dinner at our house.
Your mom is either french or italian😂
@@fleurdavril1465 my mother did the same. Not French or Italian, but old school. Teachers talked about her and thought she was an heiress living a slum-like life due to being in love with my "workman" father. She really only had 3 outfits but wore them with confidence, which is free.
Lung Cancer taught me how to clean all the closets in our home, get outside and do what others never thought of...with most of my left lung gone AND, I never smoked. Thanks for working as a ER Nurse and giving this remarkable speech! Ia grateful to you! Linda
Wow I am so sorry you went through that but I'm glad your still here. You hear alot now of no smoking lung cancer. Our environments are getting so full of chemicals I know we will see more. Peace to you.
After listening to your delightful talk I went immediately to the display cabinet and took out my late mother-in-law's beautiful Bristol green sherry glasses and for the first time poured myself a glass of sherry in one, not into one of the usual charity shop ones. It not only looks beautiful but the rim is smooth in a way that feels soft. It has made me so happy!
“The mindset that we are not enough keeps our clothes in the closet and the champagne in the bottle” - Dang, she hit my soul
I really haven’t felt like I wasn’t enough in myself…..I just really, really liked pretty stuff. And if one of something was good, that more was better! I declutter and lean toward a more minimalist lifestyle now to save my son from having to deal with decades of useless-to-him things.
This is the most life-changing 15 minutes of my life. Like wow, "Life gives you a present and the present is Today" time to unwrap my present 🎁 ✨
People I’m wearing the dress on a normal Thursday and it was really cool because I have been wanting to do this for 5 years
Congratulations dear !
Laureen Dudink very proud💜
That's awesome
Cool. Wanna it too
I recently got into the habit of wearing my best shoes and my favorite clothes on a daily basis. It's such a nice feeling, stepping out looking great. Why save it? What am I saving it for? Is feeling like I look good something I'm supposed to be rationing? No way!
So now all my clothes are my favorites and all my shoes are good ones. (I saved a few mediocre things for yardwork) The rest got hauled off to charity.
I know I bought them all
Just watched a video about minimalism, this makes me know how to start, get rid of everything except for the 'too nice items' and BOOM you are the person you thought you didn't deserve to be.
I live in a hut with a solar panel and a rain capture water tank . In the middle of primary rainforest . I have one drawer for my clothes and half of it is for bedding.
I could live in a mansion and have a fancy car and an expensive watch. Just more stuff to maintain, pay taxes on, worry about and fill space in my life.
I am 66. I have been learning these lessons fir a long time .
I am living my dream right now. I teach sustainable living . Not everyone will choose to live like me, nor a problem. I just want people to see how small changes add up to a huge change in the quality of our lives.
Great message ! Thank you ❤️
Thank you, Gillian Dunn, for reminding me of what a man said, who was born in 1923. "Yesterday is a cancelled check. Today is cash on the line. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Hank Stram
That's why right now is so important. It's all we really have. Yet, we forget, and need this brilliant lady to remind us.
Looks like a lot of people keep promissory notes in their wardrobe. Who knew?
Today I gave away the "unworn dresses." Someone else can use them and they no longer match my lifestyle. Feels so good!!
I'll be doing that!
@@JustaGirlfromPNG I must do that too!
Did that! There's suddenly so much space!
Diane Balch that’s awesome 👏 you never know who might enjoy them.
I did that.. still do. And I always get news ones as a gift.. sorry mostly :) its about making space to welcome more.
I was about to give up listening because it started off slow, but I’ve been practicing to be more patient and today it paid off.
Patience is such a good thing to teach yourself
just a suggestion: increase the playback speed for any speech focused video u find slow and if you're a fast English reader, switch on the captions... and you'll be done in half the time
I was listening to this as I looked for parking at work, I found a parking spot by the time it almost ended, then I looked at the car parked in front of me and the plates are YLO 47, I work at a high school and teens are very creative, perhaps that spells YOLO 4Ever and rubbed out of space? I don't know, but I will take this as a sign!
Excellent talk and level of confidence. I will always remember this.."don't let your candle melt in your closet..live in the present" my new mantra for every single item I've been piling up at home
It was me 10 years ago, postponing Life till a car accident I barely survived. After that went to 30 countries and lived my best Life. Great talk.
Great message and great reminder to avoid the "someday" trap. Make decisions based on today, rather than staying focused in the past or the future. Boy, that's a challenge but I'm working on it. Life happens whether you are present or not. My dad passed a few weeks ago and it is strikingly clear, when at someone's bedside during their final days, that life is so much richer with being present and making memories with the people you care about.
I wasn't sold on her speaking style at first, but this was such a great message, and reading through the comments has ever so slightly restored my 1:00 AM faith in humanity. Thank you for putting this into the world.
Ironically this is what I am doing right now
That's exactly how I feel
This is me!
This talk was written to be read, not spoken. Sadly, I couldn’t get past the delivery and posing despite the importance of the message
@@susanbartlett8418 she was clear, concise and perfectly TEDX delivered.
When my mother died, clearing out her closet she had tons of clothes with tags on. Saving them for a special occasion. That occasion never came.
I swore from that day I would wear all my best jewelery, watches that I'd usually keep for a special night out.
I also use all my candles, and get rid of anything that doesn't light me up....
Haven't mastered the notebooks yet tho, 🎊🎊🎊😊
Oh yes! The endless paper trail!
The notebooks are the most difficult ones I'm telling ya. So I figured, the best way to tackle this to not buy pretty notebooks.
Same here. I was in tears when I was cleaning her stuff after she left. There were many things unused. .sad
Use those notebooks, consume them and make the best use of it 😊 I am also learning this.
It's that notebook thing man!!!!🤦🏻♀️😬
This is exactly what we all need to do. Be our best, look our best, feel our best, use our best everyday. It really does bring joy!
She is very good at telling stories. I admire her. She is completely right. You do NOT need to buy more, you just need to deal with what you have :)
Too afraid to paint because my empty canvases and tubes of paint have so much potential, it’s almost better to keep them wrapped up and stored away in a closet. But every once in a while when i have the random days where I follow the urge to take them out and paint, I love it so much and think “why don’t I do this more often?”
Sarah Levine I’m an artist and my grandmother gave me tubes of old oil paint that I use whenever I make paintings as a way to honor her memory. If you don’t want to use them you can sell them or donate them. If you can’t bear to part with them, just do your best and make a painting that you’re proud of because you tried.
@@cecilyerker Excited to let you know that I recently just picked up my paint again and impressed myself with an image of my boyfriend's dog on a snowy hike. Just gotta keep painting :)
Somebody once told me... “we don’t relax when we’re paint, we paint when we’re relaxed.” :)
OMG ! I TOO wh the Canves n the colours
@@saram2533 That is amazing. I wondered where my inspiration to paint was, i buy hobby supplies but never make time for the hobby. This is "my" melting candle.. and I always have an excuse of other things I need to do so this Ted talk made me think I need to just do it but painting has to come from within and I just don't have the urge... because I am not relaxed at this point in life. I need to change current life to enable relaxation to be able to sit down and pant. If I dont make the change it will not happen on its own. Thanks for that comment.
These concepts are so simple yet need to reinforced in our minds every single time we purchase something. Living simply is the way to happiness. Spending time with people, going on adventures in nature, loving on our family and friends, these are the most important things in life.
Wonderful talk! We let our nice things *oppress us* by taking up our space but giving us no joy. Get those items out! Don’t let them control you-you control them!! ❤️
I have no words, this message really punched me in the face... We adults, sometimes we're forgetting the basics of life, but it's quite simple, enjoy the moment and nurture it... As what I've learned from her, don't wait for the special time for something, you yourself should make it happen, and make it count into your life.
After 19 years in an abusive marriage things got so bad I had to leave. My ex insisted we sell the house, though I would be the custodial parent of our four wonderful children. He informed me he wanted certain things that were his and he came to the house during our absence and took them. When we returned, our son's furniture was gone, our queen size bed and dresser and mattress, oriental carpet, and china hutch were gone. My four children looked at me shocked and dismayed. "Where will I sleep?" my son asked. "Where will we sit?" This was the couch where I read to them every night. My son's room was the biggest shock. Gone was the single bed, dresser, side table and comfortable chair where I used to sit and sing to him at night. It was literally empty except the clothes in his closet. All the shelves in the house were gone. When a home inspector came to the house I had placed my china from my first marriage, which amounted to 5 sets of china and some water and wine goblets, a crystal bowl and vase, into an old cabinet my sister gave me. The inspector tried to move it away from the wall, for whatever reason and a leg came off, tumbling the china, vases, goblets, and bowls out. When I returned home after the inspection I found a full box of broken crystal in the middle of the room. I've never been a things person, but now I realize that these things we receive, live with, secret away, use, don't use all hold memories. When we lose these things we feel keenly the loss of something intangible. Usually we feel regret that we didn't live life more fully while we could. We watched through the window, we let them watch TV while we cooked and cleaned up. We rested while they played. They are 18 and up now. I raised them alone from the time my youngest was 7. I quickly wrestled up a bed for my son. The cabinet that held miscellaneous dining room stuff, seasonal stuff and candles was promptly emptied and became my son's dresser.
I've been so lucky to have the kids. I have so few valuable things. We have been in poverty since the divorce. But I have felt very very grateful that my children love me.
Remember it's not just stuff that we say we will attend to later, or spend time with later...I have always told my children, "People first not things." They are close to each other, my three daughters and one son. While they appreciate they have grown up mostly without, they knew I did my best to provide. When I get a hug or a kiss on the cheek I tell them, "That's the good stuff." or, "That's the best thing to happen to me all day!" Remember, don't let the candle melt, but even more always say "I love you." and don't forget the hugs.
💖🙏💖🌅🌅
Your husband "gained" a lot of "stuff" to be spiteful, but he lost the respect of his family. Furniture can be replaced, but his reputation and dishonor are permanently diminished. You win.
What a beautiful. message
Enjoy reading your story, thanks for sharing. You are a very strong human being.
@@HelloDecember525 Thank you for sharing. Your mindset on life is very inspiring, especially the one "People first, not things" sounds wonderful in a world where things are often treated as more important than the open, warm and loving person they could have been instead. Loving and deep relationships with mutual trust is one of the most precious things you can achieve in life. I wish you and your children a wonderful life with much strength for all the difficulties life brings along with again and again. All the best, a stranger from the internet :)
She was injecting WISDOM to many of us. Very inspirational...👍👍👍
I'm feeling a little bit called out here, with all the notebooks sitting around that will never be finished or even started. They're too good to scribble in.
I hadn't even considered the notebooks. I totally thought that I don't have anything I don't use regularly. I just want my nice notebooks to stay nice. Or to only have extremely organized thoughts in them. I almost wrote in my only empty one today but was like, nahhh.
Start scribbling :) waste the first page on doodles. No excuse left. Then start writing down your most precious memories. Pick one and carry it with you every day 🌹
omg YES!!! i had to stop mself buying things like that when I realised it was turning into hoarding.
I call that "blank paper fear" Haha. I know how you feel. I have gone so far as to use mostly lined paper for artwork I find not "perfect" enough for blank paper. Looking back, a lot of those I wish were on blank paper because I did put a lot effort into those beautiful works.
I held on to a sophisticated coloring book for 4yrs bc it was too pretty. I didn't want to mess it up.
The speech is amazing...and the comment section is even full of wonderful wisdom.
Hands down this video was sincerely one of the most inspiring splendid TED motivational talks I have ever heard. The speaker was dynamic and fun with such a powerful message. As one might guess, I am going to pull out my candle innerwardly and let my light shine, thanks again SO much!! I think Gillian should be on a motivational speaking tour as it is evident that she brings so much confident calm and motivation to her patients as well as family and friends- so now it is time for her to motivate others!
she is so full of life. Loved the way she explained everything.
Excellent presentation! So true. Love the story about a young child that wanted to learn to paint. Grandma bought quality oil paints as a gift. Parents thought paint was too nice for child to use so bought her a cheap set. Of course these did not work well and child lost interest in learning to paint. The expensive oils dried up and were never used. Use it or lose it!!
I just light my candles and now my two year old is singing happy birthday 🤣
Aww that's so sweet it's a happy BIRTHDAY to something great in your lives,stay blessed 😍
Quinette Adaobi yes 💕amen 🙏
@@ajohonly3721 🤗😘
So cute!
Ajoh Wong so cute
Just what I needed. I’m purging my closet and my house. I can’t stand it anymore. None of these “things” make me happy. I’m hitting the reset button! And I might just have to have a dinner party too. 🌸
I wear and love my clothes! Come to my home I use my best things for all my guests... Great advice!!! Live!!!
Great advice from a nurse, I survived 14 surgery’s! Thanks for the reminder!❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sometimes it’s not about using something, it’s about appreciating its beauty & knowing it’s there for you to admire. Looking at it & admiring it & thinking how lucky I am to have it. It’s also about the memories & who gave me an item & preserving it for years to come.
You've missed the point completely.
@@moshe2495 how?
Just went and changed out of my track pants and put on the funky trousers that have been unworn in the cupboard for the last 18 months. Feel better already. Great talk! Thanks!
Awesome for you :)
larneyful wow this is awesome
I put this into practice with the "formal" dinnerware my mom convinced me I needed to put on my wedding registry. Though I wish I hadn't listened because even at the time I knew that I would never use it, I did pick something that I continue to love 10 years later. When I was downsizing my possessions, I though "these plates bring me such joy and I NEVER use them. Why?" So I donated my "normal" set of dishes that I didn't like as much and now I get to use pretty plates every day. I think challenging these notions that have been handed down to us is really important. Great talk.
That’s awesome!! Good for you! most of the time people do the opposite - they keep the dinky normal dishes and they donate or sell the pretty ones 😂
Yesterday my friend said, you’re the only
Person I’ve seen all day that has on a skirt and high heels. I
Looked around and everyone was in yoga pants, sweats pajama type pants and jeans. We should wear our nice things.
I get such comments all the time too. I am always dressing up; every day of my life. Don't even like looking sloppy when indoors. Life is too short y'all; let's wear all our nice clothes! 😊😍
I had this realization when I cared for my dying father and I realized how short life is. All that she’s said I’ve done it. And how much little things can really make us happy in life.
successful people don't become that way overnight.most people you see as a glance-wealth, a great career, purpose-is the result of hard work and hustle over time. I pray that anyone who reads this will be successful in life..
I urge everyone to start somewhere now no matter how small, this is literally the time for that, forget material things, don't get tempted,i became more better the moment i realized this.
you're right, but any Investment without a proper guidance and experience is suicidal
Profitable Investment one can do convenantly at this moment are
: Estate
: Share
: Stocks market
@Funmi Tejeey
you're right
Forex trading is surely a lucrative way to invest whether you want growth, leverage, stable income or something in between.
Not letting my candle to melt in my closet anymore. This is an eyeopening talk that inspire me! It's a simple reminder of stop being consumptive and treasuring the things we own now , use it for today and not tomorrow.
The progression of this thought is pouring the good on others lavishly. Like the phrase, give the roses while they're living. When you stand by a casket, you'll be glad you did. Profound.
I wear my fancy clothes around the house when I need to improve my mood. One of the best things I started doing because how I dress for my Netflix or my dinner is my buisness. Such a great antidepressant to feel pampered. :)
Yessss great I do this too!! To boost up my mood and to look nice in front my own mirror, its therapeutical ❤️
I will definitely try this! Thank you!
As an intorert, I can truly say that I relate to this; as I am always, waiting for the right time before doing something in my life. The 'clothes and candle kept in the boxes' reflects our ideas, goals and skills that have been kept due to some excuses laid into our heads to always wait for the right moment. And little did we know, those skills, goals, and ideas we have in mind will eventually be forgotten. If we always wait for that right moment to come, when is it going to be? that's why I also am trying to iply the quote "Do it when you're not ready". The message of this talk really hits hard on me:)
Gillian, thank you so much for doing this talk and sharing your message! What a refreshing perspective and delightful delivery - you are a gifted speaker, storyteller, and nurse. I watched your talk today, which is now two years into the global COVID-19 pandemic and the ideas and stories you shared had a remarkable effect on my reflections on how life has changed throughout these times of quarantine and supply chain delays. Throughout my journey through the pandemic I have often reflected on how grateful I am for all that I have in my life - my health and family are at the top of the list. I have used more of my things than ever before because the world and I finally slowed enough to be more attentive and appreciative of what was right in front of me. It has been transformational. I embrace your invitation to notice, appreciate, and USE what I have on a deeper level because I deserve it and have the opportunity to delight in it…and explore how this helps me explore feeling I am enough just as I am. All of my stuff has been welcomed into my life by purchasing and accepting them as gifts. With the benefit of your inspiring talk - I will continue to use and delight in what I have and continue to shift my mindset to having and using my things and how I am in control of my life and making it count. I will invite others to do the same. Thank you, Gillian!
I love this Ted Talk! I have a lot of nice clothes and shoes waiting for me to wear but I always end up wearing the same outfits and shoes because they feel save and comfortable. I'm a shy person and don't really like all the extra attention on me when I dress up. When I fix my hair really nice or wear something different, I get all this attention that makes me feel very uncomfortable. People are just being nice but I feel all these eyes on me and sometimes people ask what the occasion is or even ask if it's my birthday 🙈
But instead of trying to avoid this attention, I should continue to wear the things I like so much and just enjoy it without letting the attention get in the way.
Enjoy what you can while you can, message taken!
Great speaker, great message! 💯
Why be a dull dresser?
@Dianne Daniels Thank you for your kind words 🙏 I have been taking your great advice in practise (small steps, but I'm working on it). Bless your kind and loving spirit 🙏💜
Building self confidence could help coping with others' comments. Why care about other peoples' thoughts anyway? We should not spend our precious time on guessing other peoples' judgement... After all it's just clothes😎
Major relate. I never wanted that kind of attention so never did makeup or wore fancy clothes. Whenever I did, everyone used to say, oh wow what's today and I would get get shy. I have started to be more confident now.
I really think their over attention is intended to MASK their own slovenliness.
Years ago my mother visited an auntie of hers and was alarmed that she was living in a cold house and her sweaters were like rags. She bought her a beautiful, thick wool sweater to keep her warm. When she went back on another visit she found her still dressed in rags and the sweater she'd bought carefully wrapped and stored in a drawer. She asked why her auntie wasn't wearing the sweater she bought for her and she replied 'Oh it's far too beautiful to wear every day. I'm saving it for a special occasion'. After her aunties death, my mum found the sweater, still wrapped in the drawer. It had never been worn.
Sue Moseley, that is a very sad story.
Thank you for sharing your story, Sue. I recently was told a story from a personal stylist. She said we have to buy our clothes not thinking of special occasions. She shared she knew someone, like a friend of a friend if hers, who would always be nicely dressed. When she was asked, she said she would wear her clothes because “What if I die tomorrow?” Thing is she did pass away young :(
How pathetic...
😢💔
Same here. I bought my elderly precious Auntie a beautifully embroidered bed jacket. She was ill and was spending her last days at home. After she passed my cousin gave me the bed jacket with the tags on.
The „present“ is today. Love it! So glad, I saw it to the end. Thank you!!
Fabulous..can’t wait for tomorrow. i watched this late at night…changes will happen in the morning!!! Thanks a bunch
I realized something. I watched this 2 years ago and started using my good wedding china. It was delightful, and it felt so special, and we've done it regularly.
I just watched this again... I *hate* using my wedding china! It's bulky, it's hard to clean, and deciding when an event is "special enough" leaves me with stress and doubts.
I love my everyday china. I can dress it up and down, it's beautiful, it's durable, and I'm at ease with it. ...Like myself. *I* don't need to set out a different version of *me* for special occasions.
I'm getting rid of that baggage. Thank you.
Welp I started watching random ted talks and now im putting on the dress I wore for my brothers wedding to clean the house 😂😂😂
Because why not right? 🤣🤣
You do have a great sense of humor 😁
You need to create the special event too haha
Hahahaa.... that's the spirit.... 😂
thats a fuckin mood lolll
"I am the Candle that will not melt today . I am the Stiletto that will dance on the street . I am the fine China that will break at a happy Greek wedding ( Opah ) I am the the nice suit that a boy will wear to a bar mitzvah . I am the present .
Me too. I recall buying a beautiful yellow dress and a scale to match. It waited 5 yrs for that special day. When I went for it, it was faded and didn't fit...
So nice x
michelle Scarf lovely x
monthly rituals to moon candle
I think we like the items we collect, but when we get home and back into our usual routines, we're too shy to stand out against the mundanity. This is a very inspiring message that I try to apply to my own life! Stand out, be brave! Love yourself!!!!!
Priestess - Yes, it seems like most people are afraid to buck the trend of average.
They say third times a charm, I have pass my step 1 finally🎉🎉 for all my repeat test takers don't give up and don't be discouraged.
You will pass Every one has their own season,just keep going pray and believe you will receive
@Clifton Willard I'm sorry about your plight my friend but i was once in your shoes before i was recommended to Mrs Catherina Moore and that's how i passed My USMLE Steps exam
I only studied a lot when i went for the first time last year but the second time was so easy, all thanks to my aunt who introduced me to Mrs Catherina Moore am really grateful
Wow. I was only thinking I’m the only one she help pass nclex too.I really Don’t know how she work this out but Mrs Catherina is obviously the best, i studied her questions and answers just in 5 days and I passed, the materials she provided was exactly the questions I saw on my test day. Thanks to my friend who recommended me to her because she pass through her on her first attempt.
I have sat for USMLE Step 1 Exam for the 4th time now and still failed, i guess licence isn't meant for people like me😭😓😭😭
I full time in my RV and I love the simple, minimalist life. You have inspired me to wear my designer dresses to the grocery store.
yes! go for it! i'm sure they'll look lovelier on you than on a hanger :)