this hits really close to home 😢 i always felt it like there’s a canyon between wanting, planning to do things vs the mental ability to *actually* doing the thing. on good days, the canyon is only as wide a fingernail, on bad days, it’s as wide as the grand canyons
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
Depression is like treading water. Giving a long enough time span, you eventually drown unless you get help. The worst part is being on dry land and feeling safe, but realizing that it's temporary.
I heard an analogy once about depression being like a hotel hairdryer. When it gets overused, it just turns off. Not because the hairdryer is broken, but it's a built-in mechanism to protect it from overheating. I think that's why anxiety and depression tend to go hand in hand. Think of thoughts as the hairdryer working on normal speed, and then think of all of those heavy, exhausting, overload of thoughts as the blowdrier on high mode all day long. Your brain is going to switch to the cool setting, or turn off completely (depression) to protect it! That mindshift has been helpful for me. Some people's hairdryers overheat more often than others, because well, some people's hairdryers are being used all day long, on overload. Know that we live in a world that expects our hairdryers to run on overheating mode constantly, it's easy to feel like our hairdryer is busted, it's not, it's simply recharging. ❤
That’s a really good analogy! You get over stimulated and your brain protects you by shutting down. Feel nothing. It almost makes sense as a defense mechanism. Unfortunately our bodies aren’t fully in our control
I get both at the same time and way worse anxiety during depression, so I don't know how that works for me in the sense of the brain protecting itself 🥲
I'm a veteran, was actually addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Alcohol addiction actually destroyed my life. Got diagnosed with cptsd. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean, much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
Thanks for sharing your story. That's rough I sympathize. Save your health save your mind. Life is better without heroin, cocaine, alcohol and cigarettes. And you have more money in your pocket. God bless everyone who has rejected the devils intentions to be addicted to alcohol and cigarettes etc which can cause so much damage to health. I will pray for you all.
Reese, trying is enough. So much of the time, those with depression cannot continue the fight but trying, its enough. I recently went to my college counselor and talked about having similar feelings, that I didn’t know what I was getting out of bed for anymore but she reminded me that I have a life out there for me and so many more years ahead to live it. We talked about taking small steps. I started with goals like “get out of bed” and “brush teeth” and moved onto “journal” or “go outside” and as I continued completing those small goals, I felt a little bit better everyday and if I had a day I didn’t, I told myself that I would try again tomorrow. Trying is enough❤.
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
The worst thing that could happen to anyone is Loneliness and mental health issues. You are alive, yet you are not living, it is extremely exhausting. There'll be all kinds of people around us and some of them may understand our situation and some can't/won't. we are often labelled, termed, misunderstood or made fun of. It only brings one even more down. Why can't society/educational institutions/orgs make it a point to bring awareness about mental health. Ever since, I have been hit with mental health I always make it a point to whomever I'm interacting with to bring basic awareness about mental health and it's consequences. Life can be HARD but for individuals like us dealing with mental health is like carrying our own GHOST with us and fighting with it every single second of our lives. It's been 5 long years that I've battled with mental health. I recently lost my Dad, what more worse could happen to me! BE KIND! Love
I can relate to literally everything you mentioned in this video. It’s so sad to think that so many people are feeling this way as well, yet we all feel so alone in our experiences. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
The worst part about living with mental illness is that it just never goes away. There's ebbs and flows but the constant cycle of just knowing it'll always be there in some capacity is truly exhausting, so I just want you to know I feel you!!
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
I can TOTALLY relate. When I was younger, I used to be known as the girl who was always writing. I constantly had paper and pen with me at all times because, for me, writing was like breathing. It just happened. It was my therapy. Then, one day, I noticed that the stories that used to constantly live in my head were showing up less and less until they just stopped showing up at all. This passion that I used to define myself was gone. The one thing I actually liked about myself taken away by the very mind that gave me all those stories to begin with. People just kept telling me to write anyway, but they could not understand. It wasn't that I couldn't write, that would be bad enough. It was that I was battling this part of me that was still desperate to tell those stories with this new side that couldn't care less if we ever wrote again. This new side just keeps erecting more and more walls until you just feel numb to pretty much anything that used to bring you any joy at all. The empty, numb feeling is what people who don't have depression will never understand. It's so much more than just being sad. It's being sad and wanting to do something, anything about it, but you are locked behind all these doors you no longer have the keys to open and free yourself. It's mourning the person you used to be and hating this new person you have become because it's not who you feel deep down inside. That is what makes depression so tiring, hard, and absolutely frightening - the thought that one day you will just not have the energy and strength to keep fighting. I have a tattoo that says, "Because it's not the win, it's the fight." I will never beat depression. I am resigned to that. But I refuse to stop fighting. 🥊🥋🤺
Oh thank you so much for sharing! So that is why I feel this way too. I wrote a few stories but then about a little over 8 years ago, I lost my creativity or at least it feels that way. So I am struggling to write a story.
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
Take your time Reese! I know you mentioned RUclips is your income but try to do something each day to take care of yourself. Anything like getting out of bed at all or hygiene or eating or drinking water. I KNOW you are trying. I SEE that you are trying and I admire you. I feel for you. I relate to you. Yes, other people may be in tough situations, but that doesn’t mean that your struggles are less than. You matter. Your struggles matter. Your mental health matters. I know I’m just someone on the internet but I am so proud of you for continuing to try and trying out new meds and going through this to try and get better. It IS exhausting. You are trying. Every day you are trying. And that is incredible. Something that helped me is a gene test that told me specifically what meds would work for my genes. I know that I can be pricy if insurance doesn’t cover it or even if it does, it’s still a bit out of pocket, but that is quite literally what got me on the med I am on now and what got me out of it. I’m not sure how it would go with your diagnosis but it is definitely something worth looking into, especially because it is gene specific. I wish you luck with this new med, Reese. It’s not about the amount of tries it takes, just that you’re trying at all.
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
Reese, you are so seen, heard, and loved by your audience. Depression is really, really tough. It doesn’t make sense to people who haven’t experienced it, because it seems like it should be easy to just make yourself do things, and it’s so hard to grasp how doing absolutely nothing can be so exhausting. It’s the mental weight of it all, and I think you explained it so well. Thank you for being so candid and open about your experience and allowing your audience to see that they aren’t alone. You are not alone just as we are not alone. Your experience is so valid and I hope you know how much you are valued in this world. You got this, bestie ✨
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
I’m a huge fan of your videos, and as someone who is going through a depressive episode, I enjoy your authenticity. I don’t tune in for uplifting content only. I wonder if you could make a video to show what it’s like living with depression. Trying new things and being real about how you feel. Like even just trying to leave the house and sit at a coffee shop. Be real about feeling apathetic. Disprove there is a simple fix. I think it would be validating for others who understand your struggle. Ignore the people who can’t relate. The others need you 😊❤️
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
i can’t tell you how much i needed this. the thing with depression is that i comes with a sense of isolation, and hearing you talk about how you feel made me feel like, i don’t know, it made me feel like i could be okay with not being okay, because i’m not alone. thank you so much
I understand how you feel and I’m glad you made this video because I feel less alone. Every day is a BATTLE. Having to get up and go to work every single day is so exhausting and when I come back home I just lay in bed in the dark for hours till it’s time to sleep and do the same thing over again. I’ve thought about ending my life a million times but I know I’m not going to. Every thing is so so so difficult and I relate to you on not being able to live your life. I hope this medication works out for you ❤
defo relate on the "oh shit weeks have passed and I still am feeling the same things or doing the same thing day in and day out that I don't want UGH" ty for choosing to share, appreciate your vulnerability, and good luck!!!
Some time last year it occurred to me that I am not several people. Meaning, I’m not the person everyone said I was. I’m not the person I thought I was. I’m not the person I could have been. There are times when I am so unhappy with where I’ve taken my life, and other times where I think, “I’m glad it’s worked out this way.” I’m sorry that your episodes are getting more frequent. I hope for you that just as you look back on the person you used to be, in the future you can look back and say “I’m glad I made it to this point. We made it out all right.” I think we all appreciate your realness. I hope you know that content like this is doing exactly what you hope it will: making people feel less alone. Sometimes we need to have depressing conversations to help heal ourselves a little. Even if you don’t feel like it, you’re doing a great job, Reese. We love you ❤
Hi Reese. I stumbled upon this video not knowing who you are, was just searching for mental health based videos from anyone or any organization to learn more about my Major Depressive Disorder diagnosis. This is one of the first times I've ever felt seen and understood. I've been going through similar emotions and thoughts myself for over 6 years now. Guilt, identity crisis, feeling defeated, stress, frustration. Being kind to myself is also something I've been struggling with the last couple of days too. I've never posted a comment before in my life and don't do anything with RUclips besides watch videos, but I wanted to post one to let you know that I see you, I am you, and that you are not alone. Just know that it's all temporary. pain is temporary. Depression is temporary. Your struggles matter 100% and your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Thank you for making me feel heard. As someone who's mostly scared to open up to others for fear of feeling misunderstood, this video meant so much to me. I truly hope you feel better and I'm so sorry you go through these episodes. You're a force to be reckoned with and I'm really proud of you for continuing to move forward and be the best version of yourself you possibly can because that inspires me to do the same :)
You’re videos bring me a lot of joy and inspiration because I relate so much to you and love the idea of just living a happy, simple life. I’ve been going through a lot of the same emotions, my semi best advice is to just ride the wave, remembering that the sun is brighter on the other side is what keeps me from totally drowning, knowing that it’ll come back is a downer but it’s also a reminder to appreciate the good feelings a little more. It’s understandable that you’re frustrated with your brain, but you need to remind yourself that it is something that you can’t help and remind yourself that you are only human and emotions and difficulties are a part of life. It feels helpless and overwhelming but you will get through it and it won’t be like this forever. We love you Reese, your transparency is beautiful and comforting.
you and your mental health comes first above all, do not feel guilty for taking care of your needs before others. Having to put life on a back burner and take a break is perfectly normal. Don’t beat yourself up over it !!
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
getting through a day is just good enough. at least that’s what i always tell myself when i start to think i’m wasting my time. i’ve come to the conclusion that my purpose of life is just existing bc if i quit my family would be devastated. my purpose is keeping my family from the biggest sadness in life by breathing. and i think the same goes to you too. you are loved and you are needed. sending you so much love ♥️
@ayaka You, my friend, are a very unselfish person for thinking that way. Your message about your purpose is profound. Your family is very blessed to have you, and the world is blessed to have you because you are not just thinking about yourself in all of this. My...what a wonderful soul you are. Keep being you and always remember the hurt and pain you are protecting your family from by not giving in to what the devil wants people to do. Keep being strong and never let him win. No...he will NOT win. Not in THIS lifetime. Because you've got this!
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with the world. You’re so young and my heart just brakes for you. I’m a 59 year old mother of four beautiful girls ( now women). And I want to just hug you. I also feel the same feelings that you are describing, so well. Have done most of my life and still struggling to get better. I do have a wonderful supportive husband so that’s been my life saving crutch. I just wish you all the happiness in the world. I hope you find it.
I know exactly what your feeling. I’m dealing with the same depression and it’s sucks. I wish all who are dealing with this could actually talk with each other..
I hope you are getting better. You are not alone. I am depressed all the time. It’s get exhausting. Writing down everything I do helped me a lot to see what’s happening in my life in a daily basis. Instead of dreams or goals, I just get curious of what is waiting around the bend. Get ready to be surprised.
as someone who is chronically ill this resonated with me a lot, i know these feelings all too well and while it is absolute garbage that so many of us are feeling this way, it is comforting to know i am not alone... thank you for your transparency, i hope it gets better soon, all the best :)
I'm gonna try to condense this bc I feel like I have so much to say. I have been where you are (still am some days) and I understand the frustration/sadness with not being able to do anything during a depressive episode. What has helped me is trying to reframe my mindset around it. For example, instead of thinking "well here we go again", telling yourself "it is what it is". I think the sneaky part of depression is having shame around having it in the first place. But if you try to accept, instead of resist it, it'll lose its power over you. Also try to have compassion towards yourself, treat yourself like you'd treat a friend who was going through this. Hope this helps :)
Hey Reese, I’m ngl I was in your exact position about a year and a half ago.. I was diagnosed with treatment resistant depression too and I was barely treading water. What saved me was getting ketamine infusions from a psychiatrist that helped me process my life. It’s not for everyone but it helped me build new neuro pathways to help start the process of true healing. Best of luck bestie we are rooting for you 🥰
Hey I know your heart is in the right place but we don’t know what she has been trying medically and it is super discouraging to have people constantly bring up things as a “what about this” or “I tried this and it helped” option. I’ve tried ketamine, ECT, and countless meds and Ik I personally get so frustrated hearing things like this, especially because I have tried them. It just makes people feel like nothing will work and it makes me personally feel like I’m broken beyond repair. I think for now she just needs support and understanding. I’m glad this worked for you and Ik it wasn’t your intention to make anyone upset but it just feels really bad to constantly hear things like this while you’re in the trenches
@@MeganJesterhey I get your point but she was just trying to help, and for someone who maybe hasn’t heard of that could be helpful. Same way you added a comment to tell her that what she did was wrong, I do feel there is no need to teach and educate in here. We are all different and we come up with different stuff. If she was bothered about these sort of comments she would not have opened up / exposed herself about her struggles.
as someone who deeply relates to what you are talking about and has gone through very similar situations with depression i want to tell you that things truly start to get easier at some point. for me the right medication and therapy finally have got me here, getting better and enjoying life. i hope the absolute best for you and want you to know you’re not alone with this❤️
i just woke up from a 3 hour long nap that i take literally to just escape my life and escape the constant feeling of nothing that i have on my life for this past month. i feel like i have no purpose, i wake up and there’s nothing i want to do, there’s nothing out there that makes me happy, i feel so lost in life. this video was exactly what i needed to keep going, i felt like no one would understand me so i just shut up and didn’t talk to anyone about this but knowing i’m not alone makes it a little bit easier to keep going. thank you for being so honest and i’m so sorry you’re going through this bc as someone who’s been feeling the same i know how much it sucks. i hope we all feel better soon
Don't know what to do anymore, I don't feel like I'm living more like tolerating life. Made my situation worse with co-codamol and alcohol addiction. I'm scared well terrified of the future it all seems so bleak. Medication doesn't really touch the pain that's why I took the co-codamols, but know I feel like crying when I don't take them. Can hardly concentrate anymore on anything, and worst of all starting to become resentful of family members telling me that I shouldn't commit suicide, and have been acting out because I'm frustrated. I didn't want to be hateful and always tried to be nice but depression wont let me.
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with depression, you're such a lovely soul who helps many people with feeling those feelings and loneliness. I really hope that those awful emotions will finally disappear and that you'll be able to live happily. But no matter what happens, please don't give up. We love u Reese
Pain consumes me. Joy eludes me. Once-loved hobbies now hollow. Bills pile up, work drags on. I feign life for my parents' sake. Chronic depression crushes me beneath its weight.
Its 4am and im currently watching this bawling my eyes out because i can relate to everything you say. I feel like iv been living the same day over and over for the past 7 years its been non stop depression and anxiety. I don’t see myself ever getting better and it scares me tbh. Thank you for posting i hope you are doing better 💔🥺
ive been living like this for a while now it it truely is hell on earth.... doesnt help that im at an important part of my life right now where im graduating college and really need to focus on working and finding a job with my degree, but like you said, i have no passion in what im doing... i dont get excited anymore, i cant even enjoy listening to my favorite songs or watching my favorite shows because it gives me little to no enjoyment and idk why. Every now and then my brain chills tf out for like a couple hours and lets me enjoy what i like but its like my brain always resets the next day and its so fucking exhausting trying to find that peace again and again just to have it for such a small amount of time
Reese, thank you for doing this video. I was just diagnosed last week with treatment resistant depression which I never heard of until I was told I have it. I literally cried saying all the things you did. I want so desperately to feel better and my brain is failing me. I have also tried many types of medications as well but I am pushing forward with a new one I just started since the last medication had to be stopped due to an allergy which sucked because I was actually feeling better. I appreciate this community and you because I know I am not alone xoxo Sara
Hey Reese ! Just wanted to share with you a bit of my own journey with depression and mental health issues. First of all, you are not complaining and I want to say that this kind of video helped me a lot cause I don't feel as isolated and alone in these issue and I really think it is important to talk about it. Also, I really relate to the part when you say that nothing brings you a sparks anymore cause im kind of in a similar path at the moment and I just want to be able to pause everything and rot away in sens, it's okay we will overcome this ! I hope your new medication will help you feel a bit better and I wish you all the best in this world. Im with you :)
Going Through It The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
You’re doing the absolute best that you can and no one can criticise you for what you’re going through or your handling of it. We all love and appreciate your transparency, it helps so many of us to not feel so alone in our own struggles, so even when you feel that you’re not doing anything or making something of yourself, you’re making a difference to so many people and you don’t even know it. I’ve followed you for soo many years and throughout my own mental health journey you’ve given me so much comfort and eased a loneliness that was too debilitating to put into words. I appreciate your openness about this, and I can only encourage you to keep going and to give yourself as much kindness as you can ❤
You are not complaining - you are expressing what you are feeling and whats going on in your life. You are surely not alone. I feel you on this one. Going through this myself right now. Knowing that others feel the way I do helps me alot. Hopeful for your recovery.
Damn, I really feel that. Trying to make content is hard when your brain is screaming at you to stand still. The only way I can get through my anxiety is by running and the thought that running is the only way to help (which adds to the anxiety whoops). You've got this. I've got this. We've all got this. (Pro Tip: The headspace soundscape meditations are a game changer, especially the forest ones.)
I just came across your post and it really hit close to home! I know you posted this a year ago and I hope that you are not still suffering with depression. I have suffered with depression for 15 years and I know the feelings of guilt and shame can be overwhelming. Trying is enough, just keep trying. Thank you for sharing your journey it helps so many people!!
I don't usually comment on anything because I'm kind of anxious about it but this time I really feel like I need to say something. Thank you so much for posting this video and talking about you're experience. I know how hard it is to be vulnerable especially when you're in a place like this. I mean heck I'm struggling to comment on a video and you're posting something so real that's really something to be proud of. I've been feeling similar for quite some time now, the frustration and hopelessness of being depressed are way to real. I've been following you for a while now especially because you're sharing about your mental health. I get wanting to post positive videos but this video was so real and moving and personally makes me feel way less alone. I know how lonely depression makes you feel I kinda just wanted to say that you're not alone in this experience either and what you're doing is brave and so important. I feel like this is really rambly but for the sake of also putting myself out there I'm not gonna proof read because it's coming from the heart. Thank you Reese ❤️
oh I know this feeling so well, dealt with depressive episodes since I'm 10 (turning 25) and I haven't had one in 3 years, to keep it short, I was also extremely hopeless and exhausted and thought sure for some this will stop but not for me and now it did. Even in my happy times I never felt 100% happy there was always something lurking and now this is gone. I changed my mindset by focusing on the now, sometimes when this doesn't come natural for me I kinda view life as a game like I have different missions and accomplishing them. For example something like watching 500 horror movies or whatever, just everything is a game. With this kinda mindgame I could battle the thought patterns that kept me depressed. I always feared everyday is the same forever, life is boring and sucks. But through this mindgame that made me a lot more spontaneous my mind slowly realized hey everyday is different and life is awesome. I finally truly love life and am not just pretending anymore. Wishing you strength you will succeed my love
these videos are honestly why i stick with your channel. i saw one of your other heart-to-heart videos in the summer and hearing you be so honest about mental health helped me through the worst few months of my life. obviously i hope you never have to experience depression, but i hope you know that your videos make a real, beautiful impact on people
girl! go on a vacation! relax please and that will help you a little bit! i had depression,anxiety,derealization and i felt so much better after a sunny vacation ❤ sending you hugs
You’re so strong, Reese. As someone who has also struggled with depression/anxiety on and off for the last 8 years, I know how exhausting and gruellingly repetitive it all seems, but please never give up on yourself. You will achieve so many amazing things in life, don’t feel like you’re in any way wasting your time right now. Hard times are meant to push you to grow and make you stronger, and even though this season of your life is very challenging, know that there are amazing ones to come! Take care 💛
I feel like the mentality that helps me exit that cycle of frustration is compassion, as trite as it seems. Just accepting that this is your body, your life, your mental state. You mentioned it in the video, but just taking time to not hate anything, to not resist anything, to not struggle to do or be or control something. Maybe filming a series that has nothing to do with your everyday life. Idk! I've only been watching your vids for a little while, but it is exhausting to always be beating yourself up and then having to film videos with 'atonement' vibes. Idk sometimes it really is best to just treat yourself super gently, away from the possible judgement of others, allowing space for yourself to build a life you're not struggling to maintain. Best wishes!!
AWWWW. I know how you feel. It is so hard when everything feels like you are walking in cement. Do you have family you can lean on extra right now? Try not to be alone a lot. My husband literally peeled me off the ground during my severe depression. Keep talking about it on camera until you feel better. ❤
i feel like i was meant to find your channel. i only started watching you around a month or so ago but i relate so heavily to your waves of mental health. im deep in it right now and am on the verge of dropping out of college because i just cannot get my brain to function. its like i want to want to do things. i want to be someone who wants to feels happy-- or at least content-- with their life. i want to want to try harder. but after years of trying it just starts to feel pointless. why chase after a feeling/lifestyle if ill seemingly never get there? its rough. my therapist says im coping well with the severity of my depression, but dang man i dont wanna just cope. i want to live without having to put in so much effort to feel like a human i hope your new medication works out for you, reese. and i hope things will start feeling better soon. losing passion is hard to deal with (i go to art school and absolutely have no love for what i do right now. even though i want to). im trying to remind myself that itll get better eventually. even if just for a day or two, i look forward to feeling at least a little better here and there. recovery and treatment isn't linear, and so i have to remind myself that just because i felt good yesterday doesnt mean me feeling bad today implies i wont ever get better. seems to be a thing thatll be in my life forever, and i am trying to accept that sorry this is rambley. i just feel really connected to a lot of what your saying. it really resonates with me right now wishing you the best
Hi, i just want to say thank you for sharing your experience. I am currently just starting a therapy session. I just diagnosed with depression. Though I know it's been going for like years, starting when I was an elementary school kid up till now I have a son, but just got a diagnosed a couple of days ago. Living here, noone really understands what mental illness is because it's rare, it's even taboo to talk about it here in my country, so I feel super alone, no one understands. But through your video, I feel like I have a friend. So thank you so much. We keep us rolling everyday okay? ❤️
Hi reese! i rarely ever comment on videos, but this one really hits because the past few weeks i have been feeling depressed and i have not had a depressive episode in months. but its here now! wanted to let you know that you are not alone. i get the feeling of thinking that you are wasting your life. but what i tell myself is that feeling my feelings is also living. honouring my feelings by gently meeting myself where i am, allowing myself time to do nothing, not judging myself for spending all day inside IS productive. because its self care! self care does not look pretty or the same everyday. some days its meditating and doing pilates, other days its letting myself be. anyways, sending you love and support. i have been watching you for years and you have always been a source of comfort as i too struggle with PMDD! thank you for sharing your journey
Hi! I just want to thank you for how courageous you are by sharing your mental health struggles. I hate how much I relate to your videos because all I want to do is give you a hug. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and I’ve been STRUGGLING dealing with feeling like I’ve failed at being a human being, like why can’t I just control it?? Your videos were sometimes the only thing that made me feel anything on some of my hardest days… I’m so sorry that you have to deal with your treatment resistant depression. You’re not a burden to any of us that watch your videos - you are an inspiring example of continuing to try even when your brain is screaming at you to stop. Seriously, thank you for all that you share, sending some love and peace your way.
girl I absolutely feel u bc I haven't been feeling passion for anything and I lost my love for all the hobbies and things I liked a few months ago. it is so tough because it makes you wonder if you're gonna be able to do anything in the future that you enjoy or if you're gonna be stuck in a miserable cycle for the rest of your life
Reese your channel is truly a comfort, but you owe us nothing. the community you've created here is so special, a found family type bond. all the way you articulate is heartbreaking and relatable, and brings so many of us clarity and confidence in our own emotions. we all know breaks are necessary in life, and you need to recharge, never fault yourself for that. much love.
dude i’m literally going through the same thing and honestly you represent the reality of how depression feels and no matter if this cycle continues or you figure out something to get yourself out i like hearing your commentary because i can really relate my current experience to that. keep going and so will i
Thank you for being honest about your life and showing the ups AND downs because that’s the reality of life. Depression is real and can feel like you can’t escape. I hope you feel better soon!
I hate that I relate to your experience, and you relate to mine, but I sincerely appreciate you being open and vulnerable. While I wish you did not have this burden, I do admire you bringing light to a form/side of depression that is often diminished in social media/society. I feel like while there is less stigma around the diagnosis, many still do not know the severity and impact that depression can have on one's life. I just had a therapist leave me after two years of working together because I wasn't able to make consistent progress and she felt like she could no longer help me. I know it does nothing to change your situation, but know you are not alone. I hope it gets better for all of us.
I think many people have been there with the stuckness that you want to get better but physically and mentally can't and it is beyond difficult. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this and really hope you know how much you are loved and cared for
This is so hard. I'm sorry you're going through it. Everyone experiences it different and handles it different. I had to shut out the world and literally give up, stop trying to be there for people, I quit my job, and just let myself sleep for weeks. The brain gets worn out the same way the body does, so don't feel too bad for how you heal x
I get it. And it gets annoying when people keep telling you “it’ll get better”. But it’s ok that you’re feeling this way. Something that’s helped me is not trying to find a reason why or a solution but to just let it be and ride it out. Be gentle with yourself. It’s hard but you’re worth it.
Something I have found that helps me cope when I’m feeling jaded is to pursue awe. We need that in order to experience hope and curiosity in our life/world. It’s grounding and humbles the ego that tends to drives depression on.
I really hope this new medication works out for you. I understand the struggle of being on and off different medications, it makes you just want to give up sometimes. I struggle to get on with my life for many reasons, it’s usually just a mental block. I’ve been 20 for a few months now and I feel like I’m too late for everything and the mental block just is the icing on cake. Videos like this really open my eyes to see that other people are struggling and I’m not alone in that. I really struggle with depression/anxiety and on top of that i get angry at myself for having struggles. I think it’s important to remember that mental health will always be something that we have to take care of, just like our physical health. Take your time, sending love your way
Hi Reese, I really appreciate your honesty and your trust in us for sharing all this information and personal stuff. I also am on the treatment resistant depression bandwagon and what really helped me was ECT which sounds wicked scary but was a big turnaround for me. Now I’m on a new med that’s branded for bipolar but just clicks with my brain. I did ECT for a year and it shot my memory but did wonders for my depression. I really think it’s the ebbs and flows of depression that are the most frustrating thing in the world - you’ll be on top of the world and think yes it’s finally over I’ve got this and then you’ll crash and feel like you’re a total failure. I’ve been there and I have to always remind myself life has cycles and that the human state isn’t to always be happy. It isn’t to always be depressed either but if we were always happy we wouldn’t know when we were happy. I love your content and take care of yourself ❤
Honestly, you have been describing exactly how I have been feeling. I am not going to pretend that every going to be okay. Sometimes I struggle with believing that. But I am so glad that you have created a beautiful community to open up to. I love your vulnerability. I really hope that when spring comes around, the energy feels renewed for you and everyone else. I hope that you can find that creative spark again. One small advice that helped me: remind yourself that you are human. Indulge in the things you use to love. (Tap into your childhood) Watching Netflix, dancing to old songs, coloring, going for a walk,or eating really good ice cream. Just a reminder that you can enjoy life again with small things. You aren’t alone in what you are feeling. Even though I don’t know you personally, I love you beautiful✨❤️ you deserve a peaceful world around you.
Thank you so much for sharing this! Mental illness sucks and it's very difficult for people to talk about. You sharing this makes so many people feel as though they are not alone. I hope your new medication starts to work and that you start to feel better soon💕
This hit hard in a unique way, it was oddly comforting in the sense where I felt less alone. I've had these thought patterns and emotions for so long and have often struggled so hard to find the words. Depression/anxiety is such a hard battle, I've been fighting it daily for 12 years. Some days I'm "ok", more often I don't feel "ok" You're not alone Reese, you're doing the best you can. Please continue showing up for yourself every day, and sometimes showing up for yourself is just having a comfy day in bed with your animals. You're very loved and very supported ❤️
i wish i could just show everyone this video. the people that call me lazy. you put perfectly into words and im so glad someone was to put in all into words cause i never could.
I can definitely relate to this entire video. As someone who has depression, the most frustrating part is wanting to do more but being too tired or irritated to even make the attempt.
I really do feel like this majority of the day and every other day and I feel like it's so hard to communicate to your close ones about it when they don't fully understand. It's nice knowing someone else feels the same way like you're stuck in time with limited ways to get out.
just wanted to say thank you again for being open honest and vulnerable with your viewers. mental health can be such a taboo topic but talking about it and normalizing needing breaks is so important especially for young people! i'm not an expert but i am studying to be a therapist, please take or leave this info only as much as it is helpful to your journey but if you have not yet been assessed for bipolar type 2, it might be worth looking into. i only mention it because sometimes people are misdiagnosed with treatment-resistant depression when it's really bipolar 2 and having the correct diagnosis can help a lot so you can get the right treatment/medication! all of that said your mental health journey and treatment is completely personal to you so whatever you choose to share or not we support you and will be here eager to watch whenever you post videos!
I definitely relate to the cycles. It feels like every other month or so, I have a bad episode and I just can’t find the motivation to do anything. I’m supposed to be in school, taking classes to get my RN, but I don’t even have the motivation to get up on time to go to class right now. It be hard like that sometimes. And it’s one of those things that if you didn’t know, if you’ve never experienced it, you have no idea.
I don’t think this video could have come at a better time - it’s given me a sense that I’m not alone when I’m struggling sm like I am now. Sending big hugs x
I’ve been seeing 444 everywhere. Now you are here in the 444 necklace. I love you and I’m so proud of you. Mental illness has a way of making us feel alone, because we are the only ones inside our minds. But I promise you aren’t really alone. I’ve been through such similar things and still am trying to keep pushing through the shit too. Just showing up is a huge accomplishment, no matter how “messy” we feel. I’m so happy youre still here!
thank you so much for being real and opening up who cares what people say the ones who appreciate you like ME !! we love you and your mental health talks for me it's been my anxiety is been suffocating me sending you so much love right now things gone get better one day ♥️
Reece, I’ve been watching you since I was like at least 15 and I turn 20 next month, and your videos are always what I watch when I feel really bad. They really help me.
Your videos always bring me such comfort whenever I’m going through an episode. Not that I want anyone to feel depressed. But. Just. I see you and I feel it too. You make me feel so much less alone. Thank you Reese xoxo
I love how you talk about real stuff going on. As someone who is constantly going through depressive episodes, it feels really nice to be able to relate with someone and not feel so alone. Hang in there I know I am, anyways have a nice day!
reese, you are not alone. you’ve done so much for the depressed community. i promise these talking videos are not boring or hard to watch. they are HOPE for anyone who lives with depression. thank you for posting them.
Thank you for sharing your journey, you have been a friend to me cuz nobody in my life understands what i am going through and i had been sosososo lonely until i saw your video. Your videos, just the fact that there are someone out there struggling the same thing as me, makes me feel empowered. Thank you soooo much❤
This is so relatable, I've been feeling this exact same way! Theres no need to apologise and you arent complaining! We love you and you do whatever you need to do to take the right steps for your health and recovering from this x
I really really love your videos and they help me get through my dark times. I wish I could give you the comfort you give through your videos. I hope you are kind to yourself and wait for better times. As my favorite quote says ''I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” I'm sending you lots of love.
We are very close in age, and even though I have a different disorder, I can understand the feeling. I'm currently going on my seventh medication, and it can be so tiring and hopeless, but unfortunately is part of our reality. Please keep seeking treatment, and keep up with a therapist too, the medication by itself won't solve it all. I know you don't want to leave your house for anything right now, but I found that the more I stayed at home the worse it got, and even though I didn't want to get out of my bed, it made me feel just a little more human to be outside. Thank you for always being so honest. I hope things get just a little bit better.
I'm so sorry you're going through this but admire you so much for talking about it because it's something that has been so taboo to talk about- even tho it is legit & many people suffer from depression & it just makes you feel more alone. You are not alone & you are strong! Mental illness can make us so rough on ourselves because we can't physically see a rhyme or reason of why this is happening like a physical illness- but that doesn't make it any less serious. You deserve to give yourself that grace, understanding & permission to rest and be easy on yourself & know this is not your fault. ❤️
This really hits me because I feel like that now it is exhausting when you want to be self loving but feeling like an indescribable feeling that nobody near u understanding it
You are not alone. I feel like this all the time. right now I feel the worst I have in a while and I'm just so incredibly tired. You are so amazing and you videos always make me feel comforted to know someone feels the same way. I know you'll get through this. you got this! all the love
this hits really close to home 😢 i always felt it like there’s a canyon between wanting, planning to do things vs the mental ability to *actually* doing the thing. on good days, the canyon is only as wide a fingernail, on bad days, it’s as wide as the grand canyons
On The Good days I can even sing on The bad days i cant even leave my bed like today 😢
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
Depression is like treading water. Giving a long enough time span, you eventually drown unless you get help. The worst part is being on dry land and feeling safe, but realizing that it's temporary.
I heard an analogy once about depression being like a hotel hairdryer. When it gets overused, it just turns off. Not because the hairdryer is broken, but it's a built-in mechanism to protect it from overheating. I think that's why anxiety and depression tend to go hand in hand. Think of thoughts as the hairdryer working on normal speed, and then think of all of those heavy, exhausting, overload of thoughts as the blowdrier on high mode all day long. Your brain is going to switch to the cool setting, or turn off completely (depression) to protect it! That mindshift has been helpful for me. Some people's hairdryers overheat more often than others, because well, some people's hairdryers are being used all day long, on overload. Know that we live in a world that expects our hairdryers to run on overheating mode constantly, it's easy to feel like our hairdryer is busted, it's not, it's simply recharging. ❤
That’s a really good analogy! You get over stimulated and your brain protects you by shutting down. Feel nothing. It almost makes sense as a defense mechanism. Unfortunately our bodies aren’t fully in our control
I get both at the same time and way worse anxiety during depression, so I don't know how that works for me in the sense of the brain protecting itself 🥲
I'm a veteran, was actually addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Alcohol addiction actually destroyed my life. Got diagnosed with cptsd. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean, much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES very sure of mycologist Predroavaro. This treatment worked for me. Helped me got rid of my life long depression and BPD.
Thanks for sharing your story. That's rough I sympathize. Save your health save your mind. Life is better without heroin, cocaine, alcohol and cigarettes. And you have more money in your pocket. God bless everyone who has rejected the devils intentions to be addicted to alcohol and cigarettes etc which can cause so much damage to health. I will pray for you all.
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
Reese, trying is enough. So much of the time, those with depression cannot continue the fight but trying, its enough. I recently went to my college counselor and talked about having similar feelings, that I didn’t know what I was getting out of bed for anymore but she reminded me that I have a life out there for me and so many more years ahead to live it. We talked about taking small steps. I started with goals like “get out of bed” and “brush teeth” and moved onto “journal” or “go outside” and as I continued completing those small goals, I felt a little bit better everyday and if I had a day I didn’t, I told myself that I would try again tomorrow. Trying is enough❤.
I so agree. Thanks for sharing that info with us too. 💖
This is beautiful. Thank you❤️
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
The worst thing that could happen to anyone is Loneliness and mental health issues. You are alive, yet you are not living, it is extremely exhausting. There'll be all kinds of people around us and some of them may understand our situation and some can't/won't. we are often labelled, termed, misunderstood or made fun of. It only brings one even more down. Why can't society/educational institutions/orgs make it a point to bring awareness about mental health. Ever since, I have been hit with mental health I always make it a point to whomever I'm interacting with to bring basic awareness about mental health and it's consequences. Life can be HARD but for individuals like us dealing with mental health is like carrying our own GHOST with us and fighting with it every single second of our lives. It's been 5 long years that I've battled with mental health. I recently lost my Dad, what more worse could happen to me! BE KIND! Love
I can relate to literally everything you mentioned in this video. It’s so sad to think that so many people are feeling this way as well, yet we all feel so alone in our experiences. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one
Same here.
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
The worst part about living with mental illness is that it just never goes away. There's ebbs and flows but the constant cycle of just knowing it'll always be there in some capacity is truly exhausting, so I just want you to know I feel you!!
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
I can TOTALLY relate. When I was younger, I used to be known as the girl who was always writing. I constantly had paper and pen with me at all times because, for me, writing was like breathing. It just happened. It was my therapy. Then, one day, I noticed that the stories that used to constantly live in my head were showing up less and less until they just stopped showing up at all. This passion that I used to define myself was gone. The one thing I actually liked about myself taken away by the very mind that gave me all those stories to begin with. People just kept telling me to write anyway, but they could not understand. It wasn't that I couldn't write, that would be bad enough. It was that I was battling this part of me that was still desperate to tell those stories with this new side that couldn't care less if we ever wrote again. This new side just keeps erecting more and more walls until you just feel numb to pretty much anything that used to bring you any joy at all. The empty, numb feeling is what people who don't have depression will never understand. It's so much more than just being sad. It's being sad and wanting to do something, anything about it, but you are locked behind all these doors you no longer have the keys to open and free yourself. It's mourning the person you used to be and hating this new person you have become because it's not who you feel deep down inside. That is what makes depression so tiring, hard, and absolutely frightening - the thought that one day you will just not have the energy and strength to keep fighting. I have a tattoo that says, "Because it's not the win, it's the fight." I will never beat depression. I am resigned to that. But I refuse to stop fighting. 🥊🥋🤺
Oh thank you so much for sharing! So that is why I feel this way too. I wrote a few stories but then about a little over 8 years ago, I lost my creativity or at least it feels that way. So I am struggling to write a story.
feeling numb and empty is truly one of the worst feelings in the world. you are not alone, reese. keep going ❤️
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
Take your time Reese! I know you mentioned RUclips is your income but try to do something each day to take care of yourself. Anything like getting out of bed at all or hygiene or eating or drinking water. I KNOW you are trying. I SEE that you are trying and I admire you. I feel for you. I relate to you. Yes, other people may be in tough situations, but that doesn’t mean that your struggles are less than. You matter. Your struggles matter. Your mental health matters. I know I’m just someone on the internet but I am so proud of you for continuing to try and trying out new meds and going through this to try and get better. It IS exhausting. You are trying. Every day you are trying. And that is incredible. Something that helped me is a gene test that told me specifically what meds would work for my genes. I know that I can be pricy if insurance doesn’t cover it or even if it does, it’s still a bit out of pocket, but that is quite literally what got me on the med I am on now and what got me out of it. I’m not sure how it would go with your diagnosis but it is definitely something worth looking into, especially because it is gene specific. I wish you luck with this new med, Reese. It’s not about the amount of tries it takes, just that you’re trying at all.
This comment is so beautiful ❤️
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
Reese, you are so seen, heard, and loved by your audience. Depression is really, really tough. It doesn’t make sense to people who haven’t experienced it, because it seems like it should be easy to just make yourself do things, and it’s so hard to grasp how doing absolutely nothing can be so exhausting. It’s the mental weight of it all, and I think you explained it so well. Thank you for being so candid and open about your experience and allowing your audience to see that they aren’t alone. You are not alone just as we are not alone. Your experience is so valid and I hope you know how much you are valued in this world. You got this, bestie ✨
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
I’m a huge fan of your videos, and as someone who is going through a depressive episode, I enjoy your authenticity. I don’t tune in for uplifting content only. I wonder if you could make a video to show what it’s like living with depression. Trying new things and being real about how you feel. Like even just trying to leave the house and sit at a coffee shop. Be real about feeling apathetic. Disprove there is a simple fix. I think it would be validating for others who understand your struggle. Ignore the people who can’t relate. The others need you 😊❤️
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
i can’t tell you how much i needed this. the thing with depression is that i comes with a sense of isolation, and hearing you talk about how you feel made me feel like, i don’t know, it made me feel like i could be okay with not being okay, because i’m not alone. thank you so much
I understand how you feel and I’m glad you made this video because I feel less alone. Every day is a BATTLE. Having to get up and go to work every single day is so exhausting and when I come back home I just lay in bed in the dark for hours till it’s time to sleep and do the same thing over again. I’ve thought about ending my life a million times but I know I’m not going to. Every thing is so so so difficult and I relate to you on not being able to live your life. I hope this medication works out for you ❤
defo relate on the "oh shit weeks have passed and I still am feeling the same things or doing the same thing day in and day out that I don't want UGH"
ty for choosing to share, appreciate your vulnerability, and good luck!!!
Some time last year it occurred to me that I am not several people. Meaning, I’m not the person everyone said I was. I’m not the person I thought I was. I’m not the person I could have been. There are times when I am so unhappy with where I’ve taken my life, and other times where I think, “I’m glad it’s worked out this way.” I’m sorry that your episodes are getting more frequent. I hope for you that just as you look back on the person you used to be, in the future you can look back and say “I’m glad I made it to this point. We made it out all right.”
I think we all appreciate your realness. I hope you know that content like this is doing exactly what you hope it will: making people feel less alone. Sometimes we need to have depressing conversations to help heal ourselves a little. Even if you don’t feel like it, you’re doing a great job, Reese. We love you ❤
Hi Reese. I stumbled upon this video not knowing who you are, was just searching for mental health based videos from anyone or any organization to learn more about my Major Depressive Disorder diagnosis. This is one of the first times I've ever felt seen and understood. I've been going through similar emotions and thoughts myself for over 6 years now. Guilt, identity crisis, feeling defeated, stress, frustration. Being kind to myself is also something I've been struggling with the last couple of days too. I've never posted a comment before in my life and don't do anything with RUclips besides watch videos, but I wanted to post one to let you know that I see you, I am you, and that you are not alone. Just know that it's all temporary. pain is temporary. Depression is temporary. Your struggles matter 100% and your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Thank you for making me feel heard. As someone who's mostly scared to open up to others for fear of feeling misunderstood, this video meant so much to me. I truly hope you feel better and I'm so sorry you go through these episodes. You're a force to be reckoned with and I'm really proud of you for continuing to move forward and be the best version of yourself you possibly can because that inspires me to do the same :)
You’re videos bring me a lot of joy and inspiration because I relate so much to you and love the idea of just living a happy, simple life.
I’ve been going through a lot of the same emotions, my semi best advice is to just ride the wave, remembering that the sun is brighter on the other side is what keeps me from totally drowning, knowing that it’ll come back is a downer but it’s also a reminder to appreciate the good feelings a little more.
It’s understandable that you’re frustrated with your brain, but you need to remind yourself that it is something that you can’t help and remind yourself that you are only human and emotions and difficulties are a part of life. It feels helpless and overwhelming but you will get through it and it won’t be like this forever.
We love you Reese, your transparency is beautiful and comforting.
you and your mental health comes first above all, do not feel guilty for taking care of your needs before others.
Having to put life on a back burner and take a break is perfectly normal. Don’t beat yourself up over it !!
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
getting through a day is just good enough. at least that’s what i always tell myself when i start to think i’m wasting my time. i’ve come to the conclusion that my purpose of life is just existing bc if i quit my family would be devastated. my purpose is keeping my family from the biggest sadness in life by breathing. and i think the same goes to you too. you are loved and you are needed. sending you so much love ♥️
@ayaka You, my friend, are a very unselfish person for thinking that way. Your message about your purpose is profound. Your family is very blessed to have you, and the world is blessed to have you because you are not just thinking about yourself in all of this. My...what a wonderful soul you are. Keep being you and always remember the hurt and pain you are protecting your family from by not giving in to what the devil wants people to do. Keep being strong and never let him win. No...he will NOT win. Not in THIS lifetime. Because you've got this!
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with the world. You’re so young and my heart just brakes for you.
I’m a 59 year old mother of four beautiful girls ( now women). And I want to just hug you.
I also feel the same feelings that you are describing, so well. Have done most of my life and still struggling to get better. I do have a wonderful supportive husband so that’s been my life saving crutch.
I just wish you all the happiness in the world. I hope you find it.
I know exactly what your feeling. I’m dealing with the same depression and it’s sucks. I wish all who are dealing with this could actually talk with each other..
I hope you are getting better. You are not alone. I am depressed all the time. It’s get exhausting. Writing down everything I do helped me a lot to see what’s happening in my life in a daily basis. Instead of dreams or goals, I just get curious of what is waiting around the bend. Get ready to be surprised.
I have been feeling like this for a while now and you made me cry because now I know I’m not alone. Thank you so much ❤
So proud of you for posting this and being so vulnerable with us - It made me feel a lot less alone. Sending you all of my love and well wishes
as someone who is chronically ill this resonated with me a lot, i know these feelings all too well and while it is absolute garbage that so many of us are feeling this way, it is comforting to know i am not alone... thank you for your transparency, i hope it gets better soon, all the best :)
I'm gonna try to condense this bc I feel like I have so much to say. I have been where you are (still am some days) and I understand the frustration/sadness with not being able to do anything during a depressive episode. What has helped me is trying to reframe my mindset around it. For example, instead of thinking "well here we go again", telling yourself "it is what it is". I think the sneaky part of depression is having shame around having it in the first place. But if you try to accept, instead of resist it, it'll lose its power over you. Also try to have compassion towards yourself, treat yourself like you'd treat a friend who was going through this. Hope this helps :)
Oh I love you 💕 I suffer with the same depressive episodes and it’s so nice to have someone who relates
As a fellow sufferer, I always try to remember that this too shall pass. Thank you for being so open. You got this
Hey Reese, I’m ngl I was in your exact position about a year and a half ago.. I was diagnosed with treatment resistant depression too and I was barely treading water. What saved me was getting ketamine infusions from a psychiatrist that helped me process my life. It’s not for everyone but it helped me build new neuro pathways to help start the process of true healing. Best of luck bestie we are rooting for you 🥰
Hey I know your heart is in the right place but we don’t know what she has been trying medically and it is super discouraging to have people constantly bring up things as a “what about this” or “I tried this and it helped” option. I’ve tried ketamine, ECT, and countless meds and Ik I personally get so frustrated hearing things like this, especially because I have tried them. It just makes people feel like nothing will work and it makes me personally feel like I’m broken beyond repair.
I think for now she just needs support and understanding. I’m glad this worked for you and Ik it wasn’t your intention to make anyone upset but it just feels really bad to constantly hear things like this while you’re in the trenches
@@MeganJesterhey I get your point but she was just trying to help, and for someone who maybe hasn’t heard of that could be helpful.
Same way you added a comment to tell her that what she did was wrong, I do feel there is no need to teach and educate in here. We are all different and we come up with different stuff. If she was bothered about these sort of comments she would not have opened up / exposed herself about her struggles.
as someone who deeply relates to what you are talking about and has gone through very similar situations with depression i want to tell you that things truly start to get easier at some point. for me the right medication and therapy finally have got me here, getting better and enjoying life. i hope the absolute best for you and want you to know you’re not alone with this❤️
i just woke up from a 3 hour long nap that i take literally to just escape my life and escape the constant feeling of nothing that i have on my life for this past month. i feel like i have no purpose, i wake up and there’s nothing i want to do, there’s nothing out there that makes me happy, i feel so lost in life. this video was exactly what i needed to keep going, i felt like no one would understand me so i just shut up and didn’t talk to anyone about this but knowing i’m not alone makes it a little bit easier to keep going. thank you for being so honest and i’m so sorry you’re going through this bc as someone who’s been feeling the same i know how much it sucks. i hope we all feel better soon
Don't know what to do anymore, I don't feel like I'm living more like tolerating life. Made my situation worse with co-codamol and alcohol addiction. I'm scared well terrified of the future it all seems so bleak. Medication doesn't really touch the pain that's why I took the co-codamols, but know I feel like crying when I don't take them. Can hardly concentrate anymore on anything, and worst of all starting to become resentful of family members telling me that I shouldn't commit suicide, and have been acting out because I'm frustrated. I didn't want to be hateful and always tried to be nice but depression wont let me.
i hope you know that you help a lot of people who feel the same with this kind of videos ❤️ take your time
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with depression, you're such a lovely soul who helps many people with feeling those feelings and loneliness. I really hope that those awful emotions will finally disappear and that you'll be able to live happily. But no matter what happens, please don't give up. We love u Reese
Pain consumes me. Joy eludes me. Once-loved hobbies now hollow. Bills pile up, work drags on. I feign life for my parents' sake. Chronic depression crushes me beneath its weight.
Its 4am and im currently watching this bawling my eyes out because i can relate to everything you say. I feel like iv been living the same day over and over for the past 7 years its been non stop depression and anxiety. I don’t see myself ever getting better and it scares me tbh. Thank you for posting i hope you are doing better 💔🥺
Hi I know exactly how you feel I'm same
ive been living like this for a while now it it truely is hell on earth.... doesnt help that im at an important part of my life right now where im graduating college and really need to focus on working and finding a job with my degree, but like you said, i have no passion in what im doing... i dont get excited anymore, i cant even enjoy listening to my favorite songs or watching my favorite shows because it gives me little to no enjoyment and idk why. Every now and then my brain chills tf out for like a couple hours and lets me enjoy what i like but its like my brain always resets the next day and its so fucking exhausting trying to find that peace again and again just to have it for such a small amount of time
Reese, thank you for doing this video. I was just diagnosed last week with treatment resistant depression which I never heard of until I was told I have it. I literally cried saying all the things you did. I want so desperately to feel better and my brain is failing me. I have also tried many types of medications as well but I am pushing forward with a new one I just started since the last medication had to be stopped due to an allergy which sucked because I was actually feeling better. I appreciate this community and you because I know I am not alone xoxo Sara
Hey Reese ! Just wanted to share with you a bit of my own journey with depression and mental health issues. First of all, you are not complaining and I want to say that this kind of video helped me a lot cause I don't feel as isolated and alone in these issue and I really think it is important to talk about it. Also, I really relate to the part when you say that nothing brings you a sparks anymore cause im kind of in a similar path at the moment and I just want to be able to pause everything and rot away in sens, it's okay we will overcome this ! I hope your new medication will help you feel a bit better and I wish you all the best in this world. Im with you :)
Ugh, this so much!
Going Through It
The strongest souls fight the most difficult battles. Depression is like an angry dragon that fights us. To master depression, you have to go through it. One does not defeat the angry dragon. Because you are the dragon and the depression. You slowly become one with the dragon and the depression and gain strength in going through it.
You’re doing the absolute best that you can and no one can criticise you for what you’re going through or your handling of it. We all love and appreciate your transparency, it helps so many of us to not feel so alone in our own struggles, so even when you feel that you’re not doing anything or making something of yourself, you’re making a difference to so many people and you don’t even know it. I’ve followed you for soo many years and throughout my own mental health journey you’ve given me so much comfort and eased a loneliness that was too debilitating to put into words. I appreciate your openness about this, and I can only encourage you to keep going and to give yourself as much kindness as you can ❤
You are not complaining - you are expressing what you are feeling and whats going on in your life. You are surely not alone. I feel you on this one. Going through this myself right now. Knowing that others feel the way I do helps me alot. Hopeful for your recovery.
Damn, I really feel that. Trying to make content is hard when your brain is screaming at you to stand still. The only way I can get through my anxiety is by running and the thought that running is the only way to help (which adds to the anxiety whoops). You've got this. I've got this. We've all got this. (Pro Tip: The headspace soundscape meditations are a game changer, especially the forest ones.)
You will get out of this and you won't have to be the 'old' version of yourself. You will become a new one, much more great and strong ♥️
youre not complaining, youre being vulnerable to help other people feel less alone and we appreciate it so much
I just came across your post and it really hit close to home! I know you posted this a year ago and I hope that you are not still suffering with depression. I have suffered with depression for 15 years and I know the feelings of guilt and shame can be overwhelming. Trying is enough, just keep trying. Thank you for sharing your journey it helps so many people!!
I don't usually comment on anything because I'm kind of anxious about it but this time I really feel like I need to say something. Thank you so much for posting this video and talking about you're experience. I know how hard it is to be vulnerable especially when you're in a place like this. I mean heck I'm struggling to comment on a video and you're posting something so real that's really something to be proud of. I've been feeling similar for quite some time now, the frustration and hopelessness of being depressed are way to real. I've been following you for a while now especially because you're sharing about your mental health. I get wanting to post positive videos but this video was so real and moving and personally makes me feel way less alone. I know how lonely depression makes you feel I kinda just wanted to say that you're not alone in this experience either and what you're doing is brave and so important. I feel like this is really rambly but for the sake of also putting myself out there I'm not gonna proof read because it's coming from the heart. Thank you Reese ❤️
I resonate so heavily with this. Thank you ❤
oh I know this feeling so well, dealt with depressive episodes since I'm 10 (turning 25) and I haven't had one in 3 years, to keep it short, I was also extremely hopeless and exhausted and thought sure for some this will stop but not for me and now it did. Even in my happy times I never felt 100% happy there was always something lurking and now this is gone.
I changed my mindset by focusing on the now, sometimes when this doesn't come natural for me I kinda view life as a game like I have different missions and accomplishing them. For example something like watching 500 horror movies or whatever, just everything is a game.
With this kinda mindgame I could battle the thought patterns that kept me depressed. I always feared everyday is the same forever, life is boring and sucks. But through this mindgame that made me a lot more spontaneous my mind slowly realized hey everyday is different and life is awesome. I finally truly love life and am not just pretending anymore.
Wishing you strength you will succeed my love
these videos are honestly why i stick with your channel. i saw one of your other heart-to-heart videos in the summer and hearing you be so honest about mental health helped me through the worst few months of my life. obviously i hope you never have to experience depression, but i hope you know that your videos make a real, beautiful impact on people
girl! go on a vacation! relax please and that will help you a little bit! i had depression,anxiety,derealization and i felt so much better after a sunny vacation ❤ sending you hugs
You’re so strong, Reese. As someone who has also struggled with depression/anxiety on and off for the last 8 years, I know how exhausting and gruellingly repetitive it all seems, but please never give up on yourself. You will achieve so many amazing things in life, don’t feel like you’re in any way wasting your time right now. Hard times are meant to push you to grow and make you stronger, and even though this season of your life is very challenging, know that there are amazing ones to come! Take care 💛
I feel like the mentality that helps me exit that cycle of frustration is compassion, as trite as it seems. Just accepting that this is your body, your life, your mental state. You mentioned it in the video, but just taking time to not hate anything, to not resist anything, to not struggle to do or be or control something. Maybe filming a series that has nothing to do with your everyday life. Idk! I've only been watching your vids for a little while, but it is exhausting to always be beating yourself up and then having to film videos with 'atonement' vibes. Idk sometimes it really is best to just treat yourself super gently, away from the possible judgement of others, allowing space for yourself to build a life you're not struggling to maintain. Best wishes!!
AWWWW. I know how you feel. It is so hard when everything feels like you are walking in cement. Do you have family you can lean on extra right now? Try not to be alone a lot. My husband literally peeled me off the ground during my severe depression. Keep talking about it on camera until you feel better. ❤
i feel like i was meant to find your channel. i only started watching you around a month or so ago but i relate so heavily to your waves of mental health. im deep in it right now and am on the verge of dropping out of college because i just cannot get my brain to function. its like i want to want to do things. i want to be someone who wants to feels happy-- or at least content-- with their life. i want to want to try harder. but after years of trying it just starts to feel pointless. why chase after a feeling/lifestyle if ill seemingly never get there?
its rough. my therapist says im coping well with the severity of my depression, but dang man i dont wanna just cope. i want to live without having to put in so much effort to feel like a human
i hope your new medication works out for you, reese. and i hope things will start feeling better soon. losing passion is hard to deal with (i go to art school and absolutely have no love for what i do right now. even though i want to). im trying to remind myself that itll get better eventually. even if just for a day or two, i look forward to feeling at least a little better here and there. recovery and treatment isn't linear, and so i have to remind myself that just because i felt good yesterday doesnt mean me feeling bad today implies i wont ever get better. seems to be a thing thatll be in my life forever, and i am trying to accept that
sorry this is rambley. i just feel really connected to a lot of what your saying. it really resonates with me right now
wishing you the best
Hi, i just want to say thank you for sharing your experience. I am currently just starting a therapy session. I just diagnosed with depression. Though I know it's been going for like years, starting when I was an elementary school kid up till now I have a son, but just got a diagnosed a couple of days ago. Living here, noone really understands what mental illness is because it's rare, it's even taboo to talk about it here in my country, so I feel super alone, no one understands. But through your video, I feel like I have a friend. So thank you so much. We keep us rolling everyday okay? ❤️
@nicolejohnson-du4dk thank you. Let me research about this mushroom first cz i've never heard of it before. Thank you very much ❤️
Hi reese! i rarely ever comment on videos, but this one really hits because the past few weeks i have been feeling depressed and i have not had a depressive episode in months. but its here now! wanted to let you know that you are not alone. i get the feeling of thinking that you are wasting your life. but what i tell myself is that feeling my feelings is also living. honouring my feelings by gently meeting myself where i am, allowing myself time to do nothing, not judging myself for spending all day inside IS productive. because its self care! self care does not look pretty or the same everyday. some days its meditating and doing pilates, other days its letting myself be.
anyways, sending you love and support. i have been watching you for years and you have always been a source of comfort as i too struggle with PMDD! thank you for sharing your journey
Hi! I just want to thank you for how courageous you are by sharing your mental health struggles. I hate how much I relate to your videos because all I want to do is give you a hug. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and I’ve been STRUGGLING dealing with feeling like I’ve failed at being a human being, like why can’t I just control it?? Your videos were sometimes the only thing that made me feel anything on some of my hardest days… I’m so sorry that you have to deal with your treatment resistant depression. You’re not a burden to any of us that watch your videos - you are an inspiring example of continuing to try even when your brain is screaming at you to stop. Seriously, thank you for all that you share, sending some love and peace your way.
"one step forward, 2 steps back" literally my life! Take all the time you need and take care of yourself 🧡
girl I absolutely feel u bc I haven't been feeling passion for anything and I lost my love for all the hobbies and things I liked a few months ago. it is so tough because it makes you wonder if you're gonna be able to do anything in the future that you enjoy or if you're gonna be stuck in a miserable cycle for the rest of your life
This is the most accurate and relatable talk on depression i have ever seen. Thank you so much for posting this
I'm so with you. Currently i don't feel any joy no matter what i do. Worst feeling ever. I just hope one day it will get better. All the love to you.
Reese your channel is truly a comfort, but you owe us nothing. the community you've created here is so special, a found family type bond. all the way you articulate is heartbreaking and relatable, and brings so many of us clarity and confidence in our own emotions. we all know breaks are necessary in life, and you need to recharge, never fault yourself for that. much love.
dude i’m literally going through the same thing and honestly you represent the reality of how depression feels and no matter if this cycle continues or you figure out something to get yourself out i like hearing your commentary because i can really relate my current experience to that. keep going and so will i
Thank you for being honest about your life and showing the ups AND downs because that’s the reality of life. Depression is real and can feel like you can’t escape. I hope you feel better soon!
I hate that I relate to your experience, and you relate to mine, but I sincerely appreciate you being open and vulnerable. While I wish you did not have this burden, I do admire you bringing light to a form/side of depression that is often diminished in social media/society. I feel like while there is less stigma around the diagnosis, many still do not know the severity and impact that depression can have on one's life. I just had a therapist leave me after two years of working together because I wasn't able to make consistent progress and she felt like she could no longer help me. I know it does nothing to change your situation, but know you are not alone. I hope it gets better for all of us.
I think many people have been there with the stuckness that you want to get better but physically and mentally can't and it is beyond difficult. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this and really hope you know how much you are loved and cared for
Sending hugs,living is exhausting,take your time❤️
This is so hard. I'm sorry you're going through it. Everyone experiences it different and handles it different. I had to shut out the world and literally give up, stop trying to be there for people, I quit my job, and just let myself sleep for weeks. The brain gets worn out the same way the body does, so don't feel too bad for how you heal x
I get it. And it gets annoying when people keep telling you “it’ll get better”. But it’s ok that you’re feeling this way. Something that’s helped me is not trying to find a reason why or a solution but to just let it be and ride it out. Be gentle with yourself. It’s hard but you’re worth it.
Something I have found that helps me cope when I’m feeling jaded is to pursue awe. We need that in order to experience hope and curiosity in our life/world. It’s grounding and humbles the ego that tends to drives depression on.
i’ve cried every single day for the past 2 weeks. thank you for being my comfort youtuber. makes me feel less alone. love u❤️
I really hope this new medication works out for you. I understand the struggle of being on and off different medications, it makes you just want to give up sometimes. I struggle to get on with my life for many reasons, it’s usually just a mental block. I’ve been 20 for a few months now and I feel like I’m too late for everything and the mental block just is the icing on cake. Videos like this really open my eyes to see that other people are struggling and I’m not alone in that. I really struggle with depression/anxiety and on top of that i get angry at myself for having struggles. I think it’s important to remember that mental health will always be something that we have to take care of, just like our physical health. Take your time, sending love your way
Hi Reese, I really appreciate your honesty and your trust in us for sharing all this information and personal stuff. I also am on the treatment resistant depression bandwagon and what really helped me was ECT which sounds wicked scary but was a big turnaround for me. Now I’m on a new med that’s branded for bipolar but just clicks with my brain. I did ECT for a year and it shot my memory but did wonders for my depression. I really think it’s the ebbs and flows of depression that are the most frustrating thing in the world - you’ll be on top of the world and think yes it’s finally over I’ve got this and then you’ll crash and feel like you’re a total failure. I’ve been there and I have to always remind myself life has cycles and that the human state isn’t to always be happy. It isn’t to always be depressed either but if we were always happy we wouldn’t know when we were happy. I love your content and take care of yourself ❤
Honestly, you have been describing exactly how I have been feeling. I am not going to pretend that every going to be okay. Sometimes I struggle with believing that. But I am so glad that you have created a beautiful community to open up to. I love your vulnerability. I really hope that when spring comes around, the energy feels renewed for you and everyone else. I hope that you can find that creative spark again.
One small advice that helped me: remind yourself that you are human. Indulge in the things you use to love. (Tap into your childhood) Watching Netflix, dancing to old songs, coloring, going for a walk,or eating really good ice cream. Just a reminder that you can enjoy life again with small things. You aren’t alone in what you are feeling. Even though I don’t know you personally, I love you beautiful✨❤️ you deserve a peaceful world around you.
Thank you so much for sharing this! Mental illness sucks and it's very difficult for people to talk about. You sharing this makes so many people feel as though they are not alone. I hope your new medication starts to work and that you start to feel better soon💕
This hit hard in a unique way, it was oddly comforting in the sense where I felt less alone. I've had these thought patterns and emotions for so long and have often struggled so hard to find the words. Depression/anxiety is such a hard battle, I've been fighting it daily for 12 years. Some days I'm "ok", more often I don't feel "ok"
You're not alone Reese, you're doing the best you can. Please continue showing up for yourself every day, and sometimes showing up for yourself is just having a comfy day in bed with your animals. You're very loved and very supported ❤️
i wish i could just show everyone this video. the people that call me lazy. you put perfectly into words and im so glad someone was to put in all into words cause i never could.
I can definitely relate to this entire video. As someone who has depression, the most frustrating part is wanting to do more but being too tired or irritated to even make the attempt.
I really do feel like this majority of the day and every other day and I feel like it's so hard to communicate to your close ones about it when they don't fully understand. It's nice knowing someone else feels the same way like you're stuck in time with limited ways to get out.
just wanted to say thank you again for being open honest and vulnerable with your viewers. mental health can be such a taboo topic but talking about it and normalizing needing breaks is so important especially for young people! i'm not an expert but i am studying to be a therapist, please take or leave this info only as much as it is helpful to your journey but if you have not yet been assessed for bipolar type 2, it might be worth looking into. i only mention it because sometimes people are misdiagnosed with treatment-resistant depression when it's really bipolar 2 and having the correct diagnosis can help a lot so you can get the right treatment/medication! all of that said your mental health journey and treatment is completely personal to you so whatever you choose to share or not we support you and will be here eager to watch whenever you post videos!
I definitely relate to the cycles. It feels like every other month or so, I have a bad episode and I just can’t find the motivation to do anything. I’m supposed to be in school, taking classes to get my RN, but I don’t even have the motivation to get up on time to go to class right now. It be hard like that sometimes. And it’s one of those things that if you didn’t know, if you’ve never experienced it, you have no idea.
I don’t think this video could have come at a better time - it’s given me a sense that I’m not alone when I’m struggling sm like I am now. Sending big hugs x
I’ve been seeing 444 everywhere. Now you are here in the 444 necklace.
I love you and I’m so proud of you. Mental illness has a way of making us feel alone, because we are the only ones inside our minds. But I promise you aren’t really alone. I’ve been through such similar things and still am trying to keep pushing through the shit too. Just showing up is a huge accomplishment, no matter how “messy” we feel. I’m so happy youre still here!
thank you so much for being real and opening up who cares what people say the ones who appreciate you like ME !! we love you and your mental health talks for me it's been my anxiety is been suffocating me sending you so much love right now things gone get better one day ♥️
I know what it is like to go through this, it really DOES take everything out of you. I wish you and yours all the best!
sending big hugs! :( gonna watch the vid now
Reece, I’ve been watching you since I was like at least 15 and I turn 20 next month, and your videos are always what I watch when I feel really bad. They really help me.
Your videos always bring me such comfort whenever I’m going through an episode. Not that I want anyone to feel depressed. But. Just. I see you and I feel it too. You make me feel so much less alone. Thank you Reese xoxo
I love how you talk about real stuff going on. As someone who is constantly going through depressive episodes, it feels really nice to be able to relate with someone and not feel so alone. Hang in there I know I am, anyways have a nice day!
so much love, reese
reese, you are not alone. you’ve done so much for the depressed community. i promise these talking videos are not boring or hard to watch. they are HOPE for anyone who lives with depression. thank you for posting them.
Thank you for sharing your journey, you have been a friend to me cuz nobody in my life understands what i am going through and i had been sosososo lonely until i saw your video. Your videos, just the fact that there are someone out there struggling the same thing as me, makes me feel empowered. Thank you soooo much❤
This is so relatable, I've been feeling this exact same way! Theres no need to apologise and you arent complaining! We love you and you do whatever you need to do to take the right steps for your health and recovering from this x
hey Reesy girl
I really really love your videos and they help me get through my dark times. I wish I could give you the comfort you give through your videos. I hope you are kind to yourself and wait for better times. As my favorite quote says ''I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” I'm sending you lots of love.
We are very close in age, and even though I have a different disorder, I can understand the feeling. I'm currently going on my seventh medication, and it can be so tiring and hopeless, but unfortunately is part of our reality. Please keep seeking treatment, and keep up with a therapist too, the medication by itself won't solve it all. I know you don't want to leave your house for anything right now, but I found that the more I stayed at home the worse it got, and even though I didn't want to get out of my bed, it made me feel just a little more human to be outside. Thank you for always being so honest. I hope things get just a little bit better.
I'm so sorry you're going through this but admire you so much for talking about it because it's something that has been so taboo to talk about- even tho it is legit & many people suffer from depression & it just makes you feel more alone. You are not alone & you are strong! Mental illness can make us so rough on ourselves because we can't physically see a rhyme or reason of why this is happening like a physical illness- but that doesn't make it any less serious. You deserve to give yourself that grace, understanding & permission to rest and be easy on yourself & know this is not your fault. ❤️
This really hits me because I feel like that now it is exhausting when you want to be self loving but feeling like an indescribable feeling that nobody near u understanding it
You are not alone. I feel like this all the time. right now I feel the worst I have in a while and I'm just so incredibly tired. You are so amazing and you videos always make me feel comforted to know someone feels the same way. I know you'll get through this. you got this! all the love