You don't know if you're 100% interested in someone until you've spoken to them & spent some time with them. A 45% initial physical attraction may turn into an 85% after you discover he's kind & funny. A 95% initial physical attraction may become a -50% when you realise he's a complete ego jerk.
In one of your shorts you recommended a nod and a smile, Myra. I tried it out and found out that most women smile back in a friendly way. And when even a friendly "high" or "hello" follows I'm very happy. Yesterday a nice girl in the midst of the forest even warned me that the path down into the valley was very wet and slippery and that I had to be careful not to fall. This was so sweet of her. It really saved my day. A few nice sentences from a girl can make a big difference for a man. So as you encouraged me, Myra, to be more sociable, I would like to encourage you, too. Much luck to you and have a nice week-end.
Sadly, the mind of an Introvert (shy person) at play. I (an Introvert) want someone; I should approach them; I want to approach; I am concerned I will bother them if I approach them; do they want to be approached; why don't they approach me, I want them to approach; what if I do not want them to approach me; I think they are showing interest; what if I am reading it wrong; maybe they will notice if I stay near them; Oh, I need to do things near them anyways; do they notice I am doing things around them intentionally or because I have things to do; I cannot allow anyone clear signals of my interest; I do not want to be approached by someone who I am not sending clear signals to. The last two are the worst because they are justifiable reasons for others to be mad with us.
The clothes don’t make man. Without having a conversation, you will never know if a guy is worth your time. And don’t put the cart before the horse. Saying hello and chatting with a person doesn’t mean you are going to marry them or even go on a date. What if he has horrible breath or you can’t stand their voice? It’s very easy for us shy dreamer types to create a fantasy in our head about a person that we come across. In the end, unless we talk to the person, our fantasies are figments of our imagination. I wish you the best of luck in breaking out, being courageous, and saying “Hi. My name is Myra. How are you?” to the next guy that you see that attracts you. And if goes somewhere, great! And if doesn’t, talking to the next guy will be that much easier.
I respect the fact that you don't waste anyone's time if you're not genuinely interested. It's good that you don't mess with your own and the candidate's feeling. However, if you start a conversation with someone it doesn't mean you should marry that person. Sometimes, you might realize that's a guy you definitely want to avoid or the opposite, he's more interesting than he seems. So, a conversation is just a conversation not a vow, not a promise.
I’m shy and awkward to. I want to ask that we all be more kind to ourselves. At least you were outside, rollerblading , you tried to get his attention. You were out there . That’s a positive example for all of us
I love this. I agree 100%. I am hard on myself but I genuinely don't think there is anything wrong with shyness or awkwardness, and I actually like it in other people.
@@myrawest That's great. But also one should embrace his Shadow. But that's a topic that is too big to be tackled here. Just read about Jungian Shadow concept. The only Any blog or site dedicated to Carl Gustav Jung will speal some beans about it. And by any chance, read everything he wrote. He was a genius. But people with lower insight called him a mystic.
As a guy, I think its highly possible this guy had NO clue what was going on in your head and probably had his own thoughts about things that had nothing to do with you.
@@myrawest Also you do not have to continue to be shy. Pretend you already know everyone you encounter, talk to them the way you would any casual acquaintance. Your subconscious will tell you what to say, instead of rejecting what your subconscious gives you, embrace it and just speak it, or do it. You do not have to approach anyone, just talk when a person happens to be near you.
@myrawest I heard a girl saying that men don't approach women anymore because of the possible consequences, I know that's not all men, but just saying. Maybe he was expecting a good opportunity and a clear signal. As a guy, I must say we get mixed signals a lot, I've been there so many times and I don't believe the girls weren't aware they were being playful before they started to play hard to get or started to act very different. As guys, we're also afraid, at least I know I am, I'm afraid I might make a girl uncomfortable or being too optimistic.
@@lfabio.n I was talking to a girl last year who told me this once, “I have a boyfriend, but I don’t have a boyfriend. Do you know what I mean?” Women often make no sense. Do not worry about making someone uncomfortable as this discomfort may well have nothing to do with you or your actions, only their own uncertainty.
@@Val-uj3nr That's tough, if she was serious it's like she was saying that so you wouldn't try anything, but it could be so many things, like maybe she did really had a boyfriend but was feeling like ending the relationship because she didn't see a future, and it could be that she wanted to see your reaction. I started dating this girl a couple years ago, she wouldn't answer my calls and messages if I was the one initiating the conversation, but she would contact me later and not mentioning anything. I think she was testing me, to see how I would act on anger, but I just lost all interest I had.
So hard for shy girls. Can't imagine how hard it is for shy guys considering they are usually the ones expected to be forward in this kind of situation.
I really don't feel like we need to compare. Shy girls and shy boys are often alone... spend most of their lives alone. Both too afraid to put themselves out their. Idk I want to be unified with shy guys as well. We're going through the same thing. Loneliness
I like my own company, I didn't want to think myself as a coward so if I think I must do something I try to be as clear as possible I'm interested. The good thing is that I have no regrets in this area.
As a fellow shy/awkward girl I can totally understand how you feel....but I am not as brave as you because at least you kinda hinted that you were interested in him. As for me if I see someone I like I DON'T GET CLOSE TO THEM, I LEGIT WANT TO GET AWAY FROM THEM AS FAR AS I CAN LOL !!it's mostly because I am that interesting as a person and I'm autistic and INFP and very much ugly so I don't want to waste someone's time with a person like me
Being a 22yr old guy who is also on the shy side i just wanna say we don't like making the 1st move anymore because women complain about it nowadays. But if you give us a sincere look for a couple seconds we'll know its ok to talk to yall. Or tell us "what up bro!"...works every time
It’s a problem of negative externalities, same as the global warming problem. It benefits the individual to be selfish and not reflective, and the consequences of that are borne by others. So, mostly, it pays for the individual to be not reflective.
You have a lot of emotional work to do before you can get in a long lasting commitment. Focus on that inner work and it will happen. The same reason you didn’t approach him is the same reason he didn’t approach you, fear of being rejected.
A lot of times the people that you are not initially attracted to are the ones who are a better fit. Anytime I've dated based on looks it usually doesn't work out well. Being able to laugh together and have a good conversation really is the first real measure of something that has potential.
@@mediocreman2 I couldn't have put it in a better way. Well said. Just focus on your daily, lonely, boring life. Hey at least you have your peace and sanity. I don't have anymore need for a relationship. At 36 years old, I've been single my whole life; and prefer it to be that way. Love only exists in fairytale books. Nobody would ever love me. I have nothing to offer a snotnosed feminist.
I am really glad that I found you from your first video about loneliness, and now see you trying to reach out and connect (in your way). I appreciate your self-awareness, and Knowing there is no way to sound sane while explaining this, but your behavior actually sounds pretty normal. Hopefully people recognize this awkwardness exists on the guy's side also. I honestly think you're doing fine because you don't sound entitled to a response. You recognize that if they notice your tiny quiet signs, they do, and if they don't they don't. I think you also recognize that even if a guy notices your signs doesn't mean every guy you like must like you back. It's also great that you were mindful about not just using another person for practice. So many people suggest you should practice socializing, and you should, but if you refuse to have friends of the opposite gender, you shouldn't be approaching them without being fully interested. I really respect that. I personally think people should be more open to friends of the opposite gender but I understand I can't make people think that way and most humans insist the other gender is only good for sexual relationships unfortunately. Good luck on your journey of courage and companionship. 🥰
the thing I would suggest is you have to do your part of the promise (ie, the universe answered and you made the promise--that's my word for it--to talk to man that is manifested) if you want the cycle to keep happening, got to keep your part of the bargain.
Having seen your videos for a while now, you don't at all appear to be shy and awkward whatsoever Myra. You make amazing videos, give great advice on so many things, speak so nicely and are a great person. Hope you are having a great weekend 🙂.
That's typical for us shy people (with a bit of life experience) ... We can learn to mask, adapt, pass for "normal", maybe even outgoing or funny / frivolous - as long as we feel secure with people we are either good friends with or have NO stakes in whatsoever. Once our interest goes beyond a certain bar, we feel as helpless as a rabbit caught in the brightest headlights. 😔
I was a shy kid until my late 30s when I realized this whole shyness was holding me back from who I truly wanted to be and I started to voice my concerns about all the little bothersome things that people did to me, and I gradually shifted into being an outspoken vocal lady. I no longer people please or let others walk all over me and it has been the best experience so far. It shows my strong character. ☺️ Some people think I'm rude, but I don't care.
Women smile at me often when I'm out in public. I rarely think that it's because they have romantic interest. I just think: Wow, she's polite and courteous (and it lets me see their inner beauty). But It is only after several glances that I get the hint. So I think that you did the right thing. If this happens again to you and the guy fits what you really want, approach with normal conversation (so that you don't get nervous). Example: "Hey are you into motorcycles? I like them from afar, I'm a little scared but they seem fun/exciting". Because this is a hobby or passion of his, you'll get a smile and tons of conversation. Now, this was enough for him to say: "If you're interested I can show you or take you for a ride sometime". This means you are in, slam dunk, homerun, touch down. The rest will be easy. BUT Maybe he is also a little shy and doesn't make a move (but now you like him even more having spoken to him). So you ask straight out: "Do you have a girlfriend?" (There's nothing wrong with this question). But it lets him know that you are definitely interested. If he say yes, you say oh that's too bad and go on your merry way. If he says no, you can proceed to 1)flirt or ask for number, suggest a date or say you wouldn't mind befriending a motorcycle guy. What you say at this point almost doesn't matter, if he finds you attractive. If after you made it obvious he doesn't show interest then the reasons can be many and they probably have nothing to do with you. Even good looking guys get rejected by women like 90% of the time. I would dare say that if women did the approaching, they would only get rejected about 10% of the time (and this is only because the guy might be in a relationship or genuinely doesn't like women). The 10% figure applies to a pretty girl like you. Of course, if the woman approaching was older, obese and didn't shower for example then her rejection rate would be comparable to that of a man. Abysmal 😂
I just watched some of your video on how we treat ex's. Incredible wisdom. I want to shout to the sky. It's popular now to blame the ex, call them a narcissist and go no contact. Yes, in truly extreme cases but most of us experience normal, difficult stuff. I can't just turn deep feelings off like that. Thanks for being one of the few women that has some decency and individuality!!!!!!!!! Backbone.
Sure, even if it were just to pass some time eating ice cream together, or going for a walk and even if nothing else came off it. It doesn't matter even if you find out you don't really vibe with each other after all. Just being shown some initial interest is nice and can make my day.
I really don't think you need to be anywhere close to 100% interested to start a conversation with a stranger without feeling bad about it. I have made it a "habit" (and by that I mean I'm often thinking about doing it and actually did it like 5 times 😅) to just take random cues for short conversations with strangers that will most likely lead nowhere. For example I once overheard a conversation between two girls at a tram stop that started with the usual "Oh hey, how have you been?", but turned into a really honest and open conversation about their recent hardships and losses. At first I thought about maybe stepping a few feet away to not eavesdrop on them, but I ended up just staying put and keeping listening to them. One of the girls left the tram at the same station as me and shortly before we reached to escalator I stepped up to her, excused in advance for the potential creepiness and told her I was pleasantly surprised by and enjoyed listening to their genuine conversation earlier. She affirmed they're always this open with each other and thanked me for the roundabout compliment. Then we wished each other a nice day and went off. Another time I was shopping study supplies alone and heard an old lady and an old man talking about this and that and eventually, spinach and ways of preparing it came up in their conversation. I had heard before that you shouldn't cook up spinach twice because it releases carcinogenic substances. I took the opportunity to confirm that theory with the two oldies and they were happy to do so with some extra information on top. There were a few other times I initiated something similar. Absolutely nothing has come of it, but the people I spoke to seemed happy about my random intrusions every time and I left the conversations a little more practiced and solidified in the belief that talking to strangers isn't actually the monster it seems to be in your head. So maybe, you don't need to feel so apprehensive about "using" strangers for practice; chances are, they actually enjoy it too and maybe even feel strengthened/ reinforced by it :)
Ahhh, we have all missed hundreds of possible connections where there was a *moment* of mutual attraction but for hundreds of different reasons it simply slipped away. Totally normal stuff. I found that while in my 20s, if I simply went about my day not specifically looking, an opportunity would present itself. Because I was not looking I was totally relaxed and confident in my own skin I could interact easily and make a great connection. When actively looking there was a lot of expectation, self awareness and self doubt, and awkward conversation often followed. I transformed into Garth from Wayne's World. Stay out there, just be the real you and the right guy will find you. You will know. Cheers!
I love that you shared this story it shows your vulnerability and willingness to grow. Number one thing I would like to say about what you said about not being 100% sure you're interested. Remember most of our interest does not come from looks for immediate perception but it comes from a deep connection which can only be determined after actually spending time with them. To be fair to yourself you need to give anyone you think you could be attracted to at least a small opportunity without writing them off so soon
Hi Myra, At least you acknowledged the unexpected error and most of us are glad you spoke about this (I am also shy but I’m also very determined to get used to talking to people). Maybe try to take deep breath’s and see how it goes when (safely) interacting with another man. Hope to hear from you soon and keep on smiling with stride 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Instead of calling it a ‘missed’ connection, call it a _brief_ connection and just appreciate it for what it is. I love those brief little flirty connections that last all of 30 seconds or whatever. Just appreciate the little spark in that moment without needing it to be more. Also, a simple ice breaker is to just give a genuine compliment. Like in that specific instance you could’ve complimented his clothes & bike. Although if he’s a bike guy, you’ll prob never get him to shut up again if you ask about it 😂 But anyhow good luck and just enjoy those little moments!
Fuck I literally didn't even think of that. Of giving a quick compliment. I would have wanted to say I liked his bike gear/it looks cool, but maybe that sounds weird :/
@@myrawest Haha personally I love both giving and getting random compliments/appreciation. Also fun to try it out on everyone, whenever the inspiration strikes, not just on guys/someone you’re interested in.
@@myrawestIt wouldn't have sounded weird at all. I think everyone likes a compliment like that. I am trying to do that more often. I have never received an unfriendly or awkward response. The "worst" was being ignored (or not noticed?) when I did it casually while passing quickly. (I am a very shy guy and badly need some practice... I could totally relate to your experience, by the way.) Most of the time, however, people - regardless of gender - were happy being given an unexpected compliment by a stranger. Design of clothes or other possessions, a compliment on your sense of style, is a casual topic that doesn't raise expectations or suspicion in most people. And who doesn't like affirmation of their sense of style or hobbies/interests? It brightens up MY day getting such a compliment for sure - whether I find the person attractive or not. My response will always be a smile. I might smile or grin more openly/obviously when I find the person attractive. Unfortunately, I am not likely to give any better clues of being open to a hypithetical conversation... I totally suck at showing interest by approaching someone more openly. A bright smile or a bit of a grin is all I am able to muster, but I am not sure women will understand that this equals wanting to be approached or for a bit more of small talk or even a conversation to follow. I guess almost any will expect the man to take the lead. I feel pretty much doomed to stay alone, especially at an age where most have already found their significant other(s).
Everything you are saying makes absolute perfect sense, at least to me. Don't take it the wrong way, it does sound like being a hopeless romantic is a bit delusional ESPECIALLY if you are a shy person, but despite that fact, what you are saying makes sense, in a weird way. IF the guy was really the "one" for you, he WOULD have approached you, DESPITE what your outer appearance might have said (within reason, of course).
Hey Myra, I don't watch your videos often, but the one's I've watched have been extremely helpful in understanding my GF. Sometimes she confuses me, but hearing the inner dialogue of a woman helps me understand how to approach her. You seem like a normal nice shy girl like my GF. Don't be so hard on yourself for not approaching men. Its not very common for any girls to approach men in my experience. I honestly find a shy girl more attractive than a forward girl. It seems you did everything right in your encounter. I would've picked up on your Queues. But I'm quite a bit older too. Keep in mind that you're a pretty girl and it might just be that some men are afraid of rejection. Cold approach takes courage and it takes practice on the part of men.
Love that honesty. Very refreshing, and especially here on RUclips where everyone wants to pitch / sell you their "invaluable" coaching / ideology / investment plan / online course / other bullshit. 😅
He was literally walking to his bike and was like 35 feet behind at a public park. No part of it felt sinister in any way. If it was in an alleyway or no other people were around, or at night it could have been a different story
You are 100% correct, But that's okay. Just the way it is. Its a women's prerogative to choose who she feels comfortable with. We are not entitled to their time, attention, affection just because they give it to another man. Once you accept that and act accordingly you'll be happier and have more success with women.
It’s important to be objective: each man you meet is a total stranger, the information and experiences necessary to know if he’s worth marrying is not something you have access to yet and you never will that early on, you’re giving yourself false expectations on what you should be capable of extrapolating from a man you’ve just met if you think you can know if he’s “the one” before you’ve even said hello. Dating is about exploring and looking for a greater romantic potential in another person, which begins with finding out who they are and what they’re like as an individual. It’s also why several instances of just “going on a date” precedes ever calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. The latter is only step one of a committed relationship, just going on a date is not a commitment to anything other than exploring a mutual curiosity in the potential to be someone you want to make that first stage of commitment with. Setting up a first date with someone is basically an admission of “I don’t know you, but I would like the chance to”. You’re not obligated to continue seeing them if the person they reveal themselves to be just isn’t what you’re looking for in a romantic partner, you didn’t “use” them by going on a date, you aren’t seer who could know ahead of time if you were compatible or not. You can end things amicably by saying you just didn’t feel the connection you were looking for with him but thanking them for their time and wishing them the best. In general, ghosting should only be used if a man was rude, tried to push past your boundaries (especially regarding sex), and/or made you feel unsafe. Otherwise, even something as simple as a courtesy text afterwards to make it clear you’re not interested in continuing things will give him the information necessary to move on without any hurt or confusion. Be rigid with your boundaries, do not go on pity dates even if he’s upset and begs for the opportunity. Pity second dates waste both peoples, nothing good will come of it. Also, regarding the failure to talk to the motorbike guy, you missed multiple opportunities for non-committal engagements, as even just intentional direct eye contact and a smile as you walked past would’ve been enough to give him the cue to speak to you. The second time you walked past was definitely a big missed opportunity to jokingly say “hello again” as it would give him the chance to decide if he’ll just acknowledge it as a shared moment of awkwardness with a stranger or a chance to start a conversation with you. Obviously, a more bold comment you could’ve made was just a compliment about his jacket, even something as generic as “cool jacket” would’ve worked. Again, it’s something small that if he wasn’t interested he could politely acknowledge and go about his business, but if he was interested, he could easily use it to start a conversation. Either way, it’s still a safe/low risk way to indicate interest in someone without having to immediately commit to a full on introduction. I’d say you definitely blew it at the end tho 😅 running off right when he finally had the nerve to attempt to talk to you! While I understand how much shy women wish men could bridge the gap with extra confidence, it’s important to recognise whenever you’ve personally self sabotaged a potential date and to learn from the experience to not make the same mistakes. The above advice applies for guys too, you rollerblading could’ve been an easy conversation opener. I’d say the best advice for the guys watching this video in regards to avoiding accidental creepiness is to stick with the non-committal approach, make it so whatever you say is something she can choose to engage with or not, if she’s interested, she’ll use that one comment to reply in a way that incites more interaction, but if she’s very abrupt and only says thanks to a compliment or awkwardly feigns a smile, she’s definitely signalling she doesn’t want to engage. If the latter happens but you feel it’s way too awkward to not say anything before walking off, just say “have a nice day” and head on your way, that’s more than enough to exit out of a failed attempt to speak to a total stranger in public.
Thank you for given us an inside view on shy girls mind. This might be helpful for some of us one day.❤ You asked for advise: feel free to train your skills on men. Let them be at least 40% attractive for you. Every catch you park into your friendzone if it shows that he is not "the one". I myself am friend with a cute girl. She is my best friend because she is funny and smart. I know that a lot of guys dont think that this could be possible. Well it is. But to be honest, i also think those connections are very very rare, especialy at the younger ages. But it is worth trying to find that girl if you are not so much into this marriage dogma and prefer a more carefree lifestyle🎉 Anyway, nice video again. And dont let those negative comments drag you down. There always will be guys who dont get your point or who are too full of hatred to agree with your thoughts.
Youre a freaking unicorn of woman just wanted to say that. Like look at you. Hear yourself. You're obviously emotionally mature and easy on the eyes. You'll find someone without having to do anything I promise you..
Myra, hard to see how any guy you're interested in could be a 100% surefire candidate for boyfriend/husband material if you don't approach him. Here's how guys in general see this: Extroverts and also creepy guys (not that those two things are the same) will find an excuse to approach her. Weirdoes will only succeed in coming off as weird. Introverts and also those inclined to give a girl space (not that those two things are the same either) because they don't want to be that leery creep she talked about with her friends when she met up with them for coffee later that day, will hang back and leave her alone. They may look for social cues like if she's rollerblading, to smile and comment how they always wanted to take that up as a hobby or if she's got a book, to ask what she's reading but that scenario is on uncertain ground because they also don't want to be that weird guy who sits 10 yds away from the girl in an empty field or that other guy who sits 50 yds away and yells across the field about the book she's reading. So what they want is to bump into her and in that moment, talk about the rollerblading or the book and then, depending on her response, either move on together in conversation or keep walking as she walks in the opposite direction. That way, they're not invading her space and no-one is left feeling awkward or threatened. As an introvert, I find that the problem is that sometimes, making eye contact and "accidentally" bumping into a woman several times can also seem stalkerish (new word!) so I end up feeling and looking weird. So now, because I don't want to be that guy, I don't try at all, which probably makes me appear remote and unapproachable.
Right at the end you hit on the things that go through my mind. Yes, most people date someone just to be in a relationship. I have never understood that... and so I don't date much. I always measure a possible connection by, if I can be replaced by anybody. If the answer is yes then they're not interested in me... they just want anyone.
Hey Myra, Sorry your boyfriend didn't work-out (or you would not be posting). Let me make this easy for you; men are shy/ thoughtful too, we do not wish to be perceived as too aggressive. So when you see a guy you like, when you walk by, smile and WINK. It's that simple, then he'll know it's OK to say hi to you. You're a doll, I hope you find that right guy! LUV 😊
@@StillOnTrackI respect that. I sort of assume that you are a girl? I honestly don't know of any guy that was weirded out by a pretty girl winking at him? Guys and girls have different perceptions.
@@davidsimpson7513 no, I'm a guy, I just think winking is a bit much, it feels unnatural to me personally, wheras things like smiling and waving seem more natural. Again maybe this is just me, and just saying we're all different as far as how we view things. Maybe it's totally natural for you.
@@StillOnTrack Hey my friend, I agree, I do not wink at girls. It says I think you're cute, too flirty for a guy. What we're trying to help Tyra with is a low-key way of saying "it's OK to say hi to me." Hand gestures have many meanings. A wink from a girl means she has no boyfriend, and would welcome a hello.
He probably lives in the area -- it will be easier the next time you see each other -- guys can be shy too. You could try to view all general strangers as just "people" -- you are putting too much pressure on your self with premature romantic sensations. Practice being the pleasant sweet person you are -- a lady with curious interests -- and practice small tiny talk. Try to get comfortable approaching strange woman with "small talk" -- master viewing them as "just people" passing nearby in the Stream of Life -- then it will be practical to apply that experience to chances with guys. Just like: "hey that's a nice sports bike" when passing near. Or classics about weather: "it's kinda cloudy today, isn't it?" Try to imagine the most tiny small talk you can muster -- like you could with another gal sitting nearby on a bench or outside a café -- and initially focus on the Humanity of the Person -- not their gender. Gender-focus too early seems to rock down your self-confidence -- & that's natural for a shy girl. But trying to be a friendly casual happy lucky sweet person to a stranger isn't too scary. Love you! ♡♡
Hey, great advice! I am a shy man who could SOOO relate to Myra in the situation she described. I might try out your advice, gender-swapped. (Maybe the two of them DID have a moment, but both of them too shy and unsure about whether they had REALLY been given cues. Who knows?)
@@elevenseven-yq4vu Excellent! If one practices just small-talk meeting "people" strangers casually, then that skill will be more comfortable when connecting with a neat "gender"!
I would say something similar, if there is mutual interest and attraction, it's not creepy. I don't care if people find that frustrating. I have a crush right now on someone who works at petco and even though I want to go and see him/talk to him, I won't "stalk" him at work because I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable and have no idea if there is mutual interest. I think anyone can be perceived as creepy, even if they are generally good looking
You say you want the practice but I'm sure many men would like to practice aswell. As long as you make it clear from the start that you likely arent looking for anything serious, I'm sure they'll appreciate it
@@myrawest You dont gotta be so forward but give off a vibe that you want to be purely friends and be comfortable with any sexual tension that might arise, move past it and talk person to person
Yes. Absolutely. I actually never knew until about two years ago that if a woman smiled that would invite a man to come over. I had no idea. No one ever told me that.
Thank you for sharing. If I ever get approached by an attractive girl, my first reaction "this must be a joke and somewhere is the camera, so she could make her stupid social media post". Just can't comprehend that this could be a genuine initial interest to me. Also me, don't approach the girl I'm interested, coz I just don't want to bother a person. So I just look and smile like a complete lunatic.
Turn off your brain and put yourself in a situation you can't back out of. Go up to him and ask him for (insert any reason) and initiate a conversation from there. By doing this many times, you'll become better at talking to random people. However, the fear of walking up to a random person will never go away. But, if you are good at it, your fear of walking up to strangers won't have a strong grasp on you since you know you'll have the skill required to move the conversation in whichever way you wish. Just my thoughts on it.
I love this. I really do. It's a good idea. However when I am scared, my brain literally shuts off/freezes and I can be completely unable to talk, or worst I mess up my words/mix them up
@@myrawest I came back to say that during my bike ride today around 21:00, I saw this beautiful girl who was trying to get my attention by biking next to me. So I followed her on the bike path for a little while (acting as if I wasn't following her). There were a bunch of people around, and I tried impressing her by going super fast on my bike. We kept looking at each other, but neither of us removed our headphones to talk. During the ride, she took a left turn to exit the bike path onto a random street. We looked at each other again as I stayed on the bike path, leaving her behind without saying a single word, even though I had plenty of chances to do so (during red lights, we stood next to each other waiting). Well, it's funny how I said all these things to you, yet I couldn't hold myself to the same standard. I am planning on casually biking more often in the area where I saw her, and next time I'll grow some balls and tell her, "Hey, you have a nice bike," and go from there. TL;DR: I literally made the same mistake you did after posting my previous comment.
I don't think any of this was stupid. I think this is a great description of how women communicate to men that they are interested and it is ok/you would like for a man to approach you. Even women that aren't shy do the exact same thing just a more extraverted blunt woman will make it more obvious, like to a point you are an absolute idiot if you don't know she wants you to talk to her. Women want to be approached, it is masculine and shows confidence. Unfortunately, society/culture has put the population in this position. Thank feminism.
I feel for you, social cues are stupid tough and always someone says your wrong I think I had the same think happend to me today, about someone showing intrest but then just not I was walking on the city streets and had to cross a bridge, I'm naturally scared on the inside so I always scan my surroundings on how much I have to have my guard up. There was a 30'ish lady walking her dog and we locked eyes for a second or 3. She stopped walking and started playing with her hair, when I approached her dog was trying to rush to me. And when I walked passed she stared walking again. I don't know what that was all about, maybe I'm reading to much into it, maybe she had just something in her hair But today was a bad day, the enter week's been ups and big downs, couldn't talk even if I wanted too Earlier this week this week I told myself I have to approach girls more, so I asked my neighbor (whom I don't know) if she want's to watch a movie of go walking or something. I think I accidently woke her up, even tough it was close to noon😅 She didn't say no and told her name, I'l ask tomorrow is she's thought about it, later in the day...... She was a bit annoyed and drowsy but not scared or intimidated, so that's a good signf???? May I offer some advice? If you like him enough and he's not a 100%yes guy, you can become friends with him and """use""" him for practice. There are a lot of quotation marks because if he enjoys a friendship with you that is not using him. That is what good friends do. I had girl-friends with whom I'd go out for coffee, lunch or dinner, that is just spending quality time together. The werd thing here is that only couples are supposed to do that
You’ve just vocalized what I’ve been internalizing forever, only I’m a guy :) It really happens that I might see some cute girl I kinda like at least from the first glance, but then my brain just shuts down if I start to realize I need to talk to her, make a first move so to speak. It’s a curse for sure. I know it will sound dumb, but I remember when I was like 16 or so, I had this neighbor who was a bit into this whole “pick up” shenanigans, and we’d challenge and encourage each other to simply walk to random girls we liked on the street, say hi, say we like her or she looks cute, and ask for their number. Gotta say that dumb “machismo” “I dare you” exercise worked stupidly well. After like 10-15 rejections you don’t care that much anymore and it starts to feel like a game, not like a “life or death” type of a situation. Now, since there’s nobody around like that anymore the next best solution is being just a little bit tipsy :) simply to get enough courage, but that ain’t for everyone
I’ve been through this number of times… but i just can’t start talk to any woman again. Somebody inside me is trying to protect me i suppose. I’m just have no any resistance to woman’s tricks and manipulations. Last time i almost became a homeless desperate broke man. There is no second chance to survive to me. Some sort of people created to be single and being perfectly fine with that. I accepted that.
Maybe just try and scale your relationships by stage 1) saying hi and asking them the time or some thing else relavent, stage 2) get on a first name friendly basis, stage 3) find a reason to exchange number (or no reason) stage 4) see if he calls or find something you would like to do and ring him and mention casually you have this thing to go to and would he like to go? stage 5) see if you get any positive signs he might want a second date. If at any stage you don't think he is the right guy, be totally straight but sensitive and let him know you are sorry but he is not the right guy. You don't have to get into a position where you are alone together until you feel comfortable. Despite popular opinion most men are not dangerous, only awkward like you. Good luck finding someone soon. This is 🙉 for everybody hoping you will sort out the right guy soon.❤️
I think having 100 percent interest in someone has to take time. The thing about approaching a stranger is that we know nothing about this person, we don't even know if they're single. It's a bit of a shot in the dark. Like yourself I have found it tough to approach women but it's something I would like to get better at. I think it would be easier if it's a woman that I have seen around an area on somewhat of a regular basis. I have started to think about taking a photography or yoga class, where I may have a chance to get to know someone by seeing her often. Passing a woman on a trail is and trying to show interest is a high pressure situation and doesn't leave a lot of time to make that exchange. Hi there! Fine day we have here, and she's gone, off jogging in the park again. So remember to be kind to yourself, approaching someone or someone approaching you is not easy but perhaps going back to these locations where you caught someones eye, maybe you will see them again. I try to take the pressure off myself by just pushing myself to smile and say hi. It's baby steps for me.
I think the difference mostly lies in having some discernment/being able to pick up on cues/awarwness/respect..... like if any man approaches me respectfully I am never ever mean to him or even unhappy he approached. Actually several times I've been complemented by a mans interest even if I'm not. There's actually another one of my videos where I share my experience with that.... a man respectfully approaching me, and how he was skilled at picking up my cues. Also, in case you didn't make it through all my blabbering, I'm basically saying that both he and I (I reapeat: Iiiiiiii) could have approached each other. It was equally me who dropped the ball. Here's the thing, all I'm saying is, if a man WANTS to approach a girl, and he's reletively sure she's interested in him because she's giving off cues, then by all means feel free to approach in a respectful manner, not being pushy or with expectation, and also makings sure to prioritize her feeling safe and comfortable (remembering that she will most likely initially be wondering if you're a scary/dangerous/or creepy man.... because women exeperienece a lot of those.) Anyway best of luck
@@TechHarmonic this is based on experience and conversations i heard from woman i mean obviously not everybody Brad Pitt especially nowadays woman are brainwashed and they looking for the perfect man
I wouldn't ask for an abundance of men, just for the right one. Avoid getting into anything toxic that way. I've been single for four years waiting for the right woman. There's been a lot I've found attractive but when talking they usually open with some dishonesty, gaslight (huge turn off) or flat out call themselves toxic. I don't approach anyone. I figure the right woman will recognize me and initiate, maybe I'm just old fashioned but that's the guidance my spirit guides gave me. Good luck kid, keep rockin.
You're just misunderstanding what I mean by "abundance." It's not that I'm looking for several men. It's about not having a scarcity mindset about men and not immediately attaching myself to someone and trying to make it work despite all the red flags. It's about meeting people and gaining experience in what is out there. It's about knowing that if something doesn't work out with someone there are other good men out there. It's hard to know where I'm coming from without knowing me.... But yes, I've always wanted to meet that one special man
@@myrawest I understand you mean. What I mean is more among the translation of words to the divine as to avoid a form of "monkey paw" scenario if you catch my meaning. 😆 Like if I ask for women, the divine then sends a bunch of toxic ones that remind me why I'm waiting on the right one. Hope it all goes well for you. Keep rockin lady.
Sometimes an oblique comment about a friend who has a bike like that or where did he get gear like that (it may pertain to your skating gear?) or mentioning the weather can start a conversation, upping or lowering your interest level. From an initial say 25% this gets you to a 35-40% knowing-him level. Putting your hand out and saying your name would be more overt, upping to 55%. 🎉
Hi, Myra and Happy Friday!😊😊😊😊😊😎☀💙💙💙💙💙💙🌷💖💖💖💖💖💖🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇👍. I was a shy teenager once at my high school in 2006. I was expendable while I'm alone. That means someone invites me to a party or at the prom, and my best friend didn't show up. That's what "Expendable" means to me.😢
Well I'm sure the right situation will work out if it's that guy or another one. My daughter just turned 28 and she's had a mysterious illness for the past 7 years that's kept her bedridden. She's so scared that she blew it and won't find anyone to marry her now. I tell her the same thing. Whatever is meant to be will work out 😊.
Привет из России! 👋 Мне родители говорят что любовь может прийти спустя какое-то время знакомства и узнавания человека, но мне ближе чувства Миры. Тоже считаю что только если есть полный интерес к человеку, из-за того что очень нравится как он себя ведёт (показывает его воспитанность), выглядит (чувство красоты, дисциплинированность), общается с другими (уважение к равным, почитание старших, не общается с подлыми и нечестными) - только тогда влюбляешься в него и надо идти начинать общение и быть искренним. А когда этого нет, моё мнение не нужно себя и других обманывать и "насильно" заводить и строить отношения. С уважением и пожеланием ментального и физического здоровья тебе и твоим родным! Всего тебе самого доброго! 🎊
the ONLY time I dated someone I ended up not being as interested in as I thought was in high school - after a short couple days I wrote him a note telling him I just wasn't feeling it the same way he was & that I wanted to be fair to him & back out. It hurt our friendship for sure but he wasn't mad.
Thanks for sharing. I'm so afraid of that and I'm not sure why. I feel like if I express interest I cannot back out, or else it's like I'm going back on my word or something. But I understand that that's kind of a normal part of dating
YT keeps removing my comment. There was a girl at my Uni who I didn’t know. She found my number via my classmate, I think either she called me or approached me before lectures and introduced herself, can’t remember if that classmate told me she’s interested in me even before she approached or not. But, till this day I remember that moment that happened like 10+ years ago, and how it was very flattering. We dated for maybe 3-4 months, she was a very nice and lovely girl, just there were a few extenuating circumstances on my side, I was too f up in my head about nit-picky details and so eventually I kinda stopped that whole thing. I think I didn’t like her appearance 100%, even though she was definitely pretty, but I was too shallow and superficial and had this idea I’d only date 175cm+ thin girls since I still have time to find someone like that. Now that I’m looking back… it was a very much not a smart decision, to say the least, cause she was cute, pretty face and all, and was very nice to me… Oh, well…
Here's the problem today, and it's not yours or his... A lot of men are conditioned from the time they are boys that if they approach, they get yelled at and ridiculed (most of the time). On the other hand if she approaches, she ends up being a psychopath (most of the time). I'm not saying either case is you, I'm just saying this is likey to be the highest probability of what was going on in his head. I know, it's messed up how narcissistic women condition men in this way and ruin it for the rest of you. The only thing I can say is persist, be your true self, don't wear a mask of fake confidence. If you're shy let that show, your sincerity will pay off.
This whole situation is creepy, meaning there are no rules because everyone's an independent stranger who lacks community beyond a small circle of actual friends, especially in cities. We don't know anything about other people as we're atomised, by design. Now not one but both genders move away from their roots to build lives so no one maintains home and people become commodified.
Any guy that sees you is going to want to smile. Any single guy is going to be interested because you are gorgeous. Any guy that gets to know you is going to find you wonderful and amazing, because you are very special. Just go for it and put yourself out there.
I wouldn't act on that level of attraction. I don't have much idea at all of what kind of woman I will fall in love with. I remember once realizing that I had fallen in love with a woman who wears leather pants and it was a truly horrifying experience! 😂❤
My rule is I MUST(even if its just to give a genuine compliment) talk to a girl if in my head the first thing I think is "damn shes cute". If I don't have that reaction, I dont waste my time or theirs. Worst that will happen by talking to someone is you make a friend or you realize this person isn't for me. No harm, just be up front right away in a respectful manner. Dont see why this couldn't apply for a woman if they think the same about a man. Also, go to a climbing gym for male interaction, you will get swarmed by dudes if you look cute and confused lol. In that environment its perfectly acceptable to have short conversations/interactions since everyone is initially there just to have fun and make friends. Anything could very likely go further if both people are interested. Be warned though, any more I see tons of college age people at climbing gyms. Hard to find people in their mid to late twenties in climbing gyms lately, at least in my area it seems this way.
I'd like to say that going on one date with someone to whom you're initially attracted but who doesn't seem like a 100% love-of-your-life, perfect match... That's not a betrayal to him, I don't feel like I'd feel used or given a false impression or somesuch. I'd say from the guy's point of view, an intelligent, attractive lady has deigned to trust him enough spend some time in his company, and that's huge, a lot of us don't get even that. Even if it's not going to be with the person with whom you know you're gonna spend the rest of your life, dates are still pretty fun! Getting to know someone, dinner, activities... It's good times. If it results in something more, great! If that something more lasts 'til death do you part, fantastic! But most of the time it's just a very pleasant way to spend an evening or such, and it doesn't need to be much more. So I'll say don't stress too much about going on a date with someone who you feel confident won't be part of a long-term thing. Just do your part to be a good partner on the date, make your intentions and such clear, be honest, and try to have fun. I think, if he's a good dude, he'd appreciate that. It can also be quite a relief to know you don't have to stress too much on a date; if she said this doesn't really matter then you can let your hair down a bit and really enjoy it in a way you may not if you're constantly monitoring your own behaviour to make a perfect first impression for someone who may end up being your next long-term thing or such.
Yeah, I'd definitely enjoy being asked out on a date by a sympathetic and honest woman, even if she wasn't planning on dating me again, or even unsure whether she'd want to meet me again on a purely casual, friendly, platonic basis. Time well spent is time well spent; and even if things should get awkward at the date itself, being deemed worthy of time to get to know me a bit can still be a flattering experience.
Using word normal is absolutely OK. If you study psychology - at least in based Poland (at the time of writing this) normal means healthy, and not normal means with disability. You can use them interchangeably. PS. "I offer zero advice" Hahaha. Great sense of humor.
I used to ride a motorcycle & my heart literally skips a beat when I see a biker dude lol. & I’m in a loyal 8 year relationship. I totally understand why that caught your eye.
Yeahhhhh 😭😭😭 it's one of my life goals to get my own sport bike. Most of my siblings went through their sport bike phase :') you're so cool, I assume you're a woman from your name.... biker chick... so cool
Hey, I don't have anything too relevant to say, but it's good you left the comments opened for folks to chat. There was a video that had comments disabled I felt bad you had to do it. Anyway, I have a crush on a nurse whom has been treating me and for a second time she asked me "Do you live alone?" and "Are you doing anything over the weekend?" man, next time I see her I got to ask what she meant by that. I know it's wrong for patients to date nurses/doctors, but it'd be kept private so they'd not know. I once asked her for dating advice and she told me to try dating websites, I replied - "that doesn't really work and it's kind of depressing being alone," she responded with "my friends feel the same way." She giggled afterwards. Maybe there's somenothin', maybe there's nothin'. Take care.
thanks for the insight. next time I see a girl i'm interested in and she gives me a little sign, i'm just going to find SOMETHING to say. lol even if it's something stupid or inconsequential. if nothing else, it would be good practice. I actually tried talking to a girl in a coffee shop I WASNT interested in the other day because the stakes were low, I wasn't scared, I just need practice striking up conversations. yeah she didn't reciprocate a conversation back. but that's fine. so i understand it's too much for girls to approach. i'll be the man and approach. it's not that bad. it's just fear.
God I love women that give a tiny little smile my way. Happens at least once a day. This should show you that this world is FULL of beautiful men and women. Don't be scurr'd. I don't approach cuz I wanna be faithful.. next time just STARE and SMILE and don't look away. If he's cool he'll do the Jack Black move of like "who me?" Bam.
Interesting, I understand the subtle cues as you describe them and can clearly picture them, .. as a guy with Asperger's I would probably not sense them on my own. I kind of need to be approached by an acquaintance directly, she needs to tug my sleeve or collar and say .. let's go get a pizza, then I understand. Otherwise, subtle cues fly right over my head 🌻
I don't get cues and so most men, I don't wanna be called a creep or something, I just mind my own business and be with my friends honestly. I always think "if she is really interested she will let me know". The thing is that most women will use very subtle and many cues that most of us aren't able to understand and pickup. If a woman smiles to me I'll just assume that she is being nice. I know that it's hard but it will be very useful if you to a guy a tell him "hey, I have seen that you like X, it looks very cool but I don't know much about it". He will be more than happy to talk to you and everything will not be awkward at all. He will talk mostly for the first 2-3 minutes and then you can have a back and forth about everything else or what you guys like
I try complimenting clothing. I think that might have helped you here. Maybe wave and call out "Nice motorcycle gear 🙂" I'm really shy too though. Im constantly trying NOT to bother women, constantly concious of possibly being creepy, constantly trying not to read too much into anything, so it takes someone else being really direct, or me being able to build familiarity.
Hi Myra, I'm guessing this is not what you indeted to do with your video, but I'm about to get a motorbike and was wondering what kind I should get and you kinda made me settle on getting a sports bike. :D All the best to you!
4 месяца назад
Also wanted to tell you, you're not being dilusional. More probably than not, that guy was also interested in you, he was just as shy as you were. I'm pretty sure I was that guy in many situations myself. :)
idk if anyone else feels the same way but from my experience it seems like society makes it ok for guys to be shy, so much so that they even tell girls to not be so harsh because theyre trying the best they can. but its not ok for girls to be so shy and that we have to be "confident". i've been told by friends/family and even coworkers that at my age (26) i shouldnt be shy. so yeah idk but sometimes it feels like we're living in a time where men are becoming feminine and now us girls have to do the chasing sometimes
It is probably very unlikely that a relationship will develop from a random meeting. It's very unlikely that the two will spontaneously hit it off. Due to the low hit rate, this seems to be a frustrating way. Many more relationships are formed by working together, being in the same club, association, music group, sports group or attending the same course. In this way, you can examine and experience the personality of others without having to become active yourself. And only then, when you have gotten to know the personality a little and see that it could be a good fit, do you take the first step.
Hahaha I’m so lost… in terms of how girls would like us to approach them without being ‘creepy’….however it does make me feel less… alone knowing that *some* women also struggle approaching people of the opposite sex. I think we’re all equally screwed 😂 I don’t know. What do you think Myra?
I do go over a few differences in my other video. I think its called how to talk to a woman, without being creepy. It's hard to sum up. But just trying to make sure you're in tune with her and picking up on her cues. Prioritizing her comfortability. Not being pushy or expecting anything. Not talking to her as an object or opportunity but as a human.... I experience the difference with how some men talk to me vs others. I can always tell when a man sees me purely as a sexual or dating opportunity, vs being genuine, kind, treating me & seeing me as a human being
I would be happy to talk to you all you want about it. I'm interested in the subject and I feel for men who are genuinely good people and don't know how to act.
@@myrawest I feel part of the reason we are all so alone, is because we can't pick up cues. We have no clue whats being nice and whats a sign you're interested. I feel like dating is never gonna be able to happen for me without possibly being called a creep, because it does happen a lot easier these day tbh. I don't have experience being called a creep because I don't approach a woman EVER, to avoid it. That would probably be the main reason I don't talk to girls and get scared. Also don't wanna have a woman reject me and start recording and berating me, these are the things that go through my head, I don't know if its valid. Its just what I see happen to decent people on the internet and it terrifies me. FYI I am almost 24 and never had a relationship in my life.
@@myrawest I see, thanks for your reply Myra. These are very general ideas and basically what it’s mean to be a normal human being. It’s not hard to be just a nice human being. Attraction, now that’s something else. I can’t force anyone to feel a certain way about me. You’re right, it’s not an opportunity, you could do all of the ‘textbook perfect’ approaches and she could still see you as a bother. I guess it’s a case by case basis… like you said in your video. I don’t know. I don’t think you can *learn* this stuff from ‘dating coaches’ or RUclipsrs. You just gotta feel it out, everyone’s life is different. You just gotta go out into life, with your stats, your experience and test it out. Thanks again for sharing your experience :-) It does help, trust me. Even if none of your experience is applicable to me, it does make me feel human.
@@fyvefouroh I feel you brother. It’s a risk, like anything in life :-)) I hope that helps? I’ve never been called a ‘creep’, just got ignored in texts and in real life they were generally preoccupied with other things - I could tell they aren’t interested in a conversation. I don’t think anyone here can give you advice… just work with what you have cuz what works for *him* or *me* is probably not right for you. It’s all of our *first* shot at life. I’m just winging it brother 😂 Myra is also just living life on a whim. She’s also just winging it too brother 😂
What’s the difference between the Law of Attraction and Chaos Magick? Chaos Magick teaches that universal energy can be tapped into like a well, shaped by your intention, and directed through natural forces like breath and focused thought. On the other hand, the Law of Attraction follows the principle that abundance arrives in waves-when it rains, it pours, and then it recedes. However, an imperfect being manifesting through either approach risks bringing their own flaws into what they create, much like Faust warned. Without self-awareness, these imperfections will manifest in what they attract, presenting challenges they must confront.
Maybe, as a shy person, rather than practicing with men who you’re attracted to and make you nervous, maybe start practicing starting conversations with normal, everyday people? It might give you confidence so that initiating conversations feels more natural to you. Just a thought. I should probably take my own advice here, come to think of it.
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You don't know if you're 100% interested in someone until you've spoken to them & spent some time with them.
A 45% initial physical attraction may turn into an 85% after you discover he's kind & funny.
A 95% initial physical attraction may become a -50% when you realise he's a complete ego jerk.
Exactly!
In one of your shorts you recommended a nod and a smile, Myra. I tried it out and found out that most women smile back in a friendly way. And when even a friendly "high" or "hello" follows I'm very happy. Yesterday a nice girl in the midst of the forest even warned me that the path down into the valley was very wet and slippery and that I had to be careful not to fall. This was so sweet of her. It really saved my day. A few nice sentences from a girl can make a big difference for a man. So as you encouraged me, Myra, to be more sociable, I would like to encourage you, too. Much luck to you and have a nice week-end.
This video could be titled "Myra confuses everyone and herself for 19 minutes".
Yeah 😭 my brain was NOT firing today :/
Sadly, the mind of an Introvert (shy person) at play. I (an Introvert) want someone; I should approach them; I want to approach; I am concerned I will bother them if I approach them; do they want to be approached; why don't they approach me, I want them to approach; what if I do not want them to approach me; I think they are showing interest; what if I am reading it wrong; maybe they will notice if I stay near them; Oh, I need to do things near them anyways; do they notice I am doing things around them intentionally or because I have things to do; I cannot allow anyone clear signals of my interest; I do not want to be approached by someone who I am not sending clear signals to. The last two are the worst because they are justifiable reasons for others to be mad with us.
@@myrawest It was just the right content to get my brain going in the morning! Keep rollerblading and speak your mind! Love it!
Shes gorgeous, but DEFINITELY crazy. Avoid this woman (and any like her) at all costs. lol
No joke, I think Myra might be the most wholesome, sincere girl on RUclips.
It’s refreshing, so transparent and real!
Agreed. She has a great head on her shoulders and I think she will make some guy very happy one day
She is!!
Yep.
I like her! ♡ And like to like her! ☆
The clothes don’t make man. Without having a conversation, you will never know if a guy is worth your time.
And don’t put the cart before the horse. Saying hello and chatting with a person doesn’t mean you are going to marry them or even go on a date. What if he has horrible breath or you can’t stand their voice?
It’s very easy for us shy dreamer types to create a fantasy in our head about a person that we come across. In the end, unless we talk to the person, our fantasies are figments of our imagination.
I wish you the best of luck in breaking out, being courageous, and saying “Hi. My name is Myra. How are you?” to the next guy that you see that attracts you. And if goes somewhere, great! And if doesn’t, talking to the next guy will be that much easier.
I respect the fact that you don't waste anyone's time if you're not genuinely interested. It's good that you don't mess with your own and the candidate's feeling. However, if you start a conversation with someone it doesn't mean you should marry that person. Sometimes, you might realize that's a guy you definitely want to avoid or the opposite, he's more interesting than he seems. So, a conversation is just a conversation not a vow, not a promise.
I really really like this. Thank you 🙏
@@myrawest My pleasure!
I’m shy and awkward to. I want to ask that we all be more kind to ourselves. At least you were outside, rollerblading , you tried to get his attention. You were out there . That’s a positive example for all of us
I love this. I agree 100%.
I am hard on myself but I genuinely don't think there is anything wrong with shyness or awkwardness, and I actually like it in other people.
@@myrawestI told my cousin to go to places or activities that are herself that she likes and smile and smile.
@@myrawest That's great. But also one should embrace his Shadow. But that's a topic that is too big to be tackled here. Just read about Jungian Shadow concept. The only Any blog or site dedicated to Carl Gustav Jung will speal some beans about it. And by any chance, read everything he wrote. He was a genius. But people with lower insight called him a mystic.
As a guy, I think its highly possible this guy had NO clue what was going on in your head and probably had his own thoughts about things that had nothing to do with you.
Yes that's absolutely possible, I say that several times in the video that I don't know.
@@myrawest Also you do not have to continue to be shy. Pretend you already know everyone you encounter, talk to them the way you would any casual acquaintance. Your subconscious will tell you what to say, instead of rejecting what your subconscious gives you, embrace it and just speak it, or do it. You do not have to approach anyone, just talk when a person happens to be near you.
@myrawest I heard a girl saying that men don't approach women anymore because of the possible consequences, I know that's not all men, but just saying. Maybe he was expecting a good opportunity and a clear signal. As a guy, I must say we get mixed signals a lot, I've been there so many times and I don't believe the girls weren't aware they were being playful before they started to play hard to get or started to act very different. As guys, we're also afraid, at least I know I am, I'm afraid I might make a girl uncomfortable or being too optimistic.
@@lfabio.n I was talking to a girl last year who told me this once, “I have a boyfriend, but I don’t have a boyfriend. Do you know what I mean?” Women often make no sense. Do not worry about making someone uncomfortable as this discomfort may well have nothing to do with you or your actions, only their own uncertainty.
@@Val-uj3nr That's tough, if she was serious it's like she was saying that so you wouldn't try anything, but it could be so many things, like maybe she did really had a boyfriend but was feeling like ending the relationship because she didn't see a future, and it could be that she wanted to see your reaction. I started dating this girl a couple years ago, she wouldn't answer my calls and messages if I was the one initiating the conversation, but she would contact me later and not mentioning anything. I think she was testing me, to see how I would act on anger, but I just lost all interest I had.
You’re not stupid. You’re human. You were caught off guard when the universe gave you what you wanted.
🥲😭 thank you so much. This feels like a hug
So hard for shy girls. Can't imagine how hard it is for shy guys considering they are usually the ones expected to be forward in this kind of situation.
I really don't feel like we need to compare. Shy girls and shy boys are often alone... spend most of their lives alone. Both too afraid to put themselves out their.
Idk I want to be unified with shy guys as well. We're going through the same thing. Loneliness
It's pretty much hell for me...
@@myrawest I agree. I wasn't trying to invalidate anyone. I was just trying to bring up a thought I had while watching this
I like my own company, I didn't want to think myself as a coward so if I think I must do something I try to be as clear as possible I'm interested.
The good thing is that I have no regrets in this area.
As a fellow shy/awkward girl I can totally understand how you feel....but I am not as brave as you because at least you kinda hinted that you were interested in him. As for me if I see someone I like I DON'T GET CLOSE TO THEM, I LEGIT WANT TO GET AWAY FROM THEM AS FAR AS I CAN LOL !!it's mostly because I am that interesting as a person and I'm autistic and INFP and very much ugly so I don't want to waste someone's time with a person like me
Big respect Myra! you gave him a little smile, and that takes confidence. With this attitude, you'll meet someone special in no time.
Being a 22yr old guy who is also on the shy side i just wanna say we don't like making the 1st move anymore because women complain about it nowadays. But if you give us a sincere look for a couple seconds we'll know its ok to talk to yall. Or tell us "what up bro!"...works every time
If everyone was this reflective, there would be no problem in the dating world. You're such a beautiful soul.
It’s a problem of negative externalities, same as the global warming problem. It benefits the individual to be selfish and not reflective, and the consequences of that are borne by others. So, mostly, it pays for the individual to be not reflective.
You have a lot of emotional work to do before you can get in a long lasting commitment. Focus on that inner work and it will happen.
The same reason you didn’t approach him is the same reason he didn’t approach you, fear of being rejected.
This 100%
A lot of times the people that you are not initially attracted to are the ones who are a better fit. Anytime I've dated based on looks it usually doesn't work out well. Being able to laugh together and have a good conversation really is the first real measure of something that has potential.
Man, I've lost count of the amount of women that I missed out on speaking to due to trauma and isolating myself for the last 9 and a half years
😢
😔🙏😔
Me as well. I completely abandoned the idea of dating years ago.
@@mediocreman2 I couldn't have put it in a better way. Well said. Just focus on your daily, lonely, boring life. Hey at least you have your peace and sanity. I don't have anymore need for a relationship. At 36 years old, I've been single my whole life; and prefer it to be that way. Love only exists in fairytale books. Nobody would ever love me. I have nothing to offer a snotnosed feminist.
They are always in relationships/married anyway,so you havent lost out
I am really glad that I found you from your first video about loneliness, and now see you trying to reach out and connect (in your way). I appreciate your self-awareness, and Knowing there is no way to sound sane while explaining this, but your behavior actually sounds pretty normal. Hopefully people recognize this awkwardness exists on the guy's side also.
I honestly think you're doing fine because you don't sound entitled to a response. You recognize that if they notice your tiny quiet signs, they do, and if they don't they don't. I think you also recognize that even if a guy notices your signs doesn't mean every guy you like must like you back.
It's also great that you were mindful about not just using another person for practice. So many people suggest you should practice socializing, and you should, but if you refuse to have friends of the opposite gender, you shouldn't be approaching them without being fully interested. I really respect that. I personally think people should be more open to friends of the opposite gender but I understand I can't make people think that way and most humans insist the other gender is only good for sexual relationships unfortunately. Good luck on your journey of courage and companionship. 🥰
the thing I would suggest is you have to do your part of the promise (ie, the universe answered and you made the promise--that's my word for it--to talk to man that is manifested) if you want the cycle to keep happening, got to keep your part of the bargain.
Having seen your videos for a while now, you don't at all appear to be shy and awkward whatsoever Myra. You make amazing videos, give great advice on so many things, speak so nicely and are a great person. Hope you are having a great weekend 🙂.
That's typical for us shy people (with a bit of life experience) ... We can learn to mask, adapt, pass for "normal", maybe even outgoing or funny / frivolous - as long as we feel secure with people we are either good friends with or have NO stakes in whatsoever. Once our interest goes beyond a certain bar, we feel as helpless as a rabbit caught in the brightest headlights. 😔
Great to see you again, Myra... I hope you're OK 😊
I was a shy kid until my late 30s when I realized this whole shyness was holding me back from who I truly wanted to be and I started to voice my concerns about all the little bothersome things that people did to me, and I gradually shifted into being an outspoken vocal lady. I no longer people please or let others walk all over me and it has been the best experience so far. It shows my strong character. ☺️ Some people think I'm rude, but I don't care.
Women smile at me often when I'm out in public. I rarely think that it's because they have romantic interest. I just think: Wow, she's polite and courteous (and it lets me see their inner beauty). But It is only after several glances that I get the hint. So I think that you did the right thing. If this happens again to you and the guy fits what you really want, approach with normal conversation (so that you don't get nervous). Example: "Hey are you into motorcycles? I like them from afar, I'm a little scared but they seem fun/exciting". Because this is a hobby or passion of his, you'll get a smile and tons of conversation. Now, this was enough for him to say: "If you're interested I can show you or take you for a ride sometime". This means you are in, slam dunk, homerun, touch down. The rest will be easy. BUT Maybe he is also a little shy and doesn't make a move (but now you like him even more having spoken to him). So you ask straight out: "Do you have a girlfriend?" (There's nothing wrong with this question). But it lets him know that you are definitely interested. If he say yes, you say oh that's too bad and go on your merry way. If he says no, you can proceed to 1)flirt or ask for number, suggest a date or say you wouldn't mind befriending a motorcycle guy. What you say at this point almost doesn't matter, if he finds you attractive. If after you made it obvious he doesn't show interest then the reasons can be many and they probably have nothing to do with you. Even good looking guys get rejected by women like 90% of the time. I would dare say that if women did the approaching, they would only get rejected about 10% of the time (and this is only because the guy might be in a relationship or genuinely doesn't like women). The 10% figure applies to a pretty girl like you. Of course, if the woman approaching was older, obese and didn't shower for example then her rejection rate would be comparable to that of a man. Abysmal 😂
I just watched some of your video on how we treat ex's. Incredible wisdom. I want to shout to the sky. It's popular now to blame the ex, call them a narcissist and go no contact. Yes, in truly extreme cases but most of us experience normal, difficult stuff. I can't just turn deep feelings off like that. Thanks for being one of the few women that has some decency and individuality!!!!!!!!! Backbone.
I would think that most guys would love it if such a pretty woman approached and asked them out. :)
Sure, even if it were just to pass some time eating ice cream together, or going for a walk and even if nothing else came off it. It doesn't matter even if you find out you don't really vibe with each other after all. Just being shown some initial interest is nice and can make my day.
I really don't think you need to be anywhere close to 100% interested to start a conversation with a stranger without feeling bad about it. I have made it a "habit" (and by that I mean I'm often thinking about doing it and actually did it like 5 times 😅) to just take random cues for short conversations with strangers that will most likely lead nowhere. For example I once overheard a conversation between two girls at a tram stop that started with the usual "Oh hey, how have you been?", but turned into a really honest and open conversation about their recent hardships and losses. At first I thought about maybe stepping a few feet away to not eavesdrop on them, but I ended up just staying put and keeping listening to them. One of the girls left the tram at the same station as me and shortly before we reached to escalator I stepped up to her, excused in advance for the potential creepiness and told her I was pleasantly surprised by and enjoyed listening to their genuine conversation earlier. She affirmed they're always this open with each other and thanked me for the roundabout compliment. Then we wished each other a nice day and went off.
Another time I was shopping study supplies alone and heard an old lady and an old man talking about this and that and eventually, spinach and ways of preparing it came up in their conversation. I had heard before that you shouldn't cook up spinach twice because it releases carcinogenic substances. I took the opportunity to confirm that theory with the two oldies and they were happy to do so with some extra information on top.
There were a few other times I initiated something similar. Absolutely nothing has come of it, but the people I spoke to seemed happy about my random intrusions every time and I left the conversations a little more practiced and solidified in the belief that talking to strangers isn't actually the monster it seems to be in your head. So maybe, you don't need to feel so apprehensive about "using" strangers for practice; chances are, they actually enjoy it too and maybe even feel strengthened/ reinforced by it :)
Ahhh, we have all missed hundreds of possible connections where there was a *moment* of mutual attraction but for hundreds of different reasons it simply slipped away. Totally normal stuff. I found that while in my 20s, if I simply went about my day not specifically looking, an opportunity would present itself. Because I was not looking I was totally relaxed and confident in my own skin I could interact easily and make a great connection. When actively looking there was a lot of expectation, self awareness and self doubt, and awkward conversation often followed. I transformed into Garth from Wayne's World.
Stay out there, just be the real you and the right guy will find you. You will know.
Cheers!
I love that you shared this story it shows your vulnerability and willingness to grow. Number one thing I would like to say about what you said about not being 100% sure you're interested. Remember most of our interest does not come from looks for immediate perception but it comes from a deep connection which can only be determined after actually spending time with them. To be fair to yourself you need to give anyone you think you could be attracted to at least a small opportunity without writing them off so soon
Hi Myra,
At least you acknowledged the unexpected error and most of us are glad you spoke about this (I am also shy but I’m also very determined to get used to talking to people). Maybe try to take deep breath’s and see how it goes when (safely) interacting with another man.
Hope to hear from you soon and keep on smiling with stride 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Instead of calling it a ‘missed’ connection, call it a _brief_ connection and just appreciate it for what it is. I love those brief little flirty connections that last all of 30 seconds or whatever. Just appreciate the little spark in that moment without needing it to be more.
Also, a simple ice breaker is to just give a genuine compliment. Like in that specific instance you could’ve complimented his clothes & bike. Although if he’s a bike guy, you’ll prob never get him to shut up again if you ask about it 😂
But anyhow good luck and just enjoy those little moments!
Fuck I literally didn't even think of that. Of giving a quick compliment. I would have wanted to say I liked his bike gear/it looks cool, but maybe that sounds weird :/
I love this comment. Yeah, these little connections always feel so magical and ALIVE
@@myrawest Haha personally I love both giving and getting random compliments/appreciation. Also fun to try it out on everyone, whenever the inspiration strikes, not just on guys/someone you’re interested in.
I do give compliments. To women haha.
@@myrawestIt wouldn't have sounded weird at all. I think everyone likes a compliment like that. I am trying to do that more often. I have never received an unfriendly or awkward response. The "worst" was being ignored (or not noticed?) when I did it casually while passing quickly. (I am a very shy guy and badly need some practice... I could totally relate to your experience, by the way.) Most of the time, however, people - regardless of gender - were happy being given an unexpected compliment by a stranger. Design of clothes or other possessions, a compliment on your sense of style, is a casual topic that doesn't raise expectations or suspicion in most people. And who doesn't like affirmation of their sense of style or hobbies/interests? It brightens up MY day getting such a compliment for sure - whether I find the person attractive or not. My response will always be a smile. I might smile or grin more openly/obviously when I find the person attractive. Unfortunately, I am not likely to give any better clues of being open to a hypithetical conversation... I totally suck at showing interest by approaching someone more openly. A bright smile or a bit of a grin is all I am able to muster, but I am not sure women will understand that this equals wanting to be approached or for a bit more of small talk or even a conversation to follow. I guess almost any will expect the man to take the lead. I feel pretty much doomed to stay alone, especially at an age where most have already found their significant other(s).
Listen ma'am you wont get what you want if you dont go after it. That goes for everything. Good luck.
Yes that's literally the point of my entire channel. It's all about growth, leaving your comfort zone, facing fears
@@myrawest 🙌
Everything you are saying makes absolute perfect sense, at least to me. Don't take it the wrong way, it does sound like being a hopeless romantic is a bit delusional ESPECIALLY if you are a shy person, but despite that fact, what you are saying makes sense, in a weird way. IF the guy was really the "one" for you, he WOULD have approached you, DESPITE what your outer appearance might have said (within reason, of course).
Hey Myra, I don't watch your videos often, but the one's I've watched have been extremely helpful in understanding my GF. Sometimes she confuses me, but hearing the inner dialogue of a woman helps me understand how to approach her. You seem like a normal nice shy girl like my GF. Don't be so hard on yourself for not approaching men. Its not very common for any girls to approach men in my experience. I honestly find a shy girl more attractive than a forward girl. It seems you did everything right in your encounter. I would've picked up on your Queues. But I'm quite a bit older too. Keep in mind that you're a pretty girl and it might just be that some men are afraid of rejection. Cold approach takes courage and it takes practice on the part of men.
“I offer zero advice”😂
Love that honesty. Very refreshing, and especially here on RUclips where everyone wants to pitch / sell you their "invaluable" coaching / ideology / investment plan / online course / other bullshit. 😅
If he’s attractive physically (to the woman) then it’s ok for him to follow her
He was literally walking to his bike and was like 35 feet behind at a public park. No part of it felt sinister in any way.
If it was in an alleyway or no other people were around, or at night it could have been a different story
You are 100% correct, But that's okay. Just the way it is. Its a women's prerogative to choose who she feels comfortable with. We are not entitled to their time, attention, affection just because they give it to another man. Once you accept that and act accordingly you'll be happier and have more success with women.
Why? That's creepy as hell.
Yup, women break rules for men they're attracted to
It’s important to be objective: each man you meet is a total stranger, the information and experiences necessary to know if he’s worth marrying is not something you have access to yet and you never will that early on, you’re giving yourself false expectations on what you should be capable of extrapolating from a man you’ve just met if you think you can know if he’s “the one” before you’ve even said hello.
Dating is about exploring and looking for a greater romantic potential in another person, which begins with finding out who they are and what they’re like as an individual. It’s also why several instances of just “going on a date” precedes ever calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
The latter is only step one of a committed relationship, just going on a date is not a commitment to anything other than exploring a mutual curiosity in the potential to be someone you want to make that first stage of commitment with. Setting up a first date with someone is basically an admission of “I don’t know you, but I would like the chance to”.
You’re not obligated to continue seeing them if the person they reveal themselves to be just isn’t what you’re looking for in a romantic partner, you didn’t “use” them by going on a date, you aren’t seer who could know ahead of time if you were compatible or not. You can end things amicably by saying you just didn’t feel the connection you were looking for with him but thanking them for their time and wishing them the best.
In general, ghosting should only be used if a man was rude, tried to push past your boundaries (especially regarding sex), and/or made you feel unsafe. Otherwise, even something as simple as a courtesy text afterwards to make it clear you’re not interested in continuing things will give him the information necessary to move on without any hurt or confusion. Be rigid with your boundaries, do not go on pity dates even if he’s upset and begs for the opportunity. Pity second dates waste both peoples, nothing good will come of it.
Also, regarding the failure to talk to the motorbike guy, you missed multiple opportunities for non-committal engagements, as even just intentional direct eye contact and a smile as you walked past would’ve been enough to give him the cue to speak to you.
The second time you walked past was definitely a big missed opportunity to jokingly say “hello again” as it would give him the chance to decide if he’ll just acknowledge it as a shared moment of awkwardness with a stranger or a chance to start a conversation with you.
Obviously, a more bold comment you could’ve made was just a compliment about his jacket, even something as generic as “cool jacket” would’ve worked. Again, it’s something small that if he wasn’t interested he could politely acknowledge and go about his business, but if he was interested, he could easily use it to start a conversation. Either way, it’s still a safe/low risk way to indicate interest in someone without having to immediately commit to a full on introduction.
I’d say you definitely blew it at the end tho 😅 running off right when he finally had the nerve to attempt to talk to you!
While I understand how much shy women wish men could bridge the gap with extra confidence, it’s important to recognise whenever you’ve personally self sabotaged a potential date and to learn from the experience to not make the same mistakes.
The above advice applies for guys too, you rollerblading could’ve been an easy conversation opener. I’d say the best advice for the guys watching this video in regards to avoiding accidental creepiness is to stick with the non-committal approach, make it so whatever you say is something she can choose to engage with or not, if she’s interested, she’ll use that one comment to reply in a way that incites more interaction, but if she’s very abrupt and only says thanks to a compliment or awkwardly feigns a smile, she’s definitely signalling she doesn’t want to engage. If the latter happens but you feel it’s way too awkward to not say anything before walking off, just say “have a nice day” and head on your way, that’s more than enough to exit out of a failed attempt to speak to a total stranger in public.
You made perfect sense, I understood exactly what you were saying.
Thank you for given us an inside view on shy girls mind. This might be helpful for some of us one day.❤
You asked for advise:
feel free to train your skills on men. Let them be at least 40% attractive for you.
Every catch you park into your friendzone if it shows that he is not "the one".
I myself am friend with a cute girl. She is my best friend because she is funny and smart. I know that a lot of guys dont think that this could be possible. Well it is. But to be honest, i also think those connections are very very rare, especialy at the younger ages. But it is worth trying to find that girl if you are not so much into this marriage dogma and prefer a more carefree lifestyle🎉
Anyway, nice video again. And dont let those negative comments drag you down. There always will be guys who dont get your point or who are too full of hatred to agree with your thoughts.
Youre a freaking unicorn of woman just wanted to say that. Like look at you. Hear yourself. You're obviously emotionally mature and easy on the eyes. You'll find someone without having to do anything I promise you..
Myra, hard to see how any guy you're interested in could be a 100% surefire candidate for boyfriend/husband material if you don't approach him. Here's how guys in general see this:
Extroverts and also creepy guys (not that those two things are the same) will find an excuse to approach her. Weirdoes will only succeed in coming off as weird.
Introverts and also those inclined to give a girl space (not that those two things are the same either) because they don't want to be that leery creep she talked about with her friends when she met up with them for coffee later that day, will hang back and leave her alone. They may look for social cues like if she's rollerblading, to smile and comment how they always wanted to take that up as a hobby or if she's got a book, to ask what she's reading but that scenario is on uncertain ground because they also don't want to be that weird guy who sits 10 yds away from the girl in an empty field or that other guy who sits 50 yds away and yells across the field about the book she's reading. So what they want is to bump into her and in that moment, talk about the rollerblading or the book and then, depending on her response, either move on together in conversation or keep walking as she walks in the opposite direction. That way, they're not invading her space and no-one is left feeling awkward or threatened.
As an introvert, I find that the problem is that sometimes, making eye contact and "accidentally" bumping into a woman several times can also seem stalkerish (new word!) so I end up feeling and looking weird. So now, because I don't want to be that guy, I don't try at all, which probably makes me appear remote and unapproachable.
What a difference a Hey! makes.
Right at the end you hit on the things that go through my mind. Yes, most people date someone just to be in a relationship. I have never understood that... and so I don't date much. I always measure a possible connection by, if I can be replaced by anybody. If the answer is yes then they're not interested in me... they just want anyone.
So very true.
Oh the romance! Enjoy the sparks. And you did flirt so it was not a fail in my eyes! You go girl! Get your guy or guys 😳 😎😎 hehe
Hey Myra,
Sorry your boyfriend didn't work-out (or you would not be posting). Let me make this easy for you; men are shy/ thoughtful too, we do not wish to be perceived as too aggressive. So when you see a guy you like, when you walk by, smile and WINK. It's that simple, then he'll know it's OK to say hi to you.
You're a doll, I hope you find that right guy!
LUV 😊
Personally I'd be wierded out by a wink. Just saying so to say we're all different. I'd prefer a wave to a wink.
@@StillOnTrackI respect that.
I sort of assume that you are a girl?
I honestly don't know of any guy that was weirded out by a pretty girl winking at him?
Guys and girls have different perceptions.
@@davidsimpson7513 no, I'm a guy, I just think winking is a bit much, it feels unnatural to me personally, wheras things like smiling and waving seem more natural. Again maybe this is just me, and just saying we're all different as far as how we view things. Maybe it's totally natural for you.
@@StillOnTrack Hey my friend, I agree, I do not wink at girls. It says I think you're cute, too flirty for a guy. What we're trying to help Tyra with is a low-key way of saying "it's OK to say hi to me." Hand gestures have many meanings. A wink from a girl means she has no boyfriend, and would welcome a hello.
wholesome, sincere girl thank you for sharing
im a shy girl and i confirm everything you say :)
Aww I love to hear that!
He probably lives in the area -- it will be easier the next time you see each other -- guys can be shy too. You could try to view all general strangers as just "people" -- you are putting too much pressure on your self with premature romantic sensations. Practice being the pleasant sweet person you are -- a lady with curious interests -- and practice small tiny talk. Try to get comfortable approaching strange woman with "small talk" -- master viewing them as "just people" passing nearby in the Stream of Life -- then it will be practical to apply that experience to chances with guys. Just like: "hey that's a nice sports bike" when passing near. Or classics about weather: "it's kinda cloudy today, isn't it?" Try to imagine the most tiny small talk you can muster -- like you could with another gal sitting nearby on a bench or outside a café -- and initially focus on the Humanity of the Person -- not their gender. Gender-focus too early seems to rock down your self-confidence -- & that's natural for a shy girl. But trying to be a friendly casual happy lucky sweet person to a stranger isn't too scary. Love you! ♡♡
Hey, great advice! I am a shy man who could SOOO relate to Myra in the situation she described. I might try out your advice, gender-swapped. (Maybe the two of them DID have a moment, but both of them too shy and unsure about whether they had REALLY been given cues. Who knows?)
@@elevenseven-yq4vu Excellent! If one practices just small-talk meeting "people" strangers casually, then that skill will be more comfortable when connecting with a neat "gender"!
I disagree with this statement but society seems to oblige it: the difference between flirty and creepy is how attractive one is. 🤷🏼♂️
I would say something similar, if there is mutual interest and attraction, it's not creepy. I don't care if people find that frustrating. I have a crush right now on someone who works at petco and even though I want to go and see him/talk to him, I won't "stalk" him at work because I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable and have no idea if there is mutual interest.
I think anyone can be perceived as creepy, even if they are generally good looking
A minute later instantaneous followed by 3 or 4 minutes later is wild. 😂
You say you want the practice but I'm sure many men would like to practice aswell. As long as you make it clear from the start that you likely arent looking for anything serious, I'm sure they'll appreciate it
I'm always scared if I say I'm not looking for anything serious they will interpret that to mean casual sex
@@myrawest You dont gotta be so forward but give off a vibe that you want to be purely friends and be comfortable with any sexual tension that might arise, move past it and talk person to person
social cues are soooo tricky, both reading them and giving them! 😭
Yes. Absolutely. I actually never knew until about two years ago that if a woman smiled that would invite a man to come over. I had no idea. No one ever told me that.
Thank you for sharing.
If I ever get approached by an attractive girl, my first reaction "this must be a joke and somewhere is the camera, so she could make her stupid social media post". Just can't comprehend that this could be a genuine initial interest to me.
Also me, don't approach the girl I'm interested, coz I just don't want to bother a person. So I just look and smile like a complete lunatic.
Turn off your brain and put yourself in a situation you can't back out of. Go up to him and ask him for (insert any reason) and initiate a conversation from there. By doing this many times, you'll become better at talking to random people. However, the fear of walking up to a random person will never go away. But, if you are good at it, your fear of walking up to strangers won't have a strong grasp on you since you know you'll have the skill required to move the conversation in whichever way you wish. Just my thoughts on it.
I love this. I really do. It's a good idea. However when I am scared, my brain literally shuts off/freezes and I can be completely unable to talk, or worst I mess up my words/mix them up
@@myrawest I came back to say that during my bike ride today around 21:00, I saw this beautiful girl who was trying to get my attention by biking next to me. So I followed her on the bike path for a little while (acting as if I wasn't following her). There were a bunch of people around, and I tried impressing her by going super fast on my bike. We kept looking at each other, but neither of us removed our headphones to talk. During the ride, she took a left turn to exit the bike path onto a random street. We looked at each other again as I stayed on the bike path, leaving her behind without saying a single word, even though I had plenty of chances to do so (during red lights, we stood next to each other waiting). Well, it's funny how I said all these things to you, yet I couldn't hold myself to the same standard. I am planning on casually biking more often in the area where I saw her, and next time I'll grow some balls and tell her, "Hey, you have a nice bike," and go from there.
TL;DR: I literally made the same mistake you did after posting my previous comment.
I don't think any of this was stupid. I think this is a great description of how women communicate to men that they are interested and it is ok/you would like for a man to approach you. Even women that aren't shy do the exact same thing just a more extraverted blunt woman will make it more obvious, like to a point you are an absolute idiot if you don't know she wants you to talk to her. Women want to be approached, it is masculine and shows confidence. Unfortunately, society/culture has put the population in this position. Thank feminism.
I feel for you, social cues are stupid tough and always someone says your wrong
I think I had the same think happend to me today, about someone showing intrest but then just not
I was walking on the city streets and had to cross a bridge, I'm naturally scared on the inside so I always scan my surroundings on how much I have to have my guard up. There was a 30'ish lady walking her dog and we locked eyes for a second or 3. She stopped walking and started playing with her hair, when I approached her dog was trying to rush to me. And when I walked passed she stared walking again.
I don't know what that was all about, maybe I'm reading to much into it, maybe she had just something in her hair
But today was a bad day, the enter week's been ups and big downs, couldn't talk even if I wanted too
Earlier this week this week I told myself I have to approach girls more, so I asked my neighbor (whom I don't know) if she want's to watch a movie of go walking or something. I think I accidently woke her up, even tough it was close to noon😅 She didn't say no and told her name, I'l ask tomorrow is she's thought about it, later in the day...... She was a bit annoyed and drowsy but not scared or intimidated, so that's a good signf????
May I offer some advice? If you like him enough and he's not a 100%yes guy, you can become friends with him and """use""" him for practice. There are a lot of quotation marks because if he enjoys a friendship with you that is not using him. That is what good friends do. I had girl-friends with whom I'd go out for coffee, lunch or dinner, that is just spending quality time together. The werd thing here is that only couples are supposed to do that
You’ve just vocalized what I’ve been internalizing forever, only I’m a guy :)
It really happens that I might see some cute girl I kinda like at least from the first glance, but then my brain just shuts down if I start to realize I need to talk to her, make a first move so to speak.
It’s a curse for sure.
I know it will sound dumb, but I remember when I was like 16 or so, I had this neighbor who was a bit into this whole “pick up” shenanigans, and we’d challenge and encourage each other to simply walk to random girls we liked on the street, say hi, say we like her or she looks cute, and ask for their number.
Gotta say that dumb “machismo” “I dare you” exercise worked stupidly well.
After like 10-15 rejections you don’t care that much anymore and it starts to feel like a game, not like a “life or death” type of a situation.
Now, since there’s nobody around like that anymore the next best solution is being just a little bit tipsy :) simply to get enough courage, but that ain’t for everyone
I live by the rule of not having regrets, if I think I must be clear I'm interested, I'll do it.
I’ve been through this number of times… but i just can’t start talk to any woman again. Somebody inside me is trying to protect me i suppose. I’m just have no any resistance to woman’s tricks and manipulations. Last time i almost became a homeless desperate broke man. There is no second chance to survive to me. Some sort of people created to be single and being perfectly fine with that. I accepted that.
Practice with everyone you meet. Friendlyness is a virtue.
Maybe just try and scale your relationships by stage 1) saying hi and asking them the time or some thing else relavent, stage 2) get on a first name friendly basis, stage 3) find a reason to exchange number (or no reason) stage 4) see if he calls or find something you would like to do and ring him and mention casually you have this thing to go to and would he like to go? stage 5) see if you get any positive signs he might want a second date. If at any stage you don't think he is the right guy, be totally straight but sensitive and let him know you are sorry but he is not the right guy. You don't have to get into a position where you are alone together until you feel comfortable. Despite popular opinion most men are not dangerous, only awkward like you. Good luck finding someone soon. This is 🙉 for everybody hoping you will sort out the right guy soon.❤️
I think having 100 percent interest in someone has to take time. The thing about approaching a stranger is that we know nothing about this person, we don't even know if they're single. It's a bit of a shot in the dark. Like yourself I have found it tough to approach women but it's something I would like to get better at. I think it would be easier if it's a woman that I have seen around an area on somewhat of a regular basis. I have started to think about taking a photography or yoga class, where I may have a chance to get to know someone by seeing her often. Passing a woman on a trail is and trying to show interest is a high pressure situation and doesn't leave a lot of time to make that exchange. Hi there! Fine day we have here, and she's gone, off jogging in the park again. So remember to be kind to yourself, approaching someone or someone approaching you is not easy but perhaps going back to these locations where you caught someones eye, maybe you will see them again. I try to take the pressure off myself by just pushing myself to smile and say hi. It's baby steps for me.
if you would know how many times woman blame man for approaching them but if you dont approach is also problem 🙃
That's all based on how you look..... unfortunately. It's rarely a problem if your handsome.
@@TechHarmonicTrust me, even then it's a problem.
I think the difference mostly lies in having some discernment/being able to pick up on cues/awarwness/respect..... like if any man approaches me respectfully I am never ever mean to him or even unhappy he approached. Actually several times I've been complemented by a mans interest even if I'm not. There's actually another one of my videos where I share my experience with that.... a man respectfully approaching me, and how he was skilled at picking up my cues.
Also, in case you didn't make it through all my blabbering, I'm basically saying that both he and I (I reapeat: Iiiiiiii) could have approached each other. It was equally me who dropped the ball.
Here's the thing, all I'm saying is, if a man WANTS to approach a girl, and he's reletively sure she's interested in him because she's giving off cues, then by all means feel free to approach in a respectful manner, not being pushy or with expectation, and also makings sure to prioritize her feeling safe and comfortable (remembering that she will most likely initially be wondering if you're a scary/dangerous/or creepy man.... because women exeperienece a lot of those.)
Anyway best of luck
@@TechHarmonic this is based on experience and conversations i heard from woman i mean obviously not everybody Brad Pitt especially nowadays woman are brainwashed and they looking for the perfect man
@@myrawest thanks , i like your videos :D
Myra - just looking doesn't mean much. People can look at each other for a multitude of reasons.
I wouldn't ask for an abundance of men, just for the right one. Avoid getting into anything toxic that way.
I've been single for four years waiting for the right woman. There's been a lot I've found attractive but when talking they usually open with some dishonesty, gaslight (huge turn off) or flat out call themselves toxic.
I don't approach anyone. I figure the right woman will recognize me and initiate, maybe I'm just old fashioned but that's the guidance my spirit guides gave me.
Good luck kid, keep rockin.
You're just misunderstanding what I mean by "abundance." It's not that I'm looking for several men. It's about not having a scarcity mindset about men and not immediately attaching myself to someone and trying to make it work despite all the red flags. It's about meeting people and gaining experience in what is out there. It's about knowing that if something doesn't work out with someone there are other good men out there.
It's hard to know where I'm coming from without knowing me....
But yes, I've always wanted to meet that one special man
@@myrawest I understand you mean. What I mean is more among the translation of words to the divine as to avoid a form of "monkey paw" scenario if you catch my meaning. 😆
Like if I ask for women, the divine then sends a bunch of toxic ones that remind me why I'm waiting on the right one.
Hope it all goes well for you.
Keep rockin lady.
Sometimes an oblique comment about a friend who has a bike like that or where did he get gear like that (it may pertain to your skating gear?) or mentioning the weather can start a conversation, upping or lowering your interest level. From an initial say 25% this gets you to a 35-40% knowing-him level. Putting your hand out and saying your name would be more overt, upping to 55%. 🎉
These are great ideas. I honestly just had no idea what to say. Now I wish I would have said something
Hi, Myra and Happy Friday!😊😊😊😊😊😎☀💙💙💙💙💙💙🌷💖💖💖💖💖💖🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇👍. I was a shy teenager once at my high school in 2006. I was expendable while I'm alone. That means someone invites me to a party or at the prom, and my best friend didn't show up. That's what "Expendable" means to me.😢
Well I'm sure the right situation will work out if it's that guy or another one. My daughter just turned 28 and she's had a mysterious illness for the past 7 years that's kept her bedridden. She's so scared that she blew it and won't find anyone to marry her now. I tell her the same thing. Whatever is meant to be will work out 😊.
I would also like to hear your perspective on introverted or shy/ nervous men and if you have any advice for them
Привет из России! 👋
Мне родители говорят что любовь может прийти спустя какое-то время знакомства и узнавания человека, но мне ближе чувства Миры. Тоже считаю что только если есть полный интерес к человеку, из-за того что очень нравится как он себя ведёт (показывает его воспитанность), выглядит (чувство красоты, дисциплинированность), общается с другими (уважение к равным, почитание старших, не общается с подлыми и нечестными) - только тогда влюбляешься в него и надо идти начинать общение и быть искренним. А когда этого нет, моё мнение не нужно себя и других обманывать и "насильно" заводить и строить отношения.
С уважением и пожеланием ментального и физического здоровья тебе и твоим родным! Всего тебе самого доброго! 🎊
Awww I really appreciate this and I agree. I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from
the ONLY time I dated someone I ended up not being as interested in as I thought was in high school - after a short couple days I wrote him a note telling him I just wasn't feeling it the same way he was & that I wanted to be fair to him & back out. It hurt our friendship for sure but he wasn't mad.
Thanks for sharing.
I'm so afraid of that and I'm not sure why. I feel like if I express interest I cannot back out, or else it's like I'm going back on my word or something. But I understand that that's kind of a normal part of dating
YT keeps removing my comment.
There was a girl at my Uni who I didn’t know. She found my number via my classmate, I think either she called me or approached me before lectures and introduced herself, can’t remember if that classmate told me she’s interested in me even before she approached or not.
But, till this day I remember that moment that happened like 10+ years ago, and how it was very flattering.
We dated for maybe 3-4 months, she was a very nice and lovely girl, just there were a few extenuating circumstances on my side, I was too f up in my head about nit-picky details and so eventually I kinda stopped that whole thing.
I think I didn’t like her appearance 100%, even though she was definitely pretty, but I was too shallow and superficial and had this idea I’d only date 175cm+ thin girls since I still have time to find someone like that.
Now that I’m looking back… it was a very much not a smart decision, to say the least, cause she was cute, pretty face and all, and was very nice to me…
Oh, well…
Wow, you only want tall girls, that's tough.
Here's the problem today, and it's not yours or his... A lot of men are conditioned from the time they are boys that if they approach, they get yelled at and ridiculed (most of the time). On the other hand if she approaches, she ends up being a psychopath (most of the time). I'm not saying either case is you, I'm just saying this is likey to be the highest probability of what was going on in his head. I know, it's messed up how narcissistic women condition men in this way and ruin it for the rest of you. The only thing I can say is persist, be your true self, don't wear a mask of fake confidence. If you're shy let that show, your sincerity will pay off.
This whole situation is creepy, meaning there are no rules because everyone's an independent stranger who lacks community beyond a small circle of actual friends, especially in cities. We don't know anything about other people as we're atomised, by design. Now not one but both genders move away from their roots to build lives so no one maintains home and people become commodified.
Any guy that sees you is going to want to smile. Any single guy is going to be interested because you are gorgeous. Any guy that gets to know you is going to find you wonderful and amazing, because you are very special. Just go for it and put yourself out there.
I wouldn't act on that level of attraction. I don't have much idea at all of what kind of woman I will fall in love with. I remember once realizing that I had fallen in love with a woman who wears leather pants and it was a truly horrifying experience! 😂❤
My rule is I MUST(even if its just to give a genuine compliment) talk to a girl if in my head the first thing I think is "damn shes cute". If I don't have that reaction, I dont waste my time or theirs.
Worst that will happen by talking to someone is you make a friend or you realize this person isn't for me. No harm, just be up front right away in a respectful manner.
Dont see why this couldn't apply for a woman if they think the same about a man.
Also, go to a climbing gym for male interaction, you will get swarmed by dudes if you look cute and confused lol. In that environment its perfectly acceptable to have short conversations/interactions since everyone is initially there just to have fun and make friends. Anything could very likely go further if both people are interested. Be warned though, any more I see tons of college age people at climbing gyms. Hard to find people in their mid to late twenties in climbing gyms lately, at least in my area it seems this way.
I'd like to say that going on one date with someone to whom you're initially attracted but who doesn't seem like a 100% love-of-your-life, perfect match... That's not a betrayal to him, I don't feel like I'd feel used or given a false impression or somesuch. I'd say from the guy's point of view, an intelligent, attractive lady has deigned to trust him enough spend some time in his company, and that's huge, a lot of us don't get even that.
Even if it's not going to be with the person with whom you know you're gonna spend the rest of your life, dates are still pretty fun! Getting to know someone, dinner, activities... It's good times. If it results in something more, great! If that something more lasts 'til death do you part, fantastic! But most of the time it's just a very pleasant way to spend an evening or such, and it doesn't need to be much more.
So I'll say don't stress too much about going on a date with someone who you feel confident won't be part of a long-term thing. Just do your part to be a good partner on the date, make your intentions and such clear, be honest, and try to have fun. I think, if he's a good dude, he'd appreciate that. It can also be quite a relief to know you don't have to stress too much on a date; if she said this doesn't really matter then you can let your hair down a bit and really enjoy it in a way you may not if you're constantly monitoring your own behaviour to make a perfect first impression for someone who may end up being your next long-term thing or such.
Yeah, I'd definitely enjoy being asked out on a date by a sympathetic and honest woman, even if she wasn't planning on dating me again, or even unsure whether she'd want to meet me again on a purely casual, friendly, platonic basis. Time well spent is time well spent; and even if things should get awkward at the date itself, being deemed worthy of time to get to know me a bit can still be a flattering experience.
Thank you so much. This is so reassuring and helpful
Using word normal is absolutely OK. If you study psychology - at least in based Poland (at the time of writing this) normal means healthy, and not normal means with disability. You can use them interchangeably. PS. "I offer zero advice" Hahaha. Great sense of humor.
I used to ride a motorcycle & my heart literally skips a beat when I see a biker dude lol. & I’m in a loyal 8 year relationship. I totally understand why that caught your eye.
Yeahhhhh 😭😭😭 it's one of my life goals to get my own sport bike. Most of my siblings went through their sport bike phase :') you're so cool, I assume you're a woman from your name.... biker chick... so cool
Hey, I don't have anything too relevant to say, but it's good you left the comments opened for folks to chat. There was a video that had comments disabled I felt bad you had to do it.
Anyway, I have a crush on a nurse whom has been treating me and for a second time she asked me "Do you live alone?" and "Are you doing anything over the weekend?" man, next time I see her I got to ask what she meant by that. I know it's wrong for patients to date nurses/doctors, but it'd be kept private so they'd not know.
I once asked her for dating advice and she told me to try dating websites, I replied - "that doesn't really work and it's kind of depressing being alone," she responded with "my friends feel the same way." She giggled afterwards.
Maybe there's somenothin', maybe there's nothin'.
Take care.
You are very attentive so looks are not a problem for you.Keep that in mind why a shy spell hit you.Its not easy on men also.
Chances are if you’re trading looks and he isn’t being a creep he’s probably a good guy 🤷♂️
Yes ! People do date and have relationships with people they are not truly interested in or even attracted to!
thanks for the insight. next time I see a girl i'm interested in and she gives me a little sign, i'm just going to find SOMETHING to say. lol even if it's something stupid or inconsequential. if nothing else, it would be good practice. I actually tried talking to a girl in a coffee shop I WASNT interested in the other day because the stakes were low, I wasn't scared, I just need practice striking up conversations. yeah she didn't reciprocate a conversation back. but that's fine. so i understand it's too much for girls to approach. i'll be the man and approach. it's not that bad. it's just fear.
You could walk away from me... that's fine.
But either way I would definitely smile at you :-)
God I love women that give a tiny little smile my way. Happens at least once a day. This should show you that this world is FULL of beautiful men and women. Don't be scurr'd. I don't approach cuz I wanna be faithful.. next time just STARE and SMILE and don't look away. If he's cool he'll do the Jack Black move of like "who me?" Bam.
So, always leave them on read, so they wish you would have talked to them, instead of actually talking, and them calling you creepy 😂
Next time just drop a handkerchief😂
Interesting, I understand the subtle cues as you describe them and can clearly picture them, .. as a guy with Asperger's I would probably not sense them on my own. I kind of need to be approached by an acquaintance directly, she needs to tug my sleeve or collar and say .. let's go get a pizza, then I understand. Otherwise, subtle cues fly right over my head 🌻
I don't get cues and so most men, I don't wanna be called a creep or something, I just mind my own business and be with my friends honestly. I always think "if she is really interested she will let me know". The thing is that most women will use very subtle and many cues that most of us aren't able to understand and pickup. If a woman smiles to me I'll just assume that she is being nice. I know that it's hard but it will be very useful if you to a guy a tell him "hey, I have seen that you like X, it looks very cool but I don't know much about it".
He will be more than happy to talk to you and everything will not be awkward at all. He will talk mostly for the first 2-3 minutes and then you can have a back and forth about everything else or what you guys like
I try complimenting clothing. I think that might have helped you here. Maybe wave and call out "Nice motorcycle gear 🙂"
I'm really shy too though. Im constantly trying NOT to bother women, constantly concious of possibly being creepy, constantly trying not to read too much into anything, so it takes someone else being really direct, or me being able to build familiarity.
Same here, bro! 🙏
Eye contact is an indication of interest.
, this is so me.
Shy to the core!
why does being human have to be so difficult! lolz
"Dream carefully. You never know who might be listening." Terry Pratchett
Also, please use men for practice. Men love being useful.
I wonder if this guy will see this video.
Hi Myra, I'm guessing this is not what you indeted to do with your video, but I'm about to get a motorbike and was wondering what kind I should get and you kinda made me settle on getting a sports bike. :D All the best to you!
Also wanted to tell you, you're not being dilusional. More probably than not, that guy was also interested in you, he was just as shy as you were. I'm pretty sure I was that guy in many situations myself. :)
idk if anyone else feels the same way but from my experience it seems like society makes it ok for guys to be shy, so much so that they even tell girls to not be so harsh because theyre trying the best they can. but its not ok for girls to be so shy and that we have to be "confident". i've been told by friends/family and even coworkers that at my age (26) i shouldnt be shy. so yeah idk but sometimes it feels like we're living in a time where men are becoming feminine and now us girls have to do the chasing sometimes
It is probably very unlikely that a relationship will develop from a random meeting. It's very unlikely that the two will spontaneously hit it off. Due to the low hit rate, this seems to be a frustrating way. Many more relationships are formed by working together, being in the same club, association, music group, sports group or attending the same course. In this way, you can examine and experience the personality of others without having to become active yourself. And only then, when you have gotten to know the personality a little and see that it could be a good fit, do you take the first step.
Hahaha I’m so lost… in terms of how girls would like us to approach them without being ‘creepy’….however it does make me feel less… alone knowing that *some* women also struggle approaching people of the opposite sex. I think we’re all equally screwed 😂 I don’t know. What do you think Myra?
I do go over a few differences in my other video. I think its called how to talk to a woman, without being creepy.
It's hard to sum up. But just trying to make sure you're in tune with her and picking up on her cues. Prioritizing her comfortability. Not being pushy or expecting anything. Not talking to her as an object or opportunity but as a human.... I experience the difference with how some men talk to me vs others. I can always tell when a man sees me purely as a sexual or dating opportunity, vs being genuine, kind, treating me & seeing me as a human being
I would be happy to talk to you all you want about it. I'm interested in the subject and I feel for men who are genuinely good people and don't know how to act.
@@myrawest I feel part of the reason we are all so alone, is because we can't pick up cues. We have no clue whats being nice and whats a sign you're interested. I feel like dating is never gonna be able to happen for me without possibly being called a creep, because it does happen a lot easier these day tbh. I don't have experience being called a creep because I don't approach a woman EVER, to avoid it. That would probably be the main reason I don't talk to girls and get scared. Also don't wanna have a woman reject me and start recording and berating me, these are the things that go through my head, I don't know if its valid. Its just what I see happen to decent people on the internet and it terrifies me. FYI I am almost 24 and never had a relationship in my life.
@@myrawest I see, thanks for your reply Myra. These are very general ideas and basically what it’s mean to be a normal human being. It’s not hard to be just a nice human being. Attraction, now that’s something else. I can’t force anyone to feel a certain way about me. You’re right, it’s not an opportunity, you could do all of the ‘textbook perfect’ approaches and she could still see you as a bother.
I guess it’s a case by case basis… like you said in your video. I don’t know. I don’t think you can *learn* this stuff from ‘dating coaches’ or RUclipsrs. You just gotta feel it out, everyone’s life is different. You just gotta go out into life, with your stats, your experience and test it out.
Thanks again for sharing your experience :-) It does help, trust me. Even if none of your experience is applicable to me, it does make me feel human.
@@fyvefouroh I feel you brother. It’s a risk, like anything in life :-)) I hope that helps?
I’ve never been called a ‘creep’, just got ignored in texts and in real life they were generally preoccupied with other things - I could tell they aren’t interested in a conversation.
I don’t think anyone here can give you advice… just work with what you have cuz what works for *him* or *me* is probably not right for you. It’s all of our *first* shot at life. I’m just winging it brother 😂 Myra is also just living life on a whim. She’s also just winging it too brother 😂
What’s the difference between the Law of Attraction and Chaos Magick? Chaos Magick teaches that universal energy can be tapped into like a well, shaped by your intention, and directed through natural forces like breath and focused thought.
On the other hand, the Law of Attraction follows the principle that abundance arrives in waves-when it rains, it pours, and then it recedes.
However, an imperfect being manifesting through either approach risks bringing their own flaws into what they create, much like Faust warned. Without self-awareness, these imperfections will manifest in what they attract, presenting challenges they must confront.
Maybe, as a shy person, rather than practicing with men who you’re attracted to and make you nervous, maybe start practicing starting conversations with normal, everyday people? It might give you confidence so that initiating conversations feels more natural to you. Just a thought. I should probably take my own advice here, come to think of it.