Nerd³ Plays... Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- Who would win in a fight between...
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It was a fucking Banjo - Matt
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we may have "hello procrastinators" back, but real ones will never forget
"all other music is in-game music, it makes me want to"
All other music is in-game music. It makes me want to club someone over the head.
what
@@aturchomicz821 there used to be a running gag in the descriptions of the videos that started with that line
Can we also have the jet engine turbine PC back?
God I miss it
FYI there's a secret category with tonnes of units including tree giants, ice giants and velociraptors
Raptors.
How do you access those?
@@zerozeroone4424 Look it up on youtube, plenty of videos on where you find them
@@zerozeroone4424 once you unlock them they show up like every other faction
@@zerozeroone4424 You have to look around all the maps with free cam and find hidden objects
"We're processing this video. Check back later." What a classic Dan line!
Is that what he said?
I'm so glad Dan has done a video on this. No one else could quite as accurately commentate the ridiculousness of this game with equal ridiculousness
"He's been flung into space to give god a high five!" That really got me
I always wait for those beautiful one liners that I know are in every one of Dan's videos XD
"Each leap brings us closer to God."
"Catch me, Lord, catch me."
Jesus: Tries to sneak into the house
God:Turns on light "You're home late"
Jesus:"Uhhhhh, Hi Dad"
God: "No more going clubbing, Jesus"
*grudging clap*
God said let there be light
*facepalm*
Brilliant, take this medal
Matt really did the description thing
Incredible
But I believe the bards had lutes, banjos are smth different
They are lutes, because that's the trope bard "weapon". Can't believe Dan hasn't fired Matt yet, geez... /s
Lutes look different
"Can anything take out the vampires?"
Idk, hamon I guess
Nah, that was definitely digimon
Was that a JoJo's reference!?
@@fishpop nah it’s a dragon ball z reference
Fun fact: The reason the Monkey King was so Dragon Ball is because Goku was originally based on the Monkey King!
What if the video isn't actually processing, and this is just Dan's most meta joke yet?
When this gets public no one will understand the processing simulator
Can confirm, don't understand
the
what
@@Revan-ek3su the processing simulator. You never heard of it
Im guessing patreon?
“I don’t mind being late to a party, that just means less people are gonna be there”
Thank you for your words of wisdom Dan I’ll be sure to pass them on to those in need
Berty the Mammoth has reached the same Tier of amazement as Jeff the Shark.
Syfy movie of the week there. Mammy Vs Sharky
Not as cool as Graham the Horse
This is the longest game of rock, paper, scissors.
Challenge: Design a battle so that your side wins as many times in a row as possible, but each time you win, your opponent becomes the team you won with.
“Oh Jesus is dead, just give him a few days” ah yes
36:57 Hey Dan! I know a lesson you can take from this!
“Quantity has a quality all its own.”
“Some Dragon Ball Z shit going on!” Dan, you know that Son Goku was based on the Monkey King Sun Wu Kong right?
Frankly though, I'd say it was more Naruto shit.
It's Sun Wukong. At least in China. In Japan it's Son Goku.
Funnily enough; a unit that's basically Goku was added with the Legacy faction.
"This is a murder!"
Oooh I see what you did there, Dan :P
How's everyone enjoying the processing party?
Having a whale of a time
Processing party, isn't that just a large group in an immigration line?
As a war historian, I can confirm. This is totally accurate. This is totally how wars were fought.
I don't know if anyone else remembers Ooglies, but that's what the eyes on these guys makes me think of...
THE OOGLIES. The kids show with the terrifying slogan "The eyes are watching"
Death's tentacles remind me of the guy from "The Darkness 2" that uses his sentient tentacles to grab people and rip their hearts out or do various gruesome executions.
"Skull-crushing finale"
I understood that reference.
Edit: Okay so the sheer amount of wrestling references I heard in this video makes me think Dan's started watching it a lot recently
Recently? Dan has always been a wrestling fan and made tons of references
@@ArkhBaegor Yeah but a while ago he said he hasn't been caught up as much because of some reason
When the firework archers came out, Dan showed off what he learned during his day as a WWE cameraman
Can anybody else hear Matt's screams slowly being smothered in the background?
We need more TABS, have Dan play around with more varied battles and the Secret units
Just saying there are secret units in the game maybe you could do a part 2 with all the secret units.
I'd love to see more of this game from Dan
I want to see Red Death vs. Blue Death.
Edit: Never mind, they just kill each other at the same time. Boring.
"HELLO PECRASTERNATORS" *single solitary tear runs down my cheek*
"If it bleeds, you can kill it"
Deadpool: *laughs in being able to regenerate from a single blood cell*
(Check the comic books/google it, it happened)
So 682
@@zedbags Yes, but no, but kinda
"If it bleeds, we can kill it" is a line from 'Predator: The Musical' a great parody video on RUclips. Look it up, it's hilarious. My favourite line is, "stop shaving, you don't have a beard!"
so, yes. I believe both deadpool and wolverine do this. My question is this: why doesn't all the blood they spill heal into new deadpools/wolverines?
I mean, deadpool is in love with death so maybe? or maybe Marvel is saying that souls are a thing? why? help me
I believe that's when he was cursed by Thanos to never die.
34:49 Death just Grabbing a miner then quickly dragging him off screen Nearly made me spit out my drink 😂
Bertie is actually a pretty cute name for a mammoth...
He almost took out the entire Farmer faction by himself so give a big hand for Bertie!
“Joeled him” made me cry lol
Just a little hint, there are secret units in every kind of level! You must find them
I do like how dan managed to prove that this game is ridiculously well balanced by accident
"You're treating a symptom, and the disease rages on, consumes the human race. The fish rots from the head, as they say. So my thinking is, why not cut off the head?"
Well, you know a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
...it's not a perfect metaphor...
"Pay-tree-on" has to be my favourite opening sting so far!
TAPS
Totally Accurate Processing Simulator
It takes a good guy with a gun to beat a bad guy with a scythe.
I just got this game and love it. I love playing the Old West map and taking control of one of the "quick draw" shooters to have one on one battles in the street, it's so much fun.
Oh, and the samurai *can*, in fact, deflect bullets and arrows right back at the enemy (though it does seem to be random chance). I had a bunch of samurai face off against several quick-draw shooters and several of the gunslingers got hit and killed by their own deflected bullets! Very cool.
Also, the new Legacy update is awesome. You CAN actually kill the uber-powerful Super Peasant with about 150 Wizards working together, but that's about it. That's what a million HP will do for you.
I would love to see more of this, especially if you use the legacy and secret units you can unlock by looking for weapons around the maps, there are some ridiculously strong units.
Also the outcome of the battle can vary based on the distance, number of units, and which units go against each other.
27:53 - accurate representation of the American revolution
PA-TRE-ON. It’s in the game! I actually laughed out loud for once 😂😂
my favorite fight had to be the vampires vs sword casters, because the vampires basically all pounced them as they were shrugging off getting stabbed in the back
34:27 I have heard that validation is a good way to beat Death Itself!
Nerdcubed Plays... Processing Simulator 2020
0.25 speed,Dan sounds like a bumbling, guzzling drunkard, lol! And at 10:20, with captions,I lost it. *"He's taken an arrow to the old mystical Souls."* XD
36:08 wait is the end of death canon happening?
*Stab*
YES IT'S HAPPENING
So no-one told you this was gonna be a land battle, your weapon's a joke you're broke, your longship's DOA
I haven't watched this channel in years and hearing hello procrastinators brought back so many memories. Thank you for making life a little bit more bearable during my childhood. Bully and Rollercoaster tycoon 3 were my favorite!
"I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took literally hundreds of arrows to the bits and pieces." If there's an Elder Scrolls set after Skyrim...
Ah yes, the elements, fire, ice, explosive, snake, skeleton and balloons
Fun fact: it seems dan doesn’t know about the secret units, of which there are a shit ton, and also many of which are pretty strong.
HE BROUGHT BACK THE PROCRASTINATORS. ITS BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE IVE BEEN HERE. IM LOOSING MY MIND.
Monks beating up samurai is both historically accurate and quite enjoyable!
I sort of love how dan just dropped his dnd knowledge in this video and nobody has wanted him to start a dnd podcast yet
I don't care what else you show me in this video, the snake archers are the scariest fuckers ever!
There is at least one noted instance from ancient times of someone (Hannibal Barca, actually) fighting enemy ships by launching venomous snakes at them in pots.
hearing hello procrastinators gave me war flashbacks
I was half expecting you to possess one of the units at some point and I thought you'd know about the secret category!
now ya gotta do it with the Secret Units. also if u had done a couple more clubber tests, the odds are pretty close, no need for point bias
I just started watching you recently, and I love how I can watch your older videos and still enjoy them, I’m watching the GTA vids you make 6 years ago and it’s still amazing funny 💙
8:20 a group of crows is called a murder isn't it? Clever Dan
I feel like this would make a good stream game with Matt or Jon.
0:20 Introverts: YAY!!
Anyone ever wondered why 'musketeer' (literally, a soldier wielding a musket) became synonymous with someone only fighting with a sword and perhaps a pistol but never an actual musket?
"It was a fucking Banjo - Matt" i love this channel.
thank you Daniel, for making a 40 minute video on a game people stopped playing 5 years ago more interesting than any other video on the website
Who would win: Two literal gods OR some archers with ice?
Who would win: a literal supernatural entity or man who go shooty.
I haven’t laughed this hard in a month, more Dan please.
Watching since like 2012. Haven’t watched since 16. Nothings changed, you’re still as funny as I remember. Thanks for making my childhood.
A lot changed but he started returning back to normal just recently
Not only is the game getting a big update soon for creating your own units but you can also possess units which I find to be fun.
I love the Jonathan Pearce, Robot Wars-style commentary, very, very nice
Dan I'd appreciate more videos on this. It's a good one for your humor.
Harpooner: "Aha!! I've harpooned yer cannon!!"
Cannonballer: "Congrats... you've steadied my aim."
Harpooner: "..."
I haven't even got beyond the appearance of the snake archers and already this is the greatest video ever to appear on the internet
The thing that fired all the air and nearly killed the dragons is called a Hwacha, it was built in Mythbusters
Wish he used the Slowmo button lmao. You should do a series or smthin on the campaign missions, they're actually really cool and it'd be fun to see you try and beat them.
Dan didn't even get to the secret units
The fact my smaller than usual Lhasa Apso is called Bertie makes this video 100x funnier to me
So many quotable lines are in this video
This is already a top ten nerdcubed video
omg, we are procrastinators again!!!! I've been brought back to an awkward 16 years old me. Life is good
He's been saying it for over a month now
what you learned is that real combat is just rock paper scissors with extra steps.
Oh my goodness I don't think he realizes that he can manually control them...I DEMAND ANOTHER VIDEO!
"and he's rubbed his gonads on her face... I'm so glad I'm demonetized already."
-Daniel Hardcastle 2020
From someone who has been with tabs from the start and its the best strategic battle simulator
even with the technology to overcome even the metaphysical concept of death,and render ourselves nigh immortal... BIG STICK REIGN SUPREME!
TOTALLY ACCURATE BATTLE SIMULATOR CAMPAIGN COMPLETES
Make it happen Dan
14:38 "How do you keep the snakes that erect?" Daniel Hardcastle - 2020
Your multiple year long transformation into Clarkson is complete. This entire video was narrated in the exact same style he narrated Star in a reasonably priced car.
Ngl as soon as i heard Skeleton Warriors i immediately thought of the cartoon intro in my head lol
But this begs the question.
Who would win in a fight between; Totally innocent Jesus versus Freddy Mercury
"How did they get those snakes erect... oh that's not the right word."- Dan 2020
One of my fave videos in the last few months. Love it :)
Holy shit I’m watching a nerd cubed video that isn’t over a year old. Finally my dreams have been realised!
The whole fun of this game is combining the units
This is about as classic Dan as you can get. Just without the jet engine computer.
Try telling me this isn’t a golden age NerdCubed video, I FUCKING dare you
It was a feast for those crows