📞FREE CONSULTATION: Want to learn more about how my ER Marriage Intensive could rebuild your marriage? Book a FREE call to learn more! calendly.com/doctorwyatt/free-consultation
What if they drink but it’s not so much that it ruins their job? They drink about 15 drinks a week. After the kids are in bed they open a beer and they’re essentially shut off for the night. We never have any affection, emotional connection, or intimacy. If I ask them to stop drinking all together I think they would not take me seriously? Is it ok to ask them to not drink more than 6 drinks a week?
Hi Kelsey, if your partner is neglecting your needs here are three steps I recommend. 1-Tell them how their behavior is making you feel and ask for some adjustments. 2-If they ignore your requests ask that you see a couples therapist or coach together. 3-If they refuse seeing a therapist or coach or after 3-6 months of seeing one they still refuse to change, get a separation as a wake up call for them. Otherwise, you'll be enabling their behavior.
This what I'm going thru. I have to show my wife more affection and love. She knows I love her and I will get this right. I'm leaving my home for 3 weeks to fix myself to keep my marriage going. I love my wife dearly and I will make it right.
Im going through the same thing but im not the one who separated my wife decided to. She told me the same needs as you and it got me where i am. We both love each other and have been together over 12 years, she wants to be with a better version of me not who i was ignoring her. Im getting closer to god and i want to make this work. I know i will get this right too.
I initated the separation because she needed more help then i could give at this moment so she could get help. I became overwhelmed with working and then coming home with no help and she was getting worse as far as health. We admitted that we both have stepped out of our marriage(me physically; her emotionally) and saw what we were doing and living wasnt healthy. I miss her and want to be witt her but dont really knowwhere to go from here feeling lost trying to enjoy my life and get better flr the relationship but having a tough time any advice
Sounds like she needs to be seeing an individual therapist to get to a healthier place. Once that's in place, if you both want to work at your marriage, I recommend going through my ER Marriage Intensive here www.drwyattfisher.com/pages/marriage-intensive
My wife and I are separated we no longer stay together. She still wants me to pay bills. She doesn’t work and we have twin new born. I can barely afford the bills and my apartment so I’m sleeping in my car. I am an immigrant. I asked her if we can split the bills she can work and I can support however I can she refused and threatened to file for child support. I need advice on what to do
Very sorry to hear of your situation. I would first try to save your marriage by working with a couples therapist. If it's beyond repair then get a lawyer for guidance.
It’s emotionally and physically exhausting to wait any longer . I w been begging him to meet my needs for years. Any more time I give him just pushes my happiness out even longer
Can I ask regarding step children and the affect of them towards you in the relationship, how do you approach this as this is a reason I am considering separation
Married but separated living in the same roof.We are just roommates at this as she is checked and I don’t know how to open up on her about our relationship.Any advice?
@@aceshi3173 Ok, if you want to save your marriage, all you can control is working on your growth areas she has been unhappy about and then sustain your gains over time.
That's a good question without a perfect answer. One option is to request software like Covenant Eyes to be installed on all his devices with you set up as his partner. Then, you'll get a report once a week on all of his online activity. Obviously, he could have other devices you don't know about so it's not a bullet proof plan but it could help. Another option is to ask him to take a lie detector test where you ask him if he's been looking at porn to give you greater security in his answer.
I’m the one who had/having affair. Yet I’m the one who says a separation should give me clarity and he doesn’t want one. Yet I desperately want to keep seeing the other guy. I’ve not told him that. But I don’t trust myself and I don’t want to keep disrespect him. I should’ve left him years ago when he abused me and neglected me. But I wasn’t well. And I tolerated it. Hence I felt unloved. And got into an affair.
Very sorry to hear of your past abuse and neglect! Yes, if there's a "desperate desire" to keep seeing the affair partner then a separation is recommended.
Is marriage separation advice different then a breakup if you weren’t married but it was a very long term relationship with financial ties etc? I have been watching “ex back” videos for months and trying to apply the information to my situation, but I wonder if this advice is more for dating an shorter less involved relationships? My relationship was like a marriage without the paperwork. We still have financial ties too. He broke up with me 1.5 yrs ago but were still communicating occasionally and I was trying to get him to see me and talk etc. I asked him not to contact me anymore unless its important 2 months ago and he agreed, but started sending what I think are breadcrumb messages after a month which I have been ignoring, but I am not sure if this is the right thing to do now either. I want to do whatever it takes to turn things around and get him to want to talk to me again (more then breadcrumbs) but I don’t know what is helping or making things worse
He was divorced, we were together for 14 years, didn't want to have a child with me, and started to reject me. He didn't want to call while he traveled for work, and he didn't want to go out for dinner with me and if I ask to have a talk he didn't like it. We are separated now, and he has been dating.
Amen. An addict has a hard time identifying that they are an addict. My husband says he just likes smoking weed and it relaxes him. Well that’s fine. But you need it several times a day? He doesn’t go to work high at all. And is able to function well at work. Never any problems. But he is emotionally unavailable. When I told himI was going thru menopause his response was I know what it’s like because my mom had it”. And never once spoke me abt what I’m going thru no matter how many times I told him it’s hard. You describe my husband in this video. Emotional neglect is a slow death in a marriage.
Yes, it certainly can be. Addictions become a problem when they cause impairment in 1-2 areas of life and it sounds like his pot use is impairing his ability to emotionally connect with you.
📞FREE CONSULTATION: Want to learn more about how my ER Marriage Intensive could rebuild your marriage? Book a FREE call to learn more! calendly.com/doctorwyatt/free-consultation
You have spoken to my current situation, thank you so much
I hope i find peace and true love after this divorce
You’re welcome Manuel, I hope you find peace and love too!
What if they drink but it’s not so much that it ruins their job? They drink about 15 drinks a week. After the kids are in bed they open a beer and they’re essentially shut off for the night. We never have any affection, emotional connection, or intimacy. If I ask them to stop drinking all together I think they would not take me seriously? Is it ok to ask them to not drink more than 6 drinks a week?
Hi Kelsey, if your partner is neglecting your needs here are three steps I recommend. 1-Tell them how their behavior is making you feel and ask for some adjustments. 2-If they ignore your requests ask that you see a couples therapist or coach together. 3-If they refuse seeing a therapist or coach or after 3-6 months of seeing one they still refuse to change, get a separation as a wake up call for them. Otherwise, you'll be enabling their behavior.
This what I'm going thru. I have to show my wife more affection and love. She knows I love her and I will get this right. I'm leaving my home for 3 weeks to fix myself to keep my marriage going. I love my wife dearly and I will make it right.
Good job being highly motivated. Be sure to sustain the changes too!
Your a good person for considering this and working on yourself for your wife 🫂
Im going through the same thing but im not the one who separated my wife decided to. She told me the same needs as you and it got me where i am. We both love each other and have been together over 12 years, she wants to be with a better version of me not who i was ignoring her. Im getting closer to god and i want to make this work. I know i will get this right too.
I initated the separation because she needed more help then i could give at this moment so she could get help. I became overwhelmed with working and then coming home with no help and she was getting worse as far as health. We admitted that we both have stepped out of our marriage(me physically; her emotionally) and saw what we were doing and living wasnt healthy. I miss her and want to be witt her but dont really knowwhere to go from here feeling lost trying to enjoy my life and get better flr the relationship but having a tough time any advice
Sounds like she needs to be seeing an individual therapist to get to a healthier place. Once that's in place, if you both want to work at your marriage, I recommend going through my ER Marriage Intensive here www.drwyattfisher.com/pages/marriage-intensive
Very helpful. Thank you Dr
You’re welcome Victoria!
My wife and I are separated we no longer stay together. She still wants me to pay bills. She doesn’t work and we have twin new born. I can barely afford the bills and my apartment so I’m sleeping in my car. I am an immigrant. I asked her if we can split the bills she can work and I can support however I can she refused and threatened to file for child support. I need advice on what to do
Very sorry to hear of your situation. I would first try to save your marriage by working with a couples therapist. If it's beyond repair then get a lawyer for guidance.
It’s emotionally and physically exhausting to wait any longer . I w been begging him to meet my needs for years. Any more time I give him just pushes my happiness out even longer
Have you already tried couples therapy too and he still won't budge?
@@drwyattfisher he have been in counseling and we are both in individual counseling. he tells me hes not sure if he can give his whole heart to me.
@@intuitivemindsalreadyknowI normally recommend a separation in those types of situations and hopefully it will serve as a wake up call to him
Thank u very helpful
You’re welcome 😊
Can I ask regarding step children and the affect of them towards you in the relationship, how do you approach this as this is a reason I am considering separation
Hi, would you mind explaining more what you're experiencing and what your question is?
Married but separated living in the same roof.We are just roommates at this as she is checked and I don’t know how to open up on her about our relationship.Any advice?
Thanks for the comment. The first step is resolving both of your resentments. Is she open to support?
@ i don’t think she is open to any resolution at this time,she is enjoying her freedom and I also trying to enjoy life.
@@aceshi3173 Ok, if you want to save your marriage, all you can control is working on your growth areas she has been unhappy about and then sustain your gains over time.
@@drwyattfisher thank you and yes I will continue my growth wether marriage or not.
If one of my expectations is for him to stop his porn use, how do I know if he’s following through?
That's a good question without a perfect answer. One option is to request software like Covenant Eyes to be installed on all his devices with you set up as his partner. Then, you'll get a report once a week on all of his online activity. Obviously, he could have other devices you don't know about so it's not a bullet proof plan but it could help. Another option is to ask him to take a lie detector test where you ask him if he's been looking at porn to give you greater security in his answer.
So I’m leaving the o stop hurting him and gain clarity as to who I should be with
Makes sense
This is very helpful
Thank you, glad you found it helpful!
Hello am separated in my marriage
Thanks Jasmine for the comment, I hope you found the video helpful
You’re welcome. I hope 🤞 it too
I’m the one who had/having affair. Yet I’m the one who says a separation should give me clarity and he doesn’t want one. Yet I desperately want to keep seeing the other guy. I’ve not told him that. But I don’t trust myself and I don’t want to keep disrespect him. I should’ve left him years ago when he abused me and neglected me. But I wasn’t well. And I tolerated it. Hence I felt unloved. And got into an affair.
Very sorry to hear of your past abuse and neglect! Yes, if there's a "desperate desire" to keep seeing the affair partner then a separation is recommended.
When you say separation…that is the same as a divorce yeah?
No, when I say separation that's referring to living in separate places but you're still married
Wise words.
Thanks Richard!
Is marriage separation advice different then a breakup if you weren’t married but it was a very long term relationship with financial ties etc?
I have been watching “ex back” videos for months and trying to apply the information to my situation, but I wonder if this advice is more for dating an shorter less involved relationships?
My relationship was like a marriage without the paperwork. We still have financial ties too.
He broke up with me 1.5 yrs ago but were still communicating occasionally and I was trying to get him to see me and talk etc.
I asked him not to contact me anymore unless its important 2 months ago and he agreed, but started sending what I think are breadcrumb messages after a month which I have been ignoring, but I am not sure if this is the right thing to do now either.
I want to do whatever it takes to turn things around and get him to want to talk to me again (more then breadcrumbs) but I don’t know what is helping or making things worse
Hi Lily, this advice would apply to long-term relationships too. Let me know if you have any questions.
He was divorced, we were together for 14 years, didn't want to have a child with me, and started to reject me. He didn't want to call while he traveled for work, and he didn't want to go out for dinner with me and if I ask to have a talk he didn't like it. We are separated now, and he has been dating.
Sounds like you were ready to commit but he wasn't.
Amen. An addict has a hard time identifying that they are an addict. My husband says he just likes smoking weed and it relaxes him. Well that’s fine. But you need it several times a day? He doesn’t go to work high at all. And is able to function well at work. Never any problems. But he is emotionally unavailable. When I told himI was going thru menopause his response was I know what it’s like because my mom had it”. And never once spoke me abt what I’m going thru no matter how many times I told him it’s hard. You describe my husband in this video. Emotional neglect is a slow death in a marriage.
Yes, it certainly can be. Addictions become a problem when they cause impairment in 1-2 areas of life and it sounds like his pot use is impairing his ability to emotionally connect with you.
Fuck, this put things in prospective
Glad you found the video helpful Dave!
You would hope they just fckin divorce!
Separation is recommended if there's adultery, abuse, abandonment, or chronic neglect