Everyone is NOT a little bit autistic and it may also be time to throw out the spectrum.
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- Опубликовано: 23 авг 2024
- It's not unusual for people to say 'Everyone's a little autistic' and share content and comments along those lines, but it's not helpful or inclusive. In this video, I examine the feelings this saying gives rise to in me and propose an alternative to the autism spectrum. A tool that I feel gives us a more inclusive and precise way to explore and explain how we show up in the word and, more importantly, why.
I do hope you enjoy this video. It has been a pig of a thing to put together, taken me ages to write, re-write, produce and record. Maybe that's because it's good or maybe it's because it's a crock of shite. I'll let you decide.
I'm a self-diagnosed 45 year old woman living in Istanbul - I haven't been officially diagnosed because I've been told 'only children get diagnosed with autism' here in Turkiye. What is really frustrating is that these are 20-30 year old quite young doctors/therapists saying this. I keep telling them, like a classic 'old' person 'but in our time, you were just weird, you were just quiet, you were just shy, and were told so was everyone once in a while'. The 'just' and 'everyone else' mentality still exists, just like in 'everyone is a little bit autistic' - it is maybe to make us feel better, but for me it was the reason why I blamed myself, hated myself, never believed in my talents because 'if I were just shy, just quiet like everyone else, why was life so difficult. I'm the problem, I'm lazy, I'm a loser, I'm ugly, I'm stupid etc. Only when I read about autism and I felt like coming home have I been saying 'yes, there is something different about me, but there is nothing wrong with me'. Still very new to this world, so will watch this video a few times to fully understand, analyse.
I do understand and empathise with what you are saying. It's extremely damaging to be invalidated like that. I too blamed myself and tried to do better, try harder and learn more when all the time the world should have been showing me a little grace.
I think the "a little autistic" comment is supposed to be a reassuring statement of commonality. Instead, it comes across as an invalidating denial of difference. We *know* we're different, feel the effects of that difference, and do not find any comfort in trying to delude ourselves.
I often wonder, given the prevalence of "white lies" in socialization, to what extent the truth of a comforting statement matters to most people. It matters to me, and it's hard for me to see how it wouldn't. But white lies are often fairly transparently dishonest-well, then, why do it? Do people just not notice? Or do they notice and aren't bothered-the white lie serves a comforting purpose regardless?
Exactly. It is so frustrating. .
I tell those people that, "so, everybody is a little bit leprous". Then explain that no, not everybody is, blah, blah....
NTs use and expect real-time responses. We cannot compete if processing delays make us seem unreactive. Which some NTs interpret as disinterest or coldness. So damaging to us.
I agree!
Yes, 100%!
@dakrontu in some situations, you could let NT’s know you’re “processing.” My husband says “I’m thinking…” or “Give he a sec to process, here…” and that works well.
Yes, and if I come back later, or the next day, I get accused of “holding a grudge” or “not sharing how I really feel at the time”. I am sharing how I really feel as soon as I know what that feeling is! It’s a no-win situation among those who think we’re all the same and do not leave any room for difference.
Lisa Feldman Barrett's book on emotions How Emotions Are Made is the best book I have read on the whole subject of emotions/feelings. She has convinced me that none of it is really automatic, like a reflex, (though we think that it is - she goes into how that happens) but varies not only from person to person but is different in different cultures etc.
Thanks for the tip, I'll put it onto my reading list. I was blown away when I learned humans are wired for perception rather than reality. That led to a deep dive into the science of attention and then to the role our senses play in it all. I was trying to narrow down my Phd proposal but ended up going off on lots of interesting tangents. Who knows if I'll ever get my research started 😆
@@suddenlyautistic Well to be fair philosophers realized this far earlier than any other field. It goes all the way back to Kant who noticed that there isn't this thing simply called reality that we simply record. He was one of the first to remind us that we select, interpret all the time
@@suddenlyautistic I like your videos so much in fact that it is a dream of mine to feature you as a guest on my own podcast!
@@suddenlyautistic btw it is really great that you are getting a Phd! Biggest congratulations on that!
@@dandiacal well that would be quite something. I'm sure we could organise something
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here; I sincerely appreciate your perspective. I was recently diagnosed with autism (at 56 years old) yet suspected it for many years and am now processing significant relief and grief. Your videos are helping me understand and articulate my emotions and feelings. It's delightful finding someone who connects the dots in a similar manner. Thank you.
How lovely to hear from you and welcome to club autistic. Life just gets better and better I find.
Thank you for this video and others. I will save this one to replay as I am working to understand more about autism, particularly from a woman’s perspective. Huge respect to you for “plowing though” physical discomfort when making video content, and it’s good to hear that the symptoms lessen as you progress.
Thank you! I should give my autistic inertia and monotropic thinking some kudos in that regard as I do tend to get obsessively stuck on a train of thought at times. That helps
Point 1: that's incorrect. People may use those words that way but that doesn't mean they are the same. I can see that the rest of your points build off this so I'll leave it there
A simplistic thought on this is that people mistake universal human traits (all of which are in "degrees", like "IQ" , everyone has a "brain" , but some brains function better or less at task A than task B)
for being "autistic", like everyone has "fear", but most people dont have a "anxiety disorder"....But some people might say "we all have a lil anxiety disorder sometimes"...which in reality is a symptom of PTSD/CPTSD.
Example; "too much caffiene today, sorry about being a spaz", but then there are people with actual nerve damage who have muscle spasms dianosed as a disorder....the underlying human trait /universal truth is that, yes, we all have some kind of functional nervous system, otherwise we wouldnt be able to walk, talk, or breath etc.
It seems to be used more for easier communication purposes and humorous monlogues than anything else.
Another example: "wow were having bipolar weather today"...when they really mean cloud systems are alternating frequently instead of some sky deity having emotional peaks & valleys.
I agree with your observations and also agree they are often made flippantly without meaning or often causing any harm. I find this quite different to the overt situations I'm describing, that happen frequently with less visible disabilities. Most people would agree it's probably not appropriate to tell a paraplegic that everyone finds some some building's hard to access sometimes... It's definitely a situation that's nuanced and that varies depending on the situation you are in and to whom you are taking.
I look at it this way:
If an African American voiced concerns about systemic racial oppression, it would not be appropriate for a European American to reply with, "It's okay, we're all a little black, sometimes."
When a pregnant woman's water breaks, no one should be saying, "It's okay, we're all a little bit pregnant, sometimes."
When someone rolls up a ramp in their wheelchair because they were born without legs, no one should be saying, "That's alright, we're all a little paraplegic, sometimes."
As an autistic person I am enjoying your videos enormously. I look at this matter a little more philosophically rather than through the lens of what we and society consider science or psychology. The phenomenon of "everybody is this or that" is rooted in our old "frenemy" the concept of human nature; that deep down we are all the same and if that we would just remember this fundamental sameness that we could solve our social problems. The trouble of course with this, putting aside the ill defined and too broad notion of human nature itself, is that it might be better to presume our differences, as you put it "how we show up" and then proceed from that rather than using unknown and possibly false categories.
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch and for your insightful comments. An unexpected joy I'm experiencing as a consequence of these videos is how so many other autistic folks are enjoying my content. It really does feel like I've found my tribe. Very cool.
@@suddenlyautistic Yes one of the precious few upsides of the internet
@@dandiacal
'The universe constantly and obediently answers to our conceptions; whether we travel fast or slow, the track is laid for us. Let us spend our lives in conceiving then. The poet or the artist never yet had so fair and noble a design but some of his posterity at least could accomplish it. Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails. Let us rise early and fast, or break fast, gently and without perturbation; let company come and let company go, let the bells ring and the children cry-determined to make a day of it. Why should we knock under and go with the stream? Let us not be upset and overwhelmed in that terrible rapid and whirlpool called a dinner, situated in the meridian shallows. Weather this danger and you are safe, for the rest of the way is down hill. With unrelaxed nerves, with morning vigor, sail by it, looking another way, tied to the mast like Ulysses. If the engine whistles, let it whistle till it is hoarse for its pains. If the bell rings, why should we run? We will consider what kind of music they are like. Let us settle ourselves, and work and wedge our feet downward through the mud and slush of opinion, and prejudice, and tradition, and delusion, and appearance, that alluvion which covers the globe, through Paris and London, through New York and Boston and Concord, through Church and State, through poetry and philosophy and religion, till we come to a hard bottom and rocks in place, which we can call reality, and say, This is, and no mistake; and then begin, having a point d’appui, below freshet and frost and fire, a place where you might found a wall or a state, or set a lamp-post safely, or perhaps a gauge, not a Nilometer, but a Realometer, that future ages might know how deep a freshet of shams and appearances had gathered from time to time. If you stand right fronting and face to face to a fact, you will see the sun glimmer on both its surfaces, as if it were a cimeter, and feel its sweet edge dividing you through the heart and marrow, and so you will happily conclude your mortal career. Be it life or death, we crave only reality. If we are really dying, let us hear the rattle in our throats and feel cold in the extremities; if we are alive, let us go about our business.
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains. I would drink deeper; fish in the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars. I cannot count one. I know not the first letter of the alphabet. I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born. The intellect is a cleaver; it discerns and rifts its way into the secret of things. I do not wish to be any more busy with my hands than is necessary. My head is hands and feet. I feel all my best faculties concentrated in it. My instinct tells me that my head is an organ for burrowing, as some creatures use their snout and fore paws, and with it I would mine and burrow my way through these hills. I think that the richest vein is somewhere hereabouts; so by the divining-rod and thin rising vapors I judge; and here I will begin to mine.'
Henry David Thoreau, Walden
@@artemisXsidecross Thoreau from a literary point of view is right up there with all of the greats in poetry and the novel etc.
Your EQ Aha moment and what you describe about the difference between emotions vs feelings gave me a huge epiphany. Thank you so much. I was juggling thoughts about this, trying to solve this problem for quite some time. You've unlocked my view on this.
Thank you so much for putting out this video 💕💕💕💕 I feel seen and heard, and much of what confused me now makes more sense. I process will when there are clear definitions and it all just... makes so much sense!! I'm self-diagnosed autistic, and my home/culture isn't very open-minded, so I'm very grateful to have access to videos like yours that make me feel less alone in this world. The next step is to find my own words to share this information to the people I care about in a way that they'll understand. Sending hugs!!!
So glad you found it helpful. Best of luck on it next stage of your journey xxx
Hi. Keeping in mind that I could be wrong, this is simply my opinion. After reading Ian (Star) Ford's book "A Field Guide to Earthlings", and thinking for a while, I believe the difference between autistics and average people, is that average people have brains that are better at creating and sharing symbols. Symbols are basically snapshots that contain a lot of information including a shared social story and meaning.
For instance, the people watching your friend fall, and ran over, can more instantly pick up the symbol of what falling means, and how running over and fussing over the person fits in very nicely. So running over is automatically a natural reaction to them, they have learned this from each other, probably from a young age. Their reactions are linked with the symbolic social story they have within them about falling and running over. They can access this immediately, and they are always scanning each other to read what story the other person is engaged in. They want to relate to each other by validating each other's social story.
I'm not sure I'm using the term social story correctly, I mean they have actual stories within them that have meaning, and they know how it begins, whats in the middle and what should happen in the end.
As an autistic person I might think, after not moving to help my friend, if someone was to chastise me for it, I might think "WHY should I make a fuss, how does that help?" but if I was better at picking up shared symbols, if I were interacting with the world around me in a more symbolic way, I would understand that making a fuss over the fallen person means I care about the person and that I'm a good person. But in my own way, I would think it's a little sad for them that they fell, and maybe it's better if we just continue on without too much fuss. In an average person, this lack of playing along with the shared social story would have it's own negative meaning. But I might never understand why, because if I fell maybe I'd prefer if no one noticed or reacted. And before learning about autism, I had no idea that people were constantly making an effort to mind-read each other and play into and validate each other's social story.
This is probably why people have believed you were either cold or manipulative. Because as autistic people we accidently engage with their social stories, our body language, and what we say, are symbols that trigger behaviors and associated stories within them. But we may have NO idea what sort of social/fantasy/symbol/storyline we've stumbled into.
They generally have NO awareness that they have a sort of "vision" that we don't have. And I never understood what I was missing or how I was triggering behaviors in people or why they would be alternately mad, or happy with me.
Because we as autistic people do not have the ability to pick up on this shared story as quickly or easily, and because we may be focused on the difficulties navigating physical reality, ie, having poor ability for our brains to "filter" or turn sensory input into a "symbol", we tend to have to reflect and think and come to our own conclusions.
Average people don't do this. They feel a great deal of warmth and love in adopting the stories and sharing symbols with each other. They basically live in a social web of symbols, where they become who they are based on the symbols of others around them. They naturally change and adapt unconsciously and consciously to fit in and relate to each other. This is why they can comfortably dehumanize people who "appear" different to them. Especially if those people live in a different web of symbols. They are relating very symbolically with life.
Sorry a bit off track. When I study something and talk about it, I am behaving like an "expert" in their social story. Typically, they will not try to do things on their own, depending on their culture, but instead, they seek out experts. They often will submit to experts even if the expert doesn't make any sense. I'm exaggerating a little bit to make the difference between autistic and average person clear. I actually listened to an expert who made no sense because I thought they knew better. lol Again, I'm exaggerating differences to make a point.
They are constantly relating to this symbolic web, and validating each other's social story. So when I study something and talk about it, some of them believe I have a social story where I'm an expert and they should submit to me. lol Meanwhile, I may be actually clueless and just trying to understand what's going on around me. So this is why they will randomly think we are manipulative or domineering. They think we want them to play along with something, to play the opposite role to our "expert" role. They think we've picked up on the shared social story and we are trying to get them to validate us.
Their relationships with each other's symbols and stories is also why they can overlook substance and seem very rigid and odd in the things they choose to do and believe. They are getting emotional needs met by their SHARED stories and symbols. As autistic people, if we don't validate their social story, we might accidently humble them, or seem like we hate them, or don't care about them. They are constantly relating to each other by scanning then validating each other's story.
These people are not independent percievers, they are instead sharing perceptions to a far greater degree than I imagined. There is nothing wrong with this, this is what enables them to take their places inside of very large societies, and how even the more unintelligent members can keep up. Regular people engage in severe copy-cat-ism. lol It warms their hearts to fit in like this with each other. By turning behaviors into culture,(culture is these symbols stories behaviors etc) they can get even their slower members to make sure they wash their hands, or brush their teeth, or do whatever helps the society cooperate and survive. The greetings, the preamble, the validating, is hooked into them emotionally. This is what I've come to believe...
Also, I appreciate your distinction between feelings and emotion. Although I probably wouldn't use those terms exactly that way, you've defined something that I think I'm going to find really useful in the future, so thank you. And I really enjoyed your video, thank you. You gave me something to think about.
Hello there, Thanks for watching and for your thoughtful comment, which is much appreciated. I understand what you are saying. It makes sense of what we (autistics) may observe in social interactions. My point of interest is around the why, which you have woven into your comment (social bonding and belonging). I agree with that but still have another why and for me that's where our orientation comes in. Autistics are, by definition auto or self focused albeit not in the same way narcissists are. Neurotypicals have a strong social orientation regardless of whether they are intro or extroverted. That is my clue to the neuro why which I believe is also informed by our somatosensory differences (we experience the now in a way that's outside the agreed norm) plus whatever trauma we carry from past experiences and conceptions. It's all very interesting to observe although it can be painful to be subjected to. I like your bit about deferring to experts. Reminds me of my chart on logical fallacies
On the falling example;
I er uh "my friend" , when seeing someone fall, would be calculating which action to take based on several factors, like:
1) Is any action i could take going to help them?
1) A) what are other humans (if any) in the vicinity likely to do {branch pathing / predicting their potential behaviors & reactionary/thought process involved....and their potential interactions between each other....and how they might react to any action or noise i might make while attempting to help the faller
2) Basically, "can i move fast enuff to "catch" them? place something soft in their fall path? stabilize any structure to rebalance them {{{ like running to hold a ladder i might see them on that is a bit too "shaky"}}} should i say "hey hold up your ladder is shaky!!" ....etc}}}
3) If i run to the ladder , would my running collide with someone elses? (and of course is someone else already doing "xyz" to help the faller?
All that is a oversimplification, but on that specific example, all those thought processes taking place within a 5 second time window....
As i er "my friend" has seen situations where "reactionary" impulses, however good intentioned, have resulted in "collisions", that either do nothing to help the faller, or create another accodent (like 2 people run into each other while trying to run to a shaky ladder, which only creates 3 injured workers instead of one)
Such a "freeze" might seem "dull" or "uncaring", but its just experience & possibly , the ASD spectrum mental weakness of not ascertaining a "social situation" as quickly as a "normie"....or maybe "sevantally" overthinking things to the point of such thinkings being actually getting in the way of accomplishing anything. Especially while "in the moment" of say someone falling of a ladder that was "shaky".
After all they call it the "fight/flight" response for a reason, not the "fight/flight/take a scenic hike around for an hour or so thinking about the price of tea in china while event "xyz" takes place, response).
Just some insights 😂
I love you! I relate so well to, I just want to be left alone. No man is an island is true. My desire is sail off into the sunset.
Hahahaha, thank you, that's lovely. I'm surprised at how lovely it feels to have company on my wavelength. I'm just glad nobody has suggested an in- person meet up. 😊
You and I are a lot alike. I found a video by you recently and now I'm going to have to watch most or all of them. Thanks for uploading your experiences.
No problem. Glad they are helpful
My understanding of "spectrum" was also that it related to the degree of severity. But recently I am hearing it used rather to describe the array of variations. (I don't know.)
Thinking the spectrum described support needs and/ or severity has been a common misconception. Instead it covers an array (or spectrum) of aspects of being human where autistic folks typically sit outside the norm. An individual may sit only slightly out on some aspects and more so in others or experience any combination of outcomes. We are all autistic if we hit enough of the criteria in an atypical way. It's possible for those not classified as autistic to report severe challenges in one or more criteria. That may contribute to another diagnosis criteria being met or may not.
31:32 "I am the change that I want to see in the world" omg need this on a tshirt
Lol grab yourself a T-Shirt and marker pen. Spread the word
@@suddenlyautistic you are fantastic
@@pengruiqio thank you.
When you feel unsafe, does you mind race to possible scenarios in which you might be harmed? Sometimes I wonder if I’m not autistic but paranoid. Like you mentioned, I just go ahead in spite of feelings of fear.
Oh yes, I have a very fast processor (brain) so yes. I don't actually have to be conscious of any bodily feeling though. I'm always scanning for information and patterns that can help me in a situation. I guess the difference between that and paranoia for me would be the way the risks were being calculated and where one puts themselves in relation to that risk. I'm usually seeing myself as somewhat detached and emotionally neutral while calculating the odds. I guess someone paranoid may be more central and emotionally reactive to the scenario in their heads.
I found this difficult to absorb, maybe because I’m a dolt. But in case it is helpful to you, I’ll try to explain what my difficulties were:
1. The words ‘emotion’ and ‘feeling’ are synonyms, so it puzzled me why you were using them differently. I eventually decided that you mean feeling in the sense of an opinion. That is, if you ask someone about their feelings on some subject, they might give you a consciously constructed opinion on it.
2. Confusingly, emotion is then equated with behavior and feeling with motivation. It seems to me that our behavior could be a function of both our emotions and opinions. The same goes for our motivations.
3. The spectrum in ‘autism spectrum’ refers to the various manifestations of autism, not to the degree of autism (as the general populace seems to think). What definition of ‘spectrum’ are you proposing to throw out?
4. You are offering an alternative to the autistic vs. non-autistic model and the continuum model (everyone’s on the spectrum). But your pair+gap model appears to be in the category of autistic vs. non-autistic. Non-autistics have a bridge and we have a crevasse. But then you weaken this distinction by suggesting a continuum of bridge qualities and/or crevasse gaps and thus seem to be veering toward the ‘spectrum’ view.
5. If autism is characterized by a crevasse between our emotions and feelings, then most of the males in my generation would qualify as autistic. I’m being serious.
6. At one point (17:00) I understand you to be saying that we are fundamentally different from non-autistics because we experience the world differently. This would be a difference that occurs regardless of the pair+gap construct.
7. I don’t see how the story of your friend missing her seat fits into the pair+gap model. It appears that you simply didn’t have an emotional reaction to begin with.
8. Could monotropism be a better explanation than pair+gap? The reason that you had no emotional reaction to your friend harmlessly missing her seat and not even spilling her drink could be that you were focused on the conversation you were about to have and didn’t prioritize the minor mishap as worthy enough to break that concentration.
What is a Dolt?
I love the computer gut graphic
It would be amazing to get that drawn up from scratch and put on a T-Shirt wouldn't it! Actually I could ask my daughter to make me one from lino print. I thought the binary code was great and had to use it
@@suddenlyautistic Would there be any licensing issues? I mean if you could you use it for merch - might be something others would resonate with and want to buy.
@@signsthatscream possibly not at I constructed that from different graphics so that arrangement is something I created. That said, I'd only ever use that as a starting point and get a new original designed for printing. I'll definitely look into that.
@@suddenlyautistic So the idea was yours. - That's the part that is so good. You can for sure create your own spiral of binary code and vector art for a stomach - make the composition attractive for a shirt -no legal problem then. I've liked the graphics in your other videos too.
I can't believe someone finally said it... Yes asking people to click like and subscribe is cheesy and even makes me doubt exactly how autistic a couple of the more prolific content publishers are. It seems discrediting, though not NEARLY as much as soliciting "donations" offering paid subscriptions and throwing up "patreon" or payment app links 😏 Definitely it's a logical fallacy that we're all a little bit autistic. I'm new to all this so haven't heard anyone say that yet but I probably won't mind telling them something like "don't I wish". It's like being told somebody who's just died is in a better place. People can be so fucking stupid.
Yes it doesn't feel authentic to me and I do think I'm probably wrestling with a little resentment and anger at how every platform gets bent into 'neurotypical' shape, a process that increases the friction for me and other Atypical beings. It's another form of rejection. I don't doubt the authenticity of the others, but I do find myself hoping they are aware and are protecting themselves from burnout. I also feel it's worth saying I don't take these stands as some anti-hero or out of a sense of superiority. It's pure self-protection.
@@suddenlyautistic my experience is that to be autistic is not to overanalyze everything so much as analysis paralysis tends to be a product of 2e autism, so maybe not the autism at all. Highly self-aware autism seems like an oxymoron, and I think it actually is. Perhaps you’re thinking of yourself that way out of modesty regarding accompanying intellectual giftedness. I don’t think it’s a coincidence researchers found the parenting styles of intellectually gifted kids(‘s parents) to be less demonstratively empathetic than average several decades after MDs abandoned refrigerator mothering as an etiological perturbation common to autism.
@REGjr that's an interesting idea, thank you. It actually fits with some reading I'm doing about emotional intelligence and pro sociality. In terms of my intelligence, I'm very comfortable with the reality that I'm exceptional in some areas of IQ and am also patently aware that I'm deficient in some other areas. I don't relate to the idea of modesty in this situation. Both aspects of my IQ and EQ are valid and accurate. I'm very grateful for your input
This was fantastic, thank you!
Thank you for another great video!
Thanks for the video
Ah, thanks for the explanation.
thanks for not doing an intro. i try to skip over intros, extros and self promotion.
Thank you for the feedback and yes I do that too. After weighing everything up I decided I had to stay true to myself in that regard and make the videos in the way I'm most comfortable. I am ok with sacrificing followers for authenticity. Glad you also appreciate that
Beware to whom you explain your autism. I told someone who is also autistic but does not realise. Now my opinions are disregarded, even in my areas of expertise.
It can happen, it is on the path of being who we are when exploring new vistas. It says more about who they are, than who we are.
I can see how that could be the case but have personally had the opposite reaction. The medical profession have been much more inclined to take my health tracking notes and spreadsheets seriously rather than dismiss me as neurotic. I'm also feeling better understood professionally as before I was definitely judged for my communication style. I recognise my privilege in this regard.
@@suddenlyautistic
Being understood is the least to ask
@artemis sidecross that's actually true, I recognise that and feel sad that it's taken so much of my life to be treated this way. I hold that and also see how my unique set of circumstances has afforded be privileges that have helped me get this far. That's why I'm happy to share and feel no danger or shame along the way.
@@suddenlyautistic
Being misunderstood is easier to accept, if my expression of meaning is measured and focused as best I can muster.
Even so it takes both an in tune listener and speaker for clarity to manifest. Like a marriage it is a work of art and understanding for its sum to add up to more than its parts.
Is ‘feeling tired’ a feeling? I feel anxiety (apparently) and I feel burnt out, are these all feelings from the same place? I’m even more confused now.
Sorry for the stupid question. I really appreciate the theory you have developed here. I took away from it that I need to maintain my ‘bridge’. Might get an upgrade one day 😂
Hi Geraldine, I'd say we experience tiredness as both an objective reality and a subjective feeling. I don't think tired is an emotion, though. Tiredness tends to increase our emotionality and if we notice our responses and have the mental resources available, we can create a narrative using that info. That narrative is our feelings. For some people the feeling of being tired comes with no strong emotionality, it is what it is and they may seek out rest. For others tiredness may trigger emotions related for being a bad human or of sadness. Those emotions may come from stories we've been told or told ourselves about what we should do, or how we ought to feel. Or maybe about what we deserve- we can't feel tired, we don't deserve a rest etc. Again the English language makes all this very hard to decipher as we use technically inaccurate words to describe what's going on for us.
Honestly what ive seen become really problematic is is people deciding that like,
Pop culture can indicate autisim and use that for the phrase?
Like self diognosing gundam fans are weird and honestly they specifically make alot of actual autistic people on the internet uncomfertable when they try and relate a like, murderer without emotions to a autistic person.
Well, now that I hear it out loud, I don't think I can distinguish between emotions and feelings.
Maybe it's a linguistic thing?
English isn't my mother tongue.
Ok, it could definitely be the way I'm explaining. What is your first language? It's likely there's a better explanation there as mine is centred around the white, , western, individual understanding. I could also lean more on the side of brain and body than embodied or connected emotion vs feeling.
@@suddenlyautistic Spanish and Catalan.
But after further research and some thought, I think it's just that never really understood them as different things.
Sort of thought of them as synonyms, but at a different resolution.
Like the base colors RGB on one hand, and the likes of chartreuse, lavender, aquamarine and burgundy on the other.😅
Also will have to work on percieveing both, cause most of the time I draw a blank.
@ampeyro that all makes sense. There isn't really a definite line between the two. It's more of a spectrum that only becomes separate when viewed from the two opposite ends
It may be more like the discovery that light is both a wave and particle and it is an observer in time that makes an observation of one or the other.
You can ignore it, disguise it, re-label or even un-label it, but autism will always be a developmental disorder. Doing any of those things will not change what it is and how it is viewed. The only thing that will change how its viewed is for those on the spectrum to cease being who they are not and stubbornly teach others who they truly are. Not easy, not painless, but there it is.
I disagree about that being the only way. The friction which we could call burden, responsibility or something else , is relational. It can and should be reduced on both sides. As we don't know what we don't know it's definitely helpful when we share dialogue in an open and honest way.
@@suddenlyautistic Perhaps how it is viewed will improve, I hope, but the definition is science. A difference, maybe, but never the norm.
Feelings and emotions are not the same things you say?
Its more of a continuum than a 'this' vs 'that'. It's complicated by the language we use. We primarily feel our emotions and think out our feelings after some time to reflect. I think it would be easier to understand if we used the word feelings for emotions instead as even people with low emotional intelligence feel the changes that happen when we emote.