I walked away from a situation like this last month. After three months dating, I finally had the courage to ask him what direction we were heading into and the answer was “we’re living different moments”. I agreed with him and said goodbye. My time and energy must be not wasted in vain. I prefer staying single and keeping looking for someone who’s right about me.
Preach girl. I had the same exact situation but he told me he had no idea what he feels about me. Neither get involved nor go separate ways... it wasn't worth the pain anyway.
Very similar situation I had with a woman a few weeks ago. She had a lot of things going on in her life, also involving an ex-husband who was trying to rekindle apparently. After four months of dating, I asked the question and also clearly reminded her of my needs & boundaries, since she was pulling away lately. She said she was confused and her life was a mess right now, so I made it easier for her and me by walking away. No hard feelings, I do feel for her and my decision was backed up with a lot of compassion. She was just not emotionally available right now, and that's okay at the end of the day. Few years ago, I would have probably stayed around and "wait" but luckily life teaches its lessons.
Something similar here- he said after almost 3 months that we have different personalities and not feeling/ being in the moment and sharing with each other. The truth is I was being a bit closed off but we started casually and I think none of expected the posiibjlity of it turning into more. I don’t even know myself anymore…. 😢 I responded to him that we can catch up as friends one day that’s it. But to this day I don’t know if should have explored this conversation after what he has expressed… instead of just running
:D You are looking at it from a woman's perspective. Women are wired in the way that they tie love and sex together. In order to have sex with a man a relationship must be established first and therefor you must like him first. Men however are not wired this way. Nature made them so that they want to spread their seed as much as possible to their capabilities. They release millions upon millions of it per ejaculation and they can have a few of them on a day. That means they can impregnate multiple women at the same time basically. But a woman only releases 1 egg a month and it's precious for her. She can't have hundreds of babies from different men every other week or so. So that means men are wired to separate love from sex, or at least more than women. They can "sportf..k" new women every single day for their entire lifes without feeling any sort of attachment to any of them, even if one is the hottest and best. They can even lower their standards depending on their urge, meaning they will try to sleep with a girl who's far below his level in looks. They are simply out for variety, for as much as they can get just like nature intended with flowers. Even promiscuous women who "try to be like a man" can't keep this up. They eventually will cling onto somebody they slept with and are devastated if he leaves. He'll always be on her mind. A man chooses when and if he ties love and sex together. But most of it comes through other ways.
In my opinion if you’re not ready for a relationship, then you’re not ready to have sex with someone. Sex - It’s an act that not only comes with risk but also intimacy and connection.. if you don’t want to have relationship, you don’t deserve intimacy or connection and you definitely aren’t worth the risk.
The answer is No. This does not mean they are bad for not being ready or you are bad for not wanting to wait. It only means you are both at different spots in your journeys and have different needs. Trying to force or put up with the situation will leave one person feeling pressured and boundaries disrespected and the other will feel hollow and unwanted. Go your separate ways and seek out those who align with your spot in life right now and for the near future.
Also, leaving someone who is keeping you on a string gives yiu the opportunity to build strength and self-worth. Because you’ve made a choice that prioritizes yourself. This in itself prepares you to be valued in a relationship. Paying the cost of sacrificing someone to you love who isn’t loving you back, pays off in significant boost in self esteem and confidence. I left the guy who strung me along for years and it was SO HARD…but I made the choice to treat myself with the kindness I deserved and left him in the belief that someone better who would love me was out there. It took 3 years but I met my now-husband, and I was READY for that love when he came into my life in large part because of the strength in my self that I developed through leaving the string-along guy. It was WORTH IT. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this, I've been waiting 10 years for someone who plays with my heart then throws me away. I'm like his personal yo-yo at this point. I'm destroyed inside. I've no self-worth anymore. I'm fighting a battle to try and get well and it's the battle of my life.
Yes meeting your own needs genuinely sets you free, plus I was already used to isolation but the difference is now I can enjoy it with nothing worrying me in the back of my head.
Life’s fleeting. Don’t settle. Don’t breadcrumb. It’s taken me many (painful, ouch) years to get to this point. And whilst I’m not a relic, I’ve roamed the earth longer than some 😂 Mindset is everything x
I’m so glad I left! Every mindset you gave resonated with the situation I was in. We give ourselves that false hope but “leaving is your best shot at finding something better.” Thank you for this!
You are genius my brother. It happened to me. She said she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and marriage. I totally understood and sticked around for 6 months to see if i would get any progress. She knew me very well and knew how much good person I’m. We had a great chemistry together. After 6 months she said still I’m not ready and i left. I had to respect myself and told her i understand, i will take a step back because I’m ready for more than that. I deserve more than love. Maybe it will work if she will make up her mind again and calls me, just maybe… if I’m still available for her. I don’t regret the wasted months, we always learn from our mistakes. My advice for men, and women also, if your crush said I’m not ready for a relationship, just leave politely and find the one who deserves you 🌹 Thank you for reading.
i was in this he told me he needs time, that he doesn´t want a relationship yet, but if he changed his mind he would tell me he also gave me assurance by saying he won´t meet or date other people. fast forward a year later and I found out that he was dating another girl for about 5 months now and has feelings for her and he dropped me like garbage
@@micahrutland9021mine he never talked to me or opened up I really don’t care I’m over it now I’m not playing games anymore and I learned from that mistake he is an asshole my therapist tells me he was not into me that is not what happened and my therapist says I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m not happy about that maybe he is not ready for a relationship also I guess my therapist is right he wasn’t mean to me he did apologize for hurting me because he did and he told me all this stuff I feel like he was attracted and he was interested in me and he did like me I really don’t know what happened is is because of rumors about me people making assumptions he got the wrong idea about me he didn’t even talk to me and tell me that he doesn’t like me and that he is not interested he could have talked to me.
Don’t wait ever . I was in a situaitonship for years but then when I finally had enough I cut contact , it took me about 6 months to heal along with therapy and then I met someone wayyy better naturally attracted him into my life . Now all the problems I had with the first guy are no longer
Good my therapist told me I’m not ready for relationships and that does not make me happy and I get upset about it I feel like I need a relationship someone that I have a connection with and that makes me smile and laugh and helps me the guy I had a crush on was not into me my therapist says I get upset about that after everything he told me he apologized for ever hurting me because he did this isn’t the first time he did this and he told me to keep being me and that he thinks I’m a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I asked if I’m annoying him he said nah ur good he told me a lot of things but people tell you what you want to hear and manipulate you and he got too comfortable with me and I wish I could go back and say something to him but I get scared and afraid because I don’t want to get bullied by guys and told to shut up they are immature they think it’s cool to bring people down but it’s not I’m over it now and don’t care anymore I don’t care about girls or guys I chose to now react differently I’m not playing games anymore and I will not let someone get too comfortable I hope someone comes that is actually into me and wants me.
LOVE THIS TOPIC MATTHEW. I was in this situation for 7 months and decided to cut them off because they said they are not ready to commit. Don't know what the hell does that mean but it definitely hurts!
I’m in a non-relationship with a man that I really like. He’s emotionally closed off, but he’s very good to me, and I value his friendship even though I’d like more. Your last question got my attention. Yes, this is what I want. He’s not dating other people and definitely shows a preference for me when other women are around. BTW, we’re both in our 70s. He’s a widow and I’ve been alone most of my life. So, yeah, I am willing to settle for this.
You said something key - you value his friendship. So you’ve made a choice to accept what it is and what it ain’t. I don’t think that’s the same as “settling”, that’s choosing to define the relationship in a new way that actually works for BOTH of you. I think that’s mature. …As long as you’re GENUINELY ok with it staying a friendship for the long-term. May the Lord give you the desires of your hearts sooner than you expect! 🙏🏽 God bless! 🦋
Oh yes, I know this scenario inside out! I'm in my late 60's. There just don't seem to be any single guys around, not my age anyway, or if they are, they want much younger women, tho I look much better than many my age, mainly due to daily exercise, with my own home, a modest pension, highly educated, enjoy a wide range of cultural pursuits ... WTF are they looking for? And, yes, I'm friendly with a widower who I'd actually crossed off my Christmas card list, after I asked would he ever think of re-partnering & he said No. Later, he said he hadn't meant that & he WAS interested, but then he acted very ambivalently & wouldn't acknowledge what he was doing. I find it impossible to read him. We share a lot of the same interests, so avoiding him is really hard work. I did meet an older guy, also a widower, for coffee for a while, but he was very dull & constantly replayed his happy marriage, & never organised a proper date for the weekend, so I stopped taking his calls.
Hopefully, he doesn’t find the one and leave you heartbroken. It’s fine right now until he meets the one that he does prefer over you. If you’re happy settling, that’s all that matters…good luck!
@@Jenjenn1111 this is such a key point when as a woman you've mistakenly settled for second best. It becomes a serious painful thing the moment he finds one he is actually into for real.
This is a great comment. I am 60 and I am a widow. I have had children. I don't see the need to be constantly with someone. I don't think it's who I am now. So saying I don't want a relationship doesn't mean I just want to use you. It is a statement about where we are at this stage in our lives. I want a connection, a friendship but I am not convinced about more than this.
Last week he broke up with me after 2 years. He always told me he's not ready for a relationship. I was waiting patiently. I told him I can give him as much time as he needs. I've never loved someone as much as him. I did everything to be the best version of myself for him. And he just left me when I didn't expect it. He wanted to be friends and stay in contact but I refused. It's so hard for me to avoid texting or calling him. I still have hope that he will miss me and understand his mistake. But I feel so stupid and naive.
Best thing I ever did was walk away from a using, time waster. I held on for far too long waiting and waiting for change. One year on? Best thing I've ever done. Calm life with zero worry or stress. You just don't see it at the time and think there's no other future. Walk. You will thank yourself so much in the future. That's a guarantee.
Waited 2 years for my husband to come around. At the end of the day the choices I made during that time were for both of us. She called and told me he had been cheating with her. Bought her a wedding ring as he was trying to fix it with me. Don't wait. Do what is best for you. This story is different than what is presented but you don't know why or what is going on. Just take care of yourself. Big hugs to everyone. We are all going through something. Be brave and make the tough choices I wish I would have.
Found and fell in love with the exact girl I have been looking for my whole life, just for it to end with her saying that she doesn’t think being in a relationship right now is the best thing for her. She was previously married and divorced her husband for running around on her and just being a terrible person. We got together after their divorce was final and things were literally perfect from the start.. until she decided to “guard her heart” and distance herself from me, in fear of being hurt again and not totally healed from her broken marriage. I done all that I could for 6 months, and now we’re no longer together. Been through many breakups before, but nothing remotely close to this magnitude of hurt. Praying and hoping that she comes back after some time apart and she realizes that she’s meant for more than being ran around on. To say that I am devastated would be an incredible understatement. Don’t know what to do or where I go from here. My prayer is that God will provide me the strength to carry on without her until she comes back, or I find someone new.
Those may likely just be nice ways of breaking it off. That’s what all women do, be polite give excuses. She probably just doesn’t feel you are her match. She knows herself, trust her. Don’t love the wrong person. Move on. Your a sadness and mourning is just not accepting reality that she isn’t your match. Ask God who is your match, & if you are ready to meet your match. Put your energy into finding your match not fretting over you wanting someone to be your match that just isn’t. Women aren’t going to tell you why you aren’t a match. It’s often private.
If you love God you would trust Him and want His will. You would be happy to leave this person because they are not your match. Listen to her ! Listen to God. Trust them. So you don’t get your way. She may prefer someone that trusts God more , that doesn’t have depression over not getting their way. That respects her more and her opinion vs contradicting her and assuming she is wrong. If I were her I’d move in too. Sorry! Perhaps you aren’t ready to meet someone. Work on your faith first. People of faith are joyful
@@jonahcasper3284 If she is your match, and she truly just isnt ready … write her a letter. Ask her. Tell her how you feel about her completely truly and why. Tell her you know it takes two to make a match. Ask her if she knows in her heart you are not a match, or if she is unsure and just chatting as friends to give it time would be helpful…that is if you can handle that with not pressuring her and truly just being a friend! Or, if it is just because she needs time to recover or its not the right time for her to be sure about moving forward. Tell her you can be patient, its worth it to you to wait and see, and just be friends, then one day it may become clear to you both if it is meant to be. Its a very nice way of letting her know you truly need full disclosure from her so you know if it wasn’t a match and u can move on in life. Because if she knows who she is and knows it does not match with you then it Is Not a good match at all thats just a fact. It takes Two to love. You cant truly even love her if she doesnt love you. So find out! If she cares at all she will answer, if you aren’t crazy depressed sensitive or pressuring her. If she knows she doesnt love you in that way there is nothing to be devastated about but your own fantasy! Not reality. There is nothing lost if she doesnt feel that way about you. Love is when two people cant live without each other. She doesnt even want to date you. Perhaps you imagined a lot and cant face the truth, that it was not a match and she doesnt love you, perhaps time revealed someone who she knows is not what she fits with or wants. She knows herself, you Cannot know more than she does. That disrespects her opinion entirely. If she was killed in an accident you should be devastated. There is nothing to be upset about. God has a match for you elsewhere. You cant force what isnt real. You love what you imagined and now cant face the reality. Man up. Women need men who are strong. If you actually do love her…you value her more than anyone on earth does, be her friend and do everything for her just to be kind, Not to get what you want in return as Thats Not love. Prove it to her show her u know what love is and it is how you feel. Be her best friend that gives and does everything for her. Take care of her. Listen, trust her. Make her laugh and smile. Listen to her talk about her dates and boyfriends. She will slowly depend on you and turn. It can take years. If you never ever give up this usually always works. But dont get serious at all with anyone else ever. Thats proof u dont love her.
Maaaannnn.... this looks like i myself put down this comment. Been through the exact same thing. What hurts more is the fact that we had an AMAZING chemistry and i know i cannot have the same with someone else. It really hurts when you remember how you helped them get through their tough times only to get discarded when WE have made their lives a little bit joyful and better. And then again i think sometimes that i was just a distraction for her, a tool she used to numb her pain for a bit and feel validated. I feel you brother... best thing you can do is accept the reality. Whatever version you think or interpret. Atleast you will not have the regret of not giving your best. If you were good to her, i hope she regrets leaving you. Because even though both of you lost each other, she lost someone who really loved her, and that will haunt her one day. Try to move on. You have a lot of love to give and wait for the right person to give that love. Hoping that there has to be some happiness in my life without her being a part of it, hope you do the same and hope you get that. 🫂
No. They don't like you. They just want you when it's convenient for them or they want attention. Have self respect and don't be someone's back-up plan.
'Are you looking for something casual or serious?' - ask him before you go on a date with him. If he says: 'casual', you should say: 'It's a shame. I like you but we are not on the same page on that, so I don't think we're a match'. If he says: 'serious', from then on she should let him prove it: start initiating communications, organising dates and winning her over to become his wife.
The genius of Matthew's method is that it speaks to the healthy part of you that knows you should move on because there is no (well nothing is certain but there js little hope) hope but also to the unheathy part that wants the other person to come around. The behavior is the same! And behavior/action is what matters, not mindset. So even on bad days when you feel yourself backsliding and losing strength you know you're doing the right thing even when the goal is getting them backm
I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed like we both fancy each other. Today I found out about his girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢
That’s terrible…it happened to me too. Like, who do you think I am? It is NOT ok to use me while you work through your problems with your girlfriend. I felt so used and betrayed…but I’m healing.
I recently had a similiar situation. We were on and off, he showed me attention, had me over to his house and then all of a sudden nothing! So I confronted him about his actions and he told me he didn't want to start a relationship right now. Of course i get all the explanations of its not you, you're so great with an amazing personality. It's been two weeks and we haven't spoken to each other since. It's difficult, because I felt I finally found someone real after two years of no one and then he flaked out too. I'm still heartbroken over this. Matthew you make so many great points in this video that I can totally relate too. I'm currently reading your book and it's pointing out a lot of things to me as well. I'm seeing things I've done wrong and need to change. I love how kind, patient and understanding you are in all of these videos.
Thank you, it’s exactly what I needed to hear so I don’t waste a moment more in hoping for someone I like to see that I’m boyfriend material, they say they’re not ready and that’s fine but I’m not gonna sit around and wait for them, I gotta keep living my life and I will find the right person for a relationship based on kindness and respect.
They never told me they were not ready my therapist thinks I’m not and I’m not happy about that and it makes me upset that my therapist thinks he is not into me after everything he told me and him saying keep being you he apologized for ever hurting me and said I was a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I’m over it now and I don’t really care anymore and I’m not playing games anymore I will not let someone get too comfortable with me again
Done this for 4 and half years off and on. Waited wanted this situation to turn around. And waiting. But I know now time is valuable. I don't want to put another year into this. I need to move on. My absence just needs to be there for him to completely feel it that I am completely gone. I don't want to be on rotation, etc. It is unfulfilled and lonely. I had a blast with him. But also I paid for the price too as well. With heartbreak 💔 Thank you for this video. If you had told me to watch this a year ago or two years ago, I would just scroll by. But this spoke to ME. I love the man like crazy. I always will. But I can't do this anymore.i value Me and my Peace
Why does this video appeared just on time. Currently I'm close to a man. But he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I was so heart broken. I cared for him, I send him many presents only to get nothing in return. I feel like an idiot. He is my first love. He ticks all the quality I want in a man. We are still in contact and next month will count as a year since we've known each other. He still regards me as a friend. Slowly my heart starts to move on. If he come to love me back when I'm not anymore, then that's his loss.
I really enjoyed the advice and started tearing up at #5. I will come back to this video when I feel down, it really helped changing perspectives and not giving up. Thank you, Matthew & Team!
This made me realize that I need to stop WAITING for him to make the decision of, IF he really wants a relationship with me or not! He’s giving me NOTHING and I’m still sitting here giving him a chance and it’s only been 2 months!
I would like to see a living example of someone who sticked around , invested more and ultimately got in a relationship. Probably as likely as winning a lottery
To the person who said kate Middleton… we don’t know the state of her relationship behind closed doors and whether she actually won the prize she deserved romantically. Bless her though and hope she recovers. ❤
I was told "I'm not looking for a relationship...just sex right now." Heads up... If we aren't in a relationship, then that means we're officially just friends. And you know what? Friends don't have sex, at least, this one doesn't. Don't walk, run. The chances of him changing his mind is slim to none.
Loved this video Matthew! It hit home with me bc my bf was love bombing me at the beginning, then wanted me to move where he is but I said let’s wait and see how things go in this LDR then he said he wasn’t ready to move in together but then said he didn’t want to wait more than 2 years for us to live together but as I was thinking about our potential future together and moving my life where he is he went out and bought a condo without telling me when he suggested we buy a house together next year. When I found out about this condo he then said he was struggling right now and needing a break and I said let’s just breakup and so we did. This was a years worth of mixed messages and I just got tired of it. So glad we ended things before I moved my whole life there when he wasn’t even sure about me.
Yup. Gave them my time and effort for 1.5 years, inviting them to things, giving them gifts, let myself be put into a situation of being used because that was the only time we talked. Only to one day try and talk to them about something that I was doing that they could relate to, and they had no interest. Ended up finding out that they were spending all their time with other people, doing all the things I wanted to do with them instead. Called them out on it and was told I was "asking for too much" when we were only talking twice a month and I only wanted to spend ANY time with them. They also told me "getting to know people is a consequence of having interests". Lesson learned is to stop approaching people first all the time and see if they approach you instead.
This was poignant. I SO regret I didn't know about situationships and this type of stuff two years ago since it would have saved me a tremendous amount of heartbreak. Thrown-under-the-bus life lessons are still being learned but the silver lining is I'm being forced to fundamentally change in positive ways to be happier for the rest of my life. I'm "growing into gratitude" for my mistakes, and for his mistakes...slowly but surely. I believe the five mindset shifts in the video are spot-on but to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would have acted on them since I was so deeply smitten with this man and I lacked the ability to understand my needs, set boundaries, and stick with them. But now, after experiencing all this pain, I probably would.
Thank you so much from deep of my heart🙏 I let go a man who was dating me parallel, I saw the red flags after 3 weeks, I am very proud of myself as I feel my growth of self-respect, self- worth+ self-love... The 5. Mindset shift hit me the most: I love myself, am able to set healthy boundaries more and more, and have been through much pain, that is why I am looking for my romantic love of my life💫💜💫
Before I met my husband, I manifested the kind of love I deserve... I made a list with all the personality traits and physical characteristics of my future partner, and waited until he showed up in my life... He is real, and he is imperfectly perfect, like me. We fit just right, because it turns out he was waiting for me, too. We are grateful for each other, and together we manifest amazing things for our family. If you're avoidant, you most likely have said to family members - who had a major role in your childhood: "You only accepted me or liked me when I was happy/obedient/emotionless." This one simple statement fits with ALL the core symptoms of avoidant attachment: 1. Being overly self-reliant (and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses) 2. Pushing down anger until it explodes and manufactures the boundaries you crave but can't/don't/won't always ask for 3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems 4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent or even getting bullied and teased/mocked 5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy (like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating) Remember ALWAYS this process is all about YOU!!! Not him. He is just a catalyst. Consider, he may be your twin flame. Look into that. After he initiated your trauma, you're now left to deal with and to heal: all that has come to the surface. GOOD! This is a blessing. Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless. HUGE-HUGE gift! Major advice!!! Listen closely!!! NEVER ever CHASE HIM. He will run further and you will lose yourself more. You are the feminine. You are the divine goddess. You just be and approve (or disapprove) whoever comes along. It's a yes: you meet my requirements, or: it's a no, you do not. Be clear on whom you're accepting as a partner and DO NOT settle for less (or you just delay what's actually really divinely meant for you). Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up. It's all human, and in need of your attention. If you push it away, deny it, block it, hide it, or run from it... You will just have to deal with it later... And when later comes, those emotions will be: intensified/amplified/magnified! 1) Put yourself first and foremost! 2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl. 3) Rejection is redirection. Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities. And, Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief: 1. Find the belief... 2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES to having the belief 3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES to having the belief If you can NOT find advantages then that’s EXACTLY why you're stuck!! When you finally see both sides... Your mind will STOP thinking about it 'cause your brain will be rewired. So you gotta keep at it, until you find the positive to the negative... And therefore, ultimately rewire your brain! AND REMEMBER: STOP making it all about manifestation when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION! AND: If you haven't heard today... You are so very loved and you are so very worthy of love. The hardest part is learning to love yourself and to know: it's not all your fault, and to see: that you're beautiful; wonderfully perfectly brilliantly created. You're stronger than most; a true leader/warrior in the making. Keep going and keep thanking. Remember Jesus was an outcast and he suffered more than any human being could ever endure... And the most important message here is to forgive them and to forgive yourself and to love all. Keep walking in truth. One of the great poems of the Zen tradition ends with this description of the awakened state: “To be without suffering over imperfection(s).” AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER: I am one with the Divine. I experience, peace, BLISS, love, and joy: CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY. I experience everything as grace AND AS LOVE. I am at peace. I honor the Divine within me. Our God is able and can see your heart’s cry. He knows every tear that has fallen and continues to fall from your eyes... Take heart - Christ is close to the broken hearted! He is a God of good surprises. Throw out the idea of your past, throw the past years, completely away. Get rid of them, do not acknowledge them any longer. Redefine and recreate your self today! HERE! NOW! You are an artist and an alchemist and a creator and you have the immense power to repaint this dream... * I am The Song Of the Universe! * Today is a Miraculous Wonderfully Delicious Magical Day! * I am in PERFECT HEALTH and ABUNDANT WEALTH in my New Earth Divine Crystalline Body!
I’ve been talking to this guy flat out 7 months- last week well a couple weeks ago I said I’m going away Monday for 5 nights with my mother ! Last week I said remember I’m going away and completely turned on me and now blocked me all because I’m going away .. kept saying you’ll meet other people… I feel he’s got insecurities issues or something major than that - I was hurt for a couple days … I’m still a little bit hurt I’ve never experienced this in my life before I was in 15 year relationship before this been single 4 years ..
#3 is so real. I actually said the exact same thing to this guy I was in a situationship with for almost 6 months, and he just shrugged it off, not responding to it in any way. Probably because he knew for himself that that was true, and he just didn't like to acknowledge it.
I have to see him everyday but we dont speak since two weeks, he ignores me. He became cold and distant. I found out about his girlfriend today, she works in the same company. Im crying because it got to me he was lying.❤
I would never intentionally involve myself with another woman's man. I feel deeply betrayed and disappointed on so many levels. It's been over a month since I found out, so the extreme pain has eased somewhat
Hey Coach! ❤ I waited 3 and 1/2 weeks (continuing our connection and talks and communication on various levels)…. and someone that said he was “looking for FWB” has changed his mind and decided he wants to pursue a relationship w me 🤙🏼 I probably would not have invested too much further into this connection if it had gone the way i thought it was going for a minute (he actually pulled back at week 3 and said he was going back on the dating app)….. but just a day later he admitted that was a reaction. He’s now decided he’s wanting to continue on an exclusive level….. and that is a mutual agreement (in the most supportive way). I connect a LOT with the message of this video….. as it usually does not work out “my way” - just wanted to share the true life story of a “change of mind” by the man i’m pursuing 🥰💗👌🏼😎
Thank you, I needed to watch this today. It was the reassurance I needed that I made the right decision by walking away from my ex who would keep telling me this after six months of no contact. Thank you Matthew, I appreciate this.
Was in a situation a couple of months ago. I just wished i saw this video before that situation. I wasted about 6 months of my life and a lot of effort and investment. Also, I might have missed another opportunity in the process. She said she was getting over someone and was not ready to commit. But if i saw this video, i would've brought up the subject in around month 3 at the latest. The other piece, i think is missing is the relationship shouldn't be a roller coaster. That was my feeling the whole 6 months.
If he says that to me I assume he is just not that in to me and he never will be and I leave. Simple. The heart goes where it goes. No amount of waiting or tugging is going to get it to move in your direction if it is not willing. What’s the point. I think if it this way - I see a shoe I love and it goes well with my outfits and my lifestyle etc. I try it on and it’s not quite a good fit. And the longer I am wearing it the more uncomfortable I feel. So I give it back and go look for a shoe that fits and makes me feel like a queen❤
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
My God…I’m in tears right now. This video was all I needed to make the decision to leave a piece of $@*#€ I’ve been dating for the last 11 months. After all this time he still does NOT want to be exclusive. Mindset Shift #5 simply and clearly explained my love life and situation for the past 10 years. I’ll watch this video on repeat, write out all 5 Mind shifts and know them by heart, and block this man out of my life for good. I’m heartbroken tonight 💔
After 8 months of dating he broke up with me 3 days ago because he said he doesn’t know what he wants anymore (we talked about marriage and kids a lot and he would bring it up himself often and talked about when I move in with him). He is also not willing to make time for me/us and he knows that if were to carry on in the relationship that he’ll have to give some things up to make time and he said he doesn’t want to do that. I feel like he has led me on and I’m utterly heartbroken. He treated me so well and have nothing bad against him which makes it even harder to try and get over him. I just don’t understand how he can change his mind so suddenly 💔
I say this with all respects 100%for you Matthew. On some of your utube videos that maybe we should try to communicate and understand what the other person has gone through. Not so much as dating other people. Just the part where they may not be ready for a relationship and that we maybe or has been through some battles throughout their lives to where they don’t feel like they are safe enough to open up. I’m that person that can feel what other people feel and I have a hard time walking although I did walk away. It still made me feel like I walked away prematurely.
@@basicinfo2022i hope so if they do I’m not going back they can’t just think that things will go back to the way they used to you broke me and hurt me and lied and manipulated me you were not into me I get it but you couldn’t talk to me after everything you told me I’m upset and I’m not happy about it and my therapist thinks I’m not ready for relationships he tells me that all the time this is not what I want I need a relationship someone a connection someone that makes me smile and laugh not weird I hope I find someone that is into me and I’m not playing games anymore I will not let someone get to comfortable and I don’t care about girls or guys anymore.
I have found something over intentional which has made it seem to me almost necessary while I felt I required less emotions than I was able to hold about the person. This is what I learned from the heartbreak recent. While I felt I needed to learn about relationship experience better. These videos are truly a value to better hold space for myself eventually & essentially the goal is to hold your own space as some may matter to many people. A space I seem to have mistook is where I went wrong of which couldn’t have met me more incorrectly. I have wants and values yet beginning again, the love is difficult to think about. Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing Matthew !
I love the 4th and 5th as well as your way of talking. You talk as if you're sat right there with me, talking to me. It sucks when they made you feel special and told you what they would do to make it work to then walk around not changing anything. In the end, I got fed up waiting. I told him this. I said I will no longer wait. You can either be here now or I'm gone. He said this is painful and asked if we could keep talking. My response ? No! We can talk and maybe evaluate our situation (if I'm still single then) once you have made the changes you said you'd make. This guy means the world to me but in the end, I valued myself more.
this video hits hard! I've been seeing this guy for 10 months and he already said he's not into the commitment type. now i feel im drowning in my own foolishness, allowing this to continue, although i know he is seeing and chatting with other ladies as well.
I was in this situation a little over a month ago, and Im just started to feel the actual sting of it now (and thus, Im here at this video). What I will say is that I naturally made the right decision and gracefully removed myself from the situation once we had the "Where is this going" conversation. I did not pander or prod him. I just accepted his position (although I absolutely wanted different). Im proud of myself honestly cause a decade ago I would've waited... Content in my own delusion, and thus broke my own heart. I dont know if I miss the actual guy or if I miss more what I'd hoped we'd be. Perplexing, but at least I made the right decision. ALWAYS choose yourself 🤲🏾.
Or selfish and incapable to be a romantic partner to anyone. Because he was really into me but wants his cake and eat it too. Some have to learn the hard way losing their person they took for granted.
He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and not to date him, but I didn’t listen. He always prioritized me though, held my hand when we went on dates, kissed me in public, all the boyfriend stuff. Four months in and we have a “situation” which I suggest we have a week of no contact to work through. At the end of the week I went to his house told him I loved him and that I was willing to fight for us. He said he could never give me what I need because he just can’t take his walls down and it wasn’t fair to me. I asked “do you even want to continue seeing each other?” He said, “I think we should end things.” I gave him a kiss, looked him in the eye, and said goodbye and walked out. As I was walking away, he ran after me. That was this morning, who knows what will happen when we talk tonight. But after watching this video, I will do what is right for me. Because I am an amazing woman who has a lot to offer, the right man.
The biggest challenge for me is finding other women to date. My life makes it extremely difficult to meet new people often. I don't want to date other women in hopes that she decides she's now ready to date, because I know that she hasn't been. Rather, I want to date other women because I want to be with someone that's ready for something. She has always been honest with me and I have never felt like I'm being used, and I wish that we could have a chance to give things a shot because of how compatible we are, but I know that I can't sit here and hope for the best because I'm going to eventually get passed up if I try to stay. We are still friends, which I made clear when I confessed how I felt that I still wanted. But I want more. I'm ready for more.
Loved your book!!❤ Thank you for helping us navigate the the big ocean 💙 some fish gotta throw them back! Sometimes they take the bait and you're like omgosh release them quickly. 😅 be happy with yourself. I would never settle again. No thank you.
Helpful to hear about mindset of watching the many movies at one time to make the idea of rejection diminish … as in the person didn’t really even get to know me to even truly reject me
I dated a man for almost four months only to be told that he didn't want a relationship and he wasn't ready to commit. I told him that it wasn't fair for me to wait around for him to make up his mind about me. Him: But I really like you Me: But you don't like me enough to stop seeing other people and get off the dating apps or even to put a label on us Him: But I've only been seeing you Me: But you're actions are telling me that you're still looking, and it makes me feel like a placeholder. Don't you understand? By not being exclusive you're telling me I'm good enough until, when? Until someone else comes around and you can drop me? You already said that you don't want a relationship, which means I don't get to be upset if one day you choose to date someone else. This conversation was hard as we were both crying. I'm still working through everything... and it sucks.
This is exactly what’s happening to me right now so I feel like this video is a god send. I was meant to watch this. I ended things with him after a month so no longer in this confusing vortex.
Im in this situation now. My previous girlfriend of nearly 5 years broke up with me because of my depression. She told me she couldnt watch me do it to myself anymore. Its been over a year, and i still constantly think about her, even though our relationship was toxic to the both of us. I somwtimws feel hopeless, like im never gonna move on, no matter how i change my perception of it. Im just so lost right now.
As a person that have been depressed for almost 3 years I stayed out of dating till I found myself .Mainly because depression makes you lose yourself or in the best case id making you feel lost. I think that at this point of your life the focus is meant to be on you.Even if depression desensitizes you, you still have a heart and it can be broken even if you don't feel it. So protect yourself ❤
Well everything you spoke about is so me.. I met some who said she wasn't looking for a relationship, but just wants to be friends, and me being me. I keep holding out hoping things will change...
Difference is we were already in a relationship and started answering “I dont know “ when I asked him if he still loved me, he told me we’re in different places right now. I can’t seem to move on but I’m forcing myself to. “ This relationship is too much for me “ his last words
What's about an open relationship? I date a guy who is in an open relationship with his wife. I know his wife and they are happy with this concept. I love him and actually don't want to commit into a relationship. It just came along my way. Sometimes it's hard not to have him just anytime I like but it keeps the feelings up.
These videos are good advice for me to know how to respond to guys that are in this headspace. Otherwise I wouldn’t underhand their feelings as well. They don’t always express their full thoughts. It’s hard to break things off gently and try not to hurt someone unless I really understand their feelings.
Tell him before you go for a date that you are looking for PROPER RELATIONSHIP (if that is the case) with all its perks, such as going out at the weekends together, attending family events and friends' weddings together, going for annual holidays together, planning to buy a property together, getting married, being there for each other when one of them falls ill or has an accident. Ask him if he is looking for the same thing, OR is he looking to keep dating women for fun, with no commitment to and from women. If he says he's not sure, tell him it's important that he makes his mind up, before he meets you - as it is important for you to know if you are about to date the right man for you or not.
I really needed this. Thank you. I'm dealing with heartbreak right now. My partner would tell me I'm perfect, he doesn't deserve me, I'm the best, and he wants me in his life, but he that he could no longer commit to the relationship (2+ years). He wanted to continue being friends, but I don't think I can do it.
It's what I keep telling myself, and STILL so hard. And we're not even dating. We hung out several times and when I asked for clarification of "us" the answer I got was he just wants to be friends. ....and to make you all roll your eyes I've accepted that. But it's not where I am. It's been a while since our talk and I can't get past wanting something more than friends....it is hard to find friends these days, but are we really friends? Doesn't feel l8ke it.
Well thank you Matthew for this great advice and content. And thank you universe for sending it to me right on time. I have definitely been stuck in this same situation and I do deserve to have what I want and this just helped me see that more clearly.
Hey Matthew. Thank you for your video. The scarcity and conformity mindset concept really hit me. Thank you for helping me reflect and reevaluate my goals and value. This video made me think about all the trauma I’ve been through with different people. I have a goal, for a family, for a house, but in a big city like LA, I keep meeting wonderful people that want to “go with the flow” and have sexual intimacy almost right away. When I ask about their career, emotional, personal goals, they don’t seem to have an answer and seem to be very focused on the present “living the moment, go with the flow, you only live once” mindset. However, these thinking ways have lead me through pain, because I do want to date with intention, with goals… Currently, I am conflicted with someone who treats me amazing, gives me their time, but says they’ve never given it thought to a home, to a family in a future. Not saying I want to jump into creating a family right away with this person, but I like to know where this person’s mindset is at. I’ve gotten to the point where I question whether I’m the person who is wrong. And for a moment, I did believe it. After some thought, I’ve concluded.- there is nothing weird with a 35 year old man (me) wanting to date with intention and with purpose, I’m not wrong. I validate my goals and your video reinforced my romantic and personal beliefs/ goals. Thank you.
Thank you so much Matthew For everything 🙏 I'm reading your book LOVE LIFE nowadays and I'm loving it... Thanks for your letters 💌 I look forward to hearing from you every time you send that letter... And yes I enjoy every video you put out to help us all in our dating life... Thanks for being there for all of us 🙏 Sending you lots of love and positive vibes 🙌🤞🥰 Stay blessed ❤❤❤
All I know is if you find something precious, you keep it. So if someone thinks you are not valuable enough, he lets you go. Why to be with someone who doesn’t think that you are the most valuable person in the world❤
Met someone who has just broken up with his partner of 5yrs. We get on really well. He asked if we could meet in a few months time, once everything has settled down, they'd recently got a house together etc. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but I'm also shelving it. He seems like a decent guy, possibly autistic as his communication is very open and direct. Who knows 🤷♂️ time will tell. ..
I been battling. With this decision on going and letting her go for days now, the problem is that I'm too nice to her and she's someone I want to be in my life.. she has kids but she wants me to wait for us to be together fully.. I've been on n off with this extremely one. Sided relationship and I told her I'll wait just not by myself but she still wants to friendzone me but talks to me evryday... I'm not going to keep putting my time and attention towards her to have another guy come in because that's the dynamic she is p putting on this.... I've told her I don't want to be her friend but the problem is I really love this person I don't know why so I go bak to chat with her... I am thinking just don't initiate convo n she'll will get the picture.. this is how I don't want to play like that but I think I have to ... it's never going to change😢 I'm thinking of writing a letter telling her.. but if one day she feels like commenting I'm there, but I think the damage is too much , this is so hard.. it shouldn't be like this...but all the good things in life don't come easy but......
I'm currently in this situation. We've been dating for a month or so. I told her that, I did not develop feelings for her yet and those feeling may not come. I said I've trusted that she is an adult and will know if this situation is hurting her in some way. I really like this girl and I enjoy spending time with her, but I'm after a long relationship and probably not ready for something serious. The only thing I could to, was to be honest.
Here's my scenario, i've been dating this girl for almost a month, there are holding hands and cuddles, i asked her if she's ready, she told me "i need to clear all these things in my life i want you to wait for me." Se said that she does have feelings for me it's just that she just recently broke up with her ex and wanted to fully move before entering a new chapter. She's not a texter type but we very occasionally see each other. Should i wait for her??
I walked away from a situation like this last month. After three months dating, I finally had the courage to ask him what direction we were heading into and the answer was “we’re living different moments”. I agreed with him and said goodbye. My time and energy must be not wasted in vain. I prefer staying single and keeping looking for someone who’s right about me.
Preach girl. I had the same exact situation but he told me he had no idea what he feels about me. Neither get involved nor go separate ways... it wasn't worth the pain anyway.
Very similar situation I had with a woman a few weeks ago. She had a lot of things going on in her life, also involving an ex-husband who was trying to rekindle apparently. After four months of dating, I asked the question and also clearly reminded her of my needs & boundaries, since she was pulling away lately. She said she was confused and her life was a mess right now, so I made it easier for her and me by walking away.
No hard feelings, I do feel for her and my decision was backed up with a lot of compassion. She was just not emotionally available right now, and that's okay at the end of the day. Few years ago, I would have probably stayed around and "wait" but luckily life teaches its lessons.
Something similar here- he said after almost 3 months that we have different personalities and not feeling/ being in the moment and sharing with each other. The truth is I was being a bit closed off but we started casually and I think none of expected the posiibjlity of it turning into more. I don’t even know myself anymore…. 😢 I responded to him that we can catch up as friends one day that’s it. But to this day I don’t know if should have explored this conversation after what he has expressed… instead of just running
You're really serious I loved
that’s why guys don’t chase girls anymore
Ready for sex but not ready for a relationship. If you are not on the same page, you must tell him you're not a match because of that.
:D You are looking at it from a woman's perspective. Women are wired in the way that they tie love and sex together. In order to have sex with a man a relationship must be established first and therefor you must like him first.
Men however are not wired this way. Nature made them so that they want to spread their seed as much as possible to their capabilities. They release millions upon millions of it per ejaculation and they can have a few of them on a day. That means they can impregnate multiple women at the same time basically. But a woman only releases 1 egg a month and it's precious for her. She can't have hundreds of babies from different men every other week or so.
So that means men are wired to separate love from sex, or at least more than women. They can "sportf..k" new women every single day for their entire lifes without feeling any sort of attachment to any of them, even if one is the hottest and best. They can even lower their standards depending on their urge, meaning they will try to sleep with a girl who's far below his level in looks.
They are simply out for variety, for as much as they can get just like nature intended with flowers. Even promiscuous women who "try to be like a man" can't keep this up. They eventually will cling onto somebody they slept with and are devastated if he leaves. He'll always be on her mind.
A man chooses when and if he ties love and sex together. But most of it comes through other ways.
In my opinion if you’re not ready for a relationship, then you’re not ready to have sex with someone. Sex - It’s an act that not only comes with risk but also intimacy and connection.. if you don’t want to have relationship, you don’t deserve intimacy or connection and you definitely aren’t worth the risk.
@@Lunaof1991💯 I def agree
Should I block him? He wants to stay connected
The answer is No. This does not mean they are bad for not being ready or you are bad for not wanting to wait. It only means you are both at different spots in your journeys and have different needs. Trying to force or put up with the situation will leave one person feeling pressured and boundaries disrespected and the other will feel hollow and unwanted. Go your separate ways and seek out those who align with your spot in life right now and for the near future.
Also, leaving someone who is keeping you on a string gives yiu the opportunity to build strength and self-worth. Because you’ve made a choice that prioritizes yourself. This in itself prepares you to be valued in a relationship. Paying the cost of sacrificing someone to you love who isn’t loving you back, pays off in significant boost in self esteem and confidence. I left the guy who strung me along for years and it was SO HARD…but I made the choice to treat myself with the kindness I deserved and left him in the belief that someone better who would love me was out there. It took 3 years but I met my now-husband, and I was READY for that love when he came into my life in large part because of the strength in my self that I developed through leaving the string-along guy. It was WORTH IT. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this, I've been waiting 10 years for someone who plays with my heart then throws me away. I'm like his personal yo-yo at this point. I'm destroyed inside. I've no self-worth anymore. I'm fighting a battle to try and get well and it's the battle of my life.
So proud of you!
Yes meeting your own needs genuinely sets you free, plus I was already used to isolation but the difference is now I can enjoy it with nothing worrying me in the back of my head.
Thank you for this!
Life’s fleeting. Don’t settle. Don’t breadcrumb. It’s taken me many (painful, ouch) years to get to this point. And whilst I’m not a relic, I’ve roamed the earth longer than some 😂 Mindset is everything x
I cannot believe this video came to me when i was in this situation 2 days ago.
It’s AI / the algorithm. It reads your other apps and activity. That’s why.
Not hard to hit us… narcissistic ppl r all around us
Same
I’m so glad I left! Every mindset you gave resonated with the situation I was in. We give ourselves that false hope but “leaving is your best shot at finding something better.”
Thank you for this!
"This is what I held out for?" Cant get this question out of my mind. It is one of those lessons that you never forget. Thank you!!🙏
You are genius my brother. It happened to me. She said she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and marriage. I totally understood and sticked around for 6 months to see if i would get any progress. She knew me very well and knew how much good person I’m. We had a great chemistry together. After 6 months she said still I’m not ready and i left. I had to respect myself and told her i understand, i will take a step back because I’m ready for more than that. I deserve more than love. Maybe it will work if she will make up her mind again and calls me, just maybe… if I’m still available for her.
I don’t regret the wasted months, we always learn from our mistakes. My advice for men, and women also, if your crush said I’m not ready for a relationship, just leave politely and find the one who deserves you 🌹
Thank you for reading.
i was in this he told me he needs time, that he doesn´t want a relationship yet, but if he changed his mind he would tell me he also gave me assurance by saying he won´t meet or date other people. fast forward a year later and I found out that he was dating another girl for about 5 months now and has feelings for her and he dropped me like garbage
I'm sorry hun.
@@micahrutland9021mine he never talked to me or opened up I really don’t care I’m over it now I’m not playing games anymore and I learned from that mistake he is an asshole my therapist tells me he was not into me that is not what happened and my therapist says I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m not happy about that maybe he is not ready for a relationship also I guess my therapist is right he wasn’t mean to me he did apologize for hurting me because he did and he told me all this stuff I feel like he was attracted and he was interested in me and he did like me I really don’t know what happened is is because of rumors about me people making assumptions he got the wrong idea about me he didn’t even talk to me and tell me that he doesn’t like me and that he is not interested he could have talked to me.
Don’t wait ever . I was in a situaitonship for years but then when I finally had enough I cut contact , it took me about 6 months to heal along with therapy and then I met someone wayyy better naturally attracted him into my life . Now all the problems I had with the first guy are no longer
Good my therapist told me I’m not ready for relationships and that does not make me happy and I get upset about it I feel like I need a relationship someone that I have a connection with and that makes me smile and laugh and helps me the guy I had a crush on was not into me my therapist says I get upset about that after everything he told me he apologized for ever hurting me because he did this isn’t the first time he did this and he told me to keep being me and that he thinks I’m a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I asked if I’m annoying him he said nah ur good he told me a lot of things but people tell you what you want to hear and manipulate you and he got too comfortable with me and I wish I could go back and say something to him but I get scared and afraid because I don’t want to get bullied by guys and told to shut up they are immature they think it’s cool to bring people down but it’s not I’m over it now and don’t care anymore I don’t care about girls or guys I chose to now react differently I’m not playing games anymore and I will not let someone get too comfortable I hope someone comes that is actually into me and wants me.
LOVE THIS TOPIC MATTHEW. I was in this situation for 7 months and decided to cut them off because they said they are not ready to commit. Don't know what the hell does that mean but it definitely hurts!
I’m in a non-relationship with a man that I really like. He’s emotionally closed off, but he’s very good to me, and I value his friendship even though I’d like more. Your last question got my attention. Yes, this is what I want. He’s not dating other people and definitely shows a preference for me when other women are around. BTW, we’re both in our 70s. He’s a widow and I’ve been alone most of my life. So, yeah, I am willing to settle for this.
You said something key - you value his friendship. So you’ve made a choice to accept what it is and what it ain’t. I don’t think that’s the same as “settling”, that’s choosing to define the relationship in a new way that actually works for BOTH of you. I think that’s mature. …As long as you’re GENUINELY ok with it staying a friendship for the long-term.
May the Lord give you the desires of your hearts sooner than you expect! 🙏🏽
God bless! 🦋
Oh yes, I know this scenario inside out! I'm in my late 60's. There just don't seem to be any single guys around, not my age anyway, or if they are, they want much younger women, tho I look much better than many my age, mainly due to daily exercise, with my own home, a modest pension, highly educated, enjoy a wide range of cultural pursuits ... WTF are they looking for? And, yes, I'm friendly with a widower who I'd actually crossed off my Christmas card list, after I asked would he ever think of re-partnering & he said No. Later, he said he hadn't meant that & he WAS interested, but then he acted very ambivalently & wouldn't acknowledge what he was doing. I find it impossible to read him. We share a lot of the same interests, so avoiding him is really hard work. I did meet an older guy, also a widower, for coffee for a while, but he was very dull & constantly replayed his happy marriage, & never organised a proper date for the weekend, so I stopped taking his calls.
Hopefully, he doesn’t find the one and leave you heartbroken. It’s fine right now until he meets the one that he does prefer over you. If you’re happy settling, that’s all that matters…good luck!
@@Jenjenn1111 this is such a key point when as a woman you've mistakenly settled for second best. It becomes a serious painful thing the moment he finds one he is actually into for real.
This is a great comment. I am 60 and I am a widow. I have had children. I don't see the need to be constantly with someone. I don't think it's who I am now. So saying I don't want a relationship doesn't mean I just want to use you. It is a statement about where we are at this stage in our lives. I want a connection, a friendship but I am not convinced about more than this.
Last week he broke up with me after 2 years. He always told me he's not ready for a relationship. I was waiting patiently. I told him I can give him as much time as he needs. I've never loved someone as much as him. I did everything to be the best version of myself for him. And he just left me when I didn't expect it. He wanted to be friends and stay in contact but I refused. It's so hard for me to avoid texting or calling him. I still have hope that he will miss me and understand his mistake. But I feel so stupid and naive.
Best thing I ever did was walk away from a using, time waster. I held on for far too long waiting and waiting for change. One year on? Best thing I've ever done. Calm life with zero worry or stress. You just don't see it at the time and think there's no other future. Walk. You will thank yourself so much in the future. That's a guarantee.
Waited 2 years for my husband to come around. At the end of the day the choices I made during that time were for both of us. She called and told me he had been cheating with her. Bought her a wedding ring as he was trying to fix it with me. Don't wait. Do what is best for you. This story is different than what is presented but you don't know why or what is going on. Just take care of yourself. Big hugs to everyone. We are all going through something. Be brave and make the tough choices I wish I would have.
Found and fell in love with the exact girl I have been looking for my whole life, just for it to end with her saying that she doesn’t think being in a relationship right now is the best thing for her. She was previously married and divorced her husband for running around on her and just being a terrible person. We got together after their divorce was final and things were literally perfect from the start.. until she decided to “guard her heart” and distance herself from me, in fear of being hurt again and not totally healed from her broken marriage. I done all that I could for 6 months, and now we’re no longer together. Been through many breakups before, but nothing remotely close to this magnitude of hurt. Praying and hoping that she comes back after some time apart and she realizes that she’s meant for more than being ran around on. To say that I am devastated would be an incredible understatement. Don’t know what to do or where I go from here. My prayer is that God will provide me the strength to carry on without her until she comes back, or I find someone new.
I feel for you. I wish you the very best.
Those may likely just be nice ways of breaking it off. That’s what all women do, be polite give excuses. She probably just doesn’t feel you are her match. She knows herself, trust her. Don’t love the wrong person. Move on. Your a sadness and mourning is just not accepting reality that she isn’t your match. Ask God who is your match, & if you are ready to meet your match. Put your energy into finding your match not fretting over you wanting someone to be your match that just isn’t.
Women aren’t going to tell you why you aren’t a match. It’s often private.
If you love God you would trust Him and want His will. You would be happy to leave this person because they are not your match. Listen to her ! Listen to God. Trust them. So you don’t get your way. She may prefer someone that trusts God more , that doesn’t have depression over not getting their way. That respects her more and her opinion vs contradicting her and assuming she is wrong. If I were her I’d move in too. Sorry! Perhaps you aren’t ready to meet someone. Work on your faith first. People of faith are joyful
@@jonahcasper3284 If she is your match, and she truly just isnt ready … write her a letter. Ask her. Tell her how you feel about her completely truly and why. Tell her you know it takes two to make a match. Ask her if she knows in her heart you are not a match, or if she is unsure and just chatting as friends to give it time would be helpful…that is if you can handle that with not pressuring her and truly just being a friend! Or, if it is just because she needs time to recover or its not the right time for her to be sure about moving forward. Tell her you can be patient, its worth it to you to wait and see, and just be friends, then one day it may become clear to you both if it is meant to be.
Its a very nice way of letting her know you truly need full disclosure from her so you know if it wasn’t a match and u can move on in life. Because if she knows who she is and knows it does not match with you then it Is Not a good match at all thats just a fact. It takes Two to love. You cant truly even love her if she doesnt love you. So find out! If she cares at all she will answer, if you aren’t crazy depressed sensitive or pressuring her. If she knows she doesnt love you in that way there is nothing to be devastated about but your own fantasy! Not reality. There is nothing lost if she doesnt feel that way about you. Love is when two people cant live without each other. She doesnt even want to date you. Perhaps you imagined a lot and cant face the truth, that it was not a match and she doesnt love you, perhaps time revealed someone who she knows is not what she fits with or wants. She knows herself, you Cannot know more than she does. That disrespects her opinion entirely. If she was killed in an accident you should be devastated. There is nothing to be upset about. God has a match for you elsewhere. You cant force what isnt real. You love what you imagined and now cant face the reality. Man up. Women need men who are strong. If you actually do love her…you value her more than anyone on earth does, be her friend and do everything for her just to be kind, Not to get what you want in return as Thats Not love. Prove it to her show her u know what love is and it is how you feel. Be her best friend that gives and does everything for her. Take care of her. Listen, trust her. Make her laugh and smile. Listen to her talk about her dates and boyfriends. She will slowly depend on you and turn. It can take years. If you never ever give up this usually always works. But dont get serious at all with anyone else ever. Thats proof u dont love her.
Maaaannnn.... this looks like i myself put down this comment. Been through the exact same thing. What hurts more is the fact that we had an AMAZING chemistry and i know i cannot have the same with someone else. It really hurts when you remember how you helped them get through their tough times only to get discarded when WE have made their lives a little bit joyful and better. And then again i think sometimes that i was just a distraction for her, a tool she used to numb her pain for a bit and feel validated.
I feel you brother... best thing you can do is accept the reality. Whatever version you think or interpret. Atleast you will not have the regret of not giving your best. If you were good to her, i hope she regrets leaving you. Because even though both of you lost each other, she lost someone who really loved her, and that will haunt her one day.
Try to move on. You have a lot of love to give and wait for the right person to give that love. Hoping that there has to be some happiness in my life without her being a part of it, hope you do the same and hope you get that. 🫂
No. They don't like you. They just want you when it's convenient for them or they want attention. Have self respect and don't be someone's back-up plan.
'Are you looking for something casual or serious?' - ask him before you go on a date with him. If he says: 'casual', you should say: 'It's a shame. I like you but we are not on the same page on that, so I don't think we're a match'. If he says: 'serious', from then on she should let him prove it: start initiating communications, organising dates and winning her over to become his wife.
The genius of Matthew's method is that it speaks to the healthy part of you that knows you should move on because there is no (well nothing is certain but there js little hope) hope but also to the unheathy part that wants the other person to come around. The behavior is the same! And behavior/action is what matters, not mindset. So even on bad days when you feel yourself backsliding and losing strength you know you're doing the right thing even when the goal is getting them backm
Brilliant comment and so spot on !
Brilliant comment and so spot on !
I love the last mindset explanation - we should have standards and stick to them after all the experiences we have had. Thank you!
I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed like we both fancy each other. Today I found out about his girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢
Had that happen recently, too. It's the worst😢
That’s terrible…it happened to me too. Like, who do you think I am? It is NOT ok to use me while you work through your problems with your girlfriend. I felt so used and betrayed…but I’m healing.
@Jenjenn1111 I don't think they have problems, he just wanted to have sex outside relationships. All married men I know at work cheat on their wives.
@Jenjenn1111 he and girlfriend don't have problems.he just wants to have sex 😏
I recently had a similiar situation. We were on and off, he showed me attention, had me over to his house and then all of a sudden nothing! So I confronted him about his actions and he told me he didn't want to start a relationship right now. Of course i get all the explanations of its not you, you're so great with an amazing personality. It's been two weeks and we haven't spoken to each other since. It's difficult, because I felt I finally found someone real after two years of no one and then he flaked out too. I'm still heartbroken over this. Matthew you make so many great points in this video that I can totally relate too. I'm currently reading your book and it's pointing out a lot of things to me as well. I'm seeing things I've done wrong and need to change. I love how kind, patient and understanding you are in all of these videos.
Made me think I don't have the time to wait on a question mark. I am in the last chapter of my life
That is a good sentence.. waiting on a question mark. Thanks
Thank you, it’s exactly what I needed to hear so I don’t waste a moment more in hoping for someone I like to see that I’m boyfriend material, they say they’re not ready and that’s fine but I’m not gonna sit around and wait for them, I gotta keep living my life and I will find the right person for a relationship based on kindness and respect.
They never told me they were not ready my therapist thinks I’m not and I’m not happy about that and it makes me upset that my therapist thinks he is not into me after everything he told me and him saying keep being you he apologized for ever hurting me and said I was a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I’m over it now and I don’t really care anymore and I’m not playing games anymore I will not let someone get too comfortable with me again
@@Wendyfan2009 That attitude says you're not ready for a relationship
@@carlpacheco2058 why🙄
@@carlpacheco2058 your reasoning what makes you say that
Done this for 4 and half years off and on. Waited wanted this situation to turn around. And waiting. But I know now time is valuable. I don't want to put another year into this. I need to move on. My absence just needs to be there for him to completely feel it that I am completely gone. I don't want to be on rotation, etc. It is unfulfilled and lonely.
I had a blast with him. But also I paid for the price too as well. With heartbreak 💔
Thank you for this video. If you had told me to watch this a year ago or two years ago, I would just scroll by.
But this spoke to ME. I love the man like crazy. I always will. But I can't do this anymore.i value Me and my Peace
Why does this video appeared just on time. Currently I'm close to a man. But he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I was so heart broken. I cared for him, I send him many presents only to get nothing in return. I feel like an idiot. He is my first love. He ticks all the quality I want in a man. We are still in contact and next month will count as a year since we've known each other. He still regards me as a friend. Slowly my heart starts to move on. If he come to love me back when I'm not anymore, then that's his loss.
Me too😢
I really enjoyed the advice and started tearing up at #5. I will come back to this video when I feel down, it really helped changing perspectives and not giving up. Thank you, Matthew & Team!
This made me realize that I need to stop WAITING for him to make the decision of, IF he really wants a relationship with me or not! He’s giving me NOTHING and I’m still sitting here giving him a chance and it’s only been 2 months!
I would like to see a living example of someone who sticked around , invested more and ultimately got in a relationship. Probably as likely as winning a lottery
Kate Middleton aka the future queen
To the person who said kate Middleton… we don’t know the state of her relationship behind closed doors and whether she actually won the prize she deserved romantically. Bless her though and hope she recovers. ❤
Matthew, you’re genius! I just nodded to all of your questions you giving us at the end of the video. Please make more of this topic. Love it!
I was told "I'm not looking for a relationship...just sex right now." Heads up... If we aren't in a relationship, then that means we're officially just friends. And you know what? Friends don't have sex, at least, this one doesn't. Don't walk, run. The chances of him changing his mind is slim to none.
Loved this video Matthew! It hit home with me bc my bf was love bombing me at the beginning, then wanted me to move where he is but I said let’s wait and see how things go in this LDR then he said he wasn’t ready to move in together but then said he didn’t want to wait more than 2 years for us to live together but as I was thinking about our potential future together and moving my life where he is he went out and bought a condo without telling me when he suggested we buy a house together next year. When I found out about this condo he then said he was struggling right now and needing a break and I said let’s just breakup and so we did. This was a years worth of mixed messages and I just got tired of it. So glad we ended things before I moved my whole life there when he wasn’t even sure about me.
Yup. Gave them my time and effort for 1.5 years, inviting them to things, giving them gifts, let myself be put into a situation of being used because that was the only time we talked. Only to one day try and talk to them about something that I was doing that they could relate to, and they had no interest. Ended up finding out that they were spending all their time with other people, doing all the things I wanted to do with them instead. Called them out on it and was told I was "asking for too much" when we were only talking twice a month and I only wanted to spend ANY time with them. They also told me "getting to know people is a consequence of having interests". Lesson learned is to stop approaching people first all the time and see if they approach you instead.
This was poignant. I SO regret I didn't know about situationships and this type of stuff two years ago since it would have saved me a tremendous amount of heartbreak. Thrown-under-the-bus life lessons are still being learned but the silver lining is I'm being forced to fundamentally change in positive ways to be happier for the rest of my life. I'm "growing into gratitude" for my mistakes, and for his mistakes...slowly but surely.
I believe the five mindset shifts in the video are spot-on but to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would have acted on them since I was so deeply smitten with this man and I lacked the ability to understand my needs, set boundaries, and stick with them. But now, after experiencing all this pain, I probably would.
Thank you so much from deep of my heart🙏
I let go a man who was dating me parallel,
I saw the red flags after 3 weeks,
I am very proud of myself
as I feel my growth of self-respect, self- worth+ self-love...
The 5. Mindset shift hit me the most:
I love myself, am able to set healthy boundaries more and more, and have been through much pain, that is why I am looking for my romantic love of my life💫💜💫
Before I met my husband,
I manifested the kind of love I deserve...
I made a list with all the personality traits and physical characteristics of my future partner,
and waited until he showed up in my life...
He is real, and he is imperfectly perfect, like me.
We fit just right, because it turns out he was waiting for me, too.
We are grateful for each other, and together we manifest amazing things for our family.
If you're avoidant,
you most likely have said to family members
- who had a major role in your childhood:
"You only accepted me or liked me
when I was happy/obedient/emotionless."
This one simple statement fits with ALL
the core symptoms
of avoidant attachment:
1. Being overly self-reliant
(and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses)
2. Pushing down anger until it explodes
and manufactures the boundaries you crave
but can't/don't/won't always ask for
3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems
4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent
or even getting bullied and teased/mocked
5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors
that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy
(like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating)
Remember ALWAYS
this process is all about YOU!!!
Not him.
He is just a catalyst.
Consider,
he may be your twin flame.
Look into that.
After he initiated your trauma,
you're now left to deal with and to heal:
all that has come to the surface.
GOOD! This is a blessing.
Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless.
HUGE-HUGE gift!
Major advice!!!
Listen closely!!!
NEVER ever
CHASE HIM.
He will run further
and you will lose yourself more.
You are the feminine.
You are the divine goddess.
You just be
and approve (or disapprove)
whoever comes along.
It's a yes:
you meet my requirements,
or: it's a no,
you do not.
Be clear
on whom you're accepting as a partner
and DO NOT settle for less
(or you just delay what's actually really divinely meant for you).
Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up.
It's all human, and in need of your attention.
If you push it away, deny it, block it, hide it, or run from it...
You will just have to deal with it later...
And when later comes,
those emotions will be:
intensified/amplified/magnified!
1) Put yourself first and foremost!
2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl.
3) Rejection is redirection.
Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities.
And,
Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief:
1. Find the belief...
2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES
to having the belief
3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES
to having the belief
If you can NOT find advantages
then that’s EXACTLY
why you're stuck!!
When you finally see both sides...
Your mind will STOP thinking about it
'cause your brain will be rewired.
So you gotta keep at it,
until you find the positive
to the negative...
And therefore, ultimately
rewire your brain!
AND REMEMBER:
STOP making it all about manifestation
when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION!
AND:
If you haven't heard today...
You are so very loved
and you are so very worthy
of love.
The hardest part
is learning to love yourself
and to know: it's not all your fault,
and to see: that you're beautiful;
wonderfully perfectly
brilliantly created.
You're stronger than most;
a true leader/warrior in the making.
Keep going
and keep thanking.
Remember Jesus was an outcast
and he suffered more
than any human being
could ever endure...
And the most important message here is to forgive them
and to forgive yourself
and to love all.
Keep walking in truth.
One of the great poems of the Zen tradition
ends with this description of the awakened state:
“To be without suffering over imperfection(s).”
AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER:
I am one with the Divine.
I experience, peace, BLISS, love, and joy:
CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY.
I experience everything as grace AND AS LOVE.
I am at peace. I honor the Divine within me.
Our God is able and can see your heart’s cry.
He knows every tear that has fallen
and continues to fall from your eyes...
Take heart - Christ is close to the broken hearted!
He is a God of good surprises.
Throw out the idea of your past,
throw the past years, completely away.
Get rid of them, do not acknowledge them any longer.
Redefine and recreate your self today! HERE! NOW!
You are an artist and an alchemist and a creator
and you have the immense power to repaint this dream...
* I am The Song Of the Universe!
* Today is a Miraculous Wonderfully Delicious Magical Day!
* I am in PERFECT HEALTH and ABUNDANT WEALTH in my New Earth Divine Crystalline Body!
I’ve been talking to this guy flat out 7 months- last week well a couple weeks ago I said I’m going away Monday for 5 nights with my mother ! Last week I said remember I’m going away and completely turned on me and now blocked me all because I’m going away .. kept saying you’ll meet other people… I feel he’s got insecurities issues or something major than that - I was hurt for a couple days … I’m still a little bit hurt I’ve never experienced this in my life before I was in 15 year relationship before this been single 4 years ..
Wow! #5 slapped me in the core of my soul! But, thanks! This video came at the best time
#3 is so real. I actually said the exact same thing to this guy I was in a situationship with for almost 6 months, and he just shrugged it off, not responding to it in any way. Probably because he knew for himself that that was true, and he just didn't like to acknowledge it.
I have to see him everyday but we dont speak since two weeks, he ignores me. He became cold and distant. I found out about his girlfriend today, she works in the same company. Im crying because it got to me he was lying.❤
I would never intentionally involve myself with another woman's man. I feel deeply betrayed and disappointed on so many levels. It's been over a month since I found out, so the extreme pain has eased somewhat
Hey Coach! ❤ I waited 3 and 1/2 weeks (continuing our connection and talks and communication on various levels)…. and someone that said he was “looking for FWB” has changed his mind and decided he wants to pursue a relationship w me 🤙🏼 I probably would not have invested too much further into this connection if it had gone the way i thought it was going for a minute (he actually pulled back at week 3 and said he was going back on the dating app)….. but just a day later he admitted that was a reaction. He’s now decided he’s wanting to continue on an exclusive level….. and that is a mutual agreement (in the most supportive way). I connect a LOT with the message of this video….. as it usually does not work out “my way” - just wanted to share the true life story of a “change of mind” by the man i’m pursuing 🥰💗👌🏼😎
Thank you, I needed to watch this today. It was the reassurance I needed that I made the right decision by walking away from my ex who would keep telling me this after six months of no contact. Thank you Matthew, I appreciate this.
The power of goodbye
Was in a situation a couple of months ago. I just wished i saw this video before that situation. I wasted about 6 months of my life and a lot of effort and investment. Also, I might have missed another opportunity in the process. She said she was getting over someone and was not ready to commit. But if i saw this video, i would've brought up the subject in around month 3 at the latest. The other piece, i think is missing is the relationship shouldn't be a roller coaster. That was my feeling the whole 6 months.
This video and the Dating with results training pushed me to walk away from my 9 month situationship.
If he says that to me I assume he is just not that in to me and he never will be and I leave. Simple. The heart goes where it goes. No amount of waiting or tugging is going to get it to move in your direction if it is not willing. What’s the point. I think if it this way - I see a shoe I love and it goes well with my outfits and my lifestyle etc. I try it on and it’s not quite a good fit. And the longer I am wearing it the more uncomfortable I feel. So I give it back and go look for a shoe that fits and makes me feel like a queen❤
I love this analogy.
@@Jenjenn1111 thank you ❤️
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
My God…I’m in tears right now. This video was all I needed to make the decision to leave a piece of $@*#€ I’ve been dating for the last 11 months. After all this time he still does NOT want to be exclusive. Mindset Shift #5 simply and clearly explained my love life and situation for the past 10 years. I’ll watch this video on repeat, write out all 5 Mind shifts and know them by heart, and block this man out of my life for good. I’m heartbroken tonight 💔
After 8 months of dating he broke up with me 3 days ago because he said he doesn’t know what he wants anymore (we talked about marriage and kids a lot and he would bring it up himself often and talked about when I move in with him). He is also not willing to make time for me/us and he knows that if were to carry on in the relationship that he’ll have to give some things up to make time and he said he doesn’t want to do that.
I feel like he has led me on and I’m utterly heartbroken. He treated me so well and have nothing bad against him which makes it even harder to try and get over him.
I just don’t understand how he can change his mind so suddenly 💔
I say this with all respects 100%for you Matthew. On some of your utube videos that maybe we should try to communicate and understand what the other person has gone through. Not so much as dating other people. Just the part where they may not be ready for a relationship and that we maybe or has been through some battles throughout their lives to where they don’t feel like they are safe enough to open up. I’m that person that can feel what other people feel and I have a hard time walking although I did walk away. It still made me feel like I walked away prematurely.
Most of them don't tell you the truth. 😮
So right
And even if you walk away, men will come back and lie to get you back into the cycle again.
@@basicinfo2022i hope so if they do I’m not going back they can’t just think that things will go back to the way they used to you broke me and hurt me and lied and manipulated me you were not into me I get it but you couldn’t talk to me after everything you told me I’m upset and I’m not happy about it and my therapist thinks I’m not ready for relationships he tells me that all the time this is not what I want I need a relationship someone a connection someone that makes me smile and laugh not weird I hope I find someone that is into me and I’m not playing games anymore I will not let someone get to comfortable and I don’t care about girls or guys anymore.
I have found something over intentional which has made it seem to me almost necessary while I felt I required less emotions than I was able to hold about the person. This is what I learned from the heartbreak recent. While I felt I needed to learn about relationship experience better.
These videos are truly a value to better hold space for myself eventually & essentially the goal is to hold your own space as some may matter to many people. A space I seem to have mistook is where I went wrong of which couldn’t have met me more incorrectly. I have wants and values yet beginning again, the love is difficult to think about.
Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing Matthew !
I love the 4th and 5th as well as your way of talking. You talk as if you're sat right there with me, talking to me. It sucks when they made you feel special and told you what they would do to make it work to then walk around not changing anything. In the end, I got fed up waiting. I told him this. I said I will no longer wait. You can either be here now or I'm gone. He said this is painful and asked if we could keep talking. My response ? No! We can talk and maybe evaluate our situation (if I'm still single then) once you have made the changes you said you'd make. This guy means the world to me but in the end, I valued myself more.
this video hits hard! I've been seeing this guy for 10 months and he already said he's not into the commitment type. now i feel im drowning in my own foolishness, allowing this to continue, although i know he is seeing and chatting with other ladies as well.
You know what you need to do
I was in this situation a little over a month ago, and Im just started to feel the actual sting of it now (and thus, Im here at this video). What I will say is that I naturally made the right decision and gracefully removed myself from the situation once we had the "Where is this going" conversation. I did not pander or prod him. I just accepted his position (although I absolutely wanted different). Im proud of myself honestly cause a decade ago I would've waited... Content in my own delusion, and thus broke my own heart. I dont know if I miss the actual guy or if I miss more what I'd hoped we'd be. Perplexing, but at least I made the right decision. ALWAYS choose yourself 🤲🏾.
"Not ready" means "Not that into you".
Or selfish and incapable to be a romantic partner to anyone. Because he was really into me but wants his cake and eat it too. Some have to learn the hard way losing their person they took for granted.
He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and not to date him, but I didn’t listen. He always prioritized me though, held my hand when we went on dates, kissed me in public, all the boyfriend stuff. Four months in and we have a “situation” which I suggest we have a week of no contact to work through. At the end of the week I went to his house told him I loved him and that I was willing to fight for us. He said he could never give me what I need because he just can’t take his walls down and it wasn’t fair to me. I asked “do you even want to continue seeing each other?” He said, “I think we should end things.” I gave him a kiss, looked him in the eye, and said goodbye and walked out. As I was walking away, he ran after me. That was this morning, who knows what will happen when we talk tonight. But after watching this video, I will do what is right for me. Because I am an amazing woman who has a lot to offer, the right man.
The last part of the video bro was exceptional....though the entire video was amazing🧡thanku so much bro 😇
The biggest challenge for me is finding other women to date. My life makes it extremely difficult to meet new people often. I don't want to date other women in hopes that she decides she's now ready to date, because I know that she hasn't been. Rather, I want to date other women because I want to be with someone that's ready for something. She has always been honest with me and I have never felt like I'm being used, and I wish that we could have a chance to give things a shot because of how compatible we are, but I know that I can't sit here and hope for the best because I'm going to eventually get passed up if I try to stay. We are still friends, which I made clear when I confessed how I felt that I still wanted. But I want more. I'm ready for more.
Loved your book!!❤ Thank you for helping us navigate the the big ocean 💙 some fish gotta throw them back! Sometimes they take the bait and you're like omgosh release them quickly. 😅 be happy with yourself. I would never settle again. No thank you.
Helpful to hear about mindset of watching the many movies at one time to make the idea of rejection diminish … as in the person didn’t really even get to know me to even truly reject me
I always enjoy listening to you and your advices for life. You are a huge help for all of us ❤ thanks Matthew to help me to think wisely
In this situation right now. I really needed this wake up call, thank you! The last one really got me 👏
Thanks Matthew. You’ve articulated this in such clever and compassionate way. Really needed this today
I dated a man for almost four months only to be told that he didn't want a relationship and he wasn't ready to commit. I told him that it wasn't fair for me to wait around for him to make up his mind about me.
Him: But I really like you
Me: But you don't like me enough to stop seeing other people and get off the dating apps or even to put a label on us
Him: But I've only been seeing you
Me: But you're actions are telling me that you're still looking, and it makes me feel like a placeholder. Don't you understand? By not being exclusive you're telling me I'm good enough until, when? Until someone else comes around and you can drop me? You already said that you don't want a relationship, which means I don't get to be upset if one day you choose to date someone else.
This conversation was hard as we were both crying. I'm still working through everything... and it sucks.
Don't feel sorry for him. He's being selfish so mirror him. Put yourself first. Choose yourself.
This is exactly what’s happening to me right now so I feel like this video is a god send. I was meant to watch this. I ended things with him after a month so no longer in this confusing vortex.
Im in this situation now. My previous girlfriend of nearly 5 years broke up with me because of my depression. She told me she couldnt watch me do it to myself anymore. Its been over a year, and i still constantly think about her, even though our relationship was toxic to the both of us. I somwtimws feel hopeless, like im never gonna move on, no matter how i change my perception of it. Im just so lost right now.
As a person that have been depressed for almost 3 years I stayed out of dating till I found myself .Mainly because depression makes you lose yourself or in the best case id making you feel lost. I think that at this point of your life the focus is meant to be on you.Even if depression desensitizes you, you still have a heart and it can be broken even if you don't feel it. So protect yourself ❤
Great advice thanks man for the high quality content
What about when your partner rejected your marriage proposal? Should you still wait? Or just leave?
This video made me think about that im in so much pain … that im not sure I can get out of it!
My favorite thing about this video is that you don’t discount the feelings someone has in these situations because it’s hard to change how you feel
Man , I can't thank you enough 🥺🥺❣️❣️
Well everything you spoke about is so me.. I met some who said she wasn't looking for a relationship, but just wants to be friends, and me being me. I keep holding out hoping things will change...
Number 5 is gold….exactly- and the answer is hell no!!!!
Difference is we were already in a relationship and started answering “I dont know “ when I asked him if he still loved me, he told me we’re in different places right now. I can’t seem to move on but I’m forcing myself to. “ This relationship is too much for me “ his last words
What's about an open relationship?
I date a guy who is in an open relationship with his wife. I know his wife and they are happy with this concept.
I love him and actually don't want to commit into a relationship. It just came along my way.
Sometimes it's hard not to have him just anytime I like but it keeps the feelings up.
These videos are good advice for me to know how to respond to guys that are in this headspace. Otherwise I wouldn’t underhand their feelings as well. They don’t always express their full thoughts. It’s hard to break things off gently and try not to hurt someone unless I really understand their feelings.
Tell him before you go for a date that you are looking for PROPER RELATIONSHIP (if that is the case) with all its perks, such as going out at the weekends together, attending family events and friends' weddings together, going for annual holidays together, planning to buy a property together, getting married, being there for each other when one of them falls ill or has an accident. Ask him if he is looking for the same thing, OR is he looking to keep dating women for fun, with no commitment to and from women. If he says he's not sure, tell him it's important that he makes his mind up, before he meets you - as it is important for you to know if you are about to date the right man for you or not.
I really needed this. Thank you.
I'm dealing with heartbreak right now. My partner would tell me I'm perfect, he doesn't deserve me, I'm the best, and he wants me in his life, but he that he could no longer commit to the relationship (2+ years). He wanted to continue being friends, but I don't think I can do it.
Don't do it. Cut ties. Grieve and move on. Sorry he is a wanker.
@@saltyginger777 I also feel that would be best. It's just so hard, but time will help.
It's what I keep telling myself, and STILL so hard. And we're not even dating. We hung out several times and when I asked for clarification of "us" the answer I got was he just wants to be friends. ....and to make you all roll your eyes I've accepted that. But it's not where I am. It's been a while since our talk and I can't get past wanting something more than friends....it is hard to find friends these days, but are we really friends? Doesn't feel l8ke it.
Great video, exactly what I needed to hear 👏
No.5 hits hard in a good way
I am so grateful for you @Matthew Hussey!
DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYONE!!!!!
Well thank you Matthew for this great advice and content. And thank you universe for sending it to me right on time. I have definitely been stuck in this same situation and I do deserve to have what I want and this just helped me see that more clearly.
The last one is really great! 😊❤
Thank you for this message.
It’s very painful to wait when nothing changes
I think I know who inspired this video :) thank you, you are the absolute best!
Hey Matthew. Thank you for your video. The scarcity and conformity mindset concept really hit me. Thank you for helping me reflect and reevaluate my goals and value.
This video made me think about all the trauma I’ve been through with different people. I have a goal, for a family, for a house, but in a big city like LA, I keep meeting wonderful people that want to “go with the flow” and have sexual intimacy almost right away. When I ask about their career, emotional, personal goals, they don’t seem to have an answer and seem to be very focused on the present “living the moment, go with the flow, you only live once” mindset. However, these thinking ways have lead me through pain, because I do want to date with intention, with goals…
Currently, I am conflicted with someone who treats me amazing, gives me their time, but says they’ve never given it thought to a home, to a family in a future. Not saying I want to jump into creating a family right away with this person, but I like to know where this person’s mindset is at.
I’ve gotten to the point where I question whether I’m the person who is wrong. And for a moment, I did believe it. After some thought, I’ve concluded.- there is nothing weird with a 35 year old man (me) wanting to date with intention and with purpose, I’m not wrong. I validate my goals and your video reinforced my romantic and personal beliefs/ goals.
Thank you.
All of 1:32 - 8:45 really hit home pretty hard for me. However, 16:45 - 18:15 hit the ABSOLUTE hardest
Thank you so much Matthew
For everything 🙏
I'm reading your book LOVE LIFE nowadays and I'm loving it... Thanks for your letters 💌
I look forward to hearing from you every time you send that letter...
And yes I enjoy every video you put out to help us all in our dating life...
Thanks for being there for all of us 🙏
Sending you lots of love and positive vibes 🙌🤞🥰
Stay blessed ❤❤❤
All I know is if you find something precious, you keep it. So if someone thinks you are not valuable enough, he lets you go. Why to be with someone who doesn’t think that you are the most valuable person in the world❤
Met someone who has just broken up with his partner of 5yrs. We get on really well. He asked if we could meet in a few months time, once everything has settled down, they'd recently got a house together etc. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but I'm also shelving it. He seems like a decent guy, possibly autistic as his communication is very open and direct. Who knows 🤷♂️ time will tell. ..
I been battling. With this decision on going and letting her go for days now, the problem is that I'm too nice to her and she's someone I want to be in my life.. she has kids but she wants me to wait for us to be together fully.. I've been on n off with this extremely one. Sided relationship and I told her I'll wait just not by myself but she still wants to friendzone me but talks to me evryday... I'm not going to keep putting my time and attention towards her to have another guy come in because that's the dynamic she is p putting on this.... I've told her I don't want to be her friend but the problem is I really love this person I don't know why so I go bak to chat with her... I am thinking just don't initiate convo n she'll will get the picture.. this is how I don't want to play like that but I think I have to ... it's never going to change😢 I'm thinking of writing a letter telling her.. but if one day she feels like commenting I'm there, but I think the damage is too much , this is so hard.. it shouldn't be like this...but all the good things in life don't come easy but......
I'm currently in this situation. We've been dating for a month or so. I told her that, I did not develop feelings for her yet and those feeling may not come. I said I've trusted that she is an adult and will know if this situation is hurting her in some way. I really like this girl and I enjoy spending time with her, but I'm after a long relationship and probably not ready for something serious. The only thing I could to, was to be honest.
Could you please explain how can you like her but not develop feelings ? Isn't liking is already feelings itself ?
People’s downfall is believing the person will change their mind. They never do. Remember, what you tolerate, you invite more of.
Here's my scenario, i've been dating this girl for almost a month, there are holding hands and cuddles, i asked her if she's ready, she told me "i need to clear all these things in my life i want you to wait for me." Se said that she does have feelings for me it's just that she just recently broke up with her ex and wanted to fully move before entering a new chapter. She's not a texter type but we very occasionally see each other. Should i wait for her??
"I'm not ready for a relationship (with you)"