I walked away from a situation like this last month. After three months dating, I finally had the courage to ask him what direction we were heading into and the answer was “we’re living different moments”. I agreed with him and said goodbye. My time and energy must be not wasted in vain. I prefer staying single and keeping looking for someone who’s right about me.
Preach girl. I had the same exact situation but he told me he had no idea what he feels about me. Neither get involved nor go separate ways... it wasn't worth the pain anyway.
Very similar situation I had with a woman a few weeks ago. She had a lot of things going on in her life, also involving an ex-husband who was trying to rekindle apparently. After four months of dating, I asked the question and also clearly reminded her of my needs & boundaries, since she was pulling away lately. She said she was confused and her life was a mess right now, so I made it easier for her and me by walking away. No hard feelings, I do feel for her and my decision was backed up with a lot of compassion. She was just not emotionally available right now, and that's okay at the end of the day. Few years ago, I would have probably stayed around and "wait" but luckily life teaches its lessons.
Something similar here- he said after almost 3 months that we have different personalities and not feeling/ being in the moment and sharing with each other. The truth is I was being a bit closed off but we started casually and I think none of expected the posiibjlity of it turning into more. I don’t even know myself anymore…. 😢 I responded to him that we can catch up as friends one day that’s it. But to this day I don’t know if should have explored this conversation after what he has expressed… instead of just running
Just did it, so sweetly. Even told him ive been seeing someone, even though i sit alone between 4 walls. Better alone than with narcissistic bastard who comes and go the last 8 months with the story u r the best women ive met,( like i dont know that) but i cant commit. U get it baby:)
@@insomniacK90 how can they live with themselves really? How can they lay their head on a pillow at night knowing they hurt a good person.. who was nothing but good to them
No. They don't like you. They just want you when it's convenient for them or they want attention. Have self respect and don't be someone's back-up plan.
Whether you’re a man or woman or whatever sexual orientation you should never ever wait for anyone’s feelings to change. It’s hard but necessary to walk away and and putting your needs first. Attraction isn’t a choice. A person likes you or they don’t it’s simple logic. A person who wants you makes it easy and effortless and those who don’t make it hard and mess you around. Be with those who celebrate your presence as opposed to those who barely tolerate. Don’t waste time waiting for someone’s feelings to change you could waste a whole lifetime.
:D You are looking at it from a woman's perspective. Women are wired in the way that they tie love and sex together. In order to have sex with a man a relationship must be established first and therefor you must like him first. Men however are not wired this way. Nature made them so that they want to spread their seed as much as possible to their capabilities. They release millions upon millions of it per ejaculation and they can have a few of them on a day. That means they can impregnate multiple women at the same time basically. But a woman only releases 1 egg a month and it's precious for her. She can't have hundreds of babies from different men every other week or so. So that means men are wired to separate love from sex, or at least more than women. They can "sportf..k" new women every single day for their entire lifes without feeling any sort of attachment to any of them, even if one is the hottest and best. They can even lower their standards depending on their urge, meaning they will try to sleep with a girl who's far below his level in looks. They are simply out for variety, for as much as they can get just like nature intended with flowers. Even promiscuous women who "try to be like a man" can't keep this up. They eventually will cling onto somebody they slept with and are devastated if he leaves. He'll always be on her mind. A man chooses when and if he ties love and sex together. But most of it comes through other ways.
In my opinion if you’re not ready for a relationship, then you’re not ready to have sex with someone. Sex - It’s an act that not only comes with risk but also intimacy and connection.. if you don’t want to have relationship, you don’t deserve intimacy or connection and you definitely aren’t worth the risk.
@@Lazy-bliss Dont worry about blocking him if he wants to stay connected. The guy I was talking to told me he still wanted to hang out after telling me hes not ready for a relationship and gave me excuses why. we did hang out couple times but after that he ended up ghosting me. So don't worry about blocking him he won't reach out again. saying they want to stay connected or want to hang out still is just an easy way out to be nice
Love this! So inspiring! My mind has been completely consumed by thoughts of him. It’s been six months since he left, and the pain of losing him feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures sadly, it’s all gone. I’ve tried everything to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I find myself thinking about him. How do people let go and move on? It’s been months, yet the memories of him are still so vivid. I miss him more than words can say.
I’ve seen couples in long term “serious” relationships, with the female waiting for the man to be ready to marry. After years the guy meets a girl and breaks off with his long term fun girl to instantly live and marry the girl they recently met. If they aren’t ready for a serious relationship it means you aren’t the one for them. They are enjoying what you give while they are still looking and waiting for better. Never throw yourself away like this
When a man honestly tells as woman, he is not ready for a relationship, she must believe him. If she wants to be in a relationship, but he doesn't, she should tell him: 'It's not a match then', and she should find someone who is ready for a relationship.
You are genius my brother. It happened to me. She said she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and marriage. I totally understood and sticked around for 6 months to see if i would get any progress. She knew me very well and knew how much good person I’m. We had a great chemistry together. After 6 months she said still I’m not ready and i left. I had to respect myself and told her i understand, i will take a step back because I’m ready for more than that. I deserve more than love. Maybe it will work if she will make up her mind again and calls me, just maybe… if I’m still available for her. I don’t regret the wasted months, we always learn from our mistakes. My advice for men, and women also, if your crush said I’m not ready for a relationship, just leave politely and find the one who deserves you 🌹 Thank you for reading.
"I'm not looking for anything serious." = "I'm into you, I'm just not THAT into you." Brilliant advice as usual, Matt. Especially those last 3 insights. In French there's a phrase: "Tu me fuis, je te suis. Tu me suis, je te fuis." ("You leave me, and I'll follow you. You follow me, and I'll leave you."). Nothing sends a stronger signal to a guy than leaving. It's a real litmus test. That's when they usually wake up and decide to either leave their comfort zone or stay in it. You benefit either way! IMHO a lot of this hoping and settling comes from being scared to be alone. The minute you take up hobbies, interests, and get BUSY, and appreciating the life you're creating for YOURself, BAM! someone cool and perfect for you enters your life. Love the background, BTW, with the books and the plants, very warm, it really works.
I’ve found in like 90% of my dating experiences, “I’m not looking for anything serious” almost ALWAYS means they aren’t over their ex and you’re about to get used as a rebound, at least from a man’s standpoint. I’d imagine if I were in the shoes of a woman and a guy told me that, it probably just means they wanna hookup. I’ve never been into hookups and I’ve never really dated “casually” so I don’t understand that concept, but that’s what I’ve personally experienced. I’ve dated 10-12 people in my life now and 4 of those people left after less than 6 months, went back to their ex, and ended up getting married to their ex in less than 6 months after getting back with them lol.
The answer is No. This does not mean they are bad for not being ready or you are bad for not wanting to wait. It only means you are both at different spots in your journeys and have different needs. Trying to force or put up with the situation will leave one person feeling pressured and boundaries disrespected and the other will feel hollow and unwanted. Go your separate ways and seek out those who align with your spot in life right now and for the near future.
She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and a month later she’s seeing someone, I never believed her anyway. What a horrible disgusting thing to do to someone
@@TheSnoozeFox okay yeah makes sense, I'm sorry she gave you false hope. You didn't block her and moved on anyway when she said she wasn't ready? Or do you mean she could've said it earlier on?
Sorry you got stung, but "I'm not ready for a relationship" honestly means "I'm not interested in a relationship with you". Sorry if that stings, but I've said it several times over the years and every time I've said it, it meant the latter. I liked the person but not enough to make something serious with them. In future, save yourself the time and grief and thank them for their honesty. It frees you up to find someone on the same page as you.
I’m a man and I just ended things with a woman who wasn’t ready for anything serious. I made the mistake of over investing and really giving her all I had the first two or three months we were together. That made it really hard to walk away because I kept hoping she would come around. Even after I ended things I felt like if I waited that she might come around in a few months and be open to a relationship. This video helped me realize that I just need to move on and let her go.
Did it change in the meantime? I'm asking because I'm in the same situation. Told her today that I was leaving. But it pains me so much, because she always said she didnt want to hurt me, and is the best girl I've met in 7 years... Was intrigued to see if someone actually got the other person after leaving...
Glad the video worked for you. A few years ago I was in a relationship with a woman who went from reluctant and in a funk, to dynamic, smart, strong as we spent time together. She seemed almost addicted to me, I couldn't believe it. A few months in we had an argument. I called once a week after, it went nowhere. A year later I got several strong signs in a short time. Very strong when the signs were added together. A few weeks go by, no call, was sure she would but nope. I figured maybe she wants to but is too proud so I called. A few minutes of small talk, how've you been kinda stuff, and that was that. Since then nothing, nada, zip. What the f**k were those signs all about then? Was so uncanny it was freaking me out a little.
@@mikewillett5076 I guess Matt is right when he says that if people arent consistent, then they are just taking advantage of the other person. Sometimes when you are open and talk about your insecurities they might shift and start taking you seriously, but its a hard game...I guess
@@FranciscoCruz-xz2dw . Our relationship began and weaved like a story. What I was really questioning is, what about the strong signs that collectively screamed that I'll hear from her or that I should call her?
@@mikewillett5076 are you saying she showed signs that you should call her? She liked you obviously, but for some reason things didnt go well, and thats ok. She was not the right person for you.
Also, leaving someone who is keeping you on a string gives yiu the opportunity to build strength and self-worth. Because you’ve made a choice that prioritizes yourself. This in itself prepares you to be valued in a relationship. Paying the cost of sacrificing someone to you love who isn’t loving you back, pays off in significant boost in self esteem and confidence. I left the guy who strung me along for years and it was SO HARD…but I made the choice to treat myself with the kindness I deserved and left him in the belief that someone better who would love me was out there. It took 3 years but I met my now-husband, and I was READY for that love when he came into my life in large part because of the strength in my self that I developed through leaving the string-along guy. It was WORTH IT. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this, I've been waiting 10 years for someone who plays with my heart then throws me away. I'm like his personal yo-yo at this point. I'm destroyed inside. I've no self-worth anymore. I'm fighting a battle to try and get well and it's the battle of my life.
Yes meeting your own needs genuinely sets you free, plus I was already used to isolation but the difference is now I can enjoy it with nothing worrying me in the back of my head.
Life’s fleeting. Don’t settle. Don’t breadcrumb. It’s taken me many (painful, ouch) years to get to this point. And whilst I’m not a relic, I’ve roamed the earth longer than some 😂 Mindset is everything x
Hard pill to swallow even more when someone is awesome to you and they are being exclusive and see your worth and everything else but just are on a different moment and cant have a relationship 💔.. trying to pull away right at this time
Summary 1. INEQUALITY: Is the situation really equal? Both people can date other people. But the problem is one of you doesn't want to. And the other one does. 2. RISKS: There are risks. Risk of lost time. Risk of not meeting more people. Risk of never moving on and finding someone better. You could also wait for someone for a year and they could meet someone 3 weeks in their life and be with them instead. How will you know you will be chosen in the end? 3. PRESENCE: They won’t truly see your worth if they’re dating many people at the same time. They won’t know you for who you are because there would be many others. They have to be truly present to really see you. 4. LEAVE: This person may not change their mind. Even if they do change their mind, it may not be in the way you want it. Leaving opens yourself to every other possible eligible person. Even if you truly want it to be this one person, the best chance you have at them seeing your worth is leaving. They see your value by missing you and seeing you have standards regardless of how attractive they are.
Believe them when they say it. I’ve been through this twice. Actually WASTED some prime years age 27-35 waiting on the same guy to commit to our relationship. Very sad! Looking back. I wish I could go back and change all that. This time it only took me one week to change the story in my head. Said he is not ready right now. And I’m in full acceptance. Thank God! We stopped communicating early. True blessing! To all the Women out there.
Well your older now I’m 14 years old and my therapist thinks I’m not ready for relationships and maybe my crush isn’t either that’s why he stopped talking to me and pushed me away after everything he told me he even apologized for hurting me and told me to keep being me and he thinks I’m a nice guy after asking him why do you want to talk to me I’m over it now and he is just an asshole I know not to play games anymore and let someone get too comfortable with me
Don’t wait ever . I was in a situaitonship for years but then when I finally had enough I cut contact , it took me about 6 months to heal along with therapy and then I met someone wayyy better naturally attracted him into my life . Now all the problems I had with the first guy are no longer
Good my therapist told me I’m not ready for relationships and that does not make me happy and I get upset about it I feel like I need a relationship someone that I have a connection with and that makes me smile and laugh and helps me the guy I had a crush on was not into me my therapist says I get upset about that after everything he told me he apologized for ever hurting me because he did this isn’t the first time he did this and he told me to keep being me and that he thinks I’m a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I asked if I’m annoying him he said nah ur good he told me a lot of things but people tell you what you want to hear and manipulate you and he got too comfortable with me and I wish I could go back and say something to him but I get scared and afraid because I don’t want to get bullied by guys and told to shut up they are immature they think it’s cool to bring people down but it’s not I’m over it now and don’t care anymore I don’t care about girls or guys I chose to now react differently I’m not playing games anymore and I will not let someone get too comfortable I hope someone comes that is actually into me and wants me.
I’m so glad I left! Every mindset you gave resonated with the situation I was in. We give ourselves that false hope but “leaving is your best shot at finding something better.” Thank you for this!
this was the best video to give me the strength I needed. It confirmed my decision to say bye, bye, bye to the one who didn't make me a priority in his life
i was in this he told me he needs time, that he doesn´t want a relationship yet, but if he changed his mind he would tell me he also gave me assurance by saying he won´t meet or date other people. fast forward a year later and I found out that he was dating another girl for about 5 months now and has feelings for her and he dropped me like garbage
@@micahrutland9021mine he never talked to me or opened up I really don’t care I’m over it now I’m not playing games anymore and I learned from that mistake he is an asshole my therapist tells me he was not into me that is not what happened and my therapist says I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m not happy about that maybe he is not ready for a relationship also I guess my therapist is right he wasn’t mean to me he did apologize for hurting me because he did and he told me all this stuff I feel like he was attracted and he was interested in me and he did like me I really don’t know what happened is is because of rumors about me people making assumptions he got the wrong idea about me he didn’t even talk to me and tell me that he doesn’t like me and that he is not interested he could have talked to me.
sometimes they only feel comfortable with an emotionally unavailable person or someone worse cause it makes them feel better doesn't mean you aren't the technically better "choice"
LOVE THIS TOPIC MATTHEW. I was in this situation for 7 months and decided to cut them off because they said they are not ready to commit. Don't know what the hell does that mean but it definitely hurts!
Before I met my husband, I manifested the kind of love I deserve... I made a list with all the personality traits and physical characteristics of my future partner, and waited until he showed up in my life... He is real, and he is imperfectly perfect, like me. We fit just right, because it turns out he was waiting for me, too. We are grateful for each other, and together we manifest amazing things for our family. If you're avoidant, you most likely have said to family members - who had a major role in your childhood: "You only accepted me or liked me when I was happy/obedient/emotionless." This one simple statement fits with ALL the core symptoms of avoidant attachment: 1. Being overly self-reliant (and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses) 2. Pushing down anger until it explodes and manufactures the boundaries you crave but can't/don't/won't always ask for 3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems 4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent or even getting bullied and teased/mocked 5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy (like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating) Remember ALWAYS this process is all about YOU!!! Not him. He is just a catalyst. Consider, he may be your twin flame. Look into that. After he initiated your trauma, you're now left to deal with and to heal: all that has come to the surface. GOOD! This is a blessing. Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless. HUGE-HUGE gift! Major advice!!! Listen closely!!! NEVER ever CHASE HIM. He will run further and you will lose yourself more. You are the feminine. You are the divine goddess. You just be and approve (or disapprove) whoever comes along. It's a yes: you meet my requirements, or: it's a no, you do not. Be clear on whom you're accepting as a partner and DO NOT settle for less (or you just delay what's actually really divinely meant for you). Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up. It's all human, and in need of your attention. If you push it away, deny it, block it, hide it, or run from it... You will just have to deal with it later... And when later comes, those emotions will be: intensified/amplified/magnified! 1) Put yourself first and foremost! 2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl. 3) Rejection is redirection. Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities. And, Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief: 1. Find the belief... 2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES to having the belief 3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES to having the belief If you can NOT find advantages then that’s EXACTLY why you're stuck!! When you finally see both sides... Your mind will STOP thinking about it 'cause your brain will be rewired. So you gotta keep at it, until you find the positive to the negative... And therefore, ultimately rewire your brain! AND REMEMBER: STOP making it all about manifestation when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION! AND: If you haven't heard today... You are so very loved and you are so very worthy of love. The hardest part is learning to love yourself and to know: it's not all your fault, and to see: that you're beautiful; wonderfully perfectly brilliantly created. You're stronger than most; a true leader/warrior in the making. Keep going and keep thanking. Remember Jesus was an outcast and he suffered more than any human being could ever endure... And the most important message here is to forgive them and to forgive yourself and to love all. Keep walking in truth. One of the great poems of the Zen tradition ends with this description of the awakened state: “To be without suffering over imperfection(s).” AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER: I am one with the Divine. I experience, peace, BLISS, love, and joy: CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY. I experience everything as grace AND AS LOVE. I am at peace. I honor the Divine within me. Our God is able and can see your heart’s cry. He knows every tear that has fallen and continues to fall from your eyes... Take heart - Christ is close to the broken hearted! He is a God of good surprises. Throw out the idea of your past, throw the past years, completely away. Get rid of them, do not acknowledge them any longer. Redefine and recreate your self today! HERE! NOW! You are an artist and an alchemist and a creator and you have the immense power to repaint this dream... * I am The Song Of the Universe! * Today is a Miraculous Wonderfully Delicious Magical Day! * I am in PERFECT HEALTH and ABUNDANT WEALTH in my New Earth Divine Crystalline Body!
Best thing I ever did was walk away from a using, time waster. I held on for far too long waiting and waiting for change. One year on? Best thing I've ever done. Calm life with zero worry or stress. You just don't see it at the time and think there's no other future. Walk. You will thank yourself so much in the future. That's a guarantee.
Thanks for this video.. this one hit me a bit hard. I’m in this exact situation, but I’m proud to say that I ended things after the first month. This is growth for me, as I have been in these situations before and not ended it, and been miserable.
I’m in a non-relationship with a man that I really like. He’s emotionally closed off, but he’s very good to me, and I value his friendship even though I’d like more. Your last question got my attention. Yes, this is what I want. He’s not dating other people and definitely shows a preference for me when other women are around. BTW, we’re both in our 70s. He’s a widow and I’ve been alone most of my life. So, yeah, I am willing to settle for this.
You said something key - you value his friendship. So you’ve made a choice to accept what it is and what it ain’t. I don’t think that’s the same as “settling”, that’s choosing to define the relationship in a new way that actually works for BOTH of you. I think that’s mature. …As long as you’re GENUINELY ok with it staying a friendship for the long-term. May the Lord give you the desires of your hearts sooner than you expect! 🙏🏽 God bless! 🦋
Oh yes, I know this scenario inside out! I'm in my late 60's. There just don't seem to be any single guys around, not my age anyway, or if they are, they want much younger women, tho I look much better than many my age, mainly due to daily exercise, with my own home, a modest pension, highly educated, enjoy a wide range of cultural pursuits ... WTF are they looking for? And, yes, I'm friendly with a widower who I'd actually crossed off my Christmas card list, after I asked would he ever think of re-partnering & he said No. Later, he said he hadn't meant that & he WAS interested, but then he acted very ambivalently & wouldn't acknowledge what he was doing. I find it impossible to read him. We share a lot of the same interests, so avoiding him is really hard work. I did meet an older guy, also a widower, for coffee for a while, but he was very dull & constantly replayed his happy marriage, & never organised a proper date for the weekend, so I stopped taking his calls.
Hopefully, he doesn’t find the one and leave you heartbroken. It’s fine right now until he meets the one that he does prefer over you. If you’re happy settling, that’s all that matters…good luck!
@@Jenjenn1111 this is such a key point when as a woman you've mistakenly settled for second best. It becomes a serious painful thing the moment he finds one he is actually into for real.
This is a great comment. I am 60 and I am a widow. I have had children. I don't see the need to be constantly with someone. I don't think it's who I am now. So saying I don't want a relationship doesn't mean I just want to use you. It is a statement about where we are at this stage in our lives. I want a connection, a friendship but I am not convinced about more than this.
He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and not to date him, but I didn’t listen. He always prioritized me though, held my hand when we went on dates, kissed me in public, all the boyfriend stuff. Four months in and we have a “situation” which I suggest we have a week of no contact to work through. At the end of the week I went to his house told him I loved him and that I was willing to fight for us. He said he could never give me what I need because he just can’t take his walls down and it wasn’t fair to me. I asked “do you even want to continue seeing each other?” He said, “I think we should end things.” I gave him a kiss, looked him in the eye, and said goodbye and walked out. As I was walking away, he ran after me. That was this morning, who knows what will happen when we talk tonight. But after watching this video, I will do what is right for me. Because I am an amazing woman who has a lot to offer, the right man.
Matthew said it perfectly and it’s something I’ve always followed. I NEVER date someone or date multiple people. You can’t be present and it a lot of the times turns into a contest. Slow your roll. You can pass something truly important if you’re not paying attention.
You're right. It took me two years to leave. I was being so used because I allowed myself to fall in love with him. Back out looking for my person. Thx for your book. I did get it.❤
Last week he broke up with me after 2 years. He always told me he's not ready for a relationship. I was waiting patiently. I told him I can give him as much time as he needs. I've never loved someone as much as him. I did everything to be the best version of myself for him. And he just left me when I didn't expect it. He wanted to be friends and stay in contact but I refused. It's so hard for me to avoid texting or calling him. I still have hope that he will miss me and understand his mistake. But I feel so stupid and naive.
Just walked away from a woman i was absolutely falling for because she told me this. This helped me so much. Especially the last point. Ive been through so much to heal and get over the pain of previous relationships and life events, i deserve more than to settle for someone who doesnt know what they want, even if they are something very special. It makes me sad i had to that but this makes me feel a bit better. Thankyou Matt.
Thank you, it’s exactly what I needed to hear so I don’t waste a moment more in hoping for someone I like to see that I’m boyfriend material, they say they’re not ready and that’s fine but I’m not gonna sit around and wait for them, I gotta keep living my life and I will find the right person for a relationship based on kindness and respect.
They never told me they were not ready my therapist thinks I’m not and I’m not happy about that and it makes me upset that my therapist thinks he is not into me after everything he told me and him saying keep being you he apologized for ever hurting me and said I was a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I’m over it now and I don’t really care anymore and I’m not playing games anymore I will not let someone get too comfortable with me again
The genius of Matthew's method is that it speaks to the healthy part of you that knows you should move on because there is no (well nothing is certain but there js little hope) hope but also to the unheathy part that wants the other person to come around. The behavior is the same! And behavior/action is what matters, not mindset. So even on bad days when you feel yourself backsliding and losing strength you know you're doing the right thing even when the goal is getting them backm
This made me realize that I need to stop WAITING for him to make the decision of, IF he really wants a relationship with me or not! He’s giving me NOTHING and I’m still sitting here giving him a chance and it’s only been 2 months!
Done this for 4 and half years off and on. Waited wanted this situation to turn around. And waiting. But I know now time is valuable. I don't want to put another year into this. I need to move on. My absence just needs to be there for him to completely feel it that I am completely gone. I don't want to be on rotation, etc. It is unfulfilled and lonely. I had a blast with him. But also I paid for the price too as well. With heartbreak 💔 Thank you for this video. If you had told me to watch this a year ago or two years ago, I would just scroll by. But this spoke to ME. I love the man like crazy. I always will. But I can't do this anymore.i value Me and my Peace
Thank you so much from deep of my heart🙏 I let go a man who was dating me parallel, I saw the red flags after 3 weeks, I am very proud of myself as I feel my growth of self-respect, self- worth+ self-love... The 5. Mindset shift hit me the most: I love myself, am able to set healthy boundaries more and more, and have been through much pain, that is why I am looking for my romantic love of my life💫💜💫
I recently had a similiar situation. We were on and off, he showed me attention, had me over to his house and then all of a sudden nothing! So I confronted him about his actions and he told me he didn't want to start a relationship right now. Of course i get all the explanations of its not you, you're so great with an amazing personality. It's been two weeks and we haven't spoken to each other since. It's difficult, because I felt I finally found someone real after two years of no one and then he flaked out too. I'm still heartbroken over this. Matthew you make so many great points in this video that I can totally relate too. I'm currently reading your book and it's pointing out a lot of things to me as well. I'm seeing things I've done wrong and need to change. I love how kind, patient and understanding you are in all of these videos.
I walked away recently. I spent 6 months and asked twice for more. He always said he didn't want a relationship. I listened to him. I moved on, and now he is upset with me. He's saying everything i wanted to hear after so long of being deprived. I'm so hurt and the fact that i found someone who treats me so well, someone who is sure of his intentions, and he is so kind makes things so much worse. I feel so much confusion and anger. I have to leave him behind. I couldn't live with myself if i threw away the opportunity with this new guy for someone who kept me confused and hurt for so long.
I walked away after 10 years waiting for someone to be on my page …. I went through a lot of hurt and pain ….. however we have stayed friends and I need to cut the chord but cannot ….. for him it’s great as he still gets alll my good qualities (without sex) plus new girlfriend… why am i so needy of this ridiculous connection!!!!!
This was poignant. I SO regret I didn't know about situationships and this type of stuff two years ago since it would have saved me a tremendous amount of heartbreak. Thrown-under-the-bus life lessons are still being learned but the silver lining is I'm being forced to fundamentally change in positive ways to be happier for the rest of my life. I'm "growing into gratitude" for my mistakes, and for his mistakes...slowly but surely. I believe the five mindset shifts in the video are spot-on but to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would have acted on them since I was so deeply smitten with this man and I lacked the ability to understand my needs, set boundaries, and stick with them. But now, after experiencing all this pain, I probably would.
He's so right. Please believe him. I stayed with someone who 'wasn't ready for a relationship' for nearly 6 years. I loved him so, so much. We were really well-matched but he was never really as invested and i knew it deep down, but he seemed to become more and more invested in me as time progressed and that gave me hope. Eventually he met someone younger and prettier, he dumped me and she was living with him within a few weeks (he never moved me in). He was always just waiting for a better option to come along and even told me so when he dumped me: 'if it wasn't her it would have been someone else'. The sooner you leave this situation, the more of your confidence you will retain
'Are you looking for something casual or serious?' - ask him before you go on a date with him. If he says: 'casual', you should say: 'It's a shame. I like you but we are not on the same page on that, so I don't think we're a match'. If he says: 'serious', from then on she should let him prove it: start initiating communications, organising dates and winning her over to become his wife.
I literally asked this exact question and got the standard run around, “it’s not black/white for me”, vague response. Pay attention to that too, they rarely are forthcoming these days unfortunately.
Waited 2 years for my husband to come around. At the end of the day the choices I made during that time were for both of us. She called and told me he had been cheating with her. Bought her a wedding ring as he was trying to fix it with me. Don't wait. Do what is best for you. This story is different than what is presented but you don't know why or what is going on. Just take care of yourself. Big hugs to everyone. We are all going through something. Be brave and make the tough choices I wish I would have.
I really enjoyed the advice and started tearing up at #5. I will come back to this video when I feel down, it really helped changing perspectives and not giving up. Thank you, Matthew & Team!
I loved this video too! Another video I NEEDED to hear. My mindset definitely shifted after a conversation with her about going to Vegas for the holidays, when I’ve been persistently been selfless with myself for her and she isn’t even giving me the time to come see me one minute. I’ll admit I’m grieving a bit but I do feel much more relaxed and happy I did something that was in MY best interest and not hers. She hasn’t even tried to contact me back, that tells me a lot of how much I really mattered.
THIS GUY JUST HITS ALL THE RIGHT SPOTS EVERY SINGLE TIME. Can’t count how many times I’ve gasped while listening. Especially the 5th mindset. That just woke me up. I was pursued by people all my life but have never felt ready until now (27y/o). I was on the apps and met someone who pursued me for 2 months only to tell me, when I asked for exclusivity, that they were not ready for any committment. I was very confused and hurt, and sadly I am still holding on to that hope of them reaching out and changing their mind. But is that really the kind of relationship I want? Is that what I HELD OUT FOR after all these years of investing in my education, my looks, my personality, and social skills… after working hard on myself and finally reaching a place of self actuality, why am I holding on to a person who doesn’t see my worth? It’s been a month since the breakup and it hasn’t been easy but I am slowly moving on. And these videos have been a huge part of my healing.
I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed like we both fancy each other. Today I found out about his girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢
That’s terrible…it happened to me too. Like, who do you think I am? It is NOT ok to use me while you work through your problems with your girlfriend. I felt so used and betrayed…but I’m healing.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
My God…I’m in tears right now. This video was all I needed to make the decision to leave a piece of $@*#€ I’ve been dating for the last 11 months. After all this time he still does NOT want to be exclusive. Mindset Shift #5 simply and clearly explained my love life and situation for the past 10 years. I’ll watch this video on repeat, write out all 5 Mind shifts and know them by heart, and block this man out of my life for good. I’m heartbroken tonight 💔
Why does this video appeared just on time. Currently I'm close to a man. But he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I was so heart broken. I cared for him, I send him many presents only to get nothing in return. I feel like an idiot. He is my first love. He ticks all the quality I want in a man. We are still in contact and next month will count as a year since we've known each other. He still regards me as a friend. Slowly my heart starts to move on. If he come to love me back when I'm not anymore, then that's his loss.
I would like to see a living example of someone who sticked around , invested more and ultimately got in a relationship. Probably as likely as winning a lottery
To the person who said kate Middleton… we don’t know the state of her relationship behind closed doors and whether she actually won the prize she deserved romantically. Bless her though and hope she recovers. ❤
When they say that crap it's usually after they have gotten you to sleep with them. Ask them b4 you sleep with them and once they tell you, bounce bcus THEY DON'T WANT YOU!
@@zacpdx that too but, I'm not saying ask immediately upon meeting. You should be spending time outside of cars hotels each other's homes no friends homes either. I'm not saying you can't attend a function at these places, I saying don't overstay your welcome and NEVER EVER stay overnight or for hours alone. Next while these jackals may tell you what you want to hear, they can't keep up the masquerade and who he is will surface. Lastly, as women don't date these males blindly you should have a plan and use the dating time as a vetting process.
I was told "I'm not looking for a relationship...just sex right now." Heads up... If we aren't in a relationship, then that means we're officially just friends. And you know what? Friends don't have sex, at least, this one doesn't. Don't walk, run. The chances of him changing his mind is slim to none.
Thank you for sharing these mindset shifts. It helps so much to ask myself the question, "Is THIS what I've worked so hard and held out for?" to determine whether someone is worth my time.❤ I'm loving "Love Life", still reading. 😊 I only wish I had all this valuable information years ago! Thank you so much for the work you're doing.
I was in this situation a little over a month ago, and Im just started to feel the actual sting of it now (and thus, Im here at this video). What I will say is that I naturally made the right decision and gracefully removed myself from the situation once we had the "Where is this going" conversation. I did not pander or prod him. I just accepted his position (although I absolutely wanted different). Im proud of myself honestly cause a decade ago I would've waited... Content in my own delusion, and thus broke my own heart. I dont know if I miss the actual guy or if I miss more what I'd hoped we'd be. Perplexing, but at least I made the right decision. ALWAYS choose yourself 🤲🏾.
#3 is so real. I actually said the exact same thing to this guy I was in a situationship with for almost 6 months, and he just shrugged it off, not responding to it in any way. Probably because he knew for himself that that was true, and he just didn't like to acknowledge it.
Been 4 months since he left and I truly loved him and cared for him but at the same time grateful that he did that because I will never have peace of mind if I continued to stay with him had he stayed.
Same thing happened with me. I used to like this girl and she used to like me as well. She gave me hope at the beginning. But as time passed by, she started contradicting her words. So just few days, I left her. Though it's very painful as I was severely attached to her. Thank God, I left her before it gets too late. Let her go if you truly love her, holds true in this case.
Hey Coach! ❤ I waited 3 and 1/2 weeks (continuing our connection and talks and communication on various levels)…. and someone that said he was “looking for FWB” has changed his mind and decided he wants to pursue a relationship w me 🤙🏼 I probably would not have invested too much further into this connection if it had gone the way i thought it was going for a minute (he actually pulled back at week 3 and said he was going back on the dating app)….. but just a day later he admitted that was a reaction. He’s now decided he’s wanting to continue on an exclusive level….. and that is a mutual agreement (in the most supportive way). I connect a LOT with the message of this video….. as it usually does not work out “my way” - just wanted to share the true life story of a “change of mind” by the man i’m pursuing 🥰💗👌🏼😎
Loved this video Matthew! It hit home with me bc my bf was love bombing me at the beginning, then wanted me to move where he is but I said let’s wait and see how things go in this LDR then he said he wasn’t ready to move in together but then said he didn’t want to wait more than 2 years for us to live together but as I was thinking about our potential future together and moving my life where he is he went out and bought a condo without telling me when he suggested we buy a house together next year. When I found out about this condo he then said he was struggling right now and needing a break and I said let’s just breakup and so we did. This was a years worth of mixed messages and I just got tired of it. So glad we ended things before I moved my whole life there when he wasn’t even sure about me.
I say this with all respects 100%for you Matthew. On some of your utube videos that maybe we should try to communicate and understand what the other person has gone through. Not so much as dating other people. Just the part where they may not be ready for a relationship and that we maybe or has been through some battles throughout their lives to where they don’t feel like they are safe enough to open up. I’m that person that can feel what other people feel and I have a hard time walking although I did walk away. It still made me feel like I walked away prematurely.
Found and fell in love with the exact girl I have been looking for my whole life, just for it to end with her saying that she doesn’t think being in a relationship right now is the best thing for her. She was previously married and divorced her husband for running around on her and just being a terrible person. We got together after their divorce was final and things were literally perfect from the start.. until she decided to “guard her heart” and distance herself from me, in fear of being hurt again and not totally healed from her broken marriage. I done all that I could for 6 months, and now we’re no longer together. Been through many breakups before, but nothing remotely close to this magnitude of hurt. Praying and hoping that she comes back after some time apart and she realizes that she’s meant for more than being ran around on. To say that I am devastated would be an incredible understatement. Don’t know what to do or where I go from here. My prayer is that God will provide me the strength to carry on without her until she comes back, or I find someone new.
Those may likely just be nice ways of breaking it off. That’s what all women do, be polite give excuses. She probably just doesn’t feel you are her match. She knows herself, trust her. Don’t love the wrong person. Move on. Your a sadness and mourning is just not accepting reality that she isn’t your match. Ask God who is your match, & if you are ready to meet your match. Put your energy into finding your match not fretting over you wanting someone to be your match that just isn’t. Women aren’t going to tell you why you aren’t a match. It’s often private.
If you love God you would trust Him and want His will. You would be happy to leave this person because they are not your match. Listen to her ! Listen to God. Trust them. So you don’t get your way. She may prefer someone that trusts God more , that doesn’t have depression over not getting their way. That respects her more and her opinion vs contradicting her and assuming she is wrong. If I were her I’d move in too. Sorry! Perhaps you aren’t ready to meet someone. Work on your faith first. People of faith are joyful
@@Two20Three If she is your match, and she truly just isnt ready … write her a letter. Ask her. Tell her how you feel about her completely truly and why. Tell her you know it takes two to make a match. Ask her if she knows in her heart you are not a match, or if she is unsure and just chatting as friends to give it time would be helpful…that is if you can handle that with not pressuring her and truly just being a friend! Or, if it is just because she needs time to recover or its not the right time for her to be sure about moving forward. Tell her you can be patient, its worth it to you to wait and see, and just be friends, then one day it may become clear to you both if it is meant to be. Its a very nice way of letting her know you truly need full disclosure from her so you know if it wasn’t a match and u can move on in life. Because if she knows who she is and knows it does not match with you then it Is Not a good match at all thats just a fact. It takes Two to love. You cant truly even love her if she doesnt love you. So find out! If she cares at all she will answer, if you aren’t crazy depressed sensitive or pressuring her. If she knows she doesnt love you in that way there is nothing to be devastated about but your own fantasy! Not reality. There is nothing lost if she doesnt feel that way about you. Love is when two people cant live without each other. She doesnt even want to date you. Perhaps you imagined a lot and cant face the truth, that it was not a match and she doesnt love you, perhaps time revealed someone who she knows is not what she fits with or wants. She knows herself, you Cannot know more than she does. That disrespects her opinion entirely. If she was killed in an accident you should be devastated. There is nothing to be upset about. God has a match for you elsewhere. You cant force what isnt real. You love what you imagined and now cant face the reality. Man up. Women need men who are strong. If you actually do love her…you value her more than anyone on earth does, be her friend and do everything for her just to be kind, Not to get what you want in return as Thats Not love. Prove it to her show her u know what love is and it is how you feel. Be her best friend that gives and does everything for her. Take care of her. Listen, trust her. Make her laugh and smile. Listen to her talk about her dates and boyfriends. She will slowly depend on you and turn. It can take years. If you never ever give up this usually always works. But dont get serious at all with anyone else ever. Thats proof u dont love her.
Maaaannnn.... this looks like i myself put down this comment. Been through the exact same thing. What hurts more is the fact that we had an AMAZING chemistry and i know i cannot have the same with someone else. It really hurts when you remember how you helped them get through their tough times only to get discarded when WE have made their lives a little bit joyful and better. And then again i think sometimes that i was just a distraction for her, a tool she used to numb her pain for a bit and feel validated. I feel you brother... best thing you can do is accept the reality. Whatever version you think or interpret. Atleast you will not have the regret of not giving your best. If you were good to her, i hope she regrets leaving you. Because even though both of you lost each other, she lost someone who really loved her, and that will haunt her one day. Try to move on. You have a lot of love to give and wait for the right person to give that love. Hoping that there has to be some happiness in my life without her being a part of it, hope you do the same and hope you get that. 🫂
If he says that to me I assume he is just not that in to me and he never will be and I leave. Simple. The heart goes where it goes. No amount of waiting or tugging is going to get it to move in your direction if it is not willing. What’s the point. I think if it this way - I see a shoe I love and it goes well with my outfits and my lifestyle etc. I try it on and it’s not quite a good fit. And the longer I am wearing it the more uncomfortable I feel. So I give it back and go look for a shoe that fits and makes me feel like a queen❤
The biggest challenge for me is finding other women to date. My life makes it extremely difficult to meet new people often. I don't want to date other women in hopes that she decides she's now ready to date, because I know that she hasn't been. Rather, I want to date other women because I want to be with someone that's ready for something. She has always been honest with me and I have never felt like I'm being used, and I wish that we could have a chance to give things a shot because of how compatible we are, but I know that I can't sit here and hope for the best because I'm going to eventually get passed up if I try to stay. We are still friends, which I made clear when I confessed how I felt that I still wanted. But I want more. I'm ready for more.
All I know is if you find something precious, you keep it. So if someone thinks you are not valuable enough, he lets you go. Why to be with someone who doesn’t think that you are the most valuable person in the world❤
I am in a slightly different situation: limerance, rather than dating. But even so, finding it hard to move on. This video spoke to me regardless,. especially the final mindset.
I think that I would be absolutely silly not to think and be blinded by the love that I hoped would be and not see the situation for what it is. I held out for a year , the man I love cycling in and out of my life when it suited him but to build me up only to let me down numerous times and the last time the worst having seen each other only to be told even a phone call was too much like a relationship and he didn't feel like complimentary, I was in such pain and now I see, that this type of relationship is not something I should hold out for, even if I have feelings for him. Thank you for this video, very helpful to bring me to realize I'm not alone in this type of situation. God bless you and your family and Merry Christmas 🎄
Helpful to hear about mindset of watching the many movies at one time to make the idea of rejection diminish … as in the person didn’t really even get to know me to even truly reject me
Hey Matthew. Thank you for your video. The scarcity and conformity mindset concept really hit me. Thank you for helping me reflect and reevaluate my goals and value. This video made me think about all the trauma I’ve been through with different people. I have a goal, for a family, for a house, but in a big city like LA, I keep meeting wonderful people that want to “go with the flow” and have sexual intimacy almost right away. When I ask about their career, emotional, personal goals, they don’t seem to have an answer and seem to be very focused on the present “living the moment, go with the flow, you only live once” mindset. However, these thinking ways have lead me through pain, because I do want to date with intention, with goals… Currently, I am conflicted with someone who treats me amazing, gives me their time, but says they’ve never given it thought to a home, to a family in a future. Not saying I want to jump into creating a family right away with this person, but I like to know where this person’s mindset is at. I’ve gotten to the point where I question whether I’m the person who is wrong. And for a moment, I did believe it. After some thought, I’ve concluded.- there is nothing weird with a 35 year old man (me) wanting to date with intention and with purpose, I’m not wrong. I validate my goals and your video reinforced my romantic and personal beliefs/ goals. Thank you.
I really needed this. Thank you. I'm dealing with heartbreak right now. My partner would tell me I'm perfect, he doesn't deserve me, I'm the best, and he wants me in his life, but he that he could no longer commit to the relationship (2+ years). He wanted to continue being friends, but I don't think I can do it.
This sounds like a bucket of 💩 sorry for those who need a soft delivery but it sounds like they don’t see your value and we are giving them too much importance in these situations. It’s seems like we have to examine our admiration for people and notice it doesn’t mean they are “the one”. Admiration is tricky when most interpersonal relationships are networking, family or romantic love, it’s so rare to feel love for a friend or stranger and not be confused for something romantic (with a gender we are attracted to). Someone who is meant for us will also choose us but based on experience it might just be you’re not happy enough. & showing unconditional love somehow makes people entitled to mistreat you. Winning the game of them choosing us, after they said they aren’t interested in a relationship, is needing validation to feel good enough or the missing piece to be “happy enough”. The secret is moving on to something healthy instead of playing these games that don’t add value to us if we win over the guy. It kind of sounds backwards because guys win women over, because women made it a challenge, but when guys are the challenge, it brings down our self esteem and gives them the control over our point of view about ourselves. In other words as women maybe we shouldn’t be seeking for a challenge but someone who readily is interested in us in a healthy way. Walk away from the hot guy with attractive muscles when he treats you with disrespect. The gift wrapping looks good on the outside, but there’s 💩 inside.
So cut throat, but I love it, I needed this for my healing and growth 😂. Beautifully said, the divorced man I was seeing for 8 months told me he couldn't be in a relationship because of his new job and freshly divorced ( which is the part I understand) but it opened my eyes and I walked away. Now that I'm trying to move on is when he's now pursuing me and I don't want him anymore😅, now I'm just irritated 😅😅
Well everything you spoke about is so me.. I met some who said she wasn't looking for a relationship, but just wants to be friends, and me being me. I keep holding out hoping things will change...
I’ve been talking to this guy flat out 7 months- last week well a couple weeks ago I said I’m going away Monday for 5 nights with my mother ! Last week I said remember I’m going away and completely turned on me and now blocked me all because I’m going away .. kept saying you’ll meet other people… I feel he’s got insecurities issues or something major than that - I was hurt for a couple days … I’m still a little bit hurt I’ve never experienced this in my life before I was in 15 year relationship before this been single 4 years ..
How to know if she’s really worth walking away from or if she just needs more time? It’s also impossible with long distance but she’s all I think about. Even other women are appealing anymore and I only compare them to her.
I just recently started watching your videos and I extremely enjoy them. I’m on RUclips everyday most of the day and I’ve never felt like a certain one is exactly for me until now. Hearing you verbalize exactly how I’m feeling has given me the strength I need to put my goals back in perspective and made me remember that what I want or need is most important if I truly want to be happy. I appreciate your insight. Thank you
I walked away from a situation like this last month. After three months dating, I finally had the courage to ask him what direction we were heading into and the answer was “we’re living different moments”. I agreed with him and said goodbye. My time and energy must be not wasted in vain. I prefer staying single and keeping looking for someone who’s right about me.
Preach girl. I had the same exact situation but he told me he had no idea what he feels about me. Neither get involved nor go separate ways... it wasn't worth the pain anyway.
Very similar situation I had with a woman a few weeks ago. She had a lot of things going on in her life, also involving an ex-husband who was trying to rekindle apparently. After four months of dating, I asked the question and also clearly reminded her of my needs & boundaries, since she was pulling away lately. She said she was confused and her life was a mess right now, so I made it easier for her and me by walking away.
No hard feelings, I do feel for her and my decision was backed up with a lot of compassion. She was just not emotionally available right now, and that's okay at the end of the day. Few years ago, I would have probably stayed around and "wait" but luckily life teaches its lessons.
Something similar here- he said after almost 3 months that we have different personalities and not feeling/ being in the moment and sharing with each other. The truth is I was being a bit closed off but we started casually and I think none of expected the posiibjlity of it turning into more. I don’t even know myself anymore…. 😢 I responded to him that we can catch up as friends one day that’s it. But to this day I don’t know if should have explored this conversation after what he has expressed… instead of just running
You're really serious I loved
that’s why guys don’t chase girls anymore
No. Don't wait. Run before you get more attached.
🎯
Just did it, so sweetly. Even told him ive been seeing someone, even though i sit alone between 4 walls. Better alone than with narcissistic bastard who comes and go the last 8 months with the story u r the best women ive met,( like i dont know that) but i cant commit. U get it baby:)
@@insomniacK90 how can they live with themselves really? How can they lay their head on a pillow at night knowing they hurt a good person.. who was nothing but good to them
@@jsav9979. Because they're not a good person, simple as that.
Thank You! I needed to hear this today! Gives me strength to follow my path.❤️
No. They don't like you. They just want you when it's convenient for them or they want attention. Have self respect and don't be someone's back-up plan.
Whether you’re a man or woman or whatever sexual orientation you should never ever wait for anyone’s feelings to change. It’s hard but necessary to walk away and and putting your needs first. Attraction isn’t a choice. A person likes you or they don’t it’s simple logic. A person who wants you makes it easy and effortless and those who don’t make it hard and mess you around. Be with those who celebrate your presence as opposed to those who barely tolerate. Don’t waste time waiting for someone’s feelings to change you could waste a whole lifetime.
I’m a guy and I agree 100%
Ready for sex but not ready for a relationship. If you are not on the same page, you must tell him you're not a match because of that.
:D You are looking at it from a woman's perspective. Women are wired in the way that they tie love and sex together. In order to have sex with a man a relationship must be established first and therefor you must like him first.
Men however are not wired this way. Nature made them so that they want to spread their seed as much as possible to their capabilities. They release millions upon millions of it per ejaculation and they can have a few of them on a day. That means they can impregnate multiple women at the same time basically. But a woman only releases 1 egg a month and it's precious for her. She can't have hundreds of babies from different men every other week or so.
So that means men are wired to separate love from sex, or at least more than women. They can "sportf..k" new women every single day for their entire lifes without feeling any sort of attachment to any of them, even if one is the hottest and best. They can even lower their standards depending on their urge, meaning they will try to sleep with a girl who's far below his level in looks.
They are simply out for variety, for as much as they can get just like nature intended with flowers. Even promiscuous women who "try to be like a man" can't keep this up. They eventually will cling onto somebody they slept with and are devastated if he leaves. He'll always be on her mind.
A man chooses when and if he ties love and sex together. But most of it comes through other ways.
In my opinion if you’re not ready for a relationship, then you’re not ready to have sex with someone. Sex - It’s an act that not only comes with risk but also intimacy and connection.. if you don’t want to have relationship, you don’t deserve intimacy or connection and you definitely aren’t worth the risk.
@@Lunaof1991💯 I def agree
Should I block him? He wants to stay connected
@@Lazy-bliss Dont worry about blocking him if he wants to stay connected. The guy I was talking to told me he still wanted to hang out after telling me hes not ready for a relationship and gave me excuses why. we did hang out couple times but after that he ended up ghosting me. So don't worry about blocking him he won't reach out again. saying they want to stay connected or want to hang out still is just an easy way out to be nice
Love this! So inspiring! My mind has been completely consumed by thoughts of him. It’s been six months since he left, and the pain of losing him feels like a physical ache. The laughter, the memories, the adventures sadly, it’s all gone. I’ve tried everything to distract myself, but the harder I try, the more I find myself thinking about him. How do people let go and move on? It’s been months, yet the memories of him are still so vivid. I miss him more than words can say.
A spiritual counselor? That sounds fascinating. How can I reach out to him?
Thank you so much for sharing this I really appreciate your honesty and openness.
I’ve seen couples in long term “serious” relationships, with the female waiting for the man to be ready to marry. After years the guy meets a girl and breaks off with his long term fun girl to instantly live and marry the girl they recently met. If they aren’t ready for a serious relationship it means you aren’t the one for them. They are enjoying what you give while they are still looking and waiting for better. Never throw yourself away like this
The man might not even let this gf now that she is only a placeholder, while he is waiting for someone better.
You are right...he is just a bastard playing you around nd using, enjoying you..while secretly wating for better opportunitie..
That’s shit honestly - bordering on abusive.
@@Lunaof1991 Your comment doesn’t make any sense as you are using a pronoun “that’s” without anyone knowing what you are referring to.
@@KayRene-l1v do you not understand English? It wasn’t very complex and most definitely makes sense 😂.
When a man honestly tells as woman, he is not ready for a relationship, she must believe him. If she wants to be in a relationship, but he doesn't, she should tell him: 'It's not a match then', and she should find someone who is ready for a relationship.
Or a woman…
You are genius my brother. It happened to me. She said she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and marriage. I totally understood and sticked around for 6 months to see if i would get any progress. She knew me very well and knew how much good person I’m. We had a great chemistry together. After 6 months she said still I’m not ready and i left. I had to respect myself and told her i understand, i will take a step back because I’m ready for more than that. I deserve more than love. Maybe it will work if she will make up her mind again and calls me, just maybe… if I’m still available for her.
I don’t regret the wasted months, we always learn from our mistakes. My advice for men, and women also, if your crush said I’m not ready for a relationship, just leave politely and find the one who deserves you 🌹
Thank you for reading.
"I'm not looking for anything serious." = "I'm into you, I'm just not THAT into you." Brilliant advice as usual, Matt. Especially those last 3 insights. In French there's a phrase: "Tu me fuis, je te suis. Tu me suis, je te fuis." ("You leave me, and I'll follow you. You follow me, and I'll leave you."). Nothing sends a stronger signal to a guy than leaving. It's a real litmus test. That's when they usually wake up and decide to either leave their comfort zone or stay in it. You benefit either way! IMHO a lot of this hoping and settling comes from being scared to be alone. The minute you take up hobbies, interests, and get BUSY, and appreciating the life you're creating for YOURself, BAM! someone cool and perfect for you enters your life. Love the background, BTW, with the books and the plants, very warm, it really works.
I’ve found in like 90% of my dating experiences, “I’m not looking for anything serious” almost ALWAYS means they aren’t over their ex and you’re about to get used as a rebound, at least from a man’s standpoint. I’d imagine if I were in the shoes of a woman and a guy told me that, it probably just means they wanna hookup. I’ve never been into hookups and I’ve never really dated “casually” so I don’t understand that concept, but that’s what I’ve personally experienced. I’ve dated 10-12 people in my life now and 4 of those people left after less than 6 months, went back to their ex, and ended up getting married to their ex in less than 6 months after getting back with them lol.
The answer is No. This does not mean they are bad for not being ready or you are bad for not wanting to wait. It only means you are both at different spots in your journeys and have different needs. Trying to force or put up with the situation will leave one person feeling pressured and boundaries disrespected and the other will feel hollow and unwanted. Go your separate ways and seek out those who align with your spot in life right now and for the near future.
She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and a month later she’s seeing someone, I never believed her anyway. What a horrible disgusting thing to do to someone
Honest question: would you have liked it better if she said you weren't the one she wanted a relationship with?
@@Lily_and_River Yes actually, then I could have blocked her and moved on, not hope for all these things she promised me
@@TheSnoozeFox okay yeah makes sense, I'm sorry she gave you false hope. You didn't block her and moved on anyway when she said she wasn't ready? Or do you mean she could've said it earlier on?
Sorry you got stung, but "I'm not ready for a relationship" honestly means "I'm not interested in a relationship with you". Sorry if that stings, but I've said it several times over the years and every time I've said it, it meant the latter. I liked the person but not enough to make something serious with them. In future, save yourself the time and grief and thank them for their honesty. It frees you up to find someone on the same page as you.
To much horrible 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I’m a man and I just ended things with a woman who wasn’t ready for anything serious. I made the mistake of over investing and really giving her all I had the first two or three months we were together. That made it really hard to walk away because I kept hoping she would come around. Even after I ended things I felt like if I waited that she might come around in a few months and be open to a relationship. This video helped me realize that I just need to move on and let her go.
Did it change in the meantime? I'm asking because I'm in the same situation. Told her today that I was leaving. But it pains me so much, because she always said she didnt want to hurt me, and is the best girl I've met in 7 years... Was intrigued to see if someone actually got the other person after leaving...
Glad the video worked for you. A few years ago I was in a relationship with a woman who went from reluctant and in a funk, to dynamic, smart, strong as we spent time together. She seemed almost addicted to me, I couldn't believe it. A few months in we had an argument. I called once a week after, it went nowhere. A year later I got several strong signs in a short time. Very strong when the signs were added together. A few weeks go by, no call, was sure she would but nope. I figured maybe she wants to but is too proud so I called. A few minutes of small talk, how've you been kinda stuff, and that was that. Since then nothing, nada, zip. What the f**k were those signs all about then? Was so uncanny it was freaking me out a little.
@@mikewillett5076 I guess Matt is right when he says that if people arent consistent, then they are just taking advantage of the other person.
Sometimes when you are open and talk about your insecurities they might shift and start taking you seriously, but its a hard game...I guess
@@FranciscoCruz-xz2dw . Our relationship began and weaved like a story. What I was really questioning is, what about the strong signs that collectively screamed that I'll hear from her or that I should call her?
@@mikewillett5076 are you saying she showed signs that you should call her? She liked you obviously, but for some reason things didnt go well, and thats ok. She was not the right person for you.
Wow, leaving is the best chance you have at them noticing your value. That hit me!
Also, leaving someone who is keeping you on a string gives yiu the opportunity to build strength and self-worth. Because you’ve made a choice that prioritizes yourself. This in itself prepares you to be valued in a relationship. Paying the cost of sacrificing someone to you love who isn’t loving you back, pays off in significant boost in self esteem and confidence. I left the guy who strung me along for years and it was SO HARD…but I made the choice to treat myself with the kindness I deserved and left him in the belief that someone better who would love me was out there. It took 3 years but I met my now-husband, and I was READY for that love when he came into my life in large part because of the strength in my self that I developed through leaving the string-along guy. It was WORTH IT. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this, I've been waiting 10 years for someone who plays with my heart then throws me away. I'm like his personal yo-yo at this point. I'm destroyed inside. I've no self-worth anymore. I'm fighting a battle to try and get well and it's the battle of my life.
So proud of you!
Yes meeting your own needs genuinely sets you free, plus I was already used to isolation but the difference is now I can enjoy it with nothing worrying me in the back of my head.
Thank you for this!
Life’s fleeting. Don’t settle. Don’t breadcrumb. It’s taken me many (painful, ouch) years to get to this point. And whilst I’m not a relic, I’ve roamed the earth longer than some 😂 Mindset is everything x
Hard pill to swallow even more when someone is awesome to you and they are being exclusive and see your worth and everything else but just are on a different moment and cant have a relationship 💔.. trying to pull away right at this time
Summary
1. INEQUALITY: Is the situation really equal? Both people can date other people. But the problem is one of you doesn't want to. And the other one does.
2. RISKS: There are risks. Risk of lost time. Risk of not meeting more people. Risk of never moving on and finding someone better. You could also wait for someone for a year and they could meet someone 3 weeks in their life and be with them instead. How will you know you will be chosen in the end?
3. PRESENCE: They won’t truly see your worth if they’re dating many people at the same time. They won’t know you for who you are because there would be many others. They have to be truly present to really see you.
4. LEAVE: This person may not change their mind. Even if they do change their mind, it may not be in the way you want it. Leaving opens yourself to every other possible eligible person. Even if you truly want it to be this one person, the best chance you have at them seeing your worth is leaving. They see your value by missing you and seeing you have standards regardless of how attractive they are.
Thanks!
Believe them when they say it. I’ve been through this twice. Actually WASTED some prime years age 27-35 waiting on the same guy to commit to our relationship. Very sad! Looking back. I wish I could go back and change all that. This time it only took me one week to change the story in my head. Said he is not ready right now. And I’m in full acceptance. Thank God! We stopped communicating early. True blessing! To all the Women out there.
Well your older now I’m 14 years old and my therapist thinks I’m not ready for relationships and maybe my crush isn’t either that’s why he stopped talking to me and pushed me away after everything he told me he even apologized for hurting me and told me to keep being me and he thinks I’m a nice guy after asking him why do you want to talk to me I’m over it now and he is just an asshole I know not to play games anymore and let someone get too comfortable with me
Don’t wait ever . I was in a situaitonship for years but then when I finally had enough I cut contact , it took me about 6 months to heal along with therapy and then I met someone wayyy better naturally attracted him into my life . Now all the problems I had with the first guy are no longer
Good my therapist told me I’m not ready for relationships and that does not make me happy and I get upset about it I feel like I need a relationship someone that I have a connection with and that makes me smile and laugh and helps me the guy I had a crush on was not into me my therapist says I get upset about that after everything he told me he apologized for ever hurting me because he did this isn’t the first time he did this and he told me to keep being me and that he thinks I’m a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I asked if I’m annoying him he said nah ur good he told me a lot of things but people tell you what you want to hear and manipulate you and he got too comfortable with me and I wish I could go back and say something to him but I get scared and afraid because I don’t want to get bullied by guys and told to shut up they are immature they think it’s cool to bring people down but it’s not I’m over it now and don’t care anymore I don’t care about girls or guys I chose to now react differently I’m not playing games anymore and I will not let someone get too comfortable I hope someone comes that is actually into me and wants me.
DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYONE!!!!!
I cannot believe this video came to me when i was in this situation 2 days ago.
It’s AI / the algorithm. It reads your other apps and activity. That’s why.
Not hard to hit us… narcissistic ppl r all around us
Same
I’m so glad I left! Every mindset you gave resonated with the situation I was in. We give ourselves that false hope but “leaving is your best shot at finding something better.”
Thank you for this!
this was the best video to give me the strength I needed. It confirmed my decision to say bye, bye, bye to the one who didn't make me a priority in his life
Hey, I want some advice from you 🙏 can you please help..
i was in this he told me he needs time, that he doesn´t want a relationship yet, but if he changed his mind he would tell me he also gave me assurance by saying he won´t meet or date other people. fast forward a year later and I found out that he was dating another girl for about 5 months now and has feelings for her and he dropped me like garbage
I'm sorry hun.
@@micahrutland9021mine he never talked to me or opened up I really don’t care I’m over it now I’m not playing games anymore and I learned from that mistake he is an asshole my therapist tells me he was not into me that is not what happened and my therapist says I’m not ready for a relationship and I’m not happy about that maybe he is not ready for a relationship also I guess my therapist is right he wasn’t mean to me he did apologize for hurting me because he did and he told me all this stuff I feel like he was attracted and he was interested in me and he did like me I really don’t know what happened is is because of rumors about me people making assumptions he got the wrong idea about me he didn’t even talk to me and tell me that he doesn’t like me and that he is not interested he could have talked to me.
sometimes they only feel comfortable with an emotionally unavailable person or someone worse cause it makes them feel better
doesn't mean you aren't the technically better "choice"
"This is what I held out for?" Cant get this question out of my mind. It is one of those lessons that you never forget. Thank you!!🙏
It feels like both a punch in the gut and a warm hug. It always amazes me how he finds the perfect words to create a mind shift 🙏🏾❤️
Made me think I don't have the time to wait on a question mark. I am in the last chapter of my life
That is a good sentence.. waiting on a question mark. Thanks
People already know that. All they need is someone to say it in their faces. Thanks man!
LOVE THIS TOPIC MATTHEW. I was in this situation for 7 months and decided to cut them off because they said they are not ready to commit. Don't know what the hell does that mean but it definitely hurts!
Before I met my husband,
I manifested the kind of love I deserve...
I made a list with all the personality traits and physical characteristics of my future partner,
and waited until he showed up in my life...
He is real, and he is imperfectly perfect, like me.
We fit just right, because it turns out he was waiting for me, too.
We are grateful for each other, and together we manifest amazing things for our family.
If you're avoidant,
you most likely have said to family members
- who had a major role in your childhood:
"You only accepted me or liked me
when I was happy/obedient/emotionless."
This one simple statement fits with ALL
the core symptoms
of avoidant attachment:
1. Being overly self-reliant
(and in doing so, you hide your needs, emotions, problems, and acute illnesses)
2. Pushing down anger until it explodes
and manufactures the boundaries you crave
but can't/don't/won't always ask for
3. Not wanting to burden others with your problems
4. Wanting to fix your own issues to avoid looking incompetent
or even getting bullied and teased/mocked
5. Numbing out emotions with self-soothing behaviors
that are either totally unhealthy or pseudo-healthy
(like getting addicted to working out and healthy eating)
Remember ALWAYS
this process is all about YOU!!!
Not him.
He is just a catalyst.
Consider,
he may be your twin flame.
Look into that.
After he initiated your trauma,
you're now left to deal with and to heal:
all that has come to the surface.
GOOD! This is a blessing.
Albeit painful. A necessary blessing, nonetheless.
HUGE-HUGE gift!
Major advice!!!
Listen closely!!!
NEVER ever
CHASE HIM.
He will run further
and you will lose yourself more.
You are the feminine.
You are the divine goddess.
You just be
and approve (or disapprove)
whoever comes along.
It's a yes:
you meet my requirements,
or: it's a no,
you do not.
Be clear
on whom you're accepting as a partner
and DO NOT settle for less
(or you just delay what's actually really divinely meant for you).
Accept your struggle, anxiety, fear, sadness. Whatever comes up.
It's all human, and in need of your attention.
If you push it away, deny it, block it, hide it, or run from it...
You will just have to deal with it later...
And when later comes,
those emotions will be:
intensified/amplified/magnified!
1) Put yourself first and foremost!
2) Fall in love with yourself. Be your own dream girl.
3) Rejection is redirection.
Embrace the energies of miraculous possibilities.
And,
Any time you have a painful thought/memory/flashback/worry/belief:
1. Find the belief...
2. Write 11 DISADVANTAGES
to having the belief
3. Write 11 ADVANTAGES
to having the belief
If you can NOT find advantages
then that’s EXACTLY
why you're stuck!!
When you finally see both sides...
Your mind will STOP thinking about it
'cause your brain will be rewired.
So you gotta keep at it,
until you find the positive
to the negative...
And therefore, ultimately
rewire your brain!
AND REMEMBER:
STOP making it all about manifestation
when really, it's actually all about VIBRATION!
AND:
If you haven't heard today...
You are so very loved
and you are so very worthy
of love.
The hardest part
is learning to love yourself
and to know: it's not all your fault,
and to see: that you're beautiful;
wonderfully perfectly
brilliantly created.
You're stronger than most;
a true leader/warrior in the making.
Keep going
and keep thanking.
Remember Jesus was an outcast
and he suffered more
than any human being
could ever endure...
And the most important message here is to forgive them
and to forgive yourself
and to love all.
Keep walking in truth.
One of the great poems of the Zen tradition
ends with this description of the awakened state:
“To be without suffering over imperfection(s).”
AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER:
I am one with the Divine.
I experience, peace, BLISS, love, and joy:
CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY.
I experience everything as grace AND AS LOVE.
I am at peace. I honor the Divine within me.
Our God is able and can see your heart’s cry.
He knows every tear that has fallen
and continues to fall from your eyes...
Take heart - Christ is close to the broken hearted!
He is a God of good surprises.
Throw out the idea of your past,
throw the past years, completely away.
Get rid of them, do not acknowledge them any longer.
Redefine and recreate your self today! HERE! NOW!
You are an artist and an alchemist and a creator
and you have the immense power to repaint this dream...
* I am The Song Of the Universe!
* Today is a Miraculous Wonderfully Delicious Magical Day!
* I am in PERFECT HEALTH and ABUNDANT WEALTH in my New Earth Divine Crystalline Body!
Best thing I ever did was walk away from a using, time waster. I held on for far too long waiting and waiting for change. One year on? Best thing I've ever done. Calm life with zero worry or stress. You just don't see it at the time and think there's no other future. Walk. You will thank yourself so much in the future. That's a guarantee.
My favorite thing about this video is that you don’t discount the feelings someone has in these situations because it’s hard to change how you feel
Thanks for this video.. this one hit me a bit hard. I’m in this exact situation, but I’m proud to say that I ended things after the first month. This is growth for me, as I have been in these situations before and not ended it, and been miserable.
I love the last mindset explanation - we should have standards and stick to them after all the experiences we have had. Thank you!
I’m in a non-relationship with a man that I really like. He’s emotionally closed off, but he’s very good to me, and I value his friendship even though I’d like more. Your last question got my attention. Yes, this is what I want. He’s not dating other people and definitely shows a preference for me when other women are around. BTW, we’re both in our 70s. He’s a widow and I’ve been alone most of my life. So, yeah, I am willing to settle for this.
You said something key - you value his friendship. So you’ve made a choice to accept what it is and what it ain’t. I don’t think that’s the same as “settling”, that’s choosing to define the relationship in a new way that actually works for BOTH of you. I think that’s mature. …As long as you’re GENUINELY ok with it staying a friendship for the long-term.
May the Lord give you the desires of your hearts sooner than you expect! 🙏🏽
God bless! 🦋
Oh yes, I know this scenario inside out! I'm in my late 60's. There just don't seem to be any single guys around, not my age anyway, or if they are, they want much younger women, tho I look much better than many my age, mainly due to daily exercise, with my own home, a modest pension, highly educated, enjoy a wide range of cultural pursuits ... WTF are they looking for? And, yes, I'm friendly with a widower who I'd actually crossed off my Christmas card list, after I asked would he ever think of re-partnering & he said No. Later, he said he hadn't meant that & he WAS interested, but then he acted very ambivalently & wouldn't acknowledge what he was doing. I find it impossible to read him. We share a lot of the same interests, so avoiding him is really hard work. I did meet an older guy, also a widower, for coffee for a while, but he was very dull & constantly replayed his happy marriage, & never organised a proper date for the weekend, so I stopped taking his calls.
Hopefully, he doesn’t find the one and leave you heartbroken. It’s fine right now until he meets the one that he does prefer over you. If you’re happy settling, that’s all that matters…good luck!
@@Jenjenn1111 this is such a key point when as a woman you've mistakenly settled for second best. It becomes a serious painful thing the moment he finds one he is actually into for real.
This is a great comment. I am 60 and I am a widow. I have had children. I don't see the need to be constantly with someone. I don't think it's who I am now. So saying I don't want a relationship doesn't mean I just want to use you. It is a statement about where we are at this stage in our lives. I want a connection, a friendship but I am not convinced about more than this.
He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and not to date him, but I didn’t listen. He always prioritized me though, held my hand when we went on dates, kissed me in public, all the boyfriend stuff. Four months in and we have a “situation” which I suggest we have a week of no contact to work through. At the end of the week I went to his house told him I loved him and that I was willing to fight for us. He said he could never give me what I need because he just can’t take his walls down and it wasn’t fair to me. I asked “do you even want to continue seeing each other?” He said, “I think we should end things.” I gave him a kiss, looked him in the eye, and said goodbye and walked out. As I was walking away, he ran after me. That was this morning, who knows what will happen when we talk tonight. But after watching this video, I will do what is right for me. Because I am an amazing woman who has a lot to offer, the right man.
What happened, if you don't mind me asking?
Matthew said it perfectly and it’s something I’ve always followed. I NEVER date someone or date multiple people. You can’t be present and it a lot of the times turns into a contest. Slow your roll. You can pass something truly important if you’re not paying attention.
If things aren't progressing, it's time to call it quits
You're right. It took me two years to leave. I was being so used because I allowed myself to fall in love with him. Back out looking for my person. Thx for your book. I did get it.❤
Last week he broke up with me after 2 years. He always told me he's not ready for a relationship. I was waiting patiently. I told him I can give him as much time as he needs. I've never loved someone as much as him. I did everything to be the best version of myself for him. And he just left me when I didn't expect it. He wanted to be friends and stay in contact but I refused. It's so hard for me to avoid texting or calling him. I still have hope that he will miss me and understand his mistake. But I feel so stupid and naive.
❤
Just walked away from a woman i was absolutely falling for because she told me this. This helped me so much. Especially the last point. Ive been through so much to heal and get over the pain of previous relationships and life events, i deserve more than to settle for someone who doesnt know what they want, even if they are something very special. It makes me sad i had to that but this makes me feel a bit better. Thankyou Matt.
Thank you, it’s exactly what I needed to hear so I don’t waste a moment more in hoping for someone I like to see that I’m boyfriend material, they say they’re not ready and that’s fine but I’m not gonna sit around and wait for them, I gotta keep living my life and I will find the right person for a relationship based on kindness and respect.
They never told me they were not ready my therapist thinks I’m not and I’m not happy about that and it makes me upset that my therapist thinks he is not into me after everything he told me and him saying keep being you he apologized for ever hurting me and said I was a nice guy after I asked him why do you want to talk to me I’m over it now and I don’t really care anymore and I’m not playing games anymore I will not let someone get too comfortable with me again
@@PopCultureKing2009 That attitude says you're not ready for a relationship
@@carlpacheco2058 why🙄
@@carlpacheco2058 your reasoning what makes you say that
The genius of Matthew's method is that it speaks to the healthy part of you that knows you should move on because there is no (well nothing is certain but there js little hope) hope but also to the unheathy part that wants the other person to come around. The behavior is the same! And behavior/action is what matters, not mindset. So even on bad days when you feel yourself backsliding and losing strength you know you're doing the right thing even when the goal is getting them backm
Brilliant comment and so spot on !
Brilliant comment and so spot on !
When they say they are not ready, you need to believe them and walk away. Don't waste your time.
The power of goodbye
This made me realize that I need to stop WAITING for him to make the decision of, IF he really wants a relationship with me or not! He’s giving me NOTHING and I’m still sitting here giving him a chance and it’s only been 2 months!
Done this for 4 and half years off and on. Waited wanted this situation to turn around. And waiting. But I know now time is valuable. I don't want to put another year into this. I need to move on. My absence just needs to be there for him to completely feel it that I am completely gone. I don't want to be on rotation, etc. It is unfulfilled and lonely.
I had a blast with him. But also I paid for the price too as well. With heartbreak 💔
Thank you for this video. If you had told me to watch this a year ago or two years ago, I would just scroll by.
But this spoke to ME. I love the man like crazy. I always will. But I can't do this anymore.i value Me and my Peace
Hussey is so legit. Truly helping to recorrect the crap mindsets we've normalized with hook up culture. Thanks for the healing man.
Thank you so much from deep of my heart🙏
I let go a man who was dating me parallel,
I saw the red flags after 3 weeks,
I am very proud of myself
as I feel my growth of self-respect, self- worth+ self-love...
The 5. Mindset shift hit me the most:
I love myself, am able to set healthy boundaries more and more, and have been through much pain, that is why I am looking for my romantic love of my life💫💜💫
I recently had a similiar situation. We were on and off, he showed me attention, had me over to his house and then all of a sudden nothing! So I confronted him about his actions and he told me he didn't want to start a relationship right now. Of course i get all the explanations of its not you, you're so great with an amazing personality. It's been two weeks and we haven't spoken to each other since. It's difficult, because I felt I finally found someone real after two years of no one and then he flaked out too. I'm still heartbroken over this. Matthew you make so many great points in this video that I can totally relate too. I'm currently reading your book and it's pointing out a lot of things to me as well. I'm seeing things I've done wrong and need to change. I love how kind, patient and understanding you are in all of these videos.
I walked away recently. I spent 6 months and asked twice for more. He always said he didn't want a relationship. I listened to him. I moved on, and now he is upset with me. He's saying everything i wanted to hear after so long of being deprived. I'm so hurt and the fact that i found someone who treats me so well, someone who is sure of his intentions, and he is so kind makes things so much worse. I feel so much confusion and anger. I have to leave him behind. I couldn't live with myself if i threw away the opportunity with this new guy for someone who kept me confused and hurt for so long.
I walked away after 10 years waiting for someone to be on my page …. I went through a lot of hurt and pain ….. however we have stayed friends and I need to cut the chord but cannot ….. for him it’s great as he still gets alll my good qualities (without sex) plus new girlfriend… why am i so needy of this ridiculous connection!!!!!
This was poignant. I SO regret I didn't know about situationships and this type of stuff two years ago since it would have saved me a tremendous amount of heartbreak. Thrown-under-the-bus life lessons are still being learned but the silver lining is I'm being forced to fundamentally change in positive ways to be happier for the rest of my life. I'm "growing into gratitude" for my mistakes, and for his mistakes...slowly but surely.
I believe the five mindset shifts in the video are spot-on but to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would have acted on them since I was so deeply smitten with this man and I lacked the ability to understand my needs, set boundaries, and stick with them. But now, after experiencing all this pain, I probably would.
He's so right. Please believe him. I stayed with someone who 'wasn't ready for a relationship' for nearly 6 years. I loved him so, so much. We were really well-matched but he was never really as invested and i knew it deep down, but he seemed to become more and more invested in me as time progressed and that gave me hope. Eventually he met someone younger and prettier, he dumped me and she was living with him within a few weeks (he never moved me in). He was always just waiting for a better option to come along and even told me so when he dumped me: 'if it wasn't her it would have been someone else'.
The sooner you leave this situation, the more of your confidence you will retain
'Are you looking for something casual or serious?' - ask him before you go on a date with him. If he says: 'casual', you should say: 'It's a shame. I like you but we are not on the same page on that, so I don't think we're a match'. If he says: 'serious', from then on she should let him prove it: start initiating communications, organising dates and winning her over to become his wife.
I literally asked this exact question and got the standard run around, “it’s not black/white for me”, vague response. Pay attention to that too, they rarely are forthcoming these days unfortunately.
Waited 2 years for my husband to come around. At the end of the day the choices I made during that time were for both of us. She called and told me he had been cheating with her. Bought her a wedding ring as he was trying to fix it with me. Don't wait. Do what is best for you. This story is different than what is presented but you don't know why or what is going on. Just take care of yourself. Big hugs to everyone. We are all going through something. Be brave and make the tough choices I wish I would have.
I really enjoyed the advice and started tearing up at #5. I will come back to this video when I feel down, it really helped changing perspectives and not giving up. Thank you, Matthew & Team!
I loved this video too! Another video I NEEDED to hear. My mindset definitely shifted after a conversation with her about going to Vegas for the holidays, when I’ve been persistently been selfless with myself for her and she isn’t even giving me the time to come see me one minute. I’ll admit I’m grieving a bit but I do feel much more relaxed and happy I did something that was in MY best interest and not hers. She hasn’t even tried to contact me back, that tells me a lot of how much I really mattered.
THIS GUY JUST HITS ALL THE RIGHT SPOTS EVERY SINGLE TIME. Can’t count how many times I’ve gasped while listening. Especially the 5th mindset. That just woke me up. I was pursued by people all my life but have never felt ready until now (27y/o). I was on the apps and met someone who pursued me for 2 months only to tell me, when I asked for exclusivity, that they were not ready for any committment. I was very confused and hurt, and sadly I am still holding on to that hope of them reaching out and changing their mind. But is that really the kind of relationship I want? Is that what I HELD OUT FOR after all these years of investing in my education, my looks, my personality, and social skills… after working hard on myself and finally reaching a place of self actuality, why am I holding on to a person who doesn’t see my worth?
It’s been a month since the breakup and it hasn’t been easy but I am slowly moving on. And these videos have been a huge part of my healing.
I pray you completely heal and find someone who realises just how much of a gem you are 😊❤
I have been so beartroken recently when a guy I had a soul mate connection with changed his mind about going out together. I met him at work and it seemed like we both fancy each other. Today I found out about his girlfriend of many years and I was only a side option for him.😢
Had that happen recently, too. It's the worst😢
That’s terrible…it happened to me too. Like, who do you think I am? It is NOT ok to use me while you work through your problems with your girlfriend. I felt so used and betrayed…but I’m healing.
@Jenjenn1111 I don't think they have problems, he just wanted to have sex outside relationships. All married men I know at work cheat on their wives.
@Jenjenn1111 he and girlfriend don't have problems.he just wants to have sex 😏
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
My God…I’m in tears right now. This video was all I needed to make the decision to leave a piece of $@*#€ I’ve been dating for the last 11 months. After all this time he still does NOT want to be exclusive. Mindset Shift #5 simply and clearly explained my love life and situation for the past 10 years. I’ll watch this video on repeat, write out all 5 Mind shifts and know them by heart, and block this man out of my life for good. I’m heartbroken tonight 💔
Why does this video appeared just on time. Currently I'm close to a man. But he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship. I was so heart broken. I cared for him, I send him many presents only to get nothing in return. I feel like an idiot. He is my first love. He ticks all the quality I want in a man. We are still in contact and next month will count as a year since we've known each other. He still regards me as a friend. Slowly my heart starts to move on. If he come to love me back when I'm not anymore, then that's his loss.
Me too😢
People’s downfall is believing the person will change their mind. They never do. Remember, what you tolerate, you invite more of.
Wow! #5 slapped me in the core of my soul! But, thanks! This video came at the best time
I would like to see a living example of someone who sticked around , invested more and ultimately got in a relationship. Probably as likely as winning a lottery
Kate Middleton aka the future queen
To the person who said kate Middleton… we don’t know the state of her relationship behind closed doors and whether she actually won the prize she deserved romantically. Bless her though and hope she recovers. ❤
When they say that crap it's usually after they have gotten you to sleep with them. Ask them b4 you sleep with them and once they tell you, bounce bcus THEY DON'T WANT YOU!
you meant: to sleep with THEM
Well, (mostly men) will tell you whatever they think you want to hear and when shit gets real, the truth comes out
@@zacpdx that too but, I'm not saying ask immediately upon meeting. You should be spending time outside of cars hotels each other's homes no friends homes either. I'm not saying you can't attend a function at these places, I saying don't overstay your welcome and NEVER EVER stay overnight or for hours alone.
Next while these jackals may tell you what you want to hear, they can't keep up the masquerade and who he is will surface.
Lastly, as women don't date these males blindly you should have a plan and use the dating time as a vetting process.
Not really sleeping with you but not being open to anything 😢
I learned a hard lesson through that...and they went great lengths to gain my trust only to shatter it into million pieces..
I was told "I'm not looking for a relationship...just sex right now." Heads up... If we aren't in a relationship, then that means we're officially just friends. And you know what? Friends don't have sex, at least, this one doesn't. Don't walk, run. The chances of him changing his mind is slim to none.
Thank you for sharing these mindset shifts. It helps so much to ask myself the question, "Is THIS what I've worked so hard and held out for?" to determine whether someone is worth my time.❤ I'm loving "Love Life", still reading. 😊 I only wish I had all this valuable information years ago! Thank you so much for the work you're doing.
I was in this situation a little over a month ago, and Im just started to feel the actual sting of it now (and thus, Im here at this video). What I will say is that I naturally made the right decision and gracefully removed myself from the situation once we had the "Where is this going" conversation. I did not pander or prod him. I just accepted his position (although I absolutely wanted different). Im proud of myself honestly cause a decade ago I would've waited... Content in my own delusion, and thus broke my own heart. I dont know if I miss the actual guy or if I miss more what I'd hoped we'd be. Perplexing, but at least I made the right decision. ALWAYS choose yourself 🤲🏾.
"I'm not ready for a relationship (with you)"
The last one is the one that spoke to me the most! I’ll wait….for the right person!
#3 is so real. I actually said the exact same thing to this guy I was in a situationship with for almost 6 months, and he just shrugged it off, not responding to it in any way. Probably because he knew for himself that that was true, and he just didn't like to acknowledge it.
Been 4 months since he left and I truly loved him and cared for him but at the same time grateful that he did that because I will never have peace of mind if I continued to stay with him had he stayed.
I have been doing just that. Everything that you are talking about on here, is exactly what I have been doing, & have done in my past.
This video made me think about that im in so much pain … that im not sure I can get out of it!
Same thing happened with me. I used to like this girl and she used to like me as well. She gave me hope at the beginning. But as time passed by, she started contradicting her words. So just few days, I left her. Though it's very painful as I was severely attached to her.
Thank God, I left her before it gets too late.
Let her go if you truly love her, holds true in this case.
Hey Coach! ❤ I waited 3 and 1/2 weeks (continuing our connection and talks and communication on various levels)…. and someone that said he was “looking for FWB” has changed his mind and decided he wants to pursue a relationship w me 🤙🏼 I probably would not have invested too much further into this connection if it had gone the way i thought it was going for a minute (he actually pulled back at week 3 and said he was going back on the dating app)….. but just a day later he admitted that was a reaction. He’s now decided he’s wanting to continue on an exclusive level….. and that is a mutual agreement (in the most supportive way). I connect a LOT with the message of this video….. as it usually does not work out “my way” - just wanted to share the true life story of a “change of mind” by the man i’m pursuing 🥰💗👌🏼😎
Loved this video Matthew! It hit home with me bc my bf was love bombing me at the beginning, then wanted me to move where he is but I said let’s wait and see how things go in this LDR then he said he wasn’t ready to move in together but then said he didn’t want to wait more than 2 years for us to live together but as I was thinking about our potential future together and moving my life where he is he went out and bought a condo without telling me when he suggested we buy a house together next year. When I found out about this condo he then said he was struggling right now and needing a break and I said let’s just breakup and so we did. This was a years worth of mixed messages and I just got tired of it. So glad we ended things before I moved my whole life there when he wasn’t even sure about me.
Matthew, you’re genius! I just nodded to all of your questions you giving us at the end of the video. Please make more of this topic. Love it!
I say this with all respects 100%for you Matthew. On some of your utube videos that maybe we should try to communicate and understand what the other person has gone through. Not so much as dating other people. Just the part where they may not be ready for a relationship and that we maybe or has been through some battles throughout their lives to where they don’t feel like they are safe enough to open up. I’m that person that can feel what other people feel and I have a hard time walking although I did walk away. It still made me feel like I walked away prematurely.
Found and fell in love with the exact girl I have been looking for my whole life, just for it to end with her saying that she doesn’t think being in a relationship right now is the best thing for her. She was previously married and divorced her husband for running around on her and just being a terrible person. We got together after their divorce was final and things were literally perfect from the start.. until she decided to “guard her heart” and distance herself from me, in fear of being hurt again and not totally healed from her broken marriage. I done all that I could for 6 months, and now we’re no longer together. Been through many breakups before, but nothing remotely close to this magnitude of hurt. Praying and hoping that she comes back after some time apart and she realizes that she’s meant for more than being ran around on. To say that I am devastated would be an incredible understatement. Don’t know what to do or where I go from here. My prayer is that God will provide me the strength to carry on without her until she comes back, or I find someone new.
I feel for you. I wish you the very best.
Those may likely just be nice ways of breaking it off. That’s what all women do, be polite give excuses. She probably just doesn’t feel you are her match. She knows herself, trust her. Don’t love the wrong person. Move on. Your a sadness and mourning is just not accepting reality that she isn’t your match. Ask God who is your match, & if you are ready to meet your match. Put your energy into finding your match not fretting over you wanting someone to be your match that just isn’t.
Women aren’t going to tell you why you aren’t a match. It’s often private.
If you love God you would trust Him and want His will. You would be happy to leave this person because they are not your match. Listen to her ! Listen to God. Trust them. So you don’t get your way. She may prefer someone that trusts God more , that doesn’t have depression over not getting their way. That respects her more and her opinion vs contradicting her and assuming she is wrong. If I were her I’d move in too. Sorry! Perhaps you aren’t ready to meet someone. Work on your faith first. People of faith are joyful
@@Two20Three If she is your match, and she truly just isnt ready … write her a letter. Ask her. Tell her how you feel about her completely truly and why. Tell her you know it takes two to make a match. Ask her if she knows in her heart you are not a match, or if she is unsure and just chatting as friends to give it time would be helpful…that is if you can handle that with not pressuring her and truly just being a friend! Or, if it is just because she needs time to recover or its not the right time for her to be sure about moving forward. Tell her you can be patient, its worth it to you to wait and see, and just be friends, then one day it may become clear to you both if it is meant to be.
Its a very nice way of letting her know you truly need full disclosure from her so you know if it wasn’t a match and u can move on in life. Because if she knows who she is and knows it does not match with you then it Is Not a good match at all thats just a fact. It takes Two to love. You cant truly even love her if she doesnt love you. So find out! If she cares at all she will answer, if you aren’t crazy depressed sensitive or pressuring her. If she knows she doesnt love you in that way there is nothing to be devastated about but your own fantasy! Not reality. There is nothing lost if she doesnt feel that way about you. Love is when two people cant live without each other. She doesnt even want to date you. Perhaps you imagined a lot and cant face the truth, that it was not a match and she doesnt love you, perhaps time revealed someone who she knows is not what she fits with or wants. She knows herself, you Cannot know more than she does. That disrespects her opinion entirely. If she was killed in an accident you should be devastated. There is nothing to be upset about. God has a match for you elsewhere. You cant force what isnt real. You love what you imagined and now cant face the reality. Man up. Women need men who are strong. If you actually do love her…you value her more than anyone on earth does, be her friend and do everything for her just to be kind, Not to get what you want in return as Thats Not love. Prove it to her show her u know what love is and it is how you feel. Be her best friend that gives and does everything for her. Take care of her. Listen, trust her. Make her laugh and smile. Listen to her talk about her dates and boyfriends. She will slowly depend on you and turn. It can take years. If you never ever give up this usually always works. But dont get serious at all with anyone else ever. Thats proof u dont love her.
Maaaannnn.... this looks like i myself put down this comment. Been through the exact same thing. What hurts more is the fact that we had an AMAZING chemistry and i know i cannot have the same with someone else. It really hurts when you remember how you helped them get through their tough times only to get discarded when WE have made their lives a little bit joyful and better. And then again i think sometimes that i was just a distraction for her, a tool she used to numb her pain for a bit and feel validated.
I feel you brother... best thing you can do is accept the reality. Whatever version you think or interpret. Atleast you will not have the regret of not giving your best. If you were good to her, i hope she regrets leaving you. Because even though both of you lost each other, she lost someone who really loved her, and that will haunt her one day.
Try to move on. You have a lot of love to give and wait for the right person to give that love. Hoping that there has to be some happiness in my life without her being a part of it, hope you do the same and hope you get that. 🫂
If he says that to me I assume he is just not that in to me and he never will be and I leave. Simple. The heart goes where it goes. No amount of waiting or tugging is going to get it to move in your direction if it is not willing. What’s the point. I think if it this way - I see a shoe I love and it goes well with my outfits and my lifestyle etc. I try it on and it’s not quite a good fit. And the longer I am wearing it the more uncomfortable I feel. So I give it back and go look for a shoe that fits and makes me feel like a queen❤
I love this analogy.
@@Jenjenn1111 thank you ❤️
This video and the Dating with results training pushed me to walk away from my 9 month situationship.
I’m in this exact situation right now and this has really helped thank you.
The biggest challenge for me is finding other women to date. My life makes it extremely difficult to meet new people often. I don't want to date other women in hopes that she decides she's now ready to date, because I know that she hasn't been. Rather, I want to date other women because I want to be with someone that's ready for something. She has always been honest with me and I have never felt like I'm being used, and I wish that we could have a chance to give things a shot because of how compatible we are, but I know that I can't sit here and hope for the best because I'm going to eventually get passed up if I try to stay. We are still friends, which I made clear when I confessed how I felt that I still wanted. But I want more. I'm ready for more.
All I know is if you find something precious, you keep it. So if someone thinks you are not valuable enough, he lets you go. Why to be with someone who doesn’t think that you are the most valuable person in the world❤
I am in a slightly different situation: limerance, rather than dating. But even so, finding it hard to move on. This video spoke to me regardless,. especially the final mindset.
I think that I would be absolutely silly not to think and be blinded by the love that I hoped would be and not see the situation for what it is. I held out for a year , the man I love cycling in and out of my life when it suited him but to build me up only to let me down numerous times and the last time the worst having seen each other only to be told even a phone call was too much like a relationship and he didn't feel like complimentary, I was in such pain and now I see, that this type of relationship is not something I should hold out for, even if I have feelings for him. Thank you for this video, very helpful to bring me to realize I'm not alone in this type of situation. God bless you and your family and Merry Christmas 🎄
In this situation right now. I really needed this wake up call, thank you! The last one really got me 👏
Helpful to hear about mindset of watching the many movies at one time to make the idea of rejection diminish … as in the person didn’t really even get to know me to even truly reject me
Hey Matthew. Thank you for your video. The scarcity and conformity mindset concept really hit me. Thank you for helping me reflect and reevaluate my goals and value.
This video made me think about all the trauma I’ve been through with different people. I have a goal, for a family, for a house, but in a big city like LA, I keep meeting wonderful people that want to “go with the flow” and have sexual intimacy almost right away. When I ask about their career, emotional, personal goals, they don’t seem to have an answer and seem to be very focused on the present “living the moment, go with the flow, you only live once” mindset. However, these thinking ways have lead me through pain, because I do want to date with intention, with goals…
Currently, I am conflicted with someone who treats me amazing, gives me their time, but says they’ve never given it thought to a home, to a family in a future. Not saying I want to jump into creating a family right away with this person, but I like to know where this person’s mindset is at.
I’ve gotten to the point where I question whether I’m the person who is wrong. And for a moment, I did believe it. After some thought, I’ve concluded.- there is nothing weird with a 35 year old man (me) wanting to date with intention and with purpose, I’m not wrong. I validate my goals and your video reinforced my romantic and personal beliefs/ goals.
Thank you.
Lots of fishes in pond for fun! You cannot wait you gotta go!
"...with you"
I really needed this. Thank you.
I'm dealing with heartbreak right now. My partner would tell me I'm perfect, he doesn't deserve me, I'm the best, and he wants me in his life, but he that he could no longer commit to the relationship (2+ years). He wanted to continue being friends, but I don't think I can do it.
Don't do it. Cut ties. Grieve and move on. Sorry he is a wanker.
@@saltyginger777 I also feel that would be best. It's just so hard, but time will help.
This sounds like a bucket of 💩 sorry for those who need a soft delivery but it sounds like they don’t see your value and we are giving them too much importance in these situations. It’s seems like we have to examine our admiration for people and notice it doesn’t mean they are “the one”. Admiration is tricky when most interpersonal relationships are networking, family or romantic love, it’s so rare to feel love for a friend or stranger and not be confused for something romantic (with a gender we are attracted to). Someone who is meant for us will also choose us but based on experience it might just be you’re not happy enough. & showing unconditional love somehow makes people entitled to mistreat you. Winning the game of them choosing us, after they said they aren’t interested in a relationship, is needing validation to feel good enough or the missing piece to be “happy enough”. The secret is moving on to something healthy instead of playing these games that don’t add value to us if we win over the guy.
It kind of sounds backwards because guys win women over, because women made it a challenge, but when guys are the challenge, it brings down our self esteem and gives them the control over our point of view about ourselves.
In other words as women maybe we shouldn’t be seeking for a challenge but someone who readily is interested in us in a healthy way. Walk away from the hot guy with attractive muscles when he treats you with disrespect. The gift wrapping looks good on the outside, but there’s 💩 inside.
So cut throat, but I love it, I needed this for my healing and growth 😂. Beautifully said, the divorced man I was seeing for 8 months told me he couldn't be in a relationship because of his new job and freshly divorced ( which is the part I understand) but it opened my eyes and I walked away. Now that I'm trying to move on is when he's now pursuing me and I don't want him anymore😅, now I'm just irritated 😅😅
Well everything you spoke about is so me.. I met some who said she wasn't looking for a relationship, but just wants to be friends, and me being me. I keep holding out hoping things will change...
I’ve been talking to this guy flat out 7 months- last week well a couple weeks ago I said I’m going away Monday for 5 nights with my mother ! Last week I said remember I’m going away and completely turned on me and now blocked me all because I’m going away .. kept saying you’ll meet other people… I feel he’s got insecurities issues or something major than that - I was hurt for a couple days … I’m still a little bit hurt I’ve never experienced this in my life before I was in 15 year relationship before this been single 4 years ..
How to know if she’s really worth walking away from or if she just needs more time? It’s also impossible with long distance but she’s all I think about. Even other women are appealing anymore and I only compare them to her.
I just recently started watching your videos and I extremely enjoy them. I’m on RUclips everyday most of the day and I’ve never felt like a certain one is exactly for me until now. Hearing you verbalize exactly how I’m feeling has given me the strength I need to put my goals back in perspective and made me remember that what I want or need is most important if I truly want to be happy. I appreciate your insight. Thank you