I been praying and asking God is he right for me or not I mean he did go to church with me a couple of times but he don't go and I am a Christian woman
I’ve never had a good experience dating men who had less than me. 1. They got jealous I made more (but didn’t realize all of the work I put in to get here). 2. They always had some sort of addiction which prevented them from being financially comfortable. 3. They tried to use me for shelter and help. 4. Broke men and lazy men always have multiple women because they are constantly on their phones entertaining other chicks, especially if these women can provide for them. 5. They’re usually in bad debt and or have kids they have to pay for and can’t so they’re in and out of court. It’s not that hard to be financially responsible! Stop spending more than you make and get two jobs if you have to at first.
Just ended a long term relationship a few months ago because I realized he will never better himself. Moving forward I will only date guys in better financial situations than me. Great tip!
Stephan, I like something you said in the past: “A man who’s broke does not have time to date or be in a relationship. He needs to spend his time building up hisr finances and getting a better job.”
I don't think this applies in modern feminist times, when a man is NOT a sole provider, and has options, just like women had in past days, he can sit at home, can do job. If you love him, you gotta take care of him
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Agreed. He needs to get his life in order (Love himself) in order to be in a position to give positive attention to someone he desires. Same goes for a woman.
Ladies it is absolutely MISERABLE interacting with broke/ cheap men. How a man starts off will continue ( Netflix/ chill, not planning outings/ dates, ect)
He brought his soiled clothes in my house and said he would like us to live together. The nerve. I said would you rather collect your stuff and leave because my home is far from being a laundry shop or would you rather I throw your clothes outside?🙄
This is 100% accurate! I literally told myself all of this when I realized I had to make a change and let the relationship go. Not only for me, but for him. Hopefully it’ll make him realize he needs to get his shit together. No woman wants to be giving herself to a man who can’t even provide a roof over her head.
So true. Learned this the hard way as well. Media, Disney, Hollywood teaches that emotional love is all that’s needed and “all will work out”. This is so damaging. There are much truer issues like, rent, food, credit, healthcare. That shit is real. I stayed with a broke guy for 8 years after my divorce and it just tore me down further. Not good. It hurt my kids too. Now I’m letting him go because I am worth more and I deserve the best. Im now 50. I guess better late than never.
It’s not worth it let men figure things out on their own. They are not who they will be when they pull it together. They are in survival mode and will break your heart.
Yep waited 11 years for him to finally start a business and pay off his business debt, then he dropped me like a hot potato because he thought he could do better 😄
Men are suppose to lead. Men should provide, protect and profess.ladies reclaim your femininity, stop accepting less than you deserve. Ladies you are the prize.
It can be both. Some are broke because they are lazy, some are broke because of bad money management and some are broke because of not knowing their worth
its been 10 years for me.. He insists he will get a job when I sell my current house and we get another home in a different town...he doesn't like my current home because my ex used to live here. He wants to move so that he can feel like it is his. sounds so bad while I'm typing it ..I believe he loves me... But its a heavy load to carry by myself.
My ex was broke and I took a chance on him but that chance was almost my downfall, broke men are MEAN and can become jealous and hostile I would not take that chance in my peace of mind and well being m.
I’m starting to notice this with someone I know. He’s always snippy, rude and pissed at the world because he’s low on money. I think maybe it’s because he feels bad about himself and therefore takes it out on others.
My situation exactly. 13 years with him. He's been unemployed 4 times for a year or more. This time around I'm so exhausted, irritated, frustrated and cannot help it. He keep playing victim everytime I mention him not working and I'm tired of paying and struggling to pay all the bills. Now, he's guilt tripping me into staying until he finds a job becasue he has no where to go. Like damn, it's been a year now.
@@chrtyhwrd it’s always best to put your emotional, financial well being first, a relationship shouldn’t be exhausting it should be uplifting and adding to your life, are you guys married and if not is he on the lease? If not I suggest you serve him a 30day notice because he is not your child and he literally living off of you, it is not hard to get a job even if he works at Amazon warehouse that’s better than nothing he is not your problem
No man should be broke you may be financially challenged at times because bills and inflation but there's too many jobs out here side hustles to be broke
Not enough Jobs that pay well in this economy without having to max out on hrs away from home longer for uncle Sam to take more from him and side hustles ppl are messing up or ppl not supporting each other enough ppl either gonna stick and stay period or part ways
I have been dating a man who acted like he couldn’t ever pay for anything until I complained. Then he paid for a couple dinners. I lent him $150 months ago and he acts like he can’t pay it back yet. He’s 54 but seems to have no savings at all. I’m a doctor. I’ve worked hard all my life, and my children have benefited from that. I encourage them to work hard too. He says that he loves me and that the money shouldn’t matter. He also says that he has plans to go back to school and to make more money. That’s great, but he is 54 and hasn’t done it yet. I don’t want to take on another dependent. It just turns me off. I don’t want to be mean, but I can’t do it.
A month in with a jobless guy & everything you’ve said resonates 🤦🏽♀️ I’ve grown so independent that I never realised how little the man I’m seeing contributes to my life, the bare minimum. Needed to hear this 😮💨💯
When he finally IeveIs up, he wiII move on because he doesn't need you any more or wants to be reminded of the sacrifice you make for the relationship and him.
There are alot of relationship gurus 🙄😒, but you are one of VERY VERY FEW that don't demean black women. You actually give sound advice without the colorist remarks ,disparaging remarks, saying we are worthless after 30 and such. You also practice what you speak and are realistic. Thankyou, I appreciate it
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Wow this video came my way at the right time. I am realizing I have been making the mistake of thinking I can build a man. But instead I end up so frustrated with the relationship because I end up having to operate more in my masculine energy to keep things together, that is so exhausting 😩😩😩
What you said about losing attraction…during the last 3 years my boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend and I were living together he was unemployed and I supported him until a crush on another man motivated me to end the relationship.
Because men spend almost the first half of their lives with their psyches/brains primarily focused on sleeping with women and having lots pf secks. Women, on the other hand don't have the same problem with their brains focusing on education and career/financial stability during the same time-frame.
1. Because men are not naturally created to be providers. 2. Because the culture encourages young women to focus on education and finances knowing they will always have a plethora of men coming at them at all ages of life. So they have no FOMO. 3. The same culture encourages young men to chase women, party, have sex, sleep around etc etc; do everything else but focus on education and making money.
Great advice Stephan! Financial stability is EXTREMELY important, and although I’m a very understanding person, I don’t want to be the reason why a man becomes comfortable and unwilling to reach his full potential. I will definitely keep this in mind for the future!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
I had to end a relationship like this. He was a great man, however, the financial hardships took their toll. I will absolutely set healthy boundaries going forward. Stephan, you absolutely hit the nail on the head, per usual.
Broke up with a man who had no job, didn't own anything, living off his retirement, cheap & stingy. I was terrified of maintaining him. Dude wanted to live in my palace at motel 8 prices. Ended up living with his sister like Joe with Madea. Hard to respect a man who has no motivation yet feels he's entitled. Always blamed me, never took accountability, do 'jedi mind tricks'. So blessed that God gave me strength to walk away from this toxic relationship. I've forgiven him, myself & healed so I can & receive love again. Come on my King wherever you are. Thank you 😊
Exactly! My friend was so lost in the hugging & kissing. He called it "dopa". I was like well ,once I get to know you better. Why that. Was the most important thing in his mind made me feel weird
In my personal experience, the broke men I dated were also broke in other areas. Smh Like broken emotionally & mentally messed up 😣 I was always treated worst by my broke ex’s! See My Husband was always financially stable when we dated, and he treats me the BEST 🥰 He was also well off emotionally & mentally. I think there’s a correlation there… lol My theory is that broke men are miserable & aren’t happy with themselves. They’re sad about where they are at in life. So you as his woman, are going to suffer right along with him. Smfh
Just like the people that tip well always have the best attitudes or at least no bad attitudes mostly while no tippers are generally grumpy or rude or just to themselves. Good to see you have a great relationship
I’m a broke man but I’m not miserable I just kno as a man the move’s I have to make in order to make myself happy get on my grind like I’m doing and staying focus to have a great woman and a happy life
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
This video really hits home for me. I’ve been with my bf for 3 years. I knew he didn’t have that much money from the jump from his job but who I was I to judge? At the time, I was a senior in college still trying to get my life together too. Back then he had more ambition and purpose and I was totally cool with us working on ourselves and our relationship to get where it needs to be. But in the span of 3 years, I graduated college with honors, had a full time job and now I’m in medical school. Yet nothing has changed for him. His financial situation is worse now than it was when we first started dating. He doesn’t save and leaves work early constantly and likes to say “bills are getting paid, so what’s the issue?” I’m tired of waiting for him to get his life together. I feel like I’m settling. The end is here for us
You're on your way to be a doctor and will be associating with a much higher standard of people, if you're not already. What your current partner is giving you is so low in comparison to the station of life you'll be operating in. You might as well let him go now, because you deserve so much more.
23 years. Still broke because of him. Too broke to leave. No where to go. Vicious cycle every year. He drinks, gambles, behind on every bill. Run away people ❤️❤️
He told me if he won he would not be with me that was enough to kick him out not gonna use me till he gets a come up 20 years in an out and he’s finally out
I dated a broke man, and you hit them all on the head. I thought he would pick the slack up later. I started to resent him, We have been split 2yrs now, since the split he has been with his mom, I spoke to him not to long ago. And he said, I thought about getting my own place, but my mom is getting old and she needs me. I just thought you are still looking to dodge responsibility 🙄
yea lame excuse, he can get paid by the state to be a caretaker for his mom or hire one and work... no excuse to just sit at home and "take care of mom" with no income.
This man is speaking straight facts . I deeply resonate with this . There’s nothing wrong with taking your time to build yourself up before starting a relationship and this applies to both women and men . Thank you for sharing ! ❤
Me and my man ended it because he's busy working on making himself financially stable and becoming better for a stable relationship. You're right I think this is something men need to do alone.
Brilliant cast. If a guy is broke there's likely far deeper issues than finances that didn't happen overnight. Continued bad choices, lack of drive, direction or purpose. Sponsor a man that doesn't have his stuff together,? Oh my goodness that was such a great line! If they can't step up they need to be stepped out. Does he love you or what you can do for him? Is there reciprocity? If you have to ponder the question, you already know the answer! If you're not an asset you're a liability!! See the person as they are and not for their potential.
Ur right is much deeper ..my soon to be ex fiance,had plans to start a business ..but instead of doing that every small money he gets he is buying expensive brand clothing for himself..this is where I draw the line..a 40 year old man who thinks like a teenager
great advice. I've been legit broke and men did not care, still like hanging with me and found ways to make the bills.... but I'm too honest and when I have the cash they are more than willing to take it..... so just lie and say you're always broke! Sadly, men don't have much honor and will take what you got...
My mom always told me the same, I was broke once couldn’t even buy milk for the kids. My ex husband was too busy drinking. Slowly saved enough to leave him, now I invest. Will never tell my boyfriend how much I have.
I’ve always been an independent responsible woman. I’ve never been opposed to helping a man but I agree with you where it turns into me being a sugar mama and paying for everything. It is not something that is sustainable if he is irresponsible and spending his money on alcohol or things that are a waste of money. I’m very financially savvy and I treat myself and my partner but I won’t stay in a situation where I am being used or taking advantage of my good heart. No matter how much love I have .. you can’t ruin yourself financially for love. Especially when it turns into bitter toxic love.
The reality is most females would still not pay for an unemployed man, or even love him. A man's worth was and always will be under condition he provides. Callin men "irresponsible" in generic terms is not only misandrist, but gives a vibe you believe most men are irresponsible. Men have been providing you since eternity, why can't you now? Do you like the equality part when its in your favor? Else you'd call it "toxic"?
A lot of women needed to hear this. I’m truly grateful for the men in my life who groomed me. Every man who I entertain knows that they have to be a provider or I’m gone. No if’s ands or but
@@MeetStephanSpeaks can I ask a question, I am married to a man who does do a lot at home but I catch his wondering eyes looking at women all the time but he cleans the house but I have to give him money all the time. He has never brought anything for me not for Christmas or birthday but he has no problem asking for stuff all the time. He is on social media looking and liking half naked women and lies about it . I just can’t do this no more.
THISSSS is an EXCELLENT video Coach Stephan. My Mama told me "stay in my own back yard." #1 I can't date broke, I'm allergic to poverty #2 never BUILD a man like u BUILD a bear 🐻. #3 He's not ready and you're not his mama, I'm a nurturer but not in this way, or enabler. I'm sharing THISSSS. Responsability involves accountability. Men that are broke are BROKEN❤️🔥🤗
Also important not to fall for the reverse psychology and manipulation. I called things off with a guy 1 month into dating, because I noticed the red flags…..and he had the nerve to say “the last thing I need around me is a woman that can’t weather the storm”😭so glad I dodged that bullet🤢 No struggle love over here❌🙅🏽♀️
Wow😂 wth… what does he mean weather the storm??? I would of told him why would you want to put your woman in the same circumstances (storm) that’s crazy
They take you out for lunch, they go to pay and their card declines..you end up paying as it’s so embarrassing. Sometimes it takes these situations to learn about who you’re dealing with!
I learned this the hard way. I stayed with a broke man for 6 yrs. I wasted a lot of time because I was scared to be alone again, I got comfy with the relationship. Listen ladies know your worth, run on the first sign of red flag.
Everyone goes through good and bad times. I think the key is in knowing if we are dealing with good, God fearing Christian men that have just been laid off their jobs (through no fault of their own), family situations, health issues, etc. It all depends on different situations, circumstances. I try to cut everyone lots of slack, because we never know what a person has been through. I would have more empathy for a man that got laid off a high paying corporate job and was having to deliver pizzas and working two jobs instead of living on government assistance. At least he would be demonstrating that he had a good work ethic, and not being comfortable with handouts. Also, it is how someone handles money. Are they savers/investors, or do they spend every dime they get? Do they plan ahead? So many factors to be considered when allowing people into our lives. Be equally yoked. Awesome advice, Stephan, as always!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Those scenarios are one side of the coin. There are men who literally don’t have much or who make very little or live on disability. When the woman makes 4-5 times what he does, what’s the solution?
If women are out here working two jobs/ double shifts with kids..how much more can we expect a well able grown man to do! I 100% agree its tooo many ways to avoid being broke these days!
Wow, I wish this channel was around BEFORE I got married, then I could have avoided a lot of hell and a painful divorce. This way more detailed than the pre-marital counseling we received. Thanks for walking in your purpose,sir.
Sadly I’ve found myself in this situation with 2 exes. The last one was a very toxic narcissist who treated me terribly but I still took care of his broke ass. Never again. I wish I’d heard this advice 5 years ago. I’m glad your putting this out there. I love your relationship advice and I’ll never make those same mistakes again. Ever! Thank you Stephan.
As a man currently in this situation he is 100 percent correct me personally I never wanted to feel like I was using the person I was with due to my financial hardship in her eyes it seemed that way and I could understand how she can feel that but i know that i never used her for any financial gain or anything this message was very much needed for me to get my shit together as a man even if never enter into another relationship again just for my own sake …Alot of men who are in financial issues need to hear this message
Sir!..you are going very far in life!..*the way you accepted this correction without offence and dis self introspection...being broke is a mindset..you are not broke my dear u just lack finances...I could deal with a man like you...the worst man is a defensive man who sees nothing wrong with his life and blames everyone and everything for where he is in lif..May God increase you and bless every plan you have...I love the way you think,you are going far and you won't remain the way you are trust me.
Whewwwwww this just spoke to me. I have been dealing with this struggle love for the last 7.5 years. And I'm sick of it. I told him I'm done with him and I'm not looking back. He has been financially unstable for the entire time, which made me resent him and lose my attraction to him. He leaned on me and I provided alot more than I should have. He became way to comfortable asking me for money. He had no desire to meet me half way because I have always been financially independent. As He put it, I make more money than him. And he tries to make me feel bad about it. He also tries to use that as a reason why he can't contribute much if anything. Watching this video confirmed what I put myself through over the past 7 years. And I have no desire to go back. P.s: he just asked me for money this morning for HIS daughter. We don't have children together. I told him no. He will figure out how to get the money.
I was in a situation like that though it didn’t last long. Our relationship ended in 4moths . Because I guess I was also looking for a financial stable guys and I got tried of waiting
It's a two-way street: If he needs me to exude feminine energy to the best of my ability, it is necessary he exudes masculine energy in all its glory. 💖
Everything you said is extremely correct and some people adjust QUICKLY! And when a man adjusts to be taken care of especially if he was Coddled by his mommy. He will become a leech in every way and be hard to get rid of. And don’t dare think to talk too hard to him or correct him because a man that was coddled by his mom will always a huge ego and be easily hurt. He will tell you straight to your face “Don’t think because you are paying these bills or keeping the lights on you can talk to me anyway you want to” even if you just shared your opinion respectfully during a conversation. So now you are walking on egg shells 😅. Whew! • It will take a miracle or winning the lottery to put him back on his feet and IF & when he is on his feet; will he choose you still? Will you still be attractive to him now that he’s walking in his true masculinity as it pertains to being a provider and has BROADER options for choosing women? Will you still be the type of woman he sees as feminine, soft and sexy being that you are in your providing (masculine) energy most if not all of the time? Will he still be faithful and not want to SAMPLE other women his peers are dating or what society deems attractive? • Most importantly, if you guys have children what are you teaching them? How will they understand gender roles? What will that do to you as a woman Mentally being that you had to carry the financial burden along with all the other burden we woman have to carry already? Does he still expect you to provide and be a full time mom? Will he be playing video games and using up all of his time to spend on him meanwhile you don’t have any alone time with yourself because you cater and provide. The whole idea of doing this is dangerous and food for thought. Just to hear and feel loved. I’ve been there and I didn’t have the patience or resources to see how it played out but to each his own. These are just things to consider. Good luck ladies! 💝
Oh and these type of men are not your biggest fan they’re your BIGGEST HATERS because you are everything they would want to be of they could do life over again. Choose wisely babes 💝
Wow, I wish I had seen this video years ago! Im not one to leave comments very often but this one really resonates with my experience. Im finally free of the broke guy who “loved” me, but in the end I felt like his mommy who he wanted to have sex with and I didn’t feel that kind of attraction to him anymore. In fact, the idea of being with him again really grosses me out! He was an emotional vampire who took everything I had to give and in return, I was made to believe that I was a horrible person for calling him out on refusing to get a job or do anything to improve his situation for that matter. I’ve grown a lot since extricating myself from that situation. I’ve been taking a lot of time to rediscover myself as an awesome high-value woman and get on with my life. Thank you Stephan for all of your amazing videos!
I just played this out! But my intuition was telling me to stop looking at the ‘potential’ I did love him- but not the situation- it was a hard pill to swallow! I work hard for my stability and anyone who comes into my life and home will have to do the same- obviously things change and can happen- but early on in the relationship it is a red flag! X
I can agree with you because I've been there! When I met my husband, he had 2 jobs, as did I. He was a good person, didn't cheat or disrespect me; however, he didn't work. I had gotten him 3 jobs, but he didn't want to take them. He wanted a job where he wanted to make more than me, which was hard where we lived. I got tired of being the man and the woman in the relationship!!
@Mo Money far from it, like i said, we both worked two jobs in the beginning. The intimidating factor was that I made more, and it bruised his ego, not mine. As long as he contributed, I was fine. Even to this day, he admits his wrongs and still apologizes to me.
In my opinion I think some men just say they appreciate being motivated and inspired by a woman or push them to to excel,but in secrecy they end up resenting her and not respecting her because in their minds she didn’t believe he could do it without it. And again in my opinion if a woman has to do most of the coaxing motivating and pushing him to do better she doesn’t believe he can do it on his own ,and that backfire.
See I be telling my friends this and showing them these videos of Stephan speaks and tony gaskins but they want to learn the hard way just like their mothers
I love this content . It is not impossible to deal with a man that is broke , but when you build him up he may might turn his back on you . Some time it best to stay in your lane. I been through this already when I was in my 20s and my boyfriend at the time disrespect me for a next girl . And he was older than me .
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thanks, I’m healed in Jesus Name . It wasn’t meant to be I guess. I’m Jamaican by birth live in the states and he resides in Jamaica kept asking me when I’ll return. Never again. My 20s taught me a lot this day on . Some people don’t know the use of you until you exit their life. I’m in a breath of fresh air right now waiting for my kingdom spouse from God himself , I’m not posing or forcing myself to be with anyone at the moment . Thank you for enlighten our darkness on your channel.
I was in a relationship with a financially broke man. I loved him willing to overlook that issue. Then when I got to know him I discovered he was an alcoholic. I feel our break up was a blessing in disguise. I miss the good parts he showed me. But his true nature could not be hidden.
Been in this situation . When we met, he was working (but many times broke). He got laid off due to this pandemic. I tried all sorts of avenues to help him find job to support himself. He knew I can use my network to secure him job. But he refused all my help offers. He has big dreams and look at me to start it off. Once I started helping him with his dream business, he started ignoring me. Go silent on me for few days ( turned off phone), always had excuses for not talking to me and Always avoid difficult conversation. Only called when it's convenient for him. ... I'm now into 2 months of no contact when he went silent on me again after I warned him of his attitude & behaviour. Changed my #. I'm giving him all the silence he needed in the world. Stephan speaks 💯% truth of my situation. Thank you very much.
This is what ended my long term relationship. He wasn't financially stable nor showed he wanted to be better. I was in love and kept brushing it off. But when you keep pushing yourself and showing growth while the other doesn't...well we fizzled out. Took me too long to see the reality of our relationship. All I can do now is learn from this and have boundaries in the future.
This video came at the perfect timing. My boyfriend of 7 years just broke up with me because he’s depressed that he’s so terrible at managing money and is always broke. He could hardly ever provide for me throughout out on and off again relationship 😔 he loves me to death, but feels as if he’s a terrible boyfriend because he cannot be the provider he wants to be.
Why didn't his love for you motivate him to do better? 🤷🏽♀️ He either has psych problems, doesn't want to do better or was looking for an excuse to end it. Maybe he's found someone willing to provide for HIM aka Shugga Mama.
@@atlantasfaithsmom your comment was what I was looking for..like..7 years..😂 if he loves you...he'll get right and do what he needs to do..7 whole years and broke..smh naw..he sounds lazy and seems like he wants a woman that provides everything for him instead..🤦🏽♀️
Relationships require communication, sex and finances to make it successful. If one of those are out of wack it will begin to shatter. I had to learn this the hard way.
Truly agree with this video. I got stuck with my ex who made me feel like if I left he would have nothing. I was the one doing everything and I lost all respect for him. What started as a temporary thing became a long term situation that I didn't agree to so I walked away. My current boyfriend told me that it's not my responsibility to provide for him and it's his to provide for us. I am a strong woman whose used to doing it all but I don't want to lead. I'm glad he's a mature man that is leading the relationship and has helped me find my way to God.
I agree with you. Some men will work hard for one woman and do nothing for the other woman. It's all about choices. Several women dealt with colorism from their own race of men.
I spend my whole twenties, eight years to be exactly with a man who didn’t like to work and his mom paid the rent and I used to take care of everything else; food, clothing, house items.. etc. Now I’m forty and I can’t help but to get upset every time I look back for letting my twenties go by in a relationship that didn’t gave me anything but bills to pay and debts. All because I was madly in love and could not open my eyes and see I was just wasting my life away. On top of that he cheated on me. All because I didn’t love me and I so desperately needed affection and love I was so afraid to leave him.
This video has hit me SOOO hard , this is my second video I’ve watched tonight and I’m currently in a relationship (10 years might I add) which I am pretty much the bread winner and I was always there for him with the different things he wanted to do but he didn’t stick with. I would encourage him and help him with different ideas that he could do so that financially he could bring himself up. I am now at the point where I’m drained, I can’t do this anymore. We had our own place at one point (I will also add that we have one child together )which we lost because he wasn’t financially responsible and used the rent money on other things. Now we’re both back at our parents house (living separately) because our financial status has gone to crap. I’m at a point where I have no desire for him anymore, when he tries to be all over me I just can’t stand it. I always told myself I wouldn’t raise my child in a one parent home so I stood by him allll these years thinking that he would change and take charge but it never happened.He now has a “good” job that he recently started and he’s spending money on things that don’t benefit our situation instead of saving it. He keeps saying that he wants us to move to a place together but I don’t trust him anymore. All I ask is for god to give me the strength to officially leave him behind because I no longer see growth with us. I’m on a path of starting a new chapter of personal growth (also re-connecting with my faith and spirituality) and I’m going to do it for me and my daughter. You can only care for a dying plant so much.
Omg! Your story is very relatable to my story except I don’t have children with my bf and we don’t live with each other but I’ve been going through a very similar situation with him for the past 11 years. I’ve been with him since I was 15 years and him being 17 years old and I am now 27 and he’s 29. I’ve been expecting him to do so much for himself and our relationship for so long and nothing hasn’t changed and it’s like I’m completely drained myself. I’ve tried pushing him and guiding him to do certain things so much more just to better his situation and our relationship and it’s not until now he wants to really take things seriously when it comes to him and our relationship and I feel like now it’s too late because I’ve been waiting so long for these changes to happen and now I’m finding myself having such a disconnect with him I love him and I care about him but I just know it maybe time for me to move on and do what’s best for me.
you just described my life and now I'm so over it, i just wanna go out for a pack of cigarettes and just stroll away. only difference is I have a 11 yo son.... it sucks
@@shakane95 At some point we’ve reached our end game. Now we need to focus on our upbringing for our peace, like they say love will come once you learn to love yourself. I hope you’re journey to self love goes well, you deserve it. Remember that 💕
@@cryptid726 I totally understand! Having kids makes it harder for us to leave, especially if the kids have a good connection with our S/O. However, I remember to put myself in my kids shoes and thinking of when I was her age and seeing what my mother was put through. I rather my mom be alone and happy than to be in stressed out, toxic relationship. That’s what motivates me to be and do better. I hope you find the courage to do what’s best for the both of you 💕
I dated a man for FIVE years that never had money. I always felt like I was ultimately put into the masculine role of being the breadwinner because he either couldn't keep a job, refused to show up to his job, or bounce from one job to another. He spent most of his time playing video games with his friends that were 5 years younger than him and neglect his responsibilities as a boyfriend to me, neglected his working needs, neglected his schooling. I spent all of our relationship throwing money his way, whether it was paying his rent, paying for groceries, gas for the car, IF we went on dates I paid for them majority of the time, would cash app him money to survive while he was away in school when he finally moved away. He would just ask and take take take, just to discard me early this year. I ultimately got NOTHING out of the relationship. I supported him all that time just to be emotionally, mentally and physically and financially neglected. Then he dared to say that he wanted to separate so that he could "grow into the man he wanted to be". I feel that he stole my youth, stole my time. I definitely feel like I was with a Beta-male because a true man wouldn't have put me in that position and have been okay with it. I felt like his mother a lot of the time because he expected me to be a homemaker as well when we both lived together and when I would visit him in at his student apartment when he moved away. Cooking, cleaning, shopping and filling his kitchen, etc. Never again. I think my mistake was that I lusted and loved a fantasy version of him that just was never going to exist with me and I saw his potential to be a better partner to me. That was on me 100%. This is the same man that would never romanticize me , wouldn't want to spend quality time with me, preferred to game instead of love me, got upset and short with me whenever I needed emotional support from him, couldn't have a serious conversation with me without outburst or anger and threats like a child, criticized me, put me down, etc. I put up with too much. When I asked him to commit to me finally settle down by proposing to me, all it did was anger him everytime I brought it up. Shit, I even told him that he could buy me a 100 dollar ring, and I'd be happy. But he'd turn the conversation around to me and tell me that it was a problem that I needed that type of security by wanting a ring to symbolize his love for me and that I should speak with my therapist about how problematic that was. He told me that an engagement ring is only appropriate for those that are financially ready to get married immediately. So don't be me ladies. Save yourselves the time, the money, and the heartache. He can be a better man for another woman some day, but it's best I let him go.
😎 SWEETIE HOPEFULLY YOU GET SOME THERAPY YOU ALOUD YOURSELF TO BE USED 🙊SMDH🙊 ALSO WORK ON YOUR SELF LOVE, SELF WORTH, CONFIDENCE WEATHER YOU MARRIED/SINGLE 💑
That man is a boy. A man-child. He's in the throws of his second childhood. Women only have one childhood. Men will have 2, 3 childhoods. A man in his second childhood is usually a man over the age of 18 who doesn't feel the need or desire for self-improvement...because "Mommy " will always come thru and make things better. These men have infantilized themselves. They have turned themselves into 👶 in need...of EVERYTHING!!! Your man is a prime example. Now you know want to look for...next time only be in relationship with a man who makes well over $100k yr and is GENEROUS with his pockets when comes to YOU!!!
Masculine minded mothers also impact how their sons behave in relationships too...my mil demonstrated masculinity instead of feminity and had my ex thinking backwards when it came to relationship norms. I never want to feel like a man...or be pushed into the front when I am completely fine in my feminity
this, a lot of men who arent capable of being providers have to overcome their views on gender roles and family. We always bring up the strong male figure - and the lack of affects both men and women. This is a condition can only be healed when a man is capable of getting closer to God, in my experience.
I’ve been dating a guy two months and he asked me for money for gas ..he has no kids but I have 3 .. and it turned me off completely… we literally just started dating..
This was my situation for 11 years, yup took that long for me to learn my lesson. But it’s learned and I learned to set boundaries and I’ll never allow that to happen again
I’ve been with my bf for 11 years as well and I’m now starting to realize it’s time to move on. We’ve been with each since I was 15 and him being 17 and throughout that time I tried everything I could possibly can to help him and so much more but nothing hasn’t changed and it’s not till now he wants to take initiative doing certain that I’ve been expecting him to do for a long time but now I’m just completely drained and so now I know it’s really time for me to move on.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
@@eteresa3598 you will survive, I promise you literally have to take it day by day, hr by hr remind your self that you are or will be ok with time. You have to push and by the time you know it you will heal.
My limit is dishonesty, dishonor, disloyalty and abuse of any kind. Money is money. What is done with or without money will reveal the aforementioned limitations/deal breakers.
i am going thru this rn. having feelings for this man is making everything harder. but there it goes, now its my fault for complaining, for wanting the bare fkn minimum like a dinner for two. he doesent feel ashamed to be in this position, and its devastating. about the respect thing, after a while i realized that he is broke because of his head. and what is most painful for me is that he does not appreciate all the help, a million times i have paid for the both of us etc.. I DONT EVEN WANT TO give him a dollar anymore ( and im not a cheap person). im to that point sick of him.
As a man if you're not capable of looking after me then it shows you are not serious about me so you shouldn't have approached me in the first place. I am nobody's sidechick or option. If you are inconsistent then I don't want you.
This is some really good advise Stephan! I have gone through the same things but not with a 'broke' man, but a very stingy man. He had the same characteristics as a broke man. Started dating him in college and I was very understanding because both of us didn't have money or stable jobs. So, he didn't really court me the right way. We never really went out on dates and I really hoped things would change with time because he was really smart and hardworking. Our relationship was always on and off after college, and even after he got a well paying job, nothing changed! Still no dates, hardly spent on me it was always he was saving towards something! It was always excuses about him saving and at one point we were talking and he told me he was saving for his future and his marriage 😂 . He was not only mean towards me, but also towards himself. He hardly invested in how he looked and things he needed. After so many arguments, he started taking me on cheap dates and told me if I wanted anything fancier I can do it for myself since he can't afford it. when I got a similarly well paying job, then came going 50/50 on almost everything. He never wanted to spend or go to places, or do things, and I felt Like I needed to offer to contribute some money for these things to happen! After a break up period, his sister moved in with him and so when we got back together we spent most of the time at my place. This man did not contribute towards anything in the house! His rationale was that he spent on fuel every time he came to see me an d so the expenses I incurred when he came over was my way of taking care of him too! 😂 Most of the time when we'd go out, we'd come back to the house, sit down and do a break down of the expenses and split the bill! I was with this guy for so long because he was faithful, respected me and 'loved' me. But thank you for this video, it's exactly what I needed. oh, one more thing, he brought nothing else to the relationship, didn't do the manly stuff around the house. I had to figure it out all on myself!😂 NEVER AGAIN!
“If you want this marriage to work, you’ll have to do it.” That’s what he said. After quitting 5 jobs or being fired. I woke up to the unhappy fact that all the utilities, rent, car payment, etc… were in my name. He said that in a relationship, “the woman takes care of everything.” Single mom for 33 years now and have my safety and autonomy.
I just broke up with someone just for this reason...he is now needs to start from scratch as he left his country...he doesn't feel comfortable relying on me, he is a decent guy...I also see all the difficulties in this situation...But I still like him & it is painful for me...
I honestly don't know why us women always have our own money..our place and car..take care of our kids..keeps everything together..but these men never have it together and THEY are the ones that supposed to be the providers..😂 like I don't get that..why are they always broke and broken..😂🤦🏽♀️ sh*ts annoying..and it's MOSTLY black men..I'm over all of this...🤦🏽♀️ and it's kind of hard to respect a broke man..or be sexually into him or attracted to him...and they don't get that..I AM TURNEDDDD OFFFF because you can't provide and it's hard to see you as a MAN..tf🙄 that seems like a mother taking care of her son...and who in the f*ck wants to have s*x with a child..🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 they don't understand that..I can't even look at you the same..they want a woman to stick by them for years while they sit there and be broke..smh
This video is so accurate and true...I was in a situation like that when the guy keeps borrowing money from me to restart his business initially it was a small amount, then later start asking for money to feed and other stuff until I became tired 😫 I stopped giving him money for a while and he stopped communicating and when I called to check on him he said he was depressed so I told him to go see a therapist... I realised he needs a new mindset...most broke guys want a relationship just for themselves...sis it's too stressful 😫 😩 don't do it I love you Stephan
The first 7 minutes have told me so much! I have been regretting leaving someone because I have wasted two years trying to motivate him now that I’m done he’s saying he’s going to get it together. And I have been going back and forth thinking if I made the wrong choice now I don’t. Thank you!
All of this is 🔥💪🏾! 💯% valid. Once you know your worth and you recognize the signs of a grown boy you’ll 🚶🏾♀️✌🏾. There is def a difference between a grown boy and a grown man. Ladies and gentlemen please take heed to this message. Stephan you explained this so well!
Yesterday I made the hard decision and finally broke up with him. The lazziness got over him and I couldn't stand it because once we met he was trying to learn new stuff to get to know me, trying out new things and observing etc. Now he has no desire whatsoever for those things. He really is nice but not matured. One thing only confuses me is this; he bought me a rather expensive art tablet because he knew I'd like to try out new things in art. That birthday gift made me so happy and sad because I knew how much it would cost him. So I did break up but at the back of my mind I think hey maybe if he had a decent job he would finally provide me? He did what he can at his situation but again there were lazziness and he couple of times broke my heart and admitted he doesn't deserve me. I stood up for him over months, encourage him to go to exams and finding new jobs but I'm drained. I felt bad but I had my standards and yesterday I finally spoke this with him. We couldn't even go to a restaurant and that is what I want, a stable relationship. I told him maybe our paths will cross once again when we sort things out ourselves but like this we hurt eachother. He didn't want it to end but had no choice and respected my decision. Somehow, I still feel like I should be beside him? In my heart I know if he really wants to give the life that I want He would chase and make it happen. I gues part of the reason I did this is to want him to grow up.
I need to let you know that you have brought so much to my eyes. I literally had this issue happen to me last month. He didn't seem broke, but everything you are saying happened to me. He was a mommas boy and it was terrible. I honestly blamed myself. I still loved him and his kids and that made it all so hard to let go. He tried to leave but respectfully stating he needed to grow. I understand it all now, but at times I miss so much about him. But your videos has helped me move forward and it helped me realize that I deserve better. I wanted to send you my appreciation to you and please keep giving me content to watch. I am 32 and I am ready to find a husband. You are helping me work on myself and when that man comes, he will. May god continue to bless you sir. Thank you
Thank you for this video ! It really helped put things in perspective for me , I’ve been in this situation for a year now and I’m at the point where I’m giving my all and he’s not giving anything and I don’t like the way the relationship is going but I do feel guilty for walking away but I know I have to establish some type of boundaries. It’s hard because I do love him and he’s not a bad guy but I understand I’m not helping him get better and the quality of the relationship is suffering because he’s not even pouring into me in other ways . This video gave me clarity
OMG, I really needed this video for my current situation. Thank you so much, Stephan! I went down this road with my late husband and it was disastrous. He didn't feel good about himself, I became resentful and it snowballed from there. My potential interest works hard but the pay isn't consistent. I value financial security and am in a better financial position. I want a man who takes the lead and provides. I need to let him know what my needs and expectations are and find out if he's willing to step up. We're just hanging out, getting to know each other. There's mutual interest, but we're not even at the stage of dating yet. Now is the right time to have this conversation.
Thank you Stephan! I definitely needed to hear this! I didn’t understand why I was attracting these type of men, which caused me to become jaded. However now I know what to look for, set those boundaries ahead of time, or not even step in it at all. lol Once again Thank you for your wisdom. Have a blessed day !
You make everything make sense! Thanks Stephan. It's astonishing how so many things can be attached to one behavior. I'm an independent woman who is also a entrepreneur. I am constantly thinking of innovate ways to live, make money and be a blessing. I thought this was a "gift" but it's really being an adult. Dating someone who is financially unstabe. And blames it on their environment can be so confusing. Especially when he uses the word of God to back his state. You want to help them because they never ask for "help" but mention their financial hardship. If a person calls themselves "waiting" for him to "boss up" and end up folding in the process giving him your ideas, your energy, your innovation or even money. By pouring into his empty broken glass you end up empty and he'll remain empty that's where resentment comes from. As you said he never "learns" how to be that independent person. He's just draining who you are. The motive behind different men's reasoning for this I believe varies. It makes you feel trapped as if you can't make even more money or have extravagant things because he won't be able to match or sustain you at that level. My Moto is if I can do it for myself why except less from you?
How timely is this video, because I've ended my relationship just last Wednesday because of this exact same reason. Not only that he was broke, he was working and still broke and for 9months it has financially drained me. 9 months is enough to see an effort from him and there was none so I had no other choice but to end it. It's like everything you've mentioned is exactly what happened, from the disrespect (was not deliberate) to losing attraction. I wish he would come across this video at some point in his life so he would better understand.
❤ Get my bestselling books, one on one coaching, tickets to my live events, and more here 👉 www.stephanspeaksshop.com
And when he makes money he spends it on himself.
@@phyllishernandez7266 ¹¹qqqqqq111qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqaaÀAA
I mean my boyfriend have an off the books job and he's my home health care person but it's still not enough
I been with my boyfriend since 2015 untill 2022
I been praying and asking God is he right for me or not I mean he did go to church with me a couple of times but he don't go and I am a Christian woman
I’ve never had a good experience dating men who had less than me. 1. They got jealous I made more (but didn’t realize all of the work I put in to get here). 2. They always had some sort of addiction which prevented them from being financially comfortable. 3. They tried to use me for shelter and help. 4. Broke men and lazy men always have multiple women because they are constantly on their phones entertaining other chicks, especially if these women can provide for them. 5. They’re usually in bad debt and or have kids they have to pay for and can’t so they’re in and out of court.
It’s not that hard to be financially responsible! Stop spending more than you make and get two jobs if you have to at first.
Just ended a long term relationship a few months ago because I realized he will never better himself.
Moving forward I will only date guys in better financial situations than me. Great tip!
@@Amanda.Cooperyou will die alone girl 😂
It’s expensive taking care of ME and it’s even more expensive taking care of myself along with dating somebody broke. I say this with experience.
😂😂. Yes!
Stephan,
I like something you said in the past:
“A man who’s broke does not have time to date or be in a relationship. He needs to spend his time building up hisr finances and getting a better job.”
I don't think this applies in modern feminist times, when a man is NOT a sole provider, and has options, just like women had in past days, he can sit at home, can do job. If you love him, you gotta take care of him
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Agreed. He needs to get his life in order (Love himself) in order to be in a position to give positive attention to someone he desires. Same goes for a woman.
Well said
Yes I agree
If he’s broke, it’s never gonna be a date. People who think that money isn’t important in relationships are living in a fantasy world.
Ladies it is absolutely MISERABLE interacting with broke/ cheap men. How a man starts off will continue ( Netflix/ chill, not planning outings/ dates, ect)
Yup, i had this. After 4 months i was sick of him.....
Hit the nail on the head.
I feel like this is happening to me now….hes been at my house for two weeks and I really want him OUT!!! I’m starting to loose interest.
Ooh girl....😳
He brought his soiled clothes in my house and said he would like us to live together. The nerve.
I said would you rather collect your stuff and leave because my home is far from being a laundry shop or would you rather I throw your clothes outside?🙄
This is 100% accurate! I literally told myself all of this when I realized I had to make a change and let the relationship go. Not only for me, but for him. Hopefully it’ll make him realize he needs to get his shit together. No woman wants to be giving herself to a man who can’t even provide a roof over her head.
Agree !!!!
Agree
This is true
So true. Learned this the hard way as well. Media, Disney, Hollywood teaches that emotional love is all that’s needed and “all will work out”. This is so damaging. There are much truer issues like, rent, food, credit, healthcare. That shit is real. I stayed with a broke guy for 8 years after my divorce and it just tore me down further. Not good. It hurt my kids too. Now I’m letting him go because I am worth more and I deserve the best. Im now 50. I guess better late than never.
Depends on teh roof. If a woman won't accept a one bedroom apartment roof, then its on her that she demands a house roof.
It’s not worth it let men figure things out on their own. They are not who they will be when they pull it together. They are in survival mode and will break your heart.
My exact situation summarized
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Absolutely!!!!!!!
Facts 💯
Yep waited 11 years for him to finally start a business and pay off his business debt, then he dropped me like a hot potato because he thought he could do better 😄
Love is not enough to make things work.
THIS!
Love don't pay the bills.
That's right
I think it is, just both of you have to love each other.
@@rosettemarshall3024 there are some problems that can't be fixed with love.
Men are suppose to lead. Men should provide, protect and profess.ladies reclaim your femininity, stop accepting less than you deserve. Ladies you are the prize.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks you more than welcome❤️
🤣ig models who post nude pictures in the internet claiming to be the prize maam pls sit down ur not more valuable than a man
@@godwillbongani5240 🙄🙄
@@veinswithglitter1937 😂
Life with a disrespectful broke individual is horrible! It's very stressful and draining!
You're absolutely right!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks 👌❤️
but life with a respectful poor man is fine.
@@thebrinksf69 boy go heal
Been in that situation
I find that brokenness tends to accompany laziness. I’ve never met a hardworking broke person. 🤷🏽♀️
Btw, Laziness is a state of mind…
Ive met many. Theyre working hard at the wrong job (underpaid) and refuse to leave or explore other opportunities. Hence, always broke.
Paano‼️ You hit it on this one!
😂😂😂
Ima hardworking broke nigga 💯
It can be both. Some are broke because they are lazy, some are broke because of bad money management and some are broke because of not knowing their worth
Sometimes the “helper” can damage the “broke guy” because he becomes too comfortable and he doesn’t level up.
I’ve been in this situation for nearly 2 years and nothing is changing. I’m so done
Me 3 years!! LEAVE AS FAS AS YOU CAN, BE THERE TO YOUR OWN SELF
Me 8 years
Trust me you will feel much better when you cut ties.
its been 10 years for me.. He insists he will get a job when I sell my current house and we get another home in a different town...he doesn't like my current home because my ex used to live here. He wants to move so that he can feel like it is his. sounds so bad while I'm typing it ..I believe he loves me... But its a heavy load to carry by myself.
@@sadeyes1966Baby… that really sounds bad, please think carefully about every decision that you want to make!
What about when they only take jobs that they want knowing it doesn’t pay the money that is needed to sustain the household?
My ex was broke and I took a chance on him but that chance was almost my downfall, broke men are MEAN and can become jealous and hostile I would not take that chance in my peace of mind and well being m.
They are mean! Isn’t that weird.
I’m starting to notice this with someone I know. He’s always snippy, rude and pissed at the world because he’s low on money. I think maybe it’s because he feels bad about himself and therefore takes it out on others.
My situation exactly. 13 years with him. He's been unemployed 4 times for a year or more. This time around I'm so exhausted, irritated, frustrated and cannot help it. He keep playing victim everytime I mention him not working and I'm tired of paying and struggling to pay all the bills. Now, he's guilt tripping me into staying until he finds a job becasue he has no where to go. Like damn, it's been a year now.
@@MAGAISKLAN be that persons friend from afar those type of people are emotionally draining
@@chrtyhwrd it’s always best to put your emotional, financial well being first, a relationship shouldn’t be exhausting it should be uplifting and adding to your life, are you guys married and if not is he on the lease? If not I suggest you serve him a 30day notice because he is not your child and he literally living off of you, it is not hard to get a job even if he works at Amazon warehouse that’s better than nothing he is not your problem
No man should be broke you may be financially challenged at times because bills and inflation but there's too many jobs out here side hustles to be broke
Every point is so true
True... ambition!
Agreed! There are way too many side hustle options available and currently many jobs available for a man to be broke.
Not enough Jobs that pay well in this economy without having to max out on hrs away from home longer for uncle Sam to take more from him and side hustles ppl are messing up or ppl not supporting each other enough ppl either gonna stick and stay period or part ways
Most Americans are broke unfortunately for a myriad of reasons.
I have been dating a man who acted like he couldn’t ever pay for anything until I complained. Then he paid for a couple dinners. I lent him $150 months ago and he acts like he can’t pay it back yet. He’s 54 but seems to have no savings at all. I’m a doctor. I’ve worked hard all my life, and my children have benefited from that. I encourage them to work hard too. He says that he loves me and that the money shouldn’t matter. He also says that he has plans to go back to school and to make more money. That’s great, but he is 54 and hasn’t done it yet. I don’t want to take on another dependent. It just turns me off. I don’t want to be mean, but I can’t do it.
Girl let him go he not going to change. At 54 years old he is content with his life
Oh girl. Please fucking leave. 54 and living like a bum is no buena. I’m sorry girl he is not fit to care for you and give you what you want.
Run
omg run run run! “money doesn’t matter” because he doesn’t have to spend any. what a bum.
Hard as your the top and as women it’s hard!!!! If we have more money then we are not as attractive to men!
A month in with a jobless guy & everything you’ve said resonates 🤦🏽♀️ I’ve grown so independent that I never realised how little the man I’m seeing contributes to my life, the bare minimum. Needed to hear this 😮💨💯
Literally. They be doing the bare minimum, but take your peace in the process 🥴
Girl I’m two months in and I had to end it.😑🤦🏾♀️
Broke men usually have many other struggles …alcoholic , abusive , insecure …stay safe
ALL OF THIS!!! And very controlling because he needs to make sure that you don’t wake up and find someone else better.
And Drug addiction ,no ambition and no plans in life or just choose the wrong job
your are so Bright i have date one
Sure and very true
Absolutely 💯 💯 💯 💯
When he finally IeveIs up, he wiII move on because he doesn't need you any more or wants to be reminded of the sacrifice you make for the relationship and him.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Or, he moves on because he knows you only pitied him?
Happens often!!! Build no one!!!
There are alot of relationship gurus 🙄😒, but you are one of VERY VERY FEW that don't demean black women. You actually give sound advice without the colorist remarks ,disparaging remarks, saying we are worthless after 30 and such. You also practice what you speak and are realistic. Thankyou, I appreciate it
Thank you very much I'm happy to hear that 🙌
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
EXACTLY! I say this all the time.
Yessssssss👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Don't thank a man for not disrespecting you. You should expect to not be disrespecting. You sound sad.
Wow this video came my way at the right time. I am realizing I have been making the mistake of thinking I can build a man. But instead I end up so frustrated with the relationship because I end up having to operate more in my masculine energy to keep things together, that is so exhausting 😩😩😩
Same here ✌🏻 very exhausting… 😞
I agree
It is. Especially broke in a pandemic, in another country, with not a job in sight. Frustrating
What you said about losing attraction…during the last 3 years my boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend and I were living together he was unemployed and I supported him until a crush on another man motivated me to end the relationship.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Why are women usually more financially stable at a younger age when naturally men are created to be providers?
Because men spend almost the first half of their lives with their psyches/brains primarily focused on sleeping with women and having lots pf secks. Women, on the other hand don't have the same problem with their brains focusing on education and career/financial stability during the same time-frame.
That's a million dollars question you asked. And there are multiple answers to this. Depends on the person and the situation.
They think u they moma....I feel sorry for any man that ask me for money....😵
Feminism... anything you can do I can do!.....maybe even better!
1. Because men are not naturally created to be providers.
2. Because the culture encourages young women to focus on education and finances knowing they will always have a plethora of men coming at them at all ages of life. So they have no FOMO.
3. The same culture encourages young men to chase women, party, have sex, sleep around etc etc; do everything else but focus on education and making money.
Great advice Stephan! Financial stability is EXTREMELY important, and although I’m a very understanding person, I don’t want to be the reason why a man becomes comfortable and unwilling to reach his full potential. I will definitely keep this in mind for the future!
Glad to hear that, thank you for your feedback!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks ))))0
I agree with you renee
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
I had to end a relationship like this. He was a great man, however, the financial hardships took their toll. I will absolutely set healthy boundaries going forward. Stephan, you absolutely hit the nail on the head, per usual.
Broke up with a man who had no job, didn't own anything, living off his retirement, cheap & stingy. I was terrified of maintaining him. Dude wanted to live in my palace at motel 8 prices. Ended up living with his sister like Joe with Madea. Hard to respect a man who has no motivation yet feels he's entitled. Always blamed me, never took accountability, do 'jedi mind tricks'. So blessed that God gave me strength to walk away from this toxic relationship. I've forgiven him, myself & healed so I can & receive love again. Come on my King wherever you are. Thank you 😊
Dead af 😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭...ths made my day😂😂😂😂😂
Shit😂😂🤦🏽♀️
I want to like your comment x10 lol
@@beefaye6861 What is dead af?
@@lamaja19 oh that just mean u "dying laughing" 😂
I was once introduced to a guy who told me he needed to get married so his wife could help him pay his bills....that was a resounding "No dawg" for me
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks you're very welcome!
My God. What a looser
That's the classic 50/50 "submit to me and struggle - high value man" out here
No naaah
providing for a man is like being in a parent- child relationship where you are a parent and they are your son. It kills chemistry for sure.
Love is far complex than just hugs and holding hands
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks No doubt bro
Omg yes it is
This!
Exactly! My friend was so lost in the hugging & kissing. He called it "dopa". I was like well ,once I get to know you better. Why that. Was the most important thing in his mind made me feel weird
In my personal experience, the broke men I dated were also broke in other areas. Smh Like broken emotionally & mentally messed up 😣 I was always treated worst by my broke ex’s! See My Husband was always financially stable when we dated, and he treats me the BEST 🥰 He was also well off emotionally & mentally. I think there’s a correlation there… lol My theory is that broke men are miserable & aren’t happy with themselves. They’re sad about where they are at in life. So you as his woman, are going to suffer right along with him. Smfh
Just like the people that tip well always have the best attitudes or at least no bad attitudes mostly while no tippers are generally grumpy or rude or just to themselves. Good to see you have a great relationship
I’m a broke man but I’m not miserable I just kno as a man the move’s I have to make in order to make myself happy get on my grind like I’m doing and staying focus to have a great woman and a happy life
But some man are miserable and just stuck in their ways but only a strong man Will beat the odds
TRUEEEEE!!!!!
@@Superdave4 best of luck to you on your grind!
Love me by being financial stable. No more struggle love, over money or anything else. Great video, Stephan! Thank you for the reminders!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Love your opinion… so true
This video really hits home for me. I’ve been with my bf for 3 years. I knew he didn’t have that much money from the jump from his job but who I was I to judge? At the time, I was a senior in college still trying to get my life together too. Back then he had more ambition and purpose and I was totally cool with us working on ourselves and our relationship to get where it needs to be. But in the span of 3 years, I graduated college with honors, had a full time job and now I’m in medical school. Yet nothing has changed for him. His financial situation is worse now than it was when we first started dating. He doesn’t save and leaves work early constantly and likes to say “bills are getting paid, so what’s the issue?” I’m tired of waiting for him to get his life together. I feel like I’m settling. The end is here for us
I'm sorry to hear about that and I hope he reaches the point of truly doing what is best 🙏
I’d dump him sorry
You're on your way to be a doctor and will be associating with a much higher standard of people, if you're not already. What your current partner is giving you is so low in comparison to the station of life you'll be operating in. You might as well let him go now, because you deserve so much more.
23 years. Still broke because of him. Too broke to leave. No where to go. Vicious cycle every year. He drinks, gambles, behind on every bill. Run away people ❤️❤️
🙏🏼 hope he reaches the point of doing what is truly best!
Get your CDL and start trucking....many of us women are doing it. Sleep in your truck ❤
He told me if he won he would not be with me that was enough to kick him out not gonna use me till he gets a come up 20 years in an out and he’s finally out
I dated a broke man, and you hit them all on the head.
I thought he would pick the slack up later.
I started to resent him,
We have been split 2yrs now, since the split he has been with his mom, I spoke to him not to long ago.
And he said, I thought about getting my own place, but my mom is getting old and she needs me.
I just thought you are still looking to dodge responsibility 🙄
Thank you for sharing I appreciate your feedback.
yea lame excuse, he can get paid by the state to be a caretaker for his mom or hire one and work... no excuse to just sit at home and "take care of mom" with no income.
Right because he can get his own place and move his mom in with HIM. Thats what my family does.
Its so much deeper than money. A real soul connection is priceless.
This man is speaking straight facts . I deeply resonate with this . There’s nothing wrong with taking your time to build yourself up before starting a relationship and this applies to both women and men . Thank you for sharing ! ❤
Me and my man ended it because he's busy working on making himself financially stable and becoming better for a stable relationship. You're right I think this is something men need to do alone.
Brilliant cast.
If a guy is broke there's likely far deeper issues than finances that didn't happen overnight.
Continued bad choices, lack of drive, direction or purpose.
Sponsor a man that doesn't have his stuff together,? Oh my goodness that was such a great line!
If they can't step up they need to be stepped out.
Does he love you or what you can do for him? Is there reciprocity? If you have to ponder the question, you already know the answer!
If you're not an asset you're a liability!!
See the person as they are and not for their potential.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
Ur right is much deeper ..my soon to be ex fiance,had plans to start a business ..but instead of doing that every small money he gets he is buying expensive brand clothing for himself..this is where I draw the line..a 40 year old man who thinks like a teenager
That's why my mother always told me keep your own money and never tell anyone how much you have..👌❤️
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
💯🗣🗣🗣🎯
great advice. I've been legit broke and men did not care, still like hanging with me and found ways to make the bills.... but I'm too honest and when I have the cash they are more than willing to take it..... so just lie and say you're always broke! Sadly, men don't have much honor and will take what you got...
My mom always told me the same, I was broke once couldn’t even buy milk for the kids. My ex husband was too busy drinking. Slowly saved enough to leave him, now I invest. Will never tell my boyfriend how much I have.
I’ve always been an independent responsible woman. I’ve never been opposed to helping a man but I agree with you where it turns into me being a sugar mama and paying for everything. It is not something that is sustainable if he is irresponsible and spending his money on alcohol or things that are a waste of money. I’m very financially savvy and I treat myself and my partner but I won’t stay in a situation where I am being used or taking advantage of my good heart. No matter how much love I have .. you can’t ruin yourself financially for love. Especially when it turns into bitter toxic love.
Spot on!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
@@valarieagiza1189 Absolutely!
So true
The reality is most females would still not pay for an unemployed man, or even love him.
A man's worth was and always will be under condition he provides.
Callin men "irresponsible" in generic terms is not only misandrist, but gives a vibe you believe most men are irresponsible.
Men have been providing you since eternity, why can't you now? Do you like the equality part when its in your favor? Else you'd call it "toxic"?
A lot of women needed to hear this. I’m truly grateful for the men in my life who groomed me. Every man who I entertain knows that they have to be a provider or I’m gone. No if’s ands or but
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
Oooooo. That statement doesn't sound right🤔
@@MeetStephanSpeaks can I ask a question, I am married to a man who does do a lot at home but I catch his wondering eyes looking at women all the time but he cleans the house but I have to give him money all the time. He has never brought anything for me not for Christmas or birthday but he has no problem asking for stuff all the time. He is on social media looking and liking half naked women and lies about it . I just can’t do this no more.
@@phyllishernandez7266 I think you already know the answer.
@@rhubithebe9360 right... loser and user sis let him go
THISSSS is an EXCELLENT video Coach Stephan. My Mama told me "stay in my own back yard." #1 I can't date broke, I'm allergic to poverty #2 never BUILD a man like u BUILD a bear 🐻. #3 He's not ready and you're not his mama, I'm a nurturer but not in this way, or enabler. I'm sharing THISSSS. Responsability involves accountability. Men that are broke are BROKEN❤️🔥🤗
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
So very true.
Men that are broke are broken. That part! 🔥❤️
You will not be able to sustain a level of respect and attraction. 🙌🏾🙌🏾 that’s the one .
You're absolutely right!
Also important not to fall for the reverse psychology and manipulation. I called things off with a guy 1 month into dating, because I noticed the red flags…..and he had the nerve to say “the last thing I need around me is a woman that can’t weather the storm”😭so glad I dodged that bullet🤢 No struggle love over here❌🙅🏽♀️
Wow😂 wth… what does he mean weather the storm???
I would of told him why would you want to put your woman in the same circumstances (storm) that’s crazy
@@tamiekavaldez5569 girl YES😂 I was so baffled and disgusted that he even made that statement
proud of you
They take you out for lunch, they go to pay and their card declines..you end up paying as it’s so embarrassing. Sometimes it takes these situations to learn about who you’re dealing with!
Absolutely!
I learned this the hard way. I stayed with a broke man for 6 yrs. I wasted a lot of time because I was scared to be alone again, I got comfy with the relationship. Listen ladies know your worth, run on the first sign of red flag.
This is modern world. Female should be encouraged to be provider
@@Crymeareva It has been since 2000,isn't. I believe in 50-50 shared responsibilities. Being a sugar mommy for 6yrs is traumatizing bro.
8years and two kids. Im learning this the hard way
Too many men taking advantage. And too many women just paying for things they shouldn’t
@@user-ku5vm5jb1h exactly. 🙌🫶
Everyone goes through good and bad times. I think the key is in knowing if we are dealing with good, God fearing Christian men that have just been laid off their jobs (through no fault of their own), family situations, health issues, etc. It all depends on different situations, circumstances. I try to cut everyone lots of slack, because we never know what a person has been through.
I would have more empathy for a man that got laid off a high paying corporate job and was having to deliver pizzas and working two jobs instead of living on government assistance. At least he would be demonstrating that he had a good work ethic, and not being comfortable with handouts.
Also, it is how someone handles money. Are they savers/investors, or do they spend every dime they get? Do they plan ahead? So many factors to be considered when allowing people into our lives. Be equally yoked.
Awesome advice, Stephan, as always!
You are correct
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Those scenarios are one side of the coin. There are men who literally don’t have much or who make very little or live on disability. When the woman makes 4-5 times what he does, what’s the solution?
If he's broke it's because he wants to be. There are WAY TOO MANY opportunities to make money these days. Leave him where you found him sis ❤️
Not necessarily. But I hear ya
🙌🙌
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
You are absolutely right about everything here
If women are out here working two jobs/ double shifts with kids..how much more can we expect a well able grown man to do! I 100% agree its tooo many ways to avoid being broke these days!
Wow, I wish this channel was around BEFORE I got married, then I could have avoided a lot of hell and a painful divorce. This way more detailed than the pre-marital counseling we received. Thanks for walking in your purpose,sir.
Me too sis, me too
Girl I feel you!!! Queen you’re beautiful and loved and special! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP BEAUTIFUL
Me too.
Sadly I’ve found myself in this situation with 2 exes. The last one was a very toxic narcissist who treated me terribly but I still took care of his broke ass. Never again. I wish I’d heard this advice 5 years ago. I’m glad your putting this out there. I love your relationship advice and I’ll never make those same mistakes again. Ever! Thank you Stephan.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you and I pray that you heal all you have been through 🙏
As a man currently in this situation he is 100 percent correct me personally I never wanted to feel like I was using the person I was with due to my financial hardship in her eyes it seemed that way and I could understand how she can feel that but i know that i never used her for any financial gain or anything this message was very much needed for me to get my shit together as a man even if never enter into another relationship again just for my own sake …Alot of men who are in financial issues need to hear this message
Sir!..you are going very far in life!..*the way you accepted this correction without offence and dis self introspection...being broke is a mindset..you are not broke my dear u just lack finances...I could deal with a man like you...the worst man is a defensive man who sees nothing wrong with his life and blames everyone and everything for where he is in lif..May God increase you and bless every plan you have...I love the way you think,you are going far and you won't remain the way you are trust me.
Whewwwwww this just spoke to me. I have been dealing with this struggle love for the last 7.5 years. And I'm sick of it. I told him I'm done with him and I'm not looking back. He has been financially unstable for the entire time, which made me resent him and lose my attraction to him. He leaned on me and I provided alot more than I should have. He became way to comfortable asking me for money. He had no desire to meet me half way because I have always been financially independent. As He put it, I make more money than him. And he tries to make me feel bad about it. He also tries to use that as a reason why he can't contribute much if anything. Watching this video confirmed what I put myself through over the past 7 years. And I have no desire to go back.
P.s: he just asked me for money this morning for HIS daughter. We don't have children together. I told him no. He will figure out how to get the money.
I was in a situation like that though it didn’t last long. Our relationship ended in 4moths . Because I guess I was also looking for a financial stable guys and I got tried of waiting
@@aminakiragu6138 Good for you
“Love is not a relationship “
You are the realest 💯💯💯💯💯!!!
❤ 🙂 Thank you!
The realest! I heard that and I was like wow Stephan really true to this and not new to this! Lol
It's a two-way street: If he needs me to exude feminine energy to the best of my ability, it is necessary he exudes masculine energy in all its glory. 💖
Everything you said is extremely correct and some people adjust QUICKLY! And when a man adjusts to be taken care of especially if he was Coddled by his mommy. He will become a leech in every way and be hard to get rid of.
And don’t dare think to talk too hard to him or correct him because a man that was coddled by his mom will always a huge ego and be easily hurt.
He will tell you straight to your face “Don’t think because you are paying these bills or keeping the lights on you can talk to me anyway you want to” even if you just shared your opinion respectfully during a conversation.
So now you are walking on egg shells 😅. Whew!
•
It will take a miracle or winning the lottery to put him back on his feet and IF & when he is on his feet; will he choose you still?
Will you still be attractive to him now that he’s walking in his true masculinity as it pertains to being a provider and has BROADER options for choosing women?
Will you still be the type of woman he sees as feminine, soft and sexy being that you are in your providing (masculine) energy most if not all of the time?
Will he still be faithful and not want to SAMPLE other women his peers are dating or what society deems attractive?
•
Most importantly, if you guys have children what are you teaching them?
How will they understand gender roles?
What will that do to you as a woman Mentally being that you had to carry the financial burden along with all the other burden we woman have to carry already?
Does he still expect you to provide and be a full time mom?
Will he be playing video games and using up all of his time to spend on him meanwhile you don’t have any alone time with yourself because you cater and provide.
The whole idea of doing this is dangerous and food for thought.
Just to hear and feel loved. I’ve been there and I didn’t have the patience or resources to see how it played out but to each his own. These are just things to consider. Good luck ladies! 💝
Oh and these type of men are not your biggest fan they’re your BIGGEST HATERS because you are everything they would want to be of they could do life over again. Choose wisely babes 💝
This video hits the nail on the head for me. I've been in this type of relationship for almost 2 years and I'm at my breaking point.
Wow, I wish I had seen this video years ago! Im not one to leave comments very often but this one really resonates with my experience. Im finally free of the broke guy who “loved” me, but in the end I felt like his mommy who he wanted to have sex with and I didn’t feel that kind of attraction to him anymore. In fact, the idea of being with him again really grosses me out! He was an emotional vampire who took everything I had to give and in return, I was made to believe that I was a horrible person for calling him out on refusing to get a job or do anything to improve his situation for that matter. I’ve grown a lot since extricating myself from that situation. I’ve been taking a lot of time to rediscover myself as an awesome high-value woman and get on with my life. Thank you Stephan for all of your amazing videos!
Same but without sex for 6 years, he was so broke that he refuse to have sex with me.
I just played this out! But my intuition was telling me to stop looking at the ‘potential’ I did love him- but not the situation- it was a hard pill to swallow! I work hard for my stability and anyone who comes into my life and home will have to do the same- obviously things change and can happen- but early on in the relationship it is a red flag! X
I can agree with you because I've been there! When I met my husband, he had 2 jobs, as did I. He was a good person, didn't cheat or disrespect me; however, he didn't work. I had gotten him 3 jobs, but he didn't want to take them. He wanted a job where he wanted to make more than me, which was hard where we lived. I got tired of being the man and the woman in the relationship!!
Sound like his mother. Men don’t wanna date their mama’s
@Mo Money far from it, like i said, we both worked two jobs in the beginning. The intimidating factor was that I made more, and it bruised his ego, not mine. As long as he contributed, I was fine. Even to this day, he admits his wrongs and still apologizes to me.
Whew lord bless you!
@@caramelkisses8396 Too many men out here want to act like women it is so sad and pathetic
@@Mo.1988
You need better reading comprehension...That dude was a Dusty bum that refused to work. That has NOTHING to do with mothering him..
In my opinion I think some men just say they appreciate being motivated and inspired by a woman or push them to to excel,but in secrecy they end up resenting her and not respecting her because in their minds she didn’t believe he could do it without it. And again in my opinion if a woman has to do most of the coaxing motivating and pushing him to do better she doesn’t believe he can do it on his own ,and that backfire.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
So true 😕
See I be telling my friends this and showing them these videos of Stephan speaks and tony gaskins but they want to learn the hard way just like their mothers
I love this content . It is not impossible to deal with a man that is broke , but when you build him up he may might turn his back on you . Some time it best to stay in your lane. I been through this already when I was in my 20s and my boyfriend at the time disrespect me for a next girl . And he was older than me .
I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thanks, I’m healed in Jesus Name . It wasn’t meant to be I guess. I’m Jamaican by birth live in the states and he resides in Jamaica kept asking me when I’ll return. Never again. My 20s taught me a lot this day on . Some people don’t know the use of you until you exit their life. I’m in a breath of fresh air right now waiting for my kingdom spouse from God himself , I’m not posing or forcing myself to be with anyone at the moment . Thank you for enlighten our darkness on your channel.
Why u worried about if a nigga turns his back on u stay positive and if u feel like someone will step out don't fuck wit them at all
Michelle Obama did that with Barack but I think she’s the exception to the rule
@@shutit4024 last time I check Obama is not a lazy man that’s for sure. Not all men out here are obama.
I was in a relationship with a financially broke man. I loved him willing to overlook that issue. Then when I got to know him I discovered he was an alcoholic. I feel our break up was a blessing in disguise. I miss the good parts he showed me. But his true nature could not be hidden.
Been in this situation . When we met, he was working (but many times broke). He got laid off due to this pandemic. I tried all sorts of avenues to help him find job to support himself. He knew I can use my network to secure him job. But he refused all my help offers. He has big dreams and look at me to start it off. Once I started helping him with his dream business, he started ignoring me. Go silent on me for few days ( turned off phone), always had excuses for not talking to me and Always avoid difficult conversation. Only called when it's convenient for him. ...
I'm now into 2 months of no contact when he went silent on me again after I warned him of his attitude & behaviour. Changed my #. I'm giving him all the silence he needed in the world.
Stephan speaks 💯% truth of my situation. Thank you very much.
I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
This is what ended my long term relationship. He wasn't financially stable nor showed he wanted to be better. I was in love and kept brushing it off. But when you keep pushing yourself and showing growth while the other doesn't...well we fizzled out.
Took me too long to see the reality of our relationship. All I can do now is learn from this and have boundaries in the future.
I would love to see a video with you and Tony Gaskins taking about Christian dating for men and women! That would be off the chain!
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list and consider your suggestion!
Agree the two mindsets and perspectives on topics would be dope
Honestly yes
@@MeetStephanSpeaks 2y
With Derek jaxn
This video came at the perfect timing. My boyfriend of 7 years just broke up with me because he’s depressed that he’s so terrible at managing money and is always broke. He could hardly ever provide for me throughout out on and off again relationship 😔 he loves me to death, but feels as if he’s a terrible boyfriend because he cannot be the provider he wants to be.
7 years….. SEVEN??
Why didn't his love for you motivate him to do better? 🤷🏽♀️ He either has psych problems, doesn't want to do better or was looking for an excuse to end it. Maybe he's found someone willing to provide for HIM aka Shugga Mama.
I'm sorry to hear about that, I pray that you heal from all that you have been through, and I hope he reaches the point of truly doing what is best 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you so much Stephan 🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@atlantasfaithsmom your comment was what I was looking for..like..7 years..😂 if he loves you...he'll get right and do what he needs to do..7 whole years and broke..smh naw..he sounds lazy and seems like he wants a woman that provides everything for him instead..🤦🏽♀️
Relationships require communication, sex and finances to make it successful. If one of those are out of wack it will begin to shatter. I had to learn this the hard way.
Truly agree with this video. I got stuck with my ex who made me feel like if I left he would have nothing. I was the one doing everything and I lost all respect for him. What started as a temporary thing became a long term situation that I didn't agree to so I walked away. My current boyfriend told me that it's not my responsibility to provide for him and it's his to provide for us. I am a strong woman whose used to doing it all but I don't want to lead. I'm glad he's a mature man that is leading the relationship and has helped me find my way to God.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
I agree with you. Some men will work hard for one woman and do nothing for the other woman. It's all about choices. Several women dealt with colorism from their own race of men.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Other woman??
True what you said
So true 💯
I spend my whole twenties, eight years to be exactly with a man who didn’t like to work and his mom paid the rent and I used to take care of everything else; food, clothing, house items.. etc. Now I’m forty and I can’t help but to get upset every time I look back for letting my twenties go by in a relationship that didn’t gave me anything but bills to pay and debts. All because I was madly in love and could not open my eyes and see I was just wasting my life away. On top of that he cheated on me. All because I didn’t love me and I so desperately needed affection and love I was so afraid to leave him.
This gives me strength. Thank you. Been around people shaming me for trying to plan my life in my early 30 and not ending up marrying early.
This video has hit me SOOO hard , this is my second video I’ve watched tonight and I’m currently in a relationship (10 years might I add) which I am pretty much the bread winner and I was always there for him with the different things he wanted to do but he didn’t stick with. I would encourage him and help him with different ideas that he could do so that financially he could bring himself up. I am now at the point where I’m drained, I can’t do this anymore. We had our own place at one point (I will also add that we have one child together )which we lost because he wasn’t financially responsible and used the rent money on other things. Now we’re both back at our parents house (living separately) because our financial status has gone to crap. I’m at a point where I have no desire for him anymore, when he tries to be all over me I just can’t stand it. I always told myself I wouldn’t raise my child in a one parent home so I stood by him allll these years thinking that he would change and take charge but it never happened.He now has a “good” job that he recently started and he’s spending money on things that don’t benefit our situation instead of saving it. He keeps saying that he wants us to move to a place together but I don’t trust him anymore. All I ask is for god to give me the strength to officially leave him behind because I no longer see growth with us. I’m on a path of starting a new chapter of personal growth (also re-connecting with my faith and spirituality) and I’m going to do it for me and my daughter. You can only care for a dying plant so much.
Omg! Your story is very relatable to my story except I don’t have children with my bf and we don’t live with each other but I’ve been going through a very similar situation with him for the past 11 years. I’ve been with him since I was 15 years and him being 17 years old and I am now 27 and he’s 29. I’ve been expecting him to do so much for himself and our relationship for so long and nothing hasn’t changed and it’s like I’m completely drained myself. I’ve tried pushing him and guiding him to do certain things so much more just to better his situation and our relationship and it’s not until now he wants to really take things seriously when it comes to him and our relationship and I feel like now it’s too late because I’ve been waiting so long for these changes to happen and now I’m finding myself having such a disconnect with him I love him and I care about him but I just know it maybe time for me to move on and do what’s best for me.
Both of y'all need to leave them males tf alone
you just described my life and now I'm so over it, i just wanna go out for a pack of cigarettes and just stroll away. only difference is I have a 11 yo son.... it sucks
@@shakane95 At some point we’ve reached our end game. Now we need to focus on our upbringing for our peace, like they say love will come once you learn to love yourself. I hope you’re journey to self love goes well, you deserve it. Remember that 💕
@@cryptid726 I totally understand! Having kids makes it harder for us to leave, especially if the kids have a good connection with our S/O. However, I remember to put myself in my kids shoes and thinking of when I was her age and seeing what my mother was put through. I rather my mom be alone and happy than to be in stressed out, toxic relationship. That’s what motivates me to be and do better. I hope you find the courage to do what’s best for the both of you 💕
I dated a man for FIVE years that never had money. I always felt like I was ultimately put into the masculine role of being the breadwinner because he either couldn't keep a job, refused to show up to his job, or bounce from one job to another. He spent most of his time playing video games with his friends that were 5 years younger than him and neglect his responsibilities as a boyfriend to me, neglected his working needs, neglected his schooling. I spent all of our relationship throwing money his way, whether it was paying his rent, paying for groceries, gas for the car, IF we went on dates I paid for them majority of the time, would cash app him money to survive while he was away in school when he finally moved away. He would just ask and take take take, just to discard me early this year. I ultimately got NOTHING out of the relationship. I supported him all that time just to be emotionally, mentally and physically and financially neglected. Then he dared to say that he wanted to separate so that he could "grow into the man he wanted to be". I feel that he stole my youth, stole my time. I definitely feel like I was with a Beta-male because a true man wouldn't have put me in that position and have been okay with it. I felt like his mother a lot of the time because he expected me to be a homemaker as well when we both lived together and when I would visit him in at his student apartment when he moved away. Cooking, cleaning, shopping and filling his kitchen, etc. Never again. I think my mistake was that I lusted and loved a fantasy version of him that just was never going to exist with me and I saw his potential to be a better partner to me. That was on me 100%.
This is the same man that would never romanticize me , wouldn't want to spend quality time with me, preferred to game instead of love me, got upset and short with me whenever I needed emotional support from him, couldn't have a serious conversation with me without outburst or anger and threats like a child, criticized me, put me down, etc. I put up with too much.
When I asked him to commit to me finally settle down by proposing to me, all it did was anger him everytime I brought it up. Shit, I even told him that he could buy me a 100 dollar ring, and I'd be happy. But he'd turn the conversation around to me and tell me that it was a problem that I needed that type of security by wanting a ring to symbolize his love for me and that I should speak with my therapist about how problematic that was. He told me that an engagement ring is only appropriate for those that are financially ready to get married immediately.
So don't be me ladies. Save yourselves the time, the money, and the heartache. He can be a better man for another woman some day, but it's best I let him go.
😎 SWEETIE HOPEFULLY YOU GET SOME THERAPY YOU ALOUD YOURSELF TO BE USED 🙊SMDH🙊
ALSO WORK ON YOUR SELF LOVE, SELF WORTH, CONFIDENCE WEATHER YOU MARRIED/SINGLE 💑
That man is a boy. A man-child. He's in the throws of his second childhood.
Women only have one childhood. Men will have 2, 3 childhoods.
A man in his second childhood is usually a man over the age of 18 who doesn't feel the need or desire for self-improvement...because "Mommy " will always come thru and make things better.
These men have infantilized themselves. They have turned themselves into 👶 in need...of EVERYTHING!!!
Your man is a prime example.
Now you know want to look for...next time only be in relationship with a man who makes well over $100k yr and is GENEROUS with his pockets when comes to YOU!!!
Ahhh Jazmin...Healing and prayers to you sis!
I’m in this situation with a younger guy I really love. After reading your comment it’s evident I need to end things.
Amen
Masculine minded mothers also impact how their sons behave in relationships too...my mil demonstrated masculinity instead of feminity and had my ex thinking backwards when it came to relationship norms. I never want to feel like a man...or be pushed into the front when I am completely fine in my feminity
this, a lot of men who arent capable of being providers have to overcome their views on gender roles and family. We always bring up the strong male figure - and the lack of affects both men and women. This is a condition can only be healed when a man is capable of getting closer to God, in my experience.
I’ve been dating a guy two months and he asked me for money for gas ..he has no kids but I have 3 .. and it turned me off completely… we literally just started dating..
This was my situation for 11 years, yup took that long for me to learn my lesson. But it’s learned and I learned to set boundaries and I’ll never allow that to happen again
I'm sorry to hear about that, but I'm glad you are now on a path to healing 🙌❤
I’ve been with my bf for 11 years as well and I’m now starting to realize it’s time to move on. We’ve been with each since I was 15 and him being 17 and throughout that time I tried everything I could possibly can to help him and so much more but nothing hasn’t changed and it’s not till now he wants to take initiative doing certain that I’ve been expecting him to do for a long time but now I’m just completely drained and so now I know it’s really time for me to move on.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
how did you survived? I'm bitter, resentful, etc and it has only been 1.7 years. Already ended in the E.R
@@eteresa3598 you will survive, I promise you literally have to take it day by day, hr by hr remind your self that you are or will be ok with time. You have to push and by the time you know it you will heal.
My limit is dishonesty, dishonor, disloyalty and abuse of any kind. Money is money. What is done with or without money will reveal the aforementioned limitations/deal breakers.
Ladies please consider this video as a PSA!!!! This man is speaking nothing but facts in this videos about dating unestablished man.
I was with someone who leaned on me money wise. That didn't work out.
I'm sorry to hear about that, I pray that you heal from all that you have been through, and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
Right.... Bye bum ✌
i am going thru this rn. having feelings for this man is making everything harder. but there it goes, now its my fault for complaining, for wanting the bare fkn minimum like a dinner for two. he doesent feel ashamed to be in this position, and its devastating. about the respect thing, after a while i realized that he is broke because of his head. and what is most painful for me is that he does not appreciate all the help, a million times i have paid for the both of us etc.. I DONT EVEN WANT TO give him a dollar anymore ( and im not a cheap person). im to that point sick of him.
As a man if you're not capable of looking after me then it shows you are not serious about me so you shouldn't have approached me in the first place. I am nobody's sidechick or option. If you are inconsistent then I don't want you.
Define looking after you
Foster Janine Why do u need a man to look after you? Look after yourself.
Look after yourself. You are an adult; not a 5 yr old.
Did I say I wanted a man to look after me? I am capable of looking after myself not that it's any of your business. Look at this scrub. Go away
My message wasn't addressed to Malipe Bempe
Fantasy Escapes so both of you mind your business
This is some really good advise Stephan! I have gone through the same things but not with a 'broke' man, but a very stingy man. He had the same characteristics as a broke man. Started dating him in college and I was very understanding because both of us didn't have money or stable jobs. So, he didn't really court me the right way. We never really went out on dates and I really hoped things would change with time because he was really smart and hardworking. Our relationship was always on and off after college, and even after he got a well paying job, nothing changed! Still no dates, hardly spent on me it was always he was saving towards something! It was always excuses about him saving and at one point we were talking and he told me he was saving for his future and his marriage 😂 . He was not only mean towards me, but also towards himself. He hardly invested in how he looked and things he needed. After so many arguments, he started taking me on cheap dates and told me if I wanted anything fancier I can do it for myself since he can't afford it. when I got a similarly well paying job, then came going 50/50 on almost everything. He never wanted to spend or go to places, or do things, and I felt Like I needed to offer to contribute some money for these things to happen! After a break up period, his sister moved in with him and so when we got back together we spent most of the time at my place. This man did not contribute towards anything in the house! His rationale was that he spent on fuel every time he came to see me an d so the expenses I incurred when he came over was my way of taking care of him too! 😂 Most of the time when we'd go out, we'd come back to the house, sit down and do a break down of the expenses and split the bill! I was with this guy for so long because he was faithful, respected me and 'loved' me. But thank you for this video, it's exactly what I needed. oh, one more thing, he brought nothing else to the relationship, didn't do the manly stuff around the house. I had to figure it out all on myself!😂 NEVER AGAIN!
Queen preach….!! Omg that guy sounds like a whole lotta burden…!
DAMN THIS MAN JUST READ ME FOR FIIIILTTTTHHH, I JUST GOT OUT OF A SITUATION WITH A BROKE MAN AND DAMN , EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS SOOOO TRUE, WOOOOOOOOW
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks are you married?
“If you want this marriage to work, you’ll have to do it.”
That’s what he said. After quitting 5 jobs or being fired. I woke up to the unhappy fact that all the utilities, rent, car payment, etc… were in my name.
He said that in a relationship, “the woman takes care of everything.”
Single mom for 33 years now and have my safety and autonomy.
I just broke up with someone just for this reason...he is now needs to start from scratch as he left his country...he doesn't feel comfortable relying on me, he is a decent guy...I also see all the difficulties in this situation...But I still like him & it is painful for me...
I honestly don't know why us women always have our own money..our place and car..take care of our kids..keeps everything together..but these men never have it together and THEY are the ones that supposed to be the providers..😂 like I don't get that..why are they always broke and broken..😂🤦🏽♀️ sh*ts annoying..and it's MOSTLY black men..I'm over all of this...🤦🏽♀️ and it's kind of hard to respect a broke man..or be sexually into him or attracted to him...and they don't get that..I AM TURNEDDDD OFFFF because you can't provide and it's hard to see you as a MAN..tf🙄 that seems like a mother taking care of her son...and who in the f*ck wants to have s*x with a child..🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 they don't understand that..I can't even look at you the same..they want a woman to stick by them for years while they sit there and be broke..smh
I feel you it definitely isn't an easy situation but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks yea I was just speaking on it...cus it happens..but I'm single and the best focus would be for him not to approach me🤔😂
Shaye Jivens👏🏽
I give up...no need move & compete
@@lorealdrayton6164 😂😂😂😂
This video is so accurate and true...I was in a situation like that when the guy keeps borrowing money from me to restart his business initially it was a small amount, then later start asking for money to feed and other stuff until I became tired 😫 I stopped giving him money for a while and he stopped communicating and when I called to check on him he said he was depressed so I told him to go see a therapist... I realised he needs a new mindset...most broke guys want a relationship just for themselves...sis it's too stressful 😫 😩 don't do it
I love you Stephan
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
The first 7 minutes have told me so much! I have been regretting leaving someone because I have wasted two years trying to motivate him now that I’m done he’s saying he’s going to get it together. And I have been going back and forth thinking if I made the wrong choice now I don’t. Thank you!
All of this is 🔥💪🏾! 💯% valid. Once you know your worth and you recognize the signs of a grown boy you’ll 🚶🏾♀️✌🏾. There is def a difference between a grown boy and a grown man. Ladies and gentlemen please take heed to this message. Stephan you explained this so well!
I'm happy this has been helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love and healing ❤ 🙏
Yesterday I made the hard decision and finally broke up with him. The lazziness got over him and I couldn't stand it because once we met he was trying to learn new stuff to get to know me, trying out new things and observing etc. Now he has no desire whatsoever for those things. He really is nice but not matured. One thing only confuses me is this; he bought me a rather expensive art tablet because he knew I'd like to try out new things in art. That birthday gift made me so happy and sad because I knew how much it would cost him. So I did break up but at the back of my mind I think hey maybe if he had a decent job he would finally provide me? He did what he can at his situation but again there were lazziness and he couple of times broke my heart and admitted he doesn't deserve me. I stood up for him over months, encourage him to go to exams and finding new jobs but I'm drained. I felt bad but I had my standards and yesterday I finally spoke this with him. We couldn't even go to a restaurant and that is what I want, a stable relationship. I told him maybe our paths will cross once again when we sort things out ourselves but like this we hurt eachother. He didn't want it to end but had no choice and respected my decision. Somehow, I still feel like I should be beside him? In my heart I know if he really wants to give the life that I want He would chase and make it happen. I gues part of the reason I did this is to want him to grow up.
The more and more I listen to this, I want to keep liking this video more than once!
"Broke ninjas don't deserve no kitty".....I know that's right.💯
💯🗣🗣🗣🎯
I need to let you know that you have brought so much to my eyes. I literally had this issue happen to me last month. He didn't seem broke, but everything you are saying happened to me. He was a mommas boy and it was terrible. I honestly blamed myself. I still loved him and his kids and that made it all so hard to let go. He tried to leave but respectfully stating he needed to grow. I understand it all now, but at times I miss so much about him. But your videos has helped me move forward and it helped me realize that I deserve better. I wanted to send you my appreciation to you and please keep giving me content to watch. I am 32 and I am ready to find a husband. You are helping me work on myself and when that man comes, he will. May god continue to bless you sir. Thank you
I'm sorry to hear about that, I pray that you heal from all that you have been through, and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks I appreciate that. Thank you.
Thank you for this video ! It really helped put things in perspective for me , I’ve been in this situation for a year now and I’m at the point where I’m giving my all and he’s not giving anything and I don’t like the way the relationship is going but I do feel guilty for walking away but I know I have to establish some type of boundaries. It’s hard because I do love him and he’s not a bad guy but I understand I’m not helping him get better and the quality of the relationship is suffering because he’s not even pouring into me in other ways . This video gave me clarity
I'm happy this has been helpful to you and I pray that you heal all you have been through 🙏
I hope you figured this out or you will waste a lot of time.
OMG, I really needed this video for my current situation. Thank you so much, Stephan! I went down this road with my late husband and it was disastrous. He didn't feel good about himself, I became resentful and it snowballed from there. My potential interest works hard but the pay isn't consistent. I value financial security and am in a better financial position. I want a man who takes the lead and provides. I need to let him know what my needs and expectations are and find out if he's willing to step up. We're just hanging out, getting to know each other. There's mutual interest, but we're not even at the stage of dating yet. Now is the right time to have this conversation.
Thank you Stephan! I definitely needed to hear this! I didn’t understand why I was attracting these type of men, which caused me to become jaded. However now I know what to look for, set those boundaries ahead of time, or not even step in it at all. lol Once again Thank you for your wisdom. Have a blessed day !
You make everything make sense! Thanks Stephan. It's astonishing how so many things can be attached to one behavior. I'm an independent woman who is also a entrepreneur. I am constantly thinking of innovate ways to live, make money and be a blessing. I thought this was a "gift" but it's really being an adult. Dating someone who is financially unstabe. And blames it on their environment can be so confusing. Especially when he uses the word of God to back his state. You want to help them because they never ask for "help" but mention their financial hardship. If a person calls themselves "waiting" for him to "boss up" and end up folding in the process giving him your ideas, your energy, your innovation or even money. By pouring into his empty broken glass you end up empty and he'll remain empty that's where resentment comes from. As you said he never "learns" how to be that independent person. He's just draining who you are. The motive behind different men's reasoning for this I believe varies. It makes you feel trapped as if you can't make even more money or have extravagant things because he won't be able to match or sustain you at that level. My Moto is if I can do it for myself why except less from you?
Professional woman here who entertained a DMV call center worker. 🤨 I will never again entertain dating below my financial level. It’s a liability!
Major liability man being a black woman is hard lmao
Girl that is so true!!!
How timely is this video, because I've ended my relationship just last Wednesday because of this exact same reason. Not only that he was broke, he was working and still broke and for 9months it has financially drained me. 9 months is enough to see an effort from him and there was none so I had no other choice but to end it. It's like everything you've mentioned is exactly what happened, from the disrespect (was not deliberate) to losing attraction. I wish he would come across this video at some point in his life so he would better understand.