Just been discarded, cried on and off for 2 days.tried to encourage honest and open conversation, and nothing. Never again! It's draining, I'm moving forward and not looking back. These videos are really helping, thank you
@Jen-K-2024 I was honest and told him I didn't think it was right to put me on 'standby' or the 'back burner' by telling me "soon" when I made suggestions to meet up again. He seems to think it's fine that 4 weeks have gone by without meeting up again because "This month has thrown things at him" which is why he couldn't meet me, but he also said he wants to see each other more frequently and regularly!!! The whole thing is confusing, so I told him how I felt & he ran away. It's too draining for me, so I'm done.
These kind of people will more than likely die alone if they never come to terms with their avoidant issues. I know it's not healthy to think like this, but that thought is always so cathartic.
Many will out of comfort find someone to move in with when they are old. A nice empathic nurse/cook who lives very near already so they don't even need to work much to move in their furniture. Narcissists like their own personal comfort.
No you are right they will I'm seeing this right now with a person he pushed every one away now he is sick and No one wants to help him he did say this that he brought this on himself. And he did and it's so sad to see so what ever they sew you can count on it that they will reap it.
l won't ever date an avoidant ever again. Because now l know what to look out for, l will AVOID them at all costs. No more relationships, situationships, emotional connection and l'll do everything to not fall in love. Avoidant attachment must be contagious, except l refuse to do to anyone else what was done to me. l'm not that selfish or cruel.
There are tons of avoidants that avoid relationships. Avoidants are very much like you. Their heart was broken early on in childhood and they didn’t have the coping skills yet to deal with it in a healthy way. So they run when triggered. You heal from this by knowing that unfortunately you bet on the wrong person and move on. That is the healthy response. If it makes you want to abstain from life for the rest of your life, you’re wasting what could be a very good and happy life on your own or with a new, emotionally healthy person, one who communicates when something is not alright or when they feel hurt. There are many good fish in the sea.
@@camellia8625 I guess the difference depends on if they are already setting up the next relationship while they are with you or if they just run out and find the next person.
Thank you for these reminders Ryan. My avoidant ghosted me around January after several months of dating when everything appeared to be going amazing. I recently blocked her number after a bit of toxic and vague messages from her. I tried to reach out in a friendly way recently after about 3 months of NC and was met with childish behaviour. I realized that this isn't for me, not worth it, so I asked her for space and blocked her indefinitely. I'm 37 and she's 34 and I never expected this to happen at my age but I guess some people don't mature. Focusing on self care and appreciation of the good positive people in my life atm. Thanks again. Will keep watching.
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you.. Yeah same here, I had no idea what avoidant attachment was and as soon as I started researching all the lights started going off in my brain, connecting the dots. She seemed a bit more severe is my best guess. Somewhat self aware, questioned why some people didn't like her(seemed to seek validation from me regarding these feelings when I didn't fully understand context during when things were more surface with us when we first met) and confused and hurt about a best friend that cut her off recently. Seemed to be moving on from things and people a lot ect. Hope she gets the help she needs, but I don't think she will. She would say that I was the kindest person she ever dated, but then went and disappeared on me when we discussed vulnerability(she was aware of her issues with this) and being potentially exclusive. I really liked her, and to devolve into this type of situation really shocked me to the core. Hope you find healing. @@FreddyFredo-ne9to
Same for me, I think she is a severe avoidant, but as I only discovered this attachment style after the discard, I couldn't talk about this with her. I'm in no contact for more than 4 months now, slowly healing, but pain is still present. Same, she told me I was nice, she couldn't make any reproach about me and my behavior, but she "couldn't give me what I wanted, she was overwhelmed and she needed time and space to take care of her". I've heard she's fine, and she really believes she discarded me the right way, she's moved on the day after the discard, and I'm now sure she doesn't even remember me, complete deactivation. Maybe she's alone, maybe she had already found someone else before or after the discard, it was driving me crazy, but now I've admitted I can't force her to love me. I've done my best, and if she doesn't want me in her life, well, what can I do ? She has always been in toxic relationships before, I used to think I could make her happy the way she made me, but now I think she NEEDS toxic relationships... Sad...I think she was worth it, but I can't make her happy if she doesn't want it. Wished her the best, but I don't want to suffer anymore. I've spent so much time ruminating, wondering what I could have made wrong, trying to find a way to solve the situation...but it does come from her. So only SHE can cure herself. But I'm certain she doesn't even see she has this issue, everything seems normal to her. Hope you're healing too, stay strong.
@@demariarob no contact is FOREVER. your mistake is reaching out. if they treat you badly, reaching out to them teaches them that you'll come back even after they disrespect you & it tells the avoidant you have low self esteem & low value. also... stop dating women over 30. they're old used up & usually have a ton of mental problems & baggage. better to get a fresh banana than an old wrinkly brown one.
My DA made sure to let me know twice he'd not slept with his ex GF, in response to an accusation I had Ieveled at him when he broke up with me. Shame and guilt avoidance? He's been reaching out to me since we broke up 3 weeks ago, and we had a nice visit. He asked me over again but I was already scheduled. Waiting on him but also dating in the meantime.
My dismissive avoidant , she admited that she felt guilt to see me being so hurt by the breakup after I broke no contact and also did mistakes before that by crying, wrote letter … etc … she told she felt guilt but not regret. That seeing all i was doing to get her back is making her raising her defenses. Went no contact again… it’s been a bit more than a week since.. it hurt so much , counterintuive to me to do that . I love her so much and she’s my twinflame
@@youtubeaccountserio2633 a month of no contact now. She stopped watching any of my stories and post and all on social media’s since a month but now she started again to watch my stories sometime since a week. Still no contact
@@jasonpgarceauI’m the anxious type. We had an amazing 6-8 months before the cracks showed, 90% of fights came from “what I was doing wrong and how I reacted when she approached me”. Still had lots of passion and feelings towards each other. We split and re kindled. Only to have our biggest “argument” she went very critical and cold towards me about something over something silly in the bedroom. Nothing I could say could bring her back, then the comments started coming from her” I knew this would happen etc etc… I went into super anxious mode scared she would leave again… I couldn’t talk to her she shut down, the more I tried the more she did. I was reasonably calm and respectful but she exploded left the house and called the cops on me. I was crushed, so embarrassed I couldn’t believe it. It was her way of completely ending it, threatening to reach out to authorities if I ever contact her. 3 weeeks later I’m 90% sure she’s in a new relationship. What could have been. She could be so amazing, my parents were shocked. What could of been.
Glad i found this channel. Discarded by her after 7 years. Almost happened to a T. I recommend to anyone the book "101 questions to ask before you get engaed". 4 months of silence, still struggling to push foward and in therapy. Stay strong to anyone going through this as well.
Yep only five years in this torture....I feel for you, how to heal? 6 months No Contact still feels like day 1. I have no desire to date or do anything. therapy just a waste of money
My ex told me 8 months in that he had been dating someone when we started dating and that he left her for me. (I specifically asked if he was single so that lie was shocking enough) I was trying to end things for the 3rd time because he was so hot n cold and I was constantly confused and alone. He had the audacity to tell me that he felt guilty about hurting her and that’s why he was so in and out with me! So he put me in an other woman position, a rebound position and himself in victim mode. So selfish. Mind you I had met him 2 yrs prior to actually dating him and ended it then because he only text me daily, and I was stronger at the time and we had not had any intimacy. Man sex and oxytocin bonding is a real thing! I ignored all the red flags and allowed him to convince me to stick around accepting BS low effort for way too long. I started therapy thinking it was my communication style that was the problem. I wish I knew about attachment at the beginning of this crazy chapter of my life. I will neverrrrrr stay with anyone who will treat me so negligible again!! Them flip flopping from avoidant to anxious when you threaten to walk is so discombobulating
i'd hate to be a woman. they are cursed with only being able to have feelings for men that don't like them back. if the man cares about her too much, she won't be attracted to him. this is just how women are built biologically. that would fkn suck to only like people who couldn't care less about you.
Basically, don’t do relationships as it’s damaging to the extreme when it goes wrong and you have everything within to bring happiness and content. Life is cruel❤
Mine was a world champion monkey brancher….i think i might have been a branch too! I’m 62, he’s 72 …. He’s not stopping it. I’d never met an avoidant until now. Not my circus, not my monkey. I’m not an expert but this seems like severe mental illness to me. I broke up with him, I’m one that suffered heartbreak, he doesn’t have one. The “Tin man” can no longer give me “the crickets”. I’m so thankful my heart survived that abuse.
I use the same nickname with mine. The heartless tinman! He discarded me then came back when his other attempts didn’t work out. I have never known heartbreak like what I endured with him
Yes - mine is 63. He not only monkey-branches, he "cushions" - setting up the next relationship while with you. I hope people reading this see that these people will NOT change and go their whole lives leaving one person after another in their selfish wake.
@@brownell.landrumI feel like my avoidant monkey branched too. I could see a new girl on his Instagram during our break up. I am not sure though. He stopped talking to me, did not see my face. He abandoned me like I was nothing. I begged him to stay and he discarded me.I was shattered to the core. I was 29 at that time, never thought this could happen to me at this age. I have severe anxiety and could not handle the break up. I was somehow trying to live and he texted me on instagram like nothing happened. It made me feel like did I ever matter to him ? I went online and found a guy just to talk to which made him jealous I guess. He hasn't spoken a word ever since but breadcrumbs me on social media which breaks me again and again. This new guy is so sweet and nice to me, and takes care of me. We are very close now but i don't call him my bf because this connection has developed due to loneliness. I don't think I am ever going to love him but I don't have the strength to leave him. Sometimes I feel guilty of monkey branching..But I would have collapsed if it wasn't of this new guy. My anxiety would have killed me. I am still not my breakup but I am tired of waiting. It's been a year and he still tries to breadcrumb me. Idk what he wants. I am traumatised.
My recent ex wouldn't even look at me in the eye the other night when i saw him multiple times up the street. He dumped me via the phone so this was the first time. He then claims that he never saw me. BS. I can tell he feels guilty and if he looked at me, he would be exposed and show he still loves me. The eye contact between us was intense.
After 15 months of off and on, hot and cold, he started talking about me meeting his dad, making me dinner, telling me his daughter will have to know about me.... Then one night, he got angry for something, i'm still unclear about what I said and he hung up on me. The conversation devolved so quickly, i don't know what upset him so much. He was dropping F bombs, I kept saying, I just need a friend tonight, please dont hang up, I have a heavy heart with my dad being sick. I ended it saying, I hope one day you realize how disrespectful you speak to me and know that i have never and would never speak to you this way. he said, you know what? and he hung up. i'm done. he's done. this changed my perspective on him forever. He is capable of a level of disrespect toward me that I never imagined possible
Sorry to hear this. I had a similar experience of my ex DA sudden anger and accusations thrown at me. Very confusing what happened but I had had enough of hot cold, silent treatment, coldness, avoidance of conversations, gaslighting etc. dated for 4 months and I had to walk away. Hope you find some race again!
At least he showed you what a POS he is before you wasted a decade on him. He’ll disappear for a couple months and try to come back like nothing happened.
Some do. Depends on the person. Avoidants, IMO, are generally good people. Anyone with a conscience will feel guilt and other emotions. They will feel in unguarded moments: at night, early mornings, etc. A person cannot keep those feelings suppressed forever.
@@Bluepearl187this is it. What kind of person would fake a personality to make you fall in love to just flip a switch and throw you in the trash? I’m tired of tip toeing around the fact that they’re just sociopaths.
This is to much like narcissist or a mental illness. A healthy person does not do this now I do understand that there are bad people out there but this is to much. It's crazy behavior to me they want love and connection but when they get it they destroy it who does that. And we that try to love them do the work wacth the videos love them and understand them and still get treated like trash who does that.And based on study will leave you and go to low hanging fruit someone toxic who could care less or a door mat.Well I've had enough I'm going to throw the Bible in this which says you owe no man nothing but to love them. So if they can't receive that then that's on them. I assume they die alone as well because they push people away It's so sad but we don't have to be because of our good hearts.
What if fearful avoidant went into extreme dissmissive avoidant mode, discarded me obrubtly without any reason? Acording to her she had plenty of reasons created in her sick head (flaw finding). She became extremely mean to me, threatning me and i feel she just hate me. I don't want her back but i wonder why she hates me and if she will ever change her feelings for me. I am just curious
She has BPD. I’m still waiting and it’s 6 months post breakup and nearly 5 months post her splitting me black. I don’t know whether to move on for good or not
So last year we got this cruise. Fast forward to a month or so ago & the discard happens. Anyways, I try to cancel his flight but they’ll only give HIM flight credits. This really annoys me because I’m pretty sure he was cheating so I’d hate to subsidize his new vacation with New Bae. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the video but I just wanted to get that off my chest lol Least he can do is feel bad about it but nooo…
Yes, i noticed a lot of avoidants deactivate after trips. It happened to me in.and after the two trips i did with her. Anyways, its better to walk away as they only get worse with time.
Avoidants don’t feel guilt at all they are narcissistic individuals , there is no difference between a narc and an avoidant , both lack empathy, both are selfish and both train themselves to not care about their partner , They’re monsters
First avoidants must be given space to cry ,to shout and release their emotions.one must sit with them with patience.without being selfish ,one must be willing to listen.
Hi your videos are so good ...but I suggest you to improve thumbnail because when I clicked on video it was good inside but the cover trust me I was hesitant to even click on this thumbnail...hope that helps🤞
Can setting a boundary with an avoidant not to contact you if they are sticking to their decision about the break up cause them to rethink the break up?
It depends on the person. It could, but you should never take them back, even if they do rethink the break-up. They made a conscious decision and you were worth it the first time.
Mine did came back many times bonderies were set.But guess what the cycle starts again. So this time I got off the roller coaster ride and I'm not getting back on.
an avoidant literally couldn't care less that you exist. they're avoiding you, thats why we call them avoidants lol. so tellling them you're avoiding them is just going to piss them off & make them avoid you harder. the best way to deal with avoidants is to confuse them by suddenly cutting them off & ghosting them. mute them on all social media so they can see you, but you can't see them & treat them like they no longer exist. never reach out to them again until they reach out first. & then when they do, give short, curt responses with no emojis & no punctuation. like you could care less that you're talking to them.& do not call or facetime them. only text. if they call you, ignore it. text them back & say you're busy, but you can text... wassup. this will infuriate them by mirroring their own sh*tty avoidant behavior. this is the sh*t that women do to men... its very effective. also, like the other person said, never take them back. avoidants don't make good long term partners anyway.
That's the trap for an Avoidant, isn't it. It's self-preservation for maladaptive behaviour. Or in other words never really experiencing true connection in life. Always being an observer in life and never a participant in intimate relationships. Yes, the Avoidant self preserves like pickles stuck in a glass jar. Marinating in their own selfish juices of delusion.
Everyone has an avoidant ex😅?? Guys sometimes they are just not that in to you. If tomorrow Brad Pitt comes along all their avoidance would go away trust me.
Trust me, everyone in this comment section had an avoidant, probs yours made you believe she is not an avoidant, they are masters of turning cards on the table
They don’t want to be seen as a bad person, so they act like a bad person instead
God this is such a good way to say it
This
@@cfnaround1585 fucked up people
There are also monkey-branching avoidants who suffer from depression and they do feel guilty at night, when they can’t sleep.
Just been discarded, cried on and off for 2 days.tried to encourage honest and open conversation, and nothing. Never again! It's draining, I'm moving forward and not looking back. These videos are really helping, thank you
@Jen-K-2024 I was honest and told him I didn't think it was right to put me on 'standby' or the 'back burner' by telling me "soon" when I made suggestions to meet up again. He seems to think it's fine that 4 weeks have gone by without meeting up again because "This month has thrown things at him" which is why he couldn't meet me, but he also said he wants to see each other more frequently and regularly!!! The whole thing is confusing, so I told him how I felt & he ran away. It's too draining for me, so I'm done.
These kind of people will more than likely die alone if they never come to terms with their avoidant issues. I know it's not healthy to think like this, but that thought is always so cathartic.
Many will out of comfort find someone to move in with when they are old. A nice empathic nurse/cook who lives very near already so they don't even need to work much to move in their furniture. Narcissists like their own personal comfort.
No you are right they will I'm seeing this right now with a person he pushed every one away now he is sick and No one wants to help him he did say this that he brought this on himself. And he did and it's so sad to see so what ever they sew you can count on it that they will reap it.
They might not be "alone" but they'll never be in a healthy relationship. Mine is 63 and still going from one relationship to another.
l won't ever date an avoidant ever again. Because now l know what to look out for, l will AVOID them at all costs.
No more relationships, situationships, emotional connection and l'll do everything to not fall in love.
Avoidant attachment must be contagious, except l refuse to do to anyone else what was done to me.
l'm not that selfish or cruel.
Well said and I'm exactly the same. The only thing to do with an avoidant is avoid them at all costs if you value your sanity.
There are tons of avoidants that avoid relationships. Avoidants are very much like you. Their heart was broken early on in childhood and they didn’t have the coping skills yet to deal with it in a healthy way. So they run when triggered. You heal from this by knowing that unfortunately you bet on the wrong person and move on. That is the healthy response. If it makes you want to abstain from life for the rest of your life, you’re wasting what could be a very good and happy life on your own or with a new, emotionally healthy person, one who communicates when something is not alright or when they feel hurt. There are many good fish in the sea.
RUN for your life when you meet an avoident, period end of story
They are worse then narcs
Some are actually "cushioning" while they're with you - setting up their next relationship while they're with you.
Sounds like cushioning and monkey branching are the same thing.
@@camellia8625 I guess the difference depends on if they are already setting up the next relationship while they are with you or if they just run out and find the next person.
They do regret it - and all they do about it is just stalk u online- watch ur stories like a movie and never does anything about it .
Thats dismissive ones
Thank you for these reminders Ryan. My avoidant ghosted me around January after several months of dating when everything appeared to be going amazing. I recently blocked her number after a bit of toxic and vague messages from her. I tried to reach out in a friendly way recently after about 3 months of NC and was met with childish behaviour. I realized that this isn't for me, not worth it, so I asked her for space and blocked her indefinitely. I'm 37 and she's 34 and I never expected this to happen at my age but I guess some people don't mature. Focusing on self care and appreciation of the good positive people in my life atm. Thanks again. Will keep watching.
I'm 52, she's 48, and it happened to me. And I didn't even heard of avoidant attachment before... It seems to me she won't ever heal.
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you.. Yeah same here, I had no idea what avoidant attachment was and as soon as I started researching all the lights started going off in my brain, connecting the dots.
She seemed a bit more severe is my best guess. Somewhat self aware, questioned why some people didn't like her(seemed to seek validation from me regarding these feelings when I didn't fully understand context during when things were more surface with us when we first met) and confused and hurt about a best friend that cut her off recently. Seemed to be moving on from things and people a lot ect. Hope she gets the help she needs, but I don't think she will. She would say that I was the kindest person she ever dated, but then went and disappeared on me when we discussed vulnerability(she was aware of her issues with this) and being potentially exclusive. I really liked her, and to devolve into this type of situation really shocked me to the core.
Hope you find healing. @@FreddyFredo-ne9to
Same for me, I think she is a severe avoidant, but as I only discovered this attachment style after the discard, I couldn't talk about this with her. I'm in no contact for more than 4 months now, slowly healing, but pain is still present. Same, she told me I was nice, she couldn't make any reproach about me and my behavior, but she "couldn't give me what I wanted, she was overwhelmed and she needed time and space to take care of her". I've heard she's fine, and she really believes she discarded me the right way, she's moved on the day after the discard, and I'm now sure she doesn't even remember me, complete deactivation. Maybe she's alone, maybe she had already found someone else before or after the discard, it was driving me crazy, but now I've admitted I can't force her to love me. I've done my best, and if she doesn't want me in her life, well, what can I do ? She has always been in toxic relationships before, I used to think I could make her happy the way she made me, but now I think she NEEDS toxic relationships...
Sad...I think she was worth it, but I can't make her happy if she doesn't want it. Wished her the best, but I don't want to suffer anymore. I've spent so much time ruminating, wondering what I could have made wrong, trying to find a way to solve the situation...but it does come from her. So only SHE can cure herself. But I'm certain she doesn't even see she has this issue, everything seems normal to her.
Hope you're healing too, stay strong.
@@demariarob no contact is FOREVER. your mistake is reaching out. if they treat you badly, reaching out to them teaches them that you'll come back even after they disrespect you & it tells the avoidant you have low self esteem & low value. also... stop dating women over 30. they're old used up & usually have a ton of mental problems & baggage. better to get a fresh banana than an old wrinkly brown one.
My DA made sure to let me know twice he'd not slept with his ex GF, in response to an accusation I had Ieveled at him when he broke up with me. Shame and guilt avoidance? He's been reaching out to me since we broke up 3 weeks ago, and we had a nice visit. He asked me over again but I was already scheduled. Waiting on him but also dating in the meantime.
The reach for that branch happens before they even admit something is wrong and prior to their 'disconnecting'.
My dismissive avoidant , she admited that she felt guilt to see me being so hurt by the breakup after I broke no contact and also did mistakes before that by crying, wrote letter … etc … she told she felt guilt but not regret. That seeing all i was doing to get her back is making her raising her defenses.
Went no contact again… it’s been a bit more than a week since.. it hurt so much , counterintuive to me to do that . I love her so much and she’s my twinflame
Trust me keep it ongoing on no contact
@@youtubeaccountserio2633 a month of no contact now. She stopped watching any of my stories and post and all on social media’s since a month but now she started again to watch my stories sometime since a week. Still no contact
@@jasonpgarceauI’m the anxious type. We had an amazing 6-8 months before the cracks showed, 90% of fights came from “what I was doing wrong and how I reacted when she approached me”. Still had lots of passion and feelings towards each other. We split and re kindled. Only to have our biggest “argument” she went very critical and cold towards me about something over something silly in the bedroom. Nothing I could say could bring her back, then the comments started coming from her” I knew this would happen etc etc… I went into super anxious mode scared she would leave again… I couldn’t talk to her she shut down, the more I tried the more she did. I was reasonably calm and respectful but she exploded left the house and called the cops on me. I was crushed, so embarrassed I couldn’t believe it. It was her way of completely ending it, threatening to reach out to authorities if I ever contact her. 3 weeeks later I’m 90% sure she’s in a new relationship. What could have been. She could be so amazing, my parents were shocked. What could of been.
She may have been able to avoid the relationship problems, but she cannot avoid a breakup
Glad i found this channel. Discarded by her after 7 years. Almost happened to a T.
I recommend to anyone the book "101 questions to ask before you get engaed". 4 months of silence, still struggling to push foward and in therapy. Stay strong to anyone going through this as well.
Sorry man...strength to you.
Been through it (it was a much shorter relationship though)
Yep only five years in this torture....I feel for you, how to heal? 6 months No Contact still feels like day 1. I have no desire to date or do anything. therapy just a waste of money
My ex told me 8 months in that he had been dating someone when we started dating and that he left her for me. (I specifically asked if he was single so that lie was shocking enough) I was trying to end things for the 3rd time because he was so hot n cold and I was constantly confused and alone. He had the audacity to tell me that he felt guilty about hurting her and that’s why he was so in and out with me! So he put me in an other woman position, a rebound position and himself in victim mode. So selfish. Mind you I had met him 2 yrs prior to actually dating him and ended it then because he only text me daily, and I was stronger at the time and we had not had any intimacy. Man sex and oxytocin bonding is a real thing! I ignored all the red flags and allowed him to convince me to stick around accepting BS low effort for way too long. I started therapy thinking it was my communication style that was the problem. I wish I knew about attachment at the beginning of this crazy chapter of my life. I will neverrrrrr stay with anyone who will treat me so negligible again!! Them flip flopping from avoidant to anxious when you threaten to walk is so discombobulating
i'd hate to be a woman. they are cursed with only being able to have feelings for men that don't like them back. if the man cares about her too much, she won't be attracted to him. this is just how women are built biologically. that would fkn suck to only like people who couldn't care less about you.
They dont. 😂😂😂
They feel sorry for them selfs. That is their only hurt.
Or they justify their behavior and tell you they didn’t do anything wrong you’re just incompatible
Basically, don’t do relationships as it’s damaging to the extreme when it goes wrong and you have everything within to bring happiness and content. Life is cruel❤
Mine was a world champion monkey brancher….i think i might have been a branch too! I’m 62, he’s 72 …. He’s not stopping it. I’d never met an avoidant until now. Not my circus, not my monkey. I’m not an expert but this seems like severe mental illness to me. I broke up with him, I’m one that suffered heartbreak, he doesn’t have one. The “Tin man” can no longer give me “the crickets”. I’m so thankful my heart survived that abuse.
I use the same nickname with mine. The heartless tinman! He discarded me then came back when his other attempts didn’t work out. I have never known heartbreak like what I endured with him
Yes - mine is 63. He not only monkey-branches, he "cushions" - setting up the next relationship while with you. I hope people reading this see that these people will NOT change and go their whole lives leaving one person after another in their selfish wake.
@@brownell.landrumI feel like my avoidant monkey branched too. I could see a new girl on his Instagram during our break up. I am not sure though. He stopped talking to me, did not see my face. He abandoned me like I was nothing. I begged him to stay and he discarded me.I was shattered to the core. I was 29 at that time, never thought this could happen to me at this age. I have severe anxiety and could not handle the break up. I was somehow trying to live and he texted me on instagram like nothing happened. It made me feel like did I ever matter to him ? I went online and found a guy just to talk to which made him jealous I guess. He hasn't spoken a word ever since but breadcrumbs me on social media which breaks me again and again. This new guy is so sweet and nice to me, and takes care of me. We are very close now but i don't call him my bf because this connection has developed due to loneliness. I don't think I am ever going to love him but I don't have the strength to leave him. Sometimes I feel guilty of monkey branching..But I would have collapsed if it wasn't of this new guy. My anxiety would have killed me. I am still not my breakup but I am tired of waiting. It's been a year and he still tries to breadcrumb me. Idk what he wants. I am traumatised.
i think an avoidant is acting more out of self pity than anything else
They are sick, I don't think they realise that they need lots of professional therapy
found that this type are severely insecure. they run away to find security elsewhere but alas that can’t happen.
My recent ex wouldn't even look at me in the eye the other night when i saw him multiple times up the street. He dumped me via the phone so this was the first time. He then claims that he never saw me. BS. I can tell he feels guilty and if he looked at me, he would be exposed and show he still loves me. The eye contact between us was intense.
They don’t love you. They’re attached but i don’t think they are capable of love
After 15 months of off and on, hot and cold, he started talking about me meeting his dad, making me dinner, telling me his daughter will have to know about me.... Then one night, he got angry for something, i'm still unclear about what I said and he hung up on me. The conversation devolved so quickly, i don't know what upset him so much. He was dropping F bombs, I kept saying, I just need a friend tonight, please dont hang up, I have a heavy heart with my dad being sick. I ended it saying, I hope one day you realize how disrespectful you speak to me and know that i have never and would never speak to you this way. he said, you know what? and he hung up. i'm done. he's done. this changed my perspective on him forever. He is capable of a level of disrespect toward me that I never imagined possible
Sorry to hear this. I had a similar experience of my ex DA sudden anger and accusations thrown at me. Very confusing what happened but I had had enough of hot cold, silent treatment, coldness, avoidance of conversations, gaslighting etc. dated for 4 months and I had to walk away. Hope you find some race again!
At least he showed you what a POS he is before you wasted a decade on him. He’ll disappear for a couple months and try to come back like nothing happened.
Some do. Depends on the person. Avoidants, IMO, are generally good people. Anyone with a conscience will feel guilt and other emotions. They will feel in unguarded moments: at night, early mornings, etc. A person cannot keep those feelings suppressed forever.
They dont.
They faked the nice in the beginning.
They dont feel like we do.
"Avoidants, IMO, are generally good people." --- no they aren't... avoidants are just quiet, introverted narcissists.
@@asdfxcvbn746 I think they fake being good to then play the victim.
@@Bluepearl187this is it. What kind of person would fake a personality to make you fall in love to just flip a switch and throw you in the trash? I’m tired of tip toeing around the fact that they’re just sociopaths.
@@Kavilion not a healthy one
This is to much like narcissist or a mental illness. A healthy person does not do this now I do understand that there are bad people out there but this is to much. It's crazy behavior to me they want love and connection but when they get it they destroy it who does that. And we that try to love them do the work wacth the videos love them and understand them and still get treated like trash who does that.And based on study will leave you and go to low hanging fruit someone toxic who could care less or a door mat.Well I've had enough I'm going to throw the Bible in this which says you owe no man nothing but to love them. So if they can't receive that then that's on them. I assume they die alone as well because they push people away It's so sad but we don't have to be because of our good hearts.
What if fearful avoidant went into extreme dissmissive avoidant mode, discarded me obrubtly without any reason? Acording to her she had plenty of reasons created in her sick head (flaw finding). She became extremely mean to me, threatning me and i feel she just hate me. I don't want her back but i wonder why she hates me and if she will ever change her feelings for me. I am just curious
They always come back
She has BPD. I’m still waiting and it’s 6 months post breakup and nearly 5 months post her splitting me black. I don’t know whether to move on for good or not
run for your life
Oh boy she is the monkey flipper one she will hoover you back
So last year we got this cruise. Fast forward to a month or so ago & the discard happens. Anyways, I try to cancel his flight but they’ll only give HIM flight credits. This really annoys me because I’m pretty sure he was cheating so I’d hate to subsidize his new vacation with New Bae. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the video but I just wanted to get that off my chest lol Least he can do is feel bad about it but nooo…
That really hurts! I’m sorry you are dealing with all that.😮
Yes, i noticed a lot of avoidants deactivate after trips. It happened to me in.and after the two trips i did with her. Anyways, its better to walk away as they only get worse with time.
Avoidants don’t feel guilt at all they are narcissistic individuals , there is no difference between a narc and an avoidant , both lack empathy, both are selfish and both train themselves to not care about their partner ,
They’re monsters
First avoidants must be given space to cry ,to shout and release their emotions.one must sit with them with patience.without being selfish ,one must be willing to listen.
Hi your videos are so good ...but I suggest you to improve thumbnail because when I clicked on video it was good inside but the cover trust me I was hesitant to even click on this thumbnail...hope that helps🤞
Can setting a boundary with an avoidant not to contact you if they are sticking to their decision about the break up cause them to rethink the break up?
It depends on the person. It could, but you should never take them back, even if they do rethink the break-up. They made a conscious decision and you were worth it the first time.
Mine did came back many times bonderies were set.But guess what the cycle starts again. So this time I got off the roller coaster ride and I'm not getting back on.
an avoidant literally couldn't care less that you exist. they're avoiding you, thats why we call them avoidants lol. so tellling them you're avoiding them is just going to piss them off & make them avoid you harder. the best way to deal with avoidants is to confuse them by suddenly cutting them off & ghosting them. mute them on all social media so they can see you, but you can't see them & treat them like they no longer exist. never reach out to them again until they reach out first. & then when they do, give short, curt responses with no emojis & no punctuation. like you could care less that you're talking to them.& do not call or facetime them. only text. if they call you, ignore it. text them back & say you're busy, but you can text... wassup. this will infuriate them by mirroring their own sh*tty avoidant behavior. this is the sh*t that women do to men... its very effective. also, like the other person said, never take them back. avoidants don't make good long term partners anyway.
@@asdfxcvbn746 They are scum bags. I just can't seem to heal.
By avoidant u mean NARC, i assume,, that's a softer term.
Not the same
No way it's not the same. There's actually a video on this channel about it.
An avoidend can change
Super
Why should I feel guilt for an act of self preservation ?
@RachelL421 /lol, what if my act of self-preservation is a defense against a narcissist ? Is that an exception ?
@RachelL421 / lol, narks have feelings, too
@@RachelL421/dats rayciss
That's the trap for an Avoidant, isn't it. It's self-preservation for maladaptive behaviour. Or in other words never really experiencing true connection in life. Always being an observer in life and never a participant in intimate relationships. Yes, the Avoidant self preserves like pickles stuck in a glass jar. Marinating in their own selfish juices of delusion.
@@Apbt-rv7zw/ lol , epic comment, but most people are toxic & it's usually too late when you discover that you've been duped.
Everyone has an avoidant ex😅?? Guys sometimes they are just not that in to you. If tomorrow Brad Pitt comes along all their avoidance would go away trust me.
You didn’t get the fucking video at all.
Trust me, everyone in this comment section had an avoidant, probs yours made you believe she is not an avoidant, they are masters of turning cards on the table