Top 5 Overlooked Dating Red Flags
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
- In this episode we look into some overlooked Red Flags when you're Dating that still hurt your Relationships and could set you up for conflict later if you decide to get married.
Watch next: 7 Clues to Spot the Narcissist Early
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The red flags you ignore in the beginning become the reasons you leave in the end
So true
💯👌🏽
I’m guilty. Ignored the manipulation and Bizzare / intense confessions only to be put through the roller coaster of emotional abuse later on. Big lesson in ignorance.
So true
Yes, BUT for the LOVE BOMBING. You will NEVER experience THAT again.
I think a number one red flag for a relationship is when you realise you feel ashamed to tell your closest people about it. When you feel so shameful for being treated badly that you don't want anyone to know and you don't want anyone to tell you to leave. When you can't share the difficult parts of your relationship with your trusted people, something is off
Seriously. I’m so ashamed to tell my family the things my ex said to me after I defended him so much to them when they told me he seemed like a narcissist
Sometimes though, you just have shitty "friends" so that's a different story
So so true.
but thats the problem of the realtionship with your friends not partner
@@marvin2678 Depends. For me it was the partner. Because i didn't want to worry my friends or have to explain why i stay in the relationship. My friends were awesome but the relationship was shit and made me feel ashamed
1. Different life stages
2. Shame - says I’m bad (guilt says I did something bad)
3. Baggage and Trauma - willing or not willing to do the work (not defending, not blaming; no abuse: verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, etc.)
4. Different values and goals
5. Communication
Thank you
I thought there were 5 😂
5. Communication.
@ChrystalSa...
What are you talking about?
@@lorraineharvey3200
For what
The hardest part about ignoring and excusing red flags when dating is having to admit your behavior was also a red flag. Some people are so quick to blame their partner for their hurt and dissapointment but we are equally to blame in some ways for settling. Before we even begin to consider dating we must first do the inner work. That alone can take year's to sort through and balance. More people need to see dating as an asset to our already balanced selves and not a "fixer" to our broken selves.
Totally agree very wise and introspective of you!
so true
💯
so true!
I blame myself more. I seen all red flags, but I let people get in my head.
I’m not recommending this, but it did happen to me: my husband and I fell in love at first sight and we never questioned it because kindness and affection were our basic ways of treating each other and we were both serious artists and writers and honored that - our creativity. It said everything about ourselves. We sort of “claimed” each other in a very romantic way. We had a trust in each other that was almost supernatural. We melted into each other and at the same time were very independent and gave each other huge latitude. Because we were so “free” (except for sex -we were completely against any form of cheating.) we woke up happy every day for 25 years, and artistically flourished, even writing a book together called “Separately Together.” I lost my husband to a mountain climbing accident a few years ago, the worst thing that could have happened to me. That’s the terrible thing about a loving relationship: there are still no happy endings. 😢
I’m so so sorry.
While also, thankful that you had 25 years.
Many of us never come close to that long…there is always something that tears it apart b4 it can go anywhere. (Maybe it can be a blessing in disguise…too many of us settle, for many different reasons)
You both loved and lived fiercely, and freely, and he would want you to continue to do so…in his honor; your journey has not ended, merely the road u were traveling, has suddenly come under construction-and a bridge to new paths are now to be paved.
You most def should have had ur golden years together, but he is w u, as u step into whatever direction u choose 👣💞👣
🕊️🫶
I am so sorry you had to go through that. May you find peace in life.
❤ so sorry ! Hope to read ur bk , sounds like an amazing life!!!
hi! i have similar impression - im sorry that your partner has gone, but i am really glad to know people are able to have relationships like you had.
i am curious about reading your book now! is this the right one? "Separately Together: The Key to Understanding Your Relationship"
I'm so sorry for your lost. I can imagine the giant love that he left in you. I send you a virtual hug. Thanks for sharing that with us
i have to point out that this is actually something we need to work on as a society. I'm in a newish relationship (about 8 months) and we've talked about all kinds of things, including where we'd both be ok with living together if we get that far, if kids are on or off the table, what each of us wants out of life and a relationship, job and chores expectations, time with one another's families, time spent away from one another, etc. the weirdest thing is not how a potential partner reacts to these questions, but rather how people outside of the relationship react when they know these questions are being asked. they think it's moving too fast and we need to put on the brakes and step back. but I've already been through 2 toxic relationships that wasted years of my life on lost investment, and I've hit a point where I'm done playing around. i want to know about our future compatibility as soon as possible, so that i can move on if need be with the minimum amount of damage done to both parties. no more games. and it's weird to me that society thinks this is wrong
You’re exactly right and yes, it’s super weird that our society thinks it’s weird to be up front about all this stuff. Honestly, all of these things should be talked about as soon as possible so each party is not wasting the other’s time.
Just remember, talk is cheap, both people need to walk the talk, pay attention
Hm, I don’t know what kind of people you’re talking to that thinks that’s wrong.. in my realm of reality it’s common knowledge that you ask those things pretty early on. Some people ask that stuff on the first or second date.
But those questions arent even necessary if you ask the wrong person them. So I think where you’re at is a good time to ask. I had those convos with my abusive/toxic ex’s at the beginning and they just told me what I wanted to hear, but as the relationship went on their true thoughts/desires/opinions came out and they were very different.
It’s weird that you say society thinks this is wrong. … is that your attachment style ( self and other) speaking. …?
Are you acting defensively because you’ve had really bad relationships in the past and you think you know better now. … to push your people ( ie society ) away. .. because you’ve wasted time in the past, and your people are saying you’re rushing now. ….
You’re dead set anxious and. …. Ignoring wisdom of your loved ones.
This person of 8 months knows what you want. … do you know that they are encouraging you to rush though …?
Self and other. You and “society”. … you push your people away to rush for an 8 months stranger. ….
You’re anxious.
Be careful.
Honestly. You don’t know better than the people who have loved you longer than 8 months. If you fear wasting time. And they say you’re rushing.
@@MellowBellow1 stop trying to gaslight me into thinking i haven't experienced what I've experienced by putting society in quotes. there's no need for that. just because you've never walked in my shoes doesn't mean my reality doesn't exist. and no, thank you very much, i am not pushing people away, and this person with whom i am in a romantic relationship has also known me for years as a friend before we started dating, dont pretend to know a thing about my life or my attachment style. why are you, a stranger on the internet, pushing so hard a message that you think is so applicable, when you don't know anything about me, my partner, or the situation, except for the tiny slice i gave in my original comment? i think you need to do more soul searching than i do
Jimmy, I appreciate the fact that these red flags that you're talking about are not only things that we have to look for in our partners, but also in ourselves. Accountability, self-reflection, and improving on our shortcomings to become the best version of ourselves are essential to building secure relationships.
Jimmy. So much truth in this thank you I love how you share both sides. Possible defense thoughts. Explaining our triggers. So right on. Thank yiu
“Our childhood was a classroom, you were learning things whether you wanted to or not”
Brilliant.
Very good video
Yes !!! Just brilliant ! I agree...
"Not everyone is for you, but you want have to beg the right person to care about what you need to feel safe, valued, and loved" ❤
Met a girl by happenstance. Chatted for 3 hours before we had to go our ways. 3 months later we were engaged. 9 months after that married. We had our 30th wedding anniversary in the palliative unit of the hospital. She died while I was holding her hand chatting 2 weeks later. That was 12 months and 2 days ago. There are no happy endings even if you find the right one. Either you experience the emotional pain and suffering of their death, or they of yours. Cest la vie.
So sorry to hear about your loss.
I guess the emotional pain and suffering of their death or yours is the goal. It's how you can die in peace one day knowing that you were loved and you know how to love. Love yourself, good sir, for she loved you as well.
I like that you mentioned "unresolved conflict" I'm a communicator and people always know what's up and where they stand with me but my husband wouldn't do anything that was healthy for our relationship so you can imagine 8 years of unresolved conflict." He wouldn't discuss my feelings or concerns I had with us and the way he treated me. He wouldn't explain his dirty actions he had done to me. The next day was a brand new day for him as if his 3 hour tantrum the night before was ok. No apology, no explanations, ever. That's someone who's missing something upstairs and lacks empathy and caring for others. He's definitely in a different reality. I'm glad we separated.
I feel you on that🫂
He sounds like he has ASD aka Asperger syndrome.
Seems like you describe my ex. But also my parents as well. It's traumaticing and in a way gaslighting when people are not capable to do emotional labour and ignore all of it as a way to protect themselves. It grows the emotional responses on the person who's emotional capable and at some point resentment as well. Emotional intimacy is not possible, not even available.
Wow, that was my weekend.
I had gotten angry during part of it and said some things but nothing like what he said. I mostly said I wanted “out” and he took that as an affront that apparently angered him like “never before”.
He even for the first time abused the kids over our fight. That was something I didnt expect
I’m what they call mentally ill because I have bi polar and anxiety and as I’ve gotten older and more confident I am huge communicator. Man I’ll let you know what’s going on. But if someone won’t take the time or consideration to hear you out or try to understand you or lacks empathy peace out. That’s what I did.
I'm dealing with anger towards my parents for _not teaching me these things._
I was served up on a platter for my abusive ex. 😢
I’m so so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that!!
Please learn move on with your life
If your parents knew better they would have taught you better
Do not hold on to bitterness
Forgive your parents and live a better life
Same with me, many times, but it's hard for me to not blame myself - because I have control and could've done better
Yes, forgive. If you don't know how start asking God to show you. It will heal you and also will start to heal your relationship with your parents . None of us is here forever. Heal this side of eternity, lots of good comes with it, including great peace. 🙏🏻
Sending you so much love, light and healing. Take care dear 💕💕.
“Someone who HAS to escalate the fight because they can’t have a calm discussion.”
I could tolerate the issues/flaws, but I couldn’t tolerate the fact that my ex was unable to talk about working on them. That’s what broke us.
Bingo
Wow. I almost deleted this from my "watch later" list, thinking this is probably another video focusing on negative things, while I'm trying to find solutions. Boy was I wrong. Apart from being useful, this felt genuinely caring and honest. I felt this video was so encouraging and gave me confidence that better relationship dynamics are possible. Can't describe how well this hit home at right this point in my life. Thank you ❤
I'm getting more from this channel than I did from a therapist who I was seeing in person regularly. Thank you.
I just discovered your videos. Fantastic content! I was divorced 35 years ago. I did not understand at the time that I was in a 10 year marriage with a narcissist. A sad decade of my life.
Happiness is the fact that person is out of your life. Remember all the arguments over nothing? Remember the confrontations and accusations? Absence of all of that is pure bliss.
Im glad you mentioned types of communication. Very often the default relationship advice is "communicate more" but it's not about communicating more, often the issue is communicating respectfully and effectively. There is no one right way, people communicate differently but there are abusive and toxic ways to communicate.
Red Flags:
•Minimize your values and primary relationships.
•Easily angered when questioned or disagreed with.
•Won’t let you meet their friends or their friends make you uneasy.
•They put down your expression of faith.
•Expects your money to float the relationship.
• Emotional abuse is worse than physical. Both genders can be abusive.
- Controls who you are allowed to socialize with.
- Has no friends of their own, or doesn't want you to meet them.
- Can't tolerate any discussion of your previous relationships, but will talk about their own.
You certainly don't know a physical sadist.
What do you mean "emotl abuse is worse than physical"? Sounds like you know nothing about it. There is no point in comparing, physical abuse ALWAYS has an emotional component, and the extremes of physical abuse can leave you crippled or dead!
@bl7817 they both are bad, in both cases, leaving the abuser is the answer.
@@bl7817I think what they meant to say was "can be".
Dating is really the interview process to see if someone is right for you, not the other way around. Yet, so many of us treat dating as a time where we are trying to impress the other person to get them to like us. That's dangerous. If you have to work so hard to get someone to like you, what's going to happen when you shed that and just be yourself? You definitely don't want a relationship built on that.
I wish more people understood this.
And in the younger set, dates are transactional, I buy you dinner you give me sex. If it was a tolerable event, let's see each other again. No opportunity for healthy discussion,or getting to know the other.
You're right...but OTOH it's called mating season for a reason.
I am a male cluster B: BPD, NPD, cPTSD and an anxiety disorder. I am open about the disorders and emotionally grown, not abusive, no gaslighting, no belittling, self aware and reflecting (years of therapy).
I just want to comment on point 3: The biggest red flag 1 for me is: not being able to have the tough talks and not being able to owning up to their mistakes and with that not being able to apologize. I once (I don't meet the diagnostic criteria anymore) would have qualified as a pwNPD and I am capable of doing the work, which means if the will is there, almost anyone can do the work. But someone not willing to do whatever work is required in him- or herself should be a no-go.
Jimmy is absolutely correct on this!
I'm impressed 👍 thx for the encouragement
Thank you for doing this work.
Making society better in one person part is still making society better.
And if we count people who will not be damaged by you it looks awesome.
😊
Accountability is a huge thing. I can't stress that enough. I've learned years ago that I need to hold myself accountable and I wish everyone past the age of 30 would already know and have mastered this.
That's good that you are doing the work by healing yourself. You should be proud. I am female: I am codependent, and have avoidance attachment style. I am also doing work and healing. Been in therapy for over a year and will continue getting help for myself. It was hard at first because it does require a lot of accountability for the things I can control in my life. I also have to keep in mind I can't control someone's emotions, their words and actions. It's a journey, but I'm worth being well.
@@abbyxiong3931 Awesome that you are doing the work. I have an anxious attachment style and due to the BPD am on the codependant side of narcissism. But I am becoming more safe attached and less codependant.
I would date cluster Bs in the future, if they are willing to work on themselves. Growth makes people incredibly brautiful.
After coming out of a long bad relationship I feel that to find my authentic self and heal myself I need to be single. I can't grow as a person if I'm focused on someone else. I find that the relationships I'm in right now are friendships and that's a very good place to start with communication and boundaries and it allows me to take the time I need to myself.
Excellent life lesson, Jimmy. 0% waffle. 100% truth.
This is exactly what i have been trying to get husband to understand. I am truly exhausted now. Begging him for so long, him dismissing me only created more problems and pushed me further away. Now, I feel nothing but resentment towards him.
dont waste your life. find a way to leave. take the leap
The fear of how you will feel is far worse than how you will feel if you leave. Been there so many times. You deserve to be loved the way you deserve❤
That was my 22 year marriage. He refused to do any therapeutic work, refused to see that if we didn't spend quality time together we would grow apart. So, we grew apart. I found my own hobbies. Then we divorced and he said later he took it all for granted, and I said yup.
@@sharicoburn5475 That's so sad that some people have to lose what they had in order to appreciate it. Glad you did what you needed to do for yourself but sorry you went through that.
@@happynjoyousnfree thank you I also find it to be common in people who kind of peaked in high school or college, they don't ever really want to grow up after that.
I feel bad for those people always living in the past.
This is probably the most mature, thoughtful and caring way to approach and interact with a partner/spouse that I have heard expressed in a long time! Congratulations to you for the beautiful analysis of how we interact with each other, listen to each other, empathize and care about each other for a deep and meaningful relationship. Communication is key.... but what is IN that communication? This is a conversation to bookmark and refer to for a deeper and better relationship with any partner. Well done!
I would like to say that calling it red flags and avoiding any “unnecessary stress” you ban people from growing. I was most of you described and my partner had some of those red flags but we decided (separately) that we will overcome it. The main thing was to stay together and today after 15 years together. Almost 24/7 together we changed A LOT for each other and with the help of each other. If there was no HIM I would never heal. And if there were no me he would never grow. We changed our lives because of love.
You just checked all of them.
That's a pretty silly take. OP said they had some red flags which they didn't ignore and worked on and had a successful relationship as a result. How is that a red flag?
@@kobaltapollodorus8922we all have red flags, we have to recognise them and work on so they are no longer red.
Everyone deserves a chance.
He wasn't saying that having any of that was necessarily the red flag, the red flag was their unwillingness to work on it, take responsibility for the way they handle things and then actively work on changing those things to be better for themselves and their partner. Yes they will make mistakes along the way but are they still truly trying, do you see growth in them and a genuine desire to fix it when they do mess up? If so, then thats not a red flag. Red flags are only when the issues are coupled with zero self awareness or desire to actually do the work. That's when you walk away bc you deserve better.
I feel shame for breaking away from a relationship that was toxic at times and I’m struggling with letting that go
what you did was not shameful; it was brave, courageous and healthy! take care of yourself first and rid self of the toxicity in this world! nothing wrong with that!
Please feel better, you deserve proper treatment.
Send you hugs.
I love watching videos like this. It makes me know my relationship is golden. After so many bad ones, its nice to know I finally got a good one. We both have our red flags, but we both are dedicated to fixing them and giving each other grace for when we occationally fall back.
I can see my own faults in how my marriage isn't what I want it to be. I bring up an issue when I'm angry about it and when my husband is "blindsided" by it he makes a joke out of it trying to minimize my anger which only makes me angrier and get defensive then he shuts down and says nothing. 😐 it's been a long 12 years.
I would really like to see you do a video on religious abuse, manipulation, and control using religion.
Also I was very badly abused growing up enduring every type of abuse, and my husband helped me get out which I will forever be eternally grateful for but when I met him I was only 15 (with a huge age gap) and I went from being home in my abuse to shelters after I was hurt to bad to continue staying home. And as soon as I turned 18 was married and I'm only just now at 29 getting to know who I am and heal from my past I feel upset at times that I didn't have the opportunity to know or practice any of this before marriage..your videos have helped a lot thank you.
I’m so so sorry for what you went through. This absolutely breaks my heart 😢
Look up, Recovering from Religion, a great charity.
@@JimmyonRelationshipsyes! Some of us have experienced this but told its not and it caused me issues.
1-submission to his authority over my spiritual life and beliefs. All had to told and he said he has to screen them. NO! Put my foot down.
2- I do whatever he says when he’s angry or i am not submitting.
3- Churches think we have to stay and submit/ bow our rights in order to “win back” our hubby cuz emotional/spiritual abuse and sexual addictions are not leave-able excuses. You endure that until its real cheating and real physical abuse. Even then, try to reconcile and not divorce. Be careful with separation. God hares that. You sin if you are the initiator. Those are your outs. You are trapped. Dont get remarried or its adultery even if your kids need a father. From hubby and churches I have been to.
4- you are wrong for wanting to get out. That is NEVER what God wants. You have to endure with God and learn what He wants you to learn in this regardless of how toxic or broken you feel- even if you or kids are on the verge of mental breakdowns.
Please don’t ever stop doing these. They help me so much to understand him and not give up yet. I just need to figure out how to mention you to him so he will listen too.
I hope he’s open to learning :) we all should be
You could always share the link by copy and pasting, then text that to his phone...or if you spend time together, play this video and say its important for you to share this with him.
4:56 Reasons im single. People ask. And I've got trust issues around physical safety, and it's nearly impossible to have a relationship with that. I'd love to work through the trauma, but therapy is still actually expensive, so Im just muddling along with self help books and maybe I talk to someone with some experience a few times a year, but it's never the same person. I think several have heard the overview of my issues and were just like, "I can't even..."
I absolutely love your Channel. As someone who is noticing tons of narcissistic traits in my behavior, your approach with empathy just truly make me feel seen and want to do better to change my unhealthy ways to feel possibly subconsciously in control of XYZ situation when in reality I'm just tearing myself and the people that I care about apart. I am grateful for you, your approach and your Channel. Keep up the good work. 😊
I think most of it comes from some traumatic experience in people I had seen.
People learn to deal with their problems by using other people and because this problem are huge and very painful it is no matter what price on the other side to pay.
I feel sorry for whatever reasons you have and want to say thank you for trying. Even if you fail in something it is still matter.
I find more value in your videos than with any counsellor/ therapist. I appreciate you and your selfless act of helping others by making these videos. My daughter is in a new relationship and is still young. I recommended your channel to her.
HealthGamerGG has really good videos too
This channel would be so good for teenagers.
Red flags aren’t necessarily meaning to run away. It’s a sign to investigate and check in with yourself in what your non negotiables and dealbreakers are. To check in with your guy and your body. Ask questions and spend a day or so alone to hear your own voice on the matter
I love all your videos. I'm so glad I came across you. More people need to watch these, relationship or not these would just make better people in general.
19:40 I find this section fascinating because I have had someone come to me to tell me how I made them feel, we had a thoughtful discussion, but unfortunately it didn’t change the dynamic of the relationship. Sometimes when you continue to have conflicts with another person you need to listen to your intuition and what the universe is trying to tell you. Sometimes someone is meant to leave your life because the relationship is no longer mutually beneficial.
This is really good!!! I don’t think I’ve really seen many people focus on BOTH YOU and your partner. This is really healing for me. I grew up with a covert narcissistic parent, then moved out with another narcissistic friend, which I didn’t know until 8 years later, ending just this past March. I have a BA in psychology, but hearing this in context is really good for me. This is so healthy!! Thank you, Jimmy!
I very much appreciate what you have said. You have throughout the video, described every long term relationship I have ever been in, and why they failed - including the most recent one.
I think the most important thing to come out of watching this for me, is to re-evaluate the way that I approach a relationship. It's not actually about dating red flags for me, it's about maintaining an existing relationship once it is established. I don't have any trouble making friends. I am very privileged to have a lot of close friends helping me through a difficult time.
1. Thank you.
2. The importance of this topic, well... if one grew up with boundaries not being respected, let alone taught what they are, the purpose and function boundaries serve, what you're doing here is a good, kind and wonderful thing.
🦋
This honestly makes me feel hopeless. This is too much work. I’m a broken person with too many faults and flaws to even begin tackling in the time I have left to find a life partner. My chance is gone because I was already broken at the starting line. It breaks my heart. Best of luck to you all.
Roma wasn't build in one day. Just start somewhere. I started writing stuff from my childhood in a journal. A journal with a lock. Its a start.
Yes❤
Be kind and gentle to yourself dear. Take each day and step towards growth :)
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear all of that to recognize the habits that have formed in order to make things healthier for myself and my relationship.
It’s really important to ask the important questions before you really dive in. I also suggest before you decide to get married, do couples counseling for about 6 months. A professional can really help both of you before you take that leap. IT’S WORTH IT!
Ty for this video 🙏🏻
Man, you just read my mail in your videos, it's really helpful to start developing healthier relationships and healing from past hurts, thank you.
Moral of the story; work on yourself to become a better partner and choose your partners carefully
Thank you for this. Didn't have a relationship for almost 14 years (cause i still couldn't work out my self worth/self love issues yet) but this sounds spot-on to me, bookmarked for (hopefully) future reference
My partner is dismissive avoidant because he was never taught to process, express, or feel emotions, not because of being hurt in a way he recognized. This has played out in destructive ways for us. Emotional immaturity, no deep empathy, avoidance, no teamwork, etc. "You won't have to beg the right person to care about what you need to feel safe and valued"....
So sorry you're going through this. Have you tried couples counseling? If he won't go then I think you should set some firm boundaries about how you need to be loved and be treated respectfully.
@@abbyxiong3931 thank you, that means a lot. I run my own business and don't have benefits but he does. I've asked several times for him to figure out couples counseling that works with his benefits but he hasn't done it. I definitely should create a boundary around it.
I wish this video were available about a year ago. I cannot underestimate the importance of the first point-life stage differences. I dated 2 retired men, 1 after thr other-the second being a Narcissist through and through. I average between 48-60 hrs od work weekly on night shift.
The gap in being stressed and exhausted from work colliding with someone who has ample amounts of spare time to criticize, control, ans steam roll over your needs for rest, chores, family etc is something I will never accept into my life again.
If you and a potential partner arent even remotely on the same life stage its never going ro work.
"That stranger really cares about you" and I appreciate it a lot!!
You are a great youtuber and I am happy that I have the chance to listen to your wisdom about relationships. Makes me feel much better. And many things you say not only are useful in couple relationships but in life in general.
So, thanks a lot, I´ll keep listening to your wise advises, greetings from Uruguay :)
I was changing myself for this person and losing myself. I was wounded. This is likely the reason that I tolerated the relationship for longer than i should have and I take full responsibility for that.
But I overlooked or rationalized it when he called my decisions into question , spoke down to me, belittled me, accused me of entertaining other men, ignored my feelings, etc. And I began to feel so weak, small and insecure that I opened up to him less and less. He called me negative and pretty much blamed me for our issues.
Because of my own unhealthiness, I was prepared to continue to change myself so I could be what he wanted. He ended it before that happened and I know it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I am commenting on the prior video. My daughter is stuck in a marriage with a narcissist. He promised her the moon, he would work overtime to pay off his mountain of debt, they have been married 7 years and have a 5 year old son. She bought the house and pays all the bills, he rarely if ever gives her a little here and there. He is mean and goes into a rage quickly, she is trying to correct the things he has done to their sun but it’s difficult. He is big on corporal punishment and he hit her in front of her friends last weekend. Refuses to discuss budgeting or participating in paying bills. Addicted to playing video games. I could go on. I feel so bad for her, she keeps trying for her son.
She needs to get out of that marriage 😢😢😢. Sounds just like my EX. He will literally suck life from her. Narcissist are like leeches and it never gets better. I bet he was wonderful in the beginning with all the love bombing and fake promises. She met the representative, sadly 😭
I hope she can prove in court who payed for the house. And if he left bruises, she should have pictures. Start gathering intel!!
Gosh.... how horrible for your daughter. I pray that she can get out of the marriage safely and live a better life with her son. They both deserve better. Sensing love to them. ❤
Please ASK your daughter if this is the role model she really wants for her son.
I don't understand what the problem is?
L E A V E.
Jimmy, you could get rich as a "licensed" life coach! But I'm very sure you have and are helping many people through these sometimes shark infested waters.. So thank you. I'm 71 years old, ignored the red flags in a marriage, suffered the inevitable result..
But I've been happily free of that for 35 years. That is, until the coworker from hell arrived and made me her target. Went through that for about 10 months. Just now getting out from under that. I waited this long because I was protecting a close family member..
❤️🕊
I’m going to binge watch all your videos, you have some of the best advice I ever heard..thank you!
#3 Trauma and Baggage ruined my last 1,5y long relationship. I was aware and I believed he wanted to do the work, but sadly I was mistaken. It broke my heart because I was so ready to support him through it and thought he was my person, accepting all the good and the bad. But everything shifted in just a couple months and in the end it was easier to blame it all on me, rahter than taking any accountability at all and noticing that the poor communication appeared as a result of fear of conflict, while I remained consistent in my efforts to openly communicate, just increasingly anxious when observing all the changes and distance.
Wow! Im going through this right now!
this hurt but also helped. thank you
So good, I need to watch again and take notes . Should have found these things 20, 30 years ago but never too late to learn, thank you!❤ You have such a warm, compassionate voice that makes you really easy to listen to and watch
I wish, I wish, I wish someone would have told me this a long time ago. Not a family member, not a friend told me any of this. I've been carrying so much crap for so long and blamed myself for all of it and yes, it has destroyed not only myself but people whom I did care about. so, to say not a stranger on the internet yet you still care about me, move mountains for me. So, for that, I say THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!
Absolutely! You deserve it :)
I think this was the best relationship advice on the internet as we speak. It’s basically a summary of everything that is important for a relationship to work!❤❤❤ I am SO grateful I ran into your channel! I will watch as many videos as possible! Your insight and the information you present is a real treasure! God bless you!🎉
I love your intention, I love everything I've seen on your channel and I love the awareness you bring to the whole community. It gives me so much hope after experiencing so much pain and that hope feels tangible in the form of empowerment through awareness and legit skills. maaaad appreciation for you
Im still working on healing from having to leave a relationship where the other person was extremely self destructive. It didnt matter how much we cared about eachother. I was collateral damage to their decisions, and it brought out my worst tendencies.
Now I am a lot more conscientious about who i let into my life and how i handle conflict with those people.
This is the most important dating video I’ve ever watched.
Right!!!!!
Jimmy states very clearly THE ONLY RELIABLE ANSWER to finding good relationships!!
He states this I. The first 5 minutes of this video.
Re-claim your power instead of commiserating!!
Enjoy the ride!
“What doesn’t challenge you doesn’t change you.”
Enjoy creating a new way of living in relationships. It feels totally AWESOME!! Namaste 🙏
Amazing. Very eye opening for me and what I did wrong in my relationships and red flags I ignored. Thank you.
I’m right there with you! Thank you for this!
Including dishonesty/deception in conversations that affect any further ability to communicate and resolve a conflict. It will infinitely breakdown a relationship.
He had me at "disconnection"!!! I hear the word "disconnect" way too much these days. 😂 Awesome video!👏👏👏👏Priorities are also as important as values. They determine what we are willing to sacrifice over something else. 😢
I grew up with a parent who left and the other had to work constantly to provide for our material needs. I don't know how to anticipate someone's non-physical needs. I can anticipate that my husband is going to be hungry and want something to eat multiple times per day, and that he always needs to use the restroom when he gets home from work, and that he needs clean clothes to wear and a home that is safe and warm and not a breeding ground for disease due to dirt or mold. I don't have a model for what it means to show up for someone's emotional needs because of my childhood but my husband deserves full love and support from me. What does it look like?
This is literally the best video discussing red flags in relationships I've seen so far. Very comprehensive and clear. You gained a subscriber
I wonder why so many people promote work, achievements, professional results and not inner work, reflection time, deep and tough conversations? They truly lead to the knowledge and wisdom he is referring to, needed in relationships.
What a great timing to watch this
This is great, it helps me reflect on myself on my relationship & have better understanding of my partner's wants & needs.
This means a lot! Thanks :)
This reads like a manual on healthy relationships. Concise, to the point, and compassionately delivered. Saving this video to watch once a month as these are all things I want to keep remembering.
The way I felt about myself and treated myself was at the root of why I was manipulated about the treatment I experienced for so long. I did try to ask for changes and have boundaries but he didn't ever change or follow through. So much breadcrumbing. 😢
Being laid back and chill is NOT an excuse for a partner to do something obnxious or unpleasant until you complain "enough" or "exactly in the right way." I've been put in that position too many times and it's a more common tactic from dating women as they aren't as young anymore and some of them adopt an exploitative and entitled pattern when it comes to dating -- look out for it upper 20s and above and beware gentlemen. Otherwise, I believe in this advice that we must grow and speak up for ourselves, however it is not a healthy relationship if this is required to get basic decency and respect. It's full on problem (i.e. leave) if after you voice your displeasure or desire for the issue to be addressed, she rage critiques you for not perfectly articulating and being nice when informing her, or suddenly the priority of the discussion is her feelings being hurt rather than you aren't happy about some issue.
This isn't a "you should know what's wrong already" reversal, it's simply an awareness for those who are more easily exploited to understand the difference between not using their voice and not giving a relationship a chance, versus being gaslit about what and how they have to articulate to be treated with respect and dignity in a relationship.
Honestly I didn’t know how I felt about pornography. I felt like he did it because we were not having sex. But still used it after we got married- that’s when I realized how I felt about it. Definitely felt like cheating after sending videos and pictures for that resolve that only led to my own destruction of devastation. This is great advice thank you ❤
When they make you the enemy. That's the one that's always gotten me messed up. We are a team and then I've become an enemy!?
I just wanted to say thank you so much, you are the only video that I've watched that I've not gone into a anxiety attack, but you explain in such detail and beautiful kind manner, which is so helpful to someone like myself, I've experienced everything you've mentioned, l still have self doubt, but it's a work in progress. I'm so grateful to you, thank you.❤
I appreciate this video. Thank you for all your content. It's been a breathe of fresh air.
Thank you!
It took me decades of therapy to feel good about myself. Unfortunately, those years of dating (and marrying) that took place during a very long post-traumatic-childhood recovery were all wrong--so much stress and pain with men who only exacerbated my problems and from whom I was unfairly trying to get love they didn't have to give. Now, I might possibly, in my late fifties, be ready for a relationship, but I don't want one anymore . . . I'm good! I am truly happy for people who don't have as much to process from their pasts, and can find healthy relationships before the urge wears out.
After a lifetime of experience he speaks the truth. These are the things that matter the most. Bob is single, your single you should hook up isnt a good reason to date someone.
I dated someone who days that one of the things he liked about me was that I was so different from his other girlfriends. I didn’t smoke tobacco or drugs. In fact I didn’t take any illegal substance. I wasn’t a party animal. Truth and honesty was important to me. At the end he had I respect for me. I was “ uptight” , I had unreasonable standards ( he was using sex lines, using my phone, while I was working the nightshift and supporting him!!) . Basically all the things he thought he liked meant he couldn’t behave however he liked without consequences in the relationship. Lord, I was glad to be shot of him
Keep preaching these messages. My husband and I have been married for 40 years and my husband is a gift from God. Is our life perfect? No. But we have such a great life filled with humor, fun, love, and mutual respect. And yes, knowing Jesus sure helps. Thank you for trying to help people have successful relationships. ❤
Wow…this guy is amazing!!!
I believe you are changing the world, sir. Thank you for what you do.
This is so very helpful thank you. I’m pulling out of my 31 yr abusi ce relationship. I didn’t see the red flags then bc I was invalidated constantly in my family’s house. I’m make a plan now to get out bc I’m done!
I’m so so sorry for what you’ve gone through :(
I'm so sorry 😢
Love love love this! I’m saving this so I can show this to my son and daughter, so they don’t end up like me.
I simple try to replace past with this nice caring voice and beautiful approach in my head.
Jimmy, you doing great job by being an example of a human, showing this is possible and that people exist.
I wish to learn this language as I learned english or java so it became native for me and i treat your videos like this: listen as often as possible to learn it by hart.
Don't apologize for long videos, I need hours of this to rewire my speaking and thinking habits .
Love you ❤
Wish you the best in life.
What i discovered.
This honesty and talk about yourself and what is important to you and so on, is opening a door to people who will misuse this information.
Never be an open book to soon.
Listen to your gut.
Many people today will be everything you need and when they 'got you' they change.
Your open talk was for them a path to make it easer to be what you seek.
Narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths use this to their advantage and pretend to be all that!
Jimmy you are doing the lords work!! This is the video I needed before I got married… thank you so much❤
It was so frustrating to find out something my ex was lying about could've been the end of our relationship from the beginning. He lied bc he didn't want me to leave him, but he ended up leaving bc I was honest about my feelings about something he lied about from the beginning. I kept telling him, when addressing his lies, that I would rather know and break up, than find out later. If the truth will end the relationship, the relationship SHOULD end. He wanted to avoid the shame of me knowing his true self. If I can't accept his true self, then I don't want to be with him, and he shouldn't want to be with me. He ended up disgusting me in the end. Made everything worse.
Thanks Jimmy. Love your clear way of explaining this information. Love your videos. Now waiting for your book 😅
Your right, if Red flags are not being met expect your relationship to go wrong! I want mine to thrive, at the minute its not happening.
Im trying to express my concerns, my issues but they are still not listening, they are not taking this relationship seriously. I wish people would accept on their flaws and learn not to do it again for a successful relationship.
I am sorry you are not being heard. How lonely for you. Please respect yourself and move on. Honestly, you are better off liberated and at peace than stuck in a relationship of turmoil. Best of luck to you.
@@jenniferwutt4284❤
So much wisdom in 21 minutes! I am saving this. Rarely have I seen something this practical to help with seeking a healthy relationship. Thanks for posting. Foster Lee
Thank you for what you do💡!!
This is the most concise video about relationship issues I've seen so far. Direct, with examples, great explainations. Thank you for such a useful video!
You know, you've said you're not a counselor or therapist, but DAMN! You're good!
This is a much better conversation than the label others as narcissists.
Whoa. This is too good. You can't give me so many relatable situations and issues. You can't give me so much achievable, sound advice. I have saved this video. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you.
I'm so happy to see a man speaking about relationships. You are very gifted in this area. It's so helpful for my son to get this content from a man. Thank you so much! God bless you.
These points don't only go for dating to be perfectly honest. Familial relationships need all these points as well.
I would just like to state that you really just reached into my brain, grabbed my current peril (trust issues and my brain tricking myself into thinking I was being emotionally neglected again) and then threw it back at my face like a fucking softball. But having the issue in my face made me realize I was being a panicked little fool and that I have the best friendships in the world that I was just being far too worried about. So thank you for posting this :) This really helped me when I needed it, and really gave me what I needed to hear.
I was with a narcissist for 20 yrs. I got out 3 yrs ago, had to heal from it. I admit that I’m still healing. I’m in a new relationship and have been for almost 2 yrs now. I’m seeing things in him that aren’t normal. I still have a hard time being able to talk about how I feel because of my last relationship. Being with a narcissist really messes with you.
I am a 36 year old dentist, and I once dated this 34 year old accountant. She never said "Thank you" when I paid for our meals at 3 different restaurants. She openly admitted making 170K/year, yet she never offered to pay for anything. She just sat there when I paid. She had this attitude of expecting free stuff. Her mentality came off as "Her money is her money and my money is OUR money." I broke things off with her and she was surprised. She wanted to know why. I never gave her the reason. Yeah, it was dumb of me to pay 3 separate times. Oh well, lesson learned. Don't ever think that just because a woman is older and has a well-paying, respected job that she is somehow a decent person. Many of these types have an entitlement mindset and greedy asf. Their entitled attitude gets worse as they get older and they wonder why no man wants them.