“This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the person who trusts in mankind. He makes human flesh his strength, and his heart turns from the Lord.” Jeremiah 17:5
Oh how I wish I could share my church hurt stories with you. It took a long time but I finally gave another church a chance and have never been happier.
Been dealing with church hurt for about 4 years. Started first with my church, then the men's group I was in. Then I went to a different and got hurt there. Then I became a part of a home fellowship and got hurt there. After watching this video, it helped answer many questions.
People are People, everywhere you go. Even in church. Especially in church👈🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 You respect church, and I respect church, but not everybody respects church, do you hear what I'm saying? Some folks in church will "get down", anytime, anyplace, anywhere. They don't care. They have NO FILTER. They are CARNAL CHRISTIANS👈. The key to it all is THIS: Once you realize that "people are people", NOTHING they say or do will surprise you. It will give you a better worship experience, because your focus will be on God, and not these CARNAL CHRISTIANS, which is where it should be anyway 🙏😇 Take Care, and God Bless.
I needed to hear this. I started going to church 3 Sundays ago. Made a huge effort to be a better person and get my life right. The third Sunday an old man walked up to me after the service and said "I've seen you here for the last couple of weeks and I just want to know one thing: "how long have you had that bible?". I said "a couple of weeks". He laughed and said "yeah that's what I thought" and walked away. For a second I was angry and the old me almost came out. My first thought was that I don't want to come back here and deal with comments like that. But I realized shortly afterwards that these are the exact thoughts the devil would want a newcomer to have and maybe he was working through that person to try and convince me that I don't belong there. I'm not going to let that happen
I was hurt by my church today actually. I asked for prayer for my mom who is gonna have surgery to remove a tumor from her neck that could cause her to permanently loose her voice or potentially kill her. And one of my church leader when leading prayer didnt pray for my mom but prayed for the preachers son because his car got wrecked and the insurance may not pay for it to be replaced. Kinda made me feel uncared for and that I don't matter to them. Would you guys pray for her please?
@@GerreLove Thank you for asking. She had the surgery and has since recovered well. I am doing fine too. I have since left the church I talked about because of similar incidents. I haven't really found a church that I feel welcomed in.
I have no desire to slander, but what do I say when people ask why we left the church? The truth if the matter is ugly. And so many are blind to it. WE were blind to it for years!
If people come to you after you've left, it's obviously too late. If they cared at all they'd have had an honest and open relationship with you. I count myself fortunate that there is one couple who befriended me 20 years ago and have walked with me, including during my first wife's long and ultimately terminal illness while the other 500 members stayed well clear of me. At the end of the day it's the quality of our walk with Jesus and what blessings we are to others. As Jesus told his disciples, if they don't receive you, turn around and walk. God bless
I'm returning after 20 years of painful experiences....today the church has changed so drasticlly??? , I hv found that many churches are more like the world with its night club ambience..lol, some, ppl dress very provocative and talk throughout the service, so irritating and rude...lol However, my lord has reminded me that I'm a solider in God's army and my love, compassion and biblical knowledge is needed today and fellowship is critical. So I'm looking and praying 4 a home church..pls pray 4 me.....blessings
Wow, what an important message. You should continue to address this because it is a huge roadblock to many people whose spiritual life is impacted by this. May God's healing reach us and repair the broken.
Amen. I've been hurt by other Christians. No need to go into detail, but it took a while to get over. I prayed, determined to forgive. Every once in a while the offense will come back up in my head, and I start to feel mad again, and I think "does this mean I haven't forgiven them?". Since I have seen this person at certain gatherings, and I did not have a desire to put my fist down their throat (I wanted to at one time), I truly believe God has helped me to forgive. Pray "in Jesus name, I choose to forgive". Forgiveness is not a warm bubbly feeling, it's a choice. I believe there's a reason Jesus commanded us to love one another - because He knew it would not come naturally for us. If it did, He wouldn't have had to say "and now I give you a new commandment".
Biker4Christ SFFS I am in this situation. For the last five years. I’m SOOOOOOOO hurt. I go from tears to anger- where even jail time wouldn’t bother me, yet I so desperately want to forgive and get over it and just get back to living my life. I have four amazing kids and a wonderful, loving husband. I’ve wasted so much time on this hurt. Though it still is going on currently, I need to move on emotionally. I really need to bring it before the church but my pastor has cancer and I don’t want to put more on him. Also, this person has a lot of clout and I’d be afraid they’d leave and take people with them. My church would hurt from that. I don’t want my church to suffer. I’m learning what living out “love covers a multitude of sins” looks like for real. Love keeps the offense quiet so as not to offend to weaker one’s in the church. Love takes the hurt, gives it to God, and allows Him to bring peace and comfort and right the wrong so that no damage is done. I am extremely offended and hurt and angered and have been so depressed. It has taken my joy far away. But my joy is not in lots of money. My joy is in Jesus alone. “I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold...” do I mean that? If I do, why don’t I act like it. “I’d rather be His than have riches untold.” Yes, I’ve been robbed and cheated of LOTS of money at the hand of a “Christian brother”. I’m talking hundreds of thousands. BUT... where is my joy? In that money? Or in my Savior? I need to change my focus to raising my babies to love God with their whole hearts and give hem a front row seat view of how a Christian is supposed to behave when trials come. Valleys are valleys but they are mere SHADOWS. Shadows can’t hurt you. Hurt draws us closer to God. Just like my daughter cries, “Mommy...” and comes running to me when she’s in pain, we are to go to God just like that. I can’t take my daughters pain away, but I can comfort her while she’s hurting. Weeping endures for the night but joy comes in the morning Psalm 30:5. Where do we put our trust? Like Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.” There is nowhere better to go than to Jesus. Nothing about my circumstances have changed, but God has given me peace that passes all understanding. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace who’s mind is stayed in thee...” Isaiah 26:3. Keep your mind on Jesus and let Him sustain you.
You have the right heart and spirit, and with that God is pleased. " Vengeance is mine, I will repay saith the Lord. Wait on the Lord and HE will save you. Satan is out to hurt the sincere sheep, and that you are, sincere
I'm going through the same situation, struggling for 5 months already. Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22) is true, everytime I think of what happened, I have to decide to forgive again. In Ecclesiastes 3, it says there is time for everything, including time to heal, time to love, time to hate, time to give up etc. So I'm just going to take my time getting better. Cannot beat myself up because there is no quick fix.
Corey ten Boom went through a nazi camp and her sister, nephew, and father were all killed in the camps. After coming out she forgave everyone who tormented her and killed her family members but like you sometimes those old feelings would bubble back up and she would have to forgive them again. Then one day God gave her a message “no fishing allowed “ meaning she couldn’t fish up those old bitter feelings and hates, she had to let them all go so whenever a negative memory would try to surface she would remind herself “ no fishing allowed” and this eventually cured her of her unforgiveness.
WOW Brother Parr thank you for that ! my story is to long to tell in this platform but i lost most everything while serving my church and went through most of it alone... i disappeared for almost 2 years and no one noticed or seemed to care... Then our church had had its first suicide. the person who took their life and I had very much in common and like me he was not handled properly. I am at a loss how to communicate what suffering that is often missed . Success seems to be the only credential for imparting spiritual wisdom there. i have a lot invested there and don't want to give up but not sure i am a fool. you are very right about not retreating! i did that and it was not good for me to do and so did my friend and he is gone ---Appreciate your prayers - and as a long time TV producer i found your presentation very refreshing - i thought oh boy a christian video LOL - i googled the topic of hurt by a church - keep up the good work and keep taking on those things people won't talk about !
I’ve definitely had my share of negative experiences with churches. Sometimes members of the church judge others members and that turned me off from attending a church. Thank you for making this video! 🙏🏾
Thanks for this. I walked away from Christianity years ago because of church hurt and hypocricy. Went to a church finally a few months ago. Saw some similar stuff. Got very disgusted. But as you say it may not be intentional. I told them and hope they will adress it properly.
It is good to speak the truth about church hurt even when we are uncomfortable. This will save a lot of people. Gone are the days when we believed that Speaking the truth is "touching God's anointed". Running a church does not make you God's anointed. There are many wolves in churches destroying ignorant, innocent souls. Continue to share your stories, I shared mine too on my channel, well done. These videos let others see that there are still good people out there that will not participate in manipulation and will stand for the truth. ❤
Recently my wife & I have experienced " Church Hurt" we're going to attend another church today. Thank you for putting this video together, found it very helpful. I'll share it with my wife also. I'll continue to pray & will speak with our Church Leaders about our issues also. Scott Collier
My wife's pastor didn't call her at the hsopital, till I finally told his wife that I had left messages for NINE DAYS on voice mails, and emails and on the facebook page of the church. Nine Days. He finally did call her when his wife got on his case in the middle of an elders meeting . She played the piano for him, no cost at all, and she was a great pianist and piano teacher, she was a wonderful woman,. This guy even was stupid enough to say at her funeral that she was "always wanting prayer." She had stage four cancer. I guess one might just need prayer, especially since the bible does say if anyone is sick, go to the elders of the church so they can anoint you with oil.
Thank you Allen for addressing this, very few talk about this issue. I just find a lot of people to be cold, even when I try to reach out to others, its very difficult!
I really love you videos, Mr Parr. Even the times I don't fully agree. This would be one of those times, I guess. You are right about a lot of things, of course. My church hurt is still ongoing, though the people involved pretty much think it's over. My reality is being someone being on the outside looking in. For speaking my mind 6 years ago I found myself silently ostracized into nothing. No one calls, no invitations for get-togethers anymore. When accidentally meeting church members (we're a band of +70 members) they kind of look away or say "hi" out of obligation. There's no more interaction going on than that. I openly confess I have become a bitter person. But I just can't forget, how much I try and forgive them. Using the allegory of a family and food for church and church-service; what kind of "family" only meet up for "dinner"? Honestly. What other aspects of a family life are you otherwise missing out on? No communication, no friendship, no nothing. I'm so beyond fed up. Still, my wife has now been upgraded to joining the worship team. So we go from time to time. But I'm feeling I'm getting to a place of crisis of belief. Are there no Christian faith rehab clinics? Sorry for the long comment, and that someone called you out for your skin-colour.
Some good news. Regardless of what you've been taught, you can go straight to the throne for yourself. The veil was torn asunder when Jesus died! So, do what I did. Poor out your heart to God, and let Him be your defender! Then, find a church that will fill your need. Yes, I left our church, and I am so much happier now. And, believe it or not, my wife and I are fine! Even though she is still going to our old church! BTW: God knows about the mess. Regardless of how much they might deny it, or how good things look on the outside.
Thank you so much. :'( I have been struggling this past few months with my relationship with my Church. But I have this strong hold to love them more and I am loving these feeling-- to love in times of pain. I love my Church so much! But, these past weeks, I've been thinking of finally letting go, I just felt like so tired. I've been wanting to leave my Church for another I think that's better and it really gives me so much pain. :'(
I read a lot of the comments and agree with many of them. I was hurt by many Churches. Even when I left the one, as trivial as this sounds, the one person abruptly walked out of my life. Forgiveness is truly hard. Even my current church. There are hurts everywhere but as long as there are people and differences in others, people will hurt us. Doesn't make it okay, but I pray that where I'm at will improve but it means bringing it to God as well. Also, I agree with the one comment that said that people in the Church want to burn you out by serving. I was nearly roped into Youth Ministry by One girl, who guess what, didn't even take the time to know me. People see your 'gifting' but come on, you don't even take the time to know someone, see where they're at in life. I could have been going through a dark season but what good does wanting to serve do when you don't take the time to get to know someone? That is key for people.
God was with me since day 1 obviously. Our family wasn’t very strict. I actually had my first fall out from Church when I was 12. I felt alone. Then through the years I had other experiences. Even up until last Saturday. However, I’m resilient so i just get back up and try again. My Love for Christ is greater. So thank you! And I consider these channels my fellowship and friends. My mom asked me if I found people to talk to about.my faith. I said, my RUclipsrs. Lol and of course a few close confidants. So I still go church and fellowship regardless of how I’m treated but I know who has my back and that is all that matter. I love you guys. Praise Jesus! I Love my Savior!!!!
After my family was rejected/ turned away from our church of 7 years for our efforts to bring Christian Pakistani refugees to the USA, I was plunged into a very dark depression, left with severe social anxiety around other believers, and found myself wondering if God had also rejected me. I praise God because about 3 years after we were turned away from that church He brought me healing in a miraculous way and recently He has allowed us to go back to a church we had attended before moving 10 years ago.
I currently do not attend church & it is for several reasons. One was they were trying hard to make me speak in tongues & when I could not, mind you this was after a few hours of trying. It kept playing in my head that the pastor said if you can not do this then you will not go to heaven. That scared me so I kept trying. Still to this day I have not been able to nor do I attend that church. It was a good church, i just had a few too many bad experiences there.
Great points to be honest with you guys I have been hurt by the church and just don’t know to do and this gives a lot to think about and pray this reason and was wouldering what to do
Allen is always spot on and these are all such good points and so true but here’s where I wrestle with not generalizing all churches based on one hurt. I understand we shouldn’t put leaders in a pedestal and we should be careful with our expectations of them. However how do you honestly not throw your hands up in the air when the leader disappoints you? Because logically I know all pastors and leaders in the church are human and have flaws. But that doesn’t make it suck any less. It also doesn’t make me want to get involved with any other church because logically speaking- there will be humans in charge there too. So acting like there may be one church where there is little or no disappointment possible is just wishful thinking? Maybe to summarize, I know even church leaders are flawed so why even bother with church anymore. Right now I feel like the only way we will have a positive experience in church is if we could somehow avoid being vulnerable to the wrong people which is impossible to predict. That’s where we went wrong. I’m just struggling big time with anger. These are all good points but following them is a whole different obstacle when you’ve been hurt. It sounds nice on paper. :(
I was pleasantly surprised to learn that you made a video like this. I was even more blessed at how every point you made roundly covered what I had been through, what I've been thinking and what God has been trying to convey to me all these years. That a pastor called you the "n" word just helped me to feel understood. Because I believe much of the abuse I endured was because of my skin color (I am a light-skinned Latino man). Unfortunately, I slandered in my anger and that's the one thing that grieves me the most. I returned oo-gly with ugly. I'm so sorry for it too. Thank you for what is a no-nonsense, no fluff, clean explanation and a calling into accounts. Thank you. Blessings, Mr. Parr.
Hmmm.. I mostly agree but if people need to be warned so they don't get hurt I can't really see that as a bad thing? For instance the pastor is actually a false pastor or false prophet... Or there are wolves in sheep's clothing. I think our silence on it actually allows the to continue. Just my thoughts anyway as a youth pastor myself. Blessings
My advice to people after 35 years of going to churches, stay away from churches. I found only one God Church in my entire 35 years. There's nothing wrong with the church that began in the book of Acts rather it is world we now live in that is the problem
My family got hurt by church, it's had a life long effect on some of my family members, took me a lot to join a new church but after 20 years, i did just that.
Great teaching :-) I had a negative approach from a leader and I told the pastor your leader needs deliverance :-) afterwards the leader was dealt with properly with love and I forgave her :-) Glory to God
i was in a Meeting with my pastor and some church leaders trying to set a schedule for the church cleaning when the pastor got mad at one Lady and told her she couldnt have an opinion on how we could rotate during the month to clean the church. that he was the pastor and the leader and she Didnt have to das anything. the Lady kindly replied that she was just providing another idea. and the pastor got mad at her Again and told her to be silent and just blindly obaey whatever he says. i felt bad for her because she is always serving at church for years. now i cant feel the same.
It took me 3 years to give another church a chance. After 3 years of studying at home with my children, I gave SDA church a chance. The blinders came off farely quick. Now I'm wondering if I even made the right decision of going back. Because I my children became attached and now we're grieving again. At this point, in these times, it's best to just study at home. Where 2 or 3 are gathered in his name, he is there.
I was hurt by the people and the pastor at my old church. Was dealing with toxic two face people and a pastor who took sides, spreading my confidentiality and made false rumors of me. Eventually, I left that church and my boyfriend sided with them which hurts me to death. Me and my boyfriend always had ongoing fights about this and now we are taking a break from our relationship which I pray for reconciliation but I hope he can understand me and that we can serve God together at a different church where we are both comfortable. As for two weeks ago, I have forgiven those who hurt me and It took me almost 2 years until now for me to actually make an effort to find a new church. I was always afraid that other church will be the same as I have this fear in my head that things will repeat. Sometimes you just have to forgive, move on and motivate yourself to experience new churches to find the right place for you.
Ok. I did bring it to the church. Aka the pastor and some other leaders several times. Had sent a letter and face to face meetings 5 times! Nobody did nothing. My issue has been that the church ppl in certain churches they want to burn you out with serving. Like you don't have any type of life after service. And not care in my case u were sick or whatever. I did sound ministry for 2 1/2 years. There was so much mess I saw in the choir and leadership and ppl bickering it changed my heart altogether. One day we went from 5 ppl to 1 (me) and other subsitutes working the sound board and other things. So one day I know I had I could do the sound board ..but I had got an ear infection. Dr told me not to do sound. The lady at the time in charge wanted to have the nerve to argue with me through text.i called her personally up to speak to her. No answer. I left a voicemail. Called my pastor and textd him said im done and this is what happened. Guess what he did nothing. Sooo. I've decided not to serve in churches because this keeps happening. They burn you out and don't care. And wanna manipulate u to serve because that's what the 1st church did I get they did. They we're also on 1 accord. Different. Then now. I would like to but not with my gifts. I believe u can be called to do something outside the church too.
I had similar experience when I was young in the church then I left church because of this. I recently returned to church and read through the whole bible to know God more and hope His words will help me with difficult situation like this in the church... 2 Corinthians 9:7 "Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." Give our time and service to the church is to serve God, God doesn't force us so no one else should. I also believe God likes us to help outside of church as well.
Today i was hurt from my church. I felt left out as they picked everyone else for church positions and not me. I felt angury and sad. I felt like leaving. I couldn't believe that these christian of God will hurt me this way. I am trying to hold everything together and not sin nor go back to the world. Please keep me in your prayers.
It is so easy to blame God for pain caused by other Christians... when it happened to me I wanted to be an atheist! LOL! Fortunately, God had such a strong hold on me that my heart couldn't let go of Him.
bringing the truth to my church and questions made my pastor kick 3 couples out of church with no true dialogue or forgiveness so I don't think I will ever speak to any leader about any questions or confusions I may have.
That's not healthy leadership and that's not a healthy church. Healthy, secure leadership invites its members to share their concerns with them, prays about them, seeks God to see if what is being brought to them is true and then responds with grace and love. I'm sorry you've had this experience.
🙌Praise God for you and encouraging you to create this channel for His people,we need sound doctrine to feed our spirits.Thank you,you sowing alot of seeds out here brother.HalleluYAH🙏
It has only strengthened my relationship with God. When they all deserted me, God showed up strong in his word. He experienced loneliness, isolation and backstabbing. He was hated by many religious people. They shall know us by our love? More like, They shall know us by who we vote for. My Mom and dad both died this last year. My Dad to covid and our church still thinks wearing masks is a communist plot to close down the churches. No one reached out and me and my husband were both good friends with our pastor. Why would I want to go back to a people who refuse to love you back? I don't have to inflict torture upon myself. Trumpism has hurt many people and it is the church leaders who needs to repent of their idol worship.
Don't know if anyone will see this. we're heavy duty workers in the church. we recently had to pull back from our many ministries because the pastor and his family...all who are adults are slaughtering the harvesters. we know God is leading us to bring it to the board and maybe the area pastors attention but this family is brutal. how can you go about this without satan just taking you out? so many have left the church because of the pain caused by this one family. they all have the same stories of pain. we did as the bible said and brought our grievences directly to this family and they refused to hear us out. now the next step is to take it to the board. how can we let go of our personal pain and let God fix this? why is it so hard to leave the bitterness and resentment out when we try to pray and spend time in the word to be sure we're properly fitted in the right armor?
Yeah yeah I delt with my church hurt. I was going through a really tough time financially and I went and ask the pastor if the church could help me get some groceries for my family I wasn't wanting money. And this Man of God helped me BUT not before he asked if I intended to support the church financially? So I made up my mind right then. I believe in God but I will not ever go to Church again.
I've had church hurt that I dealt with for over six years until God brought inner healing. I shared my story on a podcast last night here is the link if you want to listen: castbox.fm/va/2511905
Mr. Parr, I am not sure as to whether or not you are a reverend. So please forgive me for calling you Mr. But I do feel that I need to bring a couple of things to your attention. First of all their is such a thing as the church causing hurt to the leader. I have been a pastor for over thirty years and I am going through something right now. Mistreatment, abuse and bullying by church members. Which has caused depression, health problems, marriage problems and my children hating the church. So I want people to know that this door called church hurt swings both ways. I do appreciate you at least bringing the subject up. Thank you!ᕙ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿) ᕗ
YESSSS I’m sorry that the people you have had to minister dint appreciate you. I’m sorry for the words, the comments, rumors etc. I’m sorry for what they did! I pray that healing will enter your house right now. That you begin to be strong and that your heart would feel safe and loved. I declare peace! I’m sorry for what they did to your family! You guys don’t deserve it! I honor the years you were a pastor! I honor your ministry! I declare that loveeeee will just come to your house or where you live and just stay there. All confusion, hurt, problems go away.. I declare peace in your mind and your soul.. ameeen! I give you a bear hug!
Churches need to have an attitude of yearly or quarterly examination of their mission, ways, overlooked sins, leadership, and surveying the people. No one likes criticism, but growth only happens when things are acknowledged versus swepted under the rug.
Thank you. I am struggling with this. My in laws are pastor and 1st Lady of a church and I want NOTHING to do with it. Anything goes at their church and they allowed the unspeakable. It has caused a lot of pain in my marriage. Please pray for us.
Hi Faithful, not sure if you are still struggling with this, but I did a podcast yesterday on how I received healing from church hurt and wanted to share it with you: castbox.fm/va/2511905
I guess I’ll have to find another denomination. Last time I entered into a church of my former Pentecostal denomination, I couldn’t make it past the first 15 minutes. I wanted to throw up and I left. Religious trauma is a very real thing.
The only thing is I’m very confused what to do next after being hurt by my former head pastor from a church I attended for 21years. I was even a youth leader at one point in the church and tried so hard to help the church in anyway even showing up to just clean toilets without being asked to. However I felt a stirring in my heart that I had learned all I needed to and I realized I was not growing anymore. I went on like this for two years. I was afraid because my former pastor had a reputation of being aggressive and possessive. I had experienced it enough a few times myself to know this, so I kept what I was feeling from him. I began to see other churches but still attend my former church. I also started volunteering with high school kids. One day my former pastor found out I was volunteering and I hadn’t told him despite the fact I don’t know why I would need to. This volunteering wasn’t with any churches it was with a local high school. He became angry and demanded why I didn’t tell him. It was then I told him I needed to speak to him things in private, he said no we’ll talk about it now. I told him I had felt I needed to go to another church I wasn’t growing but that this church I grew up in was my home and I was confused to what I should do I asked for help. He then said are you leaving or not and then told me to man up and tell him to his face. He then said his church didn’t want people like me anyway and that he felt sorry for the next church that would get me (to put it into a few words). He then said he released me and hung up on me. I still feel so rejected I never to this day have received a personal apology not even a text, and to my horror I have found out I’m not the only one he’s done this to. There’s been many not a few that carry the same hurt. I don’t trust pastors anymore and iv seen my hurt become burdened because i still don’t know what i did wrong. All I wanted was to continue growing and be somewhere where more people my age were. I also can’t understand how he can preach about forgiveness when my former pastor has hurt so many people and not apologized. How can you learn to trust the church again any church after that kind of experience? It’s been three years since and despite going to new churches it’s almost as if I can’t escape that past church. I try to find healing, but am lost. And it makes it worse because I want to be a youth pastor and yet I feel so directionless and passionless. I find myself in a strange limbo, I love God yet am distrustful of his people. I feel like I’m in an emotional paradox.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will powerfully intervene and comfort you and make his presence impactfully to you in an indelible way. I pray the Holy Spirit will give you the strength and willingness to forgive and let go. Forgetting those things that are behind and pressing onto the good work he has for you not someone else but for you to accomplish. I pray that the Holy Spirit will provide the direction and the Divine connections you need to continue to follow what our Lord Jesus has for you to do. In Jesus name amen.
We went to a church before we went abroad. I wasn't too ill there & opened our home to anyone who needed the love of Christ. And I mean, as well as 2 babies, we cared for the homeless, pregnant girls with nowhere else to go but the abortion clinic, we often had 20 for dinner & so on. Upon our return, my health was so bad I was basically housebound (at 35). Our church is based on New Testament principles so we have elders & deacons rather than a pastor. I've had just about every health disaster one can have. Massive strokes when our children were infants, systemic lupus which has destroyed all organs except two, multiple brain surgeries & now, just into middle age, I'm terminally ill. Since our return 17 years ago & my husband being chosen as an elder (under the principles of 1 Timothy 3 verses 1-6), I have had ONE visitor, I kid you not. I am lonely, on multiple opiates which don't even touch my pain & having been this way most of my life & now feeling as though I live a hermit's life, I want to commit suicide. I have explained my feelings to my husband who has been faithful for 32 years. However, he travels a lot (not just to the next city but all over the world) & when at home, his priorities are God 1st, his job in the workplace, then church, his elderly parents, then me. Everyone thinks if you're married, you aren't lonely & my son who's at university is at home also but neither he nor my husband like to talk (to me) or "rock the boat" (at church). I am hurting in every way possible but have no one except Christ whom I have walked with since I was ten (about 40 years). I want to shake that whole building & scream, "Don't you care that I'm hurting?". However, when heaven is silent why expect humanity to be any better?? By the way, if I leave, they've made it clear, I'll do so alone!
Hi, I hate hearing about all that you are going through. Check with God to sure you should continue to attend the church. I recently posted a podcast about my journey and wanted to share it. Here is the link: castbox.fm/va/2511905
I began having dreams that fitted in with the plans that God had presented to our Pastor . Until one day I had a dream that went against a church deacons council plans Suddenly I became the outcast this hurts so deeply that my dreams are used to confirm one thing when it's in the church favour but then a complete.opposite when I tell them that God says they are going the wrong way . I'm hurt confused and afraid to even speak of my dreams now
DONT be scared! Write every dream you have! There is a story in the Bible about a men that spoke to his family about one of his dreams and none of them liked it (I don’t remember the name but I know is in the Bible 😂) this things happen we need to know and discern if we should talk or not. If you talked about your dream and it happened be proud because you understood the message even if they did not want to accept it. We live in a hurt and confused world, our life’s can’t depend on people... I know it hurts cuz I’ve been hurt 2, but let’s focus on the truth. God is proud that you are growing in this situation and learning how navigate in the dream world where he talks.. I believe that is going to be the leaders responsibility when God speaks to him about this.. soo DONT be scared DONT be hard on yourself. Just write, pray, keep having dreams and write the meaning of them.. most of the dreams we already know what they mean on others we need to pray about it..
I go by...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. That confirmed my joining a church after being led to leave one after 7 years. Also, Satan loves to cause division in the church but only you, me, or someone else can insist on it. There are difficulties in the church but hopefully they can be resolved or overcome openly and in love. Wondering what keeping the unity of the Spirit really looks like. People can be easily offended and leave out of that. One lady left our church because our pastor refused to counsel her at home while her husband was at work...well, that and a zillion other complaints.
Running away from a church at the first sign of hurt is immature. Although an attack from the pulpit during a service is grounds.....I've seen that too
I almost died and one person from my church came to visit me or even ask or cards . But God forgives we must too, yes it hurts . It seems like churches today don’t visit the sick . How many reached out to there people during the Covid-19, have churches gotten to big?
I was talking to the pastor I don't want to be judged For leaving early when it gets dark because I cannot see. And I told him if I'm judged I will not be back again. But this also reminded me what it says in The Bible Jesus said To eat his flesh and drink his blood . There were disciples that didn't walk with Jesus anymore. And . Jesus apostles she just said she just said are you gonna leave too and they said where would we do you have I Is eternal life. But hes other disciples they are saved they will be in heaven with us but they shouldn't ask Jesus what did you mean.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[1] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[2] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[3] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
I'm fifteen. no one took my hurt seriously in the Church, always felt ostracized and was bullied by the other kids but " kids will be kids ". and to see those same bullies pray to the Lord , and for my sunday school teachers insult us and yell everytime we got a verse wrong. I recently went to a christian camp and the amount of revolting things i've heard from my fellow peers, and to see those same people get baptized and reborn the following week. Really made me angry. I can't trust no one now , I can only trust Jesus I know he'll be there, but my faith is like a candle light. Never had such worst depression , I still have a long paragraph i typed in my notes when i was a bitter 11 year old crying about how the kids were mistreating me. My family and I moved to a different Church, let's hope it will be different. My belief in Christ was always so strong until I moved to a new church in 2017 where the kids were taunting and my cousin was spewing her own agenda to me. My parents gave so much money, we trusted these people. We went to their house every other week, when Pastor was hurt we took care of his children, We knew them like that. The Church fell apart, literally every other family left , then it was my family, and the only families left at that place were my cousin and the Pastor.
I've never seen a church like the one in this little town I live in. First of all they call the church "the cowboy church" which makes me feel like if no one isn't "country/cowboy enough your not gonna feel welcomed. Also the pastor's wife is very negative and complains a lot. She also insults her husband the pastor in front of everyone. That isn't the type of ppl I want to be around especially if these character flaws make me feel awkward. I have enough drama in my own life.. Which is why I'm seeking spiritual guidance. So why would I want to go to church expecting a uplifting sermon but leaving, and asking myself why I keep going back. Should I tell the pastor and his wife the way I feel, or just move on and find another one?
Look!, when I was Very Young & My Parents tried to take Me to Church several times I would go all Crazy & Start Shouting & Screaming & Lasing out!, Look!, it was just coincidences & i'm fed up with Family/Friends etc reading too much into it!. the same as when animals have gone all Panicky when I have Visited Zoos!, Just one of those things!.
Thanks man of God. This was very helpful. Just an idea ,... A video for pastors toward congregants who have rendered inadvertently and maybe advertently hurt
I took my Dad to a church on Easter Sunday but the ushers wouldn’t let him sit next to me because he is in a wheelchair. It wasn’t a aisle seat. It was a seat I saved for him. He usually transfer from his chair to a seat. We had to leave the church. There weren’t following ADA rules which give equal rights to the handicapped. Now churches and private clubs are not compelled to follow these rules but most do out if kindness.
Dude, I did that done that. Nothing works, nothing matters. I needed God like yesterday, not waiting on Him to right the wrong in another 20 years. I'll never will trust "So Called" God fearing Christians again & continue to pray To a Deity Who's silence is golden. Having your name slandered on the word of an ex, a minister @ that, & now my family acts & treats me the same way ( They're Deacon & Deaconess of that establishment), did it for me. This is God letting me know that I'm on my own. I shouldn't have to be good to others like them or not, & yet, I'm sinking like The Titanic with no life raft around. #Nopointinprayer #Ratherdiethanbeafootstool
my friend wanted to join the navigators her senior year in college to reach college students through that ministry and she applied. tom young, the director of the college missions, had her thinking for months that they were working on a spot for her. a week before her graduation she got a phone call from a staff member, not even tom himself, saying that they never had a space for her and they pretty much lied to her the entire time. he even told her she should "forget about joining the navigators". she was devastated. turns out tom young was just using her information to put in his newsletter because she was black and it made his ministry look more diverse to his donors. he even told her that black people will not listen to the gospel unless another black person tells them. the navigators were contacted about it yet did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it. he's still working for them soliciting donations to support his fake ministry. this is what happens when you work in a hypocritical environment with no accountability. seriously, unless you expose these guys on the web, nothing gets done. praise God He lead her away from that organization and to a better career path. praise Him even more that this didn't turn her heart away from God. she still does ministry without anyone trying to exploit her for selfish gain. -THE "CHURCH"/"MINISTRIES" WILL NOT DO ANYTHING UNLESS THEY ARE THREATENED WITH ACTION. SERIOUSLY, THESE ARE NOTHING BUT BUSINESSES DISGUISED AS HOUSES OF GOD.
John 10:13 King James Version (KJV) 13 The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep. Leave, Jesus gave you the answer in this verse. Remember, the love of " most " will grow cold NIV. It's not your fault, just go and go quickly
Im ready to move on,my wife is not,i dont know what to do,our church is legalistic and alway fund raising and askin for money,i dont want to leave Gods side,a bit confused!
Psalm 118:8 "It is Better to Trust in the LORD than to put confidence in people."
“This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the person who trusts in mankind. He makes human flesh his strength, and his heart turns from the Lord.”
Jeremiah 17:5
Wonderful. Thank you so much.
It's so very painful. Repeatedly being hurt and feeling isolated by church family.
Hey brother, I have not been hurt by the Church, I've been hurt by an organization. We are the Church.
@Michael Freestone if you knew what the church was you would not say that
@Michael Freestone i agree i misread the first comment
Amen 🙏
Oh how I wish I could share my church hurt stories with you. It took a long time but I finally gave another church a chance and have never been happier.
I would like hear your story.
Been dealing with church hurt for about 4 years. Started first with my church, then the men's group I was in. Then I went to a different and got hurt there. Then I became a part of a home fellowship and got hurt there. After watching this video, it helped answer many questions.
People are People, everywhere you go. Even in church. Especially in church👈🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You respect church, and I respect church, but not everybody respects church, do you hear what I'm saying?
Some folks in church will "get down", anytime, anyplace, anywhere. They don't care. They have NO FILTER.
They are CARNAL CHRISTIANS👈.
The key to it all is THIS:
Once you realize that "people are people", NOTHING they say or do will surprise you.
It will give you a better worship experience, because your focus will be on God, and not these CARNAL CHRISTIANS, which is where it should be anyway 🙏😇
Take Care, and God Bless.
I’m in a similar boat it’s been 1 1/2 I’m struggling to trust
If you have any ambitions and are self confident some groups get intimidated by those qualities
I needed to hear this. I started going to church 3 Sundays ago. Made a huge effort to be a better person and get my life right. The third Sunday an old man walked up to me after the service and said "I've seen you here for the last couple of weeks and I just want to know one thing: "how long have you had that bible?". I said "a couple of weeks". He laughed and said "yeah that's what I thought" and walked away. For a second I was angry and the old me almost came out. My first thought was that I don't want to come back here and deal with comments like that. But I realized shortly afterwards that these are the exact thoughts the devil would want a newcomer to have and maybe he was working through that person to try and convince me that I don't belong there. I'm not going to let that happen
I was hurt by my church today actually. I asked for prayer for my mom who is gonna have surgery to remove a tumor from her neck that could cause her to permanently loose her voice or potentially kill her. And one of my church leader when leading prayer didnt pray for my mom but prayed for the preachers son because his car got wrecked and the insurance may not pay for it to be replaced. Kinda made me feel uncared for and that I don't matter to them.
Would you guys pray for her please?
How is your mom doing today I hope she is well Jennie
Also how are you doing?
@@GerreLove Thank you for asking. She had the surgery and has since recovered well. I am doing fine too. I have since left the church I talked about because of similar incidents. I haven't really found a church that I feel welcomed in.
I'm thankful to hear He healed your mother! pray that God would lead you to a church home where you can be efified and serve in love.
@@verlibekt glad to hear you are well too.❤
I have no desire to slander, but what do I say when people ask why we left the church? The truth if the matter is ugly. And so many are blind to it. WE were blind to it for years!
If people come to you after you've left, it's obviously too late. If they cared at all they'd have had an honest and open relationship with you. I count myself fortunate that there is one couple who befriended me 20 years ago and have walked with me, including during my first wife's long and ultimately terminal illness while the other 500 members stayed well clear of me. At the end of the day it's the quality of our walk with Jesus and what blessings we are to others. As Jesus told his disciples, if they don't receive you, turn around and walk. God bless
@@richardbracknell9214 Thank you for those words brother. 🙏🏽♥️
I'm returning after 20 years of painful experiences....today the church has changed so drasticlly??? , I hv found that many churches are more like the world with its night club ambience..lol, some, ppl dress very provocative and talk throughout the service, so irritating and rude...lol However, my lord has reminded me that I'm a solider in God's army and my love, compassion and biblical knowledge is needed today and fellowship is critical. So I'm looking and praying 4 a home church..pls pray 4 me.....blessings
*Lord
Wow, what an important message. You should continue to address this because it is a huge roadblock to many people whose spiritual life is impacted by this. May God's healing reach us and repair the broken.
Amen. I've been hurt by other Christians. No need to go into detail, but it took a while to get over. I prayed, determined to forgive. Every once in a while the offense will come back up in my head, and I start to feel mad again, and I think "does this mean I haven't forgiven them?". Since I have seen this person at certain gatherings, and I did not have a desire to put my fist down their throat (I wanted to at one time), I truly believe God has helped me to forgive. Pray "in Jesus name, I choose to forgive". Forgiveness is not a warm bubbly feeling, it's a choice. I believe there's a reason Jesus commanded us to love one another - because He knew it would not come naturally for us. If it did, He wouldn't have had to say "and now I give you a new commandment".
Biker4Christ SFFS I am in this situation. For the last five years. I’m SOOOOOOOO hurt. I go from tears to anger- where even jail time wouldn’t bother me, yet I so desperately want to forgive and get over it and just get back to living my life. I have four amazing kids and a wonderful, loving husband. I’ve wasted so much time on this hurt. Though it still is going on currently, I need to move on emotionally.
I really need to bring it before the church but my pastor has cancer and I don’t want to put more on him. Also, this person has a lot of clout and I’d be afraid they’d leave and take people with them. My church would hurt from that. I don’t want my church to suffer. I’m learning what living out “love covers a multitude of sins” looks like for real. Love keeps the offense quiet so as not to offend to weaker one’s in the church. Love takes the hurt, gives it to God, and allows Him to bring peace and comfort and right the wrong so that no damage is done.
I am extremely offended and hurt and angered and have been so depressed. It has taken my joy far away. But my joy is not in lots of money. My joy is in Jesus alone. “I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold...” do I mean that? If I do, why don’t I act like it. “I’d rather be His than have riches untold.” Yes, I’ve been robbed and cheated of LOTS of money at the hand of a “Christian brother”. I’m talking hundreds of thousands. BUT... where is my joy? In that money? Or in my Savior? I need to change my focus to raising my babies to love God with their whole hearts and give hem a front row seat view of how a Christian is supposed to behave when trials come.
Valleys are valleys but they are mere SHADOWS. Shadows can’t hurt you. Hurt draws us closer to God. Just like my daughter cries, “Mommy...” and comes running to me when she’s in pain, we are to go to God just like that. I can’t take my daughters pain away, but I can comfort her while she’s hurting. Weeping endures for the night but joy comes in the morning Psalm 30:5. Where do we put our trust? Like Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.” There is nowhere better to go than to Jesus. Nothing about my circumstances have changed, but God has given me peace that passes all understanding.
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace who’s mind is stayed in thee...” Isaiah 26:3. Keep your mind on Jesus and let Him sustain you.
You have the right heart and spirit, and with that God is pleased. " Vengeance is mine, I will repay saith the Lord. Wait on the Lord and HE will save you. Satan is out to hurt the sincere sheep, and that you are, sincere
I'm going through the same situation, struggling for 5 months already. Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22) is true, everytime I think of what happened, I have to decide to forgive again. In Ecclesiastes 3, it says there is time for everything, including time to heal, time to love, time to hate, time to give up etc. So I'm just going to take my time getting better. Cannot beat myself up because there is no quick fix.
Corey ten Boom went through a nazi camp and her sister, nephew, and father were all killed in the camps. After coming out she forgave everyone who tormented her and killed her family members but like you sometimes those old feelings would bubble back up and she would have to forgive them again. Then one day God gave her a message “no fishing allowed “ meaning she couldn’t fish up those old bitter feelings and hates, she had to let them all go so whenever a negative memory would try to surface she would remind herself “ no fishing allowed” and this eventually cured her of her unforgiveness.
WOW Brother Parr thank you for that ! my story is to long to tell in this platform but i lost most everything while serving my church and went through most of it alone... i disappeared for almost 2 years and no one noticed or seemed to care... Then our church had had its first suicide.
the person who took their life and I had very much in common and like me he was not handled properly. I am at a loss how to communicate what suffering that is often missed . Success seems to be the only credential for imparting spiritual wisdom there. i have a lot invested there and don't want to give up but not sure i am a fool. you are very right about not retreating! i did that and it was not good for me to do and so did my friend and he is gone ---Appreciate your prayers - and as a long time TV producer i found your presentation very refreshing - i thought oh boy a christian video LOL - i googled the topic of hurt by a church - keep up the good work and keep taking on those things people won't talk about !
I’ve definitely had my share of negative experiences with churches. Sometimes members of the church judge others members and that turned me off from attending a church. Thank you for making this video! 🙏🏾
Thanks for this. I walked away from Christianity years ago because of church hurt and hypocricy. Went to a church finally a few months ago. Saw some similar stuff. Got very disgusted. But as you say it may not be intentional. I told them and hope they will adress it properly.
It is good to speak the truth about church hurt even when we are uncomfortable. This will save a lot of people. Gone are the days when we believed that Speaking the truth is "touching God's anointed". Running a church does not make you God's anointed. There are many wolves in churches destroying ignorant, innocent souls. Continue to share your stories, I shared mine too on my channel, well done. These videos let others see that there are still good people out there that will not participate in manipulation and will stand for the truth. ❤
Amen! Hallelujah to Jesus Christ!!#
Amen.
Recently my wife & I have experienced " Church Hurt" we're going to attend another church today. Thank you for putting this video together, found it very helpful. I'll share it with my wife also. I'll continue to pray & will speak with our Church Leaders about our issues also.
Scott Collier
My wife's pastor didn't call her at the hsopital, till I finally told his wife that I had left messages for NINE DAYS on voice mails, and emails and on the facebook page of the church. Nine Days. He finally did call her when his wife got on his case in the middle of an elders meeting . She played the piano for him, no cost at all, and she was a great pianist and piano teacher, she was a wonderful woman,. This guy even was stupid enough to say at her funeral that she was "always wanting prayer." She had stage four cancer. I guess one might just need prayer, especially since the bible does say if anyone is sick, go to the elders of the church so they can anoint you with oil.
eugene bell
I’m so so Sorry for your Massive Loss
CHURCH IS NOT GOD YOU MORAN !!!
GOING TO CHURCH IS NOT A FREE PASS TO HEAVEN !
CHRISTANITY IS BUUUUUUUULLLL SHIIIIIT !
Brenda Gal seems you’re the ‘MORON’ leaving all of these foolish messages on here 🙄
Thank you Allen for addressing this, very few talk about this issue. I just find a lot of people to be cold, even when I try to reach out to others, its very difficult!
I really love you videos, Mr Parr. Even the times I don't fully agree. This would be one of those times, I guess. You are right about a lot of things, of course. My church hurt is still ongoing, though the people involved pretty much think it's over. My reality is being someone being on the outside looking in. For speaking my mind 6 years ago I found myself silently ostracized into nothing. No one calls, no invitations for get-togethers anymore. When accidentally meeting church members (we're a band of +70 members) they kind of look away or say "hi" out of obligation. There's no more interaction going on than that. I openly confess I have become a bitter person. But I just can't forget, how much I try and forgive them. Using the allegory of a family and food for church and church-service; what kind of "family" only meet up for "dinner"? Honestly. What other aspects of a family life are you otherwise missing out on? No communication, no friendship, no nothing. I'm so beyond fed up. Still, my wife has now been upgraded to joining the worship team. So we go from time to time. But I'm feeling I'm getting to a place of crisis of belief. Are there no Christian faith rehab clinics? Sorry for the long comment, and that someone called you out for your skin-colour.
Some good news. Regardless of what you've been taught, you can go straight to the throne for yourself. The veil was torn asunder when Jesus died! So, do what I did. Poor out your heart to God, and let Him be your defender! Then, find a church that will fill your need. Yes, I left our church, and I am so much happier now. And, believe it or not, my wife and I are fine! Even though she is still going to our old church! BTW: God knows about the mess. Regardless of how much they might deny it, or how good things look on the outside.
Yes find another church! Speak to God and let Him fight your battle. Let Him deal with the church.
Thank you so much. :'( I have been struggling this past few months with my relationship with my Church. But I have this strong hold to love them more and I am loving these feeling-- to love in times of pain. I love my Church so much! But, these past weeks, I've been thinking of finally letting go, I just felt like so tired. I've been wanting to leave my Church for another I think that's better and it really gives me so much pain.
:'(
Church is not for the faint hearted, I learnt this today... As I Grow 😇
Nobantu Sibeko
I don’t know what happened but I sorry.
Especially if you're the real deal. The phonies don't like it. You're shining a light into their darkness.
Victory Artist 😇😇😇
POINDEXTERPIG Amen!
I read a lot of the comments and agree with many of them. I was hurt by many Churches. Even when I left the one, as trivial as this sounds, the one person abruptly walked out of my life. Forgiveness is truly hard. Even my current church. There are hurts everywhere but as long as there are people and differences in others, people will hurt us. Doesn't make it okay, but I pray that where I'm at will improve but it means bringing it to God as well.
Also, I agree with the one comment that said that people in the Church want to burn you out by serving. I was nearly roped into Youth Ministry by One girl, who guess what, didn't even take the time to know me. People see your 'gifting' but come on, you don't even take the time to know someone, see where they're at in life. I could have been going through a dark season but what good does wanting to serve do when you don't take the time to get to know someone? That is key for people.
I really needed this right now. Please pray for some people kn my life who are going through this now.❤️
Better to tell the truth than to lie!
God was with me since day 1 obviously. Our family wasn’t very strict. I actually had my first fall out from Church when I was 12. I felt alone. Then through the years I had other experiences. Even up until last Saturday. However, I’m resilient so i just get back up and try again. My Love for Christ is greater. So thank you! And I consider these channels my fellowship and friends. My mom asked me if I found people to talk to about.my faith. I said, my RUclipsrs. Lol and of course a few close confidants. So I still go church and fellowship regardless of how I’m treated but I know who has my back and that is all that matter. I love you guys. Praise Jesus! I Love my Savior!!!!
I'm dealing with this right now. Thanks for this Video. It helps.
🤔🤔🤔
Grandma needs a moment with God on this one right here. .. some hurt only God can explain.... Thanks for your insight though🙏
After my family was rejected/ turned away from our church of 7 years for our efforts to bring Christian Pakistani refugees to the USA, I was plunged into a very dark depression, left with severe social anxiety around other believers, and found myself wondering if God had also rejected me. I praise God because about 3 years after we were turned away from that church He brought me healing in a miraculous way and recently He has allowed us to go back to a church we had attended before moving 10 years ago.
I currently do not attend church & it is for several reasons. One was they were trying hard to make me speak in tongues & when I could not, mind you this was after a few hours of trying. It kept playing in my head that the pastor said if you can not do this then you will not go to heaven. That scared me so I kept trying. Still to this day I have not been able to nor do I attend that church. It was a good church, i just had a few too many bad experiences there.
You don’t need to speak in tongues to be saved ❤ all lies from that church
Great points to be honest with you guys I have been hurt by the church and just don’t know to do and this gives a lot to think about and pray this reason and was wouldering what to do
I'm blessed and Encouraged from your video, I have forgiven all those that hurt me, thank you
Matt 24:12 "the love of most will grow cold" NIV
True I have been hurt by other Christians sometimes nonbelievers treat you beter
Allen is always spot on and these are all such good points and so true but here’s where I wrestle with not generalizing all churches based on one hurt. I understand we shouldn’t put leaders in a pedestal and we should be careful with our expectations of them. However how do you honestly not throw your hands up in the air when the leader disappoints you? Because logically I know all pastors and leaders in the church are human and have flaws. But that doesn’t make it suck any less. It also doesn’t make me want to get involved with any other church because logically speaking- there will be humans in charge there too. So acting like there may be one church where there is little or no disappointment possible is just wishful thinking? Maybe to summarize, I know even church leaders are flawed so why even bother with church anymore. Right now I feel like the only way we will have a positive experience in church is if we could somehow avoid being vulnerable to the wrong people which is impossible to predict. That’s where we went wrong. I’m just struggling big time with anger. These are all good points but following them is a whole different obstacle when you’ve been hurt. It sounds nice on paper. :(
I was pleasantly surprised to learn that you made a video like this. I was even more blessed at how every point you made roundly covered what I had been through, what I've been thinking and what God has been trying to convey to me all these years. That a pastor called you the "n" word just helped me to feel understood. Because I believe much of the abuse I endured was because of my skin color (I am a light-skinned Latino man). Unfortunately, I slandered in my anger and that's the one thing that grieves me the most. I returned oo-gly with ugly. I'm so sorry for it too. Thank you for what is a no-nonsense, no fluff, clean explanation and a calling into accounts. Thank you. Blessings, Mr. Parr.
Brother, you are speaking with sooo much truth and wisdom- Thank you- You’re right!!!
Hmmm.. I mostly agree but if people need to be warned so they don't get hurt I can't really see that as a bad thing? For instance the pastor is actually a false pastor or false prophet... Or there are wolves in sheep's clothing. I think our silence on it actually allows the to continue. Just my thoughts anyway as a youth pastor myself. Blessings
My advice to people after 35 years of going to churches, stay away from churches. I found only one God Church in my entire 35 years. There's nothing wrong with the church that began in the book of Acts rather it is world we now live in that is the problem
Agreed
My family got hurt by church, it's had a life long effect on some of my family members, took me a lot to join a new church but after 20 years, i did just that.
My experience will never drift me away from my Lord and Savior! But it'll be nice to find a proper church were I don't have to experience church hurt!
Man of God, this is truly an excellent teaching! I love your wisdom, insight, articulation and steps to recovery. Fantastic Exert!!
Great teaching :-) I had a negative approach from a leader and I told the pastor your leader needs deliverance :-) afterwards the leader was dealt with properly with love and I forgave her :-) Glory to God
Wow this was timely! Thank you so much. Literally happening right now
i was in a Meeting with my pastor and some church leaders trying to set a schedule for the church cleaning when the pastor got mad at one Lady and told her she couldnt have an opinion on how we could rotate during the month to clean the church. that he was the pastor and the leader and she Didnt have to das anything. the Lady kindly replied that she was just providing another idea. and the pastor got mad at her Again and told her to be silent and just blindly obaey whatever he says.
i felt bad for her because she is always serving at church for years. now i cant feel the same.
It took me 3 years to give another church a chance. After 3 years of studying at home with my children, I gave SDA church a chance. The blinders came off farely quick. Now I'm wondering if I even made the right decision of going back. Because I my children became attached and now we're grieving again. At this point, in these times, it's best to just study at home. Where 2 or 3 are gathered in his name, he is there.
I was hurt by the people and the pastor at my old church. Was dealing with toxic two face people and a pastor who took sides, spreading my confidentiality and made false rumors of me. Eventually, I left that church and my boyfriend sided with them which hurts me to death. Me and my boyfriend always had ongoing fights about this and now we are taking a break from our relationship which I pray for reconciliation but I hope he can understand me and that we can serve God together at a different church where we are both comfortable. As for two weeks ago, I have forgiven those who hurt me and It took me almost 2 years until now for me to actually make an effort to find a new church. I was always afraid that other church will be the same as I have this fear in my head that things will repeat. Sometimes you just have to forgive, move on and motivate yourself to experience new churches to find the right place for you.
Ok. I did bring it to the church. Aka the pastor and some other leaders several times. Had sent a letter and face to face meetings 5 times! Nobody did nothing. My issue has been that the church ppl in certain churches they want to burn you out with serving. Like you don't have any type of life after service. And not care in my case u were sick or whatever. I did sound ministry for 2 1/2 years. There was so much mess I saw in the choir and leadership and ppl bickering it changed my heart altogether. One day we went from 5 ppl to 1 (me) and other subsitutes working the sound board and other things. So one day I know I had I could do the sound board ..but I had got an ear infection. Dr told me not to do sound. The lady at the time in charge wanted to have the nerve to argue with me through text.i called her personally up to speak to her. No answer. I left a voicemail. Called my pastor and textd him said im done and this is what happened. Guess what he did nothing. Sooo. I've decided not to serve in churches because this keeps happening. They burn you out and don't care. And wanna manipulate u to serve because that's what the 1st church did
I get they did. They we're also on 1 accord. Different. Then now. I would like to but not with my gifts. I believe u can be called to do something outside the church too.
I had similar experience when I was young in the church then I left church because of this. I recently returned to church and read through the whole bible to know God more and hope His words will help me with difficult situation like this in the church... 2 Corinthians 9:7 "Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." Give our time and service to the church is to serve God, God doesn't force us so no one else should. I also believe God likes us to help outside of church as well.
People are the church just have a relationship with the lord jesus is on his way soon
Go to church to know him not them
Today i was hurt from my church. I felt left out as they picked everyone else for church positions and not me. I felt angury and sad. I felt like leaving. I couldn't believe that these christian of God will hurt me this way. I am trying to hold everything together and not sin nor go back to the world. Please keep me in your prayers.
The devil is out to hurt you because you are authentic and sincere. You are pleasing to God and that is ALL that matters
It is so easy to blame God for pain caused by other Christians... when it happened to me I wanted to be an atheist! LOL! Fortunately, God had such a strong hold on me that my heart couldn't let go of Him.
Praise God that He has kept you TAC!
bringing the truth to my church and questions made my pastor kick 3 couples out of church with no true dialogue or forgiveness so I don't think I will ever speak to any leader about any questions or confusions I may have.
That's not healthy leadership and that's not a healthy church. Healthy, secure leadership invites its members to share their concerns with them, prays about them, seeks God to see if what is being brought to them is true and then responds with grace and love. I'm sorry you've had this experience.
🙌Praise God for you and encouraging you to create this channel for His people,we need sound doctrine to feed our spirits.Thank you,you sowing alot of seeds out here brother.HalleluYAH🙏
Amen! Yes we do OvadYah! That's the focus of this channel. Provide sound doctrine for God's people.
It has only strengthened my relationship with God. When they all deserted me, God showed up strong in his word. He experienced loneliness, isolation and backstabbing. He was hated by many religious people. They shall know us by our love? More like, They shall know us by who we vote for.
My Mom and dad both died this last year. My Dad to covid and our church still thinks wearing masks is a communist plot to close down the churches. No one reached out and me and my husband were both good friends with our pastor.
Why would I want to go back to a people who refuse to love you back? I don't have to inflict torture upon myself. Trumpism has hurt many people and it is the church leaders who needs to repent of their idol worship.
Don't know if anyone will see this. we're heavy duty workers in the church. we recently had to pull back from our many ministries because the pastor and his family...all who are adults are slaughtering the harvesters. we know God is leading us to bring it to the board and maybe the area pastors attention but this family is brutal. how can you go about this without satan just taking you out? so many have left the church because of the pain caused by this one family. they all have the same stories of pain. we did as the bible said and brought our grievences directly to this family and they refused to hear us out. now the next step is to take it to the board. how can we let go of our personal pain and let God fix this? why is it so hard to leave the bitterness and resentment out when we try to pray and spend time in the word to be sure we're properly fitted in the right armor?
Yeah yeah I delt with my church hurt. I was going through a really tough time financially and I went and ask the pastor if the church could help me get some groceries for my family I wasn't wanting money. And this Man of God helped me BUT not before he asked if I intended to support the church financially? So I made up my mind right then. I believe in God but I will not ever go to Church again.
I've had church hurt that I dealt with for over six years until God brought inner healing. I shared my story on a podcast last night here is the link if you want to listen: castbox.fm/va/2511905
Mr. Parr, I am not sure as to whether or not you are a reverend. So please forgive me for calling you Mr. But I do feel that I need to bring a couple of things to your attention. First of all their is such a thing as the church causing hurt to the leader. I have been a pastor for over thirty years and I am going through something right now. Mistreatment, abuse and bullying by church members. Which has caused depression, health problems, marriage problems and my children hating the church. So I want people to know that this door called church hurt swings both ways. I do appreciate you at least bringing the subject up. Thank you!ᕙ(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿) ᕗ
YESSSS I’m sorry that the people you have had to minister dint appreciate you. I’m sorry for the words, the comments, rumors etc. I’m sorry for what they did! I pray that healing will enter your house right now. That you begin to be strong and that your heart would feel safe and loved. I declare peace! I’m sorry for what they did to your family! You guys don’t deserve it! I honor the years you were a pastor! I honor your ministry! I declare that loveeeee will just come to your house or where you live and just stay there. All confusion, hurt, problems go away.. I declare peace in your mind and your soul.. ameeen! I give you a bear hug!
@@Adlizmc Thank you! I really appreciate it.
I am happy with my church and the pastor.
Churches need to have an attitude of yearly or quarterly examination of their mission, ways, overlooked sins, leadership, and surveying the people. No one likes criticism, but growth only happens when things are acknowledged versus swepted under the rug.
Thank you. I am struggling with this. My in laws are pastor and 1st Lady of a church and I want NOTHING to do with it. Anything goes at their church and they allowed the unspeakable. It has caused a lot of pain in my marriage. Please pray for us.
Hi Faithful, not sure if you are still struggling with this, but I did a podcast yesterday on how I received healing from church hurt and wanted to share it with you: castbox.fm/va/2511905
Truly I thank you for being transparent and sharing your experience! Been there! But God!! Be blessed!!
I guess I’ll have to find another denomination. Last time I entered into a church of my former Pentecostal denomination, I couldn’t make it past the first 15 minutes. I wanted to throw up and I left. Religious trauma is a very real thing.
The only thing is I’m very confused what to do next after being hurt by my former head pastor from a church I attended for 21years. I was even a youth leader at one point in the church and tried so hard to help the church in anyway even showing up to just clean toilets without being asked to. However I felt a stirring in my heart that I had learned all I needed to and I realized I was not growing anymore. I went on like this for two years. I was afraid because my former pastor had a reputation of being aggressive and possessive. I had experienced it enough a few times myself to know this, so I kept what I was feeling from him. I began to see other churches but still attend my former church. I also started volunteering with high school kids. One day my former pastor found out I was volunteering and I hadn’t told him despite the fact I don’t know why I would need to. This volunteering wasn’t with any churches it was with a local high school. He became angry and demanded why I didn’t tell him. It was then I told him I needed to speak to him things in private, he said no we’ll talk about it now. I told him I had felt I needed to go to another church I wasn’t growing but that this church I grew up in was my home and I was confused to what I should do I asked for help. He then said are you leaving or not and then told me to man up and tell him to his face. He then said his church didn’t want people like me anyway and that he felt sorry for the next church that would get me (to put it into a few words). He then said he released me and hung up on me.
I still feel so rejected I never to this day have received a personal apology not even a text, and to my horror I have found out I’m not the only one he’s done this to. There’s been many not a few that carry the same hurt. I don’t trust pastors anymore and iv seen my hurt become burdened because i still don’t know what i did wrong. All I wanted was to continue growing and be somewhere where more people my age were. I also can’t understand how he can preach about forgiveness when my former pastor has hurt so many people and not apologized. How can you learn to trust the church again any church after that kind of experience? It’s been three years since and despite going to new churches it’s almost as if I can’t escape that past church. I try to find healing, but am lost. And it makes it worse because I want to be a youth pastor and yet I feel so directionless and passionless. I find myself in a strange limbo, I love God yet am distrustful of his people. I feel like I’m in an emotional paradox.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will powerfully intervene and comfort you and make his presence impactfully to you in an indelible way. I pray the Holy Spirit will give you the strength and willingness to forgive and let go. Forgetting those things that are behind and pressing onto the good work he has for you not someone else but for you to accomplish. I pray that the Holy Spirit will provide the direction and the Divine connections you need to continue to follow what our Lord Jesus has for you to do. In Jesus name amen.
Really enjoy your Ministry Allen, so often after viewing your video's, it leads me to some really good Bible study time.
We went to a church before we went abroad. I wasn't too ill there & opened our home to anyone who needed the love of Christ. And I mean, as well as 2 babies, we cared for the homeless, pregnant girls with nowhere else to go but the abortion clinic, we often had 20 for dinner & so on. Upon our return, my health was so bad I was basically housebound (at 35). Our church is based on New Testament principles so we have elders & deacons rather than a pastor. I've had just about every health disaster one can have. Massive strokes when our children were infants, systemic lupus which has destroyed all organs except two, multiple brain surgeries & now, just into middle age, I'm terminally ill. Since our return 17 years ago & my husband being chosen as an elder (under the principles of 1 Timothy 3 verses 1-6), I have had ONE visitor, I kid you not. I am lonely, on multiple opiates which don't even touch my pain & having been this way most of my life & now feeling as though I live a hermit's life, I want to commit suicide. I have explained my feelings to my husband who has been faithful for 32 years. However, he travels a lot (not just to the next city but all over the world) & when at home, his priorities are God 1st, his job in the workplace, then church, his elderly parents, then me. Everyone thinks if you're married, you aren't lonely & my son who's at university is at home also but neither he nor my husband like to talk (to me) or "rock the boat" (at church). I am hurting in every way possible but have no one except Christ whom I have walked with since I was ten (about 40 years). I want to shake that whole building & scream, "Don't you care that I'm hurting?". However, when heaven is silent why expect humanity to be any better?? By the way, if I leave, they've made it clear, I'll do so alone!
Hi, I hate hearing about all that you are going through. Check with God to sure you should continue to attend the church. I recently posted a podcast about my journey and wanted to share it. Here is the link: castbox.fm/va/2511905
I began having dreams that fitted in with the plans that God had presented to our Pastor .
Until one day I had a dream that went against a church deacons council plans Suddenly I became the outcast this hurts so deeply that my dreams are used to confirm one thing when it's in the church favour but then a complete.opposite when I tell them that God says they are going the wrong way .
I'm hurt confused and afraid to even speak of my dreams now
DONT be scared! Write every dream you have! There is a story in the Bible about a men that spoke to his family about one of his dreams and none of them liked it (I don’t remember the name but I know is in the Bible 😂) this things happen we need to know and discern if we should talk or not. If you talked about your dream and it happened be proud because you understood the message even if they did not want to accept it. We live in a hurt and confused world, our life’s can’t depend on people... I know it hurts cuz I’ve been hurt 2, but let’s focus on the truth. God is proud that you are growing in this situation and learning how navigate in the dream world where he talks.. I believe that is going to be the leaders responsibility when God speaks to him about this.. soo DONT be scared DONT be hard on yourself. Just write, pray, keep having dreams and write the meaning of them.. most of the dreams we already know what they mean on others we need to pray about it..
Thank you for this❤️
I go by...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. That confirmed my joining a church after being led to leave one after 7 years. Also, Satan loves to cause division in the church but only you, me, or someone else can insist on it. There are difficulties in the church but hopefully they can be resolved or overcome openly and in love. Wondering what keeping the unity of the Spirit really looks like. People can be easily offended and leave out of that. One lady left our church because our pastor refused to counsel her at home while her husband was at work...well, that and a zillion other complaints.
ty ive been thinking and praying what to do for a While now but these awnsers make me understand what to do now.. its just what I needed :-)
Amen Rebellious Heart! SO glad it was confirmation. God bless you and I'm glad you are part of the community!
This is great. Thank you. Do you think we could do another bible study? I enjoyed your last one. You are direct and to the point
Hey Loving Jesus, we are still in our Philippians Friday Bible study. Do you have any ideas for another study you'd like to see on this channel?
I wish i can go back to my old church from 2014, I loved that church as my own.
Running away from a church at the first sign of hurt is immature. Although an attack from the pulpit during a service is grounds.....I've seen that too
I almost died and one person from my church came to visit me or even ask or cards . But God forgives we must too, yes it hurts . It seems like churches today don’t visit the sick . How many reached out to there people during the Covid-19, have churches gotten to big?
Forgive and Move on🙏🏾
Thankyou Allen, I'm in the process of trying another and another but no longer bitter :)
May you find the community you need. Church hurt is real, but so is God's love in the people He can bring into our lives 🤍..
If I'm giving my money to a church is not for the church is for God
We might have to be the example of the Christlikness that they need to see!
Great message Allen!!!!
I was talking to the pastor I don't want to be judged For leaving early when it gets dark because I cannot see. And I told him if I'm judged I will not be back again. But this also reminded me what it says in The Bible Jesus said To eat his flesh and drink his blood . There were disciples that didn't walk with Jesus anymore. And . Jesus apostles she just said she just said are you gonna leave too and they said where would we do you have I Is eternal life. But hes other disciples they are saved they will be in heaven with us but they shouldn't ask Jesus what did you mean.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[1] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[2] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[3] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
Great video. Good points. I wish more people would understand this.
I love this!!
Man this is confirmation!!!
Thanks for postin Allen!!
Amen Mellissa! So glad to hear this. Yes, people are responding quite a bit on Facebook as well.
That's awesome Mary! Thanks for sharing this confirmation with me.
Save yourself the disappointment and don't goto church. Have a strong relationship with Jesus instead.
This was a great video!!! Honestly, if i cud have God without going to a church that would be so optimum. Sigh
Thanks Brother
I needed to that today
Apparently many are called but few are chosen.
I feel silently rejected by the ministry God has called me to serve in at my church.
I'm fifteen. no one took my hurt seriously in the Church, always felt ostracized and was bullied by the other kids but " kids will be kids ". and to see those same bullies pray to the Lord , and for my sunday school teachers insult us and yell everytime we got a verse wrong. I recently went to a christian camp and the amount of revolting things i've heard from my fellow peers, and to see those same people get baptized and reborn the following week. Really made me angry. I can't trust no one now , I can only trust Jesus I know he'll be there, but my faith is like a candle light. Never had such worst depression , I still have a long paragraph i typed in my notes when i was a bitter 11 year old crying about how the kids were mistreating me. My family and I moved to a different Church, let's hope it will be different. My belief in Christ was always so strong until I moved to a new church in 2017 where the kids were taunting and my cousin was spewing her own agenda to me. My parents gave so much money, we trusted these people. We went to their house every other week, when Pastor was hurt we took care of his children, We knew them like that. The Church fell apart, literally every other family left , then it was my family, and the only families left at that place were my cousin and the Pastor.
I just found this video. Very good. Thanx. I needed this.
one word. "Forgiveness"!
Hi Brother, great advice to navigate your way round church. Good job
I've never seen a church like the one in this little town I live in. First of all they call the church "the cowboy church" which makes me feel like if no one isn't "country/cowboy enough your not gonna feel welcomed. Also the pastor's wife is very negative and complains a lot. She also insults her husband the pastor in front of everyone. That isn't the type of ppl I want to be around especially if these character flaws make me feel awkward. I have enough drama in my own life.. Which is why I'm seeking spiritual guidance. So why would I want to go to church expecting a uplifting sermon but leaving, and asking myself why I keep going back. Should I tell the pastor and his wife the way I feel, or just move on and find another one?
Look!, when I was Very Young & My Parents tried to take Me to Church several times I would go all Crazy & Start Shouting & Screaming & Lasing out!, Look!, it was just coincidences & i'm fed up with Family/Friends etc reading too much into it!. the same as when animals have gone all Panicky when I have Visited Zoos!, Just one of those things!.
Thanks man of God. This was very helpful. Just an idea ,... A video for pastors toward congregants who have rendered inadvertently and maybe advertently hurt
I took my Dad to a church on Easter Sunday but the ushers wouldn’t let him sit next to me because he is in a wheelchair. It wasn’t a aisle seat. It was a seat I saved for him. He usually transfer from his chair to a seat. We had to leave the church. There weren’t following ADA rules which give equal rights to the handicapped. Now churches and private clubs are not compelled to follow these rules but most do out if kindness.
Dude, I did that done that. Nothing works, nothing matters. I needed God like yesterday, not waiting on Him to right the wrong in another 20 years. I'll never will trust "So Called" God fearing Christians again & continue to pray To a Deity Who's silence is golden. Having your name slandered on the word of an ex, a minister @ that, & now my family acts & treats me the same way ( They're Deacon & Deaconess of that establishment), did it for me. This is God letting me know that I'm on my own. I shouldn't have to be good to others like them or not, & yet, I'm sinking like The Titanic with no life raft around.
#Nopointinprayer
#Ratherdiethanbeafootstool
God bless you and heal you in Jesus name
my friend wanted to join the navigators her senior year in college to reach college students through that ministry and she applied. tom young, the director of the college missions, had her thinking for months that they were working on a spot for her. a week before her graduation she got a phone call from a staff member, not even tom himself, saying that they never had a space for her and they pretty much lied to her the entire time. he even told her she should "forget about joining the navigators". she was devastated. turns out tom young was just using her information to put in his newsletter because she was black and it made his ministry look more diverse to his donors. he even told her that black people will not listen to the gospel unless another black person tells them. the navigators were contacted about it yet did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it. he's still working for them soliciting donations to support his fake ministry. this is what happens when you work in a hypocritical environment with no accountability. seriously, unless you expose these guys on the web, nothing gets done. praise God He lead her away from that organization and to a better career path. praise Him even more that this didn't turn her heart away from God. she still does ministry without anyone trying to exploit her for selfish gain. -THE "CHURCH"/"MINISTRIES" WILL NOT DO ANYTHING UNLESS THEY ARE THREATENED WITH ACTION. SERIOUSLY, THESE ARE NOTHING BUT BUSINESSES DISGUISED AS HOUSES OF GOD.
John 10:13 King James Version (KJV)
13 The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep.
Leave, Jesus gave you the answer in this verse. Remember, the love of " most " will grow cold NIV. It's not your fault, just go and go quickly
Im ready to move on,my wife is not,i dont know what to do,our church is legalistic and alway fund raising and askin for money,i dont want to leave Gods side,a bit confused!
Awesome points well said!
Thanks so much Karina! God bless,
Good morning Good comment
Read 'The Bait of Satan.'