Early days of Covid, one of my co-workers parked their car and went to a store to get something. When they got back, someone had smashed the rear windows and stolen the 6 pack of toilet rolls on the back seat.
Hugh would be good for this one “Ms. Thompson you have been accused of perverting the course of justice by sexually bribing judges of the court *smirks* I find you not guilty”
My entry: It's time to announce you sentence, enough of this debating I will give to you what the court's anticipating It's now clear to me you're guilty, now you will serve your time You'll stay in jail for 40 years as punishment for your crime. It's poetic justice.
SMth that actually happened in a court house here... A man was found guilty of murdering both his parents and before sentencing, he asks the judge if mitigating circumstances will be taken into consideration. And the judge says: - Of course. Just state if you have any... And the guy goes: -Well, your honor, I'm a poor orphan without mother and father...
"My client has been subjected to a witchhunt, which is appropriate as she is a witch. I was a frog and she turned me into a lawyer. Please turn me back now."
Entry: "Mr Daltrey, we understand you may have been bullied by this man, but your defence can't simply be, no one knows what it's like to be the sad man behind blue eyes'
Should have said "Mr. Pistorius, we understand in your statement that on the night of the crime, you were arguing with your girlfriend. You wanted to replace the bathroom door but she was dead against it."
JUDGE: ORDER... ORDER IN THE COURT!!!!! ME: I'll have a extra large burger, a bucket of chicken wings, and a diet Coke... JUDGE: SILENCE, FOOL... we don't have diet drinks.
My Lord, with my hand on the bible Let's forget this trial for libel, Please don't send me down For saying your red gown And white wig are, together, quite delightful.
Damn, I was hoping that someone was going to sing the sentence for Rolf Harris: "I hereby sentence that ♫the man who made the song about the court of King Caractacus is going to jail!♫"
"I am well aware that the defendant was seen murdering that chap by forty-two witnesses, but I say that he didn't kill him at all! "He didn't kill him at all"."
No, the defense cannot phone a friend.
Can they ask the audience
But sir you can phone a friend in prison if you plead guilty
That is incredibly clever 😂😂
Lord Skeptic I’d like a 50/50 lifeline
Let's ask the host
“If I’m guilty of anything, it’s caring too much. And embezzlement. Embezzlement and caring too much. That’s it.”
I love Ed
Thanks for the handy quote. That saves me from remembering a thing I heard a comedian say just minutes ago.
@@AlanHope2013 it’s the comments section. People ‘comment’ on their favourite bits. 🤔
Along with Hugh Dennis I think he is the only one that can do comedic acting to a good level
''Any reason why it shouldn't give you a very long sentence? Yes i'm dyslexic''
Nice one.
LOL
P.S. I not it
Guiltypersonsaywhat?
No further questions your honour
Pardon?
Hahaha
Sorry?
Please repeat?
If a guilty person says that word, then you are guilty for uttering it
12 people are guilty of downvoting this video...and embezzlement.
What's embezzlement?
It's when people who've been entrusted with money that isn't theirs (like bankers or government bureaucrats) take some of it for themselves.
Or are they Quilty
Keith Fraser so the 12 people are bankers
"You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls"
I'm pretty sure that is likely to be said at the moment!
Was thinking that as I watched this!
Cat Musiclover same
Yeah, that one didn't age like they expected.
Early days of Covid, one of my co-workers parked their car and went to a store to get something.
When they got back, someone had smashed the rear windows and stolen the 6 pack of toilet rolls on the back seat.
Hugh would be good for this one
“Ms. Thompson you have been accused of perverting the course of justice by sexually bribing judges of the court
*smirks*
I find you not guilty”
@ jordan. Thats actually decent which is not normally the case from comments on these segments. And yeah feels like something hugh would do
"What do you have to say in your defence?"
"It was just banter mate."
That's what our Prime Minister says all the time! #kiwi
And Farage
Sounds like something that Rob Beckett would say.
@@joshuabangs88
Still true.
If rob becket was on this one
My entry:
It's time to announce you sentence, enough of this debating
I will give to you what the court's anticipating
It's now clear to me you're guilty, now you will serve your time
You'll stay in jail for 40 years as punishment for your crime.
It's poetic justice.
Algahiem you have earned my like for one of the most inventive jokes I've seen in a long while
Meh
“Caring too much” is no longer an unlikely thing to hear. Supreme court judge Kavanuagh said it while sobbing in a senate hearing 😂😂🤦🏾♀️
"Quilty or not quilty?" I was dying
Me too
Nowadays, many feel that the sentence for such a theft should much heavier than it was a month ago.
"We have a hung jury... I told you this was too depressing."
oh myy :p
Except it would be hanged.
@@TheMasterMief No, because in the UK, the word 'hanged' only applies to the method of execution.
Hung is the correct word.
The joke was we have a hung jury.
You can put your trousers back on now.
Well Hung is another way of saying big genitals. It is a play on words.
@@Lord_Skeptic but not in the joke in the comment here
"Totally and utterly... Guilty!"
"Of nothing more! Than doing his duty under difficult circumstances!"
That's what I thought of!
‘Before we get to the formality of sentencing the deceased...I MEAN THE DEFENDANT! Bahehehehehehehehehe.’
nonsense he's a hound and a rotter and he's gonna be shot
Most of these sound like legitimate things that would be said in Ace Attorney, to be perfectly honest.
Oh, 100%
But a little toned down for appropriate audiences.
Like some of them being dialogue for when you object with the wrong evidence
That Smoothie joke is the best I've heard on Mock the Week in so long.
i dont get it.
There is a brand of smoothies called 'Innocent'. And in court you plead innocent or guilty.
i get it now.
only milton jones
Actually you don't you plead innocent or guilty.
You plead guilty or not guilty.
Yes, your Honor. I AM aware of the penalty for perjury. And it's a hell of a lot less than the penalty for murder.
Mr Clapton, I think you`ll find that Mr Marley has already pleaded guilty to shooting the sheriff.
right?? Clapton who?
Mr. Wicks, you are accused of annoying people with your voice. How do you plead?
GUILTEEEEEE!
For some reason Andy Parson's chin wants us to look at his nose
SEN-TENCE
"As you can see here from the video evidence, the ball was in fact in"
This series never gets old!
The toilet paper one is startlingly relevant today...
Milton you are side-splittingly hilarious ! Great off the wall humour ! MTW , great as ever !
1:54 is a Tommy Cooper joke, old but still funny in the right circumstances
Mr Kelly Jones of the Stereophonics, do you swear to tell it like it is, and do you swear to tell it like it really is, before you go on home?
Conway79 Underrated. Deserves more likes.
The toilet paper joke aged especially well 😍😅
Addicted to Mock of the Week clips recently 🙏
"Ok you may now all be seated, Simon says ok you may now all be seated"
"For god's sake Sir Elton, we questioned you about the punch up and your defence was actually 'saturday night is alright for fighting'"
I demand a trial by combat!
Mr pistorious you don't have a leg to stand on
I confess, it was me who put the bomp in the bompshubomptibomb.
And the ram in ramalamadingdong
The jury has come to the conclusion that "cheeky nandos" is not a valid reason for murder in the first degree, Mr Jones.
2:49 That look Russell Kane gives to the camera - gold!
1:54 Hugh Dennis never fails to give a good one liner! Hahaha!
Some real gems in here!
SMth that actually happened in a court house here...
A man was found guilty of murdering both his parents and before sentencing, he asks the judge if mitigating circumstances will be taken into consideration. And the judge says:
- Of course. Just state if you have any...
And the guy goes:
-Well, your honor, I'm a poor orphan without mother and father...
''and on centre court its djokovic vs murray''
"Kids say the darndest things. Is that your defense, Mr Cosby?"
"My client has been subjected to a witchhunt, which is appropriate as she is a witch. I was a frog and she turned me into a lawyer. Please turn me back now."
Milton's is actually a lot cleverer than it first seems
Hugh is the king of the dad jokes😂
"S culb 7 must remain in prison." Oh God! I almost choked on a lung!!
0:11 I can easily disprove that.
- holds up Mrs. Peacock card -
1:29 accurate for first lockdown
I just wanted someone to make a Phoenix Wright joke.
1:28 man predicted the future
Milton, Ed and Hugh.
These guys really try to keep this show alive
They should have done an order, order in the court. Yes I will have a hamburger with fries joke
my entry: "Just out of curiosity Your Honor, are you wearing pants under that robe?"
Definitely American.
Change your user name immediately.
My favourite line up!!
Entry: "Mr Daltrey, we understand you may have been bullied by this man, but your defence can't simply be, no one knows what it's like to be the sad man behind blue eyes'
Wow, Russell Kane is painfully unfunny.
+Luke Rogers There's not a funny Russell alive.
+Benjamin.T. Haden like I said...
+MrBeasled It's a Brand
MrBeasled Russell Howard?
LOL
I cant believe they missed the chance for, "Come on Pistorious?! You haven't got a leg to stand on!"
Should have said
"Mr. Pistorius, we understand in your statement that on the night of the crime, you were arguing with your girlfriend. You wanted to replace the bathroom door but she was dead against it."
Ed Byrne is fucking GOLD !!
This hit harder at night 🤣
JUDGE: ORDER... ORDER IN THE COURT!!!!!
ME: I'll have a extra large burger, a bucket of chicken wings, and a diet Coke...
JUDGE: SILENCE, FOOL... we don't have diet drinks.
What does the defence have to say?
I thought voting for Brexit would save Businesses in the UK
Milton Jones needs a line of shirts. Or at least to tell me where he shops.
1:07 got me laughing too much for too long.
Could someone explain it please? I don’t get it
Best show ever 🇮🇪🇮🇪
My entry: The jury have come to a conclusion that, Mr Blair ... you're innocent!
"Mr o'Briain, we all know you weren't a massive fan of Professor Cox, but we weren't expecting you to do THAT!!"
not QUILTY !!!
lmao !!!
"Can you tell what it is, yet?" *died!
Alright, do you have an alibi?
I have a halibut.
"You have been found innocent. You are free to go. In fact, you can piss off."
"Your honour, are you asleep!?"
I'll get you next time Gadget, NEXT TIME
Your honour the defendant also said at the crime that he would’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids
2:05 actually I shot the Sheriff was written by Mr. Bob Marley.
Ed Byrne 😂
Mock the week is great!
"....and that's 30-love, Andy Murray's on a hot streak this afternoon"
My Lord, with my hand on the bible
Let's forget this trial for libel,
Please don't send me down
For saying your red gown
And white wig are, together, quite delightful.
1:06 & 2:44 Was that a reference to Martin Pistorius, or is that just me?
Oscar
I don't get the last joke by Milton Jones but I don't know any brand names of smoothies I'm guessing it's based on that ?
There's a brand of fruit smoothies called "Innocent".
Can't wait for judge romesh 😂
Quilty or not Quilty? Heheheh
Mike Oldfield. Crime of passion.
Guilty or innocent.
Mr Pistorious, we decline your defence that at the time of your crime you were legless 😂
And there is the reason Russell Kane was not invited back
Defendant: if you suspect people of doing things it is probably because you are guilty of doing it yourself
Well with all this evidence do you plead guilty or guilty????
Too classic!
Could someone please explain the last joke to me (the one about the smoothie)?
There is a smoothie called innocent
SENTENCE
''I'm sentencing to you life behind bars all 3 weeks of it as you're 95''
I don't get the smoothie one. Was the punchline a quote from an ad or something?
Innocent is a brand of smoothie, and he's being accused of unnecessarily advertising smoothie brands. He has to be careful with his plea ;P
I did it! I don't know what it is, but I swear to God I did it!
Damn, I was hoping that someone was going to sing the sentence for Rolf Harris: "I hereby sentence that ♫the man who made the song about the court of King Caractacus is going to jail!♫"
Now the jury who delivered the verdict in the trial of the man who sang the song about the court of King Caractacus was just passing by!
High Quality Resolution
3:06 can someone explain please I don’t get it??
Random Matt It's a reference to Innocent smoothies.
''All rise especially you in the wheelchair up!!!''
"He's an evil man, with a black heart, and nice firm buttocks"
Honestly that's me when I'm writing
We the jury have come to the decision- The Ball Was In
"I am well aware that the defendant was seen murdering that chap by forty-two witnesses, but I say that he didn't kill him at all! "He didn't kill him at all"."
The Guildford Four and the Birmingham Six, together at last for a Children in Need charity single as the Wrongly Imprisoned Ten
I find you guilty of killing the cat I hereby sentence you to 9 life sentences.