The toxic female gaze | Emma Jones | TEDxGhent
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- Distorted perspectives on females have been created in the subconscious of our society, creating a confidence crisis that endangers the current and future female generations. Urgent action is needed to stand up against how women are portrayed. Emma provides an insider perspective on the media’s obsession with the personal lives of female celebrities perpetuating an inherent belief that the value of a woman is physical.
From being a BBC News reporter to producer in politics, economics and social affairs. In recent years she has worked a lot within the fields of arts, culture, media and tech. The type of work ranges from interviewing to live presenting for news or film festivals such as Sundance and Cannes. Co-founder of Noble Media and Electra Media - a media channel that speaks for women in the film industry.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Psychology tells us that a good appearance can make a good impression on others but it is just a temporary feel. With the deepening of communication, the personality weighs more.
depends on what you're after really, and what kind of person you're talking to. If you want a friendship or general respect, then yes (that's true more often than not). However looks do make a bigger impact when it comes to romance. When it comes to attraction, personality does matter a lot, but you need to find at least *something* about them physically attractive (although this is often very subjective)
Yeah there’s this really hot guy at my school and that gave me a good impression of him, but soon after I realized he’s selfish and acts like a baby. So now I just see him differently
Interestingly it seems most (or at least many) people conflate looks with moral quality, and more broadly all good or bad qualities. Its weird seeing 80 year olds get called attractive because people agree with them and youth getting called hideous by those that disagree. It does actually seem to be valid in certain cases like with old people whos moods have influenced their facial features from years of scowling or smiling though
Yep, i always did very well with girls until i opened my mouth.
@@jeice13 Yep, it's called "the halo effect." An average looking dude like me and everyone else below or above suffers from at too. Till we get sick of getting pissed on anyways
In China there is joke - three girls need 4 chat groups
@Pichkalu Pappita very sorry but i don't think my English is good enough to explain it clearly
Pichkalu Pappita I assume it's something like this...girls A B and C are all in one group chat, but each girl also needs to be in a chat excluding one of the other girls so they can talk about her behind her back. Therefore; A and B can "whisper" to each other (to talk about C), A and C can whisper (about B), and lastly B and C can whisper (about A)
@Pichkalu Pappita It's math
@@VeryBlueberrry good saying
😁👍🏿
I was a naive little girl. The first time I found out how closely media scrutinised something as inconsequential as celeb looks and makeup, I was disgusted. So maybe it's not ingrained. Maybe it's learned.
yes it is!
It’s ingrained.
Even babies do this.
Everyone is judged!
Men on looks and capability to provide as well as social status. Women are judged on fertility /age, looks, being a mother (or not) and even if they can still maintain a career.
The only ‘winners’ are people who manage peoples perceptions or people who simply don’t care.
Exactly. It's much easier to teach one person how to cope with social pressure than it is to change human society as a whole.
Men are valued more in terms of looks by being tall and athletic.
@@ganymeade5151 men can’t change their height and it’s much harder to gain muscle than it is to stay at a skinny-medium size.
I'm a girl and can say that my fellow girls have hurt me more than boys ever did
girls always hurt girls more than boys. They hurt DEEPER. boys hurt on the surface.
Yeah but that's because we make ourselves more vulnerable to female friends the guys. With guys were naturally going to have boundaries in place, the friend field is different. I had a lot of heartbreaks dating but when a best friend breaks your heart... that is a difference kind of hurting. Took way longer to heal. But I still prefer the company of (strong and secure) women better than any man, the women just take a while to find. They're out there, far and few but worth their weight in gold.
@@prittyugly86 I prefer the company of good people, be they male or female. I don't draw dichotomies between the sexes. Barring the aggregate natural differences in temperament, we are all similar enough. And If I can't get used to another's temperament, that's just me being slow in expanding my reach to others
@@Ψυχήμίασμα praise your comment bud
Same here
Women judge other women.. It's really sad.
...and, then say, we don't judge, then, turn around and call another something lowly. B..tches.
I was never called pretty as a little girl and thought I would meet “Prince Charming”. I had to develop strength and some personality
I love a good personality
Lets dance pretty girl 👧
My mother would tell me I looked pretty when I was dressed up,, but she never told me yes if I asked if I was pretty. I knew the difference, and it hurt.
You are very pretty. Your smile can light up a room. Keep being you beautiful lady🙂
CatsGTOW I couldn’t imagine being treated like a “princess”, whatever that means
Now you're pretty though
Psychology courses should be universally mandatory. So many people don't understand that, unless society breaks down your door and forces you to make certain choices, YOU are the one who controls how you respond to things. Internalization and salience are incredibly important concepts, and they are individually unique. Media has an impact on us, but it's not a 1-to-1 thing. It doesn't override the fact that you control how you are affected by it. The idea that you have no control is a dangerous falsehood. There is no "toxic masculinity" or "toxic femininity". It's just harmful behaviors that manifest in unique ways with different people. These ideas are dangerous because they ignore individuality and personal responsibility. Take it from someone with degrees in Anthropology, if you focus on groups and not individuals, your resulting theories will be wrong and will cause far more harm than good.
Watch at 1.25x. Changes the entire tone.
1.75
@@gg_rider 2x
I always watch at 1.5 or faster it’s the only way I can get through most of them.
I tried it you are right, it became some what a feminazi's draughed "whining"
It’s because she’s a bit shy
I don't think this issue can be laid at the feet of the media.
Beauty and youth were desirable traits in women long before television or even print not to mention Instagram. Much like strength and status were desirable traits in men. This is why many women's self-worth is tied to their beauty and appearance and many men's self-worth is tied to their status.
TheWolverine:
Spitting truth...as usual.
Yeah, it's not like it would be useful for people to have developed preferences to view youth in women as beautiful, because youth correlates with fertility. This is just the blank slate argument in disquise all over again.
I think you don't see the subtleties here. Yes you are right, women and men always have cared about these traits and that probably is not going away. But where is the bar for beautiful nowadays and why is it that way? The more a girl feels bad about her appearance the more interested in buying make up for example she will be. If you are a make up seller and another guy is a clothes seller, you lack empathy, have plenty of greed and you want to make more bucks from people, what do you both do with your marketing campaigns? What about men thinking they need to be the most alpha with the ferrari, James Bond appearence and italian suit to just have a shot with any girl? Can you get to where I am taking you?
@@Tarantula-hawk Sure.
Only comment that made sense so far
Yeah men get judged on both. Looks and money. At least an attractive poor woman can get plenty of attention
Thanks, Emma. I appreciate you for taking a stand for human dignity. One of the most interesting meta-conversations about your talk is the ecological relationship between writer and subject, speaker and listener, interviewer and interviewee. I've been aware all my life that the most interesting parts of me and others are not viewed because there is no role in our dumbed-down version of culture through which to express them. If 99% of people ask me "keeping busy?" it defines the whole cultural dialog based on a competition to manically create things to do. If everyone asks women about age it's the same thing. Here are a few metrics I think are medicinal to pay attention to:
1) What are 40 things that if anyone did them would make you feel completely and totally loved?
2) Who would you love to be as a human being if no one was watching or ever knew? Why?
3) What are your greatest strengths and what role, if it existed, would allow you to bring the most value to the most people, based on your strengths?
From experience the person who answers these questions thoughtfully is a pretty amazing person to spend time with of any age, body type or gender.
Dane Rose These are very difficult questions you ask. As a Septuagenarian, these questions may not apply to me. 1) I could answer that in 25 words or less. 2) I would love to be a less selfish human, but never another person, unless more empathy makes me a different person. 3) People seem to look at my strengths through their weakness, and I look at others strengths through my weaknesses.
same for sportsmen...not only women are replaced when they are two old for a film football players are replaced when they are too old to play...
Just to add my two cents. . . Women can use men for money, protection, favors, work, their status, their job. Men can use women for what they look like, a woman’s appearance. That’s the only thing a man is able to use a woman for. It’s not surprising, when it comes to dating, men are interested in a woman’s appearance.
Wearing high heels, wearing makeup, isn't that hypocrisy? It's pointless talking about not objectifying women when women objectify themselves.
I'm just wondering why people who comment on this type of video "taking a dump while watching this" etc. even clicked to watch. I'm so let down by the comment section. Unbelievable.
Magdalena Tsekou because they expect good videos from TEDx but instead get this shit
@Magdalena Tsekou . Sweety. The average guy has got the hatches battened down.
We do care otherwise we wouldn't look at vids like this at all.
It's just that a guy has to get help from God himself to try and understand women's confusions, and idolatry, and split mentality, especially as men are actually very vulnerable emotionally to women in terms of achieving emotional resolution in his whole life path, with women who are not safe to be with these days, - so your disappointment shows a fundamental lack of understanding of the situation when you react to some straight forward guys that are a bit gruff.
A woman on a stage... SPEAKING, how dare she?
taking a dump while reading this comment
What are your actual expectations for the comment section on RUclips videos?
How are media consumers supposed to tell which thumbnails are taken by paparazzi and which aren't? It's a bit confusing to be told "be careful what you click on", then also be told "try to get the whole story", which usually entails clicking on the article to get the full context.
I think when a website is a gossip site, it's pretty obvious if it's gonna be a truth or lie...
Part of me applauds her for talking about this, another part of me just kinda goes “this is wishful thinking”. And I think that comes from just learning and deconstructing so much of life and kinda recognizing the core of life is inherently about both survival and reproduction. So in a way, I don’t see our interests in people being too far off that tract per se. perhaps some change and culture might help people, but overall, the core of life is still the core of life and by the time we figure out the game, we die, and another person is born and they got to start all over again. Also, parents I’ve noticed likley don’t go as deep into much of how life works because they just don’t have time. That was a reality that kinda hit me kinda hard I admit.
So how exactly are things tougher for women than men in the film industry?
i thought it would be about when a men does something wrong and the female gives him the toxic gaze.
It is something i've always talked about, how most of the prejudice regarding female appearance is coming from media meant for a female audience, which is comprised mostly of other women, since an early age they are looked down on because of their shoes, or hair or something shallow like that, establishing a silent competition between women to try to one up the other which leads to such a low self esteem culture with the goal of boosting consumism, the same happens to men to a certain extent but on a different context. The true problem in society is this low self esteem mentality that we're all subject to from the moment we start interacting socially with the outside world.
People should serously * off about women and age. Men age too, we all age and our looks change. Get used to it, guys. Success isn't about that.
this is NOT a men verse women issue to all of you saying "but men have problems too blah blah blah". she's not making this about men. Yes, men's issues are important, and so is this issue in the talk. It's not an either/or situation.
A very smart women! The media puts out what gets clicks, so watch what you are voting for.
" It's not an either/or situation."
actually it kind of is an either/or situation. at least to an extent. to put it simply human attention is a very limited resource and the way its compartmentalized in most people mean that there is a limited amount of it given to certain topics. so constantly talking about female problems is monopolizing the discussion about gender related problems even if technically it doesn't directly stop you from hearing about male issues.
I know this is an old comment but I agree. Though the only thing I would criticize with her speech is that she doesn't know this is a growing issue among young men and boys as well. Being a Psychology student myself and having spoken to experienced therapists, they'll tell you that more commonly now not just women and girls, but men and boys suffer from body image and self-esteem issues as well.
I've seen my sisters daughters, 13 and 11, already work themselves up with it, and heard teenage boys who hate themselves because how they look. I've done my best to teach my sisters children about it and they have great parents too, but there's a ton of social pressure for them to follow. Not just outside but what kind of Self image they are being sold, and the " fix " for it.
Right. It's not a zero sum game
+Aunty Agony
Good deal? Women are given right to vote and property without service to the state
Women are given sole authority over reproduction
Women are catered to in most facets of society whereas men are left to their devices
and you want us to offer MORE?
If that isn't a grandiose sense of entitlement, I don't know what is
And yes, take care of those fatherless, feminized boys, who are obsessed with their looks too.
Women get a lot of privilege because of their fertility, which is related to age and looks. But basic female privileges are overshadowed by the loss of privilege as they age.
They still get special treatment, but less than when they were younger. A loss of power and privilege hurts. Just as reduced income hurts. It's a downgrade from the "lifestyle you become accustomed to"
*"I asked myself why we don't care about men's age"*
>Ignores the obvious answer that she doesn't like
>Starts deconstructing society and gender to come to the conclusion she likes
The truth is, a woman's attractiveness is linked to beauty and fertility while a man's attractiveness is linked to social status, power and utility (or the qualities that potentially translate to that). This is not defined by education, but by the other sex's innate preference. Everything starts making sense when you accept this simple fact.
Theodolphe Women don't loss fertility until about 40 but as soon as a woman looks a bit older than 30 men don't find her attractive. Obviously it's not just biology.
Yes it is. Women in their 30's are still marginally attractive, just like they are still marginally fertile (harder to get a baby, not as much time left to make a lot of them, higher chances of birth defects).
Women's prime attractiveness (early 20's) also coincides with prime fertility. Of course it's biology.
I must be an abiological specimen then, since I tend to find women more attractive in their 30s + than when they are in their supposed early 20s prime.
Yes but a woman's reproductive "fitness" starts to decline, so it is partially biology.
Theodolphe I accept it use to be, but not anymore. I want a man who its not mediocre in any way. Not talking about money or social status, nor religious morals. Just as a human. Plus, who do you think - witch gender- made it/said so...this innate preference?
The problem is that young women today believe that their bodies are their main asset to succeed in life and in relationships. They play this game themselves.
"The toxic female gaze?" Terrible title for a drawn-out speech on why we should stop clicking on websites with attractive women displayed on them.
I was honestly expecting more of a psychological presentation on female behavior (which would have been far more interesting than this).
She did a good job on her speech though, she speaks very well and clearly. I would only negatively critique her on her excessive use of pauses and the content of the speech itself was something I could have read online at Buzzfeed or the editorial section of a newspaper.
I'm not using facebook or instragram. Or really anything remotely social "media" esk other than youtube and most of the time I don't comment or read the descriptions. Not very social. I don't watch the films celebretities are in either or care about lifes. In fact I can only imagine just how boring their lives are when they aren't working on some cool film or something. And I find celebrity culture to be pretty awful. And I really don't like the idea of child actors being exposed to such a toxic culture while their minds are so moldable. I find it hard to believe I have much at all in common with the rich or entitled celebrities(or worse broke ones that had millions but blew it all). So not only do I never see what happens in their lives I wouldn't care it I did. I do sometimes care about youtubers lives, but I never seek out gossip or rumors on them.
Its a fact that human value is in looks, status, wealth, intellect and humanity. Sadly women fall foul of failing looks after 25, a tendency to be shallow and low aspiration other than to "catch" a man with status and wealth rather than seek it themselves. Their humanity...how they treat others...is in question.
Women are failing in society.....even educated ones are indebted, unhappy, lonely and often childless. And don't lets even get into obesity and mental health.
It's the consequence of toxic feminism and female media. The unfettered female.
Jesus Christ, the lip-smacking in most Ted talks is unbearable!
Guess you don’t like the movie “The Dark Knight”
I know so many men who are giving themselves serious back problems to look "right" we are all hurting ourselves for nothing imo
I struggle with this so much. I am in pain.
Amazing TED Talk, so empowering and inspiring!
Very good lecture, attentive audience.
I'm genuinely shocked ted talks enabled comments on such a subject. they normally shut down discourse by disabling comments.
This is TEDx, which does not follow the same rules as regular TED (and is infinitely more interesting). These talks are independently organized in the format of a TED talk, but not organized by the TED organization. TEDx generally does not disable comments until after flame wars have actually erupted.
well basically if a woman doesn't have a baby yet women hit medapause in their 40s and men never go threw that so that probably has a lot to do with it but if they already have children it shouldn't be of anyone's concern i know most people aren't like me but honestly i'm just looking out 4 you
This took a turn into modern feminism...😑
Its genetics, women and looks, men and money, we cancel each other out on that score
In today's gruesome world.. Today I have devaour everyone
I must look fabulous than she is, I must look macho than he is..
I dont care. Women are strong, independent people capable of making their own decisions. What media you consume is your problem.
Women have always had this weird fascination with famous people only today people can be famous for anything. Its not even a stereotype to say women love gossip because its a fact.
I've noticed something else though anytime someone points out something wrong with women there's always an excuse for the behavior. Its like peoples mind goes in detective mode to figure out exactly why this negative character trait is shared by women. Like people think 'no that can't be right women are great there has to be logical excuse as to why women follow this behavior'.
But you see a negative character trait in men and people just dismiss it as him being a man there is no causation or excuse for the behavior then just he's a toxic man.
Women just don't understand men. They are dying alone because of it. Learn about men. Quit focusing on yourselfs and each other
Do you understand women by any chance? And do you always think about what's best for others?
In terms of age, I would certainly argue that women are very particular as well. More so than men might I add. Up until the age of perhaps 40 almost all women prefer older men. It’s a sad indictment on society that both men and women pigeon hole one another so much.
Am watching this talk, I'm female, yet it's really annoying me. Every celebrity knows what they are letting themselves in for so why is this lady encouraging us to see them as victims ? It takes away any value in the rest of her message. Sick and tired of all the poor women celebrities. If you don't want all the different sorts of attention then don't go into show business. It really is that simple.
But looks are what we get before we can see their personality traits. There's nothing wrong with calling someone pretty, as long as that's not ALL you focus on.
I didn't realise I was obsessed with a woman's age or the way she looks...
Ema Watson?
He for she?
Why no she for he?
Emma Watson has always done 'glamour' photo shoots. She recently posed almost topless wearing just a see through knitted top which was open at the front. Her hair cuts alone probably cost more than an average man's monthly disposable income.
Feminism is chivalry rebaptized for progressives.
We attach more significance to a woman turning 40 than a man turning 40 because of fertility issues. Middle aged men are still fertile, older women are not. It's really not complicated. As a woman ages she becomes less attractive to men for this reason. And everyone wants to be attractive. Attractiveness is source of power.
Sam Quo Vadis Women who are between 40 and 50 can have healthy children naturally. (I'm a child of one. ) Fertility experts actually state for the "average" women it is the age of 42 when fertility rates drop. However there are still exceptions to this which my family and friends' who work in the medical profession see every day.
There is also research that now shows the age of the man is important. So if you are over 40 you can't guarantee you will produce healthy children as a man.
MsPeabody
I'm the eldest sibling. My parents had me when they were very young and I ended up with huge health issues. My younger sister had fewer health issues than me, and my even younger brother had the best health of the lot of us. So in our case, health of the offspring got better as the parents conceived older.
Lots of people of all ages are infertile and you wouldn't know by looking at them. And lots of women at 40 don't even look it, we're just so obsessed with the number for some reason.
Yeah... I think too... People should stop giving a shit..
So who else is watching this while taking a shit?
What?
Ahahahahahaha
"Why are we so interested?"
I don't have the slightest interest. Don't you mean? Why are women so interested? But that's taboo to say.
Did i fall asleep during this video? Where is the speaker calling out men specifically? And didn't she point out that it is mostly women clicking on these pictures?
Absolutely brilliant and right on target. You go, lady! Rock the system and that glass ceiling of objectification by the film industry of women.
40 is nothing, wait until you hit 50, that's a real punch to the gut. Damn.....I still haven't really come to terms with it, and I'm almost 53.
Aging isn't so bad, when you consider the alternative.
Wow.....you just totally changed my attitude about getting older. Not being sarcastic, completely serious here. Thanks!
Glad I could help :)
I know this comment will get lost but I really wish Ted wouldn't mic up their speakers so close to their mouth.
I find it hard to focus on the words because of the mouth sounds.
Judith Furmston.
That's what she said!
Agree - the lipsmacking and other mouth sounds give me the chills.
Mr Toad misophoniacs rise up
i was gona say the same thing! The sounds of saliva really take away from the speakers message :(
Me too.
I've met so many women who seem to feel that everything is a competition, even intimacy.
Yes and that is 1000% true, nobody to blame, all in the DNA game!
They're good for nothing those ones, stay away from them.
I'm intimately competitive!
This is what women get for trying to act like men
@Luca Hemley which leads to the Darkside of THE Force.
As a 50 year old woman I can just remember a time when there was a lot of positive reinforced support within girls and women in the "sisterhood". A time when the unspoken rule was to be there for one another and if necessary lift up someone if they happen to fall. Now it seems that almost the exact opposite is the case. Interesting.
😭
You're a 20 year young woman with an additional 30 years of experience 😉
I am 56 and I don't actually remember this sisterhood. I haven't experienced it. I do think this 'sisterhood' is a myth. In my experience, there is a lot of jealousy, narcissism and that we have to conform to white middle class career 2.4 and cockapoo model. I have CPTSD from the abuse by women (well some) and for my own MH I have to stay clear from them, but I will stand up against abuse which they don't like very much and I get the gaslighting. Sometimes I think we are 'at war' with other women, it really is crazy out there.
@@beaulieuc8910
You wrote that you thought sisterhood was a myth > So you know, I am 62, and in my youth, I never saw them be mean to others (of any age). I had lots of friends in high school (the 1970s) and in college, and "sisterhood" was a standard thing. We were supportive friends, no one was mean: people were able to confide in each other, cry with each other, share their experiences and feel accepted and loved in the midst of it. They didn't demean each other, they didn't show unkindness, they didn't bully, and I had numerous dorm roommates that were strangers when we moved in together. The state university dorms I lived in were places of peace. I had a group of friends that were never unkind to anyone. I observed the friends of my parents and their peers in the community, and they didn't behave meanly with each other at all. I had many sisterly supports through my life, but as the 1990s developed, I noticed a large shift in people's behavior, such that they would actually try to run over people, not just verbally, hatefully, but physically too, even with their cars. I'm telling you, it didn't used to be like that.
@@tusia7403
May I ask what country that is? That's the way the US used to be, circa 1982 and before, then gradually getting worse through the 90s and after.
Off topic but I love her voice. She should narrate an audiobook
It's calming
Are you in the Klan?
No thanks , wet mouth sounds are horrific
Exactly i was thinking that too
@Kayla i agree i think she should start with 50 shades of grey
Thank you for this talk. Very insightful. Manipulative industries that want us to constantly compare and devalue ourselves have a truly toxic effect on most people. I refuse to view any celebrity blogs, links or videos. And I avoid magazines and most television. There is airbrushing, plastic surgery and other industry tricks that annoy me. Real women, in real life deserve much better than being encouraged to obsess about their looks and clothes.
I can feel a terf here.
Insightful? That a woman's 's biggest critics is other women? This is obvious.
@@sadbaguette677 ??
Not just that. Now there are photomanipulation and social media as well, to make this kind of thing more common place than just the world of celebrity.
Supply and demand, this is how the world has worked for centuries
I'm so glad someone is finally addressing how women objectify men...
wait...nevermind
Jojo Snow when I clicked on that’s what I thought it was gonna be because objectifying men is seen as acceptable
Yeah, I was waiting to hear how women's view of men is toxic and needs to change.
me too, i thought that as well, like, yeah...
Aw man that's what I just clicked this video expecting to hear about and i'm only 2 minutes in 🤨
Why do you guys just go around RUclips looking for pick-me-ups to make yourselves feel better?
guys might be attracted to women first for their looks, but they stay for their personality
True but you need looks to attract some one first. Without looks they’ll never approach you and they’ll never find out you have a good personality.
That's true for women too
@@Vrjm81 Obviously you have never met any asexuals, demisexuals, demiromantics, or aromantics.
@@milfbangerbhabhilover9771 But then there's also money, career, earning potential in the mix. That stuff doesn't matter for most guys.
@@465marko what this is old i don't remember what this video said
"Every beautiful woman dies twice." ---Lauren Bacall
And one day they'll realize that the first death is completely avoidable by knowing yourself and not being vain.
@@JeremyHolmes it's not about needing to not be vain. It's about not determining your self worth based on how you look.
@@janettejack7721 Yeah, placing a value on looks is vanity.
@@JeremyHolmes no it's not vanity or ego. For many years woman were taught the their only value as a woman was their beauty.
@@janettejack7721 taught?
Van Morrison: "The girls walk by dressed up for each other."
AMEN!
Another myth
Women dress for women and undress for men.They also dress their men..pretty much.
A woman told me that once.
Sonic.
That is very funny. Good one.
@@victorarregnelle8976
Thay have to give birth so as a human race we can continue.
they like being toxic
@@CS-sv8fg I don't
Why would i dress for another woman? 🤨
She's literally talking about the male gaze, why didn't she name it like that
Ikr?? I cant even tell if the people in these comments are being misogynist or not
How? We don’t discriminate or isolate women for not being unattractive. Lots of the unattractive girls we turn down, we do it in a respectful way and even become friends with them. Girls on the other hand will dehumanize the guy by calling him a creep and ridiculing him behind his back
How is this about the toxic female gaze? I was expecting a new take on this.
I absolutely found myself asking this same question, @Clisare. Not sure what you're thinking, but I was expecting a talk about calling out men looking at women in an inappropriate way...
Well I think she means the "typical" way women look at other women, compare and judge. She is seemingly not aware of that terminology being used in film and storytelling even though she herself did observe it with f.e. disneys princesses. I would still suggest they change the title though because its very misleading indeed
I thought it was a bout glaring at other women.
If you stopped looking at other people’s lives you will start listening to your body and love yourself.
Great advice! Comparing yourself is detrimental
Something that has always bothered me is the idea of makeup and how women are the ones expected to wear it. Not to say men can't and don't wear makeup, but beauty products are directed towards women. When did someone decide that we weren't beautiful enough naturally? And why is it only women? Makeup has become a such a norm, and it teaches us that our eyelashes aren't long enough and our skin isn't clear enough and that our looks matter enough that we must improve upon them. I was 15 when I first started wearing makeup. I had nearly just started puberty and I had already learned the message that I needed to be prettier. I don't shame others for wearing makeup (I still do to this day) but it is the fundamental idea of makeup that makes my stomach churn.
because its a biological arms race between other women. Some girls started doing things to enhance their looks which put them ahead in mate selection. Therefor forcing other women to get on board or be left behind. Its the same reason as to why do men always have to do the approaching with women. I could sit back and complain its not fair, but while I'm doing so i would get out competed by guys who get out and do it. Girls are competing to maximise her approachability and guys are competing to maximise their approaching.
thats why beauty products are directed towards women, men cant just make ourselves beautiful and hope women come to us.
I've been denigrated by women and men for voicing my belief that women shouldn't wear make-up. The standard line is that make-up is empowering (which is sick, in my opinion, and completely counter-intuitive) so I was viewed as attacking a woman's self-worth. It's this weird, twisted logic that ties make-up to strength & self-confidence.
well it's less that someone decided we weren't beautiful enough naturally and more that people decided that men didn't need makeup most of the time. People have worn makeup at least since our brains evolved to modern capacity, possibly even longer. Small children, even aged 2-3 will cover themselves with nearly any spreadable substance on hand. They aren't being messy, they are experimenting with makeup. Even at a very young age we think about the image that we are presenting to the world: and that is what makeup is really about. It isn't really about beauty at all, but rather about identity. That is why it is such a fixture of human life, across all cultures and from an early age. Of course, people can and do live without it. If we choose not to, or aren't allowed to, use makeup: we turn to other things. Only in a society where one never meets strangers does the need for makeup disappear. Most people don't live in a society like that, and wouldn't want to though. The question is more: how do we use makeup in a healthy and beneficial way?
Feminists are trying to make "unwanted advances" (aka asking a girl out) an offense, so pretty soon no one will ask anyone out anymore. On the plus side, we won't have to bother with makeup anymore either!
That's not what "unwanted advances" means. unwanted advances have to do with touching, catcalling and getting in someone's personal space. It's perfectly fine to ask a girl out anytime you want. I don't know who would consider that an "advance" or offense. Most people like being asked out, even if they feel a need to decline.
Isn’t this technically still the male gaze??
Wow. You really want to make us the cause for literally every problem you invent in your own lives, huh?
@@mechamahou8467 ikr. Talk about gas lighting
@@mechamahou8467 "Its Patriarchy Backfiring"
I wonder how many people will dislike and leave when they see "toxic" and "female" in the title without taking a second to think about the video at all.
James Ano over 100 it would seem!
James Ano all of them
James Ano. I watched it. It's shit.
Maybe try.. not to wonder about negative possibility when the positive projection and focus might be more productive creating energetic atmosphere determined with possibility of the good.. cheers
Amy What are you saying????
Lady, you lost me at Jennifer Aniston. I seriously don't care about anything Hollywood related, magazine related, social media related. I thought this would be more about how women of all cultures still hurt themselves and other women in order to please society. Issues like excision, resigning to remain uneducated and accepting the innevitability of their position in their cultural group because they were taught by other women that is how it's supposed to be. Please address that instead of pointless western cultural icons who do nothing but spend money on blood facials that could be used by women in extremelly poor countries to send their daughtersto school.
palmieres she covered that if you watched the whole video but your ignorance got in the way
@@beans9019 👏👏
The internalized misogyny in this comment section is insane
this "40 is the end" shit is so tired and old
this '40 is the end' shit is so 40 is the end
It is the end, when it comes to being able to procreate.
N. Sachs not true lol
+N. Sachs for a female it's called hitting the wall.end of the road !
Jamie Bai should be true tho
I like the way we ask questions that we already KNOW the answers TO.....
And act bewildered before AND after...
About everything apparently
If you happen to see a little girl sharing, compliment her for being kind. If you see a little girl practicing to win, compliment her drive. If you see her in a pretty dress please tell her she is beautiful.
If I do the last one, I will most certainly go to jail
Self-esteem is generated from within.
No one else can give or reduce another's self-esteem.
That would be called other-esteem.
Stop asking others to make women strong.
Women that become strong make themselves
strong completely on their own.
The best way I've heard it put is that self ESTEEM is how you FEEL about yourself, which changes from day to day with every interaction we have. Whereas self RESPECT is how we treat ourselves, it is an ACTION, and can be measured and inventoried. We need to stop catering to people's (especially girl's and women's) self esteem and teach them to practice self respect.
@@tylersingleton9284 No, self-esteem is more than just how one feels but how one sees oneself. Are you honorable, reliable, wise or at least striving to become more virtuous. Self-respect is NOT how we treat ourselves but how we behave in general and is a close partner with self-esteem. Self-respect is the way we act, our behavior that leads to and reinforces our self-esteem. In turn, as our self-esteem improves we are more confident in acting with self-respect. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that high self-esteem is about virtuous attitudes as you or I may see them. Neither is self-respect necessarily about virtuous behavior as you or I may see it. Some of us can see that not so positive self-esteem and self-respect in some of our most powerful and influential leaders. Make no mistake, they are self-esteem and self respect no matter how much we or others may like to think of them as purely positive attributes. They are not.
@Jack Paul They can teach others how to generate their own self-esteem. Parents and teachers do not give or take away self-esteem. They can help others assess their own abilities and efforts and teach them how those assessments should make them feel about themselves. How they feel about themselves is, then, completely up to the individuals themselves.
There's a big difference between "self-esteem" and self-respect. The former caters to ego/false pride, while the latter is about ethics. The former builds narcissistic traits over time, while the latter builds good character for life.
@@cacatr4495 Those appear to be extremely narrow views of self-esteem and self-respect. Do you have any supporting reasoning for those particular distinctions? I don't see why self-esteem should have anything to do with false pride at all, or to build narcissistic traits over time. I don't see why self-respect must be related to ethics, or build good character for life.
I can't believe how intellectually bankrupt this whole situation is. How can you so seriously dance yourself around and ignore the obvious conclusion?
What’s the obvious conclusion?
@@AG-ed3ev Probably not so obvious since OP hasn't replied in 4 years
It's as if women are just as competitive as men when it comes to attracting mates.
Especially when ovulating apparently. They require a mate that will give their future children a good start in life, so the weedy nerdy guy next door working a low wage job isn't going to cut it.
@@martynblackburn1977 Nerdy guys don't do a low wage job lol
Why do we care about a woman's age and not a man's...or their looks? Perhaps because men have NEVER been valued for their looks to begin with. So, when you lose something you've never had...you don't miss it.
Men's value is in sacrificing their lives to earn money to support their families and society. Their value is in what they can earn and how much tax they can pay. Usually, their earning potential increases with age. So, their value increases with age...until they're finally discarded, used up, no longer useful to anyone.
I was a pudgy teen riddled with acne. I hated my body too. I had low self esteem too. I was picked on too. No girls would go on a date with me. So? It was temporary.
The minute she said “it’s nothing harmful it’s just a click.” I had to question why I was watching this video.
browsing the web with photos turned off helps a lot. And not clicking on anything that says Kardashian.
Society is obsessed with a woman's beauty, youth, and fertility much in the same way society is obsessed with a man's status, earnings, physical attributes etc. That's life, it's unfair, double standards exists for both genders. You can't have your cake and eat it too. That is just the way biology and the world works and we all have to live with that.
Men aren't judged for their fertility. However, they are judged for their looks.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned from Great Courses Instructor, Dr. Rufus Fears, is that I didn't need to be "beautiful," it's much more attractive and powerful to be "beautiful to be with," which means cultivating knowledge, passion and wisdom.
My daughter: “Something, something, because I'm a princess, and y - - -. ”
Me: "I mean, you can pretend that, but I'll kindly remind you that we live in a constitutional republic, and don't take kindly to no monarchies in this here nation."
Daughter: _stares_
The title of this is very misleading.
how so?
In my country we'd say "this woman discovered orange" ie nothing new...
G. Confa
I know what rhymes with orange. That was a discovery.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184
flange
/flanj/
noun
a projecting flat rim, collar, or rib on an object, serving to strengthen or attach or (on a wheel) to maintain position on a rail.
The best ted talk ever. I love this woman. I am going to follow her on her social media page. I agree, this intense worship of body is not helping young girls and women. Instead of confidence, it is doing the opposite.
Time and age are the great equalizer. Beauty fades period. Dont put so much stock in it.
Beauty for both women and men is practically gone by age 70. We must value ourselves for our positive traits. The media uses beauty and the promise of youth and beauty to get the masses to spend lots of money.
OMG People, get a grip. This video is journey to nowhere. A person who is raised to develop his/her character and talent, has no need for all this angst. Teach your children not to be useless posing twits and this problem goes away. Beauty is relative and temporal. Enjoy, what you have, but stop obsessing over it.
There is SO much more to life. How about a new rule for good mental health? Unless you are an actor or a model, limit your time before mirrors and cameras to a maximum of 10 minutes a day.
If you choose to be a celebrity, you have chosen to invite upon yourself a horrific and inescapable invasion of your privacy. If this is the case, you asked for it. Don’t bore us with your whining about the consequences of the choices you’ve made.
Focus not on improving what appears on the outside, but on all that lies beneath. Doing so, you’ll be so much richer and happier.
Be naturally pretty and amazing instead of mythologically beautiful and hardly more than useless.
If you can be beautiful and amazing, that’s fine. But don’t sacrifice your sanity and your happiness in the process.
We'll said!
This is really interesting. I appreciate your perspective that shows empathy, self-criticism, and the initiative to search for solutions and cooperate in order to change certain aspects of society, looking for balance, respect and quality content.
She is actually ignoring the real problem women face in society by going after a red herring designed to distract people from the real issues faced by people that need to be addressed. There is no empathy in this speech, just narcissism and ideological drivel that does nothing but shame the common person for what entertainment they enjoy, its nothing more then a power tactic to try to control what you read, watch and believe. There is no evidence that there is a relationship between self harm and celebrity gossip. She asserts that there is a connection between celebrity culture and anorexia and she provides zero empirical evidence to support that. This is just a cliche critique of our society that feminist have been making for over 50 years, they were wrong then, they are wrong now.
What is the real problem?
The real problem is that she's a woman telling the truth and some people can't handle that lol
Treeforged what would you do if you were a woman? Try seeing it through a woman’s point of view then maybe you’d understand. Anorexia is a big problem and the media definitely plays a huge role in that. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. Maybe you haven’t really thought about these things because you don’t have those pressures to be small/delicate. Seriously, every girl I know has some sort of eating problem. You never hear guys talk about how much they ate, how many calories are in this and that, they just enjoy their food. It’s a constant internal struggle for women the minute we take a bite of anything. Don’t take this as a fight or anything I’m just giving you my point of view. And narcissism? It’s strange that you would use that word. How is it narcissism when someone is speaking on behalf of their struggles? Narcissism is when someone uses, manipulate, brainwash, gaslight, blackmail, love bomb someone,have a grandiose sense of self, I don’t really see it here. I grew up with a narcissistic parent so this seems out of context. She’s not displaying narcissism. She has vast empathy for everyone, she included men in the speech too. I’m not sure how you think this is narcissism..Try to see it as if you were a woman, how would you feel then?
Maybe quit pumping narcissists out of the school system who have been handed everything they've ever wanted. Kids trained to never look outwardly and always thinking inwardly. Teach them modesty and respect. Help them grow a coat of armour instead of trying to simultaneously disarm any obstacles standing in the way of everyone.
Phil Oreilly Younger people in all periods of time were seen as narcissistic, lazy, and handed everything.
@@hiraunia
Speak for yourself.
@@lockandloadlikehell oooooooh, you're a troll haha good one
@@ailisclyne232 > 0 subscribers.
>"You're a troll haha good one"
There's that famous critical thinking in play!
Good job.
What do you mean by trained to never look outwardly?
This Ted is super all over the place, really lost me halfway through not gonna lie.
I'm at 8:13 having skipped ahead from some nowhere spot in this talk. What is her topic anymore? How did she get this gig?
Dear Ms. Jones. Thank you for presenting facts and numbers that drive home how huge a problem female expectations are. To all of us. I wish the lighting where you gave your talk this night had let you see the faces of men in your audience like the two shown around the 8:50 minute mark of this presentation. If you had been able to see their heartache about the statistic you'd just shared, that 1 in 4 British girls and young women self-harm, you couldn't have said only moments later that men should take heed because anorexia is on the rise in young male populations. We're all in this together. And every loving being feels pain at reports of another's suffering. Thank you for sharing your ideas of ways we can all ease the load of suffering that comes of harboring and being subjected to unrealistic standards of approval by one's kind, Ms. Jones. I especially appreciate your recommendation of Conscious Clicking. It's such a simple, doable by anyone, way of pulling for Team Humankind. And such an effective way to approve of oneself a lot more than before a conscious click. You've done a good service, drawing folks attention to the importance of acting in accordance with the higher of competing values and impulses. More power to you!
I can remember as a non conforming teen I felt most relaxed with boys my own age and none made remarks about my appearance identity or preference. In the current era I wonder if that happens. I was awfully careful with girls because they were so much less likely to let you be! Now I enjoy the company of women my age as they are much more likely to be understanding of gender fluidity. As teens though some were toxic.
İn my middle school years I was bullied by my classmates and like %95 of them was guys. What I see in all of these comments is that people still generalize all of the men and woman by just one example/accident that they go through. İf a woman treated u bad 2 years ago, doeant mean that all women are bad. İf a man lied to us once, doesnt mean that all men are liars. All of the comments that I read are right in their own ways. We just have to stop attacking people and trying to look for a mistake they made and judge them, we just have to try to understand them and help her/him. Because once we realise that helping the "other" will help "us", and help the little kid inside of us, eventually, we could actually may help and heal all the society some day💙🙏🏻
Haven't met understanding women my age. Most femmes I meet at any and every age are the totalitarian gender police
Took a really long time to get to the point.
I agree completely! Women need to find their confidence in who they are as a person and through their actions! Sure everyone wants to look their best but my life goal is to follow my dreams and be a good person! I am confident in who I am as a person! It’s a shame though I’ve actually had people confuse my confidence with conceit! Whether male or female if someone works hard and treats others with respect they should be proud and confident, anyone that has a problem with that is jealous and insecure! I find women to be more critical and judgmental and while I do have some female friends I prefer to have male friends because my conversations with my male friends revolve around work and hobbies where as too many women want to turn everything into a competition or sit around and tear theirselves apart because they don’t look like a super model! Unfortunately a lot of women are brain washed by society!
I think this "issue" about what media we gravitate towards is very similar to the obesity epidemic, in that you can create good products that will benefit people (like healthy food), and you can make treats that people should only have a little of (candy, pizza and celebrity gossip trash articles), but ultimately the free market is consumer lead. People without restraint will binge on the treats and not eat the good stuff, and intellectually we do the same with the media content we consume. The subject raised here is a self-inflicted consumer issue that can only be addressed on the individual level - or you can have some creeping form totalitarian of media censorship "for the good of those who cannot control themselves". Is McDonalds' the issue, or did they just find an opening in a market where consumers will literally eat themselves to death?
Age bodies and relationships why are we so interested in them when it comes to women? Because women young women are put on a pedestal & instead of a number of humble things characters qualities being edified regarding people of various ages & creeds that urge capitalistically driven or not is utilizing young women to fill that pedestal mostly.
Also is the media a reflection if society or a misrepresentation, or at least manipulation? Some of the change society may need to evolve in a positive fashion may involve defining terms & expectations when it comes to media focus & representation
It's the patriarchy and women internalise male values without even realising it. When I first studied feminism (at University), I only took it because it was better than another option. As a twenty-one year old I actually thought it was just women moaning about nothing because we could vote and work and drive. But wow, the Beauty Myth opened my eyes. Women are taught to derive self-worth from the projected male gaze i.e. what women imagine men want. In every facet of my life, sexism has played out in glorious technicolour. We need to send little girls (edit, and boys) new messages about self-worth, empowerment and what really matters.
We are concerned with women's looks because we are enthralled by beauty, to the extent that it becomes a kind of power.
This is really an issue about power and respect, and how we in modern society deem it appropriate to offer so little respect to those with little power.
An over reaction to social media is not simply a problem with the media but also a problem with society. I am not a socialist by far but I think we ought to give more respect to personal qualities besides appearance and financial productivity. Those two qualities alone do not make a well rounded person, and a society that focuses on these elements above all else will be an awfully empty one.
I would blame authoritative 'news' media that seeks to admonish the other and the poor before I would place blame on the ramblings of random strangers.
short version - men are still fertile until the day they die, women have a biological shelf-life. That's just bone-deep in the DNA, I'm afraid. As a man ages, he gains experience, maturity, security and usually monetary value - he becomes a higher value target in the dating game. Women follow the opposite trajectory as they become less physically attractive compared to their younger selves, they become less fertile, they accrue baggage and kids, which means they are less successful in the dating game.
And women are the first to tear other women down (get ahead of the competition). They're also the first to attack men who try to say they need help or are struggling.