THIS Is How You Speak to Your Partner About Your PAST Relationships | Tom Bilyeu and Lisa Bilyeu
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 12 авг 2021
- Boundaries are absolutely necessary, and without a doubt you should have personal boundaries in any healthy relationship. But what do you do when your boundaries are getting in the way of you creating a relationship? Are you stuck in a place where you want to get into a relationship, or maybe you want to take it to the next level, but you're stumbling over being too rigid or too laxed on your personal boundaries? Tom and Lisa walk you through several scenarios that may be tripping you up when it comes to setting boundaries and being relaxed enough to give the relationship space and opportunity to grow. As with every healthy relationship, communication is at the center of this issue as well. From being open, to defining types of boundaries, to recognizing your base assumptions, these tips will definitely help you.
Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.
SHOW NOTES:
Open to Relationship | Why single person thinking in a relationship defeats the purpose [1:58]
Create Boundaries | How Tom and Lisa established boundaries when they started dating [4:48]
Hard & Soft Boundaries | Why preset boundaries can be a problem and non-negotiables [6:28]
Framing Boundaries | 2 responses to boundaries tested, shut it down vs. maybe later [8:48]
Introducing Boundaries | Lisa’s advice for how to address boundaries at the right time [10:11]
Communicate | How you communicate your boundaries and limits is critical [12:30]
Taken Advantage Of | Why Tom says people don’t take advantage of you they only try [15:15]
Assign Levels | Lisa shares example and reason assigning levels helps communication [18:05]
Base Assumptions | The problem when both people think things are self evidently clear [20:19]
Appreciate Friction | Why friction between people can be desirable & best for attraction [24:07]
QUOTES:
“Part of the joy of being in a relationship is to actually open yourself up to being a pair, and you've got to want that.” Tom Bilyeu [2:40]
“Be in a relationship, don't be in a relationship doesn't really matter, but whatever you do, do it all the way. Like if you're going to be in a relationship, be in a relationship.” Tom Bilyeu [3:47]
“Setting boundaries beforehand can be a little dangerous, because you may be setting some interest, you may be closing yourself off.” Lisa Bilyeu [7:13]
“It's not that people are taking advantage of you because you either let that happen or you don't, but people can overextend.” Tom Bilyeu [16:21]
“We may not agree with each other, a collision of values, but now we can understand each other, and that alleviates a lot.” Tom Bilyeu [23:35]
“Public service announcement: In life, people have got to want a diversity of opinion. You've gotta want it. You have to believe that what makes the world work is the friction between competing viewpoints.” Tom Bilyeu [24:13]
How do you feel about sharing your past with your partner?
If it is beneficial to the relationship then yes if not no need.
This was my question, thank you so much for answering it! 😍 I'm 34 btw, and I 100% agree with it being easier when you're younger and not as set in your ways 😄 Thank you again for answering my question, this definitely added value for me. I appreciate the great, valid and fresh advice that I will take to heart and start implementing straight away 🙏
Boundaries are tough, especially when you're young. I think some people don't know them until they've been violated, which can surprise a partner. It's all part of growth.
*“Be strong, not rude.*
*Be kind, not weak.*
*Be humble, not timid.*
*Be proud, not arrogant.”*
Drop a thumbs up to this comment if you agree... :)
As a late 50-something man, I've learned that we must be careful sharing our past. It tells the newest love interest how past lovers manipulated you, and you will see it again!! Some things are best left in the closet.
Happy to see how both talk to each other. Not an ounce of fakeness or hesitation.
When you tell your past that is the worst thing that you can do when you do not know each other and they will not understand can put end to the all thing
I really appreciate watching the two of you comunicate în real time. This was such a good topic. I now, after two dissolved relationships, feel that honesty is the best policy and communication is key. Thank you so much for the advice that you share.
The past is the past for a reason. If you were good together you would still be together.
What i get out of this wonderful episode, it is that COMMUNICATION it´s the most important factor to build a GREAT relationship.
24:09 THANK YOU!!! Omg... You've articulated it better than my thought path! This is absolutely imperative for continuous understanding 👌💜💜💜💜💜 Value added!
"It's that little bit of friction that makes it all work." !!!! Ah! What an incredible way to describe this!!!
This episode really hit home with me, thanks guys!
This is a important conversation and definitely hoping for a part 2 of it
You guys are awesome. Thank you ❤️
What a great pair of partners. Thanks for working it out just like you do. Thank goodness we're not all the same. Good growingz!,
Thanks 🙏 guys I love the content. In a different video y’all help me take extreme ownership ❤️
Tidiness is efficiency! Love it and agree 100% ❤️
Great insight. Thankyou
Tidiness means to me I cannot sleep with dirty dishes in my sink, my ex used to make fun of and found it funny about me no matter how upset I’ve used to be about that issue, although not making my bed doesn’t bother me.🤣 Defining the meaning we give to our words is so crucial to avoid unnecessary conflicts and have harmonious relationships.💕🌈🙏
This is awesome. I feel so much better about the future i can build woth the girl I am currently just beginning a relationship with. I used to think I was just a bad boyfriend but you both are helping me realize how to change that.
Very interesting these discussions with your husband!
Super helpful 🙏🏻💖🌹
Oooh his & hers banana boots..This is amazing to see an alpha speaking openly to his wife. Love it 💕
Great great loved it
This message at 20:27 on collision of values I've been replaying and a challenge in my current relationship I wish to work through. Then end goal is the same, its the individual path to it creates tension and tends to escalate where each begins to defend self as the 'right" way which can be attributed to past experiences. What recommendation is there to collectively work through this in non attacking and without judgement? .
12:09 is exactly why i love you guys!
I love you guys 🙂💕
The most important and ignored part of "you teach others how to treat you" is walking away. Ironically, the relationships you NEVER consider walking away from may be the most toxic for you. I really feel like both self respect and empathy are exacerbated in our cultural mores. A lot of people are lost because they feel that relationships define their life rather than their life defining their relationships. If a partner is simply adding value to your life, you dont have all these questions regarding self worth. The simple answer is always to walk away - even if you end up finding that person was everything you wanted. Its a lesson, you arent ready, and you and your (ex) partner should be free to grow as yall please. The fight for relationships based on love rather than legalities and social pressure is a long and enduring one. Be a part of that. If you love someone, stay and talk. If you resent them, walk away, regardless of circumstance. Mostly, stop imposing expectations (sexual, emotional, verbal, behavioral, whatever) on autonomous partners.
This comment was 100% meant for the video before this and im feeling like a boomer
Next year is my 40 year anniversary. I try to keep my feelings to myself. If I say, "This makes me feel..." his response is always, "well you...(do this or that)". I hate those 2 words. Well, you. It's always my fault he says mean things to me. Every little thing turns into an argument. It's gotten worse since he had a stroke 2 years ago. Personality change. I'm not perfect either. Oh, well, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.
Amazing insights in all your videos I've seen, helps me grow and understand, thanks a lot especially for being so open!!
Yes especially big stuff. Not the first date but before marriage yes!!!!!
I need to know what brand Lisa’s shoes are 😅
In Australia, "Taking the piss" means to make fun of someone. :) Isn't it funny how mannerisms can change with geography
Nice video, but what happened to the light? The faces are not well lit, or maybe that's the way you wanted to do it?
Gosh she is trying too hard to look like a badass. The first rule is don't try. Don't BOTHER
then don’t watch.