How to Create BOUNDARIES and CLARITY in Your Relationship | Relationship Theory
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- Опубликовано: 8 июл 2021
- This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Go to betterhelp.com/rt for 10% off your first month.
Trying to navigate relationships and not being clear on what your role is or what your partner needs or expects from you can be challenging. There’s been growing discussion around masculine and feminine energy, which one you are, and how to be more magnetic with your partner to keep your spark alive and going. Understanding these polarities and that we all have tendencies and fall on a spectrum can be super helpful in your relationship. Tom and Lisa discuss how masculine and feminine energy appears in their relationship, while diving into the balance, desires, and nature to exist together and step into your role in confidence.
SHOW NOTES:
Energy | Tom explains masculine & feminine energy for he and Lisa that helps their spark [1:03]
Femininity | Understanding feminine power and not using that energy against men [3:35]
Hormonal Differences | Acknowledging the hormonal differences of men and women [7:53]
Masculinity | Males nature to be dominant, protective and physically stronger [9:29]
Protective | The intoxication of protective masculine energy and example of overboard [15:01]
QUOTES:
“I recognize that using that emotion to manipulate you isn't a long term solution. So that feminine side to me, I've definitely tried to almost push away, because I don't think it serves me.” Lisa Bilyeu [6:32]
“At the end of the day, there is something sexy about a man who's prepared to stand up, to be tough to be heard to say like this is the line don't cross it.” Tom Bilyeu [9:29]
What are some ways you have created balance in your relationship?
Do you guys have babies? I had the dynamic you describe with my husband initially and after giving birth to 5 daughters i have become teary and sensitive.
Evolved masculine is in touch with his emotions and can be vulnerable and is a fierce protector
I don't think women cry with a purpose, it just a reaction, sometimes those tears represent anger, frustration or any emotion or feeling and also that you are hurt but that doesn't mean women cry for manipulating others.
Thank you
I can’t not cry when I’m frustrated or angry and it literally makes me more mad
Thank you! I've been in disagreements where I absolutely did not want to cry but I felt so angry/hurt/frustrated that it just happened uncontrollably. It wasn't manipulation because I didn't have anything to gain by crying and really didn't want to do it, it was just the reaction that happened.
YOU TWO BALANCE EACH OTHER SO AMAZINGLY! Pat yourselves on the back for all your hard work, commitment, and patience for accepting, understanding and loving each other in all versions of yourselves!
When my dog died my boyfriend was on a business trip, it was probably the most traumatic experience of my life, I had to rush him to the vet, then drive him to a bigger animal hospital in the middle of the night because they didn't know what was wrong with him and he had fallen into a coma... And he died during the trip. Then I had to take his body to a lab for an autopsy. I was an exhausted mess when my boyfriend came back. When I called to have the results of the autopsy and see if I could take the body to the crematorium they responded that it was too late, the body was already in the dumpster... I was too crushed to protest, then my man called them back, and he demanded that they go to the dumpster, and retrieve the body, that he was coming to get him. The way he formulated his demands was so commanding, so cold, the person on the phone was probably terrified. This display of authority and masculinity made up for the time he wasn't there for us. He cried with me but not after taking care of everything and making sure my baby would have proper funerals.
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Blessings to you Lila. X🙏🏾🌈🙏🏾X
@@paula-elizabeth ❤️❤️
Man… heart-breaking and heart-touching at the same time. Thank you for sharing. I hope you‘re ok.💞
You’re both grand! Lisa, I really love your accent. I fascinated with the way you speak and put out your ideas. Huge thank you from 🇧🇷
Your videos just changed my whole life and perspective on life and will help me to heal my relationship THAnkh you so much !!
Thank you!
The dog story is soooo Sweet. 🥰🐶 - I would find that Incredibly Attractive too Lisa. - Did you find your dog 🐶 Lisa?? - I Love the concept of Mental Preparation for every scenario - I’d Love to hear more about that! Thank-you sooo much Guys.👍🏽😃👏🏽🌈🌟
Thank you for acknowledging biological and behavioral differences between men and women. I feel like we are living in an age of trying to erase genders unfortunately.
And for the record I fully support the LGBTQ+ communit and feel that society is progressing to become more inclusive. My concern is that in that vain, we run the risk of erasing the experiences of women and men who were born and live as cis gender.
How do we ask a question for discussion
Hello Lisa and Tom, I am loving the contents of this video, Thank-you! 👍🏽😃🌈 - Interestingly I see emotional tears as a stereotyped female characteristic - perhaps some women do it because their upbringing has indirectly expected that of them?? X
Interestingly a documentary I watched several years ago by Professor Robert Winston showed that there are individual areas in the both male and female brains that are directly and solely connected to gender. X👩🏽👦🏾🧠😃🌈🌟X
IM SO PROUD OF YOU< LIsa!! YOU LOOK AMAZING AND YOU ARE WORKING HARDER THAN EVER!! STRONG IS THE NEW SEXY!! WE LOVE YOU!! TYSM FOR ALL YOU DO, LISA! I LOVE relationship Theory! i didn't know we had a whole new channel for it? MY BAD! I thought I was subscribed! I''ve listened on apple for YEARS! LOVE THIS STUFF! XOOXOX
I've found women can't really handle when a guy is direct, intuitive, empathetic, in touch with his feminine side but also able to do man shit very alpha. They look at you like you aren't genuine. Being able to sit down calmly and say "the other day you made a flippant statement when we had company over and it really hurt me and made me feel small and was dismissive. It came across like "he's my bitch." I thought it was us against the world? I thought it was together we are strong? To be fair you may have not intended it like that, but it seems like on a subconscious level that is how you really feel. That is why I have been distant. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this?" They may get defensive and say "God you are so sensitive! You only want to make drama!" Or they may say, yeah right after I said that, I felt your energy shift and knew it was messed up and wanted to say something but the conversation transitioned and honestly I was embarrassed and didn't want to throw myself under the bus. Or I don't remember saying that but I see that it hurt you and I'm really sorry. I will be more aware in the future. If it happens again pull me aside and say something. You matter to me and the last thing I want you to feel is like you are "the help." Either of the 2nd or 3rd option is getting all kinds of oral pleasure right there right now. Knock shit off the table it's going down. Or should I say I will be. Here kitty kitty! You show love, you will get it back 10 fold. That's what you get with real dudes. We do exist. We are a dying bread though.
People rarely go to couples therapy when things are great why would you right? That is something you may disagree with but for me you aren't asking yourself "could I be better?" "Am I giving them praise when they deserve it?" "Am I still doing those little thoughtful things like you did in the beginning?" "Have you slipped in a mundane routine?" Consistency is good, but lack of spontaneity can open doors and windows to looking elsewhere to stir those feelings of excitement. You have no idea how far a little chocolate and sweet note can lift somebody up for the whole day. A compliment out of nowhere. Notice if they do their hair different. Show them you see them and show them you will still put the same effort in that you did to get them. People always get crushed when their partner cheats "how could they do this to me?" They rarely ask themselves what role did I play in making that an option. Have you been distant, have you pulled back in the bedroom, are you just phoning it in? If you show somebody they could disappear tomorrow and it wouldn't bother you, they will.
Unfortunetely people always gonna try to wrecking down boundaries, in order to have all their wishes being fufilled, we put expectations on people and the only way to stop it is by reading in Bible what real love is, the real love don't seek his/her own interesting, it considers that the significant other has boundaries.
Did you get the dog back?
My wife let her parents harass me for 17 years only ever told them to stop and never got mad enough to stop talking to them for even a day, after 17 years of asking her to cut them off and go no contact for 2 weeks to get them to stay out of our marriage which was much needed and deserving i started demanding she did sometjing more after they were caught for a second time in the last year going jn her phone and reading my texts ro my wife and the first time they were caught busted their selves calling the police for a second time lying about me and taking a message out of context she left shortly after
Is Lisa on birth control? I feel that plays a part in our hormonal self. Is her hormones suppressed to make it easier for males to be around women. No shame on birth control or Lisa at all. Just an interesting ponderance. Is this something that would possibly be something to "think" about in relation to Masculine and Feminine energies?
I been off birth control for 10+ years now. Our hormones' "naturally" are everywhere without birthcontrol.
Interesting that Tom perceives himself as more feminine than most men. To me he seems masculine AF. He’s completely mission driven and able to walk away and mean it.
being feminine DOES NOT mean being weak or not be able to walk away from siutations and mean it. I think he is saying that he won't shut down emotionally like most man in an argument or conversation he is more verbal and able to articulate himself more than the average men. Referring to the woman's ability to talk more and be in touch with their emotions. :=)
@@hazalonthego4116 What I meant was what I wrote, not your assumptions on what you think it implies.
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It's disgusting how young society is trying to blur the lines of male/female......we have differences......in every way .....why wudnt you want to be different?....
i do not think it is fair to say that women who cry are using it as a manupilation.... I cry when I get angry ... and try to explain things to someone but it is not really for manupilation
Why would anyone use bad labels for them anyway, as in bitch for themselves? I don't think that's an appropriate word for describing women's mood or behaviour.
Should girls have a guy best frnds?
Lisa is a strong woman. Tom is right. Probably, a bit more of feminine energy.
Being a mother releases the feminine energy more.
The idea of masculinity is so tainted, that someone that is in touch with their emotions is viewed as more feminine (cause women don't have the pressure to not show them + have been FORCED to be the caretaker) and because of men a lot of times not being educated to be caring, compassionate, responsible, calm, they trigger women, and now feminine means "having extra emotional responses" *shake my head*
The concept of alpha beta is even worse... Also being nurturing and babying your man aren't the same thing.
Please be careful with saying so many women use tears to manipulate. That's dangerous. I've been accused of doing that and with was mind boggling how me crying after being treated or told certain things was seen as manipulation and not deep hurt and shock. Being manipulative isn't a feminine thing cmon........ Sure some women do it. I think the interesting is asking ourselves why. Maybe because women were victimized by violence so much it became a defense mechanism?
The way men act a lot of times is irrational and emotionally charge. Most men are like that. They might not cry, but will yell, throw a fit, punch things, act on impulse etc etc.
Oh damn, I have a lot to say and keep editing this. You mentioned how women might use being on their periods as an excuse to be bitchy. Another one to make us look bad, going as far as calling it crazy, and this is sounding more and more "pick me". A lot of men use the term "crazy" on us because they have no emotional maturity and gaslight us. You didn''t mention how men use us being on our period as a cop out or an argument to gaslight or take away credibility from us.
Impressive how I disagree so much that going towards the middle is a bad thing. If both people are balanced, healing their trauma and wounds, in touch with their emotions, then both are able to be assertive, put in boundaries, talk things out in a rational way, etc etc. I am in the process of working out myself so I am strong enough to defend myself if I need to (I'm a woman). I don't see anything wrong with us just being HUMAN instead of a gender or energy. When it comes to emotions and how we treat other people in general, it should be the same: maturity, empathy, in touch with emotions, able to talk things out rationally. Being emotional and rational in a healthy way, at the same time, is possible and is the only way to be balanced and healthy because we are human....
Every woman likes to feel protected because we've been attacked so much thru generations and generations and we still are now! It's not a "feminine energy" thing. It's a symptom of centuries of a patriarchal society that abused and abuses women. If that wasn't the case, we would probably like to feel almost (thinking back to cave ages) as protected as men do when their bigger brother defends them.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This whole thing of masculine, feminine energy pisses me off so much. I agree with what you've said above. A lot of times that we describe women as masculine or men as feminine, all they are doing is exhibiting CULTURAL traits that we as a society have attributed and generalized to the other gender.
People are using this language so much now that sometimes I don't even want to log on to some talks on RUclips.
And yes, the alpha/beta concept is so toxic and damaging.
When I hear that men want to feel respected and women want to feel protected, it's off to me ... because I'd assume that everyone wants to feel both protected and respected in equal measure. But maybe I'm wrong? lol.
Eugh, the whole thing just eeks me tbvh. Your comment is bang on.
Crying is a strength to me, but I rarely do it. I am a masculine, alpha female and if you push me enough to make me cry you deserve to feel the sentimental bitch tears that follow. 😭 😂
I want my man to act like a man.....if not, I'd be married to a woman.
Crying g IS NOT A MANIPULATION. 🤨