How to Communicate When Your Relationship is Unbalanced | Relationship Theory
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- Опубликовано: 8 апр 2021
- This episode is sponsored by Mint Mobile. Click the link below! mintmobile.com/RelationshipTh... Switch to Mint Mobile for as low as $15 a month and save big on unlimited talk, text, and 5G LTE data plans.
Relationships can be so beautiful and amazing. Two people from totally different lives come together and fall under a spell with each other, and life never felt better. As you get deeper into the relationship, you learn more about each other and now have to find ways to communicate and understand each other’s values, habits and quirky ways. When love is not enough to sustain a massive collision of values, how do you respond? Is walking away the best option because you don’t agree or see eye to eye? In this episode, Tom and Lisa take you into the deep end of what it means to “steel man” each other and how to find compromise when there seems to be no room for compromise.. Not surprisingly, at the heart of their advice and wisdom is strong communication with one another. This is what a strong relationship and partnership looks like.
SHOW NOTES:
Perception Matters | Understanding how radically different perceptions can be [1:52]
Collision of Values | Find out if you’re on the same page and what you think the other should be doing [7:17]
Communication | Lisa shares how it always comes back to detailed communication [9:56]
Value System | Know your personal value system and how it feeds into your relationship [13:06]
Steel Man | Understanding your partners position, see and understand at their soul level [16:11]
Compromise | Find the tradeoff after sharing each other’s perspectives for path forward [18:51]
Judged Beliefs | Lisa explains why not to judge a person’s belief as right or wrong [22:19]
Malleable Beliefs | Tom explains how beliefs can be changed when held to your values [22:58]
No Judgement | Lisa on how to effectively approach conflict and express yourself [24:03]
QUOTES:
“...it isn't going to be a straight division of labor. So it's like that we're each carrying a load that we're happy to carry.” Tom Bilyeu [8:38]
“If I've actually asked you to help [...] because I've reached out, but it's not an expectation, I think that's the difference” Lisa Bilyeu [12:43]
“when somebody gives you the keys of the kingdom, they've also given you the way to hurt them” Tom Bilyeu [15:13]
“You have to be able to articulate the other person's position so accurately, that they feel seen, understood, not judged. Because when you steel man it, you're not trying to set them up.” Tom Bilyeu [16:58]
“...there's a lot of power in the being angry about something. Aim it at the behavior and not the person.” Tom Bilyeu [25:11]
Have you and your partner disagreed about your relationship being unbalanced? How did you move forward?
To be in an agreement/disagreement with my partner and for them to stop and ask "wait is this a collision on values?" Seriously GOALS!
What is this? came from Lisa's IG that my cousin shared... an actual mature couple? a real feminist? This channel should have a million subs and hundreds of thousands views. I honestly feel glad that I found you, hope one day you get the exposure you SHOULD have.
I'll start with my small grain of sand that I can put to help.
*"You are one desicion away from a totally diffrent life."*
Lisa and Tom, I am so honored that you chose to discuss this topic in a whole video!
I graciously accept your feedback, and you’re right! At time I am coming from a place of resentment rather than possibility. The truth is I am honestly exhausted, and when I ask for help I often feel disregarded.
Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to discuss this in a meaningful way, bc If I ask a question - maybe I am unable to frame it outside of my own perspective. It may come across as judge mental, and in which case he may feel attacked and typically shuts down. Not entirely sure.
Now hearing this, and viewing it from a different perspective I will try to keep judgement out of it regardless- and determine if it is a clash of principles, or just a lack of understanding.
Thank you for the work you do, I truly appreciate your content, and Lisa is one of my heroes! 💕
I hope you've been able to have the conversation and things are improving. Sending you positive thoughts
The richness of this conversation is what i thrive for in my relationship(s)...You guys making your conversations visible here, lets me know that IT (Honest, thorough, detailed, accountable, vulnerable communication) can be cultivated, created, and contained between two people.
Keep doing this work and making it visible to others
I'd definitely watch you guys in a reality show. To see you guys putting all you teach into action would be priceless. However, these snippets are the next best thing.
I love how you guys have talked about what you want to do, And don't. So you both feel like your getting help in what you need to do.❤
This channel, doesnt get remotely the level of respect it deserves. Its the most wholesome thing ive seen on this topic.
It is so easy to confuse perspective with objective truth. Bam! That one hit home. Thanks guys my favourite show on RUclips!!!
I do think there a right way or wrong way even if I try to see and accept other perspectives. It is absolutely wrong to expect one person to do all the housework, attend to the children and work outside and pay for their own bills. then what is the other person even doing there?! I would understand if someone does the choirs and the other person pays for stuff but one person not doing anything at all is definitely a no no
Wonderful views and advice !! 🙏🏻💖🌷
You guys are amazing!
Valuable discussion as always💛
Many decisions are based on your mindset, what's your mindset about monogamous relationships and marriage? If you're clear on that and you have a clear picture of your boundaries then every decision thereafter will hurt or enhance your relationship, always go to the root of the problem, not the manifestations.
needed to hear what Tom said at the end. Perfect°
This is such an amazing discussion of this question. Thank you for this video. Out of my partner and I, I could imagine that if in the future I ever reach a point where I become complacent and unappreciative in my relationship (I hope that'll never happen) I would be the one more capable of emotional manipulation. This video is one I will remember to come back to often.
*Day one or one day.* *You decide.*
*If you saw this comment, I hope today will be the day one for you.* 🖤
Thank you for your insights. I've been together with my partner for 2 years now and I feel we have a lot to learn about each other. I try to listen better when we have an argument and also articulate more specifically what I mean/need. These videos are super heelpful, also thanks for that brochure from your website with all those questions to discuss. We enjoyed talking about them so much, also shared with friends to inspire them. Sending you deep appriciation!!! Thank you for being so honest and open about everything
The brochure? Any chance you have a link? Sounds super helpful!
I love what you added on the environment comment right on Tom lol Great conversation Love the insight from the both of you!!
My eye keeps catching that table between the couches & thinking it's a toilet lmao
Lol, now that you point it out :)
Finding common ground. 🙂
I would love that show lmao
What does it even mean - my own bills when you're all three are a family?
I have fun in real life so cool
Watching this reminds me that there is a stereotype that women do all the talking. In my life men have always done the talking and just won't give a girl a chance. This couple reminds me of the truth. It's really the men who do all the talking!! LOLOLOL!
Please spanish subtitles!!!!!