I think a lot of times that we are in love with the imaginary person that we want them to be when in reality they are really not that person at all, which is why the relationship ended. A year from now most of us will be like "what the hell was i thinking"? Not in a bad way, just in how we moved on and how life is fine without this person that we thought we couldn't be with out.
Intelligent Comment! Yes, I have fallen in love with people who really were not That Person at all. In retrospect, I berate myself for wasting time and energy. Love, or the illusion of love, may just be manufactured in the mind. There is an old-timey song "I was fine before I met you, cried when I was with you, and now I'm gonna be just fine again...
That’s usually a female thing, the base of that illusion stems from the raw sexual attraction you feel to that man, and it keep you from really seeing the real person
Yes. Once the hormones we felt are leveled out, and not dissimilar to a drug addiction, we realize it. Once off the "smack" we wonder what the hell was I thinking!?!
Matthew is so spot on. You need competence not just confidence. Be willing to learn from experts. Be flexible and improve yourself. You're not perfect. Try being humble, you aren't all that.
"You were boring..." What I've learned thus far in life, relationships or not, is that when somebody tells you something that's initially hurtful to you (whether you ask or not), it's probably for your highest good NOT to fight back. Not only because losing your cool is, in a weird way, a "gift" to the other person, letting them know that they GOT you, but more deeply...being told something is an opportunity to stop and ask "Well...could this be true?" I've been told many things in my life that were hurtful and not true. "You're lazy, you're unreasonable...etc, etc"...Hurtful, but an opportunity to stop and look at yourself. That's my opinion, anyway.
I like that thought. I agree with you. As long as you are able to extract constructive criticism from someone's emotional word vomit....I guess it's possible to find the silver lining in almost anything. I like the way you think, sir.
Yep, in my mid20's, I realized that I was tired of "fun guys", and deliberately chose a stable, computer geek. He was terrible in bed because he had no experience, yet was open to learning and it worked well for 20 years! We've been divorced for about five years now, used a mediator, and our son can see we have a good friendly relationship. Most of these on line guys are looking for cheap sex, and will drop you in a heartbeat if they deem you "clingy/crazy" if you expect more attachment after sex. No more online for me. I don't need to be told how to be attractive to a man; I already am...the problem is warding off the schemers. I'm not going to be a nurse and.a purse for any man; I actually am an RN, and much more wealthy, healthy, and fit than the creepers 5-10 older than me. Some websites and you tube offenders are selling some kind of bullshit program to supposedly help losers find attractive women and sleep with them without a date. SMH...Listen Up, Mister scores a lot......just pay for a pro and stop the scamming....
@@gigi9301 Men who want a nurse/surrogate mother, open legs and an open wallet are an interesting breed of parasites. Mr Party Animal acting like a lothario has less appeal than a dependable, considerate and patient computer geek. Excitement grows tedious and exhausting. Many addicts appear dynamic and the life of the party when high then crash into a dribbling, demeaning and depressive mess. Sober, caring and serious with a playful edge, sharp eye and cheeky sense of humour sure beats a crazy, cunning, calculating and cocky con artist or helpless draining man-child.
I really love Mathew’s ability to be vulnerable, like he laughed openly in the beginning and I laughed twice 😂 and he is also open and honest about his own personal life too, it’s very attractive about him. And, Lewis is adorable in his own ways.
I think also that conversation and transparency is one of the keys for a long term relationship. It starts with small black points here and there, each person keep it inside, and all that time it's growing, till it exploses one day. Couples need to talk when it's not okay too.
Exactly, and such as Matthew's example: if she told him before that she felt he was being boring and that she wanted different activities, etc. from the relationship, things could have changed. But she chose to leave instead. I don't understand how one person can think some things are unchangeable and just leave the relationship. They should be able to communicate the issues with their partner and see if they're solvable, and then decide whether they still want to end it or not.
But bad boy image doesn't work I found so many girl's want that but I can't be that I have destiny that wants me on the good side so that's were I have the problem of finding a girl
This is why when my friend says she's looking for a man who's ambitious and passionate about work, I just scoff. I dated a super-ambitious workaholic before. I was initially attracted to him because of his success and passion. Then I realized that his priority is always his work, everything else just takes second seat. It got too frustrating and lonely.
A man who’s super ambitious and successful is already extremely rare. You trying to find the perfect balance will be damn near impossible. Sometimes you need to make sacrifices to get the life that you want… the life that a successful man can provide you. A man that’s successful most likely will not have a lot of extra time for you unless you want a guy that’s near retirement. Think in terms of probability, not possibility
Wow, looks like you struck a nerve with these dudes 😂😂😂. What's funny is in this very video, the host goes into specific detail about how true what you said actually is. And the guys in this thread are too sensitive or delusional to hear it. Crazy.
He's not being vulnerable.... he's tricking you. He's saying ' I so successful and ambitious and way above the average guy but its 'boring'. Then you will think 'aw that's so cute.. he's being vulnerable... but really he's saying 'I'm TOO perfect... 'that's my problem will you as a woman accept me for my too much perfection'... and then you will say in your mind... yes... this way a woman will feel like she's moral and accepting while still getting her entitled perfection.
When you meet someone with these unique pairings it seems like you won’t ever meet someone else that excites you as much. That’s my problem right now 😢
I know the feeling. However, there are moments in life where you might find it again when you least expect it. It has more to do with energies than the actual person. Law of attraction.
Vicky Aksat that’s true. My ex ended up reaching out. She said she wanted to check in with me to see if I’m doing well and said she missed me but I didn’t carry the conversation, and now I’m confused. Idk if she wants to get back together or an ego stroke 😕
@@jimmypetri12 She is probably checking if you've moved on. It's a natural reaction. I think she cares, but does not realise that she is conflicted herself. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". In my opinion, listen to your own heart and try to understand what made you both have a break up. The likely hood of you guys separating is because she (in this case if she broke with you) doesn't know if the gras is greener outside of your relationship. Some people may think that "no matter what" there "must" be a "better" or "GREATER" person out there. An imaginary person created in their fantasy mind that fits their "needs". It's like being a treasure hunter trying to find a treasure that can't be found "vision". The point is, there is no perfect or in this case "GREATER" out there. You attract what you are energetically. Again, law of attraction.
One of the biggest mistakes is letting your feelings ignore any red flags. I met my ex when she was 16. I ignored the red flag that she was already drinking too much. I divorced her 20 years later because she refused to get help for her alcoholism.
Sorry to hear that man! Had the same experience to drugs with my ex. She was a smoker when I met her and still were a smoker 4 years later even though she said she'll quit several times
@@achillessparta2340 Thanks. Yes, it did. I have been with my wonderful current wife for 26 years now. She is a fantastic stepmother and my sons love her. Both boys are doing great with successful careers and partnerships. Life is good.
My biggest mistake is getting addicted to the woman "in my head" as in, I "create" or take the best qualities of the person I am crushing on or dating and then I forget about the bad qualities. But a friend also told me the dating world sucks now because it's just in-person Tinder; You either bone within the hour or move on since no one wants to put in the time to get to know each other.
14:50 “it turns out they’re not the one after all. I thought they were, but they’re not. The search continues” a simple statement, yet it holds so much weight with the truth it carries. “The search continues” ; “Just keep swimming”
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to all of this. Very enriching conversation from you guys. Cue 11:46: I stopped, dropped what I was doing, turned and looked at the phone and went "DAYUM". BAM. Truth. So good.
Dating people carry alot of responsibility. Familiarity breeds contempt. The more people know about you, the more they hold you in contempt. Its like you cant let people in totally or they will get bored or turned off. Its like we are responsible to keep people happy
hey honey l'm a living testimony of a great Dr Lee okosun the relationship restorer and a healer who fixed back my broken relationship after being separated for months. He can also help you too no matter how worst the case maybe Dr Lee okosun will put a smile on your face honey within 24hour.
From a woman going through divorce right now after nearly 20 years of marriage... reason for break up: emotional abuse as a result from a guy who keep on searching for something better when he had the best at home. What you guys you don’t understand you have to stop with this games and trickery, focus to love and grow with one person. When they see you are committed so will she!
I've been through this too. I can tell you this, if you are ever going to heal, you have to own your part. Know your worth and love yourself more, than dont settle for anyone who doesn't atleast love you as much as you love yourself. "I would much rather be single than settled". I live by this quote. Learn from the relationships you enter and "grow through what you go through"
I was marriage for 15 years to a man who argued tooth and nail that people couldn't change. Completely eliminates the possibility of growth and the idea that maybe it's a worthy goal, and frankly the best of the stuff that life is made from.
hey honey l'm a living testimony of a great Dr Lee okosun the relationship restorer and a healer who fixed back my broken relationship after being separated for months. He can also help you too no matter how worst the case maybe Dr Lee okosun will put a smile on your face honey within 24hour.
Love the honest and open discussions you guys have! And so great to go back and dissect what went wrong as it gives so much growth opportunity! Life is a great adventure with never ending learning.....
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Matt is so full of life. He has such a dynamic fun personality. Gosh what cutting feedback to be told he was boring. Glad he processed it and it is now usable material for his story.
Yes! But bored she was in that relationship.. it's one thing to watch someone on line and a totally different to be in a relationship with this person.
I’m the same way!! 😂😂😂 Now, before dating, I tell them that I’m boring but I can be fun too. Fun is not my priority because fun for me is my career and goal’s journey. By doing that I eliminate all the party guys. 🤷🏼♀️🙏🏻
Reminds me of an experience I had with a man I was dating who had children. The children were between the ages of 16 and 26, so not young children. At first I was impressed with his commitment to his children's happiness. Unfortunately, as time went on, I realized it was to an unhealthy level and at a detriment to his own needs, hobbies, interests, friends, romance, even his own parents took a backseat to his children. Like to the point where an elder is on death's door in a hospital and because his daughter (the 16 year old) had a soccer game, he chose that over going to the hospital for what could of been the last time they saw the person! 😳 And yes, he and the hospitalized family member were close.... yet apparently not close enough to miss his daughter's game. Nevermind she had a lot of games obviously. And no- it wasn't a championship game or anything unlike a normal activity. That's just one of MANY examples that made me go... 🤔hmm??? I recognize it now as a codependency that probably (at least in part) developed after his divorce from their mother - but usually that tendency is there already. I think these divorced parents have a hard time with a guilt of the marriage breaking up so they go overboard trying to make up for it. While I understand they want their children to feel loved, I told him they need to understand the world does not revolve around them - not to the detriment of more important priorities- (or what SHOULD be a priority). Moderation and a happy medium was not his strong suit, and a cornerstone in codependency theory - everyone's needs - or certain people's needs- over others or self. Not too mention the defensiveness when he was challenged or felt judged, and zero self-awareness about any of it. He even yelled at his sister who was upset he wasn't at the hospital, I heard it. Without bothering more with that story, the point is that yes - something that is a great quality (like being a devoted parent) can turn into an unattractive quality. In his case, his children were his ONLY interest and reason for living. Why someone like him bothered to date me (or anyone else) I'll never understand except he said over and over he wanted a romantic partner yet his actions said otherwise. As Matthew stated, if you're not well-rounded, you're boring. And as my story points out, it can even be an obsessive focus on something leaning into an unhealthy attachment issue. Yeah...not so attractive anymore.
I absolutely love what Matthew is saying here. So PERFECT! This is a generation of Entitlement. He audience are those who go to business seminars, because they want to learn. We need to know what the heck we are doing. It's not enough to have confidence, we need competence. Love it Matthew 🤗👊💯🤙👍
People make the biggest mistake when they dont know how to be alone. If you dont like with alone with you, how can you expect someone else to be alone with you? Lol "know what you want in a relationship, and be the kind of person who is suitable for that kind of relationship".
Hi yasmina how are you today im ibrahim from egypt and im 36 years and really thrills me to see a beautiful and adorable woman like you with such an amazing smile, I really would love to learn more about you but that is if you don't mind sending me a friend request.thank❤️🌹😍👍🇪🇬
I suspect if you have rare qualities or unique pairings in your personality some people might be worried that they can't match you so don't try to date you because they'd feel they don't bring as much to the table. Or they may think you're too good to be true. You know, like the beautiful woman who's a scientist or the guy that understands how money works and invests in the stock market but is also a sensitive artist. Both these examples would be unique pairings that might be daunting to other people.
It’s very difficult to match someone with a perceived high degree of confidence. You think they are better than you and you lose confidence in yourself which makes you unattractive then to the other person. I’m in that world right now😔
@@Fanny-bm8gq just dim your lights and let people adjust to you. Avoid talking about your career and just say something general... let others know your as a human being first.
It’s a bit of variety yeah? I feel that I’m definitely often the one who got away bc I’ve got so many facets that you will find in no one else. I know when to lean in and when to pull away. It’s a tango, a total art. This is for both men and women. What I needed to hear from this that I didn’t have in my tool box is that I’m not entitled to that Hollywood perfect love. It doesn’t even exist and wouldn’t be healthy. I have attracted very toxic people bc I held this standard. I’m not owed some flawless connection right off the bat. I also need to be willing to let that person at least have some cards in the game before writing them off. Especially when I do it based on fears. Thank you for you work.
Unique pairings sounds really positive and I've just realised that as a mum parenting alone I do not prioritise enough time in the day to focus on myself, so some strengths I had which were my unique pairings such as 'fitness funtime' or 'dancing feelgood' literally don't happen. What do you recommend for mothers who are literally focusing about 60 percent of time on their children's lives; school runs, packed lunches, teaching, inspiring, growing, friendships and basics, life tools. In short, a mother without a fellow parent is literally having to give up on at least a couple of unique pairings in order to function because there is nobody in UK society to pick up the slack if a mum decides to focus on herself. I was in a relationship with a lovely guy, we found life even more difficult trying to manage his two children as well as my two...so that eventually broke us for many reasons to do with our inability to be our unique selves. Our unique selves had to be second to being chefs, managers and cleaners for 4 kids which took up literally the entire weekend and exhausted us! By Monday I'd be sat alone after school drop off thinking omg I'm just too shattered to focus on anything for myself right now! So I wait patiently for them to grow up 🤣🤓😳 I mean none of your insights yet mention parenting or break ups during parenting, or the affects to the individual who is left parenting as their isolated responsibility; financially and mentally physically emotionally and spiritually. I cope but I'm definitely not reaching my original unique experience levels. It's like I landed in the midst of an unmade puzzle and only i can solve it. I have someone spe ial I'd like to date but again, he has currently been thrown a shit storm and is having to focus on parenting over his own unique pairings.
I think you just described me and I had no idea that you would. This was found right at 7:35 mark and beyond. I have exercised one trait to the point of mutation and it caused other parts of me to atrophy. Now to figure out how to change.
Divorce is high and people stay breaking up because people are not whole and look to relationships to fill voids. People should focus on cultivating their most healthy selves and then go out and find someone who has equally been doing that internal work. whole + whole = one unified whole.
I love this! I feel so validated. I feel like i get more things right than wrong and encouraged. I thought I would feel like I was messing it all up but I'm not. Thank you!
I completely agree with what you are saying Mr Matthew but the problem with that is in reality most men are too busy doing many other things that no way they will ever have the time to keep improving and adding more and more attributes to their dating skills or relationship skills . The other problem with what you are saying you might have two attractive attributes that could possibly attracts only certain types of women who are looking for those attributes . What I have learned through life experiences is that you you attributes and qualities are too good and looks to perfect to women they have a hard times trusting you. Because women in nature always questions everything , the first question will be I don't understand why a man like you with such amazing attributes is single or is dating me , how were you not able to keep your ex and so on.
just realise I'm coming to listen to him because I enjoy the way he's talking - so well organized speech. If it will be about the most boring stuff like paying taxes, i'll sill listen. need more good speakers. gonna find more
I would rather have someone be themselves than try to be someone they are not to try to impress me. Are they going to stay that person forever? Probably not. Be yourself, someone will love you for YOU.
If someone is calling you "boring" is because they are unhappy internally and cannot generate that happiness from whithin... so they try to find a "man" who is happy in order to extract that thing from the relationship and their partner thats why with time you became "boring" because at some point you got exhausted trying to be "more" for the other person standars while in reallity they had to be "more" for themselves. Happiness is personal responsibility - she didnt have a life outside of you - so its easy to blame you, and its not right for you Matthew to be so self-critical about it. Yes you maybe should have been more nurturing towards the relationship but in general I dont see how, you can fill fundamental pit in someone else. So what Im trying to say is if "as a woman" you dont have those quality's (passion advanterous etc) if you find yourself boring - the relationship will be a mirror for you - and you will blame the person for the same things you dislike about yourself... PEACE!
Carl Jung once said that as a general rule a particularly beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment. That is because women pretend to be someone they’re not in order to gain the attention of men. At some point the makeup and heels come off and the best behavior is gone. You can pretend to be someone you’re not but at some point it will catch up with you. And since real relationships are based on trust, that relationship will be over. It’s vulnerable and humbling to be authentic with someone for the very reason that they may not want to be with you but honestly, it’s better to be alone than in a relationship where someone is in love with the fake façade you created instead of you.
Women now have more options of being independent instead of depending on a men for many things. Right now women that can be in a relationship because they want rather than because they need to.
@@thelookout5802Go to the minute 13, he asked why are we having so many divorces now? One of the reasons is: Women are allowed to have more standards now.
I am finding that my confidence can be affected by the apparent "mountain" that I am told to climb as a man, that constant and daily "What will I do better today than yesterday to keep this relationship alive as it's all down to the man to keep this going" mentality, if I am right. I wouldn't have a relationship where I would need to keep looking over my shoulder where I could "slip up" at any moment with the slightest detail "missed" and then she's gone, just because. In amongst this, surely the couple will be reasonably content and happy with what they have together without the need for daily "I want to keep him/her" games?
*ADDENDUM* : Should I care what other people think? *No!* Should I care what other people think _how much_ a crisis that I can cope with as a person/man? *No!* Should I care what level of confidence I _should_ have for someone else? *No!* I do have those good things, it might or might not be what she wants, but it's my acceptance to what I _can_ do, and I can be comfortable and therefore confident with that. I am good enough for me, and for her if she wants that. I am no longer going to seek _external_ validation for _who I am_ and _what I can do_ .
I'm 1 tracked like you, Everything is obsessed about 1 thing and I love it. The only thing is I feel boring and want to be enough "excitement" But I don't want to be, How do you be 2 or 3 dimensional and be spontanious and live life
Too many people just attract to the appearance, deep inside even a prince just an ordinary guy, I really fed up learning dating skills, that’s so stupid to trick a guy fall in love, love should be the bloody true and nature, I don’t do anything to please men, he doesn’t love you no matter how nice you are, he put up staying with u but not forever, only he loves you he will stay, no skills
So many people bail relationships because they want peace not constant relationship 3D problems....you can literally be, do, eat, and whatever you want whenever you want.
When I debriefed with my ex after finding out he was cheating on me--the girl didn't know she was the side piece--, I asked him if he loved her. He said "I think so," and I said "So you lied to her, manipulated her, and in a way cheated on her too? That's not love." And then when I messaged to her tell her she was the side piece, she was like "I'm going to stay" Okkkkk. And she's 21 and he's 30, by the way
@@Jean-vx9by Yeah. At first I felt bad for her, I thought "Oh you know, she's so young (20 at the time), maybe she's not experienced enough" but no, she said she had forgiven cheaters in the past. All my sympathy went out the window for her. They deserve each other: him for cheating, and her for her huge lack of self-respect.
Definitely dig deeper into marriage statistics. 70% of first time marriage succeed. That percentage goes down for every additional remarriage. Many factors statistical increases the probability of divorce.
I think a lot of times that we are in love with the imaginary person that we want them to be when in reality they are really not that person at all, which is why the relationship ended. A year from now most of us will be like "what the hell was i thinking"? Not in a bad way, just in how we moved on and how life is fine without this person that we thought we couldn't be with out.
Yes good point! I call this falling in love with potential, it's not fair to the other person or yoursself.
Intelligent Comment! Yes, I have fallen in love with people who really were not That Person at all. In retrospect, I berate myself for wasting time and energy. Love, or the illusion of love, may just be manufactured in the mind. There is an old-timey song "I was fine before I met you, cried when I was with you, and now I'm gonna be just fine again...
100% agreed
That’s usually a female thing, the base of that illusion stems from the raw sexual attraction you feel to that man, and it keep you from really seeing the real person
Yes. Once the hormones we felt are leveled out, and not dissimilar to a drug addiction, we realize it. Once off the "smack" we wonder what the hell was I thinking!?!
Matthew is so spot on. You need competence not just confidence. Be willing to learn from experts. Be flexible and improve yourself. You're not perfect. Try being humble, you aren't all that.
"You were boring..."
What I've learned thus far in life, relationships or not, is that when somebody tells you something that's initially hurtful to you (whether you ask or not), it's probably for your highest good NOT to fight back. Not only because losing your cool is, in a weird way, a "gift" to the other person, letting them know that they GOT you, but more deeply...being told something is an opportunity to stop and ask "Well...could this be true?" I've been told many things in my life that were hurtful and not true. "You're lazy, you're unreasonable...etc, etc"...Hurtful, but an opportunity to stop and look at yourself. That's my opinion, anyway.
I like that thought. I agree with you. As long as you are able to extract constructive criticism from someone's emotional word vomit....I guess it's possible to find the silver lining in almost anything. I like the way you think, sir.
I will say that my husband of 2 years is pretty boring. But he is gentle and calm and never looses his cool. Thats why I'm still attracted to him 😊😊
Please teach more people to appreciate and celebrate this. 😂
Yep, in my mid20's, I realized that I was tired of "fun guys", and deliberately chose a stable, computer geek. He was terrible in bed because he had no experience, yet was open to learning and it worked well for 20 years! We've been divorced for about five years now, used a mediator, and our son can see we have a good friendly relationship. Most of these on line guys are looking for cheap sex, and will drop you in a heartbeat if they deem you "clingy/crazy" if you expect more attachment after sex. No more online for me. I don't need to be told how to be attractive to a man; I already am...the problem is warding off the schemers. I'm not going to be a nurse and.a purse for any man; I actually am an RN, and much more wealthy, healthy, and fit than the creepers 5-10 older than me. Some websites and you tube offenders are selling some kind of bullshit program to supposedly help losers find attractive women and sleep with them without a date. SMH...Listen Up, Mister scores a lot......just pay for a pro and stop the scamming....
I love that though 😉❤️💪
@@gigi9301 Men who want a nurse/surrogate mother, open legs and an open wallet are an interesting breed of parasites. Mr Party Animal acting like a lothario has less appeal than a dependable, considerate and patient computer geek. Excitement grows tedious and exhausting. Many addicts appear dynamic and the life of the party when high then crash into a dribbling, demeaning and depressive mess. Sober, caring and serious with a playful edge, sharp eye and cheeky sense of humour sure beats a crazy, cunning, calculating and cocky con artist or helpless draining man-child.
You are more boring.
I really love Mathew’s ability to be vulnerable, like he laughed openly in the beginning and I laughed twice 😂 and he is also open and honest about his own personal life too, it’s very attractive about him. And, Lewis is adorable in his own ways.
I think also that conversation and transparency is one of the keys for a long term relationship. It starts with small black points here and there, each person keep it inside, and all that time it's growing, till it exploses one day. Couples need to talk when it's not okay too.
Exactly, and such as Matthew's example: if she told him before that she felt he was being boring and that she wanted different activities, etc. from the relationship, things could have changed. But she chose to leave instead. I don't understand how one person can think some things are unchangeable and just leave the relationship. They should be able to communicate the issues with their partner and see if they're solvable, and then decide whether they still want to end it or not.
Back up unique pairing like confidence and humor with emotional honest vulnerability. Bad boy with a heart. Solid gold. Follow that man anywhere.
But bad boy image doesn't work I found so many girl's want that but I can't be that I have destiny that wants me on the good side so that's were I have the problem of finding a girl
Bad boys are bf material, not husband material. Especially for younger girls who chase excitement and don't know the value of peace.
This is why when my friend says she's looking for a man who's ambitious and passionate about work, I just scoff. I dated a super-ambitious workaholic before. I was initially attracted to him because of his success and passion. Then I realized that his priority is always his work, everything else just takes second seat. It got too frustrating and lonely.
Aw thank you I’m sure your an amazing woman Gracey thanks for the tip I’m looking for an adventurous guy who’s a gentleman
A man who’s super ambitious and successful is already extremely rare. You trying to find the perfect balance will be damn near impossible. Sometimes you need to make sacrifices to get the life that you want… the life that a successful man can provide you. A man that’s successful most likely will not have a lot of extra time for you unless you want a guy that’s near retirement. Think in terms of probability, not possibility
Sounds like YOU had too much time on your hands.
So he dumped you?
Wow, looks like you struck a nerve with these dudes 😂😂😂.
What's funny is in this very video, the host goes into specific detail about how true what you said actually is. And the guys in this thread are too sensitive or delusional to hear it. Crazy.
I love it that both guys got really vulnerable and talked about their heartache and their feelings in general xxx
He's not being vulnerable.... he's tricking you. He's saying ' I so successful and ambitious and way above the average guy but its 'boring'. Then you will think 'aw that's so cute.. he's being vulnerable... but really he's saying 'I'm TOO perfect... 'that's my problem will you as a woman accept me for my too much perfection'... and then you will say in your mind... yes... this way a woman will feel like she's moral and accepting while still getting her entitled perfection.
When you meet someone with these unique pairings it seems like you won’t ever meet someone else that excites you as much. That’s my problem right now 😢
Hello to whom it may concern I know of someone great and powerful who helped me get my ex back
Whtzapp him
I know the feeling. However, there are moments in life where you might find it again when you least expect it. It has more to do with energies than the actual person. Law of attraction.
Vicky Aksat that’s true. My ex ended up reaching out. She said she wanted to check in with me to see if I’m doing well and said she missed me but I didn’t carry the conversation, and now I’m confused. Idk if she wants to get back together or an ego stroke 😕
@@jimmypetri12 She is probably checking if you've moved on. It's a natural reaction. I think she cares, but does not realise that she is conflicted herself. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". In my opinion, listen to your own heart and try to understand what made you both have a break up.
The likely hood of you guys separating is because she (in this case if she broke with you) doesn't know if the gras is greener outside of your relationship.
Some people may think that "no matter what" there "must" be a "better" or "GREATER" person out there. An imaginary person created in their fantasy mind that fits their "needs". It's like being a treasure hunter trying to find a treasure that can't be found "vision". The point is, there is no perfect or in this case "GREATER" out there.
You attract what you are energetically. Again, law of attraction.
One of the biggest mistakes is letting your feelings ignore any red flags. I met my ex when she was 16. I ignored the red flag that she was already drinking too much. I divorced her 20 years later because she refused to get help for her alcoholism.
Sorry to hear that man! Had the same experience to drugs with my ex. She was a smoker when I met her and still were a smoker 4 years later even though she said she'll quit several times
@@achillessparta2340 Thank you. As you know, it’s impossible to deal with an addict who won’t get help.
@@johnfairweather9188Yes brother. Did all play out good for you in the end? 20 years of marriage is almost a life time
@@achillessparta2340 Thanks. Yes, it did. I have been with my wonderful current wife for 26 years now. She is a fantastic stepmother and my sons love her. Both boys are doing great with successful careers and partnerships. Life is good.
@@johnfairweather9188 This is really sweet. I'm so happy for you and the wonderful people in your life 💕
He's like a mix between Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Holland - very interesting video and concepts.
Exactly what I was thinking it’s wack
You realize those two men are actors, right?
Don't latch on to fantasy romances.
You're welcome.
They are two dweebs in real life. Hussey comes across as masculine and sensitive.
They don't come across as masculine at all.
do you mean lookswise? Because he's nothing like those two at all
My biggest mistake is getting addicted to the woman "in my head" as in, I "create" or take the best qualities of the person I am crushing on or dating and then I forget about the bad qualities. But a friend also told me the dating world sucks now because it's just in-person Tinder; You either bone within the hour or move on since no one wants to put in the time to get to know each other.
Such a wise- honest guy.... wow
Practice unique pairings all you want but also accept the fact that some people just wont appreciate what they have until theyve lost it.
Elliot Scott said the same -- it's hard to find someone with the right balance of qualities together
True
One trait is not enough. It’s the unique pairings that continuously attract people. Thank you Matthew!
14:50 “it turns out they’re not the one after all. I thought they were, but they’re not. The search continues” a simple statement, yet it holds so much weight with the truth it carries. “The search continues” ; “Just keep swimming”
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to all of this. Very enriching conversation from you guys. Cue 11:46: I stopped, dropped what I was doing, turned and looked at the phone and went "DAYUM". BAM. Truth. So good.
im so relaxed by his voice and accent
It's painful but we can be boring for someone and not for someone else...🥺
No
Dating people carry alot of responsibility.
Familiarity breeds contempt. The more people know about you, the more they hold you in contempt. Its like you cant let people in totally or they will get bored or turned off.
Its like we are responsible to keep people happy
hey honey l'm a living testimony of a great Dr Lee okosun the relationship restorer and a healer who fixed back my broken relationship after being separated for months. He can also help you too no matter how worst the case maybe Dr Lee okosun will put a smile on your face honey within 24hour.
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From a woman going through divorce right now after nearly 20 years of marriage... reason for break up: emotional abuse as a result from a guy who keep on searching for something better when he had the best at home. What you guys you don’t understand you have to stop with this games and trickery, focus to love and grow with one person. When they see you are committed so will she!
You potencially could do the same searhing for something else at one point I dont htink is a matter of gender
I've been through this too. I can tell you this, if you are ever going to heal, you have to own your part. Know your worth and love yourself more, than dont settle for anyone who doesn't atleast love you as much as you love yourself. "I would much rather be single than settled". I live by this quote. Learn from the relationships you enter and "grow through what you go through"
@@musictravellife392 I agree. It's a matter of having "expectations before the person".
LOL "he had the best at home". Gotta love the way some women think
@@Ms.SassyPants1980 sarcasm? Lol
I was marriage for 15 years to a man who argued tooth and nail that people couldn't change. Completely eliminates the possibility of growth and the idea that maybe it's a worthy goal, and frankly the best of the stuff that life is made from.
hey honey l'm a living testimony of a great Dr Lee okosun the relationship restorer and a healer who fixed back my broken relationship after being separated for months. He can also help you too no matter how worst the case maybe Dr Lee okosun will put a smile on your face honey within 24hour.
Whatzpp him for help now
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Love the honest and open discussions you guys have! And so great to go back and dissect what went wrong as it gives so much growth opportunity! Life is a great adventure with never ending learning.....
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it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger.
Omg when you said her response was “you are boring” I died 💀
I love your vids so much TY!
Matt is so full of life. He has such a dynamic fun personality. Gosh what cutting feedback to be told he was boring. Glad he processed it and it is now usable material for his story.
🧡
So many divorces as “too many people want an unconditional love, walking into relationships with a bag full of conditions” ...
Or you get married to someone that was a narcissists.
He is Boring. That doesn't stop him from being an incredible person though. Being boring is an opinion. This man is comfortable in his own skin.
I think "boring" is a euphemism. She probably felt ignored, because he was too concentrated on his work to go on dates, etc
Yes! But bored she was in that relationship.. it's one thing to watch someone on line and a totally different to be in a relationship with this person.
I’m the same way!! 😂😂😂
Now, before dating, I tell them that I’m boring but I can be fun too. Fun is not my priority because fun for me is my career and goal’s journey. By doing that I eliminate all the party guys. 🤷🏼♀️🙏🏻
“She’s the kind of girl who would rather be magical to you than belong to you”
TV ç v bvvvvvbbccccccccçccccç
People are never belongings.💯
@@meghandoyle3851 pp0ppppp0
Matthew I can't see you being boring even your voice shows excitement
No men are the ones who get bored, not the other way around..
Hahahaha 😅 🤣😆🤣 this is a good one! He is British not Spanish or Italian
You really weren't listening..
@@aM-pg3nr I was....
We have no idea what he'd be like in a relationship..I bet he could get boring just like anyone else
Being too selfish is a key to depart and blame game sucks
I can listen to him all day...he says veryyy helpful things.
Reminds me of an experience I had with a man I was dating who had children. The children were between the ages of 16 and 26, so not young children. At first I was impressed with his commitment to his children's happiness. Unfortunately, as time went on, I realized it was to an unhealthy level and at a detriment to his own needs, hobbies, interests, friends, romance, even his own parents took a backseat to his children. Like to the point where an elder is on death's door in a hospital and because his daughter (the 16 year old) had a soccer game, he chose that over going to the hospital for what could of been the last time they saw the person! 😳 And yes, he and the hospitalized family member were close.... yet apparently not close enough to miss his daughter's game. Nevermind she had a lot of games obviously. And no- it wasn't a championship game or anything unlike a normal activity. That's just one of MANY examples that made me go... 🤔hmm??? I recognize it now as a codependency that probably (at least in part) developed after his divorce from their mother - but usually that tendency is there already. I think these divorced parents have a hard time with a guilt of the marriage breaking up so they go overboard trying to make up for it. While I understand they want their children to feel loved, I told him they need to understand the world does not revolve around them - not to the detriment of more important priorities- (or what SHOULD be a priority). Moderation and a happy medium was not his strong suit, and a cornerstone in codependency theory - everyone's needs - or certain people's needs- over others or self. Not too mention the defensiveness when he was challenged or felt judged, and zero self-awareness about any of it. He even yelled at his sister who was upset he wasn't at the hospital, I heard it.
Without bothering more with that story, the point is that yes - something that is a great quality (like being a devoted parent) can turn into an unattractive quality. In his case, his children were his ONLY interest and reason for living. Why someone like him bothered to date me (or anyone else) I'll never understand except he said over and over he wanted a romantic partner yet his actions said otherwise. As Matthew stated, if you're not well-rounded, you're boring. And as my story points out, it can even be an obsessive focus on something leaning into an unhealthy attachment issue. Yeah...not so attractive anymore.
I absolutely love what Matthew is saying here. So PERFECT! This is a generation of Entitlement. He audience are those who go to business seminars, because they want to learn. We need to know what the heck we are doing. It's not enough to have confidence, we need competence. Love it Matthew 🤗👊💯🤙👍
People make the biggest mistake when they dont know how to be alone. If you dont like with alone with you, how can you expect someone else to be alone with you? Lol "know what you want in a relationship, and be the kind of person who is suitable for that kind of relationship".
Yes. If you don't love yourself...you can't expect others too.
This !!!
True!! Learning how to be alone and enjoying it, is the best thing you can do for yourself!
Know yourself well enough to be able to communicate your needs and how you experience the other but in a way that is helpful for both parties.
Communication is key and that key is lost for most of the time
This is one of my favourite videos you’ve ever created
Hi yasmina how are you today im ibrahim from egypt and im 36 years and really thrills me to see a beautiful and adorable woman like you with such an amazing smile, I really would love to learn more about you but that is if you don't mind sending me a friend request.thank❤️🌹😍👍🇪🇬
This guy is a genius about relationships
I suspect if you have rare qualities or unique pairings in your personality some people might be worried that they can't match you so don't try to date you because they'd feel they don't bring as much to the table. Or they may think you're too good to be true. You know, like the beautiful woman who's a scientist or the guy that understands how money works and invests in the stock market but is also a sensitive artist. Both these examples would be unique pairings that might be daunting to other people.
It could explain a lot of my love experiences... Almost all guys I've dated become very insecure with me and every relationships ends up the same way
@@Fanny-bm8gq Yes, and speaking as the sensitive artist that invests in the stock market, I can hear the sigh in your heart.
@@lifestoryguy sadly, I feel you on this. Don't know what to do about it
It’s very difficult to match someone with a perceived high degree of confidence. You think they are better than you and you lose confidence in yourself which makes you unattractive then to the other person. I’m in that world right now😔
@@Fanny-bm8gq just dim your lights and let people adjust to you.
Avoid talking about your career and just say something general... let others know your as a human being first.
It’s a bit of variety yeah? I feel that I’m definitely often the one who got away bc I’ve got so many facets that you will find in no one else. I know when to lean in and when to pull away. It’s a tango, a total art. This is for both men and women. What I needed to hear from this that I didn’t have in my tool box is that I’m not entitled to that Hollywood perfect love. It doesn’t even exist and wouldn’t be healthy. I have attracted very toxic people bc I held this standard.
I’m not owed some flawless connection right off the bat.
I also need to be willing to let that person at least have some cards in the game before writing them off.
Especially when I do it based on fears. Thank you for you work.
I just love this guy's view AF... ❤❤❤
Matthew explained things perfectly!
Unique pairings sounds really positive and I've just realised that as a mum parenting alone I do not prioritise enough time in the day to focus on myself, so some strengths I had which were my unique pairings such as 'fitness funtime' or 'dancing feelgood' literally don't happen.
What do you recommend for mothers who are literally focusing about 60 percent of time on their children's lives; school runs, packed lunches, teaching, inspiring, growing, friendships and basics, life tools.
In short, a mother without a fellow parent is literally having to give up on at least a couple of unique pairings in order to function because there is nobody in UK society to pick up the slack if a mum decides to focus on herself.
I was in a relationship with a lovely guy, we found life even more difficult trying to manage his two children as well as my two...so that eventually broke us for many reasons to do with our inability to be our unique selves. Our unique selves had to be second to being chefs, managers and cleaners for 4 kids which took up literally the entire weekend and exhausted us! By Monday I'd be sat alone after school drop off thinking omg I'm just too shattered to focus on anything for myself right now!
So I wait patiently for them to grow up 🤣🤓😳 I mean none of your insights yet mention parenting or break ups during parenting, or the affects to the individual who is left parenting as their isolated responsibility; financially and mentally physically emotionally and spiritually.
I cope but I'm definitely not reaching my original unique experience levels. It's like I landed in the midst of an unmade puzzle and only i can solve it.
I have someone spe ial I'd like to date but again, he has currently been thrown a shit storm and is having to focus on parenting over his own unique pairings.
I think you just described me and I had no idea that you would. This was found right at 7:35 mark and beyond. I have exercised one trait to the point of mutation and it caused other parts of me to atrophy. Now to figure out how to change.
Divorce is high and people stay breaking up because people are not whole and look to relationships to fill voids. People should focus on cultivating their most healthy selves and then go out and find someone who has equally been doing that internal work. whole + whole = one unified whole.
P. R. E. A. C. H. This is the stuff these coaches should talk about.
Hitting the nail on the head
Matt is so spot on….
I just love both of them
I love this! I feel so validated. I feel like i get more things right than wrong and encouraged. I thought I would feel like I was messing it all up but I'm not. Thank you!
Excellent topic!
I m so thrilled to have comprehension of this content at 22
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I’m glad you have gone through the heart breaks.. you speak to us from true experience 👍🏼✨
the interviewer's like "dang. enlightenment"
This opens my eyes so much. Thank you for being so vurnerable and sharing this!
Matt is a genius !
I completely agree with what you are saying Mr Matthew but the problem with that is in reality most men are too busy doing many other things that no way they will ever have the time to keep improving and adding more and more attributes to their dating skills or relationship skills . The other problem with what you are saying you might have two attractive attributes that could possibly attracts only certain types of women who are looking for those attributes . What I have learned through life experiences is that you you attributes and qualities are too good and looks to perfect to women they have a hard times trusting you. Because women in nature always questions everything , the first question will be I don't understand why a man like you with such amazing attributes is single or is dating me , how were you not able to keep your ex and so on.
just realise I'm coming to listen to him because I enjoy the way he's talking - so well organized speech. If it will be about the most boring stuff like paying taxes, i'll sill listen. need more good speakers. gonna find more
I would rather have someone be themselves than try to be someone they are not to try to impress me. Are they going to stay that person forever? Probably not. Be yourself, someone will love you for YOU.
lol good point I had this issue. After creating my first online dating profile, I had someone msg me and say I enjoyed reading your resume :p
this is funny as heck!! lol
After for children and a couple years to recoup the desire was there !!!❤️
loved everything about this interview
This is gold. ⭐️
Katie Krull,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are with a good man!!
This advice is gold! Thanks
I hope all men watch this during quarantine.. It would give me some hope for my lovelife post-Covid
Don't wait for Men to Change...you change.
I'm always amazed at how much Matthew thinks like me. He's also ambitious like me.. but he really kniws how to make sure he follows through
If someone is calling you "boring" is because they are unhappy internally and cannot generate that happiness from whithin... so they try to find a "man" who is happy in order to extract that thing from the relationship and their partner thats why with time you became "boring" because at some point you got exhausted trying to be "more" for the other person standars while in reallity they had to be "more" for themselves. Happiness is personal responsibility - she didnt have a life outside of you - so its easy to blame you, and its not right for you Matthew to be so self-critical about it. Yes you maybe should have been more nurturing towards the relationship but in general I dont see how, you can fill fundamental pit in someone else. So what Im trying to say is if "as a woman" you dont have those quality's (passion advanterous etc) if you find yourself boring - the relationship will be a mirror for you - and you will blame the person for the same things you dislike about yourself... PEACE!
👏👏👏💯💯💯
Oooooo this was gooood ❤️ I like the Unique Pairing idea.
A great conversation!!!
I so agree with this.
👍
"The biggest mistake people make when dating with Matthew Hussey is making the wrong kind of tea and not bringing vanilla icecream to his bedroom"
Carl Jung once said that as a general rule a particularly beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment. That is because women pretend to be someone they’re not in order to gain the attention of men. At some point the makeup and heels come off and the best behavior is gone. You can pretend to be someone you’re not but at some point it will catch up with you. And since real relationships are based on trust, that relationship will be over.
It’s vulnerable and humbling to be authentic with someone for the very reason that they may not want to be with you but honestly, it’s better to be alone than in a relationship where someone is in love with the fake façade you created instead of you.
Women now have more options of being independent instead of depending on a men for many things. Right now women that can be in a relationship because they want rather than because they need to.
Lol strong and indépendant
The wall comes sooner or later
What does this have to do with anything, or the topic above?🤔
@@thelookout5802Go to the minute 13, he asked why are we having so many divorces now? One of the reasons is: Women are allowed to have more standards now.
"...a muscle that you train to the point of mutation." So profound! SO true.
Thank you for sharing honestly!
It’s easy to start having a crush on this relationship coach! 😄
DreamDove,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
@@christianpulisic7784 Ah! You are so kind
@@DreamDove You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌹.I am Christian from the States.You?
@@DreamDove Which country are you from?
Wow that was brave of you!!
I'm crying with this!!
I am finding that my confidence can be affected by the apparent "mountain" that I am told to climb as a man, that constant and daily "What will I do better today than yesterday to keep this relationship alive as it's all down to the man to keep this going" mentality, if I am right.
I wouldn't have a relationship where I would need to keep looking over my shoulder where I could "slip up" at any moment with the slightest detail "missed" and then she's gone, just because.
In amongst this, surely the couple will be reasonably content and happy with what they have together without the need for daily "I want to keep him/her" games?
*ADDENDUM* :
Should I care what other people think? *No!*
Should I care what other people think _how much_ a crisis that I can cope with as a person/man? *No!*
Should I care what level of confidence I _should_ have for someone else? *No!*
I do have those good things, it might or might not be what she wants, but it's my acceptance to what I _can_ do, and I can be comfortable and therefore confident with that. I am good enough for me, and for her if she wants that.
I am no longer going to seek _external_ validation for _who I am_ and _what I can do_ .
That was so good! 100% agree.
Matthew being handsome makes this even easier to watch
I'm 1 tracked like you, Everything is obsessed about 1 thing and I love it. The only thing is I feel boring and want to be enough "excitement" But I don't want to be, How do you be 2 or 3 dimensional and be spontanious and live life
Too many people just attract to the appearance, deep inside even a prince just an ordinary guy, I really fed up learning dating skills, that’s so stupid to trick a guy fall in love, love should be the bloody true and nature, I don’t do anything to please men, he doesn’t love you no matter how nice you are, he put up staying with u but not forever, only he loves you he will stay, no skills
I call it “The whole package”
"The whole package" differs from person to person. Uou have to be clear what you want and dont want in a relationship. Bottom line.
Good for you to be open to the feedback.
Great interview...very enlightening
Desire lived in the place between two people... oooh I love it
So true I agree
So many people bail relationships because they want peace not constant relationship 3D problems....you can literally be, do, eat, and whatever you want whenever you want.
True but u must learn to deal with all these things.. It's what makes life real and challenging.
Big mistake don’t date someone that is dating someone else at the same time , that’s not love
Y E S brah !!
When I debriefed with my ex after finding out he was cheating on me--the girl didn't know she was the side piece--, I asked him if he loved her. He said "I think so," and I said "So you lied to her, manipulated her, and in a way cheated on her too? That's not love." And then when I messaged to her tell her she was the side piece, she was like "I'm going to stay" Okkkkk. And she's 21 and he's 30, by the way
Emma J , it’s pretty sad we see this kind of situation to often in some people , just plan sad
@@Jean-vx9by Yeah. At first I felt bad for her, I thought "Oh you know, she's so young (20 at the time), maybe she's not experienced enough" but no, she said she had forgiven cheaters in the past. All my sympathy went out the window for her. They deserve each other: him for cheating, and her for her huge lack of self-respect.
Emma J yes they do deserve each other , good luck to them
Did you ever hear, the thing you love most about the person in the beginning is what u hate at the end.
Definitely dig deeper into marriage statistics. 70% of first time marriage succeed. That percentage goes down for every additional remarriage. Many factors statistical increases the probability of divorce.
Ambitious yes...but Women need to feel Loved!
Compitance not just confidence! Know me less to get your desire again!
do you need help in your relationship if you do i can recommend to someone who will help you ok
Exactly. Some men are nice but incredibly boringggggg.😴 so it is about a balance of both.. and not to focus and overuse your strength..
Thank you for you made a nice video.
Life is hard to be prefect 🙏
Who will dare to think about breaking up if the other side is Matthew..
Loved this ❤️