An Honest Conversation about Psychosis | My Life with Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar Type
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- Опубликовано: 11 июн 2024
- In this video I talk about how I’m experiencing the beginnings of psychotic symptoms (I have the bipolar type of schizoaffective disorder). It’s not a fully on break from reality, but it is a feeling of things being very wrong (one of my most common delusions), and I talk about it!
Psychosis and my awareness of it has changed a lot since I went on medication, and I am very self aware of my condition. However, this does not stop me from feeling that my experiences are real in the moment and real when they happen, before I get my awareness that they AREN'T real. I'm fortunate in that I figure out it's fake pretty quickly thanks to treatment--mainly therapy--but whether I know the hallucinations and delusions are real or not, I still have to deal with them.
It's a weird place, to know I'm experiencing psychosis when it's happening.
But I do that now. That's my life. That's what recovery has done for me.
Enjoy the video!
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Disclaimer: I am not a qualified mental health professional. This channel exists for educational purposes, and I do my best to provide accurate and up-to-date information. In order to create content, I combine scientific resources (peer reviewed studies and easy-to-understand articles) and my own personal experiences/advice. I seek to make complicated topics easy to understand, but I am no substitute for a doctor, therapist, or other qualified mental health professional.
#schizoaffective #schizoaffectivedisorder #psychosis #hallucination #hearingvoices #delusions #delusion #mentalhealthawareness
When I was young, far away from being diagnosed. I felt people watching me and I couldn't shake it. Now I am very grateful for modern medicine because I don't have to be homeless. It's a real blessing.
It so is, glad you got help too!
Dude, I would hug you if I could. This is so relatable, especially the part where you are stable yet the second significant amount of stress hits you, things go haywire. Thank you for being so candid with us and I am hoping you feel better!
I live on disability and I have affordable housing. I am disabled, even handicapped. I played guitar today and had to stop after 20 minutes because I was burned out. I was disappointed. If I had a job and provided for myself I'd be proud.
Given to my language barrier I can't both comment and or descrive what hell of a life is been and still is nobody said until I was 53 that I was a Bipolar!! I have been screwing and messing everything up since I was a kid... I am still watching this video and couldn't stop writing something to share know that only we 'ill' community can understand you... thanks for what you do on here and the energy you need to be talking about yourself Hugs from Italy
Hey Kit! I totally understand your desperation about this condition and it is totally valid and hard. But remember. You are not alone. There are tons of us who relate to you on this level and feel the same sometimes. I fully understand what you say. And the funny thing is that this video finds me in a mood where I feel desperate as well but for other symptoms of psychosis. For me it is the social withdrawal and social awkwardness that ruins my life. I just returned home totally tired of social interactions and I watched your video which put in words all my thoughts and feelings of today. And I feel so much relieved. We are together in this. I know life is harder for some people and we are these "some people" but I hope none of us is alone. And you are a reason for this. Much love from me
We are never alone, so true! And its so easy to feel alone but I know deep down I’m not and that gives me some level of peace in this h*llscape
I don't question or define what is "real" anymore. Everything cycles. I sit in the current perception of reality and acknowledge it as canon, and then I let it pass. I compartmentalize it while also acknowledging that everything is connected. Contradicting layers upon layers. I set boundaries and rules of love and compassion for all entities. These rules and boundaries follow me in every perceived reality. My goal is to plant both feet in consensus reality while letting my heart fly and meet the voices/hallucinations where they are. The dark and the light. "My heart is my compass, the stars are my home. In the light, in the dark, I am never alone." All our experiences are different and traumatic and ineffable, but they rhyme. I lean on hope. -with unconditional love and understanding, I see you ❤️
I like to watch her videos because it makes me feel like I’m not alone in this. Even this very moment I find my self in pain.
For something that is bee🐝 related giving you good vibes and a hug 🥰 from Florida
Thank you so so much!
Friend! I’m so glad you were vulnerable and made this video.
The crack in the universe type of psychosis with everything feeling off sounds so disconcerting. I haven’t experienced that.
You didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask for bipolar 1.
I relate to your fear of wondering when symptoms will appear. Especially since the meds don’t get rid of symptoms entirely, like you said.
This video will help so many feel seen and less isolated and will help so many others understand psychosis better. ❤ -Jess
This is so sweet Jess thanks for the comment! And I hate that you relate in terms of that fear of symptoms. It’s such a scary lace to be and I try not to think about it too hard. Thanks for this!
Hi! I'm so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. Last year I was diagnosed with bipolar and was having psychosis too. It is really something else. You hang in there. You're such a beautiful person and I have been so blessed watching these videos. You have inspired me and so many others. I do wish that you didn't have to suffer like this. I will be praying for You. Keep on keeping on. Peace and love.
Keep strong, Kit! You here, making the uncomfortable just a bit more comfortable has helped immensely. You're literally a ray of sunshine in a lot of people's lives and I really hope you'll feel better soon! Big hugs!
You have to cope with your illness unavoidably. There are no other choices. I can only show my empathy to you. As a child of a schizophrenic mother, I remember my mother as a good mother.
I wanted to cry watching this. It’s hard to describe this feeling and the struggle to know what isn't real. It feels so isolating, and I feel like I have no one to talk to who can relate to or understand. I just want everything to stop.
It might not feel like it, but none of us are alone. I hang onto that as much as I can. And it helps
The someone in the room watching you thing. Can you talk more about that and what it is. I experience that sooo much.
I hate how terribly this hurts you inside!
dude i hade this last night soo bad it kept me up for 2 hours and i was hearing a youngf female voice. being schizo is cool sometimes but hell others
external voices too.
I definitely will, I’ll add that kind of hallucination to the list!
I hope you’re feeling better ❤❤❤ I know it’s hard but you can get through this ❤❤❤
I feel you. It is just so hard. The recurrent nature of mental illness sucks.
Sorry to hear you're having a bad time. It sounds like a feeling of dread. I have learnt to see it coming a bit when I start hearing voices. But it still sucks, that feeling of slipping away into a world you know isn't real, but if you get sucked in you can't tell what is real.
I admire your strength in holding down a job and leading a 'normal' life. Your job sounds pretty cool - yay science :).
Yes yay science! And thank you
I have regular schzo , and I live with my parent. My dad is battling cancer and some days I get the weight of all that ( Oh, there's a cure Kit )
Kit, I can feel your pain in this video and I can empathize🫂💜. I live with schizophrenia and what you describe is very much like what I experience m and when you said the very minute that you are stressed your psychosis symptoms set in, I was like yes, me too, I def relate and I was tearing up. I'm so sorry! It's hell! When you said how you didn't ask for this, it just broke me. I def understand. It's not fair! It sucks. And you're so right you'll be okay because you always have been. That's exactly and understandable comment. It conveys that feeling that you have to just keep going and being strong. But it also conveys how hard it is and how lonely it is🫂💜. No words will make it better just know there are people that get it. And you are a beautiful person who is doing amazing and helping others like me feel less alone💗
Incredibly relatable, the whole crack in the universe, for me it feels like theres actually a crack across the sky that only I seem to be able to experience and everyone around me is oblivious to the pending dread that I know is there. Carrying on without a care while I feel the my world die
Hey there, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through and just wanted to tell you that I think you're an awesome person and I really like your videos! I hope you feel better!
Thank you!
There is so much that I want to be able to say, but I don't have the words. But I want you to know it is comforting for me to know someone else out there experiences what I experience, and your channel really does help me...ALOT. I know it's tough and shit gets real sometimes, but I wish you the best Kit. For real. Stay in the fight. It's worth it.
I won’t let it beat me. Ever. :)
I'm kinda like you, i've got schizophrenia according to my doctors but i go across the world on music festivals to see my favourite punkbands. 2019 i went alone to Slovenia from Sweden to camp in the fucking mountains for 5 days, i always go psychotic during these trips and i know i will before going, i worry 6 months ahead of everything that could possibly go wrong, but i'm alive and i'd say it keeps me growing and going forward, can't let your fears control you totally or what other people say, i had psychologists tell me not to go, but i went, had the best time of my life, made tons of new friends and saw my favourite bands.
I will never stop traveling, I’ll just get better at coping. I want to see the world more than most things in life and my illness is well, also a part of my life. But I refuse to hide in my room and never go anywhere.
@@SchizoKitzo Well apparently i like to quote dillinger four but they have a lyric that goes "when thinking of the size, of this world right outside, please don't waste it trying to hide"
I'm here to give you a hug kit. You're amazing i love listening to you
If you have others you can turn to, please do. I know it does not fix things, but it helps to not be alone.
I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder depressive type. This thing is at the core of my life ending up with me being alone almost all of the time. I know that it is for life and I honestly feel I can relate to the stress of knowing that. I am sick of being alone even after I have spent years working to try to have others in my life that I can count on when I am 'with it'. The sad thing is that seems to not have been enough as I am alone almost all of the time other than the darn doctors and such. That is not any sort of over-the-top statement. I often have and still do go a week or more with no other people around me other than the bit of online contact. Screen time is not the same as having someone actually here.
That is more than enough about my situation. The main thing is if you can, be with at least one person to help you and be there. It can make a massive difference and help in more ways than most people seem to understand. Isolation is a living nightmare no matter if you are diagnosed with a mental health condition or not.
Trying so hard not to isolate, thanks for reinforcing it! I have a great group of friends that’s been helping me and reaching out, I just gotta keep replying to their messages :)
The "self" is burdened with so much sometimes. Wish I could break it all up and rearrange it sometimes. Remove the great level of importance I sometimes attach to things. The things are just things. All the noise of equals and opposites. Need another self. Hope the meds are helping😊 you feel better. I know schizophrenia can be bizarre.😢😊😊❤
im really sorry your having a hard time and thank you for your channel. For a few years how I been hav ing bad delusions and thinking I was being haunted severely. im not going to go into much detail because I know you are not doing well but just know its gotten bad. I been going to the doctor and she hasn't diagnosed me but she keeps mentioning schizophrina and I actually started watching your channel because i didn't know what this was and thought it wasn't bad enough to be schizophrenia potentially and thought it could just be a ghos or something and I was hearing and seeing spirits but you really have a lot of the same things I go through and im not sure if its schizophrenia but you have really given me hope that I can get better from whatever it is and I can have a kinda normal life and grow and thank you for that because I really didn't think I could ever get better. I hope you heal and get better and remember all things pass.
Things do pass, and that goes for you too!
Kito you are true inspiration..
I'm sorry that you are in such pain, just remember that you once said your life is worth living, even with all the suffering (which I hope will go away ASAP)
Life it totes worth living!
Thank you for making your channel. It's been very educational for me to learn about your disorder and how it can be somewhat similar to BPD which is what I have. To hear you say "I wish it would stop" and that you didn't ask for any of this. Also that you wish the meds would completely take it away. That's exactly how I feel about my mental illnesses and how it affects my daily life life as well. I feel less alone. I've thought about making a channel about living with BPD but idk how people people can judge you when you're exposing things like this. But again, thank you for making your channel.
Thank you for following my journey! And the more we talk the more normal this stuff becomes, but also know it’s okay to not talk too. It’s whatever works best for you and your experience.
Music is my outlet during my relapse and recovery too. I have the same diagnosis as you. I'm so glad I was taught to play flute as a child. I go to music and get lost in sounds so I don't think too deeply about the inner thoughts I don't want. It's my saving grace. Music really heals. You can turn your thoughts into fictional songs and poems. You are very articulate 😊
I have played piano for nearly 20 years and it’s super helpful! I just play improv for hours and it does help. Sometimes I record it and keep it, most of the time I hear and play it once and never again. Thank you!
I am so sorry that you are going through a rough time right now, Kit. Praying for you.🙏❤️
yup. all too relatable. last night i was up an extra 2 hrs in bed hearing a young female voice (externally), feeling prescences, being watched etc. weird stuff
We love You Kit❤
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. I have the same diagnosis. I always thought it was just how life is for everyone. Still do most days. I swear, that you are very strong and an amazing person. We made it this far, you got this.
Definitely relatable, hugs to you
I just got back from a concert and I got to say, i am not coping well either. I just want to experience normality. Sometimes I just want to be normal. I do want to say though that you aren't alone in this. Schizophrenia is such a pain.
Sorry you go through this bless you. Thank you for sharing take care. X❤️🌹 I know it’s not nice it’s upsetting. God bless you.x
Thank you for this. Im going through something similar at present and its nice to know im not alone. Feel better soon ❤️🩹
Thank you!
Kit, I know exactly what you are talking about it's going on 2 weeks and I'm feeling the same way where thing is off things aren't right tomorrow I get to see my doctor and have a talk with her. I hope you feel better soon.
Good luck!
I love you. Im proud of you for reaching out to us emedietly whilst youre going thrue this deep deep feelings.
I'm tapering off of klonopin soon with my DR because of the fact that I'm addicted to it. I'm scared that psychosis will have a rebound effect. I know exactly the off feeling you get when your in those symptoms. I definitely understand what you're going through and wish you the best of luck.
The off feeling is the worst, good luck with your own meds!
I hope you’re feeling better!!!!
I appreciate your vulnerability, honesty, and candidness. I too struggle and take medications and still feel the universe shift. None of us asked for bipolar, schizo, effective disorder and yes, it does suck.
But your channel has made me feel heard and understood. Thank you!
ruclips.net/user/shorts8sMfk_ujBR4?feature=shared
Did the video I sent you work?
ruclips.net/user/shorts8sMfk_ujBR4?si=xp195UB-KA_ratfA
That feeling makes sense. From what i know, it's a matrixing disorder, so how your brain processes things differently. Giving you the fun house effects.
"No way of experiencing the reality of anything" U.g krishnamurti.
You sound like a very intelligent, articulate, sensitive person. Do you mind if I ask I wonder if it’s like flashbacks of bad memories? I think sensitive people feel pain more strongly and I get those when I don’t rest enough or am under stress and it passes after a little while. Don’t be scared either way, this too shall pass! Just remember you are safe now. You are strong! Get rest and some good sleep. I hope you feel better soon.❤
Nope I did not. This is 100% my brain. Thanks so much for the comment and I will get through this!
@@SchizoKitzo I’m happy you are pushing through, on your way to healing💜
I Have BPD along with my Schitzoaffective diagnosis. This sounds so much like the dissociative/derealization I deal with from BPD. It is so very scrambled because it feeds into my delusions and shuffles everything around. Hang in there. I feel ya. its rough.
Thank you 😊
Hang in there kit! We all love you!
Great video! Hope you feel better soon
Yeah. Psychosis sucks. Sometimes it's really nice to just hear/say/acknowledge that yes, this huge part of everyday and my/your/our life forever sucks. Thank you. Sending love from the southern hemisphere, and hope things start to get easier soon.
I appreciate this
I'm sorry you are suffering right now. I hope it's some small comfort to know that you are helping people. You're helping me understand my illness and not feel alone. You just taught me that feeling a presence when no one is there is a hallucination and there's a special name for it. I didn't know that. I didn't know what it was, but in the past I thought there were ghosts following me (my delusions and hallucinations tend to be spiritual in nature). I sometimes feel like I tipped into a different consciousness, or like I'm in an alternate reality because everything looks exactly the way it is supposed to but it feels off, like it's all a sham, a television set or something. I'm always okay in the end too, but yeah. It's exhausting. I'm 32. I think sometimes, wow, I have a few more decades of this stuff? I'm tired. I hope you feel back to yourself very soon.
They’re “extracampine” hallucinations and are usually experienced by those with Parkinson’s, at least that’s what my research led me to believe. And I used to think they were spirits for sure but now the veil has been lifted. Still freaks me out when it happens though. Stay strong!
I’m on my pills but I feel my creativity is gone, it’s quite in my mind but I’m like was I telepathically talking to people before, I go to bed early even snore, my food intake could be greener, sometimes when I call my mom a bitch in my head in real life she gets meaner, it’s smoky where I live sun obscured by a grey smoke blur, I wish my thoughts were purely mine, you’ll get better kit I hope that your fine
This is my life. I feel ya struggles. Thanks for the video 😊
What sucks and is so sad is that you could be having spiritual experiences but it’s so hard to know what is what..the mind is a pain in ass.
I relate with this post too much. Having schitzoaffective is a fun, cruel joke. It piles up like laundry, falls over and then folds itself and puts itself away.
Well said
"Don't wanna hear any fucking voices at all even if they're saying i'm alright" - dillinger four
The process of greiving the person you could have been had things been different is a tough and long one.
I try not to think about it too hard 😔
Thanks for sharing
Not sure this would s helpful :( but… I used to think that thought a lot “if you only had three years left to live, how would you spend it?” I immediately thought of this TED TALK when watching this. It’s really good. Hey, I love your kindness and compassion and I hope it all comes back to you! Here’s the title of the Ted talk :: My life started when they said it was over | Elin Kjos | TEDxKI
The unverse crack thing I can weirdly relate to even though I have never experienced that directly, but it is a way of putting how I feel when dissociationg.
I can totally see how that might relate!
Im a bit "in it" at the moment too... Its hard sometimes for sure i guess your not alone in it though 😊⭐❤️👑
I hear all my voices as internal voices not sure if its common or not but I feel like external would be worse
I prefer the internal ones. Easier to tell they’re voices 😂
♥️♥️♥️
I've had psychosis 4 times , I have panic attacks, and I hear voices 😢 and I'm holding onto to be a mum . Will it ever truly be gone?
❤
I find your channel very informative and admire your great commitment to this important topic. I'm interested to know if you've considered trying a ketogenic diet. I follow the channel 'Living well with Schizophrenia' by Lauren, who lives with schizoaffective disorder. Despite a sophisticated medication regimen, she has regularly reported on mild to severe symptoms in her posts. For the past five months, she has been following a medical ketogenic diet under professional coaching. She has managed to reduce her medications by 60 percent and feels she has found an incredibly effective therapy. Since starting the dietary therapy, she has not experienced any hallucinations or extreme mood swings. I would be interested in hearing your opinion on the subject. Best regards and all the best.
Good for her its not for me
🫂 it's unsettling to go through times like this. I hope this will pass fast. Glad you take such good care of yourself and can be venerable on this channel. I appreciate you !
Do you try cognitive behavioral therapy? if so,does it help control the stress that leads to psychosis?For you,does any if your psychosis result from social anxiety or anxiety in general?
I'm not sure if you know about medical Keto and how it can help people with mental illnesses. I was watching videos from "Living Well with Schizophrenia" and she has found some help from her symptoms. She has been able to go down a significant amount in her meds. It may not help everyone but it can be another thing to try to reduce your symptoms. I hope that we find cures for these mental illness soon because it's very difficult for everyone living with them. Hang in there you will feel better.
Good for her its not for me
@@SchizoKitzo Ya it's not for me either but it's good to see other people finding some other ways to lower symptoms.
Hi kit, do you work and what kinda work do you do?
I do! I’m a lab tech
Hi Kitz. You might've been asked this before, but I was wondering if it might be possible to program your brain to rather have "safe" psychotic experiences in the sleep-state and be able to then recall it(?) The eccentric magical-thinking dreamer in me kind of wants to tell you that you are a psychic medium of some sort and that the specific "presence" close to you is actually a real person, being blocked, who wants to connect with you and be allowed to give you a hug while you're laying down (especially on your side and when things are going rough in your life). We are sometimes sent the genuine in-between the fake. Don't want to offend anyone here. Your illness is real and there are layers to it that could very well still be hidden from you at present. Please take care. Ciao for now.
I know this might not be a popular opinion but have you considered going back to your parents/parent? That way you would never be alone, I think loneliness is not very helpful for us "mentally sensitive" folks. I know it might be annoying to be requested to go fetch a milk from cellar, if you know what I mean, but at least there's always someone willing to share your burden, and, I'm pretty sure, your parents benefit too, long story short you take care of each other. For example my mother (who is schizoaffective) and I (bipolar I) have same psychiatrist and one time she went from 5 mg of zyprexa to 2,5 mg and her positive symptoms appeared, but I was there to immediately report that to our doctor and she put her back on 5 mg and in just a few days my mother was fine again, and potentially large and damaging episode was prevented. So we sort of "guard" each other, and I think it's super helpful. That's just my short 2 cents on this, I hope and wish you get better soon :)
The way I’ve done it with my dad (my main support person) is that while I do technically live on my own, I only live a mile away from him. We talk every day, and often walk the mall a few times a week for a few hours and I see him on the weekends. When I have issues I will sometimes sleep on his couch, or he will come over to my apartment and help there. For now, this plan is working. But it’s not out of the question to move back in with someone at least down the line. I’m just taking it a day at a time. Thanks Kinzhe!
Were all technically hallucinating reality perception for normies isn't really that accurate either has anybody on here seen the lectures by Anil seth about the brain hallucinating conscious reality. it makes you wonder how anybody's perception of reality is accurate at all.
Follow up with Donald Hoffman and you will have your answer.
🙏💜🩷🙏
🍎🌲🍺 have you tried tongue placement to the roof of mouth and flexing it till you touch your heart. Or headstands and egg white fasting. 🕊️🧘🏼🕊️ Dao quickly come, ah! ❤️🔥👻👻🙏
What is up SchizoKitzo
The sky
@@SchizoKitzo OOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooohhhh
Watch Robert breaker how to be saved.
You likely haven't seen her story about how she used to be a believer. I am not going to take it upon myself to share that part of her story. It's not mine to share even though she posted it.
Second you can't assume someone doesn't know the LORD just because they battle some type of psychotic disorder. You wouldn't say that to someone with cancer just as well as you should never assume it for someone with psychotic symptoms of a mental illness.
I very much so have a relationship with God and I also battle psychotic symptoms. My relationship with God is absolutely the only thing that gets me through it and sustains me through the days the battle of it makes me wonder why I am still here. I know He has a purpose and I know in that purpose He will use my life to bring glory to Him.
@@rainygreene9161 I did know she was raised Baptist. I just care about her
@@rainygreene9161 and your a believer and saved or you never believed at all. And your the one assuming. I did have cancer. I know we cant control these diseases
@@Lisa-yc1mn yes I agree that there are people who thought they believed but never really did believe. I do agree with your first statement.
Second, I think I didn't communicate what I was trying to say. I never assumed anything nor did I accuse anyone of assuming anything. I was only saying that sometimes people think someone that being saved will totally rid someone of psychotic battles and a lot of those people would never say that to someone who battles something such as cancer. I wasn't saying that is what you were doing and I apologize for not being more thoughtful in how I communicated.
Also, I hate that you battled cancer. I hope you are doing much better.
@@Lisa-yc1mn ohhhhh.. I should have said one can't assume. I use you all inclusive a lot not meaning literally the person I am talking to.
Ya i was schizoeffective bipolar when i was younger. So i went off my medicine and grew up. All the symptoms are from immaturity.
This may be a confronting message for you. A message that may be attacking your identity. But shouldn't you consider a quieter job. Travelling in an air plane is tiresome and nerve wrecking even for a person without stress vulnerabilities. If your job involves this regularly, this seems an enormous challenge
She does it for fun, not work.
@@lisbethbird8268
Well, in that case maybe a more relaxing way to spend your free time is then more appropriate.
smile up.ii.yes.oaghsa.bad good good. closed. suture now. instant. abc sight. dbd. s and p.
Well schizophrenia can not be cured with drugs , however it's possible to get cured . But before I can explain to you how it's first important to know the right steps and precautions else the condition can worsen. Please contact me for more information.
Thanks for sharing