My Life With Schizoaffective Disorder: How Recovery Became an Identity Crisis
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- Опубликовано: 19 май 2023
- My recovery from symptoms of psychosis has been multifaceted, but at a certain point, I didn't know who I was without my symptoms. This is an overview of what happened and how I found an identity outside of my illness.
I have schizoaffective disorder and have been struggling for 23 years. I can’t say I’m in recovery yet but I’ve had a better few weeks on a new medication and today was symptom free. This one day today left me feeling really lost, just as you describe. Scared, in a way, that i would have more good days. I am so glad i found your video and that you spoke about this unspoken effect of recovery. It fit perfectly with what i have been grappling with.
How’s it going ?
So well put, even though our disorders shape the way we experience the world they aren’t who we are. After all somebody else could have the same disorder/symptoms and be a completely different person
I was very smart n school also athletic also basketball and football. 11th grade I got hospitalized diagnosed with psychosis went to mental health dey diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia. When Covid hit pandemic I moved with my wife I talked to my new mental health dr he said it sounds like dey misdiagnosed me from what he was hearing from me. He said sounds like I’m bipolar he said he wouldn’t know for sure n til I come n to c him b4 dat happened he moved to another mental health center but he still had it in my charts file next dr dere saw me and she diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type so dats my diagnosis now. N school I played basketball all my life star pg weight bout 160 mental illness killed my career pills made me gain a lot of weight went from 160 to 220 over da summer b4 I got back n school. Math was my favorite subjects n school 12 grade I took two math classes one pre calculus other much easier math tech. I failed pre calculus badly but I passed math tech with a A+ dats how I graduated and got my high school diploma.
You so eloquently are able to describe your experiences in a way that I wish I had the words to do. I hope you continue to do well in recovery and finding your identity outside of your disorder.
Thank you so much!
This sounds so incredibly difficult. You have such an incredible spirit, processing. ❤️
Thank you so much! ❤️
Wish you a speedy recovery and God bless
In Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen! 🙏💖
I also have schizoaffetive depressive type and I relate to a lot of this. I remember my whole teen years being completely defined by my psychosis, and I was scared to start antipsychotics because I didn't know who or what I'd be without it. I thought I would stop feeling like myself. Now that I've been on these meds for years I can safely say I feel so much more secure in who I am now that I experience psychosis to much much smaller degree. It's not the center of my life anymore and it's incredible how much I've achieved since getting treatment. I also think it's important to know that every teen and young adult goes through an identity crisis to some degree, and I'm so glad I can finally see someone talk about how being a young person and having identity issues can be so affected by psychosis. Thank you so much for this video, anyone I see talking openly about psychosis and schizo-spec disorders means the world to me.
I had a very traumatic experience happen to me and it spurred psychosis and hallucinations. Spent the last hour or 2 feeling presences, seeing "demons", feeling them touch me and hearing voices. It doesn't happen all the time but it's been happening too frequently. I'm going to talk to my case worker and DR about it and hopefully nail down some kind of diagnosis or something. This crap is scary and prevents me from going to sleep. I have to get up at 4 in the morning, and It's 1 oclock now... definitely irritating but whatever it is what it is. Thanks for sharing.
What is now ?
Be strong!!!
This is nice to hear. I didn't know there was two parts of me till i got pumped full of drugs.
Awesome video, I went through the same exact process as you with trying to figure out who I was behind the diagnosis.
❤️
Thank you. This helped me alot.
Hello friend I’m sorry you don’t feel good emotional and mental health.
In one way I understand because when my mom was here she had a different illness but she struggled like you.
So my heart goes out to you an hopeful that you feel better soon and have more good days then awful ok
You're so eloquent.... How well expressed... Thank you...😊
I had had similar experiences , and discovered how to embrace identity , we were created to love others , so keeping my focus on others and fulfilling this fills me up , ( being depleted and empty and open is grounds for an attack , .)) for voices and intrusive thoughts , (these are demons ) working in clusters , staging , attempting to control the mind or drive you mad or ect , Demons have to be verbally commanded to leave ( driven out ) once their legal right are renounced ( if Any ) , ( so knowing spiritual authority is paramount ) to battle .emotional healing also has to happen if needed ( forgiveness ) , this gets rid of the emotional stress , . Not addressing these ( spiritually demonic ) however friendly and seductive attacks properly , led to psychosis , I discovered psychosis is also a spirit that was messing with my reality ,.my conclusion was that it was a high ranking demon able to shapeshift, from visible animal , to human , to demon , powerful enough to put me in a near comatose state , while feeding my mind lies , in a variety of twists , while causing me to slip in and out of consciousness an attempt to get me to claim these thoughts as mine , . Thank God I made it out of the trap of schizophrenia , and I pray this helps someone .
I’m in the same boat trying to figure out who I am. I have also thought about my diagnosis defining me. I hope you get a little closer to your identity. Wish you well
Thank you! You too!
You should collaborate with the channels Schizo Kitso, and Living Well With Schizophrenia. Thank you for sharing your story.
I can 100% relate to this. Thank you for sharing! Always felt this way but could never put it into words and you did so very well. Thank you!
You are so brave. God bless you. ❤
Hello friend it’s Jon here.
I hope you get better soon.
😊
Thanks
I am so sorry you suffer.
Thank you for sharing
Great video!
Thank you so much, Kev!
Will you continue the channel? Just love listen you. Thank you for this vídeo. Hugs from Brazil
Thank you! I do plan to continue, life has just been very busy. Hugs to you too!
You have awesome insight! and can self analyze very well, great video!
Thank you!
@@notliketheothers your welcome!
Thanks for this video. When I started recovery I was happy because for the first time in years I didn’t feel paranoid. After all the positive symptoms went away, I felt completely empty. I was so wrapped up in delusional thoughts and beliefs that once they were gone I felt my life had no purpose and the world had no meaning. Some of my symptoms were “enjoyable,” like feeling I had powers. I still miss that part, honestly. I was able to build my life back up, thanks to God, not myself. I found meaning in more things prior to my illness. I still struggle with feeling I’m not “sick enough” nor “functional enough.” I’m in an awkward, undefined, uncertain position. That makes it hard to accept anything.
How did you recover?
You are like me , I enjoyed my hallucinations... now am lost without them.
@@Nav-jo1cb It started with medication, and then I eventually found meaning in life that didn’t have to do with delusions. I started enjoying things that used to like, such as reading and art. I’m not cured and I don’t feel like I am qualified to give advice, but that’s just how it was for me.
@@deniss7476 I really hope you find meaning and direction in your life again like I did! ❤️🩹 Find something that never changes, no matter how you feel. I relied on God’s love, which was constant. That helped me remember what was truly important.
Hi, have you always have insight of your condition and have you always been compliant with your meds and can you share what medications are keeping you stable.
Shared
How do u manage tactile hallucinations? Im going thru that now
What medicine do you use
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u look gorgeous . God bless
Maybe the visuals are real. How do we know they arent.
If other people don’t see them, they probably aren’t real. Same for if a camera cannot see them. I can tell when visuals aren’t real if they don’t obey the laws of physics or if they disappear into nothing. It’s more likely they aren’t real.
Yeah Same