The Years I Lost to Mental Illness
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- Опубликовано: 28 фев 2022
- I often find myself grieving over a period of time in my life that it feels I lost to mental illness. For a period of about 5 or 6 years, it felt like I was using all the time and energy I had just to stay afloat. I lost touch with the life trajectory I had envisioned, I lost touch with the important people in my life, and I lost touch with my understanding of who I was.
In this video I discuss those years and how I've come to process them, learn from them, and move forward.
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I can relate to this. I don't have schizophrenia, I have depression. And although depression is considered less severe, i still lost at least 8 years to it,maybe more. I lost friends,ability to study and work during those years,and I will never get them back. I feel better knowing, that I'm not the only one going through this. Thanks for your video.
I absolutely understand where you are coming from. I hope you find what you need.
Hey I am also depressed
I am doing better now
But my concentration has decreased
Will this get better?
@@harsharora6113 It will get better,if you find the treatments,that work for you. On my RUclips channel I shared everything I've learnt on my journey to becoming relatively healthy and functional. Check it out, if you are interested.
@@SvetlanaMinina okay can I message you somewhere would really appreciate your help
Same x
You are definitely not alone. I lost all of my twenties, and almost all of my thirties to my illness. All of my healthy friends are married and have children. I've been alone for more than a decade. I still struggle to live the life I want. I won't lose hope.
I feel ya
A lot of people don't talk about how isolating it can be
What's your dx and medication regimen?
i'm going through this right now. it's awful.
I’m proud of you for not losing hope ❤️
I just turned 36, and I’ve lost a decade of my life to the hell of severe treatment resistant depression and chronic pain. I’m not really getting better I don’t know what to do. I just panic sometimes. I’ve tried everything. I’m kept alive by sheer grit and ferocious love for my wife and three beautiful boys. God this is getting old.
I lost about 7 solid years because of schizoaffective disorder and dug many holes that I'm now trying to climb out of. We can't get that time back but we can make our next stretch better than what we missed.
sorry for asking this,during those years,did you work or became jobless?
@Alisa Nizar for the first 4 to 5 years I was practically unemployed. It was 2021 when things became manageable and I was able to make the breakthroughs needed to become self employed
The number of people you educate , help and entertain, through your choice of social media, is above my capacity, and truly awesome. Thank you for sharing your journey.
100% Was thinking the same way! Those years you did not loose...they were there to make you a strong and awesome women!
OMG girl, thanks so much for expressing what so many people go through. Every word resonated with me. The regret brought me to a really dark place a few years ago. Today, I just feel like it was all part of my "life package," and I'm starting to understand why it happened. When you can truly love yourself, you can embrace everything you've gone through. Don't ever believe that you "missed the party" of life. The party is ALWAYS going on, and you can join any time :-)
Same
Amen!!! 🥳🥳👍👍👍
@ julie.m...yes the party of life is always going on and you can join anytime.
No matter the reason for ' delay ' ..or ' loss '. Either mental, financial or physical etc.
Each person journey is different, just as our DNA etc are different.
.
I've learned how to be more likeable over the years, but as a child and early adult I had no real friends because my behavior was odd and inappropriate. That's what I lost to mental illness -- years of fellowship with other people and whatever success comes from having support and connections.
Can you describe your case in more details?
@@Burevestnik9M730 Hi Burevestnik. I'm not a "case' actually, but a person just like yourself. But anyway, I'm not really sure what information you would find helpful. As a child my mother was single and had borderline personality disorder, meaning my environment was unstable. Nothing about my life was coherent. I liked quiet solitary activities like reading and watching television and was afraid of other children. I acted like I might be somewhere on the autism spectrum but that was ruled out. I've never understood social behavior but I learned how to act and what to say over the years, and I now socialize on occasion, maybe once or twice per week. Oddly, when I feel very lonely I don't want to socialize at all. As a teen I resented being told what to do and my school grades went from excellent to near-failing. I was given my first diagnosis of depression then...WRONG! I've been diagnosed with depression or depression with psychotic features by five different health care workers. I don't have depression! I've also been examined for schizotypal personality disorder, and schizotypal with psychotic features seemed to me to be a reasonable diagnosis. But I don't have that either (for one thing, I lack the social anxiety clinicians expect with schizotypal). I don't rely on health care providers anymore and I'm not taking any more of their poisonous pills. I married at age 20 and that 11-year intimate relationship helped immeasurably with my overall socialization. My daughter has borderline personality disorder, just like her grandmother. She despises me and has gone "no contact" with me. My son was the love of my life, we understood each other and had some of the same symptoms, and he loved being my son as much as I love being his father. He had seizures and died in his sleep of seizure-related aspiration. Once again I was diagnosed with depression -- Duh! So now what do I do? I shouldn't end on such a low note, or someone might think I have depression. Best wishes to you, Burevestnik.
I relate to this so much
@@usernameunauthorised I'm digitally sending you much cyber-love.
@@RaysDad thank you ❤
I definitely relate to this. I developed depression early on in middle school that went untreated for nearly a decade. I lost so many years and permanently damaged my developing brain to the point where I don’t think I will ever live a depression-free life. I also deal with a lot of rage toward my parents who saw the very, very obvious signs of my illness and did nothing, sometimes even punishing and shaming me for my symptoms. I often wonder what my life would have been like if they had acted with love and not judgement.
Sending love. I think you can still live depression free
I relate so much to this. My parents could have spared me so much pain, if they just talked to me and gave me the sense that they were there with me and trying to help me figure it out.
Your parents most likely tried their best. It’s on you now whether or not you are happy
@@levintaydebrownson4968..
Stop please .
I remind you that the victim is the son not parents .
They bring us to this world with mental illness , and they try to ignore or avoid any conversation on the topic .?!
They don't try their best , they don't accept us , they are ashamed .
Parents see children as an investment , so if you are okey and make money you'll be loved ..but if you lose , fail (due to your mental illness) they tell you that you're a failure , they compare to with (normal people who never had this problem health ) ..they yell at you , they avoid you .
This what 99% of parents do .
I don't know , may be you're talking about 1% of a loving parents ?.😊
This...explained everything I've felt. I can feel myself getting sicker by the day, but I can't so anything about it. It's utterly debilitating.
And look at you now. You are wonderful. Your entire life has had incalculable value, even the times you struggled.
This whole video really hit home for me. Try being 72 years old and feeling like life has passed you by. I just got a job as a mental health tech. And I feel like this is my last chance. Like you, I am hoping that I am not just beating my head against the wall. I, also, am a professional job hopper due to my anxiety and depression. God bless your videos!
me too
"The success or failure of your deeds, does not add up to the sum of your life. Your spirit cannot be weighed. Judge yourself by the intentions of your actions, and by the strength with which you faced the challenges that have stood in your way. The Universe is vast and we are so small. There is really only one thing we can ever truly control... whether we are good or evil."
This is from a TV show, but has always helped me with these kinds of thoughts.
Or being 48, unemployed for over a decade, few friends, no relationships, no children, still living in my parents' place (mother is dead...)
@@NakedUndone It can be so difficult, Peter, to stop judging yourself against society's arbitrary standards. I hope that you can find the positive spaces to feel genuine love for yourself and to keep working toward growth in a healthy direction. You yet have that capacity, even if it takes reaching out to others for help along the way. None of us move through this life completely alone, and it's okay to rely on each other. Each day is a new opportunity to begin again.
@@manderse12 Thanks. All the best.
Your struggles have a silver lining in that you were able to create this channel and help so many. I work as a psych nurse and watch these vids to help me help my patients better.
*That's what I'm talking about !*
You never know who you're helping to help someone else.
Keep sharing your story, Lauren.
No one knows it better than you.
@@GottaWannaDance Great insight! Thanks very much.
💜🙏
Holy moly this hits so close to me. I lost all of my teenage years and young adult years to mental illness, and it's is very hard to accept even 10 years later. It has had a huge impact on me, in ways I've never been able to express, and feel that no one would understand...
The most frustrating part of my mental illness is when my potential and capacity do not align. I am very capable but my mental illness makes it very hard to be productive with my capacity. So hard not to be hard on myself for this. Ugh, why are you talking to me. I am in mourning and it is so hard to stop. I understand logically what needs to happen but my brain is addicted to this mourning process and does not know how to be anything else.
My brain wanted me to be sad for a long time. It also wanted it to sometimes feel good to be sad
Playing scenarios in "my" imagination
I love how you normalize the struggle of mental illness. Not just the "good" times. Those times where things are hard. Where you're in a rut. Where you are grieving what you felt you" "lost". In my case I don't have schizophrenia but I do have severe mental trauma due to abuse (and living in such an environment). I often feel like I lost my entire childhood to two adults who should have never had kids. And I did. I didn't have the joy of a healthy childhood. Though I developed unhealthy coping mechanisms to survive, and I did have some joys and love, the abuse took it all away. Though, we can regain life in new ways. I did lose my childhood in some sense, but I also gained beauty in it. The days where things weren't so bad. The days where things felt calm. The days where I knew it was going to be a good day. Though the cycle of abuse is always spinning, I am thankful for the people who helped me. It prevented me from going completely to waste and is likely why I am still able to function now.
🙏💜
I know you wish you were working as a researcher but you are doing a great service by making these videos. You are reaching so many people and helping so much with your content.
I got diagnosed at 22. I lost the social part of my college experience. I burned so many bridges because of paranoia leading up to my diagnosis. I can't get it back, but I can try to never let it get that bad again.
I completely lost about 5 years due to schizophrenia. Lost a lot of friends, lost the ability to hold a job, and overall just lost any strength and desire I had to turn things around. Now thankfully due to the right medications and a good counselor my life is fairly stable but I can't gain back what I lost in those dark years. All I can do is move forward, not dwell on the past, and be the best version of myself every single day. That's my goal for the time being. Hopefully eventually I'll be able to be productive out in society but I know my limits and I make sure not to push myself too hard. Stress is the main trigger of my symptoms and being under someone else's authority stresses me out like you can't believe.
I started to lose life at 15, I'm 34 now. I have slowly started to have more periods of being aware of life but it's still a huge struggle, I feel I've been under water for nearly 20 years. My diagnosis is different but this is extremely relatable. Everyone around me is doing the "normal" 30's things like having children, being in relationships, buying a house etc and I am desperately trying to do the basics. My late teens and 20's were a blur of hospital and appointments. i don't relate to most people's experiences and mainly it just makes me feel profoundly sad.
Just know that you're not alone, i'm 34 and lost about the same time to mental illness.. i think our experience just makes us stronger and i try not to compare myself to others.
@@thatdutchguy89 Thank you, I am sorry for the time you lost, I struggle to not compare myself to others.
Same here from the anther side of the world 😢
Its the same for me. I can really relate to you. My symptoms started at 9 and i got awareness at 25. I lost all those years in between. It feels like grief when i remember the blur of all those years and all the opportunities i lost..of making friends..falling in love..studying a course i enjoy..a proper career. Im now 25 and jobless and too sick from my medicine side effects to get a proper job. It hurts when i see my friends and family talk about their lives and experiences because i was practically a dissociated blur in all of them.
@@nurdiyanaazhar2005 Any updates? I can relate to your story, greetings.
Thanks for this video, I can relate so much. In my case I lost my 30’s. My 20’s were amazing, did so many things, studied, worked, travelled, dated the whole nine yards, until I turned 30 when everything turned to sh!t. I dreamt about getting married, having children, having a successful career but there I was, hurting myself, being suicidal, hospitalized, and so on. To me my 30’s are a bit of a blur, it took me literally 10 years to have, hopefully, correct diagnoses. I was diagnosed with everything on the DSM. Finally seems it’s BPD/EUPD, PTSD and bipolar 2. But I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder for 5 years. At some point it seemed like my mental illnesses were all I could think of, went to therapy twice a week and to a psychiatrist twice a month. I felt like a complete failure, seeing people my age getting married or in love and I was so unstable to even think about having a partner. Now I’m 41, it’s gonna be a year since my last hospitalization and I finally feel like I’m healing. I got disability but I also work full time, began studying a new course and I have plans to improve myself. Anyways this was long but I wanted to share. Thanks Lauren you’re doing a lot for us peeps with mental health issues.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, OCD, anxiety disorder around 20, now at 29 I’ve had a few more things added such as CPTSD, ADHD, etc. I feel like my life has been eternally on hold the entire time. I’ve been under water with brief periods of getting my head above it but most of it underneath. I’m struggling with this. I turn 30 this year. I’ve lost a decade.
Sorry to hear, I got OCD, and I didn't know that. I feel like lost my 20s too. Sending virtual hug!
Hello are you taking madication for Ocd? I send u a virtual hug and courage
@@mackenziefox8248 yes I am medicated and doing much better :)
@@ameliavelasco8602 what med are you on? Im on Luvox or Fluvoxamine, i take one pill in the mornings and another one in the evenings
@@mackenziefox8248 I take pristiq and Lamictal
I lost my childhood.. my teenage years and scared of losing my 20's too. I'm 22 and with each year that passes I feel more scared than before. I'm 2 years behind in uni and feel like it's all too much now
I feel that so much. On one hand you can call years lost to help let them go, but naturally people live for 70 years. Success wears many different hats - and when you have all these extra difficulties it’s going to take a lot longer. That doesn’t mean it will be impossible. That doesn’t mean your life won’t be meaningful or valid. You’re making accomplishments and you better be proud of each one. Stop comparing yourself and start focusing on each different day.
If it feels comfortable keep going.
I lost years of my life for being too insicure and shy when I was younger. If I could I’d change so many things .
Yeah. Me too
I got schizophrenia during adolescence, I lost those pivotal teenage years. Still feel sad about it
Thank you for posting this. I’m still mourning the fact that I left grad school after a year because I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. And working full time doesn’t seem to be an option for me. When I think I’ve found my way, the lethargy that sets in doesn’t let me move forward. The key point that I will take away from this is engaging in relationships and that I am not alone in this
I can so relate to this. I had severe PPD and PPA and I feel a deep sense of grief for not being present, not being myself, and not enjoying the first year of my daughter's life. It was not how imagined my maternity leave and experience of motherhood to be. My experience was so terrifying that I cannot mentally handle having another child so it's not like I will get a "do-over". I just wish I could have enjoyed the baby months, breastfed my baby, bonded with my girl, and given my daughter the mother she deserved during that time. I think it's important to grieve that time in my life because it's part of the healing process, but I agree that we shouldn't get stuck in the mourning. I did learn a lot about myself and I am now in school to become a psychotherapist and I want to specialize in perinatal/parental mental health. I love the idea of re-framing your struggle as serving a purpose in your life. As always - thank you for sharing your story. You are helping so many people who live with schizoaffective disorder and other mental illnesses.
This hit home, I don’t have schizophrenia, but I had a pretty bad bulimia problem for so long. I often look back and feel such sadness that I missed out on so much because of bulimia.
I'm so glad you posted this. I didn't know that others had this experience as well. It can lead to a pit of despair for me. I lost custody of my 3 children in 2011 due to my schizzoaffective disorder. They live with their dad and I missed so much. I'm in the US and so I'm able to get social security disability payments bc I have a hard time keeping a job. I just turned 50 and I wonder where it all went or sometimes if there's been meaning at all. I'm kinda down right now bc of this very thing. But now I don't feel so alone. Thank you..
I'm so sorry you lost your kids. That is the fear that is preventing me from talking to doctors anymore.
@@Twinkie989 it was bc I wasn't talking to my drs and trying to get off my meds that I lost them. I freaked out. Totally don't be afraid of talking to your drs. Even if it's about your fears.
I almost lost my daughter, it was all very cruel. Judicial system has no sympathy or understanding, and my ex was a life destroyer for his own amusement. I lost many years
@@barkpeeler2000 same story but my ex did take the kids. And yes, the court system needs to be educated and trained IMO.
Thinking of you Tracey. Wish I could give you a big hug. Praying to God and asking him to give you strength. 💕
Fxck, this hit so hard, so close to home. I see other students who started after me graduating already, whilst I am trying to finish a thesis. I am already burned out and so far from finishing....
I have processed my lost years to depression much as you have, some times I still wonder. To the average person it may seem I have achieved much as practicing physician but I’m sure people thought the same thing about Robin Williams and so many other “successful “ people.
God bless you. I hope you're days have been become brighter and that you experience many blessings.
Be proud of yourself.
I recently accepted the idea that I really do have dysphoria. And came to the question, "So what? If I am not me, I should be a better friend to myself."
I lost a lot of years to mental illness. Romantic partners, friendships... even before my psychosis started. When I had depression I got used by my ex-partner and was really upset. I struggled years after that and then another guy came along and broke my heart. This was prior to my psychosis. My education at University was a struggle for me with my depression. I took 5 months out of education and repeated the year again. When I started hearing voices 3 years ago, I was sectioned 8 months after that and then sectioned the next year after that so I was sectioned twice. I feel I could have pursued a masters programme during the time I was sectioned because now I am struggling with terrible migraines and may have a health problem. Time goes so quickly... Thanks for making this video.
Hannah, do you think your psychosis is caused by your depression? If you have major depression with psychotic features, I wonder if anti-psychotics would just be treating the symptoms for you, rather than the cause (depression). I really don't know much about this -- I'm just asking.
@@RaysDad You could be right. For my depression I was never on anti-depressants either... I was just going to group therapy and normal therapy without my former GP prescribing medication for me because he thought it was just the stress of caring for my mother with mental health problems I presume. I was only on one anti-depressant once (Sertraline) when I was sectioned combined with another anti-psychotic - Quatiapine.
@HannahsGotPsychosis I don't know who had you sectioned, but I would NEVER have my sister sectioned unless she was trying to harm herself or others. Otherwise, her health, her business.
Migraines can be caused by overmedication. You could get your hospital chart and see how much of which meds they gave you in hospital. Most hospitals have an office of records and you have to pay a fee and wait for a couple of months. Good luck
@@brickhouse7401 I've just emailed the hospitals complaints line. This is late I know but it's done. My dizziness from my medication is an ongoing symptom so now I thought I would do something about it.
@@hannahleo332hey what does sectioned mean?
Thank you for sharing. I have a bipolar 2 rapid cycling diagnosis. I have lost literally over 15 years of my life due to the illness. It’s treatment resistant and I’m nonfunctional more often than not.
You mentioned something about adjusting your capacity expectations (?) as you move forward in life while still having goals. For me I loose all momentum because the illness interrupts everything I attempt.
The other reality is money, healthcare, surviving, trying to get ahead, trying to get treatment. Many people don’t have access to treatment or have to fight to get anywhere. I fall into that camp.
If one can’t get treatment, can’t get better, can’t earn money because if they do they’ll loose social services health care which barely covers anything anyways; they aren’t healthy enough for a career or consistent work because they don’t have treatment. How can one set achievable goals that are going to bring fulfillment to oneself? This is one dilemma I deal with.
Loss of identity. Loss of self. Being a guy without a successful career or business. This many times makes up a man’s identity. I bring them up here just to let the secret out. Men aren’t free to talk about these things without judgement or being looked down on. I just wish writing about it brought me relief. It doesn’t.
The solution I seek is access to treatment. That’s not going to happen more than likely. Apologies for the endless comment. Thanks for reading.
I figure with the years I lost to schizophrenia, that in order to make up for lost time I must live passionately. I must think of what I have had, what I've gained over what I haven't. I must think of the lessons I wouldn't have learned without this illness. Grounding is really important too... focusing on the now instead of the "what could have been". I think taking one day at a time and focusing on small things is crucial to not getting swept away by regret caused by former episodes or current symptoms.
I have avpd and agoraphobia (without panic disorder) and can relate to this so hard. I'm 27 and I've spent 99% of my twenties stuck inside fearing the outside and what people might think of me. I'm completely isolated and working a job well below my ability because of it.
I lost my entire childhood to my mental illness. I’m starting high school now and it hurts to know I’ll never be able to relive the K-8 experience, and there’s no one with me to relive childish experiences.
I took 5 years to do 2 years worth of university course work but I was also working part time and was dealing with health issues. I actually had to formally defer my coursework twice due to health issues during that time. But whatever I got it done, at my own pace, and dealt with life at the same time!
I struggle with this daily. I have severe depression and anxiety. It got bad after my second child and then never went away. I feel like most of the last 12 years has been a blurr. I wish I could look back and feel happy about it but in my mind I wasn't happy and it showed and my family has suffered. When I watch videos of myself, I do look happy and they said I seemed happy. So it's very hard to wrap my mind and feelings around that. In the videos I look like I'm enjoying my sweet boys and vacations, etc. But I don't feel like I did. I even considered having another child now, at 43, because I think I could do it better now. Although I know it wouldn't truly be any different. Gosh this hit so hard.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, you don’t need to be the “perfect” mother to your children. They love you the way you are.
I live with Schizoaffective disorder and I am currently in the process of documenting my journey of coming out of a 6 year black hole vortex that cost me anything that meant everything to me... I have completely surrendered to this grieving process so that I may move forward instead of feeling like my diagnosis enslaves me. I want to heal and feel better but it is so hard. Trying to shed the guilt of reclusing for so long and knowing you lost relationships you cherished bc your mind was sick is suffocating.
It hurts, but I'm trying my best to be the best me I can be everyday.
I feel ya.
Ive been schizo-affective since I was 22. Been in and out of hospitals and jail. Nothing serious tho. It is like you've lost time to your illness. But keep your chin up, it will and does get better. Thanks for being courageous in making these videos. God bless you!!
This brought me to tears because I can relate on such a deep level
I don't live with your mental illness, but I enjoy your videos very much. My father has bipolar that only got diagnosed after my mom passed away, and treatments were largely unsuccessful in helping him (part of it was not finding the right meds, drinking problem, etc). As a consequence, my ADHD went undiagnosed , my childhood emotional situation was bad, and I lived with depression and anxiety for many years.
I lost my twenties as well to the depression and anxiety, and, as I know now, ADHD. I still really struggle. Part of me feels like I can't do life the way other people can and I'm behind on the typical milestones. So I can totally relate to everything you say.
Hey, you are still here. You are a survivor, be proud of that. Not everyone makes it through. Your future is bright.
Saaaammmeee. My adhd makes me feel like I have the mental capacity of a child and I'm not equipped to handle all these adult responsibilities and time constraints.
Hi, Lauren. This share is very poignant for me. My daughter is now involuntarily hospitalized. I don't know for certain how many years she's lost, because she started hearing voices in first grade, but my ignorance left her untreated until she got into college and saw a psychiatric intern there. She's now 46 and still in denial that she needs help. I'm glad you actually accept your illness and rely upon those you love to get you the kind of help you need when you need it. Everything you share helps me understand her better. Thank you!
This denial is called anosognosia and it is a very serious complication. Loren should make a video about anosognosia
My son showed symptoms since he was almost 3 years old and when I would tell doctors they just looked at me with disbelief. He was finally diagnosed at age 15 after having his full blown phycodic episode.
@@Isa-tw1ly What were his symptoms at 3?
@@Burevestnik9M730 He would stare in terror at the wall and follow something with his eyes and as he desperately cried he would point at it and tell us it was "right there". And he would scream louder when whatever he was seeing was getting closer to him. That was the 1st time. Then when he was around 5-7 he would tell us he would see things.
@@Isa-tw1ly it is a childhood onset SZ. did he see a child pdoc at that time? Was there any history of mental disorders in the maternal or paternal lineages?
I m with you. 3 years of black void.
I turned 30 2 months ago and I'm taking the masters entrance exams of my country next month, after a failed attempt of a masters degree on communication almost 5 years ago. I always wanted to become a therapist and study psychology but chose literature and became a translator instead. That was 13 years ago, and now we are on the way to our original callings as it seems :)
I create content here to get people inspired to become the woman they always wanted to be. I am almost there with "actualizing myself" and I try to show others the steps that I took, and am taking.
Don't feel sad for the "years you lost" during this process. It was hard, of course, but look where you are now! You taught me and thousands of others about an illness our loved ones might be suffering from. And now we have a variety of info on many aspects of how this affects you. Neither of us can thank you enough.
Good luck with your new studies in fall! And thanks a ton for everything you create and share 🙏🏻
I've had psychosis since age 4, this concept has ruminated in my head most my life and you're right, you're NOT alone and there's a blessing in the struggle. We might not understand in the meantime but either way life is a blessing and hardship makes me appreciate it that much more.
How did you know looking back you had psychosis at 4...?
It was rare at one point yet as childhood bipolar as an example says, disorders/psychopathology like to reach downward.
In the labelverse it's called childhood-onset schizophrenia (COS).
Janis and Body were thought to have psychosis at age 7. Yet portions of opinions of autism have also clouded the picture.
I lost 5 years of my life from 19-24, I'm 25 and now my life is a lot better, but I still grieve for those years, because I've met people who had wanted to date me and they were really good people too, but my health was at an all time low. So i couldn't do so. So now I'm trying to make up i guess or make the best of the rest of my 20s. So yes i understand but that doesn't change the fact that i regret it sometimes.
I have a sister with schizoaffeetive disorder who was a teacher and rhen had a breakdown in her 20s. It was very difficult in the beginning to adjust to losing her career etc but then she got married and had 2 children . She struggled with the not taking her meds and always ended up hospitalized but her hubby was supportive as well as her family. She is now 64 and has a wonderful life with a grandchild on the way. Don't give up
Nice story ❤
Wow, as someone with schizoaffective disorder, diagnosed for 10 years now, your comment is very hope inspiring
My sister has schizo affective disorder. She is married and has a baby girl now. I really want her to have a good life, and your comment gave me that comfort. Thank you very much.
Same. Stay strong. PTSD/trauma/severe depression and anxiety... Etc.
♥️ Thank you!!
One of the hardest lessons to learn with a mental illness was for me that life can be challenging even to those who are healthy. Picking oneself up after loss or failure, staying focused and not wasting time doesn't come easily to anyone. Being strongly disadvantaged, like through mental illness, can serve as a fallback excuse for not taking agency in our lives. I see this as a second injury after the first. Only by overcoming the self-image as a damaged and disadvantaged person we can finally stop being damaged and disadvantaged.
I lost my early 20s to schizophrenia I'm 24 now but 18-22 was gone for me being on a medication and suffering through side effects. You can see what mental illness does to people I mean look at Amanda Bynes
What is your medication regimen?
Bro,24 is still young. You dont lost your life still. Not too late.
I lost years to schizophrenia, although, they were years in my 30s not in my 20s. I was in hospital with lots of 20 year olds and I felt really sorry for them, I loved my 20s. Now 39, I haven't got the accumulated wealth and experience that other people my age have, I've never been in a serious relationship but I do have a scraped together career, that I'm really thankful for.
This was probably one of your best videos Lauren, so moving as so many people living with SZ will have experienced similar.
Thank you so much for your honesty. It really helps not only suffers but their families and friends too and hopefully some of the MH staff who watch your channel. You are a truly amazing person.
Thank you so much for sharing this🌼
I have gone through several mental illness diagnosis before they settled on schizoaffective disorder when the whole process started after my first breakdown and hospitalization 17 years ago and I still feel like I'm losing years to this disease. Unlike you, I didn't and don't receive support from my family, or my husband before our divorce. I'm 51 years old and I live alone in a horrible studio apartment with no friends or family. This is not how I envisioned my life would be. This is not a life. This disease is still stealing from me 😢
Very tough.. You are worthy of love and support. What helped me is support groups and volunteering, helping other people can be healing and connecting. Everything just to get out the house if possible is great.. I wish you the best!
@@sjeweet Thanks for your support. I don't usually get any of that.😏
You are not alone. Most people that view this channel are in or have endured your situation ....so welcome to the tribe.🙂
To help brighten up your day in isolation..
I have Bipolar II, endured 2 intensive periods of ECT but have survived to age 57.
I once unknowingly consumed tobacco mixed with mariguana, thought my housemate was the Devil and rang the cops to come and arrest him!
@@scottlangrehr144 May I ask how you did with ECT? I'm metabolically resistant to a LOT of psych meds and they have suggested it for me, but I have a lot of memory issues already and am terrified of trying it.😣
ECT is very effective and a last resort for debilitating depression. So if depression is the current main symptom of your illness then its worth considering.
In terms of the psychosis side of your illness ECT has no positive effect and has large short term memory loss issues.
I don't have schizophrenia, but this really hit for how I feel about the time i lost to my chronic illness and my diagnosed neurodivergance. i spent the majority of my twenties failing my way through school and going to doctors appointments. But I survived it, and thats a success that most people don't acknowledge. me just being here is a success, and a pretty big achievement. even if it doesn't seem like just living through a period of time is worthy of praise, i think everyone who has chronic mental or physical illness knows just how much work goes into keeping yourself going. being here is enough.
I needed this, thanks
I'm still mourning the lost years i lost due to mental illness. There's some sadness and frustration that occurs from time to time but overall I'm slowly becoming at peace with my life and the years that i lost. I can't be mad at something i had no control over because i was in a long period of instability and just knowing that is where the grace comes in. I hope everyone has the same grace for themselves that i did and move towards a new beginning filled with stability, joy and purpose.
Thank you for sharing. None of our lives are perfect and we all have different journeys. My mental illness, although difficult at times has been a blessing for me since it has led me to help others and to ultimately find God in becoming a Christian 💚
I get that. I've lost the last year and a half since my first hospitalisation and it's wrecked my life. Im only 22. I'm so lucky to have supportive parents, boyfriend and real friends who understand this illness
You aren't alone.
I have severe depression and feel like I lost 10 years of my life. I'm thankful that you're speaking about how severe mental illness can isolate & disable you to the point that you've lost years of your life.
i relate to this
I have heard you for a few years now. It has made a positive hope in my life. Now that I am older I feel better in my life and look forward to the quality of living that I have found comfort in. Thank you for sharing your life and wisdom.
Recently diag with CPTSD possible BPD. Your talks speak directly to the last 40 years of my life. Such a tiring journey. Feels like concession, like a hotel breakfast while others are eating English breakfast. Lost time is hard to reconcile with those self visions. One love!
I love this. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when I was 23 and I'm 27 now. I've lost many years to it because I've been in and out of hospitals and grouphomes. It's been hard but now I have a lot of familial support and a few good friends that I keep in contact with.
The thing at those time in i didn't know i was suffering from any mental illness.
Lack of focus, small concentration, difficulty thinking clearly, OCD, anxity ,panic attacks, fear of people judging, not being good enough, seeking validations.
I am also mourning 'lost years', but the grief is stuck in my body. With no designated place to shed the holy tears that need to flow, I am living in the hope that I might one day find a place, while trying to come to terms that I might not find the right place in this incarnation. Thank you,
My life lost its trajectory when I experienced signs of schizophrenia at the age of 14. I lost my valuable and productive time of my teenage days, youth affecting my studies and career. Losses are really heartbreaking. But now i am learning to fight the illness. What i want to tell is "you are not alone in this fight". We are all with you."
My close friend had all the signs of schizophrenia but he was diagnosed with phycosis. Im confused??
Holy cow talk about a contribution! I do not suffer from SZA but do suffer from a litany of "invisible" illnesses (including a degenerative connective tissue disease, neurological damage that causes stroke-like migraines, congenital heart defects, and more.) Like you, I was very driven in my teen and young adult years, before we even knew of any of the diagnoses. Each time I would experience a new life-changing symptom I would go through immense sadness at not realistically being able to achieve the goals that I had set and then have to reevaluate my capabilities. I kept trying to fit the real me into the life that I wanted before I had any challenges at all. Skip ahead a couple decades and I'm still struggling with this but I am coming to realize that my worth is in who I am as a person and how I interact with others - if I can nurture kindness, understanding, honesty, bravery, creativity, or any of the other things I find very important to being a positive contribution to humanity, then I can know that my time on this earth was a good thing. You, my dear, are doing that in spades. You're spreading those things to the entire world, not just the people in your own life. I hope you can find peace and worth in that because you fully deserve to.
I'm 40 and feel like I lost all these years not being able to finish school and get my life in order. Everyone in my age have good careers, a home, savings etc... it's soooo depressing thinking about how far behind I am. I'm very very intelligent and got a 4.0 in my first year in medial college, but had to medically withdrawal. It killed me on the inside.
Losing my identity is the key issue I am struggling with as we speak. As a disabled veteran on top of this all. All I can say is this Lauren! Your super beautiful. You've probably got gifts nobody in your peer group even come close to having. Never give up and you'll be one of those stories that overcame. Write a book and then so some motivational speaking. We're all in phases. It really isn't over yet. We with mental illness have time. One thing for sure is to get rid of toxic people! Even if it's family sometimes they get so toxic and try to tell you it won't work or you can't do it or they try to help when they're actually doing the opposite. This is something I've learned. Also, ive been married to my wife that I met in 9th grade. We have been together since then and never been with anyone else. She developed bipolar type 1 severe. It's triggered my ptsd, anxiety, major depression disorder along with my schotzo affective disorder. It's like a Ying yang thing. Whenever I'm doing good she's doing bad and vice versa. It sucks, but we compliment eachother and have a son. As far a school Lauren, never give up. Learn what works best for you. I found that diet, exercise 6 days a week, being around people, not isolating, keeping goals in check and not getting picking a career that puts too much stress on your mental health to the point it triggers an episode. It doesn't mean your not smart enough at all, it means the stress level it causes just isn't compatible with your current state of health anymore. You still can become something super awesome and PhD level or advanced. Just remember to focus on your beautiful family and don't lose that.
Time during pyschosis the hospital sucks and afterwards it's just not the same. I love your videos it makes me feel less alone
Lauren, this video resonates so profoundly for me. I, too, have so many regrets for the years I lost to severe depression and BPD. If I allow myself to dwell on my “wasted years,” I would start crying and never stop. Thank you for the suggestion to reframe that time as life being lived, for better or worse, to shape the person I am today. Much love to you from a former Edmonton girl now living on Vancouver Island. ❤️
The irony is, this channel, now a MASS medium, with you graciously sharing the ups and downs, has done more good from you TO OTHERS than you could ever, ever, ever imagine back then. I don't have these issues; my daughter did as a teenager, and this amazingly well informs me of this illness and the effects is has on the person and their loved ones. THANK YOU!!!
I ve lost atleast 5 years...i am 25 i also lost my degree people that i loved...mental illness went really crazy so i did i hope i ll get better and out of my head never lose hope
I credit you for saving my marriage. I have anxiety and depression. I wouldn't be surprised if I were bipolar. I connected with a lot of your content because I too had to redefine our lives and goals based on my capacity. Your content also had me focus more on my own personal wellness which had me stop expecting things from my husband and appreciate him more. We are still a work in progress but in a good place. If you've loss time you've gained experiences you can't learn in a classroom and you've been able to help people from all walks of life!
That's great. Having awakenings that improve our lives.
I lost my mid forties to my early fifties to Schizophrenia and Manic Depression. It is only by the grace of God that I'm still alive, on medication, and living independently. I'm 57 now living alone, and at peace.
After reading all the comments one thing seems to be common...MH sufferers seem to be a tribe of compassionate empathetic honest human beings.
Perhaps that is the outcome of common suffering ....the best qualities of humanity bubble to the surface....which we may never have realised were within each of us had we not endured the journey.
Stay strong and respect to you all
thank you. this is really important.
Thank you for sharing. I have bipolar and PTSD and anxiety and for me, due to mania, I actually feel like I got a lot out of my life when I was sick. It wasn't the best for me but I got a lot out of life. I feel very lucky that in my mind I got to enjoy my life and still do despite my illness. That said I lost my whole childhood to intense traumatic events. So I feel like I made up for that time. I did loose a few months in my 20s to extreme depression where I have literally no memory of those times. I think this is an important discussion we all need to talk about as disabled and chronically ill people. My partner has a chronic illness and lost several years to just being hospitalized and being on IV fluids only. I feel like we don't discuss enough that illness impacts quality of life.
Everything you share is so powerful! Thank you for always being so vulnerable ♥️
Let not your Heart be Troubled. God is in control of everything. There is always a pupose why there is suffering in our life! God sustaining Grace is always there for you and for me.
I have schizoaffective with bipolar and I’m a singer/songwriter and it seems so hard to do what I love and getting the support I need. I live with my mom now and I’m trying to get back into the workforce. Thanks for your stories. It helps me see I’m not alone.
Would it be ok for you if I shared this video? Because it is exactly how I felt many many times.
Thank your for always being so open.
Yes your not alone... I feel like I lost my entire 20s and early 30s to an extent through constant bouts of psychosis and unclear thinking toxic meds being one main cause although I am still medicated with meds more suited... I remember working for my dad most of that time where I was able to go home early where I would lye on the floor and shut my eyes any try so hard to force out the fear that took over some days really terrifying stuff... Anyway yea similar levels of mental capacity and peace as you these days with a lot of temporary slips daily but happier... Won't go on but thanks for this post I better go... Same here I have a hell of a lot of catching up to do... 42 I got to get more work a house and a partner by by
I lost years 15-19 &24-27 & 29-31. Im 32 now. It’s so hard losing time when life is already so short
I have “Pure O” OCD and find myself going through my regrets over and over. It sucks.
You speak some hard truths. I had a relapse in 2018 and during that time ended up diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I'm stable in my mental health these days and managing the Fibromyalgia as best I can, but it definitely feels like I'm past being able to 'pivot' on this one. I wish I knew how lucky I was when all I was dealing with was my mental health and not a comorbid physical issue on top, it turned my life upside down. I try my best to practice 'non attachment' with things I wanted for my life and just be here living with my reality and trying to make the best of it or the grief would kill me.
Once again brilliant video Lauren.
One thing that is refreshing from this video and the commentors is the common theme of been able to relate to the huge feeling of of loss but not be destroyed by it.
Remember as a community of mental health sufferers we are all heros for surviving and through honest intelligent comments provide hope for future generations of destigmatising MI
I feel that I still haven't started life at almost 40. I am getting closer though. Childhood abuse and torture took everything from me.
While I don't have any schizo-affective disorder, for other reasons in my life I can relate to this. Years lost just surviving, not truly living. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and the uncertainty of what my life will be like moving forward, especially since my health took a very sudden (quite literally overnight) turn for the worst almost a year ago from today. A year of struggling with chronic pain and not knowing if this will be permanent.
I hope your graduate program will work for you. You're already making a difference through these videos by not only educating people but also validating other's experiences and letting them know they are not alone in this.
And very random but I love your sweater. If anyone knows where it's from or the brand, I'd love to know.
Lauren I understand the feeling of loss...
Just rememember how many years you have saved of the lives of your subscribers
Unbelievable! Not just how much I relate to this specific subject but how timely this video is to the peak of my wrestling with this matter.
As always, much love and thanks to you for the incredible wealth and light you have shared and continue to share with all of us. Best wishes for your upcoming quests!
i have schizoaffective disorders and i love your videos. thank you so much!!
Thank you for articulating what so many of us are feeling and what we can`t really discuss with people who have not gone through this kind of grieving period. I am thankful that you are here to educate and lecture us through your videos. Your work is valuable!
Thanks for sharing your experience. Its feels better to know that I am not alone going through all this. I fell into depression and extreme daydreaming at the age of 17. I an 24 now and I still am suffering through a lot of problems but there is a deep regret knowing that i lost the most crucial period of my life, knowing that I neither could enjoy my life nor make something productive out of all those years. It pains to see people i know enjoying there life and achieving stuff while I am still lost. I might again regret everything in the future that I still had time .It seems to be an endless loop. I wish I find some happiness and make peace myself. Thanks again for sharing your story.
It may as well have been me talking. Thank you so much for sharing ✨💜
Lauren, I just wanted to say thank you for talking about this subject. I have struggled with mental illness since the age of about 20. I’m in my early 40s now and still struggle. This most recent bout with severe depression and anxiety has been the most severe. I can totally relate to what you’re saying especially within the last five years due to an experience with trauma. Thankfully I am in therapy and it is going well. I am hopeful. Know that you are an amazing success regardless of your professional/academic achievements.
❤️
You are a success, just on your own terms.
At least that's how I see it 🧐😀
Just want to say I find psychology interesting and have a friend who struggles with these matters. You may not be where you intended but helping Drs and psychologists help others like you and all who know others interact w the same struggles. That’s BIG. YOU ARE AWESOME and beautiful inside and out. Don’t underestimate yourself, girl. You make a big difference.
Thank you for talking about this! Just hearing this out loud and not in my own thoughts is so affirming! I feel that we all have our own journeys but hearing this out loud helps alleviate the silent and unspoken guilt around mental health/illness. Thank you!
I completely understand, this is definitely how I feel. Having scitzoaffective disorder and DID has made me lose years between trying to find a diagnosis and having black outs due to my DID. I believe I am doing better due to my medications and my weekly therapy sessions. But I totally understand losing years due to symptoms.
We also have Schizoaffective disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder, plus ADHD, ASD and more. It all really is just so life dominating, it feels like it takes over your life. Life no longer feels like yours, like you don't have any say in how things go. We want to send all of you hope that thing go as best they can for all of you.
Lauren, you ARE a professor! We are your students! ♥️
I'm not schizophrenic, I have Borderline PD (undiagnosed until age 47 & in menopause) & depression & I feel this to my very soul...