I started out with alot of crying ... now i find myself really angry all the time when i think about things... to the point im always trying to change the subject mentally
100% been there. Sometimes still there. This year I've been working hard on asking myself what I do want to leave in the world/ what experiences do I want to have, vs what experiences do I never want to have again. Glad to hear that you are able to grieve it and are moving forward in your journey 😊
I love that you are telling us that this is a righteous anger. Many always point out that I have also become a radical towards the religion I left which sentences me to death. I also get attacked a lot for calling out the flaws in that religion. I don’t think that attacking such a religion and despising it is racist or far right. But unfortunately this is how the world has become,
oh this video resonates so much for me! in my twenties I left xty and went into social activism, pouring my energy into a non profit dedicated to social change. I remember having the insight that I had just traded one kind of righteousness (religious) for another kind (environmental/ social/ 'progressive'). it was the same kind of superiority of 'us' (more enlightened) over 'mainstream society' (deluded by corporate capitalism). I felt a tremendous sense of purpose, and that appealing conviction that I was on the side of what was 'right', in a sort of 'david and goliath' struggle. I poured countless hours into this organization, and my time there definitely shaped who I am today, in lots of positive ways (and I still have friendships formed during this time). but ultimately I burned out (as did others) , and the new 'iteration' of my life became much more about inner self healing than outward social activism.
Instead of getting angry about my religious experience I LEARNED to have a better relationship with GOD. Definitely its good to confront those who have hurt you as well. You need to talk about these things too.
I really appreciate how you're validating the anger that can come from the religious trauma healing process, but also how gently you're challenging the risk of stagnancy and even living in the past. Great thoughts!
I just found your Chanel because you addressed the recent XJW scandal. I’m an XJW, though I really don’t wear that as a label (just for clarity). So I found this topic. Love the questions which are good for anyone wanting to refine and reinvent themselves. We have chapters in our life and it would be a tragedy if we only stayed in chapter 3 when there’s a whole book to be written. Definitely going to journal those questions and give them much consideration.
Thanks for your work. I appreciate your honesty and clarity. One difficulty for me is loving and hating the holidays and trying to enjoy and keep the difficult emotions at bay. Thanks again.
I feel that. One thing that helps me is that I used to have to beg during the holidays and spend it with my family who didn't support me. Now I will either spend it with friends who support me or alone, with my own support, and that is exponentially better than begging or being surrounded by people who don't want me to develop as a human being. I do enjoy seeing other people having a good time, and I love Christmas decorations, so it does bring me a good amount of joy! Create your own traditions! Let emotions come up and work your way through them. I hope you are finding ways to bring yourself joy!
I am so grateful for finding this channel. I am a PIMO JW, and going through the awakening and unpacking phase of all this has been painful. There is, of course, the righteous anger, but there is this deep rooted grief, and self-loathing. Realizing you're a victim of this kind of trauma, that you lost so many years to a cult, and in my case (and many like me) the loss of childhood (or rather, realizing we never had it), is very painful. It is a gut-wrenching pain, that can express itself physically, such is its intensity. It's so much easier at times, to bury that pain, and to let the anger take it's place. Righteous anger can feel amazing and empowering, but it can also be it's own form of toxicity and self-abuse. Anyways, I'm done rambling. Again, thank you for such a well-thought video. -Nix
Have you seen Mr. Robot? These dynamics are really central to the story, won’t say more than that. It’s beautiful. Thank you for another incredibly helpful video!
I thought I had enough resources to bare the stay with the cult since it wasn't as apprehensive as many people may had it. But it's massively taxating on my mental health since it's too much stress. I hope this anger would help me in some way to get out of this place once and for all. Your videos mean a lot and part of this realization I owe it to you. Thanks Angel
So brilliantly articulated… It’s so comforting to hear my journey shared in such an intelligent and caring way. So many of your observations and interim conclusions are 100% accurate in my experience… Stay awesome Angel ✨
If I may float a theory.... It might be worth asking what you are truly mad about. I would venture to say your anger at god might be misplaced anger at yourself for believing in him and losing autonomy. If that is the case, it might be worth pausing to forgive yourself every time you feel mad at "God" and to remind yourself that you now have power over your life.
what I've been doing is talking out loud to the god of my childhood understanding (scary, mean, punishing). I've been saying 'I don't like you', 'I don't believe in you', etc., and this has been really good to vocalize- to meet myself where (part of me) is at! it also feels good to break out of the 'reverence' of prayer, the formula way of 'praying' and to just speak as honestly as I can, from the truest place inside of me.
Ooh, there was supposed to be a much more involved reply than thank you 🙈 I must have hit the wrong button! There are many stages of anger, righteous anger, displaced anger, indignation anger, self protection anger, etc. Not all anger is bad, it's fuel for sure! I think it's important to use it as such and let it move you into the next phase. I think the danger is getting stuck in one kind of anger as opposed to letting it evolve and moving through it.
Love your videos but I kinda disagree w this one. I think anger and honestly revenge of a sort can be entirely valid reasons/motivations for going forward. I know it sounds bad to justify malice or rage but if you’ve been raped or molested or abused, you have good reason to want revenge and I would want to see the aggressor pay. The victim doesn’t just need to take some deep breaths to calm down, they need things made right.
I agree with your last paragraph ! This video is for people who are hoping to move past the righteous anger phase, but it’s not something people ever need to do. I personally had to get to this stage because my situation was such that I can never have justice or for things to be made right. Everyone in the cult who was responsible for my abuse used fake names and lived internationally, so I had a moment of trying to think about what it I could do to get justice, only to realize I would never get it. Because of that, I decided to try moving forward and getting go of the anger because it wasn’t serving me to keep it. However, if there is a possibility for justice I hope that people can fight for themselves and use their anger as fuel to receive the justice they deserve. I hope that helps to clear up my view. 🙏🏼
@@AngelDeSantis That’s a different situation for sure! I really appreciate how calm and collected you are because it defeats the narrative that the ex-member is always a dysfunctional black sheep. I think the anger issue is sort of a two sided coin. You don’t want to trap yourself in it but also it’s also okay to acknowledge you’ve been wronged. I think you’re doing a great job on the channel, keep it up and thank you 👌🏻
I started out with alot of crying ... now i find myself really angry all the time when i think about things... to the point im always trying to change the subject mentally
100% been there. Sometimes still there. This year I've been working hard on asking myself what I do want to leave in the world/ what experiences do I want to have, vs what experiences do I never want to have again. Glad to hear that you are able to grieve it and are moving forward in your journey 😊
I love that you are telling us that this is a righteous anger. Many always point out that I have also become a radical towards the religion I left which sentences me to death. I also get attacked a lot for calling out the flaws in that religion.
I don’t think that attacking such a religion and despising it is racist or far right. But unfortunately this is how the world has become,
I love you Angel. Thank you for all that you do for me and these other survivors. We deserve more than anger, but a life of peace. Take care 💗
Thank you Lily! We definitely deserve more than anger. I hope you are doing well!
oh this video resonates so much for me! in my twenties I left xty and went into social activism, pouring my energy into a non profit dedicated to social change. I remember having the insight that I had just traded one kind of righteousness (religious) for another kind (environmental/ social/ 'progressive'). it was the same kind of superiority of 'us' (more enlightened) over 'mainstream society' (deluded by corporate capitalism). I felt a tremendous sense of purpose, and that appealing conviction that I was on the side of what was 'right', in a sort of 'david and goliath' struggle.
I poured countless hours into this organization, and my time there definitely shaped who I am today, in lots of positive ways (and I still have friendships formed during this time). but ultimately I burned out (as did others) , and the new 'iteration' of my life became much more about inner self healing than outward social activism.
Instead of getting angry about my religious experience I LEARNED to have a better relationship with GOD. Definitely its good to confront those who have hurt you as well. You need to talk about these things too.
That's great! And yes, talk about these things, they need to be addressed for sure.
This is exactly what I needed to hear right now!!!
I really appreciate how you're validating the anger that can come from the religious trauma healing process, but also how gently you're challenging the risk of stagnancy and even living in the past. Great thoughts!
We cannot know that which we are, until we are that no longer.
👍🏼 exactly
One of my favorites great message
I just found your Chanel because you addressed the recent XJW scandal. I’m an XJW, though I really don’t wear that as a label (just for clarity). So I found this topic. Love the questions which are good for anyone wanting to refine and reinvent themselves. We have chapters in our life and it would be a tragedy if we only stayed in chapter 3 when there’s a whole book to be written. Definitely going to journal those questions and give them much consideration.
Thank you so much, and if you'd like to share what you find in response to the journaling questions, I'd love to hear it!
Thanks for your work. I appreciate your honesty and clarity. One difficulty for me is loving and hating the holidays and trying to enjoy and keep the difficult emotions at bay. Thanks again.
I feel that. One thing that helps me is that I used to have to beg during the holidays and spend it with my family who didn't support me. Now I will either spend it with friends who support me or alone, with my own support, and that is exponentially better than begging or being surrounded by people who don't want me to develop as a human being.
I do enjoy seeing other people having a good time, and I love Christmas decorations, so it does bring me a good amount of joy! Create your own traditions! Let emotions come up and work your way through them. I hope you are finding ways to bring yourself joy!
❤️🌱Thank You Angel
I listened to your podcast and I really appreciated you and your point of view of your experiences. I just subscribed!
Thank you so much! I appreciate you being here. Welcome!! 🤗
I am so grateful for finding this channel. I am a PIMO JW, and going through the awakening and unpacking phase of all this has been painful. There is, of course, the righteous anger, but there is this deep rooted grief, and self-loathing. Realizing you're a victim of this kind of trauma, that you lost so many years to a cult, and in my case (and many like me) the loss of childhood (or rather, realizing we never had it), is very painful. It is a gut-wrenching pain, that can express itself physically, such is its intensity. It's so much easier at times, to bury that pain, and to let the anger take it's place. Righteous anger can feel amazing and empowering, but it can also be it's own form of toxicity and self-abuse. Anyways, I'm done rambling. Again, thank you for such a well-thought video.
-Nix
Thank you for watching. I hope you are doing well!
Have you seen Mr. Robot? These dynamics are really central to the story, won’t say more than that. It’s beautiful. Thank you for another incredibly helpful video!
Not yet! any specific episode ?
I thought I had enough resources to bare the stay with the cult since it wasn't as apprehensive as many people may had it. But it's massively taxating on my mental health since it's too much stress. I hope this anger would help me in some way to get out of this place once and for all. Your videos mean a lot and part of this realization I owe it to you. Thanks Angel
So brilliantly articulated…
It’s so comforting to hear my journey shared in such an intelligent and caring way.
So many of your observations and interim conclusions are 100% accurate in my experience…
Stay awesome Angel ✨
Thank you Joe! I appreciate you being here!
Uff Angel you're truly an angel. Oh lord 😍
When’s the book coming out ? I know you’d be an amazing author
I think I have a few years of growth left before a book shows up !
Took me about 15 years
It takes time for sure!!
I still get angry at a God I dont even believe in anymore. Guess you cant remove what your brain believes though you yourself knows is bs inside
If I may float a theory.... It might be worth asking what you are truly mad about. I would venture to say your anger at god might be misplaced anger at yourself for believing in him and losing autonomy. If that is the case, it might be worth pausing to forgive yourself every time you feel mad at "God" and to remind yourself that you now have power over your life.
what I've been doing is talking out loud to the god of my childhood understanding (scary, mean, punishing). I've been saying 'I don't like you', 'I don't believe in you', etc., and this has been really good to vocalize- to meet myself where (part of me) is at! it also feels good to break out of the 'reverence' of prayer, the formula way of 'praying' and to just speak as honestly as I can, from the truest place inside of me.
If this is the righteous anger phase then what other phases are there??
Thank you!
Ooh, there was supposed to be a much more involved reply than thank you 🙈 I must have hit the wrong button! There are many stages of anger, righteous anger, displaced anger, indignation anger, self protection anger, etc. Not all anger is bad, it's fuel for sure! I think it's important to use it as such and let it move you into the next phase. I think the danger is getting stuck in one kind of anger as opposed to letting it evolve and moving through it.
Love your videos but I kinda disagree w this one. I think anger and honestly revenge of a sort can be entirely valid reasons/motivations for going forward. I know it sounds bad to justify malice or rage but if you’ve been raped or molested or abused, you have good reason to want revenge and I would want to see the aggressor pay. The victim doesn’t just need to take some deep breaths to calm down, they need things made right.
I agree with your last paragraph ! This video is for people who are hoping to move past the righteous anger phase, but it’s not something people ever need to do. I personally had to get to this stage because my situation was such that I can never have justice or for things to be made right. Everyone in the cult who was responsible for my abuse used fake names and lived internationally, so I had a moment of trying to think about what it I could do to get justice, only to realize I would never get it. Because of that, I decided to try moving forward and getting go of the anger because it wasn’t serving me to keep it. However, if there is a possibility for justice I hope that people can fight for themselves and use their anger as fuel to receive the justice they deserve. I hope that helps to clear up my view. 🙏🏼
@@AngelDeSantis That’s a different situation for sure! I really appreciate how calm and collected you are because it defeats the narrative that the ex-member is always a dysfunctional black sheep. I think the anger issue is sort of a two sided coin. You don’t want to trap yourself in it but also it’s also okay to acknowledge you’ve been wronged. I think you’re doing a great job on the channel, keep it up and thank you 👌🏻
Great content Angel.
Keep it up Lady.