Also, it was fun to see a story that could get you guys on different sides with good arguments for and against the grandparents in the 2nd to last story. Well done, gents.
If her grandparents were really trying to make an effort and be in her life, they would be understanding to the fact that she doesn’t want them at the birthday party because they really never interacted with her. They would try to do other things or try to spend time with her outside of the party to be like “Hey, we are serious about making this relationship with”. Grandparents are the asshole. The parents would become the asshole if they let the grandparents come to the party, because that would just show the daughter that her boundaries and feelings do not matter when it comes to family.
Exactly! The grandparents can be butthurt for a little while about it. Birthday girl made her choice and grandparents made their bed. Now they can lie in it.
Totally agree, the effort is good but they're making the little girls bday about them. And the parents should keep up their promise to their daughter that she could invite who she wanted. I understand she's a child, but that doesn't make her dumb.
@@soniatrevino8459 yes exactly people discredit children a lot and it’s sad because most of are habits and they way we operate come from our childhood. I just know if they give in the daughter is never gonna forget
The way OP in the first story said “everyone is saying I overreacted…” THAT response is the exact reason Amy felt entitled enough to do something so insane. No honey, those are the consequences of your own actions!
Josh said something like he didn't know if the 5 year old has the concept of even knowing who the grandparents are. lol I totally agree! How would she know them she hasn't seen them since she was 2. Why should a child be force to invite strangers to her birthday party? Also He said for the past month they have been "making an effort", that's 30 days. What about the 1095 days that they didn't bother? Children are smarter than adults give them credit for. They know when they aren't loved by somebody and when they don't matter to someone.
I think the mistake in the tofu one was that nothing was labeled. I bring homemade food to work a lot, and I always include a list of ingredients to ensure that people who have special diets know if the food is okay for them to eat.
Story 5: Id say parents are not the assholes for not inviting the grandparents. I see this and a great opportunity to practice autonomy and boundaries with the daughter and she made her choices. To her, these are strangers and it makes sense that if shes making her list, she doesnt want them there. To go back and invite them afterall would feel like complete betrayal of her choice and set a presentence for her decisions to not matter. That being said, id try to schedule something with the grandparents on a different day to celebrate. Maybe with gifts and a few balloons and cake. But a separate event. But honestly, with how much shit the grandparents are saying, it might not even be worth it. They dont seem to care about their granddaughter and care more about their image. Yes its good that theyre reaching out but they should do that first and understand that if the kid made the list and they're not invited cuz theyre unknowns, they need to respect that. You can't assume that the title of "grandparents" due to blood is all youll need to maintain a bond.
Agree with your comment - especially the one where the grandparents care more about their image. Josh meant well, but I don't know if he thought of this angle. To expand that thought further, it makes us (as a third party observer with only the background knowledge that OP gave us) wonder, why did the grandparents choose now? They did ever give a reason? Did they "coincidentally" come on the day of the child's birthday on an effort to look like a good grandparent in front of other people. Also, the grandparents inviting themselves and keeping them there kind of ruins the whole lesson on independent choice and boundary setting that this whole party was about.
It's totally about image and not at all about their grandaughter. They want to be seen as the benevolent, well travelled grandparents or some shit. Well, you can't do that if your grandchild doesn't know who tf you are
First story: If someone, no matter how close to the family, decided to break into my home and kidnap my cat?? And even hurt her like they did to these dogs?? I'd go full John Wick on them.
The way I was screaming at my phone for the first story. It literally made me feel nauseous and made my heart drop to the floor. If that happened to me I would go straight into a severe panic attack. My dogs are my children! Also, sounds like that op needs to go NC with the entire family, since they are all taking the felon's side.
Rescue dogs from a puppy mill have a very hard time adjusting to their new homes... taking them from their new home and to a different place can make them anxious, and can also make them aggressive due to past trauma
Story 4, it sounds like OP can't get over the fact she's suppose to be the type of girl her friend wants, but he went with the exact opposite. Also, It's kinda weird how she talks about him, like if she knew him more than he knows himself. And by the way she was telling the story, it seems like she was staring at her friend and his girlfriend the entire night. It's hard to believe she doesn't have feelings for him, and let's keep in mind this happened the night of the housewarming, and instead of being a good friend and be happy for him, she was putting all her effort to make it look like her friend was having a bad time thanks to his girlfriend
She has a certain possessiveness over him because they used to date haha. Tbh I can’t tell if she does want him or not because I’ve been in phases where I feel a possessiveness that’s unjustified (I work on it everytime it happens because like everyone else, I wanna be better). It reminds me of mean girls how Regina destroyed an expensive dollhouse she had just so her cousin couldn’t have it.
In my country we have chinese-peruvian food and we call those restaurants "Chifa". One of my favourite dishes of all time is the baked fish & tofu one. Yes, tofu is a supplement for meat, but it has always been an ingredient, before vegetarians and veganism.
In story 2 my father moved out of the state I lived to another state and paid for my plane ticket to visit him every time so if the father wanted to see his daughter he would
Story 2 has such an easy solution. It's called a plane ticket. Parents who live far apart do that all the time, and the flight attendants are usually so sweet to kids traveling alone.
Birthday Kid decides who gets to join their celebration. The grandparents are just realizing that decisions have consequences. If they keep trying to make contact and build a relationship at a speed the child feels comfortable with, that's great. If the parents had invited the grandparents against the childs wishes, there's a high possibility of the kid being mad, rejecting them in person and then the birthday is ruined. It could've also set back the relationship they were slowly building. Also adolescense is such an important phase of ones life. You don't start respecting boundaries at a certain age, you start from birth. If the kid's boundaries aren't respected by adults that are supposed to be their safe place, what about adults that have ill intent. Children need to grow up knowing that they have a choice and they can voice it.
lol the tofu one, I'm 100% op. I grew up with so many dishes where tofu is just another thing inside the food. Not a meat substitute. I would tell them to kick rocks prob lol grandparents story, I think letting them come would make the parents ah. You cant give her the autonomy to decide who she wants there then stomp on it. They can feel bad all they want but they should be adult and understand that. Retirement doesnt explain 5 years of not even calling or having some interest in the kid. I live in another country on the opposite time zone and my daughter talks to my immediate fam like daily/whenever there is a chance. She's the same age. They can go on vacations and enjoy retirement and still take 10 mins to call or just some effort on a reg basis.
100% like it’s to a point that I see assuming a tofu dish = vegetarian as a product of the colonial mindset I feel like I can almost guarantee that no one at that party was Asian
I agree. I'm Swedish, and at every food related event that I've been to, us Swedes we like to label things, but usually there'd be a "meat table" and a "vegan/vegetarian table". Same for if desserts had lactose or not. For my grandpa's funeral, my sister had made little "notes" (you know the classic rectangle formed to a V) and written "Gluten/Lactose Free" and put it in front of the dish (desserts, cakes, cookies, etc) in question. You don't always need to label things, but you should never just assume. What's that saying? Assuming makes an a$$ out of you and me
I love the stories where people getting married accuse someone of ruining their wedding when objectively they ruined their own weddings by fucking around and finding out.
55:42 children recognize who is in their life, and who is it from starting at like age 2, so if they aren’t in her life and haven’t been making themselves present, then she isn’t going to hold them in a high enough regard to come to her party. They’ve already set a tone of not being involved or not wanting to be and she’s just seeing it through. But if it was during Covid and they weren’t able to because of the shutdowns and the traveling situations, then it’s kind of understandable, but why no face timing. You do what you can to see your grandbabies.
If the grandparents apologised and took accountability for missing out 3 years of their grandchilds life then that would be the first step of maybe trying to build the bridge. You cant just miss 3 birthdays and show up to one and expect to be welcomed. The grandparents should be taking a hard look at themselves if their 5 year old grandchild doesnt want them there. No matter what way you look at it the grandparents are at fault for not creating a bond enough for her to want them there. It seems they do not respect their grandchild or the parents enough to be adults about the situation.
Last story: After a 5 year long relationship, not only is it a big AH move (which it is no matter how long they've been in a relationship), but also a deal-breaker. How could she possibly think to leave her boyfriend to drown in his own depression and misery like that, HIS BROTHER AND HIS BROTHER'S FIANCE PASSED AWAY FOR GOD'S SAKE. There's 2 weeks between the funeral and the wedding day of OP's sister. And I wonder if her sister doesn't want OP to go, or is it something she's just telling herself to make herself feel better for not being there for her boyfriend. What a selfish move to do... The boyfriend deserves so much better than this...
I saw on the Reddit it was 3 weeks but 2 or 3 weeks is still a long enough time to help him out and then help your sister out. Ofc if it was her and boyfriends’ wedding then that’s different. I said my cutoff was a week before just because I’ve been to a lot of very diy weddings so I’m used to the idea that the MOH does a lot of bs the week before. But if it’s not a huge diy wedding then I’d say the day before is the cut off. Also depends when bachelorette is.
For story 5, I think the problem is that a birthday is a bigger deal and something to get excited about and if the grandparents haven’t showed consistent changes on making in an effort, what if the granddaughter wants them at her 6th birthday and they are back to their old ways? It’s setting her up for failure. Along with that, the granddaughter doesn’t feel a connection to them because they didn’t make themselves known to her so why would she want them around? My grandparents were so involved, everyone else I know the grandparents are so excited to be around their grandkids regardless of being retired or not. Her job as a parent is to make sure no one hurts her kid, and the nonchalance in their relationship so far isn’t promising. Like I said, consistent changes would go a long way but just 1 month of talking 4 times? I wouldn’t trust it.
Story 1 had me fuming, if someone took my property or pets without my permission I would call the police immediatly doesnt matter if it on your wedding day or your at a spa lol, defiantly not an a******!. Story 3 is defiantly not an a******. I'm Allergic to Mushrooms and if I was at a picnic or BBQ and there was multiple dishes I would ask I wouldn't just assume the dishes had no mushrooms in lol but another note wouldn't you taste the pork as it has a different texture and flavour to Tofu?
For the 5th story, for the past 3 years the pandemic was at its peak so I don't believe the grandparents have taken "many" trips, especially the first 2 years when it was almost completely prohibited to travel. I don't understand not making an effort to even FaceTime, but elders usually don't even want to learn new technology. Also, being retired and wanting to live life to the fullest and kinda "disappear" from the rest of the world just to have a little peace is totally normal. I agree with Sean. That said, if they wanted to see their grandchild, they could've made the effort and learn to use the front camera at least. Although, tbh the child wouldn't remember much because she was too little. Even I don't remember much before 4 years old, maybe bits and pieces, everything else is documented on photographs. Some grandparents want to bond with their grandchildren after they've grown up a little, and that's okay too. On the other hand, OP and her husband could've visited them too - that shows respect to the elders and still shows them that if someone wants to stay in contact, they should put more effort in. Not wanting someone who's a stranger to you at your birthday is totally normal and understandable, especially if they're self-inviting themselves. They're AH for doing that. However, the grandparents had obviously come to their senses that they're already missing a lot, and their granddaughter is starting to grow up not knowing them and not creating a bond with them, so they're trying to make up for their lack of contact. It's definitely not late to start forming the beautiful grandparent-grandchild relationship, but do it gradually, one cup of tea, one walk to the park at a time. I think this is what Josh meant and I agree with it. One last thing, children can sense early on when someone doesn't like them or are being fake. The grandparents should be careful what they're doing if they want to be in their granddaughter's life.
YES to everything but I’d like to add to the last point you’ve made. Children can also sense CLEARLY who their parents dislike or are not liking at the time, so it’s very much possible that parents are mad with grandparents and the kid is just picking up on that. For me the thing is.. you’ve made it clear to the grandparents that you’re unhappy with how little they’re involved, they start doing something about it, 5 y.o. is still pretty early in someone’s life (is not like their trying to create a bond with a 30 year old), they are showing that they’re making an effort (calls in the last month, trip to surprise the grandkid, etc).. If you don’t accept that and just get stuck in the previous complaint, than what’s the point?? Wasn’t the complaint meant to have an impact on them and create some changes? Here are the changes! You’re gonna shut them down??
@@debiday I totally agree, it's definitely possible that the kid is acting out on behalf of the emotions of her parents. When the child sees them upset with certain people, of course they'll act protectively and defend them in some sort of way, such as not inviting them to the birthday. The parents' emotions that are connected to certain things or people have a big impact on the child, because she's surrounded by them every day. Only now she's beginning to understand more about her surroundings and the small world, and this is her first impression they give her of her grandparents? Really? Even if they were there before, she wouldn't remember a thing. The grandparents may not have been the best, but these parents now are certainly no better either.
From the perspective of someone who has been there for children who have family members who don’t maintain the relationship: DO NOT FORCE THEM TO MAINTAIN/BUILD A CONNECTION. That is the adult in question’s responsibility and nobody should force a child into saying what level of connection they have. “Grandma” needs to shut her mouth and realize it is her own fault she isn’t birthday party level yet and has only herself to blame for it.
As a lover of ma po tofu, it does confuse a lot of people because the authentic recipe calls for pork. In Chinese cuisine, tofu isn’t considered a vegetarian-specific food, it’s simply an ingredient like anything else, and is very often used in meat dishes. Obviously in the west tofu became popular as a vegetarian meat substitute, but that isn’t how it’s viewed in China. NTA, but that OP probably should have mentioned that since Westerners obviously won’t know that.
The grandparents don’t get to come to the party just because it fit in the schedule. If you want to see the kid take the time to make it one on one. A party, the kids will be busy doing things therefore the grandparents don’t even have to interact with them. That’s just icky to me…
Nah screw the grandparents. If you really cared about making amends you would do it on the terms of the person you hurt. Their grandbaby made it clear that on her birthday, at her party, celebrating her, she doesn’t want them there. If they truly love her they’ll respect that. Just because we started talking on the phone after me spending a good year begging for your attention, doesn’t mean I’m comfortable in your physical presence yet. Especially at a party that hopefully only has people I’m happy to see. Plus, I don’t think it sets a good precedence for Ops kid, if after having expressed herself and the facts that she doesn’t want them there, they just said “well it doesn’t really matter what you want, these are your grandparents so they’re coming.” At least this way she knows that her parents are listening to here and respect her wishes.
Tbh for Story 6, I thought you guys were wild for calling OP the Ahole because of how vague OP wrote her post. With the wording of her post + my nature to give people benefit of the doubt, I assumed her sister’s wedding was less than a week away from the time boyfriend wanted to visit his family for the funeral (very tragic… I can’t imagine that pain. boyfriend’s brother and his fiance would’ve also had a nice wedding). Like I thought it was 4 or less days and ofc it would depend on the wedding. If the wedding is a super diy wedding then yeah you better be staying in the country a week before. But then I went to the post itself to see how others judged her and learned that it was 3 weeks away. THREE WEEKS AWAY. Bruh I know some crazy diy artists would need those 3 weeks but most people don’t. I don’t think it’s too much of a diy wedding because otherwise OP would’ve mentioned that it was a DIY wedding and if it was a week before the wedding or less then she would’ve said so. 3 weeks is enough time to support your boyfriend, come back then support your sister.
I think the 5 year old didn’t invite the grandparents because she just didn’t know them, not necessarily because she has any real negative feelings towards them. Since they recently started making contact with her regularly, I suspect she may have invited them had her parents revisited that conversation with her. The only way I see a 5 year old genuinely not wanting to invite her grandparents even after the connection has been established is if she picked up on the tension between the grandparents and the parents prior & thus formed her opinion of them. The parents could have revisited the invitation conversation with her without violating her boundaries by inviting the grandparents anyway. & if they didn’t revisit that convo once they found out the grandparents came down for the party then it kind of reveals their personal bias towards the situation. The grandparents are assholes for not making the effort sooner but not letting them come to the party seems more-so a reflection of the parents’ feelings rather than the kid.
As someone who goes to Texas Roadhouse for my anniversary every year and thoroughly enjoys the prime rib I'm going to disagree on it being Chili's level food. They have really really really good just putting it out there.
As someone with a disease where my body can barely tolerate red meats. If someone did that to my tofu, it could make me sick to the point of being curled in bed in pain for days... 😖 10000% an asshole
I don't think she was being mean just of a certain culture that does things different. But instead of going on Reddit she should've acknowledged her faux pa and taken note to clearly label her meals in future.
There is a r/nicegirls subreddit, and a "NiceGirl"(tm) as the female counterpart to the "NiceGuy"(tm) is absolutely a thing. Pickme's are kind of a subset of nicegirl? I think? as are "notliketheothergirls". Or maybe they're BOTH subsets of notliketheothergirls. Like with niceguys, neckbeards, and incels...in some individual's cases, the Venn diagram starts to become a circle. They all three have some basis in internalized misogyny, as compared to EXternal misogyny with the "nice" males...but unfortunately all the groups believe in pretty much the same horrible stereotypes, conspiracy theories, and general misinformation about women.
Story 5: We can’t go back in time and it’s not ok to continue to punish someone who is trying to change. I understand they never made an effort before but they are trying to now. Don’t deny the opportunity for people to grow and for your daughter to begin to build a relationship with her grandparents.
Okay, Josh seriously try to listen more. John was outright explaining things and you would keep asking reductive questions that he had already covered. You normally try to be a good person but when it comes to family you clearly have a bias and need to check yourself. Thank you so much John for always fighting on the tougher subjects especially in regards to familial relationships. You are three great people, but two of you fell a little short today.
Regarding the pork/tofu one: as a vegetarian myself, the fact the vegetarians couldn’t identify the pork or at least recognize they were eating pork is 100% on them. Meat is easy to identify ocularly and the texture is very distinct. The people at that party are either dumb or were looking for something to be mad abour
Also, it was fun to see a story that could get you guys on different sides with good arguments for and against the grandparents in the 2nd to last story. Well done, gents.
If her grandparents were really trying to make an effort and be in her life, they would be understanding to the fact that she doesn’t want them at the birthday party because they really never interacted with her. They would try to do other things or try to spend time with her outside of the party to be like “Hey, we are serious about making this relationship with”. Grandparents are the asshole. The parents would become the asshole if they let the grandparents come to the party, because that would just show the daughter that her boundaries and feelings do not matter when it comes to family.
Exactly! The grandparents can be butthurt for a little while about it. Birthday girl made her choice and grandparents made their bed. Now they can lie in it.
Totally agree, the effort is good but they're making the little girls bday about them. And the parents should keep up their promise to their daughter that she could invite who she wanted. I understand she's a child, but that doesn't make her dumb.
@@soniatrevino8459 yes exactly people discredit children a lot and it’s sad because most of are habits and they way we operate come from our childhood. I just know if they give in the daughter is never gonna forget
The way OP in the first story said “everyone is saying I overreacted…” THAT response is the exact reason Amy felt entitled enough to do something so insane. No honey, those are the consequences of your own actions!
Josh said something like he didn't know if the 5 year old has the concept of even knowing who the grandparents are. lol I totally agree! How would she know them she hasn't seen them since she was 2. Why should a child be force to invite strangers to her birthday party? Also He said for the past month they have been "making an effort", that's 30 days. What about the 1095 days that they didn't bother? Children are smarter than adults give them credit for. They know when they aren't loved by somebody and when they don't matter to someone.
I think the mistake in the tofu one was that nothing was labeled. I bring homemade food to work a lot, and I always include a list of ingredients to ensure that people who have special diets know if the food is okay for them to eat.
Story 5:
Id say parents are not the assholes for not inviting the grandparents. I see this and a great opportunity to practice autonomy and boundaries with the daughter and she made her choices. To her, these are strangers and it makes sense that if shes making her list, she doesnt want them there. To go back and invite them afterall would feel like complete betrayal of her choice and set a presentence for her decisions to not matter.
That being said, id try to schedule something with the grandparents on a different day to celebrate. Maybe with gifts and a few balloons and cake. But a separate event. But honestly, with how much shit the grandparents are saying, it might not even be worth it. They dont seem to care about their granddaughter and care more about their image. Yes its good that theyre reaching out but they should do that first and understand that if the kid made the list and they're not invited cuz theyre unknowns, they need to respect that. You can't assume that the title of "grandparents" due to blood is all youll need to maintain a bond.
Agree with your comment - especially the one where the grandparents care more about their image. Josh meant well, but I don't know if he thought of this angle.
To expand that thought further, it makes us (as a third party observer with only the background knowledge that OP gave us) wonder, why did the grandparents choose now? They did ever give a reason? Did they "coincidentally" come on the day of the child's birthday on an effort to look like a good grandparent in front of other people.
Also, the grandparents inviting themselves and keeping them there kind of ruins the whole lesson on independent choice and boundary setting that this whole party was about.
It's totally about image and not at all about their grandaughter. They want to be seen as the benevolent, well travelled grandparents or some shit. Well, you can't do that if your grandchild doesn't know who tf you are
First story: If someone, no matter how close to the family, decided to break into my home and kidnap my cat?? And even hurt her like they did to these dogs?? I'd go full John Wick on them.
Next AITA episode - Josh: One of these stories is listener submitted, one of them is AI generated. Guess which one is which!
I'm stealing this idea 👀
@@RedditOnWiki Please do! 😁
Omg this is where the AI stories began (I'm binging their podcast, I know it's old sorry!)
@@LazloTheGhoul you're not like me who'll reply to 4+ year old comments just for fun sometimes 😂
The way I was screaming at my phone for the first story. It literally made me feel nauseous and made my heart drop to the floor. If that happened to me I would go straight into a severe panic attack. My dogs are my children!
Also, sounds like that op needs to go NC with the entire family, since they are all taking the felon's side.
The truck driver dad is glad she’s not reporting him for no child support because she can put him in jail 🙃🙃🙃🙃
Rescue dogs from a puppy mill have a very hard time adjusting to their new homes... taking them from their new home and to a different place can make them anxious, and can also make them aggressive due to past trauma
the first story with the dogs was crazy! talk about a bridezilla amirite?
Story 4, it sounds like OP can't get over the fact she's suppose to be the type of girl her friend wants, but he went with the exact opposite. Also, It's kinda weird how she talks about him, like if she knew him more than he knows himself. And by the way she was telling the story, it seems like she was staring at her friend and his girlfriend the entire night. It's hard to believe she doesn't have feelings for him, and let's keep in mind this happened the night of the housewarming, and instead of being a good friend and be happy for him, she was putting all her effort to make it look like her friend was having a bad time thanks to his girlfriend
SUCH a "but I was such a good pick me why am I just a friend waa"
She has a certain possessiveness over him because they used to date haha. Tbh I can’t tell if she does want him or not because I’ve been in phases where I feel a possessiveness that’s unjustified (I work on it everytime it happens because like everyone else, I wanna be better).
It reminds me of mean girls how Regina destroyed an expensive dollhouse she had just so her cousin couldn’t have it.
In my country we have chinese-peruvian food and we call those restaurants "Chifa". One of my favourite dishes of all time is the baked fish & tofu one. Yes, tofu is a supplement for meat, but it has always been an ingredient, before vegetarians and veganism.
In story 2 my father moved out of the state I lived to another state and paid for my plane ticket to visit him every time so if the father wanted to see his daughter he would
Story 2 has such an easy solution. It's called a plane ticket.
Parents who live far apart do that all the time, and the flight attendants are usually so sweet to kids traveling alone.
And the dad has to pay for it, since he’s saving so much on not paying child support
Birthday Kid decides who gets to join their celebration. The grandparents are just realizing that decisions have consequences. If they keep trying to make contact and build a relationship at a speed the child feels comfortable with, that's great. If the parents had invited the grandparents against the childs wishes, there's a high possibility of the kid being mad, rejecting them in person and then the birthday is ruined. It could've also set back the relationship they were slowly building. Also adolescense is such an important phase of ones life. You don't start respecting boundaries at a certain age, you start from birth. If the kid's boundaries aren't respected by adults that are supposed to be their safe place, what about adults that have ill intent. Children need to grow up knowing that they have a choice and they can voice it.
lol the tofu one, I'm 100% op. I grew up with so many dishes where tofu is just another thing inside the food. Not a meat substitute. I would tell them to kick rocks prob lol
grandparents story, I think letting them come would make the parents ah. You cant give her the autonomy to decide who she wants there then stomp on it. They can feel bad all they want but they should be adult and understand that. Retirement doesnt explain 5 years of not even calling or having some interest in the kid. I live in another country on the opposite time zone and my daughter talks to my immediate fam like daily/whenever there is a chance. She's the same age. They can go on vacations and enjoy retirement and still take 10 mins to call or just some effort on a reg basis.
100% like it’s to a point that I see assuming a tofu dish = vegetarian as a product of the colonial mindset
I feel like I can almost guarantee that no one at that party was Asian
I agree. I'm Swedish, and at every food related event that I've been to, us Swedes we like to label things, but usually there'd be a "meat table" and a "vegan/vegetarian table".
Same for if desserts had lactose or not.
For my grandpa's funeral, my sister had made little "notes" (you know the classic rectangle formed to a V) and written "Gluten/Lactose Free" and put it in front of the dish (desserts, cakes, cookies, etc) in question.
You don't always need to label things, but you should never just assume.
What's that saying? Assuming makes an a$$ out of you and me
I love the stories where people getting married accuse someone of ruining their wedding when objectively they ruined their own weddings by fucking around and finding out.
55:42 children recognize who is in their life, and who is it from starting at like age 2, so if they aren’t in her life and haven’t been making themselves present, then she isn’t going to hold them in a high enough regard to come to her party. They’ve already set a tone of not being involved or not wanting to be and she’s just seeing it through. But if it was during Covid and they weren’t able to because of the shutdowns and the traveling situations, then it’s kind of understandable, but why no face timing. You do what you can to see your grandbabies.
If the grandparents apologised and took accountability for missing out 3 years of their grandchilds life then that would be the first step of maybe trying to build the bridge. You cant just miss 3 birthdays and show up to one and expect to be welcomed. The grandparents should be taking a hard look at themselves if their 5 year old grandchild doesnt want them there. No matter what way you look at it the grandparents are at fault for not creating a bond enough for her to want them there. It seems they do not respect their grandchild or the parents enough to be adults about the situation.
im laughing so hard at the "DisgustinG"
Lol Josh did not just take credit for making up the assume thing! I have heard that a million times lol 😂
I came from Spotify just to make sure it was actually Josh! He sounds like a completely different person!
The most shocking thing to me was that none of you had mapo tofu before. You gotta try, it’s so good!
IKR? I know Texas has lots of Asian food there. Mapo tofu is a common dish, but tbf I never order it because I don’t like it enough to pay for it 😅
Last story: After a 5 year long relationship, not only is it a big AH move (which it is no matter how long they've been in a relationship), but also a deal-breaker. How could she possibly think to leave her boyfriend to drown in his own depression and misery like that, HIS BROTHER AND HIS BROTHER'S FIANCE PASSED AWAY FOR GOD'S SAKE. There's 2 weeks between the funeral and the wedding day of OP's sister. And I wonder if her sister doesn't want OP to go, or is it something she's just telling herself to make herself feel better for not being there for her boyfriend. What a selfish move to do... The boyfriend deserves so much better than this...
I saw on the Reddit it was 3 weeks but 2 or 3 weeks is still a long enough time to help him out and then help your sister out. Ofc if it was her and boyfriends’ wedding then that’s different.
I said my cutoff was a week before just because I’ve been to a lot of very diy weddings so I’m used to the idea that the MOH does a lot of bs the week before. But if it’s not a huge diy wedding then I’d say the day before is the cut off. Also depends when bachelorette is.
Bruh Josh with his cold, every time he spoke I was like wtf is talking..?? 😂❤
For story 5, I think the problem is that a birthday is a bigger deal and something to get excited about and if the grandparents haven’t showed consistent changes on making in an effort, what if the granddaughter wants them at her 6th birthday and they are back to their old ways? It’s setting her up for failure. Along with that, the granddaughter doesn’t feel a connection to them because they didn’t make themselves known to her so why would she want them around? My grandparents were so involved, everyone else I know the grandparents are so excited to be around their grandkids regardless of being retired or not. Her job as a parent is to make sure no one hurts her kid, and the nonchalance in their relationship so far isn’t promising. Like I said, consistent changes would go a long way but just 1 month of talking 4 times? I wouldn’t trust it.
John, your hair looks so good! Love it🫶🏼
for the last story, kinda weird to be in a serious relationship with someone from a neighboring country and they NEVER got a passport?
story 4, she is both a nice GIRL and a pick me girl.
Happy AAPI John and Sean 🎉 much love from a fellow PI and I hope you get well Josh..
story 5. the grandparents are HUGE assholes. john is 100000% right. the kid doesnt even know them. josh just take the L, man
Story one: Op don’t need to pay back 💩 If anything OP should file a civil suit against bridezilla
Story 1 had me fuming, if someone took my property or pets without my permission I would call the police immediatly doesnt matter if it on your wedding day or your at a spa lol, defiantly not an a******!. Story 3 is defiantly not an a******. I'm Allergic to Mushrooms and if I was at a picnic or BBQ and there was multiple dishes I would ask I wouldn't just assume the dishes had no mushrooms in lol but another note wouldn't you taste the pork as it has a different texture and flavour to Tofu?
For the 5th story, for the past 3 years the pandemic was at its peak so I don't believe the grandparents have taken "many" trips, especially the first 2 years when it was almost completely prohibited to travel. I don't understand not making an effort to even FaceTime, but elders usually don't even want to learn new technology. Also, being retired and wanting to live life to the fullest and kinda "disappear" from the rest of the world just to have a little peace is totally normal. I agree with Sean. That said, if they wanted to see their grandchild, they could've made the effort and learn to use the front camera at least. Although, tbh the child wouldn't remember much because she was too little. Even I don't remember much before 4 years old, maybe bits and pieces, everything else is documented on photographs. Some grandparents want to bond with their grandchildren after they've grown up a little, and that's okay too.
On the other hand, OP and her husband could've visited them too - that shows respect to the elders and still shows them that if someone wants to stay in contact, they should put more effort in.
Not wanting someone who's a stranger to you at your birthday is totally normal and understandable, especially if they're self-inviting themselves. They're AH for doing that. However, the grandparents had obviously come to their senses that they're already missing a lot, and their granddaughter is starting to grow up not knowing them and not creating a bond with them, so they're trying to make up for their lack of contact. It's definitely not late to start forming the beautiful grandparent-grandchild relationship, but do it gradually, one cup of tea, one walk to the park at a time. I think this is what Josh meant and I agree with it.
One last thing, children can sense early on when someone doesn't like them or are being fake. The grandparents should be careful what they're doing if they want to be in their granddaughter's life.
YES to everything but I’d like to add to the last point you’ve made. Children can also sense CLEARLY who their parents dislike or are not liking at the time, so it’s very much possible that parents are mad with grandparents and the kid is just picking up on that.
For me the thing is.. you’ve made it clear to the grandparents that you’re unhappy with how little they’re involved, they start doing something about it, 5 y.o. is still pretty early in someone’s life (is not like their trying to create a bond with a 30 year old), they are showing that they’re making an effort (calls in the last month, trip to surprise the grandkid, etc).. If you don’t accept that and just get stuck in the previous complaint, than what’s the point?? Wasn’t the complaint meant to have an impact on them and create some changes? Here are the changes! You’re gonna shut them down??
@@debiday I totally agree, it's definitely possible that the kid is acting out on behalf of the emotions of her parents. When the child sees them upset with certain people, of course they'll act protectively and defend them in some sort of way, such as not inviting them to the birthday. The parents' emotions that are connected to certain things or people have a big impact on the child, because she's surrounded by them every day. Only now she's beginning to understand more about her surroundings and the small world, and this is her first impression they give her of her grandparents? Really? Even if they were there before, she wouldn't remember a thing. The grandparents may not have been the best, but these parents now are certainly no better either.
It’s not “nice girls” it’s “pick me” girls lol
From the perspective of someone who has been there for children who have family members who don’t maintain the relationship: DO NOT FORCE THEM TO MAINTAIN/BUILD A CONNECTION. That is the adult in question’s responsibility and nobody should force a child into saying what level of connection they have. “Grandma” needs to shut her mouth and realize it is her own fault she isn’t birthday party level yet and has only herself to blame for it.
As a lover of ma po tofu, it does confuse a lot of people because the authentic recipe calls for pork. In Chinese cuisine, tofu isn’t considered a vegetarian-specific food, it’s simply an ingredient like anything else, and is very often used in meat dishes. Obviously in the west tofu became popular as a vegetarian meat substitute, but that isn’t how it’s viewed in China. NTA, but that OP probably should have mentioned that since Westerners obviously won’t know that.
The grandparents don’t get to come to the party just because it fit in the schedule. If you want to see the kid take the time to make it one on one. A party, the kids will be busy doing things therefore the grandparents don’t even have to interact with them. That’s just icky to me…
I put meat in a tofu dish once. However, it was 100% just for me, and I was making eggrolls.
Nah screw the grandparents. If you really cared about making amends you would do it on the terms of the person you hurt. Their grandbaby made it clear that on her birthday, at her party, celebrating her, she doesn’t want them there. If they truly love her they’ll respect that. Just because we started talking on the phone after me spending a good year begging for your attention, doesn’t mean I’m comfortable in your physical presence yet. Especially at a party that hopefully only has people I’m happy to see.
Plus, I don’t think it sets a good precedence for Ops kid, if after having expressed herself and the facts that she doesn’t want them there, they just said “well it doesn’t really matter what you want, these are your grandparents so they’re coming.” At least this way she knows that her parents are listening to here and respect her wishes.
John is looking gooooood
Tbh for Story 6, I thought you guys were wild for calling OP the Ahole because of how vague OP wrote her post. With the wording of her post + my nature to give people benefit of the doubt, I assumed her sister’s wedding was less than a week away from the time boyfriend wanted to visit his family for the funeral (very tragic… I can’t imagine that pain. boyfriend’s brother and his fiance would’ve also had a nice wedding). Like I thought it was 4 or less days and ofc it would depend on the wedding. If the wedding is a super diy wedding then yeah you better be staying in the country a week before.
But then I went to the post itself to see how others judged her and learned that it was 3 weeks away. THREE WEEKS AWAY. Bruh I know some crazy diy artists would need those 3 weeks but most people don’t. I don’t think it’s too much of a diy wedding because otherwise OP would’ve mentioned that it was a DIY wedding and if it was a week before the wedding or less then she would’ve said so. 3 weeks is enough time to support your boyfriend, come back then support your sister.
I think the 5 year old didn’t invite the grandparents because she just didn’t know them, not necessarily because she has any real negative feelings towards them. Since they recently started making contact with her regularly, I suspect she may have invited them had her parents revisited that conversation with her. The only way I see a 5 year old genuinely not wanting to invite her grandparents even after the connection has been established is if she picked up on the tension between the grandparents and the parents prior & thus formed her opinion of them. The parents could have revisited the invitation conversation with her without violating her boundaries by inviting the grandparents anyway. & if they didn’t revisit that convo once they found out the grandparents came down for the party then it kind of reveals their personal bias towards the situation. The grandparents are assholes for not making the effort sooner but not letting them come to the party seems more-so a reflection of the parents’ feelings rather than the kid.
My mom has said “assuming makes an ass out of you and me” since I was a kid, awesome to hear it but definitely not original to him only.
As someone who goes to Texas Roadhouse for my anniversary every year and thoroughly enjoys the prime rib I'm going to disagree on it being Chili's level food. They have really really really good just putting it out there.
As someone with a disease where my body can barely tolerate red meats. If someone did that to my tofu, it could make me sick to the point of being curled in bed in pain for days... 😖 10000% an asshole
Vegan for 7+ years, I’d probably be spewing from both ends! OP is definitively an asshole for sure!
I don't think she was being mean just of a certain culture that does things different. But instead of going on Reddit she should've acknowledged her faux pa and taken note to clearly label her meals in future.
Josh, idk if you ever heard this but you sound exactly the same as the actor Adam Scott!
I love Adam Scott that's such a compliment thank you!! 😊😊
Other Filos here love Tokwa't Baboy? 💕
Josh’s sick voice is kinda sexy…. Lol
There is a r/nicegirls subreddit, and a "NiceGirl"(tm) as the female counterpart to the "NiceGuy"(tm) is absolutely a thing. Pickme's are kind of a subset of nicegirl? I think? as are "notliketheothergirls". Or maybe they're BOTH subsets of notliketheothergirls. Like with niceguys, neckbeards, and incels...in some individual's cases, the Venn diagram starts to become a circle.
They all three have some basis in internalized misogyny, as compared to EXternal misogyny with the "nice" males...but unfortunately all the groups believe in pretty much the same horrible stereotypes, conspiracy theories, and general misinformation about women.
Schuaghwnn is the most loveable asshole!❤
couldn't come up with a sean pun cause all i could think was "currnancy" - too much of a stretch? :P
I'm also watching The Office, for the first time. It's so hard to get through the cringiest parts
Story 5: We can’t go back in time and it’s not ok to continue to punish someone who is trying to change. I understand they never made an effort before but they are trying to now. Don’t deny the opportunity for people to grow and for your daughter to begin to build a relationship with her grandparents.
I had a video pop up of clips from this episode - I want to make sure this channel is also you guys? youtube.com/@redditonwikiclips
Yes! That's us! Thank you for checking 🙏☺️
Lucy's comment was pretty unneeded and gross.
Came here from TikTok 👀🥰
Okay, Josh seriously try to listen more. John was outright explaining things and you would keep asking reductive questions that he had already covered. You normally try to be a good person but when it comes to family you clearly have a bias and need to check yourself.
Thank you so much John for always fighting on the tougher subjects especially in regards to familial relationships. You are three great people, but two of you fell a little short today.
Just a tip, you guys are taking entirely too long to tell the story 😩
Regarding the pork/tofu one: as a vegetarian myself, the fact the vegetarians couldn’t identify the pork or at least recognize they were eating pork is 100% on them. Meat is easy to identify ocularly and the texture is very distinct. The people at that party are either dumb or were looking for something to be mad abour
Here to tell Josh I’m sorry about your leafs 🫠 🫶🏼