Signs Of Hidden Shame, Low Self Esteem & Insecurities & How To Build Confidence
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- Опубликовано: 9 июн 2024
- Psychologists and therapists say that all mental health problems rest on or include low self esteem. Many, many of our problems arise from low self esteem and what we do to try and compensate for it. This video covers our compensations for low self esteem (defenses) and explains how to shift into healthier core beliefs instead.
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00:00 Introduction
00:38 Self Esteem Is A Core Need
01:19 You Can Raise Your Self Esteem
01:54 Often We Defend Against Low Self Esteem Instead Of Raising It
03:05 Signs Of Hidden Low Self Esteem
05:46 What Life Is Like With Authentic Confidence
06:52 How To Build Confidence & Self Esteem
06:54 1) Awareness Of Defenses
08:02 2) Create Inner Distance To Impulse To Act Defensively
08:05 2a) Allow / Relax
08:18 2b) Label
08:57 2c) Shift
10:48 The Goal Is Not To Never Feel Insecure Or Vulnerable
11:04 The Goal Is To Respond Differently To These Feelings
❃❃❃ What To Watch Next ❃❃
▶ 8 Signs Of Authentic Confidence | Self Esteem | Sense Of Self Worth
• 8 Signs Of Authentic C...
▶ What It Feels Like To Have A Strong Sense Of Self Worth I Improving Confidence & Low Self-Esteem
• What It Feels Like To ...
▶ Emotionally Addicted To Shame & Feeling Worthless & How To Develop Self Esteem
• Emotionally Addicted T...
▶ Self Esteem playlist: • Self Esteem And Confid...
❃❃❃ Recommended Reading ❃❃❃
Burgo, J. (2013). Why Do I Do That?: Psychological Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways They Shape Our Lives. New Rise Press.
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Hi! I'm Maika - a psychologist, course designer and RUclips creator. The purpose of my work is to assist you in becoming an expert at self-leadership, so you can live your life to the fullest.
"There is no passion to be found in playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." Nelson Mandela
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I had to pause this a few times. Wow. Hits home. Poignant.
Wow, I always thought people who constantly want to proof that they are right have an very high self esteem. Thank you Maika for teaching me this. That will make it easier for me to be patient...
Yes, a person with a sturdy sense of self worth doesn’t need being right to stay calm and feel good 👍🏻
I just found your channel today and I have watched a bunch of videos so far and I wanted to say that the breakthrough I just had with having probably the first moment of genuine love and compassion for myself instead of judging and hatred felt so freeing and so profound it feels silly to have had it on a tuesday afternoon because of a youtube video, but thank you
I'm so glad to hear this and I feel happy for you! I hope your journey continues in a way that makes these moments of genuine love and compassion for yourself more frequent and longer 💖 All the best!
''Mental conversations with others in which you prove them wrong'' I do this subconsciously and it is so draining and annoying and hard to stop this. I wonder if it is cptsd related.
I get that - especially the part about it being draining! Our coping mechanisms are almost always related to the experiences we’ve made, especially the traumatic ones…
😳😳😳😳 I clicked on this thinking that i have low self esteem.. apparently I don’t anymore 😂😂♥️
😄well it’s great if you don’t ❤️ and if you’re not sure, in this video I talk about the more common signs of low self esteem
5 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem | Self-Worth
ruclips.net/video/Fnshuya0VrI/видео.html
Thank you !!
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Thanks 🌹
I really needed this. Thank you
I‘m glad it was helpful 🙂🌷
It would be great if we could see examples of these behaviors.. @3:07
Here are some off the top of my head:
- wearing a rolex to feel good about oneself (it's not about the rolex itself, but about the emotional purpose of it)
- exhausting oneself with garden work, just so the neighbors will approve (again, it's about why the garden is kept a certain way)
- a group of friends goes bowling: needing to win to feel at peace with oneself (and perhaps also rubbing it in)
- needing to have the last word in every discussion and needing the other person to change their view point or admit that they were wrong
- only truly participating in conversations that revolve around oneself, shutting off when others add new, different topics
- not saying anything at all or hiding one's true, authentic opinion and thoughts, being quiet a lot of the time (even when you'd have something to say or add)
- treating someone with a lot more experience in an area like an equal, not being able to be open to what one could learn from them or talking down to juniors and peers
- getting defensive quickly, feeling attacked or put down quickly
- using condescending names for groups of people with a certain similarity
- asking question like "Is this ok to do / wear / say?" *a lot*
Hope this clarifies it more :) It's a big topic.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn - Thank you so much, having visual words/representations help me understand a lot better!
Great video Mika, I myself struggle with Low Self Esteem & Insecurities. I would love it if in a next video you dive deeper in how to change these behaviors and underlying core wounds/beliefs, I’m especially interested in Mental conversations with others in which I prove them wrong, especially in relation to your video where you proposed fighting/resisting your thoughts doesn’t work (I can’t find the one I’m referring to). I have been working on my internal dialogue and have had some success by silencing my inner critic, but stopping the conversation with others seems out of reach for now. Love to see your next video.
I'm glad this was helpful! It's great you've had some success with changing your inner critic's grip on you! I'll soon be uploading a series of videos about how to let go of stressful/upsetting thoughts, you could try the techniques I will discuss there on the mental conversations you have with others, they are really powerful! These techniques are called cognitive defusion skills. I've already talked about this in short in this video: ruclips.net/video/EVZl5oEHJPc/видео.html In a nutshell: there's no off-switch in the mind, but we can switch into the noticing/oberserving perspective instead of staying in the grip of certain stressful thoughts - and let those upsetting thoughts fade into the background.
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This wasn’t bad but I found it a little bit too abstract, rather then something that I can use to apply practically
Thank you for your feedback!
I think it’s ok to be insecure and low self esteem
None of us know why we are here on this planet or alive
It’s a correct reaction to a sick society
I agree with the part about society and what's going making us think and question things that are unhealthy. At the same time, I don't think we have to arrive at the conclusion of feeling bad about ourselves as the result of that deliberation.
thank you very much for this video, it was very helpful to me ❤🩹