Open and Closed Relationships (Vol. 2)
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- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
- As more people are choosing to explore non-monogamous relationships, the discussion about open and closed relationships can be divisive and unhelpful.
In today's episode of #GayMenGoingDeeper, we are having an open conversation about open and closed relationships that will enrich your understanding of the many different types of relationships out there and help you figure out what's right for you. We will cover questions such as:
1. What is the ideal relationship structure for you?
2. How do you handle jealousy in your relationships?
3. Which of your needs do you expect your primary partner to meet and which needs can be met outside the relationship?
4. What tips will help someone decide which relationship structure works for them?
Listen in to this episode to get some fresh and insightful perspectives on this hot topic.
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I would love to hear a couple elders who have been in successful and unsuccessful long term open relationships join the conversation, so much wisdom having gone through the cycles of life
Freedom means having all your needs met and being fulfilled. Monogamy works for some but not for others, the same for open relationships. Live life without judgement and as long you’re not hurting anyone, live your life the way you want.
Amen to that 👏🏼
(Yours are the only RUclips videos I comment on.) Again, Thanks for a great conversation. Wanted to specifically thank Matt for his invitation to experience the full arc of jealousy - not just the pain part. Very cool stuff. Will have to contemplate that more in my own (not just romantic/sexual) experience. Thanks to all three of you. Keep up the great work!
I swear sometimes it’s like I’m talking though you guys! Building a solid monogamous relationship before opening it, a balance between liberty and loyalty, fear of him falling in love with someone else... I just adore listening to you. This helped me so much (as always) to fortify my perspective about this, and to feel more peace in my relationship. Have a beautiful weekend!
Thank you Gabe, I know first hand that navigating these things is tricky to say the least. Glad our podcast can help, but also remember to trust your intuition as well. I think deep down if we're willing to be honest with ourselves and quite our noisy minds, the path forward begins to take shape one step at a time.
Thanks for making me think and uncomfortable even.
Love how you described that relationships are on a scale.
Next time y’all discuss this topic, please invite a guest in a monogamous relationship.
Maybe this is my own sensitivity!
Please, be mindful of describing a monogamous relationship as a “fairy tale”.
Thanks, again!!
Hi Lee, thanks for the feedback. Appreciate you taking the time to watch and comment. All of us have been in monogamous relationships. For me (Michael), this is my first time navigating openness. My previous long-term relationships were all monogamous.
"I want to have someone to come back to after I'm with everyone else with no repercussions or responsibility"
-polyamory
"I'm willing to throw away 20 years of dedicated, commited marriage to my partner because they had a sexual desire I couldn't meet and went out once and got it met."
-monogamy
And such great substance in this hour! You guys have all embodied some nourishing, confronting and joyful pearls of wisdom
Thanks Aaron! We appreciate the feedback, especially on this triggering topic
I just dont understand why us as gay men have partners need to pursue romantic relationships with other people if we already have partners. How deep is the hole inside we are trying to fill?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's a complex and deeply personal topic, and everyone has their own reasons and experiences. Understanding our own needs and feelings is important, and it's okay to have questions and seek answers. We appreciate you being part of this conversation. Let's spread love!🥰
Why does one need so much freedom from the most central person in their life?
Well, where do I start? I'll take one of your lines and fly.
Which one? Matt telling Calan that he probably has a better answer than his! That's a good start!
I get the impression that there are no better answers, but that probably each of us has our own answer. What I mean here is that there may be some wrong or less right answers, but there are plenty of very right answers. If we're true to ourselves, there won't be tons of answers. This applies to many subjects. And it's certainly a bit due to our own personal history, I guess.
It's a subject that would have bothered me a lot more 30 years ago, when I was just coming to terms with my homosexuality. It's a lot to come to terms with, including a new sexuality. I guess there's a question of trust and experience involved on my side. Now, although I'm fundamentally monogamous, I'm more able to discuss things, sort things out, conceive...
Probably the most important thing is self-respect, respect for the partner, communication and well-established boundaries. Here, right now, it's not something I'm drawn to, but I can see how some couples might be open to it. If both partners feel comfortable with that, why not, it's their business. I think we never do anything for nothing... probably to meet a certain need. But what need are we meeting? I have a few hypotheses, but this is precisely the subject I'd be more interested in hearing about. What makes us become an open couple or remain closed or cheating on your partner. I'm more interested in this subject.
Your discussion was very interesting from beginning to end. However, two themes caught my attention the most: meeting a need and jealousy. Admittedly, both topics are worth spending a lot of time on. Maybe it's just a question of language barrier, since I'm primarily a French-speaker (a vulgar green frog from Quebec, ha! ha!), but what I picked up on or noticed was that you, at least some of you, tackled the theme of jealousy more personally or in greater depth. Now that's interesting! It's very interesting indeed... I find here that the theme "Fulfilling a certain need" is named as a starting point or the cause of..., but it only appeared to me as named. Of course, it's a very personal theme; everyone has their own needs. But that's exactly what I would have liked to hear more about personally. Matt said it was purely sexual. The fact remains that we want to meet a certain need... Which one or which ones?
Which need can or will be met by being an open couple or a closed couple. I'm not talking about justifications. Nobody has to justify anything when it comes to a need! But what brings us to... concretely, because we never do anything for nothing in the end! We're always responding to a need!
I insist on the fact that my intention is not to judge, I'm more in the understanding of mechanism on both sides. Because in the end, we all have the right to do what we want on this subject.
I want it all! LoL I want this and I want that and I need this and want this…
Why are gay guys soo beautiful !❤
EXCELLENT ! I guess' openess' IS growing !... I'd like to hear more about hesitations, and how to negotiate on topics like: Can I watch, 'I will say to partner I think you're getting to emotionally close'....AND how to navigate when one's job may require a move.....
I'm late 60s, doubt I'll have time/health for many more relationships, so I'd like 1 primary open. YET.. I'd like to hear how 'mature men' navigate, set expectations that while we're primary/open... I (we?) hope this will last for our lives.... I kinda hear you 'young's...' talk about oh there will be others. Really ?? So how make Open relations late THRU challenges. Or is negotiation THE answer ?
Topic for other shows: talk about how to negotiate, plan, on sharing expenses, sharing mortgage/interest deductions, Wills,Inheritances, Medical Advocate if one gets injured and can't communicate, pre-nups. ?
Must be hard deciding which of the piles of men that want you -- let’s have a discussion again about the epidemic of gay male loneliness.
Right!?!
Michael how’s your relationship going? Any updates?
We were together in a romantic relationship for 3 incredible years! Now we have transitioned to a beautiful platonic friendship. We're both doing well post-breakup and still hang out and talk often. The breakup had nothing to do with our openness though, in case anyone is wondering. More here: ruclips.net/video/SXD6xhV38kM/видео.htmlsi=LFMaAf3Guvg-pIew
Question. Doesn’t open relationships kill the couples sex life?
What would kill a relationship for one could enrich for another. We can only speak for ourselves
Hi
I'm fond of the concept of monogamy although I realize one person can't necessarily fill all need levels so it depends on the relationship dynamics and what those involved will authentically bring to the table.
Thank you for the video.
You're welcome!
Love this. Thanks guys.
I want someone who gets me…but once I’m “gotten” in Matt’s words -- then after time it’s not enough anymore.
Great podcast, but I'm not seeing the link to the five question attachment style quiz Matt mentioned. Would be really interested in taking that.
So sorry! We forgot to edit into our RUclips info!
Here is the link: www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/62851d14697a640018d22d2f
@@GayMenGoingDeeper Thanks so much for this!
You're more believable than Dan Savage in his claims that he isn't trying to push A over B.
Thanks for the comment Seto :)
We work really hard to just be genuinely ourselves and the best part is all 3 of us are very different people so it covers a lot of ground instead of just 1 perspective
Was this sarcasm?
@@chereknalorn No.