It can't be overstated how well you explain these concepts. Honestly better than Dr. Richard Schwartz. I'm excited for your channel to blow up and help people.
I agree, Im watching the videos this afternoon and appreciating how well you articulate not only the concept of IFS, but the process individuals experience. Thank you.
@@DrToriOlds I agree with Philosopher Scholar...you do a remarkably exquisite job of articulating in a clear way, what many presenters/trainers struggle with communicating. You break down/translate what can be a difficult language for individuals to understand. I am trained in IFS, and use it as a tool with other therapies supporting people on their healing journey. So, thank you, Dr. Olds, keep up the good work.
Agree with this comment completely. Much clearer to me than Dr. Schwartz's Greater than the Sum of Parts audio I just listened to. Thank you for thoughtfully producing this series, Dr. Olds!
Somatic/emotional flashbacks are far more elusive and confusing than anyone describes it. I experience them, and I finally know how to identify them. I feel it is important to communicate my finding here. I’ll use my personal example. My trauma is being required to function at my age level as a child, in first grade. I was challenged to catch up to others, and I missed all the early developmental years from being in an orphanage. So, the emotional flashback, is that feeling of “frustrating challenge”, is applied to a current real life circumstance, like my participation in therapy. It literally feels like therapy is too challenging and too hard, present moment things become the blame for how I feel, not past circumstances. That’s an emotional flashback. It gets put into, projected, or taken from, real life present moment things. It makes you experience the present differently, it really doesn’t feel or look like a flashback at all! But it is!
Wow, thanks so much for your personal example! Yes, flashbacks certainly are real! Even just the experience of therapy can 'put us back' to old places where there was too much challenge and not enough support...and what an important thing to understand, so it doesn't feel like we aren't enough, but can realize we are in a younger state...
yeah, I agree, it doesn't feel like a flashback because there is no story, there is just feeling/sensation, a response to a signal. I think of it as more like a belief than a memory - this how the world is, how it feels to be in the world. I see triggers as part of a world-resources-perception map based on sensation experiences rather than location. Possibly because for me both the strongest 'exile' and 'protector' parts are pre-verbal and even come from before a sense of identity that is separate from a soup of sensations in general, so literally everything is blended into a holistic sense of world-self-other. In my case there is a feeling that of all being is fragile-explosive. I think the main protector is barely aware of itself as an older baby that can finally sit up and see what is happening, while emotionally grey-rocking everything like a huge snowy mountain 'just in case' someone else gets triggered somewhere in a huge range of audible hypervigilance. Going into 'mountain mode', silently becoming part of the landscape in an oversized yet invisible way. This is bad enough to re-experience after finally learning how to get out of it decades later. The scales feel large because as a baby the world was small. Only mountains are bigger than tsunamis of enmeshed dysregulation. 'If I have to be an outsized presence let me be that' was the 'logic' of the response. trying not to be an earthquake that leads to a flood of stress hormones in the world. It sounds kinda poetic I guess, a layer deeper than architypes that look like people, I find that humanising aspect of parts work a little foreign. For me finding out and recognizing the brainstem/deep-brain/back of the neck as the physical source of the 'protect' signal was really useful - the start of any reactivity to perceived threat and physical home base of the vagus nerves and ANS responses. With practice and attention you can feel the reaction start there as a buzz, before it hits the rest of your body. Then you can literally put a gentle hand on it and say 'hi, how are you' to one of the deepest, earliest parts of yourself. It's part of the spine, but also the flexible pre-bone midline, where the ball of cells start to shape you into a little shimmery fish shape in the womb. Adding this somatic aspect as it might help those looking for some lost early sense of calm self prior to a clear identity...
@@lilyl5492 Thanks for your post _ I to have big protector baby that bit mommy _and my mommy monster thought it best to bite me back. Your description " tsunamis of enmeshed regulation" describes this trauma experience for me.
Thank you for your insight and experience. This has really helped me To understand more what happens when I have a flashback at first I really Thought I was going crazy but know im starting to understand- thank you so much for your story ❤❤
Fantastic! The neurobiology of trauma 3:40 was so interesting that hippocampus fails to time stamp under high stress hormones and the untagged traumatic memory is felt as timeless and relevant to all current moments until treated. Great explanation
Finally! I've spent 3-4 years in therapy attempting to " regulate " my emotions and feeling shut down or shut up. My inner child is joyous to hear there is hope AND true healing . I like everything you said and the compassion you in your voice 😊
This is sooooo good! The last 5 years I have done some healing, etc. A few months ago, at the age of 68, some things happened that brought up deep trauma, even though I was not sure what was happening. I have tried to understand and connect with shadow work, inner child work, getting rid of my ego etc. I have just come across IFS and for the first time I feel this all makes sense and can find it workable for self-healing. And have already experienced some relief and beginning to feel love for myself. Thank you.
I have only just come across this today as was severely disregulated, why oh why when I asked for help did no one tell me about this. I’m so so glad to have come across this I too feel hope for healing for the first time in my life and I feel that my Higher Self must have brought me here for exactly what I needed to help heal me
Tori I can't think you enough. My mom is finally dealing with the trauma of her childhood. She starts therapy in a week And I show her your videos. She loves them. You bring so much knowledge. You helped me through a really hard time in my life And now you are helping her. I know that you were just a 7th grader when I met you, but even then there was something deeply calming and positive about you. You have a very special gift. Thank you for taking the time and energy to make these videos. I I have a feeling that they are helping so many people :)
Oh hey there, Stan!! So glad you mentioned the 7th grade connection so I could place your name with a person! I remember going to a dance with you and my feet LITERALLY not touching the floor the whole time! Ha! Anyway, gosh, so glad to be of help. Thank you so much for letting me know and for being so open to this information. I really appreciate the kind words :) Hope you are well...
I've been working with a therapist for the past couple of years who introduced me to IFS. Along the way I've read books by Richard Schwartz, Jay Early and others and watched a lot of videos and I have to say your explanation of IFS is the clearest and most helpful of them all. Well done!
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience. My personal therapist recommended Richard Schwartz and after a couple videos I found your series of IFS. I found your explanation very compassionate and clear and I was able to connect with it. I'm currently on video 4 and I feel overwhelming sadness listening to this video because much of what you have said has triggered my overwhelming sadness in the wounded part of me :( I now understand that it's only a part of me and its not my whole self and it gives me hope to unblend and heal my exiles and protectors. I was able to listen to the part of me and give space to express itself and now I feel more clear on how it's feeling and why. My protector was to hide how I was feeling, not to feel the sadness at all, push it away because of the fear of being alone with those strong feelings, and then the feelings of shame will follow. I now feel more courageous for when the wounded part of me triggers again to explore some more. This is why I say thank you. I start a 3 year BSC degree in Counselling and Physcotherapy in September and I will follow your work. I hope you find what you're looking for with this channel, it's fantastic work.
Thank you Doctor..I can't thank you enough.. You articulate such complex thoughts effortlessly and with so much ease..I wait for your videos..it's treat for my Eyes, ears and my heart. I can feel the healing inside me .you are changing my life..thank you a thousand times..I never knew this was possible for me
I want to say how much i appreciate your videos. My therapist and i are working on parts work and I tried to read/listen to the audio book for no bad parts. Unfortunately i would become overwhelmed and begin uncontrollably sobbing without an understanding as to why and gave up on the book. My therapist sent me your videos and it has helped me to develop a better understanding
I think this is one of the best explanations of the IFS system that ive ever come across. Thank you for putting it out there for free.. this will bless many hurting people and definitely better empower therapists. God bless you Tori and continue to use you as His vessel to bring healing in our broken world ❤
i do think some of my exiles aren’t just from childhood. I have some pretty traumatizing experiences in my early 20s that definitely became exiles. but the behaviors that led me to that trauma definitely stemmed from unresolved trauma from childhood & adolescence !
Wow what an incredible series. Thank you for putting the effort into creating such high quality content. I feel more comfortable now reading about IFS because I have a good overview and understanding from your videos.
I love your beautiful and simple way of explaining IFS, and especially the science behind it! It’s so fascinating. I so appreciate how you tie-in the experience of IFS with what is happening in the brain … and how our brains became wired like they are in the first place! Incredible video series! I’ve immersed myself in all things IFS over the last couple months, and it’s already changed my life and my way of thinking. I’ve read several books on IFS, watched dozens of podcasts and videos, and your series may be my favorite. Thank you, thank you, for doing this!
IFS is a system that I just found out about today, but it immediately articulates how I feel inside. Thank you for explaining this clearly so that I can explore it more. I feel like having this mental model will really improve my quality of life. I look forward to learning more about this system through your series. Thanks very much!
@@DrToriOlds I know you must be very busy, but in all my research about IFS, I've found lots of information ABOUT it, but I haven't really found anything that shows average joes like me how to apply it in our own lives (i.e. examples of how to apply it). If you happen to see this message, do you know of any resources that explain this? I've reached a bit of a dead end, but I'm still hopeful that I can work my way through this.
Wonderfully explained and so much wisdom, thank you. When it’s so difficult to access talking therapies here in the UK, having the tools to do some of the work yourself is a Godsend. Thank you for sharing.
I've come across some of your videos before but this one was really helpful as I'm coming to know a young exile but it felt overwhelming and as though it's bleeding into the present and frightening me/self, this also explains why managers/protectors have been around so long because they've been managing implicit memory/trauma
Gabrielle Bernstein mentions IFS in her book Happy Days. I looked it up for more clarification and found you! 🙂 Thank you SO much for putting this information out there. The way you very compassionately explain it makes so much sense & is extremely helpful! Especially the part about the complexities of emotional flashbacks. As soon as you spoke of the child self 😭 Thanks again!!
Just found your channel, and it was perfect timing, as I had to have an extra session today with my therapist to talk about this very topic. Been stuck in a depression of my child parts and we did some work to unblend and it was so relieving and your videos help me to hear the concepts over and over in a visual and scientific way as well as using the language of IFS so thank you so much
I love this - so well said. This is a good example of how to provide education in a helpful way. Your communication is gentle and clear, it is not condescending, and it is not overly clinical. I will check out more videos from you and maybe even use this particular one to help increase my client’s insight into their own trauma ❤
I recently had sound therapy with Reiki. I grew up with some pretty extensive trauma and during the session my infant self came up. Really fascinating stuff and a bit sad. At least now I know what it is. Thank you for your content. xoxo
Hi!!! You have touched a place that finally said YES YES!!! You're explanation is beautiful and your Transformation Series is my most shared resources with my clients.
It just has to be said. You, Dr. Tori Old's are a modern day Genius ! You like Elon Musk are so intelligent intellectual and wise, and understand ALL the tiny little minutia, nuances of consciousness and the operant of it. More than I have ever heard before at my 35 years on planet earth. I am so grateful to have found you, like Elon Musk, your kind are much needed on this chaotic planet. I wish you were my therapist as the chaotic cognitive dissonance I suffer with every day because of all my strange unintegrated parts sucks all my energy and causes I believe my CFS/ M.E. Myalgic encephalomyelitis. I am aware of this feat now and just don't have the E.Q. tools to calm down my rigid and locked-on hypervigilant nervous system. I think I'm an undiagnosed autistic and an empath. (side note; being a Scorpio doesn't help) Sigh. 😔
this video took me 2 hours to watch because i kept pausing to take notes on memories i was having. Learned about IFS a few weeks ago and i love it. Feeling alot lighter already and gaining alot of insights on my emotions and triggers. Thank you for the video
Thank you Dr Tory🌹 You are such an excellent teacher. I feel so hopeful about continuing my healing joirney. I love the IFS approach and the language. I listen. I feel. I learn. But like sweet rich fudge, sometimes i take just a morsel at a time.
It's all amazing. Lot of Aha! moments. I binge watched a lot of your videos. Everything resonates and explains exactly the same feelings and thoughts I had. Thank you so much! I would love to unblend from my child self, that is scared of attention, and shuts down when she has to speak. But all I am feeling is that this inner child wants to do everything in her power to prevent me from speaking normally. She messes up my words, puts my mind blank, so that I forget what I wanna say. It's a big problem for me, because most of my job is a speaker. So every time I am working with my clients, or just speak to anyone the inner child and my true self compete with each other. It's overwhelming. What can I do?
I totally get that. I have a similar part myself (though it only comes out in front of certain people...and not in front of a camera, thank goodness!). But I get the mind going blank thing. You know, I would really take time to develop a relationship with this part. The thing is, you probably have other parts that hate (or are at least annoyed with) the 'silencer'. So you have to work with that first, because only when you truly come with an open heart / mind to your silencing part will it reveal itself to you...and tell you what it LEARNED -- I mean what suffering did it learn to avoid by keeping you silent. It will be highly specific and clear ... and I'm sure 'discoverable' -- if you can really be patient and stay open (and maybe the help of a therapist would be good). You could even try working with a Coherence Therapy therapist if you can't find IFS, because they also work with discovering inner learnings that make sense of our behaviors. Hope this helps!! ;)
This is great, thank you! I utilize parts work with my clients and I love the way you convey the way that IFS works. Would love to check out your CEUs as well!
Thank you for so clearly and articulately explaining IFS. I have used it for awhile as a therapist but always benefit from further and subtler explanatory material. Working with parts is challenging!
Picked up on this at part 4 This might sound like a generalized assess Totally relevant, your opening minutes intro was excellent like understanding it's just a part not the whole that never had the chance to heal and on to the simple yet beautiful word and the example given, HOPE Starts, when?, then comes conscious distancing giving higher self space to step in, intervention. What a great video. Most of all, it good to know I'm not going crazy🤬😧🥺😡
Thank you so much for your videos! Curious about the brain bloom prints at the beginning of the video, those are gorgeous! Does the artist have their work online?
Really nice and clear. What if a person have a conviction lire 'i'm too ugly, i will be alone for the rest of my life' because of past bullying and can't differentiate the part fronte the present? is it toxic shame? How can I work with that?
That certainly does sound like toxic shame. You might need to have support for this piece (like of a therapist), but at some point the part of you that was bullied will probably need you to feel your support and care. As if you can see that part in the memory and see how your adult self feels towards him. You could start by imagining if some OTHER kid were being treated that way...how would you feel toward them? Would you jump in and bully him as well, or would you want to protect him and let him know he is lovable. I'll be putting up some videos on self compassion over the next month or so...so maybe keep an eye out for those?
Hello I’ve just discovered ifs and tryna fix myself. Thank you so much for this vid! Lookin forward to exploring. I feel like it’s so interesting the wounded child still exists in an adult. Like the moment is concurrent to the person in the present.wonder if there’s an argument to explore for non linear time in this
I would like to understand more about the feelings in the body. Sometimes i'm triggered over something so small. I can't explain it to someone, because it doesn't make sense even to me. Something slightly awkward happens, my whole confidence is shot.. then I start to think, no one likes me, and I immediately stop enjoying myself and feel useless.
I do feel IFS should have a bit of a different approach to people who have been living with their trauma issues for 40+ years though. That's 40+ years of protectors and firefighters who have had their way, and I think they act out more forcefully when they feel threatened with losing the only job they know. A 65 year old living with the shameful feelings of her 17 year old self... that's tough. But your voice came through in a way that books and therapist sessions haven't. You got her to really understand the WHY that an exile is created. She was actually taking notes, asking to pause the video, going back... unlike therapy sessions where she just wants to get to the end. We'll follow this one up with your "How do experiences shape your identity" video, in which you brilliantly explain how, what someone may feel intense shame for in their past, may have been, to their brain, a choice of the lesser of two evils. That may be the best undoing of someone's need for shame that I've ever seen. Thank you!
Hopefully I'll get that video up soon! Sorry about that!! If you happen to have the book 'Unlocking the Emotional Brain' (really good read!), it is on page 115 ;)
Your videos are wonderful. I've been going through brainspotting for the past year for childhood trauma. Can you please do a video on brain spotting and your thoughts on it. EMDR did not work for me. Thank you
You know, I don't know a ton about brainspotting, though I just watched a demo session my friend did with brainspotting (himself as the demo client), and it certainly seems pretty cool. He did the demo as part of a website that overviews all sorts of experiential therapies, but the specific page for BS is here: www.experiential-psychotherapies.com/brainspotting
@@DrToriOlds thank you Doctor Tori. I feel like brainspotting has alleviated my anxiety somewhat but I think internal family systems is going to do better with my trauma. I hope you have a great weekend.
Can I ask a silly question? What is a Self, and where is it Selfhood and Adult Self too. In the words of Keith Richards, it's sometimes wise not to grow up. Thanks for your teaching, it make me think of us all. ❤
I'm having a really hard time grasping this modality. It's something that my current therapist is moving me towards so I'm trying to get a grip on it. The whole conversation for lack of a better word that takes place between all of these different areas of yourself doesn't sound like it lends itself to something you can do while doing something if that makes any sense If i were going about my daily life and suddenly feel that I'm experiencing some strong emotions or something it seems like I would have to pause everything for an indefinite amount of time while this sort of drawn-out conversation and negotiation takes place internally
I was a tiny bit skeptical going into this because I've worked so much with therapies that set up dialogues between different 'parts' before: gestalt and transactional analysis, as well as the general psychodynamic idea of taking on the superego bully. I think a vey key difference here is the idea of 'no bad parts' and therefore no need for conflict, where gestalt, for instance, seems to assume there will be conflict initially and that that's even valuable. I've never really found that to be so. Furthermore, that's probably because to treat such parts as implacably vicious authority figures, as per the standard understanding of the superego, is just a wildly off-beam category error given that they are really the product of early childhood developmental stages. The idea of approaching a part with compassion, seeking understanding, and recognising the valiance and integrity of its attempt to solve a real problem, reminded me instantly of Ross Green's book 'The Explosive Child,' a parenting book aimed at the parents of kids with conditions like ASD and ADHD (though really I think it's something from which all parents - and non-parents - can benefit). Green lays out a brilliantly effective protocol for opening dialogue with the child, and I've been using it with beautiful, dramatically relieving results in the last couple of days to meet, get to know and work with my protectors and exiles. Happy to summarise Green's method if anyone's interested. Or you could just buy and read the book, which is very short and clear. Not that different from what's laid out here, but for me a helpful sort of systematisation of it. More generally, I'm so glad you're here doing this, Tori, and only wish I could have found it sooner. Early days and I guess it's possible I may have to eat my words, but it really feels like this is what I've desperately needed for decades. Happy to have found it, but also looks like I'm going to want to work through some serious grief about living with its absence for so long - and seeing so many others do the same.
Thanks for the thoughtful reflections. I’ll have to check out Green’s protocol. I love your creative use of taking some methods used for children and using them with your own parts. And yes, I agree that starting with the assumption that there are no bad parts (similar to the idea of “coherence” that I’m beginning to explain more in the coherence therapy series) is essential. Really essential. And just scientifically / philosophically more grounded too, I believe. Thanks again for your thoughts!! Warmly, Tori
From my lived experiences sometimes parts need to blend to heal. Need to blend to feel fully accepted by us. Especially exiles. That's not to say we allow them to take over, but blending is not counter-productive if we can retain boundaries of appropriate behavior.
![[4K] Watch SpaceX Catch A Starship Rocket From Space!!! #IFT5](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pIKI7y3DTXk/mqdefault.jpg)
It can't be overstated how well you explain these concepts. Honestly better than Dr. Richard Schwartz. I'm excited for your channel to blow up and help people.
OH, that's nice to hear!! Thank you so much for the kind message!!! :)
I agree, Im watching the videos this afternoon and appreciating how well you articulate not only the concept of IFS, but the process individuals experience. Thank you.
@@DrToriOlds I agree with Philosopher Scholar...you do a remarkably exquisite job of articulating in a clear way, what many presenters/trainers struggle with communicating. You break down/translate what can be a difficult language for individuals to understand. I am trained in IFS, and use it as a tool with other therapies supporting people on their healing journey. So, thank you, Dr. Olds, keep up the good work.
YES!!!
Agree with this comment completely. Much clearer to me than Dr. Schwartz's Greater than the Sum of Parts audio I just listened to. Thank you for thoughtfully producing this series, Dr. Olds!
The world needs more gentle and compassionate doctors like Dr Tori. 🌻
Yes ❤
Somatic/emotional flashbacks are far more elusive and confusing than anyone describes it. I experience them, and I finally know how to identify them. I feel it is important to communicate my finding here. I’ll use my personal example. My trauma is being required to function at my age level as a child, in first grade. I was challenged to catch up to others, and I missed all the early developmental years from being in an orphanage. So, the emotional flashback, is that feeling of “frustrating challenge”, is applied to a current real life circumstance, like my participation in therapy. It literally feels like therapy is too challenging and too hard, present moment things become the blame for how I feel, not past circumstances. That’s an emotional flashback. It gets put into, projected, or taken from, real life present moment things. It makes you experience the present differently, it really doesn’t feel or look like a flashback at all! But it is!
Wow, thanks so much for your personal example! Yes, flashbacks certainly are real! Even just the experience of therapy can 'put us back' to old places where there was too much challenge and not enough support...and what an important thing to understand, so it doesn't feel like we aren't enough, but can realize we are in a younger state...
yeah, I agree, it doesn't feel like a flashback because there is no story, there is just feeling/sensation, a response to a signal. I think of it as more like a belief than a memory - this how the world is, how it feels to be in the world. I see triggers as part of a world-resources-perception map based on sensation experiences rather than location. Possibly because for me both the strongest 'exile' and 'protector' parts are pre-verbal and even come from before a sense of identity that is separate from a soup of sensations in general, so literally everything is blended into a holistic sense of world-self-other.
In my case there is a feeling that of all being is fragile-explosive. I think the main protector is barely aware of itself as an older baby that can finally sit up and see what is happening, while emotionally grey-rocking everything like a huge snowy mountain 'just in case' someone else gets triggered somewhere in a huge range of audible hypervigilance. Going into 'mountain mode', silently becoming part of the landscape in an oversized yet invisible way. This is bad enough to re-experience after finally learning how to get out of it decades later. The scales feel large because as a baby the world was small. Only mountains are bigger than tsunamis of enmeshed dysregulation. 'If I have to be an outsized presence let me be that' was the 'logic' of the response. trying not to be an earthquake that leads to a flood of stress hormones in the world. It sounds kinda poetic I guess, a layer deeper than architypes that look like people, I find that humanising aspect of parts work a little foreign.
For me finding out and recognizing the brainstem/deep-brain/back of the neck as the physical source of the 'protect' signal was really useful - the start of any reactivity to perceived threat and physical home base of the vagus nerves and ANS responses. With practice and attention you can feel the reaction start there as a buzz, before it hits the rest of your body. Then you can literally put a gentle hand on it and say 'hi, how are you' to one of the deepest, earliest parts of yourself. It's part of the spine, but also the flexible pre-bone midline, where the ball of cells start to shape you into a little shimmery fish shape in the womb. Adding this somatic aspect as it might help those looking for some lost early sense of calm self prior to a clear identity...
Agree 100%. I was having strong reactions to things & not really understanding why.
It makes sense now.
@@lilyl5492 Thanks for your post _ I to have big protector baby that bit mommy _and my mommy monster thought it best to bite me back. Your description " tsunamis of enmeshed regulation" describes this trauma experience for me.
Thank you for your insight and experience. This has really helped me
To understand more what happens when I have a flashback at first I really
Thought I was going crazy but know im starting to understand- thank you so much for your story ❤❤
Fantastic! The neurobiology of trauma 3:40 was so interesting that hippocampus fails to time stamp under high stress hormones and the untagged traumatic memory is felt as timeless and relevant to all current moments until treated. Great explanation
Yes!! I have wondered about that for so long and now it makes sense!!
May be an uncomfortable confluence w/ the staggering rates of Dementia and/or Alzheimer's disease(s)? Intergenerational trauma 's tentacles after all?
Finally! I've spent 3-4 years in therapy attempting to " regulate " my emotions and feeling shut down or shut up. My inner child is joyous to hear there is hope AND true healing . I like everything you said and the compassion you in your voice 😊
This is sooooo good! The last 5 years I have done some healing, etc. A few months ago, at the age of 68, some things happened that brought up deep trauma, even though I was not sure what was happening. I have tried to understand and connect with shadow work, inner child work, getting rid of my ego etc. I have just come across IFS and for the first time I feel this all makes sense and can find it workable for self-healing. And have already experienced some relief and beginning to feel love for myself. Thank you.
Me as well!!been a couple weeks and wow!what a journey
I have only just come across this today as was severely disregulated, why oh why when I asked for help did no one tell me about this. I’m so so glad to have come across this I too feel hope for healing for the first time in my life and I feel that my Higher Self must have brought me here for exactly what I needed to help heal me
Tori I can't think you enough. My mom is finally dealing with the trauma of her childhood. She starts therapy in a week And I show her your videos. She loves them. You bring so much knowledge. You helped me through a really hard time in my life And now you are helping her. I know that you were just a 7th grader when I met you, but even then there was something deeply calming and positive about you. You have a very special gift. Thank you for taking the time and energy to make these videos. I I have a feeling that they are helping so many people :)
Oh hey there, Stan!! So glad you mentioned the 7th grade connection so I could place your name with a person! I remember going to a dance with you and my feet LITERALLY not touching the floor the whole time! Ha! Anyway, gosh, so glad to be of help. Thank you so much for letting me know and for being so open to this information. I really appreciate the kind words :) Hope you are well...
I've been working with a therapist for the past couple of years who introduced me to IFS. Along the way I've read books by Richard Schwartz, Jay Early and others and watched a lot of videos and I have to say your explanation of IFS is the clearest and most helpful of them all. Well done!
Oh, that's lovely to hear!! Thanks so much for taking the time to tell me, Joe!! I truly appreciate it :)
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience. My personal therapist recommended Richard Schwartz and after a couple videos I found your series of IFS. I found your explanation very compassionate and clear and I was able to connect with it. I'm currently on video 4 and I feel overwhelming sadness listening to this video because much of what you have said has triggered my overwhelming sadness in the wounded part of me :( I now understand that it's only a part of me and its not my whole self and it gives me hope to unblend and heal my exiles and protectors. I was able to listen to the part of me and give space to express itself and now I feel more clear on how it's feeling and why. My protector was to hide how I was feeling, not to feel the sadness at all, push it away because of the fear of being alone with those strong feelings, and then the feelings of shame will follow. I now feel more courageous for when the wounded part of me triggers again to explore some more. This is why I say thank you. I start a 3 year BSC degree in Counselling and Physcotherapy in September and I will follow your work. I hope you find what you're looking for with this channel, it's fantastic work.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It's great to know it's been useful for you. 😊
Thank you Doctor..I can't thank you enough.. You articulate such complex thoughts effortlessly and with so much ease..I wait for your videos..it's treat for my Eyes, ears and my heart. I can feel the healing inside me .you are changing my life..thank you a thousand times..I never knew this was possible for me
Wow...thank you so much for these kind words. They really made my day!! Means a lot...thank you ;)
I completely agree.
@@DrToriOlds it’s cuz she “passionate” about it!
The way you explain unblending from exiles and protectors really helps me know the foundation of these principles in my bones. Thank you! I 💗 IFS!
Thanks Lisa! You're awesome! ;)
The best explanation of all You are magnificent
Please Tori come back, with lots of learning. Your education is so clear and wise. You are a blessing for me!
Hello how are you doing today?
I want to say how much i appreciate your videos. My therapist and i are working on parts work and I tried to read/listen to the audio book for no bad parts. Unfortunately i would become overwhelmed and begin uncontrollably sobbing without an understanding as to why and gave up on the book. My therapist sent me your videos and it has helped me to develop a better understanding
I recognize compassion and love in your eyes. You're are talking from your true self and that is shining clearly on the video. Thank you
It’s such a joy to read your comment! I’m thrilled that this content has been helpful to you. 💛
Dr. you are a genius of synthesizing analyzing breaking down very complex concepts and making them really simple
Dr Olds you remind me of Miss Honey from Matilda! Your voice is all the therapy I personally need 😅 Most soothing voice ever.
I think this is one of the best explanations of the IFS system that ive ever come across.
Thank you for putting it out there for free.. this will bless many hurting people and definitely better empower therapists.
God bless you Tori and continue to use you as His vessel to bring healing in our broken world ❤
i do think some of my exiles aren’t just from childhood. I have some pretty traumatizing experiences in my early 20s that definitely became exiles. but the behaviors that led me to that trauma definitely stemmed from unresolved trauma from childhood & adolescence !
Holy moley this just blew my mind! This literally JUST happened. And I’ve been reading No Bad Parts, but this explained it so much better. Thank you 😮
Not only is the information on this channel golden, the production quality is fantastic lately too.
Thanks for saying so! I really appreciate it ;)
@@DrToriOlds Truly!
@@77dris :)
Dr. Tori, your talent as a teacher is beyond exceptional. Thank you!
Wow what an incredible series. Thank you for putting the effort into creating such high quality content. I feel more comfortable now reading about IFS because I have a good overview and understanding from your videos.
Wow, thank you! 😊🧡
I love your beautiful and simple way of explaining IFS, and especially the science behind it! It’s so fascinating. I so appreciate how you tie-in the experience of IFS with what is happening in the brain … and how our brains became wired like they are in the first place! Incredible video series!
I’ve immersed myself in all things IFS over the last couple months, and it’s already changed my life and my way of thinking. I’ve read several books on IFS, watched dozens of podcasts and videos, and your series may be my favorite. Thank you, thank you, for doing this!
Thank you so much! I’m thrilled that the series has resonated with you and that IFS has made such a positive impact on your life. 😊
This is so inspiring. The recent developments around memory reconsolidation and parts therapy makes me want to become a therapist.
I love listening to your teachings Dr Olds.
Thank youm
I am happy to know you like them! 😁
@@DrToriOlds your voice is particularly soft and your method of teaching is very gentle.
I learn a lot from just listening to you.
Pure inspiration.
IFS is a system that I just found out about today, but it immediately articulates how I feel inside. Thank you for explaining this clearly so that I can explore it more. I feel like having this mental model will really improve my quality of life. I look forward to learning more about this system through your series. Thanks very much!
You're so welcome, and I'm so glad you found benefit in these ideas! That's great! ;)
@@DrToriOlds I know you must be very busy, but in all my research about IFS, I've found lots of information ABOUT it, but I haven't really found anything that shows average joes like me how to apply it in our own lives (i.e. examples of how to apply it). If you happen to see this message, do you know of any resources that explain this? I've reached a bit of a dead end, but I'm still hopeful that I can work my way through this.
7:00 Super crucial neurological reason for feelings from trauma feeling as if happening now
Thanks for commenting on that!
This is one of the most profound video I’ve watched! Thank you!!!
thank you doctor, your explain very simple ,very easy to understand
Wonderfully explained and so much wisdom, thank you. When it’s so difficult to access talking therapies here in the UK, having the tools to do some of the work yourself is a Godsend. Thank you for sharing.
I've come across some of your videos before but this one was really helpful as I'm coming to know a young exile but it felt overwhelming and as though it's bleeding into the present and frightening me/self, this also explains why managers/protectors have been around so long because they've been managing implicit memory/trauma
Gabrielle Bernstein mentions IFS in her book Happy Days. I looked it up for more clarification and found you! 🙂
Thank you SO much for putting this information out there. The way you very compassionately explain it makes so much sense & is extremely helpful! Especially the part about the complexities of emotional flashbacks.
As soon as you spoke of the child self 😭 Thanks again!!
You have such a beautiful soothing voice.
Oh, that's nice to hear! ;)
Just found your channel, and it was perfect timing, as I had to have an extra session today with my therapist to talk about this very topic. Been stuck in a depression of my child parts and we did some work to unblend and it was so relieving and your videos help me to hear the concepts over and over in a visual and scientific way as well as using the language of IFS so thank you so much
So glad to hear that!! Thank you!!
I love this - so well said. This is a good example of how to provide education in a helpful way. Your communication is gentle and clear, it is not condescending, and it is not overly clinical. I will check out more videos from you and maybe even use this particular one to help increase my client’s insight into their own trauma ❤
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad to hear that the content has been helpful to you.
I recently had sound therapy with Reiki. I grew up with some pretty extensive trauma and during the session my infant self came up. Really fascinating stuff and a bit sad. At least now I know what it is. Thank you for your content. xoxo
Thank you for your support and for sharing your experience! It's great to know it's been useful for you.
Loved this. Broken down really well. Loved your compassionate delivery of this.
Thank you!! Really appreciate that :)
Very clear description
Your explanation is very clarifying, Tori. Thank you for your videos, they're so supportive of my healing!
I’m glad to know that the content is helping you on your journey!
Thank you so much for explaining how trauma affects us and unblending from it in such an easy, gentle and caring way - this is so helpful ❤️
sooo appreciate your intelligent and clear teaching.
This changed my life, thank you.
Glad I could help! 💚
Great your music too! as well as such a helpful explanation thanks Tori!
Hi!!! You have touched a place that finally said YES YES!!! You're explanation is beautiful and your Transformation Series is my most shared resources with my clients.
Hello how are you doing today?
It just has to be said. You, Dr. Tori Old's are a modern day Genius ! You like Elon Musk are so intelligent intellectual and wise, and understand ALL the tiny little minutia, nuances of consciousness and the operant of it. More than I have ever heard before at my 35 years on planet earth. I am so grateful to have found you, like Elon Musk, your kind are much needed on this chaotic planet. I wish you were my therapist as the chaotic cognitive dissonance I suffer with every day because of all my strange unintegrated parts sucks all my energy and causes I believe my CFS/ M.E. Myalgic encephalomyelitis. I am aware of this feat now and just don't have the E.Q. tools to calm down my rigid and locked-on hypervigilant nervous system. I think I'm an undiagnosed autistic and an empath. (side note; being a Scorpio doesn't help) Sigh. 😔
this video took me 2 hours to watch because i kept pausing to take notes on memories i was having. Learned about IFS a few weeks ago and i love it. Feeling alot lighter already and gaining alot of insights on my emotions and triggers. Thank you for the video
Me too … exactly. It’s fantastic. So many notes and eye-opening explanations!
Thank you for your support and for sharing your experience! It's great to know it's been useful for you. 😊
Thank you Dr Tory🌹
You are such an excellent teacher. I feel so hopeful about continuing my healing joirney.
I love the IFS approach and the language.
I listen. I feel. I learn.
But like sweet rich fudge, sometimes i take just a morsel at a time.
Thank you so much for this!! I´m so grateful I found these videos!
It makes me happy to know you find value in what I share!
Dr Tori, you have a beautiful way of explaining things!
Hello how are you doing today?
This is such a dope series!
Thank you so much for this!!
Thank you and bravo for your beautiful, clear and helpful videos on IFS and on AEDP ! I am looking forward watching other videos from you!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad to hear that the content has been helpful to you. 😊
It's all amazing. Lot of Aha! moments. I binge watched a lot of your videos. Everything resonates and explains exactly the same feelings and thoughts I had. Thank you so much! I would love to unblend from my child self, that is scared of attention, and shuts down when she has to speak. But all I am feeling is that this inner child wants to do everything in her power to prevent me from speaking normally. She messes up my words, puts my mind blank, so that I forget what I wanna say. It's a big problem for me, because most of my job is a speaker. So every time I am working with my clients, or just speak to anyone the inner child and my true self compete with each other. It's overwhelming. What can I do?
I totally get that. I have a similar part myself (though it only comes out in front of certain people...and not in front of a camera, thank goodness!). But I get the mind going blank thing. You know, I would really take time to develop a relationship with this part. The thing is, you probably have other parts that hate (or are at least annoyed with) the 'silencer'. So you have to work with that first, because only when you truly come with an open heart / mind to your silencing part will it reveal itself to you...and tell you what it LEARNED -- I mean what suffering did it learn to avoid by keeping you silent. It will be highly specific and clear ... and I'm sure 'discoverable' -- if you can really be patient and stay open (and maybe the help of a therapist would be good). You could even try working with a Coherence Therapy therapist if you can't find IFS, because they also work with discovering inner learnings that make sense of our behaviors. Hope this helps!! ;)
@@DrToriOlds Thank you Dr. Tori.
This is great, thank you! I utilize parts work with my clients and I love the way you convey the way that IFS works. Would love to check out your CEUs as well!
Hello how are you doing today?
I feel better just watching this video, thank you😊
1:36 unblending
1:51 protectors
3:00 wounded or exiled, vs protectors
09:45 name it to tame it strategies for truama flashbacks
this video helped me make an informed decision between two EMDR therapists i'm interested in working with - thank you!
Beautifully explained.
Glad it was helpful!
So beautifully explained . You are a blessing ❤
Thank you so much!
Thank you for so clearly and articulately explaining IFS. I have used it for awhile as a therapist but always benefit from further and subtler explanatory material. Working with parts is challenging!
Wow, this is better than the book. Thank you for this series, it is so well explained!
That's great to hear! Thanks for the supportive comment! ;)
Clearly explained the concept. Thank you so much.
You are so good at this!!
Tori, This series is interesting, helpful and overall wonderful. Thank you!
You're welcome! ;)
This is lovely🙏thank you💟
Thanks for listening
Thank you for this information I think I really needed to stumble apon this.
Picked up on this at part 4 This might sound like a generalized assess
Totally relevant, your opening minutes intro was excellent like understanding it's just a part not the whole that never had the chance to heal and on to the simple yet beautiful word and the example given, HOPE
Starts, when?, then comes conscious distancing giving higher self space to step in, intervention.
What a great video. Most of all, it good to know I'm not going crazy🤬😧🥺😡
This helped me right now.thank you, thank you
I’m glad to know that the content is helping you on your journey!
Extrêmement intéressant et très bien communiqué!
Really simplifies amazingly complex stuff. Amazing! Thank you Tori!
You explain things so wonderfully. Thank you so much for your videos. You are helping so many people in such a profound way.,
This is amazing content
Thank you so much for your videos! Curious about the brain bloom prints at the beginning of the video, those are gorgeous! Does the artist have their work online?
thank you for the soft spoken validation and teaching
Amazing video Dr. Tori....THANK YOU!
Thanks so much for saying so!! :)
Really nice and clear. What if a person have a conviction lire 'i'm too ugly, i will be alone for the rest of my life' because of past bullying and can't differentiate the part fronte the present? is it toxic shame? How can I work with that?
That certainly does sound like toxic shame. You might need to have support for this piece (like of a therapist), but at some point the part of you that was bullied will probably need you to feel your support and care. As if you can see that part in the memory and see how your adult self feels towards him. You could start by imagining if some OTHER kid were being treated that way...how would you feel toward them? Would you jump in and bully him as well, or would you want to protect him and let him know he is lovable. I'll be putting up some videos on self compassion over the next month or so...so maybe keep an eye out for those?
Great explanation! Please make more
This was very reassuring
Hello I’ve just discovered ifs and tryna fix myself. Thank you so much for this vid! Lookin forward to exploring.
I feel like it’s so interesting the wounded child still exists in an adult. Like the moment is concurrent to the person in the present.wonder if there’s an argument to explore for non linear time in this
I would like to understand more about the feelings in the body.
Sometimes i'm triggered over something so small. I can't explain it to someone, because it doesn't make sense even to me. Something slightly awkward happens, my whole confidence is shot.. then I start to think, no one likes me, and I immediately stop enjoying myself and feel useless.
I can relate to what you are saying. I am just going to listen to a lot of your videos and see if they all fit together.
I love the way you explain things
I do feel IFS should have a bit of a different approach to people who have been living with their trauma issues for 40+ years though. That's 40+ years of protectors and firefighters who have had their way, and I think they act out more forcefully when they feel threatened with losing the only job they know. A 65 year old living with the shameful feelings of her 17 year old self... that's tough. But your voice came through in a way that books and therapist sessions haven't. You got her to really understand the WHY that an exile is created. She was actually taking notes, asking to pause the video, going back... unlike therapy sessions where she just wants to get to the end.
We'll follow this one up with your "How do experiences shape your identity" video, in which you brilliantly explain how, what someone may feel intense shame for in their past, may have been, to their brain, a choice of the lesser of two evils. That may be the best undoing of someone's need for shame that I've ever seen. Thank you!
Cptsd...all my life....the triggers are enormous....i can breathe, relax my way out of it.... but very debilitating....dysregulation....
THIS IS SOOOO GOOD. happy i came across your channel. a huge follow from me.
Hello how are you doing today?
Such a valuable video, thank you!
Thanks Scott!! Appreciate you ;)
Wonderful series, thank you for sharing! You mentioned an exercise "I'm in memory" but I can't seem to find it linked... it sounds really interesting.
Hopefully I'll get that video up soon! Sorry about that!! If you happen to have the book 'Unlocking the Emotional Brain' (really good read!), it is on page 115 ;)
Dr. Olds, this video is so well done. Thank you.
Your videos are wonderful. I've been going through brainspotting for the past year for childhood trauma. Can you please do a video on brain spotting and your thoughts on it. EMDR did not work for me. Thank you
You know, I don't know a ton about brainspotting, though I just watched a demo session my friend did with brainspotting (himself as the demo client), and it certainly seems pretty cool. He did the demo as part of a website that overviews all sorts of experiential therapies, but the specific page for BS is here: www.experiential-psychotherapies.com/brainspotting
@@DrToriOlds thank you Doctor Tori. I feel like brainspotting has alleviated my anxiety somewhat but I think internal family systems is going to do better with my trauma. I hope you have a great weekend.
@@maryattkisson2873 Hello how are you doing today?
Can I ask a silly question?
What is a Self, and where is it
Selfhood and Adult Self too.
In the words of Keith Richards, it's sometimes wise not to grow up.
Thanks for your teaching, it make me think of us all. ❤
I'm having a really hard time grasping this modality. It's something that my current therapist is moving me towards so I'm trying to get a grip on it. The whole conversation for lack of a better word that takes place between all of these different areas of yourself doesn't sound like it lends itself to something you can do while doing something if that makes any sense
If i were going about my daily life and suddenly feel that I'm experiencing some strong emotions or something it seems like I would have to pause everything for an indefinite amount of time while this sort of drawn-out conversation and negotiation takes place internally
So so great. Thanks for bringing this work out to the world!
Hello how are you doing today?
Thanks very much 😊
Thank you Dr. can you provide me resources where I can locate a IFS therapist in Southern California who can provide video therapy?
Great Stuff TOri.
I wish I'd had this in the emergency phase. It might have really helped.
This was powerful.
Thank you for your clarifying video. I dont see the link to the "Im in memory" exercise. I appreciate if you can help me find it. Thank you
Thanks for this! Is the link to the Coherence Therapy "I'm in memory" exercise you mention somewhere I can't see in the description?
I was a tiny bit skeptical going into this because I've worked so much with therapies that set up dialogues between different 'parts' before: gestalt and transactional analysis, as well as the general psychodynamic idea of taking on the superego bully.
I think a vey key difference here is the idea of 'no bad parts' and therefore no need for conflict, where gestalt, for instance, seems to assume there will be conflict initially and that that's even valuable. I've never really found that to be so. Furthermore, that's probably because to treat such parts as implacably vicious authority figures, as per the standard understanding of the superego, is just a wildly off-beam category error given that they are really the product of early childhood developmental stages.
The idea of approaching a part with compassion, seeking understanding, and recognising the valiance and integrity of its attempt to solve a real problem, reminded me instantly of Ross Green's book 'The Explosive Child,' a parenting book aimed at the parents of kids with conditions like ASD and ADHD (though really I think it's something from which all parents - and non-parents - can benefit).
Green lays out a brilliantly effective protocol for opening dialogue with the child, and I've been using it with beautiful, dramatically relieving results in the last couple of days to meet, get to know and work with my protectors and exiles. Happy to summarise Green's method if anyone's interested. Or you could just buy and read the book, which is very short and clear. Not that different from what's laid out here, but for me a helpful sort of systematisation of it.
More generally, I'm so glad you're here doing this, Tori, and only wish I could have found it sooner. Early days and I guess it's possible I may have to eat my words, but it really feels like this is what I've desperately needed for decades. Happy to have found it, but also looks like I'm going to want to work through some serious grief about living with its absence for so long - and seeing so many others do the same.
Thanks for the thoughtful reflections. I’ll have to check out Green’s protocol. I love your creative use of taking some methods used for children and using them with your own parts. And yes, I agree that starting with the assumption that there are no bad parts (similar to the idea of “coherence” that I’m beginning to explain more in the coherence therapy series) is essential. Really essential. And just scientifically / philosophically more grounded too, I believe. Thanks again for your thoughts!! Warmly, Tori
From my lived experiences sometimes parts need to blend to heal. Need to blend to feel fully accepted by us. Especially exiles. That's not to say we allow them to take over, but blending is not counter-productive if we can retain boundaries of appropriate behavior.