Like you, I had never even heard the term triangulation and had no clue what it was. However, my ex Covert Narc began using this form of manipulation at the very beginning of our relationship! He would pit me against and compare me to his former fiancée and other girlfriends from his past. After we married, he would compare me to female coworkers and other women always making me feel less than. Of course, there was the intermittent love bombing to salve the wounds and keep me trauma bonded. I so wish I had known about narcissism fifty years ago! Gladly, after a very long and mostly miserable marriage, I divorced him and am now married to the man of my dreams! My husband is a complete 180 degrees from the ex and the most loving, supportive, kind, generous man I could ever have imagined. There is life after leaving a narcissist. Don’t wait because they never change!
There should be a course on this in high school. Yes the triangulation never got to me I saw it for what it was and did not take the bait in 5 years. He was quite shocked I think, but I was not going to make a fool of myself and fly off into a jealous rage or anything, I mean I am not 18. He tried everything to have me in public get into a catfight with some low vibration woman he was probably messing around with, it didn't happen. So when it finally all blew up I could hold my head up high and just walk. He couldn't point at me and say "see she is crazy" what a shame. A year later I can look back and see it so clearly. As soon as he lost control that was it. Loving my new narc-free life.
Be selfish for your best self or you will never heal Be not jealous or hurt over the stupid game that’s already rigged to destroy you Thank you Paula 💐🙏
I was triangulated all throughout the relationship with every single woman he knew even if it was a fling…the phone would ring in middle of night, he would get a text, he would go to kitchen at 3 am….yuck,….what miserable beings…I am so blessed so blessed to have escaped this crazy making relationship. Oh Paula… we should celebrate our victories. I seriously pray for the uneducated people who end up as victims … our world is full of narcissists …spreading the awareness has made me realize how many there are everywhere… Maintain boundaries everyone. Be vigilant. Don’t share anything with strangers till you know them really really well and you feel comfortable with them.🙏🏻Thank you again for an amazing detailed video. Ps …in my opinion…they are running rampant in the world. It is sad but it’s becoming a true reality.
Ditto!!! All through our marriage. And now he has a little girlfriend who he refuses to publicly acknowledge his gf, but she is his minion and has been for a few years. Sadly, I have to see this all happen and so do my sweet kids. Their dad is a creep. I hope his new supply will see the light. He thinks I'm jealous. He loves to use "we" and "our" about her, thinking it will bother me. Yet he devalues her by calling the business they own together "HIS" business and calls her his employee. Thanks to channels like this and you beautiful souls, I just see it as his attenpt at trianulation and manipulation. I pray I can pass wisdom on to my kids.
They truly are disgusting. I have seen this game time and again with these creeps. My ex husband constantly did this and I worked as an addictions counsellor for a few years and the narcissist addicts used this tactic to pit the counsellors against each other just for fun. Real creeps.. Thanks Paula for such a good explanation of this. God bless!
You explain things amazingly. Yes they triangulate us with family members and even their friends too! They keep everybody separate, the amount of times I would go out with mine and his family would say wierd things to me...like not very nice things and I would be stumped, people start looking at you like your a completely different person, he somehow managed to explain it away and they never told me why they said what they said to me when I asked!, his family is like a cult, I honestly think alot of them are narcs too,I felt crazy because he had smeared me during the relationship and I didnt know what was going on. Some of them arent narcs and they get pulled in at the discard too and have absolutely no idea that theyve just thrown you away like garbage because the narcs smeared you and because they live completely double lives these people have absolutely no idea but it hurts more because you think they are ganging up to make you feel worse but infact sone of them dont actually know. They are so evil and sick, they make people hate us and believe their lies and so these people are used to triangulate us and they dont even know that is what's happening!. They also triangulate with lies about us, for example while they are smearing us of course then those people start disliking us and they actually get a hit of supply from watching you wonder why on earth people are treating you so rotten x
I feel the same way about my ex’s family!!! I literally can’t believe they believe his lies of being this victim. I supported him and took care of him for 6 years, yet I ended up being this monster that wouldn’t allow him to succeed in life. Yet he was using my vehicle, living off me for free, wouldn’t get a job and when he did get a job, he would leave me without a vehicle until like 3am (I have 4 kids)!! He wasn’t at work!!! So then it was my fault he couldn’t keep a job because I was “jealous” and wouldn’t let him work. I just wanted my van at home and his lies were relentless!! Even when I found physical proof of his lies, he still blamed it on me, it was my fault that he did those things because my jealousy pushed him to do it. And I don’t care if his family still thinks he’s the victim, the truth will come out eventually with everything!!! They’re all totally a cult like group and probably all narcissists!!!
None of them know the narcissist,most people are too self absorbed to work them out and those enablers are the ones we ho allow the abuse and the cycles to continue. I can't stand the narcs circle,I think they are horrible selfish people,
It is for this very reason, triangulation, that if I date a woman who has ex’s, or an ex, randomly contacting them or vice versa, without any real explanation that is valid .. I end the relationship .. I don’t need it in MY life .. if they aren’t mature enough to put what is supposed to be the past where it belongs and in the box it belongs … they’re not for me. My first exposure to triangulation was when I had my very first serious relationship (is any relationship with a narc serious (for them)) and she was a covert malignant narc and frighteningly brilliant academically successfully made me feel jealous and I came to the conclusion I was a jealous man and I hated the feeling .. finally the unending weirdness with hidden (but not too hidden) triangulation with her ex bf convinced me to end it permanently even though I ‘loved’ her but was really trauma bonded .. never felt so “off” since and was never jealous like that again .. in fact, my lack of jealousy in relationships since then seemed to bother the women I had a relationship with and they wondered about me not being that way .. simple answer was they didn’t give me any feelings of jealousy with their behavior .. overt or covert and if they did produce or induce those feelings in me without remedy .. poof .. it’s over
My ex made me feel the exact same way!!! He would do things that weren’t normal, sending and receiving naked pics with other females, take a fresh pair of clothes with him to “work” so he wouldn’t return until 3am with my van; they list goes on. Then I was the jealous crazy one because I pushed him to do those things or then he couldn’t work because of my jealousy. I’m still recovering from that nightmare!!!
@@rebeccahowie7234 yeah .. in my case it was more covert than what you experienced .. but still happening .. this was before smart phones and all that which made these things easier for them to do. I thought for the longest time it was my problem because how much I “loved” that person .. but I didn’t want live me life having those feelings of jealousy or having suspicion .. if that is what a “love” relationship was .. what’s the point if it? Being at peace is better even if alone .. now understanding these things clearly, boundaries feel normal to enforce and created mindfulness
Mine was in constant contact with his ex wife that he had divorced 20 years prior. I finally inquired and he said it was because it was of their children… adults aged 32 &34 ?? The ex wife had remarried and moved on. Later found out he was communicating with a former ex girlfriend. He then claimed he was friends with all of his exes….geez.
I had a convert narcissist that triangulated me with his dead mother - and his sister.. he was sick as hell.. mother controlled even from the grave.. then in life the sister took over.. he was married to them both.. had nothing left for a real woman and an adult relationship..
The ongoing triangulations were the worst part and really shattered me multiple times when they hit right. Some were easy to spot , others came out of nowhere. it just makes me extra aware for the future to spot them in other relationships and to never never use it myself.
Excellent explanation as always. The truth is that people who aren't genuine can never be truly happy nor fulfilled. It's only temporary. If anything, losing them is our major win and ironically, to restore our peace is our happiness. People like that, are so not worth it.
My narcissist ex husband use to bring up his 1st girlfriend who was and still extremely happily married, and use to tell me that she was mad about him lol I never really gave it much thought cause she wouldn't have gone near him as she has a lovely husband, he use to do this even after 20 yrs of marriage and now see it as triangulation and he use to try it even when marriage broke down and had to tell me his current girlfriend at that time was TOP NOTCH as he called her, she well gone now too, all I replied at the time was to tell her I give my utmost condolences at which he went MAD with anger, he wasn't expecting that reply.
I straight up told my ex narc I didn’t want to hear the comparisons and constant mentions of her exes. She continued to do it. I finally had enough and walked away. Of course I was accused of being jealous and she simply couldn’t understand what my problem was. At the time I was clueless about all this. I now realize I dodged a bullet train with her.
Wish I'd had the gumption to do this! Every bloody date he discussed various ex's in mostly negative ways and was obsessed with the mother of his child who was painted in the worst light imagineable. It was all done either to get supply from portraying himself as a victim, or to paint himself as in demand sexually. Neither of these were true! These people are such clowns, they think we'll believe all their crap. But as soon as they sense we don't buy the lies they peddle, they discard you.
I have experienced the "triangulation" you are talking about. She used to tell me about how her brother mistreated her and did all sorts of bad things to her. Honestly, i believed her and thought like how bad can an elder brother be this bad to his little sister, i wondered 🤔. Little did i know she was looking for my trust...I had no idea she was a narcissist then but your videos are showing me everything now! The 2 years and half have been hell with her...no happiness but always proving yourself worthy...very absurd!
It’s a visceral feeling I have listening to you speak. So deep. It’s almost something I can’t explain. She still has the sympathy of most of our friends. But I’m the one who divorced her so hold all the cards. Most left me for her but I know the real truth. So that in my isolation I’m at peace.
When he felt he was losing his grip on me he would talk about other women. I think they can be a bit thick in this respect. It was so obvious and crude. Basically it would work for them - they would feel threatened if we praised someone else in the room - but they don't realise that healthy people see it for what it is. Made me take a step backwards.
That answered a question I always wondered about, was the ex also a narcissist. My last conversation was about the Narcissist telling me the ex was always calling and texting him, he even disconnected the cars Bluetooth in case she called.I said I was sick of hearing that woman's name and that I was walking away. He shouted No to me but I just said I hope you get back with her if you miss her so much, and that I hope he gets what he deserves. He still occasionally tries to call and leave text messages , but I just ignore them now.
Thank you Paula for your explanation you made it easy to understand. These narcs are real demons to specifically set 2 innocent people up and they sit gloating over the fight. Who would do this and enjoy the fall out such toxic demons with hate and spite. Because the narc lives with those toxic emotions they want others too as well. Life is hard enough without their added demonic influence. Sorry you went through this Paula but you have come out as a shining diamond to guard us with your wonderful words of insight and wisdom. The Lord bless you and Remy too 🙏🌼 Sandy from Africa 😊
Love it! ❤ there was always his ex around two of us, even when I gave birth to two kids. His ex is a narc too. I was discarded after 4 toxic years, packed my bags, took little kids and left to a different country. BEST decision ever... You are right Paula, it was fun for them while I was still there, but I bet fun was over with the day I changed countries and he has no reach of us... No contact for life, since the fog is gone, I now wish both of them happiness together 😃
i wss dating an evil entity who wears the disguise of being a single mom that needs to "protect" her childeren from anyone she dates. she used her kids against me relentlessly- and relished in letting them run amok, never setting any limits with them-- but constantly "punishing" me. She would constantly tell me point blank "my kids dont like you". that was along with "my friends dont like you" on and on. constantly ganging people up against me (ppl whom I had great friendships with!!). She became enraged any time i played tennis with my regular hitting partners, or had dinner with my best friend, etc etc. what a pure hell everything always was.
Dont be fooled tho. Its not always the ex partner being constantly brought in or up. It could be their bff or their work partner. A family member that always takes precedence over you. Even a hobby. But....there will ALWAYS be an item or two of their ex tho. Those items will be put in front of ur face very similar to the actual person. Also... Ull feel like their family or mutual friends are starting to treat you different too. Ull question w confusion why these people are treating you different but it'll be made like ur going mad or you're jealous or needy or whatever. If there's confusion. . . I guarantee there's triangulation.
You have a brilliant way of explaining. Sorry I'm writing comments everywhere. This channel has really stopped my tears. I was crying everyday. Didn't care for my life. Paula there's something I'm really confused about with triangulation. My ex genuinely is obsessed with his ex. She dumped him after 9 years due to other women and excess drinking. He wanted her back for 18 months after. When we got involved he would put her photos back up on the walls when we fell out. Then take them down. He tried to take his life and text her half way threw. He has every single narcissistic trait. Lies. Gaslighting. Appearance obsession. Verbal abuse. Women drama. Sneaky. Terrible with money. Working in cycles of silent treatment then intense charm. Loads of hatred for phones followed by him always on his phone. He used to suggest certain clothing colours or hair styles to me (his ex seemingly had these things) I just would love more insight into him being obsessive over this ex? They keep in touch as friends and she allegedly was jealous of me. He's been very childish with his contact. Would this be something you could talk about? It feels the final stage I need to make peace with to recover. Thank you fir your videos. You've honestly got me back on track x
The ex triangulation you are describing here sounds similar to what happened to me. So glad I have been away from that person for years now, and moving on for real. Thank you! Great video, many people need to hear this.💫
I remember sitting in my tub thinking "Why do I feel jealous of the ex? Im never jealous, Im not the type... Why am I reacting this way?" Well, now I know. 😁
@@gladysgreen2 Jup, contemplated it but since Ive never reacted that way before, I thought further than that and then I finally found the answer; I had been triangulated. Looking back I did the right thing when my reactive abuse set in and I paied him back in such a harsch way even he looked at me like "wow" But it was 3 years of abuse that came at him and it was still very small next to what he did to me. You are NOT jealous, manipulation is a form of witchcraft used against very kind unsuspecting people. HE is the problem, not you, my friend.
This is absolutely incredible.. thank you.. I was triangulated THROUGHOUT.. if it wasn't her newest ex when we got together (who she initially lied that nothing had happened but stuff didn't add up), it was her brothers friend from school who had a crush on her for 20 years, if it wasn't him and so on and so on... despicable piece of ... ... I cannot wait for karma to dole out justice One of her apologies was " I have apologised many times over this thing and I meant it every time. I'm sorry if I don't word it properly but when I apologise I'm acknowledging my actions as well. I am so sorry for making you feel insecure about "... what a garbage apology, why would she mean it every time if it keeps happening..lol.. apologising for making ME feel insecure because of someone she keeps justifying who messages her inappropriately!?! who by the way had his own relationship... argh, just getting heated thinking about it... thanks again for your insightful videos...
My ex narc used her own daughter to triangulate me. Her daughter had lived away in the states for six years. I had stories and drama as they messaged almost daily. Upon the daughters return... All hell broke loose and i realised that the narc had been selling stories about me to her own daughter just to create a warzone... Which of course i couldnt protest about because i am mad... Crazy and paranoid. My goodness i have so many examples on this. All the best to all survivors out there! Get out... Stay out! These videos are amazing! They helped settle the tornado of confused 'why why why?!' questions and torments. Gave real clarity! Thank you!
The narc I walked out on October 7 (yay) would say something about one of the women in his harem then immediately say "don't be jeal" --- I mean before I could have responded at all. He wasn't the brightest bulb on the chandelier, but this was VERY TELLING. If I had a dollar for every time he said "jeal" I'd be a millionaire. Ha!
My ex would even use triangulation with my deceased husband. Throughout the relationship with the narcissist, I opened up about some of the problems we had throughout our relationship before he passed on and then he started telling me that my deceased husband never loved me, he was out cheating on me the whole time (when I would catch the narc exchanging naked pics with females). Just relentless hurtful things about a man I loved so dearly that is no longer here, it just really hurt me so much!! I opened up to him about our problems because I thought I could trust him, but then he would use it against me saying that he used me and didn’t care about me. We were together for 10 years and had 3 kids before he passed on and here the narc made me question if he did actually love me during those 10 years 😢 very very sad!!! I dealt with that crap for 6 years and that narc is just a very unhappy, angry, vindictive little man!!!
Omg you have fully conveyed my situation. Got back together with a covert narc I was with 14 years ago. He cheated on me with another covert narc that baby trapped him. He wouldn’t marry her ( she’s a gold digger refused to work) he lost his position and went from 250k a year to 40k a year. When she left he offered to buy her a house so he wouldn’t have to pay rent. He told her he would put 50% of the house in her name, the rest in their kids name and his. He begged me for a second chance when he knew she was leaving. They’ve had a toxic relationship according to friends. Anyway I thought he was giving her the house I didn’t understand this was a business relationship. Then I’ll found out she has been propositioning him for sex and he had dinner and drinks with her in the beginning of our relationship. I own quite a bit of property and his 40k goes entirely to her house and maintenance of her house. He is living off of his investments that were for his retirement. When I pressed the issue of how are we going to start our life. He’s done a lot of future faking. He said we could develop and sell of my land. Which is my childrens inheritance. When I offered to give him 300K to add onto his house in exchange for putting my name on the deed or selling the house his ex is in, he lost his mind , so telling that I’m being used
Mary, the 50% in her name and 50% in his name house thing is exactly like a situation with an ex-covert narc I was unfortunate enough to be involved with. I know they were on off for more than a decade, and finally split early last year. They periodically would go out for dinner/drinks even after splitting, and even hooked up sometimes. She tried to triangulate me and him all the time. When did this happen? Would be curious to hear more about this story, did you and your covert narc break up?
I was always trying to figure things out with this. Always trying to be tolerant and understanding. My ex wife sold me the idea that "it's healthy" to maintain relations with exes. Bullocks. It's garbage. Like bringing your old moldy trash in the house and laying on your bed. The minute, the second this kind of BS starts, just cut the chord and walk away. No further energy should be applied to a relationship once triangulation starts. I wish I had seen this video 25 years ago.
Thank you for validating this entire game.This is so very significant with the narcissist. The first go around for me in a past relationship created the awareness for this last relationship when he tried to triangulate me with his ex-wife, who definitely is a narcissist herself and when that didn't work, he kept going with female co-workers and female acquaintances and is now having a relationship with his narcissist therapist!!! I Grey rocked each and every one of those encounters and ended things knowing what I was dealing with.🎉
Paula, thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge on Narcissism. Your videos are such an excellent resource in my search for clarity in the midst of the brain fog and crazymaking.
I remember very well when my ex covert narcissist bf use to triangulate me… 🙄 took me a while at the time to catch-on. Back in 2014 if I recall, he use to triangulate me with his ex-wife (to whom he had to pay out child support every month). He had 3 kids with her and they shared custody at the time. He use to triangulate and pit his own children against each other! I couldn’t understand what was going on at the time. When I started educating myself on narcissism, I finally put everything together it all finally made sense in Dec 2015. I finally left him in January of 2016. Their brains are really wired backwards! It’s astounding!! Run run and never look back. They’re functioning in a type of psychosis. They do not want the relationship to work out, they don’t care about harmony. Sick and twisted individuals.
One of my ex narc triangulated me with ex girlfriends, just girls we met, tried with his friends women too. I was young then and very trusting open and friendly. I just did not take it into heart and became friends with all these women. So he did not try so hard as in the beginning. It must have been a big disappointment for him. The relationship ended with him being severly violent with me. He tried to strangle me while drunk. So if triangulations starts beware. These insecure people are prone to violence.
Yes - 'nobody has ever cooked for me before' and 'I had to nurse my Mum when I was 14 when she died' and of course his evil Ex that wouldn't let him see the kids and she was that horrible that he was having to see them in a contact centre. How could a woman do that to this poor man when he loves them so much ... Total BS. He doesn't care about them. Funny he was gone when my savings went.
Thank you for explaining the ex being a narc since we talked about that. Now it makes sense! And I think you may be right!! Because after the one message where I told her she could have him (right after I was discarded), she had originally blocked me but Then she unblocked me on FB which I thought was was weird. Now I know she was watching me to get off on my misery of being discarded!!! Crazy!! Just crazy!! This all goes deeper than I ever could have imagined!
It IS a Vile game. Just before the woman who gave birth to me had a major stroke; she started to imply her death: Dad had just died. She also gaslit me & my 3 siblings around her decision to start to allocate her possessions to us all. She lied by confusing me(gaslighting)by stating: " Gran (her mother) said:" .. how aweful it was that a family were to put their names under what They wanted after she had died; so there were labels under something & your Gran thought that was terrible behaviour but I thought it was a Good idea. IVE decided, however, to avoid doing that; that we can just talk about what you'd like- after I've left!". Next- I get a chat with my brother who says Mum had asked him Many times if HE would like the hostess trolley (filled with silver: THAT was used too to get to me!) She Knew U said I'd like it but asked him too to create a rift just when he & I had close again( we both cared for Dad as he was dying: she HATED that: our closeness) So she asked us both if we'd like it ..a hostess trolley from the 60s 🤣🤣. It happened just before I left the whole family @ 61. Then she pulled in my older sister & told me my sister would like some of the silver cutlery.🤣 By then it just was ridiculous. When we have the blinkers removed we see more & more. There's far more & worse and this is just a totally ridiculous & quite funny incident. Other things she & narc sister did are too awefuo to even repeat. I AM FINALLY DONE ..EVIL PEOPLE. They nay be family but to me they are strangers now; since a month ago. I just let them be to devour one another. Yes- money is what they use! I agree. It Disgusts me.
You want a dose of triangulation? Of course no one wants to experience that. Still, just the same, triangulation goes into overdrive when one is caught in ‘parental alienation’. My ex is triangulating the children ….result, children who love their dad are missing me from their life. And a dad that is now in a constant state of grief due to my children’s absence. There is a special place in hell awaiting the narcissist who seeks to destroy family relationships
Them and their flying monkeys,I've reached a point of sick and tired of the constant lies and jealousy. I told them to crack in so of course they told me to crack in. Never ending lies and it's a whole web in my situation cos the mother's lying and the toxic ex is lying and the flying monkeys are with thick or narcs
This was my last gf to a tee!!..so well explained 👏..I never new these people existed til now..all I wanted was a good gf to be after two long years of covid restrictions and being single..this is what I got..but she was found out because I paid attention to the details she over looked and she was dumped
Triangulation is an early sign. There is never just two people in a relationship with them- there is always a third party and they make it so it’s a constant point of contention. Extremely unhealthy and not something an emotionally matured human would do.
I was triangulated into my exes new relationship with a woman 20 years his junior who had eyes set on my family and my son's successful business...and was jealous that I come around for weeks at a time to watch my precious grandson. The ex, who is destitute at 70 except for SS, gets a stipend from our son to do handyman work. I realized that they BOTH are narcissists...and it has become somewhat amusing...as opposed to painful...to watch from afar ...what they are up to. I exposed her to my son and DIL after almost a year of flying monkey "poor me" coming from her...buy playing a disgusting drunken string of phone messages she left me...I "won" back my confused family...and cannot believe how DIABOLICAL it is....neither of them get boundaries, and he obviously shared things with her about me (partial truth from longgggg ago......since he knows NOTHING about my life over the past 15 years) that she used to insult me like a drunken sailor. Your video on these topics are the best I have heard...and I have watched many...Than you for doing this for us all!
My ex to the tee!! I tried to explain this type of stuff to my mom she swear I’m just obsessed with him. But I know the games he plays with his ex’s and current gf. Because we share children I have to communicate with him. I know his games but his gf don’t. I actually feel bad for her even tho she was attacking me and trying her hardest to push me out during my discard. Don’t know what she was fighting for so I give her the benefit of the doubt.
Ha I have this dynamic happening now! However I’m sort of the Nee supply the narc cannot get ! But she keeps using me to make her current supplies think I have been with them. It’s sad as I see the lie but this current ex supply who’s so desperate and is acting like a space and an enabling flying monkey is just taking the disrespect and abuse ! I mean I walked into this party after a few months of not going to this Narcs events as she runs them monthly ! I stayed away from her table as I don’t want nothing to do with her , and normally she sends her flying monkeys to get me to sit at her table , but they where not there in attendance , other than this sad desperate ex who initially tries to chat me up! Long story short the narc went with this person because the narc saw they where into me, I rejected them so the narc took them. Months on that supply was discarded but still gets used for money I suspect and her Buiness connections. So weak! Any way one I realised I was dealing with a narc admirer I pulled away! The narcissist noticed I wasn’t seeking them out anymore , and out of desperation at this party grabbed the ex and moved to the table near me and started acting like they were talking and started taking selfies together. 😂😂😂 while trying to get my attention! I never looked at them once , and eventually the narc pulled away from the ex shifting to the edge of the chair trying to make eye contact as I walked by back to my table , but I kept my head straight I could see what she was doing but my head and eyes where straight ahead as I didn’t want the narc to get a inch of supply from me looking ! The intent was to make me jealous ! Lol the ex was sitting there like a fool the narc I could tell was frustrated and yes as a result she left the side of the ex she was trying to use to get my attention , and eventually stormed out extremely angry !! From her own party ! Even leaving her other narcissistic friend chasing after her ! This evil creature wants me as I have a high public profile ! But I wouldn’t sleep with this person , even if they where the last person alive . I heard these narcissists can sleep with up to 5 people at once dating etc cheating and that’s in a month , so your looking at i we 40-50 people in a year ! That’s gross even if we say 25 that’s still gross never to mention the possible STD s that’s what keeps me from giving in to the hovering! Plus I never dated this narc but I can tell she’s telling people we have it I’m after her, so he staying away makes her look like a liar ! Which she is anyway! Smeared me babe also, and when I try to meet so I’ve at her parties so goes over to that person says things to them , and then they seem to ignore me. They are scum evil two faced parasites! Literally destroying your character while trying to date you at the same time in front of the very people they smeared your name too ! Sick sick sick demonic roaches.
Brilliant. I was triangulated and still am between 2 narc. And because they both are narc I put the blame over only on the overt/obvious one. I did not knew the covert is doing it actually.
My Narc did that right after their the love bombing.When I didn’t chase ,he told me about other women he was talking to.Also this one woman wanted him to send her a plane ticket and offered to marry him.He even said by her picture she had a knockout body.I’m 71 ,so you know how I felt.I told him maybe she could be his housekeeper.He then missed a day of messages,he emailed.He contacted me and ask why I didn’t contact him.I just said,”Oh.thought you just ghosted me .” Ha! So next two got the love bombing again.At this point I kicked him to the curb.One great point,don’t let him give you cute names like Sweety or Babe.You are getting the same messages as others.Also watch for templates where they add names.They get lazy so they have to pull things out of their files.
My therapist sprained triangulation as when someone casts three roles: the villain, the victim, and the hero. And the person who triangulated is always either the victim, or the hero - while casting you as the villain.
Triangulation with your own family to be on their side.. Triangulation to compare you with other women so you start competing and being insecure where you wasn't and had celebrated other women before. You turn around one day and are like, how come I am suddenly feeling insecure, how come I am watching his exes page when that wasn't like me to do.
The thing with triangulation narc doesnt keep stories straight. Which is understandable as they have to remember what they said to each. But of course that could also be to confuse as part of the deliberate game! ♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
My narcissist husband has been using triangulation to cause a rift between me and his son. He’s been doing it for years because he’s threatened by me getting too close to his son. I think he was worried from the start that his son would like me better than him or something. He also compares me to his friends wives. Every single guy he knows apparently has a super rich successful wife. He has to mention it anytime he mentions a guy friend of his. He recently met a new friend fishing. When he was telling me about him I said “let me guess, his wife is the ceo of Microsoft?” 😂
O m g…i thought This and ever this win win scenario I told him… yes you both laugh at me… aren’t you… my gut is and was ok… i figured out this scenario but I stuck in the relate… it was to crazy and he to kind in keeping me around 😂
You are falling in love with the validation. Not the INDIVIDUAL. This is why you should give yourself the right validation and healthy self-love. That is based on personal achievements and goals NOT external validation. They are like wild animals. When they can’t beat you they go and beat on each other.
Remember that triangulation doesnt always have to be with an ex romantic partner. They can use family,friends, strangers, anyone really. And they tend to use their family especially if their family is disordered and they usually are.they will also play the victim to your family and friends accusing you of all the things they are doing to you. Its absolutely disguting
Thank you for making this video! You described my circumstance exactly! Thank you for putting all those crazy mixed up emotions into words. I am finally out of that relationship and free 😁
I remember he constantly talked about his friend who he'd known for over twenty years. They occasionally did cocaine together. She was used against me in the triangular stage. They hadn't had dated but he told me she was his best friend. Look at me now.. eye's wide open to what this guy put me through. Many times I didn't retort as he didn't really give much chance to get a word in. Also he had the ex wife who according to him was as mad as a box of frogs. She had bi polar poor woman. I also believe she was high on the narcissistic scale. Me I'm windowed 15 years. He just saw a vulnerable person to exploit. He gave up last November as he couldn't get the fuel he needed from me. I wised up. Being in business abroad 15 years, brought up my son solo. This clown for a man isn't welcome in my life
Mine used triangulation all the time... do believe converts do that always comparing, they go from being over confident then no confidence, it's like a yoyo ride!
Yes. Its so weird. One day he is so full of confidence , next day its all gone and you can feel it, see it via his behaviour and speech. Strange creatures
@@awake78 I got professional help to sort my questions out, each marriage is different, it was a long one and I wouldn't remarry again, wish everyone the answers they deserve.
I was continously triangulated with his ex wife, past the love bomb stage. Then with others that he said were "just friends" (until the truth came out that he'd slept with them. My kids were compared with his kids, etc. So very damaging.
You are so easy to listen to! You have helped me more than you'll ever know. I have shared your knowledge and compassion with my daughter and other empaths. Thank you from my heart.
I didnt know until about 3 years ago that my ex partner was a narcisisst he did few triangulations but one that stuck in my mind the most was he took me out on a dinner date abit love bombing he was smartly dressed and I said oh look at you ive never seen you wearing those clothes before taking into account was with him 10 years he said no this was my wedding outfit to my 2nd wife thought I would put it on today .UNBELIEVABLE !!!!
And the hits keep on coming. To me this is a new concept but immediately recognizable. This can happen among friends, it doesn't have to be an intimate relationship. Suffered through an intense emotional connection with all the narcissistic trimmings. I've been no contact for over a month now. Just realizing that the triangulation was also a part of it. Good Times
Gosh your videos are so good it's so well explained and exactly what I went through with two exes one more recently after a 2 year relationship which was a malignant narcissist. . I have been trying to explain to my family why I'm not feeling myself and that I will get better but just this doesn't feel like other healthy relationship break ups. It's honestly just still hard to really see that the nice love bombing stage was a complete act and mask.. So shocking when you see the two very very different sides to their personality. It's so true they can read people do unbelievably well unfortunately. With regard a to triangulation they didn't use the ex but they would compare other girls Bodies and facial features to mine.. He also sickly said he would like to flirt with my mother many times which I immediately thoughts so so odd and weird. He seemed to her a kick out of putting me down and trying to make me jealous. It honestly feels after just 6 Weeks after discard of like a poison being with drawn from my body. Thanks again so so much as these videos have been so intricately accurate and so helpful. 🙏🙏
Dear Paula, you are such a brilliant coach, thank you for all you do 🙏☀️✨ my question: is it possible that a couple, married long term or being in any similar close relationship to gang up for searching , baiting in a high energy empath ? In order to gain valid supply to keep up their relationship - giving spice to it in every sense - this includes sexual arousals watching their main supply from afar getting beaten down, destructed and abused in every sense possible; getting them under total control; future faking, confusion etc. while their prey is kept firmly in the illusion, the believe he/ she is dealing with one! potential lover, partner rather than 2/ a couple?
I'm in this at the moment his ex who "HATED"Living with him is still pals with him on Facebook and is still chatting to him as she's had a operation ( Always a reason to chat about something) He's repeating his usual pattern of getting a job moving us to the middle of nowhere " Farm work " I dont drive have no money to leave I've nothing left really materially... He's lead in bed again waiting to get sacked so we get evicted AGAIN 4 times in 2 years... This time I'll tell his boss how it is how its been for this past 2 years how I've lost it all and ill take his job and he can go back to his ex if she likes him that much They suit each other she's never worked in all her 40 years ..
Yes intimate relationships, but also parental relationships. These are the top two that are triangulated, I’m learning. BUT In our story we were all triangulated by my mother in law, my children’s grandmother. There wasn’t a member of my family not triangulated, including my own family of origin who grew to believe I was mentally ill, which isolated me even further. For a long time I wondered if it were true and blamed myself for it all. None of us, not even her own son, could please nor escape her and we were shamed, attacked, smear campaigned and severely punished using one other whenever we tried. Needless to say, in the end, our lives lay in devastation on the level of the damage of a hurricane or a tornado, or an earthquake. All of our hearts broken and everyone blaming each other. Our health was even effected, we were estranged from our children all but one (and he is so psychologically damaged by this all thats it’s effected even his own adult life, in which he remains alone unable to even try to have a healthy relationship), also estranged from many of our grandchildren AND our adult children have found themselves unable to talk even to each other. The narcissist, in old age, used my own children as her pawns to try and get me to reconcile with her, by even shaming, blaming and smearing me. I still refused. She didn’t get her one more time to abuse me. I didnt allow it. She denied it all, played the victim, and all the way to the end claimed that she didn’t know what she had done, even when no longer able to hide it. Even after my daughter in law clearly told her as she’d seen some truth by then. Finally after basically killing herself by refusing to take necessary medication required for her to live and putting her entire family through a horrific time, she finally passed away and the entire family lays in ruins….her handiwork. However, small communication is beginning to happen between ppl who haven’t spoken in years. It is my hope that somehow the truth will be known to all and reconciliation can finally happen. We have adult children who have been lied to their entire lives and other adult children who struggle with what to believe and grandchildren we’ve never even seen. We just couldn’t for so long understand much less accept what the truth was ourselves. Its so hard to see what’s happening when the persons’ covert and as psychotic as my mother in law was. I believe that she actually believed a lot of what she was doing was first to protect her son from me and later to protect our children from us both. Somehow she believed my husband and I were like her mom and dad which apparently was what happened to her. I’ve spent decades praying and studying psychology trying to understand. I did finally cut her off, I had too for my own well being, but a mother can’t just cut off her children completely. I’ve been estranged yes, and have had to hold boundaries for my health, but I’ve always prayed that somehow someway my children will see the truth about what happened to us all. Thats all I ask of God. I just want them to understand what really happened, because it was so bad for so long, none of us are innocent but we just didn’t understand what was happening back then. We blamed ourselves and later each other, and at some point even God for not intervening. We just didn’t understand that we were all manipulated, puppets on a string, rats in a maze, placed there by a very sick mind, who in her own mind was helping us all. And believe me, we couldn’t escape. Even after I drew my line and refused to go back, I couldn’t have free from what she was doing to me through my children, until her death. When my husband told me that she’d just passed, I broke into a full run even with many mobility health issues. I just ran.l. After pondering it, I realized I was finally free. I could hear the old song playing, you’ll never break the chain as I ran. And I again felt guilt for this, but I shouldn’t cause it was only natural and a human response. I was finally free. I never returned not even to her funeral. Thanks for listening and thanks for prayers for all of our healing after literally decades of abuse.
My wife keeps saying, “people are saying this about you”……..to which I reply, “who?” (Her mum - oh dear)…… or, “so get them to come and speak to me about it” (silence)
The narc triangulated me with hollywood celebrities. It didn't really make me jealous, because I knew that would never happen... but I should have seen it for what it is. That she wanted me to know that she was thinking about others instead of me. The devaluations can be quite subtle.
Every word you say is word for word what I went threw I'm starting to wonder If this is some sort of program Like How can these men all be EXACTLY the same It's like some sort of mind program It's exact #evelorgenthelovebite
Yep, their doing the work of the devil, lovebomb, devaluate, gaslight, triangulate. The evil has gotten hold of their soul and that is why they all follow the same pattern. It's the only way to get their ego fed, because they feed off the positive and negative attention they get from their victims. It gives their fragile selves a feeling of great power and worthiness. It's dangerous, vindictive, controlling, parasitic behaviour with lots of drama. All of it feeds them because at their very core they are empty, nothingness! That's why they can never be alone. Their enjoyment comes from doing exactly these patterns! Their murderers of others souls! Don't ever communicate with them again once you know your dealing with a narc. Their the devil and devil worshippers in a human form! They are using curses and spells on victims to gain control! I've lived this and escaped!! Thanks to God!! Prayers for all here survivors of these hateful beings!♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I think my ex caused triangulation between his son who lived with us as it never worked with his ex who he'd say often told him how amazing he was for helping her for jobs. I thought it was nice of him. She had his children. .I didn't know at the time, but his son never showed any respect towards me, just ignored me if I said good morning, would never say thank you for anything I'd ask my ex to help me and find out what i could do to let his son know I wasn't a threat and wanted to be a friend or whatever he wanted from me (14 so difficult age), but he should show respect. This went on for 18 months and caused more arguments between us than anything else and I'd feel exasperated that he couldn't see how it would upset me and try to sort the problem out. I didn't feel right punishing his sin but would not allow his father to drive him somewhere because of how hed treated me that day. I'm a mum of a grown up son and work in high school so I can manage children. Eventually, I had to step away and tried actually not saying anything to the child so that i couldn't get ignored, shouted at and upset. I hated myself for doing it but needed to for my health. My ex hated that i treated his son almost the same as he'd allowed him to treat me. Yet still did nothing. He'd be the good guy to his son and tell me I was the problem his son behaved that way and he was sick of me complaining about him. (Mentioning the big things that happened) I see it for what it was now
I never did triangulate until the very end of our relationship and now i can see that i started to make the same observations about others as the narc did, although I can say that my intentions were not the same as his - i wanted to celebrate others' achievements, or explicitly show.the narc that others in his same position find ways to move towards growth and success, as a way to encourage him - because i thought thats what he needed. He triangulated me against other women, his friends'wives, my siblings, his siblings, my friends, everybody for the whole length of our relationship and the funny thing is, that even though i had a constant inexplicable uneasy feeling, my reaction was almost always one of "good for them, thats quite an achievement", or "they are so able, I just dont have the time or extra energy for that right now"
Yes I believe they are both narcs who ended up together and the main narc who’s after me can’t seem to get rid of this ex! 😂😂😂😂😂 Paula your brilliant ! I love how you explained something I’m experiencing right now.! And best part the queen B narc was furious I ignored the game! Her face looked dark ugly even ! It’s a face you don’t recognise I swear ! The ex is so weak she’s a door mat desperately trying to tie down this narc who’s obsessed with me! But I have to confess I jooped the narc into liking me because I soon realised what she was , so I played along and I finally bailed before it got physical ! Bingo !!!! Now I’m smirking daily to my self ! Because that narc tried to destroy me by name for fun
He treats his adult daughter like she's his wife and her teenage child like she's his kid meanwhile he told me we were getting married and moving in together. Well daughter dearest told him she is going to move him in and take care of him when he gets old. I asked where is the room for me and my cat at her house lol 😆 I think those two both work together. That whole family is a nest of vipers. It does hurt to feel so left out. Nobody stands up for you do they? I stand up for me.
In a nutshell, I come from a dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved. It’s just really unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord said to me “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me and minimizes my feelings saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” and that put more salt in the wound…it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess…
Thanks so much Paula for yours videos ❤..I was triangulated with her Ex ..at that point I woke up an smelt the coffee..No contact all the way an never look back xx😊
Like you, I had never even heard the term triangulation and had no clue what it was. However, my ex Covert Narc began using this form of manipulation at the very beginning of our relationship! He would pit me against and compare me to his former fiancée and other girlfriends from his past. After we married, he would compare me to female coworkers and other women always making me feel less than. Of course, there was the intermittent love bombing to salve the wounds and keep me trauma bonded. I so wish I had known about narcissism fifty years ago! Gladly, after a very long and mostly miserable marriage, I divorced him and am now married to the man of my dreams! My husband is a complete 180 degrees from the ex and the most loving, supportive, kind, generous man I could ever have imagined. There is life after leaving a narcissist. Don’t wait because they never change!
@@h.e9871 I second that!
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Having a beautiful ending is great, others won't ever have that, it's important people get this information out for younger generations.
@Semiu White Its because you wanted him back... others dont...different experiences with different kinds of narcissists!
@Semiu White No thanks, I would never go back! My ex was never going to change and still hasn’t.
Triangulation is strangulation
There should be a course on this in high school. Yes the triangulation never got to me I saw it for what it was and did not take the bait in 5 years. He was quite shocked I think, but I was not going to make a fool of myself and fly off into a jealous rage or anything, I mean I am not 18. He tried everything to have me in public get into a catfight with some low vibration woman he was probably messing around with, it didn't happen. So when it finally all blew up I could hold my head up high and just walk. He couldn't point at me and say "see she is crazy" what a shame. A year later I can look back and see it so clearly. As soon as he lost control that was it. Loving my new narc-free life.
Half of school is keeping people submissive. Why would this be taught?
Absolutely this should be taught in school!!!
Narcs also use their own children for Triangulation esp. during and after a Divorce. I was quite shocked when I first figured this out.
Be selfish for your best self or you will never heal Be not jealous or hurt over the stupid game that’s already rigged to destroy you Thank you Paula 💐🙏
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I was triangulated all throughout the relationship with every single woman he knew even if it was a fling…the phone would ring in middle of night, he would get a text, he would go to kitchen at 3 am….yuck,….what miserable beings…I am so blessed so blessed to have escaped this crazy making relationship. Oh Paula… we should celebrate our victories. I seriously pray for the uneducated people who end up as victims … our world is full of narcissists …spreading the awareness has made me realize how many there are everywhere… Maintain boundaries everyone. Be vigilant. Don’t share anything with strangers till you know them really really well and you feel comfortable with them.🙏🏻Thank you again for an amazing detailed video. Ps …in my opinion…they are running rampant in the world. It is sad but it’s becoming a true reality.
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Ditto!!! All through our marriage. And now he has a little girlfriend who he refuses to publicly acknowledge his gf, but she is his minion and has been for a few years. Sadly, I have to see this all happen and so do my sweet kids. Their dad is a creep. I hope his new supply will see the light. He thinks I'm jealous. He loves to use "we" and "our" about her, thinking it will bother me. Yet he devalues her by calling the business they own together "HIS" business and calls her his employee. Thanks to channels like this and you beautiful souls, I just see it as his attenpt at trianulation and manipulation. I pray I can pass wisdom on to my kids.
Yes.. exactly this is what they do on all levels.. every triangulations between things and people..
Sports, Hobby, work,,, Time… Bike… tv… everything yes
exactly and that is so weired.
They truly are disgusting. I have seen this game time and again with these creeps. My ex husband constantly did this and I worked as an addictions counsellor for a few years and the narcissist addicts used this tactic to pit the counsellors against each other just for fun. Real creeps.. Thanks Paula for such a good explanation of this. God bless!
You explain things amazingly. Yes they triangulate us with family members and even their friends too! They keep everybody separate, the amount of times I would go out with mine and his family would say wierd things to me...like not very nice things and I would be stumped, people start looking at you like your a completely different person, he somehow managed to explain it away and they never told me why they said what they said to me when I asked!, his family is like a cult, I honestly think alot of them are narcs too,I felt crazy because he had smeared me during the relationship and I didnt know what was going on. Some of them arent narcs and they get pulled in at the discard too and have absolutely no idea that theyve just thrown you away like garbage because the narcs smeared you and because they live completely double lives these people have absolutely no idea but it hurts more because you think they are ganging up to make you feel worse but infact sone of them dont actually know. They are so evil and sick, they make people hate us and believe their lies and so these people are used to triangulate us and they dont even know that is what's happening!.
They also triangulate with lies about us, for example while they are smearing us of course then those people start disliking us and they actually get a hit of supply from watching you wonder why on earth people are treating you so rotten x
Absolutely agree
💯 this. Thank you for your post, it has reminded me that I definitely wasn’t wrong about this person.
I feel the same way about my ex’s family!!! I literally can’t believe they believe his lies of being this victim. I supported him and took care of him for 6 years, yet I ended up being this monster that wouldn’t allow him to succeed in life. Yet he was using my vehicle, living off me for free, wouldn’t get a job and when he did get a job, he would leave me without a vehicle until like 3am (I have 4 kids)!! He wasn’t at work!!! So then it was my fault he couldn’t keep a job because I was “jealous” and wouldn’t let him work. I just wanted my van at home and his lies were relentless!! Even when I found physical proof of his lies, he still blamed it on me, it was my fault that he did those things because my jealousy pushed him to do it. And I don’t care if his family still thinks he’s the victim, the truth will come out eventually with everything!!! They’re all totally a cult like group and probably all narcissists!!!
None of them know the narcissist,most people are too self absorbed to work them out and those enablers are the ones we ho allow the abuse and the cycles to continue. I can't stand the narcs circle,I think they are horrible selfish people,
When you think about it,no healthy person would support their bullshit.
Mine triangulates with his phone, his kids, his family and all females in his life ie exes, work mates
It got worse and more obvious towards the end….brutal in fact
It is for this very reason, triangulation, that if I date a woman who has ex’s, or an ex, randomly contacting them or vice versa, without any real explanation that is valid .. I end the relationship .. I don’t need it in MY life .. if they aren’t mature enough to put what is supposed to be the past where it belongs and in the box it belongs … they’re not for me. My first exposure to triangulation was when I had my very first serious relationship (is any relationship with a narc serious (for them)) and she was a covert malignant narc and frighteningly brilliant academically successfully made me feel jealous and I came to the conclusion I was a jealous man and I hated the feeling .. finally the unending weirdness with hidden (but not too hidden) triangulation with her ex bf convinced me to end it permanently even though I ‘loved’ her but was really trauma bonded .. never felt so “off” since and was never jealous like that again .. in fact, my lack of jealousy in relationships since then seemed to bother the women I had a relationship with and they wondered about me not being that way .. simple answer was they didn’t give me any feelings of jealousy with their behavior .. overt or covert and if they did produce or induce those feelings in me without remedy .. poof .. it’s over
My ex made me feel the exact same way!!! He would do things that weren’t normal, sending and receiving naked pics with other females, take a fresh pair of clothes with him to “work” so he wouldn’t return until 3am with my van; they list goes on. Then I was the jealous crazy one because I pushed him to do those things or then he couldn’t work because of my jealousy. I’m still recovering from that nightmare!!!
@@rebeccahowie7234 yeah .. in my case it was more covert than what you experienced .. but still happening .. this was before smart phones and all that which made these things easier for them to do. I thought for the longest time it was my problem because how much I “loved” that person .. but I didn’t want live me life having those feelings of jealousy or having suspicion .. if that is what a “love” relationship was .. what’s the point if it? Being at peace is better even if alone .. now understanding these things clearly, boundaries feel normal to enforce and created mindfulness
Mine was in constant contact with his ex wife that he had divorced 20 years prior. I finally inquired and he said it was because it was of their children… adults aged 32 &34 ?? The ex wife had remarried and moved on. Later found out he was communicating with a former ex girlfriend. He then claimed he was friends with all of his exes….geez.
I had a convert narcissist that triangulated me with his dead mother - and his sister.. he was sick as hell.. mother controlled even from the grave.. then in life the sister took over.. he was married to them both.. had nothing left for a real woman and an adult relationship..
The ongoing triangulations were the worst part and
really shattered me multiple times when they hit right.
Some were easy to spot , others came out of nowhere.
it just makes me extra aware for the future to spot them
in other relationships and to never never use it myself.
Excellent explanation as always. The truth is that people who aren't genuine can never be truly happy nor fulfilled. It's only temporary. If anything, losing them is our major win and ironically, to restore our peace is our happiness. People like that, are so not worth it.
My narcissist ex husband use to bring up his 1st girlfriend who was and still extremely happily married, and use to tell me that she was mad about him lol I never really gave it much thought cause she wouldn't have gone near him as she has a lovely husband, he use to do this even after 20 yrs of marriage and now see it as triangulation and he use to try it even when marriage broke down and had to tell me his current girlfriend at that time was TOP NOTCH as he called her, she well gone now too, all I replied at the time was to tell her I give my utmost condolences at which he went MAD with anger, he wasn't expecting that reply.
Ooh Susan you made me giggle at the utmost condolences 🤓..time reveals the truth for sure, hope your doing great 🌹🥰
Wow. Makes so much sense about the financial triangulation.
I straight up told my ex narc I didn’t want to hear the comparisons and constant mentions of her exes. She continued to do it. I finally had enough and walked away. Of course I was accused of being jealous and she simply couldn’t understand what my problem was. At the time I was clueless about all this. I now realize I dodged a bullet train with her.
Yes ❤️
Wish I'd had the gumption to do this! Every bloody date he discussed various ex's in mostly negative ways and was obsessed with the mother of his child who was painted in the worst light imagineable. It was all done either to get supply from portraying himself as a victim, or to paint himself as in demand sexually. Neither of these were true! These people are such clowns, they think we'll believe all their crap. But as soon as they sense we don't buy the lies they peddle, they discard you.
I have experienced the "triangulation" you are talking about. She used to tell me about how her brother mistreated her and did all sorts of bad things to her. Honestly, i believed her and thought like how bad can an elder brother be this bad to his little sister, i wondered 🤔. Little did i know she was looking for my trust...I had no idea she was a narcissist then but your videos are showing me everything now! The 2 years and half have been hell with her...no happiness but always proving yourself worthy...very absurd!
It’s a visceral feeling I have listening to you speak. So deep. It’s almost something I can’t explain. She still has the sympathy of most of our friends. But I’m the one who divorced her so hold all the cards. Most left me for her but I know the real truth. So that in my isolation I’m at peace.
When he felt he was losing his grip on me he would talk about other women. I think they can be a bit thick in this respect. It was so obvious and crude. Basically it would work for them - they would feel threatened if we praised someone else in the room - but they don't realise that healthy people see it for what it is. Made me take a step backwards.
Mine talked about his exes all the time. I always thought is he trying to make me jealous or insecure. I thought it was cruel.
That answered a question I always wondered about, was the ex also a narcissist. My last conversation was about the Narcissist telling me the ex was always calling and texting him, he even disconnected the cars Bluetooth in case she called.I said I was sick of hearing that woman's name and that I was walking away. He shouted No to me but I just said I hope you get back with her if you miss her so much, and that I hope he gets what he deserves. He still occasionally tries to call and leave text messages , but I just ignore them now.
Thank you Paula for your explanation you made it easy to understand. These narcs are real demons to specifically set 2 innocent people up and they sit gloating over the fight. Who would do this and enjoy the fall out such toxic demons with hate and spite. Because the narc lives with those toxic emotions they want others too as well. Life is hard enough without their added demonic influence. Sorry you went through this Paula but you have come out as a shining diamond to guard us with your wonderful words of insight and wisdom. The Lord bless you and Remy too 🙏🌼 Sandy from Africa 😊
Love it! ❤
there was always his ex around two of us, even when I gave birth to two kids. His ex is a narc too. I was discarded after 4 toxic years, packed my bags, took little kids and left to a different country. BEST decision ever... You are right Paula, it was fun for them while I was still there, but I bet fun was over with the day I changed countries and he has no reach of us... No contact for life, since the fog is gone, I now wish both of them happiness together 😃
i wss dating an evil entity who wears the disguise of being a single mom that needs to "protect" her childeren from anyone she dates. she used her kids against me relentlessly- and relished in letting them run amok, never setting any limits with them-- but constantly "punishing" me. She would constantly tell me point blank "my kids dont like you". that was along with "my friends dont like you" on and on. constantly ganging people up against me (ppl whom I had great friendships with!!). She became enraged any time i played tennis with my regular hitting partners, or had dinner with my best friend, etc etc. what a pure hell everything always was.
Awful 🌹
excellent material.
Dont be fooled tho.
Its not always the ex partner being constantly brought in or up.
It could be their bff or their work partner.
A family member that always takes precedence over you.
Even a hobby.
But....there will ALWAYS be an item or two of their ex tho.
Those items will be put in front of ur face very similar to the actual person.
Also...
Ull feel like their family or mutual friends are starting to treat you different too.
Ull question w confusion why these people are treating you different but it'll be made like ur going mad or you're jealous or needy or whatever.
If there's confusion. . .
I guarantee there's triangulation.
True! Narcissistic abuse isn't only about ex partners etc. There's always triangulation!
You have a brilliant way of explaining. Sorry I'm writing comments everywhere. This channel has really stopped my tears. I was crying everyday. Didn't care for my life. Paula there's something I'm really confused about with triangulation. My ex genuinely is obsessed with his ex. She dumped him after 9 years due to other women and excess drinking. He wanted her back for 18 months after. When we got involved he would put her photos back up on the walls when we fell out. Then take them down. He tried to take his life and text her half way threw. He has every single narcissistic trait. Lies. Gaslighting. Appearance obsession. Verbal abuse. Women drama. Sneaky. Terrible with money. Working in cycles of silent treatment then intense charm. Loads of hatred for phones followed by him always on his phone. He used to suggest certain clothing colours or hair styles to me (his ex seemingly had these things) I just would love more insight into him being obsessive over this ex? They keep in touch as friends and she allegedly was jealous of me. He's been very childish with his contact. Would this be something you could talk about? It feels the final stage I need to make peace with to recover. Thank you fir your videos. You've honestly got me back on track x
Thank you Laura, glad it’s helping..if a coaching session would help I’m on narcscon@gmail.com
Yes. It's good to know that this is an identifiable phenomenon.
The ex triangulation you are describing here sounds similar to what happened to me. So glad I have been away from that person for years now, and moving on for real. Thank you! Great video, many people need to hear this.💫
I remember sitting in my tub thinking "Why do I feel jealous of the ex? Im never jealous, Im not the type... Why am I reacting this way?" Well, now I know. 😁
Same here
Same. And I thought I had a jealousy problem
@@gladysgreen2 Jup, contemplated it but since Ive never reacted that way before, I thought further than that and then I finally found the answer; I had been triangulated. Looking back I did the right thing when my reactive abuse set in and I paied him back in such a harsch way even he looked at me like "wow" But it was 3 years of abuse that came at him and it was still very small next to what he did to me.
You are NOT jealous, manipulation is a form of witchcraft used against very kind unsuspecting people. HE is the problem, not you, my friend.
Same! I have never been the jealous type!
This is absolutely incredible.. thank you.. I was triangulated THROUGHOUT.. if it wasn't her newest ex when we got together (who she initially lied that nothing had happened but stuff didn't add up), it was her brothers friend from school who had a crush on her for 20 years, if it wasn't him and so on and so on... despicable piece of ... ... I cannot wait for karma to dole out justice
One of her apologies was " I have apologised many times over this thing and I meant it every time. I'm sorry if I don't word it properly but when I apologise I'm acknowledging my actions as well. I am so sorry for making you feel insecure about "... what a garbage apology, why would she mean it every time if it keeps happening..lol.. apologising for making ME feel insecure because of someone she keeps justifying who messages her inappropriately!?! who by the way had his own relationship... argh, just getting heated thinking about it... thanks again for your insightful videos...
🙋♀️🙏🌹
My ex narc used her own daughter to triangulate me. Her daughter had lived away in the states for six years. I had stories and drama as they messaged almost daily.
Upon the daughters return... All hell broke loose and i realised that the narc had been selling stories about me to her own daughter just to create a warzone... Which of course i couldnt protest about because i am mad... Crazy and paranoid. My goodness i have so many examples on this.
All the best to all survivors out there! Get out... Stay out! These videos are amazing! They helped settle the tornado of confused 'why why why?!' questions and torments. Gave real clarity! Thank you!
Excellent, for a long time I did not understand this word. You have explained it well. It is one of the narcs main tactics in their sick game play.
The narc I walked out on October 7 (yay) would say something about one of the women in his harem then immediately say "don't be jeal" --- I mean before I could have responded at all. He wasn't the brightest bulb on the chandelier, but this was VERY TELLING. If I had a dollar for every time he said "jeal" I'd be a millionaire. Ha!
My ex would even use triangulation with my deceased husband. Throughout the relationship with the narcissist, I opened up about some of the problems we had throughout our relationship before he passed on and then he started telling me that my deceased husband never loved me, he was out cheating on me the whole time (when I would catch the narc exchanging naked pics with females). Just relentless hurtful things about a man I loved so dearly that is no longer here, it just really hurt me so much!! I opened up to him about our problems because I thought I could trust him, but then he would use it against me saying that he used me and didn’t care about me. We were together for 10 years and had 3 kids before he passed on and here the narc made me question if he did actually love me during those 10 years 😢 very very sad!!! I dealt with that crap for 6 years and that narc is just a very unhappy, angry, vindictive little man!!!
Omg you have fully conveyed my situation. Got back together with a covert narc I was with 14 years ago. He cheated on me with another covert narc that baby trapped him. He wouldn’t marry her ( she’s a gold digger refused to work) he lost his position and went from 250k a year to 40k a year. When she left he offered to buy her a house so he wouldn’t have to pay rent. He told her he would put 50% of the house in her name, the rest in their kids name and his. He begged me for a second chance when he knew she was leaving. They’ve had a toxic relationship according to friends. Anyway I thought he was giving her the house I didn’t understand this was a business relationship. Then I’ll found out she has been propositioning him for sex and he had dinner and drinks with her in the beginning of our relationship. I own quite a bit of property and his 40k goes entirely to her house and maintenance of her house. He is living off of his investments that were for his retirement. When I pressed the issue of how are we going to start our life. He’s done a lot of future faking. He said we could develop and sell of my land. Which is my childrens inheritance. When I offered to give him 300K to add onto his house in exchange for putting my name on the deed or selling the house his ex is in, he lost his mind , so telling that I’m being used
Wow Mary..good work 🌹
Mary, the 50% in her name and 50% in his name house thing is exactly like a situation with an ex-covert narc I was unfortunate enough to be involved with. I know they were on off for more than a decade, and finally split early last year. They periodically would go out for dinner/drinks even after splitting, and even hooked up sometimes. She tried to triangulate me and him all the time. When did this happen? Would be curious to hear more about this story, did you and your covert narc break up?
I was always trying to figure things out with this. Always trying to be tolerant and understanding. My ex wife sold me the idea that "it's healthy" to maintain relations with exes. Bullocks. It's garbage. Like bringing your old moldy trash in the house and laying on your bed. The minute, the second this kind of BS starts, just cut the chord and walk away. No further energy should be applied to a relationship once triangulation starts. I wish I had seen this video 25 years ago.
Agree. It is a bunch of garbage. Having all these exes in your relationship is never good. It only serves the narc.
Spot on video again Paula, thank you. It was never just me and the narc in our relationship, it was me, the narc, and ALL of her previous partners.
🙋♀️🌹
Me too puzzle slowly finished
It’s so upsetting I went though it and a big thank you for you to speak the words I totally understand and help me with healing ❤️
This is so incredibly helpful. I wish I heard this 4 years ago
Thank you for validating this entire game.This is so very significant with the narcissist. The first go around for me in a past relationship created the awareness for this last relationship when he tried to triangulate me with his ex-wife, who definitely is a narcissist herself and when that didn't work, he kept going with female co-workers and female acquaintances and is now having a relationship with his narcissist therapist!!! I Grey rocked each and every one of those encounters and ended things knowing what I was dealing with.🎉
My wife
Look at you…,
You’re always in work clothes.
I was building us a house from the ground up.
Paula, thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge on Narcissism. Your videos are such an excellent resource in my search for clarity in the midst of the brain fog and crazymaking.
I remember very well when my ex covert narcissist bf use to triangulate me… 🙄 took me a while at the time to catch-on. Back in 2014 if I recall, he use to triangulate me with his ex-wife (to whom he had to pay out child support every month). He had 3 kids with her and they shared custody at the time. He use to triangulate and pit his own children against each other! I couldn’t understand what was going on at the time. When I started educating myself on narcissism,
I finally put everything together it all finally made sense in Dec 2015. I finally left him in January of 2016. Their brains are really wired backwards! It’s astounding!! Run run and never look back. They’re functioning in a type of psychosis. They do not want the relationship to work out, they don’t care about harmony. Sick and twisted individuals.
One of my ex narc triangulated me with ex girlfriends, just girls we met, tried with his friends women too. I was young then and very trusting open and friendly. I just did not take it into heart and became friends with all these women. So he did not try so hard as in the beginning. It must have been a big disappointment for him. The relationship ended with him being severly violent with me. He tried to strangle me while drunk. So if triangulations starts beware. These insecure people are prone to violence.
This was my ex's choicest tools, my ex used to flirt with other men to see if I would fight for her.
Yes - 'nobody has ever cooked for me before' and 'I had to nurse my Mum when I was 14 when she died' and of course his evil Ex that wouldn't let him see the kids and she was that horrible that he was having to see them in a contact centre. How could a woman do that to this poor man when he loves them so much ... Total BS. He doesn't care about them. Funny he was gone when my savings went.
Thank you for explaining the ex being a narc since we talked about that. Now it makes sense! And I think you may be right!! Because after the one message where I told her she could have him (right after I was discarded), she had originally blocked me but Then she unblocked me on FB which I thought was was weird. Now I know she was watching me to get off on my misery of being discarded!!! Crazy!! Just crazy!! This all goes deeper than I ever could have imagined!
It IS a Vile game. Just before the woman who gave birth to me had a major stroke; she started to imply her death: Dad had just died. She also gaslit me & my 3 siblings around her decision to start to allocate her possessions to us all. She lied by confusing me(gaslighting)by stating: " Gran (her mother) said:" .. how aweful it was that a family were to put their names under what They wanted after she had died; so there were labels under something & your Gran thought that was terrible behaviour but I thought it was a Good idea. IVE decided, however, to avoid doing that; that we can just talk about what you'd like- after I've left!".
Next- I get a chat with my brother who says Mum had asked him Many times if HE would like the hostess trolley (filled with silver: THAT was used too to get to me!)
She Knew U said I'd like it but asked him too to create a rift just when he & I had close again( we both cared for Dad as he was dying: she HATED that: our closeness)
So she asked us both if we'd like it ..a hostess trolley from the 60s 🤣🤣.
It happened just before I left the whole family @ 61.
Then she pulled in my older sister & told me my sister would like some of the silver cutlery.🤣
By then it just was ridiculous.
When we have the blinkers removed we see more & more. There's far more & worse and this is just a totally ridiculous & quite funny incident. Other things she & narc sister did are too awefuo to even repeat. I AM FINALLY DONE ..EVIL PEOPLE. They nay be family but to me they are strangers now; since a month ago. I just let them be to devour one another.
Yes- money is what they use! I agree. It Disgusts me.
You want a dose of triangulation?
Of course no one wants to experience that. Still, just the same, triangulation goes into overdrive when one is caught in ‘parental alienation’.
My ex is triangulating the children
….result, children who love their dad are missing me from their life. And a dad that is now in a constant state of grief due to my children’s absence.
There is a special place in hell awaiting the narcissist who seeks to destroy family relationships
Them and their flying monkeys,I've reached a point of sick and tired of the constant lies and jealousy. I told them to crack in so of course they told me to crack in. Never ending lies and it's a whole web in my situation cos the mother's lying and the toxic ex is lying and the flying monkeys are with thick or narcs
Wow…… it is so crazy that this is exactly what I went through in the beginning love bomb stages. This is crazy. I feel so dumb that I didn’t see it.
This was my last gf to a tee!!..so well explained 👏..I never new these people existed til now..all I wanted was a good gf to be after two long years of covid restrictions and being single..this is what I got..but she was found out because I paid attention to the details she over looked and she was dumped
Triangulation is an early sign. There is never just two people in a relationship with them- there is always a third party and they make it so it’s a constant point of contention. Extremely unhealthy and not something an emotionally matured human would do.
Yes yes yes an actuàl explanation on the scientific level as well as spiritual
I was triangulated into my exes new relationship with a woman 20 years his junior who had eyes set on my family and my son's successful business...and was jealous that I come around for weeks at a time to watch my precious grandson. The ex, who is destitute at 70 except for SS, gets a stipend from our son to do handyman work. I realized that they BOTH are narcissists...and it has become somewhat amusing...as opposed to painful...to watch from afar ...what they are up to. I exposed her to my son and DIL after almost a year of flying monkey "poor me" coming from her...buy playing a disgusting drunken string of phone messages she left me...I "won" back my confused family...and cannot believe how DIABOLICAL it is....neither of them get boundaries, and he obviously shared things with her about me (partial truth from longgggg ago......since he knows NOTHING about my life over the past 15 years) that she used to insult me like a drunken sailor. Your video on these topics are the best I have heard...and I have watched many...Than you for doing this for us all!
Your videos are full of information which help to get the fog away. 🙏
My ex to the tee!! I tried to explain this type of stuff to my mom she swear I’m just obsessed with him. But I know the games he plays with his ex’s and current gf. Because we share children I have to communicate with him. I know his games but his gf don’t. I actually feel bad for her even tho she was attacking me and trying her hardest to push me out during my discard. Don’t know what she was fighting for so I give her the benefit of the doubt.
They even do this with people they don't know or don't exist on top of the obligatory cracy narcissistic ex....
Ha I have this dynamic happening now! However I’m sort of the Nee supply the narc cannot get ! But she keeps using me to make her current supplies think I have been with them. It’s sad as I see the lie but this current ex supply who’s so desperate and is acting like a space and an enabling flying monkey is just taking the disrespect and abuse !
I mean I walked into this party after a few months of not going to this Narcs events as she runs them monthly ! I stayed away from her table as I don’t want nothing to do with her , and normally she sends her flying monkeys to get me to sit at her table , but they where not there in attendance , other than this sad desperate ex who initially tries to chat me up! Long story short the narc went with this person because the narc saw they where into me, I rejected them so the narc took them.
Months on that supply was discarded but still gets used for money I suspect and her Buiness connections. So weak! Any way one I realised I was dealing with a narc admirer I pulled away! The narcissist noticed I wasn’t seeking them out anymore , and out of desperation at this party grabbed the ex and moved to the table near me and started acting like they were talking and started taking selfies together. 😂😂😂 while trying to get my attention! I never looked at them once , and eventually the narc pulled away from the ex shifting to the edge of the chair trying to make eye contact as I walked by back to my table , but I kept my head straight I could see what she was doing but my head and eyes where straight ahead as I didn’t want the narc to get a inch of supply from me looking ! The intent was to make me jealous !
Lol the ex was sitting there like a fool the narc I could tell was frustrated and yes as a result she left the side of the ex she was trying to use to get my attention , and eventually stormed out extremely angry !! From her own party ! Even leaving her other narcissistic friend chasing after her ! This evil creature wants me as I have a high public profile ! But I wouldn’t sleep with this person , even if they where the last person alive .
I heard these narcissists can sleep with up to 5 people at once dating etc cheating and that’s in a month , so your looking at i we 40-50 people in a year ! That’s gross even if we say 25 that’s still gross never to mention the possible STD s that’s what keeps me from giving in to the hovering! Plus I never dated this narc but I can tell she’s telling people we have it I’m after her, so he staying away makes her look like a liar ! Which she is anyway! Smeared me babe also, and when I try to meet so I’ve at her parties so goes over to that person says things to them , and then they seem to ignore me.
They are scum evil two faced parasites! Literally destroying your character while trying to date you at the same time in front of the very people they smeared your name too ! Sick sick sick demonic roaches.
Brilliant. I was triangulated and still am between 2 narc. And because they both are narc I put the blame over only on the overt/obvious one. I did not knew the covert is doing it actually.
My Narc did that right after their the love bombing.When I didn’t chase ,he told me about other women he was talking to.Also this one woman wanted him to send her a plane ticket and offered to marry him.He even said by her picture she had a knockout body.I’m 71 ,so you know how I felt.I told him maybe she could be his housekeeper.He then missed a day of messages,he emailed.He contacted me and ask why I didn’t contact him.I just said,”Oh.thought you just ghosted me .” Ha! So next two got the love bombing again.At this point I kicked him to the curb.One great point,don’t let him give you cute names like Sweety or Babe.You are getting the same messages as others.Also watch for templates where they add names.They get lazy so they have to pull things out of their files.
My therapist sprained triangulation as when someone casts three roles: the villain, the victim, and the hero. And the person who triangulated is always either the victim, or the hero - while casting you as the villain.
That’s one variation 🌹
My narc was very secretive about all his supply.
Triangulation with your own family to be on their side.. Triangulation to compare you with other women so you start competing and being insecure where you wasn't and had celebrated other women before. You turn around one day and are like, how come I am suddenly feeling insecure, how come I am watching his exes page when that wasn't like me to do.
The thing with triangulation narc doesnt keep stories straight. Which is understandable as they have to remember what they said to each. But of course that could also be to confuse as part of the deliberate game! ♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
My narcissist husband has been using triangulation to cause a rift between me and his son. He’s been doing it for years because he’s threatened by me getting too close to his son. I think he was worried from the start that his son would like me better than him or something. He also compares me to his friends wives. Every single guy he knows apparently has a super rich successful wife. He has to mention it anytime he mentions a guy friend of his. He recently met a new friend fishing. When he was telling me about him I said “let me guess, his wife is the ceo of Microsoft?” 😂
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O m g…i thought This and ever this win win scenario I told him… yes you both laugh at me… aren’t you… my gut is and was ok… i figured out this scenario but I stuck in the relate… it was to crazy and he to kind in keeping me around 😂
You are falling in love with the validation. Not the INDIVIDUAL.
This is why you should give yourself the right validation and healthy self-love. That is based on personal achievements and goals NOT external validation.
They are like wild animals. When they can’t beat you they go and beat on each other.
The "stalker" ex and my "insecurity". Text book.
Remember that triangulation doesnt always have to be with an ex romantic partner. They can use family,friends, strangers, anyone really. And they tend to use their family especially if their family is disordered and they usually are.they will also play the victim to your family and friends accusing you of all the things they are doing to you. Its absolutely disguting
Thank you for making this video! You described my circumstance exactly! Thank you for putting all those crazy mixed up emotions into words. I am finally out of that relationship and free 😁
Glad it was helpful!
I remember he constantly talked about his friend who he'd known for over twenty years. They occasionally did cocaine together. She was used against me in the triangular stage.
They hadn't had dated but he told me she was his best friend.
Look at me now.. eye's wide open to what this guy put me through. Many times I didn't retort as he didn't really give much chance to get a word in.
Also he had the ex wife who according to him was as mad as a box of frogs. She had bi polar poor woman. I also believe she was high on the narcissistic scale.
Me I'm windowed 15 years. He just saw a vulnerable person to exploit. He gave up last November as he couldn't get the fuel he needed from me. I wised up. Being in business abroad 15 years, brought up my son solo. This clown for a man isn't welcome in my life
Great Video Paula!!! Thank you so much!!!!❤
Mine used triangulation all the time... do believe converts do that always comparing, they go from being over confident then no confidence, it's like a yoyo ride!
Yes. Its so weird. One day he is so full of confidence , next day its all gone and you can feel it, see it via his behaviour and speech.
Strange creatures
@@awake78 I got professional help to sort my questions out, each marriage is different, it was a long one and I wouldn't remarry again, wish everyone the answers they deserve.
I was continously triangulated with his ex wife, past the love bomb stage. Then with others that he said were "just friends" (until the truth came out that he'd slept with them. My kids were compared with his kids, etc. So very damaging.
So true, the Narc I knew took a very triangulating low blow to his wife by answering her video call while waking up in my bed.
You are so easy to listen to! You have helped me more than you'll ever know. I have shared your knowledge and compassion with my daughter and other empaths. Thank you from my heart.
I’m so glad to hear Andrea blessings to you and your life 🌹
Great discussion! Appreciate your insight!
It’s like saying, why can’t you be more like Bree? She’s so sweet and kind.
I didnt know until about 3 years ago that my ex partner was a narcisisst he did few triangulations but one that stuck in my mind the most was he took me out on a dinner date abit love bombing he was smartly dressed and I said oh look at you ive never seen you wearing those clothes before taking into account was with him 10 years he said no this was my wedding outfit to my 2nd wife thought I would put it on today .UNBELIEVABLE !!!!
And the hits keep on coming. To me this is a new concept but immediately recognizable. This can happen among friends, it doesn't have to be an intimate relationship. Suffered through an intense emotional connection with all the narcissistic trimmings. I've been no contact for over a month now. Just realizing that the triangulation was also a part of it. Good Times
Exactly what I have been through!
Gosh your videos are so good it's so well explained and exactly what I went through with two exes one more recently after a 2 year relationship which was a malignant narcissist. . I have been trying to explain to my family why I'm not feeling myself and that I will get better but just this doesn't feel like other healthy relationship break ups. It's honestly just still hard to really see that the nice love bombing stage was a complete act and mask.. So shocking when you see the two very very different sides to their personality. It's so true they can read people do unbelievably well unfortunately. With regard a to triangulation they didn't use the ex but they would compare other girls Bodies and facial features to mine.. He also sickly said he would like to flirt with my mother many times which I immediately thoughts so so odd and weird. He seemed to her a kick out of putting me down and trying to make me jealous. It honestly feels after just 6 Weeks after discard of like a poison being with drawn from my body. Thanks again so so much as these videos have been so intricately accurate and so helpful. 🙏🙏
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Dear Paula, you are such a brilliant coach, thank you for all you do 🙏☀️✨ my question: is it possible that a couple, married long term or being in any similar close relationship to gang up for searching , baiting in a high energy empath ? In order to gain valid supply to keep up their relationship - giving spice to it in every sense - this includes sexual arousals watching their main supply from afar getting beaten down, destructed and abused in every sense possible; getting them under total control; future faking, confusion etc. while their prey is kept firmly in the illusion, the believe he/ she is dealing with one! potential lover, partner rather than 2/ a couple?
You just explained my husband and my best? friend.
I'm in this at the moment his ex who "HATED"Living with him is still pals with him on Facebook and is still chatting to him as she's had a operation ( Always a reason to chat about something)
He's repeating his usual pattern of getting a job moving us to the middle of nowhere " Farm work "
I dont drive have no money to leave I've nothing left really materially...
He's lead in bed again waiting to get sacked so we get evicted AGAIN 4 times in 2 years...
This time I'll tell his boss how it is how its been for this past 2 years how I've lost it all and ill take his job and he can go back to his ex if she likes him that much
They suit each other she's never worked in all her 40 years ..
🌹🌹
Yes intimate relationships, but also parental relationships. These are the top two that are triangulated, I’m learning. BUT In our story we were all triangulated by my mother in law, my children’s grandmother. There wasn’t a member of my family not triangulated, including my own family of origin who grew to believe I was mentally ill, which isolated me even further. For a long time I wondered if it were true and blamed myself for it all. None of us, not even her own son, could please nor escape her and we were shamed, attacked, smear campaigned and severely punished using one other whenever we tried. Needless to say, in the end, our lives lay in devastation on the level of the damage of a hurricane or a tornado, or an earthquake. All of our hearts broken and everyone blaming each other. Our health was even effected, we were estranged from our children all but one (and he is so psychologically damaged by this all thats it’s effected even his own adult life, in which he remains alone unable to even try to have a healthy relationship), also estranged from many of our grandchildren AND our adult children have found themselves unable to talk even to each other. The narcissist, in old age, used my own children as her pawns to try and get me to reconcile with her, by even shaming, blaming and smearing me. I still refused. She didn’t get her one more time to abuse me. I didnt allow it. She denied it all, played the victim, and all the way to the end claimed that she didn’t know what she had done, even when no longer able to hide it. Even after my daughter in law clearly told her as she’d seen some truth by then. Finally after basically killing herself by refusing to take necessary medication required for her to live and putting her entire family through a horrific time, she finally passed away and the entire family lays in ruins….her handiwork. However, small communication is beginning to happen between ppl who haven’t spoken in years. It is my hope that somehow the truth will be known to all and reconciliation can finally happen. We have adult children who have been lied to their entire lives and other adult children who struggle with what to believe and grandchildren we’ve never even seen. We just couldn’t for so long understand much less accept what the truth was ourselves. Its so hard to see what’s happening when the persons’ covert and as psychotic as my mother in law was. I believe that she actually believed a lot of what she was doing was first to protect her son from me and later to protect our children from us both. Somehow she believed my husband and I were like her mom and dad which apparently was what happened to her. I’ve spent decades praying and studying psychology trying to understand. I did finally cut her off, I had too for my own well being, but a mother can’t just cut off her children completely. I’ve been estranged yes, and have had to hold boundaries for my health, but I’ve always prayed that somehow someway my children will see the truth about what happened to us all. Thats all I ask of God. I just want them to understand what really happened, because it was so bad for so long, none of us are innocent but we just didn’t understand what was happening back then. We blamed ourselves and later each other, and at some point even God for not intervening. We just didn’t understand that we were all manipulated, puppets on a string, rats in a maze, placed there by a very sick mind, who in her own mind was helping us all. And believe me, we couldn’t escape. Even after I drew my line and refused to go back, I couldn’t have free from what she was doing to me through my children, until her death. When my husband told me that she’d just passed, I broke into a full run even with many mobility health issues. I just ran.l. After pondering it, I realized I was finally free. I could hear the old song playing, you’ll never break the chain as I ran. And I again felt guilt for this, but I shouldn’t cause it was only natural and a human response. I was finally free. I never returned not even to her funeral. Thanks for listening and thanks for prayers for all of our healing after literally decades of abuse.
The Chain- Fleetwood Mac ruclips.net/video/JDG2m5hN1vo/видео.html
My wife keeps saying, “people are saying this about you”……..to which I reply, “who?” (Her mum - oh dear)…… or, “so get them to come and speak to me about it” (silence)
👌
Thank you 🙏🏽
The narc triangulated me with hollywood celebrities. It didn't really make me jealous, because I knew that would never happen... but I should have seen it for what it is. That she wanted me to know that she was thinking about others instead of me. The devaluations can be quite subtle.
Every word you say is word for word what I went threw
I'm starting to wonder
If this is some sort of program
Like
How can these men all be EXACTLY the same
It's like some sort of mind program
It's exact
#evelorgenthelovebite
Yep, their doing the work of the devil, lovebomb, devaluate, gaslight, triangulate. The evil has gotten hold of their soul and that is why they all follow the same pattern. It's the only way to get their ego fed, because they feed off the positive and negative attention they get from their victims. It gives their fragile selves a feeling of great power and worthiness. It's dangerous, vindictive, controlling, parasitic behaviour with lots of drama. All of it feeds them because at their very core they are empty, nothingness! That's why they can never be alone. Their enjoyment comes from doing exactly these patterns! Their murderers of others souls! Don't ever communicate with them again once you know your dealing with a narc. Their the devil and devil worshippers in a human form! They are using curses and spells on victims to gain control! I've lived this and escaped!! Thanks to God!! Prayers for all here survivors of these hateful beings!♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I think my ex caused triangulation between his son who lived with us as it never worked with his ex who he'd say often told him how amazing he was for helping her for jobs. I thought it was nice of him. She had his children. .I didn't know at the time, but his son never showed any respect towards me, just ignored me if I said good morning, would never say thank you for anything I'd ask my ex to help me and find out what i could do to let his son know I wasn't a threat and wanted to be a friend or whatever he wanted from me (14 so difficult age), but he should show respect. This went on for 18 months and caused more arguments between us than anything else and I'd feel exasperated that he couldn't see how it would upset me and try to sort the problem out. I didn't feel right punishing his sin but would not allow his father to drive him somewhere because of how hed treated me that day. I'm a mum of a grown up son and work in high school so I can manage children. Eventually, I had to step away and tried actually not saying anything to the child so that i couldn't get ignored, shouted at and upset. I hated myself for doing it but needed to for my health. My ex hated that i treated his son almost the same as he'd allowed him to treat me. Yet still did nothing. He'd be the good guy to his son and tell me I was the problem his son behaved that way and he was sick of me complaining about him. (Mentioning the big things that happened) I see it for what it was now
Thank you. I think once again, you're on the wrong page. Nobody here wants to get back with their ex. 😅🖕😝
I never did triangulate until the very end of our relationship and now i can see that i started to make the same observations about others as the narc did, although I can say that my intentions were not the same as his - i wanted to celebrate others' achievements, or explicitly show.the narc that others in his same position find ways to move towards growth and success, as a way to encourage him - because i thought thats what he needed. He triangulated me against other women, his friends'wives, my siblings, his siblings, my friends, everybody for the whole length of our relationship and the funny thing is, that even though i had a constant inexplicable uneasy feeling, my reaction was almost always one of "good for them, thats quite an achievement", or "they are so able, I just dont have the time or extra energy for that right now"
Yes I believe they are both narcs who ended up together and the main narc who’s after me can’t seem to get rid of this ex! 😂😂😂😂😂 Paula your brilliant ! I love how you explained something I’m experiencing right now.! And best part the queen B narc was furious I ignored the game! Her face looked dark ugly even ! It’s a face you don’t recognise I swear ! The ex is so weak she’s a door mat desperately trying to tie down this narc who’s obsessed with me! But I have to confess I jooped the narc into liking me because I soon realised what she was , so I played along and I finally bailed before it got physical ! Bingo !!!! Now I’m smirking daily to my self ! Because that narc tried to destroy me by name for fun
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His ex was at his Mothers Funeral and he ignored me and walked her to her car
My narc used her mother . She would twist the narrative to her mother and create animosity and conflicts.
He treats his adult daughter like she's his wife and her teenage child like she's his kid meanwhile he told me we were getting married and moving in together. Well daughter dearest told him she is going to move him in and take care of him when he gets old. I asked where is the room for me and my cat at her house lol 😆 I think those two both work together. That whole family is a nest of vipers. It does hurt to feel so left out. Nobody stands up for you do they? I stand up for me.
In a nutshell, I come from a dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved. It’s just really unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord said to me “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me and minimizes my feelings saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” and that put more salt in the wound…it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess…
Thanks so much Paula for yours videos ❤..I was triangulated with her Ex ..at that point I woke up an smelt the coffee..No contact all the way an never look back xx😊