The best way to describe BPD, its like half your brain is logical, half your brain is emotional, and there's a glass wall between them both. They can see each other, but can't communicate at all.
I was diagnosed with BPD twelve years ago and I can relate to this so hard. The worst part is being intelligent, rational, and logical, and being able to clearly see how you're destroying your own life, with little ability to stop the inevitable crash.
Hi, Perfumafilia, there are tons of good therapies out there... Go for it! I have completely recovered from BPD, even though it took me some years and money and courage. I am so lucky because I had wonderful therapists who believed in me and I was never lazy to learn and practice new ways of thinking and feeling. If you put your feet on your spiritual way you will enjoy it so much... BPD is an extremely painful condition it is better to get rid of it. Do not waste your time with carrying all that shit in your heart and head - make that "painful operation" and you will get back your life. Now I am not ruining but saving others lives and went no contact with my abusive family. I am a happy mother and wife, busy with a start up and practicing martial arts and meditation to be the best of me. :) It is still a long way to go... Good luck!
@@emmmzxo4138 you are just as miserable when you generalize "these beings" like that. and project your experience onto everyone you hear has bpd. . there are serveral different types of bpd.
😂😂 No. I'm actually very happy without tantrums, rages, jealousy, restraining orders, busted property, police at my house, gaslighting, lying, spying, and on and on and on.
@@emmmzxo4138 has nothing to do with what i said. This is your experience with one individual you project onto whenever you hear bpd. Ofc you are happy without that, who isnt.
Having BPD and being conscious of it and trying your best to not cause any problems is like having to constantly watch over a baby that lives in your head. You often have these sudden mood shifts and impulses and you constantly have to force yourself to not act on them and to remind yourself that they are just current emotional states and not who you are as a person and that they will not last forever. It`s sometimes so exhausing that you would rather live under a rock than ever having to interact with another human being again - family and friends included.
I am afraid of how self-aware I am but I still cannot regulate my emotions to the point that I could really hurt other people, especially my loved ones. And the constant self-sabotaging and feeling emptiness,, man... I wish I was well
This is on point! It's even harder when you live in a home where other people are unstable as well! It's like you literally can't escape no matter what!! Especially if you are poked and prodded even after leaving the situation and are provoked! When you can't take it and want to be alone and people push themselves on you seemingly waiting for you to explode! Seems like the more you tell people to back off or avoid situations, the more they come at you! It's hopeless!! And hopelessness is the worst feeling a human can have! Would rather be dead! Especially when your livelihood is at stake or you try to avoid bad situations but the bad comes knocking on your door or you live with them! Just agonizing!
True. I hate myself so much that sometimes it scares me. I hurt people whom I consider close all the time. One moment I shower my mom with love and praise the next I yell at her, blaming her for things that I know aren't her fault. I to apologise and treat her extra well but the cycle always continues and I hate it. I have begged her to send my psych ward multiple times. Someone like me should be under lock and key. I hate my dad. He is violent both verbally and physically. I have to tiptoe around in my house with my head down and not cause any trouble. But at the same time I want him to hold my hand or even just acknowledge me. But that rarely happens. Everytime he would scold me or make some remarks I would cut myself and blame it on him which just makes me hate him more. It's hard living with bpd.
Thank you for sharing this. It seems that bpd Comes in subtypes. A GP who Saw me in hospital hinted that I could bé bpd. I actually don't lash out AT people except in case of blatant direspect. I believe I have a fearful- avoidant attachement style. I don't feel empty inside. I was raised by a narc. I keep on meeting them romantically but discard them as soon as I réalisé what they are or avoid them altogether. I Never go black to people who did me wrong. I really don't know where I stand in all this. And I don't have thé funds to go To therapy. It looks like I don't really fit thé classic bpd criterions
"You want to feel alive but you also want to die because you can't handle the pain." EDIT: I was diagnosed with BPD and I have gone through enough self work and therapy to be officially in “remission.” My therapist refers to me being emotionally stable like this and I no longer cycle through the extremes of emotions. Now it’s not like I’m completely cured but it would take a lot to knock me off from my stable self. But there is hope. It’s a process you work hard at creating and practicing. Edit2: I no longer can be diagnosed with BPD. As in my symptoms no longer correlate with the diagnosis.
I cannot speak for other people but yes, it is that way. We, or well I, do feel emotions with far more depth than other people, whereas a normal functioning human has an emotional scale of 1-10, I have -5-15, some other persons absolute rock bottom of 0 is a rather well occuring mood for me and it can get far worse from that. This brings me to the above mentioned words, with the upscale also going above, we can enjoy things far more than other people, the littlest and silliest of things can bring about absolute bliss at points but due to our emotional instability that +15 can reach a minus point in a very abrupt matter just by someone telling you that they have to go away for bit or some other mundane thing. All these twists and turns are really exhausting, you really wanna live but also wanna die at the same time all the time because every emotion is so overbearing that its hard to handle them. I imagine thats why we turn to suicide, you just cannot handle this much pressure all the time, you either shut down yourself by becoming numb to everything or at least try to and live like a hollow shell of yourself, or you simply end your life as there really is no point in living if you are gonna be barely surviving in misery.
forgotten41 that was the answer. I knew that. It’s really mechanical and you can only experience it. I think I get. Close with this example. But if you want me to try. It feels like somebody takes over. It’s you. But it’s not you. You’re watching. You go behind your eyes. And when it’s over, you come back into them. And you’re feeling the horror and pain the monster created. And it really is a monster. It feels like a monster takes over the wheel. And it is looking back at you. In the mirror. And it’s you. And you are seeing the chaos it is creating in real time. Without any way to push on the breaks. You can’t stop this thing. So the difference between being in therapy and not being in therapy is that this thing is loose. It’s just, no leash. And it starts becoming your personality. It totals who you are. And you are in the back seat now 85% of the time. Being out of therapy was the worst idea of my life. It gets frustrating. And we hate ourselves. I know I speak for everybody who does this to people. It’s not just impulsive instability. It’s a fucking monster. And it is autonomic. Being in therapy puts a seat belt on. It’s important to just fucking submit. You cannot control that mother fucker. He will burn everything and everybody and then himself. And you just watch. And then he leaves. And you feel the pain. You can’t reduce this to what you observe. It’s totally an experience like having a mutated body. You can see that. It’s a visible deformity. There is something inside of us. Like a cage. And we have no lid. It’s fire. Everything burns. That’s all I can say.
My ex girlfriend has BPD. I would never wish this disorder on anyone. It was heartbreaking watching her self sabotage and destroy relationships with those that loved her most, myself included. She's such a special, vibrant, beautiful woman. I pray for her everyday. I'll always love her. The damage this disorder can do to the host as well as their loved ones is awful.
Andrew Daniella Margalis Fjelstad Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life .... this book will save your life. I just finished reading it. It has really good Advice on how to cope
@@duderanch18237 My ex with BPD left me two months ago for the last time, I feel you, I too do believe I'll never be able to not love her. How are you?
I grew up with a BPD mom. My siblings and I would always say she reminded us of a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. She was stuck at a very immature age emotionally but her adult intelligence made her so dangerous because when she would get into a rage, she would become evil, do things maliciously and manipulatively at any cost to get her way. It IS terrifying.
"Me, too. When the Mother, the main caretaker of the children, throws a temper tantrum, the children develop the life long theory that "there is no place safe in this world." We tend to tiptoe through life. I literally tiptoed at home most of my childhood. Gee Whiz. By the way, she was a member of The National Honor Society in High School. It's a shame.
Dated a girl with BPD for 3 years. It was difficult at times but she fought it tooth and nail. Underneath it all she was a good person, brilliant and witty and beautiful and incredibly gentle and kind. Last October, when we were just weeks away from moving across the country, she abruptly broke things off and never gave an explanation for it. It cratered me. She idolized me in the way that BPD sufferers do, and then I believe she switched to utter disdain for me. It tore me apart and I'm still recovering from it all. I truly loved her. Anyways, don't know where I'm going with this. Just that this hits home and that I've been lit aflame by the brilliance of a woman with BPD and later burned alive by the same woman. It's a terrible disease.
Same for me, worst part was that I had no clue what BPD was and I was inexperienced and stupid in general. The videos of Dr. Tara Palmatier helped me to understand and learn to avoid it. The videos are not so scientific, but more practical: ruclips.net/user/shrink4menvideos Some might criticize the quality of those videos and I know many don't like the host, but they helped me to get completely over it, that's all that counts for me. Maybe they can help you, too.
Enthios, I was married 20 years to a BPD and never knew what was wrong until I left, at which time two things happened. First, people came forward with all sorts of stories about their experiences with my ex. Second, my ex went from nasty to ferocious. It was a nightmarish divorce, and it damaged me and my children severely. You are lucky to have escaped when you did. Me, I keep a BIG distance away from anyone who even hints at this disorder.
"...the proclivity of people with BPD to presume that they will be abandoned and then act in a manner that makes such abandonment virtually certain." Crying. Why can't I stop doing this.
hang on in there. I know what it's like. just screwed up a relationship like that (or I think that I have - but it doesn't matter, I feel absolutely devastated)
I was this way in my 20s and ruined a lot of relationships. I got through it. I worked on it and really started dating people who were better and dumped the ones who just didn't fit. The brain is so much work. I still have meltdowns and relapses.
@@Sciffyan ( cat on a clothesline poster ) HANG IN THERE BABY. (squints at the small print on bottom of poster) copyright.1969...well that cat must be long dead by now...that's sort of a downer.
I think a lot of the relationship damage from BDP can be managed by insight and awareness after a flare up. For instance: "I'm sorry I raged at you. I know it's hard dealing with this. Thank you for being here for me. I love you." I say this as someone with close family dealing with BPD.
If someone with this disorder puts in the effort, motivation and personal responsibility within time they will gradually get much better. They really need to spend hours of reflection over their flaws. But just like any normal person has a fatal flaw that can be fixed, so can this be fixed. I know because I have aspergers which is like a distant cousin to BPD.
Personally diagnosed with BPD, in relationships is where most recognizable, you always express love and need constant love reminders, and when your partner does not give you a love expression, you feel like you’re no longer important or loved, and you start self sabotaging, and at the same time you know it’s not true and you’re just overthinking, but you have no control and it’s a continuous cycle. Like someone in the other comments said, it’s like being in the passenger seat, and driving at the same time.
Icant believe how much what I think and do,….Are the very same as what I have been reading.How ever,I am still feeling so broken and struggle every day with trying to NOT react on everything around me.
The DSM-5 actually mentions cases of people in rehabilitation spending up to 10 years in therapy dealing with the disorder and afterwards showing such significant reduction in symptoms that doctors claim they're no longer able to distinguish enough traces of the disorder to label it present anymore. Spend those 10,000 hours on the journey and you can master yourself. If anyone reads this you should know there's hope for you.
"They seem capable of thinking through the nature of their problems and analyzing them and discussing it, but not capable whatsoever of implementing any solutions" I can confirm ☹️
yes indeed. most people say at this point "get off your lazy ass and DO it" and i keep wanting to scream " I AM INCAPABLE of "doing" it. the best cure for this is basically counting to 10. and i mean that in almost every decision, you have to THINK how it makes you feel, what you want to do about it, and then wait for that 10 count to finally realize what you're ABOUT to do is the opposite of what you really want to accomplish...and STOP. that's MUCH harder than i made it sound, it's like imagining one step, but its a grand canyon of a leap for people like me.
@@kantraxoikol6914 why can't you? Are your arms and legs broken? Do you not have the ability to go against what your mind has programmed you to do? I think bpd is just another excuse people have for remaining as they are rather than actually change.
@@natediaz1863 it's easy for you because you are rational.. I don't have BPD though I have struggled with depression my whole life.. the worst thing people can say to me is get over it or pull yourself up by your bootstraps.. don't you think I would do that if I could.. mental illness can't be understood by those who do not have it. Kindness goes a long way my friend.
@@MickyGeeGee no, I don't think you would if you could. You prefer the attention a mental illness gives you because you're a woman. I have severe depression sometimes, mostly because I have to live on this planet with you all, but I still get up and workout, go to work, and fulfill my responsibilities. You notice how BPD is mainly something that affects women? Lol I wonder why that is...I wonder...
Having bpd is like having 2 people live inside you, one half is your regular logically thinking self and the other half is this wild rebelious risk taker
With someone that has lived with borderline personality disorder and has somewhat been able to overcome it, the two most important factors for me was sobriety and humility.
Wow that’s so deep. I need to work on being humble. It’s just hard when I have fear and so I use pride to protect myself I guess if that makes sense. I don’t want to be charged even more even after being Humbled
Humility is horrible to get, and super wonderful to have. I'm so proud of you!!!! My niece who has BPD has yet to learn this. She was too doated upon as a girl, and now she can't face life without everyone treating her the same way.
@@marymorris6897 BPD is part of b-class personality disorders. So its very closely related no narcissism. They love to think they're better than others, more empathetic than others and that they deserve special treatment.
@@Ds4u2 Thanks for the information. They're both terribly destructive disorders. I've had to fight hard to not fall into thinking I'm better than other people. Now I see that if you don't keep such thought processes in check, you can become a very destructive person. Is any of this genetic?
@@marymorris6897 It is at least partly genetic. Of course there's also childhood trauma that plays a role but many people experience childhood trauma and don't end up with BPD.
So many times I’ve lost relationships, friendships, hurt so many people close to me. Hurt myself, binge drinker, used drugs and had fits of rage at even the slightest “attack” I felt. Burning myself with cigarettes and being sent to a mental hospital on New Years was what brought me to my lowest. I knew I was off the rails. Slowly I began recovering. Reading, going for walks, trying to be mindful at all times and stay in wise mind. It’s a struggle every single day but it’s possible with support and therapy. I send my love to anyone who is also suffering
Lmfaoooo story of my life. And I got a hot ass temper too. I don't just explode out of nowhere tho. You'll see it coming because it builds up over time.
Reading this on New Year’s Day. I had my first psych ward stay in 2022 and it felt like the climax of a crash and I need to start picking up the pieces. I hope you’re still doing well.
@Angry Willy Yea things quickly go down in a spiral but at the same time sobriety, meditation and self improvements rise you up. Sending back love from California, USA.
Well put. Drank hard for 20 years. Always felt like a kid inside. 2 years sober and am better, marginally. Not nearly as thin skinned. Thank you for that.
It's even terrifying living with BPD because once that tantrum starts you are basically just watching without being able to stop it. It's very frustrating to experience this and I am glad I haven't had an episode like that in a very long time.
I have BPD and often the phrases “temper tantrum” and “acting like a 2 year old” can make me feel less than ideal to say the least. However, the way Jordan conducts himself, explains in depth the comparisons and does in a way not to diminish the individuals illness but to explain to those who don’t know what it’s like for someone with it. Being in my 20s and throwing a tantrum over something seemingly small is so frustrating and results in a cycle of guilt and not something I would do if I had control over it. I am slowly working on strategies but as Jordan mentioned, it’s the implementation of the strategies that can be most difficult.
@@garymitchell5899 dude stop offering your terrible advice to people. You don't know what he has and you're a terrible person for telling someone who feels they're mentally/emotionally unfit to seek a partner. You're harming two people.
@@slivyo Gary is fucked in the head and abusive, first class cruel. I was commenting on a stillborn pregnancy and almost dying myself during the delivery and he referred to my attempt to validate trauma's role in "loud BPD" and he called it disgusting. He's a sick, sad piece of crap and the internet is a risk pool with people like him spewing on it.
@@meetdiamond You brought in the (alleged) stillbirth in order to justify your pathetic whining - nothing else. That is disgusting. I also said that your aggressive and angry posts strongly suggest that you're a sociopath, and you're doing it again here.
Reading through these comments I feel so much solidarity. I only recently accepted my BPD (a little less than a year ago, diagnosed 3 years ago) and I've been writing about how it feels to be inside of my head and how it's like watching your logical self slip into the background and this other unrecognized self takes over and you have to hope that when that self is through, they haven't wrecked everything in sight. And that self often does. It's miserable.
People with BPD treat people they care for like bars of soap. They try to hold on so hard because they fear losing them that they actually force them away.
i don't quite agree. I have BPD and I want what is best for them. intellectually i know what it is that's best and i don't get in their way so the can't leave!
See the many below comments from people who suffer from BPD. That's the self awareness part. The part about not implementing what they strategize about , im a Borderline myself, couldn't agree more. Spent hours making perfect study plans, would end up getting stoned. I landed a job with a good deal of effort and lost it because I had mood swings and tardy days at work. The abandonment and anxiety issues damaged several friendships and my relationship. Behavioral therapy works ,let people around you know the real you. Don't be trapped in your self image.
Hello. Im a schemer myself. Spent third of my life planning and not implementing. But i think i am successive because im still alive and didnt let myself kill myself. Your comment helped, thanks. I am looking onto behavioural therapy
Borderlines cannot be self aware like that. It is fundamentally impossible. You are most likely a boring old narcissist, if you're lucky possibly a sociopath.
I have had BPD for my whole life and because of it, I don't want a "whole life." I want it to end. This is one of the loneliest existences you could ever imagine. You're literally just a burden on everyone and you have to spend your life watching others get what you wanted. Update 04/2024: I just found this comment and OMG PLEASE do not think I’m saying you ARE a burden! No one took it that way but I wanted to clarify it. I meant to say “you feel like you’re just a burden”.
I agree. No matter how much overthinking you do, there never seems to be a solution. It hurts my head trying to figure everything out. Its a curse and its ruins so many good things. I wish you get better, I relate to your hell so much as it is my own. I know what it feels like to try everything and still have people not accept you.
Try listening to JPs talk "You need to be a Monster" - Liberate your inner monster and to hell with trying to please others Hell is other people as Sartre said. It is hard enough for healthy people to get along let alone people with disorders. Don't apologize for who you are
I had BPD. Something snapped in my head when someone used a therapeutic technique on me, a line of questioning to get to the core of an immoral belief I had. I had the idea that if people could conceptualize the pain I was in, things would change. I thought "People only care or do things when it gets to the point you get angry or cause a scene". and that was just an accepted belief of mine. I'd also get angry at things verrry quickly. Blowing up a situation like that kind of worked but eventually people get sick of it. And sick of constantly having you fear their motives or doubt their honesty, and they get numb to your pain and breakdowns. Which only makes it worse, because you can see and feel the relationship ending and not be able to do anything about it. You feel like nobody cares and that you're the worst piece of shit ever. But what made me change was the technique, leading to a realization that I was causing suffering to other people so they'd conceptualize my pain. Suffering begets suffering, and wellness begets wellness has never felt so real. I also had the realization that I was seeking sympathy for my trauma, to validify my trauma to everyone who I let close to me, so they would know I had pain in my life as if that would justify my flaws to that person. But the fact was, I was making people suffer, and then trying to justify it with the fact I've suffered. That is absolutely evil, I thought, and my mind changed... I also realized that sympathy doesn't get you ANYWHERE. People can know and conceptualize your pain, and things will stay the same. You won't be justified in hurting people, and your life won't feel any better either. This happened after my discovery of JP. It all happened in a flash of memory images of my past. It seems so simple, but it brought my neuroticism down from 95 to 30-40. I had been suffering with suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder, self harm, extreme heated frustration that I felt was too big for my body to handle for FOURTEEN YEARS. I was in such pain. Living was exhausting. I found out what happened to me was memory reconsolidation. I unraveled programming in my mind that elicited a fear response when whatever arbitrary thing triggered me into this downward spiral of emotional turmoil. It literally broke synopses in my brain, and I felt it. It felt like a snap and then a burst. Like 10,000 pinballs shooting all over a pinball machine, but they were tingly and cold. And a physical pressure felt lifted off of me. As soon as it was done I said.. "I think you fixed me" and I have been right so far, going on 4 years since my self-hate, suicidal times that occured daily.
@@chandlerangol6718 The line of questioning was the technique. I actually saw JP kind of do it in one of his school lectures. There was a muslim girl in a hijab he used to demonstrate it. He kept asking her "why's" "Why did you go go to college" because my parents wanted me to "Why do you want to please your parents" "because...etc" etc her stream of why's was pretty short, mine had gone on to about 10+ why's. He saw something kind of off about a hobby I had that had to do with rewriting backstories of other people to be in even more depressed and horrible states, and was asking why I was doing it, and then continued asking why why why why. I was getting progressively angrier defending the strange hobby of mine, until I blew up with the "core reason" which is personal, has to do with my childhood. I won't go further into it though. Knowing what one person went through won't be the magic answer for everyone. You can find different examples of this happening to other people in "Unlocking the Emotional Brain" or on the website for coherence therapy, they have a lot of case studies.
This guy is a genius. I had an ex girlfriend who i believe was BPD and this resonates very well. She is incredibly smart (one of the smartest people i've ever met), with a huge potential, however seems to do destructive things all the time.
what kind of destructive things she do? I had a ex girl to that i think have bpd, we stay together for 1 month and she break up suddenly ,we are not talking since then ( 22 days)
My ex has BPD and our relationship lasted about a year. Half the time he built me up so high, making me feel on top of the world and the other half of the time he tore me down and made me feel like he saw me as the worst person on the planet. Boundaries were frequently crossed during times of instability, and a lot of emotional abuse took place. He would expect me to stick around while I was being mistreated but when I couldn’t take it anymore, I was the person at fault in his eyes. He would say I never loved him when I had to remove myself from situations, or the relationship as a whole, to protect myself. My mental health suffered tremendously. I was always confused, traumatized, etc. Yet I continued to give him several chances because he had a side of him that was so gentle and kind, witty, intelligent, and just simply amazing in many ways. He knew what he had to do to change but when it came down to doing it, it never happened. It’s so sad. I wish he got help. I had to let him go because the rollercoaster that was our relationship was just so unhealthy. The cycles of instability never ended. I loved him so much. I wish him well and I truly hope he gets the help he needs.
I relate. I don't know if my ex would be diagnosed with BPD or not, but it sure seemed to fit. She told me once that she pushed away people she loved because she was afraid they would abandon her. That insecurity was ultimately a self-fulfilling prophecy, because I broke it off after three years of craziness. Half the time she built me up like a god on earth, and the other half she was gaslighting, manipulating, and throwing tantrums that were so unreasonable I decided their only purpose was to hurt both of us. I know it broke her heart when I left. I feel so sorry for her every day, but I keep reminding myself that in the relationship I felt like I was in a prison run by a crazy person.
So here's the thing I've noticed with borderlines. They KNOW what to do to change, but they refuse to do it. And even when they actually don't know what to do to become better people, they don't even want to get advice or even TRY to go about things in a different way. They REFUSE to work on themselves and grow and evolve like normal people. They are narcissists and LOVE to stay in the victim role, because that gives them an excuse to act like toddlers when people don't act like they want them to or when things don't go their way. Their egos are HUGE! My theory is that they are actually sociopaths who have been misdiagnosed because they are really good at lying and portraying themselves as decent humans when they are being evaluated by a psychiatrist. It's better to just stay faaar away from them. When a person has no ability to self-reflect and no desire to change whatsoever, then there is no hope for them. They will self-sabotage in every way they can, destroy their relationships and crush other people, and they will always be like that. It's the sad truth.
You described my ex with whom I have twins. When I couldn’t take the emotional abuse any longer, I broke up and he went after our kids. Anything to hurt me, to control and to destroy that which he was projecting into me. I don’t wish my ex well. He took 2 beautiful kids and I will never forgive myself for not getting out sooner - I’ve never known such cruelty.
Your story is the same as my wife's, except it lasted almost 8 years, 5 years married and we have 4 lively daughters. I'm a monster and I destroyed her, she will never be the same and neither will I. I'm undiagnosed but I show all 9 signs and it's like im a emotional rollercoaster changing every 5 mins but when i trigger my sympathy shuts off and this evil hatred for the people who left or hurt me and the sadness from all my loss and guilt comes up and got directed towards her. I hate myself and I wish more than anything I can at least change and make it up to her, I know I lost her love. I just hope I don't lose her in my life;
This really helps me understand someone that I really loved. She matches every one of these characteristics that he mentions. Impulsivity (reckless spending), could understand she has a problem but never did anything about it. But the worst one was how he said BPD's had a rough childhood (between 2-4yrs old). Her mother, even to this day, remains toxic and has caused tremendous emotional & mental damage to her. To the point where she is now slowly becoming her mother, despite swearing she would never become her mother.
hate to say it but that person will likely improve immensely if they just ditch the mother and don't seek her approval. Its a hard thing to do, especially if they are being a mother. In my experience BPDs visiting families is like a trigger and fuel for their BPD. Her mother needs to not exist.
My brother had it and died. My ex girlfriend had it and tried several times to take her life. It is an unfair affliction that lives in the chaotic domain. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
tommytigerpants I'm sorry you lost loved ones to this disorder. I've had it since Ive been small but didn't get diagnosed until last year. It's really hard doing your own research on this disorder bc most of the videos and articles I come across are geared towards ppl who are in a relationship with a sufferer. We're called manipulators and evil ppl. It's the farthest from the truth. It's like living in a hell of your own construction and nobody is able to save you. I just wanted to say thank you for understanding a little
tommytigerpants I found much relief through gut health and meditation. See video; can gut problems cause brain problems. I wish her all the best, and I feel for your brother (having had BPD most of my life).
My mother (RIP) had a genius IQ, and was borderline. As hard as it is to be around someone like that, as they say - 'I'd rather see it, than be it'. Her life was quite difficult and she eventually took her own life. So - yeah.
I feel for you man. Its so awful to see those brilliant minds twisted in illogical rats nests to justify their emotions and actions. I always say that time independent reasoning is a major sign of a personality disorder. When timelines of events dont make sense, when actions that happen after their bad actions in response to their bad actions are used to justify their prior bad action, you know you are dealing with a major disorder.
When the emotions are ruling the show, everything else (including facts, timelines, etc.) are twisted and used to justify what the emotions want. Hence the idea that these are people who are frozen at the 2 year-old level.
I haven't been formally diagnosed with BPD, but my husband and I are sure that I have it. I discovered that I was raised by a narcissistic mother, when I started counseling 3 years ago. I felt a light bulb light up in my brain. I also suffered with anxiety my whole life. After cutting off communication with my mother, my anxiety disappeared. Now, I am anxiety free and always working on myself to better myself.
It's amazing what getting bad people out of your life can do! It just sucks for those that have no choice but to live with people like that! Sometimes you didn't have the problem after all! They were the problem!
When I first saw this video, I was overwhelmed by how overwhelmed Dr. Peterson actually is by my "disorder". Yet, his summation is one of the most thoughtful, accurate and concise descriptions of Borderline Personality Disorder I have ever heard from someone who does not suffer it. And, all I could think is, if a man (like him or not) as solid in his perspective and convictions as he is can be so frustrated by people like me, I can only imagine how I affect the average individual. It is no wonder there is such a stigma attached to BPD. I am also compelled to say: imagine how frustrating it is to be an intelligent, rational individual who is aware of it all and yet still impotent to make progress; to be one who seems wired to set themselves up for the fall; with grand plans and strategies, incapable of bringing anything to fruition. I am tempted to address the comment he makes about being developmentally affected between the ages of 2 & 4 with my own experience. However, I have learned that trauma can be vicariously passed. It can be horrific to know the specifics of another's trauma. And, the details of my story overlap with those of other, good people. It is enough to say that. Given my context, there is nothing irrational about my reactivity. My "normal" was not normal. It was full of people who were suffering. Without intention, hurt people hurt people. The fact is, we with BPD don't overreact. We feel everything profoundly and it hits us hard. I liken it to being run over by a herd of rhinos. People have no idea how much self control we try to exert. Imagine asking someone who is having a seizure to stop shaking. I'm not kidding. We don't choose it. If you ask us what has us so excited (people are as uncomfortable with our jubilance as the are with our rage) rather than telling us to calm down (The worst thing to do. It is dismissive. We want you to pay attention to what we are sharing), then our sense of urgency diminishes and we can, more calmly, express ourselves. Our unstable personalities are actually multi-faceted. We shift perspectives and we need feedback because we need to know which perspective is most appropriate for our context. Unlike the majority of people in western society, we are contextually focused. We see ourselves as a part, not apart. This is not something we can change. We really don't belong in an individualistic world. The debates that go on inside our heads because we can see the validity in multiple, often opposite (not necessarily opposing - again a matter of perspective) viewpoints, seriously impede our ability to make wise personal choices. Black and white thinking erupts as we try to without feedback. I often feel like i am on the fine edge of a dime. I am both sides. Yet, I cannot show both at once. We are frustrating. We are frustrated. Many of us are lost because, in truth, the majority of people just can't handle us. Where most people have friends and partners who meet their emotional needs, I need a paid professional to meet mine. And, I have managed to "trigger" the last two. Pretty sad when you feel like you have to censure yourself with your "caregivers". It's pretty hard not to want to just hide under a rock. And, I am not. I am here, hoping to bring some awareness. I am stating that I do not choose to be this. It is, as the world sees it, my affliction. I have to tolerate that I am intolerable. Show compassion to a world that cannot have compassion for me. And, try to to believe, despite all evidence, that I deserve to show a little to myself.
Thanks for sharing! I’ve been suffering the same feelings and it’s extremely frustrating to cope sometimes which just leads me into an anxiety/panic attack. Everything in my head is so complex and interwoven it’s hard to articulate it sometimes and speaking to therapist is hard since my trauma is also complex and basically chronic since birth, I see they often make wrong assumptions bc they fail to read me properly. . it almost feels as if help is unreachable sometimes bc discussions are too short and I’ve heard and tried it all but nothing provides long term effects
@@casperr1299 There are still so many "professionals" out there that don't truly understand or appreciate our experience. That is why I find Dr. Peterson so moving. He does not understand. But, he wants to. I have found art therapy to be very helpful and the communities that I am connecting with through them to be much more compassionate and understanding. Even if you can't access art therapy, finding a class or workshop or even just sitting at home finding creative outlets for it all helps. What most people don't get is that our rational minds are not necessarily the "Good guys", That our emotional reactivity is often reaction to our relentless rationalizations. It is my emotional self that keeps me from acting on the conclusions my mind tries to convince me are truth. I have been in and out of therapies for over 3 decades and have put much thought and effort into trying to make people understand and see the positive purpose in how I experience life. I am grateful to, if nothing else, be able to validate others who similarly wired. You are not alone.
If you have borderline, try NLP techniques (neurolinguistic programming). You need to start over and build up who you want to be, and forget the life you were the victim of. Accept that you’ll need to work hard and be the leader of your new life, but it will be well worth the effort if you achieve what you set out to do.
As a person with BPD and Biopolar II disorder, he is so accurate. And let me say it's a struggle when you have both a personality and mood disorder, and you are really trying to be a productive and loved member of society. I also am extremely empathetic which makes it hard too as I can't even watch TV without crying or laughing with the actors. It's so weird to not have control over your own emotions. I would love for Dr. Peterson to pick my brain and give me some insights.
I have BPD going for a degree in Philosophy and Sociolgy and this speaks to me greatly. I am capable of doing some pretty amazing things but often I self sabotage because I can't see myself doing well. It doesn't matter that there is proof that I am doing well, my mind doesn't recognize it as fact. BPD is truly a complicated disorder.
I say this cause I've been diagnosed with BPD(which I don't particularly believe entirely all the time) but I'm like 2 or three class away from my aa in philosophy lol
@@DanielFlores-qe2xrwhat’s wrong thinking philosophically? Having BPD doesn’t make you a person whose opinions are invalid. As JP people with BPD are often quite intelligent and can think about things deeply. This comment was unnecessarily mean honestly
Having BPD is kinda like being a problematic child one moment, and being the parent of that child the next so that the parent can undo the chaos that the child caused. And it is also like one side is reasoning with the other, which is only focused on death/doom.
Yes, absolutely! I don’t know if it was due to my development when I was neglected as a child and missed school and overslept a lot. As I became a teenager and my grandmother cared for me, I found it so hard to get up early in the morning for school and then my job. Today, if I am late I will have conversations with myself in my head, I’ll tell myself “now don’t you be late again no matter what, get to bed early, do some chores while you get home too” it’s almost like half of me is a parent who can’t control their own child, as the child side of me often wins and yet again I am late or don’t turn up for work, thus not being able to hold down work for a period of time. It’s really horrible stuff.
I was diagnosed with this disorder. I was a screwed up man from like 15 to 26. Through alot of therapy and the help of god i overcame it. It's a different type of mental disorder because it's a thought and behavior pattern shaped by a troubled past, and not something that can be cured with medication. You need to literally retrain your mind to react to things . The littlest things usedu to send me into a rage , I would smash and break things for the most insignificant reasons. Ruined relationships, and caused alot of damage. I'm 30 and a completely different person now, I have completely recovered from the disorder and been told by therapists I no longer qualify for the diagnosis. The biggest problem with bpd is it's often misdiagnosed especially in men, as bipolar disorder and other disorders . It's not a chemical imbalance like bipolar, its a completely different beast
I watched a friend of mine with BPD having the most beautiful transformation. She learned to live in a stable marriage. That gave me hope. For all the poor souls who suffer from it I just pray they find the therapeutical method that works for them and heal. I know a girl know who I deeply fell in love with. I hope it won't annihilate me.
A wonderful therapist was starting to make progress with me, the main progress in attachment disorder issues,I had been working as a client aide where I was also a patient, at the same time as she was in the process of quitting a top position to open her own business and legally wasn't supposed to be taking patients with her but I did go to her nice new office where she first time I had a visit said listen we have to be careful what being of similar age and the nature of therapy, transference counter transference you know, well she is very very attractive but I didn't get the talk cause of the age similarities which I made sure to mention of course I kept it up until she was giving me compliments and I was returning them, I knew her husband my landlord and a great guy amazing father and while that's what she needed to have a family like the very large and seemingly always having a kid, so picture is she's top of her field, she's beautiful, pillar of the community, super mom, almost unreal to me I was intimidated by it I remember saying that and I remember we crossed the line, I moved out of the state a few weeks later and I never contacted her but she was so much of a funny feeling for me with aspd I think she and I momentarily loved each other, it was so much different than lust
I watched this and cried. I have a working diagnosis and seeing my life laid out like that - knowing that I drove away the love of my life is so painful!
Interesting it's described as a predominantly female illness. I'm diagnosed with BPD. The impulsivity is a hare truth too. It's almost like when you start to get on to good things on some level you set out on destroying it somehow. Relationships, jobs etc. Also for me it's difficult to regulate my emotions. Someone I love dies and there's nothing. I see a pigeon limping and it really chokes me up. I react to things very unconventionally.
Jack Millar not a female illness. What he meant is the way that we act, as BPDers, in regards to stress, is analagous to how women are supposed to act. Inwould argue that this is a somewhat sexist claim. How is it that women act? How can you say women act a certain way? I have all of the respect for Peterson that you could possibly habe, but Indisagree with him there.
@@richardblackmore9351 the word hysterical was invented because of the way women behaved on average when met with conflict, etc,. ... Stop white knighting.
To correct some false statements; BPD is more common with females because of the rate of hospital admissions. Women tend to seek out for help more than men. It’s a social stigma too. It’s not just about gender.
I am a Borderline and it is hell on earth. it's impossible to describe the pain of living with this condition. It is not much you can do and so many people commit suicide
@Scott M How about you go fuck yourself. It's not like we want to be like this. We didn't choose this. We know perfectly well that we hurt people and the knowledge of that always plagues us. So how about you say something useful instead.
@@OffTrack7593385 trolls are just damaged people too who find self-worth and happiness in putting down others. They are suffering in their own way, just focus on your own journey, it's awesome what you're doing :)
I truly believe thst I overcame BPD at the age of 33. With no help from anyone but myself, I had enough of it, and I decided to attack it with no fear of failing. It can be done.
Having BPD and CPTSD and pursuing PhD in Physics at the same time seems like climbing mount everest everyday. Falling down and then climbing. Never ending cycle
I have slight aspergers and ADD, probably BPD, CPTSD and narcissism and I'm trying to get into law school. My studies are fine so far, but it feels like I'm constantly on "the edge".
@@escapingboredom6958 it's a small miracle that I'm still alive and "well". I'm starting to think I don't deserve to be the one that gets to just get away with being such a horrible person. I mean, I'm just such a horrible person. Maybe some of my bad attributes and actions can be explained by being born this way, but I don't think it's a solid excuse, as it diminishes the value of personal responsibility. I have always been lucky when it comes to being awful, but unlucky (or getting what I deserve) when it comes to suffering from my awfullness.
@@ollikoskiniemi6221 Oh Dear, don't think like that. I can understand your situation and whats in your head. But try to live each and every moment. That's what I am trying to do everyday. Its hard but not impossible !! Trust me you are beautiful and kind human being
@@escapingboredom6958 I am not beautiful nor am I kind as a human being. I am not, however I want to be. The problem is that I have no opportunity to excerise my potential for good.
Just as I was wondering if he ever talked about BPD (a disorder I was partly diagnosed with), this pops up. Very true and hard to hear, as it's a debilitating condition, especially the part about the fear of loss mixed with behaviour causing people to leave you (happened with a few of my best friends). I struggle every day with containing my rage and trying to express it in a "normal" way, but it's really hard to do when you're full of different emotions and most of your life you were told not to show them at all, so you could act as a counselor for your parents. Probably why I developed OCPD along with it, to control my destructive urges. Tough mix to down, I had to take a hiatus this year, 'cause I couldn't study because of it. I'm attending various therapy sessions and they seem to slowly piece my life together. Listening to professor Peterson also helps me greatly, although my room is far from clean and there's a bunch of sturdy dragons littering it.
The fact that your parents were in constant conflict would, in all probability, mean that your security of attachment to either or both of them was shaky at best. That would leave a child angry for reasons unknown to him.
"I struggle every day with containing my rage and trying to express it in a "normal" way, but it's really hard to do when you're full of different emotions and most of your life you were told not to show them at all, so you could act as a counselor for your parents." Quite literally the reason I became a lead singer/screamer in my own metal band. I didn't know how else to express or release the rage I had stored up inside.
I also have BPD and it is horribly destructive to a person's life (and those who love them). As I have gotten older (I was diagnosed 30 years ago) it has become a little easier to manage. When I was younger I would end up in jail or the mental hospital quite a bit for my outbursts. Eventually I got so afraid of going back to jail I somehow learned to control myself. I have replaced all of those outbursts with self-destructive behavior instead so I hurt myself rather than those around me. Dr. Peterson has helped me a lot also, and like you my room is far from clean and is filled to the rim with huge dragons.
The encouragements or just the appreciation I never heard from my "friends" or family, I heard them for the first time here, and from others people who themselves have BPD.. and I'm crying.. I feel a bit sad but I feel hope too. I can't thank you enough...
I was diagnosed at 25. Despite 4 years in the military, getting 2 degrees, having a career, and having a thirst for adventure and knowledge, I still saw the instability coming from a mile away. Imagine wanting to be the best at something and doing everything must to get there, all for it to be curbed by your very own hand. I couldn’t stand the idea of working late while my wife was home, so I would do anything to get myself home just to get back to equilibrium. Relationships were my biggest trigger.
@@Kotpauk Correct. Quiet Borderlines are different than the rage type. They do much internally. I dated a quiet borderline and it was the most scarring thing I ever went through in my life. Her mental abuse was severe enough that I am still not over it. 9 months of her was enough to hurt me to this day. I still want to help her yet she devalued me beyond anything that my friends and family can fathom.
Holy shit this describes me exactly been struggling with this my whole life and thought it was just depression/anxiety. I’ve watched so many videos about psychological illness’s and none of them hit the nail on the head like this one. Literally seeking some professional help as soon as I can.
out of curiosity did you go and were you diagnosed? I fear some of these problems can just be related to confusion and stress from external forces like purpose, or lack of love for anything to keep you grounded. maybe we all just share a fundemental personal trait that makes us not fit in to the way the society we live in. judging from experience it seems to me the problems get worse the more you brood and try to beat them with acknowledgement, I think sometimes it is best to take advice from how your lfie is in the real world and not from your head. but I could be completely wrong
I had fallen in love with a woman and never was in love like that again, and the relationship escalated in the almost worst possible outcome within 6 months. I recognize her in every aspect JP is describing. It is her fate, but it is also my fate to have fallen for someone I would have given everything to just to make being together work, and there was just no way. It was a path of utter destruction. I was 33, after half a year she had aborted our child, a pregnancy of course which happened way too early, turned ice-cold, I naturally also lost contact with her two little kids, who she had from two different fathers, and who I loved very much and were longing for some sense of normality in the shape of me being there for them. Of course, I couldn't have been that normal either, to be part of everything that happened. She actually tried to get back and start over again two times. Although I never stopped loving her, I could only say no at that point. I had already gotten very sick myself with depression. It has been 6 years, but it feels like yesterday. I live in a city of 4 million, but she happened to live 2 minutes walk from me, and we both never moved since then and still live here. I wander the streets sometimes still not being able to comprehend what happened. How could it turn itself inside out from the biggest tenderness and affection of my lifetime to the worst opposite.
We want to love and be loved, but the bit of us that allows that, it's just broken. Don't romanticise it, though. Please move on to new light in your life. Best wishes.
Similar story but she never had kids. The worst thing for me is that type of woman repels me now but the good women bore me. But boredom is good.. you sacrifice the highs to avoid the lows
Don't know if you are keeping up with these comments, but just so you know: As someone living with BPD for many decades, this is the first and only concise, accurate description I've ever found anywhere for BPD. Kudos to you and Jordan Peterson!! And, thank you!!
Remember you only need to have 5 out of the 9 traits to have BPD. Everyone with BPD is different and their own person and deserve to be treated with respect. Some people with BPD can be empathetic and calm. Each person is different.
The BPD is incapable of empathy. Incapable of any emotion other than anger. Maybe do some more reading or you might get into tricky situations. Also, I wouldn't worry to much about ticking boxes, if you meet a BPD you'll know it eventually. Hopefully you'll be able to get away.
@@eves4263 Rude how? The guy said BPDs are empathetic and calm. Like hell they are. Get involved with a BPD and you'll be lucky to come out alive. Fck that.
It's sad to have a girlfriend who has BPD and even after taking care of her for a long time...spliting up because of the mental pressure you receive. Jordan is one of my favorite people to watch on yt and it brokes my hearth to see this. Even tho the separation was for a greater good many months ago, I still love her...
Casper L we’ve had a streak of no issues for the past few days, I think I maybe finally got threw to her, I’m trying to show her I won’t give up on her like everyone else did, she puts up these walls everyday to see if I love her enough to knock them down, I do and I’ll keep at it cause she’s worth it. Shits damn hard tho hell yeah lmfao but we can’t just give up on people ❤️🤘
@@letrface_8596 damn I might aswell could've written that comment. If you truly love somone than these problems shouldn't be too much of an issue. Sure, my gf has told me to break up, said she hates me, told me she probably wouldn't mind if I died but even how harsh the words may be you always have to remember that it's never you who's the issue, it's her internal struggle that lashes out onto other people. 90% of the time she's a wonderful person. She has written several songs and poetry about how much she loves me. She even gave me a jarl filled with notes that all contained reasons as to why she loves me for me to read whenever she becomes like that. It's these moments you have to focus on and never take the bad parts seriously. Keep up the good work, it means the world for them to have somone who understands them and don't judge them for their diagnose.
Diagnosed at 14. It only took one person in the world to never leave me. After that, all those intense emotions that I couldn't control, came easily under control. Interestingly, he had the same fears and the same issues. We have been together 23 years and happy. I stopped trying to kill myself. I actually try to stay healthy. I needed to be "re-educated" so that I felt like I would not be abandoned. My mother abandoned me multiple time and tried to kill me at least once. Instead of looking at how that might affect a child from 18 months to say 7 years old, they just diagnosed me. My husband is the only one that talked through things with me, reassured me, held me as I cried grieving the childhood I should have had, and so much more. One man made all the difference. I know he has to be extraordinary, because no one else could do that for me, not even my own mother.
Thanks for sharing your story. I truly believe that in some instances God can use people to bring healing to others. Your husband sounds like a caring, loving and compassionate man-exactly what many with BPD need. Leaving is easy. Staying is hard because the other partner may have to deal with things are uncomfortable and painful but the end result may just be a change in their partner's life that could only be brought about in relationships. Some things are changed for the better in the context of an active relationship and not discussing it in therapy once its over. For the person with BPD, its usually ends anyway but maybe the key to healing the extreme fear of abandonment is to have someone actually stay. How life giving and affirming of one's sense of self that would be. Not advocating anyone stay with in a relationship with someone that is abusive or highly dysfuctional. Instead, I'm agreeing with this lady that a shift in how we view the best way to heal & treat this may be in order. If every therapist, partner or family nember/ friend leaves that validates the thoughts & feelings that lead to BPD in the first place. Research has shown that many with BPD have experienced some form of physical or emotional abandonment or trauma in childood/adolescence that triggered this disorder to develop. If this pattern continues into adulthood so will the disorder. We need to break the cycle of leaving & being left for these people while taking care of ourselves in the process. This may not sit well with many but does not make it less true.
I have BPD and rather mild Bipolar II, I was pretty much a lost cause for a long time and if you'd asked me only a year and a half ago, if I'd be here today, I'd probably have laughed in your face. I wasn't even sure wether I'd be alive the next day. Today, I'm continuing University and am working torwards my PhD in Medicine, I've finally found healthy and productive strategies that I even enjoy. I made the move to the big City that I had wanted so badly for so long, got a job to support myself even more and I'm in a healthy relationship with myself and the people around me. I even enjoy alone time now. I found love for life and I'm stil working out who I am exactly, but I have a pretty good understanding of who I am in general and who I want to be one day. I haven't cut or self harmed in any way for over a year now. And I'm writing my story down in hopes that it might someday help others. I'm going to specialize in Psychiatry, Psychotherapy and Neurology, but I also want to conduct research and studies. I wouldn't be here without some brilliant people who supported me and gave me not only hope, but actual perspective. I understand BPD pretty well now and I was at my worst when I wasn't challenged, when I was bored. I've always had a high curiosity and I would soak up information like a sponge. I won't lie to you: I was a horrible person to myself and others. Toxic, manipulative, impulsive, reckless, I used to be all of that. And as much as I regret that, I don't regret my past because there is no use in regret alone. Regret alone won't change a thing. There is however use in actively learning from the past, in confrontation, in admitting your mistakes and in informing yourself. I am so happy I didn't manage to destroy my mental abilities, because they're my greatest asset. And so is self reflection now. I love thinking, writing, drawing, science and using my brain in any way possible. There is hope, there is stability and there is healing. It's very complex and there is no cure-all, but I desire to play my part in ending the hopelessness and stigma that's connected with BPD diagnosis in so many patients AND therapists. This is not the end. We're at a beginning here and if you feel like Dr. Jordan Peterson described now, let me tell you: It doesn't have to keep being let alone end this way. I used to be where you are now, it seemed neverending, it felt so deeply dark and bitter and I stil have lows, but they are nothing, NOTHING compared to what they used to be. I'm thinking about making a YT channel for that now, but I'm not sure if I should wait a bit. Please let me know if you read this. Also, I had the luck to have a Psychiatrist like Jordan Peterson and I will forever be grateful. These kind of professionals are very rare and the very best.
This is so inspiring and comforting ! Thank you for putting in the time to share🥹 So proud of you for doing the work to improve and all the best on your wonderful journey
Was married to a gal who was eventually diagnosed with BPD, and the sense I had was that she would 'compartmentalize' her emotional life, to the point where she'd be the sweetest, most agreeable person for a few days no matter the circumstances. And then one day it was like a 'relief valve' suddenly went off, where she had the need to totally ditch any sorta facade of 'agreeableness', in order to 'release' all the pent-up negativity... usually thru an hours-long bout of rage that nothing seemed to help. But then next day, even after the ugliest of fights, she'd act like nothing ever happened!
I have BPD and am totally guilty of this. I'm scared of saying anything so I just tend to keep the peace. Even if I feel hurt or anxious about something. I'm scared if I speak up that it'll just ruin the day .... Until ... Something happens that just seems like it's too much. I feel like I've taken enough and I can't take any more any longer and I tend to snap. I don't additionally go into meltdown mode because I have grown a lot. But I can be hurtful, passive aggressive, etc . And then if I'm not responded to with gentleness and sympathy I feel rejected and unheard and that's when I tend to go into a downward spiral. Feeling unheard or misunderstood feels like I'm dying. Like I'm trying so fucking hard just to communicate but it never works so I know I'm failing. It all just sucks.
Loving someone with BPD is extremely difficult. Anyone who does needs a therapist just to cope. It’s very exhausting because they often doubt the love they receive and believe they aren’t worth living so no one could possible love them.
@@sunshinecasey sometimes.. maybe… “right now I’d really appreciate x” might help. Working out the x can be hard though. Also accepting that not getting x doesn’t mean a whole lot of other leaps of logic conclusions.
@@freedahlogic8368 you're right.... I should've included my ex was a malignant narcissist that would go into fits of rage if I ever spoke up about anything, even if I used my scared soft voice and gently asked him things .. so I learned to shut up because it affects me so deeply. I'd be anxious for days, walking around on egg shells.
I found that the fear of abandonment component is triggered mostly in romantic relationships. That's my experience and it brings about terrible thoughts and feelings. Every nuance from the other person was investigated, examined, and questioned to the point that I sent that person runnnig for the exit. Most but not all of my relationships had that same chorus. In addition, I decided to stay single and celibate for the sake of sparing my nervous system a meltdown because romantic and sexual relations activates that need to be "ONE" with them. Just like a favorite person or best friend you want them around so much that is scares them away- along with the other uninteded reactions.
I'm the same. I was single for 6 years until last August when my boyfriend and I met. Ever since, it's been like being 'caught between a rock and a hard place', paranoia, jealousy, rage but he has been incredibly patient and won't let me go - he loves me, but it's still hell. Pisses me off when ex-partners of people with BPD talk as if we choose to be like this!
@ohnodontstawp8417 same although when triggered by loved ones I have been venomous, but I don't have a constant cloud hanging over me like I do in a relationship - I can relax when single.
This is me. Most of my seperation anxiety occurs in romantic relationships. I think it stems from the emotional intimacy I'm supposed to have with them, as opposed to more platonic relationships, where I can maintain a superficial level. You want so desperately to keep them, yet every perceived slight sends you into fight or flight mode and you lose all composure. I've had issues at work, when I feel some sort of injustice but have been mostly able to maintain control over emotions, but in relationships, I'll explode after bottling shit in that when I look back on it, weren't actual issues, just something setting off my anxiety.
I’m a quiet BDP mixed with aspergers...life is lonely and often confusing. I internalise my temper and take it out on myself. Rarely do I act out but when it happens its like a tsunami and I’m scary.
quiet borderlines is tha worst, literal psychic/emotional vampires who latch onto they favorite person & drain away at em until they nothin but a broken husk of they former self. most dudes who commit suicide after tha dissolution of they relations wit bpd chicks was dumped by quiet borderlines. yall is like tha poison of poisons
@@awnaur0no919 what is that make you, writing a sad little comment about someone you dont even know? Must've really poisoned you, since you seem miserable.
@@colnohman5255 lol Fuck you. Why does everyone blame the victim of abuse for being in a relationship with an abuser. You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Codependency does not exist in the context of love. Go off and research what love actually feels like. You see the best in that person and it’s confusing. I didn’t stay. I left once it became obvious. How is that codependent? Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and isn’t a traumatic experience. Human beings are a pair bonding species and that bond is incredibly powerful you insincere little cunt.
@@ForzaTerra89 I can relate to your original comment. And I am NOT co-dependent as the person above suggests. Not even close. I actually just loved him. I didn't love abuse. I could always see the deeper issue. Anger... but really deep insecurity and shame. "I don't trust you." was really "I don't trust me." He was trapped in the prison of his mind. He felt a lot, and then...nothing. Couldn't regulate anger..then deep shame. So many tears. But in the end, I saw the less, and more anger. I've never seen a man, a very masculine one, cry so much. So anxious, some nights afraid to die. Others wanting to. It was all just so sad.
@@LizaLavolta that sounds very familiar. It was over a year ago now which amazes me and I’m passed the experience now. It was very damaging and confusing. They blame you for things, it messed with your head and it’s hard to see it for what it is. One minute they adore you, then they’re terrified of being left and then they hate you and want nothing to do with you. It’s insidious but it’s sucks you in. The anxiety is absorbed by your nervous system when they’re suddenly fine. It’s very confusing and deceptive. I’m over it and I’m over him but it was definitely a very damaging experience and I got out once I realised that. Just took a while to pick up the pieces afterwards but I did and so will you. Very manipulative but at first you just think you’re dealing with a person who’s really hurting. Codependency doesn’t exist lol I’m annoyed all over again reading that comment. Why exactly is having feelings for someone suddenly so frowned upon. Romantic attachment is intense but impermanent. It’s a part of being human. It passed for me and it’ll pass for you too.
@@ForzaTerra89 Thank you. I realized it created a trauma bond/ chemical addiction. Insidious indeed. Once I knew this I can just ignore feelings that aren't in alignment with what I want for my life. (Calling, staying, etc.)Thank goodness for MY ability to emotionally regulate ;) It's nice to hear you're doing better. I hope to be soon. In my case he was both manipulative, and cofabulating- so he believed some of his own lies/was confused/had memory issues. It all blurred together. He was hurting, but also was manipulative. It was a lose lose for me, and I am moving on. It's a lose lose for him, but that's where he lives and has lived his whole life. I hope he gets help but it's not looking likely. I will be helping myself however! And I look forward to a loving healthy partnership- which I WILL have one day.
I have chills listening to the precise and crystal clear manner in which he is explaining this disorder (as well as the way he explains everything). I have never heard anyone speak so clearly, and yet descriptively; directly, and without a superfluous use of words. I am amazed by this man. He is a straight-shooting speaker. He has an immense understanding of so many concepts and an extremely keen ability to communicate that perception to the everyday, layman's person. I am a female so although I may be in the minority of his general audience (based from the statistics he often states), I am a HUGE fan!
When you have quiet BPD its impossible for anyone to truly know/understand you. It's such a lonely disorder and that loneliness just makes it even worse. Fuck man, why me.
Speaking as an ex of another pwQBPD...I'm so sorry. I wish I had known before it was too late. I don't know if it would have made any difference, but I'll always wonder.
Man this hit home. I have BPD, and I'd classify it as the quiet type, and before therapy, I always thought that I enjoyed being alone since I am more introverted than extroverted. But fuck, the loneliness...it's horrible.
@@rhys4303 they externalise immediately what we will always first internalise, I've started to look at it differently recently, I'll always be all I need and internalising not only helps that but also being calm in all situations
I think it is from being raised by a narcissist parent and those people cannot parent at all, you just survived them. I can only imagine the neglect in the early development years since i can't remember it although I remember my later childhood years and I was pretty much ignored most of the time. Especially when I would have an emotional outburst and bawled my eyes out. My mom made sure to ignore me and act like nothing was wrong at those times, contributing to the abandonment feelings.
Sasha Jade god dayum!!!! I just wanna hold you!!!! Same shit happened to me. I hate that the mantle has been given to me from her behavior.... funny thing one can give others their illness and never exhaust it themselves....
Sasha Jade Its usually caused by long term trauma abuse/neglect would do it. Idk if my father was a narsicist but he would go to extreme measures not to admit his guilt. And i got it so it wouldnt suprise me. I think theres a bit of biological to it tho. As im bipolar and it takes me a real long time to recognize i did something stupid.
You are probably blocking the memories. Think of basic things you know how to do as an adult, but need teaching, like going to the bathroom. Now imagine no adult taught you that. Yup ... some things are better left forgotten.
My mom put me outside by myself at two years old for long periods of time. I do not remember everything that happened but she told me a social worker brought me home one day to tell her that she can't just leave me outside. Yeah those narc parents even if they were to acknowledge someone's feelings it would be to make fun of them.
Someone with borderline will take a sentence you have said to them that may be SLIGHTLY negative and take a word from it (let’s say you said “why did you lie to me?”) and they will freak out over it. They’ll be like “LIE? Why did I LIE to you? Don’t call me a LIAR!”.
I have a lot of traits of BPD and for personal experience it means that we ignore almost EVERYTHING except the words, for example non-verbal behaviour, situation, congruence with your own character, etc.
My BPD person is one of the smartest most talented people I've ever met but man loving them is difficult when despite the fear of abandonment they constantly push you away.
I have BPD and I do psychotherapy. I have been doing it for ages and for different reasons. Jordan Peterson NAILS it when he talks about implementation. TRUELY NAILS IT for me. I know all of my problems all my limitations but I cannot implement what I need to. Also the potential bit, the wasted potential thing he mentions... I know people around me think that. My father being the first, of course.
Natalia Loncharich sorry to hear that dudesky. From my understanding learning and experience seem like the best way to develop, but those are also the things that can seem the farthest from us when looking into the void of our relationship to others with possible anti social behavior.
You just have to take baby steps. Everyday win a small victory against the side that doesn't let you "implement what you need to" as you said, and eventually they will lead to larger ones
It's like people with BPD are CONVINCED they can't do anything right or otherwise, it's like self defeatism. For me it was having a narcissistic father
I hate having BPD. The hardest thing to hear is that no one knows how to approach me. I could have an episode at any given moment, no matter how mild the issue is. I read that BPD can become manageable, the first step is awareness. That knocks out disassociation at times for me because I know exactly what is happening once my episodes begin. I was diagnosed at 16 and I am 18 now. I finally finished 2 therapy goals in my cognitive therapy. It's scary not knowing how you're going to react. I hardly feel like myself because I usually am kind and mindful, but when I misunderstand a situation, I immediately hate myself and devalue whoever I am around.
We just need love and security. Once we have that, we can do anything. I was in a secure loving healthy relationship for 5 years when I was in my early 20s. I was so happy and I wanted to do anything for my other half. I was incredibly productive during that time. I lost tons of weight, toned up, looked amazing, I got a degree, jumped several ranks in my career as I was so focused and clear headed, I had a great circle of friends, good relationships with my family, bought a home, pets, everything in my life just fell into place because I had that anchor that I needed. As soon as we broke up (he wanted kids and I couldn't have them), everything else fell apart. So from my personal experience, I think borderlines are orphaned kids that have had our hearts ripped out. We just need someone to come along and put a heart back into us. We don't even need taking care of in terms of money, work, etc (I was very very hard working), just love and security. Once we have that, it's like someone has switched us back on and we can (and want to) do anything to reward our 'saviour'. If that love/security starts to disappear again, we literally start to die and lash out in an attempt to survive. I don't think borderlines lash out when the other person makes them feel secure. At least I don't. It's only when we sense a threat to that security (they flirt with other people, act distant/uninterested, start ignoring us, cheat, get angry) that we react. But unfortunately borderlines tend to attract unhealthy partners, as we are intially attracted to lovebombing and someone that is very obvious about wanting us (due to our insecurity). Narcissists/sociopaths/other dark triad types are very good at making the initial move and don't hold back or act shy like a healthier partner might. They throw themselves at you. So at first they feel very secure as you don't have to second guess if they like you. But it's a trap.
The best thing I ever learned was how to 'pamper' myself like a child. When I lash out or go into panic mode, I baby myself into comfort. It's essentially like my adult self pampering my inner child. By loving myself in this way, I am 100% guaranteed comfort because I can never leave myself.. If I pour all of that comfort onto other people, it's risky. It also teaches me boundaries; I give a little here and there, but I remember that I always have myself. It's what makes me feel safe :)
Holy shit, you are incredibly insightful. I never realized this about myself or about how my mind works, but I can see it so clearly in my past now. Thank you so much for taking the effort to articulate how it feels to have BPD in this way--it's empowering and helpful. As a young person with BPD just beginning to have relationships, I will heed your story carefully. Thank you.
You will never get love and security. Now start healing. None of your behaviours are justified, no matter what your trauma is. I am sorry for putting it in harsh words.
@@taiyebbadr8912 for real. By saying "all WE NEED is love and security" demonstrates the crux of the problem - they're putting all the responsibility on others providing a solution for them.
My husband has Borderline Personality Disorder as well as PTSD. We divorced once and then remarried because he is an amazing father to our 9 yr old son. I have learned to watch what I say and to be more encouraging as well as support his dreams. We are making great progress.
I was diagnosed with BPD a couple of years ago. And I can verify that it’s a terrifying disorder for both the loved ones and the afflicted. I was very lucky that I found a therapist who was able to help me and I’m doing much better. If you have the symptoms of BPD, please know this: it’s hard but there are people out there who can help. You need to put in the effort. It’s rough and hard but trust me, it’s worth it. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones.
You, Mr Peterson, have helped me to combat the narcissist in my life and honestly its made it fun to see the cycle for what it is. I don't derive enjoyment in this, not specifically, thwarting the attempts to play games with my life and be very matter of fact however is nice. Shutting it down, killing their arguments, watching the struggle to remain "in control" even when they can't control themselves, floundering and doing it effectively has liberated me from the illusion created in order to keep me under thumb. Thanks for the assist.
@@garymitchell5899 You don't know much about BPD... I have a lot of self-insight and do a lot of self reflection and I am diagnosed with severe BPD by professionals. I know that I have hurt family members and exes and I'm deeply sorry about it... I just want to be alone now. I ruined my own life with a lot of my behaviour.. I'm fully abandoned here in my wasteland by everyone except my unconditionally loving parents. Am working really hard on myself. I'm sorry about all the pain I have caused. I wish I was never born.
@@extraterrestrialhorse9722 A BPD is a borderline psycho/socio path, that's literally the meaning of the term. To pretend that a BPD is just cuddly and misunderstood is plain wrong. Get involved with a BPD and your life will be turned over - don't do it.
I've never felt so proud as this makes me feel today. It's the second time I've watched it and have already made gigantic leaps in finding solutions to the issues I characteristically had.
@@garymitchell5899 woah a lil aggressive there Gary. I think the pride is coming from a source of validation from a highly intellectual individual. Validation and self compassion can make a person feel g r e a t.
I am 63, always had the suspicion that I am a functional borderliner and finally the diagnosis was confirmed after 8 weeks in a clinical setting. I am so grateful to have found this short bit of information which confirms clearly what I have been wrecking my brain with searching for an answer for so long. Thank you so much Dr. Peterson. Now finally I understand myself. Best regards and loving thoughts for all concerned with this subject.
I would say that BPD is the worst and best thing that has happened to me in my life. I have been in therapy for a couple of years and am in DBT therapy since a year and it has completely changed my life. I feel like a different person now. I have grown immensely and I believe that I wouldn’t even qualify as BPD anymore. Everything is possible.
BPD can either be your downfall or your superpower, once you learn how to manage it,(me being a borderline) I feel like you would be indestructible; i havnt got thier yet
I'm borderline. The best way to describe it for me is like being both a true empath and a sociopath. I also have CPTSD and many other things. I hate the stigma surrounding this disorder. We are very lonely people who live in an emotional paradox. Before ever seeing this video i knew my potential had been squandered, I've been saying that to myself since i was 15. It's nice to be validated i guess but still I wish there was more interest in people who have BPD and not the stigma.
Yep. People either think we're jerks or have brain chemistry issues and need drugs or other fix.... Unfair, it's a curse, thankfully this life is finite/ doesn't have to go on for 60+ years... Validation is... Ok sure, the small things and joys matter yes, but when we are blind to them and rely Only on external validation... It's a drug. As bad as any, means that people control us (and people are/ can be tricked into thinking "oh wow my husband/ wife saved me! I love these chains" but if you can't sustain yourself, you're never truly free (to each their own whatever they feel need to live their life and can/ can't do, but knowing we are truly free ... No better feeling or state of being, don't be tricked by the whole "look how romantic co-dependency is, you Need This!" Scam society tells us
It’s like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces everyday. Sometimes it feels like you are sitting in a glass box watching yourself self sabotage all of your hard work
I had bpd and it was very strange at first because i didn't understand what's happening but when i discovered that i have bpd it's effect started to decrease and now i feel completely free from bpd and it all happened in 3 months and it's very painful 3 months. I wrote this to tell those with bpd that it's not as strong as you think, just keep moving toward your purpose, consultant a psychiatrist and soon everything will be alright.
My ex has untreated bdp. She basically single handedly destroyed our relationship and then blamed me for every problem we had. I love her very much still but it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with a person not getting help for this heartbreaking disorder. Idealization, Lying, gaslighting, rage, projection, extreme personality changes, false memories,suicidal threats, testing, blaming, devaluation, and ultimately discard. I’ve been through it all. I just wish I could get that sweet girl back that I fell in love with..
What initially made you love her? Please resolve this mystery. I'm only asking just to avoid being manipulated by a bpd person. I want to know the sings from a male perspective.
@@iLilith11 mine was sweet and caring and also stunningly beautiful i couldnt get enough of her and also couldnt believe my luck so much so i ignored the red flags that ultimately cost me later.
@@iLilith11Red flags are a history of short-term or unstable relationships. The ones they claim as longer-term were on-and-off-again relationships. Another red flag would be abandonment in their childhood. It can be easy to overlook these red flags because they are so great in the beginning.
Yeah....My family went through hell courtesy of my mother who is probably borderline and narcissistic and just plain manipulative. (estimated by former friends who work in medical, developmental, and psychological fields). Every time I tell the story of everything that happened people are shocked.
ive been reading through this comment section and i keep seeing your comments pop up. i feel your pain brother..... same thing with my mother.... i wonder if borderline personality disorder is mainly a female thing...
I really think it is. Men tend to exhibit wayyyy different personality disorders and it seems like they experience them far less and are more likely to have other psychiatric and psychological issues vs personality disorders.
FUCK ME, this sounds familiar. Especially the part about: being able to identify the problem; knowing or forming a way to solve it; not lifting a finger to solve it.
That doesn't mean you have borderline personality disorder. It could just mean that you are lazy. If you still have temper tandrums then you probably have BPD
DepresssedOne I have the same shit... but it feels more inherited from how my mom would treat everyone and not having a good example of someone who would take responsibility, cus guess what she drove off the father that didn't exhibit such behavior and did a great deal of work to help our family... but everything was his fault she would twist her sickness into everything, so now I have that terrible skill as a learned behavior.
yeeesh.... my sisters name is summer too.... well i feel you and i think sometimes i worry too much about it.... try to remember youre a product of your environment, and your atmosphere changes constantly. it sounds cliche as hell but you really do have the power to be what you do or dont want to be. whenever you think back of a time that bothers you say "fuck negative bitches" and think about someone motherly that you admire instead
I never got the diagnose, I kinda mentioned it ten times to my MD, psychiatrists, psychologists and nothing was done with it. And I am crying right now cuz for someone without BPD this man made me feel understood about this part of me. I can’t stress enough how this man changed my life. It’s a blessing.
Have you tried talking to your GP who can refer you to better ones? My GP is in control of my mental health until my country can get off their asses and actuallly help people who need help with mental health. Personally I’ve seen the worst psychologists who have misdiagnosed me, would send his interns to see me on appointments but never him, randomly left the county without notifying me who was waiting 3-4 years for an appointment. Saw a different want, got the promise that they’re gonna be more thorough and it’s been 2 years since I saw that one 😂 I highly recommend talking to your GP! I also had the WORST experience with a GP I had from a child to an adult and when I changed GP’s, I got the best one. It’s really worth it to see different doctors :) good luck on your journey!
I was diagnosed with BPD 30 years ago. It is hell to live with. I love Dr. Peterson and I think he did an OK job of explaining it off the cuff like that. There is a lot more to it, but like he said it is very complicated and he wasn't prepared to speak on it in this moment. I'm glad he did though, if even only briefly. I have been curious about his thoughts on BPD for a while now.
Ever had anyone optimistic treat you? It makes me sad that so many people in the field just don't know how to respond .. a lot of the things we do to treat people with other disorders can actually make BPD worse .. and most people don't seem to know about the various effective evidence-based treatments (beyond DBT, which I consider a stabilization plan, not a treatment) The literature doesn't help either, very negative books like "I hate you don't leave me" .. it's cute I guess, but even the title is a bit judgemental. I tend to suggest people who might have BPD read Lost in the Mirror by Moskovitz .. it's unusually honest and optimistic but still presents all the depth of problems that can come along with bpd.
This guy was spot on. As soon as he mentioned temper tantrums I laughed. When I get mad/frustrated/upset I stomp my feet and my husband says I'm like a 2 year old. BPD sucks and what sucks even more is that we don't want to be this way, our childhood made us this way but that's also an excuse.
Ok, to be fair an actual BPD tantrum is nothing to laugh at. My mom had it. Didn't know until I was 27. Wanna know what hers looked like? Her destroying all my baby pictures in a BBQ grill because I said I hated my family in a fight-AT 15! Lying that I abused her so the cops can arrest me-battled 3 DV charges and spent thousands of dollars and 2 years of absolute hellish stress over one lie just for her to "get back" at me in a fight. Her sabotaging the relationship I had with a girl I've loved more than any other. All through her fears of abandonment and by continually harassing, calling, stalking, and threatening her. At the end of the day, I knew that was horrible of my "mom", but I couldn't quite sever the ties with the lady. The years of manipulation had me questioning my sanity and perception of the situation. It was so deep that at times I really DID think my lover's sole mission in life was to turn me against my mother in some pointlessly convoluted and illogical conspiracy. Even as my gf was crying and breaking down from the bombardment of viciousness (most, I never knew was happening. Ask my mom, and of its all just lies to, once again, turn me against her). I still couldn't stop saying "But that's my MOM though. What kind of son abandons his mom?" no matter how pointlessly egregious the behavior. Long story short, she obviously broke up with me and cut all communications. It wasn't because I was toxic in nature, but when you sometimes associate with toxic people you wind up disclosing things in random spur of the moment conversations that will be 100% remembered and stored in the brain box labeled with "Danger: if opened can destroy lives. Only use in defense of very minor and totally imagined attacks".
I'm afraid I have this. When I am angry I grab anything I can write on and write everything I am feeling and why and try to make sense of it. After I calm down I read it and throw it away. Is that a typical symptom?
@@rajbhattacharya4427 I just want to say she does love you but not in the way a mom is supposed to. And even though she loves you there is no excuse to stay in a toxic environment. If she loves you she'd understand no matter how much it hurts. I have 4 kids of my own and I just know me sticking around will damage them but my husband says leaving is worse. I just want to leave everyone but maybe that's not the way to go. I think when we're angry that's when we should leave temporarily like an hr or so until we cool but again it's so hard to leave because our brain is pushing us to be more and more angry and fight and argue. Please for yourself remove yourself from the situation, move out, move far away. And I hope you know that it's not you, it's her.
@@nataliedulaney8347 Are you trying to journal it? I'm impressed because I've been wanting to do this but I never have the time to think to write it down. I need to at least try to write it down after the fact. Usually I reflect but it's a never ending cycle. You will most likely end up doing it again whether its in 3 months, a year, or 5 years. I swear there's no hope. I have been on a schedule lately and that has been keeping my mind busy.
@@rajbhattacharya4427 And I was laughing at the way he did it because it's spot on and I've never noticed that and didn't think it was a symptom. Just mind boggling how we don't notice these things in ourselves. No self awareness.
I have bpd, and the good news is yes, even if theres not a cure, with therapy and a lot of hard work youvcan keep it under ccontrol to the point if you got the test that diagnosed you again you would no longer "qualify" as a bpd sufferer. And please dont use this illness as an excuse for poor behavior, just dont. Own your mistakes, you are a grown up. Sending love & strength to everyone fighting against this, ypu will win, you will become an amazing version of yourself, trust me. You just need to be patient and keeep up the good work cbt is your best friend.
Thank you Jordan Peterson! This is the first time someone explained it in a way I can "feel" - even being German and having to find my way through the words I love this explanation. And it lets me learn that I have that disorder and lets me understand where the link is missing - AND lets me get not only a glimpse, but a real clue, what to do for the FIRST time in 60 years! So thankful.
I was diagnosed with bpd 5 years ago yet somehow anytime i watch these kinds of videos i still cannot believe how accurately i fit the description and traits of BPD. Everything he says I'm sitting here like wow he is literally describing me😦
This video is the first time I’ve found out what BPD actually is and all of this is 110% me..I am 20yo. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything but my mental health overall has been a huge struggle nearly my whole life and it took me to stumble upon this video on my homepage to finally understand the main component of it..
I'm going to break this damn cycle. I'm focusing my energy on love and love only now. I'm opening my doors and I'm connecting back to source. I'm gonna find that force! And then I'm going to become a resource. It's a new cycle now. And IM in control of it. I have control over my thoughts. I may not have control ovee my feelings all the time, but that's ok. I'm a hypersensitive person. But all I need to remember is to not take everyone and everything so damn seriously. Because it's life! Life is crazy, but that doesn't mean I have to be. I don't have to be subject to these demons that take my body and emotions on a joy ride. I need to sacrifice myself to what truly matters in life. I can do this because everyone is capable of change. It's harder for me than it is for others but that doesn't mean it's IMPOSSIBLE!
You know what, I choose to see bpd as a direct bridge to source, instead of functioning perfectly in this matrix of sociable acceptability and lack of sensibility we excel in to unconditional love for ourself and so others / activators of source through facing the pain straight on with no fuzz or make up. We are the mystics of our time, let’s not entrap ourselves in an idea that we aren’t but victims as such that suits a general society of masquerade.
Clara Lind your so right , out of all the comments I’ve seen so far , I’m glad that somebody is thinking progressively and can see a way out. The only way out is through “LOVE” i truly believe Love conquers all , with By finding and activity we truly love and mastering it we can unlock endless bounds of potential. Love can allow us to overcome ourselves.
I was diagnosed with BPD not long ago. Been listening to JP for many years now and this is not only (once again) him speaking my chaotic mind into the articulate form I wish I could but this time, I’m in tears with how accurate he’s describing my life. I even know what he’s talking about and call them just that: tantrums. They are agonizingly painful internally and externally.
I'm bpd and yes I've had all the symptoms it started when I was 12 years I was sexual , verbally and physically abused had relationships with 2 narcissistic men but I've always risen above the diagnosis I try my best I exercise, meditate and do yoga. I put 100 % into my job but I struggle with my emotions sometimes. I cried everyday but it's much better now. To those suffering there is hope.
I’m sorry you have hard such a hard life. The abuse you suffered breaks my heart. I share in some of your wounds. When times get tough, remember there are people out here that can and do love you. I would take my own advice, but my memory is shit......🤔😉
"One interesting thing of people with pbd is that often there quite intelligent. And you see the person with bpd something like the waist of the scoundering of wasted potential. They seem capable of thinking trough there nature of there problems anaylising and discussing it. But not capable whatsoever of implementing any solutions" This hits home like a truck.. Fuck i love his mind and his way of verbally explaining stuff. This guy is my spirit animal
It is so difficult when they fear abandonment, yet they act or behave so abusively that drives individuals away ! I totally agree with what he is stating ! Another aspect to this is while they possess intelligence, they either use their intelligence to cause problems, or they can pin point a problem, but will never really address it, and often they are not held accountable for certain actions/behaviors.
Ive unfortunately known someone with BPD, she projected that she was proud of being judgemental and "cutting out all the toxic people" when all her friendships, ALL OF THEM lasted little more than 3 months. And I could tell she was just miserable inside. She selfproclaimed that she went to therapy twice and nothing came of it. She told me she had a friend that had BPD and went to therapy and lied to the therapist and was proud of deceiving that therapist into thinking they don't have BPD and I think that was really a story of hers. She also had other clear issues that warranted therapy. It's like a selffulfilling prophecy, a disease with the stipulation that you can't fight the disease. And I hope these people find their path.
@@Reac2 honestly, there could be multiple problems: 1. Lying to a therapist. 2. Misdiagnosed 3. Someone with BPD could have a co-morbidity of behaviors, which makes interacting with them almost impossible. Sometimes there is an unusual dichotomy that transpires, that creates a very difficult living/relationship situation. Meaning, there are two behaviors/situations happening at once. For example, the individual with BPD may fear abandonment, however, at the same time, act in a manner which would drive someone away from them (constantly combative, cannot compromise, has a skewed perception of a situation). For example, someone who constantly is combative with individuals regarding their compulsive gambling, spending, or a substance use disorder. While the "normal/functional" individual who is in the relationship with the individual who has BPD/other (impulsivity, SUD) tries to explain to the individual that their behavior "XYZ" whatever it is, causes distrust, financial problems, escalation of arguements, crime/abuse, and is causing major problems in the relationship. However, the behavior/actions do NOT change (no matter how many times it is brought up). The individual with BPD, may continue this specific behavior, yet wonder why someone leaves (lost friendships/relationships etc), and fears abandonment. It is almost like they do NOT have the ability to understand anyone else's point of view, and realize how destructive their behavior is. Therapist: "What is the result or cause/effect ...when you (the BPD individual) does XYZ ?" ..OR.. "What are you thinking or what gives you the greenlight to do XYZ ?" (The action/behavior) " How do you think your actions/behavior affects others ?" "How do you think actions/behavior XYZ makes "victim"/ person in relationship with you feel ?" If you are interacting with someone who has BPD/Narcissistic/ASPD/Dark Triad tendencies, then the victim may fear even discussing anything with the individual with BPD/co-morbidity, because of fear of retaliation, or psychological abuse/personal attacks. Because to the individual with BPD/other co-morbitity is that they lack the maturity/level of understanding to address a concept/truth, so they may lash out at the individual who is speaking a fact or truth to them. Again, because they may be hyper sensitive/have depression/other, even asking them to wash a cup/spoon left in the sink, may create major problems. The "normal"/functioning individual may feel like they are "walking on eggshells " around the BPD/narcisstist/ ASPD/Dark Triad individual. They may personally attack you, or make up some rediculous excuse of why they cannot do something etc. They have an inability to take responsibility for their actions/behaviors, and may often blame others/circumvent responsibility. So, they victim may suffer on all sides, especially if money (financial abuse) is used as a weapon to control. From what I understand, some with BPD may have control issues, and may be so completely out of touch with rules, law, and/or reality. In sum, to my understanding, some (not all) individuals who have BPD, may exhibit behaviors that may drive an individual away from them, may be hypersensitive to someone else's opinion that differs from theirs, hypersensitivity to criticism, while they have NO problem stating the most horrible things to you... yet they fear abandonment. What are your thoughts ?
I’m stunned and overwhelmed with the clarity and acceptance you provided. What an incredible move to reach out to others. You don’t know me but I’m with you all the way.
The best way to describe BPD, its like half your brain is logical, half your brain is emotional, and there's a glass wall between them both. They can see each other, but can't communicate at all.
meowkki perfect
meowkki omg this is the best way to explain it!! Thank you!
It's so sad how much I can relate to this:(
Does it make you fall in and out of love easily?
@@kuunami think it does. Dated a girl like that.
I was diagnosed with BPD twelve years ago and I can relate to this so hard. The worst part is being intelligent, rational, and logical, and being able to clearly see how you're destroying your own life, with little ability to stop the inevitable crash.
Hi, Perfumafilia, there are tons of good therapies out there... Go for it! I have completely recovered from BPD, even though it took me some years and money and courage. I am so lucky because I had wonderful therapists who believed in me and I was never lazy to learn and practice new ways of thinking and feeling. If you put your feet on your spiritual way you will enjoy it so much... BPD is an extremely painful condition it is better to get rid of it. Do not waste your time with carrying all that shit in your heart and head - make that "painful operation" and you will get back your life. Now I am not ruining but saving others lives and went no contact with my abusive family. I am a happy mother and wife, busy with a start up and practicing martial arts and meditation to be the best of me. :) It is still a long way to go... Good luck!
No no no. Fuck YOU Scott, fuck you
Scott M not on purpose. What are we supposed to do lock ourselves up from the world?
Scott M i was traumatized it’s not my fault I have this mental health disorder. You are confusing borderlines with sociopaths
Jezebel demon I rebuke you
the harshest thing ive ever heard about having bpd is ''its like watching someone else destroy youre life'' I think that sums it up for me
yes... ive read that too and felt it myself as well.
Sums it up for those of us who have had the misfortune to encounter these miserable beings.
Can't run fast enough.
@@emmmzxo4138 you are just as miserable when you generalize "these beings" like that. and project your experience onto everyone you hear has bpd. . there are serveral different types of bpd.
😂😂 No. I'm actually very happy without tantrums, rages, jealousy, restraining orders, busted property, police at my house, gaslighting, lying, spying, and on and on and on.
@@emmmzxo4138 has nothing to do with what i said. This is your experience with one individual you project onto whenever you hear bpd. Ofc you are happy without that, who isnt.
Having BPD and being conscious of it and trying your best to not cause any problems is like having to constantly watch over a baby that lives in your head. You often have these sudden mood shifts and impulses and you constantly have to force yourself to not act on them and to remind yourself that they are just current emotional states and not who you are as a person and that they will not last forever. It`s sometimes so exhausing that you would rather live under a rock than ever having to interact with another human being again - family and friends included.
Thank you for your very right on and serious statement...so much work.
I am afraid of how self-aware I am but I still cannot regulate my emotions to the point that I could really hurt other people, especially my loved ones. And the constant self-sabotaging and feeling emptiness,, man... I wish I was well
This is on point! It's even harder when you live in a home where other people are unstable as well! It's like you literally can't escape no matter what!! Especially if you are poked and prodded even after leaving the situation and are provoked! When you can't take it and want to be alone and people push themselves on you seemingly waiting for you to explode! Seems like the more you tell people to back off or avoid situations, the more they come at you! It's hopeless!! And hopelessness is the worst feeling a human can have! Would rather be dead! Especially when your livelihood is at stake or you try to avoid bad situations but the bad comes knocking on your door or you live with them! Just agonizing!
True. I hate myself so much that sometimes it scares me. I hurt people whom I consider close all the time. One moment I shower my mom with love and praise the next I yell at her, blaming her for things that I know aren't her fault. I to apologise and treat her extra well but the cycle always continues and I hate it. I have begged her to send my psych ward multiple times. Someone like me should be under lock and key.
I hate my dad. He is violent both verbally and physically. I have to tiptoe around in my house with my head down and not cause any trouble. But at the same time I want him to hold my hand or even just acknowledge me. But that rarely happens. Everytime he would scold me or make some remarks I would cut myself and blame it on him which just makes me hate him more. It's hard living with bpd.
Thank you for sharing this. It seems that bpd Comes in subtypes. A GP who Saw me in hospital hinted that I could bé bpd. I actually don't lash out AT people except in case of blatant direspect. I believe I have a fearful- avoidant attachement style. I don't feel empty inside. I was raised by a narc. I keep on meeting them romantically but discard them as soon as I réalisé what they are or avoid them altogether. I Never go black to people who did me wrong. I really don't know where I stand in all this. And I don't have thé funds to go To therapy. It looks like I don't really fit thé classic bpd criterions
"You want to feel alive but you also want to die because you can't handle the pain." EDIT: I was diagnosed with BPD and I have gone through enough self work and therapy to be officially in “remission.” My therapist refers to me being emotionally stable like this and I no longer cycle through the extremes of emotions. Now it’s not like I’m completely cured but it would take a lot to knock me off from my stable self. But there is hope. It’s a process you work hard at creating and practicing. Edit2: I no longer can be diagnosed with BPD. As in my symptoms no longer correlate with the diagnosis.
What? Is it that way for alot of people with BPD?
I can say it’s exactly like that, but I would never ACTUALLY kill myself. But I do have thoughts.
@@weirdo24-7 yeah, it is. Thats me
So trueee
I cannot speak for other people but yes, it is that way. We, or well I, do feel emotions with far more depth than other people, whereas a normal functioning human has an emotional scale of 1-10, I have -5-15, some other persons absolute rock bottom of 0 is a rather well occuring mood for me and it can get far worse from that.
This brings me to the above mentioned words, with the upscale also going above, we can enjoy things far more than other people, the littlest and silliest of things can bring about absolute bliss at points but due to our emotional instability that +15 can reach a minus point in a very abrupt matter just by someone telling you that they have to go away for bit or some other mundane thing.
All these twists and turns are really exhausting, you really wanna live but also wanna die at the same time all the time because every emotion is so overbearing that its hard to handle them. I imagine thats why we turn to suicide, you just cannot handle this much pressure all the time, you either shut down yourself by becoming numb to everything or at least try to and live like a hollow shell of yourself, or you simply end your life as there really is no point in living if you are gonna be barely surviving in misery.
Having BPD is like being in the back seat and driving at the same time.
exactly! (I know cuz I have it)
SvenStadt Sucks for us. Sucks worse for everybody else.
Wow. This puts it so well.
forgotten41 You don’t have BPD.
forgotten41 that was the answer. I knew that. It’s really mechanical and you can only experience it. I think I get. Close with this example. But if you want me to try.
It feels like somebody takes over. It’s you. But it’s not you. You’re watching. You go behind your eyes. And when it’s over, you come back into them. And you’re feeling the horror and pain the monster created. And it really is a monster. It feels like a monster takes over the wheel. And it is looking back at you. In the mirror. And it’s you. And you are seeing the chaos it is creating in real time. Without any way to push on the breaks. You can’t stop this thing.
So the difference between being in therapy and not being in therapy is that this thing is loose. It’s just, no leash. And it starts becoming your personality. It totals who you are. And you are in the back seat now 85% of the time. Being out of therapy was the worst idea of my life. It gets frustrating. And we hate ourselves. I know I speak for everybody who does this to people.
It’s not just impulsive instability. It’s a fucking monster. And it is autonomic.
Being in therapy puts a seat belt on. It’s important to just fucking submit. You cannot control that mother fucker. He will burn everything and everybody and then himself. And you just watch. And then he leaves. And you feel the pain.
You can’t reduce this to what you observe. It’s totally an experience like having a mutated body. You can see that. It’s a visible deformity. There is something inside of us. Like a cage. And we have no lid. It’s fire. Everything burns.
That’s all I can say.
My ex girlfriend has BPD. I would never wish this disorder on anyone. It was heartbreaking watching her self sabotage and destroy relationships with those that loved her most, myself included.
She's such a special, vibrant, beautiful woman. I pray for her everyday. I'll always love her. The damage this disorder can do to the host as well as their loved ones is awful.
Andrew Daniella
Margalis Fjelstad
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life .... this book will save your life. I just finished reading it. It has really good Advice on how to cope
S K my psych told me to buy it a month ago :). I’m about a third of the way through it!
Are there a lot of accusations going on? Cheating type accusations?
@@mauricelangley5033 My ex would be pretty jealous, but she was the one doing the cheating. There's a lot of lying, gaslighting, and projection.
@@duderanch18237 My ex with BPD left me two months ago for the last time, I feel you, I too do believe I'll never be able to not love her.
How are you?
I grew up with a BPD mom. My siblings and I would always say she reminded us of a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. She was stuck at a very immature age emotionally but her adult intelligence made her so dangerous because when she would get into a rage, she would become evil, do things maliciously and manipulatively at any cost to get her way. It IS terrifying.
I’m sorry
Me too ❤
I cannot relate more to this
"Me, too. When the Mother, the main caretaker of the children, throws a temper tantrum, the children develop the life long theory that "there is no place safe in this world." We tend to tiptoe through life. I literally tiptoed at home most of my childhood. Gee Whiz. By the way, she was a member of The National Honor Society in High School. It's a shame.
Same here. I learned grey rock before I ever heard the term to be honest.
Dated a girl with BPD for 3 years. It was difficult at times but she fought it tooth and nail. Underneath it all she was a good person, brilliant and witty and beautiful and incredibly gentle and kind. Last October, when we were just weeks away from moving across the country, she abruptly broke things off and never gave an explanation for it. It cratered me.
She idolized me in the way that BPD sufferers do, and then I believe she switched to utter disdain for me. It tore me apart and I'm still recovering from it all. I truly loved her.
Anyways, don't know where I'm going with this. Just that this hits home and that I've been lit aflame by the brilliance of a woman with BPD and later burned alive by the same woman. It's a terrible disease.
Same for me, worst part was that I had no clue what BPD was and I was inexperienced and stupid in general. The videos of Dr. Tara Palmatier helped me to understand and learn to avoid it. The videos are not so scientific, but more practical: ruclips.net/user/shrink4menvideos Some might criticize the quality of those videos and I know many don't like the host, but they helped me to get completely over it, that's all that counts for me. Maybe they can help you, too.
Enthios well that hit close to home. I had a similar scenario but I just perceived it as generally off or bipolar.
Yes we have downright nasty sex it's great
I don't connect with people well enough to be good at sex. I imagine others with BPD wouldn't as well, but I could be wrong.
Enthios, I was married 20 years to a BPD and never knew what was wrong until I left, at which time two things happened. First, people came forward with all sorts of stories about their experiences with my ex. Second, my ex went from nasty to ferocious. It was a nightmarish divorce, and it damaged me and my children severely.
You are lucky to have escaped when you did. Me, I keep a BIG distance away from anyone who even hints at this disorder.
"...the proclivity of people with BPD to presume that they will be abandoned and then act in a manner that makes such abandonment virtually certain."
Crying. Why can't I stop doing this.
hang on in there. I know what it's like. just screwed up a relationship like that (or I think that I have - but it doesn't matter, I feel absolutely devastated)
same i lost my boyfriend becuase of that
I was this way in my 20s and ruined a lot of relationships. I got through it. I worked on it and really started dating people who were better and dumped the ones who just didn't fit. The brain is so much work. I still have meltdowns and relapses.
@@Sciffyan ( cat on a clothesline poster ) HANG IN THERE BABY.
(squints at the small print on bottom of poster) copyright.1969...well that cat must be long dead by now...that's sort of a downer.
I think a lot of the relationship damage from BDP can be managed by insight and awareness after a flare up. For instance: "I'm sorry I raged at you. I know it's hard dealing with this. Thank you for being here for me. I love you."
I say this as someone with close family dealing with BPD.
As someone with borderline traits, you can improve, never tell people they cant improve, bc then they wont
TheExtremeCube That viewpoint is certainly more than helpful for any mental illness.
that is a useful comment
TheExtremeCube if only I knew how, my tatrums get to the point where I don't want to help myself my anger just takes over me
You've clearly never dated someone with borderline. Save yourself, get away from them.
If someone with this disorder puts in the effort, motivation and personal responsibility within time they will gradually get much better. They really need to spend hours of reflection over their flaws. But just like any normal person has a fatal flaw that can be fixed, so can this be fixed.
I know because I have aspergers which is like a distant cousin to BPD.
Personally diagnosed with BPD, in relationships is where most recognizable, you always express love and need constant love reminders, and when your partner does not give you a love expression, you feel like you’re no longer important or loved, and you start self sabotaging, and at the same time you know it’s not true and you’re just overthinking, but you have no control and it’s a continuous cycle. Like someone in the other comments said, it’s like being in the passenger seat, and driving at the same time.
This. ❤️🤟
♥️
Icant believe how much what I think and do,….Are the very same as what I have been reading.How ever,I am still feeling so broken and struggle every day with trying to NOT react on everything around me.
yep that is ME!!!! i wrote on top what i thought about bpd I have it to a T
are you a man or a woman? I see most of the commenters saying they have BPD are women which seems to align with his "female version of ASPD" comment
The DSM-5 actually mentions cases of people in rehabilitation spending up to 10 years in therapy dealing with the disorder and afterwards showing such significant reduction in symptoms that doctors claim they're no longer able to distinguish enough traces of the disorder to label it present anymore. Spend those 10,000 hours on the journey and you can master yourself. If anyone reads this you should know there's hope for you.
Thank you for this
Thank you ❤
Yep
I'm a male who was diagnosed with BPD at 15 and it made my life a hell for over a decade. I'm now 35 and am virtually symptom free.
🙏
“The waste or the squandering of tremendous potential.” I’ve had numerous people tell me something similar to this
Ok einstein
You do not have tremendous potential, Ashley. you’re just like everyone else.
Wow people in here really don’t even understand the comment
@Izaak Woodruff white knight
@@fshoaps What a terrible statement to make. Of course she has potential.....you do too so don't get too jealous.
"They seem capable of thinking through the nature of their problems and analyzing them and discussing it, but not capable whatsoever of implementing any solutions"
I can confirm ☹️
I m one of them...from India
yes indeed. most people say at this point "get off your lazy ass and DO it" and i keep wanting to scream " I AM INCAPABLE of "doing" it. the best cure for this is basically counting to 10. and i mean that in almost every decision, you have to THINK how it makes you feel, what you want to do about it, and then wait for that 10 count to finally realize what you're ABOUT to do is the opposite of what you really want to accomplish...and STOP. that's MUCH harder than i made it sound, it's like imagining one step, but its a grand canyon of a leap for people like me.
@@kantraxoikol6914 why can't you? Are your arms and legs broken? Do you not have the ability to go against what your mind has programmed you to do? I think bpd is just another excuse people have for remaining as they are rather than actually change.
@@natediaz1863 it's easy for you because you are rational.. I don't have BPD though I have struggled with depression my whole life.. the worst thing people can say to me is get over it or pull yourself up by your bootstraps.. don't you think I would do that if I could.. mental illness can't be understood by those who do not have it. Kindness goes a long way my friend.
@@MickyGeeGee no, I don't think you would if you could. You prefer the attention a mental illness gives you because you're a woman. I have severe depression sometimes, mostly because I have to live on this planet with you all, but I still get up and workout, go to work, and fulfill my responsibilities. You notice how BPD is mainly something that affects women? Lol I wonder why that is...I wonder...
Having bpd is like having 2 people live inside you, one half is your regular logically thinking self and the other half is this wild rebelious risk taker
That sounds like MID
💯💯💯
With someone that has lived with borderline personality disorder and has somewhat been able to overcome it, the two most important factors for me was sobriety and humility.
Wow that’s so deep. I need to work on being humble. It’s just hard when I have fear and so I use pride to protect myself I guess if that makes sense. I don’t want to be charged even more even after being Humbled
Humility is horrible to get, and super wonderful to have. I'm so proud of you!!!! My niece who has BPD has yet to learn this. She was too doated upon as a girl, and now she can't face life without everyone treating her the same way.
@@marymorris6897 BPD is part of b-class personality disorders. So its very closely related no narcissism. They love to think they're better than others, more empathetic than others and that they deserve special treatment.
@@Ds4u2 Thanks for the information. They're both terribly destructive disorders. I've had to fight hard to not fall into thinking I'm better than other people. Now I see that if you don't keep such thought processes in check, you can become a very destructive person. Is any of this genetic?
@@marymorris6897 It is at least partly genetic. Of course there's also childhood trauma that plays a role but many people experience childhood trauma and don't end up with BPD.
So many times I’ve lost relationships, friendships, hurt so many people close to me. Hurt myself, binge drinker, used drugs and had fits of rage at even the slightest “attack” I felt. Burning myself with cigarettes and being sent to a mental hospital on New Years was what brought me to my lowest. I knew I was off the rails. Slowly I began recovering. Reading, going for walks, trying to be mindful at all times and stay in wise mind. It’s a struggle every single day but it’s possible with support and therapy. I send my love to anyone who is also suffering
Wise mind. Hehe you did DBT. I love that good job
Lmfaoooo story of my life. And I got a hot ass temper too. I don't just explode out of nowhere tho. You'll see it coming because it builds up over time.
♥️
Reading this on New Year’s Day. I had my first psych ward stay in 2022 and it felt like the climax of a crash and I need to start picking up the pieces. I hope you’re still doing well.
Thanks wish you good luck 🤞🍀
Borderline male here. Sobriety and meditation help.
@Angry Willy Yea things quickly go down in a spiral but at the same time sobriety, meditation and self improvements rise you up. Sending back love from California, USA.
definitely. I stopped drinking and am trying to be as mindful and consciencious as possible even though those things don't come naturally to me.
Well put. Drank hard for 20 years. Always felt like a kid inside. 2 years sober and am better, marginally. Not nearly as thin skinned. Thank you for that.
Good for you,most don’t get that far,keep grinding!
Dazz how long have you been sober?
It's even terrifying living with BPD because once that tantrum starts you are basically just watching without being able to stop it. It's very frustrating to experience this and I am glad I haven't had an episode like that in a very long time.
Having BPD is for me is similar to being a genius trapped inside a toddler's mindset.
@The Warden lol 😳🤣 why so loud
@The Warden why do I relate to your comment and the og comment at the same time 🤣
For me, I feel much more aware on a logical level, but end up not following up to my potential bc of my mindset and emotions
@The Warden what bs! We can feed and clean ourselves, thanks and unlike a toddler, I could put you in hurt locker if you crossed me.
@The Warden lol
I have BPD and often the phrases “temper tantrum” and “acting like a 2 year old” can make me feel less than ideal to say the least. However, the way Jordan conducts himself, explains in depth the comparisons and does in a way not to diminish the individuals illness but to explain to those who don’t know what it’s like for someone with it. Being in my 20s and throwing a tantrum over something seemingly small is so frustrating and results in a cycle of guilt and not something I would do if I had control over it. I am slowly working on strategies but as Jordan mentioned, it’s the implementation of the strategies that can be most difficult.
I strongly doubt that you have BPD. The tantrums suggest that you should grow up and stop trying to emote everything.
Getting a girlfriend would also help.
@@garymitchell5899 dude stop offering your terrible advice to people. You don't know what he has and you're a terrible person for telling someone who feels they're mentally/emotionally unfit to seek a partner. You're harming two people.
@@slivyo Gary is fucked in the head and abusive, first class cruel. I was commenting on a stillborn pregnancy and almost dying myself during the delivery and he referred to my attempt to validate trauma's role in "loud BPD" and he called it disgusting. He's a sick, sad piece of crap and the internet is a risk pool with people like him spewing on it.
@@meetdiamond You brought in the (alleged) stillbirth in order to justify your pathetic whining - nothing else. That is disgusting. I also said that your aggressive and angry posts strongly suggest that you're a sociopath, and you're doing it again here.
Reading through these comments I feel so much solidarity. I only recently accepted my BPD (a little less than a year ago, diagnosed 3 years ago) and I've been writing about how it feels to be inside of my head and how it's like watching your logical self slip into the background and this other unrecognized self takes over and you have to hope that when that self is through, they haven't wrecked everything in sight. And that self often does. It's miserable.
Real
People with BPD treat people they care for like bars of soap. They try to hold on so hard because they fear losing them that they actually force them away.
Lol? More like they treat them like bars of soap, because they use them up until there's nothing left then promptly get a new one.
@@wryme1768 that is true of narcissists more than BPD, but the two often go hand in hand.
@@wryme1768 wow that’s accurate
i don't quite agree. I have BPD and I want what is best for them. intellectually i know what it is that's best and i don't get in their way so the can't leave!
@@lastgaspd you’ve just perfectly demonstrated a symptom of BPD.
“...to presume that they will be abandoned and then to act in a manner that makes such abandonment virtually certain”
Ouch
See the many below comments from people who suffer from BPD. That's the self awareness part. The part about not implementing what they strategize about , im a Borderline myself, couldn't agree more. Spent hours making perfect study plans, would end up getting stoned. I landed a job with a good deal of effort and lost it because I had mood swings and tardy days at work. The abandonment and anxiety issues damaged several friendships and my relationship. Behavioral therapy works ,let people around you know the real you. Don't be trapped in your self image.
Hello. Im a schemer myself. Spent third of my life planning and not implementing. But i think i am successive because im still alive and didnt let myself kill myself. Your comment helped, thanks. I am looking onto behavioural therapy
I agree out of all the comments this seems to be my one. Thanks
Borderlines cannot be self aware like that. It is fundamentally impossible. You are most likely a boring old narcissist, if you're lucky possibly a sociopath.
@@garymitchell5899 JP literally said otherwise in this video.
@@RomanDiaries Where?
The way he worded it made me want to cry..
So u have BPD then?
Same
Ditto
Yes
I resented being talked about like a 2 year I am a quiet borderline, UNTIL someone I love deeply hurts me
I have had BPD for my whole life and because of it, I don't want a "whole life." I want it to end. This is one of the loneliest existences you could ever imagine. You're literally just a burden on everyone and you have to spend your life watching others get what you wanted.
Update 04/2024: I just found this comment and OMG PLEASE do not think I’m saying you ARE a burden! No one took it that way but I wanted to clarify it. I meant to say “you feel like you’re just a burden”.
I agree. No matter how much overthinking you do, there never seems to be a solution. It hurts my head trying to figure everything out. Its a curse and its ruins so many good things. I wish you get better, I relate to your hell so much as it is my own. I know what it feels like to try everything and still have people not accept you.
@@lordlasagna7870 Solution: For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.
Try listening to JPs talk "You need to be a Monster" - Liberate your inner monster and to hell with trying to please others Hell is other people as Sartre said. It is hard enough for healthy people to get along let alone people with disorders. Don't apologize for who you are
Thank you all for your kind words. Every day is an uphill battle!
Hope you find a solution to your problem.
I had BPD. Something snapped in my head when someone used a therapeutic technique on me, a line of questioning to get to the core of an immoral belief I had. I had the idea that if people could conceptualize the pain I was in, things would change. I thought "People only care or do things when it gets to the point you get angry or cause a scene". and that was just an accepted belief of mine. I'd also get angry at things verrry quickly. Blowing up a situation like that kind of worked but eventually people get sick of it. And sick of constantly having you fear their motives or doubt their honesty, and they get numb to your pain and breakdowns. Which only makes it worse, because you can see and feel the relationship ending and not be able to do anything about it. You feel like nobody cares and that you're the worst piece of shit ever. But what made me change was the technique, leading to a realization that I was causing suffering to other people so they'd conceptualize my pain. Suffering begets suffering, and wellness begets wellness has never felt so real. I also had the realization that I was seeking sympathy for my trauma, to validify my trauma to everyone who I let close to me, so they would know I had pain in my life as if that would justify my flaws to that person. But the fact was, I was making people suffer, and then trying to justify it with the fact I've suffered. That is absolutely evil, I thought, and my mind changed... I also realized that sympathy doesn't get you ANYWHERE. People can know and conceptualize your pain, and things will stay the same. You won't be justified in hurting people, and your life won't feel any better either.
This happened after my discovery of JP. It all happened in a flash of memory images of my past. It seems so simple, but it brought my neuroticism down from 95 to 30-40. I had been suffering with suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder, self harm, extreme heated frustration that I felt was too big for my body to handle for FOURTEEN YEARS. I was in such pain. Living was exhausting. I found out what happened to me was memory reconsolidation. I unraveled programming in my mind that elicited a fear response when whatever arbitrary thing triggered me into this downward spiral of emotional turmoil. It literally broke synopses in my brain, and I felt it. It felt like a snap and then a burst. Like 10,000 pinballs shooting all over a pinball machine, but they were tingly and cold. And a physical pressure felt lifted off of me. As soon as it was done I said.. "I think you fixed me" and I have been right so far, going on 4 years since my self-hate, suicidal times that occured daily.
so what was the therapeutic technique used?
@@chandlerangol6718 The line of questioning was the technique. I actually saw JP kind of do it in one of his school lectures. There was a muslim girl in a hijab he used to demonstrate it. He kept asking her "why's" "Why did you go go to college" because my parents wanted me to "Why do you want to please your parents" "because...etc" etc her stream of why's was pretty short, mine had gone on to about 10+ why's.
He saw something kind of off about a hobby I had that had to do with rewriting backstories of other people to be in even more depressed and horrible states, and was asking why I was doing it, and then continued asking why why why why. I was getting progressively angrier defending the strange hobby of mine, until I blew up with the "core reason" which is personal, has to do with my childhood. I won't go further into it though. Knowing what one person went through won't be the magic answer for everyone. You can find different examples of this happening to other people in "Unlocking the Emotional Brain" or on the website for coherence therapy, they have a lot of case studies.
Psyla please help me. What exactly do I need to do?
DisneyStarsTube know thyself
Well done man ❤❤
I have BPD. This was so beautifully accurate and the first video I have found where we are not deemed as manipulative and evil.
I mean, every BPD destroys relationships and inflicts serious emotional harm. So there's that.
Gary Mitchell proof?
@@darbeymartin3465 Go to any counsellor's office - the majority of their patients will be victims of a BPD.
I think you will enjoy it if you watch the videos by Dr. Daniel Fox. His approach is very similar.
@@garymitchell5899 do you have a source for that?
This guy is a genius. I had an ex girlfriend who i believe was BPD and this resonates very well. She is incredibly smart (one of the smartest people i've ever met), with a huge potential, however seems to do destructive things all the time.
Usually a person with BPD, is very charming, kind and caring. My bf too.
@Velma Olden Dont be trapped in your self image
what kind of destructive things she do? I had a ex girl to that i think have bpd, we stay together for 1 month and she break up suddenly ,we are not talking since then ( 22 days)
This insightful video on BPD is more brilliant.
ruclips.net/video/JChwgwU9zIs/видео.html
I mean he's a clinical psychologist. Knowing about BPD doesn't make him a genius.
My ex has BPD and our relationship lasted about a year. Half the time he built me up so high, making me feel on top of the world and the other half of the time he tore me down and made me feel like he saw me as the worst person on the planet. Boundaries were frequently crossed during times of instability, and a lot of emotional abuse took place. He would expect me to stick around while I was being mistreated but when I couldn’t take it anymore, I was the person at fault in his eyes. He would say I never loved him when I had to remove myself from situations, or the relationship as a whole, to protect myself. My mental health suffered tremendously. I was always confused, traumatized, etc. Yet I continued to give him several chances because he had a side of him that was so gentle and kind, witty, intelligent, and just simply amazing in many ways. He knew what he had to do to change but when it came down to doing it, it never happened. It’s so sad. I wish he got help. I had to let him go because the rollercoaster that was our relationship was just so unhealthy. The cycles of instability never ended. I loved him so much. I wish him well and I truly hope he gets the help he needs.
I relate. I don't know if my ex would be diagnosed with BPD or not, but it sure seemed to fit. She told me once that she pushed away people she loved because she was afraid they would abandon her. That insecurity was ultimately a self-fulfilling prophecy, because I broke it off after three years of craziness. Half the time she built me up like a god on earth, and the other half she was gaslighting, manipulating, and throwing tantrums that were so unreasonable I decided their only purpose was to hurt both of us. I know it broke her heart when I left. I feel so sorry for her every day, but I keep reminding myself that in the relationship I felt like I was in a prison run by a crazy person.
I’m sorry you went through this :( . It’s so rough and tremendously sad when you truly love them and this disorder ruins everything.
So here's the thing I've noticed with borderlines. They KNOW what to do to change, but they refuse to do it. And even when they actually don't know what to do to become better people, they don't even want to get advice or even TRY to go about things in a different way. They REFUSE to work on themselves and grow and evolve like normal people. They are narcissists and LOVE to stay in the victim role, because that gives them an excuse to act like toddlers when people don't act like they want them to or when things don't go their way. Their egos are HUGE! My theory is that they are actually sociopaths who have been misdiagnosed because they are really good at lying and portraying themselves as decent humans when they are being evaluated by a psychiatrist. It's better to just stay faaar away from them. When a person has no ability to self-reflect and no desire to change whatsoever, then there is no hope for them. They will self-sabotage in every way they can, destroy their relationships and crush other people, and they will always be like that. It's the sad truth.
You described my ex with whom I have twins. When I couldn’t take the emotional abuse any longer, I broke up and he went after our kids. Anything to hurt me, to control and to destroy that which he was projecting into me. I don’t wish my ex well. He took 2 beautiful kids and I will never forgive myself for not getting out sooner - I’ve never known such cruelty.
Your story is the same as my wife's, except it lasted almost 8 years, 5 years married and we have 4 lively daughters. I'm a monster and I destroyed her, she will never be the same and neither will I. I'm undiagnosed but I show all 9 signs and it's like im a emotional rollercoaster changing every 5 mins but when i trigger my sympathy shuts off and this evil hatred for the people who left or hurt me and the sadness from all my loss and guilt comes up and got directed towards her. I hate myself and I wish more than anything I can at least change and make it up to her, I know I lost her love. I just hope I don't lose her in my life;
This really helps me understand someone that I really loved.
She matches every one of these characteristics that he mentions.
Impulsivity (reckless spending), could understand she has a problem but never did anything about it. But the worst one was how he said BPD's had a rough childhood (between 2-4yrs old). Her mother, even to this day, remains toxic and has caused tremendous emotional & mental damage to her. To the point where she is now slowly becoming her mother, despite swearing she would never become her mother.
Dan Mazurco
hate to say it but that person will likely improve immensely if they just ditch the mother and don't seek her approval. Its a hard thing to do, especially if they are being a mother. In my experience BPDs visiting families is like a trigger and fuel for their BPD. Her mother needs to not exist.
Why borderline is always around the mother?
fuck this hits close to home
My brother had it and died. My ex girlfriend had it and tried several times to take her life. It is an unfair affliction that lives in the chaotic domain. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
tommytigerpants I think i would
Sorry mate, you are talking utter bollocks. Words fail me. Go back to the stone age.
tommytigerpants I'm sorry you lost loved ones to this disorder. I've had it since Ive been small but didn't get diagnosed until last year. It's really hard doing your own research on this disorder bc most of the videos and articles I come across are geared towards ppl who are in a relationship with a sufferer. We're called manipulators and evil ppl. It's the farthest from the truth. It's like living in a hell of your own construction and nobody is able to save you. I just wanted to say thank you for understanding a little
sixpence hello there, how do u cope with it? I'm 28 and boi this is getting uphill ...thx
tommytigerpants I found much relief through gut health and meditation. See video; can gut problems cause brain problems. I wish her all the best, and I feel for your brother (having had BPD most of my life).
Emotional makeup of a 2 year-old, intellect of an adult. But the intellect is in service of the emotions.
And the smarter they are the worse they are. The intellect is used to justify their negative emotions and abusive actions.
My mother (RIP) had a genius IQ, and was borderline. As hard as it is to be around someone like that, as they say - 'I'd rather see it, than be it'. Her life was quite difficult and she eventually took her own life. So - yeah.
I feel for you man. Its so awful to see those brilliant minds twisted in illogical rats nests to justify their emotions and actions. I always say that time independent reasoning is a major sign of a personality disorder. When timelines of events dont make sense, when actions that happen after their bad actions in response to their bad actions are used to justify their prior bad action, you know you are dealing with a major disorder.
When the emotions are ruling the show, everything else (including facts, timelines, etc.) are twisted and used to justify what the emotions want. Hence the idea that these are people who are frozen at the 2 year-old level.
So accurate. This is my experience with people who have BPD
I haven't been formally diagnosed with BPD, but my husband and I are sure that I have it. I discovered that I was raised by a narcissistic mother, when I started counseling 3 years ago. I felt a light bulb light up in my brain. I also suffered with anxiety my whole life. After cutting off communication with my mother, my anxiety disappeared. Now, I am anxiety free and always working on myself to better myself.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
It's amazing what getting bad people out of your life can do! It just sucks for those that have no choice but to live with people like that! Sometimes you didn't have the problem after all! They were the problem!
Do you think your outcome would have been positive or even possible if you were not married?
When I first saw this video, I was overwhelmed by how overwhelmed Dr. Peterson actually is by my "disorder". Yet, his summation is one of the most thoughtful, accurate and concise descriptions of Borderline Personality Disorder I have ever heard from someone who does not suffer it. And, all I could think is, if a man (like him or not) as solid in his perspective and convictions as he is can be so frustrated by people like me, I can only imagine how I affect the average individual. It is no wonder there is such a stigma attached to BPD.
I am also compelled to say: imagine how frustrating it is to be an intelligent, rational individual who is aware of it all and yet still impotent to make progress; to be one who seems wired to set themselves up for the fall; with grand plans and strategies, incapable of bringing anything to fruition. I am tempted to address the comment he makes about being developmentally affected between the ages of 2 & 4 with my own experience. However, I have learned that trauma can be vicariously passed. It can be horrific to know the specifics of another's trauma. And, the details of my story overlap with those of other, good people. It is enough to say that. Given my context, there is nothing irrational about my reactivity. My "normal" was not normal. It was full of people who were suffering. Without intention, hurt people hurt people.
The fact is, we with BPD don't overreact. We feel everything profoundly and it hits us hard. I liken it to being run over by a herd of rhinos. People have no idea how much self control we try to exert. Imagine asking someone who is having a seizure to stop shaking. I'm not kidding. We don't choose it. If you ask us what has us so excited (people are as uncomfortable with our jubilance as the are with our rage) rather than telling us to calm down (The worst thing to do. It is dismissive. We want you to pay attention to what we are sharing), then our sense of urgency diminishes and we can, more calmly, express ourselves.
Our unstable personalities are actually multi-faceted. We shift perspectives and we need feedback because we need to know which perspective is most appropriate for our context. Unlike the majority of people in western society, we are contextually focused. We see ourselves as a part, not apart. This is not something we can change. We really don't belong in an individualistic world. The debates that go on inside our heads because we can see the validity in multiple, often opposite (not necessarily opposing - again a matter of perspective) viewpoints, seriously impede our ability to make wise personal choices. Black and white thinking erupts as we try to without feedback. I often feel like i am on the fine edge of a dime. I am both sides. Yet, I cannot show both at once.
We are frustrating. We are frustrated. Many of us are lost because, in truth, the majority of people just can't handle us. Where most people have friends and partners who meet their emotional needs, I need a paid professional to meet mine. And, I have managed to "trigger" the last two. Pretty sad when you feel like you have to censure yourself with your "caregivers".
It's pretty hard not to want to just hide under a rock.
And, I am not. I am here, hoping to bring some awareness. I am stating that I do not choose to be this. It is, as the world sees it, my affliction. I have to tolerate that I am intolerable. Show compassion to a world that cannot have compassion for me. And, try to to believe, despite all evidence, that I deserve to show a little to myself.
So basically you need to announce your BPD to everyone you meet, and demand they interact with you a certain way? Sounds productive
@@ola4jb Thank you! Knowing that makes me feel less alone.
Thanks for sharing! I’ve been suffering the same feelings and it’s extremely frustrating to cope sometimes which just leads me into an anxiety/panic attack. Everything in my head is so complex and interwoven it’s hard to articulate it sometimes and speaking to therapist is hard since my trauma is also complex and basically chronic since birth, I see they often make wrong assumptions bc they fail to read me properly. . it almost feels as if help is unreachable sometimes bc discussions are too short and I’ve heard and tried it all but nothing provides long term effects
@@casperr1299 There are still so many "professionals" out there that don't truly understand or appreciate our experience. That is why I find Dr. Peterson so moving. He does not understand. But, he wants to.
I have found art therapy to be very helpful and the communities that I am connecting with through them to be much more compassionate and understanding. Even if you can't access art therapy, finding a class or workshop or even just sitting at home finding creative outlets for it all helps. What most people don't get is that our rational minds are not necessarily the "Good guys", That our emotional reactivity is often reaction to our relentless rationalizations. It is my emotional self that keeps me from acting on the conclusions my mind tries to convince me are truth.
I have been in and out of therapies for over 3 decades and have put much thought and effort into trying to make people understand and see the positive purpose in how I experience life. I am grateful to, if nothing else, be able to validate others who similarly wired. You are not alone.
@@cee-emm so wtf do you do? Huh, just say you're normal until things go south? fuckin smartass
If you have borderline, try NLP techniques (neurolinguistic programming). You need to start over and build up who you want to be, and forget the life you were the victim of. Accept that you’ll need to work hard and be the leader of your new life, but it will be well worth the effort if you achieve what you set out to do.
I love your answer...i have it...and my son of 25....but he does not know it....i am so afraid for him..
This is the most helpful comment I've seen so far
That's the right attitude to have. Never give up on yourself. There is always a way forward.
Shortcut kill the one who give you that
Tysm not a victim bpd cured by a yt comment amazing
As a person with BPD and Biopolar II disorder, he is so accurate. And let me say it's a struggle when you have both a personality and mood disorder, and you are really trying to be a productive and loved member of society. I also am extremely empathetic which makes it hard too as I can't even watch TV without crying or laughing with the actors. It's so weird to not have control over your own emotions.
I would love for Dr. Peterson to pick my brain and give me some insights.
AGREED!
Follow Teal Swan and you'll get better!
I have BPD going for a degree in Philosophy and Sociolgy and this speaks to me greatly. I am capable of doing some pretty amazing things but often I self sabotage because I can't see myself doing well. It doesn't matter that there is proof that I am doing well, my mind doesn't recognize it as fact.
BPD is truly a complicated disorder.
Everybody with BPD is a philosopher 😂
I say this cause I've been diagnosed with BPD(which I don't particularly believe entirely all the time) but I'm like 2 or three class away from my aa in philosophy lol
@@DanielFlores-qe2xrI have a RUclips degree in psychology and philosophy but am a college drop out ✌️🙄
@@DanielFlores-qe2xrwhat’s wrong thinking philosophically? Having BPD doesn’t make you a person whose opinions are invalid. As JP people with BPD are often quite intelligent and can think about things deeply. This comment was unnecessarily mean honestly
Having BPD is kinda like being a problematic child one moment, and being the parent of that child the next so that the parent can undo the chaos that the child caused. And it is also like one side is reasoning with the other, which is only focused on death/doom.
Yes, absolutely! I don’t know if it was due to my development when I was neglected as a child and missed school and overslept a lot. As I became a teenager and my grandmother cared for me, I found it so hard to get up early in the morning for school and then my job. Today, if I am late I will have conversations with myself in my head, I’ll tell myself “now don’t you be late again no matter what, get to bed early, do some chores while you get home too” it’s almost like half of me is a parent who can’t control their own child, as the child side of me often wins and yet again I am late or don’t turn up for work, thus not being able to hold down work for a period of time. It’s really horrible stuff.
Such a great way of describing that switch.
😂 that resonated all to well… fuck
😢
Its like being possessed by Chucky.
I was diagnosed with this disorder. I was a screwed up man from like 15 to 26. Through alot of therapy and the help of god i overcame it. It's a different type of mental disorder because it's a thought and behavior pattern shaped by a troubled past, and not something that can be cured with medication. You need to literally retrain your mind to react to things . The littlest things usedu to send me into a rage , I would smash and break things for the most insignificant reasons. Ruined relationships, and caused alot of damage. I'm 30 and a completely different person now, I have completely recovered from the disorder and been told by therapists I no longer qualify for the diagnosis. The biggest problem with bpd is it's often misdiagnosed especially in men, as bipolar disorder and other disorders . It's not a chemical imbalance like bipolar, its a completely different beast
Bull Moose please message me
jeffrey bell what's up man
Bull Moose I would like to talk to you about this issue. It really hurts
jeffrey bell sure np
jeffrey bell u alright bro
I watched a friend of mine with BPD having the most beautiful transformation. She learned to live in a stable marriage. That gave me hope. For all the poor souls who suffer from it I just pray they find the therapeutical method that works for them and heal. I know a girl know who I deeply fell in love with. I hope it won't annihilate me.
I hope it doesn't as well
Oh boy and you had known about this BEFORE? You had know one before?
A wonderful therapist was starting to make progress with me, the main progress in attachment disorder issues,I had been working as a client aide where I was also a patient, at the same time as she was in the process of quitting a top position to open her own business and legally wasn't supposed to be taking patients with her but I did go to her nice new office where she first time I had a visit said listen we have to be careful what being of similar age and the nature of therapy, transference counter transference you know, well she is very very attractive but I didn't get the talk cause of the age similarities which I made sure to mention of course I kept it up until she was giving me compliments and I was returning them, I knew her husband my landlord and a great guy amazing father and while that's what she needed to have a family like the very large and seemingly always having a kid, so picture is she's top of her field, she's beautiful, pillar of the community, super mom, almost unreal to me I was intimidated by it I remember saying that and I remember we crossed the line, I moved out of the state a few weeks later and I never contacted her but she was so much of a funny feeling for me with aspd I think she and I momentarily loved each other, it was so much different than lust
It will but you keep on going even after that
I welcome death
I watched this and cried. I have a working diagnosis and seeing my life laid out like that - knowing that I drove away the love of my life is so painful!
This is the weirdest video I have seen in while.
Instead of describing of what I thought was BPD, he seems to be describing me.
Haha me too
Lol
Lmaooooo
@@anon7927 Sorry to hear that you feel that way man.
Same
Interesting it's described as a predominantly female illness. I'm diagnosed with BPD. The impulsivity is a hare truth too. It's almost like when you start to get on to good things on some level you set out on destroying it somehow. Relationships, jobs etc.
Also for me it's difficult to regulate my emotions. Someone I love dies and there's nothing. I see a pigeon limping and it really chokes me up. I react to things very unconventionally.
Jack Millar not a female illness. What he meant is the way that we act, as BPDers, in regards to stress, is analagous to how women are supposed to act. Inwould argue that this is a somewhat sexist claim. How is it that women act? How can you say women act a certain way? I have all of the respect for Peterson that you could possibly habe, but Indisagree with him there.
@@richardblackmore9351 the word hysterical was invented because of the way women behaved on average when met with conflict, etc,. ... Stop white knighting.
To correct some false statements; BPD is more common with females because of the rate of hospital admissions. Women tend to seek out for help more than men. It’s a social stigma too. It’s not just about gender.
@Bryn Webster Did you even read anything else but about the pigeon? You clearly didn't understand the comparison.
So, so true.
I am a Borderline and it is hell on earth. it's impossible to describe the pain of living with this condition. It is not much you can do and so many people commit suicide
broccoli Sneeze - same here. I recommend getting a dog - they're great.
@Scott M How about you go fuck yourself. It's not like we want to be like this. We didn't choose this. We know perfectly well that we hurt people and the knowledge of that always plagues us. So how about you say something useful instead.
Scott M stop putting us down we are looking for these videos to try to learn and get better
Many, many borderlines have recovered with DBT therapy. Check it out.
@@OffTrack7593385 trolls are just damaged people too who find self-worth and happiness in putting down others. They are suffering in their own way, just focus on your own journey, it's awesome what you're doing :)
I truly believe thst I overcame BPD at the age of 33. With no help from anyone but myself, I had enough of it, and I decided to attack it with no fear of failing. It can be done.
Tell me your method. I can really use it, Brett.
if it work for u then good. Might not work for others.
@@nurliazulstill worth sharing
Glad that worked for you, buddy!
Having BPD and CPTSD and pursuing PhD in Physics at the same time seems like climbing mount everest everyday. Falling down and then climbing. Never ending cycle
I have slight aspergers and ADD, probably BPD, CPTSD and narcissism and I'm trying to get into law school. My studies are fine so far, but it feels like I'm constantly on "the edge".
@@ollikoskiniemi6221 You will get through this . Just keep on going
@@escapingboredom6958 it's a small miracle that I'm still alive and "well". I'm starting to think I don't deserve to be the one that gets to just get away with being such a horrible person. I mean, I'm just such a horrible person. Maybe some of my bad attributes and actions can be explained by being born this way, but I don't think it's a solid excuse, as it diminishes the value of personal responsibility.
I have always been lucky when it comes to being awful, but unlucky (or getting what I deserve) when it comes to suffering from my awfullness.
@@ollikoskiniemi6221 Oh Dear, don't think like that. I can understand your situation and whats in your head. But try to live each and every moment. That's what I am trying to do everyday. Its hard but not impossible !!
Trust me you are beautiful and kind human being
@@escapingboredom6958 I am not beautiful nor am I kind as a human being. I am not, however I want to be. The problem is that I have no opportunity to excerise my potential for good.
Just as I was wondering if he ever talked about BPD (a disorder I was partly diagnosed with), this pops up. Very true and hard to hear, as it's a debilitating condition, especially the part about the fear of loss mixed with behaviour causing people to leave you (happened with a few of my best friends). I struggle every day with containing my rage and trying to express it in a "normal" way, but it's really hard to do when you're full of different emotions and most of your life you were told not to show them at all, so you could act as a counselor for your parents. Probably why I developed OCPD along with it, to control my destructive urges. Tough mix to down, I had to take a hiatus this year, 'cause I couldn't study because of it. I'm attending various therapy sessions and they seem to slowly piece my life together. Listening to professor Peterson also helps me greatly, although my room is far from clean and there's a bunch of sturdy dragons littering it.
The fact that your parents were in constant conflict would, in all probability, mean that your security of attachment to either or both of them was shaky at best. That would leave a child angry for reasons unknown to him.
"I struggle every day with containing my rage and trying to express it in a "normal" way, but it's really hard to do when you're full of different emotions and most of your life you were told not to show them at all, so you could act as a counselor for your parents."
Quite literally the reason I became a lead singer/screamer in my own metal band. I didn't know how else to express or release the rage I had stored up inside.
I also have BPD and it is horribly destructive to a person's life (and those who love them). As I have gotten older (I was diagnosed 30 years ago) it has become a little easier to manage. When I was younger I would end up in jail or the mental hospital quite a bit for my outbursts. Eventually I got so afraid of going back to jail I somehow learned to control myself. I have replaced all of those outbursts with self-destructive behavior instead so I hurt myself rather than those around me. Dr. Peterson has helped me a lot also, and like you my room is far from clean and is filled to the rim with huge dragons.
It's funny I was searching for the same thing a few days ago and couldn't find anything and bam! Here it is.
abc defg Your not alone man. I understand completely
The encouragements or just the appreciation I never heard from my "friends" or family, I heard them for the first time here, and from others people who themselves have BPD.. and I'm crying.. I feel a bit sad but I feel hope too. I can't thank you enough...
Hope you are hanging in there brother. Wish you The best
I was diagnosed at 25. Despite 4 years in the military, getting 2 degrees, having a career, and having a thirst for adventure and knowledge, I still saw the instability coming from a mile away. Imagine wanting to be the best at something and doing everything must to get there, all for it to be curbed by your very own hand.
I couldn’t stand the idea of working late while my wife was home, so I would do anything to get myself home just to get back to equilibrium. Relationships were my biggest trigger.
I hope she left you
@@iLilith11 Been together for 20 years, faggot.
@@iLilith11 name checks out
@@iLilith11typical females.
@@iLilith11 These clueless fools don't know what borderlines do to people. I agree with you.
“I think I have enough mental energy to do that” I honestly feel this way too whenever people ask me about it 👀
I wish he would talk about quiet borderlines.
ugh me too because that's what i am
Me tooooooooo
BTbleSsed what is quiet borderline?
@Dustpanda Music You can be officially diagnosed with BPD but not act out all the time, and instead internalize it. Lots of people are like this.
@@Kotpauk Correct. Quiet Borderlines are different than the rage type. They do much internally. I dated a quiet borderline and it was the most scarring thing I ever went through in my life. Her mental abuse was severe enough that I am still not over it. 9 months of her was enough to hurt me to this day. I still want to help her yet she devalued me beyond anything that my friends and family can fathom.
Holy shit this describes me exactly been struggling with this my whole life and thought it was just depression/anxiety. I’ve watched so many videos about psychological illness’s and none of them hit the nail on the head like this one. Literally seeking some professional help as soon as I can.
out of curiosity did you go and were you diagnosed? I fear some of these problems can just be related to confusion and stress from external forces like purpose, or lack of love for anything to keep you grounded. maybe we all just share a fundemental personal trait that makes us not fit in to the way the society we live in. judging from experience it seems to me the problems get worse the more you brood and try to beat them with acknowledgement, I think sometimes it is best to take advice from how your lfie is in the real world and not from your head. but I could be completely wrong
Other than DBT not a lot of help in our mental health systems for BPD or other personality disorders.
I had fallen in love with a woman and never was in love like that again, and the relationship escalated in the almost worst possible outcome within 6 months. I recognize her in every aspect JP is describing. It is her fate, but it is also my fate to have fallen for someone I would have given everything to just to make being together work, and there was just no way. It was a path of utter destruction. I was 33, after half a year she had aborted our child, a pregnancy of course which happened way too early, turned ice-cold, I naturally also lost contact with her two little kids, who she had from two different fathers, and who I loved very much and were longing for some sense of normality in the shape of me being there for them. Of course, I couldn't have been that normal either, to be part of everything that happened. She actually tried to get back and start over again two times. Although I never stopped loving her, I could only say no at that point. I had already gotten very sick myself with depression. It has been 6 years, but it feels like yesterday. I live in a city of 4 million, but she happened to live 2 minutes walk from me, and we both never moved since then and still live here. I wander the streets sometimes still not being able to comprehend what happened. How could it turn itself inside out from the biggest tenderness and affection of my lifetime to the worst opposite.
I'm so sorry. I've had two friendships end because of similar patterns of personality & behaviour disfunction. Those were destructive enough.
You are mentally ill too
We want to love and be loved, but the bit of us that allows that, it's just broken.
Don't romanticise it, though. Please move on to new light in your life.
Best wishes.
Similar story here. I loved her so much. This has been absolutely brutal to try to move forward from. And leaving the kids absolutely killed me.
Similar story but she never had kids. The worst thing for me is that type of woman repels me now but the good women bore me. But boredom is good.. you sacrifice the highs to avoid the lows
Don't know if you are keeping up with these comments, but just so you know: As someone living with BPD for many decades, this is the first and only concise, accurate description I've ever found anywhere for BPD. Kudos to you and Jordan Peterson!! And, thank you!!
Search for doctor Daniel fox if you liked this video, he goes so deep in the topic and hd knows a lot, and he doesnt demonise, he understands
Remember you only need to have 5 out of the 9 traits to have BPD. Everyone with BPD is different and their own person and deserve to be treated with respect. Some people with BPD can be empathetic and calm. Each person is different.
thankyou for this, very true
The BPD is incapable of empathy. Incapable of any emotion other than anger. Maybe do some more reading or you might get into tricky situations. Also, I wouldn't worry to much about ticking boxes, if you meet a BPD you'll know it eventually. Hopefully you'll be able to get away.
Gary Mitchell very very rude
@@eves4263 Rude how? The guy said BPDs are empathetic and calm. Like hell they are. Get involved with a BPD and you'll be lucky to come out alive. Fck that.
BPD people throw respect back in your face. Fuck 'em.
It's sad to have a girlfriend who has BPD and even after taking care of her for a long time...spliting up because of the mental pressure you receive. Jordan is one of my favorite people to watch on yt and it brokes my hearth to see this. Even tho the separation was for a greater good many months ago, I still love her...
You will for a while im sure, if you truly love someone, its very hard to unlove them
Dennis Montalvo my gf is bpd and it’s hell, she’s a great fucking human but..it sure hasn’t been easy, she tries to kick me out twice a week. Bleh
@@letrface_8596 me and my gf has been togheter for almost 4 months and she has tried to break up about 12 times cause of her BPD
Casper L we’ve had a streak of no issues for the past few days, I think I maybe finally got threw to her, I’m trying to show her I won’t give up on her like everyone else did, she puts up these walls everyday to see if I love her enough to knock them down, I do and I’ll keep at it cause she’s worth it. Shits damn hard tho hell yeah lmfao but we can’t just give up on people ❤️🤘
@@letrface_8596 damn I might aswell could've written that comment. If you truly love somone than these problems shouldn't be too much of an issue. Sure, my gf has told me to break up, said she hates me, told me she probably wouldn't mind if I died but even how harsh the words may be you always have to remember that it's never you who's the issue, it's her internal struggle that lashes out onto other people. 90% of the time she's a wonderful person. She has written several songs and poetry about how much she loves me. She even gave me a jarl filled with notes that all contained reasons as to why she loves me for me to read whenever she becomes like that. It's these moments you have to focus on and never take the bad parts seriously. Keep up the good work, it means the world for them to have somone who understands them and don't judge them for their diagnose.
Diagnosed at 14. It only took one person in the world to never leave me. After that, all those intense emotions that I couldn't control, came easily under control. Interestingly, he had the same fears and the same issues. We have been together 23 years and happy. I stopped trying to kill myself. I actually try to stay healthy. I needed to be "re-educated" so that I felt like I would not be abandoned. My mother abandoned me multiple time and tried to kill me at least once. Instead of looking at how that might affect a child from 18 months to say 7 years old, they just diagnosed me. My husband is the only one that talked through things with me, reassured me, held me as I cried grieving the childhood I should have had, and so much more. One man made all the difference. I know he has to be extraordinary, because no one else could do that for me, not even my own mother.
Thanks for sharing your story. I truly believe that in some instances God can use people to bring healing to others. Your husband sounds like a caring, loving and compassionate man-exactly what many with BPD need. Leaving is easy. Staying is hard because the other partner may have to deal with things are uncomfortable and painful but the end result may just be a change in their partner's life that could only be brought about in relationships. Some things are changed for the better in the context of an active relationship and not discussing it in therapy once its over. For the person with BPD, its usually ends anyway but maybe the key to healing the extreme fear of abandonment is to have someone actually stay. How life giving and affirming of one's sense of self that would be. Not advocating anyone stay with in a relationship with someone that is abusive or highly dysfuctional. Instead, I'm agreeing with this lady that a shift in how we view the best way to heal & treat this may be in order. If every therapist, partner or family nember/ friend leaves that validates the thoughts & feelings that lead to BPD in the first place. Research has shown that many with BPD have experienced some form of physical or emotional abandonment or trauma in childood/adolescence that triggered this disorder to develop. If this pattern continues into adulthood so will the disorder. We need to break the cycle of leaving & being left for these people while taking care of ourselves in the process. This may not sit well with many but does not make it less true.
people that’s don’t understand bpd from the outside, it’s like walking on a wire your whole life. it’s constant instability.
I have BPD and rather mild Bipolar II, I was pretty much a lost cause for a long time and if you'd asked me only a year and a half ago, if I'd be here today, I'd probably have laughed in your face. I wasn't even sure wether I'd be alive the next day. Today, I'm continuing University and am working torwards my PhD in Medicine, I've finally found healthy and productive strategies that I even enjoy. I made the move to the big City that I had wanted so badly for so long, got a job to support myself even more and I'm in a healthy relationship with myself and the people around me. I even enjoy alone time now. I found love for life and I'm stil working out who I am exactly, but I have a pretty good understanding of who I am in general and who I want to be one day. I haven't cut or self harmed in any way for over a year now. And I'm writing my story down in hopes that it might someday help others. I'm going to specialize in Psychiatry, Psychotherapy and Neurology, but I also want to conduct research and studies. I wouldn't be here without some brilliant people who supported me and gave me not only hope, but actual perspective. I understand BPD pretty well now and I was at my worst when I wasn't challenged, when I was bored. I've always had a high curiosity and I would soak up information like a sponge. I won't lie to you: I was a horrible person to myself and others. Toxic, manipulative, impulsive, reckless, I used to be all of that. And as much as I regret that, I don't regret my past because there is no use in regret alone. Regret alone won't change a thing. There is however use in actively learning from the past, in confrontation, in admitting your mistakes and in informing yourself. I am so happy I didn't manage to destroy my mental abilities, because they're my greatest asset. And so is self reflection now. I love thinking, writing, drawing, science and using my brain in any way possible. There is hope, there is stability and there is healing. It's very complex and there is no cure-all, but I desire to play my part in ending the hopelessness and stigma that's connected with BPD diagnosis in so many patients AND therapists. This is not the end. We're at a beginning here and if you feel like Dr. Jordan Peterson described now, let me tell you: It doesn't have to keep being let alone end this way. I used to be where you are now, it seemed neverending, it felt so deeply dark and bitter and I stil have lows, but they are nothing, NOTHING compared to what they used to be. I'm thinking about making a YT channel for that now, but I'm not sure if I should wait a bit. Please let me know if you read this. Also, I had the luck to have a Psychiatrist like Jordan Peterson and I will forever be grateful. These kind of professionals are very rare and the very best.
This is so inspiring and comforting ! Thank you for putting in the time to share🥹 So proud of you for doing the work to improve and all the best on your wonderful journey
Was married to a gal who was eventually diagnosed with BPD, and the sense I had was that she would 'compartmentalize' her emotional life, to the point where she'd be the sweetest, most agreeable person for a few days no matter the circumstances. And then one day it was like a 'relief valve' suddenly went off, where she had the need to totally ditch any sorta facade of 'agreeableness', in order to 'release' all the pent-up negativity... usually thru an hours-long bout of rage that nothing seemed to help. But then next day, even after the ugliest of fights, she'd act like nothing ever happened!
I have BPD and am totally guilty of this. I'm scared of saying anything so I just tend to keep the peace. Even if I feel hurt or anxious about something. I'm scared if I speak up that it'll just ruin the day .... Until ... Something happens that just seems like it's too much. I feel like I've taken enough and I can't take any more any longer and I tend to snap. I don't additionally go into meltdown mode because I have grown a lot. But I can be hurtful, passive aggressive, etc . And then if I'm not responded to with gentleness and sympathy I feel rejected and unheard and that's when I tend to go into a downward spiral. Feeling unheard or misunderstood feels like I'm dying. Like I'm trying so fucking hard just to communicate but it never works so I know I'm failing. It all just sucks.
Loving someone with BPD is extremely difficult. Anyone who does needs a therapist just to cope. It’s very exhausting because they often doubt the love they receive and believe they aren’t worth living so no one could possible love them.
Most people will not tolerate such treatment.
@@sunshinecasey sometimes.. maybe… “right now I’d really appreciate x” might help. Working out the x can be hard though. Also accepting that not getting x doesn’t mean a whole lot of other leaps of logic conclusions.
@@freedahlogic8368 you're right.... I should've included my ex was a malignant narcissist that would go into fits of rage if I ever spoke up about anything, even if I used my scared soft voice and gently asked him things .. so I learned to shut up because it affects me so deeply. I'd be anxious for days, walking around on egg shells.
I found that the fear of abandonment component is triggered mostly in romantic relationships. That's my experience and it brings about terrible thoughts and feelings. Every nuance from the other person was investigated, examined, and questioned to the point that I sent that person runnnig for the exit. Most but not all of my relationships had that same chorus. In addition, I decided to stay single and celibate for the sake of sparing my nervous system a meltdown because romantic and sexual relations activates that need to be "ONE" with them. Just like a favorite person or best friend you want them around so much that is scares them away- along with the other uninteded reactions.
OMG THIS IS ME
I forget I have BPD outside of romantic relationships
I'm the same. I was single for 6 years until last August when my boyfriend and I met. Ever since, it's been like being 'caught between a rock and a hard place', paranoia, jealousy, rage but he has been incredibly patient and won't let me go - he loves me, but it's still hell. Pisses me off when ex-partners of people with BPD talk as if we choose to be like this!
@ohnodontstawp8417 same although when triggered by loved ones I have been venomous, but I don't have a constant cloud hanging over me like I do in a relationship - I can relax when single.
This is me. Most of my seperation anxiety occurs in romantic relationships. I think it stems from the emotional intimacy I'm supposed to have with them, as opposed to more platonic relationships, where I can maintain a superficial level. You want so desperately to keep them, yet every perceived slight sends you into fight or flight mode and you lose all composure. I've had issues at work, when I feel some sort of injustice but have been mostly able to maintain control over emotions, but in relationships, I'll explode after bottling shit in that when I look back on it, weren't actual issues, just something setting off my anxiety.
I’m a quiet BDP mixed with aspergers...life is lonely and often confusing. I internalise my temper and take it out on myself. Rarely do I act out but when it happens its like a tsunami and I’m scary.
Hey I’ve got bpd and aspergers as well. Life is lonely and confusing. I get it
Thank you for sharing this. I’m concerned about my son.
I think I'm the same just never diagnosed
quiet borderlines is tha worst, literal psychic/emotional vampires who latch onto they favorite person & drain away at em until they nothin but a broken husk of they former self. most dudes who commit suicide after tha dissolution of they relations wit bpd chicks was dumped by quiet borderlines. yall is like tha poison of poisons
@@awnaur0no919 what is that make you, writing a sad little comment about someone you dont even know? Must've really poisoned you, since you seem miserable.
I just dated a borderline and he was vicious. I had to leave and it broke my heart. It was becoming abusive and I loved this person tremendously
U loved an abusive person..? 90% chance you have co dependency
@@colnohman5255 lol Fuck you. Why does everyone blame the victim of abuse for being in a relationship with an abuser. You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Codependency does not exist in the context of love. Go off and research what love actually feels like. You see the best in that person and it’s confusing. I didn’t stay. I left once it became obvious. How is that codependent? Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and isn’t a traumatic experience. Human beings are a pair bonding species and that bond is incredibly powerful you insincere little cunt.
@@ForzaTerra89 I can relate to your original comment. And I am NOT co-dependent as the person above suggests. Not even close. I actually just loved him. I didn't love abuse. I could always see the deeper issue. Anger... but really deep insecurity and shame. "I don't trust you." was really "I don't trust me." He was trapped in the prison of his mind. He felt a lot, and then...nothing. Couldn't regulate anger..then deep shame. So many tears. But in the end, I saw the less, and more anger. I've never seen a man, a very masculine one, cry so much. So anxious, some nights afraid to die. Others wanting to. It was all just so sad.
@@LizaLavolta that sounds very familiar. It was over a year ago now which amazes me and I’m passed the experience now. It was very damaging and confusing. They blame you for things, it messed with your head and it’s hard to see it for what it is. One minute they adore you, then they’re terrified of being left and then they hate you and want nothing to do with you.
It’s insidious but it’s sucks you in. The anxiety is absorbed by your nervous system when they’re suddenly fine. It’s very confusing and deceptive. I’m over it and I’m over him but it was definitely a very damaging experience and I got out once I realised that. Just took a while to pick up the pieces afterwards but I did and so will you. Very manipulative but at first you just think you’re dealing with a person who’s really hurting.
Codependency doesn’t exist lol I’m annoyed all over again reading that comment. Why exactly is having feelings for someone suddenly so frowned upon. Romantic attachment is intense but impermanent. It’s a part of being human. It passed for me and it’ll pass for you too.
@@ForzaTerra89 Thank you. I realized it created a trauma bond/ chemical addiction. Insidious indeed. Once I knew this I can just ignore feelings that aren't in alignment with what I want for my life. (Calling, staying, etc.)Thank goodness for MY ability to emotionally regulate ;) It's nice to hear you're doing better. I hope to be soon. In my case he was both manipulative, and cofabulating- so he believed some of his own lies/was confused/had memory issues. It all blurred together. He was hurting, but also was manipulative. It was a lose lose for me, and I am moving on. It's a lose lose for him, but that's where he lives and has lived his whole life. I hope he gets help but it's not looking likely. I will be helping myself however! And I look forward to a loving healthy partnership- which I WILL have one day.
Having just come out of a disastrous relationship with a woman with BPD I can say this analysis is spot on.
I have chills listening to the precise and crystal clear manner in which he is explaining this disorder (as well as the way he explains everything). I have never heard anyone speak so clearly, and yet descriptively; directly, and without a superfluous use of words. I am amazed by this man. He is a straight-shooting speaker. He has an immense understanding of so many concepts and an extremely keen ability to communicate that perception to the everyday, layman's person. I am a female so although I may be in the minority of his general audience (based from the statistics he often states), I am a HUGE fan!
When you have quiet BPD its impossible for anyone to truly know/understand you. It's such a lonely disorder and that loneliness just makes it even worse. Fuck man, why me.
Speaking as an ex of another pwQBPD...I'm so sorry. I wish I had known before it was too late. I don't know if it would have made any difference, but I'll always wonder.
Man this hit home. I have BPD, and I'd classify it as the quiet type, and before therapy, I always thought that I enjoyed being alone since I am more introverted than extroverted. But fuck, the loneliness...it's horrible.
You're not alone man, keep your head up
@@rhys4303 they externalise immediately what we will always first internalise, I've started to look at it differently recently, I'll always be all I need and internalising not only helps that but also being calm in all situations
@Makuta S-V c’mon man don’t give up
I think it is from being raised by a narcissist parent and those people cannot parent at all, you just survived them. I can only imagine the neglect in the early development years since i can't remember it although I remember my later childhood years and I was pretty much ignored most of the time. Especially when I would have an emotional outburst and bawled my eyes out. My mom made sure to ignore me and act like nothing was wrong at those times, contributing to the abandonment feelings.
Sasha Jade god dayum!!!! I just wanna hold you!!!! Same shit happened to me. I hate that the mantle has been given to me from her behavior.... funny thing one can give others their illness and never exhaust it themselves....
Sasha Jade Its usually caused by long term trauma abuse/neglect would do it. Idk if my father was a narsicist but he would go to extreme measures not to admit his guilt. And i got it so it wouldnt suprise me. I think theres a bit of biological to it tho. As im bipolar and it takes me a real long time to recognize i did something stupid.
You are probably blocking the memories. Think of basic things you know how to do as an adult, but need teaching, like going to the bathroom. Now imagine no adult taught you that. Yup ... some things are better left forgotten.
My mom did that too. It destroyed me at the time, but I'm trying to change for the better. Good luck.
My mom put me outside by myself at two years old for long periods of time. I do not remember everything that happened but she told me a social worker brought me home one day to tell her that she can't just leave me outside. Yeah those narc parents even if they were to acknowledge someone's feelings it would be to make fun of them.
One thing he didnt mention was the overimportance of words with borderline
Tyler Stanley - How can words be overly important? they convey thought, both intentionally and otherwise.
Yes. Totally agree Tyler.
The over analysis of words and/or sentences
Someone with borderline will take a sentence you have said to them that may be SLIGHTLY negative and take a word from it (let’s say you said “why did you lie to me?”) and they will freak out over it. They’ll be like “LIE? Why did I LIE to you? Don’t call me a LIAR!”.
I have a lot of traits of BPD and for personal experience it means that we ignore almost EVERYTHING except the words, for example non-verbal behaviour, situation, congruence with your own character, etc.
My BPD person is one of the smartest most talented people I've ever met but man loving them is difficult when despite the fear of abandonment they constantly push you away.
I have BPD and I do psychotherapy. I have been doing it for ages and for different reasons. Jordan Peterson NAILS it when he talks about implementation. TRUELY NAILS IT for me. I know all of my problems all my limitations but I cannot implement what I need to. Also the potential bit, the wasted potential thing he mentions... I know people around me think that. My father being the first, of course.
Natalia Loncharich sorry to hear that dudesky. From my understanding learning and experience seem like the best way to develop, but those are also the things that can seem the farthest from us when looking into the void of our relationship to others with possible anti social behavior.
I love you.
You just have to take baby steps. Everyday win a small victory against the side that doesn't let you "implement what you need to" as you said, and eventually they will lead to larger ones
It's like people with BPD are CONVINCED they can't do anything right or otherwise, it's like self defeatism. For me it was having a narcissistic father
BPD can be understood in its most simplistic form as an extreme lack of willpower.
I hate having BPD. The hardest thing to hear is that no one knows how to approach me. I could have an episode at any given moment, no matter how mild the issue is.
I read that BPD can become manageable, the first step is awareness. That knocks out disassociation at times for me because I know exactly what is happening once my episodes begin.
I was diagnosed at 16 and I am 18 now. I finally finished 2 therapy goals in my cognitive therapy.
It's scary not knowing how you're going to react. I hardly feel like myself because I usually am kind and mindful, but when I misunderstand a situation, I immediately hate myself and devalue whoever I am around.
We just need love and security. Once we have that, we can do anything. I was in a secure loving healthy relationship for 5 years when I was in my early 20s. I was so happy and I wanted to do anything for my other half. I was incredibly productive during that time. I lost tons of weight, toned up, looked amazing, I got a degree, jumped several ranks in my career as I was so focused and clear headed, I had a great circle of friends, good relationships with my family, bought a home, pets, everything in my life just fell into place because I had that anchor that I needed. As soon as we broke up (he wanted kids and I couldn't have them), everything else fell apart. So from my personal experience, I think borderlines are orphaned kids that have had our hearts ripped out. We just need someone to come along and put a heart back into us. We don't even need taking care of in terms of money, work, etc (I was very very hard working), just love and security. Once we have that, it's like someone has switched us back on and we can (and want to) do anything to reward our 'saviour'. If that love/security starts to disappear again, we literally start to die and lash out in an attempt to survive. I don't think borderlines lash out when the other person makes them feel secure. At least I don't. It's only when we sense a threat to that security (they flirt with other people, act distant/uninterested, start ignoring us, cheat, get angry) that we react. But unfortunately borderlines tend to attract unhealthy partners, as we are intially attracted to lovebombing and someone that is very obvious about wanting us (due to our insecurity). Narcissists/sociopaths/other dark triad types are very good at making the initial move and don't hold back or act shy like a healthier partner might. They throw themselves at you. So at first they feel very secure as you don't have to second guess if they like you. But it's a trap.
The best thing I ever learned was how to 'pamper' myself like a child. When I lash out or go into panic mode, I baby myself into comfort. It's essentially like my adult self pampering my inner child. By loving myself in this way, I am 100% guaranteed comfort because I can never leave myself.. If I pour all of that comfort onto other people, it's risky. It also teaches me boundaries; I give a little here and there, but I remember that I always have myself. It's what makes me feel safe :)
Holy shit, you are incredibly insightful. I never realized this about myself or about how my mind works, but I can see it so clearly in my past now. Thank you so much for taking the effort to articulate how it feels to have BPD in this way--it's empowering and helpful. As a young person with BPD just beginning to have relationships, I will heed your story carefully. Thank you.
You will never get love and security. Now start healing. None of your behaviours are justified, no matter what your trauma is. I am sorry for putting it in harsh words.
@@taiyebbadr8912 for real. By saying "all WE NEED is love and security" demonstrates the crux of the problem - they're putting all the responsibility on others providing a solution for them.
My husband has Borderline Personality Disorder as well as PTSD. We divorced once and then remarried because he is an amazing father to our 9 yr old son. I have learned to watch what I say and to be more encouraging as well as support his dreams. We are making great progress.
I was diagnosed with BPD a couple of years ago. And I can verify that it’s a terrifying disorder for both the loved ones and the afflicted. I was very lucky that I found a therapist who was able to help me and I’m doing much better.
If you have the symptoms of BPD, please know this: it’s hard but there are people out there who can help. You need to put in the effort. It’s rough and hard but trust me, it’s worth it. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones.
You, Mr Peterson, have helped me to combat the narcissist in my life and honestly its made it fun to see the cycle for what it is. I don't derive enjoyment in this, not specifically, thwarting the attempts to play games with my life and be very matter of fact however is nice. Shutting it down, killing their arguments, watching the struggle to remain "in control" even when they can't control themselves, floundering and doing it effectively has liberated me from the illusion created in order to keep me under thumb. Thanks for the assist.
If you think dealing with us is difficult imagine being the person w BPD.
At least you can choose not to deal w us.
We can’t 😔
The BPD isn't capable of such self reflection. You are probably an attention seeker or at worst a narcissist.
@@garymitchell5899 You don't know much about BPD... I have a lot of self-insight and do a lot of self reflection and I am diagnosed with severe BPD by professionals. I know that I have hurt family members and exes and I'm deeply sorry about it... I just want to be alone now. I ruined my own life with a lot of my behaviour.. I'm fully abandoned here in my wasteland by everyone except my unconditionally loving parents. Am working really hard on myself. I'm sorry about all the pain I have caused. I wish I was never born.
@@Valoelify "deeply sorry". No. Just no. The BPD has no concept of sorrow. Attention seeker or narcissist.
@@garymitchell5899 you know nothing about BPD, you confuse them with sociopaths
@@extraterrestrialhorse9722 A BPD is a borderline psycho/socio path, that's literally the meaning of the term. To pretend that a BPD is just cuddly and misunderstood is plain wrong. Get involved with a BPD and your life will be turned over - don't do it.
I've never felt so proud as this makes me feel today. It's the second time I've watched it and have already made gigantic leaps in finding solutions to the issues I characteristically had.
"I've never felt so proud as this makes me feel today"
What normal person talks like that? Classic narcissist.
@@garymitchell5899 woah a lil aggressive there Gary. I think the pride is coming from a source of validation from a highly intellectual individual. Validation and self compassion can make a person feel g r e a t.
I am 63, always had the suspicion that I am a functional borderliner and finally the diagnosis was confirmed after 8 weeks in a clinical setting.
I am so grateful to have found this short bit of information which confirms clearly what I have been wrecking my brain with searching for an answer for so long. Thank you so much Dr. Peterson. Now finally I understand myself. Best regards and loving thoughts for all concerned with this subject.
I would say that BPD is the worst and best thing that has happened to me in my life. I have been in therapy for a couple of years and am in DBT therapy since a year and it has completely changed my life. I feel like a different person now. I have grown immensely and I believe that I wouldn’t even qualify as BPD anymore. Everything is possible.
BPD can either be your downfall or your superpower, once you learn how to manage it,(me being a borderline) I feel like you would be indestructible; i havnt got thier yet
I'm borderline. The best way to describe it for me is like being both a true empath and a sociopath. I also have CPTSD and many other things. I hate the stigma surrounding this disorder. We are very lonely people who live in an emotional paradox. Before ever seeing this video i knew my potential had been squandered, I've been saying that to myself since i was 15. It's nice to be validated i guess but still I wish there was more interest in people who have BPD and not the stigma.
I just noticed i associated my identity with my diagnosis. So I correct myself for my own mental health. * i have borderline
Yep. People either think we're jerks or have brain chemistry issues and need drugs or other fix.... Unfair, it's a curse, thankfully this life is finite/ doesn't have to go on for 60+ years...
Validation is... Ok sure, the small things and joys matter yes, but when we are blind to them and rely Only on external validation... It's a drug. As bad as any, means that people control us (and people are/ can be tricked into thinking "oh wow my husband/ wife saved me! I love these chains" but if you can't sustain yourself, you're never truly free (to each their own whatever they feel need to live their life and can/ can't do, but knowing we are truly free ... No better feeling or state of being, don't be tricked by the whole "look how romantic co-dependency is, you Need This!" Scam society tells us
Same. Many traumatized people in the world.
I'm with you in the self diagnosis, mostly from ctpsd.
Why do you destroy your partner tough , an empath would never do that
It’s like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces everyday.
Sometimes it feels like you are sitting in a glass box watching yourself self sabotage all of your hard work
I had bpd and it was very strange at first because i didn't understand what's happening but when i discovered that i have bpd it's effect started to decrease and now i feel completely free from bpd and it all happened in 3 months and it's very painful 3 months. I wrote this to tell those with bpd that it's not as strong as you think, just keep moving toward your purpose, consultant a psychiatrist and soon everything will be alright.
My ex has untreated bdp. She basically single handedly destroyed our relationship and then blamed me for every problem we had. I love her very much still but it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with a person not getting help for this heartbreaking disorder. Idealization, Lying, gaslighting, rage, projection, extreme personality changes, false memories,suicidal threats, testing, blaming, devaluation, and ultimately discard. I’ve been through it all. I just wish I could get that sweet girl back that I fell in love with..
You couldnt of described that better, im still trying to overcome what my ex did to me but same here i would love to have the girl i first met back
@@jasonbrierley7618 I’m still there too bro. Really struggling to get over her, I fell for her hard.
What initially made you love her? Please resolve this mystery. I'm only asking just to avoid being manipulated by a bpd person. I want to know the sings from a male perspective.
@@iLilith11 mine was sweet and caring and also stunningly beautiful i couldnt get enough of her and also couldnt believe my luck so much so i ignored the red flags that ultimately cost me later.
@@iLilith11Red flags are a history of short-term or unstable relationships. The ones they claim as longer-term were on-and-off-again relationships. Another red flag would be abandonment in their childhood. It can be easy to overlook these red flags because they are so great in the beginning.
I was 9 years old when one day it dawned on me that my mother was prone to temper tantrums, and that emotionally she was like a 2-year old.
That's horrible.
Alex Plante dang I wish I got that hint that young.... I got it like 20 years later
Yeah....My family went through hell courtesy of my mother who is probably borderline and narcissistic and just plain manipulative. (estimated by former friends who work in medical, developmental, and psychological fields). Every time I tell the story of everything that happened people are shocked.
ive been reading through this comment section and i keep seeing your comments pop up. i feel your pain brother..... same thing with my mother....
i wonder if borderline personality disorder is mainly a female thing...
I really think it is. Men tend to exhibit wayyyy different personality disorders and it seems like they experience them far less and are more likely to have other psychiatric and psychological issues vs personality disorders.
FUCK ME, this sounds familiar.
Especially the part about: being able to identify the problem; knowing or forming a way to solve it; not lifting a finger to solve it.
That doesn't mean you have borderline personality disorder. It could just mean that you are lazy. If you still have temper tandrums then you probably have BPD
No I most likely don't have BPD. It's just that what he described (especially that pattern of behavior) sounded a lot like how i used to behave.
DepresssedOne I have the same shit... but it feels more inherited from how my mom would treat everyone and not having a good example of someone who would take responsibility, cus guess what she drove off the father that didn't exhibit such behavior and did a great deal of work to help our family... but everything was his fault she would twist her sickness into everything, so now I have that terrible skill as a learned behavior.
yeeesh.... my sisters name is summer too....
well i feel you and i think sometimes i worry too much about it....
try to remember youre a product of your environment, and your atmosphere changes constantly. it sounds cliche as hell but you really do have the power to be what you do or dont want to be. whenever you think back of a time that bothers you say "fuck negative bitches" and think about someone motherly that you admire instead
i do so if you want a quick questionnaire i could diagnose you in like 5 seconds
I never got the diagnose, I kinda mentioned it ten times to my MD, psychiatrists, psychologists and nothing was done with it. And I am crying right now cuz for someone without BPD this man made me feel understood about this part of me. I can’t stress enough how this man changed my life. It’s a blessing.
I had many people do the same exact thing to me too
Have you tried talking to your GP who can refer you to better ones? My GP is in control of my mental health until my country can get off their asses and actuallly help people who need help with mental health. Personally I’ve seen the worst psychologists who have misdiagnosed me, would send his interns to see me on appointments but never him, randomly left the county without notifying me who was waiting 3-4 years for an appointment. Saw a different want, got the promise that they’re gonna be more thorough and it’s been 2 years since I saw that one 😂 I highly recommend talking to your GP! I also had the WORST experience with a GP I had from a child to an adult and when I changed GP’s, I got the best one. It’s really worth it to see different doctors :) good luck on your journey!
I was diagnosed with BPD 30 years ago. It is hell to live with. I love Dr. Peterson and I think he did an OK job of explaining it off the cuff like that. There is a lot more to it, but like he said it is very complicated and he wasn't prepared to speak on it in this moment. I'm glad he did though, if even only briefly. I have been curious about his thoughts on BPD for a while now.
Ever had anyone optimistic treat you? It makes me sad that so many people in the field just don't know how to respond .. a lot of the things we do to treat people with other disorders can actually make BPD worse .. and most people don't seem to know about the various effective evidence-based treatments (beyond DBT, which I consider a stabilization plan, not a treatment) The literature doesn't help either, very negative books like "I hate you don't leave me" .. it's cute I guess, but even the title is a bit judgemental.
I tend to suggest people who might have BPD read Lost in the Mirror by Moskovitz .. it's unusually honest and optimistic but still presents all the depth of problems that can come along with bpd.
I've had it, you're right it goes very deep
Julie T poop
Julie
The poop message was accidentally done. My sausage fingers. Sorry
Julie T I was diagnosed with BPD at 24. 30 years ago also. It's been a difficult ride.
This guy was spot on. As soon as he mentioned temper tantrums I laughed. When I get mad/frustrated/upset I stomp my feet and my husband says I'm like a 2 year old. BPD sucks and what sucks even more is that we don't want to be this way, our childhood made us this way but that's also an excuse.
Ok, to be fair an actual BPD tantrum is nothing to laugh at. My mom had it. Didn't know until I was 27.
Wanna know what hers looked like? Her destroying all my baby pictures in a BBQ grill because I said I hated my family in a fight-AT 15!
Lying that I abused her so the cops can arrest me-battled 3 DV charges and spent thousands of dollars and 2 years of absolute hellish stress over one lie just for her to "get back" at me in a fight.
Her sabotaging the relationship I had with a girl I've loved more than any other. All through her fears of abandonment and by continually harassing, calling, stalking, and threatening her. At the end of the day, I knew that was horrible of my "mom", but I couldn't quite sever the ties with the lady. The years of manipulation had me questioning my sanity and perception of the situation. It was so deep that at times I really DID think my lover's sole mission in life was to turn me against my mother in some pointlessly convoluted and illogical conspiracy. Even as my gf was crying and breaking down from the bombardment of viciousness (most, I never knew was happening. Ask my mom, and of its all just lies to, once again, turn me against her).
I still couldn't stop saying "But that's my MOM though. What kind of son abandons his mom?" no matter how pointlessly egregious the behavior. Long story short, she obviously broke up with me and cut all communications. It wasn't because I was toxic in nature, but when you sometimes associate with toxic people you wind up disclosing things in random spur of the moment conversations that will be 100% remembered and stored in the brain box labeled with "Danger: if opened can destroy lives. Only use in defense of very minor and totally imagined attacks".
I'm afraid I have this. When I am angry I grab anything I can write on and write everything I am feeling and why and try to make sense of it. After I calm down I read it and throw it away.
Is that a typical symptom?
@@rajbhattacharya4427 I just want to say she does love you but not in the way a mom is supposed to. And even though she loves you there is no excuse to stay in a toxic environment. If she loves you she'd understand no matter how much it hurts. I have 4 kids of my own and I just know me sticking around will damage them but my husband says leaving is worse. I just want to leave everyone but maybe that's not the way to go. I think when we're angry that's when we should leave temporarily like an hr or so until we cool but again it's so hard to leave because our brain is pushing us to be more and more angry and fight and argue. Please for yourself remove yourself from the situation, move out, move far away. And I hope you know that it's not you, it's her.
@@nataliedulaney8347 Are you trying to journal it? I'm impressed because I've been wanting to do this but I never have the time to think to write it down. I need to at least try to write it down after the fact. Usually I reflect but it's a never ending cycle. You will most likely end up doing it again whether its in 3 months, a year, or 5 years. I swear there's no hope. I have been on a schedule lately and that has been keeping my mind busy.
@@rajbhattacharya4427 And I was laughing at the way he did it because it's spot on and I've never noticed that and didn't think it was a symptom. Just mind boggling how we don't notice these things in ourselves. No self awareness.
I have bpd, and the good news is yes, even if theres not a cure, with therapy and a lot of hard work youvcan keep it under ccontrol to the point if you got the test that diagnosed you again you would no longer "qualify" as a bpd sufferer.
And please dont use this illness as an excuse for poor behavior, just dont. Own your mistakes, you are a grown up.
Sending love & strength to everyone fighting against this, ypu will win, you will become an amazing version of yourself, trust me. You just need to be patient and keeep up the good work cbt is your best friend.
Thank you Jordan Peterson! This is the first time someone explained it in a way I can "feel" - even being German and having to find my way through the words I love this explanation. And it lets me learn that I have that disorder and lets me understand where the link is missing - AND lets me get not only a glimpse, but a real clue, what to do for the FIRST time in 60 years! So thankful.
I was diagnosed with bpd 5 years ago yet somehow anytime i watch these kinds of videos i still cannot believe how accurately i fit the description and traits of BPD. Everything he says I'm sitting here like wow he is literally describing me😦
This video is the first time I’ve found out what BPD actually is and all of this is 110% me..I am 20yo. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything but my mental health overall has been a huge struggle nearly my whole life and it took me to stumble upon this video on my homepage to finally understand the main component of it..
Have you pursued therapy? Hows it going? Many on jere have said cbt has helped.
I'm going to break this damn cycle. I'm focusing my energy on love and love only now. I'm opening my doors and I'm connecting back to source. I'm gonna find that force! And then I'm going to become a resource. It's a new cycle now. And IM in control of it. I have control over my thoughts. I may not have control ovee my feelings all the time, but that's ok. I'm a hypersensitive person. But all I need to remember is to not take everyone and everything so damn seriously. Because it's life! Life is crazy, but that doesn't mean I have to be. I don't have to be subject to these demons that take my body and emotions on a joy ride. I need to sacrifice myself to what truly matters in life. I can do this because everyone is capable of change. It's harder for me than it is for others but that doesn't mean it's IMPOSSIBLE!
@New Lucas :) ❤️
You know what, I choose to see bpd as a direct bridge to source, instead of functioning perfectly in this matrix of sociable acceptability and lack of sensibility we excel in to unconditional love for ourself and so others / activators of source through facing the pain straight on with no fuzz or make up.
We are the mystics of our time, let’s not entrap ourselves in an idea that we aren’t but victims as such that suits a general society of masquerade.
@@G-center-talks Nice
Clara Lind your so right , out of all the comments I’ve seen so far , I’m glad that somebody is thinking progressively and can see a way out. The only way out is through “LOVE” i truly believe Love conquers all , with By finding and activity we truly love and mastering it we can unlock endless bounds of potential. Love can allow us to overcome ourselves.
Sounds like bypassing to me.
I was diagnosed with BPD not long ago. Been listening to JP for many years now and this is not only (once again) him speaking my chaotic mind into the articulate form I wish I could but this time, I’m in tears with how accurate he’s describing my life. I even know what he’s talking about and call them just that: tantrums. They are agonizingly painful internally and externally.
I'm bpd and yes I've had all the symptoms it started when I was 12 years I was sexual , verbally and physically abused had relationships with 2 narcissistic men but I've always risen above the diagnosis I try my best I exercise, meditate and do yoga. I put 100 % into my job but I struggle with my emotions sometimes. I cried everyday but it's much better now. To those suffering there is hope.
I’m sorry you have hard such a hard life. The abuse you suffered breaks my heart. I share in some of your wounds. When times get tough, remember there are people out here that can and do love you. I would take my own advice, but my memory is shit......🤔😉
therapist lee trini2dbone you know that all of humanity can see your reply yes? Might wanna delete that hun.
@@russellfultz9771 I forgot , so caught up that another human being has empathy
therapist lee trini2dbone Oh yeah, I feel all the feels ROFL
"One interesting thing of people with pbd is that often there quite intelligent. And you see the person with bpd something like the waist of the scoundering of wasted potential. They seem capable of thinking trough there nature of there problems anaylising and discussing it. But not capable whatsoever of implementing any solutions"
This hits home like a truck..
Fuck i love his mind and his way of verbally explaining stuff.
This guy is my spirit animal
The USS Johnston how do you know that?
It is so difficult when they fear abandonment, yet they act or behave so abusively that drives individuals away ! I totally agree with what he is stating ! Another aspect to this is while they possess intelligence, they either use their intelligence to cause problems, or they can pin point a problem, but will never really address it, and often they are not held accountable for certain actions/behaviors.
Ive unfortunately known someone with BPD, she projected that she was proud of being judgemental and "cutting out all the toxic people" when all her friendships, ALL OF THEM lasted little more than 3 months.
And I could tell she was just miserable inside.
She selfproclaimed that she went to therapy twice and nothing came of it. She told me she had a friend that had BPD and went to therapy and lied to the therapist and was proud of deceiving that therapist into thinking they don't have BPD and I think that was really a story of hers. She also had other clear issues that warranted therapy.
It's like a selffulfilling prophecy, a disease with the stipulation that you can't fight the disease. And I hope these people find their path.
@@Reac2 honestly, there could be multiple problems:
1. Lying to a therapist.
2. Misdiagnosed
3. Someone with BPD could have a co-morbidity of behaviors, which makes interacting with them almost impossible. Sometimes there is an unusual dichotomy that transpires, that creates a very difficult living/relationship situation.
Meaning, there are two behaviors/situations happening at once. For example, the individual with BPD may fear abandonment, however, at the same time, act in a manner which would drive someone away from them (constantly combative, cannot compromise, has a skewed perception of a situation). For example, someone who constantly is combative with individuals regarding their compulsive gambling, spending, or a substance use disorder. While the "normal/functional" individual who is in the relationship with the individual who has BPD/other (impulsivity, SUD) tries to explain to the individual that their behavior "XYZ" whatever it is, causes distrust, financial problems, escalation of arguements, crime/abuse, and is causing major problems in the relationship. However, the behavior/actions do NOT change (no matter how many times it is brought up).
The individual with BPD, may continue this specific behavior, yet wonder why someone leaves (lost friendships/relationships etc), and fears abandonment. It is almost like they do NOT have the ability to understand anyone else's point of view, and realize how destructive their behavior is.
Therapist: "What is the result or cause/effect ...when you (the BPD individual) does XYZ ?" ..OR..
"What are you thinking or what gives you the greenlight to do XYZ ?" (The action/behavior)
" How do you think your actions/behavior affects others ?"
"How do you think actions/behavior XYZ makes "victim"/ person in relationship with you feel ?"
If you are interacting with someone who has BPD/Narcissistic/ASPD/Dark Triad tendencies, then the victim may fear even discussing anything with the individual with BPD/co-morbidity, because of fear of retaliation, or psychological abuse/personal attacks. Because to the individual with BPD/other co-morbitity is that they lack the maturity/level of understanding to address a concept/truth, so they may lash out at the individual who is speaking a fact or truth to them.
Again, because they may be hyper sensitive/have depression/other, even asking them to wash a cup/spoon left in the sink, may create major problems. The "normal"/functioning individual may feel like they are "walking on eggshells " around the BPD/narcisstist/ ASPD/Dark Triad individual. They may personally attack you, or make up some rediculous excuse of why they cannot do something etc. They have an inability to take responsibility for their actions/behaviors, and may often blame others/circumvent responsibility. So, they victim may suffer on all sides, especially if money (financial abuse) is used as a weapon to control. From what I understand, some with BPD may have control issues, and may be so completely out of touch with rules, law, and/or reality.
In sum, to my understanding, some (not all) individuals who have BPD, may exhibit behaviors that may drive an individual away from them, may be hypersensitive to someone else's opinion that differs from theirs, hypersensitivity to criticism, while they have NO problem stating the most horrible things to you... yet they fear abandonment.
What are your thoughts ?
I’m stunned and overwhelmed with the clarity and acceptance you provided. What an incredible move to reach out to others.
You don’t know me but I’m with you all the way.