Narcissists Start Talking and Never Stop | Talk is Their Currency
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 12 окт 2024
- The narcissist's medium and channel is talk. They meet you by talking, they worm into your life with talk and pick your life apart with the emotion their words convey.
Check out my book "The 16 Signs of a Narcissist" by clicking below right now:
www.understand...
Spot on. They never stop talking. Its infuriating. Talk through a TV show, movie etc. They are always the center of a conversation. Its is so draining. Talk about strangers they don't even know. Criticize everything and everyone...never ever ever happy. However, they are charming and sweet to outsiders. People think they are so nice, but don't know that they are acting. The Deceivers.
yeah, that is also one of my pet peeves from my NARC, when they talk and talk while we try and watch a movie at home - sometime i wish we went to the cinemas, that was i can enjoy the movie much more and get into it, that having someone comment on everything and can't hear the movie script because of them....
and they DO constantly criticize everything and everyone, i guess that is because THEY KNOW BETTER....everyone else is stupid to them....when really its the other way around....They have to PUT others down to make THEMSELVES seem better.
ElusvOptmst1
The talking to people they don't know is soo annoying, i'm a private person due to CPTSD and my moms narcissist abuse. There full of fake one second friends and social actors. I shut them down around me. I do not trust most, at all. I don't believe in just shooting the breeze with anyone around telling narcissist campstories. Because there inaccuracies and gossiping is about them agian. So annoying. Like a bee that never stops buzzing!
ElusvOptmst1 this explains my mom so much ask so nice to everyone else but when she comes home uh different story
My mum is exactly like this!
They Never Shut Up!!!
Julie P
If they do, they act like they finally shut up.
Silence, peacefulness, privacy will not be tolerated! 😞
you hit it on the head.!
something i find with my narcissist husband, they repeat, repeat, repeat the same thing that HE wants, what He NEEDS (basically nag you to you give in), they talk AT you - no to you....they have that GOD complex, they know e v e r y t h i n g and you know NOTHING, and that we should listen and obey to what THEY have to say....
+Sun66 Flower66 _"they know e v e r y t h i n g"_ - So much this.
It's one of the quickest, most surefire ways of identifying narcs: Whenever someone e.g. talks about films, they _always_ pretend they know more. When someone talks about life, job, hobbies etc, they've always "been there done that, _young Padawan_."
Drives me mad. I instantly have to recuse myself if at all possible.
+SuperMrsBlake
I used to do that regular. I just sent him back to his dads every once in awhile, since he was draining my energy. He wasnt happy
haha, true.
Haha! exactly, There's no time for that, there's massive amounts of brainwashing to be done! People can't be allowed time to relax and think for themselves now.
When you want space for yourself if you're living with one (unfortunately, I still am), they try to guilt you by saying you're lazy, anti-social, unproductive, lethargic. In reality, these people are the most draining, energy sucking people on the planet. You need time to yourself, just to recuperate from them.
***** Right, they have to constantly be asserting their opinions, evoking a response, giving you ultimatums, trying to control you, so that you can never relax and have peace and quiet.
"I was picked due to narcissist history of 'foo' abuses." That's what laid the foundation. We were groomed and primed for narc abuse down the road and didn't know it, thinking the problem was us. My narc mom pulled the same number on me (and narc dad).
+Breakthrough Moment aww so sorry it is hard. I only cried about her death for a few minutes then I was very angry then depressed then I got very ill. weirdly I really almost croaked from asthma attacks from a bad cold? (on the day of/after? his former wife's death) I have feverish chills wheezy medicated fall over ditz dizzying up and downs. Still sick. going back to bed soon.
Lisa McGuire Sorry about your health issues, probably exacerbated or brought on by the narcissists and their abuse. I do believe that. Narcissism Survivor just did a video on that.
+Breakthrough Moment thx. so much he is all over me
"Alone time... doesn't exist". So true. This was SO hard for me in dealing with my N-ex. I am very introverted, and would literally beg him for time to myself/quiet/solitude. I could never get it. I would lock him out of the bedroom, and he'd pick the lock or break the door down. I'd ask him to stop talking and talking because I wanted to sleep, or watch tv, or whatever... and it didn't matter. He'd just keep talking and interrupting anything I was doing. My only peace was when he was asleep.
It's amazing to be free and have QUIET back.
Angela Rotolo you sound like an empath you quite enjoy your own company narcissist don't like being alone.
After living with my narcissist grandma for two months , being on my own is bliss as I have my own place now.
Ang Ro
Same, i was always up late or woke up really early with my Ex, because it was the only time I could have some peace.
So true, my ex-narc wouldn’t even let me have alone time in the bathroom. There was always a reason why he had to come in there.
haha yup, isnt that the most beautiful sound; silence
Yes, nonstop talk is what my narcissist Father is known for. Every single conversation is inevitably steered to him talking about himself, his career, how someone wronged him in the past, how smart he is, blah, blah, blah. If you get up and leave he will follow you into another room and keep talking at you. It is not a conversation; there is no exchange of ideas, your opinion does not matter, and even if you get the chance to get a word in, he will not hear it or acknowledge you.
Same with my narc.
He also calls and says he quickly wanted to ask how we are. Then talks 30 min. about himself. Thats also not a conversation at all.
I'm NC, last time he called i hung up.
Same here. And that thing about following you to another room - eerily similar!
You just described my dad. Ugh.
Sounds just like my husband.....I always thought that he was ignored as a child. Now I understand he's a narcissist. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
This is my mom to a T ! Smh
talking to everyone. ..and about everyone. ..constantly
The narcissist that was in my life was ALWAYS talking!!! I found it very energy draining and nothing ever really made sense or were in line with his actions.
Stephen D my ex narc would talk on and on and interrupt me if I tried to say something because I was tried of being talked over and ignored.. I just listened to him because I could never get a word in. then at the end of the relationship he said he can’t be with me because I don’t talk enough! Lol
Your videos are nailing these creatures.
I know right? Almost feel bad for them.
cathie romero Don't ever feel bad for truly evil beings, They NEVER change.
+Abby Normal Whenever people say that in a narcissist video I always imagine picking up a hammer and nailing my narcissist on the head until the narc is all the way in the ground so deep that using the claw to remove said narc would not be possible.
The Narcissist's Scapegoat That would be awesome! lol
+Abby Normal I sense a bunch of hypocrites in this commentary.
They want to hold long conversations about nothing, just to fill time and garner attention. They're the only people I know that can bore a Jehovah's Witness door-to-door visitor. They actually think those persons have selected them for long conversations about religion.
so funny. i needed a laugh.
Dawn Johnson
True story. The poor guys stopped knocking after a while. It's no mean feat to discourage those guys.
+Catherine Heart Not much, really. I talked a few times with them, and I did read the Watchtower, and a lot of their Bible story books for kids, which were pretty good. But we never really converted, my father just wanted the narcissistic supply. He kind of enjoyed stringing them along, making them think we would join them, getting their hopes up, in a typical narcissistic manner.
Mario M LOL
they deserved it JW religion is a paradise for abusers
Not only did he talk AT me, he literally talked right over me, never listened except keenly to what can only be called fact gathering (what I thought of as confiding in him) which would be used against me directly.
Normally I don't hear voices in my head, but when I have been with persons that talks konstantly, then it is like, I can still hear them talking inside my head, some times for hours after I have left
I keep hearing the things I wanted to say but couldn't get out because she always interrupted and talked over me, and then I scream in frustration.
@@b43xoit this
Oh yes, this is what I call “Talk Torture” ;-) It’s mind numbing & draining. It’s almost like they try to wear you down to reveal where you’re most vulnerable. Then they attack. Great video 👍🏼 Thank you
Perfect: "Talk Torture" is EXACTLY what it is.
They're REMARKABLY uncomfortable with silence. Not a minute of silence could possibly go by without sheer awkwardness, no matter what you were doing (checking your phone, eating, even taking a piss!!!). They always have to talk. It's exactly as you said. At first it does seem like you're being engaged in conversation but the reality is as you described it, they're talking AT you. It's so clear just by the number of times you get interrupted by them, and how they try to dominate the conversation (they just wait for you to finish your 10-second liners and bam it's all about them and their opinion again). In the case of chat, at least 50% of the messages you send are ignored during discussions.
True.. and Opeth rules!
I think narcs always have answers to everything like they think they know everything and yes some of them only want to hear themselves speak
CA D sounds a coworker I know. Over two months of working with her (I'm a floater) I finally had enough and reported her to my manager and I was happy when he scheduled me to another site where I'm at now. Last Friday night when she was getting ready to leave end of shift she asked if we were friends, I laughed and said in a nice way that we are just coworkers and she calmly instead of her usual high pitch voice dedicating how I should feel and she kinda agreed with what I said. She had some obsession of me what I wear, eat, how much they make and spend and who I hang out with. She was so annoying and always had to put in h r two cents.
Scary
CA D yes the know everything everything! They have done everything
If you adopt a kitten. They rescued five out of a burning building then adopted all 5
Yes, you are correct - I believe we should all be confident. But there's a big difference b/w being confident, and being prideful and arrogant. This narc I was in a longtime friendship with until recently acted like a know-it-all - he reminded me of that rabbit character in that story of the turtle and the rabbit. No wonder why he would just talk on one particular subject for hours on end - could see the frustration on his face and in his voice whenever I had to cut it short - over the long term, he ended up unleashing his anger at me with many railing text messages. (only to follow it up with a kind one weeks later, and the cycle continued)
True! God consults them when he doesn't have an answer.
Everything he's said here is exactly right. they are so predictable. Exactly right. They talk and talk and talk, they will talk themselves into a hole. They do make you think they are engaging you.
+BRubio 26 Sadly when i search my ex-GF's emails she did not EVER talk or ask about me!! How did I not dump her BEFORE the cops split us up at month 6 or 7? My brother had just died, he would have told me to dump her and I would have. I decided to stick it out.. maybe there was a message somewhere in there. There certainly was! I became addicted to trying to figure her out. The pain she gave me was cotton candy compared to the misery my parents put me though for 40 years. Funny how little a cheating girlfriend matters after your bro dies. I was made at her but I was not lost in her. I was lost in grief so that even her narcissism I appreciate in some ways.. she got my mind off things...chasing her around town.. begging her to see me.. trying to write email that might reach her true self... lol what a waste of time.. she probably never read most of them.
+The Narcissist's Scapegoat _"trying to write email that might reach her true self"_ - We all grew up on Star Wars, didn't we. But some people are just beyond redemption.
@@thenarcissistsscapegoat5091 sorry to hear you went through that- sad that you lost your brother then too- it makes us SO vulnerable to more abuse.. i hope you're doing better now. Stand tall
Exactly - they won't stop talking about one particular subject for hours on end. If at the one minute mark they sound like they're warming up, look out! They'll keep you hooked for hours - and if you try to cut them off at any time after that, they'll get frustrated, and eventually over the long term they'll unleash their anger at you.
@Romans TenSeventeen - I have a friend who talks so much that he's literally just getting "warmed up" after one hour! No joke. Granted, sometimes we do have interesting in depth conversations, but 80% of the time he just wants to hear himself speak and brag once in a while about how much money he's making. And he loves to repeat himself over and over with just a "slight twist" each time to "keep it fresh" in his mind. And whenever I need to get off the phone with him, he always has one more thing to say which usually takes another 15-30 minutes.
Oh my word yes, NEVER stop talking!!! Its exhausting!!
Be aware! When there looking for new supply one way of them determining if you will be a good supply is to create a problem and then sit back and see who jumps in! That's how I got into his web!
sabrina bartlett got a year examples? that's a good tip
sabrina bartlett omg! So true!!
Sometimes you'll give them what they want, just so they'll shut up, they talk so much.
Thanks Scott, They are ALWAYS TALKING!,I also get sick, the thought how narcissist make you feel.they want to keep isolated, having control over everything. You do feel weird, I felt like a big weight was lifted of my shoulders.When you are away from them you feel a better energy around you.
true..
They hate when you go on your own. They immediately switch to gladiator mode often will make stories about you to cause drama.
Thanks for addressing this.
After years of his endless monologues, repeating, noisy projections, making shit up, droning on about himself, crazy proclamations, gossiping, circular ranting, stringing words together about nothing, never tiring of his own voice... and usually while standing above me even when it meant standing atop of pile of dirt in the yard ~ I discovered a few tools to get through this until I could make my final departure.
Mantras, affirmations, running happy song lyrics through my mind, or rote prayer in my own head while he was talking, bobble-head random nodding in agreement, and throwing out a few words like "wow" or "hmm" or "yep" "uh-huh" and "right" occasionally, cleaning up the area we were in while pretending to listen, but sometimes I would just get up and leave him talking to the chair.
If we actually listen to the babbling, it drains the energy right out of our souls and it makes us sick.
+Barbara Grace I started to just pick up and walk out of the room when my covert MIL starts her performance. The deer in headlights expression she gets is priceless.
Barbara Grace I would do the same thing... get up and walk out of the room! Lol
Yeah I have set them right on what I think of them, what it is they are doing and that they hold no interest to me. Even to the point of letting them know that their gifts don’t mean anything and will no passify me. The Narcissist then employs the tactic of labeling me angry. Well that’s fine by me, just leave me alone.
I have waited years for someone to confirm all of what you said. I have searched but to no avail. My Nm is an obsessive-compulsive talker. (one of my kids actually has ocd, so when i say she obsessively compulsively talks, I really mean it) Going on and on about the same stuff, repeating it also. All the time. When we tell her ' you've told us this before' she says 'ya, but anyway.....' And continues. We must shut up and put up. Don't dare interupt her. Don't dare start another conversation while she is talking. It is all emotionally draining.
Jennie O Connor I can relate to that. Then when we are trying to open up or talk about anything, they will literally walk out or over talk us. Now anytime he opens his mouth ‘I walk out’. I don’t live with him anymore ‘thankfully’ I only need to see him when his collecting our kids. X
Jennie O Connor well yeah but ...u know..
Yeah, it's like being held hostage. Interrupting only makes them start over, which feeds them as a form of torture. Very MK Ultra.
@@Str0ng1 oh, yea. If I interrupted he went into a rage!
@@Str0ng1 I heard Nero would conduct entire plays where he would play every character for hours in front of roman citizens. If someone attempted to leave they would be killed. I guess some people got so bored that they didn't care if they were killed. They were bored to death, literally.
Your point starting at 10:58 oh my god, that hit the nail on the head for me. I left a "friends" house feeling exactly that. I came home feeling strange, like I had been raped or something. I looked up the term 'mental rape' on google but nothing came up. This guy talked at me for hours, even when I was showing visual ques that I was leaving: checking phone, putting things away in my pocket, looking at my phone, slowly getting up, clearly looking uninterested in conversation. Nothing, he just kept on talking. Whilst he was talking I felt really weird and lightheaded, I thought maybe he had put something in my drink (he didn't of course). That was enough for me.
Being an excessive talker; being around someone takes up all your time talking is energy draining, intelligence diminishing and depression triggering. I have been there, I had to pray and shut up for days just to rejuvenate my talking-battered .🙏🙏🙏🙏
I understand exactly what you mean. It makes you feel like something was taken from you without your consent, emptied out. I feel mentally, emotionally and intellectually depleted. It's even worse when you live with the person who does it. It's a strange and empty feeling when they finally stop talking.
@@kimadiggs237I completely agree. I feel the same way afterwards.
@@SaturnPhase It is a serious issue. Any means one can find to reduce his level of talking goes a long way.
yup..you start talking about yourself, a concern, another person etc and somehow within seconds the entire conversation becomes about THEM because they twisted it that way and you havent said anything...yes, it is a feeling that feels horrible...i now have learned to either walk away or gain control back of the conversation and THEY hate that and then in return it makes you feel like you just lost interest in the conversation or you totally forgot what you wanted to talk about and then THEY gain control again because THEY know that THEY gotcha again..
moonlightontheriver I know a coworker who is exactly like that. When she asks a question let's say cooking, and when you reply she always divert it back to herself like her way is the only best way and always had to put in her two cents. Good thing I'm a floater at a company I work with cuz I had enough working with her for over two months and finally reported her behaviour.
My ex husband is a narcissist, and he would just vomit words nonstop and not even notice or appear to care whether anyone was listening. I would leave the room and he would keep going. My brother also has narc traits and will give these monologues at family events and become irate if you dare interrupt him. Doesn't matter if it is my birthday, do not interrupt him.
I really haven't heard anybody discuss this quality of narcissistic abuse, but it certainly rings true in my experience. I have often said his voice makes me sick to my stomach and he never shuts up.
being with a perceived narc.. Help me realize what I needed in a relationship. Wasn't able to talk on a emotional level with her. texting was the norm, it keeps her at bay; soas, no emotion was shared. No rest for the wicked ; as they say, always moving: cleaning, weekend trips, could never be still and try to get my masters degree; or improve myself. Money was always spent dinners, weekend vacations, and numerous; of her, family birthday partys. I think she was sick of my voice always wanting to her to hear my goals and plans; for her to give support and appreciate me. After 5 years with one son; I think there was a transfer of her deep seated chaos into me. like possession. So now I feel im like her.. it wasn't like this went I left her 2 years ago .. I went back and got in deeper. I am three months away now and she is back to same person. and noticing my son is getting the same blank stare that her whole family has b/o they don't share feeelings ; only superficial conversation.. . .
It is my impression that narcs typically talk a lot, but they don't actually tell anything interesting. It almost seems as if they're just haphazardly imitating what they _think_ counts as great storytelling. They actually don't know how to tell a story.
Like, if someone actually knows how to tell a great story, I absolutely don't mind them talking more (or even _much_ more) than I do. I enjoy listening to a good story, and as long as the other person reciprocates when I have something I want or need to tell, then it's all fine by me.
But with narcs, even though they demand attention and adulation, there really is no way for me to give it to them because their stories are always boring and suck donkey balls.
I believe the reason is because, as they say, _even mediocre writers are without exception brilliant readers_. Translated to talking/listening, this means that narcs (who categorically never actually listen) are dismal storytellers because they have never really paid attention to any story told by someone else.
Much like three-year-old children, not surprisingly...
I found this to be a most useful pieces of information about narcissists. This was the issue that ended it for me. He talked constantly about everything and nothing. I stopped listening and he was with the "new woman" 10 days later. Once I recognized this symptom, I was able to see the other ways he had terrorized me with his subtle putdowns.
perfect. spot on. when you leave that environment you feel weird for a bit like you were drugged or something. well said man .
This is exactly right, the narcissist drones on and on, never allowing us to enter their monologue unless it elevates them. They also spend all of 5 seconds on what you said when you had to interrupt to be a part of their monologue. They act as though they do not hear you at all. They are also very defensive at any sense of correction about what they say and do. They don't stop talking and they act angry if you talk too long, which is not too long but they think so, taking away their control of the conversation. They will act like you are talking too long when you are normal, they are the ones who never let you have your say or will let you have your say momentarily but act disinterested in you.
They talk about themselves, some do, all the time without any interest in you. You are a pair of ears to listen to them, nothing more. They test new supply by creating a problem and see how much you care and try to help them.
Yes, they talk with an evil purpose everytime they speak to you, don't forget that ever. It's not to understand you better in a loving way, it's to make you afraid of them.
This can be the FIRST red flag in a new relationship.
Yes, they talk all the time and talk AT you! Thank you for all your videos and your online abuse recovery program as you helped me heal from decades of narcissistic abuse. Education is key to healing and not repeating this cycle of abuse.
I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW TRUE THIS IS!!!!!!! My ex-narc would LITERALLY give me 3-5 hour lectures whenever his ego was injured and OMG, he would drain all of my energy soooooo much that by the end of it, I would just agree like “ok babe, whatever u say” cuz if I didn’t agree with his mental conditioning, the lecture would go on longer! I would literally need to take a nap afterwards. All these lectures were to say 2 things: 1) I’m flawed/wrong and 2)he’s good/right It is definitely brainwash and I don’t think they studied mind control techniques, it just comes natural to their disordered minds. They just know they have to do this for their own survival.
Thank you for this...I just wilt as he talks at me for over an hour! All my intelligence goes away and I come up with nothing to say.
omg they talk so much. My ex would be talking to me in a public place and turn to anyone that was in earshot almost inviting them into our private conversation. He would do this in restaurants. Get involved with strangers conversations without being invited in. No social boundaries. However when alone with him no so much talking.
Lmao haha true f have that
Every narcissist Ive ever known talked nonstop. They dont even check if anyone’s listening.
Another interesting topic is how they engineer situations and wait for people to jump in and fix things! They will hide things and want everyone to start looking for it, or just start yelling about something usually it was some thing they couldn't find! But looking back I had an immediate emotional reaction to his voice or his footsteps!
I think this has stems from the void of them not knowing who they are. They need to engineer things that they are pretty clueless of. Fixing it is beyond them. It must be frustrating to be in that mental space but I don’t play the codependent and I don’t stay silent anymore. Give me my space, don’t involve me in your ploys and keep your crazy away from me.
Very recognizable!! And they won't let anyone else do any talking! ugh. I just smile and raise my pointing finger like "hey there's someone else here too who'd like to say something"
My Narcissistic Father & sibling would REBUKE me.
They talk AT you... shows that you are NOT ALLOWED to argue with them.
Mine would say, "he argues!". Indicating explicitly that argument is not acceptable.
I had to come back to this video because I remember how much it struck a chord ... nonstop talking and the narcissist. It all came together yesterday, when from out of the blue, I received an email reply from a question I totally forgot I posted ALMOST 8 YEARS AGO to the Yahoo question board. My question I innocently posted was titled: "Why does my husband excessively talk?" At the time I posted this question, I had no clue he was a covert narcissist, (I didn't even know what a narcissist was at the time) I only knew he spoke consistently and NONSTOP about one intense, painful topic which really messed with my reality and caused my emotional destabilization. Through this repetitive talk he gaslighted and projected his shame and self loathing so carefully and covertly onto me. I was his emotional pin cushion - talking me into circles and mixing me up. I was his spiritual voodoo doll. Seeing this reply come through my email validates everything. He isn't one of those bombastic narcs (his dad is and his dad will talk you into oblivion). My ex is carefully shrouded in kindness (which I'm still confused over), but deadly in his game of ultimate love bombing, devaluing and discarding. Its as if the "me" from eight years ago came back to reassure the very confused me of now that I was right, there was something very wrong, all along. Thanks for being another voice of validation.
my narc dad talks me to death in the car and I'm in the passenger seat...saying all these good things about morals and he does the complete opposite
same
My dad was like that to me growing up.
Do we have the same dad?
That description of the feeling of unease after you leave their "bubble" was just so spot on. It actually brought up that feeling in me - such a tangible thing, really freaky to realize it's a common thing that people with malignant NPD evoke.
My narc is my elderly, childless aunt who has nobody left. I have heard every story 1000 times. She doesn't have discussions...she has lectures. As a former professor (a perfect job for this type) she still thinks it's her "job" to educate everyone on every single subject that concerns planet Earth along with life lessons with her at the center of every story. Until this year I always thought that she was just a lonely, opinionated, abrasive, yet sometimes generous person (which was designed to keep me from abandoning her) who had lived alone far too long.
She calls herself a liberal progressive and has fed herself a steady diet of anything that is socialistic, anti American, anti corporate, etc. Anything that she thinks will get a reaction from people including always feeling the need to spout off on religious and social issues, (is for abortion, but anti death penalty). All red hot topics that people MUST agree 100% with or she shuts the conversation down instantly.
When I have tried to tell her that " I have already heard that story before" I get "oh, so I should just shut my mouth, is that it?" But that is projection because she is in actuality telling ME to just shut up and listen to her. For years she has told everyone that her entire estate is going to various environmental, political and charitable organizations which is fine. She has helped out everyone in the family from one time or another. But, I did not realize that it was all about her IMAGE that was behind this. For years, she had been denying herself basic comforts, being some sort of martyr while stock piling money and I could not understand why.....but it was to show how altruistic she was by leaving everything to "the planet".
+Valerie H it's all about that carefully constructed image. Never mind that her buggy whip tongue has alienated just about everyone that ever knew her, but for those who will never know her, but will be receiving her checks when she dies she will be "a great and generous woman who left a wonderful LEGACY behind"!
This isn't a narc. It sounds like you just dislike her political views and therefore want to label her as such. This type has existed for decades. The old maid, or the kooky relative. They're just isolated lonely individuals who, having few to no people in their life, want to hold on to whomever is within their reach and they will talk non stop repeating the same stories or giving "life advice" to try to feel relevant to someone. They end up becoming abrasive because people do tire of the same stories and no longer want to hear them, and deep down they know this but they can't give up sharing the stories because they have no-one that is really close to them in their life and this is their only "connection", weak as it may be. These types deserve pity. Furthermore if she has helped out everyone in the family, I am guessing that this includes you, so maybe a bit more gratitude is in order here. You want to label her a narc, but have no problem using her and taking help. This kind of behavior, accepting help and then bad mouthing the person, is more in keeping with narc behavior than anything you described here by your aunt.
@@valsedonia Shes definitely a narc. Her political views contradict themselves. That's a red flag.
So true. Cut off a narc. This narc talks endlessly and never allows me a word in a conversation. I brought that behavior up to the narc. The narc got mad. I cut off the friendship and the narc told me I need them. Really the narc needed me to snap my energy and feed me their ideology. I'm glad I cut that person off.
They are like broken down record players on repeat and use keywords in all the conversations you've heard them speak about 1 million times before to change topic to another story you've also heard one million times before........the most boring people on the planet but to the unsuspecting or inexperienced they are like walking dictionaries with all their useless,mundane tripe information....... when you tire of it and switch off and close your eyes they will prod you with a stick to make sure you are giving them undivided attention.........if your familiar with them and tell them to shut up you will get a tirade of abuse or they will say "you never listen to me" ha ha.
Gift of gab, self proclaimed "expert" on every and any topic...also had a characteristic head bob when he was talking to someone he did not know well.
At first, they'll talk to you in a way that obviates your boundaries. I think that's the underlying reason for their non-stop blathering. They have anxiety about any boundaries anyone around them may have, they want to see how what they said 5 minutes ago has changed your perceptions, so they'll constantly probe you in order to satisfy their need to do something about it.
This is very true and when they can't influence you to change your mind, they get VERY annoyed. They don't like you thinking for yourself.
I am a relatively a quiet person and what attracted me to my narc husband was his presence and extroverted personality. He could talk for hours and I loved it at first. After a while I was embarrassed to go out in public with him, he would always start talking about himself to a complete stranger. We went on a cruise last summer and got seated for dinner at a table with strangers, he wouldn't shut up, I was humiliated. The rest of the cruise I requested to be seated at our own table.
I have a roommate that can't leave me alone wakes me up talking about nothing . driving me nuts
Your so funny how when you feel drugged when you leave the room after ..I can’t tell you how many times I felt like that after you were so right about these people
They lecture you!
omg totally !!!!!
So many lectures. And if you don’t do what they say in their feedback they will call you stupid or dumb and many other insults.
@@cv6510 narcs been always just a bad kid i even once kick their ass out cos yap too much. EDIT :Try to be hurricane yell load and quick over their shoulder (not front) and slightly ways make them confused and shook.
c V they tried and lecture me i threw it back at them boy they got pissed truth hurts
i noticed one common trait of narcs no other talents they don't create anything no sports no arts and crafts no creative abilities you can't have your own thoughts in your mind it offends them when you stand up for yourself they are condescending and bossy the friendship or whatever is based on obedience no equality
Tone and pitch are major red flags as well. They switch from egg shell quiet to hysterical yelling/screaming with ease, really anything to keep you off balance.
I would always feel when I was talking to my narc that I couldn't think straight, like he was blocking my neurotransmitters, to back off I would say. He would affect my train of thought.
I would enter into a trance mode. Felt hypnotized.
Later I figured out that I used to dissociate.
Thank you for sharing after reading this from both of you it has opened a new understanding of what I thought I was experiencing but felt crazy to say.
@@jaynedo5124 The safest way to help a narc, if in fact you think remaining a friend would/could help such a person is keeping them 2000+ miles away. Interacting over a regular phone keeps their abuse at a standstill. They rarely call you, which is a plus plus. My narc can hardly breath and is limited on traveling, he has to use a motorized cart to grocery shop. I really seemed to get along with him in this situation, as long as he quits trying to convince me that he is the one true living god almighty...that's where we clash. I understand that it comes from some sort of childhood abuse, which he has no clue the two are related, I wish my interaction with him since 2016 could be studied by professionals whom could gain some valuable insight into their minds... thanks for reading.
@@jaynedo5124 I think you better ask God to help you with this problem.
@@seeDiersoilcrossrowds would you mind explaining? thank you.
Yep, bang on. Always wondered why my narc drones on and on.
It'feels like I've been over stimulated about nothing, after being bombarded by constant negative talking. My brain keeps trying to defend myself but the talker wont listen to my viewpoint, because my viewpoint is immediately put down as insignificant. Once I physically escape the narc, my brain is still in custody and I feel like I don't have my own awareness anymore. I feel like I've caught a brain virus and I lose my well-being. A brain fog hits. Not anymore. No Narc is capturing me again. I'm sick of it. Thank you for waking me up.
Yep...late husband blabbed all the time and hardly ever let me or anyone else get a word in edgewise! Esp. in movie theaters...really annoying. Had to tell him to shush up all the time. Sounded like a broken record sometimes....loved to hear the sound of his own voice~However, he did have a fantastic sense of humor, made everyone laugh hysterically all the time and was a great story teller. But, even after 42 years of this, it can begin to wear thin and it did. Since he's gone to the other side...ah, peace!! lol
Man when you said alone time is not a thing….you hit the nail on the head. My roomate is a severe narcissist and I swear whenever I’m home the same time as him, he requires my attention. If I get on my phone to watch a video, he’ll continue to talk, as if I’m not even on my phone…or he will make passive comments about how people are always on their phone. It’s almost impossible to escape him. If I take a shower, he pretty much listens for when I’m done…as soon as I open the door to come out of the bathroom, he starts talking to me. I go to my room to get dressed and he waits around until I’m finished so he can start taking again. He doesn’t smoke cigarettes but I do. When I go outside to have a cig and watch a video on my phone, he will come outside, close the door, pull up a chair beside me and start talking. I never have any time to myself, it’s absolutely ridiculous. The only thing that helps is he works two jobs, so he’s at work often. But the weekends when he doesn’t work, are hell on earth. He’s just always wanting my attention. Whether it’s to tell me a story, show me pictures on his phone or pick up random things in the apartment and tell me the history of them. It’s absolutely insane and I can’t wait to leave . One more month and I’m off to Bali. Screw him man.
Wow. That's crazy. Doesn't he have any friends or other interests? What does he talk about? Work?
spot on this, I had a sponsor in a 12 step programe for 4 yrs, she never, but ever, stopped talking, I felt totally button holed by her, and I wld feel drugged and overwhelmed after hours of this, great vid!
Your videos have really helped me understand the nature and characteristics of a narcissist. I'm in the process of a divorce with my narcissist husband of 15 years. It's not at all easy, but I have to live for me now, as I have not done that for years. Thank you for the awakening!
Unfortunately my own mother and my own sister are this way. They never come up for air. They just talk talk talk talk talk until you wanna throw up. Its sad that I have to say this about my own kin, but its the truth. Neither of them ever shut up, listened and learned anything in their whole lives. That is why their lives are in shambles now. They both have a real hard time accepting the fact, that the would does not revolve around them. Its frustrating to deal with them.
My dad is like this. Repeats stories of his over and over again. Not a single word I say has ever been taken in or acknowledged (not even with a blink of an eye), so I stopped trying a long time ago. I see him as a cardboard cut-out.
Hook, line, sinker and sucker....and it's hard to stop being angry with myself for getting drawn in.
A demonic entity would not want you to have alone time either. Think about it. They don't want you praying.
Umm... this is old. But if demons existed, they'd jump from one person to the other. We'd all be possessed. it's unintelligent to believe in such things.
Praying?😂 oh my god you Christians are nuts
If this person was trying to meditate would that make them nuts?
Get a life ya sponge
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -Napoleon Bonaparte
My narc ex boyfriend just LOVED to talk on the cinema DURING the movie. About anything, just rambling...non-stop. He could NOT stand the fact that I was paying attention to the screen and NOT to him. One time I told him to shut the fuck up, so his next "technique" was to kiss me MAKING LOUD NOISES on my cheeks, on my neck, on my arms, on my hands. People near him would stare and shush him. He did not care. He claimed they were "envious of him". Freak.
I know someone like this - who talks non-stop. I suspect he may be a narc. He talks non-stop and doesn't ever want to listen.
As some others have said, it probably has a lot to do with them controlling the conversation and making sure there are no silences.
I often think that another aspect is that they are desperately trying to mold and control your view and opinion of them into one that makes them seem like a superior person (to cover up the fact that they actually are/feel inadequate.) Constantly regaling you with stories about how cool they are. How they have something that's valuable - their car or a piece of jewelry - or stories of their sexual prowess (complete with intimate details that no one cares to hear), and on and on. It's just this constant braggadocio.
They do all of this so that they can control what your opinion of them will be. They are afraid to let you form your own opinion of them for fear that you may notice and use some of their shortcomings to form this opinion. No, better to describe their awesomeness to you right upfront.
I know a narcissist too which, after reading your comment, reminded me of my own decision when this person keeps on blablabla nonstop and I can't get a word through it, I feel like "suck up to them or keep my thoughts to myself" because whatever words I say is even the slightest negative about THEM, they'll provoke you. They WILL find a way to hurt you with your own words, IF they ever let you talk any word at all. LOL
Music Girl, I got so sick of his relentless, vile, diarrhea of the mouth, and was provoked more than once. It got to the point I put lives at risk. He was running off at the mouth, denying, and lying as he was driving. I without thinking, began kicking him in the head with my steel toed boots. I kicked as hard as I could. Thank goodness we didn't wreck. It didn't even phase him. WTF, he didn't even have a bruise. Later he asked me if I knew how many times I kicked him? I answered, not enough, you're still talking. I am 3 months no contact, and am regaining composure daily, as well as my identity, and my life.
@@octaviabell2815 I know exactly how you felt! I only dated 1 person that bad and got rid of him. He was enough to give me a stroke. The rudest and most obnoxious person I've ever met in my life.
Spot on.. They talk and talk and talk.. Then they talk some more.. It's all me me me I, me me oh and did I forget mee!!! Then they have the nerve to go on like they know you and trash you behind your back because you just can't be bothered to listen to the blah blah blah.. As Tarrus riley sang ' your words have no meaning, cuz you continue to do the same thing, sorry is a sorry word, look at all I did for you. What you want me fe do oh you so repetitive, me versis you everything competitive. ' I am glad I woke up when I did.. I will never ignore my intuition again when it comes to ppl. Let the healing forces start.. Peace.
They are also masters of the "humble brag." They will talk loudly so you can intentionally overhear their conversations.
Talk x 100. They can't stop. They will make your
story their story. Talk, talk ,
and more talk. Grab your keys and get out of
there.
You are an amazingly perceptive young man. I don't know how you grew up with my mother since you are much younger than me but you've described her perfectly. I wish I had a fraction of the understanding about what was wrong with her when I was your age. You and all the others on YT researching this topic have lightened my load. Thank you.
+Baz Falcon I'm thinking if there was a reality show called 'You Take My Narc, i Take Yours' the show would totally bomb because the families would not even notice the switch.
I have watched many many videos on narcissism. Yours gives me confidence that I can get away from this situation. There is such a logical flow when your speaking. I feel energized!
My narc wasn't that much of a talker, but he was certainly a great charmer. When he did talk, it was all 'I' statements if anything and the conversation always evolved around HIM. If I change the subject, he'd change it back to him or seem bored having to listening in on me. He was easily bored if the spot light wasn't on him and if he did anything for me (big or small) he expected great praises and if I forget to give him praise, he would no doubt remind me too!!! It was so annoying..love your vidz..keep up the great work
+Misty Hi For me too.. i found my narc held her words tight to her chest.. I was so free with mine I never stopped talking because she didn't seem to have nearly as much to want to say.. and she didn't.
I realize i never was in the relationship, he basically was in a relationship with himself, I was the audience for his delusions his deception and grandiose self adulation I was merely a spectator who could have been anyone there for his one act plays.... I was non existence as a lover and as a human being, I was a mere vessel for him to gorge on my naitivity and trust. fare thee well loser.....
yes naivite keeps us in the "relationship" for too long...sadly - but now we are Free !!!! Hallelujah !!!
Agreed, when I was friends with a narcissist recently, all he did was talk AT you, and NOT TO you (like the guy in the video warns about). No wonder why he came off like the energizer bunny - just couldn't stop even after hours on end.
Also, over time, I found out I was not the only one of his spectators - he would Skype, etc with other people he would find on RUclips and other internet venues. I just couldn't put my finger on it for awhile, b/c he actually did come off as a nice, reasonable, hard working guy - however, it's just weird for especially any adult looking around the internet to have live conversations with people.
You should become a writer
This is so true. I call it my mother's "continually-running-critical-commentary" aboutevery person and situation around her. Their hair, their weight, their make-up, their house - the service, the WHATEVER!!!!!! Every once in a while, I cannot help but say "What is wrong with you!!" Doesn't go over well but does seem to curb it somewhat.Exhausting! I've just become a great-grandmother myself. I'm worn out from thisawful, slandering relationship. Wish it could be different but since I'm no longer givingsupply, she has begun a slander campaign against me. It will eventually backfire as Iam somewhat well known as a truth-teller. However, I really have come to the conclusion of ...why bother. (sigh) There is a day coming that we will all give accounts for our words and actions.You really are an amazing young man. How did you, esp. at such a young age, figure outthe perplexities of this awful disorder? Very impressive. Thank you!
my narc took an old wooden chair that was quite beautiful and a part of a pair of chairs and when I was out of town he broke it up and put it in the fireplace. He always got irritated when I traveled and gave attention to other people. it was the dead of winter and we set down to have a fire. he lit the fire up and I said, "wow, that wood is really dry and taking off. he said "well you know that chair that you said you didn't care all that much about? well it was wobbly so I broke it up and put it in the fireplace." he actually admitted that he had to stomp it very hard as it didn't come apart easily. well he was telling me about how he broke it up I had this image him being angry and getting his anger out by breaking up something that was mine.
Julie Skye RUUUUUUUUUN
My oldest sibling has this issue and it makes dealing with her a living hell. I haven't spoken to her in several years because it's so bad. Won't even allow myself to be put in a position of having to be in the same room with her for even five minutes. This nails it. All these videos nail it. The only way truly to deal with these people is to just walk away and completely and permanently disconnect from them in every way. There is no other solution. And you have to do it even if they are family, no matter what kind of guilt you may feel. It's the only way to salvage your own sanity and peace of mind and your soul.
For both overt and covert narcissists, there's only one-way communication. With an overt narcissist, you simply don't get a chance to speak or express your honest opinion. But with a covert, they always nudge the "conversation" in such a way that your thoughts and ideas are left hanging in the cold air. Either one can suck you in causing you physical and mental strain.
Nailed it bro!
My narcissistic father was a marathon speaker. He could talk about anything, anytime for any duration.
Your point about the "ambush" is absolutely right on. So is that "red herring" point. I believed something that wasn't true for weeks about this person. He talked...and talked...and talked about something that never even happened just to torture me. And I am most definitely not allowed any alone time. This person is absolutely, pardon the expression, up my ass 24/7. And you are absolutely right about this person thinking I am "predisposed" to falling for his b.s. He knows exactly what buttons to push. At least he thought he did until found your channel and wised up. Thank you, Scott.
My narc seems to talk most when I go somewhere... not only to work, and mind you, will cause all sorts of drama while I'm at work..if I don't text back quickly enough.. for example. but also when I'm shopping or at a park with my kids or well, anything. This video especially hits home for me. Spot on... sadly.
My soon to be ex narc husband can literally (I timed him one time) talk for hours on end! Without one thought to the person (me) who is having to listen to a bunch of bs for hours on end!
I see the incessant talk as simply a usurpation of space -- in this case, your mind-space. To allow another to speak is to allow them to exist and share space and attention in the room.
"To allow another to speak is to allow them to exist and share space and attention in the room.
"
- Thank you for putting into words what iv'e been subconsciously thinking, yet unable to somehow realize.
@@LouiseHansenDrawing - You're very welcome. I had a few decades to think about that one. Be well. ...and remember: YOU EXIST! :)
They can not let you have anything not even permission to exist.
The monster narcissist refuses to stop talking once he starts. He constantly disturbs my sleep by talking loudly, even yelling, and making me jump in my sleep, and wake me up. He always starts fights, but once I got lucky, and he slept for three days straight. I was so happy because it was so peaceful, and I thought he was dead from an overdose of alcohol, or something. At other times, he stays awake for a few days straight, and keeps telling me that he needs very little sleep. He always yells "Die bitch die". Sleep deprivation is one of his numerous weapons against me. He wants me dead, and yet he does not, because he would no longer have free housing, etc.
Him constantly talking was a huge problem in my marriage. One day I got so sick from it I told him that he reminds me the RADIO - no stop talking. He got so aaangry!!! Many times while he was talking I didn't even listen and he constantly asked me - did you hear what I said? It's just impossible to focus on him all the time. I tried to comfort myself thinking it's just noise, don't pay attention. Especially when the topics he choose are all the same - you are bad, I am good.
they will smear your reputation and think nothing of telling lies onyou-like you're nuts-have affaires-etc-and then suddenly you notice your friends are not around anymore-no one speaks to you.i went through this-this was to isolate me-for his controll.
I can’t stand people that constantly talk 😖😖! .. narcissistic or not!… they live to talk!.. they drain the life out me!.. I have to run for my life!… yes! ..that bad!
Thank you for this video about talking. It was years before I realized he was doing this to me. I would just sit and listen to him in the morning, trying to say I had to leave (school, ), and by the time I got out of the house, It was 10:00 o'clock in the morning and I needed to go back to bed. Talk talk talk. And it's almost always only about how other people don't get it, and how superior he is in all things. As you said, once in a while he does expand the bubble - by talking about other people he works with, and saying isn't that nice, but it's just to keep me there. I'm so tired. These videos are helping me so much
I've met some narcs, and one, only one of them, didn't talk all the time.. He was really smart, and was always silently looking for the weakness in people
"get you into their bubble of belief so they can talk about themselves". Not to mention have your complete attention. That is my father. He never ever ever shuts up repeating all his "wisdom" from articles and books he read- he is up on his damn soapbox until you become a mute ever attentive audience who becomes a version of them.
It completely pounded my sense of self into the ground until I was about 14 when I started standing up to him and developing my own interests(which he copied an interest in shortly thereafter). About this time his codependent partner entered therapy and started putting up boundaries and all hell broke loose. We moved out and he became a living nightmare, since she wasn't there to manipulate anymore. His next partner (who would rescue him of course and pay the bills) wouldn't play along so back to me the mind games went, meanwhile the narcissistic monologue continued. I got the hell out at 18.
Even now I look at interests or books I own and relize it comes from him and those damn lectures.
Your perspective on this topic is brilliant. I totally relate! When you mentioned the feeling of being drugged after leaving the narcs presence is so spot on. I really needed this validation. Thank you!
Yup. My mom was like this. Couldn't get through a movie or a tv show even without her bothering me every 10 minutes for something stupid.
Just whent no contact from my narcissistic mother. She never responded when i spoke. She even didnt aknolege me when i told her i was worried about some bad health issues. Just stayed silent and whent back to talking about herself. I finally called her out and she bombarded me with a hail of the most nastiest insults making me feel subhuman. Great content bro explains alot. Good job ✊
I call it his monologue or filibuster.. he can talk for hours without a response at all from me. If I do talk he doesn’t hear me or he interrupts me in mid sentence. They say it takes two to argue.. not true.. he will yell and yell and yell.. even going so far as asking a question and then answering it himself!! It’s unbelievable...
This is spot on my mom, she has some good nature and she does care and love but she used to dominates conversations alot and once she gets on a roll she just wouldn't stop. Also she would put my sister down when my sister makes any remark that is even slightly outside of the parameters of what she is going on about. She would look at her and loudly proclaim "NOOOO, NOOOO" like she is talking to a toddler. For years I would sit through hours of lectures where she would repeat herself over and over again, mixed with relentless rhetorical questions, interruptions, tangents of tangents and fux knowledge hobbled together from news snips and speculations. Also she would look at my sister and I and proclaim "what I can't get anyone to understand about this or that" in an annoyed tone like we had been shooting her arguments and lectures down when we had just been sitting staring at her trying to look engaged. Things have gotten better since I moved out, she does respect my boundaries more and is better able to pick up when she is going on and on. I think this is because she knows that I can leave and not have to put up with it. I will give her credit though she has done some work and I'm proud of her for that. At the end of it all she is my mom flaws and all, childhood was not easy and there are alot of things I would have changed if I could have, but she did get as many things right as she did wrong. I apologize for this rant and I thank anyone who read it, I want to add though I know there are many cases that are beyond repair I can speak from a experience in my case that if someone wants to change these behaviors they can make progress. She's my mom and I'll always love her. The best advice I can give is if you see sincere efforts don't poo poo them, remind the person that your proud of them and give them healthy attention while maintaining your boundaries. Be realistic, firm and compassionate, don't try to meet every goal at once and realize that you may need to adjust your goals and boundaries but don't toss in the towel if you still see sincere effort , granted that if doing so doesn't cause you harm in the process. Thanks for listening every one.
There are a lot of insights here that I haven't heard before in my other research on narcissists. It is kind of like a hostage situation. And yes a person has to be predisposed to tolerate this somehow or they'd just be out.
And it's like hunting for a rabbit, they'll indiscriminately grab and pull up any rabbit within their reach but if the rabbit escapes or bites and kicks they'll just let the rabbit go and keep hunting until they find the docile rabbit they can capture.
And the narcissist isn't usually evil (I don't think? ) not like a sociopath, they are just stuck in some emotional stage or in some loop where they can't get out. So they seek to bring someone into their loop with them.
And it's wrong, I'm not saying it isn't wrong or bad, it definitely is. But often it isn't their intention to cause harm, but because of the way they are and the space they are in they just kind of pet their captive rabbits to death. Sometimes with their "love". That's the covert or benign narcissist. The malignant ones somewher their rabbit purposefully tti the edge of death and then bring it back. And those are more evil.
But with either type the result is usually the same, the rabbit ends up permanently altered from it's original state. They learn that love is captivity and pain. If they escape, they are free but now there's no love and it's cold. Because normal healthy relationships aren't something they are previously trained for they just stumble around trying to find something they've never actually experienced so they have no clue what they are looking for.
If the rabbit doesn't have the intuitive knowledge of what they desire in normal healthy relationships they may be continually captured and escape and have no map at all to something healthy.
True, and also you may notice that if they ask you question they wont let you answer it. They simply continue talking as you answering them, completely ignoring what you are saying. Or in group, ask you something and then immediately say something to someone else not even wait a second for your response. It's annoying. Best to avoid if you can.
They document everything too even if it was something done last week or one year ago. You know what I hate about them the most they are always in a combative mode like everyone is out to get them. If you are genuinely nice to them they don't believe it because they don't know how to love so they assume your thoughts cannot be real. There should be medications specifically for these groups of people.
+Marilyn Hall There are no medications that can help them. Went through it for 15 years. Tons of shrinks. They never change/ EVER!!!!
Six calls to find out one thing. 4-5 hours on the phone listening to "this guy I used to work with 39 years ago". Never fails. I even had to go to the loo on the phone. They don't stop. Then you will not hear from them for months or years, and you hope you never do. They will talk but never say anything of consequence, and if you hang up or get cut off they phone back every time.