Story 1. Did you all miss that the Grand-Parents practically raised OP and were married there and OP made it known years in advance that that was where she wanted to get married. So sister was trying to steal another thing from OP just as she has been doing all her life with the co-conspiriters her parents. Good on OP for beating them at their own game but please go one better and disinvite your parents and sister from your wedding have Grand-Father walk you down the aisle if he is still alive or another male/female friend/relative that actually likes you.
ESH. The sister booked the venue 1st because she's a spoiled, entitled golden child. She just didn't count on OP deciding for once to play the game by her sister's rules. It was petty of OP to book the venue only 1 month before her sister's wedding. OP admits this and frankly I am on standby with popcorn waiting for the update. Sometimes it's fun and satisfying to be the petty one.
@@MrJpaynebb lol you do realize that sometimes being petty is justified right? this was a super smart move on OP's part, and a true sign of dedication not only to her grandparents, but to the fact that she can be happy and have what she wants without sister trying to ruin things
@@MrJpaynebb She was engaged first, and her sister knew that was her wedding venue of choice. Is she supposed to wait until after her sister gets married in it? If so, how long is she required to wait to appease others?
Just because OP’s sister is “genuinely upset” doesn’t mean that anyone (OP included) needs to change anything. She sounds like someone who is “genuinely upset” on a regular basis to get what she wants.
It was unclear in the baby story until OP said that it was planned months in advance for OP to come. It was insanely rude to tell OP to leave after he'd already travelled 3 days. And, then to say it's because she's not family? This homewrecker has been in OP's life for nearly 20 years. If OP's not family by now when will she be?
Yup! That homewrecking PROPER GARDEN TOOL has made it perfectly clear: OP isn't family until she needs something from OP. Like babysitting in the future perhaps?
like the other commenter said op will become family again when mistress and dad need a free babysitter better to tell them then that they should ask family to do it.
It was planned months in advance, she was invited! And she is family, she is the the eldest daughter and older sister to the baby, OP should tell both of them to screw off
It's not the mistress/wife but the dad OP needs to have an issue with. OP is his family just as his new child to him. He revealed exactly how he thinks of OP when he let that "only family" line come out of his mouth. Mistress/wife and their child are his family now. OP is strictly backup now.
It makes me wonder if her dad never mentioned his daughter coming over to the wife. Also lots of plans change after the baby, especially if it’s the first. Maybe the step mom was way more exhausted than she thought she would be. The dad could’ve been more diplomatic, but I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to let his wife have space and take in her new role in life. She will never get her old life back as a mom. So I think everyone sucks in this situation. Dad should’ve been more diplomatic and re-imbursed his daughter for her lost wages
Yeah, some commenters on Reddit don't seem to know how to read. Anyways, I agree with you and I think if I were OP, I'd go no contact. Considering her dad has made it clear that she is not family.
@@TipTheScales27 are you obfuscating the picture? The stepmom knew she was going to be there. Let her set up the house for her new spawn since the sperm donor is useless. Then after she has done all the work kicks her out. Sperm donor has no emotional balls to tell his wife to shut it. Backtracks immediately when his first child calls him on his bs on kicking her out. Let me tell you why Sperm donor and Stepwitch are upset at OP. Stepwitch comes home with her spawn. Berates sperm donor for “wtf is OP is still here?”. Sperm donor is sputtering “ well, um, she did offer to help and she is you know. Like my daughter and is hellspawn’s half-sister. Like she was really hurt when I let her know that you didn’t want her here and…”. Stepwitch cuts him off” your ducking useless! Why have I put up with your weak arse. Now listen if she doesn’t leave so help me Satan you will pay. “ Now the other lady making OP feel guilty about this situation. I bet she has no clue of Stepwitch, and is judging OP as a teenager getting in the way.
Seriously he could of just said “wife wants it to just be me her and the baby for bonding time” but no he told op “family only” making it clear he doesn’t see her as family!
Story1: NTA. File this one under "don't start a fight, but always finish it." If she's being petty, I say she's justified. But only to a point. It's time to end this rivalry permanently. Go LC with the sister and parents. They have their Golden Child, OP has her new family. What does OP need them for? Time to lose the deadweight.
I am a pale-skinned Indigenous woman and there were many times I was told that I had to prove my heritage even though my bio dad's family all backed me up and supported me. I am Metis, but my bio dad's family are French-Mi'kmaq. It's not even Indigenous people demanding proof. It's full white people that are. So, the story with the Indigenous person having to prove constantly that they are is really upsetting to me. Besides, when you go to an Indigenous cultural event, you see many people that look white that are participating because that's their heritage and not one person who looks 'Indigenous' is approaching them and demanding to know why they are there. First Nations peoples are usually very accepting, to begin with.
If somebody who's worked in retail throughout high school and then as a nurse up north in Canada. my interaction most indigenous people I met was a wonderful interaction. And these bad interactions I'm about to tell you about I understand that those are just the individuals and their actions are not reflective on indigenous or Inuit people. I understand that the individuals issue. I was in retail I would get screamed end cussed at and swore at like when I didn't ask for their status card. A lot of times they come up to the cash register before I even had a chance to say hi and start screaming at me. I had a grown man tells sixteen-year-old me that I was nothing but a dirty used old c*nt because I hadn't ask for his status card 1 second after he came up to the cash. I had another grown woman tell me she was going to get me fired cuz I was a racist little b-word cuz I didn't ask her for her card before I even had a chance to scan her first item. So maybe people just asked because they've gotten screamed at before because they didn't ask fast enough for a status card. Not saying that was the case in every situation not saying that that some of them worth racist I'm just saying maybe they had the same experience I did. I have heard from other people who have worked in retail that have had similar situations.
I had a very good friend that was blonde and blue eyed. She and her family were descendants of blonde blue eyed native American people. It's a fascinating history.
I totally understand. My mother is Yanktonai Dakota Sioux- Crow Creek Rez, S.D. My great grandfather and grandfather were both chiefs. My father is French Canadian but his great grandmother was FB Cree from the Hudson Bay Area. Me- long dark hair, very high cheekbones, gray eyes and pale skin. My mother was extremely dark so we always clashed. I moved to the East Coast and found myself being questioned regarding my native background mostly by non- natives. It’s funny but the natives I know never question each other. I just retired but for 26 years have given diversity training and have been the Native American Advocate for a large healthcare organization. I also lived in Europe for 10 years and thoroughly enjoyed the different cultures. Just remember the blood of our ancestors runs through our veins so be proud of who you are and the uniqueness of your traits. Aho! Mitakuye Oyasin
Red headed, hazel (with a lavender ring around the outer part of my iris) eyed Cherokee Freedman and Chocktaw Indian here (with a bit of Chickasaw). Genetics are wonky, and people tell me to prove it are firmly directed to look at my Department of the Interior issued, CDIB cards, and the family photo where I stick out like a sore thumb, lol.
Isn't it interesting that European Americans have it in their minds that all Native Americans must be brown-skinned with dark hair and eyes when they span a continent two and a half times as large as Europe with a more varied climate and topography? A Pima Indian would have as much genetically similar to an Inuit as to an English person or Kenyan.
In the first story, couldn't have been me - I would tell my parents that they can go to OP's sister's wedding since she's their favorite, and just have the actual people who raised OP go to her wedding. Problem solved.
"Just family" hmmmm... OP just learned she's not family. That IS a big deal. The redditor claiming she's the AH for being there skipped over the fact that it was planned in advance.
yeh i thought the same thing did that person just went oh you are an AH bocose new mama needs atention and care but missed the part where the father just outright said you aint family, and used op to get the house cleaned up for free.
I don't understand that "OP's the AH" comment. So, OP spoke to and got the approval to go spend a week with her family so she can help do the things her dad and partner can't do. So, OP is trying to make things easier for her dads partner to recover from having the baby, and it gives OP's dad and partner time to bond with the new born, whilst OP takes care of everything else. That commenter is clueless. I've never heard of such generosity being classed as AH behaviour. Wow. They've probably never done anything thoughtful in their life, and complain when people show them common decency like it's an inconvenience.
I disagree with that one person who says ESH here. It's not a rivalry. It's not just mom favoring the daughter it seems to be both parents. She may as well not be part of the family. OP will definitely be having NC with them in her future. We've seen it time and time again.
The ESH isn’t about the rivalry or favoritism, it’s about OP and her sister dragging their SO’s through all this drama. They’re making this whole thing a competition and by the sounds of it don’t care about how this will impact their future husbands or their in laws.
@@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64 I don´t really think OP drag her fiancé, at least not completely. I´m pretty sure OP´s fiancé had already known they´ll going to be married in the venue anyways. So as long as OP´s mother and sister didn´t actively harassed OP´s fiancé and his family (or OP was the one handled them), this is just a mere change of date for him and his family.
@@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64 Disagree, I see it as OP finally standing up to herself and saying FU finally to her AH parents and sister!! Yes its petty but justified as sister picked that venue to spite OP and I think her SO is aware of what her AH family are like given that HIS mom is the one that's helping OP plan the wedding and fill in for the normal mother of the bride duties cause "sister needs more attention than you" I'm glad he supports OP!! She deserves to have her wedding at the venue that she's dreamed about since a child on her terms and not be an after thought to the BS sister tried to pull as it'll always be "Oh OP you're wedding was lovely, but not as good as sisters" from those three AH's Next thing he should do is encourage OP to go NC or at very least LC
The baby story... Did the yta comment have any reading comprehension skills??? Op, their dad and dad's partner had an agreement, only for the partner to turn around and basically tell op that they weren't family
Dude, doing housework after giving birth is awful. The partner just screwed herself over. I hope that kid never helps them out since she is not family. What a terrible man her father is.
Story 2: I hope when the baby is old enough to need a baby sitter OP fires back with I'm sorry but only family can be around the baby so you'll have to find someone else. In OP's shoes I would go no contact with dad and he can have his happy little family all to himself without any help or support from OP ever again. When you get married OP have your step father or uncle walk you down the aisle because after all you want only family to share in your special days. The trip to visit, help, and stay was planned well in advance and agreed upon by all three of them. After OP cleaned the house, ran all of the errands, and stocked the fridge suddenly her presence isn't wanted or needed anymore. NO! The mistress got what she wanted because she finally drove a wedge between OP and her father and has successfully severed their relationship so any future wants or needs for help from those two will now fall on deaf ears because OP deserves so much better from her father. OP is 100% NTA but the homewrecker and the spineless wonder certainly are!
Yeah, family can suck sometimes. My older brother passed away and his sons took over after having ignored him for years and cut me and my sister out completely. It's not like we were even asking for anything from them. All I asked for was a ratty old teddy bear that had belonged to my brother. After he died, they wouldn't even tell us what happened to his body. I finally got mad and told my sister that I hope my brother's children never need a kidney or something. It was 2 of his son's doing by the way. My niece doesn't know either.
Strangers babysit kids all the time. Only *family* will babysit for free or less than the going rate. So if OP isn't family, and they genuinely want to babysit their half sibling, they should charge the going rate. To be paid by their father, before he and his wife leave for their date (to make sure OP actually gets paid)
Is this really how you want to remember your wedding? You mean getting married in a beautiful location where my beloved grandparents got married AND I get to finally show up my b of a sister? Absolutely!
OP is NTA for charging SIL rent which is actually at a discount compared to the BS she asked them to pay!! Anyone calling OP TA has just happily volunteered to to take them in, if they think that they should live rent free with all expenses paid as OP is "being petty and needs to let it go" then tell them that THEY are more than welcome to support her and daughter till they get back on their feet. Its not petty its Karma!!
100 % she was charging less for 2 people in one room, she was charged more for 5 people in one room. While the SIL was ripping them off she should have saved for her land taxes, she was getting $1000 a month and her taxes were $450.00 A Year. Yeah let someone else take them in.
First story: The parents calling OP to "talk it out." Bets that "talking it out" means OP has to give up her date? Its funny how people who wants to talk it out or compromise always means they want you to give up your position.
@@Snipergoat1 not worth the extra stress. OP gets to have her wedding date first, and gets to use that venue first, there's no way to make negotiations that place Dear Sister in a worse position than to be second to the Ugly Duckling. All OP needs to do is disinvite her sister and parents, go LC, and have grandpa walk her down the aisle. Bonus if grandparents refuse to attend Golden Child's wedding, and extra bonus if they make it known why.
Story 2: For those in the cheap seats let me say it again. It was planned way in advance that she would come and help out. She even took time off and the parents knew! They flipped it on her and told her she wasn’t family in the process. Fair to say that pregnancy is taxing and maybe stepmom didn’t know how traumatic it was so she wanted more privacy and asked stepdaughter to leave after she gave birth. Plans and circumstances change but I hope they were grateful and showed her appreciation for all the help and time she took. If not then it’s taking advantage. The fathers comment about just family is just the vilest thing in this entire story. There’s a way to say “ daughter your stepmother changed her mind after giving birth about you staying with us. I believe she’s needs more privacy then she expected and I would appreciate if you could go back home” not the “just family” crap In many cultures “just family” would exclude grandparents but include half-siblings in the mix so… it is just family 😂 Edit: I do feel like the timing of asking her to leave is highly suspicious and frankly I do feel like stepmom just used op. But it doesn’t negate my previous point. It could also be a mix of reason 1 and 2.
And another thing. Stepmom suddenly want to be with just family only after OP finished doing all the houseworks her dad was useless with. She clearly changed her mind in a very convenient timing, didn´t she?
My mother in law's trip (3 hour drive) to watch my older child while my younger child was born was also planned well in advance. However, she got it in her head that she was going to be staying quite a bit longer than when I was released from the hospital. I wonder if op wasn't exactly clear on how long they wanted her to stay or if she just assumed she'd get to stay as long as *she* had planned to.
@@bluesapphire4262 oh it’s very convenient and I do agree it’s highly suspicious. But if stepmother uses the excuse I mentioned above then everybody would be on op‘s throat. Stepmother has been able to mistreat her for years I’m sure that she know how to act like a poor defenceless person and wrap everyone around her finger.
Exactly. Can't figure out how the ESH crowd is missing all the signs on this one. I would have did what OP did, but also told the parents they could kick rocks. You can't keep trying to make people what they don't want to be.
@@ynmonroe Yes, but it wasn’t a random venue-and sometimes siblings get married in the same place. Was the sister being a jerk? Probably, but are we sure the parents didn’t suggest it to her?
@@srkh8966 Not sure that counts, though I definitely am not defending the parents. They are the AH too IMHO. The thing is, the OP's sister didn't even care about the venue. Sound vindictive to me. Like if she cared about it, why would it matter if OP used it before her?
First story ESH comment. Lol 😂 OP was going to book the venue anyway. The only petty rivalry part is her booking it before the date her sister booked, the sister is the one who clearly decided her superiority over her sister took priority over creating her new family. The ESH is probably that AH that stole someone’s venue or wedding ideas and when confronted whined that they always wanted whatever they stole.
Nope, it is because both sisters are treating this as a rivalry rather than their weddings. Rather than focusing on the new families they are creating they are focused on getting one over on each other.
@@Snipergoat1 You’re joking right? OP has every right to book the venue she was going to. Her sister is an entitled brat and golden child who booked the venue to be a bitch. If it didn’t matter to the sister she wouldn’t be making a fuss that OP booked at the same venue. OP doesn’t care if her sister gets married there, it has sentimental value to OP. It’s the same mentality of “stealing” a baby name and then getting mad the person you stole it from doesn’t change their kid’s name. You obviously are the golden child or an only child if you think that OP is seeing her wedding as a rivalry battle.
19 yo Step Daughter is suddenly not wanted after cleaning and prepping the home for the new baby. Does anything else need to be said? If the new Mom just wanted Family after the baby, then she should have got off her lazy butt and cleaned that house before her delivery date. I'm not kidding. They manipulated that young woman and at the very least, they should pay her for tidying up the house for them. OP that is what I suggest: Send them an invoice that states, I don't work unpaid for people outside my family. Since you decreed that I AM NOT FAMILY, YOU OWE ME XXX for the groceries, and XXX for the cleaning of your house. How convenient that the plans were made months ago, for me to do these chores and spend a week with my new sibling... but you DIDN'T CANCEL THOSE PLANS FOR ME WITH THE FAMILY UNTIL AFTER I CLEANED. As a Professional, you owe me this money.
are you seriously suggesting that the NINE MONTH PREGNANT woman should have cleaned the house?? That lazy husband could do some damn cleaning instead of taking advantage of his daughter, but come ON, are you really going to say that someone about to deliver a child should be doing strenuous housework when an able-bodied man is RIGHT THERE?
@@emmao1232 uh my cousin who was very very pregnant deep clean the house every frikkin week and I'm talking Carpet cleaning and deep cleaned her whole house. I agree op should at least be compensated because like she said in her edit this was planned months in advance and then all of a sudden boom sorry but you need to leave cause the stepmother who a complete asshole and abusive cause when op was young she literally verbally abuse op that has long lasting effect on her mentality said she just wanted family there. Bullshit the stepmother knew what she was doing Continue to abuse op and probably gave an ultimatum to the husband and he chose them over his own fucken daughter that is his blood as well. She nta and she has the right to fucken blow up at her deadbeat ass father who couldn't keep his dick in his goddamn pants.
OP should also ask for payment if she is ever asked to babysit her "not family" sister. Tell Not Dad that being "Not Family" can work both ways. You aren't part of his family now, so why should you act like family in the future.
@@dulcilass agree cause there gonna be like oh cmon it family I swear you hear that way to often after the op is either gaslight manipulated abused or whatever the case may be. No her dad choose to stick by blondie dingbat and their demon spawn who gonna grow up to be probably like the mom and they already used her before the baby came. She should keep track of how many times and charged there asses.
@@emmao1232 Let's be serious: that daughter was CONNED into doing the cleaning. Now that it's done, she is suddenly NOT welcomed? THAT WAS THE STEP MOM'S DEMANDS. Which is my point: if the 19 year old is not welcomed, MOM SHOULD HAVE SAID SO BEFORE THE DAUGHTER ARRIVED, AND DONE ALL THAT CLEANING HER SELF. What are you talking about? Women in the past WORKED RIGHT UP TO THE POINT OF LABOR. In some cultures, as soon as the child is born, THAT WOMAN GOT OUT OF BED AND WENT BACK TO WORK. The Human Female body is FAR STRONGER than the Male body. They can't lift as much, but they endure exponentailly better than men. Dad Has Issues, and Can't do that work. I've lived on this earth long enough to know when someone refuses to do housework, NOTHING will force them to do it. Dad should have hired a Cleaning Service and told the daughter to stay home.
"They wanted just family " your father is a major AH. Funny the comment calling op the Ah right after saying " new moms are in pain, etc etc" well let's see how that goes with a useless man quote of Op
And when they need a sitter and call op I would be petty as hell and tell them you just wanted it to be family when the kid was born why ask a stranger to baby sit. Dad trying to play both sides of the fence nta
I really couldn't understand the "you're the AH" response on that one. This was prearranged and OP lost money by being off work. At the literal 11th hour they tell them to leave and that makes OP the AH for being upset?!
Exactly!! Also how is OP "family" when they're ok for her to take time off work to come clean up after her useless dad and restock the fridge but once that's done she's "not family"?? That YTA comment was BS as how easy would it to have been to just have said "OP thank you for your help, we appreciate you but would you mind giving us some space at least for a week (or till x date) till we settle in"???..... But nope the "we want just family" was on purpose and deliberate!! Like you said see how long that lasts with a "useless man"....... and charge them if they want OP to come back and help
Story 2 kind of makes it look like they’re using pregnancy as an excuse to exclude family like what the father is doing, that is his daughter. And Op was doing all she can to welcome the baby but unfortunately the dad wanted to exclude her. The whole line of “only family” makes it look like a slap in the face to his original kid especially after the man cheated on his first wife. That YTA comment is way off base and like many other Redditors of these kind of comments is completely missing the point. Op was not being petty or childish, she was being helpful. So excluding someone after replacing family is completely OK do you because the wife is pregnant so that’s fine? They need a reality check.
Also add the fact that she’s also the Baby’s half-sister so she is family that’s even closer to a grand-parent so people can stop using the MIL arguments
Yeah I commented on that, wtf is wrong with the father?? Why are step children not considered family, it's not because the stepmother didn't give birth to them because stepfather's do it too. So to these step parents what constitutes family to them?? The story about the stepmother and the jewelry..umm the grandparents are weird. Most people don't wear jewelry or anything from their partners deceased spouses..just odd in my opinion.
St. 3 - Oh I love this so much!!! I love happy endings. Only narcissists would call OP "childish" for treating her sister EXACTLY the way the sister treated OP. OP lost her home due to a FIRE. Her sister lost her home for.... not paying. Lol. NTA.
To the girl with a white father and Native blood: My mother is white, and my father was Hispanic. I'm very white for a mixed girl, and whenever I tell a lot of people my last name - Rivas - they assume it's spelled "Ree-vus" because of how I look. I'm very Hispanic though, and I can't not dance when Latino music comes on. I can imitate/learn Spanish/Tex-Mex very easily, as though I spoke it fluently. But I don't. I also love some parts of Hispanic culture that I know about. I also hate some that I learned about in a class recently... I was bullied in school because I grew up in the Rio Grande Valley. ALL the other kids there were Mexican, and spoke Spanish...They would gather behind my desk anytime the teacher stepped out, so they could talk about me in Spanish, thinking I didn't know they were talking and laughing about me...I don't speak it, but I understand some...even back then I understood some. They were legitimately being mean on purpose. Don't listen to the haters; embrace your culture, and everything about you that you have a right to. Just because you don't "look" like the people of your ancestry, doesn't mean you aren't, and people who bully or shame you for being interested, can go jump in a lake. Maybe the shock of cool water will make them forget about their rudeness for a bit.
Last story: BRAVO, OP. You stood up for your mother's special place in the family and for Jean's making her own place in your hearts. Your grandparent's should have thought out what they were carping on about better. They show up as being a bit over-bearing and idiotic at the same time for wanting Jean to disrespect your memories of your mother by shoving herself into your mom's place. Jean showed a good deal of sense in not taking on your mom's place, but by creating her own place in your family.
I think with ancestry and dna kits being easily available, even white people in America have a chance to learn about their ethnicity and also embrace the different cultures within them. I see how learning about ethnic background makes people happy(all the expected and unexpected things we find about the movement of our ancestors)and even if it turns out that someone is homogenous, they can still learn to appreciate other ethnicities and cultures. Diversity of the human race is one of the most beautifully transcendental things about us...and yes , that includes white people(I personally don't think anyone is boring)
Yeah, can we stop saying "white" people have no ethnicity. There's many different interesting cultures with white skintones. But no, apparently everyone's full of the "white bad" attitude. Makes me sick such racism exists.
I've done my DNA at a couple of places and have found that both tend to agree on my DNA. I've been doing my family tree and in many cases have found my ancestors quite a ways back. 9th great grandparents from the 1600's. But even finding them doesn't really make me all that interested in studying the histories of where they came from, but it has gotten me more involved with what they did once they got here. When someone asks what my ethnicity is, I say I'm an American as we have developed many common characteristics which define a ethnicity. I'm not English, Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, Northwestern European, and Finnish. I am a blend as my folks have been here too long for me to claim any one group. I had so hoped to have Native American in my blend, but on tracing down the story of a Cherokee in the tree, it turned out that my 3rd great grandfather's 2nd wife was Cherokee, but I descend from his 1st wife and she wasn't NA. Dang.
Yes! He might discover something 'interesting' about himself. I am also a white passing Native American and it's probably the least 'interesting' things about me, the dude needs to get a hobby
Story #1 - I'm betting the "pretty" (? petty ?) sister told her boyfriend he HAD to propose. She can't possibly play second fiddle. Everything must always be about the narcissist, everyone else must always be in their shadow.
Co-worker is the AH. I agree with the last comment: OP needs to take this to HR before the environment becomes unbearable. Last story: Good for OP for telling grandparents the truth. The other family members can s*ck it.
Tell Mom yeah you're probably right. But since you haven't given me the time of day my whole life. I don't really need to consider you or her feelings. This is a consequence of you guys treating a family member like a piece of s*** underneath their shoes all her life. If I was you I would tell Mom don't worry about coming to the wedding. And I would go and see you got a great mom with your mother-in-law you don't need that toxic witch
Story one I vote NTA if the sister purposefully choose the venue to spite her sister in the first place then this is great petty revenge to take the venue back. If that assumption isn't true then this is a giant load of ESH.
The native American story makes me feel so seen! I'm part japanese, I have very pale skin and some European features so many people don't believe me or tell me to prove it. I have other Asian people tell me I'm not Asian and to "stop being such a weeb". White people tell me I don't look "white" and I'm "exotic" looking. So I feel both but I belong to neither
I'm half Mexican but I look 100% pure European white. I love it when my fellow Mexicans immediately recognize that I'm Mexican! It makes me feel validated.
That's because anyone who has visited Mexico or lived there knows that Mexicans are as varied as their neighbors to the north. Lots of redheads from when the Irish soldiers at the Alamo defected because they were treated better by Mexico than the US folks, lots of Japanese and even Chinese people from the late 1800, Africans from the slave trade and Spanish explorers, and of course the regular Spanish and German folks. Walking around Mexico City looks a lot like walking around any major metropolitan city in the US.
Native Story: I feel their pain. I am Phillipino, black and Hispanic, dad is full German, I am the " whitest " person in the family even among siblings so being labeled as "white" is super hurtful so when someone actually notices its like a wave of relief. It's nice that someone can see the real you instead of who or what people see you as.
Last story: I wonder if the grandparents would feel the same way if OP's dad (grandparent's son) was the parent who passed away and OP's mom remarried. Would they want OP's new stepfather to assume their son's role and take over his possessions?
Ugh! The one about being Half Native American pisses me off! I'm white, but most of my family on my dad's side is French-Native American (his grandma, my great--grandma, was white-passing Cherokee-Sioux). I was talking with a co-worker and mentioned I was mostly Native and French on one side, she gave me this "uh-huh, sure" look and then keeps pushing me to 'look into' 'doing' Ancestry DNA or 23&Me to, "make sure and prove it". It's like as soon as I said French-Native American she thought I was lying, because "FRENCH? And NATIVE AMERICAN?? Sure, like that happens." Like sure, totally not, not like the French Fur Traders came over here long before the English and married Natives. Totally not. /s But here's the thing, my great grandma was born around the time where Native American's weren't allowed to own land off of the reservations. To make it even worse, she was also a woman, and during that time it was also (I don't think illegal, just really looked down on) frowned upon for a woman to own her own land. She told my dad ALL of their family history from her side, had all the documents too, showed him all of them. But made sure to tell him "Don't tell your cousin any of this, he will try to take advantage of it all." Unfortantly when she fell ill and had to be put into a home, my aunt (dad's sister) was a major AH and sold great grandma's home/property to the neighbor who she hated and hated her. After asking dad if he wanted to buy the property, and he had everything set up to wire the money to buy it. So all of that (that wasn't digitized or saved) was lost when the neighbor tore everything down.
It was actually illegal for her to own land. Ironically, it wasn't legal for CDIB card holders to even vote until the early-ish 1900's. And yes, French/Cherokee Sioux is a common combination for tribes now located around the area now known as Québec and adjacent US States. The public education system failed your acquaintance, terribly, and having worked for Ancestry, their test is... What you pay for. Just saying.
7:42 That’s got to be the mistress! What are they even talking about? OP was told that they weren’t family! And tons of time in advance was planning on prepping for the baby, and both the dad and mistress knew yet she changed her mind last minute to probably be spiteful. That commenter can go kick rocks without shoes!
Of course OP is being petty and holding onto a grudge for how her family was treated by SIL. Perhaps SIL will treat any other family members with more kindness and compassion now that she knows what it's like when family treats her the exact same way as she has treated them in the past. Glad OP isn't going to be the "bigger person" in this instance.
I get jealous of people's genes and culture/heritage but I never get upset. My adopted sister and brother are African American and I was jealous of her hair and pretty skin and thier heritage and culture. Turns out now that we are grown she wanted my skin and hair and heritage (Scottish and Irish)
Story 1- not only should OP have a password for the vendors, she should really tell them that any changes will be made IN PERSON by either her or the groom, and that they should expect impostors to be calling to try to sabotage the wedding. Even better would have been to not even tell her family where the wedding was going to be, and do all the planning with her MIL. And since parents and sis should not be invited to the wedding anyway, they would never need to know until the photos went up on social media afterward.
She should also hire some big, scary looking guys and give them pics of parents and sister and tell them not to let them into the venue on the day of OPs wedding.
The YTA coment in the misstress story needs to learn to read, it was already planed that OP would stay and help, then misstress changed her mind and her father tell her in her face that she is not family.
Story 3: The SIL is lucky to not have been exposed as fraudulently claiming children that she was not feeding on. food stamps as well ass. being exposed for failing to report the $1000 income to the food stamp office which are both forms of food stamp fraud and the SIL is lucky to not have also been exposed for tac evasion due to not reporting $1000 income to the governmental tax office.
The OP who suggested her coworker look into their ancestry-geez, do that! My heritage is European, and I got to poking around on Ancestry and other sites during quarantine and was fascinated! There are a TON of really interesting stories in the various branches of my family tree, and with my very ordinary, middle class family, if we have a translator for George Washington, and someone who is listed in Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, and a robber who came to America on a convict ship (and MORE) I guarantee the coworker would find stories as well. I’m glad OP is proud of her heritage-everyone who looks is going to find something worth knowing about.
The story with them sister in law and nearly a thousand a month.. Your sil claimed your kids one food stamps and made you purchase your own food? (It illegal to do that and fraud) While you could of gotten emergency stamps for a emergency your in and not worry about food cost...wth
Story 2. OP NTA. But dad and stepmom are total YTA. Her for the constant mean things she says,( they aren't jokes). And her wanting to use you but kick you out in the same breathe. Your dad for cheating on your mom and leaving for this vile woman when you were 2 and for not standing up for you and calling her on her bad treatment of you. His calling you "not family" and his only retracting when u called him out. He and a d his partner have treated you like crap and I would say fine and move out. Let them deal with their own messy house and getting groceries. They can do all the parenting by themselves and without your help and without you being a babysitter.
I'm Sicilian-American and I too get excited when I meet someone who's heritage is from the island. So hearing these idiots say ' be white and boring ' pisses me off. It'd be just like the 40s and 50s, where Italians were forced to forget their culture and be ashamed of what they were, and instead be " boring and normal."
@@heatherward1807 In my case, I'm a citizen of both the US and Italy. So I'm literally a Sicilian-American, in both identity and classification. It's probably because the US is so mixed that we get curious about where we came from. So we want to go back to see where our families came from, what life is like outside, etc.
@@heatherward1807 It is beautiful. I haven't been there in years (plane flights make me feel very sick) but I have a lot of memories with my family there. It might not be " home" in the literal sense for me....but it's where I came from. It's where my history started even before I was born. So being connected to my family is very important to me.
Okay, the thing that gets me about the Natives story as a native. They never called out a tribe. Unless they are in a very low native ratio area i don't think anyone would doubt it 3 generation of women means at least knowing what tribe.
Nah some ppl still have trauma and distanced themselves from the culture. I knew my tribe but not my clan and it took a lot of digging even though I lived on the rez at one point.
@@victorialopez781 Clan aside this is an opposite case where they are fully embracing their Native side. They Could always be those weird fringe cases as well. However i've encountered too many cases of weird heritage and acceptations to really say.
Or you know privacy reasons. Where I live if you say you're native american every assumes you're Navajo. I'm not native myself but I know certain tribes are local to really only certain regions of the country.
@@nightigal or hopi though alot of tribes have an over arching area generalization. Navajo wise it's not like they are saying which mesa they are coming from. Because you assume most natives are navajo means you're in AZ not the other 4 corners states. If they lives in a high native area i doubt anyone would really second guess that they are truly native.
Last story: Go OP! Some of us have been very fortunate to have step parents that love us like their own while still respecting that they won't replace our parent. My parents are divorced, and my dad & step mom have been together nearly 30 years. I love my mom very much, but I love my stepmom too. She's been an additional parent, not a replacement parent, for the majority of my life, and now my kids get an extra grandma figure too. We all love her. 💜
Last Story: This feels incredibly relatable, and I'm really happy OP stood up to defend Jean as her own individual. Instead of whatever weird mom clone it sounds like the grandparents have wanted her to be for over 30 YEARS. I myself have a step-grandmother of sorts who married my grandpa a while after my grandma passed who we just call, let's say Mary. Although Mary will never replace the memories or individual I remember of Grandma. I could not be more appreciative thay she didn't try to outright replace her from our lives. I absolutely love and adore Mary, and I very much consider her family.
Story 2: I bet the OP will get calls from dad and step-B to babysit all the time and probably unpaid. They will want to use her and only have her around when it is beneficial to them. I'd cut all ties with them myself.
Story 1: Why is the sisters getting married at the same place a problem? They can merely say to guests that that is where their grandparents were married and everyone will think it is sweet that both sisters wanted to marry there. Good on OP for booking what she always wanted, although since her sister is marrying second, I'm sure she will try to one up.
it's so incredibly stupid to get up someone else embracing their culture just because _you_ couldn't be bothered to embrace your own roots. I'm australian but I also grew up knowing very keenly that I'm dutch and scottish, and now I'm a very proud celtic pagan and am even learning scottish gaelic. maybe that coworker should try being something beyond just 'white' if she's feeling so insecure.
The story with the Native heritage. I am half Irish Half Puerto Rican I also have a small amount of Black and 15% Native blood from my Puerto Rican side. Yes I had Dna done and It matched Dad and Moms almost perfectly. Slight differences but Lik 1.5% and 1.2% variances no Biggy. I am extremely Proud of all My heritages. I dont see what the problem is.
For the pretty sister:make threats subtle so they get paranoid and spend a bunch on security. Of course you would never be so crude as to disrupt their special day. The honeymoon, well that's a different story.
i disagree with that story 1 ESH i would do the exact same thing to someone who tried to highjack my dream anything sure maybe petty but it's a kind of petty i can get behind
Grandparents to Jean: "you dhoykd do X. It would be comforting for the kids." The kids: "No don't do that. It's creepy. She's fine how she is." Grandparents: "yOu tOoK iT out oF cOnTeXt"
Last story. So many stories we've heard usually feature a boundary stomping stepparent and an enabler parent that just drive the kids away by trying to force the kids to accept them as the new parent. Even when the other parent is still alive just divorced. The healthy, loving relationship all parties have is so refreshing and the grandparents and their flying monkeys need to pound sand. It's not any of their business and if the grandparents are so offended and "disrespected" by what OP did then that's their problem but I don't think Jean was disrespected by OP. The grandparents were already doing that, disrespecting and invalidating her slot in this family.
Last story: “Jean never tried to be our mother because she knew, always, that she wasn’t and she never could be. *But she could be Jean, and she could be something different but important to our family.*” What a beautiful, loving sentiment, and what a sweet acknowledgement that love isn’t a zero-sum game. Sending good thoughts and continued love to this family.
Why can't they both get married at the same venue? It's not like they're having a double wedding or anything. I don't get why it's such a big deal. It's the place their grandparents got married so it makes sense that it would be significant to both brides.
That YTA commenter forgets that OP being there was a planned thing a d op wasnt a guest, op was planning on helping with meals, cleaning and stuff. Nothing like sitting around and demanding mistress and dad to wait on her. But they treated her horrible and then OP decided they didnt deserve her help. I wouldnt want to help if they truly didnt want me around. Thank goodness they have shown op where they think she belongs. I would quit helping them and put myself first. Dad will have to learn how to clean and go grocery shopping.
They had the nerve to call and throw another fit? Nope, I'd tell them about themselves and make sure they knew not to call me for sitting or help around the house.
The person who disagreed with OP in the first story is way off base and obviously doesn’t know how narcissists work. The way I see it is OP is simply continuing with the plans she had all along and “ignoring” her sister’s attempts to co-opt all the attention once again. OP didn’t interfere or attempt to stop her sister’s plans and blocking her is no doubt because she is well aware how the “conversation” will go. As someone who has a lot of experience dealing with a narcissist there is nothing more annoying that others telling you you should just “discuss” it with them and explain your POV when they have absolutely NO idea how these conversations go.
story 2 - OP should have undone all of her hard work and trashed the place. Toss out food, destroy all diapers on hand, etc. Go full scorched earth on the stepmonster and her hellspawn. Tell the step that she is an awful would-be mother and that that spawn would be better off without her. Explain in vicious detail that she is an old bag who is nothing but a total POS and that OP hates her very existence and that of her a-hole father. Cut all ties and rebuke that side of the family forever.
The native racial identity thing is real, I dated a girl in highschool who was half, she had darker skin tone than her mother and her sister was a pale ginger, it was baffling, and they caught a lot of crap for looking so different
Wedding venue story.... Many of my family weddings have been at the same location because it's a great location.... Nobody cares if the sisters use the same venue.
Story 1. OP NTA. I am sorry your family sucks so badly. Your parents totally forget that they have 2 daughters. We hear thinks about your mom but not about your dad but if they dumped you with your grandparents for them to raise you, he doesnt sound so great either. Sister sounds like she just forced her engagement and took your venue out of spite. So you reserving it a month ahead with no chance for hers ahead of yours is great anyways you were engaged first and wanted that venue since u were a teen. Wouldnt really talk with sis cuz she probably would want your earlier date, or something. The password protection for vendors, having security at wedding, I liked the idea of having grandpa or other male relative who likes you and you like them walk you down the aisle are good things. Sister and parents don't really deserve to be at your wedding day.
Lol, I remember when my sisters were born, my mom wouldn't let anyone in the house for a month. All of my friends would line up to see the baby from the window. This happened every day. LoL. My sisters came home sick. But they are both healthy and older now
I have some Carib blood from the carribbean and I'm very proud of it. My ancestors fought the British and won. I'm very proud of that. The forced the British to sign that they would not enslaved them. I'm very proud of them.
Last story: Have the grandparents been harping on this for 30 years? Jean is a saint for not telling anyone or blowing up at them years ago. There’s no way your grandparents way of thinking would work. That’s just stomping out the existence of a dead woman & taking her place & things. Almost guaranteed to make everyone, especially the kids, hate Jean.
Native American story ,be proud of your heritage and never let anyone else push you around ,you may want to consider talking to your boss about your co workers attitude towards mixed raced heritage and how your co workers are going to turn a safe,toxic free work environment into a toxic environment where you and others of a different culture is looked down upon unfavourable.Op as someone who is mixed by different nationalities going through generations of ancestors ,I understand that everyone is unique ,I was adopted in the tribal traditions of a certain Native American tribe by a war chief .NTA
When you hear the word "shamanism," what images jiffy-pop into your mind's eye? Most folks picture feather head-dresses, buffalo hides, medicine wheels and dream-catchers - all images associated with Native American cultures. But contrary to popular opinion, a "shaman" is not an Indian medicine man, and "shamanism" is not a Native American religion. In fact, many Native Americans find the terms "shaman" and "shamanism" offensive. Just a word picked up by the New Age crowd. Not a single healer in my tribe is called a shaman. The word "shaman" actually originates among the natives of Siberia, where it describes a specialized type of holy person. The shamans of Siberia interact with deities and spirits not only with prayer, ritual and offerings, but through direct contact with the spirits themselves. With the aid of rhythmic drumming and chanting, the shaman enters a very deep or "ecstatic" trance. (In discussions of shamanism, the word "ecstasy" is used in its original sense, from the Greek roots ex and histanai meaning "out of place" or "out of the physical" - in other words an out-of-body mystical state) This trance frees the shaman's consciousness from the body, allowing it to "fly" into the realms the spirits inhabit, and to experience these "Otherworlds" with all the senses of the ordinary physical realm.
Story 2- The bottom "yta" comments always made me wonder how dimwitted one has to be to conclude that. But then I remember that they came from Reddit..
You should look though some of the comments here even after the edit about it being planned in advanced there are people saying Op is the AH. Some are comparing it to a MIL wanting to stay. 🙄
Story 2: can't believe how many people gave a YTA judgement. It really make me wonder about the their reading comprehension skills. She wasn't an uninvited guest and her dad stated she wasn't in the family... She's so clearly NTA from these two points alone.
I have to laugh at the story about the mistress and the baby. When I had my first born, my husband picked me up from the hospital drop me off at home and went back to work. How about that! No, it never got any better, and we've been divorced for quite a while now.
That last story: I know stepmoms are often expected to take the place of the mom (if the mom is deceased or otherwise 100% out of the picture), but it's extremely weird that OPs grandparents wanted the stepmom to essentially wear the mom's skin. They wanted her to *claim* every thing her new husband's late wife had and was. Claim his kids, claim his late wife's belongings and role... its bad enough the step mom is expected to be the replacement mommy, but I've never heard of the replacement being so thorough!!
OP NTA. You have every right to be proud of your heritage. What you said to your co worker is true. If they spent some time looking at their family tree they might find some cool thing and maybe cool stories. Their discomfort is not your problem but like one said you might talk with higher ups just incase this pessimist co worker talks with them or starts a big stink. You didnt do anything wrong. like u said u don't think yourself better and it wasnt you who brought it up it was a customer.
Make getting married at that venue a family tradition. 40yrs of weddings and I only remember the venues from the weddings I was in, and that's because of the logistics not appearance.
Story 1. Did you all miss that the Grand-Parents practically raised OP and were married there and OP made it known years in advance that that was where she wanted to get married. So sister was trying to steal another thing from OP just as she has been doing all her life with the co-conspiriters her parents. Good on OP for beating them at their own game but please go one better and disinvite your parents and sister from your wedding have Grand-Father walk you down the aisle if he is still alive or another male/female friend/relative that actually likes you.
ESH. The sister booked the venue 1st because she's a spoiled, entitled golden child. She just didn't count on OP deciding for once to play the game by her sister's rules. It was petty of OP to book the venue only 1 month before her sister's wedding. OP admits this and frankly I am on standby with popcorn waiting for the update. Sometimes it's fun and satisfying to be the petty one.
@@MrJpaynebb lol you do realize that sometimes being petty is justified right? this was a super smart move on OP's part, and a true sign of dedication not only to her grandparents, but to the fact that she can be happy and have what she wants without sister trying to ruin things
@@MrJpaynebb also who says the fiancee isn't on board with this, maybe he and his mom encouraged op to choose for herself for once
@@velvety2006 MrJpaynebb didn't say anything about fiance not being on board.
@@MrJpaynebb She was engaged first, and her sister knew that was her wedding venue of choice. Is she supposed to wait until after her sister gets married in it? If so, how long is she required to wait to appease others?
In the first story OP's sister is just "genuinely upset" that she failed to screw OP over on the venue.
Just because OP’s sister is “genuinely upset” doesn’t mean that anyone (OP included) needs to change anything. She sounds like someone who is “genuinely upset” on a regular basis to get what she wants.
@@stephanien6237 you know they were being sarcastic right?
@@joaolima7131 you know they were agreeing with the first poster, right?
@@Nevertoleave is that it sounded a little backhanded
It was unclear in the baby story until OP said that it was planned months in advance for OP to come. It was insanely rude to tell OP to leave after he'd already travelled 3 days. And, then to say it's because she's not family? This homewrecker has been in OP's life for nearly 20 years. If OP's not family by now when will she be?
They chased OP out after she finished cleaning the house, etc. It´s pretty clear what they actually want OP for.
Yup! That homewrecking PROPER GARDEN TOOL has made it perfectly clear: OP isn't family until she needs something from OP. Like babysitting in the future perhaps?
@@bluesapphire4262 I'm so petty I'd mess up what I cleaned and leave with groceries I purchased.
Yeah, that YTA comment was really out there, some people really need better reading comprehension.
I could understand most of it, but the moment they said 'we want only family' implying OP is not family, would be the moment I was done.
But she wasn’t an uninvited guest or a meddling MIL. Mistress stepmother basically deduced OP to a maid and told her “only family”.
Sorry mistress but when were you “only family” when it was you who broke up a family already
Just family in my culture for this situation would exclude grand-parents but include half-siblings. So to me the stepmother is more of a twat
like the other commenter said op will become family again when mistress and dad need a free babysitter better to tell them then that they should ask family to do it.
It was planned months in advance, she was invited! And she is family, she is the the eldest daughter and older sister to the baby, OP should tell both of them to screw off
It's not the mistress/wife but the dad OP needs to have an issue with. OP is his family just as his new child to him. He revealed exactly how he thinks of OP when he let that "only family" line come out of his mouth. Mistress/wife and their child are his family now. OP is strictly backup now.
The second one: the YTA one is stupid, they PLANNEED for op to be there. If they didn’t want her they didn’t have to say “ family only “ op is FAMILy.
It makes me wonder if her dad never mentioned his daughter coming over to the wife. Also lots of plans change after the baby, especially if it’s the first. Maybe the step mom was way more exhausted than she thought she would be. The dad could’ve been more diplomatic, but I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to let his wife have space and take in her new role in life. She will never get her old life back as a mom. So I think everyone sucks in this situation. Dad should’ve been more diplomatic and re-imbursed his daughter for her lost wages
Yeah, some commenters on Reddit don't seem to know how to read. Anyways, I agree with you and I think if I were OP, I'd go no contact. Considering her dad has made it clear that she is not family.
@@SNixon14 he’s not worth it and OP is too good for her stepmom to punish her for existing.
@@TipTheScales27 are you obfuscating the picture? The stepmom knew she was going to be there. Let her set up the house for her new spawn since the sperm donor is useless. Then after she has done all the work kicks her out. Sperm donor has no emotional balls to tell his wife to shut it. Backtracks immediately when his first child calls him on his bs on kicking her out. Let me tell you why Sperm donor and Stepwitch are upset at OP. Stepwitch comes home with her spawn. Berates sperm donor for “wtf is OP is still here?”. Sperm donor is sputtering “ well, um, she did offer to help and she is you know. Like my daughter and is hellspawn’s half-sister. Like she was really hurt when I let her know that you didn’t want her here and…”. Stepwitch cuts him off” your ducking useless! Why have I put up with your weak arse. Now listen if she doesn’t leave so help me Satan you will pay. “
Now the other lady making OP feel guilty about this situation. I bet she has no clue of Stepwitch, and is judging OP as a teenager getting in the way.
Seriously he could of just said “wife wants it to just be me her and the baby for bonding time” but no he told op “family only” making it clear he doesn’t see her as family!
Story1: NTA. File this one under "don't start a fight, but always finish it." If she's being petty, I say she's justified. But only to a point. It's time to end this rivalry permanently. Go LC with the sister and parents. They have their Golden Child, OP has her new family. What does OP need them for? Time to lose the deadweight.
I love this Petty ish.
@@lifewithlee6298 that cow will whine to mummy and daddy. Sorry, not Sorry for the potential husband.
I would also uninvite them and post loot of photos all over the media a few days before her wedding. Proof my honeymoon would be on my sis day too.
It has been updated. Op disinvited her parents and sis from the wedding and is going NC.
I am a pale-skinned Indigenous woman and there were many times I was told that I had to prove my heritage even though my bio dad's family all backed me up and supported me. I am Metis, but my bio dad's family are French-Mi'kmaq. It's not even Indigenous people demanding proof. It's full white people that are. So, the story with the Indigenous person having to prove constantly that they are is really upsetting to me. Besides, when you go to an Indigenous cultural event, you see many people that look white that are participating because that's their heritage and not one person who looks 'Indigenous' is approaching them and demanding to know why they are there. First Nations peoples are usually very accepting, to begin with.
If somebody who's worked in retail throughout high school and then as a nurse up north in Canada. my interaction most indigenous people I met was a wonderful interaction. And these bad interactions I'm about to tell you about I understand that those are just the individuals and their actions are not reflective on indigenous or Inuit people. I understand that the individuals issue. I was in retail I would get screamed end cussed at and swore at like when I didn't ask for their status card. A lot of times they come up to the cash register before I even had a chance to say hi and start screaming at me. I had a grown man tells sixteen-year-old me that I was nothing but a dirty used old c*nt because I hadn't ask for his status card 1 second after he came up to the cash. I had another grown woman tell me she was going to get me fired cuz I was a racist little b-word cuz I didn't ask her for her card before I even had a chance to scan her first item. So maybe people just asked because they've gotten screamed at before because they didn't ask fast enough for a status card. Not saying that was the case in every situation not saying that that some of them worth racist I'm just saying maybe they had the same experience I did. I have heard from other people who have worked in retail that have had similar situations.
I had a very good friend that was blonde and blue eyed. She and her family were descendants of blonde blue eyed native American people. It's a fascinating history.
I totally understand. My mother is Yanktonai Dakota Sioux- Crow Creek Rez, S.D. My great grandfather and grandfather were both chiefs. My father is French Canadian but his great grandmother was FB Cree from the Hudson Bay Area. Me- long dark hair, very high cheekbones, gray eyes and pale skin. My mother was extremely dark so we always clashed. I moved to the East Coast and found myself being questioned regarding my native background mostly by non- natives. It’s funny but the natives I know never question each other. I just retired but for 26 years have given diversity training and have been the Native American Advocate for a large healthcare organization. I also lived in Europe for 10 years and thoroughly enjoyed the different cultures. Just remember the blood of our ancestors runs through our veins so be proud of who you are and the uniqueness of your traits. Aho! Mitakuye Oyasin
Red headed, hazel (with a lavender ring around the outer part of my iris) eyed Cherokee Freedman and Chocktaw Indian here (with a bit of Chickasaw). Genetics are wonky, and people tell me to prove it are firmly directed to look at my Department of the Interior issued, CDIB cards, and the family photo where I stick out like a sore thumb, lol.
Isn't it interesting that European Americans have it in their minds that all Native Americans must be brown-skinned with dark hair and eyes when they span a continent two and a half times as large as Europe with a more varied climate and topography?
A Pima Indian would have as much genetically similar to an Inuit as to an English person or Kenyan.
In the first story, couldn't have been me - I would tell my parents that they can go to OP's sister's wedding since she's their favorite, and just have the actual people who raised OP go to her wedding. Problem solved.
Op should have lied and told her parents her wedding would be a month after her sister wedding and at crappy venue
@@joimumu Trueeeee
"Just family" hmmmm... OP just learned she's not family. That IS a big deal.
The redditor claiming she's the AH for being there skipped over the fact that it was planned in advance.
yeh i thought the same thing did that person just went oh you are an AH bocose new mama needs atention and care but missed the part where the father just outright said you aint family, and used op to get the house cleaned up for free.
If OP, is ever asked to babysit, she should tell them her rates and ask for cash in advance as she is not family.
Also, the timing of kicking OP out AFTER they'd done all the work to prepare the house.... that's suspicious
Either that redditor can't read, or is the father
I don't understand that "OP's the AH" comment.
So, OP spoke to and got the approval to go spend a week with her family so she can help do the things her dad and partner can't do. So, OP is trying to make things easier for her dads partner to recover from having the baby, and it gives OP's dad and partner time to bond with the new born, whilst OP takes care of everything else.
That commenter is clueless. I've never heard of such generosity being classed as AH behaviour. Wow.
They've probably never done anything thoughtful in their life, and complain when people show them common decency like it's an inconvenience.
I disagree with that one person who says ESH here. It's not a rivalry. It's not just mom favoring the daughter it seems to be both parents. She may as well not be part of the family. OP will definitely be having NC with them in her future. We've seen it time and time again.
The ESH isn’t about the rivalry or favoritism, it’s about OP and her sister dragging their SO’s through all this drama. They’re making this whole thing a competition and by the sounds of it don’t care about how this will impact their future husbands or their in laws.
@@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64 I don´t really think OP drag her fiancé, at least not completely. I´m pretty sure OP´s fiancé had already known they´ll going to be married in the venue anyways. So as long as OP´s mother and sister didn´t actively harassed OP´s fiancé and his family (or OP was the one handled them), this is just a mere change of date for him and his family.
It seems like that commenter didn't actually read Op's post, just read enough and then made their own judgement.
@@TiffWaffles Reddit in a nutshell.
@@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64 Disagree, I see it as OP finally standing up to herself and saying FU finally to her AH parents and sister!! Yes its petty but justified as sister picked that venue to spite OP and I think her SO is aware of what her AH family are like given that HIS mom is the one that's helping OP plan the wedding and fill in for the normal mother of the bride duties cause "sister needs more attention than you"
I'm glad he supports OP!! She deserves to have her wedding at the venue that she's dreamed about since a child on her terms and not be an after thought to the BS sister tried to pull as it'll always be "Oh OP you're wedding was lovely, but not as good as sisters" from those three AH's
Next thing he should do is encourage OP to go NC or at very least LC
The baby story... Did the yta comment have any reading comprehension skills??? Op, their dad and dad's partner had an agreement, only for the partner to turn around and basically tell op that they weren't family
Or maybe if they were OP, they'd accept it when told it's 'family only.'
Dude, doing housework after giving birth is awful. The partner just screwed herself over. I hope that kid never helps them out since she is not family. What a terrible man her father is.
After op had taken time off work.
Story 2: I hope when the baby is old enough to need a baby sitter OP fires back with I'm sorry but only family can be around the baby so you'll have to find someone else. In OP's shoes I would go no contact with dad and he can have his happy little family all to himself without any help or support from OP ever again. When you get married OP have your step father or uncle walk you down the aisle because after all you want only family to share in your special days.
The trip to visit, help, and stay was planned well in advance and agreed upon by all three of them. After OP cleaned the house, ran all of the errands, and stocked the fridge suddenly her presence isn't wanted or needed anymore. NO! The mistress got what she wanted because she finally drove a wedge between OP and her father and has successfully severed their relationship so any future wants or needs for help from those two will now fall on deaf ears because OP deserves so much better from her father.
OP is 100% NTA but the homewrecker and the spineless wonder certainly are!
Yeah, family can suck sometimes. My older brother passed away and his sons took over after having ignored him for years and cut me and my sister out completely. It's not like we were even asking for anything from them. All I asked for was a ratty old teddy bear that had belonged to my brother. After he died, they wouldn't even tell us what happened to his body. I finally got mad and told my sister that I hope my brother's children never need a kidney or something. It was 2 of his son's doing by the way. My niece doesn't know either.
Strangers babysit kids all the time. Only *family* will babysit for free or less than the going rate. So if OP isn't family, and they genuinely want to babysit their half sibling, they should charge the going rate. To be paid by their father, before he and his wife leave for their date (to make sure OP actually gets paid)
Is this really how you want to remember your wedding?
You mean getting married in a beautiful location where my beloved grandparents got married AND I get to finally show up my b of a sister? Absolutely!
OP is NTA for charging SIL rent which is actually at a discount compared to the BS she asked them to pay!! Anyone calling OP TA has just happily volunteered to to take them in, if they think that they should live rent free with all expenses paid as OP is "being petty and needs to let it go" then tell them that THEY are more than welcome to support her and daughter till they get back on their feet.
Its not petty its Karma!!
100 % she was charging less for 2 people in one room, she was charged more for 5 people in one room. While the SIL was ripping them off she should have saved for her land taxes, she was getting $1000 a month and her taxes were $450.00 A Year. Yeah let someone else take them in.
First story: The parents calling OP to "talk it out." Bets that "talking it out" means OP has to give up her date? Its funny how people who wants to talk it out or compromise always means they want you to give up your position.
Yeah so? It's a negotiation, you can try to bargain them out of their position as well. It's how that sort of thing works.
@@Snipergoat1 no. It's not. Unreasonable people don't need to be coddled.
@@khaavren3 Who said coddle. A negotiation is fighting with nicer words. Unreasonable people can be made unreasonable offers.
@@Snipergoat1 not worth the extra stress. OP gets to have her wedding date first, and gets to use that venue first, there's no way to make negotiations that place Dear Sister in a worse position than to be second to the Ugly Duckling. All OP needs to do is disinvite her sister and parents, go LC, and have grandpa walk her down the aisle. Bonus if grandparents refuse to attend Golden Child's wedding, and extra bonus if they make it known why.
Story 2:
For those in the cheap seats let me say it again. It was planned way in advance that she would come and help out. She even took time off and the parents knew! They flipped it on her and told her she wasn’t family in the process.
Fair to say that pregnancy is taxing and maybe stepmom didn’t know how traumatic it was so she wanted more privacy and asked stepdaughter to leave after she gave birth. Plans and circumstances change but I hope they were grateful and showed her appreciation for all the help and time she took. If not then it’s taking advantage.
The fathers comment about just family is just the vilest thing in this entire story. There’s a way to say “ daughter your stepmother changed her mind after giving birth about you staying with us. I believe she’s needs more privacy then she expected and I would appreciate if you could go back home” not the “just family” crap
In many cultures “just family” would exclude grandparents but include half-siblings in the mix so… it is just family 😂
Edit: I do feel like the timing of asking her to leave is highly suspicious and frankly I do feel like stepmom just used op. But it doesn’t negate my previous point. It could also be a mix of reason 1 and 2.
I agree entirely
And another thing. Stepmom suddenly want to be with just family only after OP finished doing all the houseworks her dad was useless with.
She clearly changed her mind in a very convenient timing, didn´t she?
My mother in law's trip (3 hour drive) to watch my older child while my younger child was born was also planned well in advance. However, she got it in her head that she was going to be staying quite a bit longer than when I was released from the hospital. I wonder if op wasn't exactly clear on how long they wanted her to stay or if she just assumed she'd get to stay as long as *she* had planned to.
@@bluesapphire4262 oh it’s very convenient and I do agree it’s highly suspicious. But if stepmother uses the excuse I mentioned above then everybody would be on op‘s throat. Stepmother has been able to mistreat her for years I’m sure that she know how to act like a poor defenceless person and wrap everyone around her finger.
Yeah, we want you to act as our housekeeper until the baby comes then you're out of here. No housekeepers allowed.
Story 1: the sister straight up said the venue didn’t matter and it only “meant the world “ to her when op booked her wedding first.
🤦♀️
Exactly. Can't figure out how the ESH crowd is missing all the signs on this one. I would have did what OP did, but also told the parents they could kick rocks. You can't keep trying to make people what they don't want to be.
OP didn’t book the venue first, her sister did.
@@srkh8966 Because OP talked about it growing up. Everyone knew where OP planned to get married.
@@ynmonroe Yes, but it wasn’t a random venue-and sometimes siblings get married in the same place. Was the sister being a jerk? Probably, but are we sure the parents didn’t suggest it to her?
@@srkh8966 Not sure that counts, though I definitely am not defending the parents. They are the AH too IMHO. The thing is, the OP's sister didn't even care about the venue. Sound vindictive to me. Like if she cared about it, why would it matter if OP used it before her?
First story ESH comment. Lol 😂 OP was going to book the venue anyway. The only petty rivalry part is her booking it before the date her sister booked, the sister is the one who clearly decided her superiority over her sister took priority over creating her new family. The ESH is probably that AH that stole someone’s venue or wedding ideas and when confronted whined that they always wanted whatever they stole.
Nope, it is because both sisters are treating this as a rivalry rather than their weddings. Rather than focusing on the new families they are creating they are focused on getting one over on each other.
@@Snipergoat1 You’re joking right? OP has every right to book the venue she was going to. Her sister is an entitled brat and golden child who booked the venue to be a bitch. If it didn’t matter to the sister she wouldn’t be making a fuss that OP booked at the same venue. OP doesn’t care if her sister gets married there, it has sentimental value to OP. It’s the same mentality of “stealing” a baby name and then getting mad the person you stole it from doesn’t change their kid’s name. You obviously are the golden child or an only child if you think that OP is seeing her wedding as a rivalry battle.
19 yo Step Daughter is suddenly not wanted after cleaning and prepping the home for the new baby. Does anything else need to be said? If the new Mom just wanted Family after the baby, then she should have got off her lazy butt and cleaned that house before her delivery date. I'm not kidding. They manipulated that young woman and at the very least, they should pay her for tidying up the house for them.
OP that is what I suggest: Send them an invoice that states, I don't work unpaid for people outside my family. Since you decreed that I AM NOT FAMILY, YOU OWE ME XXX for the groceries, and XXX for the cleaning of your house. How convenient that the plans were made months ago, for me to do these chores and spend a week with my new sibling... but you DIDN'T CANCEL THOSE PLANS FOR ME WITH THE FAMILY UNTIL AFTER I CLEANED. As a Professional, you owe me this money.
are you seriously suggesting that the NINE MONTH PREGNANT woman should have cleaned the house?? That lazy husband could do some damn cleaning instead of taking advantage of his daughter, but come ON, are you really going to say that someone about to deliver a child should be doing strenuous housework when an able-bodied man is RIGHT THERE?
@@emmao1232 uh my cousin who was very very pregnant deep clean the house every frikkin week and I'm talking Carpet cleaning and deep cleaned her whole house. I agree op should at least be compensated because like she said in her edit this was planned months in advance and then all of a sudden boom sorry but you need to leave cause the stepmother who a complete asshole and abusive cause when op was young she literally verbally abuse op that has long lasting effect on her mentality said she just wanted family there. Bullshit the stepmother knew what she was doing Continue to abuse op and probably gave an ultimatum to the husband and he chose them over his own fucken daughter that is his blood as well. She nta and she has the right to fucken blow up at her deadbeat ass father who couldn't keep his dick in his goddamn pants.
OP should also ask for payment if she is ever asked to babysit her "not family" sister. Tell Not Dad that being "Not Family" can work both ways. You aren't part of his family now, so why should you act like family in the future.
@@dulcilass agree cause there gonna be like oh cmon it family I swear you hear that way to often after the op is either gaslight manipulated abused or whatever the case may be. No her dad choose to stick by blondie dingbat and their demon spawn who gonna grow up to be probably like the mom and they already used her before the baby came. She should keep track of how many times and charged there asses.
@@emmao1232 Let's be serious: that daughter was CONNED into doing the cleaning. Now that it's done, she is suddenly NOT welcomed? THAT WAS THE STEP MOM'S DEMANDS. Which is my point: if the 19 year old is not welcomed, MOM SHOULD HAVE SAID SO BEFORE THE DAUGHTER ARRIVED, AND DONE ALL THAT CLEANING HER SELF.
What are you talking about? Women in the past WORKED RIGHT UP TO THE POINT OF LABOR. In some cultures, as soon as the child is born, THAT WOMAN GOT OUT OF BED AND WENT BACK TO WORK.
The Human Female body is FAR STRONGER than the Male body. They can't lift as much, but they endure exponentailly better than men.
Dad Has Issues, and Can't do that work. I've lived on this earth long enough to know when someone refuses to do housework, NOTHING will force them to do it. Dad should have hired a Cleaning Service and told the daughter to stay home.
"They wanted just family " your father is a major AH. Funny the comment calling op the Ah right after saying " new moms are in pain, etc etc" well let's see how that goes with a useless man quote of Op
And when they need a sitter and call op I would be petty as hell and tell them you just wanted it to be family when the kid was born why ask a stranger to baby sit. Dad trying to play both sides of the fence nta
I really couldn't understand the "you're the AH" response on that one. This was prearranged and OP lost money by being off work. At the literal 11th hour they tell them to leave and that makes OP the AH for being upset?!
they'll be calling her when they need a babysitter.
Exactly!! Also how is OP "family" when they're ok for her to take time off work to come clean up after her useless dad and restock the fridge but once that's done she's "not family"?? That YTA comment was BS as how easy would it to have been to just have said "OP thank you for your help, we appreciate you but would you mind giving us some space at least for a week (or till x date) till we settle in"???..... But nope the "we want just family" was on purpose and deliberate!!
Like you said see how long that lasts with a "useless man"....... and charge them if they want OP to come back and help
@@morallyambiguousnet I wonder how long was actually planned for.
Story 2 kind of makes it look like they’re using pregnancy as an excuse to exclude family like what the father is doing, that is his daughter. And Op was doing all she can to welcome the baby but unfortunately the dad wanted to exclude her. The whole line of “only family” makes it look like a slap in the face to his original kid especially after the man cheated on his first wife. That YTA comment is way off base and like many other Redditors of these kind of comments is completely missing the point. Op was not being petty or childish, she was being helpful. So excluding someone after replacing family is completely OK do you because the wife is pregnant so that’s fine? They need a reality check.
Also add the fact that she’s also the Baby’s half-sister so she is family
that’s even closer to a grand-parent so people can stop using the MIL arguments
Story 3: NTA - You owe people exactly the same amount of respect they show you. Frankly, you should have accounted for inflation.
New baby coming home.... your father wants only family there... aren't YOU his family????
Wow so many just ignored her father telling her she isn't family!!!
Yeah I commented on that, wtf is wrong with the father?? Why are step children not considered family, it's not because the stepmother didn't give birth to them because stepfather's do it too. So to these step parents what constitutes family to them?? The story about the stepmother and the jewelry..umm the grandparents are weird. Most people don't wear jewelry or anything from their partners deceased spouses..just odd in my opinion.
St. 3 - Oh I love this so much!!! I love happy endings. Only narcissists would call OP "childish" for treating her sister EXACTLY the way the sister treated OP. OP lost her home due to a FIRE. Her sister lost her home for.... not paying. Lol. NTA.
To the girl with a white father and Native blood:
My mother is white, and my father was Hispanic.
I'm very white for a mixed girl, and whenever I tell a lot of people my last name - Rivas - they assume it's spelled "Ree-vus" because of how I look.
I'm very Hispanic though, and I can't not dance when Latino music comes on. I can imitate/learn Spanish/Tex-Mex very easily, as though I spoke it fluently. But I don't.
I also love some parts of Hispanic culture that I know about. I also hate some that I learned about in a class recently...
I was bullied in school because I grew up in the Rio Grande Valley. ALL the other kids there were Mexican, and spoke Spanish...They would gather behind my desk anytime the teacher stepped out, so they could talk about me in Spanish, thinking I didn't know they were talking and laughing about me...I don't speak it, but I understand some...even back then I understood some. They were legitimately being mean on purpose.
Don't listen to the haters; embrace your culture, and everything about you that you have a right to. Just because you don't "look" like the people of your ancestry, doesn't mean you aren't, and people who bully or shame you for being interested, can go jump in a lake.
Maybe the shock of cool water will make them forget about their rudeness for a bit.
Last story: BRAVO, OP. You stood up for your mother's special place in the family and for Jean's making her own place in your hearts. Your grandparent's should have thought out what they were carping on about better. They show up as being a bit over-bearing and idiotic at the same time for wanting Jean to disrespect your memories of your mother by shoving herself into your mom's place. Jean showed a good deal of sense in not taking on your mom's place, but by creating her own place in your family.
I think with ancestry and dna kits being easily available, even white people in America have a chance to learn about their ethnicity and also embrace the different cultures within them. I see how learning about ethnic background makes people happy(all the expected and unexpected things we find about the movement of our ancestors)and even if it turns out that someone is homogenous, they can still learn to appreciate other ethnicities and cultures. Diversity of the human race is one of the most beautifully transcendental things about us...and yes , that includes white people(I personally don't think anyone is boring)
Yeah, can we stop saying "white" people have no ethnicity. There's many different interesting cultures with white skintones. But no, apparently everyone's full of the "white bad" attitude. Makes me sick such racism exists.
I've done my DNA at a couple of places and have found that both tend to agree on my DNA. I've been doing my family tree and in many cases have found my ancestors quite a ways back. 9th great grandparents from the 1600's. But even finding them doesn't really make me all that interested in studying the histories of where they came from, but it has gotten me more involved with what they did once they got here. When someone asks what my ethnicity is, I say I'm an American as we have developed many common characteristics which define a ethnicity. I'm not English, Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, Northwestern European, and Finnish. I am a blend as my folks have been here too long for me to claim any one group. I had so hoped to have Native American in my blend, but on tracing down the story of a Cherokee in the tree, it turned out that my 3rd great grandfather's 2nd wife was Cherokee, but I descend from his 1st wife and she wasn't NA. Dang.
Yes! He might discover something 'interesting' about himself. I am also a white passing Native American and it's probably the least 'interesting' things about me, the dude needs to get a hobby
Yeah but most of us Natives don't go by DNA we have a bad history with blood quantum.
@@matthewhanf3033 white is the race not the ethnicity
Story #1 - I'm betting the "pretty"
(? petty ?) sister told her boyfriend he HAD to propose. She can't possibly play second fiddle. Everything must always be about the narcissist, everyone else must always be in their shadow.
Co-worker is the AH. I agree with the last comment: OP needs to take this to HR before the environment becomes unbearable.
Last story: Good for OP for telling grandparents the truth. The other family members can s*ck it.
Yes. Co-worker is going to go to HR and spin a tale of OP harassing co-worker because he is "just" white.
Yep that is textbook discrimination.
Tell Mom yeah you're probably right. But since you haven't given me the time of day my whole life. I don't really need to consider you or her feelings. This is a consequence of you guys treating a family member like a piece of s*** underneath their shoes all her life. If I was you I would tell Mom don't worry about coming to the wedding. And I would go and see you got a great mom with your mother-in-law you don't need that toxic witch
Story one I vote NTA if the sister purposefully choose the venue to spite her sister in the first place then this is great petty revenge to take the venue back.
If that assumption isn't true then this is a giant load of ESH.
I bet the sister demanded to be proposed to after hearing about op's proposal.
The native American story makes me feel so seen! I'm part japanese, I have very pale skin and some European features so many people don't believe me or tell me to prove it.
I have other Asian people tell me I'm not Asian and to "stop being such a weeb".
White people tell me I don't look "white" and I'm "exotic" looking.
So I feel both but I belong to neither
I have a petty sibling too. I give you a double thumbs up on getting the prior booking on the venue.
A Double GOLD Thumbs up!
Are you sure it's your sibling that's petty?
I'm half Mexican but I look 100% pure European white. I love it when my fellow Mexicans immediately recognize that I'm Mexican! It makes me feel validated.
That's because anyone who has visited Mexico or lived there knows that Mexicans are as varied as their neighbors to the north. Lots of redheads from when the Irish soldiers at the Alamo defected because they were treated better by Mexico than the US folks, lots of Japanese and even Chinese people from the late 1800, Africans from the slave trade and Spanish explorers, and of course the regular Spanish and German folks.
Walking around Mexico City looks a lot like walking around any major metropolitan city in the US.
There are many full blooded Mexicans who look white or European due to Spanish ancestry.
@@eduardocruz4341 I completely agree! I have other European ancestry and some Mexicans can be total gatekeepers out here.
@@eduardocruz4341 I do strongly resemble my Spanish ancestry though.
@@genesisshort3097 👍
Native Story: I feel their pain. I am Phillipino, black and Hispanic, dad is full German, I am the " whitest " person in the family even among siblings so being labeled as "white" is super hurtful so when someone actually notices its like a wave of relief. It's nice that someone can see the real you instead of who or what people see you as.
Last story: I wonder if the grandparents would feel the same way if OP's dad (grandparent's son) was the parent who passed away and OP's mom remarried. Would they want OP's new stepfather to assume their son's role and take over his possessions?
Of course not. They seem like the 'every woman just exists to serve men' types. I bet they've already forgotten OP's mom's name.
Yes! They're super creepy!
Ugh! The one about being Half Native American pisses me off!
I'm white, but most of my family on my dad's side is French-Native American (his grandma, my great--grandma, was white-passing Cherokee-Sioux). I was talking with a co-worker and mentioned I was mostly Native and French on one side, she gave me this "uh-huh, sure" look and then keeps pushing me to 'look into' 'doing' Ancestry DNA or 23&Me to, "make sure and prove it".
It's like as soon as I said French-Native American she thought I was lying, because "FRENCH? And NATIVE AMERICAN?? Sure, like that happens."
Like sure, totally not, not like the French Fur Traders came over here long before the English and married Natives. Totally not. /s
But here's the thing, my great grandma was born around the time where Native American's weren't allowed to own land off of the reservations. To make it even worse, she was also a woman, and during that time it was also (I don't think illegal, just really looked down on) frowned upon for a woman to own her own land. She told my dad ALL of their family history from her side, had all the documents too, showed him all of them. But made sure to tell him "Don't tell your cousin any of this, he will try to take advantage of it all."
Unfortantly when she fell ill and had to be put into a home, my aunt (dad's sister) was a major AH and sold great grandma's home/property to the neighbor who she hated and hated her. After asking dad if he wanted to buy the property, and he had everything set up to wire the money to buy it. So all of that (that wasn't digitized or saved) was lost when the neighbor tore everything down.
It was actually illegal for her to own land. Ironically, it wasn't legal for CDIB card holders to even vote until the early-ish 1900's. And yes, French/Cherokee Sioux is a common combination for tribes now located around the area now known as Québec and adjacent US States. The public education system failed your acquaintance, terribly, and having worked for Ancestry, their test is... What you pay for. Just saying.
1) NTA. Go enjoy your big day.
7:42
That’s got to be the mistress! What are they even talking about? OP was told that they weren’t family! And tons of time in advance was planning on prepping for the baby, and both the dad and mistress knew yet she changed her mind last minute to probably be spiteful. That commenter can go kick rocks without shoes!
I enjoyed listening to your video. Thank you for making it.
Lightning story: YTA, you should have charged them $1,000 a month! Your family were only given one room, that was the price per room.
Of course OP is being petty and holding onto a grudge for how her family was treated by SIL. Perhaps SIL will treat any other family members with more kindness and compassion now that she knows what it's like when family treats her the exact same way as she has treated them in the past. Glad OP isn't going to be the "bigger person" in this instance.
I get jealous of people's genes and culture/heritage but I never get upset. My adopted sister and brother are African American and I was jealous of her hair and pretty skin and thier heritage and culture. Turns out now that we are grown she wanted my skin and hair and heritage (Scottish and Irish)
Story 1- not only should OP have a password for the vendors, she should really tell them that any changes will be made IN PERSON by either her or the groom, and that they should expect impostors to be calling to try to sabotage the wedding.
Even better would have been to not even tell her family where the wedding was going to be, and do all the planning with her MIL. And since parents and sis should not be invited to the wedding anyway, they would never need to know until the photos went up on social media afterward.
She should also hire some big, scary looking guys and give them pics of parents and sister and tell them not to let them into the venue on the day of OPs wedding.
THEY HAVE HATED YOU, YOUR WHOLE LIFE ! WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING YOURSELF ,??? SHE is AND WILL ALWAYS BEE JEALOUS OF YOU
The YTA coment in the misstress story needs to learn to read, it was already planed that OP would stay and help, then misstress changed her mind and her father tell her in her face that she is not family.
Story 3: The SIL is lucky to not have been exposed as fraudulently claiming children that she was not feeding on. food stamps as well ass. being exposed for failing to report the $1000 income to the food stamp office which are both forms of food stamp fraud and the SIL is lucky to not have also been exposed for tac evasion due to not reporting $1000 income to the governmental tax office.
The OP who suggested her coworker look into their ancestry-geez, do that! My heritage is European, and I got to poking around on Ancestry and other sites during quarantine and was fascinated! There are a TON of really interesting stories in the various branches of my family tree, and with my very ordinary, middle class family, if we have a translator for George Washington, and someone who is listed in Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, and a robber who came to America on a convict ship (and MORE) I guarantee the coworker would find stories as well. I’m glad OP is proud of her heritage-everyone who looks is going to find something worth knowing about.
The story with them sister in law and nearly a thousand a month.. Your sil claimed your kids one food stamps and made you purchase your own food? (It illegal to do that and fraud) While you could of gotten emergency stamps for a emergency your in and not worry about food cost...wth
Story 2. OP NTA. But dad and stepmom are total YTA. Her for the constant mean things she says,( they aren't jokes). And her wanting to use you but kick you out in the same breathe. Your dad for cheating on your mom and leaving for this vile woman when you were 2 and for not standing up for you and calling her on her bad treatment of you. His calling you "not family" and his only retracting when u called him out. He and a d his partner have treated you like crap and I would say fine and move out. Let them deal with their own messy house and getting groceries. They can do all the parenting by themselves and without your help and without you being a babysitter.
I'm Sicilian-American and I too get excited when I meet someone who's heritage is from the island. So hearing these idiots say ' be white and boring ' pisses me off. It'd be just like the 40s and 50s, where Italians were forced to forget their culture and be ashamed of what they were, and instead be " boring and normal."
@@heatherward1807 In my case, I'm a citizen of both the US and Italy. So I'm literally a Sicilian-American, in both identity and classification. It's probably because the US is so mixed that we get curious about where we came from. So we want to go back to see where our families came from, what life is like outside, etc.
@@heatherward1807 It is beautiful. I haven't been there in years (plane flights make me feel very sick) but I have a lot of memories with my family there. It might not be " home" in the literal sense for me....but it's where I came from. It's where my history started even before I was born. So being connected to my family is very important to me.
I’m very white and born/raised in Ireland. I would throw hands if someone tells me my culture/heritage is boring considering we were massacred for it
People need to grow a spine, we wouldn’t have so many social problems if people had self confidence and a backbone.
Okay, the thing that gets me about the Natives story as a native. They never called out a tribe. Unless they are in a very low native ratio area i don't think anyone would doubt it 3 generation of women means at least knowing what tribe.
Nah some ppl still have trauma and distanced themselves from the culture. I knew my tribe but not my clan and it took a lot of digging even though I lived on the rez at one point.
@@victorialopez781 Clan aside this is an opposite case where they are fully embracing their Native side. They Could always be those weird fringe cases as well. However i've encountered too many cases of weird heritage and acceptations to really say.
Or you know privacy reasons. Where I live if you say you're native american every assumes you're Navajo. I'm not native myself but I know certain tribes are local to really only certain regions of the country.
@@nightigal or hopi though alot of tribes have an over arching area generalization. Navajo wise it's not like they are saying which mesa they are coming from. Because you assume most natives are navajo means you're in AZ not the other 4 corners states. If they lives in a high native area i doubt anyone would really second guess that they are truly native.
@@lakewoodninja correct about the AZ thing. Most folks are aware of the Hopi tribe being in the state but we generally don't meet many this far south.
Last story: Go OP! Some of us have been very fortunate to have step parents that love us like their own while still respecting that they won't replace our parent. My parents are divorced, and my dad & step mom have been together nearly 30 years. I love my mom very much, but I love my stepmom too. She's been an additional parent, not a replacement parent, for the majority of my life, and now my kids get an extra grandma figure too. We all love her. 💜
Last Story: This feels incredibly relatable, and I'm really happy OP stood up to defend Jean as her own individual. Instead of whatever weird mom clone it sounds like the grandparents have wanted her to be for over 30 YEARS.
I myself have a step-grandmother of sorts who married my grandpa a while after my grandma passed who we just call, let's say Mary. Although Mary will never replace the memories or individual I remember of Grandma. I could not be more appreciative thay she didn't try to outright replace her from our lives. I absolutely love and adore Mary, and I very much consider her family.
Story 2: I bet the OP will get calls from dad and step-B to babysit all the time and probably unpaid. They will want to use her and only have her around when it is beneficial to them. I'd cut all ties with them myself.
Story 1: Why is the sisters getting married at the same place a problem? They can merely say to guests that that is where their grandparents were married and everyone will think it is sweet that both sisters wanted to marry there. Good on OP for booking what she always wanted, although since her sister is marrying second, I'm sure she will try to one up.
Background vid - painting Bretonnian archers. Very cool. But she might want to use a finer brush :)
Glad I wasnt the only one who thought that! I'm over here with my teeny ass kolinsky brushes and shes using something for on canvas 😅
it's so incredibly stupid to get up someone else embracing their culture just because _you_ couldn't be bothered to embrace your own roots. I'm australian but I also grew up knowing very keenly that I'm dutch and scottish, and now I'm a very proud celtic pagan and am even learning scottish gaelic.
maybe that coworker should try being something beyond just 'white' if she's feeling so insecure.
This channel is really good at picking out a comments that make my blood boil. lol.
Op#2 needs to stop being such a doormat
The story with the Native heritage.
I am half Irish Half Puerto Rican I also have a small amount of Black and 15% Native blood from my Puerto Rican side.
Yes I had Dna done and It matched Dad and Moms almost perfectly. Slight differences but Lik 1.5% and 1.2% variances no Biggy.
I am extremely Proud of all My heritages. I dont see what the problem is.
Every culture has cool and interesting things about it if you look.
A huge big slap on the back for you hunny. That was a brilliant brilliant move. Use security on everything.
For the pretty sister:make threats subtle so they get paranoid and spend a bunch on security. Of course you would never be so crude as to disrupt their special day. The honeymoon, well that's a different story.
Busy today. Thanks again XOS
i disagree with that story 1 ESH i would do the exact same thing to someone who tried to highjack my dream anything sure maybe petty but it's a kind of petty i can get behind
Grandparents to Jean: "you dhoykd do X. It would be comforting for the kids."
The kids: "No don't do that. It's creepy. She's fine how she is."
Grandparents: "yOu tOoK iT out oF cOnTeXt"
Last story. So many stories we've heard usually feature a boundary stomping stepparent and an enabler parent that just drive the kids away by trying to force the kids to accept them as the new parent. Even when the other parent is still alive just divorced. The healthy, loving relationship all parties have is so refreshing and the grandparents and their flying monkeys need to pound sand. It's not any of their business and if the grandparents are so offended and "disrespected" by what OP did then that's their problem but I don't think Jean was disrespected by OP. The grandparents were already doing that, disrespecting and invalidating her slot in this family.
If the awful sister in law moved into the farmhouse she wouldnt leave. You'd have to evict her.
Esh???? How??? Op always wanted to get married there and would get married there regardless of sisters actions
Last story: “Jean never tried to be our mother because she knew, always, that she wasn’t and she never could be. *But she could be Jean, and she could be something different but important to our family.*” What a beautiful, loving sentiment, and what a sweet acknowledgement that love isn’t a zero-sum game. Sending good thoughts and continued love to this family.
Why can't they both get married at the same venue? It's not like they're having a double wedding or anything. I don't get why it's such a big deal. It's the place their grandparents got married so it makes sense that it would be significant to both brides.
That YTA commenter forgets that OP being there was a planned thing a d op wasnt a guest, op was planning on helping with meals, cleaning and stuff. Nothing like sitting around and demanding mistress and dad to wait on her. But they treated her horrible and then OP decided they didnt deserve her help. I wouldnt want to help if they truly didnt want me around. Thank goodness they have shown op where they think she belongs. I would quit helping them and put myself first. Dad will have to learn how to clean and go grocery shopping.
They had the nerve to call and throw another fit? Nope, I'd tell them about themselves and make sure they knew not to call me for sitting or help around the house.
The person who disagreed with OP in the first story is way off base and obviously doesn’t know how narcissists work. The way I see it is OP is simply continuing with the plans she had all along and “ignoring” her sister’s attempts to co-opt all the attention once again. OP didn’t interfere or attempt to stop her sister’s plans and blocking her is no doubt because she is well aware how the “conversation” will go. As someone who has a lot of experience dealing with a narcissist there is nothing more annoying that others telling you you should just “discuss” it with them and explain your POV when they have absolutely NO idea how these conversations go.
story 2 - OP should have undone all of her hard work and trashed the place. Toss out food, destroy all diapers on hand, etc. Go full scorched earth on the stepmonster and her hellspawn. Tell the step that she is an awful would-be mother and that that spawn would be better off without her. Explain in vicious detail that she is an old bag who is nothing but a total POS and that OP hates her very existence and that of her a-hole father. Cut all ties and rebuke that side of the family forever.
The native racial identity thing is real, I dated a girl in highschool who was half, she had darker skin tone than her mother and her sister was a pale ginger, it was baffling, and they caught a lot of crap for looking so different
Wedding venue story....
Many of my family weddings have been at the same location because it's a great location.... Nobody cares if the sisters use the same venue.
You know being the bigger person is often times a load of crap. There's nothing to be gained by it . Own the pettiness.
I hate this people always saying EHS apparently they are doormat who get stepped on everyday
She should have been reported for food stamp fraud. What she did was illegal.
Story 1. OP NTA. I am sorry your family sucks so badly. Your parents totally forget that they have 2 daughters. We hear thinks about your mom but not about your dad but if they dumped you with your grandparents for them to raise you, he doesnt sound so great either. Sister sounds like she just forced her engagement and took your venue out of spite. So you reserving it a month ahead with no chance for hers ahead of yours is great anyways you were engaged first and wanted that venue since u were a teen. Wouldnt really talk with sis cuz she probably would want your earlier date, or something. The password protection for vendors, having security at wedding, I liked the idea of having grandpa or other male relative who likes you and you like them walk you down the aisle are good things. Sister and parents don't really deserve to be at your wedding day.
Lol, I remember when my sisters were born, my mom wouldn't let anyone in the house for a month. All of my friends would line up to see the baby from the window. This happened every day. LoL. My sisters came home sick. But they are both healthy and older now
1st story: Even if you are being petty, I am behind you 1000%. Sometimes all you have is revenge.
I have some Carib blood from the carribbean and I'm very proud of it. My ancestors fought the British and won. I'm very proud of that. The forced the British to sign that they would not enslaved them. I'm very proud of them.
Last story: Have the grandparents been harping on this for 30 years? Jean is a saint for not telling anyone or blowing up at them years ago. There’s no way your grandparents way of thinking would work. That’s just stomping out the existence of a dead woman & taking her place & things. Almost guaranteed to make everyone, especially the kids, hate Jean.
Native American story ,be proud of your heritage and never let anyone else push you around ,you may want to consider talking to your boss about your co workers attitude towards mixed raced heritage and how your co workers are going to turn a safe,toxic free work environment into a toxic environment where you and others of a different culture is looked down upon unfavourable.Op as someone who is mixed by different nationalities going through generations of ancestors ,I understand that everyone is unique ,I was adopted in the tribal traditions of a certain Native American tribe by a war chief .NTA
When you hear the word "shamanism," what images jiffy-pop into your mind's eye? Most folks picture feather head-dresses, buffalo hides, medicine wheels and dream-catchers - all images associated with Native American cultures. But contrary to popular opinion, a "shaman" is not an Indian medicine man, and "shamanism" is not a Native American religion. In fact, many Native Americans find the terms "shaman" and "shamanism" offensive. Just a word picked up by the New Age crowd. Not a single healer in my tribe is called a shaman.
The word "shaman" actually originates among the natives of Siberia, where it describes a specialized type of holy person. The shamans of Siberia interact with deities and spirits not only with prayer, ritual and offerings, but through direct contact with the spirits themselves. With the aid of rhythmic drumming and chanting, the shaman enters a very deep or "ecstatic" trance. (In discussions of shamanism, the word "ecstasy" is used in its original sense, from the Greek roots ex and histanai meaning "out of place" or "out of the physical" - in other words an out-of-body mystical state) This trance frees the shaman's consciousness from the body, allowing it to "fly" into the realms the spirits inhabit, and to experience these "Otherworlds" with all the senses of the ordinary physical realm.
ANND that didn't happen. You're being deliberately vague, and there's key words to prove it.
@@reddoorwoman Funny, the healers in my tribe are called doctors.
Story 1: if she didn’t raise a fuss about her booking the same venue, she can’t complain when her sister chooses to book it ahead of her. Tough luck!
Story 2- The bottom "yta" comments always made me wonder how dimwitted one has to be to conclude that. But then I remember that they came from Reddit..
You should look though some of the comments here even after the edit about it being planned in advanced there are people saying Op is the AH. Some are comparing it to a MIL wanting to stay. 🙄
These are the kind of women that red pill men
Story 2: I really really hope the YTA comment was made before OP´s edit.
Story 2: can't believe how many people gave a YTA judgement. It really make me wonder about the their reading comprehension skills. She wasn't an uninvited guest and her dad stated she wasn't in the family... She's so clearly NTA from these two points alone.
I have to laugh at the story about the mistress and the baby. When I had my first born, my husband picked me up from the hospital drop me off at home and went back to work. How about that! No, it never got any better, and we've been divorced for quite a while now.
Story 1. NTA. I'm here for this level of petty!!!!!
That last story: I know stepmoms are often expected to take the place of the mom (if the mom is deceased or otherwise 100% out of the picture), but it's extremely weird that OPs grandparents wanted the stepmom to essentially wear the mom's skin. They wanted her to *claim* every thing her new husband's late wife had and was. Claim his kids, claim his late wife's belongings and role... its bad enough the step mom is expected to be the replacement mommy, but I've never heard of the replacement being so thorough!!
OP NTA. You have every right to be proud of your heritage. What you said to your co worker is true. If they spent some time looking at their family tree they might find some cool thing and maybe cool stories. Their discomfort is not your problem but like one said you might talk with higher ups just incase this pessimist co worker talks with them or starts a big stink. You didnt do anything wrong. like u said u don't think yourself better and it wasnt you who brought it up it was a customer.
These stories solidify my doubt of getting married
There are times petty is warranted. The wedding venue post is one of those.
Make getting married at that venue a family tradition. 40yrs of weddings and I only remember the venues from the weddings I was in, and that's because of the logistics not appearance.
Story 1: Very satisfying pettiness! 🤭