My body image has held me back my whole life. Everything has had to wait until I lose weight and feel better about myself. But life is slipping through my fingers. I have tried to get my binge eating under control so many times and every time I would diet I would be unable to be consistent and give up. But I now feel like I have things under control and they are going in the right direction. I have fine-tuned my macros, eating high protein, low carb- but still allowing fruit, bread, crackers etc every now and then and eating meals I really enjoy while staying in a calorie deficit. I'm taking anti-depressants that increased my anxiety quite considerably for a couple of weeks, but now I'm good and have more motivation to do things. But the biggest difference is that I joined a gym. It's a women's gym and I go every second day. I do the treadmill and weights. I really love it. It's been a month and I am focusing on slowly making new, healthy habits and not trying to do everything all at once and as fast as possible and then giving up like I always have. I'm 50 years old. It's never too late to be able to make the changes towards a better you. Don't lose hope!
Pacing yourself is so key, yes. Every time I’ve joined a gym I’ve bullied myself into going every day and staying hours and every time I’ve dieted they’ve been extreme and unsustainable. An all women’s gym sounds incredible. I’m so glad you’ve found something that works. I also struggle with not wanting to put my life on hold just because I’m uncomfortable with how I look (my mother did that her whole life too) which is why I’m *trying* to focus more on just being healthy and hoping that boosts my confidence without needing to change how I look, but also knowing that I’ll look better as I get healthier. 😅 But yeah, it’s a lifelong journey.
You're SO not alone. Thank you for making me not feel alone. I agree, feeling depressed is a bit more comfortable than being anxious. I also chronically binge eat then crash diet, exercise and repeat. My seasonal mood issues tend to be a major influence on it. So I'm trying to mitigate that factor in various ways. So that hopefully every step forward is followed by only a half step back. You have my support in your journey.
The bravest , strongest, smartest and of course prettiest avpd girl on this planet 🎉. Welcome back with this strong back which fully of hope mixed with acceptance and wisdom. We keep on trying to the end ❤🙏👏
this video hit just right for me because today i weighed myself for the first in a year after having been weighed in a mental hospital, and boy did i gain weighed. im the type of person who *cannot* do something thats out of my routine until the last minute, until its absolutely necessary, so im hoping this is a wake-up call for me to finally start exercising. thank you so so much for making this video, not only are you making me feel less alone, i hope you know that *you* arent either! by the way, these things you do to connect to a self of yours that was "in a better place" kinda match the things my therapist has me do so my depression doesnt get the best of me. so who cares what your inner voice says, its wrong! go paint your nails girl, thats what i do every week because my therapist said so! xD
On BINGE EATING guys. A helpful tactic that I used (Not a miracle cure) was to avoid POWERFUL FLAVOURS. Example instead of a rich chocolate covered cookie search for a bland lower calorie cookie. The idea is that powerful flavours will push your food addiction into overdrive and you can't stop until you are full. A bland form of comfort food whatever it is will give you the feeling of snacking but not the urge to eat a truckload. If you are used to powerful flavours you will be disappointed with bland food but YOU CAN TRAIN YOUR TASTEBUDS to accept mild flavours. It takes time to adjust so be persistent.
@@anxious_and_avoidant Going cold turkey and stopping the binge eating is PAINFUL, TOUGH, I know!. Moving to BLAND, pleasant snacking is by comparison a soft landing. Snacking on bland won't on its own give you a figure to die for but its a useful first step and trust me Maxine we all want to see you smiling :)
Ugh, I understand this so much. Always hitting a wall when trying to move forward. We don't allow ourselves to grow most likely bc we are convinced we're not worth it. Convincing ourselves we deserve a good thing is not only hard, it's also incredibly exhausting. I think if were not telling ourselves this 24/7 and also showing ourselves for at least a year, it'll always be a struggle. The body image is a whole different story, but I get it too. From experience I know this may not register, but you look beautiful. Hope you find your way back soon. Healing isn't linear, ups and downs will always be there, but I do know they last shorter the more we overcome and do the work on ourselves.
Your honesty is so healing! Thank you! ♍ If you get depressed at the same time every year, it may be reflected/explained in your Astrology. ♍ If August/September is the issue, then Virgo probably rules your 8th or 12th house! ✨🤍✨ You'll get through this, and bounce back.
Its a constant balance between eating poorly and starving myself to makeup for the added weight. Its like its all or nothing. Either i barely eat or i just let go and eat whatever i want.
I really like your videos, thank you for making them. Don't worry about big lessons in each, even just a stream of thoughts is great. Maybe you can recommend some good books in the next one. Wish you all the best 👍
I don’t know who needs to hear this but I’m currently in the process of becoming a psychologist so I can help people with this. If you want to heal then I’d like to recommend a process that you can do to heal yourself from the avoidant attachment style. First it’s important to understand that the core root of your attachment style is self limiting beliefs. All things extend from this; all your behavior, all your deactivation strategies, all the anxiety, all the fears of commitment and abandonment and engulfment. All of it stems from your limited beliefs about yourself. The core beliefs I’ve found are “I am unlovable”, “I am not enough”, “I don’t matter/am not important”. You fear abandonment because it triggers the belief of being unlovable and not enough. You get intense anxiety when you stand up for yourself and assert your wants/needs because it triggers your belief that you don’t matter. This is also why avoidants tend to get in toxic relationships because it’s comforting to have those beliefs being confirmed by the toxic partner but healthy partners trigger those beliefs and trigger anxiety as a result. I’m speaking from personal experience because I have healed my fearful avoidant attachment. If you want to heal then I recommend this. Every day affirm/repeat these affirmations 300 times a day. You can do less but the more you do the quicker you will heal. You can download a counter app and use it to count the number of times you affirm. The affirmations to affirm are these “I know when affirmations are beliefs” “I am enough” “I am lovable” Then when “I am enough” becomes a belief affirm “I matter” the same number of times a day. You may get resistance to the affirmations, if you find the resistance is too strong, you can record the affirmations and listen to it in the background as you go about your day. But still affirm the affirmations yourself. Please feel free to comment if you have questions. You do matter and you’re worth becoming secure so you can experience strong healthy relationships.
hey can i ask you a question?my friend has been doing psychotherapy for a while now.she has all these symptoms,low self-confidence-self-esteem,horrible social anxiety,she worries about someone criticizing her,or laughing with her,she constantly feels weird,or that she will look strange, she can't talk many times when she's with people, she doesn't make eye contact, she's very shy, etc. After going through various searches to see if she has autism or narcissism, she found the avoidant disorder. When she mentioned it to the psychologist, he answered her that there is the opinion that all these personality disorders are stable and that there is also the opinion that they change. he did not answer her whether he has this disorder or not. what can this attitude of the psychologist mean? he does not go to psychotherapy for a long time anyway, maybe it's still too early to diagnose? Always be well and try for the best!!
Hi. 👋 I talk have and talk about Avoidant Personality Disorder and am not an expert on Schizoid PD or autism, so I don’t think this is in my wheel house - plus, I personally think those two *should* be able to be diagnosed as comorbid lol. Sorry!
I appreciate you! ❤️ Been back in the hole a little and most likely have some big life changes coming up at the end of this year I’m trying to mentally prepare for. But I will be back eventually. 😅🫂 I also hope you’re well!!
My body image has held me back my whole life. Everything has had to wait until I lose weight and feel better about myself. But life is slipping through my fingers. I have tried to get my binge eating under control so many times and every time I would diet I would be unable to be consistent and give up. But I now feel like I have things under control and they are going in the right direction.
I have fine-tuned my macros, eating high protein, low carb- but still allowing fruit, bread, crackers etc every now and then and eating meals I really enjoy while staying in a calorie deficit. I'm taking anti-depressants that increased my anxiety quite considerably for a couple of weeks, but now I'm good and have more motivation to do things.
But the biggest difference is that I joined a gym. It's a women's gym and I go every second day. I do the treadmill and weights. I really love it. It's been a month and I am focusing on slowly making new, healthy habits and not trying to do everything all at once and as fast as possible and then giving up like I always have. I'm 50 years old. It's never too late to be able to make the changes towards a better you. Don't lose hope!
Pacing yourself is so key, yes. Every time I’ve joined a gym I’ve bullied myself into going every day and staying hours and every time I’ve dieted they’ve been extreme and unsustainable. An all women’s gym sounds incredible. I’m so glad you’ve found something that works.
I also struggle with not wanting to put my life on hold just because I’m uncomfortable with how I look (my mother did that her whole life too) which is why I’m *trying* to focus more on just being healthy and hoping that boosts my confidence without needing to change how I look, but also knowing that I’ll look better as I get healthier. 😅 But yeah, it’s a lifelong journey.
You're SO not alone. Thank you for making me not feel alone. I agree, feeling depressed is a bit more comfortable than being anxious. I also chronically binge eat then crash diet, exercise and repeat. My seasonal mood issues tend to be a major influence on it. So I'm trying to mitigate that factor in various ways. So that hopefully every step forward is followed by only a half step back. You have my support in your journey.
🙌❤️
Good to see you posting again!
The bravest , strongest, smartest and of course prettiest avpd girl on this planet 🎉. Welcome back with this strong back which fully of hope mixed with acceptance and wisdom. We keep on trying to the end ❤🙏👏
Yup, we keep going no matter what. Love you Ali!!! ❤️🙏🏻
Maxine we just love you ❤ do videos and we like them and there’s the whole formula 😇
🥹❤️🙏🏻
this video hit just right for me because today i weighed myself for the first in a year after having been weighed in a mental hospital, and boy did i gain weighed. im the type of person who *cannot* do something thats out of my routine until the last minute, until its absolutely necessary, so im hoping this is a wake-up call for me to finally start exercising. thank you so so much for making this video, not only are you making me feel less alone, i hope you know that *you* arent either!
by the way, these things you do to connect to a self of yours that was "in a better place" kinda match the things my therapist has me do so my depression doesnt get the best of me. so who cares what your inner voice says, its wrong! go paint your nails girl, thats what i do every week because my therapist said so! xD
👏🫶🫂
Glad to see you again 🤗
On BINGE EATING guys. A helpful tactic that I used (Not a miracle cure) was to avoid POWERFUL FLAVOURS. Example instead of a rich chocolate covered cookie search for a bland lower calorie cookie. The idea is that powerful flavours will push your food addiction into overdrive and you can't stop until you are full. A bland form of comfort food whatever it is will give you the feeling of snacking but not the urge to eat a truckload. If you are used to powerful flavours you will be disappointed with bland food but YOU CAN TRAIN YOUR TASTEBUDS to accept mild flavours. It takes time to adjust so be persistent.
Noooooo I’m sensory seeking with food flavors, I can’t accept this 😭😂 💔hahahaha
@@anxious_and_avoidant Going cold turkey and stopping the binge eating is PAINFUL, TOUGH, I know!. Moving to BLAND, pleasant snacking is by comparison a soft landing. Snacking on bland won't on its own give you a figure to die for but its a useful first step and trust me Maxine we all want to see you smiling :)
Ugh, I understand this so much. Always hitting a wall when trying to move forward. We don't allow ourselves to grow most likely bc we are convinced we're not worth it. Convincing ourselves we deserve a good thing is not only hard, it's also incredibly exhausting. I think if were not telling ourselves this 24/7 and also showing ourselves for at least a year, it'll always be a struggle.
The body image is a whole different story, but I get it too. From experience I know this may not register, but you look beautiful. Hope you find your way back soon. Healing isn't linear, ups and downs will always be there, but I do know they last shorter the more we overcome and do the work on ourselves.
Great point, I totally agree. And I appreciate you. 🥹🙏🏻❤️
Sending you lots of love Maxine. 🌞🌺✌🏽
💝💐
Your honesty is so healing! Thank you! ♍ If you get depressed at the same time every year, it may be reflected/explained in your Astrology. ♍ If August/September is the issue, then Virgo probably rules your 8th or 12th house! ✨🤍✨ You'll get through this, and bounce back.
Its a constant balance between eating poorly and starving myself to makeup for the added weight. Its like its all or nothing. Either i barely eat or i just let go and eat whatever i want.
It's great to see you, wishing you all the best!!
I really like your videos, thank you for making them.
Don't worry about big lessons in each, even just a stream of thoughts is great.
Maybe you can recommend some good books in the next one.
Wish you all the best 👍
I appreciate this, thank you 🙏🏻❤️ 📚
I hope you can get through your struggles if not already ^^, don't get stuck in a hole!
I don’t know who needs to hear this but I’m currently in the process of becoming a psychologist so I can help people with this. If you want to heal then I’d like to recommend a process that you can do to heal yourself from the avoidant attachment style.
First it’s important to understand that the core root of your attachment style is self limiting beliefs. All things extend from this; all your behavior, all your deactivation strategies, all the anxiety, all the fears of commitment and abandonment and engulfment. All of it stems from your limited beliefs about yourself.
The core beliefs I’ve found are “I am unlovable”, “I am not enough”, “I don’t matter/am not important”. You fear abandonment because it triggers the belief of being unlovable and not enough. You get intense anxiety when you stand up for yourself and assert your wants/needs because it triggers your belief that you don’t matter. This is also why avoidants tend to get in toxic relationships because it’s comforting to have those beliefs being confirmed by the toxic partner but healthy partners trigger those beliefs and trigger anxiety as a result.
I’m speaking from personal experience because I have healed my fearful avoidant attachment. If you want to heal then I recommend this.
Every day affirm/repeat these affirmations 300 times a day. You can do less but the more you do the quicker you will heal. You can download a counter app and use it to count the number of times you affirm.
The affirmations to affirm are these
“I know when affirmations are beliefs”
“I am enough”
“I am lovable”
Then when “I am enough” becomes a belief affirm “I matter” the same number of times a day.
You may get resistance to the affirmations, if you find the resistance is too strong, you can record the affirmations and listen to it in the background as you go about your day. But still affirm the affirmations yourself.
Please feel free to comment if you have questions. You do matter and you’re worth becoming secure so you can experience strong healthy relationships.
💜💜💜
hey can i ask you a question?my friend has been doing psychotherapy for a while now.she has all these symptoms,low self-confidence-self-esteem,horrible social anxiety,she worries about someone criticizing her,or laughing with her,she constantly feels weird,or that she will look strange, she can't talk many times when she's with people, she doesn't make eye contact, she's very shy, etc. After going through various searches to see if she has autism or narcissism, she found the avoidant disorder. When she mentioned it to the psychologist, he answered her that there is the opinion that all these personality disorders are stable and that there is also the opinion that they change. he did not answer her whether he has this disorder or not. what can this attitude of the psychologist mean? he does not go to psychotherapy for a long time anyway, maybe it's still too early to diagnose? Always be well and try for the best!!
I find as soon as the stressors come back I start binge eating again.
Yeah I have a major life change coming up and I have just been progressively eating more and more as time goes on 😭
Could you do a video explaining why autism and Schizoid Personality Disorder can’t be comorbid?
Hi. 👋 I talk have and talk about Avoidant Personality Disorder and am not an expert on Schizoid PD or autism, so I don’t think this is in my wheel house - plus, I personally think those two *should* be able to be diagnosed as comorbid lol. Sorry!
🥰❤🔥🧡🌹🏵
I just thought about you... Hope you're well! 🪷
I appreciate you! ❤️ Been back in the hole a little and most likely have some big life changes coming up at the end of this year I’m trying to mentally prepare for. But I will be back eventually. 😅🫂 I also hope you’re well!!