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Hope you get better, it’s really hard to have this 😢. I am going through the same with myself too, your words given encouragement and understanding that someone on another corner of life feeling the same way I do. Thank you for your bravery to put yourself out there. It takes lot’s courage to do this with what you going through.

😮youre so innocent. Thank you my fellow sister. 😢 Take care us of all. 😊❤

Wow what a good video and what a big big step for you to take the chance to make videos FOR BIG PUBLIC, it's nice to listen to you and what you say. I have a question: How do you deal with the symptoms and so what are your daily tricks to get you through the day everyday again to feel okay enough with yourself and in social situations? I have always been diagnosed with autism and I recognize a part of Aut. spect. dis. At the other hand I was always extreme shy and social insecure as a child, but not yet APD. 3 years ago they did say I have (also) APD, it started around 15 age old, but was always insecure and shy as child in big groups (school etc) and with strangers. Only with my parents, real friends and a part of the family I was not shy or insecure, so had an social anxiety disorder as child without APD. The APD has already sooo many years influence on my life: Have had for decades no contacts, no partner, no job, no extended familiy (for the far biggest part). I lost all that contacts when I developed APD and even I am/was ignored by many people because the big isolation maked me react and behave awkward (not from my autism part awkward I mean), but more in the sense of distant and cold, detached awkward kind of thing. Still some social workers/psychologists don't believe I have APD, but it's so clear when I hear this video. Your story when it comes to your symptoms is sooooo similar to mine, that I really could sit on your chair and say your words. The most pain what I feel is caused by combination of the mistrust of people, low selfworth and hypersensitivity to rejection from groups or others, and that all also in combination with I'm totally undeveloped in life on any area, what makes the feeling of inadequate and inferiority soooo big, that I cannot even have a (normal) small conversation with even a few people. I have it also in intimid love relationships, it doesn't matter what social situation, it's there always. Also I feel like I'm a very unfriendly person caused by my distant behaviour and I constant have the feeling that people want to make me (feel) ridiculous or it even happens, because I behave extremely nervous or moody. What a hell is this to live in and I want it to stop. Via semi professional help I try now to make contact with people who are in the same situation as I am, but still I feel constantly excluded and the problems do not become less. Do you know how do deal with it or are there some tricks to deal with my problems?

In some cases, an additional aspect could be that the (temporary) absence of struggles can make life feel more meaningless. There have been a few moments in my life, in which I felt as if everything is fine, and that suddenly made me feel very empty, because then I was wondering „So this is it? … And now what?“

new video please!! love your stuff

i definitely relate to that. I wanna tell you what happened to me about a year ago and how it affected me. Ive been diagnosed with AVPD and general anxiety, I was in my first relationship and it had gone on for over 2 years, and it was genuinely the first time in my adult life that i was consistently happy. But then I got cheated on and left for another guy, and it was literally the worst thing i ever felt. It was a new level of anguish that stayed with me for months and months. But its weird because now that I've sort of moved past it, I swear to god, I don't really have anxiety anymore, or at least not more than I imagine most people deal with. I can do things with no problem that would have been the scariest thing ever to me a year or two ago. Ive been on a ton of dates this year and I dont really feel very nervous. It almost feels like I dont feel afraid anymore because Ive already experienced the most shocking and horrible feeling I could imagine. I still get very depressed but the anxiety aspect just isnt a problem anymore.

It sounds sad, but it doesn't have to be like this. Respond me and I will give you some advices, that work.

Thank you for putting it into words. I feel so seen

I really love your videos. They bring me a lot of peace and comfort during times where I’m completely isolating myself (which is the majority of the time). Knowing others feel this way and it’s not just me makes me feel less alone. Making these videos as someone wjth avpd is something to be proud of, and I’m sure takes an immense amount of courage to put your face on the internet. You’re helping more people than you know and I wish you all the best.

Hi Maxine! I hope you are handling the changes alright a month & a half later <3

WHY THERE ARE SO FEW VIEWS??? I am so thankful for your videos, you are the first person I can truly relate to. And just realization that there are people with same struggles as me makes these struggles (esp sense of defectiveness) way less severe. It kinda sucks that there is so many videos, tiktoks and resources about adhd and only 1.5 very niche like this one channels about avpd. And advice about inner child is very good, it feels so freeing (or idk i am not good at english and words) to finally, after years of self hate to realize that this is not your fault that u hate urself.

Monitoring blood pressure is important with adderall. elevated BP is hard on kidneys and vascular system.

Hydroxycut hardcore liquid heat is an appetite suppressant at Walmart $30. I took it several days and stopped to find it still lessening appetite like my body wanting to continue pattern of previous week. Avoid all artificial sweeteners. They trigger my hunger. Good luck

Worried AVPD may be vastly under reported both because inherit anxiety/fear symptoms and males tend not to seek help similar how to their less likely to go to GP for medical. Scary because % of sufferers in society may be much higher than officially calculated.

Wearing the nose ring may not be wise in public if u fear strangers interpeting it or judging u for it the wrong way. Constructive criticism as some people may fear approaching u. Your glasses reflect to much when u look straight to camera. It's annoying for viewers. Try contacts or dark background?

Probably I am lucky, but almost all my relationships have secure attachment. Sure, at start of relationship i am very shy and def have strong anxiously-avoidant tendencies, but with time I am getting secure that this person loves me and accepts for who I am. Issue that, such very deep intimate relationship is the only way of human communication i can tolerate. If I am not 100% safe around this person, it means I am not safe at all - so I repress all my emotions, constantly overthink, self hating thouhts etc. So because of that, all my friends are either my partners, ex-partners or they had romantic interest in me but smth didn't work out. I need to live with person for months and hear constant reassurance from them just to realize it's safe to express my real self and not being rejected.

im 39 and live in the midwest with my mom, who was the origin of my avpd. also i have always been in relationships. until this year. i love being alone......but......i hate FEELING alone

2:06 I can't get over it... I want to cry... I won't blame people who don't understand what I'm going through, but it's painful to feel like you're alone watching the world from the outside from a phone screen or from the balcony or walking in the street feeling like a stranger

Girl, you’re an influencer now. And I love you.

100%

ill be a 100% honest personality disorders are a hit or miss thing like I'm getting told that I have bpd and yet I'm having hallucinations and depression. they come and go quite often. but in most situations I just want to be alone and just get on with my life. like I have little interest in making relationships. however at times it can be lonely and that can lead to me looking for someone to talk to. However in the sort term it's okay it doesn't shake the feeling that people are planning something big about me. like I can think people want to try and ether poison me or I thinking people are going to treat me like I'm some dumb idiot that they want to make fun of me. there's also times where I believe people are talking about me behind my back. all that said leads to me distancing again. what's strange is that I don't have this fear of abandonment. like its the core root of bpd and yet non of it makes sense to what I experience on a day to day bases. I'm probably schizophrenia or schizotypal. I guess the mental health system is just not listening and don't want to really deal with anything as its been years and no therapy for anything and they seem so fixed on this bpd that I don't relate to at all. who knows I could be on the moon right now and I wouldn't realise it.

you should look into borderline personality disorder

i have beeeeeeeen there with the weed and avpd. as shitty as it sounds tho, there is mad accountability and community to be found in the recovery scene. i'm a little over a year sober literally only thanks to those groups. i couldn't quit alone despite trying a billion times. i could quit by getting into that community. addiction made it 100% impossible to improve or reduce the avpd symptoms, it was so isolating and terrifying and i just feel for you so hard. i dunno if youtube has a messaging capability but i very much welcome you hitting me up if you'd like support in these things. long story short, you are not alone (as bullshitty as that sounds)

yo, i peeped through the dsm after like 18+ of my 28 years on earth trying to figure out what's going on with me. avpd fit it more than anything. i want this avpd community too.

Im in a similar situation you were in with my partner (weve been together 5 years) and ive always been scared of the idea of something happening and having to move back in with my mom (we have alot of issues and different politics which gets heated so its complicated) but yea idk you but im so proud of you for being brave and starting this new chapter in your life vs staying stuck, comfortable but ultimately unhappy. I have total faith things will work out for you and youll create the life youve been wanting so badly <3 Also thank you for this channel theres not enough accessible help or detailed info about avpd and your vids have really helped me in my self discovery, which will hopefully help me heal along side you :)

I haven't been diagnosed with AvPD, but my god perfomance anxiety is just so awful for me at times, it's caused me so much hassle at my previous job roles.

Hey, thanks so much for sharing your experience with avpd. Must be hard telling this and showing yourself vulnerable. Your intentions are pure and good, appreciate that so much. I'm a 24yo guy and a few days ago I got diagnosed with this. Looking back on my current life, it slowly starts to make sense, because I always thought there was 'something wrong' with me. I guess I can't change how I grew up, neither my parents past behavior towards me. I wont blaim myself, and neither my parents for that matter. Weird thing is I also became Christian a few months ago, I did found a profound meaning and peace before being diagnosed, which balances things out, and in the future too, I hope. If you don't mind, I'll pray for you, and for that matter all people with avpd. Again thanks so much for your pure heart.

HELLO, hope that things are going well with you?

Thank you so so much for making these videos and sharing everything. Its wild how i can relate to every single thing you talked about in this and your first avpd video. I really think i might have this but am ofc too scared to go in and get it officially diagnosed lol.

We can look at it in terms of being a late bloomer. We'll say the jump from elementary school to jr high, no one knows who they are, we all are literally made to hurt each other, our home lives hurt us, everything as we venture out into the world hurt us. But when you make that jump from elementary to jr high school you can technically decide exactly who you want to be coming back to school from summer break. Fake it till you make it. The way you present and carry yourself is exactly how others will start treating you. If you have a hard time communicating make a shirt that says exactly what you are and start owning it. Warning sign so to speak. Owning ones own shiz is half the power to become whole on the inside. Once you own yourself without feeling bad for what others made you, you embrace your good and bad equally. I know it sounds stupid. It was just a thought.

Have you looked into eft tapping? It helped me start to make big breakthroughs with my anxiety and self esteem after struggling for a very long time.

I’m sorry I can’t keep watching, this is very triggering.

Wishing you the very best on this new path of growth, acceptance, patience’s with your self and others, forgiveness where it is needed and grace for yourself ❤️

❤️🙏

Just be careful that taking some time to settle in doesn't turn into a year. Easier said than done though. Best of luck in this challenging time.

I can relate to you so much. And I just want to say how thankful and grateful I am that you're willing to get on here and share and be vulnerable and honest and brave. Thank you.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please know that you have done much to shine light on AVPD and the courage needed to do this in such an insightful way reflects so well on you. I wish you peace and strength.

it's such a coincidence I just decided to move back home too...and what you said about running into people definitely resonates. thanks for sharing your experience, it's helped me a lot with understanding my AvPD

Hi. I wish you the best and maybe you'll be able to do something to keep all your animals (cats included)... The real story is Street Cat named Bob... Movie, but in fact real story... Person (one of my heros) quit methadon for care cat which he met and helped... His (this is a role model) real name James Bowen... He was street busking and after meeting ginger cat his life become better, and he tried very hard for better life... wrote 3 books and become famous... then based on his story filmed movie... Other heroes who in some degree helps me eveyday inmy personal mental issues are Aron Ralston... real story and movie based on it called (127 hours) and movie 'Serpico' based on Frank Serpico NY under cover policemen... They all are real perons and real my heros... and Andy Dufresne from "Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption", short novel of Stephen King and movie based on it called just "The Shawshank Redemption". The last is fictional character. I have ADHD and some types of OCD.... but clinicians debates... CPTSD, AvPD and even some traits of BPD... I, and some clinical psychologists and psychiatrists do not understand exactly... anyway generally they think mostly I have Complex Trauma and Trauma OCD... I feel failure and not only think, but it really fact of my life and my main obbsession and even compulsion about sexual topics..., but if to be more exactly generally almost lack of sex... (from 27 to 47 I had not have sex at all...) and from now 17 woomen 15 was escort, 1 very little fling and 1 'one-night stand' and I am so called late bloomer lost virginity when I was almost 24 yo... never had girlfirend never be in other countries except Poland during 2 weeks I guest to my sister and Armenia... that's all... I am 49 yo man who even could not drive and do not have driving license.... have no children and wife and my parents died in the same month in the same year from virus similar CoVID, but not CoVID at 2016. Just now almost month that I sald my one appartment and movied to another district to my second appartment to be far away from awful mamories and emotional flashbacks of my parents funeral, car and dog died also, and from a lot of people who I hate or dislike or mybe just ashemd to meet in the district I grown and went to school and a lot of bad memories from not anly school bullying days, but also almost during my life... many persons bulliied me even not so long time ago... I moved at 6 am 9th October and told only to my very cloes neighbor for nobody know when I movied... I wish you the best and try to be strong as you can... what you, I and othe people can do else... if not to try... and watch and read this mvoies and books... They help me and hope help you too.... Buy

Im sorry you are going through this but you will bounce back, you got this.❤

Dang. Good luck.

Hey 👋🏻 I don't follow the discord as much as I'd like to, so this came unexpected. But I understand why you're doing this and I wish you all the best. I believe in you and I'm glad to know you :)

I live in chippewa falls wisconsin.

This hits really close to home. I went through a very similar situation a few years back when my partner and I decided to end our 10 year relationship. We ended it together on good terms because we didn’t want to drag it out and soil what we had. In hindsight sometimes I wish it ended ugly because it would’ve been easier for my brain and heart to move it on. My heart is still with her, which is weird because there was so much distance between us the last few years. We weren’t fighting but we were distant and I was oddly comfortable in that. It was that relationship that made me realize I might be an avoidant. I have no interest in starting new relationships. My philosophy has become : everyone benefits when I keep them at arms reach. No one gets hurt and no one gets disappointed. I have no desire or intention to change myself, I believe we are wired how we are wired and instead of trying to change it I choose to live my life within it. I wish you luck wherever your path takes you.