That’s a very interesting point, on the impact of having diversity to help enable your ego. I actually have the opposite background, coming from a multigenerational family, having a full house all the time as an introvert was a very painful experience, although no doubt a lot of growth came from it. Also with multigenerational families you will also have a main theme (structure/hierarchy), same as with nuclear ones but sometimes stronger, where you might not quite fit. The main advantage I would say is that you get to see/learn how other misfits deal with it and take advantage from their perspectives. Otherwise the dynamics really depend on what are the types and how they have developed in terms of growth.
11:40 "I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm actually a strong person" - in your recent videos, you have demonstrated your strength to resist the temptation to smoke 👏
Yeah, didn't say no, but C.S Joseph means, just like other people, who have their opinions, don't get all butthurt becuz of one man's sayin. Both sides of the coin has its own advantages and disadvantages, so, consider which one match up with ur values and benefits and then go for it.
My ENFJ wife was abused by her ESTJ father and her depraved INFJ mother who was complicit in the abuse. This was a larger family of 6 kids with a large gap in ages. The family was encouraged to form factions and fight amongst themselves for scarce resources by her father as one part of the abuse. Most of the siblings are extremely extroverted and conditioned with a me-first mentality. My wife seriously thought she was an introvert and the quiet one in the family. I believe she had lived in her INFP shadow as a survival technique to disappear into the woodwork so as not to be noticed (and singled out for abuse). When she went off to college (The first in her family to do so) she suddenly realized she was extroverted all along. I'm amazed at how differently she's turned out from the rest of her family. While she's managed to make something of herself, most of her siblings are bitter, and blame the world for their lot in life. Although they've consistently made bad choices. Life isn't always fair. Bad things happen to everyone at some point. It's how we choose to deal with those things that can make all the difference in the world. We can choose to be victims of our circumstances or survivors. I'm thankful that my wife chose to be a survivor.
I think it's possible, following from your story, that as an ISFP, I was forced into my shadow because my family wanted me to be a dutiful Si-user, having faith in the church we went to (they still to this day try), doing as I'm told, no questions asked, etc. It was made worse where I grew up in a city with a disproportionate amount of Si-users: dutiful government workers who only seek to create nuclear families in the suburbs 🙄. Thank God I got the guts to leave that place and chase my career and travel dreams elsewhere, but still no wonder it took me so friggin long (a year!) of studying this content to determine my type - I was *convinced* I was an Si-user because I have so much friggin practice acting like one despite it making me miserable. (that and having Ne trickster I think makes it difficult to understand abstract philosophical concepts like Jungian Analytical Psychology 😅) I'm on your side and joining the ride with you: seeking subconscious focus to be happy! 👍
I ve literally got a date, earlier today, on saturday night by applying a few things I ve learned in your videos! I feel that the power with this knowledge is almost unlimited in how we can become better people and better at interacting with people. CS Joseph, best wingman I could have wished for my brother 💪
Went through something similar to this myself. Having Fe trickster in an affiliative family is the shits. Been taking steps to develop the ESFP side of my mind by going to the gym and taking up marksmanship.
The nuclear family worked great for me. My family was perfect for me. I am INTP. My brother is ESFJ and always brought friends around so I could play football or baseball with them and when we were done, they all left. I didn't have any peer pressure to keep up the little social life I wanted. My mom is an ISFP that was always building me up and telling me how smart I am countering kids at school that didn't get my sense of humor and thought I was stupid. My dad was probably ISFJ but being a cab driver, he was usually either asleep or at work. I didn't have any pressure on myself to perform and as long as I didn't do anything to embarrass my family I had basically no rules. Being happy reading the encyclopedia and enjoying school, I had no problems. Once I turned 16 and had a car, I had all the freedom a kid could ask for.
This is exactly what I'm dealing with and the primary problem I'm having so much trouble figuring out my actual type. I'm 31 years old. My father was born 1945 and my mother was born 1950. They both had difficult childhoods. I have two brothers and a sister, me being the youngest and the next, my brother Denny being more than ten years older than me. By the time I came along my oldest brother and sister were already moved out and married and my other brother was in highschool going to college. My mothers health began to decline and she gained weight and became wheelchair bound during her pregnancy with me. My father worked construction doing sheetrock and my mother was bedridden for most of my childhood, so it was left up to my youngest brother and his gf to be my substitutionary parents, but after college they married and set off to start their own nuclear family. So I was left alone to fend for myself through the age of 10 until now. I never had contact with anyone else in my family because everyone had their own "main" family. I never had childhood friends due to us having to move every 3 or 4 years for dad to chase work. I grew increasingly disillusioned with the world and sank into fantasy with videogames because that was the only source of stability, gratification, and personal recognition I received. After all, a child starved of attention is easily enthralled by the notion of being a hero and a savior that is loved. The world didn't give me a chance, but videogames did. Because of this I suffered through school as well, I always passed, even without studying but it was barely enough to either make it through or fail. I eventually started to seek out other people when I gained more independence, but every group I started to belong to would eventually take advantage of me to the point where I began to distrust everyone. I could only see faults in myself, I blamed myself and told myself I would never be loved because I'm not worth loving, after all my own family didn't even love me. Now it's at a point where I'm still stuck with my parents helping to care for them in their old age and through disease like lung cancer and severe rheumatoid arthritis while my brothers and sisters are off enjoying splendid lives. I've been desperately searching for over 5 years now to figure out who I am, all in the hopes that I can correct the problems with myself and salvage any time I have left, so I can improve myself and find people who will love me. I'm not writing this for anyone's pity or sympathy. At this point it may be to late, I hope not but I don't know how to fix it. No this is for anyone out there who can relate or sees themselves in a similar situation to what I have gone through. If you are still young, there is still hope. Find independence for yourself and seek out help because eventually you will find someone, don't be like me and give up. You are worth loving and you are worth fighting for and if no one in your life right now treats that as the truth, then you need to be the first one to do it. You have to, or else you might as well already be dead. I wouldn't wish the emotional damage and loneliness I've gone through on my worst enemy. So my advice is this. Decide what kind of person you want to be to other people, especially the people you love most. Then be that person to yourself first. (Edit: spelling and wording.)
Very touching and wise words. Wherever you are, dear friend, God be with you always. Human earthly love may fail, but Our Heavenly Father's Love is boundless and everlasting and eternally true. I hope you can take comfort in this, in your hell, as I do in mine.
Growing up I (INFJ) lived with my mom (Isfj),dad(infp),sister (intp),grandfather (estj),grandmother, uncle (istj)and aunt (intj ?) and looking back I don't think that was a good idea at all.many conflicts between grandparents,my uncle and aunt and my parents.i feel like my estj grandfather was constantly the head of the family instead of my father and my mother was often nervous because of the bad energy in the house,and us the children world suffer the most.i never experienced the deep feeling of peace in my childhood So,i wouldnt blame the nuclear family(I wish i was raised in one)
Also my therapist introduced me to Polyvagal Theory. It's a new breakthrough in how the brain processes trauma. Sounds like it could be very insightful for incorporating the Enneagram. They have books available on Audible last I checked.
you are always reminding us of the futility of perfection, and the necessity of flaws, its easy to imagine that we mightve received what we needed in an ideal environment, but the very notion of psychological fragmentation, goes far beyond the family dynamic, it becomes a state of the collective unconscious, in my case i grew the most by not just removing myself from a family dynamic, but also removing myself from the social dynamic untill i was ready to be re-integrated back into society with pearls of wisdom that i could share with the collective. every type of dynamic that i was in had been working against me in waays that i couldnt see. so to simply state that its a simple case of exposure to other types isnt quite the whole picture.
The vast majority of people do not grow from isolation, it's from getting away from an incompatible family unit, going out into the world, and connecting with more psyches both more compatible types and finding camaraderie types to learn from.
I realize that I have been mostly on enfp and estp modes exactly like you said. I'm infj My dad is estp and mum is enfj and i was expected to be extraverted all the time and it was like suffocation. I think your model is pretty good and underrated
Sounds like a challenging set up growing up. Survived an ISFJ mother too. Also, male and female brains fully mature in mid twenties according to neuroscience. Moreover, the idea of biological prime for women is a little stupid, since we’re born with a limited number of eggs which decline once we leave the church womb lol. Yeah, the production of eggs declines with age but at a rate that doesn’t significantly impact ability to conceive. It only declines rapidly past age 35. With respect to male biological clock, it’s a little more complex. Sperm count and volume was thought to not be affected until the age of 50, but recent studies show that male sperm quality and quantity declines gradually from age 30 and rapidly from age 40, and men over 40 struggle to impregnate women, even if they are in their 20s. The risk of birth defects for men over 40 is the same as for women, even if those men have younger partners. Also, there’s a significant variation in the sperm quality amongst men, as a result of DNA methylation changes that are linked to lifestyle habits, such as: smoking, alcohol, cannabis use, low protein diet, stress and environmental pollutants. All in all, 5 years difference… it’s still there, but not as significant as it was once thought. You deliver quality content, but I wish that you wrote down all the scientific facts before you record your videos, and actually check if they still stand, as research methods/tech advance at such a fast rate, we all need to keep up and question what we think we know regularly.
That sounds familiar- Christian parents trying to turn you into something you're not. I certainly relate to this being an ESFP with Christian ESFP and ISFJ parents in a nuclear family, both wanting me to do the right thing (Fe critic from mother). I am very shadow focused and even went as far as to pursue a career in healthcare that I hate to make them happy. I have been depressed for so long as I can't financially support myself to change careers and I don't love my job so much, and all they can say it, well what would you do instead!? That's a valid point, but I wish they'd have encouraged me to do a career I loved early on, but they always said I wouldn't be able to pick a creative career and do well in it/ earn a decent wage. What a load of bullshit looking back. I'm so bitter. I massively resent that and it sucks and I wish I had more people around me to encourage me in the right direction and cared more about my happiness that what I SHOULD do.
I am an INTP in an ESFJ (father) and ISFP (mother) family, only child. I am never allowed to want things and have been sort of a doormat historically. But it has gotten better. They don't even know I am not in university anymore, but at least I am not doing that shit (including that toxic feminist college-career BSritual). Gotta tell them eventually. I don't know what cognitive focus I have, to be honest.
The way Chase, you are shadow INTJ focused ENTP that way Erik Thor is the best example of shadow (INFJ) focused primary type ENFP. So focused even you'd mistaken him as INFJ in past. He is great guy though I'm hoping he get to realise this truth, clarify his misunderstandings and collaborate with you for betterment soon.
Im an entj, i get kicked into shadow frequently. I use it in music. My life has made it into kind of a tool to create, express, and make money, all in the same tip, while working my way back to ego and get back down to business 💪👨💼📈
I loved "The Red Tent"⛺ - but, then again - I'm a girl. And an ISFJ girl to boot 😅 Thanks for being the only guy (that I know of) that read it & seems to have a better understanding of women from such.
To be honest it was kind of a relief when my parents became a part of that extended hierarchy in the larger family, like my mother's values were almost immediately superseded by my single grandmother's. Not sure what that says about her, I don't understand how authority can impact somebody like that at 45+ y/o. I guess I had subconscious expectations of individuated parents and actually projected that when I didn't fully understand reality and it's dynamics.
I've heard others say it's typical for Te users to wear glasses. Probably bcuz they lost their sight checking the statistics and data that was relevant 3 years ago..jk
Love your content. It continues to add a lot of value in my life. I see one thing missing in it. It focuses heavily on intellectual calculations and not on the actual mind-body connection and it’s practical implications. I want to recommend that you try 10 day camp for Vipassana. Si inferior stands to gain the most from that experience in my opinion. In any case, keep up the good work.
In addition, my family was atheist. I wanted to be a good guy, so I became a Christian. Lots of friction. My parents are very controlling, but I've wanted to travel the world. I heard "No! No, no, no." They controlled my life even as an adult, and seem to still not think of me as a man.
@@jewelsbypodcasterganesh i had the same thought actually, our education system is an underwear. But i think that alone would not be enough and abolishing the nuclear family is required. Children need to be with their peers and adults to look up to. A multi generational family would be the ideal situation. The problem of living in a nuclear family is that the chance of getting incompatible children and higher chance of economic burdens, since you have to buy your own house, own car etc and maybe higher divorces too.
I had a very similar experience growing up. It’s not as bad to the extent that you described. But I was a very sheltered child in this so called nuclear family. I’m an INFJ, and my parents are ISTP and ESFJ. So they tried to get Fi out of me a lot. And I had to comply often to avoid causing any conflict. And I hated myself when I was doing that. It was also paired with the fact that my dad was projecting ESTJ shadow on me. And I was living in a very sheltered Christian lifestyle. I didn’t truly gain my subconscious focus until I was in high school. The reason I consider myself subconscious focused now and not strictly shadow focused is because I broke out of my shadow’s grip on me. And low and behold I actually started to enjoy life. What a shocker. Not to mention I’m only 18, and I had this experience within the span of about 6 years.
Thankyou, I will read "The Red Tent". Thankyou,I am learning and trying to re-program after following mbti. I wish you had a glossary since so many different terms are used for the same thing. Like hero vs copilot vs trixter etc. I'm trying to figure out if im ENTP vs ENFP. Due to trauma ( which finally,.. Someone "YOU" has addressed).
I think you're incredibly strong - it's a mental thing in my opinion, and your mental strength is what keeps me around as a fellow pragmatic type. I'm rooting for your success to become ISFJ happiness!
Is more about physical strength ,the struggle of entp not mental. I always felt mentally strong but i think every ENTPs feels weak physically because of Si inferior and our lack of long term endurance .
@@dovio832 ok fair enough. I will say as an ISFP, I am just jealous of mental strength, especially strong thinking functions, as I often feel like I only have physical strength and willpower to get me through things, rather than logical tact that I so want to step into more!
Try not to be upset with your family they are just what they are they didn’t have a choice to be the type they are. I’m sure they love you they just don’t understand. You are an amazing human being. It’s up to them to push harder to understand things that are different then themselves. 🤗🦋🌍
Could the preference of functions (cognitive focus) be likened to how the body prefers certain nutrients? (carbs/ fats/protein?) I find that the dynamics of cognitive focus seem eerily similar to how one would switch from one source of nutrition to another (such as from Glycogen to Ketones). By essentially starving the body of carbs to signal a switch of nutrition to the body. (or well, from glycogen to Ketones) I'm asking essentially, if starving the mind of the functions its used to will eventually cause it to rely on another set of functions or something. Similar to how one would induce Ketosis. I feel this would further solidify that ones mental health is greatly dependent on their environment ESPECIALLY throughout their earlier childhood. *- edit -* SO also, being 'stuck' in one's shadow could be likened to being addicted or simply used to a certain type of food, rather it be carb-heavy, fat-heavy or whatnot? Just an analogy I'm trying to draw here, i understand this isn't actual logic 🤷♂ Many Thanks!
Not perfect, but yes definitely close in that the mind will adjust what tools it uses to the environment it finds itself. Carb-less could be likened to not accepted-ness which would signal you need more tools (shadow) more than you need refinement (subconscious) at that time.
Was hoping you talked about this topic. I've been learning about it lately. I got typed as an enfp recently after self-testing as an intj my whole adult life. I was told this might have been due to my upbringing with (I think) an unhealthy te dominant father (with a distaste for emotion) and (I think) unheathy fe dom mom. It's been suggested that I was attempting to operate as an istj throughout those childhood/young adult years. So, I tested as a tj. Funny that I still knew intuition was dominant in there somewhere. (Also I have learned that people believe the tests to be skewed towards introverted intuition.) Do you think the hypothesis of being more istj in childhood and becoming more my enfp self in older adulthood holds water?
How did you go about the E part. I find it very hard to do basic survival as an INTP in a culture that is ISFJ, ENFJ, ESTJ dominated (traditional, illogical, dramatic)
I am a very shadow focus INFJ and I don't understand why, because all my family is Te-Fi Because of what other reasons someone can be stucked in his shadow?
If you are planning to have a multi-generational family then make sure to distribute ancestral property as quickly as you can and as fairly as you can. Property disputes can turn your uncle and first cousins into your worst enemies. Also, beware of jealous uncooperative relatives, they are worst than a hostile enemy. A multi generational family with uncles and cousins will work fine if all the sub families are of the same socio economic standards, if one is way richer than the other then it could eventually make the poorer sub family jealous of the richer sub family. Also, if you are from an urban upper middle class family then don't ever marry someone who came from a rural lower middle class backgroud or worst, the under class. You can remove monkeys from the bush but you can't remove bush from the monkeys. There is a good reason why majority of lower middle class are lower middle class but not upper middle class.
ESFP dad ISFJ mom Oldest me - entp Sister - Enfp? Sister -Estp brother -ISTP my brother is 15 years younger than me. He grew up with a decent amount of different cognition, even my sister's husband was living with us for a couple years as well. My bro is extremely smart for his age. Like to the point where he gives me good advice about how to improve and I'm 26. Not kidding. I was shadow focused in high school. If you saw my asthetics, I made myself look as good as possible. Everything was done up, every day. I was very unhappy though, and I prayed to God for salvation. In my senior year of high school, I became born again. Then God made me subconscious focused. He completely changed me. I stopped caring about my asthetics so much and went natural / comfortable. I socially had a better time with people. Although I went background mode when uncomfortable at times. I was way less pragmatic. In college I had a TON of joy and had the strongest faith in Christ. I went the traditional route, got my degree in teaching. Towards the end of college, I went through a ton of stuff. It put me into my shadow for the past several years or so I believe. 2020 until now put me even more in my shadow. I taught for 2 years, and then quit. What an awful career. My second year working full time out of college (2021) is when I stopped caring about my career entirely, and focused on dating and improving myself. So, I was 25 then. I tried to start a business in the meantime. Now I'm 26 and am upset about not being married. I begrudgingly am going to get a sales job because I'm super broke and need to get out of my parents house!!! All I really wanted since I was 18 was to just get married and have children and be a stay at home mother, ultimately. Side note...My ESTP sister and I are super close. she's one of the only females in my life that doesn't judge me, actually gives me the benefit of the doubt, understands me pretty well, and I can be my 100% self around, and she respects me. I love how she plainly criticizes me so I can improve!
I see your perspective Chase, but at the same time you admitted have a serious bias against nuclear family. If a nuclear family is large enough it is very probable that cognitive diversity will be provided. My father came from a family of 12 kids. More than enough cognitive combination to go around and it shows at family get togethers.
I feel what you say about nuclear families is true. However, how do we change things? I´m 18, and I still live with my parents, so this still affects me. What can we do as a society and as individuals to change things?
Hey Chase. 26 y.o. INFP female here. I really appreciate your work overall, especially your content about the mature masculine and mature feminine. Do you have any advice for how to find mature, type compatible men through dating apps specifically?
If I have to class the top three societies in matter of psychological growth, I would put those of: 1- Hongkong, Singapore, Taiwan... 2- Argentina, Uruguay, Chile... 3- North America & Europe I've seen like 18 y old lads from multi generations big families from these top three speaking like politicians while those of my 3rd world country die and never had the chance to reach growth.
'Get away from your family' i'm guessing implies having independence from them - not hardly ever seeing them? As with multi generational families obviously you would be having a lot of contact with parents grandparents, siblings aunts etc. Otherwise you are just then creating another nuclear family with your parner and children. Would love this to be clarified, thanks
That would entirely depend on how much damage your family is doing to your psyche. Sometimes the distance is figurative, sometimes physical, sometimes both are required. You need to factor in the time element. This is when you break away from your family if needed, then when you come back, you seek to get reintegrated as a man, not as the boy that left. Some may not accept you back, some will accept you, those can become your extended family you keep.
can u loop in a grip? is that posable? yes why nmot idf tyou have access to both sides why cant you loop in eaither? so what i can just pick a side? lol
@@CSJoseph I am more comfortable in my super ego (ISFJ) than my shadow (ENTP) could be because my family of 10 only have two Fe users (one of them being INTP where Fe is the inferior) and Fe is higher in the stack in ISFJ than in ENTP and also being ISFJ is more acceptable for a female than being an ENTP especially in my society and family. Also it is the only affiliative and control type.
How do we stop people from opting for the nuclear family model? Almost everyone seems to prefer more space and independence these days. And parents oddly believe that their kids will become financially stable much earlier rather than have to depend on the income of other family members.
i think infp is me truly... or love ppl im safe around... estj is the group istp is stress anger... also good to learn .... so passion infp work estj supressed stress duty istp but istp iver lopped and gripped into enfj.... that was when the shame guilt was unreal and thats when i woke up.... shaddow yuck istp not sure how the bottom works well i am... but basicly just work on the top and the bottoms follow accorindgling
My wife and I are both EXFPs with an ENTP daughter (9). I feel bad for her sometimes because although we have that shared Se/Ne fun together, she is getting some pushback with her Ti/Fe. What do all of you recommend my wife and I do to help make sure my daughter’s Ti/Fe is not ignored?
i remeber when i went to college omg!! was in enfj or infp ive been running from it all my life to careers supporting woman always back.... chase not sure ive ever done it alone... maybe younger but always ended up with a woman mnoving in. idk chase no infp i have no anxiety wghat would be college where im the guy always having the parrties enfj? infp status omg.... i wont lie graduation them screaming my last name with my parents there chase i never felt so proud of myself... ok its dynamic... some ppl stay put some like to move around... last time i remmeber enfj was relising what i did how i hurt the ppl i love.. all over an emtional trigger... but chase... that old person is gone... anything is posable... i need to do what you said with the list..... and then go back and highlight stuff like u said anyway broke my shcedual tonight... so much infp content plus if i got to put my ego in something i like fi most.... i always said why would ego be in t shouldnt it be f... but its in all of it honestly... so crazy how all this works... yet very simple fomr a systems stand point how the hell can you remmeber so much on all the types? that must have taken a while then again entp ..... but wtf looping between both on the left? done so befor.. ok personalresposablity i gotta go
Hey Chase- what’s your solution (or thoughts) on how to shift away from the nuclear family for those of us who are married with kids? I love my wife and kids, but I agree that being insular isn’t where best for any of us. (I’m an esfp) Edit: to clarify, I do not mean shifting *exclusively* away- more like what you think are important supplemental actions.
i feel like a left out piece of junk in my pathetic family. And we're a nuclear family of 4. And im the youngest number 1. im the only abstract person in a concrete family which makes me feel like the unusual and mentally abnormal person. Im accused of being unrealistic, hyperbolic or too extreme with what I say, especially when i tell them the "what ifs" and potential possibilities of their lives or my life with my Ne. But noo, it gets shunned down the toilet because "it's not happening right now" number 2. my fi hero values and principles consistently get shat on every now and then. im always the one who gets shamed, mobbed, ostracized, outcasted and demonized both at school from my past (now at university) and at home. When i was much younger both my mother and bother used to beat me and I'd be left with bruises. My brother treats me like crap and disrespects me, always finding ways to make me feel bad about myself as if he's a saint who never does wrong. And my feelings are disregarded. it makes me hate and resent all of them so much that i would not mind moving to another continent, (like i have the money for that -_-...) cutting off contact with them and the only time ill hear from them is when they are dead. I am so done with them. I can't even get therapy for all the pain each and every single one of them caused me and made me miserable. And anyone who tells me "but you have a good family and you have parents who sacrificed everything for you. " will get a black eye from me.
Thank you! And I agree with what you are saying. You may want to check out Neville Goddard, Feeling is the secret, on the development of the subconscious.
Have you discerned your Enneagram type yet? This video sounds very much like the wound of 4s or 5s (their wounds sound very similar to me -- almost indistinguishable).
If not a nuclear family what would you have ? I was a solo child from a f’ed up family I had constant mental abuse until I left, so I have an understanding of where you’re coming from. -intp
Society is already moving away from it, multiple spouses and multigenerational homes are becoming more normal, especially where combining incomes is more neccessary.
I'm fine with the nuclear family, as long as there is interaction from the outside of it. As a Christian, I want my family to be around other Christian influences, when I have one. Our Christian family, in the sense of a religious brothers and sisters in the world, is our main focus, even more than the Bible. I dumped church a long time ago!
Kinda stupid that you used Joseph as an example when he was literally sold into slavery because he was discriminated against based on his personality by his older brothers
I disagree with the idea that Men are in their prime sexually in their late 30s to 40s. The science says that men start to lose testosterone and then damage happens to the dna of the sperm as men age. Men are sexually at their peak in their 20s when they have good testosterone levels and are unlikely to have issues with their sperm count or the quality of their sperm. Age does still affect your fertility as a man. It’s arguably best to have children in your 20s if people want the best chance for healthy babies. Also it’s arguably easier to chase around your kids when you’re 20 rather than when you’re 40.
Come on, bro it doesn't "happen to everybody". Look at peoples' Ba Zi charts; if your month pillar has two favourable elements that means your family is favourable, you have an environment to grow, support, etc. Your month pillar is 100% dogshit, that's why your life was on a downward spiral until you turned 30 and entered into your day pillar and possibly 10-year luck pillar or favourable years.
Probably the lower part of your year pillar is ass too, that's why you got fat and your stunted growth carried through to other periods and completed the whole cause-and-effect mechanism to give you tools to have something substantial to offer beyond mere survival in your more favourable years, whether it's a good 10 year or not. The story isn't the same for everybody, though. People lose themselves for different reasons - e.g. if you have a terrible 10-year or self pillar but your month pillar is great that person would be complaining about something entirely different. TLDR don't embellish so much to "be convincing" with your new social norms tyvm
@@CSJoseph Thanks, I'm actually trying to be more like an ENTJ because I seem to be in avoidant INTP sloth mode. ENTJs seem quite ruthless but I admire them for getting a grip on life.
@@user-xk9cr3mu3k imo It's when your ego knows that it's not complete which then expose the hypocrisy of the ego which requires humility. Naturally the ego hates the superego because it's the exact opposite of the ego. I myself as an infj hates being like an istj but nowadays I don't think being like an istj is bad it's just a tool like my ego that I can use to move forward. Usually superego focus is someone who are forced to rely on their own,you and your superego are used together for your survival it's pretty rare.
@@Yunixes that's very interesting. I believe super ego focus then is also the most dangerous since you're dealing with human condition, sin and the greathest hatered that one can have within their soul...yet it maybe shouldn't be all that negative. I'd like to become an estp for a bit if I could transition properly
since you think the nuclear family is evil the strength of that statement I should be able to bear up under these questions. what if your parents were good at providing and teaching to some extent because it allowed you to develop into an awesome person who can display his gifts? what if in other respects they were horrible parents for an intuitive? what if they had presented their values with an opportunity for you to test them? put more Simply what if your dad is being held hostage even to this day by SFJ values? What if your theory about nuclear families is the discussion starter but really you find in the end the answer really is that humanity does not love one another and Love needs to return, not the Quick fix one size fits all structure? why would you replicate a nuclear family to some degree if it is so evil? Doesn’t that mean you are still exploring? What if your inability to push back actually has to do with Fe, Where the shadow actually turned out to be the momentary solve, but not the complete answer as to why you still feel compelled to the shadow? Isn’t Fe a form of living peace that tries to balance the parts into a unified whole? isn’t it from within you that you long to be with your family? Even if it’s painful and you don’t recommend pulling the veil back on an ENTP, isn’t some unmasking of this potential truth kindness because then you can really be happy as you are? it’s OK for you to go the whole way and preach love. You will be stronger!
I disagree. You don't need to be in a joint family to be exposed to different camaraderie dynamics. You need to be around people of your age. As you said, families have their own psychological heirarchies and the biggest of them all exist in Joint families where the elders' values dictate what "code" is to be followed by everybody else. Joint families are likely to be highly authoritarian because there is a long chain of command, and one unhealthy elder could cause the whole heirarchy to be toxic. A nuclear family on the other hand, does not have much of a heirarchy as it is run by 2 people that provide equal values and have equal share in the family. If either parent is unhealthy, the other can choose to detach, because they were both 50% 50% in the family anyways without having power over the other because of bs like "respect the elders" You have a bias against nuclear families clearly because of person experience, which is visible because you're comparing your unfortunate example to the most idealistic example of a joint family where everybody is healthy. Would you rather live in China which is controlled and influenced by 1 party and its rules, or in America where republicans and democrats (two opposing sides) have almost equal influence? We know which one works out better for the individual.
Effectively it is only overly antisocial idealists and guardians with the wrong culture who get stomped out like 90% of intellectuals in their ego aka not putting on a mask
how would se fe hero child react comparied to sub istp fe se or ti ni istp vrs sub estp ni ti for se fe fe se ones more reactie no? other more responding?
That's a very broad answer to a very nuanced argument. One could argue that they're harmed as much as anyone by it, but because the education system is set up for them, they have more respite from some of it.
"as an entp" it seems to me like you are believing a big lie - seeking the answer in the wrong places makes entps unhappy very fast :) let go and start fresh (inside not outside). god bless you
Also I think Elon Musk is an INTJ with a great grasp on his ENTP shadow. Or an ENTP with great grasp on his INTJ shadow (former is more likely imo). He is definitely not an INTP. He is a dominant intuition guy. Chase I would like you to reconsider or take this possibility into consideration and tell me what you think?
I don't understand this video, how exactly did your parents expect Fi from you by trying to make you not take advantage of the kids in your younger days? That part didn't make any sense at all as you didn't explain it well. Wouldn't they be expecting Fe from you by trying to make you feel guilty for taking advantage of others? Which would bring you closer to your ego considering you are a Fe user... So why would it be a problem for you? Why would Fi have anything to do with it since Fi is the depravity function, it only cares about its own interest at the expense of others, whereas Fe is the more caring ethical approach. So it doesn't make any sense to assume that they were trying to get Fi from you. Its inconsistent moments like these in your videos where I can't help but think you either are unable to explain things well (leaving out details) or you don't actually know what you're talking about half the time (perhaps you don't have all the information)
When you say the nuclear family is evil, it should be accompanied by what you think is the alternative, cause I assumed at once that you are some kinda leftist nut thinking strangers should raise children. I surmised later you advocate for the extended family like in olden times, but that was not given from the start and I questioned you wisdom as a whole for that insane statement.
This is a great example of asking questions to get context, i hope others follow your lead. Yes I advocate for that later in the video and in many other videos.
A pretty boring excuse for why you are the way you are. Blaming the nuclear family is ridiculous at best and supremely stupid at its worst. You want to be better, but you're blaming your upbringing, namely your nuclear family, for your midlife crisis -- like an entire child. It's giving histrionic. It's giving Amber Heard.
That’s a very interesting point, on the impact of having diversity to help enable your ego.
I actually have the opposite background, coming from a multigenerational family, having a full house all the time as an introvert was a very painful experience, although no doubt a lot of growth came from it.
Also with multigenerational families you will also have a main theme (structure/hierarchy), same as with nuclear ones but sometimes stronger, where you might not quite fit. The main advantage I would say is that you get to see/learn how other misfits deal with it and take advantage from their perspectives. Otherwise the dynamics really depend on what are the types and how they have developed in terms of growth.
11:40 "I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm actually a strong person" - in your recent videos, you have demonstrated your strength to resist the temptation to smoke 👏
Tribal families are no picnic either. Children are abused by their relatives in tribal families also.
Plus having to hold up to tribe expectations. Can easily become an extremely abusive situation and very very hard to get out of.
Yeah, didn't say no, but C.S Joseph means, just like other people, who have their opinions, don't get all butthurt becuz of one man's sayin. Both sides of the coin has its own advantages and disadvantages, so, consider which one match up with ur values and benefits and then go for it.
My ENFJ wife was abused by her ESTJ father and her depraved INFJ mother who was complicit in the abuse. This was a larger family of 6 kids with a large gap in ages. The family was encouraged to form factions and fight amongst themselves for scarce resources by her father as one part of the abuse. Most of the siblings are extremely extroverted and conditioned with a me-first mentality. My wife seriously thought she was an introvert and the quiet one in the family. I believe she had lived in her INFP shadow as a survival technique to disappear into the woodwork so as not to be noticed (and singled out for abuse). When she went off to college (The first in her family to do so) she suddenly realized she was extroverted all along. I'm amazed at how differently she's turned out from the rest of her family. While she's managed to make something of herself, most of her siblings are bitter, and blame the world for their lot in life. Although they've consistently made bad choices. Life isn't always fair. Bad things happen to everyone at some point. It's how we choose to deal with those things that can make all the difference in the world. We can choose to be victims of our circumstances or survivors. I'm thankful that my wife chose to be a survivor.
I think it's possible, following from your story, that as an ISFP, I was forced into my shadow because my family wanted me to be a dutiful Si-user, having faith in the church we went to (they still to this day try), doing as I'm told, no questions asked, etc. It was made worse where I grew up in a city with a disproportionate amount of Si-users: dutiful government workers who only seek to create nuclear families in the suburbs 🙄. Thank God I got the guts to leave that place and chase my career and travel dreams elsewhere, but still no wonder it took me so friggin long (a year!) of studying this content to determine my type - I was *convinced* I was an Si-user because I have so much friggin practice acting like one despite it making me miserable. (that and having Ne trickster I think makes it difficult to understand abstract philosophical concepts like Jungian Analytical Psychology 😅)
I'm on your side and joining the ride with you: seeking subconscious focus to be happy! 👍
It's like my brain physically expands and I become more intelligent when I watch your vids. Please keep up the amazing work CSJ
I ve literally got a date, earlier today, on saturday night by applying a few things I ve learned in your videos! I feel that the power with this knowledge is almost unlimited in how we can become better people and better at interacting with people.
CS Joseph, best wingman I could have wished for my brother 💪
Went through something similar to this myself. Having Fe trickster in an affiliative family is the shits. Been taking steps to develop the ESFP side of my mind by going to the gym and taking up marksmanship.
The nuclear family worked great for me. My family was perfect for me. I am INTP. My brother is ESFJ and always brought friends around so I could play football or baseball with them and when we were done, they all left. I didn't have any peer pressure to keep up the little social life I wanted. My mom is an ISFP that was always building me up and telling me how smart I am countering kids at school that didn't get my sense of humor and thought I was stupid. My dad was probably ISFJ but being a cab driver, he was usually either asleep or at work. I didn't have any pressure on myself to perform and as long as I didn't do anything to embarrass my family I had basically no rules. Being happy reading the encyclopedia and enjoying school, I had no problems. Once I turned 16 and had a car, I had all the freedom a kid could ask for.
I'm an INTJ with an ESFJ mother and ISTP father.
I find my demon mode is very strong, especially in regards to vengeance.
This is exactly what I'm dealing with and the primary problem I'm having so much trouble figuring out my actual type.
I'm 31 years old. My father was born 1945 and my mother was born 1950. They both had difficult childhoods.
I have two brothers and a sister, me being the youngest and the next, my brother Denny being more than ten years older than me. By the time I came along my oldest brother and sister were already moved out and married and my other brother was in highschool going to college. My mothers health began to decline and she gained weight and became wheelchair bound during her pregnancy with me.
My father worked construction doing sheetrock and my mother was bedridden for most of my childhood, so it was left up to my youngest brother and his gf to be my substitutionary parents, but after college they married and set off to start their own nuclear family. So I was left alone to fend for myself through the age of 10 until now. I never had contact with anyone else in my family because everyone had their own "main" family. I never had childhood friends due to us having to move every 3 or 4 years for dad to chase work. I grew increasingly disillusioned with the world and sank into fantasy with videogames because that was the only source of stability, gratification, and personal recognition I received. After all, a child starved of attention is easily enthralled by the notion of being a hero and a savior that is loved. The world didn't give me a chance, but videogames did. Because of this I suffered through school as well, I always passed, even without studying but it was barely enough to either make it through or fail.
I eventually started to seek out other people when I gained more independence, but every group I started to belong to would eventually take advantage of me to the point where I began to distrust everyone. I could only see faults in myself, I blamed myself and told myself I would never be loved because I'm not worth loving, after all my own family didn't even love me.
Now it's at a point where I'm still stuck with my parents helping to care for them in their old age and through disease like lung cancer and severe rheumatoid arthritis while my brothers and sisters are off enjoying splendid lives.
I've been desperately searching for over 5 years now to figure out who I am, all in the hopes that I can correct the problems with myself and salvage any time I have left, so I can improve myself and find people who will love me.
I'm not writing this for anyone's pity or sympathy. At this point it may be to late, I hope not but I don't know how to fix it. No this is for anyone out there who can relate or sees themselves in a similar situation to what I have gone through. If you are still young, there is still hope. Find independence for yourself and seek out help because eventually you will find someone, don't be like me and give up. You are worth loving and you are worth fighting for and if no one in your life right now treats that as the truth, then you need to be the first one to do it. You have to, or else you might as well already be dead.
I wouldn't wish the emotional damage and loneliness I've gone through on my worst enemy. So my advice is this.
Decide what kind of person you want to be to other people, especially the people you love most. Then be that person to yourself first.
(Edit: spelling and wording.)
Very touching and wise words. Wherever you are, dear friend, God be with you always. Human earthly love may fail, but Our Heavenly Father's Love is boundless and everlasting and eternally true. I hope you can take comfort in this, in your hell, as I do in mine.
That's why a pedagogue relationship isn't as good as the Golden, silver or bronze (natural) pair... since there are ego functions missing.
Growing up I (INFJ) lived with my mom (Isfj),dad(infp),sister (intp),grandfather (estj),grandmother, uncle (istj)and aunt (intj ?) and looking back I don't think that was a good idea at all.many conflicts between grandparents,my uncle and aunt and my parents.i feel like my estj grandfather was constantly the head of the family instead of my father and my mother was often nervous because of the bad energy in the house,and us the children world suffer the most.i never experienced the deep feeling of peace in my childhood
So,i wouldnt blame the nuclear family(I wish i was raised in one)
Also my therapist introduced me to Polyvagal Theory. It's a new breakthrough in how the brain processes trauma. Sounds like it could be very insightful for incorporating the Enneagram. They have books available on Audible last I checked.
you are always reminding us of the futility of perfection, and the necessity of flaws, its easy to imagine that we mightve received what we needed in an ideal environment, but the very notion of psychological fragmentation, goes far beyond the family dynamic, it becomes a state of the collective unconscious, in my case i grew the most by not just removing myself from a family dynamic, but also removing myself from the social dynamic untill i was ready to be re-integrated back into society with pearls of wisdom that i could share with the collective. every type of dynamic that i was in had been working against me in waays that i couldnt see. so to simply state that its a simple case of exposure to other types isnt quite the whole picture.
The vast majority of people do not grow from isolation, it's from getting away from an incompatible family unit, going out into the world, and connecting with more psyches both more compatible types and finding camaraderie types to learn from.
I realize that I have been mostly on enfp and estp modes exactly like you said. I'm infj My dad is estp and mum is enfj and i was expected to be extraverted all the time and it was like suffocation. I think your model is pretty good and underrated
When will the next episode of the 8 Rules of Love be released? 😅
The INFJs aren't fighting hard enough for their episode.
I NEED INTP!! lol
Isfj’s!!
@@fificore Yes please, I want to see an INFJ episode too. INJFs don’t often express what they need emotionally from others, which is tricky.
I need ISTP and INFP beginning of dating / relationship.
Sounds like a challenging set up growing up. Survived an ISFJ mother too. Also, male and female brains fully mature in mid twenties according to neuroscience.
Moreover, the idea of biological prime for women is a little stupid, since we’re born with a limited number of eggs which decline once we leave the church womb lol. Yeah, the production of eggs declines with age but at a rate that doesn’t significantly impact ability to conceive. It only declines rapidly past age 35.
With respect to male biological clock, it’s a little more complex. Sperm count and volume was thought to not be affected until the age of 50, but recent studies show that male sperm quality and quantity declines gradually from age 30 and rapidly from age 40, and men over 40 struggle to impregnate women, even if they are in their 20s. The risk of birth defects for men over 40 is the same as for women, even if those men have younger partners. Also, there’s a significant variation in the sperm quality amongst men, as a result of DNA methylation changes that are linked to lifestyle habits, such as: smoking, alcohol, cannabis use, low protein diet, stress and environmental pollutants. All in all, 5 years difference… it’s still there, but not as significant as it was once thought.
You deliver quality content, but I wish that you wrote down all the scientific facts before you record your videos, and actually check if they still stand, as research methods/tech advance at such a fast rate, we all need to keep up and question what we think we know regularly.
That sounds familiar- Christian parents trying to turn you into something you're not. I certainly relate to this being an ESFP with Christian ESFP and ISFJ parents in a nuclear family, both wanting me to do the right thing (Fe critic from mother). I am very shadow focused and even went as far as to pursue a career in healthcare that I hate to make them happy. I have been depressed for so long as I can't financially support myself to change careers and I don't love my job so much, and all they can say it, well what would you do instead!? That's a valid point, but I wish they'd have encouraged me to do a career I loved early on, but they always said I wouldn't be able to pick a creative career and do well in it/ earn a decent wage. What a load of bullshit looking back. I'm so bitter. I massively resent that and it sucks and I wish I had more people around me to encourage me in the right direction and cared more about my happiness that what I SHOULD do.
I am an INTP in an ESFJ (father) and ISFP (mother) family, only child. I am never allowed to want things and have been sort of a doormat historically. But it has gotten better. They don't even know I am not in university anymore, but at least I am not doing that shit (including that toxic feminist college-career BSritual). Gotta tell them eventually.
I don't know what cognitive focus I have, to be honest.
The way Chase, you are shadow INTJ focused ENTP that way Erik Thor is the best example of shadow (INFJ) focused primary type ENFP. So focused even you'd mistaken him as INFJ in past. He is great guy though I'm hoping he get to realise this truth, clarify his misunderstandings and collaborate with you for betterment soon.
Man, im so hyped for your intro. It gets me everytime 🎶
Im an entj, i get kicked into shadow frequently. I use it in music. My life has made it into kind of a tool to create, express, and make money, all in the same tip, while working my way back to ego and get back down to business 💪👨💼📈
I love it too.
Originally misheard the lyrics as 'he's not your type,' Dunno why it's funny but made me chuckle.
@@rachelhunter541 pretty fitting if it had been 😂
@@payncraft2523 true. He's not my type! Still love him tho ❤
I loved "The Red Tent"⛺ - but, then again - I'm a girl. And an ISFJ girl to boot 😅 Thanks for being the only guy (that I know of) that read it & seems to have a better understanding of women from such.
To be honest it was kind of a relief when my parents became a part of that extended hierarchy in the larger family, like my mother's values were almost immediately superseded by my single grandmother's. Not sure what that says about her, I don't understand how authority can impact somebody like that at 45+ y/o. I guess I had subconscious expectations of individuated parents and actually projected that when I didn't fully understand reality and it's dynamics.
Just throwing an idea for you if you want to do videos on it: is there any relation between how people look ( face wise ) and their personality?
I will eventually share my notes on visual typing.
I've heard others say it's typical for Te users to wear glasses. Probably bcuz they lost their sight checking the statistics and data that was relevant 3 years ago..jk
Love your content. It continues to add a lot of value in my life.
I see one thing missing in it. It focuses heavily on intellectual calculations and not on the actual mind-body connection and it’s practical implications.
I want to recommend that you try 10 day camp for Vipassana. Si inferior stands to gain the most from that experience in my opinion.
In any case, keep up the good work.
In addition, my family was atheist. I wanted to be a good guy, so I became a Christian. Lots of friction. My parents are very controlling, but I've wanted to travel the world. I heard "No! No, no, no." They controlled my life even as an adult, and seem to still not think of me as a man.
I don't think you'd need to abolish the nuclear family if you could abolish state education.
I dont understand how that would solve problems in the nuclear family. Can you elaborate?
@@pinklasagna8328 If children were free to learn and grow in the outside world instead of being stuck in school it would have the same effect.
@@jewelsbypodcasterganesh i had the same thought actually, our education system is an underwear. But i think that alone would not be enough and abolishing the nuclear family is required. Children need to be with their peers and adults to look up to. A multi generational family would be the ideal situation. The problem of living in a nuclear family is that the chance of getting incompatible children and higher chance of economic burdens, since you have to buy your own house, own car etc and maybe higher divorces too.
I had a very similar experience growing up. It’s not as bad to the extent that you described. But I was a very sheltered child in this so called nuclear family. I’m an INFJ, and my parents are ISTP and ESFJ. So they tried to get Fi out of me a lot. And I had to comply often to avoid causing any conflict. And I hated myself when I was doing that. It was also paired with the fact that my dad was projecting ESTJ shadow on me. And I was living in a very sheltered Christian lifestyle. I didn’t truly gain my subconscious focus until I was in high school. The reason I consider myself subconscious focused now and not strictly shadow focused is because I broke out of my shadow’s grip on me. And low and behold I actually started to enjoy life. What a shocker. Not to mention I’m only 18, and I had this experience within the span of about 6 years.
Thankyou, I will read "The Red Tent".
Thankyou,I am learning and trying to re-program after following mbti.
I wish you had a glossary since so many different terms are used for the same thing.
Like hero vs copilot vs trixter etc.
I'm trying to figure out if im ENTP vs ENFP.
Due to trauma ( which finally,.. Someone "YOU" has addressed).
I think you're incredibly strong - it's a mental thing in my opinion, and your mental strength is what keeps me around as a fellow pragmatic type. I'm rooting for your success to become ISFJ happiness!
Is more about physical strength ,the struggle of entp not mental. I always felt mentally strong but i think every ENTPs feels weak physically because of Si inferior and our lack of long term endurance .
@@dovio832 ok fair enough. I will say as an ISFP, I am just jealous of mental strength, especially strong thinking functions, as I often feel like I only have physical strength and willpower to get me through things, rather than logical tact that I so want to step into more!
@@elisabethschlarb3059 Walter White is an ISFP btw
@@D14MBK intj
Try not to be upset with your family they are just what they are they didn’t have a choice to be the type they are. I’m sure they love you they just don’t understand. You are an amazing human being. It’s up to them to push harder to understand things that are different then themselves. 🤗🦋🌍
Could the preference of functions (cognitive focus) be likened to how the body prefers certain nutrients? (carbs/ fats/protein?)
I find that the dynamics of cognitive focus seem eerily similar to how one would switch from one source of nutrition to another (such as from Glycogen to Ketones). By essentially starving the body of carbs to signal a switch of nutrition to the body. (or well, from glycogen to Ketones) I'm asking essentially, if starving the mind of the functions its used to will eventually cause it to rely on another set of functions or something. Similar to how one would induce Ketosis.
I feel this would further solidify that ones mental health is greatly dependent on their environment ESPECIALLY throughout their earlier childhood.
*- edit -*
SO also, being 'stuck' in one's shadow could be likened to being addicted or simply used to a certain type of food, rather it be carb-heavy, fat-heavy or whatnot?
Just an analogy I'm trying to draw here, i understand this isn't actual logic 🤷♂
Many Thanks!
Not perfect, but yes definitely close in that the mind will adjust what tools it uses to the environment it finds itself. Carb-less could be likened to not accepted-ness which would signal you need more tools (shadow) more than you need refinement (subconscious) at that time.
@@CSJoseph Aye! Awesome! Thanks for answering kind sir!
Was hoping you talked about this topic. I've been learning about it lately. I got typed as an enfp recently after self-testing as an intj my whole adult life. I was told this might have been due to my upbringing with (I think) an unhealthy te dominant father (with a distaste for emotion) and (I think) unheathy fe dom mom. It's been suggested that I was attempting to operate as an istj throughout those childhood/young adult years. So, I tested as a tj. Funny that I still knew intuition was dominant in there somewhere. (Also I have learned that people believe the tests to be skewed towards introverted intuition.)
Do you think the hypothesis of being more istj in childhood and becoming more my enfp self in older adulthood holds water?
Interesting video. My ego is ISFP but I'm ENTJish alot these days and due to the experiences I had long story. I think I'm stuck in my subconscious.
am just curious, how is it like to be an ENTJ , i read you are very confident and achieving people
@@moonder96 well I'm technically an isfp. But I go to my sub alot for survival
@Hana600 can I know what your type is ?
@Hana600 istp , I read different comments of you and it's as if you keep changing your opinion , I understand now .
How did you go about the E part. I find it very hard to do basic survival as an INTP in a culture that is ISFJ, ENFJ, ESTJ dominated (traditional, illogical, dramatic)
I am a very shadow focus INFJ and I don't understand why, because all my family is Te-Fi
Because of what other reasons someone can be stucked in his shadow?
Western society leads to shadow development naturally. Stuck would be extreme.
Awesome clarification!! Thank you Chase.
If you are planning to have a multi-generational family then make sure to distribute ancestral property as quickly as you can and as fairly as you can. Property disputes can turn your uncle and first cousins into your worst enemies. Also, beware of jealous uncooperative relatives, they are worst than a hostile enemy. A multi generational family with uncles and cousins will work fine if all the sub families are of the same socio economic standards, if one is way richer than the other then it could eventually make the poorer sub family jealous of the richer sub family.
Also, if you are from an urban upper middle class family then don't ever marry someone who came from a rural lower middle class backgroud or worst, the under class. You can remove monkeys from the bush but you can't remove bush from the monkeys. There is a good reason why majority of lower middle class are lower middle class but not upper middle class.
Omds i needed this, I believe to be shadow focused!!!!!!!!!! Saved to watch later.
If you have a big divorced family where all the kids go back and forth is that good enough cognition? Plus the kids go to school many friends etc?
ESFP dad
ISFJ mom
Oldest me - entp
Sister - Enfp?
Sister -Estp
brother -ISTP
my brother is 15 years younger than me. He grew up with a decent amount of different cognition, even my sister's husband was living with us for a couple years as well. My bro is extremely smart for his age. Like to the point where he gives me good advice about how to improve and I'm 26. Not kidding. I was shadow focused in high school. If you saw my asthetics, I made myself look as good as possible. Everything was done up, every day. I was very unhappy though, and I prayed to God for salvation. In my senior year of high school, I became born again. Then God made me subconscious focused. He completely changed me. I stopped caring about my asthetics so much and went natural / comfortable. I socially had a better time with people. Although I went background mode when uncomfortable at times. I was way less pragmatic. In college I had a TON of joy and had the strongest faith in Christ. I went the traditional route, got my degree in teaching. Towards the end of college, I went through a ton of stuff. It put me into my shadow for the past several years or so I believe. 2020 until now put me even more in my shadow. I taught for 2 years, and then quit. What an awful career. My second year working full time out of college (2021) is when I stopped caring about my career entirely, and focused on dating and improving myself. So, I was 25 then. I tried to start a business in the meantime. Now I'm 26 and am upset about not being married. I begrudgingly am going to get a sales job because I'm super broke and need to get out of my parents house!!! All I really wanted since I was 18 was to just get married and have children and be a stay at home mother, ultimately. Side note...My ESTP sister and I are super close. she's one of the only females in my life that doesn't judge me, actually gives me the benefit of the doubt, understands me pretty well, and I can be my 100% self around, and she respects me. I love how she plainly criticizes me so I can improve!
Is there anyway to enjoy and stay in the shadow? I like using Fi nemesis to get good and stuff like gaming
I see your perspective Chase, but at the same time you admitted have a serious bias against nuclear family. If a nuclear family is large enough it is very probable that cognitive diversity will be provided. My father came from a family of 12 kids. More than enough cognitive combination to go around and it shows at family get togethers.
Mmm I think he may mean a nuclear family of 1-3 kids? Not sure but that's my guess
@@elisabethschlarb3059 Definition of nuclear family does not have any child number restrictions. One can assume, but then again really shouldn't.
@@elypelowski5670 note my choice of words: I'm not making assumptions, I'm simply making a guess.
@@elisabethschlarb3059 I am guessing you are INTJ😆
@@elypelowski5670 lol no I'm ISFP but my older sister is an INTJ and she taught me well about being extra careful with my words 😅
I feel what you say about nuclear families is true. However, how do we change things? I´m 18, and I still live with my parents, so this still affects me. What can we do as a society and as individuals to change things?
Hey Chase. 26 y.o. INFP female here. I really appreciate your work overall, especially your content about the mature masculine and mature feminine. Do you have any advice for how to find mature, type compatible men through dating apps specifically?
working on that, will eventually.
@@CSJoseph I'm so grateful. Thank you.
Thanks for the clarification 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
If I have to class the top three societies in matter of psychological growth, I would put those of:
1- Hongkong, Singapore, Taiwan...
2- Argentina, Uruguay, Chile...
3- North America & Europe
I've seen like 18 y old lads from multi generations big families from these top three speaking like politicians while those of my 3rd world country die and never had the chance to reach growth.
'Get away from your family' i'm guessing implies having independence from them - not hardly ever seeing them? As with multi generational families obviously you would be having a lot of contact with parents grandparents, siblings aunts etc. Otherwise you are just then creating another nuclear family with your parner and children. Would love this to be clarified, thanks
That would entirely depend on how much damage your family is doing to your psyche. Sometimes the distance is figurative, sometimes physical, sometimes both are required. You need to factor in the time element. This is when you break away from your family if needed, then when you come back, you seek to get reintegrated as a man, not as the boy that left. Some may not accept you back, some will accept you, those can become your extended family you keep.
can u loop in a grip? is that posable? yes why nmot idf tyou have access to both sides why cant you loop in eaither? so what i can just pick a side? lol
You bring interesting points. Hope you find your happiness. I have a question; Can someone be "stuck" in their super ego?
It's possible but less likely, given it takes even more energy than going to your shadow for the same tools.
@@CSJoseph I am more comfortable in my super ego (ISFJ) than my shadow (ENTP) could be because my family of 10 only have two Fe users (one of them being INTP where Fe is the inferior) and Fe is higher in the stack in ISFJ than in ENTP and also being ISFJ is more acceptable for a female than being an ENTP especially in my society and family. Also it is the only affiliative and control type.
@@CSJoseph Also it is the only affiliative and control type.
How do we stop people from opting for the nuclear family model? Almost everyone seems to prefer more space and independence these days. And parents oddly believe that their kids will become financially stable much earlier rather than have to depend on the income of other family members.
Society has programmed everyone well, sometimes the best you can do is show people the truth and hope they accept it.
i think infp is me truly... or love ppl im safe around... estj is the group istp is stress anger... also good to learn .... so passion infp work estj supressed stress duty istp but istp iver lopped and gripped into enfj.... that was when the shame guilt was unreal and thats when i woke up.... shaddow yuck istp not sure how the bottom works well i am... but basicly just work on the top and the bottoms follow accorindgling
Looking forward to sww this one... Maybe there will be some tips to master one's shadow.
I don't even know if it's possible to truly master it. It seems like it will always be a struggle to use those functions.
My wife and I are both EXFPs with an ENTP daughter (9). I feel bad for her sometimes because although we have that shared Se/Ne fun together, she is getting some pushback with her Ti/Fe. What do all of you recommend my wife and I do to help make sure my daughter’s Ti/Fe is not ignored?
How to parent ENTPs is one of the videos in the members area.
i remeber when i went to college omg!! was in enfj or infp ive been running from it all my life to careers supporting woman always back.... chase not sure ive ever done it alone... maybe younger but always ended up with a woman mnoving in. idk chase no infp i have no anxiety wghat would be college where im the guy always having the parrties enfj? infp status omg.... i wont lie graduation them screaming my last name with my parents there chase i never felt so proud of myself... ok its dynamic... some ppl stay put some like to move around... last time i remmeber enfj was relising what i did how i hurt the ppl i love.. all over an emtional trigger... but chase... that old person is gone... anything is posable... i need to do what you said with the list..... and then go back and highlight stuff like u said anyway broke my shcedual tonight... so much infp content plus if i got to put my ego in something i like fi most.... i always said why would ego be in t shouldnt it be f... but its in all of it honestly... so crazy how all this works... yet very simple fomr a systems stand point how the hell can you remmeber so much on all the types? that must have taken a while then again entp ..... but wtf looping between both on the left? done so befor.. ok personalresposablity i gotta go
How is fi affiliative when sfps are pragmatic?
I think he means they'd rather have had a pragmatic Fi user than a pragmatic Fe user, since they were all Fe users themselves.
It's beacause they have Ni child, and it means they always do what they feel they want
@@fificore why would they have rather that?
its not static its definitely situational and the subconscious is decently a better place ok think im beating a dead horse here
Any thoughts for an infp purposely trying to develop their shadow?
Hey Chase- what’s your solution (or thoughts) on how to shift away from the nuclear family for those of us who are married with kids? I love my wife and kids, but I agree that being insular isn’t where best for any of us. (I’m an esfp)
Edit: to clarify, I do not mean shifting *exclusively* away- more like what you think are important supplemental actions.
Which of these types are viewed by western society as more masculine: ENFJ or ESTJ?
It takes a village to raise an intj. :)
i feel like a left out piece of junk in my pathetic family. And we're a nuclear family of 4. And im the youngest
number 1. im the only abstract person in a concrete family which makes me feel like the unusual and mentally abnormal person. Im accused of being unrealistic, hyperbolic or too extreme with what I say, especially when i tell them the "what ifs" and potential possibilities of their lives or my life with my Ne. But noo, it gets shunned down the toilet because "it's not happening right now"
number 2. my fi hero values and principles consistently get shat on every now and then. im always the one who gets shamed, mobbed, ostracized, outcasted and demonized both at school from my past (now at university) and at home. When i was much younger both my mother and bother used to beat me and I'd be left with bruises. My brother treats me like crap and disrespects me, always finding ways to make me feel bad about myself as if he's a saint who never does wrong. And my feelings are disregarded. it makes me hate and resent all of them so much that i would not mind moving to another continent, (like i have the money for that -_-...) cutting off contact with them and the only time ill hear from them is when they are dead. I am so done with them. I can't even get therapy for all the pain each and every single one of them caused me and made me miserable.
And anyone who tells me "but you have a good family and you have parents who sacrificed everything for you. " will get a black eye from me.
Thank you! And I agree with what you are saying. You may want to check out Neville Goddard, Feeling is the secret, on the development of the subconscious.
Have you discerned your Enneagram type yet? This video sounds very much like the wound of 4s or 5s (their wounds sound very similar to me -- almost indistinguishable).
I'm still developing the CSJegram.
What would ESTP and ISTJ parents expect from their INFP kid?
Do you know what your Mars sign and also astrological degree is?
If not a nuclear family what would you have ?
I was a solo child from a f’ed up family
I had constant mental abuse until I left, so I have an understanding of where you’re coming from. -intp
Society is already moving away from it, multiple spouses and multigenerational homes are becoming more normal, especially where combining incomes is more neccessary.
how? how are nuclear families evil?
I'm fine with the nuclear family, as long as there is interaction from the outside of it. As a Christian, I want my family to be around other Christian influences, when I have one. Our Christian family, in the sense of a religious brothers and sisters in the world, is our main focus, even more than the Bible. I dumped church a long time ago!
Read Pagan Christianity
@@CSJoseph I have! Good book. I prefer 'Rethinking the Wineskin,' though.
Thank you 🙏
What’s a nuclear family?
One mom, one dad, 2.3 children and a dog.
@@CSJoseph 2.3 children and a dog omg lol
Is Joseph of the Bible infj or infp?
Yo so right, Mr. C.S Joseph. Been wondered about where my stagnation's come from. Nuclear fams NEED TO GO!!
Kinda stupid that you used Joseph as an example when he was literally sold into slavery because he was discriminated against based on his personality by his older brothers
I disagree with the idea that Men are in their prime sexually in their late 30s to 40s. The science says that men start to lose testosterone and then damage happens to the dna of the sperm as men age. Men are sexually at their peak in their 20s when they have good testosterone levels and are unlikely to have issues with their sperm count or the quality of their sperm. Age does still affect your fertility as a man. It’s arguably best to have children in your 20s if people want the best chance for healthy babies. Also it’s arguably easier to chase around your kids when you’re 20 rather than when you’re 40.
Factssss!!!
Come on, bro it doesn't "happen to everybody". Look at peoples' Ba Zi charts; if your month pillar has two favourable elements that means your family is favourable, you have an environment to grow, support, etc. Your month pillar is 100% dogshit, that's why your life was on a downward spiral until you turned 30 and entered into your day pillar and possibly 10-year luck pillar or favourable years.
Probably the lower part of your year pillar is ass too, that's why you got fat and your stunted growth carried through to other periods and completed the whole cause-and-effect mechanism to give you tools to have something substantial to offer beyond mere survival in your more favourable years, whether it's a good 10 year or not. The story isn't the same for everybody, though. People lose themselves for different reasons - e.g. if you have a terrible 10-year or self pillar but your month pillar is great that person would be complaining about something entirely different.
TLDR don't embellish so much to "be convincing" with your new social norms tyvm
What is INTP the shadow of?
ENTJ
@@CSJoseph Thanks, I'm actually trying to be more like an ENTJ because I seem to be in avoidant INTP sloth mode. ENTJs seem quite ruthless but I admire them for getting a grip on life.
Could one be super ego focused?
Yes
@@Yunixes how come? What would that look like?
@@user-xk9cr3mu3k having humility is the closest description to angelic superego focus.
@@user-xk9cr3mu3k imo It's when your ego knows that it's not complete which then expose the hypocrisy of the ego which requires humility. Naturally the ego hates the superego because it's the exact opposite of the ego. I myself as an infj hates being like an istj but nowadays I don't think being like an istj is bad it's just a tool like my ego that I can use to move forward. Usually superego focus is someone who are forced to rely on their own,you and your superego are used together for your survival it's pretty rare.
@@Yunixes that's very interesting. I believe super ego focus then is also the most dangerous since you're dealing with human condition, sin and the greathest hatered that one can have within their soul...yet it maybe shouldn't be all that negative. I'd like to become an estp for a bit if I could transition properly
Dumbest thing he’s ever said is “do away with the nuclear family” trash
since you think the nuclear family is evil the strength of that statement I should be able to bear up under these questions. what if your parents were good at providing and teaching to some extent because it allowed you to develop into an awesome person who can display his gifts? what if in other respects they were horrible parents for an intuitive? what if they had presented their values with an opportunity for you to test them? put more Simply what if your dad is being held hostage even to this day by SFJ values? What if your theory about nuclear families is the discussion starter but really you find in the end the answer really is that humanity does not love one another and Love needs to return, not the Quick fix one size fits all structure? why would you replicate a nuclear family to some degree if it is so evil? Doesn’t that mean you are still exploring?
What if your inability to push back actually has to do with Fe, Where the shadow actually turned out to be the momentary solve, but not the complete answer as to why you still feel compelled to the shadow? Isn’t Fe a form of living peace that tries to balance the parts into a unified whole? isn’t it from within you that you long to be with your family? Even if it’s painful and you don’t recommend pulling the veil back on an ENTP, isn’t some unmasking of this potential truth kindness because then you can really be happy as you are? it’s OK for you to go the whole way and preach love. You will be stronger!
That would be better, I wish it were reality.
@@CSJoseph You especially have the power in Christ to make it reality.
I disagree. You don't need to be in a joint family to be exposed to different camaraderie dynamics. You need to be around people of your age.
As you said, families have their own psychological heirarchies and the biggest of them all exist in Joint families where the elders' values dictate what "code" is to be followed by everybody else. Joint families are likely to be highly authoritarian because there is a long chain of command, and one unhealthy elder could cause the whole heirarchy to be toxic.
A nuclear family on the other hand, does not have much of a heirarchy as it is run by 2 people that provide equal values and have equal share in the family. If either parent is unhealthy, the other can choose to detach, because they were both 50% 50% in the family anyways without having power over the other because of bs like "respect the elders"
You have a bias against nuclear families clearly because of person experience, which is visible because you're comparing your unfortunate example to the most idealistic example of a joint family where everybody is healthy.
Would you rather live in China which is controlled and influenced by 1 party and its rules, or in America where republicans and democrats (two opposing sides) have almost equal influence? We know which one works out better for the individual.
I don't think the nuclear family is best for cognitive development is a long step from me suggesting we strictly use China's model.
@@CSJoseph what's the other options?
The problem is that guardians push out intellectuals, so NTs often find themselves banding about with only other NTs in the corner
Effectively it is only overly antisocial idealists and guardians with the wrong culture who get stomped out like 90% of intellectuals in their ego aka not putting on a mask
Why does it seem like ESTPs often have INTJ children?
That's not the only pattern...
The Holy Family, Mary, Jesus and Joseph were a nuclear family. So ???
how would se fe hero child react comparied to sub istp fe se or ti ni istp vrs sub estp ni ti for se fe fe se ones more reactie no? other more responding?
3:30-3:57
xSxJ’s thrive the most in nuclear families
That's a very broad answer to a very nuanced argument. One could argue that they're harmed as much as anyone by it, but because the education system is set up for them, they have more respite from some of it.
Ok, that’s a more specific way to put it. Thanks for that.
"as an entp" it seems to me like you are believing a big lie - seeking the answer in the wrong places makes entps unhappy very fast :) let go and start fresh (inside not outside). god bless you
Also I think Elon Musk is an INTJ with a great grasp on his ENTP shadow. Or an ENTP with great grasp on his INTJ shadow (former is more likely imo). He is definitely not an INTP. He is a dominant intuition guy. Chase I would like you to reconsider or take this possibility into consideration and tell me what you think?
I don't understand this video, how exactly did your parents expect Fi from you by trying to make you not take advantage of the kids in your younger days? That part didn't make any sense at all as you didn't explain it well. Wouldn't they be expecting Fe from you by trying to make you feel guilty for taking advantage of others? Which would bring you closer to your ego considering you are a Fe user... So why would it be a problem for you?
Why would Fi have anything to do with it since Fi is the depravity function, it only cares about its own interest at the expense of others, whereas Fe is the more caring ethical approach. So it doesn't make any sense to assume that they were trying to get Fi from you.
Its inconsistent moments like these in your videos where I can't help but think you either are unable to explain things well (leaving out details) or you don't actually know what you're talking about half the time (perhaps you don't have all the information)
I would love to hear how I’m stuck in my shower. But you’re too busy telling about a book you recently read about the evils of the nuclear family.
When you say the nuclear family is evil, it should be accompanied by what you think is the alternative, cause I assumed at once that you are some kinda leftist nut thinking strangers should raise children. I surmised later you advocate for the extended family like in olden times, but that was not given from the start and I questioned you wisdom as a whole for that insane statement.
This is a great example of asking questions to get context, i hope others follow your lead. Yes I advocate for that later in the video and in many other videos.
Puke. Couldn't make it past 2 minutes.
You'll get there, keep up the good effort!
"Men age like a FiNe Wine
Women age like a Milk"
I don’t mind cheese tho
But what if women transition into blue cheese?
@@tomaszlala6355 roquefort :) really good with pastas, you should try it thank me later
@@6renaa 😆 that was clever
@@6renaa I know its CHEESY but, Interesting...
You look very cute today
No. You look cute today. 😂
A pretty boring excuse for why you are the way you are. Blaming the nuclear family is ridiculous at best and supremely stupid at its worst. You want to be better, but you're blaming your upbringing, namely your nuclear family, for your midlife crisis -- like an entire child. It's giving histrionic. It's giving Amber Heard.
Perhaps, but I don’t blame them for my midlife crisis, that’s on me.
@@CSJoseph Ah, well, good. As you shouldn’t.