What Causes Limerence? First Stage Of Limerence Explained By Marriage Experts
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- Опубликовано: 8 фев 2022
- According to research, there are three distinct stages of limerence.
Stage one of Limerence is Infatuation - a longing for your emotional connection to be reciprocated.
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What was once a close friendship can quickly evolve into something much more and supplants your spouse for emotional and even sexual needs. Join Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Beam Holmes as they take you through some of the signs to look for to determine if your spouse is in limerence and how to handle what comes next.
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Is this a replay of older episodes of this or is it new
@@seanconway3160 Older episodes.
Yes... thank you for sharing the warning at the begining. I did get excited and share with my husband and they are absolutely right. It caused my husband to dig his heels in harder. Limerence caused a very logical man to become an emotional man. Willing to destroy everything we built together, rewrote our (very) romantic love story and has now made me his enemy 😑
This is true!
Agree
Agree
Mines did too smh
My wife cheated on me 20 years ago and while i stayed with her i never got any answers as to the truth and why it happened. It has caused me some PTSD to this day and today on this date i found the answers without my wife's help. It was Limerence. The trauma i experienced as a non cheater,/victim was very painful on an emotional level. Would love to hear more on the coping of the spouse who has been cheated on.
Your wife likely did not understand what had hit her - especially after the great love has vanished. Even now lots of therapists and counselors never have heard of limerence.
This information is helpful to know. In the end, work on yourself and build a healthy lifestyle alone is my answer
My husband is expert in making emotional affairs with women...I am tired of wanting him back ...I have let him free..I will be in this marriage till my sons get married . I am taking care of myself in this way . Thanks for your advice..
I feel
So sad for u ! Get yourself up
And enjoy life
Why wait till your son is married ? What example about relationsships do you give your son. Would you want him to resign himself ?
I just HATE that they say their nasty "affair" partner "understands" them!
That was always a joke in old movies; "My wife doesn't UNDERSTAND me" said in a nauseatingly whiny voice!
It all has to do with fantasy and availability. Than the unsaid. That’s why being married or the stages of falling in love isn’t limerance. It might be in beginning but once the person isn’t the forbidden fruit. When the person is the forbidden fruit that your mind has built up as perfection is limerence. I’ve never been in it but from listening all I can surmise.
Very interesting information.thank you for this
Is there something people can do to prevent limerence from beginning? Is it as simple as guarding our thoughts in an effort to not become obsessed? Can it happen to healthy, happy marriages?
How do you know people are not simply falling in love? Some people should not be married to each other? Genuine question
When it's a healthy relationship it gets out of infatuation.
Does the limerence affair cause the dissatisfaction with the spouse? I think that is what I hear from them. That would account for the fact that I am human in our marriage and are not guilty of the things that have been used to justify the infidelity? I am trying to be honest with myself and make sure that I am not guilty of those things of which I have been accused. ??? Anyone?
Jerry,
Your question is a bit confusing,but I’ll try to answer. You used the phrase “limerance affair”. Limerance is the feeling which entices you to perhaps go further than just emotional attraction. I am assuming you got quickly emotionally attracted and had one affair (or more).
Dissatisfaction with the spouse can occur both before an affair, or afterward, as the mistress transports the husband to a fantastical place not based in reality. It’s easy to get “dissatisfied” with your wife as this dream fantasy world encloses you.
What were you using as explanations to “justify” the affair? You need to be clear here. What are you being accused of that you did not do? Did you just have short flings that emotionally meant nothing to you or were your infidelities deeply rooted in emotional connection?
No matter what, an affair is an affair, period. There is NOTHING that can justify your participation in it. Not even dissatisfaction with your spouse.
So I’ve been in communication with his other women, she spoken badly about my husband, but yet she keeps talking to him. They work together. I’ve told him the things she has said, but they are still in communication. I have also found out from her that he’s been in communication with other women behind her back, well mine as well. But she still won’t leave him alone or vise versa. Why?
Because these people are broken, they do not have your spouse best interest in mind. Both your spouse and his AP only cares about themselves, the holes they are filling out for each other are more important than anything to them
I did track them with their phone for a while and they found out. And as you said it has since been about that rather than their actions.
They use that as a reason to make me the villain and as an excuse to continue into limerence.
What can I do now?
Stand by it. Your spouse betrayed you, you do not need to justify that you tracked them. And if they had not given you reason to be suspicion you would not have tracked them in the first place. You did not routinely do that in the past, did you.
Just tell him or her - This is an attempt to distract from your initial betrayal of trust. I was suspicious and unfortunately I was completely right about it. So can we go back to that - or talk about sth more neutral ?
People in limerence will find any lame excuse to make you the villain, if it is not this than it will be that. Dr. Joe had his limerent affair in the 1980s. A therapist he consulted had love letters from Joe to Alice that he had written to his then gf, which had become his wife (that he wanted to leave because he was madly in love with the affair partner).
He also rewrote history (likely to make sense of his change of attitude and also to soothe his bad conscience and shame) and told himself and others the story how he had never love his wife Alice and how the marriage had not been happy. But the passsionate love letters of his younger self proved that he had indeed loved her very much.
Denigrating the relationsship he or she wants to leave (often very abruptly and making a lot of sacrifices) is part of the symptoms of limerence.
What if you never felt limerence with your partner. I love my fiancé’ very much but never had that limerence feeling for him. He is physically attracted to me but I have never really felt that with him. I am very attracted to him intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Is that enough for a happy marriage????
No.
Do u look forward to freely & happily making passionate love to him when married? If not..there's something definitely missing & wouldn't work for marriage, imo!
It would be interesting to know just how many spouses actually react as Dr. Beam suggests. I suspect next to none.
Exactly! Remember Dr. Beam is a remarkable speaker on the behalf of what the cheater is experiencing, because he was one! He was not the person that was being deceived, lied to, betrayed. He dosen't know what it's like to be on the other side of the tracks. He's the cheater, not the person who was cheated on.
@@colleenrogers3536 this may be true, but have you heard some of Marriage Helper's other testimonials, though?
Jordan and Priscilla: ruclips.net/video/SwX3TA6ile8/видео.html
Karson and Ashley: ruclips.net/video/D4zV7WV-Fas/видео.html
Amber and John Louis: ruclips.net/video/03A-9xIpcKE/видео.html
Here is Alice, Dr. Beam's wife, sharing: ruclips.net/video/wF6g8jNs0PM/видео.html
@Carol, we see people come through our Facebook groups and hear stories of reconciliation frequently. There IS hope.
Ryan, Marriage Helper Volunteer
@@colleenrogers3536 Actually he does know because his affair partner later dumped him. Likely for another man.
How long does a one sided limerence last?
What was the answer?
Does limerence happen only in marriage relationships?
Great question! The short answer is, no. Limerence can happen in any heterosexual relationship.
What I don't understand is the limerence "when single and falling in love with someone and then marries them until death do us part", and "affair limerence."
I understand one is morally wrong while the other isn't, but seems like the conversation is always about people already married. Just because you're married doesn't make the affair limerence any less real does it!? Besides it being wrong because it's immoral, it's no difference than being single > limerence > living happily ever after. And this was the hardest thing for me because I thought, if I just would have met them earlier, I'd be with who I should have been, for life.
People don't feel good after affair limerence, and most people want to forget it, or do! Actually forget it, they barely remember.
It is less real because of where you are coming from when you started it. The driving force. There shouldn't be dishonesty to be with the one, to whom you believe your were meant to be with. That's not a good foundation to start with.