How To Feel More Confident And Secure In Relationships If You Have An Anxious Attachment Style
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- Опубликовано: 17 ноя 2024
- This is a livestream with Valerie Greene on how to feel more confident and secure in dating and relationships if you have an anxious attachment style.
You can get Valerie's free gift, "The Magnetic Dating Formula" here: www.coachvaler...
You can get Valerie's FREE e-guide, "Man-ifest Lasting Love: How to Easily Inspire Him to Fulfill Your Deepest Desires" here: www.coachvaler...
This guide unveils a proven system to bring a man close and make him feel inspired, driven and excited to fulfill your deepest desires (mentally, emotionally and physically!).
Apply for a FREE "Breakthrough To Lasting Love" personal coaching session with Valerie here: www.coachvaleri...
Here's where you can find Valerie's eBook, "The Commitment Roadmap": www.coachvaler...
Check out Valerie's Soul-Shaking Love Podcast here: www.coachvaler...
Here's where you can listen to my interview on Valerie's podcast:
If you want to learn the secrets to inspiring a man's love, devotion and commitment, get my FREE "3 Keys To Attract The Man You Want" report and audio training here: helenahartcoach...
Get your personal dating and relationship questions answered here: hop.clickbank....
Check out my eBooks and Programs here: helenahartcoach...
While I don't personally conduct one-on-one therapy, I’m sponsored by a company that can meet such a need if you'd like to get online counseling from a licensed professional (I've worked with a therapist from BetterHelp myself and it was absolutely life-changing!). You can get a discount through my exclusive invitation here: betterhelp.com...
Connect with me on Facebook: / helenahartcoaching
Here are the other videos Valerie and I have recorded together:
Powerful Meditation To Heal Relationship Anxiety And Urgency (Do THIS Before You Reach Out To Him!) - • POWERFUL Exercise To H...
How To Inspire Your Partner To Meet Your Needs If They Have An Avoidant Attachment Style - • How To Inspire Your Pa...
Ask Him THESE Questions To Create An Emotional Connection And Intimacy: • Ask Him THESE Question...
How To Inspire Him To WANT To Commit To You - • How To Inspire Him To ...
4 Ways To Initiate With A Man While Staying In Your Feminine Energy - • 4 Ways To Initiate Wit...
How To Share Your Feelings And Needs In A Way That Draws A Man CLOSER - • How To Share Your Feel...
How To Transform Conflict Into Intimacy And Bring Him CLOSER (Stop Fighting And Start Connecting!) - • How To Transform Confl...
How To Inspire A Man To WANT To Meet Your Needs - • How To Inspire A Man T...
Apply for a FREE "Breakthrough To Lasting Love" personal coaching session with Valerie here: www.coachvaleriegreene.com/dap/a/?a=141&p=www.coachvaleriegreene.com/free-strategy-session
I had a call with Valerie last week and all I can say is, the world needs more of this info. I have no doubt I would've been happily married 20 years ago if I'd had this information as a young adult. Her work is mind-blowing. Thanks Helena for having her on your channel... It's changing my life.
You’re very welcome, I’m so glad it was helpful! I agree, Valerie is an amazing coach! 💕
@@HelenaHartCoaching Hi Helena, I really need this help from Valerie, what is her best contact please, her work is amazing, I have struggled my whole life in all areas of my life especially relationships (53 years)
Thankyou so much Helena for what you bring to women & the world 🙏❤
Yes, more videos about reparenting, self soothing, and dealing with anxiety behaviors, please.
Agreed
I've suffered from anxiety for years. I've done a good job of hiding it, but that feeling of 'what does his behavior mean? Does he still want me, does he still love me?' is there almost all the time when we are apart. It overrides the good, meaningful things he said and did. I work hard to not be clingy, needy or jealous... to hide it. And I've worked hard on building my confidence and turn off the negative 'stories' I create when we're apart. My communiction with him is calm, soft, loving and respectful. I'm working hard on learning what my feminine power is and when I need to lean back. He is not a 'talker, and I try not to force him to talk if it makes him uncomfortable. When I express my needs or feelings, I do so in a non-confrontational manner, with not demands or expectations (other than he listen and try to understand). Yet he's so quiet it's hard to know what he's thinking and feeling, although he doesn't get angry or pull away. He expresses his love in his actions, and I know every day isn't going to be perfect. But, I still get anxious when we're not together and often cry when I'm alone. I was in a long marriage where I was emotionally and verbally abused, so my confidence and self worth were things I had to re-learn. Self soothing is what I need to learn now.
I felt this so deeply ... It's almost as if I wrote it. I'm finally in a relationship with a wonderful man, and am working hard to not let my propensity for drama and reassurance push him away!
I feel for you. I've had some awful relationships in the past and it has clouded any rational thoughts and made me anxious, as well as my poor upbringing. I hope we both find peace and grow in ths right way in our relationships
Everything written here resonates with my life right now.
How did you relearn your true self worth and build confidence in yourself back up?
Same here
Ok ladies so I applied suggestion to be vulnerable with my partner. I expressed my need and he responded perfectly and gave me what I need. My anxiety stopped immediately. Thank you so very much!
You’re welcome, I’m so happy to hear that! 💕
Thats something im yet to try with my partner. Ive been scared to show that part of me because in the past, i tried to be vulnerable, or what i thought was vulnerable, but basically did it wrong. He got angry with me and we broke up. Fortunately, we talked and sorted things out. But i need the courage again to do it right this time and coming from the right place withing me.
My partner doesn’t want to be involved in any of my healing at this point. She just wants results. She’s promised to try to stay, but she’s gonna do what she wants to do. Not caring if that’s triggering. So I’m hoping some of this stuff can help me.
i feel so uncomfortable expressing myself and being vulnerable
When you guys were speaking about self soothing by using positive self talk but imagining it was from a certain person and what you needed to hear from them, I realized that my need for constant reassurance, and praise, and physical touch is because my dad never provided any of those. And just imagining me, self soothing by speaking to myself the way I wish my father did/would, it really brought tears to my eyes and made me realize the core of the problem. I do tend to blame my boyfriend ,who has a more avoidant type, for not making me feel loved because he doesn’t do those things I mentioned above either. Now that I know I am attracted to avoidant men, I am going to make a conscious effort to not see them being avoidant as the problem, but instead trying to heal my inner child by loving myself enough to make up for how much I didn’t feel loved and appreciated by my father. This video what so helpful guys !!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience here! These videos should also be helpful for you: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/tLW_jfx1H4U/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/D9nqBo2dTDg/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html.
Sth that always works for me : I imagine I am in Heaven and God is in front of me. He is holding me, looking at me in the eyes and says, "I love you, you matter, I am always here for you, you are my shining star and you deserve the world.." I always get tears in my eyes and I feel so whole and complete after that! 🙏 🥺
I am a mother and I make sure I don't make the same mistakes with my kids. I kiss them every single day, I hug them and tell them I love them and I thank God for having them in my life. Every single day!
More reparenting and self-soothing videos, please.. You are both gems! 🙏 ❤️ 💎
That’s beautiful Irene, thanks for sharing! These videos should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/D9nqBo2dTDg/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/NNjJCM5Fz0s/видео.html.
@@HelenaHartCoaching I will watch every single one of them! THANK YOU! 🙏 ❤️
@@irene2081 You’re welcome, hope you enjoy them! 💗
Helena YOU are definitely supposed to be here on this planet. I have learned SO much from YOU and your channel. I love you so much. You have been a big BLESSING on my life. Thank you so much for showing and sharing your beautiful self and all your heart and knowledge. I really appreciate and admire you. Hugs.
Aww thank you so much Justine, that means the world to me! I'm so grateful to have been a part of your journey.
I agree. I was so ashamed of myself and was surrounded by self loathing. These videos have really helped me to work through that. Thank you Helena 😊
I just LOVE how Valerie breaks down all the theories we have learnt of or be familiar with already. But I just love how she connects the psychology of our upbringing to dealing with conflicts in intimate relationships. Often I find there is not much resources out there and around this specific merge of researched psychology and actual conflict resolution. Thank you Valerie.
Yes! Valerie is brilliant at these really important topics. 💜
I suffer from anxiety attachment and this video was spot on and resonated 100%. I've been in therapy for 10 years. Thank you so much for posting this video!🌺🙏🌺🙏
You’re welcome Melissa, I’m glad this resonated with you! ❤️
I really like this lady she's really clued in to the anxious and the avoidment attachments. This is what I need more about
These videos I recorded with Valerie might also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/LqF0Qz_nTSU/видео.html.
This is me, I'm an anxious attachment person in all my relationships which include friendships. I am currently seeking counselling and reading as much as possible to get past this. I realise my issues have stemmed from childhood, it was awful, no love, just constant put down and abuse. Throughout my life I have attached to the wrong people to try get what I perceived as normal, as I didnt have a normal life as a child. I am determined to heal and not spoil my current relationship
This video should be really helpful for you (I’d love to hear your experiences with it!): ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
I've been on a road to recovery after not dating for several years. I was surprised about my anxious/avoidant feelings resurfacing in a strong manner as soon as I tried to date. I've decided not to date until I am healthy inside. What started as notes to remember what I'm hearing has turned into a 10 page 12 point Arial font script. I'm learning so much about myself and finally that 'heal yourself' is coming clear to me. I've never heard what Valery is talking about and it makes so much sense. I guess it's never too late, I'm in my early 60s. I wish I would have known all this when I started dating. Thanks so much!
You’re welcome Marcia, I’m so glad this was helpful and gave you some clarity! ❤️
@@HelenaHartCoaching If you ever need, (and it will be a wonderful thing to do) your books/chats to be translated to Spanish, let me know. I'm a professional translator.
There are so many Spanish speakers that would love to be able to hear;/read about these wonderful videos and chats.
Thank you so much! I haven't thought about that yet but it's a great idea.
1. Heal your inner child by soothing it
Yes, these videos should be helpful for anyone looking to do that: ruclips.net/video/D9nqBo2dTDg/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/NNjJCM5Fz0s/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html.
WOW. This video was astounding. A hearty Yes to all of the future topics you listed Helena. Valerie thank you so much for your knowledge and insight.
Thank you, Celéste! I’ll try to have Valerie back on again soon. 💕
SO many great insights. As an anxious type aspiring to be more secure I am so glad I found this clip. It's packed with so many good ideas. I loved the idea of re-parenting, self soothing and self disciplining your self through your inner healthy mother and father, and also the idea that an adult can't be abandoned.
Thank you! ❤️ These videos should also be helpful for you: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/-fmaR8gbZng/видео.html.
Wow great revelation - if I have a harsh inner critic, I'm likely to be harsher on a partner when he makes a mistake.
Yes, absolutely! Valerie and I are going to make another video on how to heal this part of yourself if you experience this (which most of us do!).
🙏🏻😌🌺
I had the anxious style and the disorganized. I had to a lot healing to become secure. My mom was anxious and my dad was avoidant, that’s why I struggled with both styles. Different men trigger different styles in me...
Tracy Gallegos I agree that different men can trigger different styles. In my marriage I was avoidant. Now every relationship afterwards, I have been anxious.
@@sarasayshi Oh boy! 🙆😱Even avoidants can turn anxious? 😂😂Sweet Jesus of holy moly! 😂😂
This video made me tear up a little, I don’t chase love anymore. I feel I’m a disorganized attachment style. I love these videos, you guys are so helpful!
I'm so glad these videos have been helpful for you, Taylor!
Hit the nail on the head with this video. I’m so happy I’ve found this
Thanks Dominique! These videos might also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/-fmaR8gbZng/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html.
Own your needs in a healthy way. I loved that quote. I needed this.
I'm glad that resonated with you!
More videos on soothing anxious attachment style when heading into the dating world… those first convos/dates. This video was so good. I’m ready to not self sabotage unknowingly anymore. I lost a good guy
Hi Ava, this video should be really helpful for you (I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!): ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
I got so much out of this video !! Thank you both. I am also anxious attachment and I am in a relationship with an avoidant. I went no contact for 5 weeks. And I listened to podcasts and Utube and have learned so much! We are now working on us and I’m sending him videos. I read Attached and now reading love languages for singles. I am like a sponge soaking this all up !!! Thank you!! 🤗
You’re welcome, Danielle! Thanks for sharing your experience here. These videos should also be really helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/-fmaR8gbZng/видео.html.
Thank you so much with this video. On a flip side, I am a guy and I do have anxiety stemming from abandonment and insecurity. My wife is so wonderful and has incorporated a lot of the techniques you’ve showed. My anxiety attachment has since become manageable. I am so looking forward to self soothe and feel totally secure of our relationship.
You’re welcome! Thanks so much for sharing your experience here. This video might also be helpful (it can apply to both men and women): ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
Valerie is smart, beautiful and very generous. I am grateful. So beautifully spoken, as well.
I agree! :)
@@HelenaHartCoaching
Yes more videos about attachment
Thanks for the suggestion! We can definitely do that. 💕
Halfway through this- I’ve been crying the whole time 🤣 thank you.
You're welcome! It sounds like you had a powerful experience with this.
here's a good one "try not to abandon your partner"
Valerie is such a good and relaxed speaker, she really shines
Yes, Valerie is awesome! Here are a few more videos I’ve recorded with her that should be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/LqF0Qz_nTSU/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/dZgnCb7xZ1g/видео.html.
The only thing missing in this video is that God is that one the fills the void. HE is the only one. Excellent work ladies!
Thanks Rosa! 💜
This is brilliant. I experience a lot of anxiety in the solar plexus even at the thought of a relationship when a man shows an interest in me.
I'm glad this was helpful for you, Sara!
I'm anxious and did what she explained, I suppressed my needs and acted cool, not cold, I did it instinctively when he pulled away... It looks like everything he does or doesn't do affects me a lot, I need a lot to heal I guess, we're no longer together he ended it, but who knows if maybe in the future.. I'm heartbroken 😔
Sorry to hear you’re going through this right now, Sandra. These videos might be helpful: ruclips.net/video/rtkse9NpDO0/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/9UiCZsNJzno/видео.html.
Thank you. For taking the time to create such important, accessible content. I am so grateful for your voices.
You’re very welcome, Lexi! ❤️
Helena thank you so much for this. I just love your videos especially this one. I need a part 2, the re parenting, and connecting parts of our brain.
You're welcome, Jasmine! Thanks for the suggestion!
Yes, More vids on Anxious & Avoidance styles (Part 2) Please. I’m learning a lot. Helena, I LOVE when you & Valerie collaborate on topics that hit home to most of us. I need to replay this vid over & over again. Phenomenal vid, Helena & Valerie! Thanks!🙌🏼
You're welcome, I'm so glad this was helpful!
Just watched another video with Valerie and reached out to her! Valerie you need to put these interviews on your channel as well. You're incredible!! Hope to work together.
I’m glad you’ve been enjoying them! Make sure to let her know I referred you to get a spot in her schedule (it fills up quickly!). I also have some episodes with Valerie on my podcast - you can listen to our latest one on Spotify here: open.spotify.com/episode/6vr7FqSBYKyhbnX5KlA9Zm?si=_XJPRS7xTf2L0mLt6-Cyzw
…or on Apple Podcasts here (the other two episodes I recorded with her are towards the bottom of my podcast homepage, let me know if you’d like the links): podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/master-your-magnetism-with-helena-hart/id1585522214?i=1000558909277
This was a fabulous video, thank you so much for the super clear and useful information.
You’re welcome Emma, I’m glad you enjoyed it! 💜
The more help with anxious attachment style and fixing it the better. I'm to the point of being prescribed Xanax and another pill for the anxiety between this panic and isolation and my current situation.
Wow! Thanks a lot for this video!!!
I read and watch a lot regarding anxious attachment styles, this video is the first that resonates to me and give tips on why and how to heal. I come from a very warm family so I couldn't understand why I am anxious now I can better place it, I alsonrealise that my anxioisness was also reinforced after a relationship of 10 yeats with a narcicist 😢 healing is thouigh... Thanks a lot very helpfull!
You're welcome, I'm so glad it was helpful!
Wow wow wow!!!! So much great info!!! Watched twice!! I'm def an anxious attachment person in relationships!! A new following fan!
I'm so glad this was helpful for you!
This video was super helpful for me. Helena after watching so many of your videos something finally clicked for me, I want to attract a new relationship with a new man who is on my new vibration who matches my new Level of communication skills. I don’t know why I kept looking backwards and how i could have been better to bring out better side of them. They are not marches to me anymore! I am now attracted to better partners and it feels really empowering. I got there here by simply watching your videos for the last few months. Thanks so much!!!
You're welcome, I'm so happy to hear that! Keep me posted on how everything goes for you.
Helena Hart thanks 😊❤️ it’s going so well! I think starting something off on the right foot is going to make the amount of potential conflicts a lot less. I actually met a empowered masculine man accidentally because he contacted me when I was trying to get in touch with someone I used to know who matched his exact age, name, and physical description. It’s early but I thought you would find that very funny! The difference is this man currently appears to be the right kind of man for me and the man I was initially trying to contact was wrong for me.
Wow, so interesting! I agree that when you start off on the right foot with the right kind of man it makes everything SO much easier. 💕
I love you ladies ♥️ you are the true definition of consciousness. And awakening. I couldn't be more grateful. ❤️ thank you!
You're welcome Kelly, thanks so much for your kind words!
Thank you soooo much!!! I’ve been hoping for a video that delved more into this topic after seeing the Tiger Turtle video. Yes please do part two and would love more practical examples of how the anxious style person can remain authentically themselves without shutting down and freaking out the avoidant! I’ve been making a lot of changes in myself but find if I am feeling tired or sick I can revert back to old habits and am wondering if my success is real or I’ve just been managing to act secure, the way I think my guy wants me to !
Thanks again and looking forward to the follow up videos on this
You're welcome, Rachel! I can definitely do more videos on this topic.
Thanks Helena 💖
Oh and would love any insights on practical ways and things to say or do which can best soothe the avoidant’s core fear of rejections when they start to shut down out of fear.
And thank you so much for continuing to give to and serve your community with such a genuine heart even though you are going through your own intense challenges. Appreciate you so much 🥰 and praying for so much good to come out of this season.
Aww thank you so much! ❤️
I'm so grateful I was able to watch this video.. This really resonated to me.. Some parts of it I was really crying.. Revisiting the past and healing the inner child (Reparenting) So helpful, thank you for this information.. This will help people understand better.. Great video. Thank you so much to both of you Helena and Valerie.. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️❤️❤️
You’re welcome, Marie! 💗 These videos should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/D9nqBo2dTDg/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/NNjJCM5Fz0s/видео.html.
Appreciate your help so much🙏🏾❤️❤️❤️🥰
Wow great info and self awareness so that positive changes can take place.
I'm glad you enjoyed this, Mary!
I’m a male anxious type, this shit is fuckin messy but I’m pretty young so I’m glad I caught it so early
Thanks for sharing Jay, I know many people can relate.
I couldn't stop crying while watching it,thank u so much helena,just loved it,hopefully I would be able to heal myself, love from India..
You’re welcome, Uma! This video should also be really helpful for you: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
wow thank you Valerie and Helena for sharing such amazing wisdom i now see things with fresh eyes after watching this episode . Sending spiritual positive energy to you both from the uk 🇬🇧
You’re welcome, Joanna! ❤️ This video should also be really helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
This video is just incredible. Thank you Helena and Valerie.❤️
You’re welcome! This one should also be helpful if you haven’t seen it yet: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
this is true and it resignates with me. We women and even men have to do a lot of self work.
Thanks Angie! These videos should also be helpful for you: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html.
Thank you both so much. That video was at the perfect time, and like a gift from...well, my mother. Just thank you 💜x
You’re welcome, Jacqueline! 💗 These videos should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html.
@@HelenaHartCoaching Ty 💜 x
You ladies did amazing, thank you so much for this 🙏🏼❤️
You’re welcome, Camille! This video should also be really helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
Oh my god I learn a lot from her , she is a real deal!
Yes, Valerie is awesome! Here are a couple more videos we recorded together that should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html.
Love these interviews. Thanks so much 😻
You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoy them!
Very informative and helpful.
Thankyou so much.
I have a much better understanding of both of us now. 🙏💜
You're welcome Jane, I'm glad this was helpful!
Such a wonderful video, my God so informative and healing.. thank you so much for doing this... going straight to the next one, about how to inspire your partner to meet your needs.. 🥰
You’re welcome! This one should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
A mother can be abandoned, when you have a child you are vulnerable and when a man leaves he is absolutely abandoning you with child. Love everything you are talking about though
Thanks Stephanie! These videos might also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html.
Thanks Helena and Valerie! Great info. I was also recently watching a video by Briana MacWilliam. She talked a bit about how some attachment styles can cause a person to settle into a relationship that isn't quite right. I wonder how many times this happens. On the other end of the spectrum, she also talked about how some avoidant styles can cause someone to focus more on someone's flaws, which might cause the attraction to temporarily switch off. I'd love to hear more about this phenomenon.
You’re welcome! 💜 These videos I recorded with Valerie might also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/LqF0Qz_nTSU/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html.
Both of you are so beautiful and have this light that warms me up to take care of myself more
Thank you, I’m happy to hear that! Our latest video should also be really helpful for you: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
This helps so much and I love the videos pleaseeee more!!
I’m glad you enjoyed it! ❤️ This video I recorded with Valerie should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
Really great video, thank you so so much 🙏🏻
You’re welcome! This video should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
@@HelenaHartCoaching thanks Helena 💛🙏🏻
More videos on this topic please. Thank you ladies!
You’re welcome, thanks for the suggestion! 💕
Always Learning there are great books on this too! Look them up keyword : attachment style
thats me omg only insecure when i get into relationships
Hi Summer, these videos should be helpful for you: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/Iy6RHTr3mJM/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/gjXYdM90bSU/видео.html.
Why does this insecurity only happen and get the best of me while in a relationship??
Yes and at first you feel secure and as you start getting feelings and attached you start losing the security. I totally get it!
@@tabithatierney6512 i wonder why this happens:(
i wish i watched this when it came out. couldve saved myself from hurt.
Hi Annie, this video should also be really helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
This video was so helpful! Thank you!
You’re welcome Jamie, I’m glad it was helpful! ❤️
Thank you so much ladies.. This was so helpful! 🙏💖
You’re welcome! This video should also be helpful if you haven’t seen it yet: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
Please bring Valerie back often.
Valerie is awesome! You can check out all the videos we’ve recorded together in the description of this one. 💜
Thank you Ladies!
You’re welcome, Donna! 💕
I loved this video!
I’m glad you enjoyed it! 💜 This one should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
I can be the mom I needed and the dad that was available I can be the universe if I need to be to tell her she’ll always be ok ty I can pick her up outa the dangerous situations and run hard and fast if I’m that moment I need to and that for a childhood abuse victim who’s been doing work for years is shocking and powerful I haven’t after all these years learned how to self soothe I don’t even trust myself but I can trust the universe ty for this
You’re welcome, Elisia! These videos should also be helpful for you: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html.
Ur videos are so amazing!
Thank you, Shavonda! 💖
This video has helped tremendously, thank you for doing this!
You’re welcome! This one should also be really helpful (I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!): ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
@@HelenaHartCoaching I wish I saw this yesterday😭 but I now understand to disassociate relationship anxiety from myself to something inside of me has anxiety. I discovered that something inside me has been dealing with Relationship anxiety about a year ago, I find it interesting that I found your videos now. I guess it's time to heal. Thank you again!
@@alwaysjazzyful You’re very welcome! 💗
Mine was more of what I have been left with after being married to a Narc.
I love everything Valerie has to say about this, it's gold. I have a comment, though, if these comments are still being read: at 44-45 minutes, Valerie talks about abandonment and how no healthy adult (except the elderly) can be abandoned because he/she can take care of him/herself and therefore it wouldn't be devastating. I challenge that with the example of a pregnant woman. If a heavily pregnant woman or a woman who has recently given birth is left by the child's father, that IS abandonment because she and the child are incredibly vulnerable, and that would 100% be devastating. And I wonder if anxious attachment is a lot more prevalent in women because of this biological need to be able to rely - at least for a certain amount of time - on the child's father.
Lisa Cherry Beaumont I am sure you are right. My childhood was uneventful and I had 2 loving parents. Then I was married for 14 years with 2 children when my husband left me pregnant with the third. I was deeply affected by that, and am now anxious as I had not seen it coming at all. Now I am hyper vigilant. I need to learn how to trust and be calm again.
Stephanie Pashko oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I have no respect for a “man” who can leave his wife while she’s pregnant, and I’ve heard it so many times before. What a shock. How devastating. What a selfish mess inside he must be to do that - he needs therapy or Jesus. I’ve been reading an excellent book called “Attached” (by Levine and Heller) - Valerie mentions it either here or in another video, and I’m about halfway through it - and it’s really opening my eyes to what healthy attachment looks like. I’m pretty sure it’s healthy to expect your husband to stick around for your third child and not walk out on you out of the blue! I hope you’re able to find the support you need, love. xx
Lisa Cherry Beaumont I read it too! It is really useful. Thank you for your kindness!
Stephanie Pashko you’re so welcome. Wishing you the best. xx
Wow.... THANK YOU!
You’re welcome! 💕
As a men. This does make me less of a men but I think it's necessary to do. I mean it's less masculine to be anxious anyway. Thank you for your info it's quite valuable
You’re welcome! Working on yourself definitely doesn’t make you less of a man, in my opinion. Most women are looking for a conscious man who’s mature and self-aware. This video might also be helpful (it applies to both men and women): ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
Amazing talk! So eye opening
Thanks Courtney! 💕
This video is a blessing! thank you!
You're welcome, Yelena!
I’m having trouble finding info on what happens when an anxious attachment (me) is dating a secure attachment (with maybe a touch of anxious...my bf). I’m finding that no matter what he does, it’s not been enough. I want constant reassurance. I’m good about communicating and I look forward to healing my attachment through a healthy relationship. Can you do a video specifically on this? I couldn’t figure out why my anxiety wasn’t being satiated even though he’s coming through, being consistent and communicating. I’ve recently come to learn that I don’t actually believe or take in any of the loving actions.
I'll keep this in mind for future video topics! In the meantime, although it's not your exact situation this one might be helpful: ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html. I'd also highly recommend applying for a free breakthrough session with Valerie, as I know she can help a LOT with your unique situation - you can apply here: www.coachvaleriegreene.com/dap/a/?a=141&p=www.coachvaleriegreene.com/free-strategy-session.
I'm in an LDR with a man overseas for nearly 3 yrs which has its own sets of problems. Yes, we both grew up without fathers, in dysfunctional families and he feels like my other half. We discuss everything. There's also an intense physical attraction. My insecurity comes from the fact I'm 71 and he's 48, even though we look close in age. My hair isn't gray yet and he grew a silver beard during lockdown. We text or talk everyday, his flight to me in June cancelled due to the pandemic. But yes, I'm anxiety and he's avoidant, and sometimes vice versa. Getting a grip on these mechanical responses is difficult but worthy. I live in NYC and find my Cape Townian man so much more interesting than men, especially my age, who live here. We challenge each other intellectully and laugh our asses off. That to me is golden. During lockdown he's with his mother 24/7 so not happy and communication sporadic, even though every day. Thank you.
You’re welcome! Thanks for sharing your experience here. 💜
Could you say a little bit more about the "inner father"? I found this concept interesting, as far as self- soothing. But I was unclear what you meant that the inner father is more about setting boundaries. Could you say more about this? I think Valery talks a bit more about it later in the video. But it would be great to get some more details about this in terms of how to use that info with self-soothing.
So much help!
Thank you, these videos should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/-fmaR8gbZng/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html.
Wow this is me to a T. Wish I knew all this before I pushed him over the edge and he left.
Thanks for sharing your experience here, I know many people can relate. These videos might be helpful for future reference: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html, ruclips.net/video/-fmaR8gbZng/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/9zqOVCD7ztM/видео.html.
Thank you so much. Loved it.
You're welcome!
Hi Helena and Valerie thank you so much for this fantastic content 💕🦋🌹 I would love to be taken through an exercise of inner parent child conversation with Valerie... I feel it would be heloful for us all to have an internal experience of this work.. We could then apply it in our lives xx💝💝💝thanks again you girls are a gift 🦋🦋
You’re welcome! I’ll bring Valerie back on to do a video on that topic, thanks for the suggestion! ❤️
We would love more videos on anxious Styles and more tools.
Thank you, So helpful!!!!
You work is amazing and you are a blessing❤️
You’re welcome! I highly recommend checking out this new video if you haven’t seen it yet (I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!): ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html
That's me..only takes 20 mind no reply I struggle
Wow.. I'm the only male here 😂
That's kind of ackward haha!
But definitely I'm an anxious type learning on how to be secure.
Aviodant-anxious truly are attracted to each other lol. The one reason I'm here is because I want to grow and to create a better life with my Ms. Aviodant 🤣.
Hopefully, she'll do the same so we could meet in the middle. But if things don't go as planned. Well I can't really do anything. But I do really hope she would. Like her: I also want to be with her as how much she does want to be with me.
Ok I'm going to keep listening haha 😂
I need this.
I have another video with Valerie coming out on Thursday on how to inspire your partner to meet your needs if they have an avoidant attachment style. It should be helpful for your situation!
@@HelenaHartCoaching Nice! 😁
Be looking forward to it. Hopefully.. I'll remember the date 🤣 (notepad lol)
It will be premiering on Thursday, June 27th at 6:00pm Eastern Time, and Valerie will be in the live chat during the premiere answering questions!
@@HelenaHartCoaching Preciate that.
I hope I could make it on live chat. But I'll try. Forgot my bros here (Philippines) for vacation for few weeks before going back to nc 🤣 (north kakalaki lol).
@@aznsolja84 About 8 months too late but just letting you know, you're not the only guy going through this. I've been feeling incredibly anxious in my own relationship and this video is currently hitting every nail on the head. Hope things are all going well with you Ray.
Helena - could you ask Valerie: how do you teach these self-soothing (inner child healing) techniques to your ACTUAL children? My 14 year old has been traumatized (I believe) by me because I have been "anxious" his whole life ... until the last year or so since I begun my own healing journey.
How do we "undo" pain we may have inadvertently caused our children while they are STILL children? He's so self-deprecating and critical of himself and I see my "old self" (and my mom) in him. I want to heal him NOW so he doesn't have to do this when he's 44 (like me).
Great question! You might want to apply for a free breakthrough session with Valerie - here’s the link if you’re interested: www.coachvaleriegreene.com/dap/a/?a=141&p=www.coachvaleriegreene.com/free-strategy-session
…and I believe parts of these videos might also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html.
I had the same question while watching a similar video in the past couple of days.
My daughter doesn’t exhibit any issues, but I’m still concerned and wondered what I could do. What I really really think, is that as you heal he heals. He will see you, he’ll realize it’s OK, he’ll emulate you, and you’re modeling a new way for him. If he sees you accept yourself, and you’re obviously accepting him as well, then he’ll accept himself! When he gets a little older you can explain things to him so he has more awareness and you can give him a cuddle and tell him how much you love him just the way he is! He’s lucky to have a mom like you!
thank u for this video it educated me on a part of myself i wasn't even conscious of (blind spot) ;)
You’re welcome, I’m happy to hear that! 💜
LOVE this so much, thank you! But I was saddened by the heteronormative language. In the future please avoid assuming that all women are in relationship with men. This info is helpful to all who can relate to anxious/avoidant attachment!
You’re welcome, I’m glad this was helpful!
my god...
Most women ARE.....(sorry).
Wow ❤as adult boy loved this session
I’m glad you enjoyed it! These videos might also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.html and ruclips.net/video/chFbnKP3blo/видео.html.
Can you ladies do a video on childhood insecurities with regards to sibling favorism by family members?
Post traumatic stress disorder from domestic violence relationship and marriage, and a teenage rape.
Both concepts and how they affect this anxious style, which is me.
Also, how the exspouse suppressed my emotions in regards to the death of my parents and other family members.
I need to heal from above.
I want a relationship to work but he's an avoidant style. Insecurities on my part. He is working overtime to reassure me that he would never hurt me like my exhusband and an exboyfriend. I know in my heart, he is "my gentleman", my lucky charm, my best friend...my love.
Any tips or videos that might help between you, Helena and Valerie.
Thank you Helena for providing a forum for our concerns and for your guest Valerie.🌹🌹😇😇❤❤
You're welcome Deana, I'll keep that in mind for future video topics!
It's refreshing to hear a teaching that goes opposite to "he's not meeting my needs so therefore I'm outta here ".😂
Thank you! This video should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/xu9mQ6mtfcU/видео.html
Yeah, most of us don’t even know how to meet our own needs but we shouldn’t walk out on ourselves!!
My my wife is dismissive and I'm the anxious. My question is what attachment style do dismissive avoidance generally cling to and why?
Can someone develop an attachment anxiety over having bad relationships?
This was beautiful
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it! 💕
This chick rocks ❤️
Yes, Valerie gives great advice! 💜 These episodes I recorded with her should also be helpful: ruclips.net/video/v2NkEPYVovA/видео.htmlsi=J25GkYuVgTipYilj and ruclips.net/user/liveRZP24TS2fpU?si=9VMSgqX3ohuGASJa.
Hi I am one of the few men on this channel. And I'm gay lol. I found out I am anxious attached, & married an avoidant man (perhaps foolidhly). My husband & I are in conflict & maybe it's hopeless. Still, I'd like to use this marriage to help us both grow.
Really curious to know more about what I can do to call him to integrity & also be more loving & conscious, if that is even possible.
I actually have another video coming out on Thursday with Valerie on how to inspire your partner to meet your needs if they have an avoidant attachment style, it should be really helpful for your situation!
Try reading books on this style , Im in the same boat homie
@@staciecook5217 yeah, I've been studying avidly for quite awhile now. I've gained a lot of insight about this situation since I posted my original message.
I have learned how to adjust my communication to get more of what I want. However it is a lot of work on my end, & tensions lurk just beneath the surface.
After my break up i found out about these attachment styles my ex was avoidant and i was anxious, i feel like if i found this out before we may could fix it and because of that i really feel bad about and can't forgive myself