He should have consulted...however, the question also needs to be asked "why didn't he consult her first"? Was it because he doesn't want to consider you as much as his parents, or is it because he knows that the reaction you'll give will be a downright no anyway?
No, shes giving the toxic 'I'm your wife' energy when she hasn't done a nikkah yet. Sorry honey but he done a good thing because he hasn't got a wife yet to fulfil her rights by consulting with her first.
@@mijanurrahman5640 "I understand, but its courteous to speak to her about it." lmao he doesnt owe her anything. her fragile ego is not a priority in islam.
Simple He’s creating a “non negotiable “ to end the relationship but make you out to be the bad guy. It happens all the time. Sorry love. Ask Allah to send you someone better and worthy of you 🤍🤍
what makes him manipulative ? haha. he can do whatever he wants, he should value his parents more than some female he just met, so of course he should go to his parents first, why wouldnt he......... he also has the right to give her an ultimatum. are you not familiar with islam? what do you mean the audacity. lmao. is it because he didnt take into consideration her fragile ego?
That's the thing many Asian men are taught from a young age to not respect parents but worship them and put them above everyone else astagfirullah. They are taught it doesn't matter if anyone else is neglected your parents shouldn't be. Such men shouldn't get married they should just live With mummy and daddy. Losers.
@@iramansari3182 "That's the thing many Asian men are taught from a young age to not respect parents but worship them and put them above everyone else astagfirullah." your understand is wrong, and the understanding of most Asian men as you claim, is correct
@@iramansari3182 "Such men shouldn't get married they should just live With mummy and daddy. Losers." lmao. why are you soo triggered. fragile ego hurt ? his priorities should never his w i f e, it should be his parents. name 1 reason he should prioritize his wife ? ill wait.
@@willdei4724 I'm not triggered..its just that you're speaking bs. And no parents are not first. That's your thinking. A wife completes half your Deen. If you don't fulfill her rights Allah will ask you on the day of judgement. A wife is inportant and so are parents but you can't say parents are more important because they are not. A wife has her own place and parents have their own. And I said it before I'll say it again don't get married if you don't see a wife as important and if you think parents are above. Stay with mummy and daddy. Don't ruin some girls life having to watch you just slave around your parents and not do anything for her. Allah has described a husband and wife as libas. There is nothing more close to a person than a libas hence their rights come first so your wife is and should be your priority. The first ever relationship was of husband and wife. You have no education or understanding of Islam. You seem like a troll just spamming everywhere. And you're the one who seems triggered leaving your idiotic comments everywhere lol.
I feel like Sid and Dina spend time guessing the situation. Instead people need to give specific details. So Sid + Dina can clearly understand everything and answer accordingly.
I agree with Dina, he doesn’t value her as a person. That’s a major red flag for me and I’d probably just end the relationship and find someone who values and respects me as a human being.
Unless she’s getting paid for it then she’ll do it ffs 🤣 men think they can get a free maid through marriage not knowing their mamas are getting paid direct debit into their bank accounts unless they’re came to that country illegally 🤦🏻♀️ men need to realise times have changed
@@dubai_fitness The husband knows that if him and his wife move next door to his parents house.. the wife will end up picking up the slack. Him and the inlaws will then expect her to visit every single day, probably cook for them all the time, clean for them etc. Thats whats gonna end up happening. The husband and inlaws knows exactly what he is doing by keeping her very close to his parents. Its all for selfish reasons, trust me. No woman wants to look after inlaws every single day. We have our own lives too. If i had inlaws, i would visit them once a week and thats it. Aint nobody going over there every single day😂 i have my own life too.
@@dubai_fitness it’s not a wifes duty to look after her husbands parents, it’s HIS duty to look after his parents, the same way it’s a daughrers duty to look after her own parents, not her husbands, don’t get it twisted in the name of Islam.
My husband is the same and it’s causes massive arguments! If this is not something you want and you know it’s not within you to force yourself into a situation, do not got forward. Sid and Dina are right, they can live near by. And you were definitely not part of the decision, a major factor that affects your life - which matter, you matter!! Think hard about your decision, and don’t be afraid to fight for what you want. ✌🏽
I’m with the girl on this one BECAUSE she never said NO to him. She gave him another reasonable respectful option which is ”we can still take care of them but they don’t have to live this close”. Yet he said: either you do as I say or we go seperste ways. She was willing to compromise but he is just stubborn. People like that who can’t compromise will always try to get their way and suppress their partner over and over again .
DON’T MARRY HIM! I understand he’s not rich and buying a duplex is much cheaper and convenient than buying two houses on the same road. If you marry hun you’re signing the rest of your life to taking care of his parents that’s exactly what he is looking for so know what you’re getting into and if you want the fairytale it is NOT with him ❤️
There is nothing wrong with taking care of his parents. Life is not a fairytale with anyone. There's struggles even with the right person and most marriages end because people don't realise the amount of responsibility it brings. Anyone not ready for responsibility is not ready for marriage. Period! I think the issue here is the fact that the guy wasn't transparent about it and did a shady move behind her back. He should've discussed it with her instead of making a decision and acting like he's discussing with her. The guy doesn't value her opinion and that's the problem. He should've put all cards on the table from the beginning and then given her the freedom of deciding whether she wants in or not instead of going so far into the relationship where families are involved and they're talking marriage and then tell her that either she agrees like a good little bitch or she can do1.
@@mx0tfe181 not all women want to look after someone else’s parents for the rest of their life so don’t act like that’s what marriage is Cz it isn’t and if you think that’s what it is then I feel sorry for you. Many parents look after themselves and don’t allow their children to be burdened with their care, many parents have their own money to pay for their own care and some parents are not ok with seeing their daughters or sons in laws everyday like my parents and my parents in law we see them once a week. Don’t make it seem like that’s what marriage is Cz baby you’ve got it so twisted, he fucked up and he’s looking for a full time carer for his parents not a wife and if he wasn’t a broke dickhead he could have afforded a happy life for all but what a man like that needs to do is sit his ass at home with his parents and look after them him self and the government can pay him carers allowance for it not drag someone else into his shitty life
@@soukybird9274 no one said that is what marriage is but what if he's the only child? What if they're old and need someone? Would you let them die? All I'm saying is him wanting to look after his parents isn't the evil here. It's the fact that he didn't go about it properly and forced the decision. Also, some people genuinely have no means to make money so being broke doesn't make you a dickhead and that's a terrible way to mock someone for their lack of wealth.
@@mx0tfe181 I am sorry but in Islam it’s written NOWHERE that I have to take care of anyone parents. My only duty towards the in-laws is to treat them in a good and respectful way, that is it. I will never spend a life taking care of anyone’s parents unless it’s my job, doesn’t mean I won’t work with my husband to find other ways to give them the best care, or that I won’t treat them the best way, but stop just trying to make it look like it’s a woman’s duty, or that if we don’t do so we are bad people. We are not. We are not made for this and we do not have to. Periodt.
@@mx0tfe181 and I am sorry but if you are not financially ready to take care of both your parents if they are in a delicate situation and of your household and wife, then don’t get married. Take care of your parents first, and then when you will have the ways to marry in a proper way and without lowering the standards and the wife’s lifestyle then you can go on with your plans.
Kinda sounds like this dude has been thinking/planning this for a long time... If he doesn't care about how she feels about a major decision in "their' lives.. might not be the one for her.. marriage is a job that you work for the rest of your life, day in and day out!! I believe he isn't really wanting a marriage!! Just his way!! It was to easy for him to say, (with or without you being my wife) not a good quality and a husband at all!!!
I agree! I was about to comment this (and then got lazy and didn't haha 😅) the guy clearly doesn't love or have true feelings for her, cos of how quickly he's willing to drop her. A guy who genuinely likes you, will fight tooth and nail just to be with you - yet this guy sees her as replaceable. He was never serious to begin with. And this is also why when you meet someone, you have to have these 'deal-breaker' convo's much earlier on, rather than one year in. Had she been upfront & persistent with her intentions at the start, he would've had no choice but to be transparent and tell her he's planning to live close with parents- which would have saved her time from being wasted and causing unnecessary heartache.
Apart from all the points you guys mentioned, another problem is what is he dumps 100% of the caring of his parents on his wife later on. Since he didn’t even take her opinion for this, he might not care to ask her about that. He will say he’s too busy with work and she might have to run back and forth between taking care of her home, hopefully the kids inshaaAllah and then his parents 😳
That's a god point but then she should think twice about committing to him because in Islam caring for the parents is a duty on the child, not the daughter/son in law.
i understand the desire to live close to be able to take care of aging parents - however, the guy in this case did not go about that properly. it should always feel like conversation and compromise, not ultimatums thrown down. in kind of a related topic, i wonder how he would have reacted if she had proposed the same idea for her own parents. In asian cultures especially (pakistani, indian etc), the boy's parents tend to take priority so it's been normalized for the girl to move with all of them. this type of traditional thinking worries me as an only girl child because i too want to take care of my parents as they age.
So with that mind, how do you plan on not ending up in that situation where you have to move in and take care of them and neglect your own parents? Worrying won't get your anywhere. Solutions will.
I totally agree with both of you, it’s so selfish of him not to tell her first. He’s right by wanting his parents close to look after them but there are other possibilities like living in the same neighbourhood or even city if he has a car.. But bro the ultimatum thing is a bigggg red flag!! They’ve been together for 1 year and he would end it all even though they can find an agreement. Sis ruuuun
The problem is he didn’t talk to his wife first about it and now he’s giving her ultimatum wow. That’s super unfair. A marriage is about sacrifice/compromise, he is not even trying to compromise. At least maybe for the first couple of years they could live close by but not right next door. I think if he had discussed it with his future wife first, maybe she could’ve slept on it and allowed it. Because his parents are important, but he now also has to think of his wife first when making decisions. Him making that decision without discussing it with her first and giving her an ultimatum is a major red flag. If they do get married, he’ll probably behave like this and not include her decisions. I personally would call off the marriage but they can work it out.
@@dubai_fitness no I was in that marriage for 10+ years with abuse and constant "his way or its divorce" constantly in my face so I obeyed to the T but...it was never enough. And my way or the high way type of mindset is nothing to do with religion. Yes we should listen to our husbands when it is a just and fair thing but when it comes to life altering decisions both should discuss and come to a decision together. It is a partnership. And when in islam it says you are eachothers garments, you should respect eachother and love eachother then automatically you seek eachother's counsel because their is trust and respect in the union alhumdulillah islam has made sure all rights and duties are fair for both. It simply doesn't say "obey your husband" that is in connection with ALL rights and duties in islam between husband and wife. Even the prophet pbuh seemed his wife Khadija rats counsell and remember she financed the start of islam with her money and business. Its all connected. In islam you cant demand command and treat wife like a slave...or threaten her...or abuse her in any manner be it emotional, mental, verbal, sexual, physical or financial. There is a zero tolerance in islam when it comes to such things. But culture...well culture says never say no and obey any and everything the husband says which is against islam because a man is a human and can be unjust, unfair and wrong.
@@dubai_fitness brother i was 16. Also alot of people may seem practicing before hand...but once married its not the case. Just saying. Jazak Allah Kharin
@@Uhuss-qq6cq whats to laugh about. Yes I was married at 16. It was many years ago. Today girls in the uk still get married at 18 and 19 whats funny about it.
I agree with Dina. The issue is that he’s made this decision without her and is forcing her to go through with it rather than the fact that he wants to live with his parents. This generation has a big thing against living with parents for some reason but to each to their own I guess. My point is, if you want to live with your parents after marriage then consult that with your partner as soon as the relationship is beginning to get serious and possibly heading towards marriage, not after the marriage is fixed and definitely not after the wedding. Vice versa, if you are a person that do not want to live with yours or your spouse’s parents after marriage, get it out there and make sure they are aware when things are getting serious. Stop forcing them to live with your parents or forcing them to leave their parents, that’s not healthy. Young people are often too wrapped up in emotions and ‘love’ that they become desperate to change a whole person just to fit their life which doesn’t seem too bad at first until a year into marriage and everything collapses because you realise you have become a complete different person for a person you no longer get butterflies for. Be realistic about marriage. It’s not all sunshine and sparkles, it’s the promise to literally spend every day of your life including the good and the bad with them. Making every decisions together. Being a good and strong team.
Sis needs to run for the hills. Imagine him handling situations this way? 'Oh if it's not my way then i'll end the relationship'. He sounds weak and pathetic. He disrespected his gf and took her out of the equation when the decision affects them both equally. Writing is on the wall for the kinda husband he will be!
Warning: narcissists will promise to buy something w you to get what they want from you eg. Live with my parents. If he comes back later as if nothing happened then he probably has a "harem closet" somewhere. If he doesn't ignore you for a while then maybe he rethought what he said (in which case he really just wants to be there for his parents) but some narcissists have a narcissistic parent which is another reason they want to be near the parent (bc they're under the thumb of their mom or dad) find out. I don't agree with "dating" anyway but its their life.
I’m in this situation now and let me just tell you something, he will never choose you over his parents and unless they are good people, amazing people, the best people on the planet, better then your own parents, the best Muslims you know, get out now, consider the ultimatum a blessing. No judgment, but nothing that didn’t start halal could ever be halal. Get out.
this is why I want to get married in my 30s and be financially independent so a man can't "control" me because I will have my own money and sadly thats the only way some men will respect a women
@@moraz72 sadly yes, even though in islam men have do their own thing and women do there own thing, its sad how islam makes everything so easy but people choose to follow culture which is so hard and complicated which has made many people depressed
@@aqsa7631 just keep in mind most men might not want a 30 y old wife. Men like youth so they will go for the 20 y old over you. I've seen this happen with muslimahs who are older and no man wants them. It's sad but it's the reality. A man who's attractive and financially stable will go for young women so if possible don't wait that long because you might not be able to attract a suitable man. Try to marry mid twenties :)
@@stariehearts2366 I understand perfectly! but in the end some people get married young and they hate life or get divorced, some get married 30s- 40s and live together happily, its all about destiny and what's meant for an individual, and pre conceived norms and ideas from families ruin a way a person views themselves and the world some individuals can't stand up fro themselves and their views- hell some dont even know themselves, I realized im more of a work orientated female so I decided to just focus on business or aomething to keep me occupied until I leave this world or retire at 65-70y/old
@@aqsa7631 that's fine do what works for you :) I just wanted to make you aware that your chances of attracting a good man decreases the older you are. Men will choose youth and beauty, it's not their fault because it's how Allah created men. I just wanted you to know this because most muslimahs don't know this and they get upset when men choose younger women. But if you're happy remaining unmarried then I wish nothing but the best for you dear sis ❤️
Communication! A huge part of any relationship. There are alot of factors to consider here. We don't know how bad is his parents condition. If he is a care taker and she does want anything to do with that then that is pretty harsh. You marry each other's families too. So there are alot of unknowns. But true both parties need not to give ultimatum. It will create resentments at the end. Not healthy...so better to put healthy boundaries around the relationship early on. This is a very hard topic when it comes to parents. My son is struggling with this issue, ironically its his wife who lacks Communication. We as parents stay out of it, but my son is hurting and they are only married for 6 months. Knows each other for over a year. So we are giving him sound wisdom to get his wife to see his point also. I think the biggest eye awakening for my son was when we here in US we had wild fires and all our counties were getting evacuation notices, she only thought about herself and her parents. Not understanding that her husband too has parents and he will make sure we are ok too. It was very hurtful. So like I said married couples have to view parents as one unit also when it comes to some important things. We all grew up and lived very close to my parents, so my son is a family person. May Allah give them wisdom to get through the Communication and their relationship.
When Sid drank his coffee and then made a face about the topic and what he said, Dina didn’t even clock on, she carried on! I was laughing my head off! 16:43 sec lmao! 😂😂😂 On a serious note love the video, some people need telling that you do things for people naturally you create a bond. It’s not a game x
Ultimatums are the beginning of the end. It's like a toddler throwing a tantrum to try and get their way. I'd walk away now from him because it'll happen again and again and again
I totally agree with Sid and Dee. I know it’d be hard to leave, but it’s only going to get harder. Don’t get yourself stuck in a bad situation. See how he responds after you give it to him straight, like Sid said, tell him you’re leaning toward breaking and why. Make sure you stay calm and break up the argument in a concise manner. Who knows, he may agree with you and see why his actions are toxic, but if he continues with his way or highway, drop him hun.
I understand him considering his parents as his first priority and him wanting them right next door - HOWEVER, ultimatums? Thats a massive NO NO! So even if you guys have been dating for a year and it's time to discuss about marriage ; don't. You deserve someone who does consider you in the equation and does value your thoughts and opinions than end it with "my way or the high way", especially when there are a lot of issues that will come up after getting married.
It would be so good if we could have an update on these after. Like what actually happened after they took your advise on? Obviously if they get back to you that is.
But is it really lazy? He could be looking for a duplex as it could be more accessible financially opposed to having two separate properties. Can't judge without all the info
I think he is trying to see whether he can manipulate you and continue doing this later on. I do not think he will break up, he will back track and see that his mind games are not working with you. Stand your grounds.
At this stage in a relationship, he can do what he feels would be best for the parents, and also his future with you...and if this is already causing problems then you need to rethink before getting married to this person
Exactly what's with the "ultimatum"? When he didn't even ask YOU, his WIFE before he made a decision? What type of a relationship is this? Business deal? Just BECAUSE they are his parents does NOT mean *automatically* they are yours and that he does not *consult* you. I have like zero tolerance for a fake man like that. But I'd smell that a mile away and never marry. But of course you both know each other, so clearly chose to marry one another so there's obviously more to this understanding and misunderstanding... hopefully it is all sorted out. Sorry sister you had to go through this, I would automatically feel distrust from my husband and feel like an outsider if he did that. :( Everyone should respect one another. The End.
For me it's the ultimatum. She has to think will he be this way with every decision? Im not saying he can't be the way he is,the way he talked it through with his parents without her present can be discussed. That was wrong. But what should have been discussed at the beginning of the relationship was his expectation to be the last word in decision making.Had she known I bet she would have thought twice about marrying him. He may have found a woman who doesn't mind living next to his parents,a woman who is okay with letting her husband make the decisions.🤷🏾♀️ It doesn't matter if he's thinks its for the happiness of his family,and it shouldn't matter if he is paying everything.Its a marriage and decisions and moves are decided together. Divorce should never be wielded like a weapon.
He is choosing convenience for himself over her comfort. Like Sid and Dina mentioned, it’s possible to look after this guy’s parents if they live in the same neighbourhood. He doesn’t want to make the effort to travel this short distance but expects this girl or woman to be okay with something that she is not okay or comfortable with. He is choosing his own happiness over yours. Kick his ass for being selfish, not for wanting to take care of his family.
do you have any tips on moving out away from parents for the first time? i went away for uni which was fine but now i've gotten a job quite far away and i keep getting paranoid of leaving them :( (i think i have separation anxiety)
I have a feeling she would have just been stuck looking after the in laws by herself rather than the guy actually looking after them for the majority of the time. She wouldn't really be able to give him any excuses as he would say well they're only next door. Definitely major red flag with the ultimatum I think to him it doesn't really matter who he is with he wants a carer
As a single person but to bring someone else to your burden is selfish. There are women that won’t mind unless their husbands are paying them for it and that’s what most men don’t see and don’t tell each other. They brag about their wives making them tea and cooking them meals and cleaning their shit but forget to mention they’re paying her for it 😉
These are western civilization concepts. Wife will also will not want to work and would like a house, luxurious car and 2 vacations a year. If you can't support her like that, then she will leave you within a year. That is why the divorce rate in western countries for middle eastern is high.
I like Sid's advice, talk to him and explain why this isn't okay. If he's still defensive and doesn't understand what he did wrong, let the relationship end. But it at least gives him the opportunity to think about it from her perspective. Also wanted to add, for those who say islamically the sons need to take care of their parents, that's fine but keep in mind that there are situations in which there is no son. I am a woman and with only a sister, so it's going to have to fall on us daughters to take care of our parents.
The fact that he gave her a ultimate is so wrong on so many levels. Why should she put her feeling aside to plz everyone but herself. NO. It’s not fair. Why does the daughter-in-law always get the shit and can’t have a voice. It’s either a joint decision or it’s not happening. Like Dina said why cant they move close by, not next door. Which newly married couple wants their In-laws a wall away ... girl I’d say really think about this situation. This is a big thing and if your truly not happy don’t do it to plz people. Remember you Matter too.. 🙏🏻
It sounds like he wants her to take care of his parents, typical in many cultures. What if the woman wants to take care of her own parents? Why do guys think their family comes first? Boy bye
There's absolutely no privacy, they'll be in her space all the time and she'll become their carer. No one wants to start marriage and be responsible for every tom, dick and harry
Ultimatum is his way of emotional blackmailing and this trait will carry on..he is confident that u will agree..he doesn’t want to lose face from his family or maybe he’s not even approach his parents but made the whole thing up to give you no choice..I would think twice red flags..take the hurt now..
what's a duplex is it 2 separate flats next to each other with separate entrances and separate kitchen or is it same flat on different floors or something if its 2 flats with separate entrances that's a luxury there's bare husbands that make the wife live in the same house with parents and out of love the wife does it because his parents are old. if its separate entrances what more privacy do u want atleast he dindt ask u to move into the same house.
RUN GIRL!!! Ultimatums are a big red flag 🚩
Yes I would have runned too, if I just had somebody to warn me.
TRUEEE
That's a Bigggg trueee, just RUUNN!!!!
who do you think is the boss in the relationship ? lmao. you have a lot to learn child.
I personally would not marry someone who doesn't ask me and make big decisions on his own. This shows that he doesn't respect your opinion.
He is letting her know who's boss.
@@dubai_fitness They are not married. She is his girlfriend.
@@dubai_fitness I think you are man? Am I right?
@@moraz72 ahahaha I guess also this is a brother
@@dubai_fitness Good Lord! Obey? lol
Can never get over how stunning Dina is
It's giving me big "it's my way or the highway" energy
He should have consulted...however, the question also needs to be asked "why didn't he consult her first"? Was it because he doesn't want to consider you as much as his parents, or is it because he knows that the reaction you'll give will be a downright no anyway?
@@dubai_fitness I understand, but its courteous to speak to her about it.
No, shes giving the toxic 'I'm your wife' energy when she hasn't done a nikkah yet. Sorry honey but he done a good thing because he hasn't got a wife yet to fulfil her rights by consulting with her first.
@@mlindalina1 he didn’t consult her before making a decision n how does this make her controlling instead of him🤦♀️
@@mijanurrahman5640 "I understand, but its courteous to speak to her about it." lmao
he doesnt owe her anything. her fragile ego is not a priority in islam.
Simple
He’s creating a “non negotiable “ to end the relationship but make you out to be the bad guy.
It happens all the time. Sorry love. Ask Allah to send you someone better and worthy of you 🤍🤍
she is the "bad guy"
what makes her worthy ...lmao ?
@@willdei4724 😂😂😂 good luck with that thought
@@shoshowat good luck with what ? lmao. i asked what makes her worthy and you struggling. ok. 😂
@@willdei4724 no one is struggling. All of You’s are replaceable 🤓
@@shoshowat you are amusing. you need men yet they dont need you, dont have to be triggered. lmao.
He seems inconsiderate and manipulative 🤢 going to his parents first and then an ultimatum?? The audacity
what makes him manipulative ? haha. he can do whatever he wants, he should value his parents more than some female he just met, so of course he should go to his parents first, why wouldnt he.........
he also has the right to give her an ultimatum. are you not familiar with islam? what do you mean the audacity. lmao. is it because he didnt take into consideration her fragile ego?
That's the thing many Asian men are taught from a young age to not respect parents but worship them and put them above everyone else astagfirullah. They are taught it doesn't matter if anyone else is neglected your parents shouldn't be. Such men shouldn't get married they should just live With mummy and daddy. Losers.
@@iramansari3182 "That's the thing many Asian men are taught from a young age to not respect parents but worship them and put them above everyone else astagfirullah."
your understand is wrong, and the understanding of most Asian men as you claim, is correct
@@iramansari3182
"Such men shouldn't get married they should just live With mummy and daddy. Losers."
lmao. why are you soo triggered. fragile ego hurt ? his priorities should never his w i f e, it should be his parents. name 1 reason he should prioritize his wife ? ill wait.
@@willdei4724 I'm not triggered..its just that you're speaking bs. And no parents are not first. That's your thinking. A wife completes half your Deen. If you don't fulfill her rights Allah will ask you on the day of judgement. A wife is inportant and so are parents but you can't say parents are more important because they are not. A wife has her own place and parents have their own. And I said it before I'll say it again don't get married if you don't see a wife as important and if you think parents are above. Stay with mummy and daddy. Don't ruin some girls life having to watch you just slave around your parents and not do anything for her. Allah has described a husband and wife as libas. There is nothing more close to a person than a libas hence their rights come first so your wife is and should be your priority. The first ever relationship was of husband and wife. You have no education or understanding of Islam. You seem like a troll just spamming everywhere. And you're the one who seems triggered leaving your idiotic comments everywhere lol.
I feel like Sid and Dina spend time guessing the situation. Instead people need to give specific details. So Sid + Dina can clearly understand everything and answer accordingly.
They are not qualified to give specific details as relationship coaches are.
Ngl he got you Dina with the “HAI GUYS” 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭 love y’all ugh my faves
I agree with Dina, he doesn’t value her as a person. That’s a major red flag for me and I’d probably just end the relationship and find someone who values and respects me as a human being.
She needs to find another man.
Please don’t marry someone who makes decisions in this way
No woman wants to live THAT close to their inlaws. Sorry. I want my own space.
Unless she’s getting paid for it then she’ll do it ffs 🤣 men think they can get a free maid through marriage not knowing their mamas are getting paid direct debit into their bank accounts unless they’re came to that country illegally 🤦🏻♀️ men need to realise times have changed
@@dubai_fitness 😒
@@dubai_fitness and a practicing husband would know that it's not his wife's duty to take care of his parents.
@@dubai_fitness The husband knows that if him and his wife move next door to his parents house.. the wife will end up picking up the slack. Him and the inlaws will then expect her to visit every single day, probably cook for them all the time, clean for them etc. Thats whats gonna end up happening. The husband and inlaws knows exactly what he is doing by keeping her very close to his parents. Its all for selfish reasons, trust me.
No woman wants to look after inlaws every single day. We have our own lives too. If i had inlaws, i would visit them once a week and thats it. Aint nobody going over there every single day😂 i have my own life too.
@@dubai_fitness it’s not a wifes duty to look after her husbands parents, it’s HIS duty to look after his parents, the same way it’s a daughrers duty to look after her own parents, not her husbands, don’t get it twisted in the name of Islam.
My husband is the same and it’s causes massive arguments! If this is not something you want and you know it’s not within you to force yourself into a situation, do not got forward. Sid and Dina are right, they can live near by. And you were definitely not part of the decision, a major factor that affects your life - which matter, you matter!! Think hard about your decision, and don’t be afraid to fight for what you want. ✌🏽
I’m with the girl on this one BECAUSE she never said NO to him. She gave him another reasonable respectful option which is ”we can still take care of them but they don’t have to live this close”. Yet he said: either you do as I say or we go seperste ways. She was willing to compromise but he is just stubborn. People like that who can’t compromise will always try to get their way and suppress their partner over and over again .
DON’T MARRY HIM! I understand he’s not rich and buying a duplex is much cheaper and convenient than buying two houses on the same road. If you marry hun you’re signing the rest of your life to taking care of his parents that’s exactly what he is looking for so know what you’re getting into and if you want the fairytale it is NOT with him ❤️
There is nothing wrong with taking care of his parents. Life is not a fairytale with anyone. There's struggles even with the right person and most marriages end because people don't realise the amount of responsibility it brings. Anyone not ready for responsibility is not ready for marriage. Period! I think the issue here is the fact that the guy wasn't transparent about it and did a shady move behind her back. He should've discussed it with her instead of making a decision and acting like he's discussing with her. The guy doesn't value her opinion and that's the problem. He should've put all cards on the table from the beginning and then given her the freedom of deciding whether she wants in or not instead of going so far into the relationship where families are involved and they're talking marriage and then tell her that either she agrees like a good little bitch or she can do1.
@@mx0tfe181 not all women want to look after someone else’s parents for the rest of their life so don’t act like that’s what marriage is Cz it isn’t and if you think that’s what it is then I feel sorry for you. Many parents look after themselves and don’t allow their children to be burdened with their care, many parents have their own money to pay for their own care and some parents are not ok with seeing their daughters or sons in laws everyday like my parents and my parents in law we see them once a week. Don’t make it seem like that’s what marriage is Cz baby you’ve got it so twisted, he fucked up and he’s looking for a full time carer for his parents not a wife and if he wasn’t a broke dickhead he could have afforded a happy life for all but what a man like that needs to do is sit his ass at home with his parents and look after them him self and the government can pay him carers allowance for it not drag someone else into his shitty life
@@soukybird9274 no one said that is what marriage is but what if he's the only child? What if they're old and need someone? Would you let them die? All I'm saying is him wanting to look after his parents isn't the evil here. It's the fact that he didn't go about it properly and forced the decision. Also, some people genuinely have no means to make money so being broke doesn't make you a dickhead and that's a terrible way to mock someone for their lack of wealth.
@@mx0tfe181 I am sorry but in Islam it’s written NOWHERE that I have to take care of anyone parents. My only duty towards the in-laws is to treat them in a good and respectful way, that is it. I will never spend a life taking care of anyone’s parents unless it’s my job, doesn’t mean I won’t work with my husband to find other ways to give them the best care, or that I won’t treat them the best way, but stop just trying to make it look like it’s a woman’s duty, or that if we don’t do so we are bad people. We are not. We are not made for this and we do not have to. Periodt.
@@mx0tfe181 and I am sorry but if you are not financially ready to take care of both your parents if they are in a delicate situation and of your household and wife, then don’t get married. Take care of your parents first, and then when you will have the ways to marry in a proper way and without lowering the standards and the wife’s lifestyle then you can go on with your plans.
Kinda sounds like this dude has been thinking/planning this for a long time... If he doesn't care about how she feels about a major decision in "their' lives.. might not be the one for her.. marriage is a job that you work for the rest of your life, day in and day out!! I believe he isn't really wanting a marriage!! Just his way!! It was to easy for him to say, (with or without you being my wife) not a good quality and a husband at all!!!
I agree! I was about to comment this (and then got lazy and didn't haha 😅) the guy clearly doesn't love or have true feelings for her, cos of how quickly he's willing to drop her. A guy who genuinely likes you, will fight tooth and nail just to be with you - yet this guy sees her as replaceable. He was never serious to begin with.
And this is also why when you meet someone, you have to have these 'deal-breaker' convo's much earlier on, rather than one year in. Had she been upfront & persistent with her intentions at the start, he would've had no choice but to be transparent and tell her he's planning to live close with parents- which would have saved her time from being wasted and causing unnecessary heartache.
Apart from all the points you guys mentioned, another problem is what is he dumps 100% of the caring of his parents on his wife later on. Since he didn’t even take her opinion for this, he might not care to ask her about that. He will say he’s too busy with work and she might have to run back and forth between taking care of her home, hopefully the kids inshaaAllah and then his parents 😳
Yess good point!
That's a god point but then she should think twice about committing to him because in Islam caring for the parents is a duty on the child, not the daughter/son in law.
i understand the desire to live close to be able to take care of aging parents - however, the guy in this case did not go about that properly. it should always feel like conversation and compromise, not ultimatums thrown down. in kind of a related topic, i wonder how he would have reacted if she had proposed the same idea for her own parents. In asian cultures especially (pakistani, indian etc), the boy's parents tend to take priority so it's been normalized for the girl to move with all of them. this type of traditional thinking worries me as an only girl child because i too want to take care of my parents as they age.
So with that mind, how do you plan on not ending up in that situation where you have to move in and take care of them and neglect your own parents? Worrying won't get your anywhere. Solutions will.
Well she should agree and get her parents there as well, let's see how that goes
She probably hates her parents that’s why she wants her space to begin with 🤣 recipe for disaster
@@soukybird9274 wanting you own space means hating your parents? delusion.. convince yourself
@@INAAMAMAN if u don’t know then you don’t know babe so relax
lol
The cat content was much appreciated 😍
I totally agree with both of you, it’s so selfish of him not to tell her first. He’s right by wanting his parents close to look after them but there are other possibilities like living in the same neighbourhood or even city if he has a car.. But bro the ultimatum thing is a bigggg red flag!! They’ve been together for 1 year and he would end it all even though they can find an agreement. Sis ruuuun
Dina's love language is to bully sid xD
Honestly I also think so 😅
She’s a tease🤣. Tongue and cheek!
The problem is he didn’t talk to his wife first about it and now he’s giving her ultimatum wow. That’s super unfair. A marriage is about sacrifice/compromise, he is not even trying to compromise. At least maybe for the first couple of years they could live close by but not right next door.
I think if he had discussed it with his future wife first, maybe she could’ve slept on it and allowed it. Because his parents are important, but he now also has to think of his wife first when making decisions.
Him making that decision without discussing it with her first and giving her an ultimatum is a major red flag. If they do get married, he’ll probably behave like this and not include her decisions. I personally would call off the marriage but they can work it out.
Yeah sounds like my way or the high way situation my ex was like this. Huge red flag.
@@dubai_fitness no I was in that marriage for 10+ years with abuse and constant "his way or its divorce" constantly in my face so I obeyed to the T but...it was never enough. And my way or the high way type of mindset is nothing to do with religion. Yes we should listen to our husbands when it is a just and fair thing but when it comes to life altering decisions both should discuss and come to a decision together. It is a partnership. And when in islam it says you are eachothers garments, you should respect eachother and love eachother then automatically you seek eachother's counsel because their is trust and respect in the union alhumdulillah islam has made sure all rights and duties are fair for both. It simply doesn't say "obey your husband" that is in connection with ALL rights and duties in islam between husband and wife. Even the prophet pbuh seemed his wife Khadija rats counsell and remember she financed the start of islam with her money and business. Its all connected.
In islam you cant demand command and treat wife like a slave...or threaten her...or abuse her in any manner be it emotional, mental, verbal, sexual, physical or financial. There is a zero tolerance in islam when it comes to such things. But culture...well culture says never say no and obey any and everything the husband says which is against islam because a man is a human and can be unjust, unfair and wrong.
@@dubai_fitness brother i was 16. Also alot of people may seem practicing before hand...but once married its not the case. Just saying. Jazak Allah Kharin
@@Sadidesifamily 16? 😂
@@Uhuss-qq6cq whats to laugh about. Yes I was married at 16. It was many years ago. Today girls in the uk still get married at 18 and 19 whats funny about it.
@@Sadidesifamily bruh you could have waited until you were a bit older ffs 😂
Salaam from Mauritius 🇲🇺 Love the couch videos, especially on a sunday afternoon 😁
The title messed with my head 😂
Such a gorgeous couple inside and out!
I agree with Dina. The issue is that he’s made this decision without her and is forcing her to go through with it rather than the fact that he wants to live with his parents. This generation has a big thing against living with parents for some reason but to each to their own I guess. My point is, if you want to live with your parents after marriage then consult that with your partner as soon as the relationship is beginning to get serious and possibly heading towards marriage, not after the marriage is fixed and definitely not after the wedding. Vice versa, if you are a person that do not want to live with yours or your spouse’s parents after marriage, get it out there and make sure they are aware when things are getting serious. Stop forcing them to live with your parents or forcing them to leave their parents, that’s not healthy. Young people are often too wrapped up in emotions and ‘love’ that they become desperate to change a whole person just to fit their life which doesn’t seem too bad at first until a year into marriage and everything collapses because you realise you have become a complete different person for a person you no longer get butterflies for. Be realistic about marriage. It’s not all sunshine and sparkles, it’s the promise to literally spend every day of your life including the good and the bad with them. Making every decisions together. Being a good and strong team.
Anyways, to answer the question, I think they should break the marriage and he should find a wife that’s okay with living with his parents
Sis needs to run for the hills. Imagine him handling situations this way? 'Oh if it's not my way then i'll end the relationship'. He sounds weak and pathetic. He disrespected his gf and took her out of the equation when the decision affects them both equally. Writing is on the wall for the kinda husband he will be!
Awwwww Sid!! That was so nice at the end when u mentioned about your mum. 🙂👌
Love watching Sid and Dina ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐🤩
Warning: narcissists will promise to buy something w you to get what they want from you eg. Live with my parents. If he comes back later as if nothing happened then he probably has a "harem closet" somewhere. If he doesn't ignore you for a while then maybe he rethought what he said (in which case he really just wants to be there for his parents) but some narcissists have a narcissistic parent which is another reason they want to be near the parent (bc they're under the thumb of their mom or dad) find out. I don't agree with "dating" anyway but its their life.
Sid and dina are hilarious love them!
i didn’t realise how much i missed you guys 🥺🥺🥺
Chaplin is so beautiful!!!!
I’m in this situation now and let me just tell you something, he will never choose you over his parents and unless they are good people, amazing people, the best people on the planet, better then your own parents, the best Muslims you know, get out now, consider the ultimatum a blessing. No judgment, but nothing that didn’t start halal could ever be halal. Get out.
Your cat has distracted me from the story 😅. Too cute ❤️❤️❤️
He's gonna keep pulling stunts like this! Break up.
Title is wrong 😂 love you both
Lol how
@@toomuchtohadel the words are a bit jumbled lmao
@@ahmed.4li ahhhh I see now
this is why I want to get married in my 30s and be financially independent so a man can't "control" me because I will have my own money and sadly thats the only way some men will respect a women
Yes true! I have seen a lot of men who think they are the boss and the woman should do what they want only because they bring money home
@@moraz72 sadly yes, even though in islam men have do their own thing and women do there own thing, its sad how islam makes everything so easy but people choose to follow culture which is so hard and complicated which has made many people depressed
@@aqsa7631 just keep in mind most men might not want a 30 y old wife. Men like youth so they will go for the 20 y old over you. I've seen this happen with muslimahs who are older and no man wants them. It's sad but it's the reality. A man who's attractive and financially stable will go for young women so if possible don't wait that long because you might not be able to attract a suitable man. Try to marry mid twenties :)
@@stariehearts2366 I understand perfectly! but in the end some people get married young and they hate life or get divorced, some get married 30s- 40s and live together happily, its all about destiny and what's meant for an individual, and pre conceived norms and ideas from families ruin a way a person views themselves and the world
some individuals can't stand up fro themselves and their views- hell some dont even know themselves, I realized im more of a work orientated female so I decided to just focus on business or aomething to keep me occupied until I leave this world or retire at 65-70y/old
@@aqsa7631 that's fine do what works for you :) I just wanted to make you aware that your chances of attracting a good man decreases the older you are. Men will choose youth and beauty, it's not their fault because it's how Allah created men. I just wanted you to know this because most muslimahs don't know this and they get upset when men choose younger women. But if you're happy remaining unmarried then I wish nothing but the best for you dear sis ❤️
That is one cute cat.
Communication! A huge part of any relationship. There are alot of factors to consider here. We don't know how bad is his parents condition. If he is a care taker and she does want anything to do with that then that is pretty harsh. You marry each other's families too. So there are alot of unknowns. But true both parties need not to give ultimatum. It will create resentments at the end. Not healthy...so better to put healthy boundaries around the relationship early on. This is a very hard topic when it comes to parents. My son is struggling with this issue, ironically its his wife who lacks Communication. We as parents stay out of it, but my son is hurting and they are only married for 6 months. Knows each other for over a year. So we are giving him sound wisdom to get his wife to see his point also. I think the biggest eye awakening for my son was when we here in US we had wild fires and all our counties were getting evacuation notices, she only thought about herself and her parents. Not understanding that her husband too has parents and he will make sure we are ok too. It was very hurtful. So like I said married couples have to view parents as one unit also when it comes to some important things. We all grew up and lived very close to my parents, so my son is a family person. May Allah give them wisdom to get through the Communication and their relationship.
When Sid drank his coffee and then made a face about the topic and what he said, Dina didn’t even clock on, she carried on! I was laughing my head off! 16:43 sec lmao! 😂😂😂 On a serious note love the video, some people need telling that you do things for people naturally you create a bond. It’s not a game x
Ultimatums are the beginning of the end. It's like a toddler throwing a tantrum to try and get their way. I'd walk away now from him because it'll happen again and again and again
ok this is not related whatsoever but 4 mins in and it's the third time my brain goes "dina looks so pretty" 🥺🥰 mashaAllahhh
I LOVE HOW SID LOOKS AT THINGS
I totally agree with Sid and Dee. I know it’d be hard to leave, but it’s only going to get harder. Don’t get yourself stuck in a bad situation. See how he responds after you give it to him straight, like Sid said, tell him you’re leaning toward breaking and why. Make sure you stay calm and break up the argument in a concise manner. Who knows, he may agree with you and see why his actions are toxic, but if he continues with his way or highway, drop him hun.
Video yesterday and another video today, i am living for it!!!!! I love you DINAAAA!!!
5:26 the way Dina said Sorry 😆😆😆
Sid was really being a meme at 16:46 hoping that Dina would notice and laugh but she didn’t lol
I understand him considering his parents as his first priority and him wanting them right next door - HOWEVER, ultimatums? Thats a massive NO NO! So even if you guys have been dating for a year and it's time to discuss about marriage ; don't. You deserve someone who does consider you in the equation and does value your thoughts and opinions than end it with "my way or the high way", especially when there are a lot of issues that will come up after getting married.
That was really good advice. Thank you guys. You give me hope for “Muslim marriage institution”
Leave him sis but also respect that he has vision for his future. He doesn’t need to compromise but neither do you!
It would be so good if we could have an update on these after. Like what actually happened after they took your advise on? Obviously if they get back to you that is.
This comment need to go up. I really want to know as well.
Guys it's a Sunday yeah and I only have two brain cells working in shifts, so could you fix up the title pls
Lmaooo
But is it really lazy? He could be looking for a duplex as it could be more accessible financially opposed to having two separate properties. Can't judge without all the info
I agree tbh I dont think it's a bad idea at all but I definitely see the communication issues
The conclusion: you’re almost always helpless 😂😂😂
i love the thumbnail, Sid looks so reactive and Dina looks so meh about it 😂😂
I INSTANTLY CLICKED ON THE VIDEO AS SOON AS I GOT A NOTIF
Sid has such great big bro + decent guy vibes! Much respect for you
I think he is trying to see whether he can manipulate you and continue doing this later on. I do not think he will break up, he will back track and see that his mind games are not working with you. Stand your grounds.
Just binge watching these! Dina looks amazing in all the videos, she needs to drop a morning / night time routine
At this stage in a relationship, he can do what he feels would be best for the parents, and also his future with you...and if this is already causing problems then you need to rethink before getting married to this person
When they start singing Circle of Life lol!
Aww HEEELLLLLL YEAH! *Jenna* *Marbles* *voice*
Exactly what's with the "ultimatum"? When he didn't even ask YOU, his WIFE before he made a decision? What type of a relationship is this? Business deal? Just BECAUSE they are his parents does NOT mean *automatically* they are yours and that he does not *consult* you. I have like zero tolerance for a fake man like that. But I'd smell that a mile away and never marry. But of course you both know each other, so clearly chose to marry one another so there's obviously more to this understanding and misunderstanding... hopefully it is all sorted out. Sorry sister you had to go through this, I would automatically feel distrust from my husband and feel like an outsider if he did that. :( Everyone should respect one another. The End.
For me it's the ultimatum. She has to think will he be this way with every decision? Im not saying he can't be the way he is,the way he talked it through with his parents without her present can be discussed. That was wrong. But what should have been discussed at the beginning of the relationship was his expectation to be the last word in decision making.Had she known I bet she would have thought twice about marrying him. He may have found a woman who doesn't mind living next to his parents,a woman who is okay with letting her husband make the decisions.🤷🏾♀️
It doesn't matter if he's thinks its for the happiness of his family,and it shouldn't matter if he is paying everything.Its a marriage and decisions and moves are decided together. Divorce should never be wielded like a weapon.
You look so similar!! :) like Brother and sister!! Thanks for the new video :))
He is choosing convenience for himself over her comfort. Like Sid and Dina mentioned, it’s possible to look after this guy’s parents if they live in the same neighbourhood. He doesn’t want to make the effort to travel this short distance but expects this girl or woman to be okay with something that she is not okay or comfortable with. He is choosing his own happiness over yours. Kick his ass for being selfish, not for wanting to take care of his family.
do you have any tips on moving out away from parents for the first time? i went away for uni which was fine but now i've gotten a job quite far away and i keep getting paranoid of leaving them :( (i think i have separation anxiety)
I'm nowhere close to getting married and here i am watching marriage based content 😂😭
I do the HI GUYS things looool seeing dinas cat love her and then turning to my cat watching it shit.. Niceee
Been following you for so many years now and have loved the journey!!!
Was anyone else staring at the cat the entire time 😄
Hahah I already liked it, before watching it. Missed you 2!
im so glad you guys brought these videos back
I mean can we just talk about the consistency for a sec ?! Whatever got you back am so glad for it. Missed you guys so much❤️❤️
I needed this after the crazy work day I’ve had! Thanks Sid and Dina!
Girlie runnnn infact
SPRINTTTT
I have a feeling she would have just been stuck looking after the in laws by herself rather than the guy actually looking after them for the majority of the time. She wouldn't really be able to give him any excuses as he would say well they're only next door. Definitely major red flag with the ultimatum I think to him it doesn't really matter who he is with he wants a carer
I don't think theres anything wrong living next door to your parents. Having said that, the ultimatum thing is wrong
As a single person but to bring someone else to your burden is selfish. There are women that won’t mind unless their husbands are paying them for it and that’s what most men don’t see and don’t tell each other. They brag about their wives making them tea and cooking them meals and cleaning their shit but forget to mention they’re paying her for it 😉
You might not, but would you live to live next door to your wifes parents....
@@emma647 ask him that question when he has a wife 🤣 Cz he clearly don’t have experience
These are western civilization concepts. Wife will also will not want to work and would like a house, luxurious car and 2 vacations a year. If you can't support her like that, then she will leave you within a year. That is why the divorce rate in western countries for middle eastern is high.
Sid said stupid enta 😂😂😂😂😂
I like Sid's advice, talk to him and explain why this isn't okay. If he's still defensive and doesn't understand what he did wrong, let the relationship end. But it at least gives him the opportunity to think about it from her perspective.
Also wanted to add, for those who say islamically the sons need to take care of their parents, that's fine but keep in mind that there are situations in which there is no son. I am a woman and with only a sister, so it's going to have to fall on us daughters to take care of our parents.
Watching Sid sip his Tea makes me want a Tea with Sid segment. Idky!
The fact that he gave her a ultimate is so wrong on so many levels. Why should she put her feeling aside to plz everyone but herself. NO. It’s not fair. Why does the daughter-in-law always get the shit and can’t have a voice. It’s either a joint decision or it’s not happening. Like Dina said why cant they move close by, not next door. Which newly married couple wants their In-laws a wall away ... girl I’d say really think about this situation. This is a big thing and if your truly not happy don’t do it to plz people. Remember you Matter too.. 🙏🏻
It sounds like he wants her to take care of his parents, typical in many cultures.
What if the woman wants to take care of her own parents? Why do guys think their family comes first? Boy bye
Exactly the fact that he gave an ultimatum is just....😤😤😤😤😤
First 60 sec and I'm already laughing u guys are too funny hahah
Ultimatum? Run, sis!
i really hope this video doesnt reach her too late...girl run
How is her privacy violated if parents live next door.. and not under same roof.
So much paranoia is not good
There's absolutely no privacy, they'll be in her space all the time and she'll become their carer. No one wants to start marriage and be responsible for every tom, dick and harry
Looks like he would have to dump his parents for her lol.
You need to give him an ultimatum, that you guys wouldn't base any decesions on a ultimatum😉
Ultimatum is his way of emotional blackmailing and this trait will carry on..he is confident that u will agree..he doesn’t want to lose face from his family or maybe he’s not even approach his parents but made the whole thing up to give you no choice..I would think twice red flags..take the hurt now..
Miss Sid and Dina. 😍
Your cat 🐈 is HENCH 😻
Awww Chaplin!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺💞💞💞💞
Omg this canadian girl i can so relate lol but i want a duplex lol!!!
gosh! i miss you guys! stay safe and healthy and get your vitamin d3 & k2!
I really wish everyone was as logical as this 😂😂😂😂
It’s a huge red flag and an indicator to how he’s going to be dealing with you dear. If he’s doing it now, it will continue.
what's a duplex is it 2 separate flats next to each other with separate entrances and separate kitchen or is it same flat on different floors or something if its 2 flats with separate entrances that's a luxury there's bare husbands that make the wife live in the same house with parents and out of love the wife does it because his parents are old. if its separate entrances what more privacy do u want atleast he dindt ask u to move into the same house.
For real. I swear to God people are so entitled these days
Parents 1st always
Then don't get married. Spouse is important too. If you don't think that then don't get married and ruin someone's life stay with mamma and pappa.