Will You Ever Be the Same, Healed After Narcissistic Abuse?
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- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2024
- Every experience in life and every encounter with others changes us. We are never the same person again. Narcissistic abuse is no exception.
But you can fully recover and heal from it, albeit a changed, wiser person.
Crisis: a break in the order of things. Leads to disorientation, confusion.
Crisis theory
Maturational crisis
Narcissistic abuse challenges assumptions about the world, people (theory of mind), and relationships (internal working model, IWM):
1. People are rational and self-interested, but most people are good.
2. Justice, order, and structure are fundamental to the universe. Reality and people in it are trustworthy.
3. The world is not hostile. At worst, it is indifferent.
4. One good deed deserves another (vs. no good deed goes unpunished). If you try hard enough and are sincere, things will work out.
5. You gain credit with people when you behave well. This credit is not forgotten, nor ignored.
6. Reality is a shared experience (intersubjectivity). People are very much the same.
7. Being alone is worse than being together.
8. You deserve love.
9. You can trust yourself: your judgment, reality testing, self-love.
10. There is always a way to undo wrong and evil because they are rarely intentional. Regret, remorse, guilt, shame, and conscience are common to all people.
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Professor Sam Vakinin is one of my favorite external objects 🎁
😂👍
🫶🫶🫶
LMAO!!!!!😂
I agree .. Sam and Richard Grannon are my favorite.. so much clarity due to the information they provide ..
😂😂😂
Afterwards you see the world through more open eyes, you realise how many of these monsters walk among us & that they ultimately control the world.
Absolute facts it’s actually insane
yes.unfortunately.......
The answer is No, you will never be the same again. Thanks Doc❤❤❤
Definitly no now when I look at someone thay get chils if thay cross boundery
This information should be taught to all children - save some souls 🙌✨
I'm not the same person and I'm so happy I'm nor
And to adults...children are not able to truly understand the abuse until much much later
Protecting The Gift by Gavin De Becker
@@earthrooster1969 : yes indeed - we should protect our children most - because they still can´t identify a narcopath yet!
The most glaring aspect of my experiences is that every time I listen to content like this from a qualified source like Prof Vaknin, it is like a play-by-play of my experiences, and he describes exactly how I feel and the state I am in. Yet, after 10 years with a covert malignant narcissist, I still doubt myself, blame myself, gaslight myself, make excuses for my ex, etc.
This content is extremely valuable and important. Not just for education, but for the validation and vindication of victims of narcissistic abuse. Thank you Prof Vaknin!
I think it comes down to making the decision of what your willing to live with & what your not going to tolerate. In my own case, I've went no contact from those who hurt or destroy me. I never said a word to them about it, I just went no contact & they figure it out after a while. Then you've got to watch out & guard yourself from their retaliation. Every case is individual while being similar to most narcs. I guess 😮 ❤❤❤
Thank you Sir. Beautiful and so, so true
@@teresadvorak6145
Indeed. No contact works. Or sending a message Do not contact me again.
In severe cases.
Cease and desist.
Any future contact will be treated as harassment.
Pushed me into my awakening. So in someway I'm appreciative. Thank you for the insight. Going on 3 years of healing.
Going on 29 years of healing. Major insights at year 28. “Changed but okay”, as he says. In this, my actual experience, Mind or God (as one pleases or prefers) will only allow enough insight into the prior (or ongoing) narcissistic experience, as the victim/subject can psychologically withstand at any one time. There are two interesting conjectures to be drawn from this. One, after a major insight or revelation from within, you will feel you are 98% healed. But the missing two percent will hold great significance when it is revealed in the future. It will still rock your world. But you will have a foundation by then (which is why it will be revealed, remember). Two, and this is the shocker. At some deep level, Self, Mind or God *knew* and was aware of everything that was happening to you, every secret of the narcissist, every betrayal, at the time it was happening. At some deep level there was awareness. The task for the higher self was to get you out of the mess with your sanity and wisdom intact. Because the entanglement with (textbook) evil (a totally amoral deceptive being) is a huge potentially fatal problem to resolve and escape from. . Thus, the blinkered blindness and the periodic earth-shaking revelations in the years after you leave the narcissist. But, never forget, at a deep level, all along, you knew. It was a kind of hidden power, if you like. Because for sure the narcissist would have crushed that as well if they could have.
Me too! I hope you’re doing ok.
@@raegen5618more than I can ever voice! Hope ur well
@@raegen5618 fabulous
Me too! I believe that was the blessing in disguise
I know I will never be the same again. I am now stronger.
Thank you, Professor Vaknin. This breakdown helped me a lot. The narcissist thought he could crush my spirit forever but I’m the best version of myself in spite of him. The family and friends that he tried to isolate me from, remind me daily that I’m lovable. I don’t take anything for granted.
Thank you for the candid discussion on the NAC abuse post-traumatic state. People keep avoiding this discussion and giving uninformed toxic positivity advice. It is not that there is no healing, it is that this abuse changes us, so we have to see healing through a different lens
I've learned alote & healing, since tuning in to all these (how to deal with narc abuse) sites on you tube. I've been learning for 4 years now & have things ever turned around! I'm so grateful for these good Doctors like Sam❤❤❤
@@teresadvorak6145 Wonderful. Let's keep learning and growing.
The loss of innocence. My own words after the relationship with certain person. Maybe all people feel that kind of relational trauma in similar way.
I met this guy at a local coffee shop in early june 2024. He had no boundaries or filters. I was taken back by how vulgar he was at times. He told me he was a busy man. I am a great listener and he was a non-stop talker. He started to be very judgmental me eg: he called me I was controlling, lonely, always right, too sensitive, negative, disliking his friends vain, judgmental, analyzing everything he says, I don't see myself for what I am in a negative light, in denial these are just a few comments. I told him too many times that I did not like his abusive ways. He finally stopped going to the same coffee shop. He was trying to control my mind, voice and thoughts my reality....this has been very scary, confusing experience
Confusing and intrusive experience indeed.
It is well known he has NPD thus is not surprising what you experience . Regardless,he know his stuff better than anyone I have come across.
Did you meet Sam Vaknin or just some guy? Your post is very confusing.
Exactly what is happening to me, spiritual death, i don't feel like myself anymore. Narcs kill your innocence. Your view of humanity changes. And one feels so disintegrated.
Two years of the most horrific borderline alcoholic drug addict experience with a younger woman leads me to four days since what I believe to be the final discard following my mirroring her. I’m in court to obtain a non molestation order tomorrow. Videos of her cheating with men in their late 60s but still she denied. triangulating, multiple cheating, physical and verbal abuse discard rate reached every two days , I guess she really is one of the worst kinds of borderlines. Ive found myself again after what seems a living hell where I lost myself. Therapy awaits. This channel helped save my soul. Thank you
Was the worst experiance of my life , but has turned out to be the making of me 🎉❤🙏
Thank you. So Very Much For Sharing This I Needed To Hear This Im A Victim Of Narcissitic Abuse After Experiencing Emotional And Psychological Abuse Very Horrific. I'm Learning To Love Myself Again And Forgiving Myself. This Person Destroyed My Life My Health My Self Confidence. After Going Through Narcissistic Abuse I Feel Like An Infant Again Learning How To Love Myself And Self Caring.
Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal....
It takes time. But there is peace, light, and calmness at the end. Therapists never helped by the way. I had to fix and heal myself. It took years.
Same, I'm getting close ❤
The healing work is done on your own time.
Trauma therapy frequently takes 3 to 5 years generally
Most therapists are either narcs themselves - or do have no idea at all what narcissism really means.
I am becoming a lion from the prey it once was . Big love from Manchester UK ❤️🙏❤️🃏
I think many people are, and I believe it's only a matter of time before every narcissistic person endures the consequences of everything they've done.
@@Fighttheevilintheeworld ❤️🙏
Early in my recovery. The world feels evil at times.
It's an upside down world.
Professor Sam Vaknin, thank you so much for giving me so much hope, right now while I already got into the believe that I will be in this broken pieces for the rest of my life... Thank you so much!!!
Congratulations on your new appointment, Professor Vaknin!
I Love listening and suffering with you.
Realized so much through your lessons.
Congratulations, Professor Vaknin, on your new appointment at SEEU! 🎉
Sam!!! Your a genius regarding bpd/npd . There is no other who has helped me unlock the dark chambers of my mind so light can get in. You have the gift of DISCERNMENT!!!
"Many victims of narcissistic abuse have made a pledge to never be with another person again and to remain solitary for the rest of their lives. They have learned that hell is the other person. That sometimes a wrong choice, a wrong mate selection could lead to a togetherness that is a concentration camp." You have done it again... spot on!
I don't want to be. I want to be smarter, better and more aware.
O kay shoshanim.
I say ok shoshanim to myself constantly as I switch from one task/thought to the next 😂 😂😂
He has become an introject in your mind! but same lol
So incredible precise explained. Thank you Dr. Vaknin.🙏🏽
Thanks for reminding us Dr Vaknin that one does not have to lose faith in the goodness of humanity after being let down horribly by the narcissist.
Love you mentioning that Nature at best or worst is indifferent and we can strive to create our reality by our own investment of ideas, actions, etc...
7:05 truly appreciate how you talk about crisis and how we react to it. Like animals playing dead, or using camouflage..
I am going through a similar journey where I am distancing myself from my toxic family, starting to actively dissociate with my childhood trauma (after truly processing it and acknowleding it) and being very stubborn on my journey to stay the course...there is no other way..
This is very comprehensive, thanks. I felt the image at the end of the video. ".. broke you into pieces..". This is exactly how I felt. I still feel the urge to contact different people and reaffirm myself but then I feel guilty that I am only seeking validation and that they could see me as weak and that they could be of the same opinion as the person who discarded me and and and
Professor, my husband, over the last two years, has flown off the rails. We have been together 24 years. He started drinking again after 8 years of sobriety and all his lies came down around him. I found out he has been visiting prostitutes for at least the last 10 years. Lying to people about his life. He even started lying about easily provable things and laughing when he was confronted.
I have finally ended things with him and... I am happier, but it feels like I have been living with a really, painful noise for the past 24 years and it's suddenly silent. It's really disorienting, and even though it feels good it's uncomfortable. I am also afraid the noise will start up again and I won't be able to stop it.
I am afraid. I have cut off all communication, but I'm scared. He is so manipulative I am scared... so scared. I wish he would just leave me alone
Edit: I forgot the most important part of my comment. Your videos have helped arm me. I have stopped being the Echo to his Narcissi. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. I listen to Dr. Ramani too, but your way of speaking just gets through to me just right. Thank you
I understand the fear that you might be feeling. My fears of my ex-husband were relieved after I moved to the opposite coast of the US. I was fortunate to be able to start all over again 3000 miles away from him. I also felt weak after the relationship ended even though I was happy the marriage was over. I remember repeating to myself, "please don't let me die" over and over again. It was very strange to me as I look back in observing myself. I attributed the weakness that I felt to the 18 years that I stayed in the relationship. It has been 22 years since the end of my relationship and I am happy to announce that I am still here and the feelings I experienced at the end of it are now gone. Maybe for you the confusion you feel could be the result of the 24 years that you have been together with your husband and in time will subside. I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do.
Big hug to you. Hang in there. You can see it, that’s the most important step. F$&k him! Stick to your own feelings, beliefs and boundaries. They are right, even when you’re questioning them. Wishing you all the very best.
Sam this is the most important thing I needed in this moment
25:00 “When you have graduated from the narcissistic abuse University, the higher education of the narcissist” 🤣
The curriculum is harrowing
Wonderful video, Sam, thank you.
I think this is the best Sam Vaknin video I’ve seen and I’ve watched many of them.
Sam, can people pick up on this victim’s feeling of inner death? You talk about the uncanny valley in the narcissist that signals you’re in the presence of an absence. Is there something similar in the victim? I think many people mistake the victim for the narcissist
Yes, there is. This is why some people avoid victims.
I'm so incredibly grateful for you, your knowledge, wisdom and how you share them with us freely like you do. Thank you so much for all that you've shared and all that you've done for the world.
I am going through it right now and it's so hard
First of all I wanna hug you so tightly my sister you're not alone yes it feels really really dark but you know it does get better you'll shine like a diamond in the end you'll be a lioness and a resilient person I love you so much and you're not alone in this you're loved this is just a change process go through it and embrace the new version of you more power to you my powerful girl 🫂💛💚🤍
@@emmasuo272 thank you for your kind words
Yes, it is very hard. I wish the best for you and that you will make it through it. 😊
Sending much love and light 🤍
Love you, Professor! Keep up your fantastic work, and screw those plagiarizers! Call them ALL out!!
(Hi, Minnie! 👋🏻)
I bought your book Self Malignant Love, I am still scared to read it. You have been one of my biggest sources of comprehending and defining these creatures. I have been to 3 therapist, great help. They say by time I finish my healing process, I will have less friends & family members and I will be lonelier. King David said Wisdom is more precious than rubies, nothing compares to her, Amen. Thank you for your videos & thank you for coining the terms for us all. I truly your videos, your on point and concise with your explanations. I am 17months away from a 26yr fake & phony marriage. I blew her cover, went no contact, unmasked her and left many of her family with their antennas up in the air. May Elohim always bless you Dr. Vaknin, again thank for everything.
Shalom,
Servando Navia Jr. Hernandez
So brilliant, yet easily explained to the average Joe or Jane.Not a stuffed shirt, even silly at times.Thankyou,. Dr. Vaknin.
Another great lecture in The Defense against the Dark Arts 👌
Sam…I don’t need to tell you this, but you are the best at demystifying the mechanics of narcissistic abuse. So much gratitude for your sharing!
Completely mesmerizing video for me. It was spot on and I thank you for it. My whole perception of people in general was shattered and had to be put back together again... (I loved the Humpty Dumpty analogy.) Although I had to be put back together, it was refreshing to feel that I had found myself, and as you stated... a changed and much wiser "real self" from the "real self" that I lost at the beginning of the relationship. It was hard going through it, and I wouldn't wish this upon anyone if the growth that results from it can be done in an easier way. Thanks again for all of your video content and work in this field. It is a beacon of light for me in self discovery and is greatly appreciated.
To meet a narcissist it is the best thing what can happen to you if you survive! You”ll never become the same and that’s the best growth you can never ever get from the life :))
@olga Narcissists are the best teachers, but school is pretty difficult. Victims must learn to survive at first, then their task is fight to victory. ❤
Great organisation of content! Thank you for the encouragement (Knowing that brokenness is fixable and damage can be rendered into valuable lessons and healing is very hopeful!) and the precious advices!!! ❤
What about those of us who didn’t choose a narcissistic partner, but were given a narcissistic parent? If you never trusted yourself ever from all the gaslighting, is there a way back to healthy self trust?
Yes. Watch the NA Healing playlist.
You just spoke to me. Been alone 4 years now. Traumatized still. 37 years I gave him. I used to believe it was his PTSD. Until he devalued me for years and then discarded me, did I figure out he is a Covert Narcissist. Thank you…
Thank you for your wisdom.
No. You will never fully trust again nor be a victim. After that kind of mental games without any answers...Just find peace within yourself. Once you have that, you just won't wanna again once things are good...or at least I have't. Coming up on 7 years and...I still read all but, When life is good...why mess it up?!
I think I would be healed mostly from my narc ex-bf from 20 years ago if it weren't for having a narc SIL in my life. I hate that I have to stay away from my brother and his kids to avoid her as much as possible.
Thank you Sam Vaknin…very very brilliant explanation 🙏🏼👍✋💯
Hi Dr. Vaknin! Great video as usual, but I prefer another outcome. After a life time of narcissistic abuse from our mother and brother, my sister and I have matured to the point where they can’t surprise us, break us any more. Brother maybe got away with stealing our inheritance from our parents estate, but we know how to carry on with our own families and life. He is old and alone, unwell, and I can’t wait to see how he blows himself up again (figuratively of course), and no one left to bail him out.
Good evening Dr. Vaknin! Greetings from Canada!
Upon reading Sam's title only, I recalled that last week, I felt like my old self for about 5 seconds and it escaped me. I lost my mental grip. To be myself is going to be very difficult, having been married 46 years in a gradual, ever worsening tornado.
Someone saw the silhouette from the another room in the left side of video? By the way so much I love this video, greetings from Romania
I think it's his wife or kid photo bombing his video...😂
Yes - 😅😅😅
Yes. It was very distracting.
Congratulations! 🎉
Both my parents are, and my ex of 20 tears (a B.P.D.) ...As an 'Aspie'? It caused imposter syndrome which I am recovering from and I battle Cptsd. Being a goth singer from the 80s and 90s, I am also deep into sociology and was in college a few years but still an 'understudy'. ----Great points.
OK, we will never be the same and I’m just going through my healing process thanks to radical acceptance. But maybe we can be better in someways more discerning wiser. Let people earn our trust rather than just giving it away for free. There’s so many comments, I won’t see the reactions to mine butwhat does everyone else think?
I saw it with my own eyes hundreds of times!! They get no comfort from their dissociation, the amount of energy they have to use to keep the fantasy alive completely exhausts them, they are so tormented, if im feeling anything other than pity for them, im not seeing them in truth, pity from a distance.
Relationshit that’s what it is.
Thank you for truth telling Professor. Everything you speak is exactly how it was. The outcome, I am Healed, Awake but more importantly an educated empath. Be well and love yourself to everyone listening 🙏🏽❤️🩹🙏🏽
Many thanks for giving me this decent hope 🙏....God bless you !
Being raised by, have extended family, three marriages (one to a sociopath - diagnosed while I was pregnant with my second daughter; once to a covert narcissist), I've learned not to trust ANYONE! After this last relationship with a malignant-vulnerable narcissist, I don't plan on trying again. Apparently, I'm the problem, or I wouldn't keep getting involved with them.
I think too much self blame. We are a common denominator.
Sending you the light 🙏❤️
Always getting the right topic at the right time, thanks professor ❤
After the abuse I suffered, I have noticed that I'm stronger and I can spot a narcissist as soon as I ( or they) start to speak; its an eye opener and I now walk away from them with a silent smile and a knowing that they didn't destroy me. I'm nolonger afraid to say NO! . I think it could be that in knowing whose a narcissist I've lost my love for and trust in humanity.
I am new and improved. A shade of ruthless - with humour
😅
Came at a perfect time this news! Thank you.
I needed this, thanks!
Unreal how the narc could have framed me. I disregarded my intuition.😢
Thank you Dr Sam for the insightful life wisdoms!
Yeees absolutely! I’m a brunch now😁 Love to learn from you professor!
Dr Vaknin is a little introject. Love the material … good channel.
Not the same. Now aware of codependent behaviors and able to choose to be toxic or not.
Thank you Prof. Vaknin
This was amazing! Thank you for this, it has been so helpful!
❤You Are on the One! Gratitude.
Im different now and i will keep changing
I learned good lessons with narc and I'm looking forward to fresh start!
My encounter with those narc axxwholes was really life saving for me.
Thank you for this professor!
I had a friend help me put the pieces back together after I forced myself through the trauma bond to block that narc. She was taking joy in devaluing me and using multiple covert narc tactics to try get a reaction out of me. Year later she still tries to get info about me through other people and still has the same toxic mindset. Life is unfair to her that I dared to leave and not put up with her bs but she still makes it sound like I am a bad friend. Whatever makes her sleep better. Her narc partner was the main catalyst of her madness. He had quite the field trip in playing with her emotions and portray me as her Disney villain to the point she believed his 2 years long nonsense more than her own 16 years knowledge of me. I even set her up to go for other supplies so she would be too busy to not bother me anymore with her bread crumbing nonsense. Its just interesting that when you know the dynamic, its pretty easy to predict and fool these clowns. Just make them believe they got you and their mask drops. It did left me with this anxiety of expecting her to dare try hoover me again so I write whatever is on my mind into a diary just to process my thoughts and then move on doing something more productive with my life and energy
Thank you for this so clear and true reading. It waa yust what happend.
Recovering is possible. Very happy now. Its a project indeed. .
"Humpty Dumpty" here. Wow. Smh. Onward!
Thank you for a very hopeful message
Your videos have helped me so much🎉 thank you.
Spot on Professor😊
People change momentarily, from minute to minute. Everything is in flux.
great lecture Sam. thank you❤
How about me ? Can I heal after forty years of abuse? I need forty years for it 😢😢
Not even 4.
I feel better already. ❤
Very nice content, well done Sir. I went almost all the assumptions one by one listed by you. Nothing less nothiing more
Following for 2years, and believe that this video is probably most powerful in recognising toxic with npd person. Cant thank you enough. Had seriuose doubts whatever I am too needy for simple decent kind behavior or it is actual abuse.
I don't ever want to be that same woman without the necessary boundaries and wisdom that allowed those narcissists to walk all over me😅
and what when my husband of 30 years of narcistic abuse now becomes a devout catholic, says I'm sorry, forget and move on, but my love and trust is gone? I have to go through all the "forgiving" process and he is a " born again ' person?
I think I am trapped in the adjustment phase.
I’m definitely not the same. I’m far more aware now and won’t fall for it again 😊
Thanks for the brillante analysis .❤❤
Wow. Thank you.
Огромное спасибо из России. 25 лет брака с абьюзером. Желаю Вам здоровья и счастья.
Thank you doc. Vaknin for this video. That do you think about Neville Symington theory on narcissism?🤔
Nothing new about his "theory".
Thank you so much Dear Sam❤
Friendship is worthless now that i am headed ✅💯
More than valuable video