5 Years Off UPDATE // Protracted Withdrawal from Psych Drugs
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2021
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Congratulations on being off the poison for five years! Thank you for what you do for the benzo community. 🤗
I ended up in the ER yesterday due to hallucinations because my doctor has lowered my dose significantly. I feel I am in benzo hell. These videos help me feel less lonely. Had I known then what I know now, I would never have swallowed the first one.
You are very articulate and you obviously are high functioning compared to me
I’m struggling to do anything because of fear
I follow you because I’m trying to get better
You continue to get better and I’m happy for you
We are all made of the same stuff. You have to get off the offending medications and let your body heal.
You’re very brave for telling your story. I think the biggest tragedy is that docs don’t believe this is from benzos. I’m 2.5 years off Xanax and my life has changed so drastically. I’m still fatigued all the time. I’ve always been into fitness and have always been in great shape. I now look like I aged 20 years and am fat with little muscle. My biggest fear is that this is forever. I’m not me anymore. I’ve even considered going back on benzos to just to have a few more good years. Frustrating.
I know what you mean. 6 years ago- before this happened- I did Tough Mudder- a 10 mile mud run and finished in about 4 hours. I used to do CrossFit 4-6 times a week and now I can barely walk or ride my bike 5 years off. But I would never ever ever go back on these “medications.” Never!
@@AngiePeacockMSW I hope I never go back too. I am just scared that I will go crazy from withdrawals. I just don't know who I am. I got tons of new fears. Take care ❤️
@@AngiePeacockMSW I agree but our doctors disagree...sad a...:-(
Im not young and feel like you. My life has changed so much its tragic and not fair. Hang in there and I'll do the same for now.
@@kiwitraveller6451 My new shrink insists "Standard protocol is a 5 day taper off benzos." One size fits all. I told him thats a terrifying statement!!Even after I tell him I tried a micro tapper for many months and failed; still had seizures!heavy sigh>
Thank you for the update Angela you are an inspiration for us all, and it’s amazing all that you do considering your struggles so sorry to hear about Joe :(
Thank you so much! I cannot thank you enough. Your a huge role model and your a warrior! I'm so sorry about your dog honey. Sending prayers for you both. My low D caused severe insomnia, it was 23 now is 62. It's hypersensitivity in our CNS we don't have the soothing mechanism we had before. It's awful I know how you feel. You described me so much.
Which brand of D do you use?
Thank you Angie, your an awesome inspiration!!
Your brain is working so much better than mine. I couldn't talk at length about how I'm feeling and list my symptoms. I have to ignore them or I'm scared they''ll take over my being and I'll implode. We are fortunate to have you recording what it's like. It comforts me to listen to you. Thank you for being brave enough to put it all out there Angie.
Thanks for the update. It is very helpful. I also wanted to thank you for sharing in Medicating Normal. It has helped me not feel so alone. You are making a change in the world.
Congrats on 5 years off! Thank you SO.. much for sharing. As I get close to being off klon I can say that 99% of what you are feeling I am also feeling unfortunately. Its blows me away that we are so much alike in our symptoms even as you are 5 years off. I have been kindled too/ currently at .25 3x's daily klon and have stopped effexor after 13 years. My life has changed so much. I'm sending you and your dog much love and healing. xx
Max how r u now
Thank you for these videos. Ive been watching you since day 1. I am a severe case too so i relate to you so much. Currently in a setback from trying to go to the gym so im watching again for comfort lol.
thanks for being an inspiration you really are a soldier!
Hi Angie, so sorry to hear about Joe :( Yes that kind of stress will uptick your symptoms. I work in Veterinary Oncology. Please let me know if there is anything I can help you with. Its the least I can do for all the inspiring videos you have made that have helped me so much!
I feel such a deep and profound sense of gratitude for you. Every word in this video touched me. You were my angel during such a hard time I will always have immense gratitude for that. You embody the truest definition of a warrior on this path. Been so looking forward to your update. I also have sleep apnea. It’s mild at 6 AHI oxygen is fine. Had it last year it went away then came back in setback. Feel sooooo crashed all the time wake up constantly. Are you using CPAP? I was struggling with it. I love that you find peace in solitude and have your RV. Really sorry to hear about your sweet fur baby 😢. Sending you tons of love. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you. Yes I use CPAP and if I don’t, my symptoms get a lot worse! I cannot sleep without it.
I'm so sorry for your dealings now! I'm with you on so much 23 years on benzo's and antidepressants! But I had to take my dear dog Bear, last week by myself! God bless and keep on keeping on!
I'm so sorry that you are still struggling.. it's a very slow process, much slower than I ever expected.
I'm now 7.5 years off. I'm better in some ways but still very much compromised in other ways.
Stay strong my friend.
When you described the disturbance in your dream, you reminded my of a condition I had brought on by a muscle relaxant. It's called exploding head syndrome. Terrifying, sounds like a bomb detonated inside your mind. Understand about the bills, agoraphobia, and gut issue too. :(
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog, Angie. That's so hard. I have an aging dog with arthritis and also the beginnings of doggie confusion. :'(
Your saying of going for 1% better always helps me. It sucks. It is an absolutely involuntary reaction and it's exhausting. I remember times when my dog would bark and it would cause me to have a severe startle response. Sounds like a glutamate dysfunction.
I'm glad you have some sources of support and really glad for the way you have reorganized your life, it sounds like that's working. I so wish there was some kind of legal recourse.
Thank you Karen and me too- legal recourse.
Thank you for what you do. ❤️
I always enjoy seeing you on RUclips, you give me hope which is so important to recovery. I am 4.5 years into my recovery, and having a similar experience to you... it’s such a slow process... Twice now I have seen you say there are 100,000 people coming off psychiatric medication on the internet at any one time, all supporting each other without the help of medical professionals. I haven’t heard anyone else say this, and I think it is a very powerful illustration that the Medical Model is severely flawed. So I can start quoting this statistic myself, can you tell me where I can find these people? Thank you for this brave video, and everything you contribute here on RUclips.
All you have to do is type in a drug name on Facebook and you’ll see all the groups. Then add Benzo Buddies and Surviving Antidepressants = 100,000
@@AngiePeacockMSW 🙏
I haven’t heard many speak on the extent of visual disturbance as you have shared. I relate to it so much and being able to look at signs (led) and the light rays different from the average person. I see red from blue lights like my eyes separate the colors. I also have a misaligned eyes after going through withdrawal. Thanks for sharing and continuing to update
Wow Katie- yes! I haven’t found anyone that has these light problems. I also see things in slow motion- ceiling fans and hub caps. How long have you been off and what other symptoms do you have visually?
Ive have had occasional slow motion experiences as well with rotational movement. Its like the eyes and brain are having a bit of difficulty processing what is happening. Sensory overload? I also have after imagining. I cant read anything with a black background with white text otherwise it will stay within my vision for minutes afterwords as white and black lines almost like looking through window blinds.
@@katierebel7644 I have that black and white text thing too. It’s the worst. So sorry you’re dealing with this stuff too.
@@AngiePeacockMSW My eyes are misaligned also. I had double vison for 2 months and eyes never completely aligned after. When i close my eyes they cross and try to re-align when blinking open. Its crazy. At night I see double when gazing up at the fire alarm little red light in the dark( I see 2 red dots until..) When I turn on the light my eyes see singular..left eye has 50% blind/grey spots and cant see or read with such loss. Floaters like a road map too now in my semi-good right eye.
same here and grey spots- floaters lke a road map. worse some days than others
Thanks a lot
Keep fighting
You are so strong
And so pretty too 🌹
I totally feel what your explaining to what your experiencing. Im going through the same thing. These drugs alters (damage) the brain, nervous system and gut. Im pretty much disabled, I can't do many thing I use to do, but I truly believe our brain & body will heal but it will be a long process we have to go through. Im behind you 2 years xanax free. Withdrawal symptoms comes and goes keeps cycling, it can br very frustrating and draining on my moods. The best thing I can do is manage my pain just to get by day by day. For me its where and how I put my focus my thought on. I meditate and breath work alot!!! I wish you healing.
Mark
Thanks for the update, hang in there 👍
Who does not like this my god 😳thank. you Angela 🙏🙏🙏🙏
I cold turkey on two different types of antidepressants almost two years ago and I still feel out of my body and I still have sever migraines and dizzy ness
At the time of this video. You could not predict that you would be a full time coach for people all around the world😉☺️🙏❤️2 years later
Gosh you are so right! I’ve come so far!
Yes you are!!!!☺️
Hi Angela. I have literally been binge-watching your videos ever since I stumbled across Will Hall on RUclips which led me to the "Medicating Normal" RUclips videos and your videos just 4 days ago. I have been binge-watching the Medicating Normal videos as well and also watched the film two days ago. It sounds crazy but it's a Godsend to me because I now know what is wrong with me. I took myself off of Wellbutrin last January right before the pandemic hit after being on antidepressants and Benzos since the mid-'90s. I was told for the first time ever in 2018 that I had to stop taking Ativan because it was addictive and they said I had to taper off of it because if not, it would cause seizures. They tapered me off of it in 30 days and replaced it with Vistaril because they said it wasn't addicting. 5 months after stopping the Wellbutrin I began having severe anxiety and daily panic attacks and felt like I couldn't breathe and was having a heart attack. I went to the ER 5 times in two months and after heart attack was ruled out I was dismissed with anxiety and given a 30 day Rx for Valium without tapering instructions. I was simply told to take Vistaril up to 100mg 4 times a day for my panic attacks. It did nothing for my panic attacks. To make a long story short, I went through hell for 6 months with all the symptoms you are talking about. My 20/20 vision suddenly went to shit and I had to get prescription glasses for the first time in my life and I still can't read with them let alone read because of concentration issues. The ER doctors, my PCP, and mental health counselors said I needed to go back on an antidepressant so I tried Zoloft for three days and it made me feel crazy and then tried to go back on Wellbutrin with the same reaction after 3 days of taking it. I told them NO, I am not taking this shit anymore! They still try to get me to go back on meds. I have been on disability since 2017 because of my worsening mental issues after my spouse died in 2015. I was hospitalized 3 times in the mental ward in 2017 for suicidal ideation and one attempt and ultimately labeled with having Bipolar disorder. I was seriously considering going back on meds the past few weeks because of my anxiety and depression and symptoms but my guts and intuition and fear of meds just kept saying NO!...and then I found you through Medicating Normal and I am so relieved as crazy as it sounds because now I know I am not just losing my fucking mind. I too, have been harmed by years of meds and gaslighting by the medical and psychiatric profession. I am now a disabled RN. My career came to a grinding halt in 2016 when I stopped working because I no longer felt I could safely care for patients at my hospital job. It's been 18 months since I quit Wellbutrin and still, nobody has told me that it was unsafe to quit cold turkey. I didn't know that until I found "Medicating Normal", you and others. I am feeling better now, but nowhere near feeling good again. Through all of your suffering, you are still a beacon shining a light into the darkness of those of us who didn't know any better and thought we were hopelessly insane and lost. I, too, have a dream of becoming a Nomad and traveling in a Van or RV but fear I will never be able to live my dream now. I admire your courage so much, you have become my hero and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's going to take peer support to keep us all strong and going through our struggles so we gotta stick together and form strong peer support alliances through social media and Zoom because like you, I feel so alone. Just me and my dog. Nobody else understands. I hope to see and hear more from you. Peace, love, and light.
I’m so glad I could provide some sense and hope for you! Hang in there. Don’t give up that dream of nomad life. You can do it even in a bad state!
@@AngiePeacockMSW Thank you so much for the reply and the encouragement Angela, it really means a lot to me coming from you! You are so right! I guess if I can get through my anxiety and panic attacks at home, I can get through it anywhere so I will keep my dream alive. Hope to see more of your videos when you feel up to it and I am keeping you in my prayers for healing. Much love to you!
Im so sorry for you loss. My sincere condolences. Im another long term benzo and anti-d user who trusted the medical community and was damaged. My girl friend was killed. Im also alone now that my girl friend and now my cat pasted during covid. If you ever need support or just an ear-please dont hesitate to contact me. Im trying to build a new group of friends who are benzo wise. Wishing you sunshine and good health-
Praying everyday iis helping me a lot 🙏🙏🙏🙏
i love you honesty
Well i havethe same symptoms after 3 years and it sucks a lot but at least as selfish as it sounds it is nice to know we are not alone. Thanks for update
Just a awsome person words can't describe. I AM PROUD TO CALL HER FRIEND AND MY COACH...
Stevia did some really weird stuff to me. Had the biggest wave just that night after consuming it.
3 years off Klonopin and I have pretty much every symptom u have. Even when I sleep 5 -6 hours it feels like I haven’t slept in a week. Food delivery all the time etc.. the nervousness, agoraphobia, etc.. when not in our safe space I believe comes from the excess glutamate and shortage of gaba these from the poison we took. Wish I could take vitamin d and have a decaf coffee but it just makes me feel shitty and revs the symptoms up. My dog is getting to that point as well but I’m so exhausted from this I’m not sure I’ll be able to mourn properly 😥😥. I’ve followed ur story for the last 3 years , I hope and pray you get better 🙏🙏
Remi 118 how r u now
@@sangeetalambh6389 no change just as bad as ever
@@Remi-bt7tp how many years u take klonopin
@@sangeetalambh6389 10 months on Klonopin took gabapentin for nerve pain for 6 months prior to starting Klonopin
@@Remi-bt7tp u r not completely off
12:07 I also get the passing out thing when under stress, for me I think it's an adrenal / blood pressure issue
I have no idea what it is and have a really hard time explaining exactly what is happening. So sorry you have it too.
noticed this happening to my son...thanks for saying...
I am so so sorry bout Jo . It's totally stress that's making you feel worse . You're actually doing a lot for somebody with your drug signature .
Angie I have the same symptoms… It sounds like you are a highly sensitive person… a HSP… I wear headphones everyone listening to soothing music when I go out… I also get over stimulation from lights, sounds, smells and people… it causes nausea, vertigo and I have gotten sick… These are symptoms of adrenal fatigue… I get help from following the Medical Medium and doing a morning cleanse… Healing your adrenals is key… You can get your life back… these are all symptoms of adrenal fatigue… it can be caused by trauma, and stress… also being highly sensitive…
I don't have any of that. I am damaged from drugs. I have been tested.
Hi can you talk with baylissa Frederick or Laura Delano ? Have you have a blood test every years ? I’m proctracted too 25 months and still severe symptoms
Laura is one of my best friends. There is nothing anyone can say to help me really. This is just life as protracted. All my blood is normal.
I've yet to hear many give a list of visual disturbances like you have. It's a very troubling catagory to experience, most only talk about having blurred vision and light sensitivity. I have so many, seeing lights and patterns when my eyes are closed, ontop of feeling like I'm falling backwards when laying down its scary. Seeing yellow, blue or purple spots in my vision, either seeing slowed visom where things move very slowly or I'm have these states of hyper focus were I feel like my visual field has moved towards me, light sensitivity, if I'm in a hallway it seems like it stretched out, Visual Hellucinations especially when waking up, if I watch TV before going to bed I'll have that image like burned into my eyes when I close my eyes... It's completely different from seeing patterns and lights... Those nights are the most scariest because it can last for weeks and normally I know that I'm not going to be able to sleep for those two weeks. When it happens I feel anxiety build and build and the patterns and lights become more potent, makes it so I have to huff and puff and wake up and find something to do. Blurred visom, grainy vison. The vast majorty of my symptoms are gone. It's been 5 years. I wrote a list out just like you, so far 128 symptoms. I can send you them if you'd like so you don't feel so alone. And they are outside of just what you'd expect from anxiety which is another problem I've run into. People talk about anxiety related symptoms but this withdrawal and recovery status can effect you physically too
5 years for me, too, and my vision continues to deteriorate. There are no diagnosable problems with my eyes. I Googled "snow blind" because my vision whites out when I try to drive, and discovered Visual Snow Syndrome. The symptoms are spot on familiar. I'll discuss it with my doctor and, like everything else, it will go nowhere.
Just wondering are these symptoms happening constantly or do you feel “normal” sometimes then they just pop up?
My vision problems, balance are constant, pain constant, but they are not SEVERE like acute and manageable. Other things come and go.
🖤🖤 hang in there be carful with vitamins like d and omega 3 and magnesium even the epson salt it might have magnesium in it if u can get em naturally they might be raving up ur symptoms they do to me especially tinnitus but a lot of people say vitamins help em and some like me it makes things worse I just rather get em naturally like vit-d from the sun and the others from food...hope u improve everyday and u heal completely soon keep fighting you will get better god welling!
I don’t think they are affecting me because I always feel like this whether I take them or not.
Were you in withdrawals from coming off the other medications or did it just hit you from the last ct?
Just hit me on the last one.
I’ve been off Ativan for 13 months and am struggling really bad
It's so hard I know, but take it one day at a time, and you WILL get through this!
I'm curious, have you had a complete microbiome mapping stool test done? I notice something similar with me with what you were saying about gut microbiome and brain. I have a gut micopbiome imbalance (which docs call it IBS and leaky gut) that I found out through complete microbiome mapping poo test, I notice psychological and vision problems through benzo withdrawal are worse with certain foods and shit too since the imbalance. I do also believe my gut problems are from benzo withdrawal stress and sensitive nerves that are connected to the gut and brain. I think there are websites where you can apply for the test and they send you the bottle to poop in and send it back, they send your results to you online, this is in Australia too so not sure if there's something like that where you are. Also you're the only person I've found with similar gut brain symptoms, like the cotton in brain, brain fog thing thats related to digestion/gut through this nerve bullshit.
I agree. IBS/ leaky gut here too. The benzo destroyed my gut lining and gi track.
@@Michael-mx3cp Yup same, those filthy benzos! I've been stuck with chronic constipation, bloating, gas etc no matter what I eat for years from benzo withdrawal. Most people say it gets better but I haven't seen much improvement tbh..
my stool test came back negative but I still have IBS..
@@Michael-mx3cp ahh okay, what type of stool test did you get? I've had one from the doctors and came back normal too.
My worst is fear. agoraphobia...fatigue..will be 4 years in August from cold turkey of clonazapam...
My worst is fear, neuropathic pain, fatigue, shivering after 4 years off antidepressants, antipsihotic, mood stabilizers. I also have extreme fear of dying and I am really scared how this will affect when I get older. How do u cope?
@@mitch5222 how r u now
SaPO3xBull how r u now
@@sangeetalambh6389 bit better.
@@mitch5222 did u feel depersonalization in ur withdrawal please Ans I m 165 days sober now
Number of drugs does not equal severity. I was on 2 and my brain felt like it exploded. Nothing left of who I am. Lost my motherhood and tortured innways you can't imagine. There is wd and then there is extreme damage
it's all such a subjective experience isn't it? We don't know what others feel, we only know how we feel going through it.
Howz your sleep now, is it improved
I am so very sorry about Joe, that really sucks big time.
I think that's what I have too..it SUCKS!!
Veronica how r u now
The dental work scares the sht out of me. Dental phobia is part of benzo withdrawal. Or recovery. I need major work done. I'm only 7 weeks post taper. Most general anesthesia works on the gaba receptors..I really hope it doesn't come on me any time soon..I had an abscess on my wisdom tooth after septorhinoplasty and had antibiotics. I had complete insomnia . My tongue was furry white. Dead man's tongue. I reinstated myself it was a mission as I had to buy people's prescription and find my tolerance. 20 mg diazepam. Managed to taper off over 7 months. I was abusing dark Web diazepam in lockdown. Never ever again..
Hi, I have followed your videos, I am 11mo off benzos and feel like things are getting harder, dizzy pulling feeling, head neck and jaw pressure, stomach feels so swollen like i cant breathe,,,its unreal as you know,,I am not me anymore and used to be an incredible athlete,,,,,, you are 5 years off now,,,being this far off feeling the way you do, did any medications help? why not just go back on benzos? How about cannabis or anything else? I think you are very brave and strong and truly hope you you find healing,,,much love to you
After what I’ve been through with “medications” why would you think suggesting something like that would help? Go watch my other videos PLEASE.
@@AngiePeacockMSW I suggested it because maybe there would be something, anything that could help you, but maybe not,,,would you say that you are feeling better now than when you were on benzos or anything else?
@@thedaydreamer7972 yes and I said that in the video. A drug did this to me, why would you think I’d ever consider another drug?!!!! I’m hoping you are just trying to be helpful but I’m not open to suggestions.
@@AngiePeacockMSW Yes, Im trying to help, sorry if I offended you, I just want to see you feel better, get relief, Im sorry that you are going through this, these drugs can be such a nightmre
@@thedaydreamer7972 i feel the same as you i trey cbd oil
Going through Hell with benzo withdrawal 😠😠😩😩
So sorry 🤗🙏🤗🙏
What dose and how long have you been taking the vitamin D? Also, have you had your vitamin D levels tested? I ask that because I went to a special doctor in california who told me that most medication severely depletes vitamin D. He tested mine and mine was super low (level 10). I have been taking a low dose of vitamin d for 3 months and my physical symptoms have been slowly getting better but my anxiety is still high though. I use to have very painful muscle and joint pains after being on benzos and Ambien for over 4 years and I've been off benzos for 5 years. I looked at the symptoms of low vitamin d and it all made sense. I hope it can help you the way it is helping me.
I take 3,000 IU now and my level was 36 when I started.
@@AngiePeacockMSW thank you so much for the response.
meds can also deplete magnesium which effects muscles/joints. wishing u well-
👍😎
Jesus after 5 YEARS?? I’m 15 months off 1 to 3 mg clonazepam off and on over 4 years. This kinds breaks my heart. That broken stress response thing is 100000000% true. I can’t tolerate anything. I have a history of self harm and cutting.. causing physical pain to myself, and I workout to near exhaustion. My body can handle a lot, but I have the emotional and mental stability of a toddler
that dream of explosion might of been from when you were in active duty? ptsd ?
How does your heart palpitation feel? Is it like tachicardia
its is for me..also irregular and or fast beat. er said P.O.T.S. (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome)? and gave me a beta blocker. :(
@@Michael-mx3cp how r u now frd
I am off K for 7 1/2 years now, and still experience wd symptoms. I relate to almost everything you’re going through. I was cold turkey detoxed in a facility. I also get the breast pain as well. I can’t tolerate sugar substitutes either. I can go on and on and on. I’m so glad I found your channel. I wish you the very best, and I hope you find relief soon. God bless you! Xo
Teresa how r u now frd
I'm also 7.5 years off from taking klonopin. I know your struggles all too well. God bless you.
@@MegaFitness73 did u feel depersonalization frd
@@sangeetalambh6389 DP &DR are both very common sxs. I've had it really bad...
@@MegaFitness73 u still feel dp dr frd aafter 8 years
Oh my goodness i have the same exact thing youre talking aboit when you can feel your gut and brain connection and the diarrhea. I have the samething
Try Dead Sea salt baths. That helps me a lot
Shit makes me wonder if this is all ptsd cuz there extremely close paradoxal if ya ask me
Too many people with the exact same w/d symptoms months or years later, no coincidence. Iatrogenic benzo damage imo.
@@Michael-mx3cp question is.does it.ever end !!?? Shits criminal !
@@_blew_a_fuse_7372 my frd did u feel. memory problems
@@sangeetalambh6389 dementia to this day !
did you have the tension and bad wave threw you in bed until it's over??
Yes absolutely
@@AngiePeacockMSW I'm 15 months ct when we're you physically well enough with tension and jelly legs to no longer bed bed bound?
Me three years and two mohnts almost
Try green Kratom powder for the pain
No way - Kratom has withdrawal too!!!
@@AngiePeacockMSW cbd oil?
Hell no
Sounds like ptss
Ypu don't feel good