Please keep in mind the following when commenting: I am unable to provide specific advice or a clinical opinion through the comments section. For this reason, please avoid giving specific details of your own personal history/struggles as I am unable to monitor how others respond to such comments. I am open to ideas and suggestions for future videos which may be relevant to a specific question you have in mind.
Vital Mind Psychology Thank you for sharing your invaluable knowledge. It is a relief to be able to understand and have this disorder demystified. I would love to understand other Cluster B and C disorders and the origins. I wish this was compulsory knowledge it would have saved so much damage. Keep going. You have my support.
Vital Mind Psychology Thank you for doing this Dr. I have a question. Do you think a true narcissist is capable of recognizing it in themselves, in any real and honest capacity ?
1vengefulHeart - Yes, they are capable. YT user *Sam Vaknin* is a self-aware Narcissist (and Psychopath - how he defines as having Anti-Social Personality Disorder). Also *Knowing the Narcissist* is another such channel. The operator of that channel is H.G. Tudor. Both men have written books and operate their own website. They explain the many variables of those with NPD. These two men have been clinically diagnosed with it, and Sam admits to having been incarcerated for securities fraud.
He doesn't reply because without knowing all the facts of a particular case, it would be improper of him to directly answer questions. He could be sued. RUclips is not a clinical setting. He's just supplying info, though he may see questions here, then make another video to address them in a more general way. Make sense? For me personally, as a Christian, I prefer watching pastor/counselor *Patrick Doyle (Veritas Counseling) on theDoveTV channel.* They do check the comments sections, and reply as described above, but many of his videos are appropriate in dealing with the Narc issue, (we call it extreme pride,) as well as their accompanying depression, addictions like drugs or porn, and things like boundaries, etc. As the Narc has suffered abuse as a child, so has Patrick. I am most encouraged by the way he addresses various topics - frankly, yet humbly, and with a dose of humor.. Also, after watching *Complex Trauma - Diane Langberg,* another Christian, (and all her other videos,) it was clear she was describing the Narc I know to a tee. Also see her video, *Shame, Sexual Abuse and Healing.* She is truly an amazing woman, having cared for victims of trauma, be it child abuse, war vets, natural disaster victims, etc. for 45 years. Their's is a wholly different take on dealing with these people than simply running away from them. You have to remember these are deeply wounded and broken individuals, not simply evil people.
@@karenspeters4201 Karen - what an utterly profound question; it says it all about your childhood. I feel for you and hope you find "HOME" in your soul.
I am a highly sensitive empathic person who had 2 narcissistic parents. I did not become narcissist but instead had all the symptoms of narcissistic abuse such as confusion, depression, co-dependence, low self-esteem, anxiety, grief and loss. In your video you did not explain that being raised by narcissistic parents doesn't always result in all of the children being narcissistic, so, not an absolute cause and effect relationship between that parenting and the outcome. Perhaps being the scapegoat protected me from this outcome. If that is the case, I am grateful for being the scapegoat for the first time in my life!!!
PsalmsReader. I was the scapegoat...i left home young knowing in some way I had to break away to save myself..i suffered depression drug / alcohol for a few years..but found love in God ..and writing..I must admit im a loner..yet love people. I would help homeless.children..animals..my parents hardly knew me as a person..or my friends it was always about them..oddly they would compete with me..or so it felt that way . i would never speak in their company..rather shrank down..as I listened to them .. :-(
My impression is that 'failure' of a person brought up in a narcissistic environment to develop a narcissistic personality results in such a person being scapegoated. Your 'failure' helped you to see that the family system was wrong and that you were different - and eventually, that you could heal. Narcissists can't see themselves, and so can not heal. What the narcs do is reject those who are not narcs and 'normalise' narcissism. This gives their fellow narcs free reign to enact their abuse, and make it very difficult to establish non-narc interactions, I speak from having the same experience. I have been scapegoated by my entire extended family, who are all narcissists.
As a narcissist I'm pleased that I can blame someone else for my bad behavior. LOL. I'm a narcissist in recovery and this is the first thing I thought while watching this. But I've grown enough to understand that thought and move it in another direction. It's been 10 years in therapy. I'm 50 now. I've ruined every good relationship I've had. I've destroyed all my partners. 10 years ago a friend (bless you) told me I don't listen. I had to prove them wrong which proved them right. Through trying to become a better listener I found that I was a monstrous narcissist. Please dont do this to your kids. It's been a terrible existence.
In the US, even empaths must learn Narcissistic technique or perish. Everyone acts Narcissistic here whether they are one or not. It is a sign of strength in the US.
it's my husband's life story raised by a narcissistic mother and he himself has become a narcissist and I wish I had watched this kinda video before marrying into this family of predators.
My husbands mom and brother are the same way. It made get togethers with them very difficult because all three were the same. Then they started picking on everything wrong with everyone at the table. Made nasty comments. Now I'm free and it feels great. They are a lonely pack of total loosers.
Dezy blue It means that a child (to the narcissist) is not a whole autonomous being worthy of its own desires and direction. The child must perform, achieve, and exist solely for the benefit of the narcissist-by reputation or vicarious achievement.
Wow, I believe I am a covert narcissist and your explanation of their childhood was so accurate. Both my parents are emotionally detached and NEVER discuss things like feelings or emotions. My parents saw me as an extension of themselves and I only received positive feedback for getting good grades so I was a straight A student straight through to university. Unfortunately I lack emotional intelligence. I feel some resentment towards my parents but I’m also trying to understand that they did the best they could. Anyway...
Wow my friend experience a similar situation her parents weren’t detached only when they were focused on something they “liked” and when they brought up emotional things it was based on “ HOW THEY FELT “ and no one else , when she would express her self it was tooken “ lightly” and “ overlooked”.
what a massive relief to find this comment. i related to literally everything you brought up. i was raised the exact same way, and frighteningly recognize narcissistic traits in myself. i also have schizoid tendencies, do you?? i don’t know, is there a relation?
@@prima-luce to be honest, before discovering covert narcissism, I was sure I had schizoid personality disorder. I think they all fall under the cluster B personality type so I suppose some of the characteristics overlap. I have found a lot of insight from watching this guy call Richard Grannon who does free lessons online, I think you should check him out. He seems to have a deep understanding of trauma and CPTSD and how to take control of your life, hope that helps
@@jumpscare1530 i think spd is a cluster a personality disorder, formerly assigned as a schizophrenia spectrum illness? i noticed that many of the characteristics and behavioral patterns overlap with npd, as you said. avoidant attachment is common in both, both rely heavily on the cultivation of the false self/as if personality! thank you for your recommendation, i’ll check it out!! i don’t have c-ptsd, but i might be able to benefit from further insights. tysm, same to you :D
My brother has violent narcissistic/bi-polar tendencies and I am a meticulous anxious empath. My parents "don't know where they went wrong". They only remember doing their very best. While I hold a silent awful grudge against both behind a content facade; all I remember was the helplessness of my childhood.
thank you for being so kind to explain in detail about how a Narcissist is created. Are there any ways a Narcissist can work to bring changes within himself / herself to stop the damage they do emotionally to others, in other words, develop empathy and thereby come out of this ugly state of being?
Excellent video. Almost fell out of my chair when you said, "for their consumption". That is the most perfect statement I have ever heard concerning narcissism.
I can remember being about 17 years old, listening quietly to my mother raging downstairs and belittling me. I was sitting at the edge of my bed and tears were falling against my will. I said to myself, this is not normal. I hadn’t even done anything wrong. Now, 20 years later, she’s suing my husband and I because we refuse to participate in her hate parade and asked her to stop. The venom and evil I see in her through this legal battle is horrifying. I can’t believe this is my mother. It’s as if she’s possessed. Pray for her.
Sorry to say spiritually it is demonic . My ex husband was a narcissist and I have 3 kids left after 20 years got custody of my children and they are doing ok . I give them lots of love and acceptance. It wasnt your fault you deserved better . God loves as a father so much .
OMG: Dr. You have described my upbringing to a tee! Thank you so much for voicing your beliefs in this video. It is now 2019, I'm in my mid 60's & after my toxic/confused/narcisstic mother died in 2012, my relationship with my father has never been better. Once again, thank you!
This was fantastic. Thank you. I was raised by two narcissistic parents. I struggle greatly now and always have. I am also a narcissist but I am trying to heal as much as possible through self parenting and knowledge. Videos like this are greatly helpful.
Judy B. Sorry to hear this. It's not your fault you are a narcissist. Both your parents were! You are doing the right thing by working through things & sorting it out. Lots of love & success. I was with one for 9 years & am suffering from the abuse! We are divorced & I will move away as soon as I find a place. ❤
Judy B. I am just wondering if you were diagnosed as a narcissist or if you just think you are. Narcissists tend to feel they have no faults at all, and yet you do. Perhaps you are more of an empath.
OUT OF ALL THE COMMENTS READ YOURS IS VERY PROMISING. IF YOU BELIEVE HOPE IS DESTINED FOR A CHILD OR ADULT THAT HAS BEEN MALTREATED BY DYSFUNCTIONAL PEOPLE. I BELIEVE GOD WILL GRANT ALL POSSIBILITIES. WHEN THE MINDSET BELIEVES SO SHALL IT BE. THANK YOU AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU, AS YOU ARE STRONG AGAINST ALL ODDS
+Judy B To recover from an upbringing by narcissistic parents means healing a lot of pain and trauma. It also means addressing the unmet needs of childhood for recognition and validation. These are difficult things to do. What tends to happen is that people around you see your struggle, and it triggers their own unmet needs, and they criticise you and tell you that you are narcissistic. This draws attention to a vital difference - you are healing narcissistic abuse by actually addressing valid narcissistic needs, which are healthy. Those who criticise your endeavours are narcissists themselves....
Introverted narcissists such as myself have some level of self awareness. But instead of being good, I feel sulky and take out anger passive aggressively. Yes I’m cowardly, I no longer want to be a bad person.
Too bad I didn't have this video 40 years ago. Understanding is so important, education is the only way out of the ongoing torment that so many people endure. I really believe as a culture everyone should have counseling and therapy if needed before having children. That is the only way to eventually get a handle on mental problems such as this. Otherwise this kind of legacy is doomed to be passed on and on with no end in sight. Treating people in adulthood is essential, but in the long run it is like putting a bandage on a deep bleeding wound. Prevention is the solution, rather then letting the past abuse, bad parenting etc. to even manifest itself. The cost to too high. You have only one life, it shouldn't be a struggle, it should be lived in peace and happiness. Not in fear, and anger at a world that is scary, which to be honest is pretty hurtful and yes even frighting. As I see it, there is more and more people with various kinds of mental illness running around not receiving the help they need.
Isca S . It should start in all Schools at primary level. Mental Health should be a compulsory subject taught in all schools. Schools are there for teaching and Mental Health is a more important subject than any other subject been taught in every classroom around the World. Awareness about Mental Health can only come through Schools, teachers spend 5 days a week in the classroom being in control of teaching and guiding children into adulthood. Schools are essentially a child's second home if you think about it and are a safe haven for a lot of unfortunate children. Schools around the World need to shine a light on the darkness of Mental Illness and help their students to understand and cope with life. That's the type of lesson you would carry with you for life not what is the Capital of so and so. P.s ONLY GOD/JESUS CHRIST SETS ONE FREE FROM MENTAL ILLNESS WHICH IS DEMONIC SPIRITS TRYING TO DESTROY GOD'S PEOPLE
@@Sky-ki4xt I must agree with the learning about mental illness in school, but I DO NOT condone the brainwashing of people and children with fantasy fables, rules to live by etc...with gods, jesus , apollo, unicorns, gnomes, fairies and all the rest. We live in the 21st century and need to put away old beliefs that formed thousands of years ago to explain nature in a scary world. We pretty much know why lighting strikes, earthquakes and storms come about etc. etc....don't we? It's time to put away past foolish beliefs and wake up and use our brains. Become thinkers and not followers. Religion is a huge huge part of why there is so much anger, hurt, misery and so on. It's endless. People need to think for themselves and not behave as children following what the so called men of gods tell them. Religion keeps adults in a permanent state of infancy...needed to be told what to do and what to believe. It's sad.
In a perfect world where narcissists are not in the medical field or big pharma, or the education system. Do you see by doing what you have suggested here, wouldn't be an opening of a Pandora's Box of sorts?
You are correct. Education is the key. Our entire educational system system creates narcissists. We need more emphasis on empathy..kindness..and love and less on building pride and physical attributes. We live in an extremely militaristic society which is at its very core narcissistic.
@@Sky-ki4xtI agree, up to a point. Because, Capitals, 🇺🇸/🌍 Hx, SCIENCE and, especially, "Critical Thinking" ~ and Everything Else/ 'STEM'+++++ (including the Humanities) are ALL just *as important*!!!
I grew up with two narcissistic parents and you've described that situation very accurately . Thank you for your videos , they are the best I've ever seen on you tube and help me work through what is a very complex issue .
Your comment " A narcissist invariably produces narcissist" really rang true. But it's also true that a narcissist may produce an empath, if only for its own supply.
Ah, it doesn't toggle between..., the "grandiosity" happens simultaneously because of the "worthlessness" - instead of fixing it, it masks it or compensates - makes up for it. The great new pseudo-self is the fake solution, and it thrives on image (it is a mask, afterall) and approval and egotistical power plays and counterfeiting virtue, signalling "virtue", stealing others ideas and their glory, parasiting off others' accomplishments, and hence the never-contented demands on kids and employees for their status endeavours....meanwhile the "real-self" which feels feelings and so would make empathy possible, the real-self withers away.
@Inge Fossen even without physical brain damage, the set of NDM 's (Neurotic Defense Mechanisms, a subconscious system of "thinking"/perceiving/acting) are the attempt to artificially fix the lack or the wrong without facing/admitting/feeling the humble or painful reality of the true self in absolute true terms, not society's demands terms. The more need for NDM's the more NDM's will take the person away from the true self. In computer terms it is like a software problem, without any damage existing on the 'hardware'. The way out is dropping the NDM's like a hot potato, getting grounded in reality/realizing the true self and letting it be, realizing/admitting the poor state of it and working with that to grow personal growth without the phony remedy NDM's. This is entirely in line with repentance, humility, healing and love and growth when one gives oneself to Jesus.
wow! I now understand why my ex is so messed up and why spending 14yrs with him have left me fighting for my life! fibromyalgia chronic fatigue chronic inflammation and depression and now rupture disc and severely pinched sciatic nerve. I've been out of this relationship for almost 4 yrs and I'm struggling to heal!
aqua fina yes. That’s why I left my narc husband after 4 years. My desire for peace and well being for me and my kids outweighed the marriage. Prayers & Strength for you. 🙏🏽
For healing your body.....I spent 20 years in the same pain and I am breaking free pain because finally I broke thru depression. If you can motivate your spirits the body will bloom again. Ps I am 67 years ole and walking again. I am starting to feel like a spring flower. A daily Reflection taught me to write down 5blessings a day in a notebook. By the end of 6months the depression was gone. I found how to come up with anything to put my pencil down the first week or month. Then I started to realize how full my life was just in the beauty of a flower, bird, sunset. Good luck.
fibro, chronic fatigue, depression, all THYROID, often from nerve interference. other issues likely same root cause. see an upper cervical specific chiropractor.
I became extremely ill too and was not able to leave for other reasons and then became too ill to leave and manage on my own not realising I was ill because of this. I have been fighting and struggling to recover and am much better now however my middle child has been deprived of what he really needed from me as this was a step parent and due to severe sleep deprivation as a result of this marriage I had extremely high levels of stress making it unable to be a normal mother no matter how hard I tried.
One thing that helped me heal was reminding myself many times each day that my body is mine. I stopped resenting my injuries, I started wanting them to heal. They weren't proof of his misdeeds. It is MY body, not his. He just is that kind of person. Anybody who truly gets near him for long will discover that. It's a fact. I don't have to prove it nor provide proof of it. Some folks won't ever sympathize with the victim. Some can't.
Well stated and communicated message in this video. It would be nice to describe techniques that children of narcissists can use to "reparent" themselves and increase their mental health.
This is the kind of additional info im seeking but noone ever provides that. Everybody just say No contact, run, nd dont look back or they are filled with the demons lol
I married my mother, a man with the same and familiar traits and it took years to realise that I didn't know who I was or what I liked. After a few years of experimenting and making some pretty bad choices I eventually came out the other side and now I feel peaceful and competent.
My mother's 4 siblings (and her) all became or married a narcissist. Except one sister, who was the most despised of by the narcissistic mother. She was the only one, despite being very wounded, who didn't become nor marry a narcissist. The favorite child, the middle sister, became the most extreme narcissist. I think, from all I've seen and heard that if you're not the golden child you've really missed a bullet. Strangely, being the scapegoat seems to have a beneficial strengthening effect, if you can find yourself afterwards.
I agree. My grandma was a narcissist and raised my mum (one of her favored child). My mum turned out a narcissist who’s golden child (my brother) is also a narcissist. I was the scapegoat and was often accused of abusing her son (all in her imagination of course). Whereas my grandmas scapegoat, my aunt became the only normal parent that has great bonds with her own kids. Fortunately I only need to deal with my mum 50% of my childhood. I had to be her counselor when her golden child decided to cut ties with her. There was not appreciation for my time and effort in assisting her to heal. Apparently it was still my fault her son moved out. I’ve learnt to just emotionally cut ties with her.
My experience very closely matches all this. I was the Golden Child and they hated me. My brother smeared me and "got everyone on his side" and it is only now decades later that I am recapturing or beginning to get hold of who I really am. What is lovely is that I like me. I have talents and skills and a warm heart I never really knew about or could trust. Life is fun now. One brother, two sisters, definitely awful with me but I am looking at my part, too. Another sister is caught in the mix.
Oooof.. as a scapegoat: this is true. I am so sad for you (and kinda me) that we had to went trough this all alone. Healing takes so much time but I absolutely believe that it's worth it Sometimes I think about dying, but then I am like: No, fck it, I died every day years ago, now it's time to live. I wish everyone would know about this issue..
people don't want to go that deep. they say it is too much work. for me personally I have never given up developing. But I have friends that have no patience with me because they don't under why I feel stuck in situations where I can't move ahead. every bit of information helps me to move ahead.
Compassion for the narcissist is an open door to excuse their behavior. They don't keep their conscience alive and trample on others who do not team up with their abuse. I believe they have willfully chosen to continue in their evil and like the art of it. We have a mind, soul and heart. What you do with it is either to better our world or destroy it... including relationships. They are vengeful people who enjoy the sufferings of others. Compassion doesn't include throwing yourself to the lions. It is compassion when we don't allow ourselves to be devoured in such a way.
I've been touched when you reminds us narcissists are sick, and we can see them with empathy, even if we knows they are predators. Thanks for your work.
Yes; I was always either humiliated, rejected, or ignored by my dad when it came to my achievements. As an adult, I don't know who I am, and I feel like a failure. Dad was always so controlling, and nothing was ever good enough. He burdened me from a very young age, and shared things with me that were inappropriate. He has a very grandiose sense of self. He imagines he could be a star, if only I were never born.
Betty Cooper . Betty, have you looked for or maybe found a good therapist before ? The right person might be able to really help you to better understand the reasons for your developing the level of self-esteem you have described. That is not uncommon under those conditions, Betty. You are not alone. You can truly learn to move past that and grow to have a more positive perspective--- if that might be something you were really interested in pursuing. It could be so valuable to you.
Betty Cooper . I don’t think the way we are treated by our parents defines who we are. You need to realise you are an intelligent,beautiful human being, that has overcome what ever crap you had as a kid. This will make you stronger. Don’t let anyone “label” you. Love from England.
Like my father.....good therapist and getting him out of my life was the only way I could heal......a therapist that deals with trauma is the way to go....
@@MarkMiller-zm2th Everyone is different, and thought you give positive advice, there are some that will benifit from a hand to pull them from the muck of their mental situation. I encourage people to look at their situations and get the help they need to unburden their lives. I was drowning trying to believe I could swim, getting nowhere until I was pulled out of the water. I mean no disrespect of your comment, and if this belief has helped you then I am happy for you. Take care.....
Thank you for this video. Listening to you and the depth and accuracy to which you go in explaining this disorder gives me hope that psychologists will start to understand the intricacies of narcissism better. I have dealt with a narcissistic father and then without having any knowledge of the disorder repeating the behavior in my adult life in choosing a narcissistic spouse. I am in a different country to you, but it has been my experience that many of the therapist psychologist and psychiatrist have very little knowledge of narcissism other than being able to quote the description in the DSM. I believe it is very dangerous the lack of knowledge amongst professionals regarding this personality disorder as these character disturbed individuals often manipulate the professionals and turn them unwittingly into weapons against innocent victoms plus there is very little specialized support for victims of narcissistic abuse in recovery.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Unfortunately, the DSM has not assisted in furthering our knowledge of the disorder as it is essentially a political document which only focuses on the outward behaviours of narcissists. The depth of knowledge on the disorder comes from the much older psychodynamic tradition which is no longer in favour within much of modern psychiatry (and psychology) unfortunately.
Daylight out of Darkness . I agree fully! It has been my experience as well. There is so much talk about acknowledging and aiding Mental Health; yet,very little is known or even understood about Narcissism/Co-dependency, and few avenues for therapy or assistance toward improvement. This imbalance needs fixing.
To all here ~ I don't know what country any of you live in, but if you can buy from Amazon, I highly recommend this book by a retired U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation Criminal Profiler - Joe Navarro: *Dangerous Personalities - : An FBI Profiler Shows You How to Identify and Protect Yourself from Harmful People* www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Personalities-Profiler-Identify-Yourself/dp/1623361923/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1509422371&sr=1-1&keywords=dangerous+personalities+by+joe+navarro&dpID=51pPOwyfBGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch He classifies the personalities somewhat differently than the mental health professionals do, and I have yet to read the book in its entirety - I went straight to chapter 4 first, but this is his classification of 4 *dangerous* personalities: Ch. 1 - The Narcissistic Personality Ch. 2 - The Emotionally Unstable Personality (likely a Borderline and/or Histrionic) Ch. 3 - The Paranoid Personality Ch. 4 - The Predator (the Anti-Social Personality Disorder) Each chapter has a very helpful, extensive checklist to identify characteristics. If you can't buy it, you can at least read his articles at Psychology Today, starting with this one, which includes a shorter checklist: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201709/the-narcissistic-personality-how-they-think He also has a website with more articles to read by clicking on "Media." www.jnforensics.com He's also here on RUclips. I also bought his book on body language - *What Every Body Is Saying* - Quoting website..."Read this book and send your nonverbal intelligence soaring." One thing that was so apparent to me about my Psycho was his "furtive eyes." I actually took a photo of him doing that, captured at just the right moment, glancing sideways and right at me. Part of his paranoid behavior. And for sure I saw that cold reptilian stare at least 3 times. Of those 4 chapters, mine has 3 of those disorders, (1, 3 & 4,) making him the most dangerous of all.
You literally just explained the way I was raised..there was more that went into the making of a narcissist (me) I have spent the last year and a half trying to understand what happened and why. I have had many revelations regarding my former ways and have actually found a way to recognize and recover!! I'm a work in progress, as we all are but I'm proud of how far I've come! I would love to share what I have learned if that would interest you.
This is hands down the best explanation I have heard to date of mine and my siblings experience growing up with a narssacist father. Incredible how simple you broken down every aspect of my childhood degradation to now be able to humanize him is actually quite a relief vs. Seeing him as some evil man thwarted on us by circumstances out of all our control. Thank you, Sir so much for doing this video. I am looking forward to finally getting counseling for myself and even my son, so we may heal.
Both parents were narcs. I went the opposite. I see people using the word empath as in being able to pick up and empathize with others emotions. I do that but don't label myself empath. Just hugely sensitive to others energy. Went to therapy for years to undue the damage and recover from attachment disorder and abandonment. Narc parents are horrible. Just horrible.
Lord knows you are absolutely correct once again about this unhealthy attachment so many of us have with our parents. Lord set me completely free from this unhealthy disorder I developed just to survive my childhood with my mother.
Thank you for clarifying this topic. I can now understand what happened to my sister and feel more empathy towards her while at the same time keeping my boundaries intact.
Wow! This hit home, so to speak. Raised in an orthodox Jewish home by the eldest daughter of a rabbi, one of 9, you can only imagine what was expected of me. My mother pulled away from me very early, and childhood held a myriad of traumatic incidents, which created traumatic incidents in my own life, as my siblings and I were not raised in an orthodox community. Six failed surgeries and a failed marriage created additional and repeated trauma from the age of 23. From your videos and others, I understand so much more about my situation and myself from the perspective of CPTSD and narcissism, the symptoms of which are so similar. I made the decision early in life not to have children because I felt something was out of place inside that would disable me from raising them with love and kind discipline. Thank you for the affirmation. I did not make a mistake. I did no harm. I never sought revenge and honored my parents throughout their lives, as our religions teach us. I only regret that I could not have been the parent she needed, also. Simply sobbing from relief. Thank you so much.
it's passed down like a disease... my fathers grandparents were both... my grandmother was one... and my father and sister are one. I was clinically labeled codependent. the buck stops here...
Totally agree with this! It is very apparent in my mother's side of the family. My mom, all her sisters and now my older sister have it. I suspect this is a family trait that has been passed down through the generations by bad neglectful parenting. Family gatherings are absolutely horrible because it's a bunch of selfish people trying to talk the loudest and hurt each other through passive aggressive behaviors. It's so childish and sometimes funny to watch but its also hell to have to live with narcissistic people especially when they are your parent. I refuse to pass it on if I have children.
This is one big reason why I never want to have kids. I have a feeling that for those inclined towards narcissism, having children really brings that trait out into the open. I feel scared of ever depending on someone else for anything or having someone else dependent on me because I just don't trust myself yet, nor do I trust others to not abuse their power. This is a big reason why I also don't think marriage is in the cards for me. Plus, it all just seems so suffocating.
I am investigating family history and have discovered multiple narcissists. Some of the family members were adopted and they display identical traits found in other family members.
I know this comment is from long ago but this looks a lot like my family tree! My narcissistic mom often told me how her parents abused her, my grandmother told my mom about how she was abused, and even my great-gradmother told me about her traumatic childhood weeks before she passed away. They all had strong narcissistic tendencies, and even as a small child, I tried to do everything to understand why they acted this way. I'm currently in therapy, and my councillor told me that I need to learn self-compassion and self-love. In our last session, I told her about how I moved abroad and cut contact with all of my toxic family members, and she congratulated me for finally ending the cycle. I still have a lot of self-doubt about whether I'm the narcissist or not. And this conflicts with the fact that I am currently learning how to love and accept myself for who I am. I still think there is a thin line between healthy narcissism and malignant narcissism. But I'll try my best to validate, accept and love myself for who I am, while also taking other people's emotions and feelings into consideration.
I can relate to everything you say in this video. My mom is narcissistic, but I'm the only one in the family realizing it. The rest of my family see her as a victim, the only victim, and I did too for a long time. I became her counsellor as a teenager when I, myself, went through a rough patch and needed guidance (as teenagers do). She turned it around and made it about her. I was there whenever she needed something, but when I needed to express myself I was always shut down and ended up crying at night in silence, because she didn't like me expressing how I felt. It was all about her, her, her. It still is. I've learned and I'm still learning how to be a parent to myself. I'm glad I got this insight now, before I possibly could've gone down the same road as my mother and done further damage to my future children. God, no. I think vulnerability is key for recovery for both parties. I practice being vulnerable every day.
Our whole culture is narcissistic. It's just that some are better at it than others. Me me me. (I wrote this a while ago but every day I come across more examples of this. We have lost our way).
@ Aaawwww, you think there is a difference between democrat and republican... I guess you still believe in the Easter Bunny , and Santa Clause... The world is ruled by banksters and special interest groups . We are on a collision course with Earths Systems being destroyed because of the rate of manufacture and pollution. It might be to late already . Probably 90% of humans are in the system, 150 years ago probably not. Think I' m goofy, I will leave you with this ,,, google how many gallons of jet fuel a jumbo jet uses on a fill up? Then multiply by the amount of jets, add in cars, , trucks, etc, etc, . Then if you think humans are enlightened ,, and you really think its about Dumocrap,Republowcon,Libertart ,, let me know 👺👺
Our society is sick as a whole. It is run by psychopaths and narcissists above government level. This plan-demic and shut down of the globe by this group is a prime example.
If you want to meet a female narcissist, just go meet some of those mothers at a child beauty pageant. If you want to meet a male narcissist, just go to a little league game and look for the father that stands up in the bleachers yelling at the referee.
Thanks for your video! 🌹I'm an scapegoat of a mother, father and sister who are narcissists, with bpd, one psychologist told that this disorder is what daughters of narcissistic mothers get, where they are destroyed and fragmented inside. So glad narcissists get exposed now, by your videos at RUclips, and the narcissists loose their victims.
This video is probably the best video I’ve watched in order to enlighten me on the core reasons why people develop narcissistic personality disorder. It is with this kind of explanation that I have found it in myself to heal from the pain and suffering I endured during my marriage. Understanding the disorder is CRITICAL in order for us to move on and ‘forgive’. Thank you so much🧿Cyprus (North)
you absolutely nailed what happened in my family in childhood. wish this knowledge could fix things. at least i know who these people were!!! THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
I can’t emphasize how thankful I am for this video. It’s like you did a copy-paste of the way I was brought up, and it’s like a miracle how I got to see this video at this moment in my life. You helped me understand myself (that took away a lot of guilt by the way hahaha) and you helped me grow as a human being. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video, youtube is full of videos about how to recognise a narcissist, but there is nothing to understand them and avoid making new ones. Keep up the good work!
Hi Jacqui. You make an important point. Narcissistic parents injure their children and this injury can manifest itself in the child developing the sort of narcissism I have been talking about or in becoming very sensitive to the effects of narcissism (becoming an empath). The key point is that a narcissistic injury has occurred and the way it manifests is not always the same.
Yes, I am a very empathic person as well and attract narcissists. My parents were older when I was born and I have one older brother; he was always getting in trouble or having problems that took a lot of my parent's time and they were always arguing about how best to deal with my brother's behaviour. My mother had mental illness and my father worked a lot. I am a empath, and had a very difficult marriage with a narcissist who committed parental alienation and dragged me in and out of court all of the time. I wish I had known what narcissism was back then. After 15 years of being single, I attracted another narcissistic. I want to learn to attract healthier people who do not take my joy. I am very impressed with this video and want to keep listening,
I became a strange combination of empath and narcissist, I took traits from both parents and this ruined my life. I have been struggling for the last 2-3 years to clean the madness my both parents have, but I did not progress much.
Vital Mind Psychology So is it that some people have a predisposition to narcissism that narcissistic parent(s) bring out in the child? Is this predisposition inherited?
Abdul Saad: @1:21: "Narcissism fundamentally is a pathology of the self" Excellent!! Well Spoken! Abdul Saad: @3:56: "The brain is a social organ". Superb!! Eloquent and poignant! Abdul Saad: @10:46: Children are hard wired...to attach to their primary caregiver...and [when the primary caregiver are themselves erratic and irresponsible] this creates the classic split within the [child] narcissist between [excessive praise] grandiosity and the parent(s) who could not or would not accurately mirror and reflect back to the child [reality?] because this creates a discomfort in the parent) worthlessness". Wow! Abdul Saad: @14:13: "Become that product for their parents consumption". Comprehensible, yet very disturbing. Abdul Saad: @15:10: "The Good Enough Parent". Interesting. Abdul Saad: @16:02: "Humanize the Pathology". Sincere approach. Thank you for offering your human dignity, it was a pleasure to behold.
Stuart Doblin I've very intently watched sooo many videos and and came across this one and I was like I should start taking notes which I don't normally do.
My mother became a narc (covert) because she was put into an isolation ward in hospital with polio from the age of 18 months to around 2 years old. Only one of her parents were allowed to visit once a week and wave at her through a window. She didn't know who they were. Many hospital stays and operations continued throughout her childhood and she had to wear a calliper on one leg, which other children ridiculed. The rest of her family are lovely. I find it interesting to know the source of mother's narcissism, and it not being a generational thing in her case.
that's fascinating. Actually fascinating if true. Would those 2 years truly be that influencial, so much so that a solid relationship with lovely people wouldn't make up for it? It's kind of hard to believe but extraordinary if true.
@@human-ft3wk I'm pretty convinced that caused it. Plus the ridicule she suffered over having to wear a leg caliper, always having a limp, being behind at school because of repeat operations making her miss school. I can't see any other reason. But I could be wrong.
@@human-ft3wk I'm pretty convinced that caused it. Plus the ridicule she suffered over having to wear a leg caliper, always having a limp, being behind at school because of repeat operations making her miss school. I can't see any other reason. But I could be wrong, of course.
Thank you thank you. Your video was so good and answered questions I've had for decades. I found myself saying "yes!" at times because you were filling in blanks and confirming ideas I've had for so long. I'll watch it a few more times because it was so full of really good information. It felt like you were describing my life. I look forward to the rest of your video's. I can see how much you care for patients. The affirmation I felt brought tears to my eyes. It's a lonely place to be. Take care.
People are born empaths. It’s hard for some people to be like that. I heard neuropsychologists say that some people are born with something wrong with their brains and they are narcissistic by nature . Others are empathic and don’t become narcissistic because they’re wired differently.
@@christar9527 I think people with normal, nonabusive childhoods do not have hangups like codependency or personality disorders. I don't think there is enough evidence to support a theory on genetics alone. I am not sure if the word "empath" is anything other than a euphemism for codependent. I've read a bit myself on the subject and the controversy runs through the profession as well as laity.
Thank you for this video! You are the most well-researched psychologist an analyst that I have ever listened to. I learned so much during this and to understand why a narcissist may even pick the career that they have could be a basis of their past I got that out of this thank you again
When my ex left me (when I was 6 months pregnant) we spent some time in couples therapy. One of the last things he said to me was that he was “waiting to see how the baby could help him”. I was so horrified that he had expectations of a tiny baby that wasn’t even born yet. I told him that he gets NOTHING from his child, that he has to be the giver. He said, “well”. And served me with divorce papers. The point about sharing too much info about his personal relationships with his 9 year old struck home too. I’m sharing this everywhere! So important
GreatDayEveryone My ex 18 year old stepdaughter had her baby to get free rent and welfare along with her 32 year old convict baby daddy. They met and planned it. 5 years later, still getting free rent and had to move because she was blackballed from churches from being on the benevolent list and taking more money and benefits than she was entitled to. Parasite to the end!
Your story is so similar to mine. I was 4 months pregnant when my ex narc left. We had also been in therapy. Mine was however, not interested in any aspect of his child, and that's not ever changed. The craziest part is how absolutely broken, distraught, depressed, and abandoned I had felt. I would've never in a million years thought that I'd now be grateful that he left. He saved me from possibly years more of abuse, and most importantly, his narcissism will have had no effect on our daughter. It's amazing.
Before my son was born in 2004, I had thought a lot about his arrival… worried that I would be a good parent (as one does) because of issues concerning how I was raised. His baby book had an entry, “I hope my child will be interested in…” My answer was, “…whatever strikes his fancy. I can’t allow myself to see him as a piece of clay to be shaped. I hope to watch his becoming… his unfolding into an adult… and at each step along the way, I can’t wait to meet him.” Imagine my surprise when our host used that same (final) phrasing as a means of avoiding narcissism. He just turned 18, and is one of the most compassionate people I know. He provides and stands up for those less fortunate, befriends “difficult” people by choice, and has a lot of irons in the fire. I have immense pride in him, clearly. I champion his causes and encourage learning from his missteps. Truly, I worry very little for his future-primarily because his path is his own.
I grew up as the scapegoat child. Thank God , I was resilient, I comforted my Mom at times as a parent. My Dad picked me to not to like. I can't figure out why. I was very beautiful and popular with a sweet caring demeanor I felt that the love, respect, kindness of others really helped me out side the home. I realized later after leaving home I do have an intelligent mind that can think on it's own with out mom interrupting my every thought. It was a beautiful feeling to develop skills to focus and get lost in a book while in college without Interruption. Mom was scattered and would not let us alone very long. Sister was golden child. Brother was just plain nasty. Mother driving father nuts. Father with bad temper. Fighting yelling. I can imagine father was narcissistic, too. But whoever stay with narcissist will have temporary bouts of insanity because the narcissist Doesn't have the capacity to correct their awkwardness no matter how you show them. They are embarrassingly off kilter. My sister is too.
Thank you so much for sharing this video. At least people will understand them and not assume them like monsters in the society. People will understand narcists better and will understand how to treat them in an appropiate way while being good to themselves as well
My sister has always demonstrated these qualities. This video helps explain its origins. She adopted a child and treated this poor little girl like an accessory then ditched her once her alimony was established in divorce. Her husband was a saint. What astounds me is that she - having been ashamed of her family all her life claims that we have all abandoned her. This is incredible to me but has begun to make sense as I learn more about narcissism. Thank you.
You explained it so well. I grew up with both parents being narcissistic, and I literally dropped many hobbies, dreams and even a major just because my parents weren’t happy with it. Whenever I reveal those parts of myself that they don’t like, they instantly ignore me and just abandon the conversation. For years, I felt like I was hiding my true self away. Those parts of me which they like, they wouldn’t stop praising about. I was so confused, because I was praised, but at the same time not validated.
Narcissitic individuals treat their partners the way their parents treated them. It's as if their partner is the child extension of them selves. And they now take on the role of their abuser- parent. They see their partner as an extension of themselves but with no real healthy attachment.
Sunflowershowers and Vital Mind Psychology, I see this in a person I know and her daughter. Just like Mr Saad explained she totally overburdened her small child with the details of the divorce she was experiencing. She also put the child on a pedestal and gave her everything she herself did not have as a child. Later she influenced her into the kind of career she thought profitable. The child is nothing like she used to be when she was little, and she has severe emotional troubles, she cuts herself among other things. The mother was and is constantly hoovering over the child like her possession. The mother I observed took her energy, her youth and made her to be like herself. I do know this mother from when she herself was born and I can say that she was born this way. Discontent, jealous, never happy...She was well treated by her parents, but perceived everybody ill treat her, yet she was constantly plotting viciousness. A person that makes other people miserable with her selfishness to this day. How do you explain this kind of toxicity without cause?
Gina Rose balance is key? Over & under praising are both bad. In certain communities I won't mention which they put child on hight pedestal & constantly being over protective. On the opposite side another community who let their kids roam around as they wish with no boarders or restrictions. The first will & btw I'm no specialist just through life experience & observation I know this. The first child will belittle others when he grows to be an adult & will constantly be on a high buzz so as to speak. The second child going into adult will have no limits won't know how to behave constantly getting into trouble with law missing school etc etc. Obviously a woman commented above that she saw the narc characteristics in her parents but turned out different... Maybe she had other support around community which helped her!.
I agree. For years I was in treatment , thinking I was part of the issue. Not one Dr. Ever used the word "narcissist" but rather medicated me. So wrong.
John Swann, I'm sorry but you would be wasting your time, they will unfortunately never change no matter how much love, understanding and compassion you give them. It would be better to have them all in a group together, now that would be interesting to watch
Nah they are just wounded by young age humans. Humans that by therapy can be helped. Devil and God are a narcissistic concept, only 0 and 1 nothing in between.
toneman335 generalize much? They are humans too, with hurt, trauma, memories just like everyone else. Unless they’re going around murdering ppl without remorse, labeling ppl with deficiencies as “devil personified” is a bit dramatic.
Compare a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath to an Incubus/Succubus. You'll discover an absolute parallel comparison. Then ask yourself, where are the fallen angels today?
Thank you for helping me understand what happened to my husband when he was a little child. And the psychology behind how it manifests in a child. I live in a different state from my husband but I lived through the steps and stages of this awful mental illness as his friend, girlfriend, then wife. Now I realize his father was the narcissist and not just a cruel, mean parent and person. Thank you again.
Early childhood narcissism helped me learn and see much thank you will listen more. As young parents as a teen survival and parenting wanting them to have better life than I but I do know they had from me lots of love and compassion from me and grandmothers.
Could you comment about the relationship that narcissists have with money? I can barely find information about it. From my experience it is very distorted, manifesting in either severe stinginess or recklessness.
Ana Candida de Carvalho Carneiro I learned that narcissistic people have toddler mind so can't cope with mature issues like money and work sulk lie and bully delboy from only fools of horses is a great example of one
Ana Candida de Carvalho Carneiro, they are stingy with others, they will act as if they have no money to you so you will have sympathy for them when in actuality they do have money and will recklessly spend it on themselves
My narc hubby had a "hole" in his pocket. Narc mother sent him "allowance" even after our first baby. Hundreds of dollars for only him. I wasn't allowed near it. He wouldn't work (couldn't stand authority figure/boss). When we finally had a little extra, he went to bank and tried to lock me out of account. I guess if the narc sees money as power, watch out.
Doesn't everyone think money has power? Hasn't gold always ruled? I crave it like a drug when I start running low. It's a tool that has no conscience and those without a conscience hoard it..
goldenniblings Very True and insightful. it's been very abusive mentally and verbally. my narc goes from 1-100, when nothing go he way or if you refuse to agree to his every word. so sad... Everyone, especially me is wrong but him...
This is Jennifer Sinclair. Thank you so much for this!!! You keep me "straight" in understanding my mother. My mom has quit two different therapists - both defined her as narcissist and my life is perfect except for my relationship with my mother. She refuses to communicate with me about anything of any depth. Everything MUST be kept shallow. So we don't communicate at all. So your videos are you communicating me about mother- which I need more than anything.
You are amazingly accurate of my experience of a long relationship I had!! He called his ex-wife a narcissist and I saw those exact traits/behaviors in his children which was so very hard to understand and deal with. In the end, I saw that he was also a classic narcissist, and that they all were!? I've had so many questions, which you answered!! Thank you so much for this...it all makes sense now. Thankfully the relationship is over. But it has all puzzled me, and now I understand. I'm so glad to be done with them all. I am so glad I learned and used my boundaries.
Nia Czer, it can be as in Chris Watts case, his sister was the gold narcissist and he was the shy one, they were polar opposites because their mother Cindy Watts a narcissist, treated the sister as the good kid, and the other as the bad kid, this is called triangulation and is one of the base strategies of narcissists... and so as it happened with Chris Watts, the polar opposite is not at all necessarily good, in fact it may be even worst, because Chris Watts was a vulnerable narcissist, so you see? the two kids turned narcissist, just that the sister was the grandiose narcissist (classic narcissist) and the brother was the vulnerable narcissist, which is harder, way harder to detect because although narcissists, vulnerable ones behave in a nice, shy, helping, endearing way, they are the most empathic of people, and yet as damages as other narcissists ...... long live Shanann's inspiration...
You should look in to the golden child and the scapegoat double standard approach of the narcissist parent to reply to your question. As someone else pointed out, the scapegoat is usually the lucky one, meaning they develop in a better adult, even if at first sight the mechanism is counterintuitive.
I was the scapegoat of my mother and my father’s golden child. My brother had the reverse. We spent a lot of time in individual therapies and are close now. He feels like my co-survivor.
Thank you for sharing this video! I especially appreciate this perspective that allows us to have some empathy & understanding toward the narcissist. It doesn't excuse their behavior of course, but it gives us a way to understand why they are the way they are, instead of being angry toward them. I also believe there is hope for them to see it themselves from this compassionate perspective.
You are a very intelligent man, who has basically confirmed what I thought were the causes of a narcissist. It makes me feel so sad I could cry hearing this because I've known two people with these traits. I'm sure the parents would be so sorry if they really knew the damage they had caused to their child's life. Makes me realise how lucky I've been to have had two good parents who gave me nothing but unconditional love. Thanks for sharing this information it's going to help me deal with the person who's still in my life now.
I like that he says that good parenting “pretty much” protects against narcissism. My own daughter is both confident and humble and I think it’s partly because she received unconditional love and approval from both her parents since birth. However part of that is luck. I’m aware of some situations where parents were every bit if not better than me who ended up with narcissistic children. So there has to be other factors.
Thank you SO much for this clear, logical presentation of a complex issue. I've been having a difficult time finding a coherent explanation for how Narc parents can create a narc in their own child. So, so sad!
Thank you for the thoughtful and objective explanation. I am so traumatized by a lifetime of narcissistic abuse that this is the first video that has not triggered my CPTSD. I frankly did not care about the narc's childhood, but you have explained clearly that a child of narc parent(s) can become either a narcissist or (like me) a co-dependent people pleaser. Still have not decided whether being a sensitive empath is a blessing or a curse!
Interesting. Those parenting styles can also lead to other personality disorders, like schizoid personality disorder. I have SPD myself. One of the main differences though is that I never got much attention and admiration, which are fuel for narcissism. Like narcissists, I have experienced lots of physical abuse, emotional abuse and neglect, but I grew up in (near) total isolation.
Hi Alexander, yes indeed. Deprivation of core needs during childhood, often depending on the type, duration, intensity and timing of the deprivation, can set the sage for various kinds of personality vulnerability. I hope you are doing well and thanks for watching.
I suspect you have addressed this but I am curious as to why the frequency of narcissism seems to be spreading and growing exponentially in our modern society at this time.
There is a big difference in narcissistic and having full blown NPD. Everyone is narcissistic it's healthy but it not so pathologically narrcissist personality disorder.
6 лет назад+3
Thank you. Finally!!! an accurate description of the relationship with my mother.
I can now see how people who get very angry as adults were stifled in expressing their emotions as children. Emotional intelligence is a huge part of development. And not allowing children to express emotions teaches them to bury them- with leads to confusion and anger. Expressing emotions comes naturally for a healthy baby and child who’s needs are met and they aren’t judged or liked or disliked by their parents for when they express discomfort or negative emotions. This is very good and important stuff!
I wish I knew this when I was in my 30’s unfortunately I learnt the hard way ...But I’m a survivor & now understand clearly ... Walked away completely from narcissist men / women I delete & Block them out of my life now . 😇
Wait a sec....many co-dependent empaths were also degraded, devalued, ignored, abused by one or more narc emotionally/physically abusive parents or grandparents. So I find in my study of this whole topic that there are some similarities between narcissistic sociopaths/psychopaths and co-dependent empaths. Aren't we all narcissists to a degree on a continuum? I know my paternal grandfather was a narcissist and emotionally/physically abused my late father though he didn't talk about it, my late mother eluded to it....the family secrets as well as other ones. It all got passed down to his four children and we've all paid a price for it in more ways than one. Ditto for my late narcissistic emotionally abusive husband of 42 years...a real bonafide Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde! Guess my late father was as well...how I got that paradigm in my codependent empath head...working on it through therapy now along with doing yoga and meditation and all other modalities that heal! Better late than never as they say....thanks for you great video...much appreciated since this is a worldwide dis-ease that leads to real physical diseases....i ought to know...i have MS from it along with other factors involved as well..living in the north, being female and of northern European ancestry...those all play a part!
This is frightening to me as my ex-daughter in law is doing this to her 8 and 4 year olds. The 8 year old was turned into her comforter, confidant and expected to be adult acting. The 4 year old has been denigrated for being too boyish, loud etc. As their Nana, I am fighting for them.
What about the empaths that had narcissists for parents thats stayed emapthic? There are lots of us.... Thankyou- ive just foind you today and must have watched about 7 videos already ❤
The narcissist i have to deal with comes across as a very loved, pampered cute kid that everyone doted on so much she didn't have to ask for anything just held out her hand towards the object and grunted uh uh uh with the give me, give me hand gestures. But when she was denied the wanted item she would pitch a screaming hissy fit until it was given to her just to shut her up. She then learned to control those around her with her tantrums, while the others would dread her loud outbursts so much they would give her anything she wanted to keep from setting her off. They became afraid of her anger, and never learned how to deal with it, carrying that fear on thru life. But instead of indulging her, the parents should have used a long switch on her bare legs, setting boundaries & consequences. A few well placed spankings would have saved the world from this monster. She is now a middle age grandmother who still acts like the same spoiled brat trying to rule the world with her rage when she isn't the center of attention.
Please keep in mind the following when commenting:
I am unable to provide specific advice or a clinical opinion through the comments section. For this reason, please avoid giving specific details of your own personal history/struggles as I am unable to monitor how others respond to such comments. I am open to ideas and suggestions for future videos which may be relevant to a specific question you have in mind.
Vital Mind Psychology Thank you for sharing your invaluable knowledge. It is a relief to be able to understand and have this disorder demystified. I would love to understand other Cluster B and C disorders and the origins. I wish this was compulsory knowledge it would have saved so much damage. Keep going. You have my support.
Vital Mind Psychology Thank you for doing this Dr. I have a question. Do you think a true narcissist is capable of recognizing it in themselves, in any real and honest capacity ?
1vengefulHeart - Yes, they are capable. YT user *Sam Vaknin* is a self-aware Narcissist (and Psychopath - how he defines as having Anti-Social Personality Disorder). Also *Knowing the Narcissist* is another such channel. The operator of that channel is H.G. Tudor. Both men have written books and operate their own website. They explain the many variables of those with NPD. These two men have been clinically diagnosed with it, and Sam admits to having been incarcerated for securities fraud.
WHERE ARE THE DOCTORS REPLYS TO ALL THESE QUESTIONS!!! THESE ARE GOOD QUESTIONS BUT I DON'T SEE ANY REPLYS!!!
He doesn't reply because without knowing all the facts of a particular case, it would be improper of him to directly answer questions. He could be sued. RUclips is not a clinical setting. He's just supplying info, though he may see questions here, then make another video to address them in a more general way. Make sense?
For me personally, as a Christian, I prefer watching pastor/counselor *Patrick Doyle (Veritas Counseling) on theDoveTV channel.* They do check the comments sections, and reply as described above, but many of his videos are appropriate in dealing with the Narc issue, (we call it extreme pride,) as well as their accompanying depression, addictions like drugs or porn, and things like boundaries, etc. As the Narc has suffered abuse as a child, so has Patrick. I am most encouraged by the way he addresses various topics - frankly, yet humbly, and with a dose of humor..
Also, after watching *Complex Trauma - Diane Langberg,* another Christian, (and all her other videos,) it was clear she was describing the Narc I know to a tee. Also see her video, *Shame, Sexual Abuse and Healing.* She is truly an amazing woman, having cared for victims of trauma, be it child abuse, war vets, natural disaster victims, etc. for 45 years.
Their's is a wholly different take on dealing with these people than simply running away from them. You have to remember these are deeply wounded and broken individuals, not simply evil people.
Spot on!!! They leave you empty, confused, always searching for something called “home” only to never find it.
For years I would regularly think, “all I want is a family”; the family I was born into was a nightmare and very abusive!
Yes that's true.
They allow you to call it a BackPack
What's a 'home'?
@@karenspeters4201 Karen - what an utterly profound question; it says it all about your childhood. I feel for you and hope you find "HOME" in your soul.
I am a highly sensitive empathic person who had 2 narcissistic parents. I did not become narcissist but instead had all the symptoms of narcissistic abuse such as confusion, depression, co-dependence, low self-esteem, anxiety, grief and loss. In your video you did not explain that being raised by narcissistic parents doesn't always result in all of the children being narcissistic, so, not an absolute cause and effect relationship between that parenting and the outcome. Perhaps being the scapegoat protected me from this outcome. If that is the case, I am grateful for being the scapegoat for the first time in my life!!!
PsalmsReader. I was the scapegoat...i left home young knowing in some way I had to break away to save myself..i suffered depression drug / alcohol for a few years..but found love in God ..and writing..I must admit im a loner..yet love people.
I would help homeless.children..animals..my parents hardly knew me as a person..or my friends it was always about them..oddly they would compete with me..or so it felt that way . i would never speak in their company..rather shrank down..as I listened to them .. :-(
PsalmsReader yes agree with u
Do you find you xan almost feel what others are feeling
My impression is that 'failure' of a person brought up in a narcissistic environment to develop a narcissistic personality results in such a person being scapegoated. Your 'failure' helped you to see that the family system was wrong and that you were different - and eventually, that you could heal. Narcissists can't see themselves, and so can not heal. What the narcs do is reject those who are not narcs and 'normalise' narcissism. This gives their fellow narcs free reign to enact their abuse, and make it very difficult to establish non-narc interactions,
I speak from having the same experience. I have been scapegoated by my entire extended family, who are all narcissists.
@@psk1w1 o
As a narcissist I'm pleased that I can blame someone else for my bad behavior. LOL. I'm a narcissist in recovery and this is the first thing I thought while watching this. But I've grown enough to understand that thought and move it in another direction. It's been 10 years in therapy. I'm 50 now. I've ruined every good relationship I've had. I've destroyed all my partners. 10 years ago a friend (bless you) told me I don't listen. I had to prove them wrong which proved them right. Through trying to become a better listener I found that I was a monstrous narcissist. Please dont do this to your kids. It's been a terrible existence.
Are you cured now?
💯💯🙏🙏🎉🎉💕💕👍👍
@@Anti-nousLOL the cure well, there's no cure but they can change their behaviors but it's not done overnight
Lololol
Gold star for you, thanks for doing the work.
This psychologist is so down to earth. What a clarity of thought and lucid way of explaining.
Abdul Saad you are an angel to many people.
I full agree. Dr. Saad, you provide such an important human service, via these videos. Thank you for your insight, empathy and clarity!
I am an empath and i observe people around me everyday and i feel that i am surrounded by narcissist. It scares me a lot
Don't be afraid be aware. Keep your witts about you.
In the US, even empaths must learn Narcissistic technique or perish. Everyone acts Narcissistic here whether they are one or not. It is a sign of strength in the US.
@@marypatton1122
love when one person says EVERYONE etc....
and think because THEY feel one way that EVERYONE else does too....
STOP doing that!!🌞
You might be paranoid.
I believe our current President has made it ok to act in this manner...so they're climbing out of the woodwork now!
it's my husband's life story raised by a narcissistic mother and he himself has become a narcissist and I wish I had watched this kinda video before marrying into this family of predators.
maybe you should cut your losses and leave now.
My husbands mom and brother are the same way. It made get togethers with them very difficult because all three were the same. Then they started picking on everything wrong with everyone at the table. Made nasty comments. Now I'm free and it feels great. They are a lonely pack of total loosers.
gemdreams I am in the same situation. I so understand what you going through.
gemdreams . Exactly what I have been through
You and me both!!!
The key takeaway : show compassion for the narc, but never invite the prick into your own life.
That makes perfect sense!
Go no contact
Compassion 🤣 They don't care about your compassion so save yourself and RUN AWAY!
Lol ... so true
Well I think 70 or 80 % of us are all on some sort of narcissist spectrum. The narcissist is not "out there"
As it is said "If you can't love yourself, you can't love someone else."
Call Hallmark.
Absolutely true. The ones that don't love themselves you can easily see, because of how they treat others
I believe love isn't self-seeking. Some will love their selves over another was my parents not their parents.
Psychopath can empathize themselves but not others
The only way people love me is I do for them.
"The narcissist relates to their child as an extension of their-self," there it is. There it is, right there. That's my mom.
My mom explicitly said these words. That she thinks me to be an extension of her self.
100% likelihood of hearing every day:
“You’re an embarrassment!”
“Can’t you just be normal?”
“You’re not living up to your potential.”
@@stephenlackey5852 - It's actually self-projection.
Dezy blue It means that a child (to the narcissist) is not a whole autonomous being worthy of its own desires and direction. The child must perform, achieve, and exist solely for the benefit of the narcissist-by reputation or vicarious achievement.
My crazy mom too !
Wow, I believe I am a covert narcissist and your explanation of their childhood was so accurate. Both my parents are emotionally detached and NEVER discuss things like feelings or emotions. My parents saw me as an extension of themselves and I only received positive feedback for getting good grades so I was a straight A student straight through to university. Unfortunately I lack emotional intelligence. I feel some resentment towards my parents but I’m also trying to understand that they did the best they could. Anyway...
Wow my friend experience a similar situation her parents weren’t detached only when they were focused on something they “liked” and when they brought up emotional things it was based on “ HOW THEY FELT “ and no one else , when she would express her self it was tooken “ lightly” and “ overlooked”.
You understand that
what a massive relief to find this comment. i related to literally everything you brought up. i was raised the exact same way, and frighteningly recognize narcissistic traits in myself. i also have schizoid tendencies, do you?? i don’t know, is there a relation?
@@prima-luce to be honest, before discovering covert narcissism, I was sure I had schizoid personality disorder. I think they all fall under the cluster B personality type so I suppose some of the characteristics overlap. I have found a lot of insight from watching this guy call Richard Grannon who does free lessons online, I think you should check him out. He seems to have a deep understanding of trauma and CPTSD and how to take control of your life, hope that helps
@@jumpscare1530 i think spd is a cluster a personality disorder, formerly assigned as a schizophrenia spectrum illness? i noticed that many of the characteristics and behavioral patterns overlap with npd, as you said. avoidant attachment is common in both, both rely heavily on the cultivation of the false self/as if personality! thank you for your recommendation, i’ll check it out!! i don’t have c-ptsd, but i might be able to benefit from further insights. tysm, same to you :D
My brother has violent narcissistic/bi-polar tendencies and I am a meticulous anxious empath. My parents "don't know where they went wrong". They only remember doing their very best. While I hold a silent awful grudge against both behind a content facade; all I remember was the helplessness of my childhood.
thank you for being so kind to explain in detail about how a Narcissist is created. Are there any ways a Narcissist can work to bring changes within himself / herself to stop the damage they do emotionally to others, in other words, develop empathy and thereby come out of this ugly state of being?
This is exactly how i feel!
well said. And you are beautiful! :)
I was actually relieved to confirm this about my family. Big weight off for me.....lots to do.... but now I know it wasn't me!!
TheJXP5 Wow, me too!
Excellent video. Almost fell out of my chair when you said, "for their consumption". That is the most perfect statement I have ever heard concerning narcissism.
smoothandchunky1 yep...those despicable ppl come from a place of consumption. i come from a place of truth. vampire skin suits of demonic habitation.
At 7:55. Yes, for the parent's CONSUMPTION!
That was the word that really stuck out with me too. They are energy vampires and rob you of your life and life force.
"A product for the parent's consumption" - what an amazing observation!!! So clarifying explanation, great insights. Thank you.
I can remember being about 17 years old, listening quietly to my mother raging downstairs and belittling me. I was sitting at the edge of my bed and tears were falling against my will. I said to myself, this is not normal. I hadn’t even done anything wrong. Now, 20 years later, she’s suing my husband and I because we refuse to participate in her hate parade and asked her to stop. The venom and evil I see in her through this legal battle is horrifying. I can’t believe this is my mother. It’s as if she’s possessed. Pray for her.
Sorry to say spiritually it is demonic . My ex husband was a narcissist and I have 3 kids left after 20 years got custody of my children and they are doing ok . I give them lots of love and acceptance.
It wasnt your fault you deserved better . God loves as a father so much .
BPD
I'll pray for you first. I was like you, once a sweet innocent child whose mom railed on. I'll pray for mom too.
Rady Eight,
Hope you are well.
You've * been thru the mill* stay strong. Best wishes! Deb
Rady Eight they love to try using courts when they get outed or threatened. Have had similar experiences. Im so sorry for what youre going through 🤗❤️
OMG: Dr. You have described my upbringing to a tee! Thank you so much for voicing your beliefs in this video. It is now 2019, I'm in my mid 60's & after my toxic/confused/narcisstic mother died in 2012, my relationship with my father has never been better. Once again, thank you!
What did she die from.
This makes me sad. I finally realize how my moms parenting is still effecting my life.
Me too. But working on it know that I know
Affecting
Me too - age 68. Sad, but better late than never to do something about it.
@Julia Ahhh, forgotten. Me too - age 52. Good luck 😀
Yea. Makes me angry.
I try my best not to copy what she did to me. How she'd shout at me when I was a child is so soaked into my blood
This was fantastic. Thank you. I was raised by two narcissistic parents. I struggle greatly now and always have. I am also a narcissist but I am trying to heal as much as possible through self parenting and knowledge. Videos like this are greatly helpful.
Judy B. Sorry to hear this. It's not your fault you are a narcissist. Both your parents were! You are doing the right thing by working through things & sorting it out. Lots of love & success. I was with one for 9 years & am suffering from the abuse! We are divorced & I will move away as soon as I find a place. ❤
Judy B. I am just wondering if you were diagnosed as a narcissist or if you just think you are. Narcissists tend to feel they have no faults at all, and yet you do. Perhaps you are more of an empath.
OUT OF ALL THE COMMENTS READ YOURS IS VERY PROMISING. IF YOU BELIEVE HOPE IS DESTINED FOR A CHILD OR ADULT THAT HAS BEEN MALTREATED BY DYSFUNCTIONAL PEOPLE. I BELIEVE GOD WILL GRANT ALL POSSIBILITIES. WHEN THE MINDSET BELIEVES SO SHALL IT BE. THANK YOU AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU, AS YOU ARE STRONG AGAINST ALL ODDS
+Judy B To recover from an upbringing by narcissistic parents means healing a lot of pain and trauma. It also means addressing the unmet needs of childhood for recognition and validation. These are difficult things to do. What tends to happen is that people around you see your struggle, and it triggers their own unmet needs, and they criticise you and tell you that you are narcissistic. This draws attention to a vital difference - you are healing narcissistic abuse by actually addressing valid narcissistic needs, which are healthy. Those who criticise your endeavours are narcissists themselves....
Introverted narcissists such as myself have some level of self awareness. But instead of being good, I feel sulky and take out anger passive aggressively. Yes I’m cowardly, I no longer want to be a bad person.
Too bad I didn't have this video 40 years ago. Understanding is so important, education is the only way out of the ongoing torment that so many people endure. I really believe as a culture everyone should have counseling and therapy if needed before having children. That is the only way to eventually get a handle on mental problems such as this.
Otherwise this kind of legacy is doomed to be passed on and on with no end in sight. Treating people in adulthood is essential, but in the long run it is like putting a bandage on a deep bleeding wound. Prevention is the solution, rather then letting the past abuse, bad parenting etc. to even manifest itself. The cost to too high. You have only one life, it shouldn't be a struggle, it should be lived in peace and happiness. Not in fear, and anger at a world that is scary, which to be honest is pretty hurtful and yes even frighting. As I see it, there is more and more people with various kinds of mental illness running around not receiving the help they need.
Isca S . It should start in all Schools at primary level. Mental Health should be a compulsory subject taught in all schools. Schools are there for teaching and Mental Health is a more important subject than any other subject been taught in every classroom around the World. Awareness about Mental Health can only come through Schools, teachers spend 5 days a week in the classroom being in control of teaching and guiding children into adulthood. Schools are essentially a child's second home if you think about it and are a safe haven for a lot of unfortunate children. Schools around the World need to shine a light on the darkness of Mental Illness and help their students to understand and cope with life. That's the type of lesson you would carry with you for life not what is the Capital of so and so.
P.s ONLY GOD/JESUS CHRIST SETS ONE FREE FROM MENTAL ILLNESS WHICH IS DEMONIC SPIRITS TRYING TO DESTROY GOD'S PEOPLE
@@Sky-ki4xt I must agree with the learning about mental illness in school, but I DO NOT condone the brainwashing of people and children with fantasy fables, rules to live by etc...with gods, jesus , apollo, unicorns, gnomes, fairies and all the rest. We live in the 21st century and need to put away old beliefs that formed thousands of years ago to explain nature in a scary world. We pretty much know why lighting strikes, earthquakes and storms come about etc. etc....don't we? It's time to put away past foolish beliefs and wake up and use our brains. Become thinkers and not followers.
Religion is a huge huge part of why there is so much anger, hurt, misery and so on. It's endless. People need to think for themselves and not behave as children following what the so called men of gods tell them. Religion keeps adults in a permanent state of infancy...needed to be told what to do and what to believe. It's sad.
In a perfect world where narcissists are not in the medical field or big pharma, or the education system. Do you see by doing what you have suggested here, wouldn't be an opening of a Pandora's Box of sorts?
You are correct. Education is the key. Our entire educational system system creates narcissists. We need more emphasis on empathy..kindness..and love and less on building pride and physical attributes. We live in an extremely militaristic society which is at its very core narcissistic.
@@Sky-ki4xtI agree, up to a point.
Because, Capitals, 🇺🇸/🌍 Hx, SCIENCE and, especially, "Critical Thinking" ~ and Everything Else/ 'STEM'+++++ (including the Humanities) are ALL just *as important*!!!
I grew up with two narcissistic parents and you've described that situation very accurately . Thank you for your videos , they are the best I've ever seen on you tube and help me work through what is a very complex issue .
Your comment " A narcissist invariably produces narcissist" really rang true. But it's also true that a narcissist may produce an empath, if only for its own supply.
This is the best talk on Narcissim I have ever heard. Thanks a million. I appreciate you for doing this
Thanks for explaining how the person disassociates himself with reality toggling between grandiosity and worthlessness.
Its dissociates. Not disAsociates.
Ah, it doesn't toggle between..., the "grandiosity" happens simultaneously because of the "worthlessness" - instead of fixing it, it masks it or compensates - makes up for it. The great new pseudo-self is the fake solution, and it thrives on image (it is a mask, afterall) and approval and egotistical power plays and counterfeiting virtue, signalling "virtue", stealing others ideas and their glory, parasiting off others' accomplishments, and hence the never-contented demands on kids and employees for their status endeavours....meanwhile the "real-self" which feels feelings and so would make empathy possible, the real-self withers away.
@Inge Fossen even without physical brain damage, the set of NDM 's (Neurotic Defense Mechanisms, a subconscious system of "thinking"/perceiving/acting) are the attempt to artificially fix the lack or the wrong without facing/admitting/feeling the humble or painful reality of the true self in absolute true terms, not society's demands terms. The more need for NDM's the more NDM's will take the person away from the true self. In computer terms it is like a software problem, without any damage existing on the 'hardware'. The way out is dropping the NDM's like a hot potato, getting grounded in reality/realizing the true self and letting it be, realizing/admitting the poor state of it and working with that to grow personal growth without the phony remedy NDM's. This is entirely in line with repentance, humility, healing and love and growth when one gives oneself to Jesus.
wow! I now understand why my ex is so messed up and why spending 14yrs with him have left me fighting for my life! fibromyalgia chronic fatigue chronic inflammation and depression and now rupture disc and severely pinched sciatic nerve. I've been out of this relationship for almost 4 yrs and I'm struggling to heal!
aqua fina yes. That’s why I left my narc husband after 4 years. My desire for peace and well being for me and my kids outweighed the marriage. Prayers & Strength for you. 🙏🏽
For healing your body.....I spent 20 years in the same pain and I am breaking free pain because finally I broke thru depression. If you can motivate your spirits the body will bloom again. Ps I am 67 years ole and walking again. I am starting to feel like a spring flower. A daily Reflection taught me to write down 5blessings a day in a notebook. By the end of 6months the depression was gone. I found how to come up with anything to put my pencil down the first week or month. Then I started to realize how full my life was just in the beauty of a flower, bird, sunset. Good luck.
fibro, chronic fatigue, depression, all THYROID, often from nerve interference. other issues likely same root cause. see an upper cervical specific chiropractor.
I became extremely ill too and was not able to leave for other reasons and then became too ill to leave and manage on my own not realising I was ill because of this. I have been fighting and struggling to recover and am much better now however my middle child has been deprived of what he really needed from me as this was a step parent and due to severe sleep deprivation as a result of this marriage I had extremely high levels of stress making it unable to be a normal mother no matter how hard I tried.
One thing that helped me heal was reminding myself many times each day that my body is mine. I stopped resenting my injuries, I started wanting them to heal. They weren't proof of his misdeeds. It is MY body, not his. He just is that kind of person. Anybody who truly gets near him for long will discover that. It's a fact. I don't have to prove it nor provide proof of it. Some folks won't ever sympathize with the victim. Some can't.
Well stated and communicated message in this video. It would be nice to describe techniques that children of narcissists can use to "reparent" themselves and increase their mental health.
If only
This is the kind of additional info im seeking but noone ever provides that. Everybody just say No contact, run, nd dont look back or they are filled with the demons lol
I married my mother, a man with the same and familiar traits and it took years to realise that I didn't know who I was or what I liked. After a few years of experimenting and making some pretty bad choices I eventually came out the other side and now I feel peaceful and competent.
@Sue Norwood-Evans me too. I married my mother. Only now after 46 of marriage, I can see it. Thank you giving me hope.
👍👍💯💯❤️❤️🙏🙏
My mother's 4 siblings (and her) all became or married a narcissist. Except one sister, who was the most despised of by the narcissistic mother. She was the only one, despite being very wounded, who didn't become nor marry a narcissist. The favorite child, the middle sister, became the most extreme narcissist. I think, from all I've seen and heard that if you're not the golden child you've really missed a bullet. Strangely, being the scapegoat seems to have a beneficial strengthening effect, if you can find yourself afterwards.
I agree. My grandma was a narcissist and raised my mum (one of her favored child). My mum turned out a narcissist who’s golden child (my brother) is also a narcissist. I was the scapegoat and was often accused of abusing her son (all in her imagination of course). Whereas my grandmas scapegoat, my aunt became the only normal parent that has great bonds with her own kids. Fortunately I only need to deal with my mum 50% of my childhood. I had to be her counselor when her golden child decided to cut ties with her. There was not appreciation for my time and effort in assisting her to heal. Apparently it was still my fault her son moved out. I’ve learnt to just emotionally cut ties with her.
I believe this is true. I've seen this with at least 3 families. The golden child is the biggest narc
Ann Nally
5
My experience very closely matches all this. I was the Golden Child and they hated me. My brother smeared me and "got everyone on his side" and it is only now decades later that I am recapturing or beginning to get hold of who I really am. What is lovely is that I like me. I have talents and skills and a warm heart I never really knew about or could trust. Life is fun now. One brother, two sisters, definitely awful with me but I am looking at my part, too. Another sister is caught in the mix.
Oooof.. as a scapegoat: this is true. I am so sad for you (and kinda me) that we had to went trough this all alone. Healing takes so much time but I absolutely believe that it's worth it
Sometimes I think about dying, but then I am like: No, fck it, I died every day years ago, now it's time to live. I wish everyone would know about this issue..
Great insight. This video almost made me cry because i went through this as a child.
this made me cry.
i hope u r well 🎆🎇✨
Lino Arias me too
people don't want to go that deep. they say it is too much work. for me personally I have never given up developing. But I have friends that have no patience with me because they don't under why I feel stuck in situations where I can't move ahead. every bit of information helps me to move ahead.
Compassion for the narcissist is an open door to excuse their behavior. They don't keep their conscience alive and trample on others who do not team up with their abuse. I believe they have willfully chosen to continue in their evil and like the art of it. We have a mind, soul and heart. What you do with it is either to better our world or destroy it... including relationships. They are vengeful people who enjoy the sufferings of others. Compassion doesn't include throwing yourself to the lions. It is compassion when we don't allow ourselves to be devoured in such a way.
Yes, devoured , because you are their prey. Too late in life I have become enlightened. There isn't much left.
I agree... our compassion - should start with ourselves x ;)
"I believe they have willfully chosen to continue in their evil and like the art of it" - That is brilliant, true and eloquently put, Debra Wilson.
Amen
Awesome! So very true!
I've been touched when you reminds us narcissists are sick, and we can see them with empathy, even if we knows they are predators.
Thanks for your work.
Yes; I was always either humiliated, rejected, or ignored by my dad when it came to my achievements. As an adult, I don't know who I am, and I feel like a failure. Dad was always so controlling, and nothing was ever good enough. He burdened me from a very young age, and shared things with me that were inappropriate. He has a very grandiose sense of self. He imagines he could be a star, if only I were never born.
Betty Cooper . Betty, have you looked for or maybe found a good therapist before ? The right person might be able to really help you to better understand the reasons for your developing the level of self-esteem you have described. That is not uncommon under those conditions, Betty.
You are not alone.
You can truly learn to move past that and grow to have a more positive perspective--- if that might be something you were really interested in pursuing. It could be so valuable to you.
Betty you described my dad almost to a "T" - except my dad didn't have a grandiose sense of self, rather he was riddled with self loathing and anger.
Betty Cooper . I don’t think the way we are treated by our parents defines who we are. You need to realise you are an intelligent,beautiful human being, that has overcome what ever crap you had as a kid. This will make you stronger. Don’t let anyone “label” you. Love from England.
Like my father.....good therapist and getting him out of my life was the only way I could heal......a therapist that deals with trauma is the way to go....
@@MarkMiller-zm2th Everyone is different, and thought you give positive advice, there are some that will benifit from a hand to pull them from the muck of their mental situation. I encourage people to look at their situations and get the help they need to unburden their lives. I was drowning trying to believe I could swim, getting nowhere until I was pulled out of the water. I mean no disrespect of your comment, and if this belief has helped you then I am happy for you. Take care.....
Thank you for this video. Listening to you and the depth and accuracy to which you go in explaining this disorder gives me hope that psychologists will start to understand the intricacies of narcissism better. I have dealt with a narcissistic father and then without having any knowledge of the disorder repeating the behavior in my adult life in choosing a narcissistic spouse. I am in a different country to you, but it has been my experience that many of the therapist psychologist and psychiatrist have very little knowledge of narcissism other than being able to quote the description in the DSM. I believe it is very dangerous the lack of knowledge amongst professionals regarding this personality disorder as these character disturbed individuals often manipulate the professionals and turn them unwittingly into weapons against innocent victoms plus there is very little specialized support for victims of narcissistic abuse in recovery.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Unfortunately, the DSM has not assisted in furthering our knowledge of the disorder as it is essentially a political document which only focuses on the outward behaviours of narcissists. The depth of knowledge on the disorder comes from the much older psychodynamic tradition which is no longer in favour within much of modern psychiatry (and psychology) unfortunately.
Daylight out of Darkness .
I agree fully!
It has been my experience as well.
There is so much talk about acknowledging and aiding Mental Health; yet,very little is known or even understood about Narcissism/Co-dependency, and few avenues for therapy or assistance toward improvement.
This imbalance needs fixing.
Sparkle Canada Q
Have you written any books on this topic? I would be interested in reading them. Thank you
To all here ~ I don't know what country any of you live in, but if you can buy from Amazon, I highly recommend this book by a retired U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation Criminal Profiler - Joe Navarro:
*Dangerous Personalities - : An FBI Profiler Shows You How to Identify and Protect Yourself from Harmful People*
www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Personalities-Profiler-Identify-Yourself/dp/1623361923/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1509422371&sr=1-1&keywords=dangerous+personalities+by+joe+navarro&dpID=51pPOwyfBGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
He classifies the personalities somewhat differently than the mental health professionals do, and I have yet to read the book in its entirety - I went straight to chapter 4 first, but this is his classification of 4 *dangerous* personalities:
Ch. 1 - The Narcissistic Personality
Ch. 2 - The Emotionally Unstable Personality (likely a Borderline and/or Histrionic)
Ch. 3 - The Paranoid Personality
Ch. 4 - The Predator (the Anti-Social Personality Disorder)
Each chapter has a very helpful, extensive checklist to identify characteristics.
If you can't buy it, you can at least read his articles at Psychology Today, starting with this one, which includes a shorter checklist:
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201709/the-narcissistic-personality-how-they-think
He also has a website with more articles to read by clicking on "Media."
www.jnforensics.com
He's also here on RUclips.
I also bought his book on body language - *What Every Body Is Saying* - Quoting website..."Read this book and send your nonverbal intelligence soaring."
One thing that was so apparent to me about my Psycho was his "furtive eyes." I actually took a photo of him doing that, captured at just the right moment, glancing sideways and right at me. Part of his paranoid behavior. And for sure I saw that cold reptilian stare at least 3 times. Of those 4 chapters, mine has 3 of those disorders, (1, 3 & 4,) making him the most dangerous of all.
You literally just explained the way I was raised..there was more that went into the making of a narcissist (me)
I have spent the last year and a half trying to understand what happened and why.
I have had many revelations regarding my former ways and have actually found a way to recognize and recover!! I'm a work in progress, as we all are but I'm proud of how far I've come! I would love to share what I have learned if that would interest you.
same here, its important to know what happened to you so you can put measures in place to prevent it from happening again with your own kids
Good luck
This is hands down the best explanation I have heard to date of mine and my siblings experience growing up with a narssacist father. Incredible how simple you broken down every aspect of my childhood degradation to now be able to humanize him is actually quite a relief vs. Seeing him as some evil man thwarted on us by circumstances out of all our control. Thank you, Sir so much for doing this video. I am looking forward to finally getting counseling for myself and even my son, so we may heal.
Both parents were narcs. I went the opposite. I see people using the word empath as in being able to pick up and empathize with others emotions. I do that but don't label myself empath. Just hugely sensitive to others energy. Went to therapy for years to undue the damage and recover from attachment disorder and abandonment. Narc parents are horrible. Just horrible.
Pineapple2 Pineapple2 do you still see them?
I guess they are a result of their upbringing; maybe a genetic component or combination of both.. Sorry to hear that you suffered.
me too. but my ex bf is narc lol
Same here
Pineapple2 Pineapple2
My mother is a covert malignant narcissist. Destroyed us all.
You are amazing. Thank you. I shared this with my daughter. Her dad is like this. I pray this helps her heal from her childhood trauma. Blessings!
Lord knows you are absolutely correct once again about this unhealthy attachment so many of us have with our parents. Lord set me completely free from this unhealthy disorder I developed just to survive my childhood with my mother.
Thank you for clarifying this topic. I can now understand what happened to my sister and feel more empathy towards her while at the same time keeping my boundaries intact.
Wow! This hit home, so to speak. Raised in an orthodox Jewish home by the eldest daughter of a rabbi, one of 9, you can only imagine what was expected of me. My mother pulled away from me very early, and childhood held a myriad of traumatic incidents, which created traumatic incidents in my own life, as my siblings and I were not raised in an orthodox community. Six failed surgeries and a failed marriage created additional and repeated trauma from the age of 23. From your videos and others, I understand so much more about my situation and myself from the perspective of CPTSD and narcissism, the symptoms of which are so similar. I made the decision early in life not to have children because I felt something was out of place inside that would disable me from raising them with love and kind discipline. Thank you for the affirmation. I did not make a mistake. I did no harm. I never sought revenge and honored my parents throughout their lives, as our religions teach us. I only regret that I could not have been the parent she needed, also. Simply sobbing from relief. Thank you so much.
thank you, You have helped me understand my pathological narcissistic mother, make deeper peace with the way I carry her within me. Thank you.
it's passed down like a disease... my fathers grandparents were both... my grandmother was one... and my father and sister are one. I was clinically labeled codependent. the buck stops here...
Totally agree with this! It is very apparent in my mother's side of the family. My mom, all her sisters and now my older sister have it. I suspect this is a family trait that has been passed down through the generations by bad neglectful parenting. Family gatherings are absolutely horrible because it's a bunch of selfish people trying to talk the loudest and hurt each other through passive aggressive behaviors. It's so childish and sometimes funny to watch but its also hell to have to live with narcissistic people especially when they are your parent. I refuse to pass it on if I have children.
This is one big reason why I never want to have kids. I have a feeling that for those inclined towards narcissism, having children really brings that trait out into the open. I feel scared of ever depending on someone else for anything or having someone else dependent on me because I just don't trust myself yet, nor do I trust others to not abuse their power. This is a big reason why I also don't think marriage is in the cards for me. Plus, it all just seems so suffocating.
Feld Effekt. I also never felt worthy enough to marry or have kids..:-(
I am investigating family history and have discovered multiple narcissists. Some of the family members were adopted and they display identical traits found in other family members.
I know this comment is from long ago but this looks a lot like my family tree! My narcissistic mom often told me how her parents abused her, my grandmother told my mom about how she was abused, and even my great-gradmother told me about her traumatic childhood weeks before she passed away. They all had strong narcissistic tendencies, and even as a small child, I tried to do everything to understand why they acted this way. I'm currently in therapy, and my councillor told me that I need to learn self-compassion and self-love. In our last session, I told her about how I moved abroad and cut contact with all of my toxic family members, and she congratulated me for finally ending the cycle. I still have a lot of self-doubt about whether I'm the narcissist or not. And this conflicts with the fact that I am currently learning how to love and accept myself for who I am. I still think there is a thin line between healthy narcissism and malignant narcissism. But I'll try my best to validate, accept and love myself for who I am, while also taking other people's emotions and feelings into consideration.
I can relate to everything you say in this video. My mom is narcissistic, but I'm the only one in the family realizing it. The rest of my family see her as a victim, the only victim, and I did too for a long time. I became her counsellor as a teenager when I, myself, went through a rough patch and needed guidance (as teenagers do). She turned it around and made it about her. I was there whenever she needed something, but when I needed to express myself I was always shut down and ended up crying at night in silence, because she didn't like me expressing how I felt. It was all about her, her, her. It still is. I've learned and I'm still learning how to be a parent to myself. I'm glad I got this insight now, before I possibly could've gone down the same road as my mother and done further damage to my future children. God, no. I think vulnerability is key for recovery for both parties. I practice being vulnerable every day.
Psychology in depth should be taught starting in junior high school.
Currently even college courses are very inadequate.
Our whole culture is narcissistic.
It's just that some are better at it than others. Me me me.
(I wrote this a while ago but every day I come across more examples of this. We have lost our way).
Narcissistic people run society. Look at the governments of places like USA, Israel, China. Very narcissistic people running them.
@@undeadpresident Trump , I think your theory is correct.
@ Aaawwww, you think there is a difference between democrat and republican... I guess you still believe in the Easter Bunny , and Santa Clause... The world is ruled by banksters and special interest groups . We are on a collision course with Earths Systems being destroyed because of the rate of manufacture and pollution. It might be to late already . Probably 90% of humans are in the system, 150 years ago probably not. Think I' m goofy, I will leave you with this ,,, google how many gallons of jet fuel a jumbo jet uses on a fill up? Then multiply by the amount of jets, add in cars, , trucks, etc, etc, . Then if you think humans are enlightened ,, and you really think its about Dumocrap,Republowcon,Libertart ,, let me know 👺👺
Our society is sick as a whole. It is run by psychopaths and narcissists above government level. This plan-demic and shut down of the globe by this group is a prime example.
More so in the U.S. than in other more socialist countries where there is a stronger sense of community.
If you want to meet a female narcissist, just go meet some of those mothers at a child beauty pageant. If you want to meet a male narcissist, just go to a little league game and look for the father that stands up in the bleachers yelling at the referee.
Jason James Or look at Donald Trump.
hwezda Textbook for sure.
Yep, you are right! See it frequently! And chastise the kid If he misses a goal and call them names. My mother hahaha!
Jason James Dont mistake narcissism with egocentric.
hwezda
Thanks for your video! 🌹I'm an scapegoat of a mother, father and sister who are narcissists, with bpd, one psychologist told that this disorder is what daughters of narcissistic mothers get, where they are destroyed and fragmented inside. So glad narcissists get exposed now, by your videos at RUclips, and the narcissists loose their victims.
This video is probably the best video I’ve watched in order to enlighten me on the core reasons why people develop narcissistic personality disorder.
It is with this kind of explanation that I have found it in myself to heal from the pain and suffering I endured during my marriage.
Understanding the disorder is CRITICAL in order for us to move on and ‘forgive’.
Thank you so much🧿Cyprus (North)
you absolutely nailed what happened in my family in childhood. wish this knowledge could fix things. at least i know who these people were!!! THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
I can’t emphasize how thankful I am for this video. It’s like you did a copy-paste of the way I was brought up, and it’s like a miracle how I got to see this video at this moment in my life. You helped me understand myself (that took away a lot of guilt by the way hahaha) and you helped me grow as a human being. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video, youtube is full of videos about how to recognise a narcissist, but there is nothing to understand them and avoid making new ones. Keep up the good work!
but some children of narcissistic parents become empaths as I did, can you explain that?
Hi Jacqui. You make an important point. Narcissistic parents injure their children and this injury can manifest itself in the child developing the sort of narcissism I have been talking about or in becoming very sensitive to the effects of narcissism (becoming an empath). The key point is that a narcissistic injury has occurred and the way it manifests is not always the same.
Yes, I am a very empathic person as well and attract narcissists. My parents were older when I was born and I have one older brother; he was always getting in trouble or having problems that took a lot of my parent's time and they were always arguing about how best to deal with my brother's behaviour. My mother had mental illness and my father worked a lot. I am a empath, and had a very difficult marriage with a narcissist who committed parental alienation and dragged me in and out of court all of the time. I wish I had known what narcissism was back then. After 15 years of being single, I attracted another narcissistic. I want to learn to attract healthier people who do not take my joy. I am very impressed with this video and want to keep listening,
I became a strange combination of empath and narcissist, I took traits from both parents and this ruined my life. I have been struggling for the last 2-3 years to clean the madness my both parents have, but I did not progress much.
Vital Mind Psychology So is it that some people have a predisposition to narcissism that narcissistic parent(s) bring out in the child? Is this predisposition inherited?
Jacqui Birmingham Yes! I'm so glad you asked that
Abdul Saad: @1:21: "Narcissism fundamentally is a pathology of the self"
Excellent!! Well Spoken!
Abdul Saad: @3:56: "The brain is a social organ".
Superb!! Eloquent and poignant!
Abdul Saad: @10:46: Children are hard wired...to attach to their primary caregiver...and [when the primary caregiver are themselves erratic and irresponsible] this creates the classic split within the [child] narcissist between [excessive praise] grandiosity and the parent(s) who could not or would not accurately mirror and reflect back to the child [reality?] because this creates a discomfort in the parent) worthlessness".
Wow!
Abdul Saad: @14:13: "Become that product for their parents consumption".
Comprehensible, yet very disturbing.
Abdul Saad: @15:10: "The Good Enough Parent".
Interesting.
Abdul Saad: @16:02: "Humanize the Pathology".
Sincere approach.
Thank you for offering your human dignity, it was a pleasure to behold.
Stuart Doblin I've very intently watched sooo many videos and and came across this one and I was like I should start taking notes which I don't normally do.
Stuart Doblin
Thank you
Well said Stuart, couldn't agree more
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
My mother became a narc (covert) because she was put into an isolation ward in hospital with polio from the age of 18 months to around 2 years old. Only one of her parents were allowed to visit once a week and wave at her through a window. She didn't know who they were. Many hospital stays and operations continued throughout her childhood and she had to wear a calliper on one leg, which other children ridiculed. The rest of her family are lovely. I find it interesting to know the source of mother's narcissism, and it not being a generational thing in her case.
unabomber and dahmer were put in isolation also. unabomber's mother said ted was never loving again after that.
that's fascinating. Actually fascinating if true. Would those 2 years truly be that influencial, so much so that a solid relationship with lovely people wouldn't make up for it?
It's kind of hard to believe but extraordinary if true.
@@human-ft3wk I'm pretty convinced that caused it. Plus the ridicule she suffered over having to wear a leg caliper, always having a limp, being behind at school because of repeat operations making her miss school. I can't see any other reason. But I could be wrong.
@@human-ft3wk I'm pretty convinced that caused it. Plus the ridicule she suffered over having to wear a leg caliper, always having a limp, being behind at school because of repeat operations making her miss school. I can't see any other reason. But I could be wrong, of course.
Thank you thank you. Your video was so good and answered questions I've had for decades. I found myself saying "yes!" at times because you were filling in blanks and confirming ideas I've had for so long. I'll watch it a few more times because it was so full of really good information. It felt like you were describing my life. I look forward to the rest of your video's. I can see how much you care for patients. The affirmation I felt brought tears to my eyes. It's a lonely place to be. Take care.
please make a video about the childhood origins of empaths, I love your videos
I think it is related to way that parents lead with painful things
Do you mean codependents?
People are born empaths. It’s hard for some people to be like that. I heard neuropsychologists say that some people are born with something wrong with their brains and they are narcissistic by nature . Others are empathic and don’t become narcissistic because they’re wired differently.
@@christar9527 I think people with normal, nonabusive childhoods do not have hangups like codependency or personality disorders. I don't think there is enough evidence to support a theory on genetics alone. I am not sure if the word "empath" is anything other than a euphemism for codependent. I've read a bit myself on the subject and the controversy runs through the profession as well as laity.
Yesssss
Thank you for this video! You are the most well-researched psychologist an analyst that I have ever listened to. I learned so much during this and to understand why a narcissist may even pick the career that they have could be a basis of their past I got that out of this thank you again
Thank you for this information! Yes, it does help to understand why the narcisstic parent got to be this way and feel empathy instead of rage.
When my ex left me (when I was 6 months pregnant) we spent some time in couples therapy. One of the last things he said to me was that he was “waiting to see how the baby could help him”. I was so horrified that he had expectations of a tiny baby that wasn’t even born yet. I told him that he gets NOTHING from his child, that he has to be the giver. He said, “well”. And served me with divorce papers. The point about sharing too much info about his personal relationships with his 9 year old struck home too. I’m sharing this everywhere! So important
GreatDayEveryone My ex 18 year old stepdaughter had her baby to get free rent and welfare along with her 32 year old convict baby daddy. They met and planned it. 5 years later, still getting free rent and had to move because she was blackballed from churches from being on the benevolent list and taking more money and benefits than she was entitled to. Parasite to the end!
Your story is so similar to mine. I was 4 months pregnant when my ex narc left. We had also been in therapy. Mine was however, not interested in any aspect of his child, and that's not ever changed. The craziest part is how absolutely broken, distraught, depressed, and abandoned I had felt. I would've never in a million years thought that I'd now be grateful that he left. He saved me from possibly years more of abuse, and most importantly, his narcissism will have had no effect on our daughter. It's amazing.
Before my son was born in 2004, I had thought a lot about his arrival… worried that I would be a good parent (as one does) because of issues concerning how I was raised.
His baby book had an entry, “I hope my child will be interested in…”
My answer was, “…whatever strikes his fancy. I can’t allow myself to see him as a piece of clay to be shaped. I hope to watch his becoming… his unfolding into an adult… and at each step along the way, I can’t wait to meet him.”
Imagine my surprise when our host used that same (final) phrasing as a means of avoiding narcissism.
He just turned 18, and is one of the most compassionate people I know. He provides and stands up for those less fortunate, befriends “difficult” people by choice, and has a lot of irons in the fire.
I have immense pride in him, clearly. I champion his causes and encourage learning from his missteps. Truly, I worry very little for his future-primarily because his path is his own.
I grew up as the scapegoat child. Thank God , I was resilient, I comforted my Mom at times as a parent. My Dad picked me to not to like. I can't figure out why. I was very beautiful and popular with a sweet caring demeanor
I felt that the love, respect, kindness of others really helped me out side the home. I realized later after leaving home I do have an intelligent mind that can think on it's own with out mom interrupting my every thought. It was a beautiful feeling to develop skills to focus and get lost in a book while in college without Interruption. Mom was scattered and would not let us alone very long. Sister was golden child. Brother was just plain nasty. Mother driving father nuts. Father with bad temper. Fighting yelling. I can imagine father was narcissistic, too. But whoever stay with narcissist will have temporary bouts of insanity because the narcissist
Doesn't have the capacity to correct their awkwardness no matter how you show them. They are embarrassingly off kilter. My sister is too.
Ferdy Sunshine, yes, yes and yes, well said ;)
Too long intro.....
Theresa Brewer So you say you were beautiful, sweet and caring...
Paranoid Exactly.. :/
Paranoid She's saying in hindsight she can see reasons her parents could have loved her. She didn't say she knew it then. lol
Thank you so much for sharing this video.
At least people will understand them and not assume them like monsters in the society.
People will understand narcists better and will understand how to treat them in an appropiate way while being good to themselves as well
Very informative video makes sense on how that starts especially about the parent making the kid being the counselor I been through that before
My sister has always demonstrated these qualities. This video helps explain its origins. She adopted a child and treated this poor little girl like an accessory then ditched her once her alimony was established in divorce. Her husband was a saint. What astounds me is that she - having been ashamed of her family all her life claims that we have all abandoned her. This is incredible to me but has begun to make sense as I learn more about narcissism. Thank you.
You explained it so well. I grew up with both parents being narcissistic, and I literally dropped many hobbies, dreams and even a major just because my parents weren’t happy with it. Whenever I reveal those parts of myself that they don’t like, they instantly ignore me and just abandon the conversation. For years, I felt like I was hiding my true self away.
Those parts of me which they like, they wouldn’t stop praising about. I was so confused, because I was praised, but at the same time not validated.
Narcissitic individuals treat their partners the way their parents treated them. It's as if their partner is the child extension of them selves. And they now take on the role of their abuser- parent. They see their partner as an extension of themselves but with no real healthy attachment.
Sunflowershowers and Vital Mind Psychology, I see this in a person I know and her daughter. Just like Mr Saad explained she totally overburdened her small child with the details of the divorce she was experiencing. She also put the child on a pedestal and gave her everything she herself did not have as a child. Later she influenced her into the kind of career she thought profitable. The child is nothing like she used to be when she was little, and she has severe emotional troubles, she cuts herself among other things. The mother was and is constantly hoovering over the child like her possession.
The mother I observed took her energy, her youth and made her to be like herself. I do know this mother from when she herself was born and I can say that she was born this way. Discontent, jealous, never happy...She was well treated by her parents, but perceived everybody ill treat her, yet she was constantly plotting viciousness. A person that makes other people miserable with her selfishness to this day. How do you explain this kind of toxicity without cause?
Gina Rose balance is key? Over & under praising are both bad. In certain communities I won't mention which they put child on hight pedestal & constantly being over protective. On the opposite side another community who let their kids roam around as they wish with no boarders or restrictions. The first will & btw I'm no specialist just through life experience & observation I know this. The first child will belittle others when he grows to be an adult & will constantly be on a high buzz so as to speak. The second child going into adult will have no limits won't know how to behave constantly getting into trouble with law missing school etc etc.
Obviously a woman commented above that she saw the narc characteristics in her parents but turned out different... Maybe she had other support around community which helped her!.
Mani why won't you go seek treatment? Since you're aware that there is a problem, that's half the battle right there. Go get help.
I agree. For years I was in treatment , thinking I was part of the issue. Not one Dr. Ever used the word "narcissist" but rather medicated me. So wrong.
John Swann, I'm sorry but you would be wasting your time, they will unfortunately never change no matter how much love, understanding and compassion you give them. It would be better to have them all in a group together, now that would be interesting to watch
Yes I cried too. Thank you. My mother was a narcissist & my sister inherited it, but I’m ok! It destroyed our family.
From my experience Narcissists are evil to their core. So much so that they are the devil personified.
toneman335 I believe that.
Nah they are just wounded by young age humans. Humans that by therapy can be helped. Devil and God are a narcissistic concept, only 0 and 1 nothing in between.
toneman335 generalize much? They are humans too, with hurt, trauma, memories just like everyone else. Unless they’re going around murdering ppl without remorse, labeling ppl with deficiencies as “devil personified” is a bit dramatic.
SMH.
Compare a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath to an Incubus/Succubus. You'll discover an absolute parallel comparison. Then ask yourself, where are the fallen angels today?
Thank you for helping me understand what happened to my husband when he was a little child. And the psychology behind how it manifests in a child. I live in a different state from my husband but I lived through the steps and stages of this awful mental illness as his friend, girlfriend, then wife.
Now I realize his father was the narcissist and not just a cruel, mean parent and person.
Thank you again.
Early childhood narcissism helped me learn and see much thank you will listen more. As young parents as a teen survival and parenting wanting them to have better life than I but I do know they had from me lots of love and compassion from me and grandmothers.
Could you comment about the relationship that narcissists have with money? I can barely find information about it. From my experience it is very distorted, manifesting in either severe stinginess or recklessness.
Ana Candida de Carvalho Carneiro I learned that narcissistic people have toddler mind so can't cope with mature issues like money and work sulk lie and bully delboy from only fools of horses is a great example of one
I would say $ is handled immaturely, like other things.
Ana Candida de Carvalho Carneiro, they are stingy with others, they will act as if they have no money to you so you will have sympathy for them when in actuality they do have money and will recklessly spend it on themselves
My narc hubby had a "hole" in his pocket. Narc mother sent him "allowance" even after our first baby. Hundreds of dollars for only him. I wasn't allowed near it. He wouldn't work (couldn't stand authority figure/boss). When we finally had a little extra, he went to bank and tried to lock me out of account. I guess if the narc sees money as power, watch out.
Doesn't everyone think money has power? Hasn't gold always ruled? I crave it like a drug when I start running low. It's a tool that has no conscience and those without a conscience hoard it..
So interesting and has really helped me clarify some experiences I've personally had and seeing them play out in others
Absolutely brilliant videos, all three so far! Looking forward to the fourth promised , and hope for more on ClusterB issues. Thank you so much.
Thanks you. I am glad you are finding them to be useful.
goldenniblings Very True and insightful. it's been very abusive mentally and verbally. my narc goes from 1-100, when nothing go he way or if you refuse to agree to his every word. so sad... Everyone, especially me is wrong but him...
This is Jennifer Sinclair. Thank you so much for this!!! You keep me "straight" in understanding my mother. My mom has quit two different therapists - both defined her as narcissist and my life is perfect except for my relationship with my mother. She refuses to communicate with me about anything of any depth. Everything MUST be kept shallow. So we don't communicate at all. So your videos are you communicating me about mother- which I need more than anything.
You are amazingly accurate of my experience of a long relationship I had!! He called his ex-wife a narcissist and I saw those exact traits/behaviors in his children which was so very hard to understand and deal with. In the end, I saw that he was also a classic narcissist, and that they all were!? I've had so many questions, which you answered!! Thank you so much for this...it all makes sense now. Thankfully the relationship is over. But it has all puzzled me, and now I understand. I'm so glad to be done with them all. I am so glad I learned and used my boundaries.
This is the best teaching I've ever heard on this subject. You just got a new subscriber, sir!
Why only one sibling (raised in the same household, same parents) becomes a narcissist? The other is a polar opposite. How/why does it happen?
Nia Czer i wonder too
yeah. my sis is a narc and im an empath. i hate my parents but what can i do when they dont know how to parent right
Narcissists divide and rule. One child gets the parents' attention, the other is ignored/scapegoated. The second kid is the luckier one....
Nia Czer, it can be as in Chris Watts case, his sister was the gold narcissist and he was the shy one, they were polar opposites because their mother Cindy Watts a narcissist, treated the sister as the good kid, and the other as the bad kid, this is called triangulation and is one of the base strategies of narcissists... and so as it happened with Chris Watts, the polar opposite is not at all necessarily good, in fact it may be even worst, because Chris Watts was a vulnerable narcissist, so you see? the two kids turned narcissist, just that the sister was the grandiose narcissist (classic narcissist) and the brother was the vulnerable narcissist, which is harder, way harder to detect because although narcissists, vulnerable ones behave in a nice, shy, helping, endearing way, they are the most empathic of people, and yet as damages as other narcissists ...... long live Shanann's inspiration...
You should look in to the golden child and the scapegoat double standard approach of the narcissist parent to reply to your question. As someone else pointed out, the scapegoat is usually the lucky one, meaning they develop in a better adult, even if at first sight the mechanism is counterintuitive.
I was the scapegoat of my mother and my father’s golden child. My brother had the reverse. We spent a lot of time in individual therapies and are close now. He feels like my co-survivor.
Abdul great job with this video. You have sowed a great seed of understanding a narcissist by this compassionate perspective taking.
Thank you for sharing this video! I especially appreciate this perspective that allows us to have some empathy & understanding toward the narcissist. It doesn't excuse their behavior of course, but it gives us a way to understand why they are the way they are, instead of being angry toward them. I also believe there is hope for them to see it themselves from this compassionate perspective.
You are a very intelligent man, who has basically confirmed what I thought were the causes of a narcissist. It makes me feel so sad I could cry hearing this because I've known two people with these traits. I'm sure the parents would be so sorry if they really knew the damage they had caused to their child's life. Makes me realise how lucky I've been to have had two good parents who gave me nothing but unconditional love. Thanks for sharing this information it's going to help me deal with the person who's still in my life now.
I like that he says that good parenting “pretty much” protects against narcissism. My own daughter is both confident and humble and I think it’s partly because she received unconditional love and approval from both her parents since birth. However part of that is luck. I’m aware of some situations where parents were every bit if not better than me who ended up with narcissistic children. So there has to be other factors.
Wow this was such a deep and profound description of the narcissistic wound.
No wonder they have narcissistic rage.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you SO much for this clear, logical presentation of a complex issue. I've been having a difficult time finding a coherent explanation for how Narc parents can create a narc in their own child. So, so sad!
Thank you for the thoughtful and objective explanation. I am so traumatized by a lifetime of narcissistic abuse that this is the first video that has not triggered my CPTSD. I frankly did not care about the narc's childhood, but you have explained clearly that a child of narc parent(s) can become either a narcissist or (like me) a co-dependent people pleaser. Still have not decided whether being a sensitive empath is a blessing or a curse!
Interesting. Those parenting styles can also lead to other personality disorders, like schizoid personality disorder. I have SPD myself. One of the main differences though is that I never got much attention and admiration, which are fuel for narcissism. Like narcissists, I have experienced lots of physical abuse, emotional abuse and neglect, but I grew up in (near) total isolation.
Hi Alexander, yes indeed. Deprivation of core needs during childhood, often depending on the type, duration, intensity and timing of the deprivation, can set the sage for various kinds of personality vulnerability. I hope you are doing well and thanks for watching.
I have few questions for u..just want to understand schizoid personality more ..since u are one u said ,u will b the right person to get ans from
I suspect you have addressed this but I am curious as to why the frequency of narcissism seems to be spreading and growing exponentially in our modern society at this time.
I think the proliferation of videos like this on RUclips, coupled with people who make unqualified diagnosis, explains this.
I think because of the daycares children are raised in and the unhealthy parenting when they are picked up after daycare
There is a big difference in narcissistic and having full blown NPD.
Everyone is narcissistic it's healthy but it not so pathologically narrcissist personality disorder.
Thank you. Finally!!! an accurate description of the relationship with my mother.
I can now see how people who get very angry as adults were stifled in expressing their emotions as children. Emotional intelligence is a huge part of development. And not allowing children to express emotions teaches them to bury them- with leads to confusion and anger. Expressing emotions comes naturally for a healthy baby and child who’s needs are met and they aren’t judged or liked or disliked by their parents for when they express discomfort or negative emotions.
This is very good and important stuff!
I wish I knew this when I was in my 30’s unfortunately I learnt the hard way ...But I’m a survivor & now understand clearly ... Walked away completely from narcissist men / women I delete & Block them out of my life now . 😇
me too ...
Wait a sec....many co-dependent empaths were also degraded, devalued, ignored, abused by one or more narc emotionally/physically abusive parents or grandparents. So I find in my study of this whole topic that there are some similarities between narcissistic sociopaths/psychopaths and co-dependent empaths. Aren't we all narcissists to a degree on a continuum? I know my paternal grandfather was a narcissist and emotionally/physically abused my late father though he didn't talk about it, my late mother eluded to it....the family secrets as well as other ones. It all got passed down to his four children and we've all paid a price for it in more ways than one. Ditto for my late narcissistic emotionally abusive husband of 42 years...a real bonafide Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde! Guess my late father was as well...how I got that paradigm in my codependent empath head...working on it through therapy now along with doing yoga and meditation and all other modalities that heal! Better late than never as they say....thanks for you great video...much appreciated since this is a worldwide dis-ease that leads to real physical diseases....i ought to know...i have MS from it along with other factors involved as well..living in the north, being female and of northern European ancestry...those all play a part!
Finally I can understand and empathize. Thank you
My life makes so much sense now
Thank you for your knowledge and time to explain this so well.
Knowledge is power over the narcissist
Very well explained, excellent video. It is so sad how some parents can damage their own children.
This is frightening to me as my ex-daughter in law is doing this to her 8 and 4 year olds. The 8 year old was turned into her comforter, confidant and expected to be adult acting. The 4 year old has been denigrated for being too boyish, loud etc. As their Nana, I am fighting for them.
What about the empaths that had narcissists for parents thats stayed emapthic? There are lots of us....
Thankyou- ive just foind you today and must have watched about 7 videos already ❤
The narcissist i have to deal with comes across as a very loved, pampered cute kid that everyone doted on so much she didn't have to ask for anything just held out her hand towards the object and grunted uh uh uh with the give me, give me hand gestures. But when she was denied the wanted item she would pitch a screaming hissy fit until it was given to her just to shut her up. She then learned to control those around her with her tantrums, while the others would dread her loud outbursts so much they would give her anything she wanted to keep from setting her off. They became afraid of her anger, and never learned how to deal with it, carrying that fear on thru life. But instead of indulging her, the parents should have used a long switch on her bare legs, setting boundaries & consequences. A few well placed spankings would have saved the world from this monster. She is now a middle age grandmother who still acts like the same spoiled brat trying to rule the world with her rage when she isn't the center of attention.
Actually my parents threw ice water on my tantrums and drug me across the floor by the hair. It stopped the tantrums.
Sounds just like Charline L. Evanowski in Missouri.
You just described my ex:)
I can’t stand women like that. I am a woman and I was treated the opposite way. I was the family scapegoat and empath.
@@marytyndall8044 that’s messed up
I learned this in my child behavior course it is amazing how the people in the child development take a big responsibility!