Take Your Life Back, Own It
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
- Derek Walcott: Love After Love therapoetic.wo...
Micro-relationships: casual and stranger sex, including modern "dates" (glorified hookups)
Real relationships: vulnerability and hurt acceptance; dreams, goals, and planning - not fantasy; realistic perception of the partner, not idealization or devaluation;
Pseudo-relationships: shared fantasies
This is the age of victimhood. No one takes personal responsibility or agrees to be held accountable. Bad things mysteriously just “happen”. The passive voice is all the rage.
Well, here is some breaking news for you:
You are nothing but the sum of your informed choices and decisions. They define you for good and for life;
There is no going back in time and there is never a second chance. Your present shapes your future inexorably;
You bear full responsibility for the foreseeable outcomes of your informed choices and decisions;
Past behavior is the only infallible prognosticator of future conduct: you WILL relapse into old behavior patterns and habits. It is only a question of time and the right circumstances. Don’t trust people to change: they won’t;
The world couldn’t care less about you. You are on your own, in charge, alone forever. Get a grip. Wake up. Think before you act. Strangers are not kind, they are predators. Don’t be their prey.
Abuse Victim's New Year Resolutions
New Year resolutions are notoriously fragile and ephemeral. But victims of abuse cannot afford this cavalier attitude: their mental - and too often physical - health depends on strictly observing the following promises to themselves:
1. I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from others. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me.
2. I will set clear boundaries and make known to others what I regard as permissible and acceptable behavior and what is out of bounds.
3. I will not tolerate abuse and aggression in any form or guise. I will seek to terminate such misconduct instantly and unequivocally.
4. I will be assertive and unambiguous about my needs, wishes, and expectations from others. I will not be arrogant - but I will be confident. I will not be selfish and narcissistic - but I will love and care for myself.
5. I will get to know myself better.
6. I will treat others as I want them to treat me. I will try to lead by way of self-example.
7. If I am habitually disrespected, abused, or if my boundaries are ignored and breached I will terminate the relationship with the abuser forthwith. Zero tolerance and no second chance will be my maxims of self-preservation.
Happiness comes naturally, from the inside.
It is a slow, steady, and safe unfolding, not the ephemeral pyrotechnics of fireworks.
It never depends on anything external.
It cannot be bought - or sold.
It is a state of mind, not a state of affairs.
It is self-love and self-acceptance without the narcissism.
It flowers in the least expected moments, brings to life the moribund, and refreshes the stale.
Happiness is Being AND Nothingness at once.
Nothing is more sad and lonely than having casual sex in order to feel less sad and lonely.
Nothing is more deceitful than brutal honesty: it pretends to offer empathy and succor, but is mere camouflaged sadism.
Nothing is more vainglorious than false modesty and pseudo-humility.
Nothing is more hateful than the ineluctable expiry of love.
Nothing is more wrong than being right all the time.
Nothing is faster than life or slower than dying.
Nothing is more attractive than the self-sufficient, nothing more repellent than the clinging and the needy.
Nothing is more corrupt than conformity and nothing more noble than being oneself.
Nothing is more dignified than honoring others.
Nothing is more hopeful than what we already have.
Nothing is more blind than merely observing and nothing more deaf than merely hearing.
Nothing is more present than the past. Nothing less certain than the future.
No gift is greater than a smile and no harm is more deleterious than rejection.
No risk is grander and no reward more substantial than to live life to its fullest. Only the craven and the foolish extol death or asceticism as bravery or wisdom.
Reality is in our mind alone and what is out there is solely what we make of it.
Go forth to this New Year and make it love you. The way out is your only entrance.
What did Life teach me? I am 63 years old and have led the combined lives of 10 people. At least.
I have learned that Life doesn’t always accommodate our plans and wishes - but it always turns out to be far better than our fears.
Trust life, do not fight it. Plan flexibly, execute wisely, retreat smartly, advance promptly, and invariably celebrate all these steps on the path that is your being.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com...
“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Thank you.. best advice anyone has given me in a long time.
Two years later, I still needed to hear this. Thank You So Very Much
Absolutely beautiful video, isn't it?
I entered the self help community at 25 yo dreaming of million$, tons of friends, perfect marriage and spiritual realisation. 13 years later I have a pretty good idea of what dark triad means, spending Christmas completely alone with an attitude of: appreciate a flower, be thankful for the sun, be resonably nice to your neighbours and let's call it a day :)
Absolutely 💯❤️
I feel you 🙏🏽
And that is wonderful. Be proud of that! I totally get it
Wow, your words are touching me deep. Very beautiful!
I love how you put it.
Hello Sam. I have listened to many of your lectures translated into Russian. Your knowledge and experience are useful to me. Unfortunately, I don't know English well, so even if I raised money for a consultation, the language barrier would get in the way. You constantly say in your lectures that you are no longer young. I may be mistaken, but there is a light of beauty of a young man, and there is a light like yours. It is the light of the mind, of experience, of knowledge. Outwardly, you are also beautiful. And so it will be until the end. It's your genetics. Thank you for your lectures.
Sam, I appreciate your knowledge and it does reach me, definitely. I also enjoy your sense of humour. People take life too seriously. It' s a pretty short span of time, why not have fun? Especially after having and experiencing an extremely harsh struggle... Times for pain and suffering left behind! 😊 The knowledge you share in this video, reaches me just at the right point in my life. I have a life long history of doing the deeds of love and practical help for the members of my family of origin. I have opened my eyes, I am being used, abused and all my life, left without support. Love is not present, codependence and learnt roles are. They did need my help. Now, I am in the fork of roads, either I escape this becoming ill and dead, or move away, and call it quits. I am following my plans, releasing the bonds and preaparing a move of a home. ❤😊
This is the first video in my 28 years of life that I have actually written notes on. Your words must go down in history. Thank you so very much.
Nothing is more wrong than being right all the time, Nothing is more corrupt than conformity and nothing more noble than being oneself, so many gems in this talk. Thanks Sam!
Your 'unsolicited advice' is today a life changing miracle for me. Like deep ancient wisdom reaching out to help me gain clarity in my.path from death/ victimhood to life/ self responsibility as the protagonist of my own life.
Thank you from my soul to yours.❤
Thank you, Professor! Hearing your wisdom is like "coming home." I always sense just a little sorrow underneath your humor and insights. I wish you peace and happiness as well. Again, thank you for everything you share.
After a brutal discard by a narcissistic partner of 7 years I'm finding your videos very helpful. Thank you so much
Same here after 5 years
@@-Mimi-1 so sorry. Just know we are better off. Sending you love ❤️
He literally saved me and gave me the awareness and tools to get my life back at 53 after a lifetime of narcissists and sociopaths. Keep listening. He’s the best of any of the you tube videos on narcissism. Evil is real in ordinary people and you will heal and feel liberated someday like I have for the last few years.
@@Mandycapetown thanks. You too
Discarded after 13 years
Today is my birthday and of all greetings and blue thumbs posted on social media this has been the the most sincere and uplifting of all. I wish You and everyone following this chanel all good for the coming year!
Today is my birthday too! Happy birthday 🥳
Happy Birthday!!
Happy birthday! 🎊🎉🎂🎈
Happy Birthday.
In 2024 wonderful words of wisdom by a benevolent, generous teacher, wise, loving, imperfect, understanding. Thank you, Prof. Vaknin.
mr. Vaknin - you are the voice of the truth in this world. Your videos are the best thing I have ever seen on the Internet for my 31 years.
Thank you so much.
He has helped me so much. We’d be lost without him. Narcissists truly were lost without him.
So true 👍
Fantastic upload. Thank you Professor Vaknin. Recently I decided to do just this (take back my life). It was such an epiphany when I looked around and saw that what I thought was "independent" of him, was actually me allowing him to rule and control in my life. Every decision I was making I was weighing against his potential impact on my life, happiness, safety. And that I was "stuck" because of him on whatever level. (Victim!) It's amazing what you can accomplishing when when you stop making excuses take responsibility for what you can change or do. I promptly got out of the rumble seat of his car and into the driver's seat of MY existential vehicle and we are rolling! By the end of 2022, I will be well into a road trip I should have taken 30 years ago. Destination Me!
Dear Professor Sam, thank you, you made this video 11 months ago and it found me now. In Dezember 2021 I could not have imagined to have clashs with narcissists in series. If I had known I would have said "I quit life". In 2022: a tumor, the loss of my dog and my job, no contact with my mother...and I am still there, I can't believe I made it.
I will take your advice for 2023 and I wish us all a really kind new year. Best wishes from Germany❤️
I hope you doing well dear
I have just found it in June 2024. Thank you Professor Sam for all that you are contributing to help us recover and rebuild. May God's blessings be yours
I wish I had a father or mother who gave this advice. Not having it resulted in a life not lived well. I have been searching for what seems like eternity and finally at 56 years on this planet, here it is. Thank you 🙏
I am on a similar path, also 56, trying to get back my life. All the best to you, good luck!
The truth in this video is astounding - THANK YOU ❤
"Work on having a life worth remembering" Beautifully said and everything that "having a life worth remembering" implies, is worth doing. You have made this holiday worth remembering. Peace and Love to you.
Thank you so much Sir.
Your advice is like advice from the father I never had. Thank you
THIS VIDEO Is by far the best!!! I’ve written down your seven in my journal and I’m off to live my best life!! Thank You for all you do!!
Agree!! I SO needed this today.
How did it go so far?
I needed this Sam! I feel like I have no self identity anymore. I realize now that it’s because I gave him 100% of myself. He didn’t have “real”empathy, sincerity, love. He literally took all of that from me and now I have to get that back from him.
The lottery win is not big houses, flash cars, exotic holidays and designer accessories. Once you have got these you will still crave more or better and will probably suffer a big dose of buyer's remorse on top also. It is the freedom to do as you choose, where you can get back to nature and connect with like minded people. From here real relationships will flourish..
@@SM-gx3ho Thank you, lovely comment ♥🙏
If more people knew this, we would live in a very different world. But I'm happy to know that you know this, as do I.
Thank you Sam. You have no idea how much you have helped me recover with my CPTSD from my narcissistic father. I can't put into words the gratitude I feel towards your work and insights, they have provided me with so much light and clarity in understanding my dark and confusing childhood. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Wow. This video came exactly when I needed to see it.
That was very beautiful Sam, very inspiring and uplifting - yet realistic, your kind of realism which is very comforting. Thank you.
Thank you prof sam vaknin😊
This is wonderful, Dr. Beautiful and meaningful words, all in all. Thanks for sharing.
Great insight! The world couldn't care less about you, deep
I love your sense of humor.
Really good!
I think that good thing is that you said all of those together! Cowered it all!
This is excellent life advice that I always needed from a mentor. Thank you.
Absolutely LOVE this! I have listened to it many times.
On the topic of establishing clear boundaries, I would add that we, ourselves, must also honor those boundaries. We cannot be the exception to our own rules.
You are an oracle! Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It has helped me so much .
Professor Vaknin, thank you.
I think relationships are about boundaries first and foremost. I know when I was married not having proper boundaries played a part in what led to the demise. There are other issues that are important in committed relationships, however my perception tells me that if you are able to institute established boundaries and follow them, which maybe the most crucial part of boundaries (i.e. maintaining them), you’ll be much more likely to overcome other problems and have a better relationship overall.
"Maintaining a separate ground," with autonomy, " with clear eyes*, independent of an outside source, is imperative. Dining comfortably, at your own table. Much thanks for your enabling raw & beautiful discourse Dr. Vaknin.
I wrote the 7 rules and cried tears with a smile that came with the poem at the end. Truly amazing advices of experience & warmth of heart shared. Thank you ❤
This is your best message ever! Thank you Prof
I needed to hear this now more than ever. Thank you so much Sam. I am eternally grateful for your presence in this world and your gifts of knowledge and wisdom. I wish you same beautiful future you wished us. Happy new year to you and yours Sam. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your diligent work Mr. Vaknin.
Thank you so much for this gorgeous message!! ♥️
Nothing that I could say right now can explain the gratitude I'm feeling after watching these words of wisdom, so I just want to say; thank you professor!!
Thank you, Sam.
Thank you Sam. This is exactly what I needed to hear right before the new year. You’re like the big brother I never had. God bless you 🙏🏼
This was a beatiful lecture Sam. Thank you.
I was pleasantly surprised at the poetry quoted and your honesty. 😊
In tears.... just amazingly beautiful.... I can't thank you enough.
I have never heard such wise words before. Thank you, Professor Sam. You so kindly give words of patience and hope. A good soul.
This made me cry..I have just lost my mother and this resonates hard. Life is a dream and we are but a memory.
Thank you for this Video Dr. Sam, it’s one of the best advice I’ve gotten in a while. Very impactful, thank you.
A magnificent timeless video that needs to be seen and carefully heard by every human being . Thank you so much Professor 🙏
Honestly. His kind, loving, and tender delivery just makes you feel so understood and accepted. I’m so grateful that I found him. He’s helped me out so much.
I’m going to write this in a journal to my son. When he’s 21 I hope he will be guided by your words of wisdom. Thank you
What a fantastic idea!
How lovely, how uplifting, im down with every piece of advice you said.... my notebook is my proof . I Love you professor Sam 🥰 Thank you from my heart for every video you made for us. YOU CHANGED MY LIFE.
I can now happily say after 5years of extreeeeemly hard intensive personal development work i can actually say i am living LIFE .... peacefully . Thank you God🌄
A profound message. Thank you for sharing your wisdom Professor
Sam your insight, discplines the behaviour and it is a true motivation.
As no one can stay motivated every time but the discipline make a real "Motivated Person".
Wonderful poem. So much meaning.
What a precious gift from this wise and loving person who freely reaches out helping others. I send affirmation and the best of well wishes adorned with blessings. I send thank you for the gifts of his caring that brings a spiritual comfort and guide in this adventure of life. Is true, the truth will set you free.
YOU are the real KING MR VAKNIN, my deepest respect to you!
Thank you Professor Vaknin for this wonderful video.
Thank you for all your wisdom , there is a light at the end of every tunnel .
Love yourself no compromise
How hopeful and comforting your words are. As someone who is searching and finding peace within myself, your thoughts and wisdom makes me excited about my life and future. Thank you
This is such healthy language, and though all your videos on narcissism speak to me, this one in particular gives me clarity and helps me see a practical way through my pain post break up with a narcissist. You are a guiding force. I thank you.
These are the 7 rules i'll be living by for a life that I want to create! Thank you Sam for your brutal honesty and getting so many out of darkness 🙏
With this vid and others you’ve made I unexpectedly learned what a real relationship should be and understand the detriment of pseudo relationships does to one. I feel confident of how to develop a healthier relationship with my so
This was the best thing I've heard all year. Thank you.
I love you Dr Vaknin. This is a gift as a New Years message. Thank you for all your videos which were the foundation of my healing and understanding of predators. May you be blessed exponentially for the way you bless others with your brilliance and insight.
Thank you dear Sam Vaknin, I hope for everything you say for me and for all human race ❤I am not naive, but I was, now, just hoping for better years, 2024. coming ...🎉🎉🎉❤ I promise to myself 7 points of your speech, I will see ...
Happy New year 🎉 ✨ to you and I wish you all the best!
I am all ears!!!
This is all i really want to hear, learn, work towards!
Prof. Thank so much! Your videos have been helping me so much and your words today are balsamic to my soul. You are saving one life here, mine. Thank you, thank you, thank you! This tide is turning and I’m going to get my power back and love myself and I will live a life worth remembering!! Thank you Prof.
Happy Holidays Prof.Vaknin. thanks for all the knowledge you have shared with us through this platform.
7 step program for 2022
Thank you Sam and I hope you have a happy New year and all the best for 2022.🍰☕🍷🎈
Thank you, Sam! Perfect timing (as usual), I was just thinking about "my new life" in the new year!
Best wishes to you, too.
Happy New Year, Professor Vaknin! May your next 365 days around the sun be happy and as per Derek Walcott, spent in good company.
Thank You, Professor V!
You re appreciated.
You lifted the veil for me. Though, indescribably painful ,
I’m grateful.
Your thoughts, lectures and candid musings have helped make some sense for me of what made no sense to me.
& I lived it for over 25 years!
You’re truly doing a commendable thing sharing your knowledge.
Bravo!
Happy New Year!
Sam, you have helped me in so many ways through your honesty and sharing truth. Thank you for waking so many up, including myself! Big hugs to you professor🤗🌺💯👍🏽
Priceless. Thank you for saving my life. Happy New Year Sam💜
The past week, every day, the videos you have released provide valuable insight into the exact questions I have been pondering lately. Today’s topic gave me clarity once more. Thank you Professor Vaknin for the work that you do.
Thank you sir, i think all of us here observe and listening to you are very lucky and bless, may you live for another 60 years Prof.Sam Vaknin.
Thank You, Sir! For evrey video that made me feel better and understood.
Thank you, Sam...you're a truly gifted person
One of you best Professor 👏
I don’t tend to post many comments, but want to thank you Professor Vaknin for the gift of this (and all your other videos) together with sincere wishes for a happier, healthy and positive New Year ahead.
Omg, the wisdom about happiness. I really needed to hear that. It’s life or death to realize that. Will save us so much grief. Preach Professor!!! Amen! So important!!!! ❤️🩹🙏🏼♥️
Thanks Professor, needed this 💕
Definitely one of your best videos yet. I've listened to it twice already. Thank you for sharing!
Twice me too so fat...Tanks!
Wow! I have said the exact same thing the past 3 years I cannot believe how accurate you are everyone needs to see this and I mean everyone and I don't know how to get it out there for you I will put it on every social platform that I have thank you so much
this man has a lot of soul...
One of the most condensed information I needed, as well as INSPIRATIONAL UPLIFT !! Thank you for this great piece you created to help many.
Wow! Profound. Powerful. This has got to be one of the best presentations about life Sam Vaknin. Like no other. Thank you so much. I feel everyone should listen to this and embrace it. All of it. Listen to it multiple times as a reminder. This touched me very deeply. Thank you again ✨️💕
Sam Vaknin, you're on point and ahead of your time. Thank you.
This was the most genius, eye-opening, heart- and mindtouching video of Sam Vaknin I have heard and read ( the transkript) in the 2 years i follow him. An extremely valuable video. Thanks alot dear Prof!
Thank you Sam
Deep bow of gratitude for your sage counsel, Sam. It was exactly the medicine I needed - indeed your counsel is what is collectively needed by what Jung called “the Spirit of the times.” Wishing you health and all-good-things for 2022.
Hope in one's self...such good medicine!
Your wisdom has helped me and many of my clients. Can’t thank you enough, Sam.
Wow. Thank you for being so concise, precise, honest and TRUTHFUL
Sam, your work is excellent, and we’re all better for it. Thank you!
This is your best video Sam. Speaking from the heart suits you. I always learn from you when you speak from the head, but the heart can be more powerful sometimes. Take care and keep teaching.
Glad to have met you, great poem and I have applied much from the knowledge you share here and benefit from it, take care