The Wheel of Consent
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- Опубликовано: 6 окт 2024
- Lauren returns from her training in DC, Like A Pro: The Wheel of Consent with even more wisdom than before. Lauren breaks down the WOC and tells us more about the basic principles of consent.
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Reminders: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how we" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.
Please note: Lauren is NOT a therapist. She is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator.
Very nice video, on why people ask questions when you say no. I think may do that as a defence response. As you say, we search out connection and so when someone does not want to connect with us, our fear pushes us to find out why, because if it is due to us, we want to change that to survive.
Love this!!!
Sooo thankful for all you taught me last week! I'm still glowing. xoxo - Lauren
Personally, I find this weird.
(Warning: male perspective)
"**speaking about inviting to the intercourse**" and not only
In therapy people are learned about communication. Verbally. Why we have to guess the intonations? Seriously?
I think, we need to educate the other way. As you've said, just "no" raises questions. And the better way is to explain why, not just reject the person. Rejection hurts. If we translate it to the reason, it is not a blunt rejection, but a projection of feeling, which allows better co-understanding.
" I'm not in the mood " , " I do not feel okay right now" , " I do not want this right now ", " I do not feel for you as you feel for me" , "Let's not *do it* right now, let's do *this thing* instead "or even " I feel pressured and I want to leave" are good examples, in my opinion. For every rejection, there is a reason and it better be communicated.
This is something I've implemented with all of my partners and everybody was happy about it.
I wish all men (and woman &n-b persons) could react to all of this adequately, this is why we need to develop empathy in society and study sex ed.
Your thoughts?
Thank you for sharing your perspective! We deeply believe that we each have a right to self-determination and informed decision making. We love using this podcast platform to share about our favorite tools and we're always happy when someone shares their thoughts and feedback.
I love your points about rejection. Rejection can be so painful. At training we spent hours and hours disecting the "why" behind the pain of rejection.
The phrasing you're using sounds a lot like what The School of Consent would teach as the WILLINGNESS SCALE or WANTING SCALE. It can be very helpful and beautiful to share "not right now" etc. I also believe that there are instances where individuals feel they have no choice due to power imbalances or personal trauma. There are times when a simple "no," or a removal of the body from the space/person is all we can offer, and if so, that is fully enough.
I agree 100% with your belief that we all need more empathy training and comprehensive sexuality education! :)
Thank you again for your thoughtful response!! - L
@@sexedforyou Thanks for detailed response! And now I agree. Sadly, there are many people with trauma. We all are traumatised in our own way... Some people need time to feel safe, some need communication, some need something else...