I'm breaking up with my fantasy self by minimalizing what I own. I'm letting go of the things I purchased and never used. Honestly, I've donated so much to Goodwill that I probably have furnished one or two residences. I'm serious. So much money wasted. 🙀😿
Tati. I thought if I had all the make up products, all the brushes, all the pallets, I too could be a professional make-up artist. Did not happen. I lacked the patience to apply the make-up, and the thought of having to take it all off in the evening made me give up before I even began.
I finally turned my fantasy self into a character in the book I'm working on. I'll never be the outgoing lover-of-all-mankind that she is, but I can live vicariously through her. I'm an introvert who loves to write and do art.
I've always envied introverts; I'm personally not a fan of being a naturally outgoing person. While my personality is OK with that because that's how it operates, I get awfully exhausted/drained socializing, yet socializing is expected because I'm confident doing so by nature. Quite an inconvenient conundrum.
@@KO-D00M it's so funny reading your comment and knowing how i am your complete opposite. i always envied extroverts; I'm naturally someone that doesn't like to be in the center of attention, likes to listen more than talk, yet always wished i could be as loud and less self-conscious when with people. At times I'm an ambivert, but it feels like I'm always looking forward to prove to myself that my fantasy self is real? I get exhausted if I don't connect with people, which at some points proves that I am an ambivert, but I end up being friends with only 1 person for idk 3 years? idk.
Thank you for saying that! Something just clicked in my head and I really feel like I will be able to get rid of all those things I have hoarded for years to help me be the sort of person I once thought I should be. Because NOW the person I want to be, is a minimalist! 😊
Just love this topic! My husband and I got rid of our fantasy self we had hold on to for many years. As teachers, we loved to show off our huge bookcase in the living room, full of Theology and History reference books, many of which rarely used. Over the past two years we decided to donate and sell 95% of them and also sold the bookshelf hahaha. Although we enjoy learning and teaching, being intellectual was not our thing at all. We are very conscious about the difference between who we really are and who we think we should be just to impress people. This mindset prevent us from being nonsense.
Letting go of your fantasy self can be a challenge for some but once you finally do it, it feels amazing! I can relate to your story Sandra because I also had a large bookshelf in my living room once. It wasn’t full of books yet, but my fantasy self dreamed of having a bookshelf full of every type of book you can think of.
I completely understand. My fantasy self is an ultra glam bohemian chic girl. Welp, I’m actually a minimalist who enjoys and wears solid basics most of the time in various dark colors. I stopped wasting so much time when I realized I could enjoy these things without it being my way of life. RUclips helps me enjoy these things vicariously. Thanks for sharing! Love from Charlotte NC 👏🏾✌🏾💜
Ronald L. Banks : Gentleman you are brilliant, soothing, and wonderful to listen to! Breaking up with my fantasy self has taught me boundaries and peace. I love your channel.
"Make room in your life for the real version of you to shine through with confidence." Beautifully said. Very true. Now I've got some hardly used top of the line knitting needles and some expensive handcrafted musical instruments to sell.
I have to say my fantasy self has helped me get through very rough times in my life because I was internally weak. My fantasy self was physically and mentally strong. My real self wasn't. It was a necesary crutch to lean on. It's only with time and maturity that I realize that the fantasy self can only take me so far and stops me from being more. I've been in a gradual process of dissolving this fantasy self, but I honor where it's gotten me and what it got me through. Yes indeed.
You are very wise.I could say amen to this.Also many of us are in a process of finding our real selves and may need to actually try them on so to speak to see if the hat fits or not.If you're not super confident when you have an adventurous or lofty dream you may too quickly conclude oh this is a fantasy self when actually it may be a good direction for you.I've always been to quick to doubt myself. I need to move forward on a fantasy self for a while before I conclude it's not me.It may be EXACTLY me!
I have bought things to be something for someone else - sometimes my mom. She was into clothes and looking a certain way. My real self likes comfort and classic lines, even in casual clothes. I am not a flashy dresser,and not because I don't think enough of myself to dress the way that some may think is attractive. Comfortable clothes with simple classic lines don't sit in my closet. I wear them in many combinations and seldom have to say that I have nothing to wear to an event. The Fantasy Me buys colors that I won't ever wear, gold clothes that I can't match with anything and have to think hard about wearing or styles that I stopped wearing years ago. Clothes that sit in my closet are often clothes that I can imagine myself in, but clothing that does not fit the idea of simple, comfortable and classic.
Wow, thank you. This is so right on. I have dresses in my closet. I am totally uncomfortable in dresses, but my fantasy self is pretty and feminine etc. When I do try to wear a dress, I feel so self-conscious and awkward. Again thank you.
It's interesting how we shop and make decisions for our fantasy selves. I've been finding that on my minimalist journey when I've decluttered its allowed not only more physical space to be more free but also creates space for my authentic self to come out and shine. I think that sometimes we shame our true identities and replace them with these fantasy selves that we think would be more like-able. What I love about your videos are how much they open my mind to these explorations. I've actually started to write more poetry after a long dormant period of time. Thank you. Stay true to you :D
This is so true. I went through a phase of wanting to wear bowties. I went out and purchased all kinds of really nice styles but they all sat in my closet. Never wore one.
I wish I had heard this term days ago. My fantasy self was one who was good at everything from baking to parties to art. Just yesterday I did an object lesson in which I gave items I bought for my fantasy self to people who are actually good at those things.
You know, having a conversation like this with yourself can be tough at times, because in the back of our head we still might feel like it’s something we’ll pick up and do one day. It definitely requires honesty on our part to break up with our fantasy selves. Keep growing Laurie!
Just found your channel. Decluttering your head before you declutter your home/ life - this wasn't how I practiced minimalism, because you see I thought it was the other way around. You got rid of stuff to have a clearer head - that's what I've been trying to do for the past two years. I've just realised how much I've burdened myself with the image I've striven to project and how much I've wanted to have a better social life only because I've seen my friends and colleagues wanting the same - that part about throwing parties but really only wanting be alone, that's really me. This really resonated with me. Thank you for posting - I liked your no-airs style of presenting your thoughts.
That is a very important topic, I am beginning this journey, and I have a lot of cooking supplies, my fantasy self is cooking, entertaining, but I am a working mom, don’t have time or energy to cook.
My fantasy self has essentially a lot more time than I have. She is still at university and does not have children. She works but only a few hours a week. So she is a gamer, learns languages, volunteers and watches DVDs in the evening. She reads a lot as well and still has time for knitting and DIY-projects. I was that person four years ago. At the current stage of my journey I already decluttered things I never used. Now I am struggling to let go of former hobbies and to decide what I realistically will be doing the next years. My strategy is: can I visualize me with my old Game Boy? Can I visualize me finishing a certain project? At the begin of my journey my fantasy self loved to wear earrings everyday, whereas I bleed after an hour of wearing them. She wore a lot of scarves and teached herself to play the flute and the guitar.
I look back at my real self from my 20-something years. That was when I had no money to indulge any fantasy of proving to the world that I wasn't that girl from the poor side of the tracks. As I grew up and started earning money is when I started becoming the Fantasy Me. I was going to have it all and look the part. I am now in my 60's and am returning to the real me. I do not need validation, approval, and envy-of-me from the rest of the world. It is very freeing. I have downsized my home, gotten rid of tons of items that were for the fantasy me, and really learned that simplicity is so much more peaceful. Thank you for your discussions.
"Breaking up with yourself" is one of the most profound things I have heard in terms of self improvement. Thanks. Perfect timing for such a succinct statement.
I saw the title of this video and ive never clicked something so fast in my life. I already knew this was going to be some real shit. I used to always fix my two bedroom up for entertaining. I don't even like entertaining. I don't like large spaces. My favorite place was my studio apt that was quiet and cozy.
Wow, What an outstanding perspective!!! Especially in the days of social media, where many people “stage”, inauthentic lives and experiences, just for photo opportunities, and validation from people you don’t even know. Very insightful 👍🏾
Hey I’m really glad you enjoyed this video! You’re absolutely right, there is a lot of inauthenticity and we have to snap back and be honest with ourselves! Keep growing on your journey
I can relate. But to get the guts to do this we have to have good supportive people around us. I do now and finally my silky and more cgildish/goofy real self can really come out without fear. Everybody deserves to experience that level of acceptance
You’re absolutely right! You should always be happy with yourself and not afraid to be who you are. I love that you’re being you without fear! That’s the goal and that’s awesome!
My fantasy self was a fearful, anxious, unsatisfied, joyless human. I said/say goodbye (still...everyday) to that fantasy self. I brought material items into my life to bolster and buffer myself from this fantasy... this perception... this concept of who I was. The thrill for me now is the daily healing that takes place when I simply realize the tendency I have to create fantasy and concepts and perception of self. You don’t have to master saying goodbye to this fantasy self to start feeling the relief. The awareness you do this to yourself is all that is necessary. Awareness of it is what brings in the space... the mental space becomes the catalyst and you begin to want to collect more space. This is where you start! The physical things you once desired fall away and before you know it the power they held is gone. Space becomes sacred and you begin to treat it with intention and honor. Minimalism is not deprivation... it’s about being able to meet oneself in an uncluttered mind/ space or physical space and not wanting to run screaming from yourself. Remove the barriers that keep you from you...❤️ this channel is a fantastic place to jumpstart your journey or tuneup the one you are already on. Thank you!!!🌈
Too true. Marketing plays into this psychological manifestation of the "fantasy self" in a major way as well. They exploit your insecurities and one's desire to both belong & stand out in society, establishing our position in the social order. Oh what a tangled web wr weave for ourselves.
Gooooood stuff! It’s awesome to have someone who is able to see past the stuff to the actual you - as it is, we are always growing in relation to others and having someone who will stick with you through that is invaluable. The fantasy self is so alluring, especially in this age when we can simply buy identities for ourselves; but it completely undermines one’s ability to find and develop a real self and conduct life in a meaningful and genuine way. Many Peters has a good series on “Cultivated Identities” which is tangentially related to the idea of the fantasy self, definitely recommend giving that a watch. For me, one silly fantasy self I held onto was being a swimmer. In school, I was a strong swimmer and won school carnivals. But I never actually liked it that much, but because I was okay at it and everyone else said so, I just took it on board. It was only a few months ago - nearly two decades later!- when I went to the local pool for some hydrotherapy that I thought, I haven’t swum in years! I don’t even like this! So out went the several pairs of bathers, goggles, snorkels, flippers, swim bags, and it felt so good to be done with that false self!
Love your story, I’m happy that you were able to let go of those things and that fantasy version of you. Feels good to find the real you! I’m going through that transition now! I’ll definitely check out that series! Thanks you!
After relocating for her high earning, closet alcoholic financier husband’s career (and taking early retirement from a soul fulfilling/low paying job in public service), my fantasy self lived in a 5000 sq foot home in a gated community (6 bathrooms, 7 toilets🤦♀️, 5 fireplaces in hot Texas🤦♀️). The perfect executive show home. Other than volunteering and working out at the gym, my interactions with people were limited. One day I realized that my “friends” were women who worked at the med spa, the young girl at the nail salon, my hair stylist and my trainer. From the outside it looked like I had it all, but on the inside I felt miserable. Forward to today, I live in a average sized house in AZ, volunteer with a refugee resettlement agency, teach ESL at a Head Start school and enjoy every moment. I still have my fancy roadster but I also have a 2000 Grand Marquis that I use 90% of the time to deliver donated items (arrigato, Mari Kondo) to families in need and drive people around. I feel blessed and don’t miss anything from that fantasy life. Thank you for your great videos. New Subbie. Peace✌🏻
I had to come back to this video to get a reality check. Fantasy self means a fake self right? That's what I'm striving to stay is being an outgoing, productive, and positive person. If someone has a problem with me being true to myself, then that's their problem and not mine. I often refer back to your videos to keep it real lol. Peace.
Fantasy crafty person....6 decades of craft supplies cluttering up the spare bedroom. Not me, my fantasy self is a scrapbooker and an ultra marathon runner. Gave the scrap book stuff away & when my old arthritic knee straightens out I'll start " walking " more. 😜🤣
What a genius Idea😍 now I have the best compass to navigate while sorting things/ emotions/ expectations out👌 Each time you bring us to a higher level of understanding🙏💕 thanks for sharing
I just watched another video where you spoke about a fantasy self. I can't believe I've never heard of this before. Thank you....thank you....thank you... I think It is one reason I hold on to many things. I've never heard of it put this way before.
My fantasy self mostly seems to be a dialed up version of my real self. My fantasy goes All Out & is the extreme of any interest or characteristic. My true self allows for nuance & is overall more chill & less performative . Cheers to moderation.
Glad you popped into my feed, one of the times I feel like the algorithms actually know me. This was helpful to me. I've been really focused on my fantasy self and my future, and this has made me take a step back and reevaluate my values and goals. Thank you.
I've been talking about this with family for a long time and it was great to hear your presentation of it. When I talk about it, I frame it as living "in the future". So much attention is paid to living or being "stuck in the past" but being stuck in the future is actually much worse. It's why my dad is a hoarder...he might need xyz someday. It's why he has a totally rotted out car in his side yard...his geriatric self is going to fix it up someday. It's why people keep clothes that don't fit...they are gonna fit someday. A lot of times people think this fantasy self is going to be their future self. It's time to get real. Nice video.
Really good. Recently got rid of all my luxury goods for this reason. I still live at home and can barely afford to move out yet projected this rich lifestyle. Working on myself now though.
My fantasy self - buying fancy/party clothes but I only go to party 2-3x a year that was pre-covid. I am still holding on a few of my “fantasy me clothes” but let go a lot of it. Few more to go! Thank you Ronald!
About 15 years ago I scrapbooked for years. I haven’t picked up anything for 10 years but still have all my scrapbook tools and paper. In theory I want to pick up this hobby again. But will I? .....
Fantasy self AKA highest version of myself . This term has been going on around for as long as i remember on tiktok and yt mostly female self help vids. Now im not bashing them but they always said that in order to become your fantasy self "THINK WHAT WOULD MY HIGHEST VERSION OF ME DO?" And act accordingly. It may have worked for other people but for me it was still very hard to just suddenly act as my highestself/fantasyself and consistently show up as her... it was genuinely uncomfortable. Its not as easy in real life to just start acting like your fantasy self. So def this video was alot more realistic and made sense. That we can only take some chunks of our fantasy self and incorporate in our lives. But we should first accept ourselves truly. You made me realise this that there is nothing wrong with me, the way i feel or the way i think. But actually the way they tell the whole big picture about reinventing and upgrading but not telling that all of this will just drift you away far from the reality.
Very good topic to discuss as the fantasy self is a huge part of why we buy and acquire items. I caught myself recently thinking what I need to fulfill my life and realize why would I need this? What am I trying to prove to people? If it doesn’t truly bring you happiness then it doesn’t need to be acquired. So thank you for this video sir!
I believe it is all about living the best life for you. We should all be focusing on making ourselves happy. I feel so very fortunate and blessed because i lived the better part of my life loving me for me. I have a saying that I may be alone but I am never lonely or bored, because I have self love and I will always have me , myself and I.
Man, I hope you see this comment. I watch a ton to RUclips to learn things about my business and some various other topics. This is such a great topic, the world needs to hear this in your words. Your perspective can change lives.
but what about when you're so supressed by yourself that you cant even know what is a projection and whats is truly you? and when you're into so many different styles... That is a big difficulty for me: represent myself through stuff (clothes and practices). there is so many possibilities it seens kinda crazy to say that a clothe represents me... and then select it.
We all like or love or are comfortable with our cultivated or borrowed image than our real self. Thanks a lot for this topic. Keep up the good work going.
1.25 secs in I was laughing... cos this is so me... Really resonates, but I'm getting to like being the real me. I dont buy rubbish clothes tho...I know my Style🤣. The only items I'm holding on to is my SHOE collection...(heels). I can't I just cant let them go.
Wow! What a powerful message. I am happy that I found your channel. Your approach is practical but includes things that are forgotten in other minimalist videos. A lot of videos do not tackle the emotional or human side of minimalism. Thank you! I have subscribed and am sharing your message with others.
Any other Persona 4 fans get triggered when he said "It wasn't me"? I was like noooo! Now we have to fight a boss! Lol. There's a surprising amount of parallels to that game in this conversation.
it's hard to set limits on what you ARE. because we change... and sometimes wanting to act different is a good thing. How can we separate ideals that put us in great movement from ideals that hold us on a fantasy?? because changing isn't always confortable, even for good. It makes me so confused hahah
My fantasy self is someone who actually knows what she wants. She is smart and tough. A real leader who cares for her friends. She's brave... 😰 I don't know if I can do this. I'll try.. 😩😪
Great content, definitely thoughts provoking. But how to decide if something is just part of your fantasy self or a thing outside your comfort zone (that would help you grow) that it's hard to reach/cultivate because of fear or procrastination?
My fantasy self is the cool girl that plays videogames. I mean, I really like some old games like Super Mario or Bomberman, but I just don't like videogames in general. I even made my husband believe in my fantasy self, but lately he's been asking me a lot to play videogames with him and I always have a different excuse to not do it. Then I realized: if I really liked it, I would just sit down and play with him. If I never wanna do it, it's just because I don't like it! Now I'm trying to accept that fact. My real self is not a videogame person, and that's okay.
I needed to see this at this particular moment. I'm transitioning in many areas of my life and your video posed a question I never thought of. What is my fantasy self? I have no idea at the moment but I look forward to finding out. Thank you!
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Who is your fantasy self? And how can you break up with that version of you, so the real you can shine through with confidence? Let me know!
The concept of a 'fantasy self" and breaking up with that person is life altering. I can feel something in me settle. Thank you!
Ronald can I use your post on my website for young adults? Nurturingwellnessgroupfoundation.org
I'm breaking up with my fantasy self by minimalizing what I own. I'm letting go of the things I purchased and never used. Honestly, I've donated so much to Goodwill that I probably have furnished one or two residences. I'm serious. So much money wasted. 🙀😿
My fantasy self is the same is right now but I’m not 5’7
Tati. I thought if I had all the make up products, all the brushes, all the pallets, I too could be a professional make-up artist. Did not happen. I lacked the patience to apply the make-up, and the thought of having to take it all off in the evening made me give up before I even began.
I finally turned my fantasy self into a character in the book I'm working on. I'll never be the outgoing lover-of-all-mankind that she is, but I can live vicariously through her. I'm an introvert who loves to write and do art.
Dana Campbell So interesting! I think it’s a great tip for getting rid of the fantasy self , but it requiert a Good imagination 😂! Congratulations ✨
I've always envied introverts; I'm personally not a fan of being a naturally outgoing person. While my personality is OK with that because that's how it operates, I get awfully exhausted/drained socializing, yet socializing is expected because I'm confident doing so by nature. Quite an inconvenient conundrum.
I loved this comment. Such a great idea.
@@KO-D00M it's so funny reading your comment and knowing how i am your complete opposite. i always envied extroverts; I'm naturally someone that doesn't like to be in the center of attention, likes to listen more than talk, yet always wished i could be as loud and less self-conscious when with people. At times I'm an ambivert, but it feels like I'm always looking forward to prove to myself that my fantasy self is real? I get exhausted if I don't connect with people, which at some points proves that I am an ambivert, but I end up being friends with only 1 person for idk 3 years? idk.
What an awesome idea!
Wow my fantasy self has retired...I’m getting rid of all “her” stuff...”ME” requires much less on my journey.
Thank you for saying that! Something just clicked in my head and I really feel like I will be able to get rid of all those things I have hoarded for years to help me be the sort of person I once thought I should be. Because NOW the person I want to be, is a minimalist! 😊
love this
Just love this topic! My husband and I got rid of our fantasy self we had hold on to for many years. As teachers, we loved to show off our huge bookcase in the living room, full of Theology and History reference books, many of which rarely used. Over the past two years we decided to donate and sell 95% of them and also sold the bookshelf hahaha. Although we enjoy learning and teaching, being intellectual was not our thing at all. We are very conscious about the difference between who we really are and who we think we should be just to impress people. This mindset prevent us from being nonsense.
Letting go of your fantasy self can be a challenge for some but once you finally do it, it feels amazing! I can relate to your story Sandra because I also had a large bookshelf in my living room once. It wasn’t full of books yet, but my fantasy self dreamed of having a bookshelf full of every type of book you can think of.
I think that books are a huge exception because it nurtures your mind . Also if you have kids it encourages them to read .
I completely understand. My fantasy self is an ultra glam bohemian chic girl. Welp, I’m actually a minimalist who enjoys and wears solid basics most of the time in various dark colors. I stopped wasting so much time when I realized I could enjoy these things without it being my way of life. RUclips helps me enjoy these things vicariously. Thanks for sharing! Love from Charlotte NC 👏🏾✌🏾💜
The “fantasy self” is real! It’s interesting how it’s always the opposite of how we really are. I’m happy that you enjoyed it!
Yeah, that’s the way I began to cheat my fantasy self also💕 thanks for sharing
This is so me too! I love bohemian stuff but actually prefer to keep it really simple. Was a bit of an internal conflict until I saw this video!
I like your wisdom..thank you
Me as well!
It can be a relief to 'break up with your fantasy self' and be more authentic.. Kind of relaxing.
Yes it is Loretta! It’s very relaxing
Ronald L. Banks : Gentleman you are brilliant, soothing, and wonderful to listen to! Breaking up with my fantasy self has taught me boundaries and peace. I love your channel.
"Make room in your life for the real version of you to shine through with confidence." Beautifully said. Very true. Now I've got some hardly used top of the line knitting needles and some expensive handcrafted musical instruments to sell.
My fantasy self items: the 6 inch heels I used to wear before I broke my foot 3 years ago. My fantasy now is to at least wear them to bed. Lol
Yessir! Thank you. The ego and self are the hardest things to de-clutter.
That’s very true Mike! Keep growing on your journey!
I have to say my fantasy self has helped me get through very rough times in my life because I was internally weak. My fantasy self was physically and mentally strong. My real self wasn't. It was a necesary crutch to lean on. It's only with time and maturity that I realize that the fantasy self can only take me so far and stops me from being more. I've been in a gradual process of dissolving this fantasy self, but I honor where it's gotten me and what it got me through. Yes indeed.
You are very wise.I could say amen to this.Also many of us are in a process of finding our real selves and may need to actually try them on so to speak to see if the hat fits or not.If you're not super confident when you have an adventurous or lofty dream you may too quickly conclude oh this is a fantasy self when actually it may be a good direction for you.I've always been to quick to doubt myself. I need to move forward on a fantasy self for a while before I conclude it's not me.It may be EXACTLY me!
This is super real and vulnerable! Appreciated reading this.
So true❤
I have bought things to be something for someone else - sometimes my mom. She was into clothes and looking a certain way. My real self likes comfort and classic lines, even in casual clothes. I am not a flashy dresser,and not because I don't think enough of myself to dress the way that some may think is attractive. Comfortable clothes with simple classic lines don't sit in my closet. I wear them in many combinations and seldom have to say that I have nothing to wear to an event.
The Fantasy Me buys colors that I won't ever wear, gold clothes that I can't match with anything and have to think hard about wearing or styles that I stopped wearing years ago. Clothes that sit in my closet are often clothes that I can imagine myself in, but clothing that does not fit the idea of simple, comfortable and classic.
Wow, thank you. This is so right on. I have dresses in my closet. I am totally uncomfortable in dresses, but my fantasy self is pretty and feminine etc. When I do try to wear a dress, I feel so self-conscious and awkward. Again thank you.
It's interesting how we shop and make decisions for our fantasy selves. I've been finding that on my minimalist journey when I've decluttered its allowed not only more physical space to be more free but also creates space for my authentic self to come out and shine. I think that sometimes we shame our true identities and replace them with these fantasy selves that we think would be more like-able. What I love about your videos are how much they open my mind to these explorations. I've actually started to write more poetry after a long dormant period of time. Thank you. Stay true to you :D
This is so true. I went through a phase of wanting to wear bowties. I went out and purchased all kinds of really nice styles but they all sat in my closet. Never wore one.
I wish I had heard this term days ago. My fantasy self was one who was good at everything from baking to parties to art. Just yesterday I did an object lesson in which I gave items I bought for my fantasy self to people who are actually good at those things.
You know, having a conversation like this with yourself can be tough at times, because in the back of our head we still might feel like it’s something we’ll pick up and do one day. It definitely requires honesty on our part to break up with our fantasy selves. Keep growing Laurie!
Just found your channel. You have something unique and I know damn sure you're gonna blow up. Keep up the good work man.
I definitely appreciate the love and support Jimmy! Thank you!
"Make room in your life for the real version of you to shine through" - thank you Ronald for such a clear and powerful message!
You’re very welcome! I’m happy that your enjoyed this conversation. Keep growing and learning on your journey!
Great points. My fantasy self is moving out and I'm sending all her things with her.
Just found your channel. Decluttering your head before you declutter your home/ life - this wasn't how I practiced minimalism, because you see I thought it was the other way around. You got rid of stuff to have a clearer head - that's what I've been trying to do for the past two years. I've just realised how much I've burdened myself with the image I've striven to project and how much I've wanted to have a better social life only because I've seen my friends and colleagues wanting the same - that part about throwing parties but really only wanting be alone, that's really me. This really resonated with me. Thank you for posting - I liked your no-airs style of presenting your thoughts.
That is a very important topic, I am beginning this journey, and I have a lot of cooking supplies, my fantasy self is cooking, entertaining, but I am a working mom, don’t have time or energy to cook.
I only make meals that require a half hr of my time, small appliances help me do that.
My fantasy self has essentially a lot more time than I have. She is still at university and does not have children. She works but only a few hours a week. So she is a gamer, learns languages, volunteers and watches DVDs in the evening. She reads a lot as well and still has time for knitting and DIY-projects. I was that person four years ago. At the current stage of my journey I already decluttered things I never used. Now I am struggling to let go of former hobbies and to decide what I realistically will be doing the next years. My strategy is: can I visualize me with my old Game Boy? Can I visualize me finishing a certain project?
At the begin of my journey my fantasy self loved to wear earrings everyday, whereas I bleed after an hour of wearing them. She wore a lot of scarves and teached herself to play the flute and the guitar.
Man.. you are so deep. Speechless! Thank you. RUclips recommended your video. Universe conspiring. I needed this today.
I look back at my real self from my 20-something years. That was when I had no money to indulge any fantasy of proving to the world that I wasn't that girl from the poor side of the tracks. As I grew up and started earning money is when I started becoming the Fantasy Me. I was going to have it all and look the part. I am now in my 60's and am returning to the real me. I do not need validation, approval, and envy-of-me from the rest of the world. It is very freeing. I have downsized my home, gotten rid of tons of items that were for the fantasy me, and really learned that simplicity is so much more peaceful. Thank you for your discussions.
"Breaking up with yourself" is one of the most profound things I have heard in terms of self improvement. Thanks. Perfect timing for such a succinct statement.
I saw the title of this video and ive never clicked something so fast in my life. I already knew this was going to be some real shit.
I used to always fix my two bedroom up for entertaining. I don't even like entertaining. I don't like large spaces. My favorite place was my studio apt that was quiet and cozy.
Omg! I need to breakup with my fantasy self! I feel like I’m living a lie and it’s exhausting. I need to love the real me
Thanks for the video
Wow,
What an outstanding perspective!!! Especially in the days of social media, where many people “stage”, inauthentic lives and experiences, just for photo opportunities, and validation from people you don’t even know.
Very insightful 👍🏾
Hey I’m really glad you enjoyed this video! You’re absolutely right, there is a lot of inauthenticity and we have to snap back and be honest with ourselves! Keep growing on your journey
This is one intelligent guy. Thank you.
You're awesome, dude. I love listening to you speak. New subscriber.
I can relate. But to get the guts to do this we have to have good supportive people around us. I do now and finally my silky and more cgildish/goofy real self can really come out without fear. Everybody deserves to experience that level of acceptance
You’re absolutely right! You should always be happy with yourself and not afraid to be who you are. I love that you’re being you without fear! That’s the goal and that’s awesome!
My fantasy self was a fearful, anxious, unsatisfied, joyless human. I said/say goodbye (still...everyday) to that fantasy self. I brought material items into my life to bolster and buffer myself from this fantasy... this perception... this concept of who I was. The thrill for me now is the daily healing that takes place when I simply realize the tendency I have to create fantasy and concepts and perception of self. You don’t have to master saying goodbye to this fantasy self to start feeling the relief. The awareness you do this to yourself is all that is necessary. Awareness of it is what brings in the space... the mental space becomes the catalyst and you begin to want to collect more space. This is where you start! The physical things you once desired fall away and before you know it the power they held is gone. Space becomes sacred and you begin to treat it with intention and honor. Minimalism is not deprivation... it’s about being able to meet oneself in an uncluttered mind/ space or physical space and not wanting to run screaming from yourself. Remove the barriers that keep you from you...❤️ this channel is a fantastic place to jumpstart your journey or tuneup the one you are already on. Thank you!!!🌈
Love the vídeo e and you have great voice for vídeos. I lived all my life into fantasy selfs! ha
Thank you Marcia, I’m glad you liked the video. I think we’ve all lived our lives as our fantasy self at some point. It’s time to adjust that though
Too true. Marketing plays into this psychological manifestation of the "fantasy self" in a major way as well. They exploit your insecurities and one's desire to both belong & stand out in society, establishing our position in the social order. Oh what a tangled web wr weave for ourselves.
Gooooood stuff! It’s awesome to have someone who is able to see past the stuff to the actual you - as it is, we are always growing in relation to others and having someone who will stick with you through that is invaluable.
The fantasy self is so alluring, especially in this age when we can simply buy identities for ourselves; but it completely undermines one’s ability to find and develop a real self and conduct life in a meaningful and genuine way. Many Peters has a good series on “Cultivated Identities” which is tangentially related to the idea of the fantasy self, definitely recommend giving that a watch.
For me, one silly fantasy self I held onto was being a swimmer. In school, I was a strong swimmer and won school carnivals. But I never actually liked it that much, but because I was okay at it and everyone else said so, I just took it on board. It was only a few months ago - nearly two decades later!- when I went to the local pool for some hydrotherapy that I thought, I haven’t swum in years! I don’t even like this! So out went the several pairs of bathers, goggles, snorkels, flippers, swim bags, and it felt so good to be done with that false self!
Love your story, I’m happy that you were able to let go of those things and that fantasy version of you. Feels good to find the real you! I’m going through that transition now!
I’ll definitely check out that series! Thanks you!
After relocating for her high earning, closet alcoholic financier husband’s career (and taking early retirement from a soul fulfilling/low paying job in public service), my fantasy self lived in a 5000 sq foot home in a gated community (6 bathrooms, 7 toilets🤦♀️, 5 fireplaces in hot Texas🤦♀️). The perfect executive show home. Other than volunteering and working out at the gym, my interactions with people were limited. One day I realized that my “friends” were women who worked at the med spa, the young girl at the nail salon, my hair stylist and my trainer. From the outside it looked like I had it all, but on the inside I felt miserable. Forward to today, I live in a average sized house in AZ, volunteer with a refugee resettlement agency, teach ESL at a Head Start school and enjoy every moment. I still have my fancy roadster but I also have a 2000 Grand Marquis that I use 90% of the time to deliver donated items (arrigato, Mari Kondo) to families in need and drive people around. I feel blessed and don’t miss anything from that fantasy life. Thank you for your great videos. New Subbie. Peace✌🏻
I really appreciate that. It explains the perspective of the ego.
Yes it does! I’m happy you drew that connection. Keep growing on your journey!
I had to come back to this video to get a reality check. Fantasy self means a fake self right? That's what I'm striving to stay is being an outgoing, productive, and positive person. If someone has a problem with me being true to myself, then that's their problem and not mine. I often refer back to your videos to keep it real lol. Peace.
I’m definitely glad that I can help you out through your journey Patricia! Keep growing!!
Fantasy crafty person....6 decades of craft supplies cluttering up the spare bedroom. Not me, my fantasy self is a scrapbooker and an ultra marathon runner. Gave the scrap book stuff away & when my old arthritic knee straightens out I'll start
" walking " more. 😜🤣
So glad RUclips put you on my home page ❤ Your channel is amazing!!
Thank you Christina! I’m glad you’re enjoying my content!
I had never thought of my fantasy self. You have just given me food for thought. Thank you!
Another good one!!!! I feel like I have been living a fantasy life with my fantasy self at times. Thank you for this!!!
Two minutes into the video and I feel like you already know me
What a genius Idea😍 now I have the best compass to navigate while sorting things/ emotions/ expectations out👌 Each time you bring us to a higher level of understanding🙏💕 thanks for sharing
This is awesome Elif! I’m so glad that you’re finding my videos helpful. I love it. Keep growing!
ok just noticing this... no bed pillows? that IS minimalist!
Wow...this really spoke to me. Thanks Ron.
I just watched another video where you spoke about a fantasy self. I can't believe I've never heard of this before. Thank you....thank you....thank you... I think It is one reason I hold on to many things. I've never heard of it put this way before.
I really liked this video man.
"Fantasy self." Very succinct, sir!
Fantasy self = debt & stress. If only we can overcome our worldly possessions.
This video is very helpful for me. Clothes is my fantasy self. I've gone through so many clothing phases.
My fantasy self mostly seems to be a dialed up version of my real self. My fantasy goes All Out & is the extreme of any interest or characteristic. My true self allows for nuance & is overall more chill & less performative . Cheers to moderation.
Glad you popped into my feed, one of the times I feel like the algorithms actually know me. This was helpful to me. I've been really focused on my fantasy self and my future, and this has made me take a step back and reevaluate my values and goals. Thank you.
I've been talking about this with family for a long time and it was great to hear your presentation of it. When I talk about it, I frame it as living "in the future". So much attention is paid to living or being "stuck in the past" but being stuck in the future is actually much worse. It's why my dad is a hoarder...he might need xyz someday. It's why he has a totally rotted out car in his side yard...his geriatric self is going to fix it up someday. It's why people keep clothes that don't fit...they are gonna fit someday. A lot of times people think this fantasy self is going to be their future self. It's time to get real. Nice video.
Really good. Recently got rid of all my luxury goods for this reason. I still live at home and can barely afford to move out yet projected this rich lifestyle. Working on myself now though.
My fantasy self - buying fancy/party clothes but I only go to party 2-3x a year that was pre-covid. I am still holding on a few of my “fantasy me clothes” but let go a lot of it. Few more to go! Thank you Ronald!
Binge watching you now. You are so spot on. Do you offer coaching classes?
I never heard of this fantasy self before. Super powerful revelation! Thank you!
You’re welcome Lennielion! Keep growing on your journey!
This is exactly the content/topic I’ve been looking for. Thank you so much for this!
I’m glad this reached you Teresa! If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask. Keep growing on your journey!
About 15 years ago I scrapbooked for years. I haven’t picked up anything for 10 years but still have all my scrapbook tools and paper. In theory I want to pick up this hobby again. But will I? .....
Fantasy self AKA highest version of myself . This term has been going on around for as long as i remember on tiktok and yt mostly female self help vids. Now im not bashing them but they always said that in order to become your fantasy self "THINK WHAT WOULD MY HIGHEST VERSION OF ME DO?" And act accordingly. It may have worked for other people but for me it was still very hard to just suddenly act as my highestself/fantasyself and consistently show up as her... it was genuinely uncomfortable. Its not as easy in real life to just start acting like your fantasy self. So def this video was alot more realistic and made sense. That we can only take some chunks of our fantasy self and incorporate in our lives. But we should first accept ourselves truly.
You made me realise this that there is nothing wrong with me, the way i feel or the way i think. But actually the way they tell the whole big picture about reinventing and upgrading but not telling that all of this will just drift you away far from the reality.
Very good topic to discuss as the fantasy self is a huge part of why we buy and acquire items. I caught myself recently thinking what I need to fulfill my life and realize why would I need this? What am I trying to prove to people? If it doesn’t truly bring you happiness then it doesn’t need to be acquired. So thank you for this video sir!
This so dope man! Inspired 💯
I believe it is all about living the best life for you. We should all be focusing on making ourselves happy.
I feel so very fortunate and blessed because i lived the better part of my life loving me for me. I have a saying that I may be alone but I am never lonely or bored, because I have self love and I will always have me , myself and I.
I love that saying Jen!
Man, I hope you see this comment. I watch a ton to RUclips to learn things about my business and some various other topics. This is such a great topic, the world needs to hear this in your words. Your perspective can change lives.
Amazing content man! Loving your vids and I’m marathoning them all😂❤️
I really appreciate the love and support Charles! Thank you man!!
Lovely genuine guy x
but what about when you're so supressed by yourself that you cant even know what is a projection and whats is truly you? and when you're into so many different styles... That is a big difficulty for me: represent myself through stuff (clothes and practices). there is so many possibilities it seens kinda crazy to say that a clothe represents me... and then select it.
resonate
I needed this. You're amazing. You should write a book.
Nice veins! Phlebotomist here! 😊
Stop digging into my soul bro lol. But thx
This was so good oh, I had to see it twice through. Thank you so much, Sir 🙏
I'm really glad you enjoyed this Toni!
@@RonaldLBanks 🙏🙂
I really love this video im sending you love all the way from perth, in Australia Thank you for making it and sharing with me.
Shoutout to Australia! And I’m glad you’re enjoying my content. Keep growing on your journey!
I could’ve used this advice 40 years ago lol. Nevertheless, good advice and insight stands the test of time.
This really hit home! 🙌🏾🙌🏾
Hey that makes me happy Dwayne! I’m glad it resonated with you. Keep growing and learning on your journey!
We all like or love or are comfortable with our cultivated or borrowed image than our real self. Thanks a lot for this topic. Keep up the good work going.
I’m glad you enjoyed this video Shanti! And thank you!
dope video bro
A feast for the mind. This will keep me busy for awhile, but what a great exercise! Thanks again for a great video.
Amen
New subscriber. Loving your content.
I love that you’re loving it Kay! Keep growing on your journey!
1.25 secs in I was laughing... cos this is so me... Really resonates, but I'm getting to like being the real me. I dont buy rubbish clothes tho...I know my Style🤣. The only items I'm holding on to is my SHOE collection...(heels). I can't I just cant let them go.
Little did I know that all I did was just to satisfy my fantasy self. Thanks for this, at least I now know where the root of the problem is ...
When you look at things this way it really makes you think Carol! I’m excited for you, keep growing on your journey!
Wow! What a powerful message. I am happy that I found your channel. Your approach is practical but includes things that are forgotten in other minimalist videos. A lot of videos do not tackle the emotional or human side of minimalism. Thank you! I have subscribed and am sharing your message with others.
Thank you
Any other Persona 4 fans get triggered when he said "It wasn't me"? I was like noooo! Now we have to fight a boss! Lol. There's a surprising amount of parallels to that game in this conversation.
Great video!!
Good stuff👍
I resonate with this concept extremely! Hence my name. Thank you for articulating this beautifully!
it's hard to set limits on what you ARE. because we change... and sometimes wanting to act different is a good thing. How can we separate ideals that put us in great movement from ideals that hold us on a fantasy?? because changing isn't always confortable, even for good. It makes me so confused hahah
Found your channel yesterday...easily got rid of so much stuff today. Thank you!
My fantasy self is someone who actually knows what she wants. She is smart and tough. A real leader who cares for her friends. She's brave... 😰 I don't know if I can do this. I'll try.. 😩😪
Great content, definitely thoughts provoking. But how to decide if something is just part of your fantasy self or a thing outside your comfort zone (that would help you grow) that it's hard to reach/cultivate because of fear or procrastination?
My fantasy self is the cool girl that plays videogames. I mean, I really like some old games like Super Mario or Bomberman, but I just don't like videogames in general. I even made my husband believe in my fantasy self, but lately he's been asking me a lot to play videogames with him and I always have a different excuse to not do it. Then I realized: if I really liked it, I would just sit down and play with him. If I never wanna do it, it's just because I don't like it! Now I'm trying to accept that fact. My real self is not a videogame person, and that's okay.
Advertisements fuel our fantasy selves. Ignore and turn them off.
I needed to see this at this particular moment. I'm transitioning in many areas of my life and your video posed a question I never thought of. What is my fantasy self? I have no idea at the moment but I look forward to finding out. Thank you!
Wow this video was a reality check for me thank you
Adoro os seus vídeos 🙂 i love your vídeos 🙂
Very good vid. Thanks. There's someone I know who needs to see this.
Ok so I'm a new subscriber! Love your channel. I am a declutteter/ organizer. This will help so much 🙋💕
Welcome to the channel Alli, I’m happy to have you apart of the community. Keep growing on your journey and if you have any questions, just ask!
How o i even separate my "fantasy self" from the things I have as a goal?