OMG! I loved this video. A wise woman once said to me " you can't buy the person you want to be, you have to act the person you want to be " that wise woman was my Mum who passed away 3 years ago. She gave loads of great advice and that piece was one of the best
I make “fantasy self” purchases a lot, I realize. For instance, I imagined myself to be a person who gets up and has an espresso in the morning. So, I finally bought a Nespresso machine and I do have an espresso now each morning. But! My fantasy experience wasn’t complete until I also got little espresso cups, too. Espresso in a regular coffee mug was not the fantasy. My husband says I always need to accessorize my experiences, which, I can’t argue with that.
I identify with this sentiment. For instance, carving out special journaling time wasn't completely realized until I had a beautiful journal, hot tea in a whimsical mug, and my specific vanilla writing candle to go with it.
Last weekend I decided I wanted to be my fantasy self. To work on that this week, I have done my nails and been wearing my beloved jewellery that I've owned for many years but never wore day to day because I never believed my aesthetic or style meant I could 'pull off' that particular jewellery. I have experiences wavering confidence of my choices, practical barriers and felt a lot of fulfillment and joy. It seems so silly that sticking on some fake nails and wearing some rings has had this affect but it truly feels like the start of something new for me. Even my partner remarked they were so glad to see I was working on my aesthetic in this was
Oops hit go before I'd finished. But to conclude, it has taken a certain amount of effort to build up to this point and continues to be an effort to be my fantasy self, it has literally taken years to build up to wearing some jewellery that I like. This video really resonated with me and feels like it's come at a very particular and important time to articulate my experience right now, thank you Hannah x
This is going to stick with me for awhile. I was mindlessly browsing and adding makeup to cart on the Lisa Eldridge site as I want to be a person with flawless skin who always looks polished and put together. I already have 4 Lisa Eldridge lipsticks I bought years ago that I never wear. I have so many lipsticks I never wear. I have aborted my No Buy Year each month. I am hoping this video helps me recommit and really think about why the putting things into baskets is happening and who I really am and want to be. Thank you so much for this video--for all of your videos.
Thank you for continuing to generously share the fruits of your curiosity and inquisitiveness. Your mind and voice are the grounding forces that my fantasy self needs! xo
On the difference between good and bad fantasy, I think it’s also about where these fantasies come from. Is your fantasy something that was given to you (from norms, from family expectations, from fear of not keeping up)? Or is your fantasy rooted in curiosity and inspiration and self-determination?
Halfway through this video I felt compelled to put on the bold red lipstick that I bought last summer and never wear🙃 Another HLP banger/reference video to rewatch time and again. I plan to come back and take notes next time. Absolutely yes to a part two! Thank you Hannah!
Thank you so much for your nouanced thoughts on this matter! Normally I struggle with finishing projects and changing my habits but for the last 4 months I am the person who cooks healthy and delitcious meals on a daily basis and I was wondering why of all my goals, this is the one I succeed in. And it boils down to: I act on it. It started with getting THAT perfect cook book for Christmas. But I followed all the way through. It is a combination of working on my cooking skills so everything tastes better, buying healthier ingredients, the realisation that I feel better when I eat healthy and making cooking a priority in my evening planning. It required a lot of changes in different areas of my life.
You hit the nail on the head. Advertising is VERY good at appealing to our fantasy selves. I love the idea of being intentional behind each purchase we make and really thinking about how it fits in with our real selves vs. our fantasy selves.
This made me realise that I’ve had a similar experience with buying online courses to change my life. And a course can be even more insidious than a physical item- because you can actually listen/ go through the whole course just ‘passively’ listening and because you spend your time watching it, comfy in your chair, you FEEL like you have gone on a journey. In the same way, studies show that people watching sport experience much of the rise in heart rate and other sensations that they would if they were playing the sport, rather than sitting and snacking! So you can end up with a false sense of achievement ( and a reduced bank balance!) that can be very depressing in the long run. Don’t get me wrong, I have definitely benefited from some courses I’ve taken, but many I’ve just let wash over me, with the happy illusion that I’ve magically become my fantasy self, I’m actually taking action, just by buying the course!
I totally did pick up my cello after ten years without, and then joined a community orchestra and have been playing for 6 years since. Granted, I never got rid of the cello so it was not complicated
Loved this video. Your articulation brings so much light to all the complexities lurking beneath the surface. This video made me think of the quote 'all that's real has been imagined first', but you are so right in that imagination is just not enough.
Someone online posted that she was convinced that buying the materials for a craft, and actually doing the craft, are two separate hobbies. I think about that all the time, and I will be thinking about Hannah saying you can’t buy yourself into being the person you want to be all the time, too. (I will also be purging those seven red lipsticks. 😂)
I LOVE fostering my "fantasy self". Most of my fantasy self isn't that difficult to achieve though. She's curious and actively explores the world around her. And that's entirely achievable. So, I hang on to my sports bras, wool socks, and other "play clothes" more suitable for scrambling up muddy ravines and climbing trees than going to a wine tasting. I'm ok with my "fantasy self". She's cool.
Hannah, please keep making content on these more philosophical topics of your interests. You have a gift of articulating complex and nuanced ideas and I adore this angle of you.
Yes, so interesting. I'm always blown away with the energy released from both embracing the inspiration to act on aspiration AND from letting go of the idea of something that is more about (self or others) perception. Looking forward to a part two!
This was such a thoughtful breakdown; it's not a new idea, it's really the same essential idea at the core of Marie Kondo's book, but the way you broke the question down into two concrete, separate ideas was clarifying―I think a lot of discourse around this topic either a) labels all aspirations a lie (as you showed) or b) asks a murky "Is this truly who you are/ want to be" and that is easy to say yes to, but asking separate questions about *what you want* and *what you're actually willing to DO* gives you much clearer insight into your own mind
I very much enjoyed this video, Hannah. You come from such a balanced and nuanced place, which can be rare to find. I started to take action on fulfilling my fantasy self a few months ago. It was a little nerve wracking at first, but it feels like the “real” me at this point. I’ve also let go of my fantasy self that wears bright and interesting colors. I’ve experimented and it just wasn’t me. I love neutrals, especially black. Please keep making your philosophically-minded content. ❤
This was the best video I've watched on this topic! Another aspect of the fantasy self is to be very honest with ourselves when things no longer align. For example, are you forcing yourself to take up playing the cello because you used to play it and the idea of you spending all that time learning the cello, and the identity of being a cellist is scary to let go of? As a multi-passionate creative it was so hard to let go of a lot of the interests I once had. We are taught to pick a path and to pursue things that we could turn into a career, or at least a lifelong passion. Changing our minds, and changing course can be seen as "flaky" by many, but it's so important to also let go of our former identities, as well as the fantasy selves which we try to achieve through consumption. Once we have done that we have more space to pursue the things we actually want to pursue.
This was a really deep and insightful video. And the comments are just as good. It’s the difference between being IN your life vs observing an IDEA of an imagined life. The real thing is always better, and in the real life, the stuff is only incidental or a tool along the way - not the destination.
What an Absolutely fantastic video! Believe it or not you have clarified so much for me about my buying habits. I have absolutely been one of those who believed that if I bought something, then the purchase, alone, will change my life. And I’ve never quite understood where the disconnect was in myself. Thank you so much
This may be my favorite video you have made. I came in expecting something light-hearted to lift the spirits, but you provided a serious TedTalk / Lifecoach moment. Thank you. I truly enjoyed your insight into the benefits of an actionable fantasy self. I will definitely be thinking about potential actions to implement for my future self!
I think your analysis is spot on and I find your suggested questions very helpful. I am, finally, working towards my fantasy of doing more home-cooking and part of that involved decluttering my kitchen so that now I only have the pots and pans I actually use.
I really enjoyed this video it's given me an opportunity to reflect on which fantasy self things I've actually fulfilled and which ones I haven't and ought to declutter (such as the fountain pens that I was hoping to learn calligraphy with lol.)
I’ve never heard of the term “fantasy self”, but I recognize her from ur description. That heavy guilt that I carry because I haven’t followed through on what I thought was going to change my life. I would love to see a part 2, and I will try and clock Ms. Fantasy b4 she strikes. Thank you!
To start going that aspirational self, something that has worked for me (currently motivated by the wants of managing better my finances) is to get it started / going before purchasing anything. Example #1: I wanted to make my own coffee everyday instead of buying it. An expresso machine sounded very tempting for making that a reality, but I decided to start making coffee with the things I had and actually got into the habit. Now I dont even feel like i need the expresso machine and im good with that. Example #2: I wanted to be more active (like ive decided a thousand times before) and went with running several days a week. I heard about some super good shoes for running so obviously I wanted them, but I waited until I proved myself I was being consistent with my running. After dedicating some weeks to running I realized the new shoes would help me so i bought them and i have continued to run. My point: most of the times we can achieve that aspirational selves with the rhings we already own. And if you get to do that, then you can think of investing in that aspirational self.
I am currently in a really awful living situation, to the point where I had stopped dreaming (having a fantasy self). I've stopped buying cute homewares, or even clothing that I would put to use. I know understand that I have actually reached a point where I simply dream of stable housing so I can actualize my fantasy self, so I can explore what may be real for me. wish me luck, folks
I started watching this video hours ago and the. You said go to this linked video and I went on a Hannah train ride and watched a series of your order videos and learned so much. Thank you!
"You cannot change yourself by buying stuff, and you cannot change your life by buying stuff" I don't really care about beauty products but these talks about consumerism and self improvement are spectacular
I love this video. I’ve never subscribed to the idea that an aspirational self is necessarily a bad thing, and you voiced the nuanced arguments I wasn’t able to articulate before 🙌
I love this thoughtful video. I was thinking that my aspirational self and fantasy self are different-- my aspirational self who wants to be a better person vs my fantasy self who wears heels and dresses like a someone who doesn't live my actual life-- but your definition with the part about *action* was really thought provoking. It's so related to the idea of buying happiness. Thank you for your unique content
I think you are so right that the fantasy self can be a useful tool. Don't throw the visualization baby out with the bathwater of overspending/consumption! Visualization can be a huge part of creating new habits. In the last two years I have created good eating habits that allowed me to lose substantial weight and keep it off, after spending decades doing lots of diets, exercise regimes etc. that saw short term progress and long term failure because they were too inflexible or demanding to be realistic. What worked was creating a habit of assessing the amount of carbs I eat, every single day and making small adjustments throughout the day to accommodate my every day life. Like creating a spending budget, but for carbs. Those self-discipline muscles I strengthened in my no buy year and my year of budgeting gave me confidence to know that if I was consistent I would make slow, steady progress. In the beginning I actually kept a spreadsheet every day, like I did for budgeting for makeup etc. After a while I felt comfortable letting go of the spreadsheet and just making a mental tally in my head. My fantasy self helped with motivation as well. I imagined myself wearing all my lovely vintage clothes that I had grown out of. I had a pair of goal jeans that I tried on occasionally, visualizing what it would be like to wear them again until it happened in reality. All those years of buying diet books and supplements, paying for new exercise equipment and gym memberships that I didn't use were me trying to buy my way to my fantasy self. It just doesn't work like that. In the end, what worked was 100% free and available with very little disruption to my actual life.
This is the first time I've felt compelled to leave a comment on your channel. PERFECT content, unique, and I didn't even know I needed and wanted to hear this.
When I retired, it was so freeing to let go of the beautiful office clothes I had bought over the years. Yes, I held on to a couple but most I thought could be donated to someone entering or still in the workforce to enjoy! So freeing in every way!
I like to think of the 30 day trials. You do something all in for 30 days. At the end, you should have a pretty good idea of whether something works for you or not. I hate the idea of immediately getting rid of fantasy self stuff because more than likely, you never tried out being that fantasy self. I also think it's way easier getting rid of the stuff when you've tried it and know it's not for you.
Great video! Thank you! Do you have any ideas how to make yourself to want smth you actually have to do but have no desire of doing this? For example I should read books to my kids every day but I'm not into reading at all. Yes I have a plan, good books and dedicated time for reading stories yet when It's time to read I can easily forget or purposefully skip this activity for another. And of course I feel guilty every time when I'm not consistent with reading daily. But as a mom I can't 'declutter' this task from my to do list 😢 Any suggestions?
Almost a year ago I started learning how to skateboard. It’s something I’ve always been too scared to do. Breaking thru that is something that I still continue to do. I’m not very good. It doesn’t matter. I’m so much happier than I was a year ago.
This happens so often with people whose homes are massively disorganized - they rush out and buy lots of boxes, bins, etc, throw them in the junk room and hope it will magically declutter and organize itself.
This is very useful. I have sent it on to some pals of mine. I like fantasy Selves but aligning them is like organizing an Army. I think some of the Selves belong in little boxes and some in big boxes and some all over the life. ... I will rewatch this video. Part two would be welcome! Thank you! 🐈🦄🐺🐩🐱🦌🐖From my Zoo of Selves!
needed this video!!! this just inspired me to donate a stack of design books ive been meaning to read to make myself a "better designer" but ive also been sitting on them for years so like if i am gonna get better at designing... its not gonna be thru books lol.
Don’t have much to add to any of the amazing words that you and all the commentators have written- but goddamn if I can’t try help the algorithm make this video reach people with a comment. ❤
It’s funny you used the example of red lipstick because I’m literally in the process of wearing red lipstick every now and then to get used to myself in red lipstick. Lol
My fantasy self is a mermaid so I dropped $800 on a swimmable mermaid tail... I won't get the tail in time to swim in it. I'm going to sit in the tub with it on till summer comes back haha
I’ve also found that sometimes when you do become your “fantasy self” the desire for the material possessions you had associated with it vanish. When I wanted to get in shape and first began my fitness journey, I dreamed of all the expensive athleisure I’d finally be able to justify purchasing. Now, I regularly work out and am happy in the same two pairs of leggings and sports bras. Doing the thing will always be more gratifying than having the thing.
For me, a treacherous part of the fantasy self lies in fantasies about how other people will perceive me. To use your example, do I want to be the kind of person who wears a staple red lip because I love the way it looks and makes me feel? Or do I want it because I love the idea of being perceived by others as classy and sophisticated? I think my fantasy self purchases tend to work out better when they're focussed around my own pleasure and confidence, rather than wanting to be liked or admired. Even when I would end up wearing that chic blouse to be mysterious at a party it would rarely by truly satisfying, because the fantasy was never really about my own pleasure/joy to begin with. And then the blouse ends up in the back of my closet. Great video, I love seeing you discus these kinds of topics.
I relate to this so much! I have a lot of different tastes and interests, and I am a musician that makes alternative music. So sometimes, I think I have struggles between who i want to be, what I want to look like vs how people will perceive me. It's not really that I care so much if they like me or my image. I never really know how to explain it. I just fear that the image people have of me and who I actually am would be disconnected if it makes sense.
Wow, this was a fascinating concept. While you were talking, it made me think about if I should declutter a bunch of clothes that no longer fit that I have been hoping i will be able to wear again someday and have been dragging around after me through 11 moves. I asked myself would I really want to wear 30-year-old clothes if they did fit again, and it made me realize it wasn't the clothes that I wanted to keep so much, but that being able to wear them again someday would erase the "mistake" of gaining more weight that i wanted to and all the decades of being overweight that resulted. I could do the work to lose weight, but I wouldn't necessarily want those old out of date clothes worn by a much younger self when I can get new clothes that fit me and who I am now, instead of using old clothes to recapture a lost past.
But I have to add - I did save 3 or 4 boxes of classic clothes after I put on 25 lbs. I put them away in boxes labeled "off size". I didn't want to torture myself by labeling them "too small." After several years, I lost the weight eventually, unpacked the boxes, and kept about half the clothes. I wore the tailored navy velvet blazer several times over the holidays, wore the fushia pink (currently-on trend color) silk blazer last weekend. It was thrilling! So, if you have any timeless items that are too small, keep a hand-picked few of those clothes, and put them in a box somewhere that is not in your face. You never know!
@@bellebb8673 yes! i had gained 100 lbs and wallowed in it for several years. i lost all of the weight and am back to my original one, but i decluttered most of my old clothes, and now i am struggling to find new pieces that i love (i abhor clothes shopping) when my old pieces would be wonderful. congratulations to you, and best of luck to OP, you CAN do this. you don’t have to, but you can.
This is a great point. To add into it, sometimes I want a piece of clothing, but it's too small for me right now. So, I have to remind myself to not shop for the self that I will be when I slim down, but for who I am now. And, that saves me money, too.
@@mus1quenonst0p Congratulations! How wonderful! I recommend ebay and Poshmark for replacing your wardrobe. You can search by brand names that you know the sizing, and find many classic second-hand pieces at a fraction of the cost.
This is exactly the type of content I needed to catalyse me actually making moves to let go of items I have decluttered instead of keeping them in storage in another room
Love this topic. I recently gave all of my scrapbooking and painting supplies to my niece so she and her college roommates can get good use of them. For years I hung onto them due to money invested and hope that I would find the time and inspiration to use them. What a relief to let them go. Niece and roommates are using the heck out of them.
Independent of my love for this channel, I too aspire to be a woman who meditates every morning in an editorial sweater. And it’s going great ✨ AND I decluttered 12 garbage bags of clothes this week 💪
I have such a hard time balancing the line between being happy in the moment and aspiring for more. I agree that it's not inherently problematic to want to be better versions of ourselves, but it's not always beneficial to be living outside of the present. It's an interesting topic and there are solid arguments either way. I loved hearing your thoughts on this!
Yes! You can balance the “fantasy” by having your aspirations be grounded in the present - what can I do today that will bring me closer to my dream? This week? This month? Within this year? Take action, assess, and advance!
I love most of what you've had to say here, especially about being intentional with your aspirations and that you need to put in the work for dreams to come true & I appreciate that you discussed it taking time and happening over time. Buying 10 chunky knits all in one season isn't the best way to become "The sweater girl" or jumping in head first into meditating and thinking it'll be easy to carve out an hour every day. But I think its support important to be cognizant of what you're decluttering and ask yourself, "am I *never* going to do this again/use this again/get around to using this" or "is this part of me just on hiatus and I have ever intention of circling back/this item is serving as my goal post as I take steps towards attaining that goal. It is my visual reminder." The difference is super important and knowing the difference can really help prevent massive financial f'ups that lead to wasted money on rebuying items you used to own. This applies to kitchen stuff, hobby stuff, instruments, books, clothes, hair stuff... the list goes on. I haven't used my kitchen aid stand mixer in well over a year because I've been battling a lot of health issues. It sits on my counter, in full view. It doesn't haunt me though. It's the finish line... to get back to the baking I love to do. Getting rid of it simply because I'm not using it right now would be an absolute financial f'up. Same with my sewing machine and fabric stash... embroidery supplies... spinning supplies. They're all hobbies I love and will circle back to when my body is cooperating better. It's honestly the same reason I have essentially 2 complete wardrobes. When I fit one, I don't fit the other and that's fine. I rather be comfortable in my clothes than them be too tight or too loose or have no clothes that fit at all at some points. My aunt managed to score a beautiful, antique piano when her kiddos were still on the young side... back in the 90s. It took her almost 20 years to be in a position to finally take lessons regularly (she was busy keeping up her vocals while raising a family of boys) but she knew in her heart of hearts, she wanted to. If they'd passed on that beautiful piano, they'd have had to mortgage the house to afford it when she started taking lessons. I'm also a big fan of packing away pieces (clothing, hair, jewelry) that might not currently be your thing but definitely were a favorite because its highly probable that you'll circle back to them and having to completely reinvest is again, a massive financial f'up. It is important to be judicious and I'm not encouraging hoarding... but you don't build financial stability by having to continually rebuy stuff because you purged it and ended up needing it again or wanting it back. Society has gotten super toxic about "decluttering" to the point that there are channels dedicated to decluttering already super minimal homes. It's so consumeristic... it's honestly worse than being aspirational with the things you buy.
This, a thousand times. But it's not even just financially wasteful, but psychologically thorny and potentially philosophically dishonest as well. If you're constantly funneling possessions in and out of your home via regular binging and purging to keep the core items low in number so you can feel like you're in control of those impulses and are seen to be 'doing' minimalism 'right', you're really not behaving in the spirit of the thing at all. It's all smoke and mirrors. You're still consuming, collecting, engaging in that overabundance-and-novelty fantasy before rejecting, rinsing, and repeating.
Thank you for this perspective. I've been through seasons of life and sometimes they are cyclical. I also come from the rural poor side of the tracks where we keep things and repurpose them, and it is wise to hang on to things to fix other things or reuse in some way!
A big YES to all of this. My problem has never been a disconnect between fantasy and action. It's a matter of competing priorities and too little time. E.g. I know I would use all my craft supplies if I wasn't forced to choose other priorities right now. Decluttering them would give me more space and make my home feel tidier, but it would make me extremely sad to be giving up on that part of myself. It wouldn't be a relief, it would be despair.
@@JulianneBenford exactly! And I think hobbies are often seasonal. I do encourage trying to schedule even 20min a week to being creative… in whatever form that takes. But yeah. Like, when I had to stop knitting and crocheting for a year to let an injury heal. Purging all my supplies would not only have been wasteful but also emotionally damaging, even though I wasn’t sure how intensely I’d return to those pursuits once healed. I’d found more creative outlets during that year. I’ve just folded them in.
I’m here for all of Hannah’s philosophical contents. She’s one of the deepest and eloquent but also super relatable and beautiful philosopher I’ve ever come across.
My fantasy self when I was 20 was to have crazy coloured hair and a tatts. I didn’t do either of those until I was at my 30s when I felt comfortable in make these hefty investments in my appearances. There was a peace and satisfaction that came with that.
@Jennifer I had an idea for the general design since I was 15 but finally filled it in with more objects I permanently like. I will say this though. Once you get the first one, it so easy to say yes to more impulsive ones.
An epiphany: every purchase brings a responsability. Not just towards environment, but mostly towards future oneself who will be stuck with it and will have to make use of it or feel guilty because of it. Excellent advise!
Two random thoughts for the potential follow-up video: 1. If you find that you don't want to do the actions to move towards the fantasy self, I think it's worth re-reflecting on what that fantasy self is or represents to you. Why it's there in the first place. For example, I have this weird fantasy of walking into my studio in the mornings with a cute cup of coffee and cute clothes to start my day. But I don't drink coffee and all my clothes get covered with paint or makeup or both 🤣 The fantasy really represents a feeling of regularity and purpose that I've been desperately missing since becominh an entrepreneur. I miss starting my day knowing exactly what I need to do and how to do it. I don't want to drink coffee 🤣. And that realization has led me down a more productive road. 2. I think letting go of a fantasy self involves a not-insignificant grief process, and I would love to see a discussion validating that process and some advice on how to be gentle with yourself through it.
I absolutely need a part 2, this has come at the most perfect time for me, I’ve tried no-buys, I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried handing over control of my bank account to someone else, but in the end the only thing that is going to work long-term is a complete attitude adjustment. Thank you ❤
I just had this conversation with my therapist. My fantasy self has a home and a catio and a beautiful garden in the yard, she cans and pickles veggies and sauces, she does a bunch of diy projects and practices yoga as the sun rises. We need to find happiness in the things we have and in the place we are in our lives. Or take action and make your fantasy reality ❤️
I'm 40. I ditched the notion of my "fantasy self" 10 years ago lol. Once you reach a certain point of yourself in life, you just know. I know what I like and want, what I'm interested in, and I invest in those things wisely.
I totally understand what you mean. I’m at that point at 30. The catalyst was becoming a mom. No time for fantasies 😂 just comfortable clothes that I like to wear, and nice but minimal makeup and hair routines.
@@laurielansue4131 yep, I'm approaching 40 and feel like a weird girl next to those of my age who look like grownup women having their shit together))
Also, I'm a former fashion girl, but always at heart an artist and reader. I deeply love your fashion content. It's such a fresh perspective, as you're coming from an artistic and intellectual space. Much beauty content is coming from a strictly "fashion" perspective which is heavily influenced by social hierarchies that shift/wax/wane. I love your perspective, it's deeply refreshing!
This was so thought provoking! The only thing I would add is ~ What about those of us who want the Fantasy Self, (and it is possible), but there is something standing in our way from accomplishing our full realization right now. Like, perhaps we are in an abusive relationship or in a toxic family… or have to pay the bills… or are a caregiver, have a medical issue… some obstacles that must be overcome first or won’t be a problem in the future? I think in that case, having the objects (without necessarily acting on them in a noticeable way) can still serve to motivate, inspire, improve or preserve mental health & feelings of hope. 💛
I think I understand what are you saying and I guess I've been there. Where the problem laid for me was when I was buying more than one proverbial red lipstick - because if I'm not acting on it, one piece gotta be enough to represent my fantasy self)
I wonder how neurodivergence and a struggle with executive function play into this topic, too! Prepping to start vs. starting tasks is a struggle I have in my life broadly.
I think the take home here is the practice should precede the purchase. In almost every case, except for maybe your red lipstick example, you have at least some tools to facilitate the new habit of your fantasy self, be it meditating, cooking yourself breakfast, exercising, etc. Buying new cookware or workout clothes or a fancy meditation pillow after you’ve already started doing the thing is then no longer buying for your fantasy self, it is buying something for your present self to improve your experience. You may also find that once you’ve implemented a practice, you don’t really need or want to buy new things that you once thought would motivate you to change.
This is totally true. Like... When I finally wanted to start drawing again, I bought myself a sketchbook & some graphite pencils. I told myself that when I practice for a month straight, I'll reward myself w/ some Prismacolor pencils, to enhance my experience & incentivise myself. I kind of... Ignored drawing for a couple months, because life happened. I felt bad for spending $80 on my "fantasy self" of being artistic... But when I got back to drawing regularly, after life cleared up? I'm so glad I had those coloured pencils! And I'm so glad I had that new sketchbook. But I'm equally glad that I didn't go 100% all-in from the start or use the excuse to reward myself w/ WAY MORE SUPPLIES. I needed a few items to act upon my fantasy, but I didn't need much. And I feel very glad that I didn't splash out excessively, even tho I did benefit from a bit of incentive.
Excellent addition. It's also a good opportunity to find out whether the $50 you had set aside for yoga tools would be better spent on a nice yoga mat and blocks or on some physical classes or on good yoga pants or etc... you know more exactly what you'd benefit from once you've started doing the thing. But yeah, purchasing something is an endpoint, it's not a starting point to an activity. Finding the starting point to your activity is a whole different gateway.
When I heard the phrase "decluttering the fantasy self" the first thing that popped in my head was actually a sort of decluttering of the mind like you describe towards the end of the video - a process that's not about stuff but more about seeking a clarity of desire - what fantasies are important enough to act on and which were thinks that your thought looked appealing on instagram but can really just stop devoting mental space to - once those decisions have been made decisions about stuff become much less fraught - and you can often start taking action without purchasing anything at all
As someone who hasn’t achieved anything that she aspired to in her youth, I’ve learned to find the joy and the greatness in what I have in my life. I may not have went to college and gotten a degree - but I did find my soul mate at 16, and have been able to keep our relationship and marriage in tact for nearly 24 years now - 17 years married. Fighting to stay with my best friend since 16, that’s something I’m proud of. And continue to be proud of, as each year I was able to maintain what is truly MOST important to me. ❤❤
I can definitely relate to this as I didn't go to college to get that high-paying "career" but went to vocational school instead. After many decisions that were out of order, I decided being a good mother and then wife was more than good enough for me! 😊
Love getting into the philosophical aspects of beauty and life with you, Hannah! The "best version of ourselves" you encourage us to be or become at the end of every video is what I consider the most loving version of the "fantasy self" :)
I find it useful to bear in mind that "buying is not doing" and "owning is not being"
OMG! I loved this video. A wise woman once said to me " you can't buy the person you want to be, you have to act the person you want to be " that wise woman was my Mum who passed away 3 years ago. She gave loads of great advice and that piece was one of the best
Oh I love your mum’s advice!! I’m always trying to buy the person I want to be, but lately I’ve been working hard at the action part 🥰
Dawn this reminds me of "you have to give up the life you have planned in order to live the life that is waiting for you"
So sorry for your loss - but your mum sounds like she was definitely a wise woman. That’s fantastic advice. You were lucky to have had her 😘😘
What a wise woman your mum was. Thanks for sharing dawn dee 🥰
This is golden advice! Thank you for sharing.
I make “fantasy self” purchases a lot, I realize. For instance, I imagined myself to be a person who gets up and has an espresso in the morning. So, I finally bought a Nespresso machine and I do have an espresso now each morning. But! My fantasy experience wasn’t complete until I also got little espresso cups, too. Espresso in a regular coffee mug was not the fantasy. My husband says I always need to accessorize my experiences, which, I can’t argue with that.
I identify with this sentiment. For instance, carving out special journaling time wasn't completely realized until I had a beautiful journal, hot tea in a whimsical mug, and my specific vanilla writing candle to go with it.
Omg I relate so hard!!
Last weekend I decided I wanted to be my fantasy self. To work on that this week, I have done my nails and been wearing my beloved jewellery that I've owned for many years but never wore day to day because I never believed my aesthetic or style meant I could 'pull off' that particular jewellery. I have experiences wavering confidence of my choices, practical barriers and felt a lot of fulfillment and joy. It seems so silly that sticking on some fake nails and wearing some rings has had this affect but it truly feels like the start of something new for me. Even my partner remarked they were so glad to see I was working on my aesthetic in this was
Oops hit go before I'd finished. But to conclude, it has taken a certain amount of effort to build up to this point and continues to be an effort to be my fantasy self, it has literally taken years to build up to wearing some jewellery that I like. This video really resonated with me and feels like it's come at a very particular and important time to articulate my experience right now, thank you Hannah x
This comment is so inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing!
ooh! ooh! Hannah veers into philosophical territory *pulls chair up closer*!! THANK YOU for this and for all you do.
Amen sister!
This is going to stick with me for awhile. I was mindlessly browsing and adding makeup to cart on the Lisa Eldridge site as I want to be a person with flawless skin who always looks polished and put together. I already have 4 Lisa Eldridge lipsticks I bought years ago that I never wear. I have so many lipsticks I never wear. I have aborted my No Buy Year each month. I am hoping this video helps me recommit and really think about why the putting things into baskets is happening and who I really am and want to be. Thank you so much for this video--for all of your videos.
Thank you for continuing to generously share the fruits of your curiosity and inquisitiveness. Your mind and voice are the grounding forces that my fantasy self needs! xo
Well said!
@@pasitheathanatosasmr488 Thanks!
On the difference between good and bad fantasy, I think it’s also about where these fantasies come from. Is your fantasy something that was given to you (from norms, from family expectations, from fear of not keeping up)? Or is your fantasy rooted in curiosity and inspiration and self-determination?
Halfway through this video I felt compelled to put on the bold red lipstick that I bought last summer and never wear🙃
Another HLP banger/reference video to rewatch time and again. I plan to come back and take notes next time. Absolutely yes to a part two! Thank you Hannah!
Thank you so much for your nouanced thoughts on this matter!
Normally I struggle with finishing projects and changing my habits but for the last 4 months I am the person who cooks healthy and delitcious meals on a daily basis and I was wondering why of all my goals, this is the one I succeed in.
And it boils down to: I act on it.
It started with getting THAT perfect cook book for Christmas. But I followed all the way through.
It is a combination of working on my cooking skills so everything tastes better, buying healthier ingredients, the realisation that I feel better when I eat healthy and making cooking a priority in my evening planning.
It required a lot of changes in different areas of my life.
You hit the nail on the head. Advertising is VERY good at appealing to our fantasy selves. I love the idea of being intentional behind each purchase we make and really thinking about how it fits in with our real selves vs. our fantasy selves.
This made me realise that I’ve had a similar experience with buying online courses to change my life. And a course can be even more insidious than a physical item- because you can actually listen/ go through the whole course just ‘passively’ listening and because you spend your time watching it, comfy in your chair, you FEEL like you have gone on a journey. In the same way, studies show that people watching sport experience much of the rise in heart rate and other sensations that they would if they were playing the sport, rather than sitting and snacking! So you can end up with a false sense of achievement ( and a reduced bank balance!) that can be very depressing in the long run.
Don’t get me wrong, I have definitely benefited from some courses I’ve taken, but many I’ve just let wash over me, with the happy illusion that I’ve magically become my fantasy self, I’m actually taking action, just by buying the course!
I totally did pick up my cello after ten years without, and then joined a community orchestra and have been playing for 6 years since. Granted, I never got rid of the cello so it was not complicated
Recently I casually said “Hey Y’all, hiii… “ in the most sunshine way and so I came to your channel and subscribed
This is the best video I’ve seen in a long time on the topic of decluttering! Thanks
My favorite videos are always the "deep dive" philosophical takes on whatever your chosen subject happens to be. Thank you!
Loved this video. Your articulation brings so much light to all the complexities lurking beneath the surface.
This video made me think of the quote 'all that's real has been imagined first', but you are so right in that imagination is just not enough.
Someone online posted that she was convinced that buying the materials for a craft, and actually doing the craft, are two separate hobbies. I think about that all the time, and I will be thinking about Hannah saying you can’t buy yourself into being the person you want to be all the time, too. (I will also be purging those seven red lipsticks. 😂)
I LOVE fostering my "fantasy self". Most of my fantasy self isn't that difficult to achieve though. She's curious and actively explores the world around her. And that's entirely achievable. So, I hang on to my sports bras, wool socks, and other "play clothes" more suitable for scrambling up muddy ravines and climbing trees than going to a wine tasting. I'm ok with my "fantasy self". She's cool.
Hannah, please keep making content on these more philosophical topics of your interests. You have a gift of articulating complex and nuanced ideas and I adore this angle of you.
Yes, so interesting. I'm always blown away with the energy released from both embracing the inspiration to act on aspiration AND from letting go of the idea of something that is more about (self or others) perception. Looking forward to a part two!
This was such a thoughtful breakdown; it's not a new idea, it's really the same essential idea at the core of Marie Kondo's book, but the way you broke the question down into two concrete, separate ideas was clarifying―I think a lot of discourse around this topic either a) labels all aspirations a lie (as you showed) or b) asks a murky "Is this truly who you are/ want to be" and that is easy to say yes to, but asking separate questions about *what you want* and *what you're actually willing to DO* gives you much clearer insight into your own mind
Oh so true. I like when you said aspire to meditate, etc. But also bring up about the damaging fantasy. Thank you 💫📌🌻
I very much enjoyed this video, Hannah. You come from such a balanced and nuanced place, which can be rare to find.
I started to take action on fulfilling my fantasy self a few months ago. It was a little nerve wracking at first, but it feels like the “real” me at this point. I’ve also let go of my fantasy self that wears bright and interesting colors. I’ve experimented and it just wasn’t me. I love neutrals, especially black.
Please keep making your philosophically-minded content. ❤
This was the best video I've watched on this topic! Another aspect of the fantasy self is to be very honest with ourselves when things no longer align. For example, are you forcing yourself to take up playing the cello because you used to play it and the idea of you spending all that time learning the cello, and the identity of being a cellist is scary to let go of?
As a multi-passionate creative it was so hard to let go of a lot of the interests I once had. We are taught to pick a path and to pursue things that we could turn into a career, or at least a lifelong passion. Changing our minds, and changing course can be seen as "flaky" by many, but it's so important to also let go of our former identities, as well as the fantasy selves which we try to achieve through consumption. Once we have done that we have more space to pursue the things we actually want to pursue.
This was a really deep and insightful video. And the comments are just as good. It’s the difference between being IN your life vs observing an IDEA of an imagined life. The real thing is always better, and in the real life, the stuff is only incidental or a tool along the way - not the destination.
What an Absolutely fantastic video! Believe it or not you have clarified so much for me about my buying habits. I have absolutely been one of those who believed that if I bought something, then the purchase, alone, will change my life. And I’ve never quite understood where the disconnect was in myself. Thank you so much
definitely want a part 2!! pleaseee!
This may be my favorite video you have made.
I came in expecting something light-hearted to lift the spirits, but you provided a serious TedTalk / Lifecoach moment.
Thank you. I truly enjoyed your insight into the benefits of an actionable fantasy self. I will definitely be thinking about potential actions to implement for my future self!
I think your analysis is spot on and I find your suggested questions very helpful. I am, finally, working towards my fantasy of doing more home-cooking and part of that involved decluttering my kitchen so that now I only have the pots and pans I actually use.
Such an insightful thought provoking video. I have to go back and view it again.
I really enjoyed this video it's given me an opportunity to reflect on which fantasy self things I've actually fulfilled and which ones I haven't and ought to declutter (such as the fountain pens that I was hoping to learn calligraphy with lol.)
I’ve never heard of the term “fantasy self”, but I recognize her from ur description. That heavy guilt that I carry because I haven’t followed through on what I thought was going to change my life. I would love to see a part 2, and I will try and clock Ms. Fantasy b4 she strikes. Thank you!
To start going that aspirational self, something that has worked for me (currently motivated by the wants of managing better my finances) is to get it started / going before purchasing anything.
Example #1: I wanted to make my own coffee everyday instead of buying it. An expresso machine sounded very tempting for making that a reality, but I decided to start making coffee with the things I had and actually got into the habit. Now I dont even feel like i need the expresso machine and im good with that.
Example #2: I wanted to be more active (like ive decided a thousand times before) and went with running several days a week. I heard about some super good shoes for running so obviously I wanted them, but I waited until I proved myself I was being consistent with my running. After dedicating some weeks to running I realized the new shoes would help me so i bought them and i have continued to run.
My point: most of the times we can achieve that aspirational selves with the rhings we already own. And if you get to do that, then you can think of investing in that aspirational self.
I am currently in a really awful living situation, to the point where I had stopped dreaming (having a fantasy self). I've stopped buying cute homewares, or even clothing that I would put to use. I know understand that I have actually reached a point where I simply dream of stable housing so I can actualize my fantasy self, so I can explore what may be real for me. wish me luck, folks
I started watching this video hours ago and the. You said go to this linked video and I went on a Hannah train ride and watched a series of your order videos and learned so much. Thank you!
you ! make ! the ! best ! content !
One of the best videos you have ever done! And there have been a lot of of great ones! And yes please do a part 2❤
"You cannot change yourself by buying stuff, and you cannot change your life by buying stuff"
I don't really care about beauty products but these talks about consumerism and self improvement are spectacular
Also i should probably sell my KitchenAid lol i really thought i was gonna be fuckin Suzy Homemaker baking cookies and bread from scratch.
I love this video. I’ve never subscribed to the idea that an aspirational self is necessarily a bad thing, and you voiced the nuanced arguments I wasn’t able to articulate before 🙌
i love everything about this video
I love this thoughtful video. I was thinking that my aspirational self and fantasy self are different-- my aspirational self who wants to be a better person vs my fantasy self who wears heels and dresses like a someone who doesn't live my actual life-- but your definition with the part about *action* was really thought provoking. It's so related to the idea of buying happiness. Thank you for your unique content
I think you are so right that the fantasy self can be a useful tool. Don't throw the visualization baby out with the bathwater of overspending/consumption! Visualization can be a huge part of creating new habits. In the last two years I have created good eating habits that allowed me to lose substantial weight and keep it off, after spending decades doing lots of diets, exercise regimes etc. that saw short term progress and long term failure because they were too inflexible or demanding to be realistic. What worked was creating a habit of assessing the amount of carbs I eat, every single day and making small adjustments throughout the day to accommodate my every day life. Like creating a spending budget, but for carbs. Those self-discipline muscles I strengthened in my no buy year and my year of budgeting gave me confidence to know that if I was consistent I would make slow, steady progress. In the beginning I actually kept a spreadsheet every day, like I did for budgeting for makeup etc. After a while I felt comfortable letting go of the spreadsheet and just making a mental tally in my head. My fantasy self helped with motivation as well. I imagined myself wearing all my lovely vintage clothes that I had grown out of. I had a pair of goal jeans that I tried on occasionally, visualizing what it would be like to wear them again until it happened in reality. All those years of buying diet books and supplements, paying for new exercise equipment and gym memberships that I didn't use were me trying to buy my way to my fantasy self. It just doesn't work like that. In the end, what worked was 100% free and available with very little disruption to my actual life.
This is the first time I've felt compelled to leave a comment on your channel. PERFECT content, unique, and I didn't even know I needed and wanted to hear this.
thank you, Kelle!
my fantasy self is living in a cottage wearing medieval inspired clothes tending a garden. So there really isnt much I can buy to get that fantasy
This was wonderfully thought out and thought provoking! Would love a part II
This is such an incredible video oh my gosh! You’ve outdone yourself ✨
When I retired, it was so freeing to let go of the beautiful office clothes I had bought over the years. Yes, I held on to a couple but most I thought could be donated to someone entering or still in the workforce to enjoy! So freeing in every way!
I like to think of the 30 day trials. You do something all in for 30 days. At the end, you should have a pretty good idea of whether something works for you or not. I hate the idea of immediately getting rid of fantasy self stuff because more than likely, you never tried out being that fantasy self. I also think it's way easier getting rid of the stuff when you've tried it and know it's not for you.
This makes so much sense! Thank you for sharing!
Such a great video!! Yes to a part 2 please.
I love your philosophical videos!! I would appreciate more of your thoughts on pretty much anything you would like to talk about
TBH, this is the kind of video I really stay here for. Thanks, Hannah
This was fascinating Hannah. I’d very much like to see a part 2!
I appreciate your thoughts on this so much! I love your videos where you analyze topics like this.
The difference is “ version of my self “ as opposed to “ pretending to be someone else”.
Great video! Thank you!
Do you have any ideas how to make yourself to want smth you actually have to do but have no desire of doing this? For example I should read books to my kids every day but I'm not into reading at all. Yes I have a plan, good books and dedicated time for reading stories yet when It's time to read I can easily forget or purposefully skip this activity for another. And of course I feel guilty every time when I'm not consistent with reading daily. But as a mom I can't 'declutter' this task from my to do list 😢 Any suggestions?
Almost a year ago I started learning how to skateboard. It’s something I’ve always been too scared to do. Breaking thru that is something that I still continue to do. I’m not very good. It doesn’t matter. I’m so much happier than I was a year ago.
This happens so often with people whose homes are massively disorganized - they rush out and buy lots of boxes, bins, etc, throw them in the junk room and hope it will magically declutter and organize itself.
This is very useful. I have sent it on to some pals of mine. I like fantasy Selves but aligning them is like organizing an Army. I think some of the Selves belong in little boxes and some in big boxes and some all over the life. ... I will rewatch this video. Part two would be welcome! Thank you! 🐈🦄🐺🐩🐱🦌🐖From my Zoo of Selves!
Wow this is such a great video Hannah. I truly appreciate you for making it.
I love your video's sooo much!
you were born to make video essays
One second into the video: "Okayyy animal print turtleneck"
needed this video!!! this just inspired me to donate a stack of design books ive been meaning to read to make myself a "better designer" but ive also been sitting on them for years so like if i am gonna get better at designing... its not gonna be thru books lol.
If you're haunted by your material belongings, the ghost isn't in the items, it's in you.
Don’t have much to add to any of the amazing words that you and all the commentators have written- but goddamn if I can’t try help the algorithm make this video reach people with a comment. ❤
Yes, love this! Follow-up, please.
It’s funny you used the example of red lipstick because I’m literally in the process of wearing red lipstick every now and then to get used to myself in red lipstick. Lol
Is it just me, or does Hannah look strikingly similar to Carey Mulligan?? 😍
Have you watched the incredible fine minute video here about wool from Erin Janus. It is so mind blowing.
My fantasy self is a mermaid so I dropped $800 on a swimmable mermaid tail... I won't get the tail in time to swim in it. I'm going to sit in the tub with it on till summer comes back haha
I started selling of bunch of clothes that I thrifted, cause I realized it's not me.
I’ve also found that sometimes when you do become your “fantasy self” the desire for the material possessions you had associated with it vanish. When I wanted to get in shape and first began my fitness journey, I dreamed of all the expensive athleisure I’d finally be able to justify purchasing. Now, I regularly work out and am happy in the same two pairs of leggings and sports bras. Doing the thing will always be more gratifying than having the thing.
Kkkkkkkk(
I couldn’t agree more! 😊
"Doing the thing will always be more gratifying than having the thing." Ooooof dude that was a brick of wisdom I needed to have dropped on me
For me, a treacherous part of the fantasy self lies in fantasies about how other people will perceive me. To use your example, do I want to be the kind of person who wears a staple red lip because I love the way it looks and makes me feel? Or do I want it because I love the idea of being perceived by others as classy and sophisticated? I think my fantasy self purchases tend to work out better when they're focussed around my own pleasure and confidence, rather than wanting to be liked or admired. Even when I would end up wearing that chic blouse to be mysterious at a party it would rarely by truly satisfying, because the fantasy was never really about my own pleasure/joy to begin with. And then the blouse ends up in the back of my closet.
Great video, I love seeing you discus these kinds of topics.
Great point!
I relate to this so much! I have a lot of different tastes and interests, and I am a musician that makes alternative music. So sometimes, I think I have struggles between who i want to be, what I want to look like vs how people will perceive me. It's not really that I care so much if they like me or my image. I never really know how to explain it. I just fear that the image people have of me and who I actually am would be disconnected if it makes sense.
Thank you for making sense of what goes through my mind, nailed it!
Wow, this was a fascinating concept. While you were talking, it made me think about if I should declutter a bunch of clothes that no longer fit that I have been hoping i will be able to wear again someday and have been dragging around after me through 11 moves. I asked myself would I really want to wear 30-year-old clothes if they did fit again, and it made me realize it wasn't the clothes that I wanted to keep so much, but that being able to wear them again someday would erase the "mistake" of gaining more weight that i wanted to and all the decades of being overweight that resulted. I could do the work to lose weight, but I wouldn't necessarily want those old out of date clothes worn by a much younger self when I can get new clothes that fit me and who I am now, instead of using old clothes to recapture a lost past.
But I have to add - I did save 3 or 4 boxes of classic clothes after I put on 25 lbs. I put them away in boxes labeled "off size". I didn't want to torture myself by labeling them "too small." After several years, I lost the weight eventually, unpacked the boxes, and kept about half the clothes. I wore the tailored navy velvet blazer several times over the holidays, wore the fushia pink (currently-on trend color) silk blazer last weekend. It was thrilling! So, if you have any timeless items that are too small, keep a hand-picked few of those clothes, and put them in a box somewhere that is not in your face. You never know!
@@bellebb8673 yes! i had gained 100 lbs and wallowed in it for several years. i lost all of the weight and am back to my original one, but i decluttered most of my old clothes, and now i am struggling to find new pieces that i love (i abhor clothes shopping) when my old pieces would be wonderful. congratulations to you, and best of luck to OP, you CAN do this. you don’t have to, but you can.
This is a great point. To add into it, sometimes I want a piece of clothing, but it's too small for me right now. So, I have to remind myself to not shop for the self that I will be when I slim down, but for who I am now. And, that saves me money, too.
@@mus1quenonst0p Congratulations! How wonderful! I recommend ebay and Poshmark for replacing your wardrobe. You can search by brand names that you know the sizing, and find many classic second-hand pieces at a fraction of the cost.
This is exactly the type of content I needed to catalyse me actually making moves to let go of items I have decluttered instead of keeping them in storage in another room
Love this topic. I recently gave all of my scrapbooking and painting supplies to my niece so she and her college roommates can get good use of them. For years I hung onto them due to money invested and hope that I would find the time and inspiration to use them. What a relief to let them go. Niece and roommates are using the heck out of them.
When you feel a sense of relief after giving it away, you know you did the right thing
I saw “fantasy self” and thought you were doing your makeup like an elf or fairy, I clicked so fast 😅 gotta read the full title next time
maybe that's the follow-up video LOL!
@@HannahLouisePoston Yes please!!!!
@@HannahLouisePoston Its funny, the other day I was thinking how I would love to see you try out a fantasy sort of makeup look, would love to see it!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 same!!!!
Independent of my love for this channel, I too aspire to be a woman who meditates every morning in an editorial sweater. And it’s going great ✨
AND I decluttered 12 garbage bags of clothes this week 💪
I have such a hard time balancing the line between being happy in the moment and aspiring for more. I agree that it's not inherently problematic to want to be better versions of ourselves, but it's not always beneficial to be living outside of the present.
It's an interesting topic and there are solid arguments either way. I loved hearing your thoughts on this!
balancing the line between being happy in the moment and aspiring for more. This is my daily struggle, as someone who really loves beautiful things.
Yes! You can balance the “fantasy” by having your aspirations be grounded in the present - what can I do today that will bring me closer to my dream? This week? This month? Within this year? Take action, assess, and advance!
I love most of what you've had to say here, especially about being intentional with your aspirations and that you need to put in the work for dreams to come true & I appreciate that you discussed it taking time and happening over time. Buying 10 chunky knits all in one season isn't the best way to become "The sweater girl" or jumping in head first into meditating and thinking it'll be easy to carve out an hour every day. But I think its support important to be cognizant of what you're decluttering and ask yourself, "am I *never* going to do this again/use this again/get around to using this" or "is this part of me just on hiatus and I have ever intention of circling back/this item is serving as my goal post as I take steps towards attaining that goal. It is my visual reminder." The difference is super important and knowing the difference can really help prevent massive financial f'ups that lead to wasted money on rebuying items you used to own. This applies to kitchen stuff, hobby stuff, instruments, books, clothes, hair stuff... the list goes on.
I haven't used my kitchen aid stand mixer in well over a year because I've been battling a lot of health issues. It sits on my counter, in full view. It doesn't haunt me though. It's the finish line... to get back to the baking I love to do. Getting rid of it simply because I'm not using it right now would be an absolute financial f'up. Same with my sewing machine and fabric stash... embroidery supplies... spinning supplies. They're all hobbies I love and will circle back to when my body is cooperating better. It's honestly the same reason I have essentially 2 complete wardrobes. When I fit one, I don't fit the other and that's fine. I rather be comfortable in my clothes than them be too tight or too loose or have no clothes that fit at all at some points.
My aunt managed to score a beautiful, antique piano when her kiddos were still on the young side... back in the 90s. It took her almost 20 years to be in a position to finally take lessons regularly (she was busy keeping up her vocals while raising a family of boys) but she knew in her heart of hearts, she wanted to. If they'd passed on that beautiful piano, they'd have had to mortgage the house to afford it when she started taking lessons.
I'm also a big fan of packing away pieces (clothing, hair, jewelry) that might not currently be your thing but definitely were a favorite because its highly probable that you'll circle back to them and having to completely reinvest is again, a massive financial f'up. It is important to be judicious and I'm not encouraging hoarding... but you don't build financial stability by having to continually rebuy stuff because you purged it and ended up needing it again or wanting it back. Society has gotten super toxic about "decluttering" to the point that there are channels dedicated to decluttering already super minimal homes. It's so consumeristic... it's honestly worse than being aspirational with the things you buy.
This, a thousand times. But it's not even just financially wasteful, but psychologically thorny and potentially philosophically dishonest as well. If you're constantly funneling possessions in and out of your home via regular binging and purging to keep the core items low in number so you can feel like you're in control of those impulses and are seen to be 'doing' minimalism 'right', you're really not behaving in the spirit of the thing at all. It's all smoke and mirrors. You're still consuming, collecting, engaging in that overabundance-and-novelty fantasy before rejecting, rinsing, and repeating.
Thank you for this perspective. I've been through seasons of life and sometimes they are cyclical. I also come from the rural poor side of the tracks where we keep things and repurpose them, and it is wise to hang on to things to fix other things or reuse in some way!
I really appreciate this way of thinking!
A big YES to all of this. My problem has never been a disconnect between fantasy and action. It's a matter of competing priorities and too little time. E.g. I know I would use all my craft supplies if I wasn't forced to choose other priorities right now. Decluttering them would give me more space and make my home feel tidier, but it would make me extremely sad to be giving up on that part of myself. It wouldn't be a relief, it would be despair.
@@JulianneBenford exactly! And I think hobbies are often seasonal. I do encourage trying to schedule even 20min a week to being creative… in whatever form that takes. But yeah. Like, when I had to stop knitting and crocheting for a year to let an injury heal. Purging all my supplies would not only have been wasteful but also emotionally damaging, even though I wasn’t sure how intensely I’d return to those pursuits once healed. I’d found more creative outlets during that year. I’ve just folded them in.
I’m here for all of Hannah’s philosophical contents. She’s one of the deepest and eloquent but also super relatable and beautiful philosopher I’ve ever come across.
My fantasy self when I was 20 was to have crazy coloured hair and a tatts. I didn’t do either of those until I was at my 30s when I felt comfortable in make these hefty investments in my appearances. There was a peace and satisfaction that came with that.
@Jennifer I had an idea for the general design since I was 15 but finally filled it in with more objects I permanently like.
I will say this though. Once you get the first one, it so easy to say yes to more impulsive ones.
An epiphany: every purchase brings a responsability. Not just towards environment, but mostly towards future oneself who will be stuck with it and will have to make use of it or feel guilty because of it. Excellent advise!
HLP bringing the NUANCE! Loins were girded, hamstrings were strung, and joy was sparked. Well done 🎉
Two random thoughts for the potential follow-up video:
1. If you find that you don't want to do the actions to move towards the fantasy self, I think it's worth re-reflecting on what that fantasy self is or represents to you. Why it's there in the first place.
For example, I have this weird fantasy of walking into my studio in the mornings with a cute cup of coffee and cute clothes to start my day. But I don't drink coffee and all my clothes get covered with paint or makeup or both 🤣
The fantasy really represents a feeling of regularity and purpose that I've been desperately missing since becominh an entrepreneur. I miss starting my day knowing exactly what I need to do and how to do it. I don't want to drink coffee 🤣. And that realization has led me down a more productive road.
2. I think letting go of a fantasy self involves a not-insignificant grief process, and I would love to see a discussion validating that process and some advice on how to be gentle with yourself through it.
I absolutely need a part 2, this has come at the most perfect time for me, I’ve tried no-buys, I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried handing over control of my bank account to someone else, but in the end the only thing that is going to work long-term is a complete attitude adjustment. Thank you ❤
I just had this conversation with my therapist. My fantasy self has a home and a catio and a beautiful garden in the yard, she cans and pickles veggies and sauces, she does a bunch of diy projects and practices yoga as the sun rises.
We need to find happiness in the things we have and in the place we are in our lives. Or take action and make your fantasy reality ❤️
I LOVE this fantasy self. That brings me calm, just thinking about it.
I'm 40. I ditched the notion of my "fantasy self" 10 years ago lol. Once you reach a certain point of yourself in life, you just know. I know what I like and want, what I'm interested in, and I invest in those things wisely.
I totally understand what you mean. I’m at that point at 30. The catalyst was becoming a mom. No time for fantasies 😂 just comfortable clothes that I like to wear, and nice but minimal makeup and hair routines.
I'm glad you figured it out so early on! Some of us bloom later, and that's good too. Thanks for the video, Hannah!
@@laurielansue4131 yep, I'm approaching 40 and feel like a weird girl next to those of my age who look like grownup women having their shit together))
@@oritigra I feel you.
@@oritigra I am almost 50 and still nowhere near that put together, classy version of womanhood I've always aspired to be. 😂
This is the most thoughtful presentation of the fantasy self concept that I’ve encountered.
I'm rewatching your no buy videos as I am on a No Buy in 2023 and I am seeing how much the fantasy self concept sneaks in with everything for me.
Also, I'm a former fashion girl, but always at heart an artist and reader. I deeply love your fashion content. It's such a fresh perspective, as you're coming from an artistic and intellectual space. Much beauty content is coming from a strictly "fashion" perspective which is heavily influenced by social hierarchies that shift/wax/wane. I love your perspective, it's deeply refreshing!
You’re a beauty guru and a talented motivational speaker! So glad I found you. 🥰 Also, I love the image of the alluring woman + two eggs over easy 😂
This was so thought provoking! The only thing I would add is ~ What about those of us who want the Fantasy Self, (and it is possible), but there is something standing in our way from accomplishing our full realization right now. Like, perhaps we are in an abusive relationship or in a toxic family… or have to pay the bills… or are a caregiver, have a medical issue… some obstacles that must be overcome first or won’t be a problem in the future? I think in that case, having the objects (without necessarily acting on them in a noticeable way) can still serve to motivate, inspire, improve or preserve mental health & feelings of hope. 💛
I think I understand what are you saying and I guess I've been there. Where the problem laid for me was when I was buying more than one proverbial red lipstick - because if I'm not acting on it, one piece gotta be enough to represent my fantasy self)
I wonder how neurodivergence and a struggle with executive function play into this topic, too! Prepping to start vs. starting tasks is a struggle I have in my life broadly.
Was wondering this too! I have ADHD and consistency/follow-through gets complicated/is nuanced with my executive function dysfunction.
My name's not MIchelle, but I have the same issues. :D I'm autistic AND have ADHD (among some other stuff) so that's a whole layer of fun.
Yep, yep, yep.
I think the take home here is the practice should precede the purchase. In almost every case, except for maybe your red lipstick example, you have at least some tools to facilitate the new habit of your fantasy self, be it meditating, cooking yourself breakfast, exercising, etc. Buying new cookware or workout clothes or a fancy meditation pillow after you’ve already started doing the thing is then no longer buying for your fantasy self, it is buying something for your present self to improve your experience. You may also find that once you’ve implemented a practice, you don’t really need or want to buy new things that you once thought would motivate you to change.
This is totally true.
Like... When I finally wanted to start drawing again, I bought myself a sketchbook & some graphite pencils. I told myself that when I practice for a month straight, I'll reward myself w/ some Prismacolor pencils, to enhance my experience & incentivise myself. I kind of... Ignored drawing for a couple months, because life happened. I felt bad for spending $80 on my "fantasy self" of being artistic...
But when I got back to drawing regularly, after life cleared up? I'm so glad I had those coloured pencils! And I'm so glad I had that new sketchbook. But I'm equally glad that I didn't go 100% all-in from the start or use the excuse to reward myself w/ WAY MORE SUPPLIES.
I needed a few items to act upon my fantasy, but I didn't need much. And I feel very glad that I didn't splash out excessively, even tho I did benefit from a bit of incentive.
Excellent addition. It's also a good opportunity to find out whether the $50 you had set aside for yoga tools would be better spent on a nice yoga mat and blocks or on some physical classes or on good yoga pants or etc... you know more exactly what you'd benefit from once you've started doing the thing. But yeah, purchasing something is an endpoint, it's not a starting point to an activity. Finding the starting point to your activity is a whole different gateway.
When I heard the phrase "decluttering the fantasy self" the first thing that popped in my head was actually a sort of decluttering of the mind like you describe towards the end of the video - a process that's not about stuff but more about seeking a clarity of desire - what fantasies are important enough to act on and which were thinks that your thought looked appealing on instagram but can really just stop devoting mental space to - once those decisions have been made decisions about stuff become much less fraught - and you can often start taking action without purchasing anything at all
As someone who hasn’t achieved anything that she aspired to in her youth, I’ve learned to find the joy and the greatness in what I have in my life. I may not have went to college and gotten a degree - but I did find my soul mate at 16, and have been able to keep our relationship and marriage in tact for nearly 24 years now - 17 years married. Fighting to stay with my best friend since 16, that’s something I’m proud of. And continue to be proud of, as each year I was able to maintain what is truly MOST important to me. ❤❤
I can definitely relate to this as I didn't go to college to get that high-paying "career" but went to vocational school instead. After many decisions that were out of order, I decided being a good mother and then wife was more than good enough for me! 😊
Love getting into the philosophical aspects of beauty and life with you, Hannah! The "best version of ourselves" you encourage us to be or become at the end of every video is what I consider the most loving version of the "fantasy self" :)