Surviving a Violent Relationship | Can Ask Meh?
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- Why didn’t you leave your partner earlier? What was your first thought upon waking up in the hospital? These are some questions that Rachel, a survivor of dating violence answers on this episode of ‘Can Ask Meh?’
Her abusive relationship three years ago left her with a brain haemorrhage, but it also brought her healing in the best possible way.
This video is a collaboration with MSF Singapore.
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If you or someone you know is experiencing family violence, call the National Anti-Violence Helpline 1800-777-0000, contact a Family Violence Specialist Centre, or find your nearest Family Service Centre at www.msf.gov.sg/dfcs/familyser.... In life-threatening situations, call the Police at 999 or send a message to 71999.
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00:00 Surviving a Violent Relationship
00:35 Why didn't you leave your partner earlier?
02:14 What was your first thought when waking up in the hospital?
04:26 Do you think you have fully healed?
06:52 What would you say to your past self?
09:52 Helplines and Resources in Singapore
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5:08 Additional note: PAVE Integrated Services for Individual and Family Protection Specialist Centre (ISIFPSC) is a community-based centre that specialises in managing both family violence and child protection issues.
If you or someone you know is experiencing family violence, call the National Anti-Violence Helpline 1800-777-0000, contact a Family Violence Specialist Centre, or find your nearest Family Service Centre at www.msf.gov.sg/dfcs/familyservice/default.aspx. In life-threatening situations, call the Police at 999 or send a message to 71999.
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Great that OGS is highlighting the difficulty and the confusion of the victim. They may think the good times might outweigh the bad, but even if they eventually decide to leave, it is terrifying to confront a person you know to be violent. Am glad this woman is now in a better place, physically and emotionally.
Thank you Rachel for having the courage to put yourself in the limelight to highlight this issue of domestic violence. It must have been an extremely confusing time, knowing that the person whom was once your everything and perhaps brought the best out of you, was capable of putting you through this much pain. When us viewers perceive this issue from the outside, it's very easy for us to tell the victims that they should just leave their abusive partners and that there should be no tolerance for abuse. However, this video really brought to light the struggles that abuse victims face when choosing to leave their abusers, especially when they truly believe that their partners "aren't as bad as they seem" and the highs they experienced together as a couple. I am glad you are finally in a better place.
Nahhh, you're just making excuses for unwise choices. In SG, it really is that simple when you examine the situation objectively. If you choose to date an abuser, you expect to be abused. Is this not nous? If you by your own volition dip your hand in water, do you expect your hand not to get wet?
Don't want to get abuse, date a guy who is genuinely caring and compassionate. Simple as that. Humans have a penchant for complicating simple things.
Mad respect to her for willing to share these experiences. Must be harrowing to have to gone through it again.
Omg she explained it so well why people couldn't leave an abusive relationship, on point. What a strong woman, thank you for this video
i read a book titled “it ends with us” by Colleen Hoover. It is a fiction book that features a character named “lily” who was experiencing the same confusion and struggle that Rachel is facing as well. I think that book really resonates how Rachel is feeling and it makes me understand why the abused partner does certain things. I would definitely recommend you guys to read that book:) For Rachel, I am extremely proud of you for taking that major step! Hope for the best for your future endeavours!
regardless of who used to be the most important person to you, always be kind to yourself, recovery wont be linear but wish you all the best.
thank you for doing this interview. you are a strong woman.
Power to Rachel. so much respect to her, what a strong person.
This is one of the most beautiful, and for me, transformative videos I have ever watched. I won't describe the relevant details from my life, but I must say that this woman's words and insights have given me a much better understanding of myself and my life than I'd had before. I can not possible express how grateful I am that you made this video...and that I watched it. Thank you.
The drug analogy part is accurate. When you fall too deep in your feelings for another person, you often lose your sense of logic. You lose sight and clarity to make wise decisions. It's very similar if not the same as substance addiction.
This is actual research from a renowned biology anthropologist, btw. She's on Wired Tech support about Love and another channel if you wish to learn the topic more.
So people need to stop judging and blaming the victims of these cases. Because often they are psychologically trapped in the relationship and need an external pull. It may take a while for them to think clearly and break out of this chain. Kudos to Rachel for braving herself and getting out of the cycle of abuse.
Also, happy that she is feeling better and befriended herself. That's a powerful word that I need to hear too. Thank you Rachel (and everyone who has helped her get to this point).
Thank you for the interview. I hope she's doing alright. Sending lots of love 💛
I just heard someone say "She shouldn't have provoked him". I was disappointed in that person. But I was disappointed with myself as well because I remembered telling myself and a family member that (because we were both being attacked). Violence, or the threat of violence, especially with weapons, should never be tolerated.
in what world is the response to someone's behavior threatening/physically hitting being considered appropriate?? if your expectations were not met, it is your own damn fault, not your abused partner's fault.
A lady full of bravery & courage! Thank you for sharing your story & inspiring others!
can ask meh is back ! kudos to the victim for speaking up
yes it's backkk!! 😊 thanks for your support!!!
Can channel do a story on guys getting abused by women partners? There are many guys who are totally controlled by their wives. This includes their salaries, movement, hp messages, and ppl they hang out with. They look sad and miserable, especially when they get berated by wives for overtime work. In a quiet office, almost everyone can hear the harsh scolding unleashed over hp. And most hang on to the sinking relationships due to kids.
I totally understand the way she compares it to a drug. Even when those low moments hit, you hold on to hope that those high moments come and when they do, it's euphoric. I journaled about my time during my abusive relationship and looking back through the letters I wrote to myself, I was secretly miserable, but I would come up with every excuse I could to stay. I'm working on healing, but sometimes I will be triggered from words or actions that I didn't even know could be triggering to me. I hope my abuser learns and grows from his selfish mistakes and that I can heal and love someone who respects and wants to protects me.
Thank you very much, OCG and Ms. Rachel 🙏🏽
"I befriended myself" Thank you Rachel for sharing with us your healing journey!
Rachel, thank you for stepping out to share your story. I am full of admiration & respect for you. 🥰👍💪 you are a better person today because you decided to love yourself more. Like an old advertisement for L’Oreal cosmetics - You are worth it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
OGS is one of the better SG YT channels, great stuff.
A girl with super beautiful smile
Dayum... How can someone be that horrible..? Like, DAMN...
You're so strong ♡ sending love
so so so happy for her when she said shes content with doing activites by herself. shows alot of improvement :) keep it up rachel
So proud of you for being strong now. 加油！ love yourself. Respect yourself. 😀
omg i am so proud of you rachel
Quality content
The biggest takeaway would be to always be alert on the red flags in a relationship 🚩🚨
Reach out using those helplines that rescue survivors of abuse. Very important.
I learned to love myself and be kind to myself after being emotionally manipulated by a guy 3 years older than me for 9 months through text
Love her so much❤❤❤❤
Could be a narcissistic relationship... I think these ones tend to have extreme highs.
The narcissist: love-bomb, gaslight, idealise. Abuse, gaslight, love-bomb. Abuse, deny, discard... trauma-bonded, stockholms syndrome... You ARE STRONG Rachel. You endured some of the worst abuse, while still maintaining empathy and compassion. Your ex, has MAJOR ISSUES. You do not. It was a life lesson that hypocritical-monsters exist. But it does not mean everyone is like that.
Respect
Thank god he didn't kill before you realized it's his fault, not yours for all the violence. Stay strong.
i tink i saw your story on shinmin... , when you are down or very sad, eg breakup,, i tink only time will cure slowly so be patient abit, then you are up again
Sending love
I remember her case, the sentence is too lenient for her ex.
what was the sentencing?
6:43
Me too
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Yea. She was foolish to stick to the relationship but what the guy did is certainly out of line. It is still assault. Violence either way is unacceptable. I didn't get to read the news about this at all. This should have more exposure..
Plywood
learn to walk away
Well, it was only 6 months right? The relationship
Perfectly normal. Many of us have stockholm syndrome. Look at what happens at every election. ;-)
Thats y woman that are not pretty are always at the losing end…unless they lucky to meet a gd guy
Can’t understand why you’d stay with a violent partner (mental or physical) . If it happens once. Call Police, witness and leave
You can’t make them better
Nobody cares actually
This is the harsh truth - take some personal responsibility. She chose to be abused (with the "highs" as a trade-off), given that she had the choice to leave but didn't. She isn't a victim, given that was her choice. Typical victim mindset.
Have you heard the term called emphathy?
Given your logic if you get stabbed and you decide to stay there in pain you chose to bleed out to death.
@@Kongouuu Personal responsibility is the first step to prevent such issues from occuring in future. If she has a victim mindset, she is essentially giving her power away, not reflecting inwards and fixing deeper issues within.
That is the wrong analogy you got there. The correct one would be - If one keeps getting stabbed walking that street and he/she still choosing to walk that same street everyday because that street has got something nice to look at, then thats a choice / trade off.
bro are you okay?
@@Zendefone i believe your thinking here is very black and white. it isn’t as much that there is a trade off happening here and hence why a person would stay in an abusive relationship. Rachel is just explaining how there were highs and good experiences for there to be a relationship in the first place. It is the lack of awareness that the street where you have walked in the past has lead you to get stabbed. That lack of awareness is the lack of self love and self worth she was referring to.
Also, it is not a “choice” that is so simple. How can you make a choice when you are not aware that there is even one to be made?