Why Do Anxious & Avoidant Attachment Styles Attract?
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
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Ever been in a push-pull relationship where one of you wanted more closeness and one of you wanted more autonomy?
In this video, we’ll cover the anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic - what it is, why it happens, and what can be done to break free from the anxious-avoidant cycle. Plus we’ll talk about ways to develop more secure & fulfilling relationships.
💫 Topics in this video:
0:04 What is the anxious-avoidant trap?
1:24 Why do anxious and avoidant attachment styles attract?
1:50 The role of early childhood in shaping attachment styles.
2:55 Why familiar patterns in relationships feel comfortable.
3:39 How the anxious and avoidant partner trigger each other.
4:52 How chemistry can feel powerful in these relationships.
5:27 Tips to avoid the anxious-avoidant dynamic.
6:00 How personal growth and self-awareness help heal attachment wounds.
6:12 Building secure relationships while respecting different attachment styles.
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Love that you mentioned how an anxious-avoidant pairing can work if both partners are committed to personal growth, as it fosters empathy and compassion. Additionally, I feel if there is a shared vision for the relationship, it still has the possibility to thrive. Great topic! 🙏
Yes the important thing is to be sure one’s own boundaries are in place around what one desires and accepts in a partnership
DA here. Per Gibson and Priebe, the AP and DA couple confirm each other's world views, which is a comfort. In this sense, like attracts like. Self-awareness by both will help them get along
Yes, self-awareness can solve many problems! As they say, awareness of the problem is the first step.
I have been part of FA and DA attachment styles....
"familiar" can be DANGEROUS......
I ensure it no longer feels familiar.
Yes, that's one way to ensure we're not falling into bad patterns for sure! Also recognizing what secure looks, sounds, and feels like so *that* can become the new "familiar".
I have anxious anxiety but I’ve noticed my boyfriend is a avoidant. When it comes to talking about deep or important conversations he just shuts down and is not very responsive. The thing is in the beginning of the relationship he was very clingy and involved but now that we have been dating for a while he is not as involved as he once was. It’s starting to really affect me and it doesn’t help that we are doing long distance because I had to head back to college for the semester. I sometimes feel like im not a priority because I’m always initiating calls and texts. He always asks me to tell him if anything is wrong or how I feel but when I do he has trouble understanding how I feel . How would you recommend I address my feelings?
That sounds challenging, navigating both an anxious-avoidant dynamic and a long distance relationship. Sometimes avoidant partners are closer in the beginning stages and then pull back to an emotional distance they’re comfortable with. If we’re approaching a partner from an anxious place and they have avoidant attachment that can be overwhelming for them. In that case, we could work on calming our own stress and communicating (think specific “I” statements) while respecting their boundaries. We want to both respect their boundaries and also our internal boundaries for what we want in relationship. You might also like this piece on managing anxious attachment if a partner is pulling away: www.kaylilarkin.com/blog/3-steps-to-manage-anxious-attachment-pulling-away
Your videos have very nice explainers and examples and thought-provoking ideas that keep floating in my brain (long after the video has ended.)
Keep going.
Subbed.
Thank you for the inspiring feedback, I'm glad you're enjoying them!